Painkiller Already - PKA 822: The Secret Behind Woody’s Colon Issues

Episode Date: September 19, 2026

Use Code “PKA” for 10% off your entire Lock and Load order! https://gorillamind.com/products/lock-and-load-pka-collaboration-1/?rfsn=6138256.b4345dbGo to https://painkilleralready.com and use ‘PKA10’ for 10% off NEW PKA merch!Support PKA on Patreon: https://www.Patreon.com/PKAPKA on iTunes: http://bit.ly/PKAOniTunesPKA on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0PmbMyemYMbHVg4v9JVjz6?si=4d7da95c5b1244d0

In Toronto, every arrival is a statement, and nothing says it better than this. Cadillac Optic was the number one selling luxury EV in Canada for 2025. Find your rhythm across a seamless 33-inch display and an immersive 19-speaker AKG surround audio system. This city demands agility, and Optic delivers with precision to make every drive extraordinary. Let's take the Cadillac. Find out more at Cadillac canada.ca. Luxury sales claim based on S&P Global Mobility Canadian New Vehicle Total Registrations for calendar year 2025 for the Cadillac definition of luxury. PKK 822 just the boys tonight. Taylor. This episode of PKK is brought to you by lock and load,

Audible, and our wonderful merch. Woody, there's been huge news that apparently went right over my head about Loveybor, Ed Shearren. Yeah, so Ed Shearin's on tour, and I think McElmore was his opening act. And McElmore got up there, and all he said was free Palestine, right? He's like, I want to say two words that are really important to me. free Palestine.

There's a little more to it than that, but that's all he said at the moment. And then I think Robert Kraft, the Patriots owner, like the people that own the stadium said McElmore's got to go. You know, this free Palestine stuff, that doesn't fly around here. And those dastardly stadium owners. The thing is every other opening act on Ed Sheeran's thing pulled out. Now he has nobody. It's just him solo and able to perform at these things because no one else is willing to tour with Ed Shearin because Ed Sheard for his part just wants to be politically neutral.

He's like, I just kind of want to not do politics. And the counter argument that people are using to that is at this point, if you're like, you know, I don't really do politics with regards to Israel killing Palestinians, then you're either for that or intentionally uninformed. looking the other way, et cetera. It's hard not to see like the genocide going on there and being like, you know, I don't really have a stance on it. That's the knock that they're doing on Ed Shearing. So McElmore is taking a stand and it's costing in gigs. Everyone else is dropping out with him.

Ed Sheeran just wants people to stop talking about politics and get in on with the show business. And I was wondering if we, and I'm particularly interested in Kyle because he's good at this. If we were Ed Shearant's PR agent, how would we tell him to handle this drama? Oh, I like how he's handled it. And the thing is, he's famous for being one of those guys with the lowest overhead and the highest profits from his tours. Because he usually is just solo, him with a guitar, no band, no sound mixing or anything. Him, an acoustic guitar, a microphone, and a stage. And he sells those arenas out.

So he's going to be just fine. They may sell less tickets, but he'll take a bigger share of the money, obviously, because nobody else is performing. And I like the idea of not having to take a stand as a guy who plays the guitar on a stage. Like, I'm not fucking Kofi Annan or something like that. Like, I don't know. What are you talking about? I don't know what happened in Palestine today.

I'm touring. I'm trying to get better at playing the guitar. Football season, dickhead. I do like it. Let's say you're a football player. You'd be like, look, do I have opinions on Israel? Absolutely, I do. The thing is, I change my opinion sometimes as I learn more.

I'm not studied on this. I have the megaphone of someone whose voice is important, but I'm not important. I'm a running back and I'm not well educated. So I just keep my thoughts to myself because I know they're real service level. Like, there should be a lane for guys who say that. Yeah. I'm trying not to embarrass myself here, all right? You really want to hear my opinions?

They're embarrassing because I don't know anything. I don't know anything. You know what they'll do that. Well, it's time for a little education, Mr. Shearin. Let's head over to the Holocaust Museum first. Or maybe they'd be like, well, it's not my job to educate you. And then something like that. Defending Malcolmmore, who I do not hate.

But the people, they're like, all he said was free Palestine. What is so hard about that? They were so bad. But he has a history of being a little anti-Semitic. Here he is in costume. Who's that? Macklemore, dressed as clearly some sort of hooked nose Jewish guy who, and he's like, yeah, it's just a funny costume. It is a funny costume.

That's like, well, I don't know about that one. I thought that was, I thought I had to Google instantly, is McElmore Jewish? To see if he had a J-pass, but is he? Nobody's got a pass to wear that nose. And I usually am all about like the Jew jokes and stuff because I think they're funny. And like all my Jewish friends have always thought they were funny. I've never seen anybody get upset about it at all. But how's it, Jay?

I wouldn't care for this. It wouldn't bother me that Ed Sheeran won't stand up or whatever. Obviously it's opposing issues. Like that wouldn't even occur to me. But this would, this would bother me a little because this isn't like, you remember that kid that like dressed up as Shaquille O'Neal for Halloween? and he got all that all that crap. Harley, yeah. He had brown face or whatever.

That was clearly a kid who loved the Miami Heat. This guy is making a joke. It depends what he's doing. Is he about to like start rapping about coin clipping, in which case, you know, that's, you know, a little, little gauche. Is he doing a sketch where like this is going to play into a joke in a couple seconds? I don't think he's a comedian. What is the joke?

Yeah, he's not a comedian. and he's a performer. If this isn't a joke, it's in very poor taste. Very poor taste. And I got to say, the amount of effort that went into this costume adds to the distastefulness. It's not that much. You can see his real nose under there. You can see the separation between.

Do you buy his excuse, though, which is, I just thought it was a funny costume. I am shocked. People thought I looked Jewish. I showed up at the event. I hit the stage in the outfit. I rocked two songs, took some pictures and went home. I had a great time. I wasn't attempting to mimic it.

any culture, not one. The Jewish stereotype never crossed my mind. It's hard to buy that. You know what it makes it look like is that he's a shallow, retarded performer who's pandering to whatever the nearest audience is knowing what they want to hear. Like just, you know, they'll

like that, you know, Jewish get up, I'll do that. Oh, Palestine's the flavor of the month. You know, for my audience, I'll play that. Oh, I don't... I see it differently. Could be wrong. I see it as a consistent anti-Jew pattern. Like I don't think he's like flipping sides and being pro-Jew in this and anti-Jew in the free Palestine. Oh, no, I wasn't saying he's pro. I think this is pretty obviously not pro-Jew.

I just mean like I could see him being like a shallow entertainer and like Palestine's the flavor of the month. And so that's what he's going for. Like he might have been wearing like when global warming was the big thing. He might have been out there being like, save the planet, like whatever. This is 2014. I'm seeing at least a 12 year. anti-Jewish streak in him. I heard he referred to a World War II submachine gun as the original ghetto blaster. Who would do such a thing? That's kind of, I mean, from that.

You know what he needs, you know, Ed Shear and, first of all, I, this whole time you were talking, I thought that McElmore was machine gun Kelly. and I was like, that's such an odd opener because I thought Ed Sheeran sang like teeny bopper like romance dating music and then some guy like all tatted out comes out and like calls out Eminem and loses like what's going on at the show? MCK actually does some like poppy shit too. Like he's he does whatever. But McElmore is, you know, he's popping tags.

I'm gonna pop some days. I only got $20 in my bucket. He's the thrift shop guy. Oh yeah. It seems like Ed Shear. based on what you said, doesn't actually care. Like, it's his manager and the stadium

owner and Robert Kraft and those guys must be very pro-Israel or something because I bet they're pushing him to make statements. Like, he probably would have just let it go and been like, geez, stop stealing the fun this is supposed to be about music and you just threw your own

shit in there, stop it. I mean, Robert Kraft is Jewish. Yeah, of course. It's Kraft with a K. Yes. I'm aware. I was not, though. I'm like, Kraft. I'm aware of the Stein and the Berg endings, but Kraft is a Jewish name.

Oh, we have such sights to show you. It's like one of those black and white World War II films. They show the soldiers before they go over to the European theater. Be able to spot them at a glance. Here's your enemy. We have these. We stick to sidewalks. We call them decoines.

If you see someone squat to pick it up, you know what you're dealing with. Is craft a Jewish name? I believe so. Mostly? Oh, it's new to me. But yeah, there's more out there than just the Bergstein and like the precious metal suffixes. Like gold, like silver, gold, Stein, Berg. Like those are the ones that like they use it on like comedy sketches.

If they really want to make it clear like the joke is this guy's Jewish, Silverstein. We're laying it up for you. Harry Potter level shit. Yeah. You know about, in New York, they've got, I don't know how it's pronounced, I've only read it. I think it's called it E-R-U-V, and it's basically one of those,

they take a big cable and they wrap it around all of Manhattan. So it extends the definition of the household for Orthodox Jews. So they can go outside and do stuff when it's a holy day or whatever. and they're not supposed to. And there's literally an unbroken wire around the entirety of Manhattan Island.

And it's checked regularly and maintained at a large cost. It's very expensive to keep this thing up. It's an unbroken cable around, I don't know what the distance is around Manhattan. Is this real? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Google it real quick. Yeah, they're not allowed to leave their house on the Sabbath. So they expand the house with the wire, which seems like, not seems.

It is cheating. 100% cheating. Yeah. That's not in the spirit, but yeah, the Js have claimed the entirety of Manhattan. They've got their circle up. Yeah. There's this one guy who goes viral every so often for explaining the way he like gets around rules for the Sabbath or what, what? Shabbat.

Is that? Shabbat. Shabbat? No, I think whatever their Friday night is. I think that's the holy day for Jewish people. But it's like their Sabbath. I didn't remember if they called it Sabbath too. I guess they do. But he'll show he's like, I'm not allowed to use power. And so I can't have coffee in the morning. And so what I do is I

heat up the water the day before and I put it in this other thing that just maintains the heat. But even though it's using power, it's no longer heating it up. It's just maintaining the heat. And because it would be labor for me to make coffee from this, what I first do is, pour it into a paper cup and then I put my coffee in a different paper cup and now because I'm not using the original vessel I'm allowed to make the coffee

and it's like just if you're going to do this just make the fucking coffee like if like there's no way like in that guy's head God's looking down and like excellent you've tricked me successfully again it makes no sense

it makes no sense you either believe or you don't believe and if you believe you can't trick that guy and like clearly it's it hurts my brain to think that somebody is like oh dang the er route I don't know I wish I knew how to pronounce this

fucking word the Eruve is down in the north side of the city I can't go out today can't go out like here's the website for where they like maintain and check up on the EROV there's like a check mark here the Manhattan EROV is up last checked September 10th

2026 there's a lower Washington Heights E-Rove up now. Like, there's a map down below where you can see where it extends and stuff. And this is most of Manhattan. Yeah, it's literally 99% of Manhattan. Yeah, I looked it up. I'd never

heard of this. And I thought, because I grew up in New Jersey, that I would have, but I guess I just slipped past the goalie. They describe it as a nearly invisible wire, and it's not that. Nope. Too bad. It's not that small, but it's also not like thick or anything. It doesn't look like it has any purpose outside of this. And they do it in

Israel too. And I'm looking at a picture of a fence so they can use other things than just a wire. They should just like, like what an eyesore for everybody else to have to look at this ugly wire. Why don't they just like bless a hat or something and be like this is your home hat? You could have tassels off the side. I don't think the eyesore argument stands because they're using like existing telephone poles and just running it next to the other wires. And it's the small. smallest one on the pole. It's like minimal. That is, that is weird though. It is like the city maintaining this where they're like, oh, the Jew wire, the Jew wire broke.

So down the bottom, it says you can support your ear roof. Maintaining an ear roof requires a substantial amount of maintenance. If you feel that the Eroove is providing you with a valuable service, please help support the Eroof by making a donation. And it's registered as a nonprofit organization. donations are tax deductible to the extent allowed by law. Then when I go to donate, it's, you can see the people who donate it. Oh my goodness, you can see their names. Well, don't put them on blast.

We know what that list looks like. Not a lot of Mohammeds. Imagine what the list looks like. Is Mamdani on there? Yes, he did, you know, sparing a little coin. I like Mom Dami. That seems so silly. If for no other reason that during that New York mayoral debate when they asked, like, where will your first visit me outside of the city?

And everybody is like, Israel, Israel, Israel. And he's like, I'm just going to stay in New York and look after the people here. I think that's kind of my job. Like, even from here down in Georgia, I was like, yeah, I'll vote for that guy. I'll vote for the guy that didn't pick up the capital of foreign nation to go visit. Like, I'll pick that guy. Just to call out, it seemed like you thought the government paid for the e-roof. I was joking.

I think it's privately funded. Yeah, yeah. The government doesn't pay for that at all. That's what we're saying. Like, you can see the, if you click all the way through to where you pay, you can see, like, who's donated and how much and so on. Some neighborhoods have a annual membership, $125 a year. Yeah, that was a more amount you could donate. I wonder if there's a guy who, like, seeks power using the era of the, like, a, like, a

city community and he's or maybe Orthodox too or he's like oh you know Mr. Goldberg you didn't donate enough to you know our you know annual Yom Kippur effort so who's to say that line doesn't break just around your neighborhood

I don't know who's to say and you could like make them an island now and they'll have to wait until Monday you go around it you know we have the house wire we we God told me about an anti-house wire and it's just at your house and you can't leave it negates the spell we've been expelled we've been expelled from the ear roof you don't understand that would be a great

signfeld episode holy shit oh my god why didn't they do that that would have been hilarious like like uncle leo gets expelled from the ear roof because of something jerry does and now he can't go out at all no this is what it would be it would be that uh jerry i saw you and your friend jorri i saw you and your friend approaching me on the street and then you walked to the other side of the ear roof. I couldn't talk to you. You know I can't leave the e-roof. I'm sorry. I didn't realize. Well, pay attention, Jerry. And then Kramer wants to expand the e-roof. So he's got it in his head. He wants Jersey to be covered because they're going out there. And then the Saturdays can't leave Manhattan because of the e-roof situation in New Jersey. And Kramer is going to expand the era of June 2, Jersey, for the purposes solely of dating this dude.

I love this episode already. I want to see it. That would be a good one. Get Larry David on the phone, Zach. Get Larry David. Well, get Larry David of 25 years ago on the phone. Oh, he's spry. He's spry.

No, let him relax. Yeah, that would be a great episode. You'd find the Jerry plotline, Kramer would be. I wanted to think that, like, maybe Kramer becomes infatuated with the magic aspect. It's like, Graber, I keep telling you, it's just a wire. It's not cherry. I talk to him. I spent four hours in there.

Kicks the door down. I'm Jewish. And he's got the hat on everything. Yeah, that's bizarre to me. It's, it's, I think the Christians do it right, right? The Christians have ridiculous bullshit in their Bible. And then they just pretend it's not there and, like, move past it. And the Jews, like, still bear.

honor it. And I'm like, ah, just, just pay no attention to people mixing fabrics or eating lamb or whatever they're doing wrong. Yeah, most people, or at least most Jews are not following that shit, like in New York, like, and everywhere. Like, most Jews in the U.S. are reform. And so they, they treat it more like a tradition, like an ethnic bond, not like a, you know, because I, my Jewish buddies, like when we were growing up, they would, they'd be like, yeah, That's kind of nonsense. But like we sit around and we do this for this. And like there's some sort of like forgiveness of sins holiday.

Maybe that is Yom Kippur. I don't know all of their list. And it was just like excuses to eat, like get together and eat and like have a good time with their families. Which is like who doesn't want that? The Jews are like top tier when it comes to like making up holidays and getting it off work. Anyone who's like worked in a corporate environment with a Jewish guy, you're always like, God damn it, Sam. Like, you guys have got it figured out. Like, you had last Wednesday off.

You got this Monday off. I think you just coughed today and you got tomorrow off. What's tomorrow? Okay. I guess. One of my first grown-up jobs was tech support for a software company. And I was like, the smokers have this fucking figured out. You know, we grind and grind and grind.

And these guys are like, I need a smoker's break. And that would just like an accepted part of workplace. tour. It's why I invented the secondhand smokers break. Or you could like, what you should do is just lie and be like, ah, cigarettes. I love to suck them down, but I'm quitting. That's why I go outside with a root beer, dumb, dumb, every five minutes, every once an hour and I have my sucker with all the other smokers. And then, you know, they offer you one and you're like, ah, don't, don't help me. Yeah, I see it. I like the openly defiant thing. Like, there's a double standard here. If you're addicted to cigarettes, you get, more time off work. Fuck it. I would make a smoking office. That would be my solution. We're not taking a break. We're not taking a break. We put in one of those little suction things like at the bank at your cubicle.

Just blow your smoke into that. It's sucked up into the stars. It's all good. Yeah, but everybody's got to deal with it then. I don't want to go home with like my suit smelling. Why? I don't think so that would work. I don't think you would work. We've got a daisy, are you? Oh, my suit smells.

You want to smell like Sigs? Like your suit to smell like Sigs? Of course not. Nobody wants that. Who cares? Who cares? What you had a French smelling competition after this? Like, what are you doing? You have a right to smell decently?

You don't have a right to infect you. It mellows out the day and it smooths out the evening. Your rights end at your body. When you start infecting other people with your nonsense, you're right. I didn't blow it up your ass. You came into my little sphere of influence and started. I'd go to war with you. Sucking up my air.

I would start a... You smoke indoors. You pollute all the air. I would start a, like, in, like, silent, like, hunger strike style protest, I would eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner until you stopped boiled eggs. Boiled eggs. Just boiled eggs. Counterterrorism. Yeah, counterterrorism. And I'm cropped dusty.

I'm inventing reasons to come to your, hey, I'm coming to your cubicle. And I'm like, hey, did you get a chance to check out those? She did you with that same vacuum thing, pulls that baby down. I'll start smoking cigars. You do that. And I'd know in the moment because it would come out hot. I'd be like I got him. Swish.

This one's going to make his suit stink. Oh, I feel that one down in my socks. Wait a minute. I actually am Jewish and I need to go home too now. Yeah, I think we should be able to smoke indoors. I don't like that. I don't like that they took the cigarettes away from the true patriots, sent them out in the streets like vagabonds.

You know, I think that if you're in a bar especially, bar should be smoking. I think disgusting addicts should be kicked to the curb, and so does the rest of society. Well, addicts to the what? Like, you know, you get to pick and choose your...

Cigrets in this case. The bars have patios. Just walk out to the patio and have your cig, and then come back in. That's where the non-smokers go. Out to the fresh air patio. Why don't they go out there with the fresh air? They love it so much.

I love it. You can't get enough of it, I hear. They're addicts. For fresh air. They can't live without it. No, you got to go outside, dude. Cigarette smokers are subhuman filth and they pollute everywhere, whether it be the air or the ground, and they should be treated as less than us. And if you want to go to a bar that allows smoking, actually, maybe this is like a remnant.

Because we have some of those here in certain municipal areas where you can still smoke. But it's like an understood thing. Like if you go to Hot Shots, which is the name of the bar, excellent chicken wings, shout out hot shots. It's known that like you can smoke in there. That's part of their thing. So like no one shows up at Hot Shots and is like, there's cigarette smoke. It's like, no, the people are going there because they're like hold out remnants of wanting to be able to smoke. Which of anything, I think that dovetails well with Woody's desire because that creates almost a magnetic containment zone where if Woody's at, you know, Ophallon's next door.

or something having a burger, he doesn't have to worry, because all the smokers are going to hot shots. There's only a precious few states still provide freedom to the smoker. Texas, Wyoming, Oklahoma, Missouri, Mississippi, Alabama, Tennessee, Kentucky, South Carolina, Georgia, West Virginia, and Pennsylvania in some cases.

Nevada as well for, like, you know, they allow smoking in the casino gaming floors and age-restricted standalone bars. Georgia, look at that. You're in the mayor. There's a lot of states. Yeah, yeah. I thought it was going to be like four. What was that, 10, 12? Yeah, it's like eight or 10.

Yeah, but like I only know because Missouri is on the list. Like most, the overwhelming majority of like places you can't, they'll kick you right to the curb. There's just a couple like districts where I guess they put it to vote every so often. And the people there love CIGs so much, they're like, no, don't force that on us. That's factious. Yeah, there are local ordinances. Even in states without statewide bans, individual cities or counties such as New Orleans. in Louisiana or specific towns in Texas, often for stricter local smoke-free laws.

And then on the opposite end of that, there's cigar bars and private bars where they do whatever they want. So cigar bars can actually smell kind of nice. I don't like cigars, but I like the cigar smell. Me too. I wonder if that's a normal thing. People think cigars smell terrible, but I often find it a little pleasant. But if I ever tried to, I haven't tried to smoke a cigar in decades.

but when I did. Have you ever smelled chewing tobacco? Like, like, like, uh, red man chewing tobacco in the pouch? It smells sweet.

A red man, probably, not really. It smells like something that you'd like, enjoy. It has like a deep, rich smell to it where you're like, hmm.

Oh, okay. All right. What was they put in it? It doesn't, it's just, I think tobacco itself has a sweet, smoky, like,

aroma. Oh, really? and flavor. Like I've chewed it before. Like I've grabbed it's like shredded up in these, it's almost like boiled cabbage. It's like soft like petals of it that are sliced when you get like Red Man or something. And it's like it's a sweet taste when you put in a chew of tobacco when it's not like Copenhagen or. I'm betting they put some sort of flavor dip.

Good stuff in it. Yeah, dude, Red Man. They're deliberately scented with winter green mint vanilla, licorice, molasses, fruit and spices. Alassus. That's what I'm getting. Yeah. Hell yeah. Well, have you guys ever had a like tobacco candle?

No. That seems counterproductive. No, it's like tobacco mixed with I'm jumping in here on your side and you tripped me. Like what the fuck is that? Dude, do you think I like the smell of tobacco? What are you talking about? I've just having fun here. Have you ever bought like a woody

I hate smoke? Candle like mahogany or something. and it also has tobacco in there. It's like rich. It's earthy. It's a nice like fall or winter scent because the first time you see like tobacco on a candle at fucking bed bath and beyond or whatever, you're like that does not seem right for a scent because you're so poisoned to think that tobacco means cigarette smell, but it's not. No, tobacco smells really good. Again, like I remember my uncle used to chew that red man shit and I would like or Levi Garrett.

I think that was the other brand. Redman. Levi Garrett. and Copenhagen at winter green. Okay. I've had Red Man once in my life. So there are winter green dips that use a ton of winter green. So the point is when you put it in, it's like mentholated dip.

It's this like icy. You know how some mints have that really powerful effect of like making your mouth almost numb and icy even though they're not cold? They feel cold. There are dips that do that. They have so much winter green or whatever added to them. But Red Man and Levi Garrett, like I mean, I'm sure they have. like you're saying, but the core smell is that molasses sort of, I don't know, like caramelized

sugar sort of smell, almost like caramelized tobacco, I guess. It smells good. The first time I ever used chewing tobacco when I was in high school, like, I just, they didn't have like those pouch things yet. They weren't out. It was just regular loose dip. And I had friends who did it. And so I like stopped. And I was like, I'm going to try dip. let's see what the fuss is about and I had no idea what I was doing I saw people do that thing where they like slap the can so that it like packs it down I couldn't I couldn't figure the rhythm of that out correctly I was like I guess it's packed enough I open it up I like took a pinch and I put it in my lower lip like you're supposed to and I don't know what I thought I thought that somehow it just knew to congeal in that one area like after 15 seconds it looked like I had like chewed open a tea bag and it was just on all my tea on my time like I'm like oh no it looked like I had just eating disgusting Oreos and that was that was like maybe the last time that I tried it before the pouches I think I threw the rest of that can away I'm like I didn't even it wasn't even in the

correct place long enough to get a buzz it immediately spread throughout everywhere got between my teeth terrible stuff every time I did it are disgusting orios are wonderful this was not an Oreo This was Oh, I see disgusting Oreos being these things as if I get it. Have you ever seen someone like eat an Oreo and then immediately open their mouth? Yes. It's like my son does it too frequently. Are you ever like, you know, Colin, give it a minute.

It's Oreo. Yeah, you got it. Yeah, you turned it up good there. All right. Didn't miss a bit. Wow. So mushy. I hate that.

I was doing a bunch of like yanking weeds and yard work and shit a couple hours ago. And I picked something up that I must have like I scratched myself on my arm with it. And it started like I don't know if this was an allergic reaction or not, but the whole location of the scratch like over the course of 40 minutes like it burned and then went from a scratch and like expanded. And I've never had like poison Ivy Oak Sumac. like I assume I'm not allergic, so I was always tooling around in the woods as a kid, and I've never had that. And I was like, is that what this is? And within the next like 40 minutes, it shrunk back down. Like it expanded and shrunk within 40 minutes. That's crazy.

And now it's just fading. I have no idea what it costs it. It takes longer than that to set in. You would notice it mostly tomorrow. Okay. Well, fingers crossed. That's, that wouldn't be it if it took that long to set in. That's not, I'm kind of a subject matter. I'm an expert on this poison. I everything. I, I didn't meet my first port. who was immune to that until I was in my 20s. And I thought he had a superpower.

It was like, you could just walk around the woods, not giving a flip what you're walking through? Like, that's incredible. You know, the hairy vines that are poison oak on the side of the tree? He's just holding them to provide it so, because it's a steep hill. And I'm like, you could just do that? That's poison oak? Yeah, the hairy vines in the side.

Oh, I am not allergic to poison oak. I had no idea that was poison. I want to fact check myself now, but yeah, I think so. I've played with those. Yeah, because I remember, like, in the woods, I, like, my buddy Ben, when we were, like, in probably grade school, got ate up all over his ankles and legs. And, like, he had, like, these disgusting welts when I saw him on Monday even. We were running through the same area, and I didn't get shit. I Googled it to be sure.

Harry Rope, don't be a dope. That's what Google told me to remember. So, yeah, it must be nice to be immune to that stuff. I am not at all. I've never gotten... I'm either immune to it or I've just never gotten into it walking in the woods. Although, like, I was always careful not to just...

I mean... Roll around in there, you know? Like... I feel like you're both that guy and it's not fair. I don't think it's that rare to be immune to it. I was usually pretty covered up in the woods, you know? Like, you know, most of my woods hunting was in the winter. So you had kind of cover-all type outfits on and...

Oh, no. I was frolicing in little shorts, building force. Yeah. I've a little bit of that too, I guess. You know, there's some, the woods by my dad's house is where I would build my traps and my, like, uh, like Rambo's, Rambo first blood style holdout defense areas and shit like that, you know?

I was just thinking. Oh, go ahead. You go, yeah. I was just in my head. I was like, I was just thinking like, man, you never hear about anybody getting poison ivy anymore. And I was like, maybe it's because you're 35. Like,

none of my friends are getting poison oak or detention these days it's crazy yeah i would get it everywhere i get my arms my forms swelled up like pop-eye they turned black and blue they swall so swollen i get it on my dick and balls and i'm not even sure how i my theory is it was on my hands and i like peed in the woods um but like yeah i was just it was super big problem for me That's crazy. Yeah, I didn't have anything like that. I remember when kids would have it. Like some allergy to even like a third thing that's even more common that you're getting exposed to.

What's the little rhyme for poison ivy? It's like leaves of three, stay away from me or something, leave a bee. That's no idea. We didn't do rhymes. Yeah, I thought it was like five, though. Leaves of five. You know, stay alive. No, that would not.

Lease of three, let it be. That's what it is. Barry's white, running fright, Harry Vine, no friend of mine. Okay. That's all I got. Yeah, my dad's not like an Indian track or who does rhymes or anything. I think he would just be like, don't touch that.

You know the ancient wisdom. Leaves of three. Away from me. Wow, that rhymed in Navajo too. How serendipine. not at all. Not at all. Oh, five I think is the tips on.

I think it's very easy for good in Navajo. I think it might be a five-pointed leaf that might be where I got the five from. Leaves of three, you know, like bundles of three with five points, I'm not sure. I'm looking at it now. It does look like about five, yeah. I remember, I looked like seven.

I don't think there was just too much show out there with three leaves. I was like, if I get it, I get it. Like, there's no, I'm not count. Well, hang on a minute. So we've been talking about poison ivy and poison oak. There's also, as Taylor mentioned, Poison Sumac. But then there's something called their lookalikes to these three plants called the Virginia Creeper, the box cider, and pepper vine that look very similar to the three before mentioned things.

Like, this is the crap shoot. You got to literally be some kind of a Navajo tear down the cheek Indian before you can go, oh, that's actually Creeper Vine. Oh, just a bit of pepper plant. Oh, it's good for sore teeth. Like, no fucking way. For sore teeth. You won't even, soon, you won't even remember your teeth were sore. The ultimate care.

I wonder how their teeth were. I often wonder about oral hygiene amongst, you know, like primitive peoples. Because sometimes you see the, yeah, all time. Literally every time I'm brushing my teeth with like a plastic scientist-designed, electric motor powered magician's tool and like some sort of like chemical paste that comes in a tube

and then I've got my floss and stuff and still I got chompers falling out every now and then meanwhile you got these African cats grinding the bark off trees with their fucking front teeth and they got early whites like Hollywood porcelain. That's true but also

I don't think the other people in that tooth grinding guys like that tree grinding guy's tribe would appreciate being associated with him like there's no way like I'm serious

they're like oh they came for the interview I did not see them please tell me they did not talk to Alan like they are going to think we all debark trees like that

before European contact the dental health Native Americans was generally very good with low rates of tooth decay due to natural diets and hygiene habits. Sure, but what about like morning breath? Do they just have breakfast? That's a bad diet causing the morning breath, I bet they would say.

I bet. See, this guy here, you think he has morning breath? No, sir. In Toronto, every arrival is a statement, and nothing says it better than this. Cadillac Optic was the number one selling luxury EV in Canada for 2025. Find your rhythm across a seamless 33-inch display and an immersive 19 speaker AKG. surround audio system. This city demands agility and optic delivers with precision to make every drive extraordinary. Let's take the Cadillac. Find out more at Cadillac canada.ca. Luxury sales claim based on

S&P Global Mobility Canadian New Vehicle Total Registrations for calendar year 2025 for the Cadillac definition of luxury. When Westcham first took flight in 1996, the vibes were a bit different. People thought denim on denim was peak fashion, inline skates were everywhere, and two out of three women rocked, the Rachel. While those things stayed in the 90s, one thing that hasn't is that fuzzy feeling you get when Westjet welcomes you on board. Here's to WestJetting since 96. Travel back in time with us and actually travel with us

at westjet.com slash 30 years. No, sir. What are? We're debarking that motherfucker. What does he look like when he's older? Is he using his top teeth or his father? He's using his top teeth. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

And all the people in the audience. I almost had, dude. that guy shook his head like he didn't just pay that poor guy eight bags of skittles to do that shit I'd be out there I'd be in the audience my fucking disposable camera dressed like Nigel Thornberry being like so we we are going to see elephants though like right is that next like they paid 15 grand and pop see this tour we're on hour number two of him grading trees down with his teeth I'm going to fuck with the white people The only one

I get fucked with is his fucking teeth That cannot be good for My would break right off If I did that shit I know it What kind of tree is that The softest Amazonian

Rock tree Oh I don't think he was Amazonian I think he was African I don't know where the fuck this homie is I'm not gonna judge He'd probably eat me Well I'm judging the And he'd have no trouble doing it

You chomp right through. Let's see. I'm trying to figure out where this guy is. It's got to be Africa. Yeah, I'm guessing Africa. Yeah, he's black and it doesn't look like there was a gigantic canopy of like heavily rained upon trees around him. Indigenous man? It doesn't say indigenous to where.

Yeah. What's the point of even using Indigenous as descriptor unless you say of where? Like what's the point? Tanzania. It's Tanzania. Like if I see some Finnish guy up there scraping ice for nutrients or whatever they do, like, and they say, this is an indigenous man. I'd be like, of where?

Like, you got to name it. Yeah. Otherwise, it's just, yeah. Discussed. I was a little worried because after I yanked that thing that made my arm briefly burn, I like rubbed my forehead because it was 100 degrees out outside. And then my forehead started burning. And I'm like, oh, no.

shows tonight. Like what if I have to show up with just the reddest forehead? I'm probably already sunburned because I was out there longer than I thought I would need to be. Is all the maintenance done at your house? No more crews hanging around?

Everything is back to normal other than I have a big like 15 yard dumpster being delivered Monday because so much shit has accumulated from repairs and whatnot in my garage that I haven't been able to park in there. And so, you know, I'm going to be spending one day and Tuesday doing a lot.

If you're like me, you just kind of collect stuff over the years where you're like, I don't want to throw that away. But a year and a half from now, I will. Yeah. I've got a lot of junk like that where I'm like, I don't have the heart to just throw you away, although I have nothing else to do with you. I'm going to store you for a year until I don't feel as bad about this and just needs to be thrown in a dog.

Well, a lot of this is just junk. It's like the pallets that the flooring came on or the, pallets that the giant that both my vanity replacements came on and all that sort of shit. Insurance come through? I did not have to file because it was not my problem, but the company came through for me. Sweet. They took care of it. Yeah.

I don't think, did I ever even say what happened with that on the show? Yeah, you said that that lady was drinking and she crashed through your breakfast nook area. and then that caused the roof to collapse. Yeah, and then I turned to the camera. And it was like Mondays, am I right? Yeah, that's how it went. It was funny because she had a Garfield shirt on at the time. It was great.

It was covered in vomit. She was trashed. Thank God it was a smart car. Could have done real damage. Everything's back to normal. Got new bedroom furniture. And so I'll be, I'll be. So that's another thing.

I have to somehow lift all this heavy furniture myself or drag it to that dumpster because it's not you have to be very, you have to play Tetris with these dumpsters. Like you can't just, I can't just put the old dresser in and they just let it stand upright or let it lean in a way that there's empty space underneath it. Like I need to, I need to get the old mattress down first because that'll mush. That'll mush down. Nah, I can do it. I'll be fine.

My wife could help me out if I need like, to readjust something a little bit, but I think I can, I can handle it. Yeah. That would suck if I couldn't handle moving all this furniture into a dumpster from my garage to right outside my garage. I'd be like,

why am I, why do I even lift? Okay, but in your garage, that's different. I'm just imagining every time I've moved my mattress, that Casper King's size mattress, is such a handful to move by yourself.

And like, your fingers, like the back of them like gets rubbed off. Because like you squeeze it, but your hands just go into it because it's a mattress and you end up with a fist of it. in the back your fingers are rubbing against that abrasive like material. And by the time I've done, there's no skin left on them.

And your fingertips feel weird after gripping something like that really hard for a while. It's like my fingertips are sore because that wasn't a good thing to grab. Do you like the Casper as a mattress? Is it your favorite? Like me and my girlfriend talk about this all the time about like buying a new one. And it always comes down to like, this one's perfect. This one's so good. Like I love the one I have.

Like the firmness is perfect. like it shows no signs of like I don't know being worn out in any way like because it's that like foam stuff it's not like a spring mattress and it's got like a divot somewhere like it looks brand new I mean it's it's got some stains on it where I've like spilt my soda on myself at night or over the course of the last decade but otherwise it's like perfect I love it yeah those phone mattresses are the way to go more comfortable and way way cheaper than spring is that what you have you do spring we have a we have a we have a a spring mattress with some sort of foam top on it. And Jackie wants a new mattress. And I instantly thought Casper. And I don't know where she wants to lay in. She says her back hurts her when she wakes up.

So she wants a better mattress. I am a sucker for the most like cushy, like grandma's feather bed kind of mattress you can find. But I don't think that's good for your back. So maybe one of those mattresses where you like choose the firmness on each side. Temporatic. Sleep number bed. Yeah.

Yeah. I remember. I haven't really done research. I was at a number. I think it was like $6,000 or $7,000. And then when she was done with it, she gave it to me. And I threw away because I didn't like it. I thought it was lame.

I like the Casper more. And it was this whole apparatus that I didn't like dealing with. I do have a heated and cooled mattress topper now. But that Casper mattress is just the tops. And I think they're probably. be like $1,200 or something like that. They're not like a $3,000 mattress. Some mattress are $3,000 or $4,000. How do you control the temp on the heated and cool topper? There's a knob for each side. Each side has their own little knob that you can, you know,

adjust. Is it hard to get to the knob? Is it like a wired remote hanging off the side of the bed? It's a wired remote hanging off the side of the bed and we each have a remote on our side. And it doesn't really, it's, I don't know, it's positioned well. You can kind of move. where the port is from the top of the bed or the bottom of the bed. You don't really want it like up here near your head. It's like a little puck where like the wires plug in and connect to the blanket to do all of its stuff. I like it. But my girlfriend likes it hot.

So her side of the bed is always like an incubator. And all the dogs get on her side of the bed, which I love. So it's her and three dogs over there. And I'm over here on my cool like island oasis of niceness with my bamboo she, sleeping with three dogs is a fucking nightmare we were in bed this morning and I was like all five of us huh she's like yep all five of us what are you complaining for they're on me and they literally are like little Murphy's like on her pillow like licking the side of her head and like Toby's got his head laid on her stomach like staring right into her eyes and then

Memphis is just laid across her feet I love my dogs but they are needy very needy they're dogs. They need you. They can't feed themselves. More needy than normal. Like they've got to be attached to you. Like they scream if they think you're leaving without them. Literally scream.

Toby pisses himself when people come home and he greets them. Like when he sees you come home and you've been gone for six hours, he pisses himself if you like make too big of a deal of the greeting. He'll piss, he'll piss himself. Right there. You can't take it. daughter's dog does that. And when she comes over,

she's so excited to see my dogs. We just keep her on the porch for a bit. But just peeing out there. You're like, all right. She draged yet? I'll kick it out. She can come in. My dogs are just as clingy, I'm sure. You say they scream. Yeah, they do this like yawn dinosaur.

It's like, my God. And they're so big. So big. My daughter used to have rats. Like, you might not know. Rats make actually pretty dope pets. But she's done with the rats now. She has real dogs.

And she buried her rats in my yard, which makes sense. We have a great big yard. And the house isn't going anywhere. She's a renter. All my wife told her was, man, Joni. She smells bad. And hope immediately and correctly deduced. Did your dog did?

up the grave of my rats and start eating it and rolling in it? My wife didn't text back. Those could have been anyone's rats. I was like maybe it was some other rodent. I don't know, but the size was a lot, right? So I checked the barrier site and my dogs had moved the cinder blocks aside, excavated the dead rat, pulled it into the center of the backyard, and just started chewing and scenting themselves with the dead animal.

Oh, did you add? You're like, I mean, there could have been a squirrel with the little collar that said Felix. Like that could have been. Yeah. Yeah, they love that. That's the, that's the worst trade of the dog. I've never had a dog that ate shit. But I know that that's a common thing that I like hear about.

But our dogs, because they were, you know, we had a farm, there would frequently be dead animals. Like a chicken might just die somewhere and rot, you know, outside the building. There's a quarter million of them there. Sometimes they slip through the cracks. And those dogs would like wallow on the rotten putrid. I don't mean a chicken that smells a little off. I mean, he's turned to like a purple and green gooey like mixture of like he looks like blended prunes now. And they're rolling in that, getting it deep in their fur.

Just like they're and they come back to you. They're so proud. They're like, boss, smell me. You gotta love it. Isn't this potent? Because to them, it must be like their sense of smell like a quarter million times more powerful than ours. It must be orgasmic to have that much of an intense.

I would think it would be the opposite. I had, yeah. No patience for my, I had, I washed my dog to cleaned her up. So I'm like putting her in the shower, shampooing her face. And she's like, like you fucking deserve this. Like the shampoo getting under her big floppy lips and everything. It's like, this is the dirty part. Now she smells like shampoo.

that's the funniest thing. You ain't dead rat. Stop playing gourmet. Sometimes like when you're washing what you clap for. We've all seen the face like when you're washing a dog or your dog and they've like resigned themselves

that it's going to happen and they just give you those eyes of like why are you doing this? Like what did I do? Did I upset you? Like what's the purpose of this? And it's poor little fuckers. Do you ever watch the dog washing channels on YouTube?

dog washing channels I want tons There's two of them I mostly watch there's a cute girl who washes dogs and she sort of like narrates the dog washing footage and she's like this is Oscar he's a 215 pound great Pyrenees

he's in real need of dematting and today we're going to start off with the blueberry face lotion and she like goes through this like pampering process for this big dog and by the end he's a different dog and sometimes they're bitey sometimes they're

trying to eat them the whole time and they got to put this scary muzzle on them. You know, they're blowing them out with the big, uh, using the vacuum and a big blower and stuff and the dog's losing it shit. I, one time, watch a lot of dog washing at my house. I've seen, I know that I'm, as soon as you said, like the blueberry shampoo, I'm like,

yeah, I know that channel. I think she sells that. And, uh, I saw one where the dog was so bitey, it couldn't get full service. The dog looked better. A lot better. But she was just like, I'm in danger. And this dog. is in such distress that we're just going to go like two-thirds of the way. Are you watching dog grooming videos on your television too?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, watch them on TV. That's some AARP shit. That's, sir. You all make fun of that? I don't even get it. Like, the fact that I'm using the wrong electronic phone app. It makes no sense. What apps am I allowed to use on my television and which ones are only allowed for my phone?

The idea you're sitting there like scrolling through your laptops too? Through shorts. No, I buy plane tickets on my phone or whatever, but like, why wouldn't I? Is it just shorts that are against the rules or YouTube in general? No, it's just like if, because there's like long YouTube documentaries and videos, you'd probably want to pop on your TV. How long does a YouTube video have to be to be viewed on a television set? How long can shorts be? I don't know.

I don't know. It used to be a minute, but now it seems like they go. two and a half sometimes longer than that you can't be sitting there like watching shorts just hitting down on your remote why because like you're gonna want to change what you searched soon because the algorithm gets all wonky and then you're gonna have to you're just on the homepage i just click shorts and go and like the first one will be like bodybuilding shit it'll be like sam suleck talking about like some sort of the grip that he uses for his pulldowns like a lot of guys waste of time doing this, that, and the other.

Screw all that. Look at the muscle activation I'm getting. I'm like looking at his back. Like, fuck yeah, bro. And then I click the button again. And it's like, during World War II, the British were at the last man. It was at the siege of Hastings. I'm like, nah, not today. And then the next one is like, room, room, 700 horsepower.

Room, room, 1,000 foot pounds of torque. The new Dodge Demon. I'm like, no, not today. And I'm like, I'm clicking through. And it's my interest. The next one is like Randy Coutour talking about like, yeah, it was a different sport back then. The men were men and the sheep were afraid. I'm like, no, not today. It's like, it's my interest for me, like, perfect. And I click through them and I watch half an hour of it with my girlfriend and we comment as we watch. Like, I don't know why I can't watch YouTube shorts on

my TV. I don't get it. It's just, it's just boomer. It's just boomer mode watching YouTube shorts on your TV. It's old man shit. Wellbers don't know how to use YouTube short. That's all they know how to do is just hit a button and then then they're just like you along for the ride. Whatever is served up to them. I mean, I click faster or slower, depending on whether I like it or not, right? If I go fast, it notices.

He's like, oh, he didn't like that. He's a little tired of Sam Sulek. Let's give him a little, like more plates, more dates. You know, like we'll start filtering that in. Maybe I need to watch more shorts because I very, very rarely watch shorts. And so I don't think maybe my shorts algorithm is good. The historical ones are so good. Like, like, it's these little like two,

three minute doses of historical stuff. Obviously it doesn't give you the background, but oftentimes it'll spur me on to be like, really? I didn't know that. I got to watch the long form content. And I'll go to their channel and watch the whole like 90 minute video about the Athenians or whatever, the battle at marathon or whatever.

I like my shorts. I'll defend them till the end. I watch them on my TV because it's big and it's beautiful. And that's the room. Do you worry that you're damaging your brain? Because I worry about that. No. Taylor sends me like studies about how

damaging my brain about how it's creating like like like like like living room hypnosis or something like that between this and like in chat between this and like gpt brain people are like speed running being retarded it's information i'm learn i'm speed running like learning this is like the matrix when they put that plug in the back of kianna reeves head and he's like i know kung fu that's how that's not what real learning is though right that's like true it's like true trivia. Like the YouTube version of learning about space doesn't teach you any fundamentals. It just teaches you like trivia kind of stuff. Like did you know that satellites are kind of falling? They're just missing the earth as they go around and round. It's Newton's canon. I'm like, oh, that's fascinating. If you can learn it in a short, it's not like the full. If you were to learn it in school, you'd have the math behind it. You'd be able to launch a satellite. We don't need to know how to do trigonometry to understand the, the, the, the, the, the principles of it though. Like, I don't need to calculate a launch vector myself

to understand how they're achieved. But could you, if you watched enough shorts? Yeah, of course I could. No, you couldn't. Why not? How hard could it be? Because you'd get tricked by some guy, and they'd be like,

today we are going to teach you how to calculate a launch vector. I will soon begin explaining the process of calculating the launch vector. That'll be up. And next time for learning how to calculate the launch of things. I like recipes too. I use a lot for recipes as I'm clicking through. I'm just like looking at eight different ways to make my barbecue chicken or whatever. Like I stand by.

I learn tons of stuff from there. All sorts of like weightlifting stuff and diet stuff and cooking stuff and historical like little trivia things. I like it. Yeah. I like shorts too, but I'm cautious about them breaking my brain. I probably average like 10. a day, maybe a little more, but less than 15. And I'll sit here at like a video game loading screen looking for like something to entertain me

during the 15 seconds it's loading. And I'm like, I might be broken. I think I've damaged myself. Yeah. I see some of those like, uh, those like bro, uh, mind hacking guys now are doing like multiple hours per day of like staring at a white wall in a room of silence with, nothing, like some sort of like forced. First of all, they're doing the opposite. I don't believe

them. These are the same fuck shits who say they go to bed at midnight and wake up at four every day. No, you don't. You just lie to people. You just lie. Like, you don't stare at blank walls for hours a day to build your attention span. You want to learn. Go take a college course if you want to increase your attention span. Like those guys will test your ability to focus and lock in. I think they're trying to reprogram like their brain chemistry and their like reward system. Because something, I can't remember how they explained it. But it actually made a little bit of sense.

Of course, I'm not going to spend any time in a quiet room staring at a white wall at all. I'm, no. I don't know. Yeah, I'm bad with the needing attention distractions all the time too. Like just within the last week, I was doing dishes and my phone was dead. And so it was in the other room charging. And so I couldn't have like a podcast playing as I'm doing it. And I was like, this is like, this is like the middle ages.

Like I'm just, I'm having to like focus on getting the food particles out of the pan. I used the evening prior. Like, no, I need some fucking mat and chain secret podcasts or something. I go on a little journey in my mind during times like that. I like going a little story in my mind and I'll like come to like 15 minutes later and be like, oh, oh, okay, back in the real world. Oh, that's good because maladaptive daydreaming is a sign your mind is by the bean on point. Wait, that's bad because I do that too. My whole life.

I like for this podcast. Like something will come up and I'll think about how I would talk about that topic on this show. And then Jackie's like, did you get any of that? And I'm like, you're going to have to start over. I was in my own mind. Yeah, my whole life. I've like had these. I would go into a daydream and then come out of it and be like,

fuck, I hope nothing important happened in this room in the I have no idea how much time has passed. Like that's literally my entire life. Like if I'm in a boring room about something I just couldn't care less about, if she's up there fucking teaching us how to do like Y plus X equals B or some shit, I'm just like all of a sudden I'm in a fantasy realm. And like by the time I come through the bells ringing and we're and she's like, all right, have that to me by the morning. And I'm like, oh, no. I look around. Everybody's putting away notes. I'll like, I'll do the same day.

I can't judge because I do the same thing. But like if I'm ever like lost in one of those daydreams, sometimes if someone, my wife or whoever's like, what do you, what are you thinking about? Like I have to just say nothing because the reality is like I've spent the last 40 minutes like fantasizing intensely about being like the best goal score in the NHL to the point that I'm like thinking what my stat lines would be, what matchups would happen, what my reputation on the ice would be, how I would do this and that. You know what's crazy? You're the best goal score. In my equivalent, I'm the best goalie. Oh, there you go. I played out and you played a goal.

Grass is always greener. I guess so. Yeah, yeah. I just feel like, if you were, like, borderline superhero, I'm not sure that's a guaranteed success rate in, like, playing forward, for example. There's a lot going on. But Spider-Man. Never lets a puck in.

He just gets 82 shutouts a year. Yeah. Yeah, but I'm not giving myself powers. So we kidnap Aunt May and we got her up in the box. A couple of goons putting the screws to Aunt May up there. You're focusing on Aunt May's box. What are you, Iron Man? I just hold up a sign from the box says five whole.

And like he gives me the nod. We know that the game is on. Just your little secret with your giant. And like roughen up Ant May up there, like it's full of you. It is fun maladaptive daydreaming. How can it be bad? I think it's an evolutionary thing that we earned that helped us like leave the caves and be successful as a species because I don't think the tiger can do that.

I don't think the tiger can be like, all right, we're going out today. I'm going to try to get in the bush. It's going to stay low and stay hidden. Going to move slow. We're going to get that antelope. And like imagining how it's going to be going to. going to go, but early hunters, they totally could do that. They'd be like, like, picturing what it's going to be, like, imagining the hilltop they're going to get on and like where they're going

to go and like sort of pre-planning out the thing. I think it's an advantage. Plus for me, like, most of my like daydreaming is like highway hypnosis or cardio hypnosis. Like I, if I'm doing cardio and I have to, I don't know if you've ever done an hour worth of cardio, Taylor, like without stopping. You ever do that? Yeah, unlike you, I played sports. It's awful. It's awful. It's awful. All right. It's terrible. I played a sport. Baseball's not a sport. He was good at his activity. He claims it is. All right. Chat, GPT claims it is.

I was a real athlete, Taylor, unlike you, okay? What does the goal you do? Sit there the whole game? You're glorified catcher. All right? Those aren't athletes either. We laugh at the catchers. You're the catcher. Yeah. Maybe if they were trying to shoot it at me, you know, that's a pretty. No, you're the guy with a specialized gear who mostly sits there and doesn't like move around and sprint a whole lot. You're the catcher hockey.

What I'm getting is when I do cardio, I go into my hypnosis mode and I try to like go on some sort of like fairyland fantasy to take my mind off the fact that I'm just pumping this bike monotonously while staring at CNN for the next 60 minutes. I have never experienced that lovely like runners high while running. I only get like, I don't know, runners depression, runners dread, runners pain. I get those things. Runner's fear.

Runner's shame. Runners high. I'm unfamiliar with that one. Yeah. I've also never had enjoyment from any form of like, like I've never hit a level of consistent cardio where I've had fun with it. Because that's what those fucking people lie about. Well, but I feel good after any workout.

I've been there with swimming. I've swam hard and long to where I'm just, I don't know, singing footloose in my head on a roll, kind of like being happy at this is going well. Yeah. So that's cool. Cardio sucks. Yeah, cardio's the worst.

I hope new data comes out to show that it's bad for you. We need a little like egg moment where they're like, you know what, all this time you thought it was good? It's not. Have you ever seen those people that run ultramarathons? It's like they look sick almost. Oh, I'm glad you mentioned that. Did you see the news story of, I think the competition might have been in Asia somewhere,

but there was an Australian competitor. It was some sort of a crossfit style, like mixed event thing. And the Australian lady shit herself on event like three of ten and just didn't stop. And when I say she shit herself, it has ran into her socks down the backs of both of her legs. and she's still out there sharing equipment with people and like doing pull-ups and like bar presses and everybody is getting exposed to it's good strategy it's like having an oil slick for a car you're keeping people off the you know fucking monkey bars because you're going to sure to hit her with a fire hose like moot us just any sport where you could shit yourself like that and

keep going come on get out of here like you should have to stop. There should be a penalty. It's like three minutes for shitting. You can keep going in any sport if you're devoted. Actually, it should be punished. It's a UFC disqualification now.

It's a UFC disqualification now? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that makes sense. That actually should be. You could get very sick. Yeah, and also the other guy made you shit yourself. You lose.

Playground rules. Like, what are we talking about? That's fair. That's fair. Yeah. Well, then I guess I was defeated by a bunch of fiber gummies. Like, sometimes people would take diuretics to make weight and then they'd poop themselves on fight night

now the diuretics are banned now so there's less pooping than there used to be but I feel like it's happened in the last year or two I can't name them yeah I can't name it either but I've heard Joe Rogan be like I know guys who've shit themselves in the cage you know they've looked at me like dude I am about to shit myself and he's like there are the fight's about to start like the fight's about to start and he's looking over at Rogan like I'm about to shit myself. He's like, maybe we could call a time out, let him run in the back. Everyone would understand. Like, that would be, like, everyone just need, got to take a shit real quick.

Like, he's going to run in the back. I feel like no one would complain. We'd all understand. I don't want to shit himself out there. They've done, there was an NHL goalie. This was years ago. I don't remember who it was, but like the announcers were like pondering what happened because the goalie was playing really, maybe it was Andre Vasilevsky for the lightning. His name's coming to mind, but it could have been. someone else. And just like randomly in the middle of the second period, he just like right as a play ends. He just books it off the ice. And the backup goalie comes in. They're doing it.

They're like winning the game and the announcers are like, this is curious. You know, there could be there could be some kind of injury that just cropped up. It could be something else. You know, maybe they're trying to get their backup, you know, equipment emergency, something like that. It's really weird. Oh, he's sprinting down the tunnel now. Interesting. We'll see if we see him again. and all best wishes to Bessilevsky here. And then one guy's like... He's hoblin just fine. And then one announcer was like, you know, it could be much simpler.

We'll leave it at that. We'll see if we see him. And then just five minutes later, he comes back out and they switched again. It's like, I think we got our answer there, folks. I think, you know, maybe a little number two emergency for the gold team. And, you know, like, if you have to really shit, I know you guys have never like strapped on, or what he probably has, strapped on all the goalie equipment. like when you get to the stall, you're halfway there.

And that's, and you know how bad that is, because you can see the toilet and that gets the cauldron murmuring even more. There's a mental effect. It's boiling closer to the toilet. But you have to unstrap every single one of the straps on your pads so then they can fall forward and you can lower your pants.

And so you're like frantically like fumbling at those straps. I had to do that when me and this backup goalie, both got food poisoning on a hockey tournament is either like Detroit or Nashville or something. And we were like, we switched back and forth and back and forth over and over. And he, he almost hung me out to dry where at one of our switches, he was like, you know what man. I know I just went, but you really got to try and finish out like the second. Like I don't, I don't feel comfortable coming out again.

And I was like, Josh, don't you, don't you fuck me here. Don't you fuck me here. If I start skating, he's like, you're the starting goalie. you have to blot. I'm like, I can't believe I'm going to shoot my pants. And this was the same guy in this tournament, back to the mattresses. I just remembered, they didn't give us all rooms, but me and the other goalie stayed in a room together and it just had one giant king bed. So we slept in the same king together, but it was a sleep number bed.

And we're both like 14 or 15. And so we were laying on it. And we'd never heard of this before. And he was like, I think I came in. and he was already laying on. He's like, Taylor, get on the other side of the bed. You're not going to believe this. So we laid there for a while.

And I was like, oh, sick. Okay, now you go as soft as you possibly can. I'll go as hard as I can. And we'll see if we can tell. It's like, yeah, this is sick. This is cool. Like, it's already fun enough being on one of those hockey tournaments with just being ruffians in the hotel.

This was at the Nashville Gaylord Opryland Hotel, which is gigantic. They had like, like, like gardens in it. And like where you could walk through these giant gardens with like a couple restaurants in it. It was it was sick. It made up for the. And it was also great because it's a hockey tournament in Nashville. So like the local teams were not good. Like the boys from like Detroit and like, you know,

Minnesota, you know, they also came and those guys are pretty tough. I'm imagining what a mess it would make if shit got smeared on the hockey ice out there. I'm just picturing the Zamboni like going over and leap. Oh my God. A roomba. Yeah, like a rhomba on dog shit. Ooh, I really should scrape that up first.

And the crowd's just booing and ooing. They're playing the, like, I don't know, they got the girls out there and the bikinis with their shovels. They're falling in it. Sounds like the crowd's booing, Tom. More like pooing, Ted. Do other teams have hot girls,

like, clean the ice between periods and stuff? Yeah. Yeah. The blues have the ice girls come out. I think the hurricane started it. I'm not positive, but I think they started it. For years, they didn't do that. They were in, like, leggings and, like, booty shorts with, like, bikini top, not bikini, like, crop tops.

And they had shovels. And they could skate really well. I remember that. Yeah. Well, you better be able to. That's got to be, like, after being, like, young and thin and attractive, they've got to be, like, can you skate? Like, proven. And shovel while doing so well.

Like, they were good shovelers. That was the other thing. Like, you could tell there was some method to, like, what they were. they were doing. Like, we've done this before. Oh. All right. I like this.

That was one of the things I was surprised by from the whole like hockey like game culture. I don't know. I wish we had a hockey team here. It's lame. We don't. Maybe they'll get them again someday. No. We have a world champion hockey team here in Raleigh.

I thought I bring that up. That's true. We do too from seven years ago. We're the defending world champs. They could repeat it. They could run it back. I think they're going to be very good again this year. Yeah.

I like the small market teams winning. Me too. Hockey does that well. I'm trying to think. Basketball does that pretty well. Football does it well. Maybe they're all pretty good at that. Baseball sucks, right?

Yeah, baseball seems like it's the same couple teams, right? Dodgers. And actually, who else has been? Braves won in, what was it, 18? I feel like the Dodgers win damn near every year. I have no, but I don't follow baseball. Kyle was correct. We're early this season.

The cards were like really hot. And I was like, hey, maybe we'll go to the playoffs. And Kyle was like, zero percent chance. They suck. And I was like, what does he know? And then, yeah, it turns out he was right. There's 17 games back in the middle of the season. It was rough.

So the last 10 world champions were Cubs, Astros, Red Sox, Nationals, Dodgers, Braves, Astros, Rangers, Dodgers, Dodgers, So you're right about the Dodgers. They won 17, 18, and then the last two years, and then in 2020. Yeah, five of the last 10. Did just two teams make the wild card?

Oh, they've changed that a time or two, and I don't know anymore. The Phillies are only up by half a game on the Padres between second and third for the wild card. I thought they were like a shoe in for the wild car, but now I'm not so sure. They were, they had every opportunity to win the division. They had, they were only like three games back at one point, and then they had multiple three game series with the Braves. I think they may still have another one, but the Braves keep taking like two out of three from them and stuff like that.

And then the Braves are gone and went two out of three in their next series, and the Phillies will lose two out of three. They've been sliding. Season's almost over. Would you trade the Hawks? for a hockey team? Of course. I hate, yeah. I don't watch basketball.

I don't know. I'd rather watch WNBA than the Hawks. Are they not good? I have no idea. I know I'm sure they're not great. I bet they're probably like second or third every year or something like that. I don't know. I don't really follow.

I'm looking at. It looks like the Phillies have a 98.1% chance of making the playoffs. That's good. It's an A plus. They're going to make it. Yeah. That just means like they'd have to lose every remaining game and some The Marlins have to win every team, every game.

I just can't watch the Philliesball or basketball. Even football, like, there's just so many commercials and breaks. I want to like football so much more than I actually like it because all my friends who love it are having so much fun. I feel like I'm looking in from the outside and they're all having a great time. And when I go in, I try and fake it until I make it with like, it is really fun. And then it's just so many breaks.

Like it starts getting exciting. And then they're like, all right, let's hear from another fuck it. Let's hear from Sky Rizzy. It doesn't bother me. I don't even notice. Like,

I know that it's factual that there are a lot of ads, but I don't know. I can use the brakes. It's like it gets really intense. And then we're going to take a little break. I get to the bathroom, make a drink,

whatever, and let the dogs outside. Like, I just do something during the commercial breaks. I don't know. It doesn't really bother me. Yeah. I guess I don't really have an NFL team. I care that much about like, well, I guess Kansas City.

Like, that's the closest to me. I looked rough against the Broncos. I think they ended up winning. But the first half, they won by a lot in the second half. Second half. Yeah, I watched that game. I got my football package again so I could watch football this year. I'm psyched about this game this weekend.

It's LSU versus Ole Miss. That's the college game of the weekend. Yeah, one of my best first. friends went to Ole Miss and he follows them very, very closely, which stinks because for the last few years, they've been much better than, oh yeah, he coached Ole Miss and then now he coaches LSU, right? He took a bunch of players with him and kind of, like, did them dirty and like he knows their whole playbook.

Like he was their coach last year, you know, like, and he's in the public. He is a great villain. He's like, oh, my guys, pressure next week, all the pressure's on me. I told him. I'm the villain. I'm the only one. Everybody hates me. Nobody cares about them or what they do. They just got to perform. I'm like, that's a great attitude.

I like that. I feel like LSU is like just the top team of that second tier of SEC where it's like Alabama and Georgia just in memory are like those are kind of the world beaters. But then right below them like LSU seems like they're always. So I know they were bad last year because I like some stupid shit But like they feel like they always I see LSU as the spoilers

Even if they're not in the hunt for a title And any given year they could beat a Georgia or an Alabama or something They get that win the big win Yeah Mizzou's got to be one of the big teams this year Because for so long Mizzu just trounces all the like Mid and lower teams

And then they have to play against fucking Georgia or Alabama and all of our consolation is like, hey, well, Georgia beat Tennessee by 41, and they only beat us by six. So who's moving on up? And it's like, yeah, it's still an L. Like, you need to break through that barrier. And you, Mizzu just can't compete with those better teams. I don't think we know how good. Yeah, this year.

Not everyone steps up when the Virginia spiders roll into town. But State's kind of on a high right now. The Richmond spiders. Are they receiving votes? Was the defushing those bugs enough to get receiving votes? I don't expect any other teams receiving votes. I'll look though. Another team, like maybe it's because I lived in Idaho for a couple of years,

but I like when I see Boise State doing well. I like that they got freaky with their weird colored feel. The blue turf. Yeah. The blue turf is cool. I saw one of their games live and that was really fun. The stadium was smaller than I thought it would be. But it was still like really fun and cool. And their colors.

It's such a unique color palette. It's like that weird kind of burnt orange, sometimes bright orange and the blue. Like it doesn't, not a lot of teams get ballsy with their colors that way. We talked about it on PKK. We're like, oh, red and white. Oh, who hoo. Oh, red, white and black. like incredible like Boise was like no we got to make a name for ourselves and they

somehow did it what if they had uniforms that matched the turf and it worked as camouflage like they could lay on their bellies at like kickoffs or something corners stayed up and no one knew they were there so corners corners will wear the same color gloves as the receiver's uniform so that they don't get you can't see as well if they're holding so they got red uniforms or we're in red gloves I love it is that a louder yeah holding's not allowed but camouflaging holding is allowed that's a good idea

I'm pumped for this weekend I don't know how good LSU is they stomped the fucking mud hole in Clemson's ass so we're going to find out when they play old miss I'm looking forward to it and then I don't know who Georgia plays this week but it's probably another nobody have they played a real team yet Georgia no I don't think so no I don't think they play a real team until November 14th

You play the Arkansas Razorbacks this weekend. Oh, that's a real game. That's a real game. Yeah, you got to be careful that. But the week after that is Oklahoma, and they're ranked 24 right now. Taylor's Missouri is ranked 20th. So they're moving on up in the polls. But now I'm, I remember, like, in college and like the couple years after, like, when

Missou got ranked, it was great. Or actually, like, the year before I went to Missouri. was that year that like Chase Daniel was the QB for Missouri and they like got to rank one or something crazy beating Oklahoma like they did really good. And then they kind of stunk because they moved the SEC while he moved over there. And for a long time, I was like, man, if we're in the top 25, that's basically a win. But now for so many years, we've always been in the top 25 that I'm getting spoiled. And I'm like, why can't we be a top 10 team?

Why can't why do we always like crap out at? like we'll get to ranked, I think two or three years ago we got to like ranked eighth and I was like we're like a real deal and then like I think Alabama kicked our teeth in or something. It was like all right, I don't know. I guess we really didn't belong in there with those boys.

Alabama's mean like that. These guys are awful. They do that all the time. Yeah, it's rough. I take it too seriously. I get upset. I'd be excited. Like if I'm a football recruit,

maybe I look at Missouri in a way that I wouldn't have. five, ten years ago. I don't know recruits care about it anymore. Like there's, it seems like a lot of the guys who end up being NFL quarterbacks and successful at it. They're not from like big successful national championship teams usually. They're oftentimes from scrappy teams that had to like figure out how to win games. They weren't they weren't always in a 70 nothing blowout over the deer ticks.

They were in a lot of like 35 to 34 games and they had to make something happen. I don't know. If I'm stepping into college football as like a recruit, like maybe I'm the 20th best guy in the country. I don't know where I want to go. I think I just want to go where the most money is. Like I think they'll see me no matter what, as long as I don't play for the spiders.

But like, I want as much money as I can get now. Like that would definitely be my outlook. If I could make $4 million in college, like that's a pretty good start on life if this pro thing doesn't work out. Yeah. And it probably won't.

It probably won't. I think one point, it's like one to two percent of college football players end up like making the full transition to pro. I think I looked it up the other day. Like which sports have the highest and lowest like turnover rate from like college to pros? Like who makes that next step? It's like one or two percent in football. Our best hope like at Missou is that extremely good players who aren't the best at their position

and get overlooked at places like Georgia or Alabama sign with us because they want to play a bunch. That's why our quarterback is excellent this year is because Ole Miss is really good quarterback last year got injured. They replaced him with someone. That guy's like a world beater, like one of the best. And so he was the original guy who was still excellent

was never going to come back and we got him. And it's like we're just sloppy seconds of all the like higher tier. For now. But you're building a name. It's a program on the rise. That's exciting. It is.

It's on the rise. We got good colors, good uniforms. Would you rather be the starting quarterback for a team that's not ranked at all? Not the spiders, but like Virginia. Would you rather be the starting quarterback? Virginia's ranked 25, so Arkansas. Good year for Virginia. West Virginia, then.

Okay. The West Virginia Orioles. Would you rather be on like a middling team that has no chance and you barely make it to TV, but you're the starting guy? Or would you rather be the backup guy at like Ole Miss? The starting guy. Otherwise, you don't get to play. Oh, you get to play.

I'm totally taking that Ole Miss backup job. No. You wouldn't rather be the guy at like Arkansas? At Ole Miss, I'm going to get to play in front of national like TV stuff. I'm going to get seen by players, coaches, members of staff of every NFL organization. Like, I'm going to be on the big stage occasionally. I get I'm not the starter. But Georgia put it in their backup just the other day.

He played like two quarters, you know, and he did well. And it was like, oh, good to see. That guy could play. I don't know. I'd rather be the backup at a real program. But you're going to get that opportunity. Like, I guess I kind of cheated by using Arkansas, like an SEC team. Like if you're on Arkansas or...

I'd be Arkansas starter too. Or Kentucky. Like, they stink right now in the SEC scheme of things. That'd be Kentucky starter. They're still going to be on national TV because they played the Georgia's and the Alabama's and the LSUs and the Ole Miss. Like they're going to be playing all those guys. Maybe if you're like at Rutgers or something, like people aren't going to pay as, or I guess that's Big Ten too.

So they'd be playing like Ohio State or something, I think. But yeah, I'd rather be the dude at Kentucky than playing one and a half games a year in Georgia. Ooh. I'm taking the Georgia job. I'm taking the Georgia job. No one's going to even know your name. That's true. I don't know our backup quarterback's name.

That is true. If you're a backup quarterback, suddenly like today magically transferred to Kentucky, it would be like a story of like, you know, Kentucky's really been struggling, but they just picked up this excellent recruit, former backup at Georgia, let's see what he can do. And then he would, you know, start hucking that pig skin, whatever football things. One of the most interesting thing about this whole NIL thing and the transfer portal is the people who have broken their legally binding agreements,

schools and are now being served papers and sued. I can't remember the player's name or even the fucking school, but I saw the story this week where the guy, they paid him like $4 million, something like that, legally binding contract, you're going to be playing here. And he's like, took the money and transferred to another school and he's playing for them. And they're like, you can't do that. We want our money back. They're just going to sue him.

Damn. That sucks for him. What an asshole. He's a thief. Yeah, he's a thief. yeah well I guess in the truth sense yes you made a

well only legally speaking strictly strictly legally those are the laws of mankind yeah yeah what a piece of shit so like that part of it like annoys me I don't I don't know it gets kind of grimy

when when the money gets involved and I've always wondered like you hear stories about like so like one of the boosters for your team will own a car dealership and of course we can't give this kid a car but the booster can absolutely give this kid a demo he didn't like like there's no reason he can't be like yeah drive this escalate yeah borrow it

and like that's part of the deal if you come to Rutgers is we've got a booster who owns a Chevrolet dealership and he'll put you in an escalate and you'll have a new escalate every six months like I'm sure that that happens I know that that happens I've heard about literally that happening Yeah. So it's always been a grimy kind of thing. Did they go like a hundred and a 30 in that, you know, loaned escalade?

Then you might just be a bulldog. You might just be a bull. Now, I'm proud of that. I'm going to say this. Our boys don't rape. They don't murder. They don't steal. They don't assault with deadly weapons. Our boys just go fast. And you know what that tells me? Well, citation needed. But. Right. I hear about, season, it's like Georgia

running back, Marquise Rook-Rook-A-Doo stopped outside Athens going 175 in his track hawk. And it's like, why does he have a $100,000 SUV and why is he going that fast? We need him. We need him so bad.

Why doesn't he need us? Do you like see those stories? And then immediately you open your ESPN app and you're like, oh, fuck. We've got LSU this week. Yeah, I have before. I have before. I've been like, how bad do we need this guy?

How bad do we need this guy that decided to turn Athens into a racetrack last weekend? Like it happens every year multiple guys going like crazy fast. And if you've been to Athens, there's a, there's a like a highway that kind of goes around the thing that you could go kind of fast in. But it's not like there are these long straightaways. It's dangerous to go fast in Athens, especially like in the city. The city is like a bar district. It's like a bar, bar, bar, bar, girls school bar. Like, then copy paste.

That's Athens. Athens is so tremendous. I love Athens. Every time I go to have. They're not quite. But a big college town. Georgia Bulldog crimes. Because I was like, I just don't believe these guys limit their crimes to just speeding.

Now, in fairness, most of these are speeding and reckless driving. But this guy kind of related. reckless driving vehicular homicide for Jalen Carter in 2023 Yeah Rara Thomas felony cruelty to children

and family violence battery and family violence charges What'd you say It's not a kid naughty good, not a kid, okay that's fair Colby Young Misdemeanor Battery involving his pregnant ex-girlfriend

Mm-hmm You already he already told her once. Felony. Don't care. Nyler, Nyir Daniels, let's see what this is. Four felony charges including fleeing, eluding police, two counts

of second degree cruelty to children and multiple misdemeanor traffic charges. That was the same kid. They're awful kids. That kid was bullying the players, actually. He was showing up at practice. Bo Walker and Dontrell Glover.

shoplifting and theft at Walmart. Ah, come on. The boys will be poised. That's genuinely. What the hell is a prowling related charge following an incident outside in Athens bar? Three wear leather and just kind of tool around.

Honestly, it sounds like they wanted to get him and they couldn't find anything. And they were like, you shouldn't have been walking around back there. That's technically prowling. When I hear prowling with no related charges, I'm like, that's a cop really reaching. Yeah, but what was the cruelty to children? Was it like he was in his track hawk,

like screaming over a metal fence calling kids fat? Or was it like, or was he like thumping him on the forehead at Chapulte? Like what was happening? It genuinely, I'd love to hear some of those meetings where the coach is like, boys, boys, let's talk about driving today. I'm sure that's happening in a meeting

where like some assistant coach or somebody is thinking the whole team aside and been like, guys, we gotta obey the speed limits, okay? Like go as fast as you want on the field, but inside the Athens metro area, we gotta stay at speed. Like, how was that not happened? It's so high stakes.

Those coaches are making tens of millions of dollars a year. Like, people lose their jobs over shit like that. Like, they're supposed, I blame the coaches as much as the player when they get caught doing something stupid because I wonder what kind of environment they fostered where nobody is stopping that guy. Because like if I'm a coach, I want that environment to be part of it.

I want if Taylor sees Woody about to go have a few drinks to get in his track hawk, he's like, no, no. We need you against Ole Miss this week. We need you against Old Mist. We got fucking the Richmond and Araknids next week. Just do it then. So I looked up the cruelty to town. We got to have all hands on deck.

Yeah. Yeah. I'll see. Thomas punched the child's mother in the first. face, causing injuries including a bloody nose, a split lip, a chin scrape, and bruising around the neck. But the child was being held by the mother during the incident, and he struck the child as well causing physical pain.

A second battery allegation involving him causing a scrape to his daughter's forehead while assaulting her mother. So it looks like the kid was just collateral damage. He's really a wife-beater, girlfriend beat her, not so much a child beater. But you can't use children as human shields. discipline in the household, which I think in this modern age, we need more of. We need more up. What are they doing?

Is another, and I've heard enough of this, another cowardly woman putting her children's help and safety not ahead of her own, not even close. She's using those children like human shields. That's what's going on here. That's what's going on here. She's one step away from getting the exercise bands out, if you ask me, I think he should get full custody. I mean, you never know.

on the sideline, get him some pom-poms. They'll love it. Don't send him home with that mother who can't even take a punch. That is worse than I thought it would be. Just seeing a woman wearing like a, for the last time, Mr. Myers, you're not an attorney. And if you do not leave you, this. Just looks at me like, I'm firing your ass. I don't even work for you. We're in a three-piece suit.

We're in a three-piece suit. His lawyer's, stumbles in with a head injury. Longed with a straw in your mouth. Yonana, she is a bitch, and we all know it. Look at her. And we all know how weak at us

his run defense is, don't we? And that's what we need this week. That's what I do. I bring his football highlights in of him stiff arm and 220 pound guys, and be like, Yoanna, please, you think that he struck that woman and she received only a bloody nose?

Here is Jamarcus Russell's taking a strike from my client. Let's watch. He's down on the ground on the fencing response. I win that case nine times out of ten. And I will happily question Ms. Jackson about it as soon as she wakes up in the hospital. I think if I'd lived in the Wild West, I'd be one of those guys who like operates as a lawyer or a doctor with no training whatsoever. But it's the Wild West. So people will just be like, yeah, sure. You would just have to be confident. And then you could just wheel and deal. Exactly. And I got that. You just have a series of elixirs. It's all bourbon.

If you look knowingly at a wound and go, hmm, yeah, maybe you sniff it a little and nod. They're like, glad we brought him to this guy. Like, you look like you know what's up. Well, the first thing I'll say is not ideal. This isn't what I like to see. I have my work cut out for me this time.

He survives is to be quite the miracle. And if I say that every time, though, cold, hang nail, whatever. like they love me. Yeah. Frontier medicine. I don't think any of those guys are really lawyers. I mean, lawyers or doctors.

I think they were just kind of winging it. Yeah. That's what the American's all about. Checking. You could just, you go to fucking St. Louis and treat a bunch of people. And then by the time they realize you're a charlatan, you're in KC. By the time the KC people catch on, you're in Topeka. Like you're, and none of them are like, all right, let's get, you know, the Topeka guy on the line.

and warn them. They're just like, well, we have to be more wary of strangers moving forward. And that was it. You just wheel and deal, dude. I'd be fun. I had to look it up. What'd you look up? So Doc Holliday.

Do you know why they call Doc Holliday, Doc? He got a degree on Christmas. Because he needed a doctor. Because he was a doctor. He was a dentist. He went to dentistry school and was a licensed dentist. Doc Holliday. I think that was a comment.

thing back then is like a way to make money. I think I'd have been a dentist. I wonder, do I get to keep the teeth I pull? No, I think that'd be rude. The person should be able to keep them. I have all mine. All the ones they pulled. You kept them? Yeah, I got them a little bag in a drawer somewhere. They look gruesome. They've like rotted and aged. They're like bloody to begin with and like I didn't wash them off. You know, they're all like bloody and like weird in that bag. Oh, geez. I'm like, yeah, I get it out of me and smell it. Honey, it's getting worse. Throw them away for the love of God.

Murphy's trying to roll in them. He totally would try to roll in them. Aren't you going to get the other side done? Or are you just sort of you good enough? No, I'm definitely doing the other side. I'm doing the other side. And then three months after that, I got my passport now.

so I've found a Oh, so you've been like working on this behind the scenes, I wasn't aware. Yeah, I get it done. The ones that I'm getting pulled on the other side or it's just one tooth. It doesn't hurt at all, but it needs to go. So getting that one pulled and then.

It doesn't hurt at all. It's spongy, so that's not great. No, it's not spongy. If it doesn't hurt, why I yank it? It's not healthy. It's got like a cavity in the middle. It needs to be pulled and replaced. Like you can't.

it's like broken on one side like a corner of its chip like it's just got to go and i'm already getting the implants on the other side so it makes sense just to put a brand new fancy tooth in there and in mexico the teeth are like 1500 or something like that so it's like let's throw another in there yeah something like that it's not that bad like the whole thing is like less than a third what it costs to get in the u.s like in the u.s it's like 25,000 and like Mexico it's like 7000 or something like that so so much cheaper and you get a Mexican vacation out of it. Yeah.

And I mean, insurance isn't going to cover fucking dental shit anyway. It always feels like dental insurance is the biggest. It's the same as eye doctor insurance. Except eye doctor stuff doesn't tend to be as expensive. But I swear, every time I go to the eye doctor, it's like, do you need glasses? Do you need anything more than the absolute bare minimum to make sure that you can see? All right. Well, that's not covered.

Yeah. And then glasses are expensive, especially my prescription because I do the whole prism thing. and if I had insurance, it's like, well, we'll cover the first 150. Of 900? Thanks for everything.

Mm-hmm. It's like, well, it sucks. Then what's the point of this? It's useful. When they, I was like,

show me, you know, like, show me the bill to do everything. And it was like page after page of like thousands of dollars. Like each page was another $5,000. And there's,

you know, there's like five or six pages. And I'm just like, like, God, everything is a thousand or five. What is this? Like every little thing was itemized in there. And I'm looking at it.

She's like, and you just sign at the bottom. And I'm, you fucker. You have your goddamn mind. You have your goddamn mind. You're cheaper than this? A cake shake diet. I'm going to go buy a fucking corvette and eat milkshakes. Fuck you.

Crazy. But then literally looked it up on my phone, like in that office. And I was like, this guy will do it for seven. And she literally had no answer for that. When I was like, you know, like, I've looked at it in Mexico. It's less than a third what this cost. And she's like, yeah, we do lose a lot of business to Mexico. Like she had no, she had no defense.

She wasn't mad. She wasn't like, well, then, adios. Well, it's not like she's getting paid. That'd be a good line. The fuck out of here with that Mexican shit. Build the walls, what I say. Astila vista, baby. That one works too.

Yeah. Dentistry is a rip-off. I had a friend of mine who, like, was going to the dermatologist all the time because he was paranoid about like moles and skin stuff. And every time he would go, he said that they would recommend like more stuff get chopped off. And then he like switched dermatologists at some point. and he's like, yeah, the last like four times I've gone to this dermatologist, he's like, you know, we could cut that off, but like that's 99% that's nothing. If it starts getting weird, come back.

But like, that's, you know, you're fine. Please don't be worried. Like, come back if it gets weird. And he was like, was I, was I like taken advantage of by my previous dermatologist? Because this new guy is, you know, the other guy was like, oh, that could be trouble someday, a million years down the line. Let's, I'll charge you for chopping it. And the new guy says, no, no. Did he do anything that would, like, did he have a lot of sun exposure in his life?

A decent amount of sun, certainly not like you, like being a lifeguard, but he lives in Southern California. So plenty of son just out to mind. You made me think about myself. Like my dermatologist, she's always like, oh, my God, there's like 19 things here we could do. And I'm like, pick your top three. I can't pick three. Those are the rules, babe. Yeah.

What are the three that were you the most? And that's where we stop. She's just got jet skis in her eye. She can just see. But I spent a lot of years like, well, four years is a lifeguard, but plenty more like renting beach chairs or all my surfing. Like I just have too much sun. Yeah.

You have freckles. So they've, how many moles have you had removed? One when I was a kid. 9, 11, something like that. Wow. That's a lot. I've had like maybe three or four, something like that. I feel like my approach of if shit starts getting weird go is a pretty good one.

Like I'll just go to the dermatologist. On your back? Like if I if I have like a, because I don't really have a bunch of weird moles on my back. I do. How do you know? I do. I'm like, here's a, this one shaped a little bit like Texas and it's got a darker area to it.

I wonder if that's bad. Well, a year ago it was shaped like Kansas So it's probably not Yeah, that's like the warning sign They say like if it starts growing They're getting weird Whenever I see people with those little ones all over their neck Or like a big one on their face that's unsightly

I'm just like dude, let me get that I think you're talking about skin tags not moles Yeah, but they're very similar That like stick out of your neck Like they'll be like a cluster of They look like little bowls. I know they're skin tags or something of the like, but like those gross me out,

got to get that taken off. And like whenever I see a big one on somebody's face, like even that thing that Christian Bale has, I'm like, yeah, don't you get that taken off? Nah, I'm Christian Bale.

People worry about the smallest things. Like you purple freckles, poopy blood. This is normal. Don't be a panty. I'd like to imagine Woody having a seizure on his back. bathroom floor and being like, oh, geez.

And then looking in the mirror and being like, oh, better get that checked out. Like, it's just a little irregular around the edges as he spits blood from where he hits out of the floor. Oh, that porcelain is tough. Money well spent. That's why it was an $80,000 toilet. Harding bathroom floor. Yeah. I mean, if you look online, that's all it says about skin.

stuff is like for moles and whatnot it's like look if it starts growing weird or starts like getting like tendrils like fingers like reaching out elsewhere. A regular around the edges a regular around the edges but it has to be growing too. If you have a weird mole that doesn't grow

then I wouldn't think that's a huge really black and multiple colors are bad. Yeah that makes sense. For sure you should only be like one or two colors and they should mostly You're not the boss of me.

You're just racist against people a little bit purple. I was worried about the hyperpigmentation you got back there. It shouldn't be green. It shouldn't be green. Purple would be alarming. You don't make my rules. It would be alarming. Yeah, I'd be freaked out about purple.

I've told the story before about removing my own skin tag because it grossed me out so much. I did that. Yeah, I remember you telling me that, and I, every once in a while, I still remember the way you described it, where you said you used clippers and that the sound. of it mushing through the skin itself was like a just yeah the crunch of it and that's I think it could only hurt so much right like a needle can only hurt so much why does a skin tag hurt so much more but I believe it does I pour it off my body you know I was in a hotel room in New York and I noticed it on my rib cage and all I had was nail clippers and I just grabbed it

and started squeezing and it hurt so much. that tears started like coming out and I just kept squeezing and I sort of did like a like a like a sissy dance like like you know when dogs get tippy taps I started doing the tippy taps I'm in the mirror in the bathroom naked like doing the tippy taps squeezing the thing on my side and like tears are pouring down my face and I remember thinking like I hope nobody walks in right now and then finally when I felt like I had squeezed as hard as I could and wiggle a little bit I just tore and it was excruciating and it bled and bled and bled and I didn't have anything to stop staunch the bleeding except for like toilet paper and so I'm just like it kept I just remember going through so much toilet paper because it was in an area that wouldn't clot and I get I don't know maybe there's some blood supply to that skin tag because it bled all day. Got to be some blood supplier. It would have fell off. Super gross. Super painful. Even when I think about it gives me, it makes me cringe a little bit that I, but I bet you say it like $50. Oh, it was more than that. I was disgusted by it being on my body. I didn't care about the money in the

slightest. It was literally about the disgust of having that on my body. Like it looked gross to me and I couldn't like... No, that's what I wouldn't do. I'm literally in Manhattan in a high rise like apartment. Like I'm here all week. Okay, I was thinking maybe it wasn't an emergency situation. For me, it was.

Like, I'm telling you, I was like, it was like I found like a tentacle grow or an eye an eyeball growing out of my shoulder. I was disgusted by this thing on my body and it had to go. Right, right, right. We all get vanity emergencies, Kyle. is normal.

I had a visceral urge to get that thing off. I did that with, this was years ago, but I had a little skin tag thing on like the back of my like lower neck and I did the same thing except I didn't use nail clippers. I just like used my fingernails and like grabbed it and looked in the mirror. I had to get myself to like a game seven mentality first where I was like, you're the best. And then I just ripped it as hard as I could. And it didn't rip the whole thing off.

It just ripped like the end of it off. And so now it's slippery from being covered in blood and it's not all the way done. And so like I'm just bleeding all over my shoulder. And I just stayed in there just ripping like a Neanderthal. And then it was gone. And I was like, okay. Hopefully that never needs to happen again. That was like probably half decade ago.

Nothing else has ever popped up. And so mission accomplished. Yeah, good for you. Good for you. That's what a man does. That's what a man does. He says, I'm afraid to go to the doctor and what they'll say.

I'll do this at home. I'll take two edibles first. And the whole time. And then after, because I'm high, I'm like, what if it gets infected? My hands,

I should have washed my hands before that. Well, you definitely should have washed your hands before you ripped it off your body. Yeah. Those things are gross Skin tags Yeah I agree Sometimes you see a great big fat people

With like a million of them And it's like You're losing the war You gotta You should have been ripping these off In the fucking bathroom the whole time Yeah I would get those removed If I were

Whether I'm a great big fat person or not They gotta go They disgust me so much I can't tell you how much They disgust me Really gross Yeah Not ideal

have you never ripped one up well Woody's Mr. I go the doctor for everything other than severe seizures what he's going to eventually go to a neurologist and he's going to be like you've been watching YouTube shorts

like can you say that again on a television on a television dude that's so boomer my god your cerebellum is empty Look at this. It's a

campus. It's a road. It's nothing. Your corpus callosum looks like one of those balls of mozzarella. You can buy out the store. There's no wrinkles. Corpus callosum sounds like a

retirement community in Florida. I see it. I see it. I see that. Boko. Not Boko Haram. That's the terrorist one. Boko Ritan.

Boko Rattan. Yeah. How do you think they handle fucking skin tags in Boca Raton. No, Boca Haram. In Africa. They just either deal or they rip it.

The black people get skin tags? Maybe that's one of the things they're in years. They do. I've seen it. Everybody be getting skin tags. Isn't that? Well, there's an actor that has a bunch of them. Please God a lot. Morgan Freeman.

Yeah. Those are those are skin tags. Oh, those are freckles. They're too big and dark to be freckles. Or maybe they're not. Maybe black people freckles are different. Yeah, but I feel like I'd see more black people with those freckles and I really don't.

There's not a lot of them. Right? They're dermatosis poposa nigra. Is it related to black people? The negra thing makes me wonder?

Negro? N-A-G-R-A. Oh, nigra. That's the color that's the color of the skin thing. I bet if you look up that thing, I bet

white people have it too. But then it includes, which some people call Morgan Freeman Freckles or Morgan Freeman Spots. He's more famous than the skin condition. I like that. Dude, when you look up dermatosis, Papuosa Negra, it has his picture on it. Uh-huh. Yeah. Good for him. So he could get those removed. At this point, he's like, I'm fucking 90 years old. I like him. Who cares? I like his freckles.

They make him distinctive. And somehow you don't like Morgan Freeman. Oh, hang on a minute. I like it less now that I've seen him up close. This is a different. Yeah, this is an Asian man. But one to the left center is the one that, like, has the most protrusion.

I think you get the, I feel like you can just. Looks like they got the Asian orange on you. What is that? Asian orange? Yeah, Asian orange. Yeah, these aren't an idea. You can take that down. Dude, I'm a little envious that he's known for, like, a medical condition. When people look up bloody poop, I want my butthole to be the picture that's associated with it.

We can manipulate the Reddit algorithm to make that absolutely happen. All right. I'll get to uploading. I see people do it with rapists all the time. They were like, this guy is just like that David Carpenter guy who raped those girls in college. And somebody reply it back with, in quotation, do you mean rapist? David Morrison from blah blah. Like everyone will like say the same like key phrase over and over to try to make it. They're like training Google and AI and such.

Yeah. They're all in there like collectively like doing it. It's hilarious that people intentionally train search algorithms in AI now, but they do. Yeah. I remember when they made was it when they made Santorum like pop up. And so everyone knew that it was like come coming out of a guy's ass or something. like that. Yeah, Rick Santorum was a senator from Pennsylvania

who was particularly aggressive about pushing his Christian views on other people. So they made his last name the definition of come leaking from a butthole. Yeah, I thought they almost, I remember when that happened and in my head I was like, they're almost, they're trying to stick it to this guy. They're almost self-owning where they're like, hey, we're going to associate this you with this thing that everyone instinctively feels is vile. It's like, but isn't that part of like your sexual, like your sexual relationships?

Like, why would you want to, like, you're trying to play up how gross this is to malign him with it? I think that's a real big idea. Yeah, everyone has cream ice. It's just part of the human condition. Yeah. The thing I were, we're getting closer and closer to the cause of the bloody stool. You never. I like it.

Let me put a tough to be fired and ask half the first note. I just don't think you have anywhere to stand on this one. What happened to that guy? That must have been like 12 years ago. I think he just lost a re-election and he's probably making big bucks in the corporate world like they all do. I just made that up, but I'll look into it. Yeah, that sounds about right. I bet he's working as a lawyer at a private practice.

Oh, well, yeah, a lot of these guys are lawyers. That would make sense. or he's 68 actually he might just be retired I bet he's on boards and stuff this guy must have had some work done based on his Wikipedia page that picture is in 2025 which would have made him 67

that is a young looking 67 year old he's and his forehead's not very wrinkled what does that tell you I jacked up my my YouTube algorithm so bad last week when we were looking at all the naked athlete girls like the long jumpers and stuff. Now it's nothing but just floor gymnastics.

I'm watching this girl from Michigan State do floor gymnastics right now. And it's just just ass everywhere. And it's all my recommended feed is. It's just hot chicks doing 200 meter indoor runs and stuff. I looked up Santorum. He's still sort of contributing to politics. He shows up on Newsmax every now and then. He works with conservative media and podcasts.

But it seems like he's mostly retired. me reading between the lines. Yeah. It makes sense. 70. What doesn't make sense is our 80 year old president. I can't believe he's 80. Are you paying attention to the Kennedy Center stuff now?

Man, I try not to anything political these days because it's so depressing. I know that he wants his name on the thing, and he's like withholding, like, funding or something. And if they won't do it, what happens? Is that it? Like, what is the center?

It's like that. So it's the Kennedy Center. It's basically a theater, and it's also a memorial. It's like a two. to JFK. And Trump wants his name on JFK's memorial. I'm not sure why he wants it there so much. He's vain.

He's putting his name all over the place and he's vain. But this place seems to be like real number one target that he wants his name on. Don't know why it's more special than the other things. But he's not allowed to put his name on it. Like there's laws against this, I suppose. And the judge ordered him not to do it. And he's like, well, you know, the whole building might get torn down if it can't survive without my name on it. Like sort of threatening it.

Be shame if something happened to your tombstone. He wants, I want my name on your tombstone. And the judge put an order in because there was like a seven day period where maybe he would bulldoze it before like the next shoe dropped. So the judge ordered that he needed to give 30 days notice. So now that's off the table, I guess. It could be a simple as spiked. like the reason he wants his name there because i would imagine the kennedy the kennedy center being like a center for like art and theater and definitely a liberal um thing i bet the people who love that

care about that and are like part of it the people who work there their whole lives and it means something to them they hate him and he hates them and so naming their thing after him really seems like a finger in the eye to people he dislikes he posed with some sort of of poster about demolishing the Kennedy Center, which is like clearly sort of a photo op threat. Yeah. And I just don't understand like this particular kind of weakness where like your vanity demands you to make unpopular decisions and put your names on somebody's tombstone.

And why this thing? Like what? Yeah. I don't know. Maybe I'm disconnected, but it doesn't feel to me like that big of a deal. Like I was barely aware of its existence prior to Trump's term. Yeah. And second time.

Who gives a fuck? Right? It's a theater with like, I don't know, orchestras and musicals and shit like that, I think. And Trump put his name on it and all the customers stop going. I guess the people that attend orchestras tend not to be MAGA. Exactly. So now he's like, I don't know, this thing's not doing well. It needs renovation.

Now, Congress approved renovation money for it, but he won't allocate it. Like, I guess there's a step in there that he can prevent. this would be like if Obama renamed Talladega Motor Speedway Obama Speedway this is the exact same thing the Kennedy Center is the Talladega Speedway of the Democratic Party I think Talladega Speedway is a bigger deal I think a lot more I think a lot more people go because you're a conservative I think if we compared annual attendance rates we'd see Taledega Speedway

What if we compare the net worth of the like the 100,000 people that went to the Talladega Speedway to the 100 people that went to the Kennedy Center. I bet it'd be closer. Probably be richer. I mean, I know when I go to the symphony here, it's like

perhaps the least diverse place I've ever been in my life. It is 100% white boomers. Like I'm in the bottom 5% of age when I go and I'm in my 30s. It's all old-ass people. Of course. Of course.

Like Timothy Shalamee, in a ton of trouble because he said ballet wasn't art and nobody cared about ballet. He really did. But I was like, based. No one gives a shit about fucking, and then at the Oscars or whatever, they had like some ballet performance to spite him. And they were like,

Timothy Shalame fumes as he has to sit by and watch. Monika Rorrahra do her ballet, Swan Lake performance right in front of his face. And it's like, as if he cares, it should be Timothy Chalamee checks Twitter while I'm not into ballet. He's probably going to go fuck his gorgeous billionaire girlfriend

and roll around on a pile of money he made this year. I don't think he cares. Have you ever been to a ballet? Neither have you not. I've been to a few. And I'm, it's not for me. I guess I always thought it was boring. I've seen the nutcracker more than once.

I just like they're jumping and spinning and I recognize that I could never do that. But so? Yeah. It's, I don't know. It's not my cup of tea. Yeah, yeah. You're mad.

No, I'm not interested in the slightest. I would be interested in orchestra, especially if it's some sort of hybrid orchestra where we have, like, I show you guys that thing where they're watching Lord of the Rings and you have the live orchestra playing those triumphant, like numbers where Theodon's charging and stuff. And it's like, whoa, I bet you can really feel that music. I bet it's so much better than just a soundtrack.

That sounds cool. musicals though that's to me that's the peak i want taylor to give musicals a try because they to me are like they're the working class theater they're the they're the most fun right that that's where the good times are had they're also the raunchiest if if that appeals to you in the slightest i'm down for a good ranch all the time yeah and uh don't like it i have seen one and it was book of mormon and i thought it was hilarious um but that's the only musical i've seen but i doubt cats is going to be funny. It's probably hilarious.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, dude, those people are up there dressed as fucking cats and taking it it's their art. And you get to stand there for $30 and watch them dance around. What I didn't like about even, like, I could see, for Book of Mormon, it was fine because it's all jokes. Like, it's not about story progression. It's just about packing it as many jokes as you can. It was very funny.

But the idea of like watching Sweeney Todd and like, I know. what plot point just occurred but then they sing about it for seven minutes about the meeting and they're marching around dressed like fucking chimney sweeps I'd be like I get it I get it

like I am blown away by their talent they're heard from again they're so so good I know that there are people on earth who can sing really well like that fucking Titanic chick or whatever Whitney Houston a little bit dead but work with me

they're really talented and I know there people who can dance really well. But the fact that they do both at the same time blows my mind. And like it's real. At first I thought it was lip synced, but I can hear him like huffing and puffing into their mic. They're both stiffs. Okay. Celine Dion's got that. No, she got that. I was like, no, she's alive. She just performed. Good joke. Good joke. Dude, if you're listening, try a musical. I know you think it's gay. But I don't know.

Embrace your other half and give it right. It's so good. That wouldn't be a critique of mine. Winnie Todd's my favorite. Mary Poppins is my second favorite. Wicked is my third favorite. And Katz was weird. We were so high.

And it was a little scary. I love musicals. I have been to five or six or something like that, mostly at the Fox Theater in Atlanta, but also I've been to some like Shakespeare in the Park stuff that something about being that when you're that close to the performance, even though like, The level.

Were they good, good? Oh. Well, that's what I was getting at. It's like, I'm sorry. It wasn't De Niro, or it wasn't like Marlon Brando out there and Susan Sarandon or anything. These are, these guys are locals who are doing, you know, theater in the park. But still, like, we're in, it's not an amphitheater, but they've sort of done that Roman-style seating where it's like a concrete half-bowl and we're all very close to the action outdoors. I loved that.

I was entranced by that, like being that close to them. and they don't have microphones or anything. They're just hollering out there in the park. Oh, really? It's kind of cool. Yeah, the ones I went to, they have mics, but they're really subtle. They're like a tiny little wire. Oh, okay.

Well, you're, all right, all right. I hear you. But you're also in Atlanta, which I would think Atlanta would be higher than Raleigh, like in the hierarchy of places to perform. Probably. So, yeah, it's a bigger city. Oh, I've had this question in my mind for a little while. I'm asking you to name the four most important major significant cities in America.

And I'm going to give you three. Because by almost any measure, New York, L.A. and Chicago are top four. Whether you're looking at sports, cultural impact, people, space, population, whatever. Three of them are L.A., New York, and Chicago. For sure. In that order. What's four? San Francisco.

Maybe you can make an argument. There's a lot you can make an argument for four. If we're going population, I think it's actually, isn't it Houston? That's enormous. I wouldn't bet against it. Dallas is pretty culturally significant. You think? St. Francisco is too.

Miami. Zach said Boston, Atlanta, and Dallas. Boston's a good pick. Atlanta. Philly was in mine. And when I looked at it, Philly was like high. on almost every measure, but it wasn't top four in any measure.

It just wasn't like 74th in any of them. Yeah, I was right. San Francisco is the fourth highest GDP in the country. Well, but we're talking about a litany of, you know, great, great. GDP is your thing? Because my first instinct was population. Because to correspond with like where we're going with this,

number one in GDP, New York, number two, LA, number three, Chicago. Number four, San Francisco. Dallas is fifth. Very close fifth, by the way. San Fran does 801 billion, and Dallas Fort Worth does 800.6 billion. So a difference of 400 million.

Yeah, very little. So almost a tie there, but does Dallas crush them on population? Because in my mind, San Francisco is kind of small, but I'm not sure. I don't know. also depends because some of those cities like you need to do metro population some of them you can do like city proper just like LA was big in my head

in New York because of the cultural impact like that's where a lot of the media comes from I know Hollywood shrinking every year it seems but it's still like the number one place that media comes right again in population yeah it's it's 9 million in Dallas and 9.1 million in San Fran San Fran

San Fran keeps nudging him out though I feel like you're proving yourself right. But I mean, like, as far as difference in culture, I feel like San Fran gets overlapped a little bit with L.A. culture, whereas Dallas is contributing kind of a different flavor to it. But obviously, I'm very removed. I've been to L.A. four or five times, and I've been to San Fran once. But, like, as like me, I think of them as very different culturally, don't you? Because I think of L.A. is like more of a Latino, tropical. giant wide spread out.

Like there's a lot of money there, but there's a ton of poverty there and just so many diverse people. I think there's like 200 different languages spoken. Big have, have not corporate thing in L.A. in my mind anyway. And then San Fran, I think of his like corporate homo land. That's what I think is like a bunch of homo's working at like Google. Yeah, a lot of guys named Brad and Steve with three Asian kids. A lot of.

a lot of gay options. I see what you're going at. Yeah, somebody's got to take them. I'm fine. It's funny. You're probably, obviously there's a lot of gay people in San Francisco, but I was thinking tech people. That's, and I think I'm influenced by the few people I know there. Definitely. Well paid, like, tech employees. But if like, like, I would imagine a lot of that Dallas stuff is like oil money or something like that, like they kind of have to be based there. If tomorrow, Alphabet decided, you know what, we're not stoked on San Francisco anymore. You know, you know, I think we're moving to Seattle. Paramount, well, you know about the Paramount thing, right? Immediately, San Francisco would not be on the list.

You know what the Paramount situation right now? So Paramount's threatening to leave California, I think, and go to Texas. And it is an enormous revenue loss for the city of California. I think that they want to merge with Warner. Maybe California's trying to get in the way of that merger in some way. Okay. And so they're seemingly moving forward with leaving the state of California. But if they do, then it would make Dallas seem like the clear fourth pick then, based on what we've said.

Because if one company leaving can tank you, then you're kind of buoyed. So the Paramount Skydance is considering leaving California if it's planned $11 billion merger with Warner Brothers. Discovery remains blocked by a state antitrust lawsuit. It's a lot of money and work leaving. If they move to Dallas, they're definitely losing this matchup. I'd love for them move to Dallas because that also brings productions closer to Atlanta. And there's already a ton of productions in it in Georgia and Atlanta because of the tax benefits. And not only do I just think that's cool when I see it in the captions of stuff,

but every now and then driving to the city, you'll see people filming. And it's like, ooh, what are they filming? That's neat. Like even in like the back road country areas where I lived a couple years ago, I lived south of Atlanta. And they were filming something like a zombie movie or something like right near my house. Like there's a lot of filming in and around Atlanta. It's pretty neat.

I was thinking another city to consider D.C. We're talking about the most important cities. Like, they do run the country. Population-wise, they're tiny in comparison to some of these others. It's like three quarters of a million. But it's influence. Like, there are so many cities around D.C., Virginia and Maryland and more that just sort of exist off of its, like, radiation,

for lack of a better phrase. DC is important in a way that, like, probably, San Francisco and Dallas are less important than Washington, D.C. Most of what I know about D.C. and Baltimore comes from the wire. You're well informed. Yes, yes, yes. Like, genuinely, I think I am. Like, I've seen so many people be like, yeah, that's how it is.

That's exactly how it is. Yeah, but you can tell D.C. like, like kind of stinks based on where all the people who work in D.C. and the federal government live. Yeah. Like they they all leave every day. Like it's a mass act because I guess D.C. is kind of dangerous and shitty. And so they go back to, you know, Virginia or southern Maryland. I don't know. Yeah.

One of those places. Yeah. I mean, I don't blame them. I don't blame them. I wouldn't want to live there either. I don't want to. Just driving through there the two times I've done it. I just, I hate it so much.

Just that traffic. I'd never seen potholes that big and obtrusive. It was like where I'm from, there'll be a pothole every now. And you'd be like, oh, look out, there's a pop hole. Let's go around it. We'll go into the part of the road that's nice. But in D.C., it's just like, oh, it's just like the surface of the moon out here. It's like, you just have to hit these potholes squarely in the middle at full speed sometimes

and just brace for impact because that's just the road. That's inexcusable. Our capital should be nice. Does Missouri have, so D.C. is probably worse. but New Jersey's not far behind with regards to potholes and it's the snow plows. The snowplow comes along and it takes anything

small and just rips boulders out of the ground and now you've got a half a car tire-sized pothole as it passed by. It's also the nature of the colder temperatures and the water getting into the cracks, freezing, expanding and like we just don't have that here. That's how it creates

the pavement that's ripe for the plow to plug it out. but they could handle it because St. Louis City has a different government than St. Louis County and when you go to the city, the potholes abound.

I'll see some as I'm turning left off the highway to go to a blues game and I'll recognize a pothole in front of a hotel and be like this is like season four that this has been here. But then as you drive back to the county, it's like the potholes get taken care of. And it's like, okay, different governance, but we're getting the same fucking weather people. Like, you can't, if you're a St. Louis city mayor, you can't be like, the weather was tough.

It's like, really because the county's filling them in. Like, get it together. In Jersey, the night and day is the toll roads. Toll roads look like they were laid this year, mostly. And it's like, again, same weather, different budget, different competence, whatever it is. Yeah, probably budget. but that's on them for chasing all the business out of St. Louis City. And now it's just a fucking, it's like, what was the name of that city of the beginning of Cod 4?

It's like a million people used to live here. I know it's a ghost town. It's Chernobyl. Oh, it was Chernobyl? Well, that's what it feels like. You go down there. Yeah, when you play that mission, if you've ever seen the, I mean, we've all seen the mini-series Chernobyl and you may have seen some historical photos, but that scene in the video game,

cod four is really well done. Like that's that that Ferris wheel is there. Like that that's a real thing. The way those apartment buildings work that sort of like repetitive communist block housing, like that's what it all looks like. It's really photorealistic in some spots. That's pretty cool. Oh, before we jump to the next thing, we're going to hear from our good friends over at Audible. Could listening make you a better parent, a better leader, even a better person? Could listening to motivating fitness programs get you fit? Could listen to inspire you to start something new, there's never been a better time to start listening on Audible. With Audible, you get access to an unbeatable selection of audiobooks, including bestsellers,

motivation, mysteries, thrillers, memoirs, and more. Audible has the largest selection of audiobooks on the planet, and now with Audible Originals, the selection has gotten even more custom with content made for members. Have a great time with Grace and Rocky by perhaps checking out Andy Weir's Project Hail Mary for a great sci-fi epic, or have a wild adventure listening to Matt Dinnaman's Dungeon Crawler Carl series and catch up before Book Eat or I guess Book 8 did release. So enjoy Book 8 there as well. Audible members can choose three titles every month, one audiobook and two Audible Originals.

You can't hear anywhere else. Audible members also get access to exclusive audio fitness programs to end the year off right. Listen to any device, anytime, anywhere at home, at the gym, on your commute, or just on the go. You'll also enjoy easy audiobook exchanges, roll over credit, and an audiobook library you keep forever, even if you cancel. Audible, the most inspiring minds,

the most compelling stories, the best place to listen. Get started with a 30-day trial when you go to audible.com slash PCA. That's audible.com slash PCA. Don't miss out on this offer. Again, 30-day trial if you go to audible.com slash PKA.

And I know Kyle recommends Dungeon Crawler Carl. So if you're looking for the Kyle, recommendation of the year. Check that out. This episode's also brought to you by lock and load, the premium, premium ejaculation increasing supplement that has been taking the world by storm. Everyone knows its efficacy. Everyone knows the quality. If it's made by Derek, it's good shit. And so head on over there. Get yourself a nice flattering t-shirt. Get yourself a flattering t-shirt. Get yourself energy drinks. Lots of good flavors. Kyle, unfortunately, didn't update his

address long enough ago. And so he hasn't been getting the delicious energy drink shipments that Woody and I have been getting for a long while. And so check out the energy drinks. They really are better than anything you're going to get at the store. They don't taste better. And they have, he's got like, of course, it's Derek. And so he's like, you want the caffeine, but you also need an appropriate, efficacious

amount of thiamen to prevent that tininess that you can get if you have too much caffeine. You know, you have that. Derek's got everything covered. I'm always impressed. He knows what he's doing. I like it when Kyle's address was out of date. I got like a fucking refrigerator in the mail. Kyle's like, what is happening?

I would like text. And out small appliances over there like the mob. There must have been like 10 times that I texted you where I was like, did you get this like giant promo box that's like really nice and magnetic and it opens and it's decorative for whatever the new flavor is? And Kyle's like, no, but I bet the person living at my old apartment or my old house is incredibly pleased. with all of these.

But yeah, use code PCA, use code Jiz, save 10% off everything over at Gorillamine.com. Very high quality stuff. You will enjoy it. Oh, that reminds me. I sent you a little something the other night. Oh, did you now? I have not received it yet. I'll be on the lookout.

It says it's going to be there September 25th to October 6th. Nice, big window. Love that. Big window. Yeah. All right. Well, I'm excited. Don't spoil it for me.

Oh, I won't. Oh, I won't. I got a real chuckle when I saw it. You got a real. Use it carefully. Kyle sent me something and that's when the bloody stool started. Yeah. Not for sore muscles. Topical use only. What is just like, this thing just doesn't want to fit. Derek's calling Kyle.

I had the same problem when I sent the mini fridge. That dude does everything. No matter what you send me. They're not energy suppositories. Those are 12 out cans. I need to check my email again, but I got an email today from Girovillamine saying they're sending out another some promo product that'll have to try out. Tell him what my address is. So he sends me the thing.

I added you like months ago in that chat. I got my free, I got all my free content, like free stuff out of there. I got a bunch of protein powder and stuff. But I guess I can just write in there. there and be like, hey, by the way. Just post your address in there. He'll help you up. Yeah.

He's a very nice guy. Fair enough. I do like their stuff. Their protein powder is tasty. Yeah. And I know you're a caffeine pill guy mostly. But on your monthly card that we get to order stuff from there, try some of the energy drinks.

They're really good. I mean, I know that we're like promoting the product, but it doesn't appeal to me. I'm sure they're tasty energy drinks. And if energy drinks appeal to someone, like, go for it. I bet. But they have a lot of energy in them and they probably taste pretty good. But they have a good amount. Like, nothing tastes as good as this, right?

Like, I love my, my zero calorie. You're completely covering that can. Is that intentional? It doesn't matter what's in here. He's got it in a cool. My chosen's every year. Yeah, in one of these. Yeah, if they won't outside the Yeti, they can pay for it, right?

But, but, you know, it's my zero sugar pip. You know, Mr. Pib, great stuff. Zero sugar fib. I got like 15 cases of it in the other room. So nothing tastes better than that. And if I want caffeine, again, I have a bottle of caffeine pills that I got off Amazon that's like 200 pills for $8. Yeah, but I like, I don't want to just get a shot in the mouth of the caffeine. Like, if I'm drinking coffee or I'm having an energy drink, I kind of like the journey.

I kind of like the, you're enjoying it. You're having the energy drink tastes good or the coffee taste. good. You don't, you don't enjoy that process. I like the taste of things when they are tasty. Yeah. But if I want the medicinal part of it, the drug part of it, then I have a pill that does that better. I don't, you know, if I'm going to drink coffee for, I never really drink coffee for its flavor. I mean, I do like the taste of coffee, but I'm drinking it for the caffeine that's in it. You got to have my coffee. One of these, I would love to make a coffee for you boys. So this is the cinnamon bun is like cashew milk coffee are you talking about?

I got Ego. Ego. Minor Ego waffle coffees. I mean, you have my attention. I would give it a try. I like that shit too. The Cineabon. Cinnamon bun is my favorite. Some days it's like sugar cookie. Well, okay. How I suffer.

A little bitter. I like ice coffee. I can kind of taste the coffee of this one. I just drink regular plain coffee. I wish I like that. I just, it's not that I love it. It's just that it's like I don't, it's nice that it's no calories. No, I just have it black.

Yeah, just plain. Do you drink it out of something like this? Usually, I make, I have an instant kettle, like an electric kettle, and I have these two like big, like 75 ounce pitchers made a glass that I keep in the door to my fridge. And so I like will boil a bunch of water and then I put this organic instant coffee in the glass container like the pitcher. And then I just fill that up and then I put it in the fridge and by the next morning I have iced coffee like just plain iced coffee. And so I just dump that in a mug and drink. That's not appealing to me.

The warm like morning sort of coffee is is half the reason I drink it. You're drinking instant coffee that you make in. large batches. Yes. The day before. It's insane. It's the, it's,

it's, uh, Anthony's organic instant coffee. It's good quality stuff. I'm not arguing against, uh, so instant coffee time and time again wins the taste test against like your fresh fruit.

It's good. It's good. Um, free dry coffee is tasty. I like instant coffee. I, the first time I had it was prison and I was like, all right.

All right. This ain't bad at all. At least some things are better in prison. So what's wrong? So what's wrong? So what's wrong? So, So what's wrong with what I'm doing?

So what's wrong with what I'm doing? You know, the instant coffee is good. It becomes good, cold instant coffee. Making a large batch of it is a little strange, but I guess it makes sense. I use a coconut zero sugar creamer when I make iced coffee. So it's like a tropical coconut-y coffee thing that I drink iced. And I drink like two of those a day, every day.

If I wake up after 10 a.m., which is like, I don't know, usually I'm up before them. But if I do, I go iced coffee. If it's before that, that feels like warm coffee time. Yeah, the problem with warm coffee is I still drink instant coffee. And I have that, I don't know if you guys have an electric kettle. They're the best thing ever. But I don't remember to pour it until I hear the click that it hit boiling and the light turns off and then it's there.

And then if I pour the like legitimate boiling water in there, I'll like try to sip it 25 minutes later and burn my lip. It's like you'd have to make the coffee an hour and 10 minutes before you want it. Those old white dudes that drank that scalding coffee through the 80s and 90s blow my fucking mind.

I would watch my dad. We'd go through the Hardee's drive-thru. We'd be going hunting. It's 5 a.m. Son won't be up for an hour. And he gets that large, scalding hot coffee. And he's fucking juggling it, driving down the hunting road. He's boiling hot.

Somehow he's worked out the perfect sip of boiling coffee to drink down a bumpy road, but he never burns himself. And I remember every time that I thought like, ah, we've been driving for 15 minutes. I'll take a sip of dad's coffee. I need to wake up too. It'd be like,

ah! And my tongue would be burnt and scalded the whole day. And I never understood how he could drink that boiling hot. And why he would even want to? Because I can't taste it. It immediately sears my tongue. And so I can't taste anything. Yeah.

then your whole day is ruined it's like if you make yourself like Totinos or something and like you eat you're so looking forward to your pizza rolls so you can bring them back downstairs for the boys while you're playing N64 and then you get over eager

you have one two big Totinos and then you're like all the I will have no flavor the rest of this meal everything is burned yeah that's a dangerous food to eat something came off the roof of my mouth once when I was a kid I ate it and it was so hot in the next morning.

I'm like, there's something like, skin. I was probably skin off the roof of my mouth from Totinos being too hot. Yeah. But that was the, that ad when I was like in like grade school, middle school did get me where like my mom at my house would never buy stuff like Totinos.

But if I went to my buddy like Tyler Rob's house, Rob's dad was fat as hell. And so they had fantastic. food options all the time. And we'd go up there and like, he'd be like, you guys want, uh, tautinos? We'd be like, yeah. And he's like, what flavor?

Pepperoni or combination? And I'm like, we have options. Like we have options of tautinos at your house. That was always so fun because you remember the commercial for Totinos, right? Did they have like a cartoon like skateboarding around in the real world, like in a kitchen, like throw in pizza pockets at kids mouths or something? No, it was a bunch of,

of kids and there would be they'd make the tootinos and then one of the kids it for some reason it was framed as like a secretive almost shameful act to make and eat the tautinos because they'd be like in secret in a dark kitchen and then some kid would like see the tautinos as he walks in the room and he'd go totinos pizza raw and he'd scream and they'd be like shut up we're all that excited we can't just we can't scream about it though you're gonna wake up mom and dad and they're going to come down and be like you're eating my tautinos you little cunt or whatever was the implication of that, but it was good advertising. Whenever I want barbecue recipes, I've been going to this guy.

And about half the time, I watch the recipe, and I think, don't want to look like him. We're just going to have grilled chicken instead. Like, this guy is so good for keeping you on your diet, dude. Like, you'll be, you'll be like, oh, I could make some ribs healthy tonight. I could do that. And then you see this guy talk about how to make your ribs succulent. And you're like, grilled chicken it is. Turkey breast, turkey breast for me.

Half serving, please. No, that guy knows what's up. His man boobies are sitting on the desk like a supportive bra. Yeah, man. And let me tell you, that guy is a hell of a barbecue cook. When you watch him, you're like, damn, I bet that's good. Oh, now he's going to, he's glazing it. He's glazing it now.

Oh, you're going to get that glaze to set? Oh, it's set good. Wait, she's not wearing, wear more clothes if you're going to be cooking for me. That's my other video recommendation. I was trying to illustrate what my. my, what my shorts are like and what my recommendations are like. And one of them is this, I don't want to call her out for being unattractive. So like, like, we let, don't.

Thank God, you didn't. It's an ugly white lady. She is only wearing an apron. Yeah. That's not appropriate. I just watched your bend over to put something in the oven. You know, I timed it for you. Yeah.

Yes, you did. Yeah, you did. This is, no, this is, come on, you're preparing food. I don't like this. at all. We're some fucking clothes if you're preparing food. Okay. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Keep the skin flakes in or whatever. You're hearing this hypocrite over here complaining about this lady in her lingerie cooking in the kitchen on video? Yeah. That's true. I see where you're coming from. Yeah. Yeah. Kyle,

that was a Coons age ago. Glass houses are weird. I think literally like 13 years. a gun. No, but this lady, you know, not as attractive as she once was probably, but from behind, probably not too bad.

I'm okay with it, you know? Don't smile that wide, though, honey. Goodness. You're getting your fucking, you're getting your sticky wings hands on her hips. I think you're looking good. That is a free-y-

makes her more attractive. it. It does, but those wings didn't blow me away. I was paying a lot of attention to him. Oh. Did not blow me away. Oh, what was she making? She was making, she made hot wings.

Yeah, there's several videos. She's got a whole channel of that debauchery. It's disgusting. That's what my YouTube recommendations are like. It's all of these, like, I don't know how to describe them. It kind of reminds, there are these weird corners of the internet that have people, like, wannabe sex actors. Like, I don't know how to explain it.

They sort of want to dip their toes into that only fans type environment without like really doing it. So a good example is Amazon. These girls will review like lingerie and panties and stuff on Amazon. And they're like, who's watching these reviews other than me? Other than me. I'm going to most reviewed panties and then scrolling to the bottom endlessly and then going to these ladies profiles and then watching them model underwear on Amazon get my kicks. But that's clearly a lady who's like interested in some sort of. only fan stuff. She's in her underwear on the

internet, but she's not ready to jump all the way in. This lady's kind of similar. She has aspirations of being some kind of an influencer or something. She thinks she's going to be like the 45-year-old Jenna Marbles or something like that. And the way to do it is by making wings in her underwear. I think that would

just be Jenna Marbles at this point, right? Boo! I wonder how she is. She's good. I'm going to look at it. She's going to be 40. 40. 40?

She turned 42 days ago. Yeah, she's my age. I knew that. Yeah, I mean, the food looks pretty good. But she should wear some clothes. I'm watching her Ortega chili cheese omelet breakfast.

Look tasty? Looks fine. I'd eat it. Yeah, it's an interesting category of videos. Like I said, there's a lot of these like housewives who were like, you know, they used to be good looking.

And they're sort of hanging on to that with these YouTube commenters just really scantily clad like cooking and doing like tradwide stuff usually. It's a good time. I don't think that is done yet. You must bend over and put it in the oven again for just a few

more minutes. Oh God, I am so hot and horny for your ribs. I think Jenna Marvel's nailed it on YouTube. I guess it's not really a hot take. Everyone knows this. So she did super well.

I imagine she's worth more than 10 million, you know, somewhere in the eight digits area. And she got into a little bit of hot water at the end. She did a Nikki Minaj thing where she kind of made fun of promiscuous women and it was blackface. And she kind of regrets it. She says, I wish this wasn't part of my past. And I'm out. And she's out. And she doesn't need money.

Now she just does, I guess, whatever the heck she wants. She lives or something. If she had stayed on YouTube, it would have been, you know, like an aging athlete to everyone sort of stopped liking. They only compare her to her former self. Like the part of YouTube she skipped was the worst part, you know, where everyone like mocks her, the tailhand of her career. They're going to have all these comments about the way she looks because, you know, people don't peak at 40. And she just skipped that and lived her life, walked away rich. I think she nailed it.

I never watched your videos like if I wasn't Redboat now. Oh yeah, I link that one. The titty bitch? Oh man, I love you too. Fish just added me on Twitter linking me to Hank Hill remix and the guy's account who made it

is Air Bud Dwyer. Do you know who Bud Dwyer? He's the politician who killed himself on TV with the gun in his mouth. Air Bud Dwyer. They got the bald guy, right? Yeah. That was kind of hard to watch.

He, like, walks in there. He's like, hang on, this is just for me. Everybody's freaking out. Nobody knows what to do it. He gets that fucking hand canning out. Yeah, big shout out. That was one of the...

Why did they kill him so? I think he got caught in some sort of embezzlement scheme, maybe. Something like that. It was like old school, like political corruption type stuff. He killed... It was 87. I just. check. That's when he killed himself. That was probably the first person we all saw, like,

die, maybe, because that was such an old internet video. It was one of those things. I think it might have been on, like, rotten.com or one of those early, like, taboo type websites. Rotten was the one we would go to in high school, in class. We'd, like, teacher wasn't looking. We'd go on the old iMac and go to Rotten.com. And I remember on the home page, there was a cornucopia of cox, like Photoshopped. Like, imagine like, imagine you had a giant bouquet of flowers, but instead it was just Cox

that had been like Photoshoped together and we were just like, ah! And then it was like, John Belushi dead was like the next one all like vomit on him and like, we're like 14, 15 or something, you know? It was a... Prime time. It was apparent

immediately that the internet was going to be a dark place. And you were correct. It has been. Zach, I linked you the Arbud Dwyer picture. Obviously, it's before he killed himself. We don't want to put that picture up. But him doing the

like, hold on, like just like he described. Like, hold on everyone. Like this is this is between me and the steel. Yeah, of course he's scared. He just reached into a manila envelope and pull the gun out. Yeah. It's a, it's a, yeah,

Smith and Weston, Model 19, 357. That'll get you. That'll do that'll do it. A 357 magnum? You think that'll kill a man? I think... I just mean that's a caliber

where he's not going to wake up without a lower jaw talking through a speaking spell. Like he's done. Yeah, you gotta go big if you're going to do that. The biggest one you can hand... Who cares about the recoil?

You're dead. I heard a mobster in a movie say he liked a 22 because it rattles around in the head. Is there anything to that? Yeah. I've heard that too. I've heard that sometimes they'll like glide along the like skull and like do like loops in there and bounce.

Now I do know that like when they hit bones, sometimes they'll ricochet around inside. So maybe. But I don't think that that's like the reason that it's effective at killing people or, you know, you're still just putting a hole in somebody's head to begin with. That's probably the main thing. I do see, you always see those people who serve. survive suicide attempts. And it's,

I, there was a guy that walked around my hometown and like half his face was blown off. And I remember my mom, like, as kids, we were like, ah, what is that?

As we drove past this guy walking down the sidewalk. My mom was like, his girlfriend broke up with him 25 years ago, and he tried to kill himself and it didn't take. And so now that's what he looks like. And it was bad, dude. Like, it was so bad that you wouldn't like it would like children would be unsettled if they saw him in

the same room like it wouldn't be one of those were like oh okay a little little scar there it's like oh no oh it's a freak it's so bad why wouldn't you go back to bat like if at first you don't succeed i hate to say it but yeah it's like it's not like life got better it's kind of crazy how it's so much worse if got so much worse if people either fail their suicide attempt or like just get talked out of it. It's really rare that they give it another go. Like it's just a- He talked about jumping off the bridge

and how he immediately, he survived obviously to jump. He's jumping into the water. And he immediately changed his mind, he said. Like as soon as he was in free roll, free fall, he was like, nope. And like that was the moment he needed. So then when he like, I don't remember what happened to it. I think he got buzzed up a little bit. He must have done his best to hit the wall.

water properly. You know, he survived the fall and then, like, had no interest in suicide after that. But like, and I understand that maybe. I could get that. Like, oh, you stared down the barrel and you saw that this was not the way out, that life was a beautiful thing. I get that. And those, you earned that broken leg and let that be a lesson to you.

But this guy blew his face off. Now, not only does it is he. No, he has two reasons to be unhappy. Yeah. If you were, if you were bummed out about being single before, I got. terrible news for you. It's never going to end. It's never going to end. Dogs are afraid of you, dude. I have this like bad moment for me. I was probably 13 or so. And my friend had hired this guy. They knew it was like his boss's brother to sandblast paint off the steps and railings and stuff.

So they could repaint it and make it nice. And the guy had been badly burned. And like, you know, preteen Woody or whatever I was, maybe I was 13, something like that. Saw him and thought he was gross. That like this is disgusting. How can he live life like that? Just picture the worst burn victim face, arms, hands. His fingers were not all functional, but he could work a media blaster, like a sandblaster, which is a little like a water.

What the fuck is the water jet thing called? You might use the pressure washer. It's a little bit like a pressure washer, but there's like sand. glass beads mixed in. Anyway, I thought it was gross. I was like, this guy should kill himself. He was injured saving people from a fire. Yeah.

Right? And I'm looking at him like he's a monster who doesn't deserve to live. And he's a hero. And it was a lesson. It's, look, it's a natural human reaction when you see someone all messed up like that. It's probably some sort of genetic thing where like,

it's best if we don't reproduce with people who look like that for whatever reason. And so, you know what I mean? Like, but makes sense. I, I,

I've told the story before about how I met my, like, in-laws brother. It's like, like the guy who married my sister, his half brother or me, I think, that guy had this, I don't know what kind of deformity it was,

but his hands were all jacked up and his face looked, he was like twisted, sort of like twisted to the side. Like he had a permanent sort of like, like he was making a silly face face. You know, your mom's is, Don't keep making that face.

It stuck that way. It looked like his did, and he was perpetually just sort of squirted one stud. Yeah. He talked a little weird, and he only had, I think, four fingers on one hand, and on the other hand, it was something weirder. Like, maybe it was like something like this, and the skin was kind of melted together. It was really upsetting to look at. Did he get all burned up?

Like, it's a kid? No, he's a bird, like, just born that way. Like, he was born as like a, a. a poor guy like that and i remember i was like 12 and like i'd already had to hang out with that guy once before my mom was like come on we're all going to your sister's place and you're gonna hang out with you know the the guy and i'm just like mr crabs oh my god pretty kruger wants to play kyle get your clothes on and i was i remember being like exasperated and finally just breaking down and being like,

I'm freaked out by him. I don't like being around him. When I look at him, I feel gross. And he shook my hand last time, and that made me feel gross. And I went and washed my hand, but I still didn't feel clean. And I don't want to go back because it makes me feel bad to be around him.

And I like spat all that out in like one long, like sentence. And she's like, oh, well, fuck it then. And I'm like, thank you for not making me go. Because I can't stand to be around him. It's grossing me out too much. I can't help it. That's how I am. I don't like freaks. Did you guys ever like take one for the team by hanging out with like the weird kids in school, outside of school? How much social credit did you have to spare, Taylor, that that was an option for you?

I mean, I wasn't Mr. Cool. I was funny enough that I got through those waters. But I remember this happened twice. there was two really weird kids that I just I remember talking to my mom when I was in like middle school. One of them was late grade school. The other one was early middle school. Or I was like tell her how it made me so sad because they were getting like picked on and bullied. And she was like, well, Taylor, you know, you should hang out with them. And I was like I was more meaning feeling bad and like it is what it is sense.

Not the I need to step in sense. But I did. And I asked, won't say his name, but I asked him over to hang out and play Halo or something. And he came over. We hung out. It was fine, except the conversation was so awkward.

And there were a couple times he was like combative and rude while we played video games. And in my head, I was just like, you know, just make it to like seven o'clock when his mom comes to pick him up. Like, but in like, I don't know. I had that like almost Hollywood thing where it was like if someone is odd and being mocked, they must be the quote, good guy and the other people are the bad guy. And like towards the end, I'm like, maybe those other kids are like enforcing social norms being via this bullying because this guy's like, like being really aggressive over what map we play on Halo

and like when I kill him he's like getting exasperated and like pretending to slam my controller down but I don't know if he's pretending or if he's just catching that it's not his controller at the last second really and then and that was the last I was always kind to him at school because we went to the same high school together as well and he was always you know the joke of like don't come to school tomorrow like that was

something I thought of where I was like this. If something does happen, it's going to be this guy. And by the way, him being like kind of weird and rude and uncouth, he was treated brutally by some people, way over the line, bully, like really gross. And but I kept, I would always be friendly. He was on the football team in middle school and some of the other players didn't like him. And I guess he wasn't very good. And so a couple guys pissed in his helmet and filled his helmet with pee and then didn't tell him.

And then he was wearing like piss helmet out there being like something smells weird. And they're like, oh, you ever do being gay to the boys? Put it on their like inside of the helmet. One of my closest friends to this day was the quarterback when we played middle school football. And I wasn't a part of the prank because he was on the other, the diagonal opposite side of the locker room. and obviously big walls of lockers you're you're talking to the people next to you and not across the whole place and uh someone put a tremendous amount of bengay in his jock strap and then he put that on and like made it like kind of out to practice because i remember because we had to like run on our cleats and you could hear that clickety clack of the cleats on the black top before you made it to the grass and he was like i got it i got to go back i got to go back something's wrong ran back and apparently like he if he hadn't taken care of that, he could have got, like, chemical burns.

But on his... They'd think they'd be... Middle school. It was middle school. We put it on the inside of the helmet, like where the part that touches your forehead, and then when you get sweaty, you sort of... It starts dripping and running into your... It burns your eyes, but it also is like bin-gaying your forehead real bad, too.

Yeah. Yeah, eyes. That's a tough one. That's high school. What are you going to do? We were rough. What are you going to do? We were not a good team in middle school.

school. I was I was the the team was so bad I never left the field that's that's how bad our team was I used to yearn to go over and sit on the sidelines and he'd be like nope you're kicker now and it's like so I have to humiliate myself in front of my parents and everyone else's just because you because because no one else can kick like pull someone from the soccer team please like don't I didn't do this I didn't do middle school. I did. Eighth grade. Seventh and eighth or six, seven, eight, that's middle school because I stopped football in eighth grade. Yeah, I didn't do six or seven. No, okay. Football sucked. Football is one of the least fun sports to play. It's just stop, stop start, stop start, huddle up, stop start. Like it was brewing. Coming from hockey to football. What do you think the least fun sport is? Because I think it's funny. Tennis was, was fun. I love playing tennis. Hockey was pretty fun. For me, swimming would be really high on the list. I think the things that make me enjoy sports,

I really like the camaraderie and the shoot the shit in the dugout. Like baseball is great for that. Like football, you're obviously outside on a bench, but like being inside that dugout, everybody's like chewing tobacco or chewing gum and spitting and talking shit and scratching their balls and talking about who's got the better baseball bat and cheering your buddies on. Like, that's a cool part of just playing baseball

is when you're at bat and you're cheering your boys. on or like you're on the bench for whatever reason, just being in there with everybody. What's it like before you go out to swim? Are you in a locker room somewhere? Yeah, but the locker room's not fun. People are full on naked a lot and they're just sort of keeping to yourself. The older swimmers are picking on the younger ones, but that's like extra abusive with that level of vulnerability where you're like damn near naked, even when you're dressed.

So that part's not cool. Practices are brutal, right? first of all that camaraderie like it doesn't really exist you spend most of your time with your face in the water so you're not talking to people and in between laps like you should be out of breath you know like I can't run and jog and talk I certainly can't like you know do sprints and talk I said run and jog and talk yeah so I certainly can't like do sprints in the pool and talk in between no no no like you you're working so hard there isn't very much camaraderie and then there's a a pecking order for like who's training harder and faster. So if it's like Taylor, look, today, I've been nipping at your toes. Would you get out? You got to get behind me because I'm faster than you today. And you're like, fuck, no, I'm faster.

Well, then if I touch your feet again and this next thing, that's the sign. I gave you a three second head lead. I caught you. Stop slowing me down. Fuck hit. Like that's what practice is like. But the fun is on the bus, like in a way meet or something, like swimming away meet, the bus and we won every meet except one.

So like it is always a good time. There were none of those down ones. We mostly dominated the other teams. So not that it was like super high level or anything, but. So it was always a blast. I liked the away meets like states, stuff like that was fun. But practice, that's pain. I was the opposite in that like you talk about Kyle the dugout, like getting the

hang there with your boys. And this is when you're thinking about being a goalie and your fantasies would, the same way I'm thinking about being a forward in my fantasies. You don't consider this aspect, which is like I would be in, I was on, I guess on every team I played, I was the starting goalie. And so I, I was out there. And I would see my, like, we'd come, like the locker room environment was awesome. It's just you and the boys joking around, like having a good time. And then they got to continue the like boys having a fun time on the bench during the game and I was jealous of that as the goalie because like I would see my friends like laughing and talking and I'd be like man I wish because every once in a while you know it'd be like this team isn't that great backup goalie's going to play you're out tonight Taylor and I'd be like yes because then I would get to sit at the end of the bench and open the little gate because that's your job as the goalie when you sit that open the gate and I was like this is so great I'm getting to like talk to people during the game I'm not all alone You know, I get to like hear what they say when the backup makes a mistake. And then in my head, I'm like, they're probably saying that shit about me too.

When I make a mistake, then they're probably being nasty. Do you sit because you're tired or because the other team is weak? Why do they sit the starting goal? Generally, yeah, unless it was a back-to-back game, like in a tournament, because they would make, you sometimes have to play multiple games in a day, which is very exhausting in hockey. And so, like, if we had a game at, you know, 10 a.m. and then another at 2 p.m., they would, I'd play the 10 a.m. And then the backup would play the two unless he like really shit the bed,

which was always another thing I hated where like they'd come down and they'd score on the backup. And I'd be like, oh, fuck. They'd score again on him. We'd be like down three to nothing after the first. And I'd be like, you know, I think he's just hitting his stride actually. I shouldn't have to, I shouldn't have to go play right now. And he'd be like, no, you get to go into the next one. It's like, fuck.

I was just like enjoying the banter with the boys. Cardia was always my strength in hockey. I could go full speed, all shift, all games, several games a day. That's huge. That was my, I wish my puck handling was better. And I don't know that I was the fastest guy on the ice, like if we were to do a single race. But I was always going top speed. So I was effectively oftentimes the fastest guy on the ice, even if maybe that guy's quicker one time.

Yeah. But in my dream of goalie, by the way, I'm hit. shutout after shut out after shut out fuck ESPN like ABC is like this guy hasn't been scored on for 730 minutes now

we've never seen six consecutive shutouts and hockey and I'm like yeah buckle up because there's going to be 82 of these pictures there's 76 more of these so you know

I'm going to talk to our GM we need five forwards out here I don't need any I'm a brick in here, brick wall. Yeah, that would, is your fantasy, does it include the part where your dad will only buy you a chest protector from played against sports? And so if you take a shot at the lower left part of your torso, it hurts horribly because the past allows. You grow two sizes a year. That's a lot to put up with as a funder. I used to feel like such a catty bitch when I would go to, you guys might not know what he probably does.

but like when you're when you're trying out for a higher level like traveling hockey team they don't they have they have goalie tryouts and regular tryouts and so like you're out there with like 40 other goalies and like I would see like I would see these guys with these incredible like top of the line TPS branded clean as a whistle pads and I would get like it was the it was like a material jealousy that I hated even in the moment that I had because I'd like be putting on my pads and I'd see theirs and I'd be like yeah well you're probably not even good and then they'd play and I'd be like that guy's really fucking good like I had a different vibe I like bad stuff I like the patina if I see like say this is beer league hockey if some guy comes and he has all new gear I'm like who the fuck is this guy I don't want him If some guy comes and he's worn holes in his pants and his jersey, like the numbers peeling off the back because it's from college seven years ago, like that guy's got to be good. We have a new ringer. This guy with the worn out gear, that's how you get good. This guy with the brand new gear, he's probably got a good job. That's not what I'm looking for. There was, that reminded me the guy on my high school team who I played on multiple teams with him, but he also had.

to go to my high school. He's easily the best player on our team, very high level forward. He had gloves and what do you'll know this, like forward hockey gloves, where he had worn through the entire palm of it to where he basically was wearing pretend gloves that just fell over where his hand would be because his hands were just out playing. And I remember the assistant coach who none of us respected. And I also didn't respect and I hated because he would make me skate fucking ladders if we lost. And I'd be like, I'm the fucking goalie. Fuck you. I'm not, and, but Dan would have his stick with his like pretend gloves flapping around. And this assistant coach would be like, Dan, for the last time, you have to get new gloves.

And Dan would be like visibly drunk. We're like 16. And he'd be like, fair enough, fair. That was his thing. He would just go, fair enough, fair enough. And then they'd be like, Dan, please get new gloves. He'd be like, fair enough, fair. Then you go out there and score three goals.

He was the guy that that stupid shit head assistant coach, was like, Dan, you showed up late, you can't play for the first period. And I was like, don't, don't do this to me. You're punishing me right now. Taylor has to deal with four two on O's because this guy showed up late. Fuck you. That's not fair. That's the way of it.

I never minded the like nudity part of the locker room the way you said because it just seems normal. No, I could see anything. You're so hairy. I've been in hockey rooms and the nudity is like a brief thing as you like, you know, change. And we trained in, well, we trained in shorts. A lot of people train in little bikini that guys wear. And that's like nudity adjacent even when you're dressed.

You know, you've got a towel on your shoulder. And that's the only thing covering you. It's pretty vulnerable when like a senior's picking on someone. That's true. And after like hockey games, if I, was going straight home afterward. I would just put my like the clothes I wore on there back on and then take a nice hot shower at home.

But like if we were going to like if the team was going to get wings or pizza or something, then you you kind of had to shower afterward. Otherwise, you know hockey smell. Like you can't go in a public establishment smelling that way. Like the coaches would be like everybody showered because we're about to go to TGI Fridays. And I don't want to be the stinky table like that. If people don't know, you don't wash your gear between games.

You just sort of dry it out and throw it back on another game. So that gear, like, it gets bad, bad. I assume you put yours on a rack of some sort. That's what I did. When I remembered, I would. And when I forgot, I would just put it in the garage. And then I'd go out for the next game and unzip it. And it would be like a physical hit of like, oh, dude.

All right. Do you remember our paintball gear? What happened? Oh, my God. So we go to Joliet, Illinois. We do this big paintball event. And we've got all this paintball gear that's sponsored gear. It's like enough paintball pants and jerseys and everything for eight or ten of us.

And we did the event. And then we put everything in garbage bags and we left it with them with the Joliet people. And they're like, we'll wash these. And they'll be ready for you when you get back. They didn't wash them. They didn't wash them. Months went by. of grimy paintball gear that everybody had sweated into for a whole weekend.

And then it also had, you remember that mud there that was gross? It always had like a weird smell. It has the like paintball mix into it. I think it's the oil and the paint. The paintball stuff like mixes into it and it makes this oily, mucky sort of grossness that might even be growing bacteria. I don't know. And I remember when we cracked those bags open because we got there like a day or too early

like me did. And I was just like, oh God, no. didn't wash them. No one watched these things. I'm looking around for someone to yell at. I'm like, no one watched things. It's somehow still wet. Does washing even fix them at

that point? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It does. Okay. It'll kill everything and like just remove all the mold and like grossness. Because that paintball stuff is all like plastic. It's a little nylony. Yeah. Nylon polyeth. Like there's no like cotton in there that's going to like actually

rot away, which is probably what would have happened if you'd thrown like gym socks in that bag. It was so disgusting. This guy on my high school team, Drew, he like aggressively refused to wash his jersey. Like, do you know how bad do you have to stink

if your jersey stinks? Yeah, it's on the outside of the pads. It's on the outside. A hockey jersey is really it's like loose fitting. There's space in there. So it doesn't collect sweat like maybe some other jerseys would. Because I remember like it, like after you make a save, it's often common.

for like before the next face off like all the forwards and defense to come over and like pat your head or something or be like thanks for bailing us out and like everybody would come and if Drew was on the ice he'd come like skate by and do that and it was just a waft

on the ice of stink from his jersey and we'd be like Drew please please wash your jersey it's disgusting. Drew was the good player right? No, Dan was the good player Drew sucked and he did not he was terrible and he stunk.

Was Dan good at fighting? No. In high school hockey, if you get in like a real deal fight, they treat it seriously. Like they boot you for the next like multiple, multiple games. They might kick you for the season. So you can't tango with actually fighting in high school. You might lose a guy forever. In my beer league, there were fights every single weekend.

Every game had a fight probably. And not that they were all like knock out, drag out. And I wore a cage, so like the danger was even that high. But it seemed like the correlation between how well a guy skated and how well he fight was like direct. It was just a one-to-one. And a hockey fight people might not know if you've ever done it. Like staying on your feet on the ice is a big part of it.

And a big part of it is like grabbing the guy's jersey and controlling his center of gravity that's half of the fight. And the guys who were the best skaters and the fastest skaters, they were also the better fighters and they were better at checking. No check league, but there were still checks. And it was just like, don't fuck with those really good players. You think you're slowing them down,

but it's going to come at you times too. Yeah, 100%. Not my high school team, but one of the real teams I played on, the stink problem got so severe that like every, I think a mom complained and the coach implemented, like hired a company so that like every third, or fourth game, he'd be like, all right, and just load your pads up and go home and they'll be here for you next game.

And a company that, like, specialized in this would come in, take all of the equipment, deep clean it, and then deliver it back to him. And so, like, one out of four games, you didn't have to bring your shit home. I'd still have to bring my, like, big heavy pads home because those don't stink. They're not even touching you. But that was, that was wonderful. Can you just pressure wash that shit? Like, I'd hang, I'd hang mine up on, like, a cable or a wire. pressure wash the fuck out of it and then hit it with an air hose with a wand.

I mean, that would probably work. But like pressure wash is good for particulate dirt, right? This is like a, I don't know, hygiene kind of dirt. It was like so thin of gabric type stuff. Yeah. Yeah, like sweating into pads, right? Like a thick cushiony type thing. Yeah.

I remember I'd like smell the inside of my like glove hand glove sometimes and be like blown away at myself where I'd be like this is unreal. Anybody ever get staff? No. Isn't it weird? You know what? Actually we went to this was after a big game and this is on the high school team and this other guy, Mike, who also was not very good

we were at someone's house and we got it I don't remember whose house it was. It may have been ours but we were at we like got in a hot tub afterwards for celebrating like a big win and everybody had showered, I guess, except for Mike. And I didn't get in the hot tub.

They got folliculitis. Everybody else got hot tub folliculitis because Mike was so disgusting. That's fucking disgusting. It is disgusting. Yeah, I've gotten hot tubiculitis before. It's not a big deal to get taken care of, but you got to throw a doctorate. And Mike never showered. It'd be like, Mike, we won.

Coach is taking us to TGI Fridays or Chili's or whatever. whatever, we're going to get so many fucking anytizers. It's going to be awesome. Why didn't he shower? I don't know. He just wouldn't shower. Micropinus? I couldn't tell you because he never would like, never.

Never. He didn't shower. He just like, he just fucking reeked. Like, it's really offensive to be worried because if you ended up seeded next to him at TGI Fridays or Chili's or Mulligans or wherever we went, it would be like the waitress is going to think I stink. Yeah. Because this guy's so close to me. There are a lot of psychological reasons why people might do that. I knew of someone who was molested by their father.

And so they stopped washing so they would be so filthy, he wouldn't touch them. Well, I didn't see Mike get molested. So he was just being gross. I covered it out. Probably what it was. He was just volunteering to be gross, which is rude. All of those, I'm not going to shower before next class. I'm not going to shower before the dinner.

It's like, I don't know how you get to ask. Just quickly strip and get into a corner shower or something, dude. Like, you're being actively rude to everyone else by doing this. You're making everyone look bad. Yeah. Stinking. Oh, you're not going to shower. You know what else?

You're not going to get any bitches, brother. If you go to class stinking, you're going to develop a reputation, bitchless player. I remember our middle school wrestling coach, like, reaming out this kid. Oh, yeah. Like there was this like like the one of the brightest gingers I've ever seen in my life. And like the palest skin, the brightest red hair. And and and he was see all his veins. You could see all.

And it was just middle school wrestling. But after you're done wrestling, like you've been on mats. Like that's very gross. That's like a health and safety thing now. You have to shower. And this guy like would refuse. And it was and he would go the rest of the school day reeking. And our coach had to come to him at some point and be like, Alec, you have to shower.

Like, this isn't like you ran the mile and you're embarrassed. Like you were rolling on a mat. There's bacteria there potentially that could make you very, very ill. Still refused. Still refused. Still smelled like complete garbage all fucking day. You know, I think this guy's a little based. No.

No. And I know it couldn't have been just embarrassment because Robbie, at gym he didn't play other sports he may have been a little bit of lighten the loafers but uh and he was a nice enough guy i liked him he was a little light and a little light and loafer but he was uh he would come in the shower and get clean because he's a normal guy just trying to get clean hard as a rock the whole time every time shout out robie shout out robby did you ever give him your scritches just asking for a friend no no but we had like uh good we had like uh we had like a Docow style shower where it was just a big room with

fucking spigots sticking out and this guy would just come in shamelessly it'd be like yeah I'm fucking 15 I'm hard as hell right now and it would be and nobody ever fucked with him over it like like man at full mass behind his back people be like he calms down behind his back it would be like it would be him and this other guy it was Robbie and this black kid who were both a little light in the loafers.

They would, after gym, they'd both just be rotted up the whole time in the shower. And it would feel like, and like the only like mockery they'd get is I would like, I turned to like my buddy Matt sometimes and be like, are you fucking seeing this, dude? Like this rats me. These guys are horned up. That's awesome. Yeah. Where was your feeding coach then?

He would have love that shit. He was there. He was ever present. He was, he was never present. He was boys, get in the shower. You're over there telling your buddy, like, do you see this shit? And you hear your coach, don't be a shade, boys. Nothing to be ashamed of it. It's natural. Shut up, Taylor.

Shut the fucking cock block. You know, now that I think back, now that I think back, Robbie and the black kid were, they seem to be really good friends. But they were both cool. nobody made fun of them. The guy in my school, Jeff, he was also kind of cool. He wasn't super good looking. Imagine the chubby kid from Sandlot.

You know that movie? Probably Taylor doesn't. Like him, but older in high school. And he was on the football team. And he was a starter, but he was never someone who was going to play in college or anything like that. I had heard that his penis was small.

But I just wrote it off because, you know, in high school, at least when I went to school, everyone's penis was either gigantic or, tiny depending on what's funnier in the moment right so when i heard his dick was like super small i was like what i was yeah i'm not gonna not gonna lock onto that one and then i saw it again he's a little chubby so he's got something of a fat pad but it was basically just a head barely protruding from the fat pad it was like an actual micro penis and uh that sucks it was soft of course but it like it wasn't more than an inch like it might have been three-quarters

quarters of an inch. And I saw it and I wasn't thinking funny stuff at all. It was like tragic to me. Like, oh, and like this guy's got like a secret cleft palate or something like a birth defect. It's like a medical issue. Or you get doused with gasoline and you burn for 10 seconds and whatever happens happens. It's harder than it should be. Can it be? Can it be five seconds? Yes, it can be five seconds. All right, five seconds. And I'm right next to a pool, right?

All right, but I'm using diesel. It's going to go. It's just going to clear all this hair out. I'll come out. Smooth. Like a 35-year-old baby. I'll get it up now, baby. Let's go.

Look at a new bile. Yeah. No, this is my makeup. I think you look good with that. the beard. I bet your wife has never seen you without a beard except for pictures. Other than old pictures, she has not. I haven't clean

shaved in over a decade now. And I don't know why I would. I don't got a Kyle face. I'm not hiding anything good. Like, it's fine. True. True. Yeah, it is true. You know.

What if you wear a gas mask? What if you suddenly need to wear a Dada gas mask? If I die. I die, I die. That's why firemen can't have the beard. That's why they rock the stashes. They got to make a full seal with those masks. No, this part's integral. So they can breathe.

Why do they, well, if it's pressurized, right, then the air should just be leaking out somewhere, whether it leaks out the beard. I don't know where it leaks out, but it should be. Like you don't want the smoke going in. It won't come in because it's, the air is coming from the tank, right? So it's just expel it.

Like it's one way, right? I suppose, but I know that that's a thing. Maybe when you inhale, there's a vacuum. Could you have a full mustache as a fireman? That's the reason that Hitler got the Hitler mustache is because he fought in World War I. World War I gas mask, though. Yeah, well, I don't know the difference.

Now you have full mustache. That's why you don't see. Do you think other people in Hitler's unit were like, man, I don't want to shave this sucks. and then he comes out with that and they're like, damn, that was a good idea. Lots of them rocked. Like if you look at the old photos,

like lots of them had that mustache, like, because it was all you could rock. I wouldn't, even if I was in the Nazi army, I wouldn't have, I wouldn't have mimicked the Hitler. You would have been that much of a kiss ass to copy it.

Because it would have felt lame. It would have been like, oh, wow, yeah, Taylor. You're a real Adolf, aren't you? Himmler immediately grew the stash. He was such a kiss ass. But, but Tris de Cheplin had one.

too, implying it's like maybe the style of the day. Yeah, Charlie preempted Hitler on that, didn't he? Yeah. I think so. Because Charlie Chaplin I feel like Hitler ruined both that mustache and

his first name. I mean, to be fair, though, Charlie Chaplin's mustache wasn't real. That was a makeup effect. You know, he wasn't walking around wearing that mustache. Oh, I thought he was. I didn't know that. Yeah. there's a really good movie about Chaplin

with Robert Downey Jr. as Chaplin. Very good. He's very, he's much younger. It's like 25 year old movie. Hmm. Hmm. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know about the, well, maybe Hitler took it from Chaplin. Maybe he was like, maybe he got to that last little, because like, maybe he got that last little bit of shave.

And he was like, you know what? If Chaplin can do it, I can do it. And then he kept it. No. Have you seen him without the mustache? Like, have you seen like the, what Hitler would look like if he escaped to Argentina? Yeah. Without the mustache. Yeah. Looks like a normal dude. Like, it's lit right in. That, that mustache really did a lot to make him iconic visually. And then when you see him without it, it's like, I could walk by that guy at the fucking bank and not, you know, think otherwise. I would be surprised to be made it out. That, that's one conspiracy theory. I've always liked. a lot because the Soviets claimed

they had a piece of his skull stored away in the Kremlin for like decades and then they tested it in like the 80s or the 90s or something like that and they were like this is a lady's skull this is a lady's skull like this definitely not Hitler because this isn't even a man's skull that you've got pieces of here

and the story is you know he took the pills and then he shot himself and then they doused his body they took him above ground out of the bunker out back and they doused his body and some sort of gasoline diesel something and burnt him. The supposed story. But so

many of those guys fled to South America. Like, there are German-speaking towns in South America still. Yeah. I don't know. There's... It would have been tough for him to get out of there. Why? It depends when he left. There was a time when he could have just

like driven to the airport, gotten on a flight, maybe flown to a friendly place where they had a submarine, get in the submarine and off to Argentina. I don't know, maybe, but that just... There was definitely a period of time if the historical story is true, that he just stayed in the, what is it called, the Fuhrer bunker?

Very creative. Is that what it's called? I'm pretty sure it's called the Fuhrer bunker. That is lame. Yeah, he stayed there until like the Soviets had him surrounded and they're invading the city and everything. And there was no way out then. But there was plenty of time leading up to that where he was warned like,

hey, it's time to go. we're all leaving and he decided not to supposedly i could see that like i mean i could i think him killing himself seems like the most natural conclusion he's like my my goals are failed i'll never reascend to the level i was at just punching out and he was wrong about that i bet he's got more fans today than he did back then i don't think so i think i think germany was pretty stoked on him there were a lot of guys. A lot of guys really in the mix. I mean, have you seen the,

you've seen the videos of him, like walking through the armies? It's like, damn, this is pretty sick. This is actually pretty cool. Those guys understood pageantry. Yes.

You know those banners they would hold up? Those really ornate, like, cloth banners with the frills and stuff. That's a good look. We need to do stuff like that. They got the golden eagles on top. It looked like King Arthur had come home

to like the 20th century when they would do those big pageantry like parade speeches and stuff. It looked impressive as hell. You could see how you get like swept up in the moment. It was impressive as hell. Like if you're hanging out in there and you're like this is our army,

these like, the chisel-jawed, tall blonde guys wearing like flags and Hugo Boss. You'd be like, we're 100% out styling the other guys. We're definitely in the mix here. We can probably take,

take on the rest of the world. I like the magic made it out. I like to imagine it out. What would he have done? What would his job be when he made it to Argentina? I think he'd just hide out, you know, and just chill.

You know, he'd hold little banquet parties and like people would show up and he'd, he'd be, oh, Dita is coming. And he'd like throw up the old salute. And they'd like,

all right. Give him one, you know. They'd sit down and all the dinnerware would be the Nazi shit. He'd have kept all that. He'd have the Nazi fucking dinnerware and call those.

and the china sets and stuff. Yeah, he'd always be talking about the Fourth Reich and how we've got... I'm telling you, Dieter, we must get the groundwork running. We must begin now. Time is night. This guy. Yes. I'm telling you, Hilda,

this is why I don't want to come. There's always an assignment. It's never just hanging out. He's over there trembling from his Parkinson's and Eva Braun is like stroking his hand and kind of sort of looking at Dieter like humor him. Humor him. You know, I don't think it's going to happen.

Yeah, yeah. He's like, oh, yeah, we're mounting. Oh, support back home is on the, is higher than ever for you, sir. Yeah, yeah. You'll be able to return home and in a year, maybe two at the most, like stuff like that. Get him going. A new base of operations would be Buenos Aires. We will attack France from here.

Well, is France really pertinent at this point if we're fucking here? He's still hung up on France. He's so mad. You know, Chile is ripe for the plucking, and they're taking that, like, beautiful coastline. No, okay. All right. We can do, no, no.

I was just, we can do France. Six thousand miles. Again, we can do France. We can do France. That old movie, the boys from Brazil. I think the movie was made in the 70s, so, you know, 30 years removed from World War II, roughly. And the premise is that this guy discovers that down in Brazil,

they have cloned Hitler not once, but a hundred fucking times. Oh, that's not good. They have an international fertility agency and that's their front and all of these couples around the world have come to them to solve their fertility issues

and secretly they've been putting Hitler fetuses in these women. Like, oh yeah, you're pregnant now. We got your husband's sperm and your egg and we made a baby and here it is and we're going to put it in your womb and it's all Hitler clones. And they only give them to families

that match Hitler's family, the same middle class upbringing where the father is like a, I think like a social engineer, some kind of an engineer or something or a small-time politician or something. And the mother is a stay-at-home mother. And then, but the thing is,

I think Hitler's dad died when he was like 10 or 12 or something. So now they have to duplicate that part of Hitler's upbringing. So they're going all around the world, assassinating the fathers of a hundred Hitler babies. And that part of the conspiracy has, like people have caught on. Like all these men are dying. And like in these suspicious circumstances, they all look like accidents, but they're weird. And like as you travel around the world, you see all the little Hitler boys.

There's like a little British Hitler boy. It's all the same actor. But there's a little British Hitler, this blue-eyed little Hitler. There's like a German Hitler, of course. There's an American Hitler who's like a Texas guy. He's like a Texas kid in America. And all around the world, there are these different versions of Hitler that they've got hoping they'll be the one.

And do they all like independently arrive at a hatred for like usury? Um, no, but but you definitely saw like definite signs that that like one of them in particular was like super sadistic and cruel that like, oh, this is the one they want here. Were there good ones? Were there ones that made it to art school and now they're just tooling around having a fun time? They were all still little boys. So some of them just seemed like they were okay kids. But like a couple of them in particular seem like these kids are evil.

These kids, this experiment worked. They made some Hitler clones. I like to think if I were in charge of a baby Hitler. What is this? Things I hate Hitler. Being pressed on. All right. I like to think that if I were in charge of a little baby Hitler,

he'd turn out pretty good. He might even make it to the NHL. What? Why is hockey Part of your aspirations For a little baby Hitler? Well, because, you know, anything to keep him busy. He's a dangerous guy.

Let him... I don't think he has the bone structure for modern... He wouldn't be a good hockey player. We would need... Yeah. He looks like a... Like he should... Like, he should be...

He's too short. So if I were in charge of a baby Hitler, I would try to get him in the NHL. But I don't think he... You're right. He doesn't have the bone structure. I don't know how athletic he is. Five foot nine. He's not getting drafted. Then he better have some crazy hands in order to get drafted. And he never struck me as athletic. He's got the heart. He's got the gumption.

No one's denying that. It's just, does he have the physical attributes needed for a champion? I don't think so. I just don't think he does. I think he'd be good at putting a team together. Really, any sport. Like five nine. Hitler couldn't play any sport affected. Was he? He was curling. Did he have like normal shoulders? He wasn't broad-shouldered, right? He doesn't like he looks like he's got narrow shoulders to me, if I had to say.

Maybe that's part of the outfit thing. Yeah, he seems more narrow-shouldered than broad-shouldered. I've never seen him do anything athletic. What sport can a guy like him compete in, though? Maybe he's a distance runner. The real polo with the horses in the mallets. You don't think he would be a no. Maybe you're right, actually.

Distance runner that. Sometimes distance runners are, you know, lightweight guys like that. That Afghani horse soccer where they carry a goat around. You ever see that? I don't think he has the meanings of a varsity goat care. I've had the meanings of a varsity athlete. The makings.

Is that it wrong? Yeah. Yeah. The making. That's what it is. Yeah. Yeah. You ever see that sport though, Taylor?

The Afghani dead goat soccer they play on horseback? I think you told me about it once, but I've never heard otherwise. It's sick. Like rarely does a small, it's weird to call them. There does a tribal group like that come up with a new spin on an old sport, but they've done it. You're on horseback. Genius. And you're essentially playing kind of like a rugby-type sport where you're carrying the ball,

and passes seem pretty rare, but you're trying to progress the ball to either end of the field, depending on which team you're on. But the ball is a dead goat, and you're an Afghani on horseback. It's just not kickable. No, but a dead goat, as you would imagine, is rather unwieldy sports ball if we could use that term. So it makes for some entertaining gameplay. Yeah. If you're on horseback and the goats on the ground, how do you even get it?

They have to do that loop-de-loop thing where they grab it. If you'd seen a Mongolian horseback rider where they goes like side saddle and grab it while in motion? Yeah. That's pretty tight. I like how the Mongolians used to do that. like Hitler could do that. No. Oh, actually. Really? You got to be a big idea. Hang off and reach the ground.

Oh, no, not reach the ground. I was thinking of the old way the Mongolians used to shoot the bow off the side. If Hitler is like 5-9 lightweight, slight in the shoulders, that's probably the ultimate build to lean off the side of a horse while shooting a bow. You don't want to be Mr. Top-heavy. You want to be bottom-heavy. So in case you're curious, the sport we're referring to is Boo's copy. and it's John Boy Media did a video on it where he like commentates over some booze Kashi

and it's pretty good stuff if you want to if you want to find that everyone John Boy Media YouTube channel. This is wild I'm looking for the instance what he was describing where the goats on the ground and we need to Oh I can help you with that

It wasn't the start Oh okay I see 56 seconds Let me jump to that This is fucking wild Oh, that's really impressive. Yeah, look at him. He did exactly what we're talking about. He sort of went down in the saddle and scooped it off the ground.

Waste of a goat, really. They're tenderizing the fuck out of that goat. You know how good it's going to be after? And the winner gets a goat. I think John Boy makes really good content. I like, I think John Boy, this, maybe I'm just looking at it through my own, you know, everyone's the center of their own universe sort of lens. I think he makes baseball more popular.

My only interest in baseball is when John Boy is telling me about some very good or very bad umpire or like some social interaction between players. Like he kills that. He's very good. The lip reading is next level. Yes. Now, there's a bit of a like when you tell me that's what he said. I see it. But it seems like he's getting it right.

I think I'd like to know what his process is for lip reading. because I guarantee it's more than just him himself watching baseball clips and figuring it out. I bet he's got lip readers that work for him or something. At this point, I wouldn't be surprised. I also think sometimes there's really bad audio that you constrain and get hints out of. Sure. And that's part of it. Yeah, I really like it when it's like an umpire and a coach arguing.

And he's, it was outside. Outside! No, it wasn't. outside. No, it wasn't. Classes. You need classes. You. I love those videos. You got it wrong. You've been getting it wrong all day. And like the inflection in the voice doesn't match the hump at all, but the timing is right.

Like he's saying it as the lips say it. He just does such a good job with his videos. I'm impressed. It's just too much so baseball heavy. but he makes baseball interesting he has a series where he's like these are the sports stories you would have missed and it's like I don't know some women's volleyball team that comes back

or Bouskoski wrong but close on that one yeah and you just see things that I don't understand cricket but he knows cricket so he lays out this like scenario where the cricket players was unhappy about the way something went down. It's fun to watch.

Sometimes he doesn't have a sport either. He's like, this is called mushy mush. I never heard of it either. So basically they're going to take this jellyfish and squeeze it between their butt cheeks and try to run up that greased hill. Yeah, I know. It's weird. Yes, it is stinging her.

It's always something like that. He made it so much worse. That was a twist. I didn't see coming. It's something like that. About cricket, I saw a story. I get some MLB relief pitcher named Brian Wilson was interviewed on Grand Tour, which is like the Top Gear spin-off once I think Jeremy Clarkson got fired from Top Gear

for punching Pierce Morgan or something at a bar. And they were asking him about cricket. And he's like, I don't have any idea what cricket is, but I was in India. And these kids were like, sir, come over, play one bit with us, play with us. And he's like, okay. So he went over and he's like, and then they pitched it to me and it hit the ground for it even got to me. So I didn't swing. I'm like, that's the worst pitch I've ever seen in my life.

I don't want to make these kids feel bad though. But then it bounced and it hit the sticks and they all cheered. And I was like, oh, that must be the maybe it's supposed to bounce. And he's like, all right, give me another pitch. And then he cranked it. Just like let it bounce and then cranked it like into an apartment window 200 yards away. and he was like, yeah, yeah, doing his like American shit in India. And everybody seemed really bummed.

He said, like, all the players. And afterward, he, like, got back to his, like, translator, the person driving him around. And he's like, why is everybody like, I thought everybody would be stoked on that. He's like, yes, that was their only ball. He was like, oh, fuck, I mean, I'll buy him another ball. Let me go to the ball store and pick up a people for the game for the game. these boys. That would be cool if he came back with three balls.

Like, I didn't know. Yeah. Sorry. You should have given me a little more heat. He has money for mini-bors. You don't know, Tangle with those people. They're very gang-lapy. I don't understand how cricket scoring works at all.

Like, I know that they kind of hit the ball and they run back and forth. But then you see the score is like, 1700 to 1500. And I'm like, I don't, I didn't. What are we doing? 100 runs. Yeah. Like, I don't know what's happening. Yeah, yeah, there's like three-date games.

Yeah, I don't get it. I mean, American bias, it seems like they came up with a game, and then we made a better version of that game. And then we made better versions of sports entirely with football hockey and probably basketball. Yeah, cricket's significantly older than baseball, dating back to the mid-1500s in Southeast England, with the first definite reference to a court case mentioning the sport in 15-90. 97.

What do you think the top two countries in cricket are? India and England. I would say... I think you're right. Is it Australia is the top one or England is the top one? I have no idea. I'm getting mixed up with rugby here.

I know Australia is like kick-ass at rugby, but I don't know who plays cricket. But it's got to be a decent number of countries because other countries don't play baseball. India and Australia. Those two. Yeah, those guys compete for top two all the time. Finally,

a sport where India is good. Yeah, it's certainly not the Olympics or other sports where maybe if they had cricket in the Olympics, they'd bring home some golds every so often. They really got to get it together athletically in India. You got that many people and they can't win golds.

It's like, you cannot be getting smoked by fucking Finland if you're India. If cricket was an Olympic sport, would guys like Bryce Harper and Mike Trout just switch over real quick and dominate that too. I bet they could.

I don't know Mike Trout out there. Like you spend a weekend teaching him the rules. He might do great. I don't know. Spend a weekend teaching him the rules. Maybe. I don't know. I don't know.

Like it's similar enough. Although maybe it's like they'd be so trained in the, the same way you hear that like MLB players don't hit like softball pitch as well. because they've got this timing in their head. They've got that muscle memory. And so when they see a ball a certain distance away, they know when to time that swing. But if it's super slow or if it's about to bounce in regard to cricket

and then go back up, might throw them for a loop. I like the idea that the next time some baseball guy is like, the hardest thing to do in sports is to hit a baseball. Hardest thing is to hit a softball. Oh, the, the, that is the biggest baseball cope of all time. The hardest thing to do in sports is hitting a baseball, really? Everybody, I just saw, I just saw a guy in the NFL almost die, like, from carrying a ball, because two people hit him at different points.

Like, one guy took high, one guy took low, and he's got absolutely crumpled. That's not harder? Really? Doing getting hit real hard is hard. Yeah. And recovering and like popping back up, getting back in the mix. No, I think hit it. I mean, it's not like my opinion or anything.

I just, I usually hear players who try to cross over from other sports all sort of collectively agree by and large that hitting a baseball is the most difficult thing to do in major sports. No. The hardest thing to do in any sport happens 17 times a game. The best people in the world at it fail 75% of the time. 17 times a game it happens. It can't be the hardest thing in sports. What do you mean?

It's not. It's definitely not the hardest thing in sports. Hits. Hitting the ball. Yeah. Out of how many pitches, though. That's what matters. Probably,

probably, how many, compare it to every other thing. Like, it clearly is. You're trolling. Like, it's clearly incredibly hard to do.

Like, the best, the professionals at it, the guy with, the guy with a billion dollar contract, He fails 70% of the time doing the thing. It's not true. I could do it.

You should. I think Taylor could do it. You could be like Woody's Spider-Man scenario. You could be the next Big Mac. I'm not going to play, though. It's gay. Yeah. That's what's holding him back.

He likes girls. Yep. That's what it is. Girls hate baseball players. They're all about football. There have been multiple players from other sports who decide at their leisure. they will become MLB players. What's the name of an MLB player

who decided in their leisure time they would join the NHL, NFL, or NBA? Just one. Just one example. Well, I think Dionne Sanders played both sports like his whole life. Dionne Sanders is the only example of someone who's crossed over. And I know if him as a baseball player. I identify him as a football player to make Kyle wrong.

You should look at his baseball stats. They're very impressive. So one guy was able to play baseball and football well, but he started at football. So he went over to baseball. Well, he played both sports his whole life. I don't know. What did he start? Which one he started at?

Like, do we go back to the Little League or whatever? I don't understand. It's part of the argument anyway. Well, then allow me to elucidate. What did he play first professionally? Like, any sport. Nobody. I'm not the one making the argument that hockey is the hardest sport on earth.

I didn't say that baseball is the hardest sport on the earth. I said that hitting a baseball is the hardest thing to do. Dion was sick. significantly better at football. For sure. Yeah. Well, he was a football player who then decided to play baseball. Like, there haven't been hyper successful baseball players who at 38 were like, you know what?

I think I'm going to play around. The Chiefs just gave me a contract. Let's see what I can do. Oh, I see. Your argument is that baseball is so easy to do that a guy could just jump into it, even though it's not his sport. No, not easy enough to jump into it. I'm just saying that of the crop of professional athletes. And it happens to be like what Deon Sanders is legitimately.

Michael Jordan played in basketball and then became a pro baseball player. Michael Jordan, again, one of the greatest human being athletes that we even can name. If you went to Poland and asked him, who are the greatest athletes of all time? Jordan would be on that list. So the fact that he was able to cross over and be okay at AA baseball, by the way, two levels before below the majors, isn't that surprising. He's the greatest of all time. And he had spent no time practicing baseball before that. He was an NBA player.

He was practicing basketball. He just on a whim, probably on a bet, knowing him, was like, I would be so funny if the whole thing was like, I bet Barclay bet Barclay bet me I couldn't bat 200. There's no way you can go over there about 200. So I retired from the NBA for two years to prove Charles Barkley. wrong. Yeah, but there's no other like crossovers. Like I'm just trying to think of is there a direction that it goes other than other sport to baseball because I've never seen a football player decide they want to be a hockey player. I've never seen a hockey player decide they want to play football. I've never seen a basketball player decide they want to learn how to skate. Like it's just that. Hockey is such a specialized skill. I don't expect crossover athletes to it. Right. Like good. But basketball, football, and baseball all seem like general athletics. You know, compared to hockey. And baseball does seem to be the one that they all pick up as a second.

Three guys have done it ever. It's Beau Jackson, Dionne, Dionne, and Brian Jordan. Who was the other one you said? Well, Michael Jordan and Brian Jordan. Brian Jordan played the NFL for the Falcons before committed. to MLB as an all-star outfielder for the Cardinals. Taylor knows him, Brian Jordan. Huge cards guy, yeah, definitely know who that is.

And then there's a few guys here that went basketball to football. Antonio Gates played college basketball at Kent State, but never played college football. And then he signed and played for the San Diego Chargers as an undrafted free agent and became a Hall of Fame tied end. Wow, good for him. It's kind of splitting. Has anyone gone from somewhere to the NBA?

Because I think Well, Chuck Connors played professional basketball for the Celtics, and then he played Major League Baseball for the Dodgers and the Cubs, before becoming an actor. Oh, so that's still basketball to baseball? Yes, it is. All jokes aside, I honestly think basketball is the hardest one to make the team in.

They have the smallest teams, and I think there's probably 10 basketball players who could play in the NFL. and zero of anything in the other direction. I think team size is definitely a great argument in that point where it's like how many people are on a team. Basketball are statistically among the hardest team sports to turn professional in because they have very few roster openings, massive player pools. Hockey is 1 in 4,000. Basketball is 1 in 3,000. These are high school players who are starters or whatever reaching the NBA or NHL.

1 in 4,000 for hockey, 1 in 3,000 for the NBA. Oh, hockey's harder for making it? Yeah. Interesting. That's surprising to me. Well, could you do the numbers again? What was the hardest? One in 4,000 progressed from high school all the way to the pros in hockey.

And in basketball, it's one in 3,000. And they break the math down a little bit, you know, 30 teams, 60 draft picks per year. What's football? It says fewer than 1.6%, which is what I said earlier, of NCAA college players make an NFL roster, which is a little bit difficult different way to define it but just kind of the yeah because those are already NCAA like elite guys and the but the NFL is still just such a big step forward that a lot of guys never fully make the progression uh the average professional career lasts a grueling three years

due to severe injury risks that's the other thing which one was that NFL NFL NFL yeah yeah do you have it in front of you how long a hockey career I'm sorry NBA careers it did didn't indicate. Okay. I wonder which has the shortest career. NFL. NFL.

I think it's NFL. Yeah. Because they just brutalized. Or they're a special teams guy. And there's a lot of fringe players. Yeah. A lot of fringe players, they just try out. And if you're not going to be special, they can get someone else who might be.

And there's not like a, I mean, guess there's the Canadian football league. But with baseball, there's this whole. system below the pros that keeps guys you know like Bull Durham the movie where like Kevin Koster's character's been playing that like AAA ball for like his whole life he's 40 or something in that movie and he's

still playing like this lower let just on the cusp of being a pro like there's that whole system of lower baseball leagues and now there's even the silly baseball league with like the Savannah bananas and a lot of those guys are talented players in their own right they just get a little flavor to do it. I wonder if there's money

over there. I bet there is now. It's so big and popular. I think that they go out and recruit people who have like special skills and gigs at this point, like, that they could bring in there. Those guys are throwing 80 or 90 miles an hour. Like, they're talented baseball players

as a base skill. But on top of that, they're bringing like, whatever flare, backflips. Yeah. They're Harlan Loddraters. Yeah. Yeah. I would like to go to a game. They're just sold out all the time. Every time I like think about it. And I'm like, oh yeah. Let's go to Savannah.

weekend. I look and it's like, no, they're sold out forever. Like, you just can't get tickets. Well, we wanted to sign you to the majors, but what really impressed us was your ability to put a Roman candle in your ass and still pitch. They do this thing a lot where like there's a pop fly and they like almost volleyball bump it with a closed glove and then catch it. If they did that in the MLB, do you think they'd just be run out of there and ripped or they'd be like, well, yeah, he's good at that. Yeah, they'd give you some shit about something like that. like hot dogging like that. I've never seen you by do that and not get baseball's got so many unwritten rules. Unwritten rules about hot dogging.

There's a lot about hustling and not and it's been it's really relaxed since even I was a kid and I'm like I see major league baseball players doing stuff that like if we did in Little League like we would have gotten cussed out for it by an adult. Like that ain't how we play the paper ball. Like your dad would be on you before anybody else could if you did like that. So it'd be like every sport. as a kid. Exactly. Yes.

And I just checked NFL 3.3 year average career NBA 4.5 to 4.9 NHL 5 MLB 5.6 average career length.

What was NHL again? NHL was 5 NBA 4.9 NFL 3.3 MLB 5.6. So MLB a bit longer, which does make sense. Like your body's getting wrecked less, unless you're in one of those positions like pitcher where you just are ruining your shoulder

every second of every day. Elbows at it, okay. Elbow, shoulder, all of it, wrist, the whole thing. Catchers hard on your legs. In my lifetime, catchers have changed their position. They used to sit on the, it would like sit on their heels

while on the balls of their feet. If you can picture that, now they'll like put it in a, on the ground. We'll move around. They do different things. I don't know if it's all because of like a game thing or if they're just preserving their bodies. It's a game thing mostly. It depends on

if there's runners on base. You know, if they need to be ready to throw somebody out second, they'll usually be in like a half kind of stance. Like we're they mostly up ready to throw. But they move. And then some different guys play the position differently too.

I remember watching Cardinals games 15, 20, years ago at this point where people would say like this guy Yadier Molina is the best catcher in the league he's incredible at it he's so good and I probably just didn't watch enough plays but I'd be like I mean he's he's catching all of them like what like what am I supposed to be like blown away by that he like pop I guess he pops up real quick and has a great arm I don't do you probably know more about him than I do Kyle if you know baseball like why was Yadi good Oh, I have no idea.

I have no idea either. But everybody talked about Yadier Molina as like the guy, and I just could never fathom, like, what makes him better at catching the ball? Is he anticipating plays out there better than other catchers? Is he popping up faster? My sports fandom comes in spurts. So there's like years where I know entire rosters and like playoff results,

and then there are years where I don't know who the coach is. Like if I'm not into the sport, I just have no idea. When I was like, I don't know, when I was like 22 or something, I got super into it. I was watching ESPN all day. Just, just, oh, hang on. The ticker's on. We've got an update here. Like, why do I need to know these things?

Like, it really matters to me who's being traded to Minnesota. Like, I was just keep, I like, I enjoyed for some reason keeping that autistic, like, rolydecks of, like, current baseball knowledge for some reason. But that's just silly. My father was like that, too. So there were, like, I'm a little kid just modeling my dad. And he's like totally into the Sixers, totally into whatever. And then like a few years later, I'm like, all right, the Sixers are on.

Let's watch. And my dad's like, ha. Those guys don't watch me at work. Why should I watch them? I'm like, wait a minute, I thought we liked them. I don't. I'm really trying to bond here. Was he a Flyers guy or never?

No, mostly basketball. He played basketball. my dad. So that was the sport he liked to follow. Like at a high level? Or he just played it? I think he was like one of the better guys at Men's League. Okay. You know, YMCA player. Yeah. That same friend of mine who was the quarterback on our middle school team who got a bunch of icy hot put in his jock strap. It was also very good of basketball. He's like 6'5. He's a very big guy. We still hang out often. and he will tell us sometimes he'll be like,

in my men's league for basketball, I think I'm going to have to like quit because these young guys are just like, you know, fighting like real fighting over our men's league. And, you know, if I were 10 years younger, maybe that would be a thing. But like, I'm 35 now. I don't need this.

I got work tomorrow. I don't need some dickhead on my team or their team to start shit. And then I catch an elbow because, of some mischief that's been encouraged. Yeah, I wouldn't want to be part of that either. Yeah, and I was like, yeah, of course, Alex, you should not be playing. Can you opt out? Because in my men's hockey league, I felt like you could opt out.

There were certain guys that would fight all the time, just likes to fight guys. And other people would be like, like, you want to fight? Have a mortgage. No. And then the other guy would be like, oh, I guess it's not cool to, okay. What would my wife think? Yeah. Like to fight guy

I literally heard that. A guy say I have a mortgage to an it can offer to fight in hockey. And I was like that it's kind of its own kind of badass. You know, like it is. I just imagine like like did Jackie ever watch you play? Say again. Jackie ever watch you play?

Mm-hmm. I just imagine a scenario where you like Jackie. Anybody challenged me to fight. I'm gonna yell over to you and ask for permission. Just say no. Just say no and get me out of this. I don't want to think I'm a pussy, at the same time, they'll understand my wife doesn't want me to fight.

They won't think you're a pussy if you stop the game to ask your wife if you can find. He throws his gloves down and what he's like, honey, this guy wants to throw it out. What do you think? And she's like, give him help. Dude, I never declined to fight, but I never took off my helmet. And it has a full like wire cage. Like I wasn't really in danger. No one.

Choosing to fight someone in a wire cage, that guy deserved his hand to be fucked up and broke. because you're retarded like they're I bet they did use that though didn't they? Because I see again I bet people often made that decision though because I see people do it with motorcycle riders they'll get into a fight with a motorcycle rider and he's like are you sure

that you want a box right now? I'm wearing armor and the other guy's like fuck yeah I'm sure it's like all right here we go I've literally got armored gloves a helmet on with a face visor and armored suit I'm going to destroy

If you lose that fight You have to sell your motorcycle I wonder if you could headbut somebody with the With the helmet Like if you were to get them wrapped up Like a body lock You get them a little bear hug type thing

And you start I feel like you'd go both ways Like you could totally headbut right Because if you've never worn a motorcycle helmet You feel pretty good headbutting a wall But I also feel like someone Could control my head You know they could grab the back

Make me look down Twist it And now I'm like barely seeing because I'm looking like at the side of it a little bit. It may have downsides. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, for sure.

I'd still rather be the guy wearing the helmet than not wearing the helmet if we're going to, if we're going to box. I just don't see how you get very hurt if you have a helmet. Yeah. Unless they have a hard time. Take it too far. I've seen a bunch of videos where exactly that happens and the guy with a helmet usually wins

the fight. A lot of times are O.P. I found a link from a video I've seen a long time ago. Zach, you can play this. We don't even need audio for it. Basically, there's some shithead bullying people outside of an establishment, probably a bar or something. And a Down syndrome guy is like starting to take some shit from this dude.

And the Down syndrome guy just, wamp, just, yeah, play it here. These, neither of these are the Down syndrome guys. The white T-shirt guy is the dickhead. There's the Down syndrome, bro. And he just head-buts the shit. and he just head butts and now this guy acts like he's fine but his nose is broken and he's bleeding everywhere I'm gonna take two things like I'm gonna be honest like the guy who got head butted looks a little bit like our boy's scum in real life and the guy doing the head putted

head budding looks just like bubbles from trailer park boys well he got in my face Rick what was I supposed to do Jesus fuck but I put him so hard yeah have you ever seen him a real headbutt in real life Woody? You ever seen somebody? Man, I can't picture. I can't name one, no. Nor I.

Nor I. Every time I see it online or in the movies, though, it's incredibly affected, though. I've seen it in early UFC. I actually saw a guy miss the headbutt once and then get his ass kicked, though. Really? Yeah. Yeah.

That would be me. You know, that I'd be like, show him. And they're like, miss. Like, just a headbut air. Dude, it's a real risk. Like you're going to use your face as a weapon. You're taking a chance. This is my first headbutt.

Don't judge me too harshly. I heard Bruce Lee like, don't bite people. Don't bite. That's a good way to lose teeth. And I was like, yeah, kind of. Like if you keep your teeth locked together, they tend to stay where you want them. But if you're going to open your mouth and bring it into a fight like that, you could lose teeth. I would be so noped out of a fight if someone started doing.

any degree of biting whatsoever. Like if there was a felon fights. Whoa, I'm a meet. Like if you told me before the fight began, like just letting you know, I'm a biter. I will run. I will run faster than you thought I could.

Yeah. Now you have to like go to the doctor because he might have fucking hepatitis. One guy was kind of nerdy, but he was a felony. He was tougher than an average guy, but he didn't belong in felon fights. And the other guy seemed

half animal. Like he was human shaped, but he growled and he like snarled and he was just an insane person. So the animal like guy got top position and started biting the other guy's face. And the other guy is like, all right, I'm tapping out.

Apparently there's no tapping out in felon fights. And there's like a guy filming it and he's like stop him. Get him off of me. He's begging. Screeing begging. You know what his name is? The fighter name. Jaws. It's

straight jacket spelled S-T-R- the number eight. His name is straight-jacket. Here's the fight. The guy he beat up is just called karate kid. And the description of the video says convict straight jacket

beats up karate kid, then eats his face for lunch. I forgot they like started with these like Japanese pretend swords. I didn't remember that part. Here, here. Did you just play the audio of this sack?

I don't want to get copyright claim. Yeah, I want to hear him bite him. But I've time stamped it. Play like, I don't know, 45 seconds of this audio. We'll tell you wouldn't stop the audio. Yeah. Because it's brutal. Yeah, and at the end, it's like you won,

and it's like a 30 rack of Natty. Like, that's what they won. Remitly knows if you live a long-distance lifestyle, you probably developed a few, unexpected strengths. Like instantly converting time zones. So when a text says, let's talk after dinner in Mumbai, you know they really mean during breakfast in Toronto.

Or becoming the unofficial family tech support, explaining why Tia Rosa in Mexico City can't hear you when she's the one on mute. Can you hear me? Download the Remitly app today and keep your long-distance game strong. Remitly, trusted by millions to send billions worldwide. In Toronto, every arrival is a statement, and nothing says it better. than this. Cadillac Optic was the number one selling luxury EV in Canada

for 2025. Find your rhythm across a seamless 33-inch display and an immersive 19 speaker AKG surround audio system. This city demands agility and Optic delivers with precision to make every drive extraordinary. Let's take the Cadillac. Find out more at Cadillac canada.ca.

Luxury sales claim based on S&P Global Mobility Canadian New Vehicle Total Registrations for calendar year 2025 for the Cadillac definition of luxury. I'm not fine. Fuck yeah! Get your Someone said don't bite. Someone said don't bite. Don't bite, motherfucker.

There's a man on top biting the other one in the cheek. The guy on the bottom is tapping. I tap out. My shit. Hit him, dog, hit him. Hit him. Hit me. Stop!

He's being bit. Get him! Get him! Stop! Hit them, fuckers. You chapped out, fool. You got. That's enough.

Biting the shit out of someone's face and being like, you tapped out, fool. After you finished from binding them, it's so funny. Dude. Insane. Insane. Insane fighting. I, I, I, I, there was.

a time the younger version of me fancied himself is tougher than average and I used to you know I wonder how I'd do in felon fight fantasy I want no part of this felon fights business I need like information technology fights right that's where I belong yeah if you had put together like a fight club thing there at Cisco I just imagine you as like the Brad Pitt character down there you're like hands wrapped up pile of Indians at your feet every night just working eight or nine of them over what was that name what was that name you guessed

is the most common Indian name that ended up being correct did I say Shrinivas Shrinivas yeah yeah it'd be like you standing over him being like I wanted to destroy something not that beautiful Destroy something smelly

Mr. Woody, please. I think I'd do well in the biting part as long as I can get a purchase because of my mass that are muscles. I would have taken that guy's cheek clean off. But unless it's a headbutt or a bite, I don't think I'll do well. I have no formal training other than middle school wrestling

and that's not that helpful. Yeah, I don't see many UFC fighters use that as a base. No, they don't go, you know, middle school champion, which I wasn't even meant. That was the worst thing about middle school wrestling is I was getting put up against like fat kids, beaten the tar out of them. And then eventually there'd be another kid my size. This giant Asian guy was a problem for me once.

He made me, like it was immediately apparent because my coach was like, Taylor, that thing you did last meet where you just hit that guy in the collarbone as hard as you could without using your fist at all. fist can't make contact but your forearm can just try that again and then lo and behold a fat kid did not come out to face me it was a Asian guy about my size and build and I was like oh no and I just just fell forward missed that hit and then turns out he knew the moves and I was like what the hell's going on here I just grabbing my arm turning him around I had to I had to tap because he was going to break my arm I'm like oh man fuck. Like I just beat my fucking ass.

He went to hit him and miss. He was too quick, dude. He was a fucking, he was a samurai. He was a student of the plane. Those guys have plus three agility. You don't fuck with them. That's true. And they started resailing.

Yeah, couldn't bite him. Couldn't head bottom. You're immune to bites? Yeah. Well, not immune. That was against the rules. I wasn't about to shame my coach. My coach was also my middle school,

like politics teacher but he was a very obvious guy who wants to teach wrestling and had to pick a subject and so like he taught us government also or what's the version of government in middle school social studies or some shit like that

yeah sounds right civics but that guy did not give a fuck about teaching it was awesome his tests were just photocopied year over year until like almost the questions were indistinguishable because it had fled so much when you're trying to read it.

You weren't in a frat, were you? I was not. No, my parents wouldn't let me. They were like, no, you can't join a fraternity. My coach didn't let people rush as freshmen. It's rushing is when you go for it, right? No pledge. You'd let you pledge. rushing, I think, is when they, like, try to sell it to you.

And pledging is the other side. You might be right. I thought rushing was the whole process. I might be wrong, too. I'm not sure. But anyway, freshmen weren't allowed to do it. on the swim team. And by the time I was a sophomore, it was like, well, shit, I'll never be a senior member of this thing because you're a year behind. You know, I'll be a sophomore getting treated

like a freshman. I don't like that. And it wasn't appealing after freshman year. I found a good medium with that in that I didn't join a fraternity, but I had a lot of friends who were all in fraternities. And so I could still go to the parties and have a good time, but I didn't have to like get you pulled a Notre Dame or something. I guess. I guess. I guess. I was. I guess. I was. I did. You made your own schedule. But the France and the sororities all had the previous year's tests to use as study guides. Yeah.

Or sometimes just straight up like cheat sheet. You know, we'd memorize the answers and go take the test. And that aspect of it seemed appealing. That would really help. Yeah. On the flip side, some of my most retarded friends

had access to that and they still couldn't pass. Where they'd be like, Taylor, we got all the answers to the macroeconomics test. And it's like, This is test one, like we're freshmen. It's going to be like supply and demand curves. Can you need a cheat sheet for that? When my girlfriend takes like big tests that are online,

they will make you show, you have two cameras on in the room, like one show, like a wide shot off to the side and like a close one on your face. They're monitoring your screen. They make you show them your ears, like the inside of your ears, to make sure you don't have like James Bond earbuds in or something. Because I was immediately like, I heard they had this strict,

stringent anti-cheat like bullshit. And I was like, I can get past it, whatever it is. And she's like, what would you do? And I'm like, we get a very small earbud.

We put it in your ear. I'm just outside the room. You relay the stuff to me. I give you the answer to the earbud. Like we totally do this. They know, they literally like look inside your ears before you start the test.

Like there's a human monitoring you like watching you like an eagle. I'd be like, look, you could see nothing there. And I'm not going to blow up your girlfriend's spot or anything, but like this is post-grad testing, right? Yes.

Like this isn't, you know, economics 202. No, it's some med school shit. It's usually some sort of advanced biology or something. It's always like... They should be doing that then. They should absolutely be doing that. You don't want some doctor waltzing in with a chat GPT diploma.

Hello everybody. Hi, everybody. Hi, Dr. Nick and Nick. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe I'd be okay if there was like a class of doctor that wasn't quite as good as if you went to look at my doctor, doctor, doctor. There was like a doctor junior, you know, like. Physicians assistant. No, but I want a whole establishment where it's known that like, that's, you know, the doctor or we can go to Dr. Jr.

We didn't quite pass med school, but we know some stuff. What's that on your wall? New Delhi State. You know what? Whatever. You know, it's probably good enough for this. Something should be easier to get. You know?

I want something between over the counter and the doctor. Like somewhere, I want a guy in between there. Maybe he's herbs, some potions. Maybe he's, maybe he can like do a, he does like all sorts of spiritual healing. But can get you some zanis if you really want that. I hate the restricted access stuff. It makes me crazy. I need a new BAP.

Last week, my BAPs started making the, the BAPs are quiet. A ceiling fan on low is louder than my BPA. Oh, wow. And yeah, they're like super quiet. But the motor got loud. It was annoying. It was a problem. And I tried to buy a new one online, but I need a prescription to get a new BAP.

Why? I've used it every day for like 13 years in a row now. I just, I'm literally buying the same machine, right? What are you going to do? Yeah. What am I going to do with it? Nothing. Breathe better at night.

I don't know. Like, it doesn't get you high or anything. So now I've paid $80 and I, but I haven't set up the time yet to get a online appointment where I'm going to say, yeah, all right. So I've been doing the same thing for the last 13 years, but now my machine got loud. I want it again. I want a new one. And she'll say thumbs up. $80, five minutes, and then they'll sell it to me.

That's so stupid. Just giving you a burden before you get the thing you already know you need. Yes. You know it works. Right? I haven't changed my prescription on this thing in 13 years. Just stop being a dick. I am, but Jackie replaced the motor in it, so it's not urgent.

Yeah. They do that at eye doctors too because I'm on a, some people's eyes stop getting worse when they hit like 30s-ish. And I think I'm in that boat because my eyes are terrible, but like I haven't had to re-up my prescription in a bit over three years now. Like ever since the last appointment, they were like, you seem to be stagnating right at this level of vision. And if I call them and I'm like, hey, I just need you to give me my specific prescription, what my left eye is, my right eye is like the astigmatism bit in my left eye. So I can give this to the eyeglass company online that I'm ordering glasses from. and they like make it a bitch they're like well we really need you to come in for another appointment just to make sure everything's the same and i'm like no i could tell because everything would be blurry

if it wasn't the same and everything seems fine uh just what's that number and they're like well you know we we prefer not to give that out uh until unless it's right after an appointment i like had to have a almost debate with a lady on the phone being like just give me my numbers please because my vision is the same. Like, you know why I came in every other time? I didn't do the like once a year eye doctor shit. Every time my glasses got shitty and I just couldn't focus on things. I was like, eyes got worse.

Time to go. Then you go, you pop in. They give you the new numbers, but a bang. But this, I was just, it's insulting. It's like, I know what I can see. Fuck you. Just give me the number. So I looked up the CPAP machine.

It's a, the FDA regulars. it as a class two medical device and they give some reasons for why but they're bullshit reasons like if the pressure were set up wrong you could get dry nose like literally that's one of the reasons for why there's a law that makes it

illegal in the United States to buy ourselves that's self-correcting my nose is dry let me mess with me yeah mine is a humidifier built into it yeah they mentioned humidifiers is also being illegal to buyers like some sort of personal

like strap onto the head humidifiers. I don't know why that's a law. FDA, man. They got to look out for us. You can't have people just willy-nilly going around breathing humidified air. Who knows what's going to happen. Strong point.

I take it back. You get juicy. Thank you for protecting me, big government. They are tough to deal with the FDA. I don't know if you've ever had any direct conversations. All the time. But, yeah, but they will, like make a big stink about claimed efficacy of a product,

but they also have a monographed list of things that if you put it in your product at a given percentage, you can then claim XYZ. And so people will be like, hey, can you like approve this for saying that it, you know, it stops. It kills bacteria. It stops oral pain. Loaves blood. Whatever.

And they'll be like, no, we can. can't do that. We don't have sufficient studies. And it's like, okay, but what if I added 0.05% of Cetalperidium chloride? Could I then make this claim? And they'd be like, oh, yeah, yeah, that's fine. It's a okay. You just, you have to add that. But they are not open to new innovations very much. They kind of, they, they stymie new innovations because unless J&J or P and G or one of

these big boys come at GlaxoSmith Klein, unless they come out with a, you know, and they push shit and get that ingredient they're using on the monographed list, everybody else trying to do that. They're like, no, no, I don't think that's actually good. It's insufficient. Let us know. Also, if you want to apply for this again within the next 14 months, it's $100,000. It's like, thanks for that. Yeah, the FDA is a fucking bitch to work with.

They act like their shit doesn't stink those fuckers over the Food and Drug Administration. And it does. Yeah. You guys ready to wrap? Let's wrap it up. Yeah, I'm hungry. All right. I got a soft pretzel in my near future.

PKK 822.