Painkiller Already - PKA 820 : Woody Takes A Load….. No Seriously

Episode Date: September 5, 2026

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Pay and Kill already 820. Just the boys this week should be a good one. Taylor. This episode of PCA is brought to you by Audible, also by lock and load, everything over at Gorilla Mind, really, and our merchandise. Check all of that out. It's good to just chat with the lads. Yeah.

Just reconvene. A melding of the minds, really. You know, when the three of us get to better, I queue well over 100. Sometimes, like, I will. Combined. Sometimes I'll, like. have little moments of, because you guys know how it is where we'll finish a show and thank God Zach keeps the list of topics because sometimes we'll be like, what should we title it? And I'll be

like, I can't remember a single thing we spoke about for four hours. And I'll like go and like sit and be watching something on TV, having a bowl of popcorn. And like a slumdog millionaire, something will pop up that I said two and a half hours earlier. And I'll be like out loud, I'd be like, oh, it wasn't that bad. Like, most people might like that. People used to tweet me things I said during the show.

And I'd be like, damn, I did say that. That's wild. I want to talk about Lindsay Clancy. People are giving this poor woman a hard time when all she did is murder children. It seems like a miscarriage of justice. The jury's not giving her a hard time.

Looks like she's got this one in the bag. There's one in particular, who's holding up everything. And which side though? I don't know. That wasn't in the article I read. But the judge asked the foreman like, hey, you guys are deadlocked. Like, is it just one person?

And he's like, that one. And then the judge is like, okay, I'm going to talk to that particular juror. So he's trying to get them to not deadlock this thing. And we'll see if the judge can influence a single juror like that. I need to know what T-shirt that juror wore. Was it a guy in a Punisher logo t-shirt or was it a woman in a pussy at? Like which one? And then I can tell you which side.

Well, you don't, we know which side because the defense is like the one pushing to hurry this thing along and compel that final juror to understand what probable cause means, or not probable cause, but a reasonable doubt means. Wait, but they wouldn't have access to the jury in that way at this point in the trial, correct? What I'm telling you is that the defense, is the one coming forward and telling the judge, hurry this person up, we don't want to mistrial, instruct them again.

It's called an Allen charge. You can only instruct them so many times before it becomes like some sort of compelled thing where you can't force them to give, you know, a verdict. But you can be like, come on, like, here's how this works, here's how reasonable doubt works. And you can kind of walk them through the ABCs one more time and send them back.

And now that's what we're waiting on. They can't send a back. So if I'm interpreting what you're saying, the defense thinks perhaps 11 jurors are ready to find her free, but one is not. If not free, then one of the lesser charges. There's four or five potentials. There's first degree murder, second degree murder, innocent because of the insane defense, basically. And then just straight up acquitted. Yeah.

And then acquitted, make a million dollars on GoFundMe from Lunatics, which she did. You didn't donate? A million dollars. I did not. Oh my God. That goes to her? I thought it was against her. $3,000.

Oh, no. You're not going to be able to write this off. I thought it was for resurrecting the kids. You mean we don't get the exact? Like, wait, but there's no way, but there's no way for the defense to know what juror is dissenting. Like, they're not given a, like, you know, tail of the test. out. No, but they're not like given a tail of the tape, right? Like the defense, every time the jury comes in at the end of the day, they're like, all right, let's update the fucking box score. I'm kind of with Kyle on this one. So the foreman identified which juror is the holdup. And I feel like people who've been jury watching throughout the whole trial have a vibe on what that juror might be thinking. Not for sure, right? But if they were like, Taylor said this or Woody said, this, then our audience probably knows

which way we're fighting for. Yeah. Are you allowed to do that? Or I guess you are. It seems like it defeats the purpose of a jury trial if one side can go, this is almost wrapped up if it weren't for fucking Alan over there, the guy of the Chicago Blackhawks had. Like that would be ridiculous.

Well, it's funny to say Alan because, again, it's the Allen charge. It's the law is that they can send them back in one more time with proper instructions on how to interpret reasonable doubt because their argument is this person is not interpreting reasonable doubt correctly. It's not like they have a varied opinion. They're not reasoning this out correctly. And it's the defense who's the one making the stink about it. But most people are retarded. Like to the average person, reasonable doubt means any hypothetical I can invent in which this happened the way I like. Yes, but how apt are these people to receiving instruction?

Well, you're going to be instructed thoroughly many times, not only by the judge but by whoever the foreman of the jury is, like that person is back in the jury room over and over going over this. If you ever been to a DMV and instructed someone working behind the counter in a reasonable way

many times and they don't get it? Well, that's a different scenario. I imagine there's a lot of those folks, those types. There are people who couldn't get out of jury duty, dude. That's because you've got to be so stupid not to be able to get out, by the way. You just walk in there, you're like, I can't wait to falsely convict the

motherfucker. I can't wait. Better not be white. That's all I'm saying. If he's white, it ain't right. Right. Let me read this sentence, because this is what I based a lot of what I was saying on. He is repeatedly asked. He is the attorney for the defense in this situation. He is repeatedly asked if he knows which juror is said to be holding up the deliberations. And the defense attorney said, the four person has identified the juror and the judge will identify the juror tomorrow. So that was real time. That's like an hour ago. Yeah.

So tomorrow the judge is going to talk to the juror, it seems, and see if they can get them to unstake. It's happening on the sopranos. Same thing. Really? Yeah, they got to one of the jurors in the junior soprano trial. And all the other jurors are staring at them like, motherfucker. Like they all hate him so much. Of course, in that case, the, you know, Junior was very guilty.

In this case, we got an innocent woman. Yeah, yeah. It's horrible. Like I saw, I saw the transcripts. I feel like Taylor maybe didn't know she was sad. Well, but. Taylor doesn't understand a woman's hormones, and it doesn't surprise me. Incredibly sad.

You know, sometimes you get so sad, you have to kill three people in like a premeditated, planned way. I'm not sure it was premeditated. meditated. I think it definitely was. She, because her excuse was, like, being hormonal and being in a state of psychosis, but she had been to apparently dozens of mental health professionals. Her husband accompanied her. She had never experienced a psychotic episode prior to the murder, nor has she experienced a psychotic episode post-murder. The psychotic episode happened specifically after she sent her husband away and then she murdered her kids and like the most drawn out brutal staring them in the face while killing them way that's the only part of that that leads to premeditation though

is the sending the husband away the fact that she wasn't psychotic before uh doesn't mean it was like that she wasn't that time or that that's even involved in being premeditated well if she's not in a state of psychosis and she is in connection with reality and she sends her husband away after Googling lots of stuff about killing people and being sociopathic and whatever. That's not true. I looked into that. Yeah. So Nancy Gray said that she Googled how to kill. But the truth is she Googled how to kill yourself, which actually changes the search quite a bit. and I'm like, fucking Nancy Grace has barely said a true thing in her lifetime. And so I just looked into it because I wanted to, like, I wasn't well informed when I first heard that.

And I was like, oh, I need to come up to speed on this thing. So she did Google how to kill yourself. Yes. Yeah. But she was also Googling about like, can she be treated? Like these are, these are like the Googles of someone who knows something is up. and well there are lots of rules about her like mental state and self-harm and stuff like that sure but people are who are in like a state of psychosis aren't googling am i psychotic right now they're believing they're napoleon like is a state of psychosis i don't know much about psychosis at all is that usually not like a i'll make up you know a 30-minute episode is that something that would it's list for weeks i don't know uh it depends but it can it's generally not something that happens exactly at at a pre-prepared time that you are like as like as soon as he left the house she started strangling the kids like she she did this like she sent him on a little errand immediately started murdering the kids i read the transcript

from i feel horrible for the father obviously because his children were murdered but like the transcript they should read the transcript or play the transcript of his 911 call at the beginning of every single trial all these true crime women should have to listen to that because it's it's horrible it's like chilling where he's like she finds her outside the house broken and bloodied and fucked up and he's like get people here like she threw herself off a balcony you know she i'm not they're like press on her neck and he's are there wounds he's like doesn't look like there's any giant external wounds i i don't think i should press on the neck and then he runs into the house and he's screaming like like, oh my God, she killed the kid. He's like holding his dead son's body being like,

who's my little buddy, he was my little buddy. Like, reprehensible, a horrible crime. And I think too much time is spent on the like, was she psychotic or not? It's like regardless, because part of what it is is if she's deemed to be in a psychotic episode, she will go to a mental health, like, rehabilitation center. And because she has had no previous episodes to that and no post episodes to that, in like six months to a year and a half, she'll be re-evaluated, and she could be at fucking Quiznos in 2027. Well,

she won't be able to see over that counter, not in that wheelchair. She'll be having to believe the amount of olive oil they're putting on the sandwich. Don't get cheap on me this time. She's a little mirror. It's like so cut and, the...

Killed your kids, lady. Fuck you. I'm putting spicy and mustard again. There was a, I saw a case. It was from some woman. from the 40s to the 80s where she murdered three of her children and got off on insanity and then she was released from a psychiatric hold and then she got remarried had three more kids and then murdered those kids so Zach so the next kiddie I thought was really relevant

it supports Taylor's argument um at eight months experiencing a first time onset of true postpartum psychosis at eight months is exceedingly rare that is what it says I read it right psychotic symptoms appearing this date this late are typically evaluated as a primary psychotic illness such as bipolar mania major depression yada yada yada yada anyway i guess because her kid was eight months old that would mean it's very rare it's already pretty rare about 0.1% of mothers but they would typically get it sooner than an eight month old kid yeah yeah seems cut and dry to me but the the like tic-tok true crime women really really wicked like that's really the only word like evil wicked stuff to be like this father he did it he's a leo it's like what the fuck is wrong with where they're like you really think a jemini woman murdered the children when a leo man was present well this is new information you're saying he's a leo and it's like holy talita like this is so so beyond the pale Like that's a sign of a sick society.

And you don't want to, we don't want this. We don't want this. This guy wants to execute the victim here, the sick person. Yeah. You wouldn't find a Pisces saying that shit. Maybe we should shave her head. That's true. This is a classic tourist take.

What do you think we should do, Taylor? Maybe it of water dowsing. Like, what would you do when you're antiquated patriarchal, fucking beyond the pale nonsense, mind. Should we flock her, Taylor? She's in... She's in Massachusetts.

So I don't think they do capital punishment. But in this scenario, Taylor's King. They used to. They used to burn which is there. Then capital punishment makes sense. Yeah. Yeah, you murdered three innocent children. Like, you can't...

I haven't heard anything about children's supposed innocence. The eight-month-old? Yeah, I think it's universally green. a lot of time. They're all assholes. You can get up to a lot in eight months. I'll tell you, I'll tell you what they're going to.

Eight months, year olds, they can be a pain. Yes. Same situation, right? You're king. State doesn't matter.

But in this scenario, instead of it being some hormonal thing, it's a positively identified tumor that made her bonkers, hear voices, whatever it is. And science has no doubt that they can medically cure her.

and make her a better, like, member of society. And this danger doesn't present itself again because we've removed the tumor that pressed on the bad person gene. I'm a doctor, go with it. So would that impact her punishment for you? Would you still do capital punishment? It seems like she needs to pay her debt to society. But if she's not, like, there's no rehab portion of this punishment.

We did that medically. How do we handle people fixed like that? if there, like, there's no way to know a person like that is ever truly fixed because they did do it. And so I would like, just that person can't be allowed to like mingle with the rest of us at Costco ever. They have to stay in a psychiatric hold or be away. Like you can't murder three children and then get, take advantage of the dollar 50 hot dog comp. It was an accident though. Then then she would be on death row or.

not even death row. She'd be in a psychiatric old begging for day because she would realize what he had done. It was a brain tumor. We can fix it now. How about this? Maybe it was one of those brain eels from SETI Alpha 5. You've seen Ratham. I don't watch your gay shows. You've seen Rath of Khan. They go in your ear, they wrap themselves around your brain stem.

They make you very susceptible to suggestion. Khan used this on checkoff. I watch a lot of gay stuff, but this isn't on my list. I'm just saying if there's a brain heel in there from Setti Alpha 5, you certainly would punish her for anything she might have done while the brain eel was in there.

You'd get that thing out. Oh, I see where you're headed. Right? If there's some sort of mind control. Yeah, yeah. He's got a setty alpha-5 brain heel. I don't know why the brain eel is a more convincing, like, well, she was just a puppet in that situation. I don't blame the puppet for what the eel made her do. Somehow that's like, but the tumor, I'm actually stuck on it. Like, do we punish her for the tumor's actions?

But in the, like, the invincible. He knows. Oh, Rath of Kahn, is that what we're referring to? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, Reth Koff had the brain heel. They put it as element. Absolutely. Now I understand, Rath of Khan.

I didn't catch it the first time you said it. So, yeah, yeah. So there's a tiny little bug that crawls in their ear, infects their brain, and then they're not them anymore. They're someone else is controlling them. They're basically a passenger in this body. And in that scenario, I'm like, I don't blame the passenger for what the driver did. Yeah, if there's some, I mean, in this scenario, there is a normal person.

who just got back from Costco, which continues to be my example of normal people. And then some roach crawls in their brain. And then there is some ethereal or perhaps galactic grim puppeteer controlling their behavior like a golem. Thanks. Then then. That clears it up. Yeah. No more racist Asian names from you tonight.

He is a human-looking person. I don't know if he's from Earth. He ruled over a quarter of Earth's population. back in the late, early 21st century. But yeah, I think a brain, an actual brain control thing would be different because then you blame the puppeteer. What about demons? Do you believe in demons?

I think that a demon would be, wait, so a person possessed by a demon and then someone who says, I'm possessed by a demon and that's why I did this, but he's gone now? Well, sure. No, no, you can't. That guy also cannot enjoy the dollar-fifty hot dog combo. No. He got better. No, no, no.

That guy, we got to keep him sequestered. She turned me into a newt. He can hang out with all the, the Napoleons, the Jesuses, all those guys in that wing. I don't know. You just seem quick to judgment on this lady. And I'm thinking maybe, I mean, who kills three children unless there's something wrong with them, right? Some psycho. Well, I think that's their argument.

So I think she's psychotic, I'm hearing an episode, perhaps? Well, okay. Now we've come full circle. I wish to be. You got a real jury 12 energy right now. That's what I'm feeling. No. No, I'm right.

She murdered those kids. I'd be like, I'm going along with whatever y'all want. Let's get out of here. I'm tired of eating Blimpies every day. $6 an hour is insane. Let's get out of here. Who cares?

You'd be a terrible chur. See, that's the energy you bring to jury duty so they don't pick you. No, I'd be in that dream. I'm like, you're saying we get $5 a day for this? It's going to take me a while to decide for sure. You're getting interviewed afterward, like, what, and what did you, what were you privy to that no one else was? And you're like, well, number one, they didn't say it would be paid on a visa gift card.

They said they'd pay us. And now, and you know there's fees on that, didn't you? Like, it's just like, you're pitching and nothing about it's 1150 a day. Yeah. It's pretty troubling. Have you guys seen the like TikTok posts? No, no, no. I read up on it so I could talk semi-intelligently.

That's it though. It's so disturbing. Like, and I don't have TikTok, but like these get reposted on Twitter. And it'll be some woman like holding her new baby being like, same, Lindsay, I get it. And it's like, it's tens of thousands of these videos. And it's like something's got to be done here. We can't. We need to shut. You know, you need to fire back up your Instagram and start joining.

Just like grab a puppy, Lindsay. I get it. I can turn this camera off. Oh my God. If she had killed three beautiful little goldens, none of these people are coming out of the woodwork. They're like, what a monster. What a terrible person.

I hate her, but it's because it's, you know, children. And there's some real ghouls out there. Lots of people like kids. No, they don't. They don't actually like them. They just pretend like them. And then they're stuck in a scenario where they can't deny. Kids say funny shit, dude.

Yeah, so watch that Cosby TV show and skip the rest. Like, what are we doing? This is a post that says, preparing for when Netflix drops a documentary on how TikTok witches helped Lindsay Clancy. All right, well, she's got the right people on her side. The kind of people who think they're witches and have that's kind of a hot witch

as he has a little spell on me if you want Oh curse me Sack scurled down a quarter inch and then Right I'm sitting a muck and a hat With height issues

I don't know It's not getting it done for me Boy, Zach squirt scroll down a quarter inch And I changed my mind She needs to cast Gloris Lessus That's how you know witches aren't real. They wouldn't be fat.

Yeah, dude. They didn't take care of that. I had a bonding moment with my dog on Monday. All right, all right, so let this develop. I'm in the bed, just in the guest room, like, chilling under the covers, reading on the computer.

And Indy comes up and lays in the bed, and I hear a crunch. I investigate, there's like a little corn chip that broke it into like nine pieces. So I carefully gather up every crunch. and I feed it to him. And he's so happy. He's like army crawling halfway to me.

And like a slow motion frog eating a bug just reaches out, eats each crumb of this stale corn chip one by one. And he is adoring me in a way that no one else adores me. He's just a nuzzling up on me. Like, thanks, boss. This is the best stale tostito scoop ever. And he licks it. And then he like army crawls a little bit closer to me and he licks my face.

I'm like, dude, I love you too. So I scritch him behind his ear, right? I'm scratching behind his ear and the dog's just like melting on me. And I'm like, who's a good boy? Who's a good boy? So I always ask him. I'm like, it's you. You're the answer.

You're always the good boy. And then he stands up and he comes on me with a you, with a you. He just, and I'm trying to convince myself it's only pee. But great days be a lake. This is not a lake. And it's it's coming in pulses. My dog is, he likes me so special. You're sitting there.

And I can imagine for the first four pulses, you're like, sometimes dogs do weird things. So sometimes they be weird. That red rocket is showing. And he's pulsed. Good boy. I guess.

He's just a big old great Dane dick. You're like, Jackie, don't come in, Jackie. I know. I know. He's got these. truck nuts that would emasculate any human male. And he's just, where was it? Where was the,

where were the pulses? They're landing like on, say, my thighs and dick. But under the covers, you were clothed. So you, I didn't mind of wear, but I had like three layers of comfort yarn and stuff.

So he's, he's, he's blanket blasting. Yeah, he's blanket blasting on me. Yeah, yeah. He didn't get more corn chips,

Jackie. Get them out of the house. The whole corn chips at the bed, woman. I can imagine your dog leaving and being like, I couldn't have handled that better. Like, he knows I love him in the truest, strongest way. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we have a special bond. Does it smell?

No, Fritos, no Doritos. No, there wasn't a lot of fluid. I think I'd come more. It wasn't like a bleachy. I didn't notice it. I didn't notice it. Yeah. Also, he's, it might have been his first time.

time with me. I'm honored. You know, because I've never seen it before. I've never seen a dog bust. Especially not just so excited from Fritos. And the ear scritches. I got moves. I give good ear jobs if you guys next time we're in Colorado. I wish I loved anything as much as he loves Fritos. Now, that's horrible what you just shared with us.

My dog will pee himself when he gets. super excited. Like my girlfriend will come home. You're still saying it's pee too? It's definitely pee. Mine was definitely not. You taste it? Yeah, 100%.

But he'll totally like pee himself because he's so excited over like my girlfriend getting home. That's pretty normal. Dogs will spaz like that sometimes. He's running around like dribbling. I have to clean the whole living room because he's glad you're back. But never have the dogs ejaculated. That's just that's one of the worst things you've ever.

told me, Woody. No, it's hilarious. I think my thought loves to it. It was just pulses. And it almost looked like pea dribble, but the Red Rocket was fully extended and it was coming in pulses. And when a great day in peas, you clean it up with a towel and throw that towel away.

It is not a paper towel situation. It's a human bath towel. And this, like, teaspoon at the most, maybe less. And he's not a great day and pee. He wasn't. It was just like dribble mode.

Just like... No, no, it was repeated pulses like a water pistol. Like ejaculation. Are you familiar with tape? No, but I mean, I didn't know if his pulses were just oozing out onto the blanket or if they were shooting. Oh, I see one of just oozes out in the pornoes. I'm like, I don't think he even had fun.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Yeah, that is the worst. You call yourself a professional. What are you doing here? And he'll make a big stink about it, too. He'll be like, here it comes! and it's just like Pete

I'm like what the fuck oh don't judge that guy I got a URL for that guy maybe that was like maybe that was like take five he was like I don't know how many more times

I could do this dressed as Jack Sparrow this peg legs hard to balance on I can't get a good purchase on the couch to do my fucking yeah damn that's so funny

you got calmed on by a dog but it was out of love. Hands free. Yeah, yeah. Well, I did the ear thing, but yeah. Are you going to reciprocate to establish dominance? Again, yeah, maybe. How you like it.

First, you sprinkle little bits of Fritos on his paw, and now you... That's the move. Jackie's on board. She's like, I know why you need to reestablish dominance. I just don't like the eating part. Like, I know where this is going. Damn, that's, what an alarming way to finish an evening. Like, ah, here's my, here's my buddy.

And then something happens like that. And you suddenly are thinking, like, am I different? Like, are things different now? Am I the same person I was before this? Is this like the end of breakfast club where it's like we'd never be the same? Yeah. Is this gay now? Am I gay?

Is this gay? I don't even consider if I was gay Gayer than you were before? I think it's my most homosexual experience. And this guy swam in college. It doesn't make him gay. If he liked it, it would have been actually, it would have been way worse than gay if he liked it.

I'd be a furry. Like five steps. No. People always talk about like they'll be watching a movie and their parents will walk in at the most awkward moment. Can you imagine Jackie walks in like mid, mid-bust? It's like. It's interesting.

On his own. She's just like, you sick, fuck, I'm taking it all. It's like slam the door. She found the story a little disturbing, a little funny. And she wanted to know more about like the aftermath. Like, you know, like, did we, like, where did it go? Where is it now? He lit up a marlborough.

light and rolled over. Indiana. Indiana Bones. He's a good boy. Little horny. Well, Beastiality aside, my money is on

that lady, that baby killer going innocent, going free. Anyone will take up a little $5 bet. I have not forgotten I owe Woody $5 from UFC. I'll double or nothing that. I'll double it.

So let me just make sure I understand the terms. You're betting free and I'm betting anything that's not. Okay, so there are four possible verdicts. I don't, I think that she is going to get one of the two lesser ones, either innocent, innocent or innocent because of mental nonsense. I think one of those is coming. Oh, okay. I bet she serves time.

So second degree or first degree murder? Yeah. Yeah, let's do that. Those are the other possible two outcomes. Yeah. And then mistrial is a total push, I think, you know, because we're just going to do it. I agree to that too, a mistrial. Yeah, we'll just take off the bet.

Yeah, go back to where we were. Yeah, it works. Okay. I think she's walking. I don't think so. I mean, if she wants, it's pretty rough. If Taylor's right in that the defense, once that last year pressured, then the defense must be vibing that the 11 are good for him. That's my take.

Yeah. But we'll see. I'm not going to go back. I'm more ignorant to it than you guys, seemingly, because my take wasn't even that it was, mine was like there might be some like ancillary legal thing I'm not aware of where it would have been better to pressure them to hurry up than it would be to let them sit in there more and the defense knows that.

I don't know. I thought they could know. Yes, but I didn't think they had access to that juror because then it seems unfair. You're supposed to, but in a trial like this, you can imagine that like someone is like it's... And why weren't they sequester? Wait, wait. You said you don't think they have access to that. They shouldn't.

Yeah. I was they as in like the prosecution and the defense wouldn't have access to what juror was putting up a stink. I don't know. Yeah. That's a good point. I didn't read that they did. I read that the foreman identified them and that the judge will talk to them next. I didn't hear that the.

foreman told the defense attorney which one is the problem. Like that's a leap I wasn't trying to make. Okay. Just the foreman said, yeah, I know which one it is. Stop. We all work here, though, like in the courthouse. Like the foreman and like this is their place of work. I guarantee everyone knows.

No. The foreman is one of the jurors. Oh, I don't mean the former. Like he was, okay. I guess I really meant like the bailiff, the person who's kind of like going back and forth between court and the jury room. Like I'm sure it's gotten out. Like I'm sure that that.

have some idea of where the jury is leaning. Yes. If not by and if not, then just knowing which juror is the odd man out is probably telling as well. Yeah. No way to know. Well, those two women did wear pink and all those ladies outside the courthouse wearing pink doing those like heart signs like do it again.

Do it again. Yeah, they're trying to. I like to. I like to. It's not a child. It's not a good. Kyle's doing a first canal sign, but they're doing a heart. I've never done it before.

If I were Tucker Carlson, that's how I would report this. I'd be like, a lot of women are standing outside, holding their hands together as if they themselves are choking a baby. Trying to empathize with someone who thinks you should be get. It's the same thing, but open up. Oh. It's like this. Roar! This is as far as I don't know.

I know, like, if ever there was a mistake made enough that, like, one of you guys were on trial for some, you were, you were going too fast on your motorcycles, you were, you were being too based on your motorcycles. You butted in line at Culvers. And they had me on the jury because you also hit a kid with your fucking motorcycle on the way out. I would, I would be that, that 12th angry man for you. As I hope you guys would for me. I'd be like, they're innocent. That kid was in the way. My man's custard was melting.

It's five miles back home. He had to hustle. Yeah, but how do you rationalize the video we have from Kyle's own dash cam showing him eating eyes closed fingers with both hands at the intersection? I'd be like anything could be done with AI. Your honor, it was 150 yards. It shouldn't even count. It was fine.

The one's going to be hurt, probably. Broke 14 miles an hour. whatever we can. No. Yeah, that's a pretty fucked up story. She tried to get her as a podcast guest whenever she gets off. That'd be fun. Oh, I'd love that.

I don't think we could. I'd love it though. Yeah, that'd be great. We should just gas wrap the whole time. Oh, yeah. Like, I bet, you know, we always talk about how many kids we could take in a fight. I mean, I could probably take 10 or 12. We know you've got three under your belt, no problem.

Now with a wheelchair, how many do you think you could take? And that means one little topic. More than a number of her. podcast B because that probably is what she'd pivot to. It'd be like a called like crunch time or something. I got rolling free in my head. It's one workshopping it. Rolling free.

Rolling free. And it, you know, it would be her like doing that kind of 90s like leaning against something. Like those used to be those promos on TBS that would show up at the bottom of Seinfeld or whatever. And it'd be called like, it's a stretch.

And it would be her with a resistance band. Like, Listen to the first episode of It's a stretch with Lindsay. I mean, she probably would get a decent amount. Because the true crime genre of lady, I think a lot of them think that there's going to be some twist ending the way their podcasts work. And that's just not how it is where they're like, look at like, the woman's like, I'm crazy. I murdered my kids. and then the husband's like crying and being like we did everything we could to help her

and they're like I don't know he's a Leo and look at his eyes and meanwhile she's like looking with literal demon eyes at the camera like dude look at the picture of her she she looks like I'm glad we got this unbiased coverage from yeah yeah yeah right you should be crazy women look at eyes they're insane am I right meanwhile look at their eyes that's a reasonable take Now we're outside the courtroom The day where demonize Nancy is going to appear before the jury once more If you are the kind of person who's looking at Just the eyes to determine something

And you think that she looks like an innocent lady And that the guy like clearly distraught looks guilty based on eyes Can I just say her hair is a fucking nine out of ten That's fabulous, yeah Did she play hockey or something? Like what the fuck is she's got the same nose like Paul Bissonette I was an enforcer. Did you guys see the Trump, Caitlin Collins

conversation where he's like, you should smile more. Like, you're a pretty lady. Why aren't you smiling more? Every time I see this murderous on trial, I'm like, you got to smile more, girl. You'd look better if you smile. It's a somber moment, Woody. I don't trial for strangling her three children.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you know, like, you got to find some joy in your day. If I were her, every now and then, I'd just go, throw a little crazy in I'd like to the corner every now I would I would constantly be I would constantly be trying to strangle my own attorney who was slightly out of reach

right but have the exercise bands as like evidence over there in plastic bags and she keeps trying to get to them she needs them I've just take rubber bands and wrap them around your coffee cup from time to time. Sitting there holding them like this. I've got an exercise band tied

into like a noose loop that I'm trying to get like I'm a prisoner reaching through the bar is trying to get the key off of the wall, but I'm doing that to his head. Yeah, that might that could help. She's fucking hot. Yeah. Gotta fix that nose though. I fix that nose. It's not even that expensive anymore.

You know, six. Five grand. Five grand. Get done. You'd have to. I mean, you got to play some 5D chess if you're a juror. and you're one of the guys or the sane women on there trying to get her convicted, like you'd have to start saying stuff like, I mean, I know she's a bombshell and she's, I mean, she's hotter than anyone in here, am I right? And then they'd be like, she's not that hot.

She's a kind of a bitch. And something like that, yeah. Man, with a nose job, she'd blow any of you guys out of the water. What she's struggling to do. Even with the chair, if she gets out of here, you better watch. your husbands and your kids. Let me tell you, she might be your kid's stepmom come next year rolling

through your house, you know what I mean? Fucking bullshit. Yeah, that would do it. Not around my kids. That's the only question. Ladies and gentlemen, the jury, how many of you would allow Ms. Clancy to watch your children for an afternoon? None of you. Weird. Weird.

Oh, the witch. The witch said okay. Okay, well, we need to remove you for being a witch. We need to to all those women dissenting or whatever in the jury because it's obviously the women would be my guess or some of the women i would assume some of the women are you know because i'm not presuming to know the sides but if we could get a very accurate AI image of her like wearing a maga hat to those women oh we could get this going the right way oh 100 percent which also like why weren't the i thought jurors were supposed to be sequestered by default for high case trials where they can't go online

shit. Not this one for some reason. That doesn't make any sense. Yeah, I'm not sure why they would be sequestered. Like more and more that seems to be something the jury should just always do. Yeah. Like why allow the internet and like ridiculous theories and you know, selectively snipped edits

influence a very important decision. It seems like a bad move. I get it's hard to do, I would guess. She's going free, bro. She's going free. And she's going to be rolling right out of that out of that court a free woman i i think i think it's most likely that she goes like totally free i don't know i mean like but then that's a precedent that a lot of like normal women wouldn't want to set of like we're so hormonal and irrational and crazy that

we kill our kids sometimes like sometimes if that's a if that's a categorical thing we're assigning to women which i don't think is reasonable but if it is then why would people like that be allowed to vote? Why would people like that be allowed to, you know, fly extensive aircraft, be police officers? Like you could, you could extend that pretty wildly. Indeed, we could extend it pretty wildly. I'd say she goes free. This is wonderful precedent. By the time we're done, they won't be able to vote. I love big picture, Kyle. He's, you're picking it crumbs over there. No, we want the whole pie, my friend. We're taking them out. We're at The time we're done, they'll be wearing those burkas.

That's the end. And it's hot out. Enjoy, ladies. Uh-huh. You've seen that some Saudi guys, like in the ocean with his kids like, Oh, life is wonderful. And like the wife is over there in the burqa just standing on the beach watching them play. That's how it should be.

That's how it should be. Not strangling little kids with exercise straps. Sit there in your burk and watch the guy have fun. You get her in the ocean. It's like, my husband, I don't know why you had to make it of wool. and she's drowning. I've seen they make those like burkinis. That's what they're called.

They're literally called burkinis. Where they make like a burqa swimsuit. And I think like it might have been France or Spain. One of those based European countries was finally like, all right, no burkini's on our beaches. That's bullshit. That's fair. You have to ban burkinis.

I'm seeing what they are now. That's offensive to southern Europeans. A Spanish guy. an Italian guy, a southern French guy. That's part of their culture. You got to sneak into a dojo and challenge my leader. Yeah. She looks like she's going to be the contortionist expert on my heist.

I don't like this. This is some big government oppressive shit when you're like, you can't wear this to the beach. We want to see your belly. Got to see your belly. It's a nude beach. I mean, look, I want them in G-strings. topless. I get it. Nothing. With the Ferengi.

Like if if they mandated that I couldn't wear a t-shirt because they wanted to see my chest, I'd be like, this is this big government horseshit. That's overreach. I don't know because like the people for the most part in like Italy, southern France, Spain, like they don't want people showing up from these countries at all. And the big government overreach says we're bringing them anyway. And then big government overreach goes even first. and says, and they're not going to be slutty on your beaches.

It's like, show me, let me, show me, she just did Sports Illustrated. I think she's pretty much naked. What sport is she playing? What the fuck is this? Who fucking cares what sports she plays? I guarantee it's a ball sport, all right?

Just let it go. What is that a tent? Are you looking at this woman on the screen? I took that as a modesty puff of some sort. Like, see, don't see boobs. Oh, I thought, I just made that up. I don't know what... I thought it was a bag until I saw it went around.

Maybe she can't swim. Maybe she can't swim. You can't swim? I don't know. Is this Kylie Jenner now? Yeah, there we go. Keep going. Huge shout out. Friend of the show. Friend of the show, Kylie, Jim. Let me see a little more. Let me see a little more. Let's see a little more of that, Zach.

Come on out. What he's going to yell at you? Just a taste. I swear if I start scratching Kyle behind the ear right now, I know what's next. It's just kind of leaking, bro. There we go. That's pretty good. Yeah. Pretty solid.

Sort of an attractive lady, I suppose. Some people say. People are saying. There you go, Zach. There you. Big shout out. Yeah. She said, Kylie, is our guest all shows.

I'm only kidding, Zach. If you want to, you want to show up from some fucking Burka country to southern Italy against the wishes of the people, you got to dress. You got to dress. You got to dress. You know, when in Rome. Literally, pop it on. Would you be in favor of some sort of a anti-modesty police

who would patrol the beaches with billy clubs and strike women and publicly shamed them whenever? Thank you, Zach. I needed that. It would be weight-based. Like a woman who is pretty based. A woman who is incredibly heavy, and, you know, she's trying to better herself.

Let's give her a couple more summers. Let her shroud up. Totally fine. but you know if you're you know I would be the chief of police or I'd be I'd be taking a little peekski right under and I'd be like oh oh I'm sorry I could the amount of blood that just went to my penis is a seven out of ten which means you do have to disrobe right now and then it would be like punishment and it would be there would be a punishment incentive because what I would force I would give them to put in what I would give them to put on would be like string bikini and or it would be like

leave the fucking beach. No, you get one of those bathing suits that melts in the water. That's the move. Is this from like an 80s, like, John movie? I've never heard of it. No. What would the purpose of that swimsuit be? What are you talking about?

She doesn't know it, but her baiting suit is about to melt off of her in the water. You're the one walking around with a billy club inspecting women and talking about your cock. First of all, I have a gun. And it's a nightstick. And it's not bigoted because I'm also in a G strength. Yeah, no, that is some government overreach when you start telling people what they can wear at the beach.

It seems like a lot. I can make so many scenarios. Like, what if she had scars or something where she wanted to wear something to cover? You don't want to see that. Oh, so now you can't go to the beach if you want to go with your scars covered. We covered this. We cover it. I take a peek, little peekski.

And then I make the determination. You guys can be. Yeah, you're kind of gross. You guys can be my under boss. I'm sorry, lieutenants as well. You can come back with pictures. I like Capo regime. I'd like more of a little pomp and circumstance. Mm-hmm.

I'd also acceptor. Also deli meats. We get to sit around and backbones at delis, talk about business, the trash industry. Peppers, who doesn't like peppers and deli meats. Yeah. Sweet peppers. You don't like either of those. Well, here's the truth.

I love peppers. My body doesn't like peppers and I pay for them later. That's the issue. Every so often, I decide the price is right. But I try not to make that a daily thing. I'll like be in denial about snacks that don't agree with me. Sometimes we're like there are these, my wife gets these like seaweed salty snacks where it's just like really low calorie seaweed that's salted and one other kind

crunchy and they're pretty good. It's like a chip and there's a nice like maybe I'm iodine deficient and that's why they taste nice because there's a bunch of that and seaweed. But it it tastes really good and I'll eat a ton of them. Like they come in these little packs and I'll have like five or six of these packs because every pack's only 30 calories. Bada bada bada boom. And then the next like day I'll be like, man, really shitting a lot and it's kind of green. What could cause this? And it's And then in my head, I'm like, I know what it is, but I'm not going to speak that out loud and ruin a fun snack I've discovered. Half a seaweed. I have a seaweed.

Yeah. I wish. I'm like, oh, those peppers were good, but that's a lot of blood. Oh. You got to get checked out when there's blood. No, you don't. Let it rise. I went to the doctor.

I got the colonoscopy. I take the meds daily, but you gotta keep to the diet or you get flares. And this is my new life. This is literally a bit from South Park where Cartman is like, is like, what do you mean? My underwear wasn't bloody at all after I, after I ate your Mexican food. Normally my underwear is bloody after ate Mexican food. What gets? The fuck are you feeding me here?

And I'll tell you another thing. It all came out. When I shit, it all came out in like one solid piece. it was like being raped from the inside. What are you feeding me? It's called fiber. Yeah. I mean, I've never eaten something that disagreed with me so much that I pooped blood.

I'm still a pooping blood virgin. Knock on wood. Never had that happen. Not food anyway. Yeah, from the, I was going to say something else, but. It was from the sex. But it was bright red. But it was bright red.

So it's fine. Do you ever have like diarrhea where you think you're finally at the end of it? And you're like, I think I escaped without that point where I've wiped my butt raw. And you start to see the bright red butt blood from wiping really aggressively because you poop. I don't suffer. This is usually like, like if you're like sick or you have. have like a stomach flu and you're shit in all day? Have I wiped my asshole bloody?

Jesus fucking Christ. First of all, just a small amount of blood, a normal amount of blood. Kyle, Kyle, I don't think you're as clean as we are. You got to, you wipe it till it's white, but us professionals, we wipe it till it's red. Yes. It's making me squirm in my chair

thinking about your raw asshole bleeding. It's upsetting. It's so fucking upsetting. But it's kind of funny. Jesus, right. Stop wiping. But there's still shit. Get a bidet. Take a shower. Do something.

Oh, La Dida. Oh, Pierre over here with his fucking French way. I know we had a bidet sponsor. You just install it, Taylor. You know, I did. That's very funny because I was, when all the shit happened with my master bedroom, the ceiling falling in, the, uh, I was, or stuff was getting cleaned out of there by the team they sent.

and one of the boxes was that bidet sponsor from a decade ago that I never hooked up where I'm like, oh, maybe I should hook up, you know, clean cheeks or whatever. It was called, but I haven't yet. It's still out there. I threw mine away when I moved. I never installed it. Just being honest. I still have mine, but we have a bidet when we redid our master bath.

And it's nice. You know, my toilet is one of the coolest things in my house. It's, first of all, you don't. there's no flush or anything. There's a remote control to operate my toilet, which makes me feel like I'm in the future. You are. Yeah.

So there's that. As soon as you sit down, a fan starts going and like pulling air in that direction through a filter. What? This is nice. The seat is heated, of course, right? You wouldn't sit on a regular toilet seat.

So you sit down and it's like, oh my God, this is so much nicer than I ever thought it should be. And then it's got the bidet function. whose aim is out of this world. I don't know how it knows exactly where my butthole is, but it does. First, it shoots the water into the toilet. Why? Because that water is cold.

We can't have cold water touch your bottom. We're waiting for the warm water to get to the nozzle, and then it changes its aim, and you get this water at the pre-agreed temperature that you set with the remote control. It is a dope toilet. I'm pretty happy with it. That's awesome.

Taylor, let's guess the price of Woody's Japanese toilet. I'm going to stay. he spent $4,750. I'm not going to be a dickhead and just one or one up here or one under you. No. I am going to say, but fuck, that's a good guess. I'm going to help Taylor cheat. I would move by 3,000, choose the direction.

Fucking Woody. 7,100. No, it was like $1,500. Damn it. wrong way yeah I mean you know what he wouldn't spend

$7,000 on a toilet yeah he would he knows that's his lifelong you know butt buddy I hope so I hope it lasts forever a regular toilet would last forever but this one plugs into the wall

like things that plug into the wall don't last forever my refrigerator doesn't last forever my washer and dryer don't you know like I but hardware on that shouldn't fail like maybe the software does someday and you just get a little upgrade thingy but the

hardware should never fail on a $2,000 toilet. Yeah. We'll see. I don't know. I do not have a fancy toilet. It is a very tall toilet, which I love. I like the tall toilet. All right.

Like when I sit on that thing, my feet don't sit flat and I'm tall. You are? Yeah. I'm up on a, and it's almost like a squatty potty situation where I have, I have to come up on my, like, toes and kind of scrunch up a little bit. It's an automatic squadron. That sounds like a negative. Yeah, it's actually the opposite of a squatty potty.

A squatty potty would lift your feet up extra high like you had a short toilet. Yeah. Because you're supposed to poop in like a squatted, like, like sentinelese. Nonetheless, I like my tall toilet. It does sound nice. You know what else I really, really like? I'm sorry to retort at the same time. I like it if you can just tip the lid and it goes down gently.

Now, mine, of course, closes electronically after I walk away. Obviously. But the other toilets all have that soft clothes and I like that a lot. When I go to hotels and just tip it and I'm like, oh my God, the whole floor heard that because it just slams down. I like everything in life to have the soft clothes. Like I like hard doors that like you can just let them go and then they like

all my cabinets in my kitchen is just like flick them. And then the last like two inches is controlled. Yeah. It's great. The new vanities I put in my bathrooms. Like I didn't have those. easy closed ones before. So this is like a mirror

like that you get behind? No, the like where the sink is with the countertop and then the cabinets and little doors. Oh, there's like drawers under the sink. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Where like you shove it in really hard

when it first got installed. Like I went to close one. I'm like, oh, fuck, it's slowing down too much. Is it not going to close right? And I'm like, oh, no, that's the feature. It's to keep me from clicking and clacking in the middle of the night if I have to grab another roll of toilet paper or something.

That does sound cool. Yeah. Your wife hears you getting it. It's bleeding again, isn't it? You do not need another roll. I saw the trail of seaweed cartridges because it does come in like a little weird cartridge. You know, I wash your underwear. I can truck you like big game hunter at this point.

I feel like Tonto. There's a blood trail. You got to stop if it's bleeding, man. That upsets me so much that you've got a bloody asshole. Well, this isn't a normal thing. But if you've got Ria. and you're reed out and you're just, you got the squirts, then what are you going to do? Not wipe until the poo's gone.

The only other alternative is if there's nothing else going on and it's evening time, you just hop in the shower and then just shower. The actual alternatives for our listeners and maybe Taylor, wet wipes, you can do it more gently. They clean better, you know, just like wipe hard with dry paper. Or if you have a well, you can put the toilet paper under a bit of water and be more gentle with the situation. You don't have to go hard with sandpaper to get it clean. Let me say this, because I think I've put forward the wrong idea. I am not a savage barbarian wiping hard.

Once I can tell that my Rhea, like maybe this is my fifth shit of the day. Sometimes normal people run out of skin. I get it, Taylor. What I'm saying is like, have you ever seen those Egyptologists, those British guys, almost dabbing the sights of ruins? to get that that dust out of there a little gentler than wiping. That's what you get to if you've had bad stomach flu styleria, where then you're now you're dabbing your butt. I clean my butthole with a makeup brush for diarrhea days. Very gentle like an archaeologist.

And then I just put it right back right over there. Well, it goes in the coffee cup next to the toilet for the next guy. I borrowed your makeup brush. Now the big one. I put it back. I put it back. It's cool. Out with her to dinner.

You're like, honey, you smell like shit. The four women. You're going to fucking come in here and embarrass me. It's also fresh. Sometimes I shrug my shoulders. I don't know why more women don't listen to the podcast. Huge shout out. It's a female friendly, joking place.

Yeah. Huge shout out to the 3%. that pop in. You murdering bitches. No, these ones are cool. These are the good ones. I bet there's some hot ones. It's okay.

Just those of you who murder your children, those are the only ones we usually kind of hold a small grudge against. But even personally, I don't even care. I mean, were they good kids? I haven't heard one person be like, oh, yeah, little Tommy was always like helping me with my groceries or whatever.

Like no one's got a good thing to say about those kids. Oh, this this eight-month-old was constantly like, wha, wah, and I'm like, what? No one has said those kids are good. Everyone's saying, I get it, sister. They're holding up, I saw the prosecution, holding up like the actual onesies that like the little kids were killed in.

And it was like, it was pretty rough. Dying in a Mickey Mouse onesie. you'd have to think that would endear you to pretty much everyone around you, that they'd be like shouldn't kill us. Not the mom. Not her. Not her. She was not on board.

So the dad, they were already divorced and the dad, were they, I'm confused because she sent the dad out to, and then murdered the kids. But weren't they already divorced? Like, why'd she have to send them out?

Oh, Zach says they're still together. Maybe I had my facts wrong. Oh, I thought that he had a new person. I would say this has put the relationship on the rocks.

They got divorced after the kids died. See, he'd a ride and die husband. A ride and die? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd left her just because of the chair. It wasn't the kids thing.

That's so funny. I tell my girlfriend that all the time. She'll leave for work. And I'm like, be careful out there on the roads, baby, because you get crippled or something. I'm going to leave you right away. And it'll be easy because of the speed, you know. You'll wake up from the coma.

The house will be ransacked. I'm gone. I just got to lift you out of that chair, put you on a fucking greyhound. And on the way out, be like, don't pay attention to her. You know, her uncle's taking care of her in Philly. And then you get off and ship that bus away. That's how it should be.

Women shouldn't have agency whatsoever. Certainly not the agency to kill those kids. Well, I'm not splitting hairs here. If women can get away with killing kids because they're hormonal, but should, you know, the score has to be evened. What can we get away with? I'd like a little groping. I'd like a little friendly groping.

I'd like to bring that back. It's got to be more than that, brother. Murder for it's groping. No, come on. Set your sights higher. No, like always, we aim low. that way we don't get disappointed as men. Okay, so you aim low, no disappointment.

That's the manly way. I think a little cheek grab. Just every guy gets one cheek grab per day. Just a little honk honk on the booty. Has to be a nice booty, though. Those are the rules. What if I can butt in line? No, grand, no kids.

Let's say even just once. We'll start with twice so we get what we want. But it ends up at once a day. Okay. I can butt a woman, any woman in line for anything, no matter what. and she has to say thank you. Is she in line for herself or for another man? She's in line.

It doesn't matter because of the man abandoned and it's just a woman there. She's an extension of her husband. So if she's in line to get him something, then technically he's in line. And so to cut or do anything to her would be disrespecting him. And I won't do that. I won't stand for it to be done. All right.

So. Okay. Then if it's something for her, we're at Chipotle. She's getting lunch. It's rush hour It's like 12.15 p.m. Everybody's trying to get there. You don't even have to cut it.

You walk right through. You could push her to the ground like a kid in the playground if you want. You can take it to that level if she's in your way. If she's getting herself something. But you got to make sure you can't. Wait, what if she's getting my word? What if I get that or what if I get two daily thumps to any woman in public?

Like one of these? A thump is where With your middle finger a hard flick You pop someone right in the Middle school style Like are we doing these bad boys? We're doing those bad boys Right in the middle of the forehead

That's a thumpin'clock We don't know about these Oh I can cock that bitch back And you do a whole arm flick My finger doesn't even do that Dude we used to We used to play a game So all right

This is kids in fucking middle school You hold your hands like this And you let the other person Thump it And then you go back and forth Like all right now you You thump my fingers, I thump yours, and we go back and forth. And the technique is like this.

You've got your, your, your, your, like, middle finger, like, cocked all the way behind your thumb. And there's, like, arm movement and wrist movement. And at the end, you release and flick. And you can knock a blood blister into somebody. You can thump them so hard. You can thump. I can thump the fuck out of somebody. Then that's what's allowed.

You do that the lady. One big thump a day. If she's acting a fool. Bada bing. This is insanity. It doesn't also seem like balanced or reciprocal. If women are allowed to kill kids, men should be allowed to make kids. They can only kill their own kids.

No, they kill other kids. No, you can't let them just kill any kid. It's not carte blanche to murder children, your own kids. And I kind of like that. That's kind of a conservative approach, if you think about it. It's like, those are hard kids. Big government wants to come in and tell me what I can and can't do with my family. All right? I don't think so. I think maybe I passed a little biblical law at my house and the kids had to go. That's just how it was. They weren't hearkening. They weren't hearkening. They weren't saying their prayers and whatnot. And they had to go. And you can't judge me for that. I don't want big government coming and telling me what I can and can't do with my kids unless it's a woman. And then she should be just a queen.

I don't know I think Woody's on the right path of we're thinking too small if they can get away with killing kids we need something bigger I don't know what that would be other than like once a day if a woman is causing a ruckus in public

at Chipotle or the grocery store or whatever I can hit some sort of digital government card that's like your number has been has been recorded in the Dude's Rock Amendment 74 and now you have to come to my house and clean my bathroom. You've scrub my baseboards.

That's something I don't want to do. It's something I'm like doing. No, no, no, no. It's much more nuanced than that. No, no, no. We've renamed it. It's not the same. No.

Well, but, you know, but slavery. What a charged term. You know. No, but she'd have to, should have to do something for me because I wouldn't get that much satisfaction. I wouldn't end up using my daily thump. I just think they should like if they're not responsible for their actions, I don't think that they should be responsible enough to do things like vote. I think that

would actually be the best one. It's just like they can act a fool, but no voting. They don't get to do that. I don't think and this isn't even a man and woman thing, but I don't think anyone who doesn't have to sign up for selective service, man, woman, child, or dog should be able to vote. I really don't care that it's a woman or that it's a or whatever. If you don't have to sign it for Selective Service, I don't know why you get to vote and put the politician in who decides what wars we go into. Like you get to be willy-nilly with your vote and put some warmonger in there because you don't have to go to Selective Service and I do.

It seems like I've got all the responsibility and you've still got your vote. I don't get it. I don't like that. Because it's not how it was supposed to go. You're supposed to have a, because I mean, the whole purpose of voting is a proxy for physical violence. right? Like that's, that was the purpose of it is you're voting as a proxy for physical. No, but like that, like having two enormous parties that disagree, voting is a means of mitigating potential violent outbreak. That's going to be perpetrated and committed by men because that's who,

you know, tends to engage in revolution in actual violent revolution. Are you saying that if the Republicans and Democrats didn't like have an election, they'd have to fistfight it out to decide who was president? That's how it worked for many, for, for, for eons, yes. Okay, well, not for the last few hundred years here, but so we usually vote. Because we've had democracy, which is a proxy for physical violence. I don't know how the Romans did it, but like back in the day, it's how they did it like the Klingons do. Yeah. But you understand that like voting is a proxy for physical violence between diametrically opposed parties within the same.

I suppose so. I suppose so. The whole purpose for voting is so we don't have to bash each other's heads and decide like might make it right, you know. That's a good thing. mostly. But if that ever fails, it's back to violence. But the government does so much more than wage wars. Like, if Kyle said only people that pay taxes could vote, I'd be like, okay, you know, like I get it. Or people in stay at home moms, I might include them in paying taxes

because they do it like in a roundabout way, I guess. But just going to war, shit. Like I signed up for selective service. It didn't cost me anything and didn't do anything. We haven't had a draft since before I was born. Like, it's not much of an actual thing right now. I agree. I'm coming down more on Woody's side with this, where, like, the net taxpayer thing makes more sense.

Because, like, if you, let's say all three of us are running a commune, and my farm is horrific. It never generates anything. And you guys are feeding me all year. And then it's like, all right, time to vote between the three of us. like why should I get to say if I'm just sucking off you guys constantly just I need more beans and it's like did you plant beans and I'm like oh forgot again tehee like just need more so that that seems more salient to me at least in modern day than the like conscription service being

the deterministic factor no I like it my way better my dad had to my dad had to check the fucking news every no I thought me would have made a pretty salient point right there They don't work around here No It's all fun in games Until they start picking those fucking lottery balls To see who gets to fight the Iranians That is what they did

He's a Leo Don't even put faith in his thoughts and ideas You know that I'm a Taurus I'm very stubborn Are we Taurus bros? We are Taurus bros Sick

Yeah That must be why we don't kill children That's it That's it Poor Leo It's Taurus That'd be it. That'd be it.

We'd be looking for kids now. Capricorns. Don't get me started. People who believe in that are so, they're more upsetting to me than the young Earth people who believe, like, the planet 6,000 years old and start talking about, they're off on some expedition looking for Noah's Ark on a mountain top in Washington State or something like that.

Like, equally moronic people. People who believe in it. I put there with flat earthers and absolute crazies. People who get joy from it, I'll give them a pass. Like, if you know it's all horseshit, but it makes you smile to read your horoscope, knock yourself out. Yeah. Yeah, I'd be my fortune cookie. Like, you know.

Sure. Right, right. Just for fun. I don't, I'm not like, ooh. Uh-oh. Honey, hang on, change of plants. Honey, it says I'm about to meet Mrs. Wright. So I think I made a mistake.

A parcel will soon cause you great misfortune. Complete nonsense. I'm missing the joke. Help me. A parcel? It's Kyle before the who's checking the mail. Okay, okay, okay. I didn't put it together.

I get it. Thanks. I don't know who Kyle's making fun of right now. probably means. Is he bringing it up Taylor for bringing it up? Or is he laughing at me for not me. Me. Okay.

That's better. Anyway. Yeah, we just have to get away. Like, our thing will be voting. We'll be the voters. And we'll also go to war. If you're not voting,

you shouldn't be conscripted unless if you're a woman. And the other thing, if you're a homeless, you're in the fucking mix, dude. King Kyle, everybody gets conscripted. You do your two years of service. Everybody. So you're like Netanyahu.

You're like Israel. No, I'm like, well, no, like one of those European countries that does exactly that. There's plenty of them that do that. I thought Israel had mandatory service. They do, but plenty of European countries. You don't have to like muddy the waters with Israel. Do they? What are the European?

I'm asking, like what are the European countries that require service? I don't know. I bet Latvia does. up top my head. Well, we should really make policy based on whatever the 54,000 people there are up to. I bet there's

and others. Poland, probably. Holy smokes. I scanned it too quickly. Austria has it for six months. Cyprus, mandatory for men. Denmark. Conscription exists. Many volunteers fill needs, but a draft

is still necessary. Estonia, yes, Finland, yes, Greece, yes, Lithuania, yes. Did you say Latvia? Mm-hmm. Reintroduced in 2023. Norway, gender neutral, Sweden, and Switzerland. I did not think it was going to be this common. Yeah. That's how Free Society does things, Taylor. Well, I mean, just look at the Numbes here. Clearly not. No enforced conscription. Oh, yeah. That disagrees with what I... Post it here. Wait, what is that? There's...

The formatting's terrible, but I pasted what I... I think South Korea definitely has it. North Korea 100%. Yeah, I don't trust the map. You know, I never fact-checked maps. Like, I fact-check everything. But you show me a bunch of different colored states or countries, and I'm like, it's got to be true.

That's so funny. because I don't ever trust maps. I'm like, but this is wrong. I want to look at the map. I don't trust them, but it's like, I'm just looking at maps.

I'm just looking at maps. Like what I'm supposed to find a bit by bit? Everybody serves. Cuba was on there. Everybody serves. It'd be, you know, do your bit.

Everybody chips in. That's the move. Did you have them all do military stuff? Or could you get conscripted to like pothole fixing? All the above. Yeah. It would depend on the needs of the people. I don't know if I want them to be literally filling potholes.

but if there was a hurricane, I would be okay with calling them up like National Guardsmen or something like that and be like, hey, you're, you army guys, we're going to Florida to fill sandbags or something. You know why I like potholes? Because it's a government function. Like if they were making shoes or shirts or like competing with the private sector. They can deliver the mail for all I care. Also government function, right? So I don't want to destroy businesses by having them compete with free labor.

but filling potholes, heck, let's do it. Yeah, yeah, anything like that. Or just fighting our enemies abroad, you know. I think everybody should get a dose of that for a change. Just I think Nancy Drew should be out there on the front lines figuring out what she's voting for. No.

But these Warhawk women in charge, and they lead us into these Forever Wars. Well, Nancy Drew, is that someone other than a book character? He's thinking of Nancy Grace. I'm not. I meant Nancy Drew. You meant Nancy Drew. Yeah, the little Nancy Drew mystery novel, the little girl who would saw.

Yeah, she'll be right there. Shoulder to shoulder with the box car kids. Was that the guy from goosebumps? Yeah, we're calling out all the stops. The animorphs will be here at noon. Yeah, I'll be straight up with you. Kid Kyle's been a fucking disaster. He's got 18 million Americans filling pot holes in Oregon right now.

There's like eight high-level military generalships being fielded by fictitious characters from 80 sitcoms right now. He made Michael Richards an ambassador. Sorry, I got to go. I have to report to the AI version of... To Niger. That's what I do. I'd make Michael Richards the ambassador to Niger

so that he's always just like... Just in the most awkward scenarios, as you can imagine. That is the funniest country. And he has to have that turkey-basting glow about him all the time. Get out there, Michael, and I want you flowing. Yeah, that is the,

something that I don't like on the news is when some lady that's named like Susie Cortez or whatever will say everything normally. And today it is going to be 70 degrees in Los Angeles. And then after that, we're going to go right up to San Copartina. And then it's probably going to be 81 degrees. And then we'll go over to

they switch their accent into it and it's like what are we what are we doing here? They are Spanish words but then but you're faking the accent she might not be because you said her name is Cortez but I'm still on board with the concept I check mate I just want to do American pronunciations on American TV

that should be normal right and also like if I were president Trump does a bunch of dumb like renaming stuff, I would get wild with it. I'd be like, until we buy it, it's actually gay land. It's not Greenland. It's gay land. I've enjoyed the latest renaming because the first renaming, he was like riding high on his election win and half of America was like, yeah, it should be golf of America. Woohoo. Make America great again. Now they're like, you're such a fucking embarrassment. Lake America, that you come back for losing a tear for? Like, what the

fuck are we doing? Why don't you? have actual accomplishments. Like, he does have actual accomplishments. It's doing the opposite of what every male under 40 in the country voted him for. Those wonderful accomplishments, like bending over for Israel and fighting Iran and groceries. I said the price of groceries was too high. It's kind of genius and old word groceries.

No one says it anymore. Yeah, you don't say it anymore. Why is that Trump? Tell me, Donald, why don't you talk about groceries anymore? Tell me. Well, he doesn't use that. You can imagine, like, that's why it's always been weird to me that the down-to-earth, like, farmer from Alabama identifies with Donald Trump, the guy from Manhattan, who's a billionaire, especially when he is the guy who doesn't know the word groceries, because he's never been shopping for groceries in his life. He literally has never shop for groceries once.

He wouldn't be able to do it. if you sent him to a self-checkout, he doesn't know how they work. He would be so confused at an American grocery store. Talking to two real grocery shoppers here. Checkout works. I know what milk costs. No, you know what milk plus 20% costs because you haven't delivered.

You only mock it because you're so jealous of the convenience. All right? By the time I factor in all the discounts, I'm getting most of my groceries through Amazon now. That's the cheapest way to get groceries because it's not it is it is my milk is $2 a gallon with no shipping I use Aldi it's cheaper than Aldi ground I'm not saying dollars a pound on Amazon is an upcharge on everything I don't think the Woodworth get groceries cheaper than the tailors I won't know if your last name is known I won't say it um but you're the tailors

and but I do think when we went to the grocery store we had more important Pulse purchases. You know, we rarely come on with like unplanned cookies or whatever was super enticing. That is true. Never happened. But to me, that's part of the fun is I like, okay. I like seeing the fun things at the grocery store. And my app has like free items every week. And it'll add up to $8 for the free groceries that I probably didn't want. But I still appreciate the hell out of that three, $8 worth of groceries that I didn't really want. You know what I learned at the grocery store just a couple hours ago is that 7 up changed their flavor.

7 up 0. Now they have a sticker on there that says new taste. It was buy to get to and so of course I bought 4 12 packs so I've got 48 of these and so but what we're going to I had no choice because I like Sprite 0 and I like 7 how much was the 12 packs? So they're by 2 get to how much for 12 packs? You bought 48 full sugar, seven ups?

No, no, no, zeroes. Zero's. Oh. Seven up zero. So it's, okay, okay, okay. All right, all right. No, I only drink the zero of sodas. That way, aspartame doesn't hurt.

So on the app, they're $12 each for 12 packs. Buy two get three free. $12 each? But by two get three free, that changes the math a lot. Yes, it does. It's $5 a 12 pack. Where is the buy? And how consistent is this buy two,

get three. Whenever they do, they do that deal probably once a month, once every 45 days, and I stock up. Okay. Mr. buys 48 at a time is like,

I don't know how long I can make it from purchase to purchase. I'll buy like 12, I'll buy like 10 or 12, 12 packs at a time and make a little tower. That's a lot and I will do similar stuff sometimes. And like you get stoned at night and then like, it's like for bed and you look over at your like table.

And you're like, someone else must have been drinking seven up zeros. I couldn't have consumed nine. I got a wine. 48 sodas would last me like 18 years. It's all I drink though. I don't drink any other liquids. I drink one cup of coffee a day.

Well, I'm also a seltzer. I've got a wine. I've got one of the smaller wine fridges and it's just fully stocked with like zero sugar like sodas. Like it's nothing but zero sugar sodas and waters in there. I buy the seltzer waters every time they're on sale as well. like lime or lemon, seltzer water,

all the other flavors are for the birds. That's ridiculous. Like, we figured out seltzer water. How much of ground beef there? What do you pay for a pound of ground beef? I think at Aldi, it's like $6.99,

maybe seven something. Oh, yeah. Oh, but I only get like the 90-10 or 93. That's what I was about to say. What's the best flavor of seltzer? Lime or lemon.

The citrus. Those are the two best by far. They get like really crazy with it, like passion fruit. Right. Made up stuff. Those sound attractive to me. I would think cherry seltzer or something would be, like not being a seltzer guy.

That's what I would guess. No. You might like that. We have very different palettes. But like lime and lemon are like the crisp citrus refreshing ones. I hate seltzer water. I drink those all the time. Whoever first said it's like static water just nailed it to me.

I love that. I love the carbonation of those waters. They're fantastic. I've spat it out at restaurants before. I remember one time they had a restaurant you fucking phyllis. time. They ordered sparkling and I didn't know it was and they filled and I went fucking what the hell are you all

doing to me? This still water's got a lot of bubbles on the side of the fucking table. I came out of the table and grabbed my drink. It's disgusting. I hate static you water. I don't like seltzer. I don't drink it. Don't fuck with it. But yeah, I stand by my app. I might pay like 10, 5% more, 10% more.

I might. But I don't have to go to the store and I have no impulse purchases and it's like I go my chronometer app. I figure out what I'm going to eat this week. I transfer that into my Instacart app. And then my healthy food shows up my fucking six pounds of white rice and 20 pounds of ground beef and fucking pineapples and the peppers and shit.

Yeah. I mean, to each their own, I guess. But you don't enjoy. We've talked about this before. Going to the grocery store is pretty nice. And rubbing elbows with the scum that inhabits an Aldi. no thank you the old people are pretty nice

Taylor's right here yeah no I don't like going this is what we say when he's not here I'll go to the butcher dude I'll go in the the meat section and if I see something that's like reduced for quick sale it's like bottom

Bing that's a good that's a good sirloin that's a good whatever that's what I'm eating tonight grab that off they have to sell it that day it's half price I'll do that if I'm if I'm getting good beef I'll go to the butcher and just pick what I want rather than going with the grocery store anyway. But I mostly eat ground beef and grilled chicken for the most part.

So when you buy... This is new to me. When you buy beef, you prefer to point at the one and you like choose it based on marbling or something? Is that what you do? A steak? Yeah. Yeah.

Hmm. That makes sense. I didn't think about that. And it's just a better steak if you go to a butcher anyway than like a grocery store. It'll be more consistent to. And then they often have like, fun stuff. Like my butcher will have like seasonal stuff in.

Like sometimes he'll have, he's always got frog legs and rabbit and quail and pheasant. And then occasionally he'll have venison and elk and stuff like that. And it's like, this is not fun. Tell me when your butcher has lollipops. Like my barber is more fun than your butcher.

He's got the biggest tomatoes you've ever seen. Okay, that's kind of cool. I like that. I went, I got a haircut like on this wasn't this haircut it was a previous one it was like on a Saturday afternoon and the place I go to has like you go up there and you say

Taylor here for a you know 11 15 a.m. appointment and they're like would you like a drink and I'm like I'll have a water and they have like Bud lights Budwisers they have stuff in there too and I remember over has a liquor license

yes and then they give it to you for free I've never taken advantage of this but I like sat down once and this guy came in after me and it was maybe 10, 50 in the morning or something on a Saturday, granted, but the woman asked, and I'm on my

phone, not paying any attention, she's like, do you want something to drink, sir? And he was like, yeah, I'll have a Budweiser. And I was like, damn, king shit. Like, just being like, yeah, it's time to crush a cold one here before fucking Susie comes back to give me my

very normal business guy here. The guy who gets a haircut drinking a Budweiser is not going home to a happy marriage. 150 empty calories for no reason? Yeah. No, thanks. That's too much. My wife's been cutting my hair since COVID, but I went to the same barber for a long time. He used to charge $10 or $11 something pretty cheap.

And I go with Colin. We'd both get a haircut and I'd pay him 20, right? The rest is tip. And then he increased his prices from like 10 to 14. and I kept paying 20 mostly. These pricing not impacting me at all. Because what am I going to give him like

24? I don't have 8 1s. I don't know any other way to do that. You have a credit card? Yeah, I don't know. I always took a greenback out of my wallet and gave it to him for the haircut and it was good. I don't use cash for anything. I have no cash on me. Like there's a $100 bill. somewhere in the other room because I usually keep like at least a little bit but I don't have any

cash. I don't use cash transactionally. If somebody was like, we were getting somebody to pick up garbage a while back because I missed garbage day occasionally every week. And, uh, you got a lot going on. You know, you know, it's your work schedule. How do you do it? It's hard to forget which day it is. It changes when you move and it used to be Tuesdays and then it became Thursdays and then it was Thursday mornings. And then it now it's Thursday evenings. Kyle, it changes every day. It's hard to wrap your hands around when they're coming to pick up the garbage

and try to pay a man to come get it. And he was like, you know, for an extra this much, I'll pick up that. I'll cut your hair. I'll cut your hair. And I was like,

I don't have any cash, but I do need a haircut. And he did it for free. He did it for free. Look terrible. It's just terrible. He used a lawn trimmer. It was scary.

My barber, he's like, what do you can he scratch you behind the ear? I love it. I got a knack for that. I don't know how we're going to work in your, I don't know how we're going to work your dog jizzing on you into the title of this video, but we're going to do it. Zach, make his dog. His dog loves him special.

Yeah. Woody gets frosted by his dog. Woody's creamy surprise. Woody's wet bed issues. That makes it sound like he's pissing himself, not. Woody finally bonded? No, that No, no.

We'll Woody's dog becomes a man. On him. Yeah. I don't know. We're workshopping it. We'll workshop it.

We'll figure it out. It's going to be awful either way. I'm stunned by that admission. I hate that happened to you. And mildly confused by how jovial you are about the whole thing. I would be less, I would feel like less of a man. I feel like if that happened. to me. I'd be kind of down today.

You'd care? That's hilarious. I'd have to get him back. I'd get him back now. I'll have to fuck it. Take it. If that happened to me, I would 100% bring that up the next week. That's hilarious. That's so funny. Yeah, I don't. I mentioned just, she's like, are you afraid everyone's going to make fun of you?

I was like, I don't really have many attack factors that get to me anymore. I'm not going to surf the subreddit. I mean, it's not like he fucked me. As far as you guys know, I've never had sex with my dog. We didn't, we didn't, we didn't hear the first part of the story.

Was that whole corn? Well, what do you? You're, Jackie talking to you being like, what do you, I believe you, it's just, well, he were on your knees. Oh, you just don't get it. I'm wondering if Jayden's ever have missionary style sex. I don't know why. I just assumed it was doggy all the time. do you think they talk about like fun stuff like

you know Bdubs has a wing special like after Kyle unmute while you're cackling but they can talk about fun guy stuff like do what's the what's the score of the game keep pumping brother I'm gonna ask chat GPT

what is it why do you have to ask why do you not know that of course they do of course they do you're like yeah I want to know percentages we'll see what chat shabu is like spaghetti Like they'd have to be pretty flexible. Oh, I was going to say they'd have to be pretty flexible because the butthole is lower than the vagina as far as, because like women do that, but women are more flexible. But gay guys are also fitter. And so perhaps that flexibility is not a barrier to entry. I bet gay missionary is an entire subreddit. Jesus Christ. No, just assume it. Just assume it. Let's see here.

we've got, yep, oh, well, that's straight people. We don't want that. No, no, we certainly don't. And we'll believe you. We'll believe you. Rim world. I think that's something different. I'm not sure.

I'm going to skip that link. Oh my God, this is terrible. Chachy Pchee seems to not understand what I meant. First, I'm like, hey, which position's most common? And they're like, for gay men, anal. Okay, yeah, I saw that coming. I met Doggy versus Missionary, which is more common. If you mean which anal sex position is more common, rear entry and face-to-face are the most common.

Oh, here it is. It eventually breaks down. It says rear entry is more popular, more common. Okay. Okay. I found a video here that suggests that it, well, the pieces fit together. Oh, God. I just ask Grock, please help.

A gay guy is fucking me. What do I do? I said, he says, If this is happening right now and you do not want it, say stop clearly, push him off if you can, get to a safe place and call someone or emergency services. You do not owe anyone's sex. If you are consenting and just want practical help. You actually do owe him the sex. You bark at him.

I want to go what it's the next. If you're consenting. If you are consenting and just want practical help in the moment, tell him exactly what feels good and what does not. Slower, more lube, that angle. Stop that. Use plenty of lube. Reapply. Dry friction hurts.

and can tear. Condom, if you are not fluid bonded. You know, I think Groff is doing pretty well here. This is where he gets good. Breathe and bear down a little on entry. Tensing makes it worse. If it hurts sharply or you feel like you need to stop, stop. Pain that does not ease is a signal, not something to push through. What do you actually want help with?

Stopping it, making it feel better, or something else? Ask it this. Say, my gay husband. husband has been no i'm going to say i'm going to say ah it hurts so much i just said i just said ah it hurts so much and it says stop right now shorter intense pain it's not normal and it's not something you should push there tell him to pull out he i'm going to say he won't stop he's too powerful he won't stop he's too powerful

it's going to call the authorities in a second you know this is no longer sex he is not allowed to keep going up to you said it hurts you he wanted to stop oh no he's not contacting the authorities

if you can lock yourself in a bathroom or another room do it okay I'm locked in the bathroom but he's smashing through

the door he'll be in any second please please please help me I don't know why we're role playing gay rape right now with AI but I'm here for it

so I just want to see what it'll say but that's pretty fun I thought you should tell it that your gay husband wants to have missionary could this be a sign that he's actually straight Hold on, let me say This was a test

Just kidding JK This was a test JK well done My gay husband wants to have missionary sex Does that mean he could

potentially Be a heterosexual Heterosexual? That works my gay husband gives it away damn yeah the answers in the question missionary is a position not a sexual orientation that's so fun

I should do this more for fun with AI that's the most fun I've ever had with AI is stuff like this and that time like a couple months ago where I was like there's a bear here what do I do and it's like do not make yourself big and I'm like I'm standing as large as I can in front of it and shouting

what do I do? And it's like, stop immediately. All right, I'm going farther now. I'm going farther. Yeah, that's great. I have a Reddit topic if you're down. What do we got? Men, if you could choose one of these three features to be considered attractive and superior, but the other two will be below average, which would you choose?

Good looks, good body, or good penis? Actually, I want to change it. Choose two out of the three. Good looks, good body, or good. good penis. Well, as always, I kind of want to cheat and take the looks in the penis and work for the body. Nope. No, no, just for the same. Yeah, but that's cheating, right? You have to stick with what the body is. And I'm going to say the other's below average, not 1% or something like that. You're just going to be below average. Well, you could go all penis and body and just become one of those

ugly porn stars and have a hell of a time. Which one is height in? It's in the body. It's in the body. Yeah. Oh, okay. Well, then I'll take good body, good penis, and I'll just be ugly. Nothing's in the change.

You're so afraid of being short. I bet if I threatened you with shortness, you'd do anything. I bet if I was a wizard. You'd like that, wouldn't you? You fucking homo. Yeah. You'd like it too, you, bear. You'd be bleeding everywhere.

I'd be tracking you. Well, it's because it's easy. It's like, oh, my God, what would I suddenly do if I wasn't attractive? I actually had a different age to same shit. I thought. So I didn't think of it as short, although it's a solid point. I didn't consider the risk. But I was like, man, I don't know for sure.

But I feel like if you have a good face that a lot of women, a lot of what, maybe even most women, are okay with like a pudgy or a dad bod or something like that. You don't have to be like Inder Kyle to be attractive to women. women and a bare amount of them might even prefer like not fat but you know a solid like farmer body of some sort right so good looks

good penis with an average or just slightly below average body I think gets you plenty far you got to be sunk and chested like Asman Gold that's the body you get like like you don't get to be like oh you know he's like a strong farmer who's a little heavy no because that's what you want. That's a great body type to have. That's what men would take if they could just be themselves.

You have to be Asmund gold. You have to be like an inverted chest. I actually don't know what he looks like that well below the collar bones. Yeah, he's talked about his sunken chest before. He's a... I didn't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I remember seeing some guys in gym,

but really it was just one guy who had that like sunken chest thing. that's pretty rough that's a tough one or like an asymmetrical rib cage one of the things I was worried about when I was getting in shape I was like what if my abs are ugly like what if I work this hard

to like reveal the abs and they're like gross looking because sometimes you see like dudes and you're like ah yeah what's a weight back on why are they vertical they're like all misshaping and they're not symmetrical they don't

you've got like a seven and a half pack or something like that that's weird what do you have here? Oh, he doesn't have nearly as bad of a... Yeah, if you get to the second half of the clip, which isn't, it's like a 11 second clip. Oh, goodness, yeah. You can see it a little better when he turned sideways.

I don't think it's... No, you can at seven seconds, you can see that chest concavity a little bit. I think you can show 11 seconds of this. As far as chest can cavity, I don't think he's... He's not a... as bad as I imagine. He's holding up to so, like, what the fuck is this?

Yeah, he's clearly not a gym rat, but I think this is a body you can live a joyous life in. Clearly. Especially you have an above average dick and your above average face is good looking. He's been styling his hair better lately. And he's tall, too. I feel like the looks one is the trap here.

It's body and penis. You take this to Bada Bing, because you can improve that body. and things. No, not you're cheating. Yeah, you can't. Well, he also is worth fucking $100 million or whatever. I know.

You should pick two of the four when you had bank account. So dick face body bank account. Ooh. Then I feel like you got to go face and bank account. That's what I was thinking too. Yeah. Not body in banking. It's weird because he added one and somehow that made it worse, right?

Like we used to get two out of three and then we'd get two out of four. But I think face and bank account. Yeah. And of course it depends how horrific the body is. Or how horrific the penis is. Oh, good point. Because it's terrible. The penis can be your own secret.

Jonah Hill's body. It doesn't stop it from impacting my sense of self-worth and self-confidence. You get Jonah Hill's body. Which Jonah Hill? Fucking war dogs or now? Actually, the face, we can use Jonah Hill for the face and the body. Ooh, that's tough actually because he's like 5, 6, 5, 7. So you can't.

Yeah, he's perfect. Perfect. He's just bank account. Well, we don't know about his dick, but. Oh, it's terrific. We know. I bet it is. Have you seen that he's been getting like smoked in the MMA community, all the memes and stuff? Yeah.

Yeah, why do he talk like that about himself? Like, that seems like, I feel like the MMA guys are supposed to be the cool, calm, confident ones who are like, yeah, I know I can handle this if need be, unless the other guy hasn't gone or a weapon of any sort. So what, for those who don't know, Jonah Hill was at something talking on stage. and he was like, people see me, and they say, hey, look, it's the fat guy from Superbad, and they don't know. I could dismantle them. I could tear them limb from limb.

And he's like a, I think he's a white belt with two stripes or something like that, Brazilian jiu-jitsu from like a black belt trainer, some private trainer. But he's not rolling with people. Like, he's just going with his paid private trainer. He has no concept of how good or bad he is. And neither do I, frankly. and he probably would beat up the average person who's his physical match. I believe that.

But he should have been talking shit like that because now like he really gets made fun of a lot in the MMA like sphere where I like that. He should be like in a fun way teased for that because like I have no training other than a couple years of middle school wrestling as far as all that. and I would put every dollar I have that I would beat the brakes off of Jonah Hill if we were in some sort of Rochambeau.

Some sort of real... Yes, because I'm six feet tall. He's five six. Do you think the fact that he's a five foot seven overweight Jew means that he can't defeat you in hand-to-hand combat? Are you aware?

Did he have been training Brazilian jiu-jitsu for seven months on and off mostly? He can't, He couldn't stop me. Whatever I would want to happen would happen. He'd be texting, he'd be texting, he'd be texting, he'd be texting, Grock saying, I am being wrong. What do I do about this?

Don't make eye contact. I'm staring him in the eyes. I'd even do extra things. I'd eat a ton of like roast garlic that morning, onions. I'd have bad. Guys do that. I go, guys will get stinky for, for, for competitions sometimes. you hear about it like they'll not shower for days

get super stinky it's a I hate that when I hear that I'm like I don't like that guy anymore that's shitty want to do that that is gross but I mean anytime I've ever when I did karate and when I did JITs everybody smelled so good it was like everybody's like it's like everybody brought out their fancy cologne

for like tonight when we're all going to roll like everybody would smell like a different flavor of like sandal wood and leather or like I don't know fucking something everybody smelled fancy everybody smelled good

every single time I can tell you that's not what middle school wrestling was like no no because fucking philip wouldn't take his t-shirt home to wash the rest of us would and it would be

you'd like reach around him and it would be crusty and it would make me almost loosen in practice I hated it me and Josh hated the way he wouldn't wash his fucking shit. It's disgusting. Our instructor would hand out corporal punishment for shit like that.

Like we had one guy. He was like a grown up in his 40s who should know better, right? Not some dumbass teenage kid or whatever. And yeah, he'd just like hold him in a pain position and be like, you smell like ammonia. You can't be doing this anymore. And you got to wash your stuff all the time. They give me a hard time because I wash my belt all the time. I guess blotching your belt is like Brazilian jiu-tits you kind of super

And I'm like, yeah, I don't care. I'm washing it all the time. I'd lose my stripes. I don't care. I don't care about my. Oh, will I never be a world champ now? Oh, dang. It sounds like you weren't, it sounds like you were saying, not like Joe Hill.

Being like, Woody, I think you should have four stripes now. And I'm like, this is like the third time you've done this. It's cool, though. It's all good. Yeah, being like Jonah Hill and being like talking to I don't even know who like Paul Rudd or some guy who's going to be nice and polite to you. And you're like, you don't even understand, bro. I would fuck you up.

I would fuck you up. It's like, too hard. Okay. But you wouldn't though. Like, if you tried to butt me at Chipotle, there'd be a problem. And I'd win. I would, I would trash you because I don't think you, I don't think you played sports.

Seven, okay. And I did. I know he surfs. Or, okay, let me take that back. I've seen pictures of him wearing. Wow, call him a whale a little more subtly next time. I've seen him in surf attire holding a board. I know that he's like, I don't know, at times he's been fit-ish,

but I just don't think a 5'7 actor man can beat me up. He's a good actor, and I like him in his acting. It's just, you know, if someone that looked exactly like, if Jonah Hill himself stepped up to me in public with the goal of physical confrontation, I would think in my head, like, well, this is as well as this could have gone. Like, I don't want some, you know, corn-fed 6-5 Nebraska O-Line guy stepping up. I watch a lot of those videos. I watch a lot of those videos where road rage happens and one guy is like ready to fight guy.

He's out of his car, cussing, Blaine. He's like, you fucking hit me. You fucking hit me. the guy gets out of his car and it's like that Simpson's meme he's fucking six foot four 240 or something he's like I don't know who hit who

but I know one thing to make fun of people for being different he's got Andre the giant pituitary gland voice and he's like I think you hit me and the other guy's like you know I think so too

I need to watch out where I go that's Jonah Hill is he melts Is he kind of guy with AIDS? All right. It's possible that he is literally playing a character right here. And this is not a fashion choice. Okay, okay.

Let's not judge it in the fashion. Just the physique. Everything about what he's doing right here is embarrassing. He's got a cool belt fucking gay. Look at, dude, in any of our hands, that's a shot glass of milk, chocolate milk. Chalking up. My belt game is weak. How much is a belt cost?

They're expensive, right? I don't know. I don't need belts. Everything stays off. Are you asking how much that belt costs? Well, no, because he's Hollywood. You don't know. It could be 800.

But like if I wanted a belt that had some sort of fashion appeal, what's a belt cost? $150. I really. Oh, that seems expensive, but I haven't bought a belt in a long time. If he wants a belt that has a clasp, then that's like $60. And he's got like a dry land camo underarmor?

He's probably got a $500 or $1,000 belt on or something. I have like eight belts in this little metal basket to choose from. And they all came with shorts or pants. That's the genesis of my belt collection. I don't pay $150 for him. I used to buy those shirt and tie combos when I was 19. I'm like, fucking saving time and money. Let's go.

tied into a fucking Windsor for me I'll lose money I'd buy on this thing when I had to put a tie on every day for work I had like multiple pre-tied ties just hanging up because I didn't want to do it every morning and I just tighten it right up

oh yeah I used to wear it I've never untied a tie in my life and I own a lot of ties I used to have to wear a tie every day yeah I used to wear a tie to work too I did tie it every day though I I was going to say I got good at it.

No, I got fine at it. But I didn't tie the really nice symmetrical kind of knot. I tied that lesser kind. That's the only one I know how to do. You were single Windsoring. Yeah, yeah, I think so. Which is fine. You know, if no one's...

And, like, I bet you were still looking flashier than Karrash or whatever. I was an accountant at this point. I didn't wear a Tide of Cisco. It's not like you deal with customers anyway, right? Like, who cares? I did. I met customers sometimes, but mostly my role was not to talk. Yeah, you know, I would take notes or like, I don't know, be on hand for the adults in the room as an accountant. Yeah, we could either wear like slacks and a tucked in button up with a tie or we could wear a like Ford polo shirt, but they didn't hang well on people.

They always made you look kind of slovenly, even if you were fit. Like I was really thin then. I remember thinking like, this looks all baggy on me. It looks gross. They were this dark blue color where they always kind of looked like they had grease stains on them, even if they didn't. And the guys that would wear the polos just, that was the poor guys. That was the guys that are struggling. They don't have anybody at home to press their t-shirt. Their fucking suit and ties for them anymore.

They're just coming in here and wearing that $15 shirt. So I always wanted a shirt and tie. I remember working at Enterprise and I'd have to wear a tie. every day. And once I got to the end of that tenure, I really started not when I knew I was going to quit. Like I wouldn't shave. I would let my facial hair grow in. Not a ton, not like this, but, and then I also would like take the tie off sometimes. But every once in a while at the airport, the area manager would show up and Scott would walk through the door and I'd have to like quickly leave the rental counter. And I had my like peat coat in the back because you could wear like an

overcoat if it was a certain kind. And I would put that on and I would button it up and like turn it in such a way like I was vampiric to cover the fact I wasn't wearing a tie correctly and to cover kind of the sides of my face. And it would at one point, it was like mid-April. And he was like, ah, Taylor, pretty. And he was a very anti-confrontational regional manager. He was like, oh, Taylor, see, you got a little stubble. And I was like, yeah. And he was like, I also see you're wearing your big coat and we're inside. And it's April. And I was like, I get chilly.

You know how it is? And he was like, okay, okay. Well, you take care. You take care. This was the same area manager that took me out to lunch once and gave me a book of Mormon. Oh, don't like that. Well, he was, I wouldn't. I bet corporate wouldn't have liked that.

but he was a very sweet, kind Mormon guy. They'd have heard about it unless my hours changed. You know what? I think I'm going to eat a car to take home. He was always, let me. Shout out to Scott. He was always nice to me. And so I wasn't about to blow up his spot.

But it was a little odd sitting in that Mexican restaurant with him one-on-one where he, like, wanted to talk about my future at the company. And I was just like, yeah, who's to say, you know, I don't know about my future. It all remains to be seen. And then after he reads, you. realized he wasn't getting any head because he wanted me to apply to for a manager position. And I was like, I don't really want to do that. I don't, this company is, I can't get yelled at by another person who's like, why is it my

rental covered? And it's like, because it's not a part of your insurance. Because you specifically unchecked a box that's included for most people to save $4 a year, like on state fund. You, you did this. It's included by, and now getting yelled at was, was no fun. But this guy was chill. He was fun.

He started talking to me about the book of Mormon, and I was like, that's fascinating. What else happened? And I'm just, he talked for maybe 20 minutes uninterrupted, giving me the whole spiel. And I'm like eating chips and queso being like. Do you cover the thing that he looked in the hat and made up a different set of rules? No, it was more. He didn't, it wasn't like a backstory thing. Am I wrong about that?

No, no, no. You're mostly right about that. You're like 85% there. Like looking into the, yeah, seeing the golden tablets. He wasn't doing like the backstory of the religion. He was more doing like the this is what our culture is like. And this is what like, you know, you've probably, oh, you say from St. Louis? Well, because I just, I wasn't, I wasn't vibe with it.

I wasn't feeling much. I am. Like, I'll tell you this. They're very sweet people. One way is more than enough. I thought they were a career opportunities. I think it's a good gig. Like, I don't believe in it, but I believe in the idea of it, if that makes sense.

Like, I don't believe in that nonsense. y'all say happen. But the way it's making y'all all act and vibe together. This whole community that you've built around that lie, like, I would be okay if you told me that Luke Skywalker was the chosen one.

And he's the guy that we all like pray up to. Like if we make that up, but then you show me that it's a cool community and everybody kind of gets along and help each other. Like the LDS people, I've never seen one that I wasn't just like, man, it's kind of hard not to like that guy, isn't it?

They're nice people. They're just nice. Yeah. They kill you guys. Yeah. Yeah. The proof is in the pudding that that, regardless of what you believe about their beliefs, that familial understanding and structure clearly works.

Like, I don't think Mormons have a problem with replacement birth rate stuff, like the way a lot of populations do. Probably not. Yeah, I think they're pretty solid on it. just like the Amish. I think the Amish is going to watch that show big loves. No, they don't. Now they're not all about that.

Now they're like, you know, uh, you know, it's not what I saw on reality TV. It's like when you die in the plain level of cod four where it's like mistakes were made. Like that's how they see it.

The same way they were like until 1970. Are you talking about the celestial temple? The celestial temple, of course. I know all about the celestial temple. Black people can't join. and then in like 1960 or something I don't even remember they were like nah get in here

you goofs are they sons of ham is that what's going on there I don't I don't know they believe a different thing oh no it might it might be that I don't know what their reason was for it yeah I'm not sure you should watch that show big love with Bill Paxton

that's all about a guy who's LDS and he's secretly a polygamist he's from a polygamous and he never wanted to be a polygamist but his wife was dying of terminal cancer and she was like you're going to remarry we're Mormon, that's what we do

my children need a mother and because of our beliefs in the Celestial Temple after this if you remarry she will join us there so I want some say they're very religious I want some say in the woman you're going to marry after I die of cancer because I'm going to

spend an eternity with her. You might spend 40 years with her on this earth. I'm spending eternity with both of you. I want some say in this. And so she lets him start dating amongst the like LDS community gets a haughty, like smoking hot blonde chick, marries her.

The wife's cancer goes into remission. Now we're just polygamists. And now we're just polygamous. And so it's illegal obviously in Utah. So he buys the next door neighbor's house and puts wife number two and her kids in there. And then wouldn't you know it? The Lord called to him a couple years later to take

a third wife. So he marries this 22-year-old hottie named Marcy. And so puts her in a third house. So now he's got three houses and it's all under wraps while he runs his life. Why are you ripping on this? I'm not ripping on it. It's a a tremendous show. I'm telling you. This is the real life plot of sister wives though. Have you watched that show? Watch the show with Bill Paxton. That'll be more fun. I don't I don't like reality TV. Bill Paxton is just killing this. The sister wives

one is kind of because it's real. Right? These people are actually married they're actually divorced now in real life. But at the time, you get to watch him like navigate these. He has three wives. Well, he has two and then he gets a third, I think, if I remember right. And you see like what they argue about, what the problems are. He has a schedule for like where he sleeps every night. He's changing beds constantly.

Oh, that's Kyle's show. I thought it was interesting, like different wives were like the favorite at different times. And I was fascinated by a dude who had three wives. I'm like, how amazing do you have to be for someone to marry a third of you? Right? Like you must, this is, oh, he has four wives. The one on the right, who you might think like, four and a half at least. Yeah, right.

The one on the right, she's the money one. It's going to say five. She earns a bunch of money and she like manages all of their money. And like the hotter ones, they get jealous of her. It's like, you know, come on. Tell me you're bringing her in because it improves the whole unit and not just because she's like the dopest to fuck. And you just get to see like him navigate all this.

And he looked great. Oh, yeah, they aged. He looks like a famous country singer. He doesn't he? Yeah. I didn't find him to be that charismatic or that good looking. But he does have four wives. Well, I think he has one now.

But he did have four wives at one point. And I'm like, how is he pulling this off? There's a way. He's got greater than or equal to one wife at all times. Yeah. I recommend my show big time. I love it. Me and my girlfriend have watched it all the way through.

I've seen it all the way through like three times. And to Woody's point, like, it's not a show about how cool it is to have to get to sleep with three women. It's a show about how not cool it is to have to have to like be. He has to take care of their three women's financial needs, their spiritual needs, their emotional needs. their emotional needs, all of that. Because, like, he is like, I don't know what the word is. He's their spiritual leader at home. He's the oldest male, and they have an issue with the regular LDS because they're illegal polygamists.

Well, it goes further than that. Like, he's their, like, he is, like, kind of their spiritual leader in a way. He's kind of their preacher because they can't go to normal LDS services because they're polygamous. Because they're booted. Yeah. Yeah, they've been, yeah, exactly. They absolutely have been. because he's from this, like, sect that's essentially like a compound with, like, criminal stuff on the side and, like, old man sleeping with little girls.

Like, that's where he's from. He got kicked out of that as a kid. And, like, so that's always part of the show. Like, one of his wives is from there. And so they have to visit. Oh, that probably made it easier. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's a great show. And seeing it, it's a little bit like breaking bad, how sometimes you'd be like, fuck, this is so stressful. How is Walt going to get out of this one? But it's the same thing, but I'm clearly lower stakes because the DEA and the cartel aren't there. But he will lose his business and his family and go to jail if he gets caught. So that's kind of hanging over his head all the time, keeping these three women like happy and not getting blackmail. Do they send you to jail for polygamy? Or is it one of those things where it's like, all right, you got to pick, you got to pick one, brother.

Like it would be. So in his case, he's sort of a political, he's a public figure a little bit because he owns a chain of these. sort of like Home Depot style stores, and he's very family forward in the advertising, because it is an LD, they're the LDS Home Depot, and they market themselves as such locally. So to be found out as being a polygamist would just,

he'd lose his entire multi-million dollar, like, like business, he'd lose his homes. He'd probably go to jail, like he'd lose his children. He has, like, children with each woman, you know, it'd be a whole fuck up. The guy in mine, I think he lived in Utah, But then Utah was too anti-polligamy for him. And they had to like buy a new place in Vegas or I should say Nevada.

I don't think it was specifically Vegas. But he thought they were more lenient there. And he's like trying to buy four houses at once basically next to each other without anyone suspecting they're all married because he wants to keep that on the down low. And it's like, I mean, looking at you on TV, this isn't going to be a secret for long. I don't know what you're thinking. but that was it's I don't know if I'd say it's a good show I don't like reality TV very much

but I got me kicks out of it have you ever seen 90 day fiancee I've seen clips of it I've never watched a whole episode of it I'm kind of the same thing like I would go hang out with this girl and she would be watching it and it'd be on her TV so I'd catch bits of it some of it is so funny though like these this I saw one where the woman has flown

from America to some I don't know let's call let's do Lapea again he's flown to like lopoeia to meet this man and he is not as rich as he said he was and he is not as tall as he said he was and he is older than he said he was and he is fatter than he said he was and it is the most awkward walk out of the airport

they're both kind of making a face like yeah here we go and I think I think that he had her face as his shirt like his entire shirt was like a huge blown up photo oh my god I'm remembering it now I'm sorry. It's a huge blown-up picture of her face, but the thing was she had lied and

sit him fake photos. So it's clear as day that this version of her ain't that version of her. She's standing right next to a human-sized blown-up photo of her fake face. Was it Photoshop or like AI touched up or was it just somebody else? All that and an old photo of her. That's okay though, because they just, they just, deserve each other. The Latvian guy isn't 6'4, he's 5.9-9-9-9-9. Oh, that's terrific. Yes. Yeah, it was totally awkward.

Yeah, that's a four-seat couple. That's on the plane. That's hilarious. Oh, I mean, I spot that shirt picture of her is fake from a mile away. That's that, that like, the jaw line? on the picture is just so few women have that. That's incredibly uncommon.

Don't you love that he's clearly rolling with it anyway, though, with his arm around her? Like, this guy's ride or die. And if the situation were reversed and he didn't look like Fat Antonio, the coolest guy in Meatball Alley, then she would not be, like, putting her arm around him. Yeah, well, I mean, he looks like one of the sons of anarchy. He looks sick. He looks like, this is what. This is like Tony Soprano.

This was like one of the disappointing sons of Tony Soprano or something. Like he's got a, some sort of a greasy gangster vibe about him. Somewhat Albanian. Perhaps. Perhaps. Might be involved with human trafficking. He thought he had a good one. And then she showed up.

He wondered why. He was about to sell her to some Polacks. Yeah, that's hilarious. So you think there's a market for a gal like that in Poland? I think they're all pretty thin and blonde over there. That's what I'm saying. He'll have to sell her to somewhere else now, some other market. Somebody that pays by the pound.

Yeah. I don't know. Maybe turkey. I don't know. Do you want a new credit question? Before we do, real quick, we're going to hear from Audible. Could listening make you a better parents, a better leader, even a better person? Could listening to motivating fitness programs get you fit?

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Check them out and get yourself a nice audio book. book. Get yourself Matt Dinnaman's Dungeon crawler Carl if you want to keep up with Kyle because he's always talking about how much he enjoys that series. Check them out. Also be sure to check out lock and load and everything on Gorilla Mind,

but particularly lock and load, the premium, creamium ejaculation and greasing supplement that has been taking the world by storm. Everyone loves it. It works great. The reviews are great because it works. Sign up if you use code Giz and you click subscribe

and save, you get like a double discount on that, unless they fixed it, but I don't think they did. And so use both of those options, get yourself subscribe and save with lock and load. Also, be sure to get protein powders, weight loss supplements, stream supplements, multivitamins. There's tea booster supplements on there that Kyle recommended me to pick up. Androgen receptor antagonists. And so I added a couple bottles of that to my, my most recent re-up over at Gorilla Mine.

So we'll see if I've become a natural beast, a physical beast from taking those. I take two of them and then I inject the testosterone directly into my muscle tissue. And I'm like, can't miss now. There's, you're a terrible case study then. Works. Works. Works amazing. But check it out.

I think it's called Sigma. I believe that's the T supplement I grabbed from him. also the multivitamin supplement I was wanting to start taking a multivitamin every day and so I looked up all the like crem de la crem brands and also guerrilla mind

and of course guerrilla mind still has the absolute best dosage of everything like it that's why so much so much guerrilla mind stuff unlike other supplement companies you have to look at the label because every other fucking supplement company is it's like take one a day

Gorilla Mind, you have to look, because sometimes it'll say take three a day. I think they're fish oil too. I use gorilla mine fish oil. The gorilla dream, the dream supplement. I do the androgen receptor antagonist, the protein, the pre-workout. You do the multivitamin as well? I do the multivitam, three in the morning, three in the evening. And some more stuff.

Like I've got an entire cabinet full of their pills that I take every day. Yeah. Excellent. Very high quality stuff. Use code jiz. Use code PKK. save 10% off all of that. And also our merchandise,

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You know, where else you can get the protein shakers? GuerrillaMind.com. That'd be a good place. Put our protein shakes. Those are our protein shakers. Those are our proteins. They say gorilla mind, but they're ours. Yeah, but I wanted to say us, though.

Yeah, we actually should make some of those. We have a lot of jacked listeners. Of course we do. Of course we do. I'm looking forward to, I'm like, really fish has been on the testosterone, and I gave my workout plan and my meal plan, and he's been on it for a few months. I'm really looking forward to seeing what he turns into.

He's already... He's already... Yeah, he's already sent me some before and after photo of him looking kind of chubby to begin with and looking clearly like better and more jacked in the second photo. But like I keep telling it. Like as the months go on, like you just get bigger and bigger and bigger. You're creating so much muscle tissue every month. Like not on testosterone, you'd be lucky if you made a pound in a month of muscle tissue. There are months where I'd make like 12 or 13 pounds of new muscle tissue.

Like in a month. You think fish is going to become a Lebanese strong man? A high teatola. Oh yeah. Fuck yeah. He's going to have one of those big scary mustaches. He'll start wearing some of that creepy headwear.

You get very fundamental. The higher his tea dose, the more fundamental he'll get. I like that. I like having a wild card in the bunch. You never know when he's going to go off half-cock, slap a woman for wearing a short skirt or something like that. No culture is superior to another. I like the mix in my friend group.

True. Huge shout-out. out to the Iatollah. Yeah, you'd shout out to the Iatollah. Huge shout out. Friends of the show. I mean, at this point, we better play both sides in case this doesn't go our way. We may as well.

We've got to stay in our corner come wintertime, you know. All right. Let's do this without Taylor See how this goes It's the end of times Kyle Okay You have a magic wand that resizes any animal To the size of a donkey

You're gonna mount up the animal And ride it into battle What animal are you choosing? For the purposes of this The animal is like on your side A badass and it's not gonna hurt you An ant An ant

Yeah I thought of an ant because like they're for their size incredibly strong, right? So if that thing's donkey sized, it's ridiculous. Yep.

Let's say a donkey weighs. I'm going to guess a donkey weighs 750 pounds so it can lift a hundred times that. So it's basically like invincible, immortal kicking like

you could destroy a tank or something like that. I would imagine if an ant, if a donkey sized ant kicked tank, I think it might knock a hole in it. I'm taking the ant. Plus, he could sting and bite still. What would a honey badger do donkey-sized on the battlefield?

I recognize the ant thing, what you've done there, right? This magnifying that thing to donkey size is ginormous. But honeybatchers are kind of badass already, and they're the size of rabbits, roughly. Like, if it was donkey-sized, it would fuck up an elephant. I would take a donkey-sized honey badger over an elephant. Well, no, I'm taking the elephant. They can't seem to squish them. They can't seem to hurt.

them, you can't bite them. I think elephant beats T-Rex. You do. I think a lot of the elephant, I think the tusks and being like, I don't know, they're like 25,000 pounds or something like that. They're just so enormous.

What's a T-Wex? T-Rex way. Less than that. I don't know what a T-Rex weighs, but I'm my money's on the African bull elephant over the T-Rex every time. I just think he squishes him and he's stronger and he's meaner and he's got those

tusks. I think he wins. I don't know. Yeah, a giant honey badger would be scary, though, for sure. But I like my giant ant best. I bet he could jump and clamber and bite and sting. Yeah, I thought of ant too. It's huge. Let's see.

Bull elephant, is that what you said? Mm-hmm. 10 to 14,000 pounds. A T-Rex, 14 to 20. Similar heights. But T-Rex is way longer. What? Okay. Chat GPD says

An elephant could kill a T-Rex if it landed a good tusk thrust or managed to knock it over and trample it. But T-Rex wins seven out of ten times. I think it does that. I've seen them fight rhinos and they'll sort of like get their flank and start pushing. And the rhino kind of ends up in this thing where like he can't like sides up. They do like the pit maneuver. Yeah. And the rhinos kind of stuck where he's just like, oh shit, I'm not made to go in that kind of direction. He ends up tipped over on his side before he knows it Or he has to run and skedaddle

And I feel like the elephant would do that I feel the elephant's way smarter than T-Rex Like we don't T-Rex might as well be a mythical Creature Right, right From 65 million years ago or whatever But still we know the elephant's super smart My money's on the elephant

Let's see what a critter Taylor would take into battle Without telling them what we chose Because which weapon All right Taylor You're gonna It's the end times You have a magic wand that resizes any animal to the size of a donkey.

You must mount up and ride that animal into battle. What are you choosing? And I added like this animal is like a, this train as a horse would be. You know, it's what you want it to be. And it's immune to size difference changes. Because you know how they say if you were to amp up the size of an ant? It would just collapse in on itself.

They. I haven't heard that. But yeah, in this case, it's just going to be a hundred, times what an ant is now. Scorpion. I don't hate it. That's pretty good. Now, it won't, like,

it won't be as many multiples as an ant to get to donkey size, but it will be a lot. That is a lot. They're big. I've got three additional weapons. If it trusts me and it listens to me. The two claws and the tail.

I really think that's a pretty dangerous thing. You do better than you, Kyle? I think, you both did better than me. Mine was Honey Badger. So, all right. So maybe I'm thinking too hard about this. Ant. Ant. Ant. Uh, oh, I definitely beat Ant. Yeah. Okay. Maybe. But I'm thinking the scorpion's back is really made for riding. It's very wide and flat. Are you going to?

Ah, not like an ant's back. No, you've got those, if he's got that segmented body, you could sit right behind his thorax comfortably. You're going to get pinched. That, that segmented area is meant for bending. Zach, show me. why it's segmented. Show me a large ant, like zoomed in. Let's see if we could clamber at top and ride it horsy style without, as Taylor has suggested. The reason for the- Foolishly.

The difference between the thorax and then it's- This man wants to ride an arachnid. It's not segmented for no reason. It's not for riding. I think I can beat both of you with my second choice. Dragonfly. Oh, yeah, you do. You beat us both with Dragonfly.

No, dragonfly has no weapons Dragonfly is the most like accomplished predator in the insect kingdom They get to kill 95% of the time They can fly omnidirectional They can see 360 degrees They're like the apex predator Powerful serrated jaws

We're not fighting other bugs though Are we just some person in a medieval battle Who have this right? Is that what I'm imagining The question let off with it it's end times. So I'm guessing at some sort of army with limit, like it's not tanks and stuff.

Everyone has swords and they're riding the animal they chose because of the magic. Oh shit. Everyone has a magic one. We don't want flying capabilities. We don't think in front of each other. So no one knows if they chose well until we get to the battlefield to decide. I know. Watch someone choose a T-Rex and be like.

We'll be fluttering about. Donkey-sized T-Rex was a huge mistake. It sounded good at my head. You shrink an animal This whale fucking sucks Well done I thought it would come with a small pool Yeah gasp some more

Maybe that'll get us in the mix You're kicking it with your ankles What the fuck even is Baleen? I don't even know what that is that's a whale knower. So even bringing up Bailene. No, I feel like, I feel like scorpion's pretty solid. I just don't know how you get a good purchase atop its back.

It's flat and very wide. It'd be, you put a little throne up there. Like I'm Lord Mazda Mundy. Like I'm Warhammer. Yeah, like Mazda Monday. Because you would, you would, Degadon into battle. You would die immediately before the fight even started because you'd be like,

look, there's a nice little area between where the thorax bent. that I can sit and then you'll be segmented as soon as it turns left because I would imagine that Cighton, that armor is as thick as a fucking dinner plate now and it's going to

it's going to snippet as soon as that thing turns left. You just know things. I have a reason to know the word Cighton. Why do you know it? Because why would I not know it? Why would you know it and I not? What's your reason for knowing Cighton? I know it because I read fantasy novels,

about fighting giant bugs in space. I know it because I read a bunch of articles about what bugs are made of when I was stoned for probably a decade ago. Where I was like, do they have organs? What's even going on in there? You look that up and it's like, ah, Kytin. So Kite for listeners, is a tough natural sugar polymer

that forms the hard outer skeleton or exoskeleton of insects. Okay. And that's why we have to, when they say you got to eat the bugs, we got to be very specific. No chitin because we as humans, our stomach acid can't dissolve the chitin. And so you don't want to eat a ton of bugs. You're fine. Yeah, sometimes.

And it's also true when you eat tremendous sums of almonds or cashews. You just read those. They're not for sale. They're for rent. Yeah. But that's also good because it means like, all right, I didn't get the calories out of that little bit of almond.

Oh, you've got an ulcerated colitis then. It's a joy. Oh. No, I don't think I would. That actually sounds very terrible. You don't have too many bathroom problems.

Someone needs to get their hands around their diets. This is too much bad stuff is going on in your bathrooms. I'm going to tell you this. Nothing bad happens in my bathroom. It's just, it's just comfortable. normal, non-bloody, non-messy, there's no blood at all in the bathroom. None.

I mean, 99% of the time, it's just a normal morning poop. But sometimes you got a little rowdy the night before. Sometimes you eat a whole tin of cashews. And that amount of fat just becomes a slurry in your gut. Yeah, I don't eat cashews. I like... Mine's a genetic issue. A genetic

autoimmune disease, I guess. That's weird. But it's not my fault. When you said diet, I was like, I don't think I caused this. I'm pretty sure I didn't. My diet's above average.

Yeah, definitely. Yeah, but you're supposed to eat probably some sort of special autoimmune diet. Right? Other things I'm supposed to avoid. Basically, things you don't digest well. and if you don't digest it well

maybe I don't eat those greasy things not supposed to have but I don't I had a grandmother who had some sort of disorder it may have been ulceride of colitis what did I say you said ulceride like a retard syllable ulcerative colitis

I think that I remember them describing it as they were like pockets in her intestine lining and that like things would get stuck in there and then like I guess you would go like septic or something and I think my gosh. Like something bad would happen. Like I, and I remember them specifically listing the sesame seeds that came on like hamburger buns is like a no go because I remember her ordering a burger one time and like picking the fucking sesame seeds and I'm just like fucking just die already.

I remember thinking like if you're to the point where you're picking the fuck just if sesame seeds are going to put you in the grave. Just let go, Grandma. I remember thinking that. She died soon after that. Terrible woman. That's spelled correctly, Woody. You're good. I put in the chat, here's how you spell it, if that helps with the pronunciation. I was not teaching Taylor to spell. You were not my target audience, Taylor. Yeah. So does everyone with ulcerative colitis have different foods they can have? No, no. And you just have a certain list?

We would share the same trigger foods. Trigger foods. So greasy foods. That makes them sound so no fair. Ooh, that sucks. To me. What's a trigger food? Corn?

I don't know if corn's on the list. But like too much, think of things that make you poop a lot and don't get fully digested. So like I'm limited to one or two cups of coffee a day, usually one in my case. Cornhus. I would bet that be an issue. nuts are an issue. Things with skins that don't digest very easily. Probably, but I think grapes are not very good.

Just think all these like vegetable skins that are a little tougher for me. Can't have too many. Things that don't suggest well. Too much fiber can be bad. But not enough fiber is also bad. Work with that. Oh, look at this. Oh, no.

Alcohol I forgot. I didn't know what carbonated was. Thanks, Zach. Carbon drinks. Popcorn. High fiber foods, bottom left type stuff. Refined sugar. Man. Meat.

Sulfur and sulfate. That's like onions and garlic and stuff, eh? Where is this list from? This seems overly general. Actually, a lot of these look, they're in common with lists I've seen elsewhere. Nuts and crunchy nut butters. It's the skin on the nuts that makes it. Meat.

The meat is on there. Meat being on there is a little weird. Yeah, yeah. Spicy foods that sucks. I love spicy foods. I like that. And popcorn is kind of just part of high fiber foods. I love popcorn is the ultimate cheat like for eating.

It's so fantastic. I hear you and I kind of agree. I expect the flossing and stuff that comes with popcorn I don't like. That's true. I used to put a bunch of butter on my popcorn. and then I started just doing that like sprits of avocado oil on the giant air-popped popcorn I make and then I do a little sprits and I toss it, do another sprits, toss it, another sprits, toss it, and get it all semi-covered and then you add the salt because you can't.

It's that flavored salt. I do. I have the movie butter popcorn. That's good. Yeah. I like Buffalo if it make it spicy. I put a ton on it. Here's the thing.

Making it spicy slows me down. like these are my carbs. Like this giant double bag of popcorn is like my 220 calories of carbs. So like I want to slow down. It's the same reason I freeze my protein bars. Like if I'm eating a protein bar, that's my midnight snack when I wake up and I'm starving. And if it's frozen, I have to gnaw on it.

And I can't just gobble it because I might eat too then. That's a pretty good idea. I haven't ever thought of that with protein bars and whatnot. I tend to eat like a like a, Pit Bowl where I'm almost like coughing through it because I'm shoveling so much into my mouth, especially with popcorn. But that movie theater salt, I don't remember the brand. I bet you would know. It's that little weird shaped container that has a picture like a soldier on the front or something. They make like five or six flavors. There's like white cheddar. There's cheddar. There's cheddar. There's buffalo, probably Parmesan or something. But yeah, those are great.

And, you know, you're eating a lot of sodium, but at least you're not eating calories. Oh, Colonel Seasons. Yeah. That's great. Yeah, it's got that little guy with the hat on it. I've tried ranch wasn't for me. I've tried kettle corn wasn't for me. And I realized movie theater or regular salt were the mix for me.

Is it spelled with a K or a C? K for Colonel Seasons. Oh, good, because that's the one I know how to spell. Yeah. Oh, my God. It's spelled colonel. Is it kernel or colonel seasons? Dude, I was typing in kernel seasons.

I'm like, that ate it. Try again. That. I do wednett every time. Oh, yeah. Oh, really? And rest our rant. Rest out.

Oh, ooh. I have to do that in my head or I don't know how to spell the words. Banana. Can you hit banana? normally you can switch that that one's not hard for me it's not hard until I try to do it is there a double N in there

B8 in well then why would it ever be hard if there's not a double in B A N A N A N A B A B A B A B A B A B A B B A B B B A B B B B B B B B B B No It's actually really me to type but when I wanted to say the letters in my head I like got a little lost in the sauce

in there which letter of my heart? gibberish when you spell it. It's just well I mean, we disagreed because there are two ends in banana. It's just there aren't two next to each other.

There's a double in. I interpreted him to mean next to each other. Is that what she meant, Kyle? That's what I thought he meant. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I do see how that's interpreted both ways. Yeah, those kernel seasonings. Check those

out. Friend of the show. They're really good. Dude, do you guys know the red bikini girl? I have seen her looking coy at some random concert. Is that right? I don't know if it's a concert. Zach, can you show this picture? I don't know the whole story of this girl.

She's very pretty, very cute. You know, it looks like someone that if you were her age, you'd want to be your girlfriend. Is this a real photo? Yes. And I think someone was like talking to her or something. and she gave them this like, really kind of look, and the internet fell in love with her. Anyway, she's the new Hawk Tua girl, you might say,

the one that everyone, you know, is kind of adoring. And she went on only fans. And she made $100,000 her first weekend. Damn. Yeah. And I think, like people like us saying, hey, she's on only fans now. I wouldn't be surprised if weekend two was better still.

I would be surprised if she was super famous in 2027 or 8, but she might make life-changing money before the years out. Now, this picture looks similar to what I've seen of her, but this looks AI upscaled. Doesn't it? It's the only picture. Side of the nose is unnatural. The light coming in doesn't match off her face versus.

I don't know if for sure it is improved or not, but I just wanted everyone to know who we're talking about. Fair enough. Yeah. But yeah, she made $100,000 on Onlyfans in a weekend. And good for her. I wonder what she did on OnlyFans. Oh, it must be a concert. Some sort of, oh, you're on it.

Of course. I forgot. I was talking to an expert. You'd have to play it coy, I think, for a little while. Like, you wouldn't want to go and start your new Onlyfans and then be bananas with it. Like, you'd want to... It's a different scenario than the average girl. You got to strike one there.

You're going right. We're stepping things up. We're starting at third gear. No, because then the viewers are going to lose interest because they're going to see everything they want instead of being teased along. I've already seen her in a bikini and a G-string. She has to step it up from there.

Whether or not she shows the bottom goods or just the top, I don't know what the best plan is. But if it's just her to be a bikini, I mean, that's where we started. Yeah, but that's probably, probably where she should start do a month or so on that and then you start bleeding in to the other areas. I don't know where it ends, but it probably ends when she decides that's enough money and then leaves forever. I don't know how OnlyFans work. I know the way Only Fans work for

a lot of women is they make no money and post those things and then become phenomenally depressed. because I think that's just the nature. That's the same as YouTube, right? My guess, I was going to actually follow the YouTube thing. I bet a lot of girls do it, show the goods, but don't have like the social media work ethic. It takes to like continually post to make a job out of this, to work when there's no boss telling you to work and to do it anyway.

And if you're not making content and keeping it going, then people will go to someone who does. sure yeah i think that's fair but isn't that like the fact we used hawk toa as an example wasn't she like two or three years ago two plus years ago is she still doing stuff

my use of her as an example depends on whether or not she's still making money and doing she was she had a successful podcast and then she rug pulled a crypto coin and upset everybody Oh, how much did she make? I don't know. She didn't. So she claims that like someone else like was running that and she was just promoting it and wasn't involved, didn't know anything about rug pulls, etc. It seems plausible.

I mean, she's the hawk to a girl, not the finance girl. But, you know, you's, please, it was 2026, right? Who doesn't know that like crypto rug pulls on these 15 minute of fame? people like we all know did it too. Yeah I can't overlook it like it's a big deal

I mean my position is reaffirmed because that link Zach just shared which I assume is all of her only fan stuff no nudity yeah she I do see what you're saying she's making out with some dude a couple dudes

how many do is she make out with that night oh I didn't click on the videos. I just saw the stills where it's her in like what is the exact same as a bikini. Dude, I don't know how many men she kissed that night, but she's not hard to get to kiss you, it would seem. But yeah, it's all bikini shots and perhaps like lingerie shots, but it's nothing you see more than-. I fucks a month, huh? Yeah.

Kyle, don't sign, don't sign up. Don't sign up. See, there's only, see, the list of photos that Zach has there, I think maybe just pulled from all of her social media because she only has 12 total pieces of media on her only fans. I see. So. That doesn't sound like a lot.

It's, well, it's more than, uh, yeah, these are pulled for her Instagram. I just went to her Instagram. She just put her Instagram. Oh, oh, I'm sorry. I, when you said these are pulled from her Instagram, I thought you meant her only fans was pulled from her Instagram. I'm like, if she reposted her Instagram photos, that's a rip off. Yeah, here's her Instagram. It's just got a bunch of random just you know bikini pictures of her that you'd see of any girl on vacation or whatever

i don't care that's not i'm not paying to see that lady naked i'd much rather like find out my like neighbor is doing only fans and pay for her pay to see her like sunbathing naked than see this random like hussy from florida you pay to see your neighbor's son bathing naked you fucking freak what are you talking about that's great you're talking about you know what's it You change it from sunbathing to your neighbors, sunbathing. That's great. Sunbathing, sunbathing. Yeah, I heard you the first time.

Yeah, we heard you the first time. Yeah, nicely done, Shobo. You're going to be a long time. I'm that meme of that, like, very rigid guy being like, she was 17 and 364 days, you sick fuck. Damn. Well, you report back what you find. I'm not paying for that.

What are you talking about? Oh, yes. Kyle has no methods of seeing OnlyFans girls without paying. You know, I looked, but I didn't see it. I don't understand the economy of OnlyFans at all. Okay. Go on. Why would you?

buy these things. Why? Because the internet is a wash with free stuff. Okay, but that doesn't mean. Why would you pay? So I agree. I don't. But here's why ever. Like maybe someone strikes your fancy. They're like, oh my God, this is my dream girl. This is the one. She does, she looks the way I like and she's like, she's into the thing I'm, I'm into. Because keep, again, these, we're talking about pornography. So like a lot of times it's like fetishes that like these girls specialize in. So she's like a leather princess or something or she's like a foot worship girl or some weird shit. If you find that person, you have to pay for that. Because there aren't, how else are you going to find like a smoking hot, six foot four tall, former women's basketball player who's into like smoking cigarettes while she steps on men's faces? Okay. Isn't there free stuff?

Let me jump in because you're both right. Like Kyle's like, hey, it has to be this one particular person. And Taylor's like, but the internet's filled with this. Listen to me. I've only subscribed to one only fans girl ever. It was like seven years ago. And she did a Reddit, ask me anything. If you asked me anything was, hey, I have two vaginas.

Ask me anything. And I'm like, I got to see this. I have to see it. How do I see it? And she had an only fans. And sure enough, two functional vaginas. Nasty. You thought one was gross.

you can't get that anywhere but I need to know what you asked why are you such a cunts do your period sync up or is it like half the time you're bleeding from one and then half the time the other like how does this work that's what I'd want to know so you're a really bad driver

I'm like so you're a really bad driver so you love killing kids hi i wanted to request a photo can you take a picture of all of your rims and put it on i want you to drive through a chick-fil-a

a demanding chick-fil-a drive-thru and then post pictures of your rooms see two pussies is worthless three tits is where it's at that's a no because that's asymmetrical it's a little No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm telling you, one in the, you squeeze one right in the middle. It's perfect. There's no room for the pussy that is down there.

It's already buttoned up against the asshole. Like, it's squeezed in against sanitation department. Which way is the middle going to fall? Right in the middle. Right in the middle. It falls downward towards the stern. Or I guess, past the sternum. It's in the middle.

That's where it goes. Hmm. Interesting. Zach, show me that three-year, I don't like it. Recall. Not the total recall remake. This is amazing. She uses two tampons at a time during her monthly cycle.

She had a baby. They said, hey, why don't you just like combine them and have one vagina? And she's like, it's way better to have two tight vaginas than one enormous one. Like, okay, based. Yeah. That's very fair because I don't think the tech is there yet to get in there with a, you know, miter saw and start making decisions.

Like, you gotta, just let it be. Yeah, I, even if you were fully trans, like I can't, the technology's not there to chop that thing off. Let me, we got the three-titted woman here.

What a fuck, Zach? What? He's cut off the three titties. You can't show titties on the show. Well, you can show the clip before this, before she opened her top when she said,

oh, I don't want to see three nipples. I don't want to see three nipples. I just want to see three tithes. Okay, he has a picture he can't show. This is a whiff of three titties. I just clicked on the uncensored. This is horrible.

What's wrong with you? I'm not horrible about that. That's what you want. I actually, I think I'm a two-boob guy. I think one pretty hand and you suck on the other. You got one at each hand and you're sucking on the other. Kyle makes a good counter argument. What's that?

Taylor, you'll know this. What's that thing with the balls where you pull one out and you let it go and they go click click I know the one I don't know what it's called yeah a little desk toy kinetic desk toys oh we were talking about sex so much I thought you were talking about like I was going back to the three

titty so I was getting some of that going on maybe she gets oh I don't even know it's probably some like some kind of kinetic motion machine I have no idea Zach said it was called Newton balls thanks that Newton balls you didn't know it either what's your point but we're not the no stuff people that's you

I don't think that's fair. I can't even know when I'm sure. Sometimes called Newton's Cradle. Also known as Newton Balls. Okay. Okay. All right. In any case,

three tities is way better than two pussies. Well, I mean, two pussies is like, you wouldn't like a dealer's choice sort of situation. Three tities is way better than two pussies. What have you just,

you know, in the morning, Saturday morning, you're waking up, you're having morning sex. You're given left pussy hell. Who said it's left and right? It's wrong back for sure. Oh, I don't know.

I was picturing a couple of, I was picturing like parking places. No. You're not side by side. Okay. Well, then you give, then you're given top pussy the works. And then later in the evening,

you go, who's to say, I'm going bottom pussy? You just right in the mix. What's wrong with that? I don't see the advantage. It'd be like if she had two mouths. Like, oh, I'm going to give your left mouth suck my dick now.

I guess it is ridiculous. It'd be like having three tities, right? It's redundant. No. Oh, then by your rationale, you prefer if a woman only had one titty. That second one's just wasteful, eh? No. No, two's the standard.

Why does it, why should it be the standard? I want premium. I want the upgrade. I want trace tit. Tite. case. Zach, can you show this diagram? You can't have ad block on at the same time, or at least I can't.

What the fuck is this diagram you've got? Did you draw this? No, the sandrodding's good. No, it's from me anything. She drew a diagram so people would understand there's two vaginal canals, but like one labia. You can just go left and right on this thing. So her vagina, each vagina only goes to one ovary for her. So it's, she has two uteruses.

She had a baby, but only one was pregnant. She actually tried to have an abortion, and they're like, there's no baby in there. And she's like, check the other pussy. Double kill. There it is. Damn. Have you ever seen that there's a clip from, like, it's one of those trashy black dating shows. And there's a girl confessing.

She's like, I had an abortion. And it was twins. And one of the other girls who's like hearing this goes, damn, double murder. It's so funny. I like double-kill the Hala reference even more. Those black dating shows were some of the trashiest,

best reality TV ever put on screen. Like it was 2004, 2005, 2006. Those were the years of reality TV gold. I think the Osbournes was on then. That had been crazy. You remember Danny Bonaducci had a show. I can't remember what it was called. But Danny Bonaducci agreed to make a reality show.

But when the reality show, filming crew shows up, he is literally in the middle of his marriage falling apart, and he's falling so deep into alcoholism and suicidal thoughts, that that's what the show's about. He literally chugs an entire family-sized body, of vodka and then goes in skateboards in traffic. It was insane. Breaking Bonaducci.

Is that it? Yeah. Yeah. I remember that. Didn't he get super buff? Yeah, he was on steroids. That was part of why he was so rage. Why he was so healthy.

He would be all red and like angry and screaming and drinking the vodka, but he's ripped so it's scary. Like he looks formidable. He looks like, God, if Danny goes, Danny loses it here. We're going to have a hard time getting him. under control. Like it was clearly he was a problem. He was so big and bustling. He was like Sean Penn. Like

way too old to be that jacked. Like scary. If you've seen Sean Penn lately, he's got like veins making zigzag lines up his biceps. And he's like, well, isn't he like 80? Yeah, he's super old face. But like. Isn't he also like gay and annoying

about a bunch of stuff? He's very liberal. He's liberal. You might not like that. He captured El Chapo. You know, he's done a lot of cool stuff. His movies are good. He's a good actor. What good movies does he do? I'm old so I think it was fast time

at Ridge Mount High, but... The one I go back to is that that murder movie that was made by Clint Eastwood, like Tim Robbins and all those guys. What the fuck is it called? Hang on. Mystic River. Mystic River. Oh, that's a good movie. That's

a dark movie. I watched that about six months ago for the first time since it came out. I've forgotten most of it. That's a dark movie. I remember watching fast times at Ridgemont High for the first time and I wasn't even that old. Like I was a teenager. And I remember being

annoyed being like, why won't he just behave? This guy's not funny enough to make it on his own. Just behave. Stop. I'm looking at his list of movies. I don't know most of them. But I didn't know he was behind the game. Kyle, do you know that movie? Is that

where they hunt somebody in the woods? No. There's like, dangerous game. There's a successful businessman who like... The sex one. No, it's... I think they're trying to murder him. And he's like escaping for his life and fighting back.

And you don't know what's real and what's not. It's almost like total recall in that like, shit, are we still in the game or is he have like genuine problems now? It was really good. It was like reality bending, mind bending. I enjoyed it. Okay. Okay.

Well, I like, I've seen him. I haven't seen Bad Boys, but I know that's a big thing he's done. John Penn? Bad Boys, the 80s movie? I thought that was like something. Oh, yeah, 1983. What am I thinking of? What's the Will Smith one?

The Will Smith Martin Lawrence movie also called Bad Boys. I haven't seen that one either. Look, I don't know if you like action movies where it's just like, like, like, comedy and car chases and, like, gunplay. But if you do, Bad Boys is like on the Mount Rushmore of those. I do not. I think maybe my least favorite genre of movie are when there's two guys who pretty much get along causing a ruckus and laughing as they're shooting things. Fuck. I need a conflict.

I need some sort of interpersonal conflict. There's something they grow past. It's barely there. You know, Will Smith's Carole. is like, he must have roped this fucking movie. He's like a millionaire, hot shot cop. Like, he's a cop for the fun of the game. He drives, I can't remember what car he drives, but I think it's a Porsche.

I think he drives like a 9-11 Porsche as like a Miami detective. Yeah, and so Martin Lawrence is terrified because of his insane driving and this crazy, and every movie, he gets a faster Porsche. And Martin Lawrence is even more afraid and bloated than in the last one. They're good movies. RIP to Martin Lawrence. He's still alive, very much so. No, I don't believe so.

Yes, he is. You're thinking of Bernie Mac. Oh, RIP to the much funnier of Bernie Mac. More of a Martin Lawrence fan myself. That man knew when to take the money and put the dress on. Bernie Mac was pretty funny. Bernie Mac and Martin Lawrence are different people. Big Mama's house versus Mr. Baseball. Martin Lawrence is live.

All the rumors of a death, his death. Death did circulate online. Yeah, he's fine. Oh, well, thank God. I, you know, I like Martin Lawrence. I really like Martin Lawrence. I never watched his show. I never saw Martin.

I watched a lot. I watched all the, for whatever reason, I was really in all those black TV shows. I watched Martin. I watched In Living Color. I watched Living Single. I watched all the... Living Single.

I know this. For those who don't know, that's Queen Latifah show. I know the song, Living single, in a 90s kind of world. I'm glad I've got my girls. And then Queen Latifahua start rapping then.

Something about keeping your head up. That's right. Like something like that. You know, that sounds familiar, but I only know the, because I'd have the remote, it would be Living Singa. I've only seen that.

I've been like, I guess I'll suffer through fucking full house on TV land. I love that stuff. Until Fresh Prince is up. Yeah, Martin, I think Martin and Seinfeld were kind of at odds.

There's this great scene if you watch the O.J. Simpson. There's an O.J. Simpson, they competed for time slots. There's an O.J. Simpson TV show, and there's this part where the jury is wanting to figure out what they're going to watch. They're stuck in the jury room

and, like, we're in there overnight or something. And they're like, and somebody goes, let's watch Seinfeld. And the black lady goes, what's a Seinfeld anyway? What is a Seinfeld? We are watching Martin.

And it really illustrated well the divide, the cultural divide, like in America, in L.A. at the time, and more specifically, in that jury, that all the white people are wanting to watch Seinfeld, and the black people don't even know what a Seinfeld is. They don't even know about that lovable Jew in New York in his antics.

Yeah. They had that Michael Richards wrong all along. You know what I've heard? The people referring to Lindsay Clancy, I've heard people call her HoJ Simpson. HoJ Simpson, I like that. Ho Jay Simpson. Pretty funny. Yeah, because she also did something.

I've only heard you say that on your burner Twitter all day. No. Yes, I've, yes. You're the one for a more. Stand still. Your username is literally Ho J. Simpson. Well, it's going to be taken. now it's definitely

that's actually a pretty good I mean look dude we don't know how bad those kids were we really don't I'm gonna keep coming back to it when justice is gonna be found out by this time tomorrow by the time people listen to this on Saturday

they'll know already she'll be rolling the streets free as a bird well not free as a bird well free is a crippled bird yeah free is a crippled free is a crippled

free is a crippled bird murder her own clutch yeah a bird wouldn't do that you ever saw this birds would totally do that they throw their kids out of the nest I saw this owl the other day they throw the shitty one out I have seen him do that yeah

well there was something wrong with this owl and it was laying infertile eggs over and over it had never had babies and they knew it and so they snuck in another owl had died and they had these eggs they snuck in another owl's eggs under it and no they brought the babies that's right. They brought the babies in and she comes back to the nest and her eggs have hatched as far as she knows.

And like the owl's face is so expressive. She's like, fuck, I have babies. I have babies now. Oh, you're my baby and you're my baby. Like it was so obvious that it was just so happy to have those bird babies. Yeah. Dude, it was until like the late 20th century that, biologists finally said like, you know, actually animals do have like emotions and things. Because for the longest time, they said like they're basically automaton. They just go about whatever they're thinking to do. They do this. They do that.

They're not actually like considerate of one of their babes dying and other ones staying alive. And all it took to like make that look ridiculous was social media and a jillion people seeing like birds actually giving a fuck about their young and all animals care dude and i i looked it i looked it up it was not universally adopted in the west that infant humans felt pain until the late 80s that's how what archaic we are yes like major uh medical journals and whatnot said that because humans neural development at birth was not fully developed that they weren't feeling pain. The reason he's like screaming when you cut his dick skin off is probably circumstantial. Kid was probably anti-Semitic. That's what he's crying. That's what he's crying about.

It was like when you super young babies like less than a week old get a lot of shots and stuff and they cry about it. Like how could they, they clearly feel pain. Definitely. They obviously do. But the medical establishment did not. agree upon that and make it canon until the late 1980s. I believe it was 1987. Well, we know, you know, every step we take, you know, we learned. Now we know that babies feel lots of pain, especially when you strangle them to death with an exercise strap. They hate it. They hate it. It's their one weakness. They haven't said a thing. A hundred babies surveyed answer on the board.

Silence. hate it yeah but that's how that that's one of those things those little factoids where the pain is being strangled well they hate well that they didn't feel pain that uh that you i always heard fish couldn't feel it always makes they absolutely can but yeah they like it's so easy for us to look back at previous times pre-modern history whatnot and be like oh they didn't have shit figured out. They didn't know anything. And then we get to something like that and we realize the extent of our own ignorance. Kind of makes you doubt conservative conservatism at its core when you think about it that way. No, it would be the opposite, wouldn't it? No.

You think conservatism was what made doctors say that babies don't feel pain? Yeah, it was a patriarchy. I wouldn't see that as a ideological thing as a, much as a medical ignorance thing. Maybe. I'd have figured it out quick. You just slap enough babies around. You get to the bottom of that one. Yeah.

All you need is one doctor who just goes like, ah! Which is like yells at them like a little bit and then they freak out. That's not pain. I slap them around. Well, you give them a thump. You thump them. There you go.

I saw this like right in that stuff. I saw some sort of TikTok trend where the, the lady asked the husband, like, would you punch me in the, face as hard as you could for a million dollars. And without a pause, every man in America is like, I hit you, they're like,

I'd fuck you up. I'd fuck you up for a million dollars. I beat the shit out of you. It's so great. And my other favorite, this is the other one that's trending now. It's, you go down the street and you get,

uh, $2. Do you want to take the money or double it for the, for the next person? But I saw them say, the next Jew. They're in a Jewish neighborhood. $5. Take it or double it for the next Jew.

Double. It kept going bigger, bigger, bigger. They were using shekels, and I don't know the conversion rate. It was hundreds and hundreds of shekels by the end. Like before a Jew finally was like, yeah, I'll take it. Like, they went to a different kind of neighborhood. That's the king Jew. They went to a different neighborhood. I'm not going to say what kind of neighborhood, what kind of people.

it was black people it was in the black neighborhood they're like $4 dollars double it or take it and like I'm taking that $4 $4.00 just immediately take the fucking

pocket change instead of double it for the next black guy it was great I love those those videos have evolved so much like back in our day it was just like

scaring people into thinking that a terroristic act was happening to them or something like that spooking them like Battali would do that you know he'd come up to the people in his suit with his Russian accent,

give him the briefcase. Like, your life for the money, you got 30 seconds to decide. He didn't technically threaten them, but he said some weird, scary shit. People would really freak out. Did you see his fight? Vitale?

Vitale? I thought he was, like, in prison in the Philippines or something. I know, right? So, Vitali fought Larry Wheels. August 21st. Oh, I like Larry Wheels. He's that jacked black guy, fitness guy? Enormous Larry Wheels.

Yeah. Yes. I assume Larry won this one? Nope. Dude, I've seen Larry Wheels get his ass kick so many times. He went to an MMA gym and he's like, look at me. This guy fights at 125. I can't beat him.

I would easily smash this guy. I'm too big. There's weight classes for a reason. And everyone in the gym is like, no, this 125 pounder will do whatever the fuck he wants to you. And he's like, that can't be. No way. So then they go to the octagon. Larry wheels loser Larry wheels loser

The 125 pound guy beat him so much They just brought in someone else I would I would have to see A 125 pound person beat Larry because I don't know how tall he is I don't know if he's like a real short guy But I thought he was like a reasonably like I thought he was I want to say came up to his like chin or collarbone Like he was one because if you're if you're six one and you're as big as Larry

Wheels any 125 pound man should be a cakewalk. No. He literally can't put you in an arm bar. You can actually curl him. He choked him out. Yeah. The second guy.

Oh, there's no striking. There's like special rules to help the 125-pound guy. So the giant black guy can't punch him right in the fucking knocking. I don't know why I said Larry. He's Larry real. Taylor wants to believe that strength wins fights and not like, I don't know, fighting technique. but fighting technique is huge in fights to surprise some.

And yeah, the guy that trains fighting every day was better at it. No, that just is, please link to the evidence. Please, no, no, I'm not, I'm not counter signaling you. I'm just asking, please show me the video of 125 pound man submitting this monster. So here's what that's, that seems like a skill issue. shoe thing on Larry Wheels part. It is. So everything Woody said is true. And then Larry went in there and he got beat up by everybody in the gym.

And then Larry did an awesome thing. He said, I was wrong. I was ignorant. I've got to stop lifting weights and start training. I've got to get back. I'm too big. I'm too stiff. He's been lifting like once or twice a month and training juditsu and stand up and mixed martial arts.

I didn't know that. And then he took this fight against Vitale. he tore a major muscle in his arm. His, like, bicep or his tricep, he, like, hurt himself badly in the fight and is out of the fight. But, yeah, he's really dedicated himself to it and stopped lifting.

And he's gotten a lot smaller. Like, he's lost. Larry is doing a... And I don't want to exaggerate here. He is doing a worse job than I would at defending against very obvious wrestling moves. He just allows the... guy to tuck his arm in right over the head.

Like that, come on. Really? That's ridiculous. He actually did the exact same move. Tup Guy Taylor is coming to us tonight, live from Missouri. Look at this. I'm pausing at 16 seconds, and his natural instinct is to go north-south on the guy who's going for the double leg.

That's exactly what you did. Exactly what I did? Yeah, to me. Oh, yes. And I neutralized you for. a long while, but also you and I are not, there is not a difference of size or strength. Like, I'm a little taller than you and I'm a little broader than you. I just thought it was interesting.

You're like, he's terrible. I would be so much better. Like, wait a minute. You did exactly that. You put me in Larry Wheel's body right there. I lift that guy up immediately as soon as that, because that's a fucking, that's a face pull level of weight for him. He just lifts that guy up. He's being driven backwards into the fence.

just lift him up. You think Larry Wheels doesn't have the requisite strength to live in this. No, you can't have skill enough to prevent being picked up by a larger man. Yes, you can. Especially when there's no ability for him to hook an ankle or something right there.

Like, he's just pressed up against the back of it. If Larry Wheels wants to stand up here, I have it paused at 16 seconds. Like, Larry wins that. Larry is being driven backwards against the fence. Yeah, Larry doesn't have control of his own balance because this guy is driving him into the octagon. No, no, I'd do better.

I mean, you can literally show up. And this doesn't show the next guy. The next guy was a little bigger. I'm going to make this up and say the next guy. Will you reach out to Larry? Hold on. The next guy fought at like 155 or so. He wasn't anywhere near Larry's size,

but he was bigger than the little one. He picked up Larry, put him on his shoulder, spun him around three times, and dumped him on the ground. Okay, well, then what's Larry doing? Larry, it was in the car afterwards, like, I'm a bitch. The guy was his friend, is like, you're not a bitch. These guys just do this all the time. Oh, but this is all like, this is all like pretend fighting. Like, you can't strike, right?

Do you use a mirror with this copium or do you just like? No, no, are you allowed? No, no, but can he strike or can he not? I don't know. The real question is, do you think that allowing striking would help. Let's be very clear. Okay.

So I agree with that. Because if that guy could hit Larry, it would have been very messy, very quickly. Exactly. The idea that Larry is somehow more adept than the MMA fighter when you add striking is off target. Larry is not going to land anything, but he is going to find himself leaking in a heartbeat. I'm going to employ the Kyle defense. No.

these guys are real fighters i i yeah i remember i sparred with um who was the the korean guy who trained with joe andy andy yeah i was much bigger than andy not this gap and he made me look like an idiot he was just so much faster so i watched joe's whole fight okay it was pretty good fight um joe is really swollen up at the end but the punches that swollen him up didn't look that powerful, or at least he took them well. And at the end, if you see a picture of both guys, you might think that Joe got the worst of it or even lost, because his eye is swollen shut.

But it wasn't some big haymaker or something. He didn't get outboxed at any point. He was the one outboxing the guy. He knocked that guy down five times, I think. One of them was this big overhand right, right on the guy's nose, looked like it broke his nose. The nose is spurting blood. like the guy's standing up like dazed and confused blood shooting out of his nose and you can tell he's like

deal with the pain do with the pain like willing himself to keep going due to way more of a beating than it looked like he was in the first round and it really looks worse than it was like like like if you watch the whole fight's on youtube that looks terrible you can you can watch the whole fight um i i i know joe's all swole up, but it didn't look that way in the fight. And if you show the other guy, the other guy didn't look that bad, but the other guy was the one who got the shit beating out of him. The other guy,

what was his name? Do you know? I don't. I want to say he was Spanish heritage of some sort. And yeah, yeah. It's been my observation that white guys wear damage the worst. And they just look

terrible. They bruise easily. They scratches look bad. Like if you just, I don't know, like got them with the, the, like, laces or something, the Velcro makes white people look terrible. But black people especially just, if it's not big swollen damage, it barely shows. I was going to make a joke about that, but decided not to. Yeah, it was a good fight on YouTube if you all want to watch it. Good for Joe. Grats to him.

Yeah. I know. That must have been awesome for him to, like, get off the couch at 41. 142 or whatever he is and fight it. I don't know what they call it. Eagles Field, Eagles Stadium, whatever they call that thing, where the Eagles play football. Is he in Philly? I had it in Boston

in my mind. Oh, I'm wrong. It's where um, huh. Did the Celtics play there maybe? It was indoors. Fenway Park, you said. That's not what it was. I knew it was. Financial field. Yes. That's awesome. As like a Boston

guy, like I love that he said, when he gets on the mic, like you could tell the people who might not have known who Joe Lozahn is. Like, they heard that voice. And they were like, yeah, he's one of us. Holy shit. They like came out of their drunken stupor and appreciated that it was like a hometown guy that had just won the fight.

That is the roughest accent in the entire U.S. I like it on Joe. As far as displeasing. Like Joe's great. I love Joe Lozon, but that Boston accent is so grating and so unpleasant compared to like a nice sweet southern, a nice neutral as I speak, Midwestern, the ultimate newscaster speak.

I do think Midwestern's kind of top tier. I agree with that. I don't agree that the problem with the Southern accent is it's associated with room temperature IQs. It's not necessarily true, but you sound southern, and especially 20 years ago, people have a low opinion of you.

it's true yeah but it's still a sweet nice accent like it's uh they're actually ugly to listen to when you hear it on the phone you imagine the person is unattractive which part of i don't know because i think he meant boston when he said boston oh boston yeah the boston accent is ugly to listen to it's a choppy chirpy accent it's it's okay i think it hits me different because i'm from the northeast so like i may be coming from a different perspective i feel like it's it's pretty quick. It's all business. They don't take forever to say things. They're economical with their words. I'm fine with listening to people from Boston speak. Chowda. Well, I feel like all three of us have a pretty neutral accent. Like, Kyle, you fought your

way through the brick and the brine to have this accent and not sound like a, you know, Southerner. And then I feel like Woody also being from, I don't think of most, I don't think of the good places of New Jersey. Jersey. I bet he normally sounds like Holly Walnuts. I think of the shitty parts of them. Like what is like, what's the northernmost part of New Jersey called where there's like Elizabeth and like all that stuff that's super close?

Because they have that like Jersey kind of trashy If you get super north, I disagree actually. That vibes more like the part of New York that has all the trees like the upstate New York upstate New Jersey's kind of, but a little bit below that, that's the that's the

My wife is from there, although she doesn't sound like you're thinking. But her father, my father-in-law says you, well, he's dead. But he said use. And like making the plural of you with an S on it, like jump. I was like, oh my God. Like he's a real one. He's actually that guy. Northern y'all.

I would not like that. Yeah, yeah. And anyway. I love y'all. I love y'all. Yes. Right. You know, I think English needs a.

plural you that it doesn't really have. Well, you all. You is plural. But people will use you all, you know, to like refer to a group. If there's six people there, I don't say you. It feels like I'm singling one out. Yeah, we always say you guys. Yeah, you guys is what I would say too.

But I might even slip in a yawl now. I've been in North Carolina for 25 years, 26. But it, English needs a plural you. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I'm barely north of y'all country in St. Louis. I drive 50 miles south and we're in fucking Yehaw land with the southern accents. And then my grandparents have the y'all? Or they know? Like when I do my grandmother, like this is not an exaggeration at all. This is how she stands. And that's, you know, her accent. She's from the kind of that southern tip of Missouri right there where that, little overhang happens. Like that's like,

like, she talks like. Oh, sure. We're all familiar with the shape of Missouri. It's, we're all familiar. Well, it's the part, I'll help you. It's the part that borders Tennessee and the other,

and Arkansas. Well, all of it borders Arkansas, but yeah, she speaks like that. And, uh, I remember as a young kid.

Yeah. Missouri has testicles. I was not familiar with your game. You didn't know our little hang. out a little bit no i didn't know that existed at all dude i'm so shocked by this i think to missouri but that shows a map of missouri can you show us a map of missouri i i didn't know that missouri had nuts yeah hangs down it's the landbound peninsula of missouri Landlock Peninsula.

Look at that. A little hang down, the little nuts. Well, and usually like about a third of the state above the nuts is where you draw a horizontal line. And that's the beginning of the South. When you see a graphic of what is and isn't the South, I can always tell who's a real Southerner, who's a fake Southerner, who knows geography, who doesn't. because all the real ones will include the lowest third of Missouri. That's the Mason-Dixon line. Yes, yeah, a little below the old Mason-Dixon line.

I grew up below the Moisten line. Did you know what goes to Jersey? Yeah, it's a weird, scraggly line when you actually... Yeah, some of y'all Yankees had some sense, it's true. Yeah, I wouldn't have expected Jersey to be below the Mason-Dixon line, but parts of it is, are. Yeah, I've always thought it was weird. that like Maryland had aspects to it. We'd have been a fine country.

A fine. These are. We'd have taken the Caribbean. Well, that Mason Dixon line does not agree with what I said. But other than the fact the southern third of Missouri isn't included and that little cutout of very, very southern Illinois isn't included because that's the same boat. And more of Pennsylvania. I want the redneck part of Pennsylvania.

Exactly. The Western part. Yeah. Pennsylvania is a real thing. Yeah. Absolutely. And that's, it's so funny where you grow up in your little opinions of other states because to me, like, until I got older and Woody, well, no, this is laughable. I was always like, oh, Pennsylvania, one of those like East Coast hoity tooty states.

Like that's how I saw it. And apparently everybody on the true east like you is like, These fucking rednecks, like these bombs. Yeah, dude, I took my off-roading friends from the south to Pennsylvania to go off-roading. And, like, at first, the Southerners were just, like, racist against these fucking Yankees. And then they're like, I don't think these guys know they are Yankees. These guys are Southerners that have no idea. It's like Game of Thrones when, like, we're the real northerners.

Southern child I'm from the northern most kingdom I'm like I have 2,000 miles north of that We went to Pennsylvania and I was surprised the first time When I saw well the Amish for one thing I saw those fucking Amish guys rolling around They're real That's pretty cool

Those guys seem awesome I saw those guys I've seen those guys in Ohio There was a pretty hardcore sect of them there But they were big gun guys Like they were Amish gun guys and they weren't into like, I of course, ignorantly was like, like old-timey guns? Like, y'all like guns from the 1700s too?

Like you're in a fucking buggy. Like, what are you, what you got? And he shows me, he's got like a short-barreled AR-15 with a suppressor on it and a night vision sight or something. No, we're a little lax with those rules. It's really anything, Goals. He's got a fucking Terminator weapon in a fucking case in the back. of a horse-drawn cart.

I only know that that guy's accent because there's a guy who like during Rumspringer left and he has a Twitter account and he'll be like, I'm just so surprised by what people think Amish countries about. And, you know, I'm about to do a React video later. Someone says something about twerking. I can't even imagine what that could mean. Anyway, I'm excited to learn more. And it's just a weird Pennsylvania, I guess Pennsylvania Dutch.

Aren't they all like a little Dutch? I think so. Or Germanic. Yeah. That is Germanic, yeah. Pennsylvania Dutch growing up just meant Amish to me. I don't know if it means more than that. I'm not sure.

Did you see them often growing up? Yeah, we would visit. We go to Hershey Park, which is like a great adventure in Pennsylvania. And you'd see Irish people and stuff. And then I had a motorcycle. I lived in Pennsylvania twice. And motorcycle let's do this thing. They put two fingers down.

It's like this keep, you know, the rubber side down, too on the road sort of thing. And some don't wave to trikes as if they're like beneath motorcycles or not in the cool kit. I'm not that way. Two fingers down for motorcycles. Three for trikes. Four for the Amish people with the horses. I just say, I waved to them all. You're a good one then.

My trike, do you mean like literally like a motorized tricycle? I think Harley might make them or they're just commonly commonly. customized Harley, but it's usually like a bigger guy who can't handle a motorcycle that starts to tip anymore. Maybe they're old. And they put it on the trikes so they don't have to quit. I don't judge. Interesting. Yeah, I wish I lived on. Kyle judges. Kyle's judged so hard over there. He's like, ah, Trank's not a bike. I've seen some fatties on them trikes. That's all I'm thinking is I've seen some big boys on them tracts. It's kind of the same group who parameders on a trike. you're not look it's it's rarely the guy who's like look I get to have all my gadgets here

it's kind of like a cockpit I imagine I'm the captain ho ho it's not that guy it's like well after I lost the left kidney I thought mine is well step on up to the track ain't no need running around no more to get my jolies like you have to be able to run about 10 or 12 miles an hour with a 75 pound backpack when you can't do that anymore it's strike time yeah that's that's beyond a lot of people. There's a little technique that helps the fan pushes you. If you lean back, there's kind of a cushion of air that kind of helps lift it.

But by and large, you got to be able to run with a big backpack and certainly carry it around and set up and stuff. And if that's not you, it's strike time. That makes sense. Yeah. Would you ever become a trite guy?

I thought about it. Especially as I had like a broken leg. And I'm like, I can just give money and solve this. I could fly right now. It's like assholes. Oh, a trite paramotor guy? A trite paramotor guy for sure. Like, that wouldn't bother me a bit.

It's like, oh, these guys think I'm a nerd? Wow. What he's talking. The other guy, they're over there with their little buzz packs. Like, look at that. Like the other people in the strip club think you're a pervert? Yeah. You have your little Hamas set up?

But not with the motorcycle. Well, you know, the humus. You wouldn't do a motorcycle trink? No, I wouldn't. I would, if I was going, I would keep going. And I would do one of those slingshot type things that's closer to car than it is a motorcycle. Like it's a trike with the, I think it has one wheel in the back that pushes or something like that. And they're like, in Atlanta, I see a lot of black guys driving them.

They drive them with, I think they're all convertible. I don't really know. But they're always driving them around in the summertime with their fucking radio blasting. And they're loudest shit with their straight pipes. And it's obnoxious. I think they cost like $18,000 or something like that. If you can't finance a car, you can absolutely get a brand new. And they look kind of sick.

Like to look at, like they look kind of sick. They look very sporty and they're usually like big crazy fender flares and stuff. But it's like an $18,000 death buggy. Like you're going to die when you hit something or when something hits you. I could see how you'd say they look sick. They just don't have the right vibe for me. Like I see it and think, ah, this guy can't do a motorcycle and can't afford a sports car. So he's compromised.

Exactly. It's so, I think it looks really cool. I wish that there was a road space that lent itself more to this. Like a place where cars couldn't necessarily go and motorcycles didn't make sense. Like if there was a place where this was the norm, this is cool. But it's exactly what you said. This guy can't afford a sports car and can't ride a bike. Yeah.

I see stuff. like this at Tail of the Dragon a lot. Tail of the Dragon, people to know, is a place in, I think it's in North Carolina and partly in Tennessee. It's a really curvy road. Something like 185 turns in 14 miles, something like that. So you're just banking, banking, banking. And I think there's a real case for a not super fast car to have fun.

I don't know my car is that well, but let's say that you're in a super high-end Porsche. I bet you got to go dangerously fast to have a good time. Because at 35, there's no fun to be had on that. But there must be some vehicle where 35 feels fast, and that's the edge of its talent, its ability, where you can have fun without dying. That's interesting. You mentioned, like, the speed limit,

because I remember there was a Top Gear episode where Richard Hammond or one of them was like, you know, this is a beautiful, they were on some road similar to that. Austria, with constant turns. And he was like, you know, this would be a fun road to do in a Lamborghini eventador. But then you're only using 16% of its power ever. And he was doing it in like a Ford Focus, some sort of that.

And he was like, this is the best car to do this in because I don't have to think about power or torque or anything. The speed I use is foot to the floor. and I use that the whole way down and I just enjoy the spin and the grip or whatever special bits that car had. So that makes sense to me. If you were going to drive a hypercar,

you'd want to straight line, fast as you can, smooth as you can. You wouldn't want to be zipping and zapping back and forth. I've had the most fun in cars that could handle curves really well at 30, 40, 50 miles per hour. Going super fast is just a death sentence. Like, I don't want to go 180.

I don't want to go 180 on the road. But going 35 or 50 in a curve that a normal car can only do it like 20 or 30 is really fun. I've been in a Subaru WRX, like a top of the line one with all, they're all wheel drive. And it was all suited up. It was. And the driver knew what he was doing. He'd done some rally driving. and I peed a little.

I'll admit it. I didn't tell him at the time. I peed a little, just a little, just a little squirt. Don't say, and someone else peed your pants? He made me peeed my pants. He was taking the turns with so many G-forces, and I was so scared that we were going to wreck. I squeezed a little peeve out.

I had to go, you know, I had a full bladder, and squeezed a little out, just a little bit. And then I borrowed a boxer one time, and I remember I took a curve in the Porsche Boxter that a normal car could not fucking take, and it took it and I kept adding more and more speed and it's just glued to the ground it's like it can't

it just sticks to the ground it's glued there you can take these hard fast sharp turns and it just says okay and does it that's really fun that does sound fun I was looking at that car today that I was thinking so the new Dodge Charger is electric they have made

an electric wheel drive two-door charger. It's huge. It's wider than the wide body. It's taller. Picture, Zach, please. It's 2026. I was looking to the 2024 scat pack Daytona. And they're only like

38,000. What's the scat pack? It's the high... That's like... Do, bo-bap-da-do. That's what it sounds like. But, and performance-wise, it's 670 horsepower. And I watched some of a dino, a stock one, and because sometimes you dino something. And it wasn't.

So show us the two-door one. So they ran on the dino, and it was 686 horsepower. It was more than it was promised. And it was like a thousand foot pounds of torque, because, again, it's electric. Yeah, the one on the right. And it comes the red interior. I like that four-door. I like a coop.

So I was looking at this thing, but like everybody, every car and driver and like YouTuber review I found of it, they shit on it. They absolutely hate it. It's a couple things. One, it's electric. So they have to create. I don't remember what they call it. They got a funky word for it. Do they pump in the sound?

They make fake noise and it sounds weird. It sounds kind of, it's like this. Like it sounds like a. Is it optional? I don't know if you can turn it off or not. It sounded good to me, if I'm being honest. I liked it. And then they complained that because it's electric,

you know, there's not gear. It's not, you don't rev up and then rev down as you shift through gears. So it kind of just drones when you're at highway speed. It's, it kind of, someone said it sounded like you were in like third gear on the highway. And it just needed to like shift again. It sounded like you were always going. And it was just droning. But other than that, it looks really good and it's really fast.

And it's only 30. Like I said, like a 2024 with 10,000 miles was like $38,000. It's so wildly impractical. What's a, well, what's, you know, it's a two-door coop. No more impractical than any, like, two-door coop. 3.3 seconds, zero to 60. You're going to be Zooten. It's incredibly fast.

It's 670 fucking horsepower all-wheel drive. It's crazy fast. but I'm not going to get that I changed my mind after I watched all those reviewers shit on it who's the black guy who like reviews Apple products he made fun of it for like 20 minutes

the black guy who reviews Marquise Brownlee by chance yeah that guy that guy he was why would he review the car he reviews everything this is oh useful you said Apple products well that's what he's like more famous for

you know oh okay is those type reviews I mean this is a slick looking car I like that the brake lights aren't on either side. It's that kind of bar that goes across the top and the bar that goes across the bottom connecting the two brake lights. I feel like that's a...

I like that's a hatchback. It's got a huge trunk. It's got like a usable giant trunk. Yeah, but you're... You're not going to be using that trunk. I put stuff in the trunk. Yeah. But you have everything delivered.

Like, you're the ultimate use case of, like, Like, who gives a fuck about it? You can get a Porsche 9-11. Oh, I mean, I have thought about getting the backseat delete kit because I don't use the delete, the backseat. You get these backseat delete kits for like Camaros, Mustangs, challengers, chargers, and stuff. It's pretty slick.

It just, you tear the seats out the back and there's a new thing that goes back there. It's not seats. What goes back there? I'm hoping it's a trash bin for all the fast foodie eating. all those fillet of fish you're yeah yeah those fries from the fucking mal dynasty

they get petrified after a season of the back seat sun why did you land on the charger not the challenger um that's the I think that's the newest one and I liked that it was electric

I think they're doing away with both of them I looked at the Challenger and I didn't like it I liked that but again everybody's dogging it on the internet and I don't think they're just doing it because it's electric I think it really has some flaws that are there's a reason that that 65,000 car

is 38,000 after one year and 10,000 miles like people hate them eventually. What is it about electric cars depreciate so badly though and even Teslas are doing that Not just the cyber truck, but like all of them. I think they're overpriced, maybe. I've seen the Rivian ones.

Like everything second market is cheap as fuck with electric or cheap as fuck compared to their MSRP. There's some of the biggest depreciating vehicles like across the board. Like the Mustang, the electric Mustang hatchback thing. I don't know why they call it a Mustang. It looks like a crossover SUV, but it's electric. It's ugly. That thing you can get. for $25,000, like the nice one after a couple years.

It's kind of like this thing, that they're like $55 to $65,000 for a premium GT top of the line one. But after two years and 20,000 miles, they're $25,000 cars. I could be wrong, but I don't think I'd suggest electric for somebody without 220 volt power. Like, you really want to be able to charge it at home. Yeah. And it, I looked at it. I want to say it's like eight miles a night. If you charge it over like 120, it's really bad.

That's terrible. Right? I would want to do the 220 thing. It won't be the hard to set up, I don't think. A lot of garages have it so people can put washers and dryers. So it's quite likely that, you know, more people have it than have thought it through. But if you don't, you got to have 220 to charge your car. Yeah, the 221 will charge you from like 15% to 90% by the morning if you plug it in, you know, when you get home, like in seven or eight hours.

And then the fast charging ones. The fast charging ones are something else. Those will do it in like 15 or 20 minutes sometimes, like really fast. They used to cost 10 grand. I don't know if that's still true. Oh, I just meant like a lot of apartment complexes. Well, all apartment complexes out here just have them like you go into the parking garage and there's just dedicated EV parking everywhere. with charges. That's cool.

Is it charging free? I don't know. Because it wasn't for me. Yeah, yeah. A lot of offices have free charging. Mr. Beast has free charging at his facility. I wonder if it's like a zoning law or something. I don't know. That's really cool.

And, you know, like every shopping mall near here, like tangor outlets and stuff like that, there's always one there. I wasn't really worried about being able to charge it because like, I don't know. I don't drive that much. I don't have the... Isn't that?

I don't, part of it. Huh? Like, I don't drive very much either. But I worry that if I let it sit for like, oh, three weeks, that that's not good for it or that I don't know about that. I don't know. I think it'd be okay. Like, I have heard that there's, the batteries after like many, many charges are keeping,

are staying good, like that that hasn't been a problem with modern battery technology. so it's pretty good as far as that goes. I would just be more worried if I ever had to drive 150 miles in one shot and then get home. I couldn't do that. I think it's like 220 miles worth of range. And if you get there and there's not a fast charger, it's like, all right, we're spending the night here. We're going to go parking that Tangar outlet and we're going to stay in this hotel and we'll leave in the morning when we have enough juice to go. That would be a problem.

Yeah. I like the performance of it. I love how fucking fast that thing. is for $38,000 it's 670 horsepower that's it goes zero to 60 in like 11 seconds or something like that

remember Fast and the Furious that they'd be like a 10 second car they talk about a 10 second car all the time they're talking about a 10 second quarter mile this car just rolls off the showroom floor doing it like 11 and a half or something crazy like that I wonder how fast a plaid does the

quarter mile is it still the king I don't know I think of it as that because it was seven years ago. Let's see. Tesla plaid. 9.23. That's really quick.

I wonder if it really does, though, because the modified versions do it in 8.56. Damn. Is that a quarter mile? Yeah. Holy shit. 8.56 in my world is a decent zero to 60.

Not a quarter mile. Yeah. Yeah. That's so fucking. fast for a quarter mile. Like, like my dad used to build race cars and drive them and like those big block 454 Chevy Novas with two speed transmissions.

They're not that fast. They don't do that. No? No, of course not. That's nine seconds is scary fast. That's like you're verging on a like a professional race car driver if you're driving sub 10 second quarter miles anyway. Like that's a different classic car.

That's so fucking fast. That's like twin turbo Corvette type shit. I wonder what the top speed is at the end of that quarter mile. Like I obviously you can For a 10 second quarter mile What's the top speed? And of course I understand.

It depends on the car. 150, 180, something like that probably. I don't think I've ever been 180. I think The fastest I can remember going is 137. And I remember the conversation. I'm in Kyle's passenger seat and I said, I think the fastest I've ever gone in a car is 118. And I knew we were going quick.

But in his Camaro, it didn't really feel crazy. And he looks down and goes, oh, you're going 137 right now. I was like, all right, new record for Woody. We were on this long stretch of straight road and I could see there were no cops. It's like Arkansas or something. Yeah, we were driving from, that was the other thing. If the Arkansas cops were to try to pull us over, even if I tried, even if I try, tried to slow down. By the time I get slowed down from 135 miles per hour, we're back in the other

state. We're back in Memphis. So I looked up the fastest road legal quarter mile times. The RIMAC Nevera are 7.9 seconds, number one. I've never heard that. Some sort of RIMAC. RIMAC. RIMAC. I believe it's an electric supercar company. And then the first one that I noticed was number seven, Kyle, for you, the Dodge Challenger, SRT Demon 170,

8.9 seconds. Yeah, that's a different car. That's a cool, ass-looking car. Is that the Rimack Navarra? That is a neat car to me. I googled it too. And this, there was another picture that I thought was really attractive.

I like that look for a supercar Or maybe it's even a hypercar I don't know That's awesome That Dodge Demon is a hundred fucking thousand dollars for a Dodge And you've got the same steering wheel And the same like interior for the most part

As a $20,000 car It's crazy You're right It wouldn't be a good purchase But that was the first Non-absurd brand I saw Everything else was the lucid air sapphire The new Corvette said.

The gunning sag, Jesco absolute. Dude. So the one I linked wasn't the R, I guess. But it was cool looking to me. The Corvette, man, I don't know. Is it like a genetic thing? What happens when you're a 50-year-old white guy that makes you say, these corvettes are pretty cool?

You want one of those bad boys, aren't you? You want one now. I can't help it. At least you have the presence of mind. to be quite affordable for what they are they're affordable like obviously there's a lot going on but like I mean I think they're good

you can get into one for 50 right Corvettes are great by that metric because I remember even on top gear like Jeremy who's like Mr. anti-American car Mr. British like all about Aston Martin and whatnot he'd be like you know

oh Corvettes new ZR R1 is great, but it's made of plastic. And so, you know, oh, it kind of stinks, even though it is just as fast as these hypercars that are literally 10 times the price. Wow. Zach, can you scroll around on this page and show everyone? So the top of line Corvette, I think it's like quarter million dollars now. It's part electric, part some sort of super engine.

It's like a mid-engine car. It's a whole thing. But these are just regular fucking C-8s. And they, to me, this body style looks like a European super car. Like, they look so nice. That green one, that green one on the far right there. Ooh, that's 2022. That's a pretty car.

I mean, I agree. The left one on the top, it's actually scrolled off the screen now. But there it is. For 59 to 43, that one, like, caught my, like, oh, my God, 59. I'm not saying that's nothing, but like, you can do it it's a pretty car it looks to me like a

lotus two million dollar supercar of some sort and it's it's a bigger like a lotus looks like this at the same price and they're so small that a grown man can barely get in it this is a roomy car

like I've sat in these like you've got plenty of room Lotus are cheaper I thought lotus whole thing was that they were like the most minimalist where they have no no electronics.

Like it was all about minimizing weight and maximizing hands. They do some of that. Yeah, I don't think they're safe either. They don't look safe. I don't think,

yeah. But they're so light. They handle really well. They're not super fast. But to me, I'm like, this seems like a car you could have fun with under 80 miles an hour.

Whereas some of the other cars, under 80 feels like 14 miles an hour. Yeah. even Kyle's Camaro. You just don't feel speed. Like you're insulated from what's happening. But get even lower to the ground, remove all that sound protection.

You start hearing the tires and the wind and you feel every crack in the road. And suddenly you have fun at speeds that maybe you can still keep your license. Zach, show us the Mustang Dark Horse. So you're probably familiar with the Mustang, the Shelby Mustangs. Ford has long partnered with Carol Shelby's company

Shelby and made their most high performance Mustangs and other cars like Shelby branded but they didn't want to pay the royalty anymore so now it's Dark Horse So the Mustang Dark Horse is I think they're like $65,75,000 or something like that This is a concept car

No, it's not This is what it looks like It's what the new Mustang looks like This photo is a concept car well Zach show me a real Mustang dark horse Taylor says this is a concept What made you identify it as a concept car

Because the background didn't make any sense And also the wheel angle didn't make sense Well this is what it looks like Well this one's real Yes That's pretty I like that That almost looks like Like the older Nissan GTRs

With the spoiler And the front being that way It looks cool it looks more practical because it's not like as low to the ground as a corvette and I guess it depends what you're using it for if it's your only car it makes a ton of sense if it's your second car or your weekend car then practicality means less I've often worried about the ground clearance on those corvettes I hate scrubbing and that would really upset me if I scrubbed because I bet the I agree I also really you know when there's a driveway

you're just like there's an angle there you know it would scrub a lot of cars but you're in an f-150 and you just smash it like it's nothing i've always liked that i've always been like this would be a problem for other cars you know even a regular civic or tourists or something would have to approach this one carefully but i can drive like a dumb ass you know it's awesome it's driving a hrv and just being like this is going to scrape it who gives a fuck butchum No one cares. What's not cool? You drive a truck and you have to do a U-turn and you're like, well, it sure is good I could drive over this curb because I need six more feet.

Have you ever been tempted to just go back in for the, oh, I'm forgetting the Toyota, whatever your- Tacoma? Tacoma. Have you ever been tempted to dip back into that pond? Because everyone raves about the Tacoma. Yes. I mean, it would make sense. Like, it would still carry a parameder, would still put a motorcycle on the hitch.

I don't tend to tow heavy very often. But no, it's a comfortable excess in that F-150, you know. And my seat's massage, and they have that vent thing. And for me, it's a real luxury experience. Perhaps someone used to a caddy or something wouldn't agree. But compared to my. 16 year old Tacoma that I replaced. It's just so nice in there.

I don't have any regrets. Makes sense. I just, I think those cars, like cars are neat. I'm just not a car guy other than, I think it's cool when people like have a same car

for like 20 years because it's just unbreakable, like a high lux or a Tacoma. And it's just there's never a reason to replace it. And that's really cool. My reason was actually the comfort. Like, if you were in my passenger seat and we had to talk on the highway, you got to yell. You got to yell to get over this road noise.

And it's like a real like, Taylor, how's your day? It's not a, you can't ignore it. It's too loud in there. Not negligible. It's loud. Okay. Yeah, it's a whole experience. The radio goes, you could get, like, it's fatiguing to drive.

on the highway and a truck that was as loud as mine. And the new one, you just said it's got that adaptive cruise control. And the lane assist is not as good. Lane centering, that's what you want. That keeps you in the middle all the time. Mine, it just bounces off the lanes like a pinball. And it's nice if, like if you foul up, the truck corrects it. Like maybe you're working on the radio or something.

But it doesn't, it's nothing like auto drive. you have to drive it. A lot of them are basically auto drive now. I drove a Hyundai a few months ago. It was auto drive. It just drove through curves and through traffic and drove itself. As long as you had, I don't know how it knows that I'm touching the steering wheel, but I got to be touching. I think there's some sort of electrical conductivity sensor or something to make sure there's human flesh touching it.

I tried to hover, like keep my hands just off of it. And I'm like, I'll catch it if it goes walk. You don't worry. and like it never did but it would be like bling bling bling bling bling driver it's required is this your girlfriend's car like you have access to this car no this is a different car

I saw a Tesla driver they just wedged an orange in the steering wheel and it auto drove forever oh yeah who was our most recent car guest Matt Ferrell maybe Smokin maybe yeah where he was like yeah Tesla is there

self-driving Ed Bolian maybe said Tesla is there with self-driving, which what I take from that is that everybody else is close. Like, everybody else has to be close. Like, there's no way Ford Chevy, whatever, like, they're sitting on their laurels watching this. Like, they have to be close to.

I bet. Yeah. And also that where I've really won self-driving, like, if I have a long drive, that's where I'm looking for self-driving. I don't need help. Like the parking part, the very, the very hardest parts, I'm comfortable doing myself. it's the six hours on the highway paying attention locking in for that long that's where i want the car to assist yeah if it was like yeah yeah once you do the off ramp that parts on you i'm like gotcha

i can do that highway thing now like like because again like i was in somebody's honda and it was like this thing just fucking drives us it's gonna drive us through atlanta like it was not an easy drive. It's a scary drive if you haven't made that drive. And it was just like taking us through it through curves and five, six lanes wide traffic. And I'm like, it's just going to get us there. That's remarkable.

Those Koreans, they know what they know a thing or do about the automobile. Does anyone else think California gets too much like it credits the wrong word, but like attention for its bad traffic? They act like California traffic is something different.

Bro, if you're from like New York city, Philadelphia, Atlanta. I don't think you're giving up too much to California in terms of bad traffic days. I've been in all the world, all the United States' worst traffic. And L.A., it's like, well, shit, we're in paradise

in bad traffic, though. You know, I never mind it. I remember being in bad traffic. I mean, like, there's fucking palm trees to look at. Just fucking palm trees. Who cares? Atlanta traffic? Oh, my God, you'd be lucky if the water boys don't jack you up. It's, it's so horrific. And, like, I

been in that bumper, bumper, Washington, D.C. bullshit that time. That was scary. You want to talk about potholes. We need to send the Marine Corps to deal with those potholes immediately in D.C. It's insane. I agree. I agree with the D.C. thing. I find New York City traffic, which I've driven in a bunch of

times. The drivers are uniquely aggressive. It's like a competitive sport. Changing lanes or people who want to get in front of it. You leave the smallest space and they'll go in there. Or they'll wedge in there when You didn't leave a space at all playing chicken.

And other states, at least North Carolina, if there's traffic here, like, if one guy's like, no fucking way you're getting in here, the other guy's like, well, I didn't care all that much. In New York, both people care that much. You've insulted my family by not yielding to me. And we're going to get it done. Oh, man. I found New York to be stressful.

That's gay. I don't like that at all. I had parked somewhere in the Midwest. Three times before I felt comfortable enough one time. I was just like, I don't want to be anybody's way here. Everybody's so mean about it. Like, if you're in Athens, Georgia, and you're having a hard time getting to a spot, you can sort of do that.

Oh, sorry, guys. Oh, driving like a lady over here, eh? And they're like, oh, good one. Like, in New York, I feel like, come on. Yeah. I just started. See, we have different traffic here. Like, St. Louis traffic isn't bad,

but if a homeless person starts to approach me, I have driven on the shoulder to get way ahead before, before the homeless guy gets to me. Do you fear them? Yes. Yes. They're lunatics. These people have every other, I think like the city is like, here's a, hilarious wheels part of the show.

St. Louis will be like, here's a ticket for you to go somewhere else. Here's a ticket to Chicago. And they'll be like, no, no, no. I'll stay. And it's like, all right, we need to get away from these people. They're dangerous. I love the idea of exporting all your homeless to Chicago. That is the goal.

He doesn't like. You just walk, you see those homeless, and it's like, that guy has a tool belt on, and it's full of hammers. There's no way to stop. He's like a pirate with each hammer. He is once with a hammer that drops, it goes to a mute.

That is. He's like Johnny Depp pulling up multiple hammers from his... He's got a little jewelers hammer, a little pecks. Got a big framing hammer on his back. He's got a sledge from slung back there. Yeah, we don't have bad traffic here. You don't? Unless it's to go to or from a sports game.

That's the only time I really noticed a lot of it. It makes sense, though. Say, Lewis is a shrinking population. So you would have an infrastructure and excessive. of what you need currently. So St. Louis proper is a very shrinking population. The metro, like all the suburbs are growing a lot. And so now the fucking traffic is out in the suburbs because they built it with a plan for smaller populations and they're never adding enough.

Atlanta has an interesting problem. So many people Atlanta wanted to live in single family homes, which is like medium density housing. So Atlanta just sprawled. So far, more so than most cities. Like, L.A. might compete. They're very L.A. like. Like, when you land in Atlanta from the airport, you'll be like, all right, we're about, oh, wow, this is still Atlanta. It's still Atlanta.

Like, we've been landing for a while going 180 miles an hour. And we've still over Atlanta suburbs. The Atlanta suburbs are, when you see it from an aircraft, then you understand it. It's just an aunt may. like an ant farm of people here. We have figured out how to fit everybody in a three bedroom. Everybody gets one.

Yeah. There's 8 million three bedroom homes like just crammed in to 50 square miles somehow. People hold it up as an example of bad city planning. But I'm like, is it bad? I get that it's not good for traffic, acknowledged. But if that's what the people want,

then maybe that's what's right for Atlanta. I don't know. So Atlanta's highway system is pretty good. Good. Like it gets, it gets dogged on a lot. And I mean, I've, I've driven Atlanta traffic my entire adult life. I remember it vividly from my childhood because my parents hated it so much. It's always been this bad. But I think it's just an issue with nobody, nobody lives in the city, like in Buckhead, like downtown area. That's like a financial district. Like nobody really lives there. Don't get me wrong. I'm sure there's apartments. People do live there. But the core group of people flux in and out of there every day. blood in a heart and it's constantly congested and we have Marta which I which is our like monorail like train type thing we always joke that MARTA stands for moving Africans rapidly through Atlanta it's incredibly dangerous to ride MARTA if you're not armed. Really?

It used to be nice though because we'd hop on MARTA in Sandy Springs and ride it all the way down to, I've forgotten what, the Phillips Arena, yeah, Phillips Arena, and then watch the hockey game go, and it's in the basement of the hockey arena. Watch a quick loss and then we beat the Boston, Boston, what was it, Boston Bruins? Yeah, we beat the Bruins the last time. Watch the voice play. Yeah, cool 20 years ago or whatever. But that was nice for that. That needs to be expanded so much. We need so many more trains. We need so much more infrastructure. They just recently leased out one of our major highways. It's called Georgia 400.

It does sort of North Atlanta. Like it kind of comes off the perimeter and goes up north toward the richer areas, like Alpharetta. Like the real rich people, a lot of them live in the suburbs of a place called Alpharetta. And it goes up through there. And Atlanta leased it out to a private organization for like, I'm going to get the numbers a little wrong. But 25 years, $10 billion. something like that. They sold this major highway.

And so they're doing all this construction because they want to make good on their investment. So they're building stuff alongside the road and improving like housing and businesses in the area. It's this massive construction effort. But our traffic is a fucking nightmare. I mean... It's world class.

It used to take me four hours, four-hour commutes, sometimes. Four-hour commutes. That's the kind of shit I'm talking about. That's crazy. you just accept the fuck of it. You're just like we're in the shit now. There's no reason to be. If you pounded the steering wheel

and tried to be mad at the traffic and tried to fight it and like always cut in and get another car ahead, you blow your brains out. Just going to agitate yourself. You just have to like turn the beach boys on, roll the windows down and smoke a whole pack of cigarettes on your way home tonight because that's the only way you're going to get through it.

That sucks. I've seen bodies on I've seen multiple dead bodies in Atlanta traffic dead on the in the road in body bags flares lit like an action movie type shit I saw where a suburban had rolled so many times that every piece of garbage trash whatever you thought my car was dirty had flown out because all the windows had broken and the bodies of the people who had died in it are laying in the middle lane covered in body bags with road fliers and you're like by the time you get there you're

mad where you're like you pieces of shit you've sued You're buckled up, huh? Yeah, you get mad at them. It's like, they've done this to us. Like, I remember one time a semi-truck caught on fire in, like, the middle lane and tried to get off the road all the way to the shoulder, but instead he stretched his burning semi-truck across four lanes of highway, and then it melted to the asphalt while we sat a mile behind it unable to escape for an hour and fucking 45 minutes.

We never made it to the- Jeez, Louise. It was when Jackass, like, one of the Jackass movies came out, like 2002, 2004, something like that. Oh, this is a long time ago. Yeah, we're on our way to Jackass. We're stuck in this traffic. I'm like, I guess we're not going to make the opening showing. I guess we're watching this fucking 8 p.m. tonight, huh?

Me and my buddy were so bummed. It was travesty. I think the driver burn up. He probably burned up. Or he popped out. You know, who's to say? Yeah, it's nightmare mode traffic. It's the worst I've ever experienced is here.

well who knows you'll who knows when you'll finally leave Atlanta and head to one of the lands of the free one of the homes of the brave i would let maybe missouri Missouri is in the top at the top of my list it always has been Missouri rocks dude Missouri's great Florida's fine and uh yeah that that's kind of my list for everyone listening who's thinking about moving Missouri's the worst it's terrible it's awful don't move here please don't come here but Kyle you can come here everyone else please don't come here don't worry yeah in private Taylor says that if you move to Missouri

he'll eat lunch with you don't no because I'm going to get a message about that you gotta bring a hammer though as is Missouri tradition it is a BYOH state so

so bring them as comfortable that's so fucking scary Yeah, that's, there are, I don't think there's a single better guns plus weed state than Missouri. You know what? I think we should bring back publicizing serial killers. Because I bet we've got a few nut jobs out there right now, cutting ladies heads off and wearing them, traveling state and state and shit. You know, cutting up kids and such. Right. Making chandeliers out of the fingers.

True crime. I think that they hide it so that they won't, like, Inspired copycats. I think that copycats, but also like, you know, when people start recognizing your work, you get a little passionate about it. Maybe you go out and you get a, you know, maybe you get into it a little bit. But I miss that. I see it in the movies all the time.

And I do remember from my childhood, like the DC sniper. That was the big one from my childhood where like they were out there. Like every week they were killing two or three more people at gas stations and stuff. And nobody knew who it was or why they were doing it. There was always talk about the weapons and tactics, the vehicles they might be in. And it was like really good tabloid, like news. It was great. Like, it was all we talked about in high school.

Do you remember how much bad info there was? Like, everyone was on the lookout for white box trucks. Yeah. And they got the, oh, they, there was like an FBI, like, personality profile. What do they call that? Oh, yeah. I think a personality profile. It's definitely a white male, kind of a loner, in a box truck.

And it's all like Twitter level analysis of who they think it's got to be. Two black guys in a Lincoln, you asshole. Right. They took the... That's not as interesting. Not rear view. What am I looking? The rear tail light out.

So they could remove the rear tail light from the trunk. While the young guy was in the trunk with a sniper, he'd shoot from that, replace the tail light, and they'd just drive off. Yep. I can see why it took a while to keep. Catch him. Yeah, they were looking for the wrong people. You know, you see like sort of a father and son looking like black couple guys in a car

and you're looking for a white schitzel. Loaner and a van. You're waving those two guys through for the first time in their lives. Get your black exes out of here. We're looking for a criminal. I mean, that was 2002. So, Kyle, you were 16, maybe 15. And Woody was an actual adult.

Yeah, I was an adult like kids working at Cisco. I was in computerated drafting. I remember my Indian co-workers. One guy, this blew them away.

So the gas stations at DC, I've said this before, they put up all these giant tarps so that snipers wouldn't have a line of sight on you while you were filling your gas tank. And the Indians are like, this is just so American. Look at these guys like,

adding security to their gas stations as a way to pull in more customers. So now, if there's some gas station with no tarps protecting you from snipers, you might avoid that one and go to the tarped up one, which is what happened. And I was like, I didn't really look at it through that lens. It just seemed like a natural response to me. Yeah.

Yeah, those guys were like indiscriminately, they shot some people coming out of an Outback Steakhouse. I remember taking that personally because I love the Outback. Oh, my God. God, you just have the worst fillet of your life and you're like, this day couldn't get any one. You're so wrong. That victorious filet is delicious. I love out back stigmas.

I think the snipers had a target and the rest were like to mask any association to the target. Does that ring a bell? That's not how I remember it. I remember there being like a manifesto and he, they were, he was Muslim and he was mad. United States, I thought, and he just wanted to kill people. He planned the attacks to cover up the intended murder of his ex-wife

to make her look like a random victim in a broader terror campaign. Did he ever get her? Well, it says plan the intended murder of his ex-wife, so I'm inferring no. Should have made her first on the list. What a nut job. What's he doing?

Yeah, that doesn't even make sense. Well, if not first, towards the front, right? Like, make her third, then at a six, seven. Yeah. Jesus. Maybe get her and then maybe two more. We don't need to make a career out of this.

What are we doing? I think he's in for the love of the game after the third or fourth one. This is wild. After the third or fourth one, you probably get such a fucking rush that you've just wanted to be done. I was just thinking. I bet murder is kind of fun. I mean,

I killed a squirrel and felt bad. So I'd feel bad about murder too, but what if it was a bad. See, that was an innocent squirrel. it's right for you to feel bad because you were okay well I put him out of his misery

That also makes him innocent He was just putting him out of his misery No problem there Okay well you shouldn't feel bad about that I guess I mean you shouldn't feel bad that you squished him with that boot I mean you could have done something more he made than that My dog carried around in his mouth I don't know what condition he was in when the dog started

But that's how I found him I know what condition he was in when the dog ended Yeah For all I know it was a sick squirrel or like a hurt squirrel that my allowed my dog to catch it like that it was a golden retriever no no it was a yellow lap and uh and and you know dakota was just kind of like put him down and then he wasn't like he was breathing but he couldn't move he didn't respond very well to like touching his paws i i went downstairs one day i used to have it set up so the dogs could had free run they could just literally leave the house at will

and go in the backyard and i had one i had this magnetic um doorway thing It's like plastic with a magnetic seam So they can push through it And then it immediately locks together So we don't eat the whole fucking neighborhood And I came down And I'm like, Toby's at my side And I'm like, yeah, buddy, I'm making coffee

What is it? And I go to Scritch him and look And he has the biggest squirrel I've ever seen in my life in his mouth And it is dead as a door now And I'm not joking It is huge I got some paper towels and took it from it

And I'm like, this is a hefty squirrel Like You cook it up? I mean, I was, first of all, it was so big and healthy looking that I thought, like, man, like kind of a waste to throw all this away. Like it was a big, it was like a small cat. It was so big. It was hanging out of both ends of his mouth, like seven inches on each side, like sticking it.

And he was so proud and happy looking up at me with that dead fucking squirrel. Just like, I did it boss? Yeah. I told you I'd get him. I told you. I'd get him. Like he was so proud. You know, he's been giving you problems.

around silently. Kyle's like, he was so proud and I was proud too. At the start of the story, it's like, I scritched him behind his year and I'm like, I give better ear scritches. You do. He does. Maybe that's the title.

Woody gives the best ear scritches. Or gasmic ear scritches. Woody can get you busting, brother. Zach, is Beastiali legal in North Carolina? No, I don't think that's frowned upon everywhere. Not around here.

Not around NC. North Carolina Zophilia laws. Get back to me. We'll have to look them up. You guys ready to wrap? Let's wrap it up. That was a fun time with the boys. All right.

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