Painkiller Already - PKN #159

Episode Date: September 15, 2017

It's PKN time baby!

And we're live! Painkiller Nearly episode 159. That's a lot of Painkillers. So my sleep schedule has been really messed up lately. And uh, Chiz has been going right along with me with the fucked up sleep schedule. And every night we both attempt to do the same thing. Where you roll it all the way over again, you know? You stay up until like 9, 10 PM and you go to bed.

You wake up at 7 AM and you're like, holy shit I'm an adult. And we've been failing at it pretty pretty hard until and last night i thought maybe i was gonna get real quick what are what are your your times been your bed oh no you gotta say you gotta say you can't have this story and i'd say well it bounces around okay yeah it bounces around but but here's um like last night all right so let's just's just roll back to, like, yesterday. I woke up at – I didn't go to sleep. So I stayed up all night, and then it got to 2.30 p.m., and I was like, I can't.

I can't. I'm not going to be able to roll it over. I'm not going to be able to roll it over. And so at 2.30 p.m., I went to sleep yesterday, woke up at 10.30 p.m. So, you know. You got a good solid eight hours. Eight hours. I don't see a problem. Got my sleep in, right?

And so from 10.30, I'm staying up, and I'm staying up, and it gets to about 4 in the morning, maybe 3.30 in the morning, and I start getting drowsy, and I'm like, oh, all right, I might be able to parlay this into a normal sleep schedule. If I go to bed at 4 a.m., and i wake up at like 11 a.m a little short on sleep but seven hours right like that'll be fine then i'll stay up all day you just woke up from an eight hour slumber six hours prior but i felt like i could do it because i was i felt like

i was really tired i i worked out at like midnight or something like that until i was just real sore and then took a hot shower and then just kind of, I got, I got new blankets, new bedding. This is good. Getting way off the rails here with this story. But, but anyway, I thought I could do it. I go to bed at like three 33 in the morning, something like that. And I have this dream. And so I'm in like a national park walking along a Creek bed. And as I go, I'm finding, like, old tools and stuff. That's a commonality in a lot of my dreams. I'm, like, scavenging things. Like, I'll find cool stuff.

Like, sometimes it's an abandoned house, and I'm like, oh, look at all this stuff that's been left here. And I'm, like, gathering it with me as I go. So I have all these tools, these drill bits that are really old, and I have this long knife that looks like it's made out of an old-timey file. It's about 18 inches long and rusty and with a wooden handle.

And I'm like, oh, yeah, all this stuff is cool. Walking down the creek bed, step on a fish hook. And I can't get the fish hook out of my foot. When I try to, like, pull it back out, it's barbed. And so I'm limping now through the creek bed. And up ahead I hear voices and I can see a boy. He's about 13 years old little blonde haired boy down the bend of the creek and though I can't see it I I know because you know it's a

dream that he's there with his father and they have their pickup truck right there and I'm like ah dad and his son fishing these guys can get a fish hook out I bet he's even got do you know you're dreaming at this point like is it lucid or no um not yet. But I have an inkling about that, about mid-dream, because it gets so crazy. So I see the boy, and I'm walking toward him. And I looked at, just so you know, I look in the creek that's maybe six inches deep, and there are snakes in the creek, little baby snakes that are really scaring me. And I'm just trying to walk around them and stuff. And just then I look up, and the boy sees me.

And I kind of wave at him, and his gaze moves from me up and to the right because there's a hilltop to my left and whatever he can see, I can't see it. And he's looking up there kind of bemused. And then the boy's head explodes. There's a man on that hilltop with a rifle and he has shot this child and the head has exploded and i am aghast i am just but i don't scream because there's a murdering motherfucker up the hill right so i'm just like oh my god so i get on my hands and knees and start kind of crawling in the water and now the water has gotten deep enough that like it's waist deep i would say and i hear footsteps coming down the creek bed the the murdering crazy man is coming,

following the tracks that I just made. And so like there are reeds and stuff in the creek. So I take a deep breath and I go underwater and it's a dream so I can hold my breath forever. And there's reeds all around me and I can see through the water like it's a swimming pool. And here this guy comes walking straight towards me straight towards me and i can't move quickly to get out of his path so i'm just barely moving to

like not make any ripples to get out of the path of this man and he passes within inches of me i can feel the wake as he walks right past me toward his this this this dead child and i'm just terrified i've got my big crazy crazy knife, but I'm just, the guy has a deer rifle, and so I, you know, I let him pass, and I walk sort of in the same direction he is, because I have to go that way, that's the way out, but I make a left turn, and I go in a different direction than he was going, and then I run up on a 16-year-old boy, who I know is the killer's accomplice. He's with him because he's crazy-eyed, wearing flannel shirt, 16 or 17, smaller than me.

I could take him, but he's got a knife too. He's got like a six-inch hunting knife. And he's just looking at me all crazy. And then he throws the knife at me. And I dodge the knife. And I just run. I just run away, start running from him. And he runs away.

You could have had two knives. Yes. And he could have had none. At this point, I like your odds. No, I just run. I just run away, start running from him and he runs away. You could have had two knives and he could have had none. At this point I like your odds. No, I'm not. We're 40 yards from his dad. There's just brush and trees between me and his killer dad. And so he starts yelling for help. Paul! Paul! I got another one! They're cannibals.

They're fucking woodsman cannibal hillbillies. Paul is another one! I thought I had done my dream analysis I thought I had completed Clearly Kyle's a pedophile And he wants to blow his load on some kid's face You're working with me so far And the old man walking by

And Kyle's fear of it Is him not wanting to admit it See it worked He didn't want to admit it Locked in. I want to get off track here. I start running. Kyle, how did you

know they were cannibals, or was it a dream thing where you're just like, cannibals, and you started running? He's like, I'm going to eat you. There was none of that. They weren't eating a drumstick with fingers or anything. I just know. The same way I knew that the boy was with his father, I just knew because it was a dream. like eating like a drumstick with fingers or anything like like i i just know right like the

same way i knew that the boy was with his father i just knew you know because it's part of the dream it's part of the dream they want me badly though i'm tasty right i'm lean i i probably probably tender so he runs back to get his dad i start running continuing on my path and i come upon three atvs that are parked there so So I'm like, oh my God, there's fucking three of them. So I get on one of these four wheelers and I'm, it's got an electric starter. And I start driving away in this thing. It's, but it won't go very fast, maybe 20, 25 miles per hour. And I'm making my escape and I hear their ATVs crank up. And the third one has now appeared. He's a fat guy, maybe somewhere in

between the 16-year-old and the dad in age, and they've, so the boy and the fat guy have doubled up on a four-wheeler, and the dad's on a four-wheeler, and they are chasing me, and they have guns, and so I'm trying to get away, but it's going so fucking slow, and they're shooting at me occasionally, which is terrifying, and I realize I'm going down like a dead end, so I have to kind of make like a turn and go right back past them them and the guy takes another shot at me with a single shot shotgun I I dodge it you know as you do and uh at that point I'm terrified and I remember in the dream I close my eyes and I go three two one wake up wake up wake up and I open my eyes and they're they're just like still coming so i'm i have my

eyes closed so i wreck right into a fucking tree bam i hit the tree and there's a grizzly bear feet away like a dozen feet away they crash into the tree right next to me and the impact throws the fat guy off and he kind of rolls a few feet down an embankment, slightly injured. The bear falls upon the fat guy and starts ripping him to shreds. The 16 year old starts fighting me, even though we're like part side by side on ATVs. So we're like, like we're sitting on ATVs fighting. And I take this knife and I stab him in the face at a really poor angle for him. It goes in the skin and then out the skin and and out is in his nose and then out his nose and he's just screaming i pull it out i stab him again in the ribs and again in the thigh and then again in the leg again and he's fucked so now the dad's now i'm trying to get this thing

started as i've stabbed one of these guys all fucked up and the bear's maul on the other and just as i get the thing to start it's cl clucking. It's da-da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da. And I look, and the dad is right there, right in front of my ATV, and he's got the gun. And just as he's about to kill me, the ATV goes, and I pop the clutch, and I run him the fuck over. And then I woke up. And I'm like, oh, I got to tell somebody about this. And sure enough, Chiz is online. I think what woke me up was Chiz's Skype chirp

because he had written me something random. Jesus. I think, I mean, Woody's analysis definitely has merit, but I think that you might have a lot of stress in your life. And then the cannibals were coming, and then a bear showed up. But to be fair, the bear helped you. And so the bear might be some kind

of guardian. Maybe you see that bear as a father bear. If I have a bear in my dream, I assume it's Taylor. Who else would it be? I would have gone for the fat guy, too, if I were the bear in my dream i assume it's taylor who else would it be i would have gone for the fat guy too if i were the bear in kyle's dream makes sense i uh that's yeah i don't know anything about dream analysis for the most part other than

most people say like it's kind of bunk and ridiculous but also it can reveal some things but yeah that's i haven't had a nightmare like that in a long time. And I certainly don't remember. Maybe it's because you wrote it down afterwards, so you're able to regale us with it very in detail. But I don't think I've ever remembered that much about a dream more than three minutes after waking up. Because you know how it is when you wake up from a bad dream. It'll make it until I get in the shower,

which is like two minutes after I get out of bed. And then by the time I'm rinsing shampoo out of my hair, I'm like, what the hell was that about? Like, wait, what happened? I guess it was nothing. Whatever. Why is it immediately after you woke up, it's burned into your brain, totally vivid and very important to you. And within like 15 minutes, whatever. Well, because your brain is experiencing those things and it doesn't know they're fake.

So it's traumatized when you wake up, just like that time you dreamt that Jackie cheated on you or something of that nature. Well because your brain is experiencing those things and it doesn't know they're fake so It's traumatized when you wake up just like that time you dreamt that Jackie cheated on you or something of that nature You're like you wake up, and you're mad at Jackie. It's it's it's ridiculous You have the same exact brain chemistry going on as a man who had experienced that for real and Part of this dream I know was influenced by it remember that thing I linked you to the other day woody where the guy went out of the wilderness with his own tools uh and like like built the cabin on his own yeah the tools i were finding were his tools that's right like yeah the tools i were finding because i found the drill bits that you know he made the wood handle for i had all that stuff i i got rid of that once it was

like do or die and i just kept the knife. But like that was influencing that part. And I had been watching like I've been watching all kinds of stuff. I watched like three movies that night before I fell asleep. So I don't know. And I also had like Jim and Sam specific. Yeah I had a YouTube

video playing like in the background as I was sleeping. But it was like Jim Norton and Sam Roberts like just making fun of uh Lady Di so it's like yeah I don't want Jim Norton playing as I'm sleeping because I'll just wake up meaner like I'll wake up and I'll see yeah in a very funny way like it's just because he's the most quick-witted person on earth like in in all sincerity in all seriousness if there was a quick wittedness contest i would put jim norton he's quicker than anyone else on earth there are people who are mean like howard stern i think is mean he has guests on and he doesn't always have their his

guest best interest in mind right and then of course he's very mean to his whole whack pack uh opie can be mean i haven't really i mean anthony can be mean i haven't watched opie very much jim norton though when i see him he's with matt sarah and he's not being mean to anybody oh well that's a different kind of show it is that's a way different kind of show he he can be mean but it's a different kind of mean because like when he's mean or even when anthony is mean most of the time it's really really funny and after you're done laughing you're like oh man that was fucking brutal and mean to that person. But, like, Opie's mean stuff, I remember all of that from the clips I've watched back in the day.

And his just, like, was uncomfortable mean, where it'd be like, oh, a guest brought in a gift or a cake or poker chips or something and instead of like being mean the way jim or anthony might which is clever and funny and kind of underhanded in some ways he would just take their gift and smash it and then basically bully everybody else in the room into laughing like it was hysterical but he would literally like take poker chips and just throw them out the window of the building and the guest would be like or the person that came in is like, oh, I bought those for you. I thought you would like the gift I got. And it's like, ha ha, I'm just Opie the Destroyer. They had a street performer come in, and she's just a wreck.

Candy Cane. Candy Cane. Candy Cane comes in, and her thing that kind of makes her somewhat famous, she's kind of analogous to the underwear-wearing cowboy who plays the guitar, but she's the disgusting female version of that. She'll strip naked and play the guitar.

And for a homeless street performer, their guitar is like, it's all they have in life. Yes, I understand. Opie smashes this guitar right in front of her as she watches in horror, right? That's the kind of shit Opie does. Opie

is a piece of shit, and he's not funny. Everybody else on that show, Anthony, you know, it's not a show anymore for good reason. Jim and Anthony and all those other guys are fucking hilarious. It's cruel. It's mean. It's mean-spirited.

It digs deep into the person's soul like a hot knife, but it's funny. It's funny, and it's witty and it's so quick and anthony's quick but jim is very quick jim's the quickest i've ever seen um because you know there's a formula for like putting a joke together they say they say a and then you add b and it equals c and he he adds b so fast that that his brain must be running like a fucking – like a machine with gears just whirling 1,000 miles an hour for him to get B there and hit him with C so fast. It's incredible. The one that sticks out to me the most for just how quick he is is – it's a compilation of bits on YouTube.

It's called Boardroom Jimmy where he pretends to be like a stock advisor or like an S&P 500 expert and all this stuff. And he just goes and goes and goes and responds to questions. And it's hilarious because he knows literally nothing about finance, how it works. But he'll just he keeps going. He knows enough words where he's like, if you can't divot your portfolio by that, then I suggest you suck a dick. Just mean things like that. Like, I know I don't use the Dow. Only the blacks deal with the Dow.

I use NASDAQ. Or just things that don't really fully make sense. But it's like he's just using bits and pieces and throwing it together. It's so, so clever. I can't even impersonate it because I don't even know the bare minimum enough about finance to know the words. Yeah. But the cruelty of the show is just i can only watch like i stay up with chis and he'll link me something and we'll like sync up and watch these things and like an hour into

one of these things because there'll be three hour videos sometimes i'll be like all right that's i'm tapping out i'm tapping out i feel like if i keep watching i'm gonna like feel bad like i'm getting there's gonna be like a heavy feeling in my heart where i feel kind of not sick but getting there yeah getting there good like i feel like my soul is being torn just a little bit when they i was listening last night they got this guy named bobo who's not all there and uh bobo had i don't remember the condition with his penis but the urethra uh like came out the bottom or something like that his urethra wasn't right so he's had 48 surgeries on his penis over the years and so his penis is all jacked up right oh yeah and and so like he'll be explaining it and his like

fucked up in the head way and he's like yes i've had many surgeries on my penis and and and jim of course those surgeries on my penis they know Jim, of course, knows exactly... Surgeries on my penis. They know exactly how many surgeries he's had, because he's told the story 20 times on this show, but they'll be like, Really? Really? I don't know anything about this. How many? He's like, 48! Oh my god. The meanest...

He's like, show us. Show us your cock. I'm just gonna be blunt about this. Get it out. And so he disrobes, and they're like, God, it's like a show us. Show us your cock. I'm just going to be blunt about this. Get it out. And so he disrobes. And they're like, God, it's like a thicket down there. I can barely see it. How big is it when it's hard? Four and a half inches. And so they'll start talking dirty to him.

And he's like, just imagine Christina's. And he doesn't get it. He's like, imagine Christina's getting out of the shower, right, and her titties are all wet. And you just lift one and feel the weight of it. And you put her areola in her nipple in your mouth. What do you want to do to those titties, Bobo? I would have sucked a bit and hold her titties. It's like, I bet you do, Bobo.

And then you hear him go, oh, what the fuck, as he's like i bet you do bobo and then you hear him go oh what the fuck as he's like getting a hard on and so like then they take a picture of like a girl and they like are maybe one of the guys and they put punch a hole in it and stick it over his dick so he's wearing like a guy's face on his hard-on and then as time goes on and they start making fun of them they're like oh that face is starting to fall off and then that then there's like chicks calling in they'll talk dirty to him to fuck hey bobo what are you gonna do to my pussy and he's oh i'm gonna fuck it hard yeah you're gonna slam it with that three and a half inches yeah and then they're like oh my god it's up again and they're just like they're just getting have you seen the one where i mean the

meanest one they do is when is from years ago when Patrice O'Neill was still alive with Bobo and Jim Norton was in there. And like Kyle was saying, they just got him naked and he just stood there. And as you talk about sex at all, he gets hard. And so basically what Jimmy would do is be like, so that girl Christine, you're talking to her online. I heard she tweeted at me. She's really into you. Like really into you. You must have been're talking to her online. I heard she tweeted at me. She's really into you. Like, really into you. Like, you must have been saying something to her.

She's like, well, yes, I tweeted her pretty often. And it's like, oh, yeah, I can tell, Bobo. Do you think she has big tits? Have you seen a picture of her yet? No, I haven't yet. But I think she has big tits, yeah. And it's like, yeah, that's awesome, Bobo. What would you do to him?

And he keeps going like that. And then he transitions it to like, because Bobo's the biggest Mets fan ever, because they're in New York, and just out of nowhere, after talking about tits for two minutes, to where he's just hard and pre-coming on the floor, I'll be like, Bobo, what's going on with center field this year? I mean, do we have any chance of making the playoffs, or is it over? Well, the thing to remember about the center field is

it's not the position that we need is and like and they will just be laughing you know patrice his loud ass laugh as his dick goes down and then like after like three mets questions i'll be like you ever think you'll take christine to a mets game what do you think she'd do for you if you if you got her great tickets right behind the dugout at a mets game oh i think i think she'd let me do plenty of things like what it's just right away just starts to get hard again and the funny part part is that he has, like, he just starts, he will just ejaculate and get cum on the floor. Yeah, he's pre-coming.

And so he just talks him up until he's pre-coming and then talks about the Mets and then talks again. He's edgy. Verbally. Yes, he is. Absolutely. Last night I was listening and they had him bend over and they have him spread his ass.

So he's showing them his asshole. They're like, he has two assholes. Like it's been ripped or something. And so they get another guy in there to get as close to the ass as he dares. And he's like, E-Rock is 18 inches from the ass crack right now. And he's all mic'd up. He's like, what do you see? He's like, oh, it smells like spicy mustard.

And there's bits of toilet paper everywhere. And Jim's like, yeah, he doesn't clean that ass very well, does he? He's like, and there's hemorrhoids. Oh, there's hemorrhoids in there. And they're different colors. And Jim's like, oh, his whole ass cracks a different color. It's like you have an Asian pussy. What the fuck?

And, you know, that's just what they do to that it's too much it's too much i that yeah yeah i was gonna defend it but it's like yeah but i mean i watched three hours of it so it's i've heard enough the only reason i'm not asking for a topic change is i think the subs might have not heard enough i don't know but to me i'm just like it it's almost boringly mean in my head. I'm like, I get it. I get it. This is like extreme meanest thing

you can possibly think of coming. It's soul killing. A constant stream of awfulness. Look, I like sugar, but it can't be my only thing. Of course, right now, it's not really my thing at all. I don't know.

It's too dull. The better thing about ONA, because I like the meanness of the show, but the funniest meanness on it is when there'd be a roundtable of comedians in there, and it would be Anthony and Jimmy and Colin Quinn or whoever else in there, and they're all making fun of each other viciously. Or Patrice, when he was alive. Like, that's really funny, and it's a bunch of clever people and so it's always building to something until someone fucks up and tells a joke that's not funny and then everybody rips on them and then it builds up again and it's

like i can get more important it's not just that everyone's clever and armed it's that everyone is okay right like like picture someone who doesn't need any help i don't know mark cuban right you know you probably don't like him politically but but regardless of what you think of him he's fine right like you know he's a multi-billionaire he's living the life that he wants to live if you pick on mark cuban it's a lot different than picking on bobo mark cuban's not defenseless at the very worst, he just decides to leave and probably fuck one of Leonardo DiCaprio's exes

and get on a jet and do whatever. But Bobo, on the other hand, is helpless. They're picking on a disabled person. I've always wondered how much of Bobo is an act and how much is real because he will contribute things

that out of nowhere you'll be like, hold on, hold on. This is not the retarded gentleman that I've come to know through these videos over the years. And so I do think it's overplayed a good bit,

but he's definitely not all there. And I mean, nobody knows about the penis stories, how real that is, because I don't have penis footage of this guy. Oh, I think it's out there. I've never checked. It doesn't sound like a fun thing to watch. I'm going to keep that audio. I've never seen it either. I don't care to. The way they describe,

I think the mental picture that they've built up in my mind can't be topped by anything. It's disgusting. But yeah, you nailed it with High Fitch Derek on the Stern show. I think he's a complete fraud. And the that Stern but like still goes with it year after year Makes me think less of Stern and what his show is like the show is completely I don't listen anymore because the show is so different than it used to be Because of the producer

Because the producer yeah that Marcy chick It's just so politically correct and he's dropped so many of his old bits. He used to make fun of everybody. It's not that I'm a racist and I want to hear somebody crack on black people, but he used to do a black guy voice. He used to do an Asian guy voice. He used to do a voice for anyone and everyone. They made fun of every single group, Christians and Jews and Muslims, across the board. And now all of a sudden, he's a masterful interviewer, but that's not what I'm looking for. I'll go to Graham Norton

if I just want to see some celebrities sit on a couch. Well, Trump's masterful interviewing got celebs to say things they didn't want to say. That's what I always thought was cool. You know, he would have like, I don't know, a hot actress of the day, right? Mrs. It Girl, whatever, 1995 equivalent of Jennifer Lawrence.

And he'd get her talking about her sex life or something or admitting something about ex-boyfriends that I found salacious and interesting. And that to me was where his interviewing shined. Heck, he had Britney Spears on when she was young. And he was like walking her through all her contract mistakes and I found that interesting you know like it he's going through it he's like yeah you got this you got this you know she's like oh yeah I got that yeah I did that too I'm on top of this do you have guaranteed accounting wait what and it was great he's like oh really you don't have

guaranteed accounting so you just have to trust their numbers on what they tell you the profits are and on your cut can just be anything they say because the accounting's not guaranteed and she's like oh and i'm like oh that was really interesting like stern you know being sort of older and more experienced in show business was walking britney spears through her her mistakes and that would and a jewish fellow um He knows. He knows. He could probably write a contract up for her. I saw the other day a thing. I saw Stern get offended and be a little bitch.

It's an old clip. Jamie Lee Presley's on there. Incredibly hot blonde, in case you don't know. But Stern does this thing where he kind of hits on them. And he's like, well, what do you think of me? Would you date someone like me? And a lot of chicks will be like, oh, yeah, Howard. You're so hot.

I love your hair. And let me see those eyes. And he'll raise those eyes. It shows beady little rat eyes. It shows beady little good hair. Yeah. He'll show those beady little rat eyes. Oh, that makes me melt.

My pussy just got so wet. I like your dad bod. And it's almost like when the girls talk to, yeah. He's got a nice body. He's got abs. Like, he doesn't eat. Doesn't mean he got a nice body. He's got abs like like he doesn't always Doesn't mean he has a nice body. He looks like a slenderman. Yeah, he can't help it Like that's just his that's just what he is in any case

She says you look like you got hit slapped in the face with a swap with a with a Yamaka And he's like there's like whoa What do you mean by that and he gets into this whole like thing like calling her an anti-semite and like by the end of it when she's walking out she's like apparently i said something about yarmulkes and howard got offended i'm so sorry i'm so she's like apologizing to the camera because she think because like he went after for like the next five or ten minutes of the interview because she said he looked like he got hit in the face with a yarmulke which you know he's only half jewish but he's got a he's got a look about him that is just unattractive and it has nothing to be

it's not that he's jewish you mean that white guy fro doesn't come off as a little jewish looking it it does he's only half jewish but but he's uh he used to be have you know what it was so he there was a time when he was the king of all media and stuff. He did the movie and he had his book. Of course, his radio show is going crazy. He was working super hard to look like he did on that book cover. He's like, I don't look like... He'd pull his shirt up and everyone in the studio would laugh.

He's like, I'm eating right. I'm working out constantly. I'm going to look like that guy again. Maybe he did. Maybe he achieved it. That's the stern I have in my head. I haven't out constantly. I'm going to look like that guy again. And maybe he did. Maybe he achieved it. But that's the stern I have in my head. Yeah, I haven't listened lately. But, you know, for years of shows, you know, not years of me listening, but I listened to so much of it that I'm going through the catalog.

He's like, yeah, I got so hungry, but I just went to bed starving. And I woke up and I had my, my like whatever like like this bullshit breakfast and then his meals would be like steamed fish and broccoli like he's eating like steamed fish yeah oh that's so flavorless and he's got he's got a personal trainer and a personal stylist and like like ralph ralph is his stylist like like that's that's how hard he's trying it's it's and that's one of the things that's so endearing he He's like, I got a little penis. I'm hideous. All I've got is this voice in this brain and this billion dollars.

And I'm just trying to use that to fix the rest of this up. And it's just not. Really put that up. He's old though, right? How old is he now? 60-something. Mid-60s, late-60s. Yeah. he's old though right how old is he now 60 something uh mid 60s late 60s yeah i mean it if he's i'll make it you said late 60 mid 60s let's call him 63 okay 63 he's going to be invisible

to like most menstruating women you know like like like anyone 40 or under whatever it is uh 45 i don't know but he's married he's got that hot wife okay but yeah it just that's part of what makes this show shit as well he married this uh model slash tv host this beth uh i can't her last name's long and nordic so whatever but um she's like into cats so now there's this whole thing like he's he's all about cats and rescuing cats and his his like and he talks about it constantly like his his multi-million dollar new york apartment is full of cats and cat shit and and he's always selling calendars uh to raise money for cat shelters and their his apartment's full of cat shit there's a litter box but yeah it has to

be by definition because it's full of cats like he's got feral cats in his how many cats does he have at one time eight to ten that's disgusting i like i think i might want an outdoor cat i could see that sure cats don't love you cats don't love you they want nothing to do with you they just take advantage of your good-naturedness as a human to take care of them like i don't love you. Cats don't love you. They want nothing to do with you. They just take advantage of your good-naturedness as a human to take care of them. We are cat's dogs. I cannot imagine bringing a cat home and wanting to take care of it. They're just not the animal for me. I've met one cat in my entire life that actually acted like a dog a bit,

and I've met 6,000 girls who say that their cat is just like a dog a bit. And I've met 6,000 girls who say that their cat is just like a dog. And so the numbers aren't adding up. On top of that, I've met 6,000 dogs that act like dogs. So play the odds. Yeah, absolutely. Dogs are awesome. My dad added two more dogs to his pack. His main squeeze, Rambo, of course uh was crushed and died maybe uh eight

months ago or something like that by another dog a dog bit the dog and you know little rat terrier big dog chomps that it's just done so so cried about that very sad day this 15 year old little dog that had been his partner for so long he's had a good life though 50 yeah it was the he got it um right it was the day I graduated high school was the day that his last dog died and so long he's had a good life though 50 yeah it was the he got it um right it was the day i graduated high school was the day that his last dog died and so then he quickly replaced it and so like that was 2004 so like this dog was two when he got it i think the dog was 15 or 16 years old or something very old dog and so it was all shaky and shit but you know it's his main little buddy anyway that dog died so we replaced it recently with a female um um miniature pincher um and uh you know it's a cool little dog or whatever but

the other day he's driving down the road and uh one of the neighbors near him is a retarded black man who who lives by himself in this house and and we see him out there standing in the yard sometimes just kind of staring at the sun or whatever, and you give him a wave, and he waves back, and so dad drives past there, and he noticed that this man's pit bull is chained up on a five-foot-long chain with no water, so dad's like, ah. He pulls in, goes and takes the bull, goes to the hose, and gets some water, puts it there for the dog, and leaves. He comes back the next day to check on the dog again because he wants to do something about the chain. And the guy's brother

is there who sort of attends him and checks on him from time to time, make sure he gets some groceries and stuff. And so he starts talking to the brother about this. And he's like, yeah, well, I'm going to bring the dog a lead, a runner, so he can run from this tree. My dad's telling him this so that he'll be able to run from this tree to that tree do you mind if i put all that up for him and and he's like yeah yeah that'd be great that'd be great i kind of feel bad for the dog too we got another one over there it's a purebred pit bull and dad's like where it's like over in that box and there's a box over there by the house and dad's like over here it's like yeah yeah dad walks over to this small box like he would put i don't know

a refrigerator in or something and he looks down into the box and there's a border collie in this box with blue eyes beautiful dog and he's like this box right here yeah yeah purebred pitbull i'm a breeder she's she's about to come into heat this dog right here yeah yeah that one dad's like at this point he's like this is awful this is awful fuckers in this but he's like would you sell it and the guy's like oh no no no not for sale yeah it's a purebred pit bull that's a that's a fancy dog right there dad's like 20 all right dad dad dad this is great dad digs deep rolls out a 20 and uh so now he's got a border collie and it's beautiful it's one of those dog too or well he we're not gonna have a pit bull because i thought you said he added two to

the well he had he's got the miniature pincher that he just had purchased that's his like you know that dog stays in the bed with him. That dog goes to breakfast with him. It's like with him. It's his partner. And the Border Collie, I guess, is just going to be part of the pack now. Part of his everyday carry. I get it.

He's got a wallet and this dog. Yeah, a purebred pit bull. I mean, to be fair, though, pit bulls and and border collies you know the twins of the dog world when you think about it they look so similar from muzzle shape to hair like i can't name one thing that's similar between those two breeds of dogs completely dissimilar four feet so not even close i took the dog and got it shut got his shots and stuff uh the other day he found a cat in the road all fucked up this kitten and it's like eyes are matted shots he gets the dog and he uh the other day he found a cat in the road all fucked up this kitten and it's like eyes are matted shots he gets the dog and he had the cat and he's he had medicated eye drops

that were for a dog but i mean antibiotic eye drops probably work on a cat he gives it the eye drops and then after a day like the eyes open up and the cat's all happy and everything and he's like but i can't have a cat i literally have a pack of dogs at my place that like you know they they see a rat they just they destroy it they see they see anything they destroy it i can't have this so he he's looking for someone to take this cat and so he there's a veterinarian near us who's a real cunt like we've taken bleeding injured dogs to this person multiple times they'll be like eh can't really get to it right now. And blood's dripping. And one time we took a dog up there that had a severe foot injury,

and they waited like three days to amputate the dog's paw and left it in a cast, and there were maggots in it. So we don't like this vet at all. Real fuckers. So dad goes... Can you not call the Better Business Bureau about vets who just let dogs sit around with maggots in their wounds? Unfortunately, dogs don't have that many

advocates in the world, I guess, legally speaking. Just your dad. Darren McLaughlin, your dad. The list goes on, I'm sure. I can see, like, and the dad comes in with a guitar. So he walks in there with this cat, and he

goes, hey, I was just passing by. One of your cats got loose and they're like what do you mean he's like i don't know just running around out there on your front doorstep you guys got to keep better track of your animals here you go and he just turns around and walks out and so like the vet like follows him sir sir someone has to take financial responsibility for this cat well it's your cat i guess that's you this drives the fuck away they killed the cat they killed the cat but it had a couple good days of seeing and one good joke and it didn't get ripped apart uh last time we had we had a cat that we called white cat very inventive because it's you know white

and uh and she like lived at our place she was our outside cat we did not we we had a cat that we called White Cat. Very inventive because it's white. And she lived at our place. She was our outside cat. We poured a little food occasionally and everything. But never even touched this thing because it was a bit feral. And she had kittens on our porch. And it was like, oh my god, what are we going to do with half a dozen kittens here? Because you can't take them to the shelter because they kill cats. They just do.

If the cat's there for a week or something, they're like you're dead so i had to drive all the way to like greenville south carolina and find a no-kill pet shelter and go in there and give them these cats and it was really cool but it was like i would definitely not google no-kill shelter i would google closest shelter and feel good about myself and be like and if they kill it i didn't you know we have a dog problem i was just following all this bad opinion on this so our neighbor uh bought a dog this is a neighbor like we can see him from our house and uh i don't know what it is i'm gonna call it a german shepherd but it seems too small So call it a Shepherd mix of some sort. Weighs like 45, 50 pounds. And it's aggressive.

It's like I've landed my paramotor and the thing comes charging at me. And I didn't know it was aggressive at the time. I thought it was being playful. And he starts barking at me and everything. And the homeowner is like chasing afterwards. Just apologies flying out from everywhere. And that was the first time and mind you like i didn't do anything that would like get the dog's attention it just sees a victim on the

horizon and starts chasing it down i was taking my trash out and minding my own business whatever i just put the trash out on the street and the dog comes zipping at me from like 300 yards away just and uh and i'm a dog lover right so i'm like giving them the like the the fist like smell my hand we could be friends and uh he just aggressively snapping at me and the uh um the lady comes you know apologizing and brings the dog back and i'm like oh it's no problem because i'm way too big a pushover um my wife was in the car like i think she oh i know what she was she was in her car and the trash cans were at the curb and she just sort of got out to see if they were empty

so we could retrieve them and uh in that time the dog saw the car and started like chasing she goes back into the car to retreat and drives in and occasionally this dog is on our yard like sort of like you can be on the edge of the yard and it's yours big enough it almost becomes community property like the edges but um you go into it a bunch and now you're like what you know what are you doing why are you in here and uh she's like that dog is going to get into a fight with our dogs and for a while she had this big like fear about it like these dogs are going to get into a fight. And now she's just like, you know what? Bring it. Bring it.

We have three dogs. They're constantly wrestling with each other, like going for the throat, whatever. Two of them will work as a team to take out the third one. They have like coordinated moves. And she's just like, I worried about this for too long. They're not controlling their dog. This is what we train for and yep That's where we are now with it

Appropriate gonna say now. It's only a matter of time My dad's dogs like would always chase him down the driveway And it became a problem because then they're in the road and they can get hit and he kept a paintball gun in the car And as they're chasing he'd Shoot one of the ass with a paintball gun yeah the car. And as they're chasing, he'd fucking shoot one in the ass with a paintball gun. Yeah, yeah! And he's like, yes, fucking stay. I meant it. And they learned from him

shooting him in the butt with a paintball gun. I'm not sure if that might be what you want to use against this dog. I think that's a good idea. Or airsoft, because there's no evidence. Get one of those paintball guns that Kyle let us use on that trip. So you just shoot a rope of paint. Make it remember that lesson. And then all the other dogs will be like you know why fucking you know little Joe is purple does he disobeyed covered in welts and

paints I don't know do we have legal issues if it's on our property I have to assume that everything is fine if a dog ran onto your property and started fighting your dogs, like, what would the legal thing even be? Like, wouldn't it just be dogs started fighting, and then you'd try and break it up? You do whatever you want to do. You know?

And, you know, it's a dog. So, like, look, I love dogs more than anyone, but, like, I've had to kill dogs. Like, dogs come over, and they're going to kill a calf, like they've done before. They'll chase a calf, like a newborn calf until exhaustion and then they're not wolves or coyotes so they don't like really know what to do but they'll just fuck with it until it has it dies from exhaustion or heat stroke you know it's a hot summer day and this calf has run five miles

and and now it's just drenched in sweat and just collapsed out of exhaustion. It dies. And so those dogs die. And Mama Cow has long since decided fuck that and just ran back to the herd for the most part. They'll fight to defend their calf. They actually will. The more I watch Reddit videos of people petting cows and stuff, the more it's...

I mean, beef is delicious, but... It gets harder. It's not even a little hard for me. Like, I saw cows on my grandparents' farm every time I went down there growing up. Like, he put me on top of one every once in a while, obviously, like, holding on to the back of me to make sure that it didn't, like, spook out and throw me off or something. But he put me up there, and I'd go over and I'd pet the cows,

and I'd look at where they were eating and everything. And, you know, even growing up, I was like, oh, yeah, all these become the food that I like to eat. But that's just what humans do. We're omnivores. We eat meat, and we eat, you know, vegetables and plants and shit. Meat's better, so obviously we need lots of animals. And I don't know. It's kind of part of life.

I don't get sad when I see animals that are only existing in the first place because we decided they needed to for us to eat. Would there be as much of a disconnect, do you think, if you had to slaughter your own cow? Like, if getting that steak meant leading the cow into the barn and, like, shooting it and then hoisting it up by its back feet and draining it and everything, like, do you think there'd be... Yeah yeah i would look at that the same as like i do hunting like when i shoot a deer if i know

or i shoot a dove or whatever and i'm like oh i'm gonna you know eat that it's like okay that makes sense that's reasonable that's what people do you kill an animal and then you eat it but if i just kill the cow for fun then yeah i wouldn't be cool with that it's just the same way i don't like trophy hunting. Unless the trophy hunting is like giving a bunch of money to a village or getting rid of an awful old elephant or whatever. I'm a beefeater in the same way that I'm pro-choice. I mean, I do it, but I don't like it. I mean, that's a pretty...

I like that. Okay, good. That's okay. I'm with that. That's pretty good. There are harsh realities to life, I suppose. You don't have to agree and love every aspect of life. No one likes shitting.

I guess some people do. But if you could push a button and you don't shit anymore like Kim Jong-un did, you would. You just don't. Everybody would. No, I don't buy toilet paper. What's the point? Don't press that button. My body runs at 100% efficiency.

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I don't know. I haven't hunted in so absolutely yeah i don't know i i i haven't hunted in so long i i don't think i want to and maybe archery like like like it's it's there's something about the sporting aspect of it that changes things in my mind like as i'm doing that equation with an arrow is more cruel than just shooting him with a gun because that like bow hunting in my head, I still don't have a problem with it as long as the animal you kill, you eat it,

and you're not just making a rug and throwing out all the meat. But when you go bow hunting instead of gun hunting, it's kind of like saying, the comfort and efficiency of the death of this animal that I'm going to use isn't quite as important as my ability to say, ah, I'm a woodsman. I sit up here in this $2,000 stand with my totally just like the olden days bow. I'm being hyperbolic, obviously.

And then I put a big broadhead arrow. And you disagreed with it. I was like, hey, this guy is spear hunting a bear, right? Now he nailed it, but there was a real good chance he hits him in the back of his leg or something and just wounds him and like spear hunting a bear and you were like hey if i'm a bear i'd much rather be spear hunted than shot and i'm like i don't know i don't know to me it's about sporting you're hunted but like the uh the thing with i remember the bear clip and i i am i totally get what you mean like a realistic perspective, it is a little more cruel, if that's an okay word.

You're taking a risk with that guy, with somebody else's, with some bears. But you're giving the bear more of a sporting chance. The fact he was on the ground and not, like, thrown in from a tree, like, that made it seem a little more fair. Because, like, the bear could have turned around and gotten him. And if the bear had turned around and gotten him and he missed with the spear it his obituary should have read here lies ted he got what he was asking for yeah i thought there was i thought that there was a real chance that the bear wasn't that aggressive he wasn't going for the guy he might see him run the guy throws maybe at a bear on the run or something it just really hurts it because

that was a totally could have happened spear yeah yeah the um the thing to me is about the sporting chance less about the pain um because i don't know i don't know how animals feel pain you know i know i feel pain but i don't i don't know what i don't know what's going through their head i imagine they don't like it i'm just basically screams going to the screams and cries. They're probably not big fans. They're just like machines, though. They're just programmed to do that. I think probably the truth is somewhere in the middle, but

to me, animals are people with different shapes. To you guys, animals are hulking superhumans with no brains whatsoever. Not necessarily. Some of them have very large brains like monkeys. Ah.

And dolphins. The whole thing comes down to the spear, the bow. You could make the case that that's kind of indulging your own desire to feel like a woodsman at the expense of the pain of the animal when you could more efficiently kill it with a rifle. But at the end of the day, if you're eating it, if you're using

that animal, I don't have a problem with it. Like, just don't be a dick and shoot it and leave it in the woods. Or just kill things for fun. Probably the animal doesn't care. No, it doesn't. But it's almost just an ethical thing. Like, if I kill a beautiful elk in Alaska, and I go, all right, let's hit up Steak and Shake,

and then I just get in the car and fucking leave after cutting its head off like that's that's a little fuck maybe it's not if a bunch of wolves come and eat it no because then they're not going to be the best wolves they can be the sporting chance thing is huge for me with hunting like it should and there's plenty there's tons of rules in like the hunting manuals that are all about giving the animal sporting chance I think that the on one end of spectrum, you have something like a trap, like a trap there that's not only cruel, but like, how the fuck are they going to avoid a trap?

It's not like they're in Vietnam looking for tripwires. They don't know any better. They had no chance against that trap if you put it in their trail or whatever. And then the bow is like on the opposite end of that, or maybe the spear is, or maybe just going in there and like, put your dukes up, dear, you know, something like that. But the most realistic thing is a bow. Like, that's pretty fucking ancient tech, you know.

So I feel like they have a very sporting chance. You're going to miss them all the time. They have to get so close that they might smell or see you sometimes. But the rifle, once you're proficient with a rifle, really proficient with a rifle really proficient with one it's it feels exactly like leading that cow into the barn and saying okay old friend it's time you know it it feels so similar to that that it's it it feels a little dirty it's more like pushing a button to just kill it where like like i'm sure kyle because you're an excellent marksman when

you're aiming at a deer with your rifle you're not thinking man i sure kyle because you're an excellent marksman when you're aiming at a deer with your rifle you're not thinking man i hope i hit it you're thinking where am i gonna hit it and then you decide where you're gonna hit it and you hit it there like whereas with a bow you might be like oh fuck like damn it's too far away i gotta hope for it to come a little closer oh for sure because there's no magnification you're looking through a peephole on your string and at a you know a little a little point on your optic. And my bow always had 15 yards, 20 yards, 30 yards. And like, I almost never even thought to put a 40, there was a 40 yard pin, but it's like, oh my God, I hope I never have to use the 40 yard pin because 40 is pretty extreme. I hope I never have to use the 40 yard pin because 40 is pretty extreme If you're shooting on the group when you're up in the air it they look so different when you're in a tree looking down

The deer looks so small you're just my dad always use a laser on his bow Which I remember like we'd hunt close enough together in trees that I could see what he was doing And it looked just like the predator with as that laser because you draw the bow with it aimed up high and then bring it down, and you'd see that laser cutting through the leaves, and then you'd see it right on the deer following it. That was always fun. It's fun to watch as much as it is to do it yourself. That's why hunting in pairs is so cool. That'd be a fun way to hunt wild cats,

is you just kind of point the laser pointer at the ground and move it, and then you wait for wild cats to arrive, and then you can solve problems. Or you could just lead them to a trap, right? Like you could take the laser pointer and make them walk over to the trap. You could. And then you'd get the trap. That'd be funny. I think that goes against what Kyle was just saying by taking the lowest possible road of leading it directly

into a trap. It could be a humane trap. It could. Like a punchy pit. What's a... A pit with a bunch of you know sharpened bamboo and japanese soldier feces rubbed on it i was gonna say you gotta put the feces on there have you guys been following the daca thing yes uh you know i i know that he you know he he nixed it or whatever and you know six months for uh congress let me lay it out there if I can.

I hope I get my details right. Obama signed an executive order saying they weren't going to prosecute people who were brought here as children. Right. So now they're not necessarily children anymore. But they came here as illegal aliens. But they were, you know, three years old or 15 years old. It wasn't their choice. Their parents brought them here.

three years old or 15 years old. It wasn't their choice. Their parents brought them here. So while the parents are still at risk for deportation, the kids, what they call dreamers, are not. Trump, throughout the campaign and early in his presidency, actually had both sides of this issue. At times he was saying, we're going to deport him. I can do this on day one.

At times he was saying, you know what? I have a big heart. We're not going to go after him etc he he would he would ride that fence though right i never i never heard him say oh they're fine don't you know don't worry about a thing i'm i will not he never said i will not mess with them it was always this thing like hey i got a big heart you know i love that i love those kids i you know maybe don't worry so much if i I'm a dreamer, should I be scared? And he'd be like, hey, I have a big heart.

I love those guys. Yeah. I mean, like, to be honest, I don't know. That wasn't necessarily a no. You know? Exactly. And, like, this is just. Let me keep laying it out.

Okay. Yeah, go ahead. Yeah, yeah. Definitely. So Trump has been, I don't know why, but, like, it's been pressure on him to sort of resolve this issue now. Like, hey, where are we going to go on this you're going to be pro or anti-dreamer and uh or illegal young illegal alien you can call him what you will um but um uh he eventually came out and said this he's like

i'm going to end it but not very quickly so if your like renewal process is in the works, we're going to keep going and we're going to renew it. If you have two years or less left on your thing, then you'll continue to be able to work legally here for the next two years. Even though they're an illegal alien, they're legally allowed to work here because they're dreamers under this Obama DACA thing.

And that about... Oh, the last part is, nothing happens for the next six months. So what he's hoping is going to happen is that Congress will give him something to sign that will make it into law as opposed to an executive order that he just undid.

So I think I laid it out pretty fairly there. And I don't know what to, I don't know, the whole legal alien thing, here's the rule. If you're born here, you get to be a citizen doesn't matter if pregnant mom snuck across the border with you know while she was in labor if the kids anchor baby here what's that anchor baby yeah if the kid's born here then the kid becomes a citizen mom doesn't but the kid does and uh and that's always been the rule now there's like a new rule like hey if the kid does and uh and that's always been the rule now

there's like a new rule like hey if the kid is and i'm not sure about the 18 part but let's say it if the kid's under 18 then that kid becomes a dreamer and he'll get to work here or she'll get to work here legally not a citizen but something almost as good know, able to live and work here illegally. And I don't know. I know it's good for a population to increase its population, you know, for a country to increase its population. That's why people like immigration or, you know, like politicians, people playing civilization with this planet, like to increase the size of the population.

They feel like it's good. There's more consumers in the country. There's more producers in the country. It makes your whole country stronger when you get more citizens. Obviously, only if you get the right ones. But, you know, it's good to increase your population. I don't know. I don't know. The issue is complicated for me. It does seem cruel when a kid comes over here. I'll make it up. Three years old. They live here for 20 years. Now they're 23 years old. They've here for 20 years. Now they're 23 years old.

They've never known another country. They might not even speak Spanish that well. And now they're deported to Mexico. Like, that kid didn't do it. Yeah, shitty parents. Yeah. Yeah, very, very shitty parents. Funny how it's sometimes okay to blame people for the actions of their parents and sometimes not.

I blame the parents. Yeah but i'm saying i definitely blame the parents when the kid's only three oh well no shit of course like a three-year-old didn't choose to come here and i totally see what you're saying no no i was saying that it's funny that you know the same group of people a lot of like the far lefty people who will be like, oh, you're you're the recipient of privilege and your ancestor did this, that and the other. And then we're like, hey, but this person's ancestor, as in their fucking parents, did something illegal. And they're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Individuals that like either way, like it does seem a little fucked to to just kick someone out who came here when they

were three, when it's like they don't they didn't decide to come here and it i don't know it doesn't seem fair but at the same time i see the argument of like should we incentivize people coming here just to have a baby and then sneak in and break the law like oh and to be fair like obama knew when he did this this wasn't constitutional and it was eventually going to unravel. Yeah, I think you're wrong on that. He didn't do anything unconstitutional. That's just untrue. For him to give amnesty like that, like sweeping amnesty, just as the president, you can't

do that. You can't just give amnesty. And from Obama. No one argues that it's unconstitutional. The executive branch doesn't create legislation. Obama said it before. Obama tried to get legislation passed so this wouldn't be an executive order. He said, hey,

I can't just sign this thing into law. I'm not a king. The legislation fails and he's like, well, maybe I'll be part-time king. And then he signed it in. Those were his words. I haven't heard anyone say it was unconstitutional or that it was beyond. I'm not necessarily suggesting it is. I'm not saying it was a law. I'm just saying that

he didn't exceed his power. Yeah. I don't know. Well, he kind of did because the president isn't allowed to grant amnesty in that way. And so when he tried, to Kyle's point, it got shot down. And he basically made it as a policy change instead and said, well, we're not going to deal with, you know, the DACA people, the dreamers or whatever. And he really kind of kicked that can down the road to now Trump, where he's going to have to either make a decision and say, all right, we're going to grant amnesty or we're not going to grant amnesty to these people, which at this point, I don't know how many

people DACA is covering. I don't know. Is it millions? Is it hundreds of thousands? I guess it's semantics, really, but it's not unconstitutional. He didn't violate his power. And he to make sure the can down the road he made a decision and said we're going to do this trump trump decided to take it up and undo that decision it wasn't like he just kicked the can down the road he did what he thought was right and what

he could with the congress he had it's he did you know to avoid it and stick his head in the sand would be kicking the can down the road. He couldn't get a law passed, that much is true, but he had a Republican Senate in-house. Obama doesn't have the right as the president to say, all right, we're no longer enforcing these laws about immigration. And that's what he did through a policy. He said, well, my DOJ isn't going to do that. We're not going to do things like that. And it wasn't a real, like, it was basically the executive branch trying to make whole cloth legislation about amnesty and allowing these people.

And I don't know. Yeah, that's not true, though. Like, it was constitutional. Seems like an overreach of his power. It's not constitutional for the president to do that. It's not. He can't just say the president and he can and the president and the department of justice can decide which things they practice when the department of justice said you know what we're not really going to go after marijuana that wasn't unconstitutional either let's let's google it and see if that's true i want a t-shirt where trump is dropkicking a brown baby and it says, keep dreaming, Pablo.

No. My first thing, DACA isn't unconstitutional and or legal and other lies Trump and Sessions told. That's kind of better website. Yeah, I see that. I don't know that one. I'm not familiar with courts.com. Let's see. Here's one that says what legal experts are saying oh there was a supreme court case and it got deadlocked and therefore it stayed

so the supreme court i guess quote unquote decided on it because it was even and they didn't overturn it do they is it do they call it a decision if if uh it's locked or did i not i don't i don't know it doesn't use the word decision in here it says deadlocked so it wasn't overturned that's where it is uh funny stuff sometimes I feel bowled over I'll say it I'll say it I want to fight

but Taylor often approaches these topics with a tremendous amount of confidence and I tend to approach things with like well you know I don't think so you know I'll have to check on that I can google it and I feel like I get steamrolled by him just, by, by him just like, oh, the media absolutely sucked Obama's dick for eight years. And I'm like, I don't think so. And I was like, you know what? I don't want to get steamrolled this time. Okay. I, I see where you're coming

from in a way. I disagree in that. I actually think since the election, I've done a good job not liking a lot of what Trump does because I genuinely don't like a lot of what he does. And so when the carrier thing happened, that was the first thing we talked about. He gave special treatment. I said, I don't like that. And now when he tried to push through the health care thing, I said, I don't like that. It's just not even repeal and replace. And so every time Trump has come up since the election, I've mentioned things that i don't like about him and so i feel like i've done a good job of that whereas to be

fair every time trump comes up you you it's very predictable for the most part although wait hold on i'm going to give you credit because this hurricane one you you you were in the middle and you said this is ridiculous there's no reason for them to blow this up so much. A couple things in the hernia. Dan, if you do Dan, but they don't. People, Fussy's there causing security complications when they rescue. They wouldn't like it if he didn't go. Melania's shoes, oh my gosh, find a better thing to fuss about. That's crazy.

Melania's off limits. She's not doing anything. Leave her alone. And there were some others too. Melania is off limits she didn't she's not doing anything leave her alone and there were some others too I the um when he stopped allowing more or less Muslims but people from Muslim countries coming in on that one I was also like you know this is a tough issue for me like I can see the the the justification for it so I've been really about the issues

and not the man, mostly. Although, he hasn't given me a lot to support. There is a lot to dislike about the man. Like, there's plenty to dislike about Trump as a person. Like, the way he just seems to be emotionally tethered to wherever his ego is at the moment. It's like, God. Like, he can't,

he constantly has wonderful opportunities in front of him to do things and to look good. And he's like, no, I'm not going to do that. Somebody tweeted something to me. I'm going to retweet this 16-year-old bot or, like, whatever the hell. Like, I don't know. He gets, he steps on his own feet every other day.

A lot of the crises that he deals with were created in his own White House. You know, they just they do something wrong. They say something wrong when the right play was pretty simple. I think anyone on this call would have got it. The it before the election happened, one of my issues with against him was just kind of a moral thing. Like, hey, this guy's lying constantly. This guy, you know, he's all the children, all the wives, all this, all that. Like, um, the, the law case lawsuits brought against him for the evicting black people from his housing apartment or housing

units. And I was just like, there's a lot in here that kind of proves he's a bad guy. I don't know that he'll be a bad president because Bill Clinton was a bad guy, but I used moral morality as one of the reasons I didn't like him. And in hindsight'm like i think i was on to something with this one anyway that yeah yeah sure you know a lot of his plays uh you know oh definitely it's just and there's but uh yeah but as far as the daca thing like i i'm not sold either way yet i don't know like i don't i haven't read up on it enough to know all the pros and the cons of keeping people here, but one gut reaction I have is like, wait,

so we just tax-funded a ton of people's education, and now we're going to send them back to Mexico? No, didn't we all just bankroll this? Shouldn't we get... Shouldn't these people be qualified members of the american

economy now like wouldn't that kind of does or is that not resonant no there's a certain logic with that it sounds good but like if you go on an anecdotal basis like the guy cnn had on yesterday was half japanese and half filipino and they were like and and he was a dreamer and uh he's like yeah my parents already went back to japan to japan because they were afraid of trump they were here illegally. And I'm afraid to go there. And they're like, well, what would you do if you stayed here? He's like, I want to become an immigration attorney.

It's like, all right, well, you can go. You can go. You can go there. Oh. Well, yeah, that's a complicated issue. And you got to feel for the kids who came here. Like, they didn't pick that. And if you go on the one-person basis, like, I don't know what my image of a dreamer is exactly, right?

Like, on one hand, I picture, like, a girl. She's Latina. She has good grades. She's going to college, and she's going to be a great member of society, right? That's one image of a dreamer. On the other hand, I got a guy. He has something written in tattoo, an arch that just shows through above the neck in his T-shirt. And he's a gang. And his masculinity is like the cornerstone of his entire sense of self-worth. It says machismo across his belly. A brown pride or something.

And it's just like, oh, yeah, well, that guy could go. You know, he's nothing but trouble. He's just going, oh yeah, well that guy could go. He's nothing but trouble. He's just going to go to our prison system. Yeah. I don't know what the dreamer is. What does this say? Oh, this is about potential jobs that

dreamers have that could be American jobs. I don't care about this. I'm not reading that. It took her germs. It took her germs. But yeah. It took her germs. Yeah.

Anyway, the docket thing. I don't know the right answer on the docket thing. I don't know. I'd like to know more about these dreamers. I almost want to pick and choose among them. There's a movie now called The Thinning, right? Are you guys familiar with The Thinning? I haven't seen The Thinning, but this sounds hilarious.

I'm already in favor. I want Simon Cowell to be on the board. I want to be televised. And let's get fucking going. We'll use all the money. I don't know if it's new in theaters or new on DVD, but it's kind of a Hunger Games-like thing where the kids get killed if they don't get good enough test scores in school.

They thin the population out and just get rid of all the underachievers. And two kids, the star of our movie, get selected for thinning and then they fight back against the man. And that's the essence of the movie. And somehow, that is my idea for DACA.

Do it like America's Got Talent and second place gets to be Canadian. And let's fucking roll it out every week, right? Like, third, first place, American and a scholarship. Second place, American, but we're not helping out. Third place, Canada. Everybody else, Mexico, except last place, Ireland. Ten contestants a week, there's a talent portion, a swimsuit portion. That's making a lot of sense.

Donald Trump owns the show, of course. He's parlaying his money from the... It's nothing he hasn't seen before. Absolutely. He's seen it all. Yeah, no. Okay, let's put this plan in motion. I like this better. This is better than Trump's suggestion. We have tryouts. We make sure that when you're immigrating here, you're the best of the best. You're the brightest.

You're coming here with ideas, with Tesla shocks coming off your fingertips. You got inventions stuck in your mind. That's what we want. We don't want someone coming here and then, what was it, Kyle? Becoming an immigration attorney so he can get his sneaky japanese uh illegal immigrant parents back over here because they snuck over because yeah and because we don't forget to be an illegal immigrant is by definition very sneaky because you're sneaking about nobody people say about about Asians. Maybe you don't even know that. Oh, I didn't even know that.

We're saying about the Japanese because they snuck attack us. Oh. Well, I mean... All right. Yeah, that makes sense. I didn't know that was a thing. Before the call,

I called a group of people a pack. Had no idea that was racist either. Can anyone in the audience guess what group of people Woody referred to as a pack? I didn't mean it. A pack in my area is the wolf pack it's it's the NC State like that's anyway it wasn't meant to be racist it's

a group of people wearing red where I come from but the bloods the bloods no the wolf pack well oh so I guess we should probably wrap up the call because we'll talk about the hurricane on PKA. Yeah, yeah. I mentioned it last. I use that. We use different sites.

I liked your site very much, but I'm still stuck on Ventusky because when I type V, I just press V and then enter and get there. But ventusky.com has a really cool model, and it lets you track this thing hour by hour. You can track it by precipitation or cloud color cover or wind speed and stuff. And it's fun, because every day it changes. I check it maybe every six

hours. Yeah, I check it every six hours. I'll be like, let's see what the path looks like now. And it's starting to look more and more like it's going to go up the eastern coast of Florida. It's going to hit the tip and then ride the east coast and then dump fucking inches on south and north carolina um the other day i kitty and i were talking about you woody and i was like man if woody gets flooded i don't know if he can make it out you know he's got he's got that bum leg like like he's gonna he's gonna be floating in there i don't know what's gonna happen like he's going to be floating in there. I don't know what's going to happen. No, you're going to be a hill.

You're going to be on an island if it floods. Yeah. Or it's just your estate. Two things. One, like Taylor mentioned, we live on top of a hill. We're totally not getting flooded. Two, I swim an hour a day. I swam an hour and 20 minutes today.

It is my PT that I'm up to. I'm on it. I couldn't be working any harder to heal. Awesome. That's good. Yeah. Tomorrow, formal PT starts tomorrow, so I'll know more about how hard I can push it. Do you know

who you're going to be working with? I know that it's my orthopedic surgeons. His practice has a PT associated with it, but I don't know the person. Yeah, I assume from what I've seen in the movies that you're like it's kind of like a personal trainer and like this is i feel like it's

important to have like someone you're good at working with because like i was i wouldn't want a woman and it has it's not sexism it's like i don't want there to be any like i don't know man woman things going on i need to do there to be like yeah man like you got to do this like like i've had i've had other guys come in here and afterwards they did this and you're gonna get back in the game. I feel like I need a man boosting me up rather than a woman perhaps distracting me in some way.

Maybe I don't take something she says as seriously because she's not a man and she has no experience at being a man. I feel like it matters when we're doing medical PT. The last time I did it at this place for my ACL surgery. It was two dudes So like like we're always in like a V formation You know like I'm on one leg like doing squats, and then there's two guys like get your butt lower

To chin up you know like just like giving you commands the whole time. Yeah, that's what I want Yeah, yeah, so we'll see what I get tomorrow if I don't like it. That's great You're swimming, but I get a new I didn't know that you were doing that much activity. That's probably the best possible thing. I mean, I actually go to the doctor. Don't take this advice off the top of my head. I'm like, oh, I mean, we're swimming. That's like healthy.

You know, it's probably makes you way less frustrated by the fact that you are totally basically homebound. Like, right. Like you can just anytime be like i got a lot of energy i'm getting in a bad mood from it i'm gonna burn it out yesterday i literally brought over a friend to just like be the guy that i can't be you know we had to we we carry we buy fuel like 60 gallons at time 30 diesel 30 gas and uh but i can't wheel those damn canisters around on crutches i can hardly hook up a trailer and and we did that

i had two giant like six foot wide zero turn mowers that were down so we took them off to the shop to get fixed and and he was just like my partner in doing things all day long uh it was super helpful but uh so yeah it's frustrating to to suck being me, but I'm in the pool doing barely any strength stuff because, uh, I'm not really, maybe tomorrow I'll get cleared for it. But like the thing that I can't do is stand on my foot and then like go to my toe, that sort of thing. Like he made it very clear. Don't do that.

And, uh, so I haven't, but like, you know, flexibility, circulation, stuff like that, that I can do in the pool. I even do do what he said not to, but I circulation, stuff like that, that I can do in the pool. I even do do what he said not to, but I only weigh like five pounds because I'm neck deep in the pool. And so I do that. But anyway, so I'm working crazy hard at it. My weight has not risen, but it hasn't dropped. I was 197 this morning. Yeah.

And it's like, I don't know. I just kind of rationalize. I'm like, all right, if you're going to have a setback and the only back you go is staying still for six weeks, it could be worse. Yeah, if you stay paused at your current weight until it's over and don't gain anything, I would consider that

a win, considering your injury. Yeah, so I'm eating clean. I just do less. I'm down to like a hundred and... 22, 25? clean i just do less and that's where i am i'm down to like 100 and 22 25 yeah it's pretty fucking low uh like a hundred flat stanley over there it's uh it's less than 160 i think i'm gonna get on taco bell my friend taylor oh i'm eating so much now sit me over some some documentation i'm starting on his cycle. I think that's going to help

get things boosted, get things fired up. I've been eating so much beef. I had forgotten, but I had this thing from Omaha Steaks. It's a giant thing of frozen burgers. I've been eating two at a time,

a couple times a day. I'm eating so many fucking hamburgers. They're so delicious. They're so delicious. To hear you work on your weight gain is like hearing a person with too much money. Like, oh my god, you know, I've been going to strip clubs, renting private jets. It's really a workload for me. I feel the exact same. Kyle, you said 165?

No, no, no, no. Like 160, maybe less. Like I haven't weighed myself in a couple days but last time i wait let me go let me go check i want to know exactly i'll be back in 30 seconds i uh but i totally get what you mean woody about when people bitch about not being able to gain weight like like when i go on fitness reddits or or like progress pics or whatever for motivation and i see someone who's like yeah i weigh 141 right now and I'm six feet tall, really trying to put on like 30 pounds. Like I don't have even a millionth of the empathy for

them as I do for someone who's like, I'm a hundred pounds overweight and I'm really trying to cut down. Because like, for me, I just, I have never had an experience that would allow me to empathize with someone trying to gain weight. Every time I gain weight, it's always like, Oh no, what have you like? I know when I'm gaining weight because it'll be like,

how many, how many cheese it's in salty snacks. Have you had, Oh, every night this week, you think you want to hop on that? You want to hop on the scale? No,

of course you don't. Why not? Because you know, you're getting fat. So my list of empathy goes like this the person i feel the most for is the one who's like they were 200 pounds overweight and now they're like 70 pounds overweight go you like i yeah i'm i'm most on your side the one who wants to gain the one you have no empathy for is my second place the one i have no empathy for is the one who's like 300 pounds and still 300 pounds and continues to be 300 pounds

says they're trying but is clearly lying to you and uh because like i've gained every everyone here has gained weight at one point you know how you did it like you were there for all of it the lies you tell me about how you skip breakfast and all you have for lunch is some lean chicken and for dinner just a salad horse shit horse shit you didn't get fat on that you didn't yeah we all know you didn't you pancake loving motherfucker so yeah yeah you see that on uh on really really like fat people who are body positive which is just code word for lazy. Or real body positivity should be like, I was born with one arm. I need to learn to love myself anyway,

because there's nothing I can do about this. Or, oh, I was born a dwarf, so I got to love myself anyway and try not to beat myself up all the time. But if you're just, yeah, don't be so grumpy. I'd work out more if i wasn't so sleepy but congratulations to you if you could be more of a more of a happy or a you're being a real grumpy today like next lawsuit inbound kyle what do you weigh 160 with my t-shirt and underwear okay

are you in your underwear right now? that's so unfair but I stripped real quick now when I weigh in I will go full nude all the way all I wear is this stupid compression sock like Daniel Cormier

you're pressing on the towel a little bit too yeah and sometimes I'll you can eat Like Daniel Cormier, you're pressing on the towel a little bit too. Yeah. And sometimes I'll... Oh, did you want to say something? You can eat 140,000 calories over your maintenance before you reach my weight. 140,000. Can you imagine how many Cheez-Its and treats and snacks and fun things you can fit in there? I can't imagine it, but I can calculate it.

It's a whole fucking bunch. It's like 100 boxes of Cheez-Its that I could eat right now and just fine. 1,000 calories in a box? 1,400 in a box? I haven't done that math in a while. It's been very good. I haven't bought Cheez-Its in probably five months. I've been eating Oreos

and Chips Ahoy cookies. I'll just get in bed and they're split into three sections. The whole thing is. In the box, there's three rows of them. I'll eat an entire row with a mug of milk in just one sitting. I do that almost every day.

Oh man, that sounds good. I'll see you at 170 soon or you'll be at 170 soon i'll never see 170 again not a lot but i have had a glass of milk here and there mostly because i i broke my bones and it's supposed to be a thing it's part of the bro science i'm following yeah and after you told me milk after you told me they added sugar to uh any milk that's not whole milk, I'm like, well, it's whole milk forever now because it tastes the best. Yeah, definitely the best. And apparently your body doesn't convert fat into fat as easily or readily as it converts sugar into fat. There you go.

Yeah, whole milk. Maybe buttermilk is the way to go. Or whipping cream. All right, keep it under control. Or whipping cream on my cereal. Maybe Cool Whip. Whipping cream. Keep it under control. Or some heavy whipping cream on my cereal. God damn, that's good. I would judge anyone

harshly who eats cereal with whipping cream. What is that? Ready Whip, right? It's called heavy whipping cream. It's a little thing of cream. But, you know, it's the kind of – I just went next level with it.

Oh, I love ready whip. It's like baking and shit. Dude, I had stoner friends in high school who worked at a grocery store purely for its access to ready whip. And they would do whippets. Oh, they did the nitrous. Yeah, the nitrous oxide. They'd get high on it in the back room. Yeah, Howard stern did an embedded

thing where they sent someone to a fish concert and i and i guess like i i'd never known about whippets but but there's a guy walking around with a tank like like a scuba tank of nitrous oxide and a sign that says like five dollars a hit and he's just filling balloons up and handing them to people for five dollars a piece and after the show after the show the ground is littered with with balloons thousands and thousands of and it's like oh my god did that guy just turned like thirty dollars worth of nitrous into ten thousand dollars dude so i met i met a steve miller concert and uh the opener was eric johnson the close with dover guy and and there's a guy selling whippets now I don't do drugs mostly I I guess

based on this story but I'm like nitrous oxide the same stuff the dentist gives you that makes it not a drug this guy looks like a dentist clearly yeah I mean like the dentist has administered it and I'm seem to be fine so uh so yeah I did whippets at a Steve Miller concert once yeah I've never tried whippets I walked into my kitchen once during like maybe like a freshman in college party over one of those breaks where you're back with friends and it uh I didn't know these people but I it was at my house and I walked back into the kitchen to grab something and these two guys were standing next to my open fridge, like both like angled towards the inside.

And I was just like, hey, help you with something? And they turned around and this dude had Ready Whip on his upper lip. And I was like, are you guys doing Whippets out of my mom's refrigerator with her Ready Whip or whipped cream or whatever it was? And they were like yeah i was like just please stop like just go back outside and i went and i went over and grabbed the ready whip thing just to feel it have you ever felt a container that it has no nitrous oxide in it anymore and all of the ready whip in it you just have to throw it away because you can't

get anything out of it so i was like holy shit like these guys what ass someone else's house I don't know what it gets worse when you do it at the grocery store and sell them that guy at public gives you such a hard time that's one step above huffing computer duster oh that's that's that a thing oh yeah that's a thing for retarded people that shit all right so they put an additive in there that makes it first of all never done it because that's insane i remember watching a cops one time where this guy was huffing paint and he was all homeless and ruined and they were like they were like the cops like what happened buddy because he's real beat up he's like some kids threw me off a bridge they're like what yeah i was passed out and some

kids came along and threw me off the bridge over there. And they're like, fuck. And I was like, this is the life of someone who huffs paint. Never huff paint. But I've used that duster, that spray canned air to dust off my electronics and stuff, like my TV and stuff. I'm just blowing all the dust off it and stuff. And the air gets saturated with this stuff.

And you start tasting it and it's like the bitter part of a pecan it's so bitter and awful tasting and i learned that they put that in there to keep people from huffing it and i'm it's it's it lingered in my mouth the same way that the one time ever that i accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth and it's that same kind of all right it's on my tongue and it won't come off now it's just it's terrible what an effective antiperspirant i can't even salivate i can't use spray deodorant doesn't stand a chance man but made for a woman god damn i can't use the clear kind it has to be that it has to become from a

white powder stick. Almost all of those work fine. Totally agree with you. If it's a clear roll-on liquidy type thing... Gel stuff and sprays don't work at all. For me, at least. Yeah, I use a white one, too. But I accidentally purchased a gel,

and it's like, well, I'm going to go through this whole... I'm not going to throw it away. It's $3. But for months, I'm using it. It's like, I got to tap it with a towel. Like after I put it on, it's like there's two steps to putting this deodorant on. I had that same cheap experience,

except that I would base it on the day. Like, all right, well, today's just an office day at Cisco. Clear gel it is. Oh, we're going to be outside working. Break out the white powder shit. If I get a little BO at Cisco, this will do nothing but endear me to my co-workers. Oh, you better watch out,

Mr. Woodward. We're all going to be sneaking up the break room. That's funny. We should probably wrap. Yeah. Alright, PKN episode 159.