Painkiller Already - PKN #141

Episode Date: May 5, 2017

It's PKN time baby! ...

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 PKN, episode 141. I'm back. Not in the hotel. No, not in the hotel. Oh my gosh. Let's circle back to that. I had a first time. No, not hotel. Motel. You didn't get a hotel. No, I didn't. We're motel people now. I don't care much for motel folk. I always bring the extra, I don't know. Honestly, it's in like the hundreds of cents to go from motel to hotel I don't even consider it I see stuff on
Starting point is 00:00:30 the side of the road that says something something motel it doesn't even register as in my brain as an option it doesn't until I see like a Marriott or at least something I recognize where I know I'm not you not one drunk driver away from being careened into. You never stay at like Maybel's Inn and Court. This was Vintage Inn. That's what it was called. Vintage Inn in, I think, Lake Wales. And I have a feeling that everyone else staying there was train folk. That's my theory.
Starting point is 00:00:57 Or bus folk. There are bus folk in there. Train folk and motel folk are one and the same. They are tight. Chiz says train folk are high end and that we are mislabeling them. It's bus folk that one and the same. I'm tight. Chiz says train folk are high end and that we are mislabeling them. It's bus folk that we're thinking of and they are the vintage in customers.
Starting point is 00:01:11 I don't know what sort of railway industrialists Chiz is coming across. He talks about these rich people sitting on trains guffawing and talking about business deals. If they're real big businessmen, they're on a plane. They're Rockefellers doing business deals stuck in 1950.
Starting point is 00:01:33 Oil men. This is how I'm stuck. Our next contract meeting is high news. Carnegie was in the car next door. There's Vanderbilts, Carnegies, and Rockefellers all over this joint. Still doing business the car next door. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, there's Vanderbilts, Carnegies, and Rockefellers all over this joint. Just still doing business the old school way. So when does childhood end?
Starting point is 00:01:52 That was what I was going to lead with. If you were to pick a date or an event or whatever that ends your childhood, is it high school graduation? Is it a first sexual experience? Is it when you have a job you can't lose when does childhood end that's an interesting question yeah i think it's whenever it's whenever you start making the big choices in your own life whenever you take uh command of the the path of your own life and starts providing for yourself and doing all of
Starting point is 00:02:26 the things that, you know, are normally done for a child. Whenever you take control of that, then you're no longer, that's when childhood ends. And for some people that happens when they're like 13 years old or something, like, I don't know if it's a real thing, but it's certainly something that you see in like every TV drama ever. Oral has to be an adult very early. Yeah, the oldest sibling raised four younger kids or something like that. How many times do you see that in a Law & Order episode or whatever? I've never seen that in my fucking life. Casey Neistat.
Starting point is 00:02:58 I don't know if you guys know him. Very successful YouTuber. I think he had his first kid at 17, and he like dropped out of high school and started providing for it so it's not a year right it's I don't know I guess I was thinking to myself one of the candidate dates is when you're not in high school anymore because there's a college kid a child is are they in their childhood it's something else no yeah it's almost like a different turn I was almost thinking childhood like thinking of actual children like if you get to the a i was thinking childhood ends i was
Starting point is 00:03:31 thinking of childhood is like that time where you don't even have the capacity to give a fuck what like adults and people care about around you you know and like so up to like i don't know even that depends on the age but let's say up to like nine or maybe ten before you like start having that internal monologue of like what are all the girls gonna think if i do this or oh man she's really cute i have to adapt change my behavior whereas just like eight months before that you're like what are you gonna do i'm gonna pretend to be a dragon in public i don't give a fuck leave it to like the gold medal winner of the puberty event to say childhood ends at 10 you Well, I'm just saying
Starting point is 00:04:05 that's not me. That's an average amount of... I'm sure most 10-year-olds think like that too. No? Maybe most. I don't know. I just know when I was 10, I was still fucking 10. I was really 10. Girls were so icky
Starting point is 00:04:23 and... That's the funniest way to say it when i was 10 i was fucking 10 you know like like pokemon card trading you know yeah it was gi joe at the time but the concept holds same concept but yeah i don't know like because like i i liked your barometer of like the first time i think it's the first time you're on your own. And you have control over your own kind of cycles and everyday habits. Because even up to 18, I doubt that Hope was like, Alright, I'm heading out for my own dinner. I'm going to do my own thing.
Starting point is 00:04:55 I'm going to do all this. It was like, hey, you're going to come home. And then I at least have control over your diet somewhat. So you're not just eating vanilla milkshakes all day. I think that childhood ending is going to be next year when she has control of all those daily operations. So if she wants to eat nothing but vanilla ice cream all day, she can, and then that'll be a valuable learning experience.
Starting point is 00:05:15 I ate far too many cheese and chicken quesadillas in the area near my dorm my freshman year because I realized they were so cheap on this fucking point system, which is basically like, hey, pay this huge amount of money for a ton of meal plans. And they're like, well, this food costs fucking nothing to make because it's not high quality. So here I have a billion points. You're never going to make your money back. Idiot.
Starting point is 00:05:34 So then you go in and I'd be like, all right, give me 10 quesadillas. And I went through like a couple of weeks. So that was my primary sustenance. And it was like every bowel movement was an emergency. It was horrible. And you learn. And that, see, that was me gras bowel movement was an emergency. It was horrible. And you learn. And see, that was me grasping the reins of adulthood and then realizing like, hey, you know what, Taylor?
Starting point is 00:05:57 Maybe all those people talking about nutrition weren't just trying to be down on your food choices. That's funny. In my freshman year, it wasn't eating poorly because I was an athlete. So like the fuel I put into myself, I would consider myself too good for anything with bubbles in it. Right. Like that. That kind of shit just doesn't make it in this temple. However, taking care of my own medical needs like I would have strep throat and just assume that that would like take care of itself. And I was really poor there. I could hardly swallow or breathe. self and i uh i was really poor there i i could hardly swallow or breathe and it was like ah right mom doesn't make these decisions for me and woody makes them poorly so yeah it was me i think that's a that's a good line is that i don't i don't think it's a particular age or
Starting point is 00:06:40 anything like that because because you know what about those child soldiers their fucking childhood ends at like eight or something when they get that ak and they blow their mom and dad age or anything like that. Because, you know, what about those child soldiers? Their fucking childhood ends at like 8 or something when they get that 8K and they blow their mom and dad away in that hut. It's over. There's no getting that back. So you can't be like, oh yeah, it always ends at 15 or 13 or 12. It's whenever shit changes and you start
Starting point is 00:06:57 being your own person and making your own decisions like you said. There's day-to-day decisions like am I going to eat breakfast today know there was a long time when like every night at 8 like a lady was just gonna make you wash your fucking face you know and then all of a sudden she ain't around no more and you're like you look at that washcloth and just throw it in the fucking trash can like fuck you no more you know and that's when you're not a child anymore when you throw the
Starting point is 00:07:23 proverbial washcloth in the trash and And grow your pimples like a man. You know, you get yourself a loofah. No, you get yourself a loofah and a skincare regimen like a man. Okay. I never understood the value of a washcloth or a loofah. Like, I've never really used them. That's a white thing. A white thing?
Starting point is 00:07:40 Yeah. That we don't use them? It's my understanding that black people think we are disgusting for applying the soap directly to our body and that someone else uses that soap after you and you're sharing a level of intimacy that you just prefer not to think about whereas if you had a washcloth then there would be some sort of transfer there and maybe a new washcloth i mean i it's been so long since i've just got into a shower and there was a bar of ivory soap sitting there that I assumed many people were sharing. Like, there's always product.
Starting point is 00:08:09 There's always shampoos and shit. Like, I know nobody's using my stuff because, like, if I'm sharing a shower with someone, there's going to be my stuff there and then her stuff there or whatever. Like, it's going to be pumps. Yeah, it'll be easy to figure it out, too, because Taylor's bar of the soap is the one with the 5 o'clock shadow Yeah, it's like it's like the it's like the opposite side of velcro over there just in the corner all gross Yeah, I like the washcloth or something you need and you need something not necessarily between you and the soap, but to supplement the cleaning process.
Starting point is 00:08:47 So sometimes that's a washcloth. If it's just a normal day and I haven't gotten filthy, a bar of soap and me scrubbing will probably get it done. But if I've been riding off-road on an ATV and mud has been sprayed onto my body, there's some scrubbing that needs to be done. So a washcloth would be great, but I've got one of those girly loofah things that's like pink and floofy and uh and i use that and i've also got like this big thing that's like uh i don't know how to describe it but it's a loofah that goes across my back and i pull either end and sort of do like a sawing motion like a pool noodle yeah like a kind of but it's it's like a big long washcloth with like handles on either end that you pull back and forth like an old-timey saw.
Starting point is 00:09:26 And I use that on my back to exfoliate back there. Every time I go into... Tell me if you get the same thought process. Because every time I go to someone's house and I take a shower in their house, or... It doesn't matter. And I see supplementary shower equipment. If me and Kyle got dirty walked if i was like if i if me and kyle got dirty shooting and i was like hey use this shower and i got in there and i saw your
Starting point is 00:09:50 you know jazzercise band that you use to fucking scrub your back like i always or like lufas or weird shaped things i always wonder like like how fucking dirty is this person all of this stuff to scour themselves? Yeah, no, on the opposite. I think every time we talk about, like, hygiene and cleaning, Kyle just gets cleaner, right? He's just, there's just, like, there's more equipment. There's more gels and soaps. And I imagine right now, if I walked walked into that room it would smell slightly of lavender
Starting point is 00:10:25 you know like he just has a thing right over here yeah it smells very nice in here you start sneezing right away yeah you know i had an allergy test and it said i wasn't allergic to anything but god yeah right that's a bad test ask if they've tested for 1 800 flowers i think they put um perfume on those flowers so it there's another thing it could have been because they were really fragrant yeah and my wife like i'm like let's decorate the porch with the flowers i think they look nice there and uh she's like no you're not allergic to these right you know like this one doesn't bother you and it's like, no, you're not allergic to these. This one doesn't bother you. And it's like, woman, I haven't stopped coughing and sneezing since
Starting point is 00:11:10 they entered the home. Two months ago. I don't want to mess around. Don't fuss with the recipe. Yeah, I like to get clean though. I feel like when you're in the shower, you might as well do a good job. You're going to be in there. Don't just just get wet so when i come out of there like i'm all red
Starting point is 00:11:28 like my skin is red from the hot water and and it hurts a little and and then there's like there's like five minutes of moisturization where i'm getting that cocoa butter really worked in and you know i'm just softer and smoother everywhere than normal people. I'm the worst at remembering to moisturize or anything because I take, like you do, extremely hot showers to the point that you get out and your skin's red. But it feels so good while you're in there the whole month. I like taking long showers. And it dries your skin out badly,
Starting point is 00:12:00 as I'm sure you know with your skin regimen. And once every four months, badly, as I'm sure you know with your skin regimen. Once every four months, there will just come a cracking point basically, where I'm just like, alright, alright, we're going to get some fucking jergens or some sort of long-lasting
Starting point is 00:12:18 thing, and then I do that for like a week after showers, and then it repeats. I'm in, I'm like halfway through the cycle currently i i use uh uh like like this cocoa butter lotion that's totally meant for black people um uh you know just elbows just everywhere really like i like to really get it working everywhere and just be nice and moisturized and i just i just have a nice glow about me throughout the day. I'm real happy with it. I don't lotion almost ever.
Starting point is 00:12:51 But I also, if Taylor's right, I don't take showers that hot either. My showers are cold enough that when I do shower with Jackie, not like we do it every day, but she's unhappy with the temperature. She's just like, it is freezing in here. That's when you know you actually do take really hot showers is when you shower with someone else and like you Do the whole alright ready ready switch and then you do the switch into the water and they're just like oh fuck It's like no feels good feels no Well gonna give it 30 seconds cuz it's not a great heater Well, give it 30 seconds because it's not a great heater.
Starting point is 00:13:29 When I set the temperature in a shower, I pull the – they're all different, of course. And if you've stayed in enough hotels, some of them are just annoyingly different. They just made it more complicated than it ever should be. But I turn it all the way to high, as hot as we can make things. And then I back off just the tiniest increment that's even possible, and I touch it. And if that's it possible and I touch it and if I can and if that's it then that's it but I'll back off tiny tiny increments until I can take it and that's where I want my shower when I get out like one of the things that I try to time things so they're you know most done in the most efficient way possible or the easiest way possible because I'm lazy like that like so if I know I'm going to be clipping my nails then you definitely want a hot shower,
Starting point is 00:14:05 because when you get out, your nails are all bendy and supple. And when you clip them, they don't break off into shards and jagged edges and stuff. Wow, I don't think I've ever melted my nails in the shower. Yeah, when you get out, your nails should be so soft that when you clip them, they don't even make a noise. They just go, slip. I know exactly what you mean.
Starting point is 00:14:31 No, my nails should be more like clipping a dog's nails. Where like, yeah, cap it. I got a pain. I got a pain. You're right. So Colin turned 14 today. Holy smokes. That is a big number. Like his father, never shaved, doesn't need to. So Colin turned 14 today. Holy smokes.
Starting point is 00:14:47 That is a big number. Like his father, never shaved, doesn't need to. There's no hint that maybe he should shave. There's really no evidence of puberty yet. I'm exaggerating a little. Well, that is the specter that comes quickly. So be wary of the hairy specter. Because it could just be one month. You're just like, man, I'm starting to get a little hairy.
Starting point is 00:15:10 And then another month. And then you're a mangrove. And then you are a mangrove. Yeah. And it's time to go into the fighting pits. I hear you, and I believe that's how it went for you. Not for me. No, no no no i uh i um there were just
Starting point is 00:15:28 hints of hair like parts of my shin would have hair not parts of the other hand i remember kyle at one point i described the the two patches of crabgrass above my junk and kyle's like what he's describing the stage of puberty that i don't even remember yeah well you didn't do puberty in slow motion each one of these Each one of these phases. Yeah, puberty like the wolf man in those stop the camera, put a little more fur on it. Yeah, yeah. Piece by piece.
Starting point is 00:15:56 I waited months, maybe a year, for the crabgrass above my dick to finally bridge that gap and become like a man's. Most people do sideburns. They're hoping their sideburns connect to their beard. You're like, I just hope my pubic hair connects. Yep. That is such a Danny DeVito dick.
Starting point is 00:16:19 It's like the two tufts right there. Oh, that's horrible. Yeah. That was a weird thing in like eighth and ninth grade even at the time because over the course of like three months at that age someone could change completely you know what i mean like a girl could go from totally ugly to be like oh she's climbing up these attractiveness rankings she's gonna be a popular kid in no time like right these tits are growing like next t, she's climbing up these attractiveness rankings. She's going to be a popular kid in no time. Like, right, these tits are growing.
Starting point is 00:16:47 Like, next Tuesday, she's going to be in. Like, that kind of progression. That was such a weird time. No wonder everybody was so insecure. Everybody's growing so quickly next to each other. Growing quickly, did you? Everybody's growing at different rates because everyone, you know,
Starting point is 00:17:05 whatever. Yeah. It's pretty good. Yeah. 14 years old. It just something about that number seems really big to me. I don't know. Like 13 and under just seems so kiddy.
Starting point is 00:17:22 13 is a teenager, but like, I don't know. It's not, it's not like the other teen years. 14 is like, but, like, I don't know. It's not like the other teen years. 14 is like, dude, well, I mean, like, scores posted, he's in his teens. You know, they just... I remember thinking that exact same thing in 8th grade, like, when I turned 14, or 9th,
Starting point is 00:17:38 9th, whenever you turn 14. Right. And I was like, oh, I'm in. You know? People could have said before, like, you're only 13. And I was like, no, I'm in. People could have said before, you're only 13. And I was like, no, I'm actually a teenager now. I'm a year in, motherfucker. I don't know why in my head I was like, yeah, this is the big day. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:17:55 It does seem like somehow 13. Of course, it depends on the kids. Because I remember with Hope, we would sometimes call her 12 teen. And it was really pretty appropriate. At 12 years old, she was that. I don't know about that. That was the heart. I don't know what's funny about that.
Starting point is 00:18:13 That reminds me of the Louis C.K. joke. I don't know it. He's talking about, like, he was like, I might have the genesis of the whole thing wrong, but basically he's listening to the news and he's hearing people talk about the 9-11 deniers, and it starts going through his head over and over, and he's like, what if they were the 9-11 deniers? Not people who denied 9-11 or thought it was conspiracy or anything, but nine individuals who denied that there even was a number 11.
Starting point is 00:18:42 And he gives them the black accent. He's like, we are the 9 11 to 9 we don't believe in that shit what happened to 12 teen or whatever he says 11 teen yeah that's what it was yeah it's fucking hilarious anyway i hope at 12 that was the year that i found her most difficult to get along with um that was the year that she was just in full teen kind of pushback, growing away, needing a home. Full rebellion.
Starting point is 00:19:11 And then, you know, I would say after that, the maturity started to ease in and she was just easier to work with. But Colin at 12 was just a kid. Anyway, kids. Someday, one or both of you will see two. Or none.
Starting point is 00:19:30 Or neither. Definitely zero, one, or two. That part I have locked in. What were you saying, Kyle? You're going to find dogs someday. He'll do tricks. Now, we've talked about this before. Adopting a kid, swooping in on an eBay
Starting point is 00:19:47 purchase. Like, you wait for a kid who, like, has a lot of promise athletically or, you know, really, really smart or something, and he made it to, like, 13 or something without being adopted, and then he's, like, an old dog, and everybody's like, oh, that's, like, sad and everything, but take me to the section I'm gonna purchase from, please. I'm gonna
Starting point is 00:20:04 be the guy who goes and shops around that section. Co-opt it. It's almost going to be like a business. Well, it can't be legally. It won't be a business. It'll be a loving family. Wink, wink. I'm not totally using him for his NFL money. Act deduction.
Starting point is 00:20:19 Taylor, I have made a decision, by the way. I'm going to root for two hockey teams this year. One is whoever's currently playing the Penguins, and then I'll root for them throughout. The other is the Blues. I'm getting kind of excited about them. I did not realize how strong they were down the backstretch of the regular season.
Starting point is 00:20:44 I haven't seen – I've seen some of the games because it it's i i haven't seen i've seen some of the games because it gets streamed on the internet a little bit here and there but when the canes won i was watching these players like take block after block after block and there's a certain like attitude of like trying to win that wins yeah and i feel like the blues like i'm like does taylor realize that this could be the year it was taylor happy about trading away good players just so they could suck harder and get better draft picks four months ago and i'm like i think he really miscalled this one they could win the cup they really could win their first cup this year like it is a they have as good a shot as anybody but you're're missing Taylor's style, though.
Starting point is 00:21:28 Taylor hasn't fully acknowledged that Donald Trump won yet. He's still leaving it out there that Hillary Clinton might win this one out. Yeah, Michigan was close. She could sneak back. You know, Bernie's not out of this yet. Lower the expectation. Tamp them down where they belong. The Blues, like, I have confidence. They played so well against Minnesota.
Starting point is 00:21:42 Our goalie was good. Good? Was he good? Our goalie was good. Good? Was he good? Our goalie was exceptional. It's going to be a goalie duel between us and Nashville because Chicago obviously got swept. They only scored two goals the entire series. That's pretty embarrassing. So Rene, their goalie is doing pretty good.
Starting point is 00:22:00 Who would you say is the hottest goalie on the planet right now? Either Allen or Rene. So either one of those goalies can say. pretty good who would you say is the hottest goalie on the planet right now uh either alan or renee so either one of those goalies can say i think technically renee's stats in the first round were a little bit higher than alan's like as far as save percentage but alan had to play five games and renee only had to play four so who knows but i do i feel good about the blues but being like do i know this could be the year this could be the one like if you've already set foot on that slope you've slipped down it like that the blues slippery slope of success is like you just you get psyched for this and then they do something else and shit the bed every single blue season is like a midnight shamalan movie there's a
Starting point is 00:22:40 difference taylor i'm on your i'm'm on your bandwagon this time. I know. And that is a good thing because my shit occasionally wins. Oh, that's true. I've watched the Flyers win several times. I've watched the Canes win. I've had luck here and there personally. I should bandwagon the Penguins to confuse God.
Starting point is 00:23:04 Oh, yeah. Oh, that would be so great. If you could help me out there a little bit. I should bandwagon the Penguins to confuse God. Oh, yeah. Oh, that would be so great. If you could help me out there a little bit. Just root for the Penguins and end their season. That would be wonderful. I would love to do that. If the Penguins beat the Caps again, I'm going to be so disappointed.
Starting point is 00:23:20 It's getting ridiculous. The Caps getting beat by the Penguins every single time. Ovechkin needs to show Babyface who the real best player in the league is. Yeah, or they just need to hope that Crosby gets injured. Crosby isn't even their best player right now as far as stats go. Malkin is playing like he's out of his mind right now. He has like eight points in five games or something, four games. It seems like every couple of seasons that question gets brought up again brought up again like you know what hey malkin's better than
Starting point is 00:23:48 crosby this year like this is not the first time yeah it's he's not he's not actually the better player by many metrics but he is fucking it's annoying that the penguins have crosby and then their second line center is who is malkin is also better than pretty much every center in the league other than crosby and maybe a handful maybe four other ones in there maybe but he's he's great i wish we had someone like him but i don't know we got stasny back our good center so we won that he might wrap that up quick he might win a face off now and then now we'll win face offs every so often so i don't know i'm excited about it so tomorrow night's the first game between the
Starting point is 00:24:29 blues and preds and i get nervous even though you know it doesn't affect me at all like when they do win eventually whether it's now or when i'm 98 you know i won't make it to 98 but you know when i'm 60 still it'd still be fun. I have such a hard time having faith in him. But we got a new coach, and that's what I'm holding on to. Mike Yao. He is the best coach in the world at making the Minnesota Wild fail because he went lost in the first round for, what, four straight years
Starting point is 00:24:59 as the head coach of the Minnesota Wild? First year as the coach of the St. Louis Blues, plays the Minnesota Wild in the first round and humiliates them and they get booted out again. So at his hands, they've lost like six years in a row in the first round. They can't be happy with Mr. Yeo. That's great. So I just got back.
Starting point is 00:25:17 I'm thinking about it. I haven't edited my footage yet. I took some videos. But they're going to call it like adult summer camp or paramotor summer camp because that's effectively what I did. I went to summer camp for paraholics and it was my like personal version of an ideal vacation. I was really excited about it. They were talking me through acrobatic moves and thermaling and all sorts of really cool stuff. So I don't know.
Starting point is 00:25:44 Thermaling? What was that? Looking for predators on the ground? I just want to, just so you know, I thought this might be a paraholic is someone who... That's a real thing? Yeah, they enjoy exploring cemeteries and graveyards and looking at and seeking out paranormal activities
Starting point is 00:26:03 and phenomenon. Ah. Already taken, unfortunately. I'm a different kind of paraholic. Anyway, so thermaling, I'll try not to get, I know people don't, I was going to segue this into fitness talk, but what I did is, first thing you need to know, the sun doesn't heat the air. Seems weird.
Starting point is 00:26:21 Sun heats the ground. Ground heats the air. So now you have hot air at the bottom that wants to rise. And thermaling is when you find this hot air using indicators like birds using that thermal already, or maybe you can just visually look and say, aha, that's a black asphalt parking lot. It's probably really hot. There should be some air rising. Stuff like that. There's a handful of indicators you might use. I turned my motor on. We flew at like 1230 p.m., like after lunch. And I went up to about 300 feet, turned the motor off, and then just found rising air to get to 2,600 feet. And then I lost it and went down, found some more rising air, got back up to 2,600 feet.
Starting point is 00:27:00 And then I realized I'm like a strap was fucked up and I should have checked my pre-flight more carefully. So I flew back home before i died but um i uh it was really neat just to uh just to fly around like for a while i don't know 40 minutes with the motor off finding rising air and what's the level of noise like up there with the motor off it's quiet it's quiet um it's there's a little wind i i took off i wear like hearing protection it's attached to my helmet you take one off and it sounds like jedi bullshit or something but you can kind of feel the air whether it's going up or down around you like it's more sensitive than the rest of your body so like just sort of using one ear i'm like detecting whether
Starting point is 00:27:43 the air is coming up or down, whether it's... Your ear's wet and sweaty because you took the muff off. That could be. I think it's just pressure sensitive or something. I don't know. But most people who do this have a Vario, and it makes high-pitched beeps as you're going up
Starting point is 00:27:58 and low-pitched beeps as you're going down, and that's the hint. But I didn't have a Vario, so I just used like spidey senses. Sounds like a very panicky way to control your elevation. No matter what happens, it's beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.
Starting point is 00:28:11 Yeah, that's what it sounds like. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. When things are going well and boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. People turn it off because they're looking for lift and that boop, boop, boop, boop means you're failing.
Starting point is 00:28:23 It's just like F, F, fail, fail. And they're like, fuck you. Like, you know, I'm coming in for a landing. I don't want to hear your bullshit. But anyway, I was at Paramotor summer camp, which in my opinion, passed for exercise over the last 10 days. And now that I'm home, I have to figure something out.
Starting point is 00:28:43 I kind of thought I was going to jump on the kettlebell thing. But here's my approach towards home fitness. And you guys can be happy to weigh in. The best exercise equipment is the one you use, right? So, you know, if you look at like, you know, there's like the exercise bikes that have your hands in it too. Yeah, yeah. That's a pretty good whole body workout, but if you don't use it, it's pretty terrible as a whole body workout. You know, you might do better off with
Starting point is 00:29:11 a kettlebell. And I'm thinking to myself, like, what do I want to do? What would give me the results I'm looking to achieve? I think I might just run. I think that might be like in terms of like what I want to change about my body i think running might be the best way to go maybe i'll just start with running if it gets hot well that's a good way to do it like if you see kind of what you want to do and maybe running's that like like this cut i like this kettlebell thing because i'm trying to lose fat and also just kind of tone more but if i was trying to get like bulky obviously i'd have to get like a whole different setup and do just you know less reps more weight but i like how this is
Starting point is 00:29:51 more cardio and at the end of the day i fucking hate running like it's it's i hate it and i'm i'm getting i can't stress i'm gonna say the third time i hate running yeah i would i would have lasted till season two of walking dead and said, fuck it, enough. Enough with this. I'm checking out. Too much cardio. But this, you get that when you do some of these swing exercises, you're getting that lung burn and you're breathing heavy and you're sweating real hard and so you're getting some cardio
Starting point is 00:30:17 work, but at the same time you're not running. So, I don't know. I'm liking it so far and I am using it a lot. And so, it fits that criteria of the best ones are the ones you use. Because you can, like, if I could, if I had as much space as you guys had, I'd love to get, like, a setup like Kyle has. You sent me some pictures of all the stuff you've got, and that would be great. But, like, I'm sure it's hard to make yourself go down there
Starting point is 00:30:38 and use that stuff sometimes. I'm already down here. So, like, that's where I am now. I'm downstairs now. So I like it. I like having all the workout equipment in one end of the house and having an actual gym gym because once I go in there
Starting point is 00:30:53 it's hard to get distracted and pick up a cell phone or play with a video game or do anything else because everything that's in that room makes you work out there's heavy bags there's nothing in there that's a pleasure thing that you work out. There's heavy bags. There's nothing in there that's a pleasure thing that you just sit down and play with.
Starting point is 00:31:13 Everything in there is to be hit or lifted or pressed or something. Do you have a TV that you watch or something that you do while you do it? Music? Yeah, I put books or audio books or the news. Something like that that I can kind of zone out and just kind of focus on that and not focus on how awful what I'm doing. Is it conservative talk radio? No.
Starting point is 00:31:33 Okay. It's like four or five different XM channels. It's CNN, Fox News, POTUS. I listen to Patriot some, and that is conservative, but it's like a mix of all the conservative guys. I tune in when the not-so-out... I listen to Rush every now and then, just because he's entertaining.
Starting point is 00:31:51 Rush Limbaugh's fucking entertaining. But yeah, I mix it up a lot. Whatever the headline is, I'll switch around. I like the live speaking stuff, whenever Sean Spicer or some senator's talking, i want to hear that um but but yeah stuff that i not music not zone out not zone out like listen to the back
Starting point is 00:32:11 street boys or have you given your 30 pound kettlebell a go yet it's the worst oh it's the worst i i ordered uh an extra for both of them because they're so much better for uh like farmers carries like you know just just holding two heavy things and walking and i like to do that um and go up and down the stairs and uh the kettlebell is perfect for that because it doesn't hurt my hand nearly as much as my barbells do um so i ordered another 20 and another 30 i like them a lot i'm really fucking sore most of the time now i was looking at at barbells. I spent some time doing that. And I always thought I'd get the kind where you can, like, dial the weight. I had seen them, and I was like, oh, I'll get that.
Starting point is 00:32:53 That seems perfect. They don't take a lot of room and whatever. They're more expensive than I had guessed. Yeah, $700 or something. Well, a little less. So $600 is, it sounds stupid, the Stairmaster ones, but they actually look like the best ones and they're $600. Bowflex makes some, they're like $300. And then you can get less than that, but not a lot less, like $200. And then you get people fussing about things breaking. Yeah, and it's not worth getting a cheap one and having a weight break. I think it's a scam. And, you know, I'm not a fucking personal trainer or anything. I don't fucking know. But, like, an average weight that I'm going to lift, I'm never going to lift less than 15 pounds.
Starting point is 00:33:33 I like having 15-pound free weights because, like, how many 15-pound curls do you think you can do? You'd be surprised how few it is, and you'd be surprised how much you burn after doing a 120 130 15 pound fucking curls or if you're doing or if you're doing like a like i don't know how much weight if you if you put your arm like straight out from your body and lift like that with palm down it's really weak so like a 15 pound weight is what i want if i'm gonna do like i don't know 10 reps and then four sets of that or something like that after you do 40 of these it's like it's burning so much in your shoulder that it's all you can take. The Bowflex ones, I don't know what the lightest weight is. It might be 7.5, and it goes up to 52.5, I think.
Starting point is 00:34:16 And 52.5, like if you wanted to do like the equivalent of a bench press, would be about the right weight for you. Yeah, but that's a whole different weight like if we're going for free weights what i was going to say is like i want to i what i have i guess is what i'm saying is i've got two 15s uh two 25s two 35s and i never i don't think i've ever wanted anything more than that because like 35 pound curls are pretty serious and if i if i want to go but then you augment that with a whole bench and Yeah. You know, so if you were trying to, you know, if I just had like a pair of Bowflex dumbbells and the two of them covered seven and a half to 50, then I feel like I could avoid decorating with exercise equipment. Although you do need that bench now.
Starting point is 00:35:00 If you have this aspiration of doing like like a like bench press uh like butterflies and stuff like that then then now we've added a bench and since we've added the bench now we're taking up exactly the same amount of space as a bench press because the bench press goes over the bench you know they slide and save space and stuff and fold up so yeah now you're right about back where right about back where you were i i hear you i don't know i haven't figured it out i think step one is just a pair of running shoes totally yeah that's all it is get a pair of running shoes get your ass out there while it's still cool in the morning it it's gonna change your whole like body and brain chemistry if you if you if you jog every
Starting point is 00:35:39 morning you know like a mile every morning for the next two months you're gonna be totally different feeling person after that like i remember we used to run every morning in gym and i remember thinking like i hate this but i'm glad we're doing it because every day i like by the time i'm done i'm like oh i feel good after doing that i feel stretched out my lungs feel like they're cleaner i don't know it feels good there have been times in my life where exercise is a lot and the foods i craved were good ones right you know if you lay on the couch all day the foods you crave are like frito lays if you exercise all day the foods you crave are like what i call george foreman chicken you can imagine it's just plain chicken i crave like like peanut butter and like good stuff yeah fruits and
Starting point is 00:36:22 vegetables and meats and you know i'm not so much like ah i want ice cream or whatever so i that's i i think i just finalized that decision i'm gonna start off with some running shoes i'm gonna my um bpap machine or cpap uh it's similar to that it uh it's my sleep is better now like one one cool thing is I need less of it. When you get terrible, terrible sleep, eight hours isn't enough. I'll, whatever, sleep and wake up all night for eight hours and then need a nap that day. That's what happens when your sleep sucks. Now, I get five and a half and it's like, I don't need more.
Starting point is 00:37:03 I'm fine. I can rock all day on five and a half hours of outstanding sleep i don't need more i'm fine i can rock all day on five and a half hours of outstanding sleep that's me too i i was watching something the other day about monkeys and they were talking about how this particular kind of monkey they work together so that they could sleep in safety at night and and the different ways that monkeys achieved that some of them went down in caves and some of them huddled together to get warmth in the trees but anyway the end effect that they were saying is like our brains need REM sleep. And during REM sleep, you're rejuvenating your brain.
Starting point is 00:37:32 You're making it a much more effective brain. And so the monkeys that could get their REM sleep are better monkeys. They get their jobs done better. So it just makes sense that more effective sleep is better for you. You need less of it. I feel like I need about six. Like if I get six hours of sleep, I'm good to go, especially if I supplement that with a cup of coffee to start the day and then maybe another cup of coffee about midday to just, but if there's ever a point where I have nothing to do and it's 3 p.m. and I have time to think about like sitting down and going to sleep, oh, it's
Starting point is 00:38:05 nap time. I think six is probably great for me. But if I, it used to be, if I got five and a half, I knew that that was like a dangerous day, you know, a day where I could fall asleep while driving, where I would just be dragging that afternoon. Like, like, like, yeah. Five and a half hours, you might fall asleep driving. ragging that afternoon like like like yeah five and a half hours you might fall asleep driving yeah i i would you know and heaven forbid like i sit down in a place warm because i'm falling asleep like an 80 year old um now five and a half yeah it's fine you know i can rock all day on five and a half hours and that's new to me so that's pretty cool i'm incredibly jealous of all those people who can do what you described where you're just in a slightly warmer than normal room and you just
Starting point is 00:38:47 doze off immediately like I wish I'm every time in a waiting room or anything like that and I see somebody who's like Tactically sleeping which is like all right. I've got 18 minutes to burn They're just out. It's like goddamn like good for you. Like I can't do that Like I cannot it takes me so fucking long to fall asleep. I would have, like, so I went to night school. And, you know, this is a time in my life when I worked, like, every minute. And so I'd drive to night school. I'd pull in the parking lot, and I'd be, like, just like you said, you know, I have 18, 24 minutes that, like, I could nap. And I would consistently.
Starting point is 00:39:21 I just, like, I had an alarm, a watch that was super easy to just like set the alarm 12 minutes from now, 18 minutes from now. And that's what I do. I just push a little timer forward, take a nap, wake up by watch and then go to class. And yeah, if I had a superpower at the time, it was just falling asleep in a hurry. I mean, that's a good superpower.
Starting point is 00:39:43 It sounds stupid, but that's really useful. I mean, Spider-Man's not looking to trade with me but it's better than none it's better than having to go to school that much and not getting any sleep I was looking at protein powder on Amazon the other day I was looking at different flavors
Starting point is 00:39:59 does that make you gain weight too? yeah I guess you're asking if it's got a lot of useless calories. I don't think so. I think I would want nothing to do with that. That's just not in my goals. I think there's a difference between – because I have protein powder, and I use protein powder like when I worked out years ago.
Starting point is 00:40:20 I've never used mass gainer or like weight gainer. Yeah, that's different. I know that has a lot of protein too but i think that's what you take if you're actually trying to bulk up i don't know i don't know i did like no reason you did research into the protein powder because i basically just clicked on the best refuse and was because it's all protein yeah exactly well i i was i was i was going somewhere with the protein thing but but but like've always read, and I'm sure you probably know the exact amount, how many grams of protein per pound that you weigh are you supposed to intake per day if you're trying to gain muscle?
Starting point is 00:40:53 It's like five grams of protein per pound of body mass. It's like one to one and a half grams per pound. Yeah. Okay. So you'd want to eat, if you weighed 200 pounds, around 200, I guess? Yeah. Were you going somewhere with that? Well, I was just going to say that to Woody.
Starting point is 00:41:13 He was saying, like, I don't need any extra protein. But I was just saying that like they say that you need a bunch it seems. Like whenever I'm trying to work out, it's like I'm always trying to like get more in. It's like it's a chore to eat as much as is recommended. But when I was looking for the protein powder, I found cricket protein powder. They grind up crickets. What? I literally thought it had to do with the Always Sunny character.
Starting point is 00:41:37 No, it's fucking ground up like protein powder. Yeah, yeah. And then that took me down this terrible like rabbit hole of edible bugs and all of the different edible bugs that amazon sells um from candied scorpions to just bags of waxy meal worms with reviews about how the nacho cheese flavor isn't as good as barbecue it's gross these people are eating insects by the bushel, apparently. Like, where are they even coming from? There's big bags of crickets you can buy and all kinds of flavors.
Starting point is 00:42:10 Man, why put yourself through this? 100%—here, I'll link it—100% cricket powder. You'll have to tell me if this is what you saw, Kyle. It's in this bag. It's not even in, like, a tub like the other— The one I'm— I can't read it. It just says whey protein on the one I bought. Yeah, that cricket powder is what I was looking at last night.
Starting point is 00:42:33 But yeah, I almost always use some kind of protein powder. I like to take a... Because I know I should be eating calories, period, if I'm trying to work out and stuff, but I don't eat breakfast. So it's just really, really easy and makes a lot of sense to replace. I don't know why I'm trying to work out and stuff, but I don't eat breakfast. So it's just really, really easy and makes a lot of sense to replace. I don't know why I'm surprised, but cricket powder is pretty affordable.
Starting point is 00:42:51 Right? I should have saw that coming, really. Oh, I should have known because they're fucking crickets. How much does a cricket cost? They're free. That's because they're competing with chocolate-flavored eggs. They're competing with pancake batter. Of course it's cheap.
Starting point is 00:43:10 All the other protein powder, for the most part, tastes good. I like the vanilla chocolate. I usually don't care. It's tasty. Look at this. They don't even have flavors put on there. It's like their marketing team is like, should we put vanilla on there?
Starting point is 00:43:22 They're like, no, no, no. These people have made their choice. They're getting chicken powder flavor. They're getting crushed up heads and legs flavor. I think you mix it in with batter and cook things with it. I was reading about this last night. It was like 3 in the morning.
Starting point is 00:43:40 I'm not sure if I retained all of this because I was just shocked. And I couldn't tell if some of the reviews were bullshit. I was looking at where you could buy whole chickens on Amazon. And it was like for $7 per chicken, you get like eight chickens for $56. And they were showing these pictures of these chickens, and the chickens had credentials. And I was like, God damn, everybody says five stars. This is the best chicken i've ever tasted should i order a half dozen chickens and and you know having them frozen and cook these
Starting point is 00:44:10 things in the slow cooker or roast them or whatever this would be great and then i start reading and one guy was like this is inhumane and sick i got six live chickens and a knife and i started thinking and he he fooled me i believed him i did too right right it was plausible to me i was like oh my fucking god we got to read the fine details here are they sending are they are they sending live chickens to people and if they were i was gonna fucking click it because i could just imagine opening the amazon Prime Pantry box. I don't know if we're going to blade Amazon with Sid to behead chickens, but I imagine some sort of really
Starting point is 00:44:51 big cigar chopper with the Amazon logo on it or something like that. A machete and a log. If they don't sell white chickens somewhere, it's only a matter of time. And four or five grid wax. I want to see what the benefit is to using cricket protein powder. Well, you always hear about that, right?
Starting point is 00:45:13 Whenever you hear someone talking about eating insects, you're like, oh yeah, it's full of protein, tons of protein. I think that per pound of media, substance, think it's I think it's really right with protein there's more protein the ingredients on this of crickets and there are in way the one ingredient in this is powdered small crickets and then it says a chita domestica so it puts the genus, I guess, or whatever the fuck they call it, of the specific kind of crickets, because some asshole's going to be like,
Starting point is 00:45:49 oh my god, do you know how endangered those are? Those aren't your common cricket. I think it's important. These are delicacies. I mean, look, this whole bag has 500 calories in it and only 70 grams of protein. This whole bag.
Starting point is 00:46:04 Wait a minute, a can of tuna has like 32 grams of protein, I think. That protein powder over there has, if I use two scoops, it's 60 grams of protein. Oh, cricket powder! This is worse! This is why we have whey protein and the other protein.
Starting point is 00:46:20 Science has won, crickets! You're losing this game, you cricket folk! do you ever wonder why humans evolved past eating bugs in most parts of the world it's because they're like hey you know what like we have enough of the regular animals we don't have to piss around with this anymore like oh thank god like everyone's been pretending to like it for so long and then um i think i try like a fried it's i think that's the thing people eat in the world. Or is it ants? Or spiders? I forget. If you watch those Chinese documentaries on those street corners, they'll just
Starting point is 00:46:49 sell you a shish kebab scorpion that's deep fried and stuff. If it was deep fried, I'd give it a go. It's on Amazon. And look, before we even get into it, I don't want to eat any bugs on the show because some people wouldn't drink titty milk with me, and so I'm putting my foot down here. But if you look on Amazon there's all kinds
Starting point is 00:47:06 of colored chocolate covered scorpions and there's like lollipops full of flies and anything you can imagine a way to make bugs into food they've done it they're barbecuing ants they're putting french onion on like
Starting point is 00:47:22 maggots anything you can think of for the record I was totally on Team Titty Milk until Jackie defined it as cheating. So my heart was with you. You come as a pair. Fair enough. Oh, man. Look at this one.
Starting point is 00:47:37 This is mixed bugs. Like when you get mixed nuts. Yeah, like trail nuts. For those people, like... When they're going to be like oh my god do you want my uh let me see what this is my pupa do you want my sago worms i'm more of a fan of the the dehydrated grasshoppers and the mole crickets ew i don't like my mole crickets do you want my mole crickets oh i love mole crickets that's what this weird family talks like. Mole crickets? I'm about the
Starting point is 00:48:05 Arcadia Domestica. Well, you have to buy another pouch, Woody, because I don't think those are in here. Here we go. Look at this review. Count me out. Honestly, I think the preparation method for these is what ruins it. They are pretty much flavorless. And since the products
Starting point is 00:48:21 are boiled and then dehydrated, all you are left with is the exoskeleton. So imagine eating nothing but eggshells or crab shells, just smaller and easier to crush. And this is basically what you have. I don't think I had a single unbroken bug in the entire bag. One star. I think we should choose an item and we can all leave weird reviews. You know, like, I don't know. I'm just looking at this one
Starting point is 00:48:46 and they're like, not that bad. I bought these for my kids and they liked them. Yeah, he's this guy. These one-star reviews are pretty funny. These one-star reviews are pretty good. One star. Bag of powder. Could be anything. Zero stars. Dust. Every single bug was crushed
Starting point is 00:49:02 beyond recognition. Complete dust. A bit disappointing maybe you could put it into smoothies but that wasn't the point so unless you think the packaging is all that you want you can skip this one star tastes like ass one star amazing if you like eating dirt that's great yuck i have tried many exotic foods insects plants animals and this is by far the absolute worst I had to spit it out of the mouthful this is I had to spit out the okay I miss read it I'm the retard don't buy it I like this particular bug gourmet awful I thought it would be like eating other chapulines chapulines
Starting point is 00:49:45 not even salty horrible aftertaste not even salty I know my bug seasonings and you have this Mark company I stumbled upon this I stumbled upon the scorpions in a related search
Starting point is 00:50:02 I was looking I had already looked at the ground up fucking crickets search. I was looking... I had already looked at the ground up fucking crickets, but then I was looking for candy later because I worked out and I felt like I deserved some candy. And then I found the candied scorpion. Who's ordering this? That's pretty cool.
Starting point is 00:50:17 I mean, I would never, ever, ever order it. It's so covered with chocolate. Is there a scorpion in the middle? There's a scorpion in the middle. Oh, yeah. Ingredients. The number one ingredient is scorpion. The second ingredient is sugar. Scorpion. Would you want it to be anything else? No. Maybe salt.
Starting point is 00:50:35 Yeah. You wouldn't want it to be like spiders or something like that. If the number one ingredient is scorpions, you're really hoping and praying that the ingredient number two is salt or sugar. Yep, yep. It's also full of bees. What's your number two ingredient? Scorpions. You know like the old timey days where they'd be like, ah, a feast.
Starting point is 00:50:59 What should we have? Ah, well, we will slay a cow and inside it stuff for lambs inside of which there will be two goose inside of which there will be one cornish game hen inside of which there will be a salamander fried and then a tomato with an egg in it or something like just something weird and they're like all right and then just boil it for three days and the whole town feasts like that the bug version of that is what you were just describing kyle like you gotta see this one has a it's a scorpion with bees on the inside with ants in that i i got quite a bit into research of research actually makes it sound like i was learning things i wasn't but i was watching people cook in medieval ways on YouTube. And there is something oddly satisfying
Starting point is 00:51:45 and interesting about it. Like the old meat pies and how, you know, it's very, I don't know, it sounds stupid, but it is very Game of Thrones-y. Coincidentally, I've been watching on YouTube a guy who specializes, his whole channel is swords and sword fighting. All he does is talk about the different kinds
Starting point is 00:52:03 of historical swords, how they did and would hypothetically stack up in real life. And then he talks about the kinds of steel and the way the blades are made and how they're sharpened, what kind of sheaths they were kept in. And he reads these 17th, 18th, and 19th century historical documents. And he talks from swordsmiths
Starting point is 00:52:20 and swordsmen and sword fighting schools. And if that weren't enough, he also was a sword fighter he gets in like a it's a bit like the kendo protective gear but it's even more hardcore because they're using sabers and stuff and they have like
Starting point is 00:52:35 sword fights with all kinds of historical swords I've been watching that guy a lot I've been running around the house with my fucking katana like looking for some stuff to cut just hoping I bet everybody's happy about that they hate it running around the house with my fucking katana looking for some stuff to cut. Just hoping there was something I could do. I bet everybody's happy about that. No, they hate it! They hate it!
Starting point is 00:52:49 The guy has this whole series of videos talking about katanas, and he's reading these historical tales of how the Japanese swordsmen would make a big sweeping blow when he unsheathed it and gut people, and so I'm walking around unsheathing my sword, chopping bushes down and stuff.
Starting point is 00:53:09 So when we talked about end of childhood and end of the show, I mean, Kyle's walking around with a katana. I just returned from summer camp. Maybe this thing never ends. Maybe we just play this game on childhood land the whole time. Yes, that was your first question when you were like, when does childhood end? Kyle should have just been like end it doesn't continue for most no probably like mid-30s right like as he sits there with his sword yeah i had my uh i had my my perceptions
Starting point is 00:53:41 of katana shattered from a YouTube video a couple years ago where it was a guy who was like, he was either holding a European broadsword from the same time period as a katana, or he was holding the katana, and he was swinging one sword at another. And I was like, oh, this katana is going to slice right through that bullshit European sword. That's Japanese 17th century technology or whatever and then just crack the european one was fine it didn't look like anything had happened there was a tiny little nick and the entire katana shattered like not the whole thing it didn't like shatter
Starting point is 00:54:18 like uh the shards of narseal or anything but it cracked in half and the the whole second half ended and that was i didn't like it was one of those facts that you learn and you're like god damn it like i wanted to be able to not believe that that's how reality is just like you want to believe that when you stab a zombie in the head with a knife for some reason it sounds like metal scratching against metal instead of just bring that up because that's what that guy's channel's about like but the thing is i don't know enough about sword fighting to know but but he seems to and and and i don't think that that's an accurate representation of what would be happening in a sword fight. The two clanging blade to blade into one another.
Starting point is 00:54:53 I was watching a video last night, and he was talking about, I don't know, how, like, I don't know, with the broadsword versus the katana. He's like, yeah, the broadsword guy could just walk in and do this. Of course, the katana guy does this, and you both die. And he talks of, and then he, I watched a whole video where he talks about the difference between when there's fear of death and injury, and the hypothetical bullshit that, like, everybody else thinks is real. He's like, because they did some scenario where, like, one man with a spear kills, like, eight men with swords if they have to come through a doorway to get him. And he's like, but why would they keep coming through the doorway?
Starting point is 00:55:30 They wouldn't! Because they wouldn't want to die because the guy in front of them just died. They'd take a step back and they would wait. You know? Because that's what would happen. And he goes through all these different scenarios of how sword fights would go down and how each blade like has advantages and disadvantages. It's really fun to watch.
Starting point is 00:55:45 That is interesting. He seems super hyped about it. Yeah. What's it called again? I'll find it and link you. It's on my other computer in the recent results and stuff. I don't have it here, and I couldn't call it off the top of my head. Yeah, I bet sword fights would be so different if we
Starting point is 00:56:05 saw a bird's eye view of what an actual medieval or ancient sword battle, like a big scale one looked like. That'd be so cool. I wonder what would be happening there. I'm sure that expert guy knows a lot of it, but there's definitely shit that we don't know they used to do. Or maybe
Starting point is 00:56:21 these historians are just keeping their facts under wraps so when people start to think that their job's bullshit and they're like oh actually i got this other thing about mesopotamian daggers that i learned so here you go because most of what i know like from school and movies just doesn't seem possible right like when there's a hundred thousand people or you know a hundred thousand versus seventy thousand right it's like 170,000 people or 100,000 versus 70,000, right? It's like 170,000 people engaged in hand-to-hand combat. What does that really look like? Are there like 200 at the front fighting and like barbecues in the back? Are there cookouts?
Starting point is 00:56:56 Are there women there like cheering? Like what does it really look like? 100,000, 150,000 people in hand-to-hand combat. The lines would be like, would be so big that it wouldn't be like all right I'm gonna go check on our left flank real quick and then I'm gonna take two minutes zoot on over to the right flank and check it'd be like you'd be going huge distances to get across to different areas the man would are people in the time because if the battle if the front line is really well
Starting point is 00:57:26 defined right it seems like you could just kind of like constantly sort of be five people from the front and stay alive forever no that that would that wouldn't work battles work like it doesn't actually it doesn't actually stay like one-on-one like a big blob like as it rages like units and shit are doing stuff and like all the lower generals are ordering shit and so like at the end of a battle it's not even like the last contingents are like fighting off it's like there's tons of small battles all over the place from where like the whole battlefield has gotten destroyed so maybe you'll be in one area of the battlefield being like we're kicking ass yeah and then And then, you know, half of, or a quarter mile,
Starting point is 00:58:06 third of a mile to your east or whatever, your guys are just getting their shit pushed in. And so I think we'd have a better idea. Keep an eye on it. It depends on which battle. I think we should just pick a battle and, like, figure out what happened there or there because you can't just talk in generalities.
Starting point is 00:58:18 Like, every battle would be different. But if you look at, like, individual ones, there's historical representations. There's drawings, there's paintings, there's historical representations. There's drawings. There's paintings. There's tales of how it all went down. Written by the winners. Not always.
Starting point is 00:58:32 Sometimes you get it from both sides, and you get it from third-party people that were also there. But not necessarily to figure out who was right and who was wrong in fighting the war but maybe just well how did the was it where did the cavalry come into play how did that work how many cavalry were there did they sweep to the left flank or the right flank when did they sweep to the left flank only after the front folded what made the front fold was it a feint and then they then they retreated like those battles were crazy complicated with all those guys raising flags as signals and like you'll see that in the movies like braveheart you just see a big mass of men when in reality i think you'd have like like units like many many units within that giant unit and smaller units
Starting point is 00:59:15 within those smaller units each commanded by sergeants and and higher up officers who like know their men and if you see carl's like hiding from the front line you fucking you see it right away like carl's not up on the front line where he's supposed to be yeah it's not like one guy is in charge of a hundred thousand people it's like you know one guy's in charge of his army 10 generals and then those 10 generals have 10 people and those 10 people have 100 people or whatever like that link is uh that link that i linked you to is the i just watched part of it that's really cool cool. It's a bit of what he calls saber sparring, which looks like what every kid ever wanted to do.
Starting point is 00:59:51 If this had been an option growing up instead of anything else, this is what I would have done. Right? If there was somewhere where I could go dress up like this and sword fight any of this... Oh my god. Wait, you go to ninja school? baseball camp it would be this doesn't look
Starting point is 01:00:09 like real ninja sparring to me i feel like they're you know when you're a kid and you sword fight you really have this like implicit agreement just to hit swords you know like oh we'll just smack swords back and forth i don't see anyone going for real kill shots like a stab forward i think that's because we don't know enough about sword fighting that could be i feel like if one of them went in for a kill shot maybe the other one would just kill them yeah because there's no way sword fighting is like john snow runs in there and goes like oh one parry and then a slice to the chest for you and a stab stab for you, and back to this guy. Like, that just doesn't happen. It says expert saber sparring, so I just took his word for it.
Starting point is 01:00:52 In addition to a video, expert saber spar versus first-time gun user. Ah, that would be good. You know, it's interesting you say that. The best video on the internet in this genre is Wings of Redemption and his friend. He reads this historical account talking about these early Colt pistols, these five-shot revolvers. And he's like, now, if this thing's been loaded for a week or two weeks, you're lucky if one in three rounds goes off. this direct historical account of a man who saw it go down where two men with pistols were set upon by one Japanese man with a katana
Starting point is 01:01:30 and he killed them both, delivering 16 blows to the second man, each of them death. Which was a really colorful way of saying he got shot twice in the chest by this Colt pistol and shot both men to death and then died himself because his pistols were so shitty at the time. Wow. Who wrote that down?
Starting point is 01:01:49 The samurai's brother? No, it was a third-party European source that's why it's interesting like he's reading from like European manuals about Japanese swordsmen and swordsmiths. This guy's interesting. Right after that European fucking journalist went around the corner, that samurai stood up and wiped all the sriracha off his goddamn kimono and was like, Do you think they bought it? Do you think they could go back and tell them
Starting point is 01:02:15 we are very cute? Japan to go hard. Yes. Rap? Yeah, sure. It's been good. Yes. Rep? Yeah, sure. I thought this was a top 10% PKN. Top 2%. Except for all that hot talk.
Starting point is 01:02:35 Ah, strong point. That was quick. No, it wasn't. All right. PKN 141.

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