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PKN episode 133. I was just kind of waiting for Kyle to scream it like he's been anticipating
this target. You know what he's done to you? You know what he's done? No, you've done it on PKN too.
Don't act like you've got some archive in your head of, I'm calling you on that. You just do it
when you feel like it. You've got Woody like Pavlov's dog now to wear because what he used to just jump right in and be like, all right
We're gonna start talking about blah blah blah and you've now trained him to wait until you scream
The episode and I like a little bit it really screams in I'm sorry. I just felt a little low energy today
I just took a nap just woke up from that. We watched a really long movie. I've ever seen the movie Zulu
No up from that uh we i watched a really long movie i uh have you ever seen the movie zulu no shocker um is it a little bit i guess so this goes back to like uh 1889 or something like that basically the british were in south africa doing some colonization um and uh so we're the zulu
right although the zulu version of colonization is, come in and poke everybody with your spears and pillage and take.
And the British version of colonization is like,
put you under our yoke and then build you bridges and schools.
It's a little bit nicer.
In any case, I think it was like 1,200 British soldiers
are slaughtered on the slopes of this hill by the Zulu horde,
by this 4,200
man Zulu army
that are just on foot running with spears
and these cattle
hide shields. The Brits at this
time had these rolling block
I think they're Martini Henry rifles.
Really high power, black powder rifles.
What does a rolling block mean?
It looks...
You open
the chamber of the gun
with almost like a lever action thing.
Oh, okay.
It rolls open.
You put one bullet in, and it rolls back.
Big boom, and then you've got to
pull the shell out,
replace it with a new one.
It's one at a time.
Oh, that sucks.
It isn't too long after the American...
At least the bullets are pre-made,
as opposed to a musket and such.
It isn't that far after the American... At least you don't have a cowhide yeah and i don't know about you but for historical stuff like that
this it helps me to apply the american timeline so this is you know it's not too long after the
american civil war when we were all black powder and gore so uh they're out there uh there's like
140 men or so at this mission and they get word that the zulu just
slaughtered 1200 of your men like you know a day's run from here by the zulu foot because
these guys run 50 miles at a time and then fight a battle that's their thing they're hardcore they
run light and uh and so these 140 men it's uh two lieutenants one who's you know, his father was at Waterloo and his grandfather was at some other great battle.
And he's like born and bred for this.
The other is like a civil engineer.
He's there to build a goddamn bridge, but he outranks the other guy.
The pretty boy is played by Michael Caine, a super young Michael Caine with blonde hair.
Anyway, long story short.
So this is not a documentary.
This is real.
This really happened. Um, so, so anyway, in the end, uh, this 140 men
has to hold their ground against the thousands of Zulu who like charge their position,
like just running with these rifles. And it's really good. And, but, but I saw it as a kid a lot,
um, but in really grainy VHS and I wanted wanted to see it recently. And it doesn't exist for rental or purchase digitally.
So I ordered the Blu-ray.
And oh my god, it's restored to 1080p.
It's amazing.
You can see Michael Caine's silver teeth when he's screaming orders and stuff.
How old is this movie?
Ah, shit.
Like 60s maybe?
I am.
But they've got thousands of Zulu extras out there.
1964, wow.
You know what would be badass?
If the British had a Gatling gun.
It just seems like a really good scenario for it.
Oh, like the last samurai?
Hear me out in a moment like that.
All right, so there's a moment where the lieutenant gets everyone in formation,
like in a three-man deep firing line.
It's like the men in front are taking a knee the ones behind them are standing and the ones behind them are
like standing on uh like bags and he's like first line fire second and the first line shoots and
they immediately start reloading and the second line then he goes second line fire and the second
line shoots and he's got him going like a machine gun like he because he really whips this group of guys who are just like building
a bridge into this like well-oiled
killing machine at the end and the
Zulu are just piling up in front of
them like
right at their feet and just getting
higher and higher. It's a good movie.
Who wins in the end?
No one and that's
why this is a good movie.
You might think
at the end it takes sort of a like,
hoorah, like British Empire kind of feel to it,
but it really doesn't.
It's more of an anti-war film at the end.
It's like, look at all this.
Look what we've done here.
You know, because there's just men massacred everywhere,
by the thousands.
To this day.
Yes.
They just keep on massacring.
Now the British are gone and it's an oasis.
Have you ever tried to pop your finger or something way too vigorously and almost hurt yourself?
Yeah.
Have you done that?
Like crack a knuckle?
Like crack a knuckle is what I mean.
Yeah.
I did that today with my wrist where I can get a nice, satisfying crack, crack with it
usually, and it just wasn't going
on this hand, and I just kept revisiting
it every 20 minutes. Like, oh,
damn it, I'll get it next time. And then
I was trying to take the garbage out earlier
and just grabbing it with this hand, I was just
like, oh, oh, fuck.
Oh, I sprained my own wrist
through boredom.
Popping it. I do a different thing wrist through boredom. Popping it.
I do a different thing where I pull it.
I can pull my wrist
and sometimes it cracks, sometimes it doesn't.
I heard it.
You had one loaded up in there.
I think it was because I pulled my fingers.
Sometimes the wrist itself cracks
and you can see it extend.
It's neat to see.
Can you pop anything weird?
It's not to see. Can you pop anything weird? It's not popping your fingers, Kyle.
It's just they're fucked up.
Are you talking about how the bone will do that?
Yeah, sometimes mine will make a sound with it, though.
Yeah, but just like yours, it'll, you know.
But sometimes.
Now imagine like a rack.
We were talking about torture a couple of PKs ago. Imagine like a real rack like that like pull a little bit on your wrist
And then like you'll get to the point with just your own other arm. They'll go wow
You know like don't I don't like that
As you get in one of those torture racks, and you really like the first three inches of it you're like yeah
Yeah, yeah, alright.
Oh, that fixed it!
Yeah, that's good, that's good, aren't it? Alright, I'm ready to talk now.
It's the yellow cake that's under the floor.
Oh, you guys are fucked, by the way.
You've been standing on that for like three hours.
Yeah, but it's not, you wouldn't be doing,
it wouldn't be some nice German woman doing it to you.
It's like some illiterate inbred savage
with a hood on his head.
You know, just probably not cranking the correct amount.
Like, Icarus had four clicks.
He's like, he doesn't know.
He just keeps going until the screens get louder.
I like to imagine that a much more sophisticated
torturer would be handling me.
I imagine a very James Bond-esque
like stainless steel tables
and everyone's wearing suits and ties.
British accent or Russian?
German.
Ooh, yeah, that'll do.
Because that way I feel like if I
cooperate, maybe things go my way.
You mean if you were
a torturist, you would
have a nice,
clean area and wear a
suit like some maniac?
Yeah, because I imagine the best torturers
used to be medical,
used to have a medical background, and so they still follow through with all of the same preparation and care.
But I feel like if you were torturing me and you pulled out some medical clamps and some scalpels and things like that, I'd be scared.
But if you pulled out a mallet and a pair of wire cutters and pliers and stuff, I'd be scared. But if you pulled out a mallet and a pair of wire cutters and
pliers and stuff, I'd be terrified.
That would...
I'm going to surgically
alter you. Or that cigar thing that cuts
the tip off. I don't know where
you plan on putting that, but
I don't like it.
That is very good!
And then eight-finger Woody
and then seven-finger Woody. I don't know. I just feel like it. That is very good! And then eight-finger Woody, and then seven-finger Woody.
I don't know, I just feel like, yeah, I agree with Woody,
that if some maniac has, like, opera playing in the background,
and he's got, like, he's examining his scalpels, I'm like,
all right, this guy's clearly sane enough that the other people in his life
don't know this is going on, which means that there's a chance
that someone could come over and
save me there's someone in this guy's life whereas if i'm pulled into a shed by some hillbilly bumpkin
and he's just got a mishmash array of old farm equipment and he's like kind of squealing and
moan boom doing himself not being too he's not worried about being loud he's in the corner and
you're tied up and you know he's doing this thing like then i'm thinking like goddamn like this guy's
got there's no one for miles like this i'm fucked like this guy's gonna maybe just cave my head
in right now maybe torture me i don't know what to expect whereas you i don't know not as i'd
rather be taken by that guy i don't i guess it depends what the goal is if it's to get information
then all i gotta do is be like hey we're gonna torture if you don't talk i'm like what do you
want to know let's talk here we're all friends right right who be like, hey, we're going to torture you if you don't talk. I'm like, well, what do you want to know?
Let's talk here.
We're all friends, right?
Who are these sons of bitches we're trying to get anyway?
I'm with you.
Let's get them.
Iron Legion.
In the movie where they roll up, they always have the implements rolled up in a cloth with pockets in it.
And they roll it out on the table.
Don't even roll that bitch out. You get out that rolled-up cloth, and I know what the game is.
The jig is up. It's okay.
Let me tell you where the guys are hiding.
There's one under the floorboards right now.
Shoot! Shoot!
Like, you know, in the movies,
there's always somebody peeking up through the floorboards.
Kill him! Kill him! There he is!
You're the fastest switch into Stockholm Syndrome of anyone.
Like, they're still in the...
Your parents being like, give us a million dollars or
you will never see your sign you're yelling over there tell them to fuck themselves i'm on this
team now we're stealing people making money right guys untie me high five maybe i know some other
people they should kidnap instead their parents will pay more quickly like like you know i could
help with this like no no reason to hang on to me and then you know
some guy in a suit I guess in your fantasy
is going to come over and be like
get in the mouthy aren't we
and he's going to snip one of your fingers off
you know because he's gone through this game
you think you're the first guy to try and get on their team
they have an elite crew of guys in suits
walking in
you don't have the dress code
it's a jacket attire
but I think walking in Mr. Greencoat you don't have the dress code it's a jacket attire but
I think
a lot of psychological stuff
because I feel like it would almost be worth
like if you pull someone in and right off the bat
you're just taking a fingernail
it's like you've already set a bar
if you come back in and you like aggressively
burn a hand with a lighter
like it's not as bad as having your nail ripped out I imagine so they kind of you've lowered the bar then you're
like oh well fuck like now i need to amp it back up if it's all psychological and freaky you just
leave them in a room for a long amount of time and like make them watch the same tv show over
and over and you always come in with threatening weapons and then like walk around you know
maniacally and then you just leave like that would be so much more freaky and eventually like i don't
know six weeks nine weeks in i haven't thought it through all the way to find my notes but you go in and you
actually do give him a slap not a hard one not a hard one set the bar low so it can only escalate
you know okay people i i would i would fold quickly under questioning that's all i'm saying
i think i would just sure i can't imagine i want to protect enough to be like hey i'm gonna cut
your fucking finger off you don't tell me where the gold
is it's going to be like dude take the gold
and the money in my wallet like yeah
whatever you need I just I want that finger
I don't have any stuff worth fingers
this is how they tortured people in The Walking Dead
oh I haven't
seen the newest episodes this should be
from the
oh it's this year but like
six months ago.
Are you guys ready?
Oh, yeah.
Ready, set, play.
They just keep playing this song nonstop.
We're on the open street
And it feels so sweet
For days and days. And he's sitting there in a darkened cell and they just keep playing it
and it taylor's thing about the tv show repeated i don't know it's
it would be it would be maddening like that's a real torture to do people is play the same
song over and over and over i think they did it to like Al-Qaeda members they captured,
but some came to Harry's side.
Yeah, yeah.
Like rah-rah, rah-ah-ah, Lady Gaga, ah-ah,
or whatever that song is.
What if they came back and all of the terrorists were like dancing Lady Gaga in formation
and they had like a whole choreographed number?
They'd forgotten everything about their terrorist ideals.
Now they're just very big fans.
To be honest, sir, I think we've got one hell of a pop group on our hands.
We've got to get these guys to the U.S.
They're going to be huge.
That's horrible, though.
So you haven't watched Walking Dead this year?
No, not...
I'm probably several episodes behind.
It's been three since the break.
I don't think i watched all the
way up to the break um man so walking dead got really good and then at the end of last year in
my opinion it was incredibly good when they were driving around in the woods and like the people
kept road blocking them yeah that to me was as terrifying as any horror movie i had seen and it
was just like in the. That's very scary.
I'm more invested in these characters than I would be in a movie
because I've been watching them for like seven years, six years now.
And now it's seven and it's just like huge.
I couldn't believe it.
And then this year, I don't want to say anything that spoils it for Kyle,
but a lot of it has just been like building up how bad the bad guys are
and how important it is and just how ruthless they can be.
And it's just build, build, build, build, build until you're like, oh my god, it's been so long.
Somebody kill somebody.
I'll get back into it when there's more content to binge on.
What I have been watching, I don't know if you guys have seen this.
It's on Netflix.
It's a reality show.
have been watching, I don't know if you guys have seen this, it's on Netflix, it's a reality show.
It's one of those physical challenge,
make it through the human obstacle
course kind of shows called
The Ultimate Beastmaster, the executive
Netflix. They keep trying to get me to watch
that. I don't want to watch it.
Let me tell you, yes, he
would. One of the guys, some of the
competitors, like one of the American
competitors in maybe episode two
is a parkour guy from Florida or something
like that's his specialty
anyway they have competitors from around
the world two from each country
it's South Korea
Brazil Mexico
the United States and
there's another one I can't think of
Syria they had to cut the season short
yeah the Syrians
they can't even
anyway Sylvester Stallone Syria. They had to cut the season short. Yeah, the Syrians can not they can't even. It's not a six episode season.
Anyway, Sylvester Sloan is the
executive producer and he makes
cameos throughout sort of at the beginning.
You know, he's with his huge forearms that
look like they're going to explode at any moment.
They're huge and so vascular like Popeye.
Like Popeye mid-spinach
transformation.
And so the hosts are who's the the bald black guy who got into computers
and he's like super big and buff and does a lot of –
Oh, Old Spice guy.
Yeah.
No, not – oh, he is an Old Spice guy also, my mistake.
Terry Tate?
Yeah.
No, no, it's the other one.
It's not Terry Tate.
It's the office linebacker.
It's maybe Terry – Terry Crews. Yeah, I think it's the other one. It's not Terry Tate. It's the office linebacker. It's maybe Terry Cruz.
Yeah, I think it's Terry Cruz.
It's him and a very pretty blonde girl whose nipples are visible the whole time through her black top.
But the interesting thing is each country that's in the competition has their own set duo of casters.
The South Koreans have this this like korean woman and
man who are very famous there their radio personalities or something brazil anderson
silva is there and so is some brit some brazilian comedian and they're you know there's there's like
captions for them when when someone like a brazilian is competing anderson will get really
pumped up and at the end of every episode they they all do a dance together, like all of the hosts together.
I know, right?
And Anderson's back there clearly making a face like,
this is so fucking stupid what we're doing right here.
I collect my check.
Nobody is here.
He's doing a little capoeira shoulder shake with a goofy face on.
It's pretty funny.
But the competition itself is pretty fucking entertaining.
It seems to be dominated by rock climbers.
Like whenever a rock climber gets in there, he's like, you built like half your competition around what I do for a living.
So – and he's like a snake in there, like just going through it like a whiz.
But it's really fun to watch Germany.
What else do they do other than like rock climbing?
Do they have – is it like American gladiators where they have like those fights
No fights there's American ninja
There's a lot of leaping from one thing to another and trying to grab on without falling
There's a lot of like upper body strength like like going up these
You know sliding sliders along poles as you climb up there are bonus markers throughout the course
So if you want to take a much more difficult path and get an extra ten points you can do that sliders along poles as you climb up. There are bonus markers throughout the course,
so if you want to take a much more difficult path and get an extra 10 points, you can do that.
So it is more like Ninja Warrior,
where it's like people competing on a race,
as opposed to American Gladiators,
which was like people competing with those Q-tips,
fighting each other above the water pit.
They should bring that show back.
They did. It failed.
I think Hulk Hogan was one of the hosts or something like that it didn't work um didn't work
uh there's only one hogan that should be around an extreme thing like that and it's not brooke
like he said hulk hogan yeah oh i think he said brooke hogan okay let's see brooke hogan
some extreme stuff um it's a good show, though.
Be honest, I watched the first three episodes,
and what it's building toward is they get a champion every episode,
and then on the 10th episode, we have the best of the best face each other to become the ultimate Beastmaster.
So after three episodes, I was like,
let's just find out who the fucking ultimate Beastmaster is, right?
And that was pretty satisfying.
I didn't think I needed five more episodes
of like preliminary rounds.
I know Colin Willis.
You know what's kind of cool?
So don't let me lie and say Colin
is like this master parkour guy
jumping from rooftop to rooftop.
If you saw the YouTube videos of Colin,
you'd think he was just a normal kid.
But having said that,
there are a couple of things he's good at.
He's particularly good at bouldering.
He always keeps his hips nice and close to the wall,
balance stuff, and hanging stuff.
So when he does parkour, oftentimes they have different games and things.
There will be a pirate ship, and they're bouldering,
but below him is a foam pit so all the kids are like chucking
foam and the object is to get him down and colin gets like hugely underestimated by all the other
kids in class um part of it's because he's a little chubby but the bigger part of it is a
speech impediment right so they're like this kid's gonna suck you're like picking them last
and then he comes through as the hero like time and time again.
Just like, you know.
That's great.
Yeah.
Other kids, like so you can boulder to the top and then you like fall backwards into the foam pit.
Dude, it is terrifying.
I've done it from half that height.
And you're like, I don't really know.
Like people have done this before, right?
You know, like it's okay.
He goes to the top, doesn't give a fuck, falls down. I don't really know. People have done this before, right? It's okay.
He goes to the top, doesn't give a fuck, falls down,
and he spent so many years doing it now that it's kind of neat to watch him just kick ass in these different events.
That's cool.
I have a similar story.
At the Dick's Sporting Goods wall, like six years ago,
I got halfway up it, and was like oh fuck this and i
just and i got i just came back down oh yeah and you know what instead of everybody being like
woo that guy they were like look at that adult like not go up this thing like they were there's
a six-year-old asked me you know like on their way up which i didn't fully believe because you
just know that adult down there was really like kind of heaving them up you know when they do
like right they're like going above where their hand placement is
but it makes my hand so sweaty like being just being up there knowing you can fall even though
knowing you're safe like it's still you know creepy sweaty hands is this thing that like
gamers talk about a lot and they have the gamer grip and the sweaty palms and say i don't like that's not a problem with me but you know sweaty feet can be
so all my shoe selections are like like how to handle sweaty feet you know we all you had a palm
to upper lip graft you know like spider-man he's got those hairs that just dig in yeah i i definitely get sweaty
palms and it's particularly in it's it's in very similar situations i've actually been up high
where like you know you if you fall you die and and it's it's scary and i i almost always get
real rigid and uncoordinated and and very stiff i turn to a very stiff version of
myself whereas if if if this like obstacle if you will were put to like three feet off the ground
there's a version of me that like sits on my butt and like spins around and like push my pushes my
pushes my whole body weight up with just my arms and then like crouches and stands up on a bar
and like can take three steps and hop and jump.
But that doesn't exist when we get 30 feet up in the air,
40 feet up in the air.
I don't deal with heights well.
I don't even do those like glass holes in buildings
where you can like stand over it and look down.
Like if I do one of those things,
you know what I'm talking about.
If you're on a skyscraper.
Yeah, we did that.
There's a picture of you two and Joe Lozon doing that. And every time I've ever been on one of those things you know what i'm talking about if you're on a skyscraper yeah yeah what are you down there's a picture of you two and joe lozon doing that and every time i've ever been on
one of those even if it's not nearly that high and i'm standing on it and if someone else on it
is like jumping up and down and being an asshole like fucking with it i even though in my head i'm
like that's ridiculous i'll be like hey settle down like you don't know you know this they may
have tested this thing for a million jumps from shitty edgy kids and you could
be a million and one and i could tumble through here because of it like i yeah um i think we did
jump up and down a bit you know it's hanging off the side of the what was formerly the sears tower
whatever they call it these days um and then i saw on reddit maybe two years ago a picture of the
willis building maybe or willis tower perhaps. I saw maybe two years ago a photo.
They have a couple of those
out-shooting plexiglass
things that you can get into on that floor.
Maybe five of them.
But one of them, the floor,
cracked really severely.
Not a hairline windshield type thing.
It looked like it was
smashed and like a spider web
went out in all directions. so so i guess they're not like completely indestructible but nobody felt
freezing up when you're up high yeah i i call that like going into the yellow or going into
the red where suddenly you're a little stiffer your decision making is not quite as good
that would happen to me on the paramotor like in the learning stages now i'm pretty comfortable
i've got over 100 flights i think but i would be like coming in for a landing and just
fucked up in my head you know it's a little neck gets tight i'm you know swinging from side to side
i just want to be on the ground and i like it and then i'm like i'm not hitting where i need to land
so i go around from the loop but the weather's deteriorating so every then i'm like i'm not hitting where i need to land so i go around
front of the loop but the weather's deteriorating so every time i do like another take it's just
worse the next time around and uh i'm like just fucked up and like yeah i've had some scary times
now i'm cool i'm like all right woody you know what you're doing take a breath i settle it down you know is it almost like skiing
where the first you're going down like a really difficult quote run where you're going over the
moguls real quick and you're not quite used to how to have your knees and where to brace yourself
with your quads and like so you don't just bounce up and down and fall like when you first go down
one of those you're just in a blind panic the whole time of like oh oh like your legs aren't
bent right like anything like one little could send you into catastrophic failure but you do it a week
later when you've done the run 10 times and you know exactly how to balance your legs and it's
like i'm still in the same position but i know exactly how to handle it like even if it's still
free it is but the thing is like if you don't get the first mogul right you're fucked like that's
the difference you know it's not like halfway down the hill you get the vibe for it flying is easy flying is super duper
easy like either of you would if you were already in the air would just be like oh i get it pull
left pull right everything is cool but the launching and landing is much more tricky and uh
it's like all right i'm coming over this landing and if I don't get this right, then I don't know.
Like my big fear is I land on my knees, right?
With like my shins down and the propeller like chops my Achilles tendons or something like that.
That's what I don't want.
You've pictured that so many times.
You're like, and because of the nature of it, you can't make it stop, so it's just
continuing to chop them
until they're gone, and your feet just fall
off, and there's just stumps there,
kicking like fucking
like a zombie movie.
I would have to get some sort of
you know how chaps have
those leather portions, or
really, like cowboy jeans sometimes
have a whole leather
thigh area i'd have to get some pants with some kevlar like achilles protectors just to get that
thought out of my goddamn head that's terrifying that's an interesting thought so because of that
activity you do you have that fear and you've played it through in your head a million times
how it would go when you like oh and then you're even thinking it through like would i pass out
from the pain would i be able to get back to the house could i tell jackie like or would you hear
me like whatever the thought is but nobody else has ever considered the the problem of having
their legs chopped off by a propeller because of their flying contraption like it reminds me like
i i played out the image in my head so many times and i was goalie in hockey of getting my throat
slit of like making a cool save and then
like in my head being like yeah and then i flourish it a bit you know because it's a big moment and
then just blindsided with a skate or something and then i picture myself on the ground like
final destination die in front of these people is that what i want to do like that's not worth
it and then the dark black blood running on the ice all cold and like there was
never a visual visualization for that happening until youtube came around in 2005 and somebody
uploaded clint malarchuk getting his throat slit and having to go off the ice i'm like oh this is
a real concern i'm gonna neck protector but uh i wanted to know because of your line of work kyle
what's that thing in your head that you've played out a million times like a gruesome grotesque fear that nobody else would have just because they don't do what you do um it's it's definitely
being fully engulfed in flame um it's definitely having like one of those jugs of gasoline explode
and slosh and in the in a certain way because like the the vessel ruptured just so that it
sort of directs it in one blast rather than making it go
poof and sort of fizzle it sort of squirts in one direction instead and like fully engulfs you with
like flaming gasoline or napalm or oil or something worse that's definitely the one because you don't
really heal from that ever whereas like getting hit by something fast and sharp,
that's what medical science has been built around
fixing for the last 300 years.
They're particularly good at that kind of energy.
It's what we do to each other, so that's what we're good
at fixing.
Those burning injuries just are so awful.
I've been hit by lots
of random bullshit that just barely
breaks the skin.
I don't care about that as much.
Honestly, I'd much rather
get hit by just a fucking bullet, like someone
shooting me with a goddamn 9mm in the
shoulder or something, than I would
wanting to get fully engulfed.
Have you played through in your head
taking your gun out while you're fully
ablaze and just ending it?
Have you played it out where you're yelling
to everyone around you, shoot me!
I've had a couple discussions with everyone there about them needing,
like if I'm fully engulfed, I'm like, shoot me.
And then just put the gun in my hand or something.
You can just tell everyone that I did it.
And all of you just go with the same story.
Seriously, don't let me lay here and burn alive like why you all look on in
horror um because you know there was one time when i had like a vietnam era uh flamethrower that has
like a pressure tank on the back rather than a co2 and like there's legitimate concern with that
that it explodes on my back and like just burns me alive so yeah and kyle was like it it wasn't functioning at the time and it was it kyle's
attitude towards it was mostly like yes you you don't use that thing you know i did it once i
escaped without injury that's a win you know let's just hang on to that trophy gold medalist
in not getting hurt i'm sure you've been asked this a million times something goes bump in the night
you're next to your arsenal what do you pick to go check out the house i i think that changes a lot
it depends on what i've been like using lately or what's like handy um what would probably get
grabbed right now is there's an ar-15 in my bedroom with like a with a full magazine in it
and there's um there's a 1911 in my bedroom with a with a full magazine in it. There's a 1911 in my bedroom
with a full magazine in it.
So it's not the quad rail shotgun.
It's not.
I mean, that's in your arsenal.
Yeah, sure.
I would probably grab something
that's super reliable, in my opinion,
which would be that handgun
or that rifle.
Not an 870, which is a shotgun. I mean, sure. There's definitely scenarios where that might be the that that handgun or that that rifle not an 870 which is a shotgun i
mean sure like there's definitely scenarios where that might be the thing that gets grabbed but
right now like i don't know my 870s are somewhere else or there aren't like i was trying to remove
that with the you're next to your arsenal part of the oh oh i get that i get my pick yes like i
heard a random noise okay okay let me start over there um yeah i guess i would grab
if i really get to decide what i want i probably grab my benelli m2 semi-automatic shotgun
it's got the really long tube i don't recall how many it holds i think i may have added some
an accessory so it holds maybe six seven eight shells in it at a time. Like for a three-gun competition.
You'd use it for that too, no?
Maybe. I don't know.
I don't know too much about what people use in those.
It's nothing flashy by any means,
but it's a $1,600 semi-automatic tactical shotgun.
I'd probably take that because it's going to cycle every time,
and it's a 12-gauge shotgun which is just a
cannon up close semi-auto yeah yeah which which i don't know i could easily go with the pump i would
the whole time be thinking you better cycle like if some shit happens you better cycle like i know
you're gonna cycle but seriously though you better cycle my 870 i have shot i remember it was a long
time ago it wasn't sorry now that i have more
rounds through it it cycles pretty reliably now but every so often i don't operate it properly
you know every once in a while i short the short stroke it is that what it's called
or chuck it is uh it's what a country boy might say and it's like yeah I totally didn't do that you know you gotta you know that shucking
you gotta do it like a man
you know and if you just kinda
count on it being easier
no like slam it down
slam it up and it'll work every time
but if you just kinda
slide it down
then you might not get what you want
Kyle's about to grab something
I swear to God, that room
he's in is like one of those things at
a magic house where people stand in a
row and you're gigantic in one corner
and you look tiny in the other corner.
There's no sense to that room
and this perspective back there. Is that
door, do you have to crawl through it?
You slowly get smaller.
Because yeah,
the closet next to him, he can practically stick his hand in it,
which made me think that he could not much more effort reach the door.
But, no, the door is somehow six times farther than the closet.
It doesn't make any sense.
That wall behind you, older Kyle, between your door and that closet,
that's got to be 30 feet long.
It doesn't make any sense of this.
But then the closer side is only three feet long.
I don't know.
It is about 30 feet because it's like, what is it, eight meters, right?
Something like that in my VR game.
24-ish feet.
24 feet.
Yeah, but then, you know, where I'm sitting,
the wall still goes some more that way.
So it's something like that.
I don't know.
I think it's funny because, like, I don't know, it doesn't do that to me.
I don't get an optical illusion, but it's funny to see your reaction.
Yeah, shotguns are just so scary for all the reasons that we've talked about before,
from the noise of pumping one to the fact that I could beat you to death with this thing.
I mean, this thing is sturdy, and you could really whoop somebody with this if you needed to, which would be
my preferred thing to do in that sort of scenario
anyway. I mean, you shoot somebody
with this motherfucker, it's going to ruin the property
value, and, I mean, your
walls are going to be disgusting.
It's going to make a mess. Like,
don't forget that. Like, you don't want to shoot somebody.
But if you get close enough, forget about it, they could take it
from you. I mean, it...
Unless you really overmatch the guy.
In that case, maybe you can be pretty confident
they're not taking it from you.
I hope we don't get into a battle at all.
I hope that there's a cat downstairs.
But yeah, I take the semi-automatic, I think,
because it's just so fucking hardcore.
And I think that's what I'd take, I guess.
But there's you know a
bunch of guns i the thing that i want is something that's gonna be really strong and uh or you know
an ar-15 i got 30 rounds i can just keep shooting i guess i feel like that's pretty fucking potent
but the 12 gauge is just real scary that seems like 30 rounds knowing how good you are with that weapon like if you if you're
just would you really need to just 30 like how many do you think i don't know i don't know
nobody's ever i don't know what's waiting on me down there right like nobody's ever shot at me
like like whenever i'm whenever i'm going ding ding ding ding ding ding ding and shooting a
bunch of like soda bottles you notice those soda bottles were not armed.
They were not hiding in the dark in my basement with a knife.
There were no Mexican soda bottles in there.
No bad hombres.
It was just fucking soda bottles, right?
I wasn't shooting, you know, it was just soda bottles, you know,
and watermelons and stuff.
So, like, you know, maybe if I'm in my basement
and I get terrified by, by like stuff's falling over
and there's someone thrashing around moving through the boxes quickly with like a sword
maybe they've gotten my goddamn samurai sword katana in a trench coat yeah they have my katana
that they've gotten from down there and they're running at me screaming i i'm certainly not
bringing it to my shoulder taking aim using the red dot i'm totally blasting from here like it's
never coming it's like i'm i've got that guiseley trigger working it faster than i've ever worked it
before i'm shooting 13 times a second fucking ar duty i start from the hip and bring it up
during the fight that's what you do in real life too but like regardless of what you know you might
have been trained to do or in any case.
I don't know where my goddamn basement you're eight feet away with a katana it
starts we'll start shooting here. You know what I've considered is in addition to
keeping the gun next to my bed I also keep like a scary mask like a clown mask
or a phantom mask or a scream mask so that if the guy does come in and he has
a gun I could be like oh oh this guy can't burgle my own house so i gotta go after this guy and steal the one he's stealing
from get the fuck out of here and then he'll be like oh well a burglar doesn't burgle or another
burglar's uh and so by thieves code he'll have to leave yeah you'll burger block it he wouldn't
you wouldn't believe me if i came out with just with my face i have to come out in a mask and
seem upset about it like oh again you know like i've been getting tracked by by uh
amateur burglars all week anyway that probably that's probably not a good way to handle it don't
do that as you're like trying to he doesn't buy it and you're trying to stretch out the eye holes
on your fucking mask and trying to see if i have to shoot uh so there actually is news in hockey.
Oh, go on.
I saw that the Blues traded a player, so I looked into it.
The guy had like three points in 24 games or something like that.
I was like, this isn't a big loss.
Pinkleton, what's his name?
You must be thinking of the wrong person because Kevin Shattenkirk is who we traded.
He's the best defenseman. He was the best person on the market this year so there's usually like one golden
goose every year where all the teams that are on the cup bubble who like just need a little more
just a little more to win like washington or pittsburgh or whatever i guess pittsburgh doesn't
need any more because they won last year but they need a little more and they all kind of go for
that guy as a rental player because they'll know like well we can't keep this
guy in the offseason because we can't afford to play pay him next year but we can get him for
you know for this last for this playoff run and see if we can make it count for stanley cup and
so he was that guy this year kevin shattenkirk for the blues he's been having a career season
been doing great uh had more assists than anybody else on our team, like more power play points per 60 minutes than any other defenseman.
But he doesn't get top-pairing power play
because of the way the Blues defenseman works or whatever the fuck.
But regardless, he was the most valued guy out there.
And he got traded yesterday for a first-round draft pick in 2017,
so this year, a second- round pick in 2018 that's conditional and some no-name
named zach ranford or zach sanford coming to st louis and he's like some 22 year old who has
two goals in the nhl hasn't played that much i probably won't panic of him the guy you received
zach sanford because he had two goals and one assist, if I recall correctly. Yeah, that's the guy we received. So based on what you've said before, this sounds like a good move, huh?
Are you happy about this?
So basically, the worst thing they could have done was keep him
because then he just at the end of the season would have been like,
all right, well, you can't afford me.
I'm out.
New York Rangers are going to give me $8 million a year
or are going to assign me to a seven-year, $58 whatever and so there was a zero percent chance no we can't afford
to keep him uh and we also don't need him because he's a right-handed defenseman and it just so
happens that our other two best defensemen are right-handed defensemen so we're one of the teams
that can afford to get rid of a right-handed one we need a better left-handed one and so we'd ship
him off i was hoping you know so yeah the worst thing we could do is keep him
because we lose him for nothing.
And so it was good that we at least traded him
and got a draft pick or two.
And then this dude who probably will develop
into a fourth liner, if that, third liner maybe.
And I just, it seems our GM has this horrible practice
of having something to trade,
taking way longer than everybody else to figure out like, ah, this isn't
going to be the year we win the Stanley Cup.
I think all the fans realize it. I think
all your assistants, I think everybody realizes it
and he just sits on his laurels
with these assets and demands enormous
prices from everyone until eventually
it gets down to the trade deadline, which is
tomorrow, or today, whatever.
And he kind of gets backed into a corner
where fans are saying,
what the fuck?
You haven't traded this guy yet.
Like you, you need to get him out of here.
You're going to ruin our franchise again.
You want us to be happy with, we'll be good in six years again,
asshole like no.
And so he kind of panics,
I think and trades him for less than he's worth.
And so it was just a bad GM move from what I can tell.
Like he has a history of some, some other bad trades.
The goal to picks he's worth two picks.
He's worth more than that.
We should have gotten an actual NHL guy back
because he's...
If the Capitals can't win the Stanley Cup now,
my God.
This team is...
They're stacked. There's nobody else in the East
who's any good.
Pittsburgh's real good.
They're weak in the captain
player in the league this is so funny because look on the stats page you could be like who's
the best player in the league objectively right oh sydney crosby oh but it's probably close right
oh no no i mean at all points mcdavid's up there. But goals by percentage, Crosby's got it.
But, yeah, I'm just surprised by that because it seems like all the time
Blues have players who play really well for us,
and then they get traded off somewhere, and they win a cup somewhere else.
And it's happened to every best coach we've ever had.
All three of the best time coaches have coached the Blues,
and none of them have won a cup with the Blues.
They've all left and gone somewhere else where they won it before they came.
It's just so much failure to try and take in every year,
where it's like you try and be a little optimistic.
I was almost positive that next year would be better than this year,
and I still think we will because our goaltending at the beginning of this season
was so bad it was mind-blowing.
So next year I think we will be better, but goddamn,
to lose another great player for
kind of a pittance is really
frustrating. And we traded
three years, no, four fucking years ago,
we traded away one of our goalies,
Jaroslav Halak, to
the Islanders in return.
Well, it was a big three-way trade, and so we got
Miller back, and then Miller, the goalie
we got in that trade, he left in the offseason.
Halak now has not played for the Blues in four years and it just came out today that because of our goaltending woes I guess which were a little bit in the past they're thinking about
picking him up now and so I swear to god if our GM just remakes the team out of all the old pieces
he traded away like what the fuck is he? He already did that with David Perron.
We drafted him.
Traded him away years ago.
We reacquired him.
It's like he's trying to remake the team.
If you guys hadn't traded Brett Hull.
To the Red Wings.
Then I think the Canes would have another cup.
You think?
They might.
I'm glad that Brett Hull
got a Stanley Cup
so that's good
because he's one of the few
that's what you have to hope for when you're a Blues fan
you're like man I hope after Tarasenko's
done here I hope he can go somewhere and win
a cup
he signed for 8 more
years and I'm already thinking like
you know best of luck to him
out there 8 more years and i'm already thinking like you know best of luck to him out there you
know one of the nine teams that might years we've had what i said eight more years like it's not an
eight-year contract where you're three in seven more years i think oh yeah but i'm sure he'll
resign because usually these russian guys are really foreign people who come over and they get
established in a city it's almost like that's their new...
It is like that's their new home in a new city,
so they feel familiar,
and so they're more likely to take slight pay cuts
for the hometown discount like Ovechkin did.
Or Ovechkin didn't do it.
Fuck that.
He's getting paid oodles of money.
He's someone who probably could have said,
fuck you.
He's the best player in the NHL.
He's definitely up there.
He's one of my favorites.
I like the Russian players.
They give good post-game interviews because they don't teach English over there very well at all, apparently.
But anyway, that was hockey talk.
Kyle, any input?
Yeah, these guys who were part of a group called Respect the Flag were apparently riding around in an Atlanta suburb in their pickup trucks with their large Confederate flags.
When they came upon an African-American children's birthday party, they started shouting slurs at
them, apparently. And long story short, they pointed a weapon at the black people. And one of
the people said, the little ones can get one too. Talking about the children at the birthday party. Well, unfortunately,
because of his threats and
the group and the way that they were
conducting themselves, this fell under
some sort of a street
gang act.
And this motherfucker got
fucking 20 years, 13
years in prison, and his girlfriend
got 15 years with 6 years in prison.
Are you serious?
Yeah.
Did they hurt anybody?
No.
Apparently they were riding around
threatening people.
I sent a link to these two.
They're checking it out now.
I was looking like,
where does it describe this article?
It just seemed related to me.
It says, I don't mind Trump supporters displaying the Confederate flag
so long as it's the historically accurate version
and it's the white flag.
I have fun with that.
I haven't seen a Confederate flag in...
Dude, I feel like it's very fallen out of vogue.
I had a Facebook, not argument, but like debate about that.
And I guess... I'm so sorry about this cough.
But yeah, some guy was talking about all the rise of this like racist activity in America
and all, you know, the KKK and whatever.
It's like, I live in Raleigh.
I think this was literally the founding point of the KKK.
I see no Confederate flags in my world.
I don't see racism.
I drive around.
There's nobody proudly displaying that crap.
It's fake news.
The KKK guys are hearing this on the news
and they're like,
Jim, are we having a resurgence?
All of the KKK members in the entire country.
Yeah, I'll give you a sable for six at Applebee's.
Yeah.
Because it's 2017, and our group has very much fallen out of hand.
Terrible PR.
I don't see it at all.
Nobody likes them.
Yeah, and you know what I'm hearing
about all the time, this anti-Semitic
rise? Are you guys hearing that?
I wonder how, so you guys were
young when this happened, but in 2001
it was like the year
of the shark, right?
Every time a shark did anything
Yes, I went to Florida. I was too afraid to go
swimming that year. Oh, like Time Magazine
had like a shark on its cover.
And every time a shark was spotted in the water,
there's helicopters getting footage of it.
Shark attacks were actually slightly down that year.
It wasn't remarkable in either high or low.
It was just a little below average.
Maybe that was around the time that little girl got her arm bit.
There were a lot of sensational stories.
So now they're talking about all this
anti-semitic activity right like some tombstones got knocked over and i don't even know what else
and like in two different cemeteries across the country one in missouri and one in maybe
philadelphia the other one yeah so i wonder like it's actually the missouri area so thanks i so i uh i wonder like is there actually
a rise in anti-semitic activity that corresponds with this news reporting or is it just a year of
the shark again i talked to a few friends uh uh who are jewish people yeah all those
anti-semitic friends but i spoke to a couple jewish people i know and they obviously like like have at least extended family or something who were buried
in that cemetery or whatever and one of them went over and like visited it because he wanted to see
what was going on then just up leaving because pence was there he said and it was so crowded
it was like fuck this they're gonna do more damage by romping around the grass than they
are by picking up like you need two guys over there to pick this stuff up and they were all saying like there's like they're convinced that it's just rowdy kids
who did that because it was not like the way the the camera was of the shot it just did like a down
row thing and so you saw like five knocked down in a row but if you pan to the rest of the cemetery
it's five knocked down and then rows and rows and rows and rows and rows and rows of untouched ones
where it's like if they were doing this as a hate crime you think that number one they'd be a lot
more like extreme with it and then also they'd be spray painting shit or or in nowadays they'd be
spray painting what the other side would write so that they could try and like frame them or
whatever false flag false flag operation which is most likely what it is anyway.
It'll come down that it's
a bunch of Jewish people
that are doing this because they hate Trump.
Kids. I think that's viable.
I grew up in, my first 12 years
was in Morristown, New Jersey.
This town's interesting in that it's old.
It's like 315 years
old, something like that, which for
America is a pretty old town.
It has all these graveyards It's like 315 years old, something like that, which for America is a pretty old town. Very old.
So it has like all these graveyards
where like Quakers were buried
with these really interesting like tombstones and such.
And it was a huge news story
because someone came along and knocked down
like a whole bunch of them.
And I went to check it out
and they were stood up by the time I checked it out,
but it was like, oh,
knocking these down looks like so much fun.
Like, I was right on the,
I was like, man, like, I,
and I wiggled it, and it was, like, wiggly,
and I'm like, I could just kick
all these fucking things right over right now.
Like, it was like someone had set up
the world's coolest domino set ever,
and I'd just knock them all over, like how great it would be.
It was only because the news stories vilified these people who desecrated graves that I was like, no.
This is probably wrong.
So to clarify, you were thinking about it and then you saw something on the news.
wrong.
To clarify, you were thinking about it and then you saw something on the news. They'd have a snapshot of you
standing there with one leg
kicked back, ready to
thrust it forward and begin the chain reaction.
They weren't literally
dominoes. It was just like, to
knock it over, it was as tempting as a
series of dominoes.
To clarify, I went there
because it was a news story
and nearly recreated the act of horror because it looked awesome.
So, yeah, if I hear that like a bunch of Jewish tombstones were knocked over, like it could just be little Woody with a slightly fucked up moral compass knocking over tombstones.
I don't know about the other stories, but at least the one here, I think it was just shitty kids.
I don't know about the other stories, but at least the one here, I think it was just shitty kids.
Like, I don't know.
There's just so much, like, contrived controversies now where they're like, oh, this person wrote I don't tip black people on their receipt. And then it ended up that they just wrote that and got a bunch of donations for free, and it was a lie.
But by that point, like, the news cycles changed.
And then they're like, oh, this happened.
Someone spray painted a horrible message on the side of this barn and then they're like oh my god
this is horrible let's talk about the ramifications and then while they're talking about that they
someone will go hey that was made up and they go it's the conversation that matters
if it's made up and we're just drumming up hysteria you know like so trump's gonna talk in
about an hour i'm kind of looking forward to it me too
yeah i think if he sticks to the script he'll have a pretty successful outing oh no he screws
himself when he like like all right i'm here to make amends with the intelligence community but
you know my electoral votes man were they good they were good people are saying i really crushed
it in this election. Expectations
were I wouldn't get 220. Then I
wouldn't get 250. I got over 300.
Dude, you're here to make amends with the intelligence.
Like, you're fucking this up. He
always fucks it up when he starts ad-libbing
stuff. It's gone from
like charming and I can't believe
he said that to during the election
to look what he stepped in now
as president.
I'm looking forward to seeing him speak tonight.
That'll, that'll be interesting.
This is, this is one of those moments that I described, you know, pre-Trump win that,
that he gets to do that might be entertaining or will at least be like, oh, I got to watch
this guy do this.
I got to see what his take on this is going to be.
At the very least it'll be interesting.
You know what would fuck it up for me?
If he goes in there and before he even speaks,
does four or five of those Trump bully handshakes
where he tries to push the guy around.
I'll be like, you're such a dick at all.
Dude, I see that and I think...
The pole shake?
Yeah, he does the pole shake
and then there's a couple other like...
He'll shake you.
Fucking pseudo-dominant things.
He likes to put his hand on your shoulder pull you in
and when he like double clasps
your hand to like
there's nothing wrong with the double clasp
I like the double clasp
it's like a pseudo dominance thing kind of but it's also like
a real dominance thing like people are
we're primal like we react to
body language in different ways there's a reason that you
immediately have different assumptions about someone when they walk
in like this and kind of
sit there as you do and they walk in and they're
really like up front in your face like
that. It's like a primal thing
almost. No, no. It's
I'm not saying it's effective 100%.
I'm saying that he's doing
that to try and be
dominant and it probably
works with some people because it seems like
he's got to roll his eyes
and now people are mocking it there's youtube videos of like brazilian jiu-jitsu black belts
teaching the counter to the donald trump douchebag handshake you know he's a laughing stock it's not
it's not a masterful manipulation i'm just saying that those kind of moves can work on people like
maybe not the people watching as much but if
you're engaged in that like if you were in a talk with someone that you were just meeting and they
were in a position of power and they shook your hand like that immediately you're snapped to
attention and you want to kind of you know it's it's an aggressive way to start the conversation
so you're on your back foot so you feel almost like i want to please this person a little bit
make sure they like me like it or maybe you just get really upset or or you roll your eyes like
this guy's an asshole.
Yeah, which I think is the overwhelming response.
I think most people who are the victim of that handshake just think this guy's an asshole.
I think, though, that if you're in business that long and you are doing things like that,
that there's a reason that he continues to do it.
Because say what you will about the president thing, but he is good at making deals in the business world for himself and it seems like if that were really counterintuitive
he wouldn't do it just from a business stance i don't know though because it does seem like he
brings a lot of other stuff over from his business experience that isn't as good here where he just
like explained perfectly with the whole immigration rollout and what a fiasco the rollout was like of
implementing it where people are calling like how the hell do we get this going it's because like it doesn't seem like he's ever had to convince
people like to go in a direction he just has to say like we're building a new hotel by abby and
they'll say okay yes sir that works now i'll be like we're getting a lot a lot more money to the
military and people are going ah no no we're not going to do that and he's i don't understand you
know like he doesn't he i think that's a big hill for him is having to work with
others in that way, kind of.
I'm, I don't know about his handshake.
I'm going to go watch two movies this week, though.
I think this is a, there are two great movies that are going to be out this week.
I want to see, I really want to see John Wick 2.
I've been meaning to go see that.
But then I realized that Logan comes out this week which is the final Wolverine
movie this is the one that's rated R
and I've done
my best to avoid any and all previews
but I saw like maybe 4 seconds
of a preview and
there's some serious gore
in this movie with like somersaults
and people getting stabbed in the face
and body with those claws like there's a lot of
rampages that he goes on just ripping people
Apart and there's another character with a very similar ability to him
That's a little girl and so the little girl is doing like gymnastics
Goring people in the face with her claws
Yeah, she's like there. They have like a father-daughter type relationship where he's protecting her it looks excellent
So so so i definitely want
to go see both of those it's patrick stewart's last x-man movie it's it's uh it's uh what's his
name that plays wolverine it's his last hugh jackman it's his last x-man movie so i definitely
want to see that and then john wick is amazing it's next level anyway he um i guess ryan reynolds
i think that's the guy who plays deadpool yeah, has been really trying to get him in it.
He talks about him on TV and stuff.
They asked Hugh Jackman if he'd be in Deadpool.
He's like, no, I will
not do Deadpool. Ryan Reynolds
can stop standing
outside my doorway with the radio over
his head. I'm not coming out.
From Say Anything. It's an old movie reference and anyway
yeah uh so yeah they're really trying to get him on deadpool which i would love but i guess it's
not happening yeah i i would like that too um he's getting he's getting a little old anyway and
that's i'll tell you what that's what i like i noticed in this logan movie he's a very old he's
an older grizzled very scarred he's 21 anymore don't pretend he's 21 anymore. No, you know, he's got a delayed aging factor anyway. Wolverine's like several
hundred years old, but he's just scarred and like burned and like big sections of him are just
fucked up. And so this is like the older, grizzled Wolverine. So I want to see that. And man, I love
The Last John Wick and all the reviews for the second one are incredible.
There's another movie that I
didn't plan on seeing, but I guess
I have to now, is that movie Get Out.
Are you familiar with this at all and its advertising?
Is it a new horror movie?
Yeah, this movie is made by
Peele from the
Key and Peele guys.
Are you familiar with them?
He's the dark-skinned, fat one? He's the dark skinned fat one.
Yeah.
He's the director of this movie.
And I only found that out recently.
Basically, a white daughter brings her black boyfriend home to meet the parents.
And long story short, it turns out, and this is all given away in the previews.
At first, it seems that the white parents are like super duper
accepting the father is like yeah come here bro and like hugs him and he's got a very larry david
look to him he's like yeah yeah i would have i would voted for obama for a third term and the
black guys just kind of weirded out by all this and he meets like the black people who work for
his girlfriend's parents out there splitting wood and stuff and he goes to like
give this other black man a fist bump and the other black man grabs his fist and shakes it
like some sort of goddamn alien and i don't know like like all the plot details but it's clear
that these white people are brainwashing and enslaving black people uh and uh and it's all gonna fall apart
and turn to a thriller kind of horror movie with a lot of awkward racial tension with and and and
toward the end i saw um now that you mentioned it i didn't realize i knew anything about this but i
guess i saw the female lead in it like uh being interviewed on like a late night show or something.
And,
and yeah,
she confirmed what she said that,
that like what she said is this,
she's dating the black guy.
The black guy apparently is like a wonderful guy and in a hundred different
ways.
And she thought that her parents should be very accepting and it turns out
they're not.
And then she said,
there are so many twists and turns in this movie that I can't tell you
anything without spoiling it.
And that's what I know. Yeah. Um the interesting thing about this, I wasn't going to watch it
because it doesn't really seem fun. Seems like they're going to load some white guilt onto you
if you look at it on Facebook. Hollywood? I don't know. Stick with me here. 100% on Rotten Tomatoes.
100%. That is a lot of percents. That's all the percentages. No one disliked this.
Everyone is loving it. So I feel like I have to
watch it. I'm not going to watch it in theaters.
But Friday, I guess, after the show,
we'll do the show Thursday.
I would go Thursday because that's when
movie weekends start now because they want to
maximize your weekend growth. So it
starts on the evening of Thursday.
They roll those numbers onto your
weekend numbers. So Thursday, Logan comes out.
But Friday, I guess I'll go watch both of them.
I want to see John Wick and Logan back-to-back.
I'll smuggle my burrito into the theater.
It's going to be great.
I might be able to...
I bet I can go.
I bet I don't even have to...
Honestly, what I'm going to do,
I'm going to pay for the first movie
and time it out so I watch the first movie
and then just go to the bathroom and then just walk right into another movie, right?
Oh, no, no.
You're not 16.
Be an adult.
Buy two tickets to two movies.
Like, come on.
How embarrassing would it be if they come in and they go, hey, hey, you 14-year-olds, get out of here.
You're not old enough to be in here.
Hey, you 30-year-old adult man, we saw you walk into the bathroom and sneak back in here
do you think we don't keep track do you think that when you talked about this at the lunch table
two decades ago that at that time it was new and then now we haven't figured it out
no because the way my movie theater is laid out
no control like none like you could totally do it but i will buy two tickets probably because
with the fandango app you'd like you you know you reserve your actual seats and i'm kind of
particular about where i want to sit in the theater i want you reserve the actual seats at
your movie theater or mine too yeah it's something new and it's now it matters to me like i need to
have a good seat i don't want to sit at some edge and i can tell in advance if the movie theater is too full so it actually keeps me home sometimes yeah you can see if all those seats
are taken up uh when we went when we went to uh colorado we made the mistake of like we're looking
at the app on my phone and it's got this big box of blues on untaken seats and i'm like okay we
want to sit right here in the center, about, you know,
two-thirds of the way away from the screen.
But it was deceptive in that
it looked like the bottom was where the screen
was, but if you look, there's a very tiny
curved line at the top, and that's where the screen
was. So I bought, purchased,
and reserved seats in
like eight feet from the
fucking iMac. So it's
we're just like back there like oh
This isn't gonna work is it? Like just looking straight up at this fucking thing
If you don't want to pay for two tickets
why even pay for one ticket? You could just walk in like you belong there and
I guarantee the paraplegic guy who tears through your ticket stub isn't gonna wheel you down. No they do that now
Here's the procedure.
You come to the top of the elevator, the top of the escalator,
and there is only one way in, one way out of the theater area.
And there's a cop there, and there's an employee there.
And the cop checks your bag, the employee checks your fucking tickets,
and if you don't have your shit, you get turned away.
One way in, one way out.
That's right.
It's real gladiatorial games of movie theaters.
They don't play no shit, so you got to have a ticket.
Yeah, my movie theater, I didn't realize it was upgraded maybe five years ago, three years ago.
And now it has the reclining seats.
They're electric and everything.
And it's real nice.
That's the only place I want to go now. From what I that's the only they got they were kind of involved in human trafficking that's the restaurant yeah no i was joking that like there's like a cabal of human trafficking all the places you
patronize you just the box of cambodians being wheeled by the popcorn place we put the butter on
i took my wife not my wife my my daughter to that Thai food place and
then I pulled up the article on my phone
and she read all about the human trafficking
and she too was like,
it's good though, right?
Wow.
I would have thought that it would have turned
her away. She's liberal, but you know, there's
limits.
When it starts to impact your life,
it's all like...
I don't know.
I'm excited about the Trump thing
tonight. We'll see how that goes.
I feel like it's a real opportunity
for him to either right the ship or sink it.
Like, something will happen tonight.
And I'll need you guys
to probably... Or I'll just use YouTube to recap me
because I'm going to watch the Blues likely get blown out,
and now their first game without Jadner.
The Blues win games, though.
For a normal team, like a middle-of-the-road team's season,
this is very average.
The Blues are of a habit to be, like, if you go by the past five years,
just by regular seasons, the Blues are the best team.
Oh.
They have much better regular season records. They just suck dick in the blues are the best team like oh like they they have much
better regular season records they just suck dick in the playoffs a lot of the time last year they
did great obviously beating chicago beating dallas almost beating san jose but yeah it's a i don't
know i'm really negative about what the team's gonna be like without shattenkirk so that maybe
if they end up winning tonight they'll be like oh, oh, what do you know? That's pretty good.
I root for the Flyers and the Canes,
and both of them are in the bottom 25% of the NHL.
It is a real hard year.
You'd think if you had two teams, usually one would be average at least, but no, no.
Like, they're, it's not even about them.
Washington.
They haven't won a Stanley Cup either.
We don't play them enough for me to hate them because they're in the Eastern Conference, so I don fine about them. Washington. They haven't won a Stanley Cup either. We don't play them enough for me to hate them
because they're in the Eastern Conference,
so I don't really care.
And Ovechkin's cool.
They got Oshie, and they have Shattenkirk now.
2X Blues.
I like that.
I like that.
I might just root for whoever's playing against Pittsburgh
until they get knocked out.
Yeah, that's fine.
Then I'll need a team for the second round.
Yep.
Did you see what I wrote on Skype about my hot water heater?
No.
It was awful.
It was awful.
All right, so.
You told us about it.
So I went and got a new, yeah, my hot water heater was broken.
It was not the TPP valve at all.
I put a new one in.
It still leaked.
The liner is cracked and full of water is what it
was.
I fucking drained the thing, cut
it out, drag it out of the house, go to Home Depot,
get a new one.
$600 or something like that.
I shouldn't have said where I went.
Did you carry it yourself?
I put it on
one of those wheel carts that they have.
Certainly didn't turn into Ant-Man or anything.
It wasn't that heavy.
Dude, it seemed heavy to me.
When I replaced my hot water heater,
sorry to interrupt your story.
I was younger too.
I was probably 28.
And it was right at the limits of what I could handle.
It's big and it's heavy.
And mine went on this stand that was like almost waist high.
And I had to like put the thing up there.
It was really hard.
Carry on.
I wouldn't have wanted to lift it that high.
I wheeled it out on one of those flat things and then tipped it in the back of the truck.
But so I get it home, hook this motherfucker up, plumb, plumb, plumb.
Everything's hooked up.
This one, and then I notice it's got this whole digital
display on the side. I'm like, oh, I guess this will make
things easy. Maybe four
ounces of water drips on the
top of this thing as I'm plumbing it.
It gets wet
and dies.
I'm talking about this thing is plumbed
full of water, you know,
like 500 pounds worth of water.
It's plumbed to the house. The electricity
is hooked up. The breakers are turned on.
And it's like, every time you try
to turn it on, it's just fucked.
And I take the display off and look. There's water
all in there. And I'm telling you,
like, this much.
Like, this much
water spilled onto the top of this
big hot water heater, like, during the plumbing
process. It was so little, I was just like, nothing! like nothing because like the room has been flooded like like it's nothing
ruined the hot water heater you call them up like the number on the side and they're like oh we can
send you a new panel but it won't even go out today and it'll be like the day after the day
after the day after tomorrow but oh wait that's a sunday so it'll be monday and i'm like you're you're
fucking crazy just fucking hung up on him fucking took the hotter hose up with this motherfucker
start draining it out start hacksawing the goddamn pipes off i take them all off take all the tape
off roll this motherfucker back out of my house put it back in the box it came in duct tape that son of a bitch
shut take it back to home depot tell them i got the wrong fucking one they took that son of a
bitch back and gave me a new one that didn't have that digital shit on it was 200 cheaper and i'm
so happy for it it was a real fucking bullshit day it's's back and forth. I drove back and forth 270 minutes.
Oh, what a pain in the ass.
It's a whole day of pain.
Yeah, of back and forth.
45 minutes and 45 minutes
and 45 minutes and 45 minutes
and 45 minutes and 45 minutes.
It's back and forth all day.
Just four and a half hours of driving.
At the end of it,
you don't even feel like I got something done.
You feel like I'm back to beginning.
I'm back to where I could be.
When we got done, it wasn't like, and now I have a swimming pool.
Or like, and now we all
have a hot tub.
And now it's remodeled.
It wasn't one of those.
And now we can wash ourselves.
Now we can get water out of the
tap now that was a lot of effort it used to be like that with me for money right like the washing
machine would break like that does clothes and then like oh this sucks you'd work hard we'd
research we'd pick it out a couple days later the guy would come now i'm down like 800 or whatever
it is to get a new washing machine in. And for all of that,
I didn't even get something I wanted,
you know,
like if I'm going to be out close to a grand,
I should be like,
this is the coolest thing,
but Nope.
Just back to normal.
It was very,
there was a point when like I was talking to the guy on the phone when I had
that big,
like adjustable wrench in my hand.
And I was just like,
I wanted to bash that fuck. I wanted to
have a Chris Farley
smash it to bits kind of moment and
just dent it all the fuck.
But it was a good thing I didn't because they took that mother...
It was leaking water out the bottom.
The tape on the bottom wasn't
all the same kind of tape.
There was a bunch of this
bullshit masking tape and then
some clear tape around
that and it was all like peeling away as i like wheeled it in that's great and the employees were
just like sure you want cash back and i was like yes i do yes i do oh that's great you found people
who don't care at all hopefully they moonlight at the movie theater oh Oh, I hope so, yeah. All right.
Rep?
Call it a show?
Yeah, it's a show.
All right.
Panguilar Nearly, episode 133.