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Hi, Pink Killer already episode 135, half a week after Breathing Gate.
It won't be that bad.
You know, I think most people are just happy that you're safe.
Yeah, I think by and large, the overwhelming majority just said,
Woody, I hope you start feeling better soon.
I recognize that your breathing was labored and that this has been hard on you too.
I think that was the culture I got.
And every time I hopped in a skype call with you i was saying it
right before this that i feel like i'm like i'm woody trending up and then the next show will be
like or whatever it is and i was saying it's just like the blues the blues last 16 games
six wins five losses five wins i don't know what to think i don't i don't know are we going to make
the playoffs i have no idea at this rate what we're going to go on like a nine game win lose
streak right now and miss but uh sorry a horrible topic to bring up in the beginning because only 60
canadians are listening right now but anyway i've actually been watching the blues and their
playoff chances and such and and i just like see the the blues and the flyers are very like they're similar in
like what echelon of team they are except the blues are just that little bit better where they
get it done and the flyers are that little bit worse where they don't and yeah it's just if the
blues lost like seven more one more games and the flyers won like eight more one goal games. They'd be right next to each other.
They need a little finishing power.
Alright, I know Kyle
probably desperately wants a topic change.
I'm going to see how many points each one has.
He doesn't mind.
Bit. Do you, Kyle?
Alright.
I'm finishing my coffee here.
So the Flyers have
70 points and the Blues have 77.
Yeah, so that's three wins and an overtime loss.
Well, four wins would be 78.
Five wins more than you guys, but you guys have lost more in overtime.
I was going by the points.
If we had three wins, if we turned three wins into losses,
we'd be different by an overtime loss.
Yeah, yeah.
So they did about three wins better than us over the course of 68 games.
Like they're comparable.
But that makes all the difference.
One team's going to the playoffs and one team's not.
I'm not a fan of the loser point.
So the way – I don't know how – if you don't follow hockey the way it works is if you win the game, regular season you get two points.
If you lose the game in the first three periods so regulation time you get nothing and if you make it to
overtime the winner of overtime still gets two points and the loser of overtime gets one point
and so it's just known as the loser point and so right now the blues have three more regulation
than the predators and are still behind them in place because the predators have lost
six extra games in overtime than st louis and so it's like they just spent more time losing
and so they have a higher rank which is fine i'd much rather stay in fourth right now and play
minnesota in the first seed instead of playing chicago in the two and three battle just because
no matter whatever if st louis and chicago play in the 2-3 battle. Just because, no matter, if St. Louis and Chicago play in the first round,
neither one of those teams will win the Stanley Cup
because they're going to beat the shit out of each other.
And then Minnesota's going to come into the second round
and high-five whatever team did the beating up
and then enjoy it.
But yeah, I'm hoping that Kyle sticks by his very,
very adamant bandwagoning fandom
and actually watches a few Blackfeet games come playoff time.
I watch when we get into the finals
because that's what I predicted. That's what's coming.
Blackfeet are going to stomp all over
the Penguins in Game 7
and win the Stanley Cup. I believe I
predicted that months and months ago.
So I'll tune in that night.
I'll tune in
that night, Game 7.
Put my jersey on for half an hour and be like we won we won
go team and then i'll take it off and and that'll be you know what if it's the third period and the
penguins are up like four to one and it's game seven you will be sitting there about to switch
it to rick and morty looking up penguins hoodies on Amazon and then you'll
and be all squared away for next season we'll be good you know either way no matter how the game
turns out because of global warming where you are right now that you could just pick up hockey
right it's fucking cold um I thought spring had come and I think it still do uh because like every
all the leaves are budding all the flowers are budding, all the flowers are budding, there's some pollen coming out,
all the little creatures that emerge
as soon as spring comes,
like the wasps and spiders and grasshoppers and such,
they're everywhere.
And then it snowed yesterday.
Now they're all dead.
And that's a good thing, though,
if you think about it.
I bet that significantly is going to tamp down
the mosquito population, right?
Do you think we just ruined their springtime breeding season?
Yes.
I just don't know if it's accurate or not.
What I think is that some
creatures hatched out prematurely, and then we
got that frost, and that killed them.
They died yesterday morning because it snowed
onto things that thought
it was springtime. I'm sure there was some stuff
that can't handle it.
I feel like mosquitoes are being birthed
all summer long, right?
Yeah, constantly. They're not like cicadas
where it's like a huge uprising
once every 17 years or whatever
and then they're gone.
Which, we are due for one of those,
aren't we? No. A big bad cicada?
No. We had
one like seven years
ago or something like that it was it was very uh
i remember we were in tennessee and they were just screaming they were so loud it was just a constant
and we were shooting off cannons and like big explosives and stuff like that and every time
there'd be a huge like concussive explosion it would it would get a little quieter for a while
it was definitely like shutting up all the cicadas that were within blast range
you could tell it would like tamp them down significantly but they come back
with that screeching awfulness and they're hideous oh they're whore and
they leave their their crispy husks everywhere so if you walk through the
woods like within I don't know a year after their mass extinction did
everywhere yeah molted everywhere, yeah.
When I was a kid, I used to like to pick them off the tree bark, you know, because they're attached
there, like an ice pick
or something. You pick them off and you try and find
a really gross
or big one that's still mostly intact, so you can
go put it on your mom or your grandma
while they're laying by the pool. You know, kid things.
So Kyle, I looked
it up. I had the same theory on um like you know a frost kind of just like everyone comes
out to play they die and now it's just like all the parents are gone and it's just really hard
to rebuild to raise these kids yeah like i had this idea that their whole population like is
gonna have to somehow rebuild because they came out of hiding too early. And it turns out that's just not true.
Yeah, because they're birthing them all the time.
Like, if it were that easy to be like,
all right, if March 14th gets freezing every year,
no more mosquitoes.
We would have figured out a way to artificially...
Oh, yeah, I know what you're saying.
Like, regional blizzards or something,
just to eliminate it, but no.
These are too much.
Well, you have that with fruit trees and stuff.
That can happen.
You need mosquitoes, right?
Or is that not true?
No, we do not need mosquitoes.
We would be better off if they were completely gone.
They're not like spiders or wasps or something where it's like, yeah, they really tamp down the population of this or that.
No, we do not need the mosquito.
It is a parasite on this planet,
a blight on our existence.
Can you riddle me this then? Because I've heard that mosquitoes, we don't need them,
like you just said, they're a pest. And then I've seen people rationalize and say we need spiders
because they eat mosquitoes. Now, if we got rid of mosquitoes, what is the argument for keeping
spiders?
Kyle's right about mosquitoes. I thought on this one, of mosquitoes, what is the argument for keeping spiders? Kyle's right about
mosquitoes. I thought
on this one, I was predicting he'd be wrong.
But no, apparently
at this point in time,
the purpose of a mosquito
is to make more mosquitoes, and
that's it. We could just...
We don't need them at all.
Just to kill a lot of people in Africa,
basically, is what mosquitoes do. South America. Spread AIDS everywhere. Do they spread AIDS? They don't need them at all. Just to kill a lot of people in Africa, basically, is what mosquitoes do.
South America.
AIDS, yeah.
Do they spread AIDS?
They don't spread AIDS.
They spread malaria.
Malaria is the big baddie that they spread, I believe.
If they spread AIDS, every time you smack one, you'd be like, oh, God, now I've got to get tested.
Imagine how stressed out you'd be if it's just like you could get hep C from any random...
Nobody could. Camping, like
Dick's Sporting Goods,
Sports Authority, all of those camping
places would be out of business because no one would risk it.
DDT back there.
I'm a fact checker monster.
I was wrong.
They do not spread HIV.
Apparently they...
Something to do with their gut. Let's see.
HIV is unable
to replicate within the mosquito's gut
and is broken down. So,
not true. They do not... Maybe the
mosquito is going to be one of those things where we
take useless parts from shit-tier
animals that nobody cares about, and we end up
making something neat. You know, like
when they're like, oh, we found
something that's a million times better than Neosporin, and it comes from a sea cucumber or something, and you know like when they're like oh we found a something that's a million
times better than neosporin and it comes from a sea cucumber or something and you like stroke you
know the white stuff that comes out of cute sea cucumbers you like you extract that and then and
just put it right in the tube as far as i know and then use it and it's great like that's what
i like seeing us do with animals because i like knowing that someone out there took the time going through a litany of other
shitty unknown creatures looking
for something. Looking for that
Angus beef. Imagine the first
guy thousands of years ago
that everybody was domesticating sheep
or goats or maybe
someone tried to make a meat horse farm.
They hadn't quite nailed on all the bugs yet.
And then a guy comes along with steer
and everybody is like, fuck this guy got it right. guy got it right and that and that's how Tyson foods is here today
If you if you look at a Wikipedia page
I don't know what if we repurpose the mosquito to infect people with with something we wanted them to get like what if every time a
Mosquito bit someone they were being immunized against like you know
Polio orio or anything.
Name a disease, right?
Or it doesn't have to be a disease even, right?
Like mosquitoes could spread Adderall,
and then the whole population gets like more productive.
It's tweaked out.
Now you got people with big nets running around,
like capturing big swaths of them so they can snort fucking mosquito butts.
Is Adderall that addictive?
I mean, it's an upper.
It's an amphetamine.
I just pictured them doing their taxes early.
Ah, man.
Sudden urge to fill out 1099s.
I don't know much about mosquito-based amphetamines.
That would be a good idea, though.
Not so much the drug one as the immunizing one.
Because the drug one is just people in like like West Virginia would
Exacerbate they're already undoubtedly difficult problem with amphetamines
Can you see that stung all goddamn big rather cells in like sugar or honey or something and lay in the Sun?
It's like have you ever heard of the torture scaphism? Yes. No. I knew you would.
So basically what scaphism was.
Also known as the boats.
The boats.
What they would do, it's an ancient Persian one, I believe.
If you want to know stuff about torture methods, the Persians were decades ahead of their time.
They had the Steve Jobs of torture coming out there with his tunic tucked into his jeans,
snapping with all his ideas.
So basically you'd take someone and you would force feed them nothing but honey and cream. with his tunic tucked into his jeans, snapping with all his ideas.
So basically you'd take someone,
and you would force feed them nothing but honey and cream or milk,
dairy products.
Just force it to the point of them vomiting,
and then you force even more in.
And you do that for a few days.
Then you take them and you go to the Nile River,
or whatever nearby shitty river there is, you put them in between two
boats where there's still enough room that, you know, so no matter what, they can't roll
over and drown, it's gonna kind of, you know, keep them afloat a bit. You tie them in there,
and you smear honey and all this sweet stuff all in the boat, everything like that, and
then you just leave them.
Well, you gotta remember, their arms, legs legs and head are sticking out are protruding
through holes in the hulls of these uh boats that are sandwiched the boats are sandwiched together
like a like a big oreo cookie and you're the frosting you know you're encapsulated within them
arms and legs and heads sticking out those extremities are smeared with this honey and
stuff you're left in the swamp for the insects and stuff to get to of course you're shitting
constantly from diarrhea into the boat so like that gets all full of bugs like eating
your shit and like swimming inside of you so now like stuff is like like going up your ass and like
like like getting inside of your ass and like going into all kinds of sores and orifices all
over your body um and it takes days and days and days to die you're you're becoming like necrotic
from animals and bugs biting out of your flesh,
and then you can't heal because you're covered in sugar and you're wet.
And dehydrated might be the thing that kills you.
Oh, no, they pump you full of that sweet milk every day.
Don't worry.
Yeah, that was the point, is that basically you'd be there, like, in your shitty boat, like,
kill me!
And then they'd come over and force feed you a bunch of sweet milk.
With a big goat skin of sweetened milk.
Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug. And then they just push and force feed you a bunch of- With a big goat skin of sweetened milk. Good glug, good glug, good glug, good glug.
And then they just push you right back out there.
And you know what?
We complain about how expensive and needless killing-
Imagine how many poor people were sitting on the other side of the Nile
watching all of that sweet milk put to use for that.
I was thinking that.
They're like, this is bullshit. You don't even get sweet milk put to use for that. I was thinking that. They're like, this is bullshit.
We don't even get sweet milk
for fun.
Yeah.
Slaving away. We don't get sweet milk. We don't get honey.
We don't even have a boat, and it is wasted, too.
Right.
Yeah, I'd be pissed.
I'd be killing for some sweet milk.
And then you'd get it.
Good point. My master plan. You'd be like that suppose we need to revolt need a revolt my god did you see what they
did to that guy I don't want milk that bad motherfucker this is like that guy
do he's still milk yeah that's a real fucked torture.
That's one of the worst.
Looking up ancient torture methods is a really fun thing to do
when you're feeling a little down
because it's like
you suddenly remind yourself of the world
that used to exist.
Not that long ago at all.
Not that long ago at all.
There's lists of torture stuff
where it's like
scaphism, like
1200 BC Persia.
And you're like, alright, of course.
They weren't even humans back then. Of course
they did stuff like that. And then it'll be like
France
1791
and it's some lady who's accused
of being a witch, like sitting on a wedge
with her legs spread naked and having giant weights attached to her ankles to like split her apart or whatever on a razor edge.
And it's like, goddamn, like these people had so much fucking time on their hands until science and computers came along.
Have you seen that?
There's a YouTube channel devoted to like what things sounded like, like language sounded like.
Have you seen these?
devoted to like what things sounded like like language sounded like have you seen these it got i don't know if it got popular if it just got recommended to me a bunch but it's like how far
back you could go in history and still speak english to people which is pretty interesting
and like what latin really sounded like what aztec really sounded like it's pretty cool it's pretty
cool and the answer is that that question you gotta ask how far we could go back? The English one, yeah, that you were talking about.
Somewhere around 1600s, I think it falls apart.
There was something called the Great Vowel Shift,
and they really missed out on the opportunity to call it the Great Vowel Movement,
which would have been so much better, the Vowel Movement.
That's actually really funny.
They did that on purpose.
Yeah.
Of course they did.
They missed it.
Ah, it would have been great.
So yeah, sometime around 1600s, like in the late 1600s, there was a lot of doth and thus
and whatever, but you more or less get it.
And I use thus now and then.
But if you go to like the early 1600s suddenly like i don't even it doesn't sound
like english anymore to me it's not the english and you might and the words might mean very
different things you might be misunderstood very quickly or vice versa right but i feel like like
i'm not going there to to deliver a play i just want to be able to communicate a message i don't
know man we people so mistrusting of outsiders.
You go back to 1592
pre-Magna Carta or something
like that, and things aren't going to go
well. I just don't think
they are. I'm looking up
just trying to compare. They're going to hear you start
babbling in half English and be like,
oh, wizard!
Get him!
He's a witch! put him between two boats
and put honey on him
you might be right
I wondered
if you could go back to
when America was founded
the Declaration of Independence and such
would you give them any lessons
would you be like hey hey hey
I'm from a couple hundred years in the future
and you guys did a pretty bang-up job.
If I was grading you, I'd give you like a 95%.
This is what I'd do differently.
I would not do anything in the past on a scale even approaching that because of how many shows I've seen where they go back and it's even worse.
I'm not going to help society at all.
I'm not going to help society at all.
I'm going to try to look at the guys who became
multi-trillionaires back in the
early 1900s and try to replicate
what they did. If you can become a Rothschild
or a Vanderbilt
or one of those guys.
Rockefeller.
Those guys who were so rich
that they're like, sir, you have most of the money
on the planet. What now?
More! They all laugh and just make a new monopoly. so rich that they're like, sir, you have most of the money on the planet. What now? And he's like, more!
Ha ha ha ha ha! And they all laugh and just make
a new monopoly. Like these guys that would
control the entire railroad or all
of the coal. It's just
such blanket statements to
explain how powerful they were. Like, oh,
he owned all of the telephones
on the planet at that time. It's like, whoa, really?
And back then, it was easier to
start a booming
business because there were clear vacuums in i don't agree like you could be like back then i'm
talking about just ideas and getting something going like if you have a guy if you're the if
you're the bank roller to the guy that invented the printing press or a sewing machine you don't
have to go around being like everybody look at
this like look at this like let me try and sell you on it you know how you spend three months out
of every year making those shit to your clothes boom that's all this is your whole wardrobe one
afternoon so easy nobody's gonna be like i don't know sell me on a little harder they're gonna be
like oh my god look at all the time i can save i don't have to not brush my teeth anymore that's
not a choice i have to make and then so i can sew more clothes. That's what you need to get going.
That exists today though, right? Right now they're going to be like,
can you believe there's no internet-based concrete sales?
You don't even know what the daily price
of concrete is. You have to call six different companies.
You're talking about facilitating
quantities and that.
You're talking about putting puzzle pieces
together that already exist. The internet and
concrete and a company and facilitating it all.
That's already here. But if we're talking about come up with some new shit it's the equivalent
of being like oh yeah don't you don't you know about a who's he what's it it it turns water into
energy like but i feel like there's always on that level i think we're living like with this
internet explosion that's been happening for 17 years now that we're living in an opportunity
like you know in the midst of an of an opportunity, like, you know, in the midst of an industrial
boom of sorts, you know, the internet boom. And it's been going on all this time. And that there
will be people who look back at us now and say, oh, man, it used to be so easy to fire up a
business. Like, Facebook didn't even exist. And how obvious was that? Same with Snapchat and
Instagram. Twitter. Twitter is, to is to me a really really simple business
model now i'm sure it's tricky to get it to scale and there's the complexities in it but you know
the things that that exist now because these things are popular doesn't mean they're great
though those things don't actually make any money right founders money like like yeah exactly but
i hate comparing something like twitter which is only what it is because
I don't know because maybe the celebrity
endorsements and just the way that it was
grown and it came up from the
bottom to like a sewing machine
or a steam engine or dynamite
you know like everybody used to have to go out there
and fucking shovel you know tons and tons
of earth and then a guy made you know they had
explosives but they were so fucking
you're just pouring liquid nitro in and if you drop it you die and then a guy made they had explosives but they were so fucking you're just pouring liquid nitro
in and if you drop it you die
and then a guy made fucking dynamite
I think DuPont made dynamite
and it's just stabilized
glycerin and fucking sawdust
but it made it so that they could
but Skype isn't too far from the telephone
the telephone existed and somehow
they managed to bill us for every fucking minute
we called everywhere.
You know, I know this because my wife didn't live near her family.
And then Skype comes along, and suddenly it's like, yeah, now you can call anywhere in the world forever for as long as you want, 24 hours a day for free.
Just piggyback this infrastructure.
Skype was like as big as the phone.
People are using Skype as like baby monitors, you know, because it's free.
It's an outrageous concept.
But, you know.
It is, but it's different aggregating something online or using something where you're like, hey, this idea of telephones transmitting audio for communication, that worked really well.
Let's just do that here.
There's difference there and someone being like, hey, I invented the fucking cotton gin.
You don't need 99% of the labor that you are employing right now.
You don't need that as a farmer.
And nobody has to be sold on it.
It's just like it's instant.
I'm much more impressed with a piece of hardware than I am a piece of software. Because the software is just this fancy new way of
doing what you want to get done. Whereas the hardware is like, oh, it just does it. Like,
this just does it. It does it for you. I don't know. Hardware is always more impressive to me
because the fact that it didn't exist previously means something. And the farther we go forward
in future, the more it means, right? You know, you come up with a pitchfork in the year, I don't know, 10,000, 20,000 B.C.,
and they're like, oh, my God, holy shit, look what he has.
We've just been using those pokey sticks.
Like, in our bare hands.
You make triple spear.
Yeah, you know, they blow them away.
But it's not as impressive if you come up with, like, a three-tongued pokey thing in the 21st century.
The first guy that invented a sling
and then went out to the practicing field
and broke that out while all of his idiot friends
were just throwing it as hard as they could.
How much pussy did he get that night?
Or the acting?
That thing that you loop in and flick the spears?
Oh, the Adeladdle?
Yeah, the Adeladdle.
Is that what it's called?
Have you ever watched, talking about all all this like inventing and technology shit
do you ever watch how it's made yeah i love it about how like if it were a situation where it
was like all right you and a bunch of people a bunch of guys and a bunch of girls about your
same intelligence or whatever the only survivors like just watching a show like that where it's
like this is how ho-hos are filled i'm like this I couldn't, if you gave me all the tools in the
world and an eternity, I couldn't figure out how to fucking make that machine. I'm not smart enough.
Like my reality would never, unless I have some brilliant kid, get back to even the ho-ho
manufacturing peak, you know? Yeah. I've thought about that before and I certainly wouldn't be
able to do it but but
i think where you'd want to start is with maybe you'd have to dig up some some of those old big
thick dusty tool and die manuals that teach you how to make things that make things and you'd have
to start for at the bottom right you'd have to start at the very bottom with manufacturing
because there's no supply although the thing is i've worked on a lot of
things at least as complicated as that machine they just tend to be virtual right like you know
it's software and no one person understands it from beginning to end they just figure out a
component of it and then the components interface with each other in predictable ways like i
remember when i would first walk into projects i'd'd be like, oh my God, this guy is so smart.
I don't even know if I'll be able to understand
the things that he invented.
And then later on, it comes in on that guy
and someone else is trying to inherit my work.
And so when I see a ho-ho filling machine,
I'm like, right, someone took some standard vacuum
and they used the vacuum to pick things up
and put them over here. And that little process already seems a crazy complicated until you're
good at that. And then, you know, you just handle that interface, your job, move the ho-hos from
conveyor belt one to two. Kyle's job, blow cream into a hole. And my job, something else.
Have you seen those machines that like bend wire though? They start with a straight piece of wire and it goes...
And it folds into this thing that you didn't even know could come from one wire.
Or they make paper clips or something.
It's just a real quick turn.
Sometimes they'll heat the wire and it'll be heating.
How it's made is really fun to watch. I like it a lot.
It is really fun.
It's really interesting.
It makes me feel like an idiot.
But at least now I can watch it with woody's kind of perspective and be like ah i could probably make that sleeving gun or whatever whatever exactly exactly your job's not to like i don't
know start digging holes and creating iron and casting machines or whatever like like from the
very start like i i don't no one knows how to do it from the beginning.
Just someone...
They should.
The fact that no one knows. We used to, right?
With everything.
If you pulled a sword out, you were like,
how do you start with nothing and make this?
And there was a blacksmith who said, I do that.
I dig up those hard rocks
and melt them down and I make that.
But now there aren't too many guys who start from scratch and make this thing.
If it's true, the cliche was, and this is early.
I called this like 20 years ago.
They were like, nobody on Earth knows how the mouse works, your computer mouse.
And I'm like, what?
Nobody?
And they're like, yeah, nobody.
No one on Earth could design that from scratch right now.
All the way from the interface to the back of your PC, which would have been like serial at the time uh to the mouse and the hardware and
the software the things that make it all work together like there wasn't a human who could do
it from scratch instead they had to work together and combine their different specialties remember
before they decided that the mouse was just the best fucking way to do it polar ball things and
stuff i remember that stupid like clit that they put in the middle of the keyboards that you had that the mouse was just the best fucking way to do it. Polar ball things and stuff. I remember
that stupid clit that they put in the
middle of the keyboards that you had to
point the right way and it
never went to where you wanted it.
It would always overshoot or undershoot. I was horrible
at that stupid nub
that you'd bump it with your hand.
The eraser head.
It wasn't the real name for it, but that's what it became known as.
Yeah, the Think think pads had those and
i use those for like a decade or something like i like i could so you're probably a whiz on the
i am i would just the the um it came with both it would have the eraser pad and then it would
have like the track pad and what is it called a track pad the yeah thing everyone has and i would
disable the other one because my thumb or something would inadvertently hit it. So I just used the eraser exclusively.
You can file your eraser head skills right next to how good you got with your stylus.
And all the other things along the way.
A bunch of other worthless talents.
Yeah, exactly.
You were a full-on adult when the smartphone was coming out.
When you got your first Blackberry or palm pilot or whatever
it was were you like this is the pinnacle of civilization like i am on the cutting edge i was
um i was an early adopter for that sort of thing like i had the palm pilot back when like u.s
robotics made it and such and basically it rang in my pocket uh It was a real pain to interface with the computer
and to manually press buttons and stuff.
But the fact that it would remind me about meetings
like 15 and then five minutes in advance
was a golden feature to me.
And so that's why I stuck with it.
I got my wife one.
It didn't stick.
Like she had no interest in it.
Not a lot of things to make, yeah.
No.
The way I remember it was like 2005
and uh and everyone that i knew that had money or like was doing business or like had shit to
keep up with had a palm pilot um and it was the one that had it had a little um with a stylus
that would like come out of the top and uh and it had the stylus and of course you know the keys
i don't remember which model it was but no one had an iphone i didn't know anyone who had an that would come out of the top, and it had the stylus, and of course, the keys.
I don't remember which model it was, but no one had an iPhone.
I didn't know anyone who had an iPhone until two years later, maybe.
2007 was when it seemed like iPhones really blew up.
Maybe I'm wrong.
2007 was when they started.
Yeah, because their 10-year anniversary is coming out in 2017.
Okay, well, then I'm dead on then, right? Yeah, yeah.
And then in 2007, it just seemed like they were
yeah they came out people started buying them yeah what can i say i got this second generation
iphone i forget what the first one was called but whatever like the next one that came around
and became 3g it was a little quicker i got the iphone and uh i instantly saw the thing so we
were constantly being asked to rewrite web pages for like a mobile version
and a desktop version and uh i forget what they called the mobiles like wml or something like
that like it wasn't html they wanted us to code it twice and certain parts of our website had it
and others didn't and then it was like this is the future fucking phones that can use regular
websites this whole notion that you need
a website for your phone and a separate one for your computer i think that's that's gonna fade
away and uh it kind of did like it lasted i remember trying to do that on like my
you know those sony ericsson like slide up smartphones from way the fuck back i had one
of those like way back in the day and going to websites like
for the first time on that thing like in my head i'm like oh my god i'm gonna get to go
to google and then look up whatever i want and i could just the world is at my fingertips and
then you get to the first website that you have an idea for and it's like oh it's not compatible
yep oh this isn't compatible oh they haven't done this yet oh this one gets through but
all the you know if you want to try and click on a link, it's actually
totally juxtaposed down here, so you take a random guess as to where you need to hit
to go there.
It was a nightmare.
Even the first iPhone sucked.
Remember when you had to...
It was either the first one or the second one, the 3G one, where you had to make calls
like this and not touch a certain area on the phone, or it would short out.
That was a little further, like the third or fourth one.
Yeah, the iPhone 4 with the metal rims around it.
I love my iPhone.
I really do.
But I will say, like, pre-smartphone had some of the coolest form factors.
Like, you'd press it and it'd just go.
Yeah, like the Matrix phone.
It would get a little longer.
You'd press a button and they'd go out.
Like, it'd rack a slide almost and or just even
the um the star trek ones like the flip phones that you talk into i agree i agree completely
phones were much cooler before the smartphone form factor took over and made a big nice screen
what you were after rather than just a cool talking gadget like and that's what phones were
before the smartphone it was like how can you talk to people in the coolest fucking way possible and i remember i remember at one
point it was how small can you make yes and my friend had this it was i remember that one it was
like a nokia or a samsung but it was just it was so goddamn little that i remember thinking like
oh that's so nice my fingers i wish my fingers were smaller so I could get one like yours.
It's like a dial someone.
Mine didn't reach from my ear to my mouth.
Like, it only went.
Oh, no.
Not even close.
It would just be like.
You're like talking out of your mouth like a.
Remember what the Moto Razor and how hard they tried to.
They pushed that.
And everybody who was cool, at least in my.
They were on a laser commercials
like like it was like the moto razor was just dancing everywhere like it was an animated object
with a personality and like there were razors dancing together like bias like it was a it was
an incredible ad campaign i it was so thin that was like the time period where like now if you
go to take a long shit and you don't have a phone i can't even
go back to reading soap or shampoo ingredients i can't do it anymore i refuse to back then when i
had like my razor and you'd take a shit sitting down you didn't know that this was coming and so
just being able to kind of look at your settings and change your background was like the new
entertaining thing because god forbid you try and log on because
if you have a 45 minute ship by the time it loads in
you're half an hour done.
I coughed up the money and
it'd be like a little vacation at work.
I coughed up the money and bought Snake
you know so I could play
Snake on my phone.
Look at all these time zones. Who knew the world
was so big?
There was a time when I remember buying
ringtones.
Somehow they managed to sell fucking like 15 seconds of a song for $3,
and everybody just was like, yeah, sounds like a deal to me.
I miss the ringtone thing.
How do I get a free ringtone on my phone?
I literally don't know how.
These days, like I haven't looked at it forever, like I'm not interested,
but I remember there was a time where it seemed like all of a sudden it was free like
like like when you first found out about like a file sharing program and you're like oh so all
the music in the world is free now okay it was like that it was like oh yeah i'll just rip it
down and i'll like i'll just i remember plugging my phone into my computer and just being like yeah
that's my ringtone fucking back in black and like this segment of it but now i don't know because i
don't care you know i don't know if it's music i rarely ever pirate music i don't either i uh
i haven't a long time i either stream it or i buy it somehow that it was just never a good like
downloading interface like to go to the pirate bay and do all that shit for a three minute song
like it oh i do it batches though like like that's always
been the way there's never it's rare that i'm like oh i really want to hear that song let me
go steal it real quick i listen to almost all of my music on youtube like like because i can i just
want to hear the song once i just want to hear it once i'm just gonna fucking go and i'm gonna hear
it and the best part is like in the related videos oh there's the live version i didn't even know
about oh fucking acoustic let's go you know i i i like the music videos and i like the live version I didn't even know about. Oh, fucking acoustic. Let's go. You know, I like the music videos and I like the live performances and stuff.
But when I'm in my car or like in a head bud situation, it's news or talk radio.
It's interesting how like with the ringtones that we're talking about, it went almost quickly from like, oh, when you get a call, it goes ring, ring,
you old school idiot,
to just like three years later,
if you got a call and it was a song,
it was like, what the fuck is wrong with you?
Are you a child?
What year do you think it is?
I have a friend and I still call him.
Carter, I still call you
and get your fucking,
please enjoy the music
while your party is reached.
And it's like, God, don't put me in that headspace
when I'm about to have a talk with you.
Why would you pick that song?
And it's 2017.
You've had the same ringback tone for like nine years now.
Please change it.
The ringback tone.
See, now that's an interesting one.
I hate that too.
I never liked that.
Scott has had that for years.
And it was like, it was always some country music.
You would call me like, what was it?
Could be holding you tonight.
Could quit doing wrong, start doing right.
And I'm just like, God, I hope he answers soon.
You don't care about what I think.
Come on.
I just fucking answered.
I got to stay here and drink.
I'm just like god damn
second
the second first
is coming
if he doesn't
answer soon
putting me down
don't mean a thing
alright that's it
I'm not even
I don't know
anybody with a
ring back tone
I didn't even
know that was a
thing
so they control
your ring
like what it
sounds like
instead of you
hearing
you hear a
song while
like
he's reached
no perspective whatsoever on if they have a phone that takes a long time you hear a song while like he's reached. Never had that.
No perspective whatsoever on if they have a phone that takes a long time to go to voicemail
or a short time to go to voicemail.
You're just in the ether somewhere listening to their favorite song.
I hate it.
I,
oh my God.
They forget about it,
of course,
because like how often do you call your own numbers?
So like,
it's easy for you to like set it to some like,
oh yeah,
I have an option here
huh i i don't know i guess bono yeah yeah that's sure and then like for the next six years that's
what everybody's you know that's the mood people are in when that when they reach you they're all
assholes yeah they don't want to listen to bono no i hate you're holding them hostage i bet that
sometimes those people would sit there and look at their phone ring and go, let's treat them to a little more.
And then answer the phone.
I've never had one of those, though.
Oh, they're obnoxious.
Old cell phone tales.
Mine still plays Shake It Off by Taylor Swift.
And it rings every so often.
I'm kind of mocking at this point.
I know it's not cool.
I'm not like, oh, yeah, everyone's going to enjoy
the musical stylings of Taylor here.
It's more like, yeah, I remember
that day. That was fun. My phone hasn't rang
and I don't remember how long.
Really?
Because they just text you.
No, I mean it vibrates. There's no audio
that comes out of that phone when things happen.
I don't like that.
I want it to vibrate
and uh and you know just the screen to light up that's all you need yeah well i think kyle's from
the future this is this is where we'll all be in 2018 right in 2018 we're gonna be like can you
remember people their phone would go ring ring they might be like that because now people are
gonna naturally start to swing
that pendulum back to like they're so accessible by everyone all the time they don't like it as
much you know so maybe the new thing in vogue will be no vibrations no light you know break
free from technology kind of thing where it's like you know i missed it but i was just living life
just out there living playing video games really but shut up i'm looking forward to the new iphone
eight the thing a thousand dollars they say it's going to be a grand and i always buy like three
of them so whoa you know you say that but like i wouldn't be surprised if your phone was like
seven hundred dollars now maybe i have a s4 i've had it for four years, and I just cracked the screen three days ago.
Okay.
So I'm due.
If you hypothetically were to replace it,
I think it would be around $750.
Like with the current one.
Oh, with the current one?
Maybe.
Yeah, I don't know.
I haven't looked into it in a long time.
I'm in the market for a new phone.
This one is really...
Hang on, let me see if you can...
Yeah.
It's really cracked.
Okay.
No, mine's fine.
I have an iPhone 6.
Not the 6 Plus, but the old school 6.
The battery even started working better.
Is it on there?
It's cracked.
Yeah.
Alright.
Everybody see our cracked phones?
Yeah.
I'm in the market for a new phone.
It's time.
The last phone I had was that – I don't even remember what it was.
It was the one that – it had a 4K display, though.
I remember that.
And it overheated a lot, and I went through two of them, and it was a real mess.
And they were like $700 a pop, too.
I don't know what I would not crack.
PKA logo.
I loved it. That's what I loved. It had a 4k camera oh that's that's very nice it had a 4k camera and it had a 4k display
so you got to shoot 4k video and and we're like what you i've never watched someone 4k to my
knowledge maybe i have it of friends i don't know but could you really tell a difference in
a little display that big yeah i think you can because because it is for
especially you know you're watching 4k video on a 4k screen i could tell the difference you could
put it really close to your eyeball and try to see the tiny pixels it's it's noticeable they always
do these things like if you're this distance you know this is when you can start to tell 1080p
versus 4k and i want to be like fuck off all right first of all my eyes are not remarkable, right? I think I'm just average for my age group, always have been, you know, not special or not terrible, terrible either.
And I can easily see the difference between 4K.
I walk in, like my mother-in-law has the 4K TV now, and I see it and I'm like, whoa, oh, yeah, like that's a Netflix original.
It's in 4K.
Big difference.
Within two seconds seconds i spotted it
and uh the tv's not that big i think it might be 48 inches 51 inches something like that
and uh um you know it's at a distance that you're not supposed to be able to see it
you can they're just wrong these are the same people who are like humans can't see more than
30 frames per second you know but yeah you can't i don't i frames per second. Yeah. Bullshit.
I'm of a different opinion.
My eyes are shit,
and I think anything more than 480p is a little gone.
That's a waste.
Yeah.
I mean, it's not like everybody's always pretending like,
oh, I can see pixels.
People's faces aren't blurry when I talk to them.
And I just don't buy it.
It's marketing.
I loved everything about that phone,
especially shooting 4K video, because I don't know. I filmed some cool stuff in video there were some fireballs and stuff and
it was really cool to go back and and and you know put it in my editing software and look at
it on my computer and stuff so but i don't know what i want this time around the things that are
important to me are probably a cool camera i like that i use my camera a lot i like to take pictures
of stuff i like i like to video stuff especially like. Especially, I like to do slow-mo video with the dogs.
The dogs will leap into the air, and I like to film them
at 200 or 300 frames per second. That's fun.
And a big screen. I like the screens that don't end on a flat edge.
They curve around. You know what I mean?
I haven't seen it in real life.
Yeah, I like those.
iPhone doesn't matter. Samsung doesn't.
I don't know which phone it is. It's an Android phone, I think.
It's definitely not an iPhone.
But I've seen a couple of them where the phone
just rounds off
and it's still display.
I want a bigger screen.
I want to have bigger words without losing information on the screen.
So I just want a slightly bigger phone so i can read it more easily
sometimes i'll be like at lunch sort of one eye in it you know and all right just give me a bigger
phone i have a problem that's that's so funny when like uh like my eyes are no treat so i'm
gonna get my own for making fun of it but my dad when like he needs help or like sending a text or something and he's like going like that like trying to make his arms
longer he's like taylor just send this and he hands it to me and i see like his text box and
it's like two words per line and if you want to know what you're responding to you're three pages
up because it's so long but i mean it's a nice little thing i'm switching over to iphone i think
because for no other reason than i am fucking tired of every group chat i'm in with all my friends with
iphones spamming me with likes and dislikes and laughing and disliking and disagreeing with
agreeing with whatever all of my texts because on android they all come through as individual
texts and so sometimes i will check and be like, all right, I got 72% battery.
My friends are being shitheads, whatever.
Put it down, half an hour later, oh, I'm at 22, and I've got 113 new texts,
of which one is a text, and 112 of them are just likes or dislikes.
And it's, oh, it's so fucking annoying.
So annoying.
Just as he said, my friends are being shitheads, I liked one of his comments.
I figured you would.
But it's already broke, so it's okay.
You can drain the battery.
But if I do get one, I'm going to get an older one
because I don't want to spend...
Or is that even something you can do?
Because I don't want to buy the new one.
Yeah, they'll probably be a less expensive option too.
Yeah, because I don't use enough features to...
I don't even know what the new features of the new iPhone.
It probably...
The form factor is the big thing.
It'll have a bigger screen.
Oh, that's not that important to me.
Look at that phone I just linked you to.
I just found this on YouTube.
Yeah, it's like time stamped.
This is curved in a different way.
I meant that the screen was sort of edgeless
and that it rounded away from the viewer,
but this one is curved toward the viewer or user.
This guy, Marquis Brownlee,
I think that's how it's been. It used to be like MKBLT or something.
I don't know. He has a really thriving channel. He makes good stuff.
And his videography is good. He makes good videos
if you're into tech stuff. Me personally, it's not my passion.
So I can see that he's
made a well-done video but if whatever i don't know fucking motorola releases a new phone i'm
not like clamoring for more information about it his subject matter is not my cup of tea but man
he does it right yeah i'm gonna get a new phone soonish. I don't know what I'm going to get.
You're not going to stick with iPhone?
I figured you would. I don't have an iPhone.
I haven't had an iPhone in a long time.
I don't know.
There's no reason to. I'm certainly not pressured to.
You're not annoyed by all these
liking and disliking texts.
I don't get a lot of them. I don't deal
with that. I'm not in group chats.
It's just you guys that I'm in a group chat. I'm not in any other group chat. I don't know how to of them. I don't deal with that. Like, I'm not in group chats with, like, it's just you guys that I'm in a group chat with.
I'm not in any other group chat.
I don't know how to get myself out of group chats.
I get put in them against my will.
I got, like, six going.
There's got to be a way to, like, ignore the, uh...
No, but they're, like, handy group chats, you know what I mean?
Where it's like, okay, this is the group of people that I know if I have an extra, you know, ticket for a concert or something.
I can give it to them.
Or this is a group of
people who are always going to want to play magic the gathering or whatever so you keep those little
groups around but every once in a while they get unruly and they they ruin your battery life so
that's just something i'm going to avoid with iphone hopefully it makes me feel cooler because
you know that's what i've been told my friends have told me stuff they've They've told me, you look like a poor
with my poor person phone.
Is calling people a poor a thing?
It is here, I guess,
because they said, you look like a real poor.
I was like, I don't think so. I think it's an okay phone.
And then literally that evening,
I knocked it off the table and it cracked.
And they, in the same text message,
were sending a bunch of texts like,
ha ha, I'm so glad your phone broke so I don't have to get your stupid green Android texts anymore.
And then, of course, they all love it.
And so they like it.
You know, all day every day.
It's a little aggravating.
That's pretty great.
Even though I don't know any of them, a little part of me kind of wants to be in Taylor's group texts
with all these people that are strangers to me.
You have an iPhone.
Yeah.
You see correctly the counter of how many likes and dislikes
and smiles and frowny faces.
I've been trying to heal so hard.
If there's a way to aggressively rest, that's what I've been up to.
I've been skipping flying days, just trying to get my sleep in, eat well.
I think I'm inching towards feeling better.
I don't know.
I finished one round of meds, and I'm on something else.
I think I'm still in the antibiotics but the
steroids are done and but i still inhale steroids so i don't know i'm just no time yet i'm trying
so hard um early next week i think monday i have an allergy test so that'll be fun oh that's you
ever done that before no oh i've done that Do you know what they're going to do? It's actually not fun at all. Scratch me a bunch of times.
That's all I know.
A million times.
Like, that's the way.
30 times.
Oh, it was more than that.
Like, I remember sitting there in that office as a kid.
It depends, you know, if they're doing, like, a super broad one or if it's categorical or not.
I don't know.
It'll depend with him, too.
It could be 100.
I don't fucking know.
If they're testing you for lots of drug interactions or something
I don't know what the deal is or why they're doing it. It's not fun
But but but but but your mindset you'll be like it was nothing they just kept tickling my back or something
I don't know not really sure what what all the fuss was about
I hated it because I was seven but it was very who it helps is just they would like
You know a bed of nails like you'd see in India where you lay down on it.
It's a bunch of small beds of needles like that big.
And it basically just with all whatever drugs or not drugs, whatever allergens they were testing for, they would hit you with it.
Then they'd switch all the needles out to whatever else thing.
Then they'd hit you on the other side of the back and they just went all the way down your back with different stuff.
And then they would see like ah that area here got
inflamed he's allergic to whatever and it turns out i'm not allergic to like hardly anything and
so i just got pricked a lot for no reason i think my objective is to be eligible for more hardcore
anti-allergy like antihistamines or something like oh yeah, this guy has a problem with dogs and pollen. So now we can give him
the fucking big needle
of shit and make me
feel better. Dogs and pollen would be
a bad realization for you. Or actually
it would be a good one because suddenly you'd know exactly
what was causing it. I know
what's causing my allergies now. It's life.
It's life.
It's the things I enjoy.
Not even that. It's just my existence that's what's doing it
it's waking up with my dogs and then walking outside of my house surrounded by grass
there's a lot of pollen in the air it would be like if you lived on an island and were
allergic to salt water what if it's uh like delayed altitude sickness or something like
that because you could be it i think it's the kim trails i or something like that. I think it's the chemtrails. I'm sticking with that.
The chemtrails.
You're up there. You're getting amongst those
biological agents.
You're not taking this seriously about chemtrails.
They're up there.
They are up there. He doesn't believe that one
I don't think.
Are we talking about Alex Jones?
Jesse Ventura.
I was talking about Alex Jones. Alex Jones is the chemtrail guy he believes in chemtrails he's like
i think their chief proponent or advocate i like uh listen to like alex jones or one of the
conspiracy theory people that they will often like say something bananas like the chemtrail thing. And then to try and make themselves seem more reasonable, they'll discount an even more ludicrous conspiracy theory where they'll be like chemtrails are absolutely a problem.
And I'm not one of those fake moon lunatics.
Jesse, nobody else is on your side.
Nobody else. No fake. see jesse nobody else is on your side nobody else no fake because of the circles you run in
you're the only one aware of the fake moon lunatic you haven't really lent much credence
to your argument but i don't know i think that's what gets me is i like the fake moon stuff there's
a lot of there's a lot of stuff to to go toward it and there's i think we landed on the moon don't
get me wrong but but one of the things that things that's interesting is they did fake some of the photographs that were proposed.
Did you see this recently on the Joe Rogan show?
I saw the Rogan thing too.
Yeah, that's where I'm getting this from.
And I wanted to see it.
I wanted to see it because I had gone down a whole rabbit hole of getting that question in my mind.
Like, why does Rogan no longer discredit the moon landing, which he used to outright?
And so I listened to a lot of Rogan.
And then I watched this other guy's video where he's like what the fuck's joe rogan's fault problem they've
gotten to joe rogan he used to not believe in the loon and the moon landing but now they've gotten
to him they've they've gotten to joe rogan and now he believes in it so why and then he had that
guest on and he's like hey man what's up with the moon landing thing you used to not believe in this
thing and now you do.
And Rogan basically laid out the evidence, some of the evidence that kind of leads him the other way,
but in the end said that he does believe that they did it.
And it was basically that, yeah, one of the photos that they used and claimed was a moon spacewalk photo was actually a photo that they had already released before for some publicity.
And it's just an astronaut strapped into this harness thing.
And what they did is they like...
So originally the photo was from training.
So he's on the ground in a harness of some sort
practicing for when he goes on the moon.
And then they're like, hey, here's a shot of him on the moon.
And like I was about to say, they mirrored it.
And then they took all the background and made it black so now that background is space and uh and they released it
you can take the photo and like mirror it and be like oh it's literally the same photo yeah i get
the photo thing but what do what's the argument from those that perspective of it's all bunk
about the video itself i guess if there's some... Okay, one thing Joe said was
if you watch people walk on the moon,
people do it very differently.
Some of them are just like skipping.
Some of them are dragging their feet
like they're in like, you know,
like you might do in six inches of snow,
like shuffled with water maybe.
Yeah, yeah.
Like some people shuffle walk.
Some people bounce around.
He's just like, man,
it's really inconsistent
how different like actors handle this
low gravity but then again this is something people aren't good at you know walking in low
gravity so maybe we do it differently maybe if not we're on the moon right now we'd have different
techniques for getting around in low gravity i can see why you would shuffle around on the moon
if every time you take a step your entire mammalian brain is
going oh the ground it's leaving it's leaving me i'm not going back oh i'm going back oh i'm going
back to the ground okay like you're gonna shuffle a bit because it's stressful to suddenly feel like
you could float off into oblivion but the video i can equally imagine someone being like oh my gosh
every step every every time i do a standing broad jump it's 16 feet this is my new method of method
of locomotion like this is how i move yeah i only jump i'm a jumper now like how awful would that
be if you're if you're like a real athletic astronaut everybody else is clumsily jumping
around you're like taking these 25 foot like one stroke long jumps and laughing at them and then
one time you hit that stroke just a little too hard and he just he was like oh oh no oh no he just keep floating away it's like exit velocity
i heard about the video and this could just be totally made up or maybe it was something that
neil the grass tyson said on some podcast so it could still be totally made up who fucking knows
like he said that the video
itself of them bouncing around
and doing stuff on the moon, that we
couldn't even do that stuff in
cinema for like 30
years or 20 years after
that. That didn't look as real.
That is wrong.
So here's the thing.
They think, one of the
main theories about
who faked the moon landing like because nasa isn't in the business of making major motion pictures
as you might imagine who would be good at that they got stanley kubrick to do it because like
immediately after he does 2001 a space odyssey and if you watch 2001 a space odyssey it looks
just as good as the moon landing if not better better. I mean, as far as them, like, zero gravity and floating around and stuff, like,
it's incredible, the special effects in 2001 A Space Odyssey.
And that shit's made in, like, 69, I think.
I was going to say, as you're telling the story,
I just assumed it was made in 2001.
And I'm like, don't say it, Woody.
You're going to out yourself as stupid.
2001 A Space Odyssey is about a future mission
which takes place in the year 2001.
So you get to see...
I'm pretty sure the movie's not that old.
I think it was in my lifetime. It's in the 70s.
Is it 73?
What is it?
I thought it was 69 to 73.
Another fun
fact is...
Maybe 2010 is the one I'm thinking of.
That's the year we make content.
Is it the one with Dave or Hal or something?
Yeah, that's the Hal 9000.
He's in the first one.
He's the robot controlling the ship
that's heading out to Jupiter to investigate the anomaly.
I don't know why we watch this.
I was born in 73.
I must have been watching this movie in like 83 or something.
That would have made sense.
It's a masterpiece.
It's one of the best movies ever made.
I guess so.
Because what happened is we had Betamax and VCR and stuff,
and this was the kind of movie we were watching on it.
That makes perfect sense.
Your dad knows what he's doing.
He probably went and was like, which one would look great?
Not with the Betamax.
And the guy was like, well, the best thing.
I bet the best thing on the Betamax was 2001 A Space Odyssey at the time.
Those things had good picture.
It was okay, right?
That was the thing.
The Betamax was better.
And everyone says that the reason the Betamax didn't succeed is because of porn.
But those people are actually full of shit.
The reason the Betamax didn't succeed is that you've heard the porn thing, right?
I have.
I've heard that yeah yeah
yeah the beta max the tapes only went like an hour so most movies were two tapes and not only did
that ruin the movie but it you'd go to the video store and rent it and every movie took twice as
much shelf space and that's what actually killed the beta max oh it was more expensive that that's
the fucking reason right there that you just laid out.
That makes so much more sense than porn.
But porn as a reason made enough sense for me to just blindly accept it.
But that makes so much more sense that Blockbuster or Hollywood Video,
whoever the big titans at the time of movie industry were,
were like, yeah, these people give us the same amount of movies
and they take up half a store and you take up the whole thing.
So you're going to fuck right off and we're going're gonna go with them like that's all that it would
take quickly the selection was so much better it took much self-sufficiency cost more so more
people had it i'm sorry vhs was cheaper porn has to be the thing it has to be a big part of it too
because like if you look at the amount of money the porn industry makes each year versus all other
forms of entertainment it's like when you look at the United States defense budget and all
other countries. It's one of those kind of
graphs. You're like, oh. So you're
telling me that the porn movies
that come out every year, we
always hear about... I actually question your profit
thing. When you say the porn makes all the profits,
I question your source.
But I have heard stuff that I believe
like porn is a huge chunk
of internet
traffic and then oh yeah then I'll buy into because look at the Alexa ratings
of like the most popular by traffic websites and porn side I haven't looked
at it in a while but porn sites are always in the top 100 love to find I'm
sure there's a bunch of them.
There it is.
Alexa, top sites.
Yeah, I'm on the same spot.
Number one, Google.
Obviously.
Number two, YouTube, Facebook. Baidu, which is a Chinese Google.
It's crazy.
Our Google beats the Chinese Google.
Well, not really.
People in Britain Google things.
There's a lot more people Googling stuff in China.
Oh, that could be true.
Nobody's Baidu-ing anything. They got like four times the fucking traffic, right?
I don't know.
Does the average Chinaman have himself a device
yet is that a thing uh the average person probably not i wouldn't think like if you took
actually no i was gonna say if you took the median person for average they might have it
but no definitely not if you took the median i think alexa might not have porn in it uh i'm getting to 50 and i haven't found porn hub yet
you know what okay well then this is this is propaganda then i don't trust it
pence has been at the alexa top sites i can tell google yahoo yeah this is interesting
x videos is their top adult site i would have thought it
what is this live jasmine's number two and chatterbait is three really yeah because uh
live jasmine just pops up shows up anywhere and so if you get five pop-ups and it's that
showing up five times right i? I don't know.
Porn Hub's not on here.
So that's the one I keep looking for.
I don't know.
Maybe they don't want to be listed.
Oh, that doesn't make sense.
Seems like they'd really want... They sponsored a women's hockey team
called Two Girls, One Puck.
That's the greatest thing ever.
Yeah.
Yeah, they got them jerseys and everything and then had like all the female hockey players take like semi lewd pictures like pretending like they were blowing sticks and stuff so
it was uh are they just a bunch of gals having fun i didn't look at it that long they i think
they get like extra points for me because like this is someone i could talk to hockey with a lot although some would say too much i would say just about enough
but yeah that would that would be fun find someone who's very into hockey god kyle you're taking way
longer than you typically do usually he bounces right back in here i'm gonna he's been doing uh they they finally twisted my arm and i
downloaded magic the gathering online and i have not purchased any cards yet i had to spend ten
dollars to get it and get my like starter pack right and then i guarantee i guarantee chiz has
probably already bought more cards which means that to level that playing field out I'm going to have to buy some cards
I'm going to see at least a couple that I definitely want to have
because of strategy and I'll rationalize it
I'm already there
I've already decided
and then they'll have to ratchet it up
again and it's just going to be a war of arms
unless we take a real serious
you get a hundred bucks
and that's it
how do you monitor me right like
what if i drop 115 on there because i thought i saw something smart i don't know i don't i haven't
bought any cards on there so kyle would have to be the one to tell you how it works but kyle are
you still of the opinion that can you hear us by the way yes uh are you of the opinion for this i
was telling about magic the gathering, how I downloaded it.
Do you think like $100, $150, whatever budget is a good thing?
Or do you think that's very quickly going to devolve into an arms race?
It's the other way around.
$100 is so much money for getting this done.
So it's a little convoluted.
I think that I have found the best way to purchase cards,
but somebody might be able to correct me.
So what I did is I went to mtgotrader.com
or something like that,
made an account there,
linked it to my Magic Online account.
I gave them $10 for which they gave me 10 credits.
And they had these bots on that site.
I go back into Magic Online,
and I befriend one of these bots
that is from the website.
And through it, I'm able to purchase cards.
And that bot is able to fraction,
is able to break the...
Normally, they make you buy one token,
and you can't buy anything that costs less than
one token for one dollar and that's
bullshit because you'd end up paying one dollar minimum
for every card but the bot is smart
so it can break those credits down into many
many fractions of one and
then keep track of how much of each token
you've used so basically I
put ten dollars in and then I
interface with the bot
from magic online and purchase the cards individually that I want in singles.
And they're very cheap, like a penny each, 10 cents each.
If you're getting into rares and mythic rares, they're dollars each and stuff like that.
Can you create a Magic the Gathering lotto and make a quick $5 million?
Dude, it seems like it's there.
Yeah.
Just set aside 20% for your legal defense team.
What I see here is there's definitely room.
There's definitely room there to do that.
It's a new Patreon level.
Yeah.
And, Woody, you would know more about this than me,
but it seems to me that you would want a bunch of bots
that run this whole thing for you.
You'd have bots that purchase the junk cards from players.
And this is what MTGotrader.com has, if you want to go there and see what they've done.
They have bots that will trade cards for cards.
They have bots that will sell cards for credits.
And they have bots that will purchase cards for credits.
And they just take a little slice out of every transaction.
They're handling so much volume.
They seem to be kind of like...
There's multiple places that do this,
but this was the one that Talorian,
whatever his name is on YouTube.
Oh, yeah, Talarian.
Talarian something, another college or something.
A big YouTuber who does magic
and kind of like that I'm learning from, I guess,
the ins and outs.
He suggested that one
but the result is you're able to purchase your cards individually for pretty cheap like i put
together a really really nice burn deck for ten dollars less burn is the way to burn is red where
it's all direct damage so you're using a lot more common and uncommon cards like deal two damage to
target creature or player or you know deal one damage here, two damage there, or whatever it is.
And that's always the right move if you're trying to get into magic and you don't want to spend money.
Always go mono red burn deck because you won't spend hardly anything.
Could I create something called a water deck that was resistant to your burn deck?
It's not Pokemon, so no.
deer burn deck it's not pokemon so no but you could make a deck that was good against that red mono deck uh so if you maybe you have a mana ramping solo mono green deck and you can get a
lot of bigger creatures i would not have guessed that nope i would not have i thought for sure the
counter to burn would be water-related.
You could say, oh, I'm going to run a blue deck and I'm going to counter all of his instants,
but then you're just playing an entire game defensively
where you're having to save a bunch of mana
on the chance that he's going to attack, so that's a bad idea.
The way I imagine it,
like if I'm getting into some sort of role-playing kind of mindset,
is that the fire guy is literally throwing fireballs
and burning as quickly as possible. the blue guy is sort of uh like he's a swordsman who's sort
of parrying everything everything away it's like oh no oh no you don't nope that doesn't work that
doesn't work oh you put out that big creature it goes away like oh you play you drew three cards
ha now discard six you know he's always just fucking everything you do up and blue guy is like a defensive wizard almost it's a control so blue's main thing is control so they like to control the
battlefield so if kyle is playing red and i'm playing blue and he plays incinerate and wants
to deal three damage to my life i'm not gonna do that great in this game if i'm spending all my
counter cards to make sure he can't hurt me that way whereas if kyle was playing a combo heavy black
deck or a black green deck or something where he really needed to play a card to get his star
creature out of his graveyard on the battlefield that's where blue excels because they'll go aha
you've spent four turns building to this moment and you've misplayed your hand all of that was
for nothing and then you're like oh fuck he just only played one card and ruined
my strategy instead of if you're playing constant all out assault with red if you're a blue wizard
or whatever you're gonna be up oh and now i'm out of cards and i don't have any money or there's no
there's no card in my deck that i that i care about there's no there's no card in that deck
at all that i'm like oh no he took that one away just as I played it. Because every one of them is like, it's
one to three mana. Like the most
expensive card is three mana.
And they're all just creatures with haste and
menace and one drops and just
lots of burn spells. And it's just
every turn I'm trying to do two
to five damage and just get out of
the turn and like go to you. And then
everybody, I think
Chit's just been beating me more than i've won
i think i'm down like six six to two or something like that games like just quickly it doesn't
matter too much credit yet um i think that if we if we were to play like i don't know pretend none
of us had ever played super mario brothers. I think he would quickly be better than most.
Yeah, probably so.
Yeah, he's playing a black deck with some combos
and stuff. It's like he's tapping
creatures and gaining life a lot.
Then you are not playing the right deck
against it. If you're playing against the life game deck
with a mono-red burn,
that's not going to...
You need a blue one to fuck up his thing.
You need the water deck
no but no no the blue one because if he's bringing people back to life you can counter it and make
them stay dead like if i'm playing uh against kyle and i've got my green my mono green deck
which is focusing like slow early game but my late game creatures are enormous and will just pummel you into oblivion between turns like one and six or seven kyle has
to win that game as the red player because if it gets to be turned 10 i guarantee that all the
creatures on his side if there are any still alive are one one little shit goblins and i have some
like uh you know tree golem who's you know enormous
and there's nothing you can do to take it down
like it's you have to
switch so of course if Chiz knew
you were playing mono red
with that deck then he
definitely teched against you and so I
would take those wins away you know you can't you shouldn't be
allowed to tech against your opponent's deck that specifically
in a nice little friendly game
it's not quite like that
so you go oh he's playing this now i
would never incorporate this strategy into this deck normally but i know what he's doing and so
i'm gonna fuck with him like that's teching and it's it's a little shitty yeah yeah i hear you
um i you know some most of those wins are probably pretty legit though we we played a couple different
decks and we played some last night and some tonight. So we played eight games. I need to
spend some time fixing my deck
because he clearly is. He's like putting combos
together and stuff. He'll create a
bunch of flying creatures and then buff them all
or something. So
I need to spend a little more
time making a couple different decks that can do a couple
different things. But I'm really liking the red deck
and I love mono green
mana ramping up into like Eldrazi creatures. I've got, I bought things but i really like the red deck and uh and i and i loved i love mono green um uh uh
mana ramping up into like eldrazi creatures um i've got i've got i bought maybe four or five
rare eldrazi creatures today so i've got those to dump out there so it's really fun
um you've got with magic online um you've got a lot of control a lot more than duels duels is
pretty dumbed down in comparison.
Duels being the Xbox version.
Yeah, the Xbox version.
Yeah, this is much more in-depth.
Yeah.
Well, we should maybe do some playing of that tonight.
Yeah, I'm down to play.
That's what I was doing before I hopped on here. And it's probably what he'll do right after this.
Yeah, we're heading right back up there.
I'm going to have a Popsicle.
You guys want to call it a wrap?
Popsicles and magic?
Alright, PKN episode 135.