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Oh yeah, we all nailed it!
PKN episode 121. I'm here on behalf of the hottest team in the NHL, the Philadelphia Flyers, on a five-game win streak.
Flyers are doing well right now. Oh, look at Kyle's eyes right there.
If you have the video of this, go back and look at the intro, because as soon as Woody said,
the hottest team in the NHL, I perked up.
Like, oh, we're talking about this now.
And Kyle looked like someone told him,
oh, you're waiting at this dentist's office.
It's going to be another 40 minutes.
People gave me shit, but they shouldn't have given me credit
because when Pokemon Go was the thing that we were talking about,
I'm asking what Bait does, what Sense has done.
How do you get more Pokeballs?
I'm like, you know, why do you want to own a, what do you get more pokey balls i'm like you know why do you
want to own a um what are the landmark a pokey stop right as as soon as every kid in america is
is running down the sidewalk with ice skates on with a hockey stick thrown over the back
then we can compare it that way all right like everybody's not running around with flyers jerseys
it's it's just a a smaller more niche And more importantly, it's just something I'm not,
I'm very ignorant in and perhaps not interested enough in.
I'll provide more effort.
I'll try.
The problem is you guys speak hockey specifics
instead of hockey generalities,
instead of like, hey, what would make the game faster?
What if they put a camera in the puck?
I want to go on board um especially
like think about when the puck goes out of disorienting sometimes it would but you got
high enough frame rates maybe they can put it together and get rid of the uh the revolutions
and you can see it like hit a fan in the head imagine that because that happens like
trying to learn more about hockey and you download the puck simulator on your vive
puts you in the middle of a game and you just have it on for 30 seconds and just
from all the spinning but well kyle what do you what is like a question about hockey that you just
don't get or something that would help you understand it a little more like if you don't
have something now that's fine but i'm always i'm always a a resource. I'm always trying to help. I don't know.
I guess there's just...
I guess it's just not that interesting.
For one thing, it seems like...
For one thing, I
definitely cannot recognize at a glance
the difference between a good hit and a bad hit
because there's very specific rules, it seems,
depending on where they are on the ice,
which direction people are facing,
if you're engaged with a puck, maybe, I don't know.
And certain things can seem like cheap shots,
but then they're like, oh, yeah, good hit, good hit.
Like, that's... I can't see the difference.
That's a fair point.
There are, like, a half a dozen little filters.
Yeah, a little rule of thumb, like, this is not the most...
This is a simple way to do it for those gigantic hits
if the primary point of
contact is the head so if you see a guy come in on a big hit and he kind of lowers his shoulder
and he gets down and when he goes to hit that shoulder hits the guy on the side of the head
that's illegal you're not allowed to have the primary point of contact be the head because
people would literally be they'd be dying and so it has to be primary point of contact chest shoulder somewhere that's not the head that's one
that's really easy to pick up on but even then hockey's so fast sometimes
you'll watch a hit and be like oh because with hockey like sometimes there
will be a really clean like a dust so I saw the video the day and the guy was
complaining because the other player was pinching him. I guess they were in like a shuffle against the wall.
I don't think that's allowed, but it's not typically done.
That's more – so they have stuff that's demoralizing too.
Is there a rule against pinching is what I'm asking.
No, there's not an actual rule.
You can get some titty twisters if you want to do it.
If you can get the chest protector to their titty, you can.
But usually what they're doing – so here's another thing that's called face washing.
Barrett Jackman of the St. Louis Blues just retired.
He was one of our defensemen known for giving the dirty mitt,
and it's just where trying to rile people up.
You know how after the play in hockey,
they all skate towards the puck,
and they kind of grab each other and fuck with each other and whatnot.
What he would do is always just go right up to someone
with his hand out with his disgusting, sweaty,
wet palm on that
fabric, and he would just rub it on their mouth
and in their nose and on their eyes and in their
face, and it's called a face wash, and that's a way
that you really piss people off in hockey.
You go up to them during those fights, and you rub your
disgusting mitt on their hand, and they get all sweaty
and they start smelling like your hands, and then
they get upset, and they take a dumb penalty.
Or they get in a fight with you, which is kind of what you want.
That's fucking shitty.
I don't like that at all.
That's really shitty.
I feel like Taylor didn't cover the hit rules.
So like he said, you have to leave it in your shoulder.
Oh, yeah, there's a lot of them.
That's it.
Another one, you only hit the puck carrier or a guy who just passed it.
Okay, well, then there's varying levels of hitting
because I see a lot of grabbing jerseys and just messing with their movement that goes on.
In football, I guess it's similar to football, right?
You can't mess with the receiver if he's in the act of catching the ball.
That's pass interference, whereas there's certain ways to block a guy so that it's not holding and it's all legal.
Can you grab the guy's jersey and slow him down to keep him getting equal aid?
No, because that rule is called interference.
Yeah, that'd be an interference if you're putting your body between him and the puck
to try and just box him out where you have nothing to do with the play and the puck.
You're just basically boxing him out, interference.
It's holding if he's just basically like a child grabbing onto the back like no don't go to the puck there's but uh three rules that can handle most of hitting no you can't
kick there's no kicking there's three rules that handle most of hitting we've talked about lead
with your shoulder or hip or something that's that's one um we've talked about uh it has to
be a guy who has the puck or maybe just past it you know and you're kind of just following through
yeah you could take a beat and the last one is boarding and i'm going to demonstrate that has the puck or maybe just passed it, you know, and you're kind of just following through.
Yeah, you can take a beat.
And the last one is boarding, and I'm going to demonstrate that.
But basically you can hit a guy against the boards,
but if he's too far from the boards, you can't.
So I'll yell so you can hear this.
I see.
Okay. Yeah.
So basically what he's doing.
Yeah, that's legal, but if he were stepped away,
then his head would fucking hit the floor at a sharp angle.
He'd die.
If I'm here and you hit me, there's a risk that I do this.
Yeah.
And that's bad.
So boarding is when you hit a guy more than like two or three feet away.
A solid check is when you stand him up.
Just think about it.
If someone wants to push you into a wall, you'd rather be standing one foot away from that wall that they're pushing you into than seven feet to where you do like a little backward stumble and then million dollar baby your way into the retirement.
Yep.
So that is another thing is look up.
Don't leave your feet is something that used to be a bigger deal than it is now.
There's a guy.
What the fuck is Rafi Torres?
Look up Rafi Torres on YouTube. um there's a guy oh what the fuck is raffy torres look up raffy torres on youtube a guy who was
suspended so many times that they basically he had like if he hadn't been suspended his like 620
game career would have been like 700 plus he was the only person ever to be suspended for half a
season 41 games he was suspended what did did he do? Kill a man?
It was just like his 100th time of... He would hit people
and he would, by the time you freeze
framed it, it was him in mid-air
leading towards their head with an elbow.
He ruined people's careers.
The only person who was suspended
for longer than him was a guy
in 1927 who
apparently, I guess he was on the Bruins, the Bruins coach was not a fan of the ref guy in 1927 who apparently i guess he was on the bruins the bruins coach was
not a fan of the ref in the 1927 stanley cup and so he told this player to assault the ref on the
ice and after he assaulted the ref on the ice they gave him a lifetime nhl ban and said that you're
not allowed to come back to the sport because you can't he's a butt man he's a butt man in the nhl
he's fucking he's fucking taking people out. This is ridiculous.
Four years later in 1930,
four years later in 1931,
the commissioner of the NHL
was like, ah, that's long enough.
You can come back.
Well, that sounds terrible.
I don't like that in sport.
That's one of the things about that sport in particular.
It seems like, no,
hitting the ref, I guess, is generally a bad thing.
I like it in football when it happens accidentally.
Don't take it very seriously.
I don't like it when people do things that are illegal in the sport
that could potentially kill the guy or cripple him or ruin his career,
that they're all just fortunate enough to be in this one percentile of the one percentile
so we can earn money playing this wonderful game
that I'm sure they all grew up playing as boys and love so much and you're gonna
do something that could take all that away from him?
That seems like the ultimate sin.
You know? I don't like
that stuff. I don't really like it either.
But this guy, Rafi Torres, there's literally
a YouTube video, let me try and find it, just called
Rafi Torres
needs to go.
Yeah, Rafi
Torres needs to go because he was so fucking dangerous oh I have a
new thing as of today I have gigabit gigabit oh nice yeah they installed it
today they ran it took like well took about five trips before they did
anything they kept coming out and being like, whew, yeah, they didn't tell us.
We'll have to get more fiber.
Or like, you know, this thing wasn't installed right,
or we got to get the ditch digger big one, or whatever.
But it was three trips of them actually doing something.
First, they laid most of the cable,
then they attached it to the wall,
and today they wired inside the house.
And I don't know.
I have a gigabit internet.
I'm kind of excited about it.
That's awesome.
It is.
What can you do to fully exercise your internet muscle now?
Like nothing.
Right?
The truth is that I'm interested in seeing the other thing.
Okay, well, right now I'm on my backup router,
and it only does like 150 megabits per second or something.
But I have my other router, I'll just switch it.
I didn't want to mess with it because we finished
about an hour before the show.
And I'm like, alright, everything works.
Let's not fuck with it right before the show
and then I'll mess with it tomorrow.
So, but really, I don't know, upload videos or something.
Maybe I should try that.
I'm sure there's people who might like that.
But yeah, the truth is I feel like all
I've really done is move the bottleneck from my
house to the rest of the internet.
You could run a server
off that, a little one. Like if you wanted to
get into one of the
Overpock or DayZ or something,
you could start a small community right off the ground
with Gigabit. You could could and the challenge is you really have to like
hide the IP you know if that gets somebody can take it right out they'll
start D dozzing and then I can't just get a new IP very easily a m-ah okay
hate that do we need to watch this hit at 311 I see you time stamp the link
Taylor oh I didn't even mean to time stamp it
oh i guess i just it was at that point it's just so every single hit in this is just raffy torres
headhunting the definition of a headhunter let me send you a picture of this guy because kyle
tell me at first glance if this man looks like like a professional hockey player or if he looks like Schillinger's best friend in Oz.
This footage is horrible.
Yeah.
Oh, he retired in like a while ago, so a lot of this is older.
Yeah, but I was this old.
Life didn't look like that when I was a kid.
It did for this guy.
Maybe he was recording this on like a boob tube with a dazzle. Yeah, like dazzle videos look better than the start of this guy. Maybe he was recording this on a boob tube with a dazzle.
Yeah, like, I swear, dazzle videos look better than the Stardivist thing.
Oh yeah, the Stardivist really matters.
Oh my god, look at this white supremacist motherfucker. Look at this skinhead fuck. What a nightmare.
I know. He was a nightmare. Such a piece of shit.
I've watched like five of these hits. They're just terrible.
You know, guys go in the opposite direction
and the guy's caught off guard.
His head is just snapping back.
And a thing to remember, like a lot of the bad parts of the hits
isn't, and I know Woody knows this,
isn't necessarily the getting hit,
although that's bad in these.
It's when you see them fall back and then the head bounces off the ice.
Ugh.
It's horrible.
I'm surprised the NHL hasn't gotten in trouble for concussion stuff.
No, I'm not, actually, because they do a good job
kind of ruining their own chances of success by,
oh, let's not sign contracts with ESPN.
Let's do it with NBC and make it really hard for anyone to get into the sport,
which is good, kind of,
because the Blues won't be going around with pink breast cancer
socks anytime soon.
Because no one will care.
They'd make the puck pink. The puck would be pink.
That's what they'd do.
Every game would be suddenly like 10 to 9
as goalies are like, I just can't fucking see it, man.
See, they never mix it up either.
What if they did black ice? That'd be cool, right?
What if one night they had black ice
and all the all
the lines and everything were like that um that luminescent stuff that reacts to a black light
you know they should try that in vegas like i don't like i'm bet it's probably disorienting
to be down there but with a white puck on black guys that'd be neat at least it'd probably make
it easier to it might be a huge home ice advantage right? Because no one else would be used to it.
No one else would be down.
Only, you know, the...
What are they called?
The gold?
Golden Knights.
Yeah, the Golden Knights have white tape for their sticks.
Everyone else is doing black.
And the gold tend to see the puck come off because, you know, they...
Whatever.
So, anyway.
This one dude on our team, Neil Yakupov from Russia,
uses so many times when he's out there... first of all he skates like that when he got traded from edmonton to the blue when we yeah when
he got traded from edmonton to the blues this year i always go to their subreddits and be like what
are they thinking about this guy and their first thing i said was like he skates like he's being
chased by bees and i was like that doesn't make any sense. And then now, every time I watch him skate,
I know exactly who Yakupov is
because he's just fucking so much movement and frantic.
It's like he looks like he's trying to swat off some hornets.
But every time I see him out there, I'm like,
Yakupov, where the fuck is your stick?
Where's your fucking stick?
Where did you put your stick?
And it's always because he's the only player I see in the whole NHL
that uses 100% white stick.
It is all white.
The tape is white.
And so it looks like he's just going out there miming playing hockey, which is kind of true because he hasn't fucking scored in two months.
But it's just funny to watch him do that.
The Flyers have a five-game win streak.
It's the longest win streak in the NHL right now Making them the hottest team in the NHL
And
I just feel like we have so much
Advanced technology now but our sports
Haven't taken advantage of any of it
We're still playing sports
Like a 1905 guy would play sports
We need rocket skates
Maybe not rocket skates but alright
What about those like
Semiconductor materials that under like
When they're really cold, they levitate?
Maybe we could use that in a sport
somehow.
See, they already added some technology though.
Like,
basically
compare it to if
MLB allowed aluminum bats.
No!
In hockey, they do.
That's what hockey was like
everybody was using a wooden stick and then suddenly they were like hey we came out with
this thing that's a tenth as light as that and it gets so much whip you're gonna be able to shoot it
twice as hard with half the effort and everybody's like wow and then they started watching everybody
shots like like the best slap shot in history with a wood stick is Al McInnes, 102 miles an hour, I think.
Is that it?
Now Shea Weber goes out there, seems like every other year,
and just cranks another one at like 111.
Like you can't put much more technology or goalies are going to start dying.
And by the way, everyone in the NHL can do 102.
That's impressive.
So here's what I would like to take advantage of that
because I see somebody hit the puck.
I don't fucking know if it was 102 or 85. What if
the puck has an accelerometer in it?
When it gets to a certain speed,
it starts glowing like red hot.
The faster it's going, the
brighter it glows.
Fill that thing up with LEDs facing out.
If they hit
110, it looks like a
meteorite fucking coming at you.
I want to have some fun
with this. And you want to have the
sound effects for when you level up in Call of Duty
where it goes like,
Yeah!
Dump, dump, dump, dump, dump.
So even though in the
Slapshot competition they hit 110,
in game, I think people routinely
hit harder than that, right?
Because in the same way that a baseball player would have a hard time hitting a home run
if they just tossed it up to themselves, you know, in a game, people pass it to you
and you get to double that, you know?
You get to hit it off of a pass.
Yeah.
So it's almost too much power and they're having a problem with scoring every year
to where every offseason in and they're having a problem with scoring every year to where every
off season in hockey, they're like, all right, we got to up scoring to keep people interested
because they don't understand that scoring isn't what actual hockey fans cared that much
about.
Like most, like we don't, I don't care if it's three to two or four to three as much.
Like it doesn't fucking matter to me as long as it's a good game.
But every year they shrink the goalies pads and every year they find a bigger dude to
wear these pads
who's just as quick and good.
Like Darren Pang, the Blues announcer,
was a goalie for the Chicago Blackhawks in the early 80s.
He's 5'4".
Ben Bishop is a goalie for the Tampa Bay Lightning in 2016.
He's 6'8".
The whole sumo player and goal is coming true now. lightning in 2016 he's six foot eight and so even the whole thing goalie don't assume a player in
goal is coming true now yeah that's it taylor's still talking but the i am sick like so taylor's
a goalie i fucking hate goalies because they cheat they fucking cheat you know that you'll
take a player who clearly wears a medium and he'll be like, huh, you know what?
I'm a quintuple
X for purposes
of buying pads.
People literally put
cardboard cutouts
that stick up above their shoulders
so they come up to the temples
of their head.
I think Jager is known for doing that back when he played.
Snow used to do it
too i mean it's been at oh i'm just imagining like a wingsuit where they stretch out and there's a
little netting dude i can see that coming i can totally see go and be like what no no i just have
giant traps and and and that's why my jersey goes from my elbow to my hip i can fly in it and and
yeah people wear the most ridiculous, like goalies are
constantly stretching shit
and some of it doesn't even look
like padding.
Why do you have like bicep
shit that sticks up?
They did get rid of that. Like you can't pull
a Garth Snow thing anymore
where you just basically
stack pads up. Like that was like
a late 90s thing where they're like,
you know, our goalies aren't doing that great.
If we just really just fucking load them up and shit though,
we'll give it a shot.
You've got the gears of War Armor on.
It's just super oversized.
That's funny.
Yeah, they are better at that now,
but really it's just that goalies are getting so good
and they're so quick.
If you have a 6'8 guy who's fast and athletic,
you're just not going to have an easy time scoring on him, but that's why you have a six foot eight guy who's fast and athletic like you're just gonna you're
just not gonna have an easy time scoring on him but that's why you have that composite stick
that can shoot it inappropriately fast because you have to glow that's something that like i
can't do but it blows my mind when i watch it like those all-star competitions i'm sure woody
can do it better than me because he plays out is like if you're watching it as someone like kyle
you probably see him take a slap shot and you're watching it as someone like kyle you
probably see him take a slap shot and you're thinking like they don't really know where
that's going to go they're just giving it a big wallop trying to put it on net then they do like
their accuracy competitions with slap shots and they're hitting like teeny little like softball
sized things i've seen 30 yards out just impressive 30 feet it's just crazy but yeah
look at that guy on the left. That's ridiculous. He looks like
the mountain. I'll show it
to everybody. This guy's
padding,
especially on the left, has
nothing to do with how big a human
he is. He's just
stacked up with pads.
And as a guy that plays
out, it's frustrating to me. It's like,
come on. Somehow that's not hockey to me it's like come on that's
somehow that's not hockey to me you know you're supposed to move in front of the puck when it
comes that's your role you're not supposed to be so big that we just wedge you in net at the start
of every period yeah there should be a way to fix that there should be like like maybe if you hit
the goalie in the face that's a goal i think that should be a thing like you hit him in the head
that's a goal who's the flyers goalie who liked being hit in the face?
That's way too fucking dangerous.
Who's the Flyers goalie who enjoyed being hit in the face?
He always talked about astronomy and shit.
Do you know who I'm talking about?
It was a crazy, like, maybe his name ended with ski.
Ilya Brzgalov.
Okay, yeah, yeah.
That guy.
Dude, if you were to shoot hard at him where he had some time to react, right?
Like maybe you just passed center ice and you dumped the puck on net.
He would purposely take it with his face.
He's got a glove.
He's got a blocker.
He's a professional athlete.
He could catch it any way he wants to, and he'd choose his teeth.
And he would just be like, k-kunk.
And he would poorly redirect it to his own players or something.
That's the same guy I think who was like,
when he was being interviewed, roasted in Philly,
when he was like,
it's his only game, why you have to be mad?
Like when he was doing that.
Yeah, I felt bad for him.
The fans, Philly fans used to love their goalies.
They loved Hextall. They loved Snow.
And I can't think of a goalie they loved since then.
They kind of like Mason on and off.
Mason's hot right now, so they probably do.
Maybe he'll be the next goalie to develop a following.
We're getting away from the point at hand.
It should be a goal if you hit him in the face.
See, they are.
There's just no, like, just, that guy was, I was talking about Ben Bishop.
He got hit in the face with a puck just last week, and it knocked out both of his front teeth.
Okay, well, why weren't his teeth protected by his face mask?
They were.
It's just the shock of it hitting you and biting down knocked his teeth.
Well, he's a mouth guard then.
Well, yeah, they have, no, I don't, there's really no way to avoid losing your teeth in hockey, Kyle.
That's what I'm trying to say.
Even if you had, like, in boxing, they keep their teeth, though.
It's a different amount of pressure in how quickly it's coming.
They keep their teeth in MMA.
I don't know how they do it, but Ben Bishop lost his front teeth.
That's what I'm saying, mouth guard.
Hey, look, if you're a goalie, now part of the equipment is the mouth guard
because guess what?
This is the tin ring right here.
No, it's two points.
It's two points you hit him in the face.
If you lose an eye.
They would be having concussions literally hundreds of times more often
than the most physical football players because I guarantee you,
10 times out of 10, if the hardest shooter on our team,
Vladimir Tarasenko, is skating down the ice,
the only way he's not going to hit you in the face as a goalie
is if you move and let it go into the net.
Because he's just going to...
See, now your style has to change.
Instead of this big wide open stance and getting ready and everything,
you got one hand out here.
Like it's fighting.
You got one hand out here feeling around and getting ready to block that head shot.
So you just give the goalie more responsibilities to defend himself. That have the goalie more responsibilities exactly that's the point of it that's exactly the point
that would increase scoring kyle's yeah they punch people for shit like this like 10 years ago or 12
years ago whenever they got rid of these ridiculous garth snow pads they punished them for doing
something that was cheating for martin brodeur he was so good you know in hockey they dumped the puck down the ice and he
was the best goalie of all time i think he went he would go behind the net get the puck and he was so
good at handling the puck that he could just immediately fire it all the way down the ice
like tape to tape pass to his offenseman he started so many good plays that way just from
getting the puck in the corner and shooting it it was such a boon to the devils that he played for that eventually the entire league was like all right
no more goalies handling the puck in the corner we're calling it the bro doer rule you're too
good at that and it's not fair you can't just go to the corner and shoot it past all the defensemen
and offensemen on their team and then just score against bullshit you can't do that and so now they
added a rule just because one guy was too good at it. So I don't like rules
like that.
Gretzky can't hang out behind the net for too long.
It's ridiculous.
What were you suggesting? That some guy,
some goalie would have like a really tiny head
from Zika virus and he'd be the real all
star because nobody could hit his tiny head?
Like, I don't get where that's
going because that's the focus here.
They should be able to make the headshots.
Two points would be very good.
I think they could make a better helmet, right?
To take the impact.
I'm sure they could.
I don't see a lot of people volunteering.
I mean, yeah, I'm sure they would.
They could make a bulletproof one.
I mean, they can make a...
Yeah, right?
They make these combat masks that look hardcore.
Like, they look like something from a video game,
but they're bulletproof. It's a bulletproof mask there's gotta be a way was the first guy to start those jason
style masks after in like the 50s if you see a picture of him without a mask on you would think
that this idea would have come to him years ago he looks like a monster without all these gouges
and cuts and he got so injured.
Most people think he's an innovator.
Taylor thinks he's a slow learner.
Yeah, he's a slow learner because he laid back, they poured the plaster on him, they got his mask. And his coach at the time was like, okay, you can wear this only for this game.
And then once you're back to top, you're not wearing your mask the next game.
And the next game, I next game i guess he was like
i'm i'm not gonna go out there without this mask anymore like my eyes have been opened and i i
really honestly dude i don't want to go fucking blind or lose my jaw because some dude gets angry
and smacks me with a wooden stick it's 1951 they're not gonna get in trouble like i'm earning
a bunch of a living here anyway like how much is he getting paid to go out on the ice in 1951?
You keep your eight cents, mister.
Yeah, they're not loaded.
It's a better job than working in a coal mine, but it's, I mean, Jesus.
He's probably working in a coal mine during the day.
If you wear a mask, you play better.
At least I do.
Like, I've told this before, so really quick.
I started with no mask.
I went to a rink that forced me to wear one.
And then when I took it off, suddenly I realized I'm spending half of my effort not to get injured.
I'm worried about stray sticks.
If I'm on my knees or something, which happens more often in beer league than it does in the NHL,
then I'm protecting myself.
Whereas when I have a mask on, all I'm doing is focused on getting the puck to a teammate.
You wouldn't be much of a paintball player if you didn't have your mask yeah you just be closing your eyes not wanting to go blind yeah usually behind the tree like
where are they I don't fucking know dude I ain't looking either exactly like anytime a slap shot
whizzes by your head and you're not wearing a mask the thought has to be like thank god that was a
goal and I can still see out of my right eye. I don't have some
collapsed socket and some droopy
stroke face. Every game something
would happen that made me happy I had a mask.
Sometimes it'd be me and usually mine are just like
a stick hit it or something. Or sometimes
it'd be a teammate who didn't wear a mask
and they'd be hurt.
You know, like, oh, fucking Frankie
lost a tooth. You know, is that guy's
eye okay because
like shit like people don't wear a mask and they're usually our best players with no mask
uh you know because they like well i didn't have to wear one in whatever junior a's or something
why should i wear one here yeah well because you're playing with people who like absent-mindedly
hold their stick too high yeah it's ridiculous it's like you don't i've played
like pinch in like beer league games before where they're like hey we need goalie and i go
and there's always like a couple of dudes without the the face mask that think they're hot shit
like skating around with like not even the visor like the chris pronger kind of look
and then the other ones who do that are clearly like 46 year old accountants who have played for like two years
their skates magnifique brand new no scuffs uh the tape on their stick it's like oh wow i see you
don't tape your stick before every game is that because you very rarely play the puck like you're
not ripping that tape too often but that's how it seems to be in beer league that and i don't
understand it either there was one time when i was like 14, I guess, playing goalie,
and we were just with my friends on the ice at a stick and puck,
and I just took my helmet off and started taking shots without the helmet
just because I thought it was kind of fun.
And it was only a few shots into it, and they weren't taking them hard.
They were just like chipping it at me for the most part.
I kind of caught one, and it went into my glove
and got a little too close to my face.
And I kind of realized, like is this is fucking retarded like i'm 14 and it took me four shots to realize this is fucking
retarded that guy had been in the league for two decades before he thought god i don't who knows
when my sight's coming back this time but if it does by golly i'm pouring plaster on my face and
going in for reels like that yeah the catchers had been wearing masks
for like 20 years before the nhl wised up which is ridiculous but um yeah if you ever have any
questions i'll let me know and as far as the philly's going i'm glad they're doing well i see
wayne simmons having a good season good for him i don't think i need any tips i'm pretty sure i
picked that divisional winner over there preseason.
The Blackfeet are just stomping all over everybody, right?
No, the Blues and the Blackfeet are pretty close.
But who's ahead?
The Blackfeet right now.
Of course they are.
They've been leading all season.
They're ahead by three points,
but they also have played two more games than the Blues.
Ah, I see.
So still ahead by one, regardless of how you look at it.
No, no.
They'd be behind by a point
if we won both of those games.
I see, I see.
And they also just lost Corey Crawford, their goalie,
and their captain, Jonathan Taves.
So I'm much more invested
in seeing the Blackhawks do badly
than the Blues overtake first.
I'm fine with fucking Minnesota.
Serge ahead, take it. I don't care. We're still going to make the playoffs.
Or I hope we make the playoffs.
But yeah, I just want to see Chicago have some trouble.
So Taylor, does it bother you
that the goal differential for the Blues
is kind of shitty?
No.
Really? I look at the plus minus, like the team
plus minus, and say
here's a team that's lucky
to have the record they have. And it's not like the Blues plus minus, and say, like, here's a team that's lucky to have the record they have.
And it's not like the Blues are crushing it.
They're doing well.
They're second in their division.
But they've given up more goals than they've scored.
Typically you see that in teams with losing records.
Typically you do.
If you have a team like ours where we have a new backup goalie
and in two games
that backup goalie allows like 16 goals
then it really throws that calculator off
I mean you could also look at the fact
that we don't have a single good center on our team
and our best offenseman
is like number three in the league
as far as points
number three as far as goals
I think as well
so he's doing really well.
Sweet tea, that is.
But yeah, I'm happy seeing Philly do well.
I want to see the Blues continue to do all right.
They have a game tonight, but it's against Montreal,
so I wouldn't be surprised if we took an L on that one.
But yeah, Chicago's doing much better than I thought they would this year,
which I'm not that fucking surprised
because what I want to happen in sports, as I said many times,
has never happened.
But I'll take that exasperated sigh as new topic I got a
new topic all right politics thing so SNL made did a skit where they made fun
of Trump's tweeting right yeah right these fan favorites so SNL did a skit
where they made fun of Trump's treating and it's always been hard to determine
whether or not Trump is just a buffoon,
thin-skinned, what have you, or a master at manipulating the media. And he won, so you
got to give him some kudos, right? But when they made fun of Trump's tweeting, and then within 45
minutes, Trump is tweeting about how they were unfair to him, I'm like, this is not 3D chess
shit. This is checkers level bullshit it's a
laughing stock that and he's like snl is biased dude snl made fun of every president going back
to like gerald ford they're pretty light on obama though right yeah of course they are everybody has
been i i can't remember one i i'm just i'm trying to reach it i can like i can so clearly remember them mocking george bush
constantly because will ferrell did it so well and they did it every night making fun of how
stupid he was and then i remember george bush i mean uh bill clinton getting made fun of just
relentlessly you know especially with the monica lewinsky thing and george bush uh uh herbert
walker bush you know the hw bush bush number one i remember
dana carvey mocking him constantly and they had some guy who did gerald r ford back in the day
was it jace might have been but i just can't recall them really giving obama a hard time
i remember that that's how soft they were on that's soft's soft? Yeah, you know, and I try to be hard on myself
in that like,
all right, Woody,
are you just being...
So I like Obama, right?
He's my guy.
Yeah.
So that's the lens
I view this through.
But my answer is,
well, Obama doesn't feed him material
in the same way
that Clinton, Bush, and Trump do.
And I like Obama,
so I'm asking myself,
is that the truth
or is that just the way you see
it? But as far as I can tell, that's the truth. I don't think Obama is nearly as like funny to
poke at as those other guys. I think he gets a different lens for everybody because I look back
to like common things that happened to both, right? So didn't his daughters get caught with, like,
underage drinking or smoking pot or something like that?
Something like that, yeah.
I remember the reaction was pretty tame compared to what happened
when the Bush girls were drunk and getting into hijinks and all that stuff.
Eight years later, and the Bush girls got caught, like, 15 times,
and the Obama girls got caught once.
They liked their alcohol.
Yeah.
Yeah, and there were, like,
indecent pictures of the Bush...
Like, I don't know.
How indecent?
They're kind of hot.
Like, upskirts and shit like that.
Like, yeah.
If I remember right, yeah.
There were pictures of them, like, laying down.
I don't remember that at all.
It might have even been fake pictures.
I don't know.
But I remember...
Well, no, because I just... I didn't fact-check back, you know, eight years ago like I do now. that at all it might have even been fake pictures i don't know but uh i remember pig well no because
i just i didn't fact check back you know eight years ago like i do now but i'm not giving you
shit this is the point where i thought i was going to get to see the bush twins you know you know
i just felt like well maybe they're real married or not yeah whatever uh maybe i shouldn't put it
like that but i remember lots of photos about the Bush girls being wicked drunk.
And now I'm like, I wonder how many.
Like, am I sure they were all Bush girls?
Fair enough, fair enough.
Or is it fake news?
Back to Trump, though.
Trump is going to get made fun of.
He should just realize that.
Because he's so much fun to make fun of.
And he's so polarizing.
He's going to get it.
The only thing, and I've watched every skit that they've done on him.
And they do one every Saturday night night and each one is very good and the last one about twitter was was a
little bit too it bit a little bit too hard because you know they would stop and be like
he actually did this he actually did this thing and then in last week's you had kelly the kelly
on kelly ann conway uh impersonator she Conway impersonator. She kind of breaks the fourth wall for a second.
She's like, yeah, this is for real.
Yeah, he did that.
It becomes more of a political message when they stop the funny and go, just so you know, he really did that.
You know, I misinterpreted that.
I thought she was like, oh my gosh, I can't believe he did that.
I didn't recognize he was saying, oh by the way, this is based on
true events. Based on true events. Yeah, that's
what they're trying to do. I would think.
It didn't sink in. Those tweets are real tweets.
He really retweeted those individuals.
When they described that guy's Twitter emblem as a
skull with two rifles through it
with Infidel on top, he retweeted that guy.
He retweeted some 16-year-old
kid at one point. I didn't know that.
I don't even know.
He did at some point.
You got the little 16 year old kid, he's in his high school classroom, his phone goes
da da da da da, his teacher goes, whoa what is that?
He's like, I just got retweeted.
She's like, who would retweet you?
You're just some 16 year old sitting in a math class.
And then it flashes back to Alec Baldwin as Donald Trump's in there, I just retweeted
the best treat.
This guy Gary, he loves
the Anaheim Ducks and
he wants to make America great again. I love him.
Coming back to the point
before, easy on Obama.
The reason they don't make fun of Obama's tweets
is because he's not being an idiot.
That's true. It's true.
Like I said, I got no problem with what they're
doing except for those tiny parts where they break
the fourth wall and they kind of make it more of a political piece than it already is.
It goes from being the comedy show where we mock this guy and show how funny he is to like, just so you know, these are accurate statistics that we're giving you right now, America.
We're educating you and trying to further an agenda.
Let's just keep mocking him and enjoy how funny it is without trying to further some agenda.
On some of his other stuff?
He's changing our relationship with
China, it seems. He's poking at him with the
Taiwan thing.
I had to learn about Taiwan.
I don't think he poked at him with the Taiwan thing.
He orchestrated the call.
It's a whole thing.
I don't think he poked at China with it.
I was reading something that said that just last year
Obama gave like a billion, 1.8 billion dollars in
arms sales to Taiwan. Well, that's part of the relationship for a long time.
It's not... I don't know. I was just asking. Yeah, yeah. So China knows about
that. Everybody knows about that. It's not a secret at all. It's more about
recognizing them as a separate entity, as a separate
political entity through that public contact. that's the no-no.
Is it hypocrisy? Of course it is.
But a lot of our foreign affairs are built around hypocrisy.
And whether or not it's a good thing to mess with something that goes back to Nixon is probably not where Donald Trump should start.
You know?
I don't know.
So here, let me lay it out there.
You know, like maybe he doesn't.
So let me lay it out there.
Start with the history lesson, which I didn't know any of this like seven days ago.
So don't let me come off like a smarty pants.
But apparently the deal is this.
These people who are in Taiwan used to rule China.
And then the communists took over, pushed all what we'll call the mainland China guys out, and now they're in Taiwan.
Is this a long time ago, like a time frame on this?
I'm going to get this wrong, but call it 50s.
Okay.
So anyway, the communists take over China, and China starts buddying up with Russia.
Now, America was friends with, I guess, the more democratic leadership that's now in Taiwan.
America says, you know what?
Maybe we should be smarter about this. I get that we're trying to stay loyal to these guys, but they're in Taiwan,
and the commies are on China now.
And either you just don't be friends with them, and they'll be friends with the Russians,
or we be friends with them, and then they don't have to buddy buddy up with the Russians.
So as a way to stop the Russian influence or the Soviet influence from getting
even bigger, Kyle, if you have this different, you know, correct me.
Oh, the only, the only cap, the only difference is that like Nick, you know,
there was no contact and there wasn't any trade between us before.
Like Nixon opened up China, right? Like,
like part of that big trade agreement and like the opening of diplomatic ties between us
and the trade and everything
was dependent upon this one China policy
that would forevermore like ignore Taiwan
as this separately governed entity.
So that's the timeframe in which we realize like,
look, these communists run China.
They're gonna be friends with Russia or us,
so let's be us.
And we recognize, we sort of told these commies that they run China
and we don't recognize Taiwan as the leader of China anymore.
I think I have my history right.
If not, I'm pretty sure I have it close.
And that's been where we've been since Nixon, right?
All this time, we don't conduct diplomatic relationships out in the open with Taiwan and stuff like that.
Taiwan still considers themselves the leader of China and the people who are actually leading China just to be like temporary rebels.
And I'm sure Taiwan will take over China any day now. So Trump came in office and started interfacing with Taiwan in a way that sort of
made them legitimate. And Trump is much more willing to like poke at China. He has these
tweets saying like they're devaluing their currency. Did they ask us permission to do that?
And it just mentioned the South China Sea incursions. Yeah, yeah. He mentioned that in Twitter too.
So Trump is poking at China,
is how I described it earlier.
And as to whether he's smart to do it or not,
what the fuck do I know?
I don't know.
I kind of like it.
I'll be honest.
I do kind of like it
because I feel like every time I hear about something
having to do with our relationship with China,
it's us getting the worst end of the stick.
It always feels that way.
And it's certainly never,
it feels like they're oftentimes kind of,
you know,
putting their thumb in our face.
They're giving us the car wash.
What do they call it?
That thing with the face wash,
the face wash.
It seems like they're face washing us all the time.
You know,
they'll take,
take over some Island.
They'll,
they'll,
they'll face wash Japan.
They'll,
they'll,
you know,
our allies at large, they're, they're always doing it it somewhere and it kind of feels nice that trump's like you know
fuck you what are you gonna do i feel like i kind of feel like i'm in like la la land with a lot of
with this trump stuff because a lot of the stuff he's doing like with the carrier thing is like he
he's leveraging government power in order like a threatening with with grants
to basically say you do what i want or or you're fucked or i'll give this to a competitor i'll give
these grants to a competitor i'm going to use my my my power to impact you in the free market it's
what obama did with the the bailout with the auto bailout he's doing something similar to that and
suddenly not even similar pretty much exact on a smaller scale suddenly it seems like all these conservatives are like
actually this is really great this is a good thing and liberals who were all about the auto
bailout are now like no now you know 15 reasons on vox.com that this is a bad thing and it's almost
like wait is what does he even do the situations were different they are
different but it's the same principle of leveraging government power and contracts in order to
manipulate what companies can do in the free market and it's like you only see the half of
it that is hey carrier we'll give you this uh federal contract we'll give you these tax cuts
you don't see the part of oh well i guess fuck all of carriers competitors fuck the real free
market fuck all these things you know oh you just like what Obama did with Caterpillar when he took office.
You know, they just both wanted their headline.
You know, Obama saves Caterpillar jobs with this.
Trump saves Carrier jobs with that.
It's the same bullshit.
You're just leveraging us as the taxpayer to manipulate companies to do what you want.
Like, it's not good.
If Carrier said, hey, we want to stay
because taxes are lower for everyone and the business
climate is great, then yeah, that's great. But that's not
what it is. He did something
that's not conservative at all, and now a lot of conservatives
are backing him up,
and a lot of liberals are hating him.
It's just weird. That's interesting. I give him a free pass on that one
because I feel like he's not the president yet.
And it kind of
seems to me that he's not the president yet, right?
We've got seven weeks to go here.
But it seems like he's working hard to do presidential shit,
like to do things that you would think are seemingly beyond the power
of someone who's not yet in office.
And, of course, there's so much fake news out there
that I never know quite what to believe.
What did I read today about him doing some deal with
a Japanese company that's worth
$50 billion and
thousands of jobs? Oh, SoftBank
or something? Sure, yeah. I saw something
about it. They want something
to do with an AT&T Sprint merger
or something like that. I don't actually
know. I just saw a tweet from
fucking CNN
or whatever. I don't even know here's one I
struggle with so you his conflicts of interest are getting a lot of attention
right because Trump unlike most of our presidents was a businessman with
interests all over the place and how he can conduct business in another country
while at the same time trying to keep that removed from the power he has and the influence it's impossible right it's impossible you know if he's going to
work with scotland and he's got some zoning law he needs worked for his golf course like
how do you really assure yourself that there was no like problem there having said that i don't
have any solutions because oh my gosh go ahead and ask Trump to sell his assets and see how corrupted that process becomes.
When the president of the United States sells a $1 bill, people will pay $100 for it, right?
So I don't have any solutions.
That's what he should do.
He should announce tomorrow, you know what?
I'm selling – remember we always made –
Trump bucks.
We always gave him shit because he's like,
I'm worth $10 billion, and he's counting the Trump brand.
That brand might be worth $10 billion now.
I take it all back.
I take it all back.
I'm selling the whole Trump name brand kitten caboodle.
Actually, valuing it at $10 million at this point
is actually wildly low.
He's the president.
If you buy his whole name.
Oh, what Kyle was saying with the fake news thing.
So I don't know what to believe because you remember that thing about, you know, fake news got more traction than real news at the end of the election cycle?
I heard that was fake.
That was fake news.
There was fake news saying that fake news.
There was fake news saying that fake news told us that fake news beat real news at the end of the election cycle.
And it's ridiculous. I am on Facebook now because that's where the people are.
And people love fake news.
What they said in that fake news article about how people pass on their fake news and like it and spread it, it backs up my personal experience.
So I was inclined to believe the fake news, which everyone is when they read fake news, which is – I don't have an answer for this.
I'll just tell you.
Yeah, because you read it and you go – and you can either go, oh, that's not true. not true This is fake news or you go that's true. There's a lot of fake news out there
You know it's a way into the either way they force you to buy into the premise that there is fake news
Which is some Orwellian 1984 weird shit. You know where Donald Trump is right now?
Fayetteville probably the golf course hour and 11 minutes away from you right now
He's he's he's talking it up for the good people of Fayetteville and the good people of North Carolina.
I tried to watch the beginning of the last—
That's where Boogie's from, I think.
Because it's on right now.
Arkansas. He's from Fayetteville, Arkansas.
Oh.
Yeah. I tried to watch the beginning of it.
They had like eight or nine different speakers that lead up to him, and I never got to him.
I never got to Trump.
They said the pledge.
Somebody else came out and said a prayer.
Somebody else came out and the the state uh congressman then like then there was some local politician like it was terrible oh have you been watching the the the uh the fire uh coverage out
in um oakland barely i know 33 people 36 i think okay yeah so it seems like this place, it's a warehouse,
so it has warehouse coating,
which means no sprinklers,
not adequate stairwells, not adequate
escape exits, and it's two floors.
The party is going on upstairs,
and both the stairwells suck.
One of them is made out of plywood stacked up,
the other one is too narrow and full
of cords, and the fire
starts somewhere and immediately
engulfs the building and yeah so far they're they're saying at least 30 something dead yeah
i had no idea that it was an actual i thought it was like an a warehouse where you ship out
orange juice and tricks and stuff i had no idea it was a party until yesterday like a warehouse
party yeah yeah i heard it was the whole thing was like a tinderbox and then it was a labyrinth and then like if you didn't go there all the time you you couldn't
easily find your way out at night with smoke with no lights yeah yeah yeah yeah so they're
finding bodies everywhere uh in there but there was some trampling too that happens oh definitely
definitely some good trampling uh i saw their mayor is not a very good actress. She kept doing these fake sighs
every time she'd make a...
And at this point,
we just want to humanely
and compassionately
and with the
utmost care
remove those who...
She can't even say dead.
Did you hear the guy was on Facebook?
Talking about money?
We don't know why this fire burned down the warehouse.
We don't know the fire's motives or where it wanted to burn.
Well, there's a pending criminal investigation.
All right, so here's the deal.
That place had received a number of complaints,
and I think that the city had went to inspect,
but they, quote, couldn't gain access to the interior of the structure,
whatever the fuck
that means so it looks like there were people doing stuff that the owners were doing stuff
they shouldn't have been doing there were complaints about it to the city and the city
didn't act in a timely fashion to make the place right or to you know punish the guy who's doing
the wrong thing in his building to prevent the tragedy so when it comes down i think that some
of the local politicians are going to be in trouble and the owner definitely is the owner went on facebook and said something
to the effect of like man i used to have so much opulence and wealth and now you know we're we have
you know we hardly have two nickels to rub together i'm sure i misquoted them but it was
something close to that and everyone's like oh my god 30 people died in your tinderbox that didn't
meet fire codes and you're talking about your money?
It wasn't well-received.
They're like, yes, our money was in there, too.
It burned.
We didn't trust banks, so all of our cash mattresses went up.
That's actually what caused it.
We strategically placed cash mattresses around our car. That was the Tinder box, 20s and 50s.
They said there were people living in there,
in pop-up camper things.
It's like a little camper tent that you pull
behind the car, but it's no
bigger than like... Like a slum.
Yeah, absolutely. I noticed that
a lot of the artists were transsexual
and looked like
real trendy
types. It wasn't
like a country music
festival or anything going on in there.
If it was
a country music thing, then it'd bust out the side
of the building, right?
New exits.
A number of fire-related conspiracies.
What we need to focus on
is this...
the fact of this
pedophile ring being run out of a
Chuck E. Cheese or whatever
in Washington, D.C.
There are many facts, and I know these
facts may seem like oddly
straws that I'm grasping
for wildly, and please fit what I want,
become something else, but it's not.
You know why?
Because you can just tell.
The shooter that tried to...
You guys know a guy came and tried
to shoot up that wasn't he from
north carolina maybe he was he was from real local people or did he just show up and they arrested him
he showed up to save those children he was from raleigh or dern one of those two he was right
from around here and the and and so if people don't know the story there was a fake news article
something having to do with clinton running a pedophile ring out of a pizza parlor something close to this
and it got real big on reddit there was
a popular p of the Donald guys were all
loving it may form pizza gate and and
turned out to be fake
well not everyone has the memo so this
guy from my neck of the woods around
here went out to was it in california
where is the north i thought it was in dc dc is it we're all okay my mistake um so this north
carolinian uh went up to dc to go i don't know save children and shoot people that's exactly
what he said like i don't know if you've heard like his quote but he was like he thought that
there were children being held inside of that pizza restaurant in D.C.
Like they had them in the back by the ovens, like in cages or something.
I guess they're like cooking a bunch of pizzas up and then fucking the kids or something.
And John Podesta is in the back just jerking off in the Alfredo sauce in their minds.
I don't know.
In the Alfredo sauce?
That's the worst part of it all.
I would have never noticed.
I read through
this.
You know how sometimes you'll find people
who have WordPress sites
where it's all devoted to
the feverish exploration of
some conspiracy?
I read through almost a whole site
of this because it is just
fucking fascinating.
Those are the ratings of Mad Men.
It's interesting but
like when you actually read the wiki leaks things like obviously they read way too far into it but
good god what the fuck are they actually talking about because nobody spends and sends an email
actually like hey you know i thought i did a pretty good job on all that pizza last night. Wish we had a few more hot dogs. Next
time I'll wrap my handkerchief
around the littlest hot dog.
Or like whatever thing they're saying.
What the fuck are you talking about? Wait a minute. Hang on a
goddamn minute. That does sound like a pedophile
code to me. Is that what they were saying?
If you read the actual
Because wrapping the handkerchief around the little hot dog
is pedophile code. Trust me, I know.
See, that's what I thought.
What he's always talking about. around the little hot dog is pedophile code. Trust me, I know. See, that's what I thought. What he's always talking about is the handkerchief around the hot dog.
If it's not a – they should have just written it out.
He should have said, hey, order a lot of pepperoni for the party
and then one cheese because Sharon's a vegan bitch
or whatever he was actually trying to say.
Or maybe it's something more nefarious.
I don't know.
I just know that nobody writes like that to each other
unless it's like some weird roleplay thing
or you're trying to talk in code.
Because it really was weird how they were saying pizza
and, you know, give me a slice of Susan
or whatever the fuck nonsense they were saying.
It was weird, but also it's total bullshit
that there's actually some grand cabal of dark wizards running a pedophile ring out of a place where a bunch of – it just doesn't make – if you were going to do it, there would be better ways to do it.
If you're going to be an evil fucking run this ring, this isn't how people are going to do it.
They're not going to do it on a government server asking if you want to have a slice of you know young james cheese pizza this evening and maybe you can wipe off the sauce when you're
wrong taylor that was a private server that's right that's that's the problem with all of it
that the real crime is that it wasn't a government server you're like god damn it he's right they
thought they were in the shadows oh you're right. I thought they were in the shadows. Oh
You're right. They did think they're in the shadows. Well, then why were they talking about pizza? I get some code
What were they little kids?
Maybe they're all into like doing cocaine and that and then and cocaine is pizza
Maybe they maybe maybe that's all that's keeping Hillary propped up through this whole thing
cocaine is pizza maybe they maybe maybe that's all that's keeping hillary propped up through this whole thing like she's got she's got to be on amphetamines right like she's 70 something
years old trump's on something if he's only sleeping four hours a night because it was
creepy in those emails there's some from i don't know if it was john pitt or something but someone
said like um josh 11 like a parentheses 11 samantha 9 and Rachel 6
will be there
or will be further entertainment.
I'm sure they'll go swimming and whatnot.
And it was just weird.
There was definitely some weird shit in there.
But there's also like
no fucking way
that it is what they think it is.
Oh really?
There's just no way.
There's some fucking way though, right?
There's like a tiny minute.
Alright, you've admitted it then.
So it's possible.
It's possible, but it's completely out of... There's just no...
I don't believe that there's a realistic way they could do it.
But if they wanted to, they could. I don't know, man.
Here's my opinion.
If you run our government, you think they're going to be able to
run a
good child pedophile?
They're over 70.
They're not fucking anything.
They're not fucking each other. They're not fucking children.
Even Bill Clinton's done fucking by now.
The only person who fucks over
70 is my dad.
And everybody in every old folks home.
That's why there's a huge outbreak of
STDs in old folks homes. That's a serious's a huge outbreak of STDs in old folks homes.
That's a serious problem they have.
Lots of people who grew up in second grade and got headaches.
Who did?
Kennedy.
He fucked three times a day or he would get headaches.
That's impressive.
But he was a premature ejaculator, according to Marilyn Monroe.
So, you know, it wasn't a lot of the day spent fucking.
It wasn't some marathon session.
That's how he remained productive.
That's the kind of president I want.
I want a president who gets
shit done. Even ejaculation.
You know, Trump said
he was going to take zero vacation days, right?
He said, no vacation, no pay.
I don't believe him.
That's what he said, though!
I believe him about the no pay thing, because
he doesn't need that.
Well, he'll get paid some other way.
There's a dozen different ways he's able to bilk the government.
All he has to do is use Trump properties as they travel the globe, right?
Where is he going to stay when he's in Paris?
Fucking Trump Hotel, of course.
You know right now they're doing major upgrades.
This isn't unique to Trump, but they secure and upgrade where protected people are living.
So right now he's getting like bulletproof drywall or whatever throughout the Trump Tower.
That shit's – if he's really getting that bulletproof drywall, because that's a thing.
I don't know if you're aware.
Yeah, I know about it.
That shit's crazy expensive to do.
It's outrageous.
Like it's prohibitively expensive.
It's the sort of thing that you'd never
do for yourself that only would be done to a head of
state or something like that. But he's getting all that
shit for free. And it's not like
after his term is up that they're going to come in
and rip all that shit out. He's just
getting tens of millions
of dollars of free toys at his house right now.
I learned about it from contractors who were working
on my house. They had also worked on these military
like in Fort Bragg is not too far from here.
And the president – not president.
The general would arrive by helicopter for the house they're building him.
And he'd be like, you know, nah.
Like I want the closet like slightly bigger or the light switch on the other side of the wall or whatever.
And they would have to take out that fucking drywall that that was you know bulletproof drywall and the thing about bulletproof
drywall is it doesn't go in as easily as regular drywall there's like special machines that drill
the holes and put the screws in and it's super heavy so you don't just have some guy like holding
it up with a palm and there's machines propping it. Anyway, to make
the small changes he wanted, like little light switch
type things in a place he didn't even own
that he was going to live in,
it would cost like $15,000
in change orders.
It's government money.
Yep, it's our money.
Do you have your phone? Show the
camera the picture of that poor fucking dog
I found.
My screen's cracked. Yeah, Oh, do you have your phone? Show the camera the picture of that poor fucking dog I found. Hmm.
My screen's cracked.
Yeah, my dad and I found this little yipper on the side of the road in the rain,
and he just looked like, I don't know if it's a boy or a girl,
it looked like it was going to fucking die.
How was the update on it from the vet?
I didn't go today.
I think Dad went.
I don't know if he went or not. I tried coordinate with him but he never texted me back so i'm gonna go tomorrow
whether i get a hold of him or not um but we took it to the vet because it looked like it was gonna
fucking die uh i don't know a little mangy mutt like all those rubbed raw patches on his yeah
most of his fur has fallen out from mange and fleas. He's just covered in these nasty flea bites.
It really sucks.
His face was just so sad.
But his teeth look young.
The vet was saying, if you look at his teeth,
he has young dog teeth, so I think he's going to be okay.
That's good.
And then just another recruit for the farm.
Yeah, he'll live on the farm. He'll be a farm dog.
I like that in Kyle's world, it's not a euphemism.
Is that the word, euphemism?
A euphemism would be like if you made a sexual innuendo about that dog.
I think a euphemism, like if you say, oh, we're sending that dog to the farm,
but you're really putting it down at the vet.
Oh, yeah, that's a euphemism. If you're going to kill it.
But it's not taking a euphemistic
ride to Lamar's farm.
It's taking a literal ride.
It's a happy farm until you run
through the fan. You've got to be
a clever dog. Stay away from the fan!
You've got to have your wits about you
because there are other dogs there that will fucking kill you
and there's all sorts of dangerous
farm equipment and fans and stuff
like that. This dog's not too much bigger
than a chicken and he's outnumbered 100,000
to 1, but if
you're clever, you will be happy
on the farm. Oh, and by the
way, Lamar's on
your side and he's the guy
you want on your team when you're on that farm.
Kyle, I don't think they'd call it a fan,
the dogs. They'd probably think it was something else,
right?
Yeah. A whirlybird. They call it a
spin-spin-hut-hut.
They can't see it,
and it chops them up. It's like the
invisible chopper or something. The invisible
chopper. The ghost chopper!
It blows
in all your own types of holes.
The world of pain
oh yeah because they wouldn't have any concept of the fact
that it's a blade spinning quickly they just see it
as a blur of
anguish I don't know because they
see I know that they
I think they see a higher frame rate or
something like that I know that they can
only see videos of high frame
rates so if they look at an old tube TV or on or something like that. I know that they can only see videos of high frame rates.
So if they look at an old tube TV,
it's like black and white.
It's like flashes.
They're seeing a black flash alternating with the images.
It's like blinking to them.
But on 60 FPS, they can see it.
I don't want to talk TV shows shows Have you guys been watching Walking Dead?
No I'm way behind
I guess I've been letting them pile up
So I can finish them all
It's good but
End of last season early this season
I'm like this is
One of the best shows that's existed
As the season's gone on
I'm like alright I'm ready for some
Plot advancement Let's do the things that happen existed as the season's gone on i'm like all right i'm time ready for some plot advancement
you know let's let's do the things that happen i didn't realize that next week is the last one
before mid-season break and it'll be a cliffhanger yeah probably yeah um so that's a thing and i'm
also watching that's kind of oh you're in Westworld okay if you I just finished the season of Westworld last night
I won't spoil anything but
the
the
are you going to talk about the economics of it
no no not that
because that's patently stupid
and you will see in like episode 7 or whatever
where they just get bananas
it gets ridiculous with that very quickly
but the last episode of them
trying to tie everything back in
and bring it together somehow logically
first of all it's not a series
it's season 1 so there will be a season 2
I guess I didn't know if there was going to be a mini series
or not it seemed like it was more cut out
for a mini series in my opinion but
the last episode is
not good I saw people
tweeting about how, you know,
it was a crazy wrap-up.
No, it wasn't.
It wasn't things like I was nitpicky in Inception
where it's like, oh, but that's not how time travel actually works.
The paradox.
But no, I'm not even fucking doing that.
I'm just common sense.
Hey, that thing that they gave to the robots didn't do that before.
Hey, that's not how computers work
hey no one would no one would say that these aren't things hey did you forget that's a robot
you're speaking to jackass like just all these like simple little things that no humans would
ever behave this way it it makes it unbelievable which it's very hard to make someone watch your
show and go that's unbelievable after they've accepted a premise that you can live in 1860 with a bunch of robots.
But they managed it.
So check it out, see if you like it.
But I thought it's way too –
I never shared your economic complaint.
You were like, hey, I have easier time suspending disbelief that there are walking trees knocking down dams to flood Mordor?
I don't know.
Thank you.
But
alright, I get it.
People talk about that this is an expensive vacation
but obviously it would be a wildly
crazy expensive vacation
because they do so much damage
all the time. But I was able to suspend my
disbelief on the economics of it without much trouble i am i'm enjoying it how many episodes in are you a good
amount maybe six okay yeah yeah then you know maybe you'll like it it's still entertaining
it's just it does that thing where they try and get so complicated that they have plausible
deniability of no it, it's not stupid.
You just didn't get it. In one of my
recent episodes, I watched a major character
died. Does that tell you where I am?
No.
Not specifically.
I don't want to say anything that would spoil it.
Yeah, I was trying to be vague like that.
You should check it out and watch it.
It's just... There's so much should check it out and watch it.
There's so much stuff in it that's just unbelievable.
It seems like because I know the basic premise of the show that nothing that happens in the show ever really matters.
It's like if I were watching a show...
It's like if I were watching Star Trek,
but they never...
It's like if I were watching Star Trek,
but they only focused on the amusement park in the Star Trek universe where they had... It's like if I were watching Star Trek, but they only focused on the amusement
park in the Star Trek universe where they had a
holodeck program.
It'd be like, wait a minute, you're telling me I live in a world where
this is all possible just for fun
and shit? Take me out!
Show me your world! Show me your
hospital! Show me, like, how you try...
Show me the fucking world. I don't care about Westworld
because that's just what these advanced
people are doing to amuse themselves with, right's just their bullshit it's the first three or
so episodes is like my maybe even more than that is like the big thing i didn't like about it is
at no point did i feel like anything was at stake or that anyone was in danger like i knew that the
worst thing that could happen is oh no that robot that someone is getting along with died.
I guess they have to wait until they reset it in the morning.
Or, oh, no, the engines, they're going to capture the – oh, wait, they're robots, and they won't do anything.
Actually, if he wants, he can just – and then when they have little battle scenes where the character is with a robot and they're plotting something, like, how are we going to take down this camp?
I don't know. I'll have to surprise him by nightfall. Oh, wait. No. Silly me. I'm
a super soldier who can't die. So I will walk down there and summarily execute everyone.
That is a thing. I feel it. So people do know that the real people, they call them newcomers,
right? Oh, so Kyle's a newcomer. You know, now I know something about Kyle.
They never seem to put together like,
oh, I need a newcomer on my team.
Because his six shooter seems to have like,
I don't know, 90, 100 bullets in it.
And he never misses.
And when you shoot him, it kind of like,
it hurts, but less than paintball.
You know?
Ow!
There's like Balgrif from Skyrim.
You remember Balgrif from White Castle or whatever?
It's like when you would go on quests with him, and he'd be like,
ah, battling's much easier with Pussyboy69 at your side.
It's like, yeah, because I'm an actual player
who can just summon demons to go fight for me.
Like, of course this is easier.
That's what it is.
It's like you talk to some robot character
and it's like, I'm fast-tooting Tex, you know,
the fastest in this side of Mississippi or whatever.
And then you get in a fight with him
and it's like the player will be like,
not so fast anymore, Tex.
And he'll be like, oh, you got me.
It's like, well, nothing was at stake.
But the guy is fast, right?
So if I'm drawing on him, the guy's like, pow, pow, pow, pow, pow.
And I'm like, ch-ch-ch-ch.
Oh, bam.
And then I win.
So I'll grant you, you did get four shots on me.
That was good.
But they don't count because I'm a newcomer.
And no one seems to figure out that you want newcomers on your team.
But actually, you know what? I think you should watch it. I think you'd enjoy it because I'm a newcomer. And no one seems to figure out that you want newcomers on your team. But actually, you know what?
I think you should watch it.
I think you'd enjoy it because I'm enjoying it.
If for no other reason, it's a fun show
because it's got a really, really good premise,
and it makes you think about possibilities in that world
and in that premise a lot.
Did you know that Vex World was a Western from the 60s or something?
Yeah.
Yeah, it was a movie. I thought everyone – Yeah yeah i didn't realize that everyone else knew this but me
but did you know kyle no i don't know very much about westworld the tv show apparently the um
did you guys see magnificent seven yeah the character that denzel washington plays oh not
the new one oh the new i don't think I saw the new one.
Well, the new one. Denzel Washington plays the main guy
who leads the Magnificent Seven.
I'm told that in the 60s
or whatever it was, 70s, 50s,
he played the main guy in
Westworld and wore the same clothes.
And there's this sort of, well, was he a
robot in Magnificent Seven?
Is that why he was so effective?
It's fun.
Makes sense.
Yeah.
But they were dressed the same and everything.
All right.
All the show?
Yeah.
I think so.
I think that works.
Blue's game about to start.
Simmons just scored.
Exactly.
Let me see.
Watch some hockey.
Flyers are tied 1-1.
The Simmons had to tie it up.
Anyway, so PKN episode 121.
Bye, guys.
All right.
See you later.