Painkiller Already - PKN #167

Episode Date: November 10, 2017

It's PKN time baby!

I think we're recording. There's nobody watching at this point, but they will at some point. Cut. Great. All right. And now we're demonetized. Thanks. Oh, so Painkiller nearly 167. We do this sort of secret podcast once a week, and it's an hour long. But because it was Halloween, we had this idea that we'd all get in costumes and do it live. And look at these two high-effort costumes here. Look at that. Two high-effort costumes in Gumby.

Two high-effort costumes in... You've got to cut off his shirt. No, it's a whole suit. To show him the back. This is a whole suit, too. State penitentiary or something is what it says so there you go happy halloween everyone woody you honestly impressed me a lot because i don't recall what you were last year which is how i know i wasn't as impressed as this year because next year i'll remember this one last year i was the

brawny man i had like a flannel shirt and paper towels and uh i actually thought it was pretty good but i seem to be alone in that opinion. You were just a lumberjack who didn't have a toy axe available. Oh, dude, a friend of mine, I went out obviously this past weekend for Halloween celebrations both nights. And one of my buddies showed up as a lumberjack because that's a very lazy thing to do when you're a bearded man. Especially a bearded white man for some reason. Not too many black lumberjacks out there. Who knows? But he showed up with a real axe. He brought a real axe. And we're like, dude, we're going to be going out to bars at some point. You

can't bring an axe with you. And so he got into the Uber with an axe. And it's not until after we left that the uber driver clearly became aware that someone had a real axe in the back of her car and uh and i don't think she was enthused one bit she didn't say anything did he get into the bar uh no no he didn't because we were like buddy you can't bring a fucking axe with you like we get it you want to be the best the best you can be at a lumberjack but uh but no no it's not okay to bring real weapons a chainsaw would have been even more hardcore huh i mean just as illegal and for a penny and for a pound yeah just explain to them like a slow on fuel if you take if you take the blade off then you can crank it and rev it up

and stuff and and i i think I feel like you're legal 100%. You rev it up outside the bar, put it on your hand. Be like, look, nothing. It's not even got a chain. They'll let you in. If anybody starts up a chainsaw near me, that's like one of those mean-spirited pranks. Where it's like somebody dresses up as a terrorist and they throw a suitcase at you and scream, Allah Akbar, and run away.

It's not very... It's in poor poor taste is what i'm saying kyle if you ever want to go for it wear a gopro because i'd love to see where it all goes from there i would i would dual willed fucking chainsaws before i did that other thing dressing as a terrorist i feel like you could you could run screaming with chainsaws and people would be like, ah, yeah, well, it is Halloween. But as we found out today, there are Halloween terrorists. So don't do that. Everyone needs a hobby. I think you're being a little judgy. Wow.

A little judgy. Are we talking about the New York thing right now? Yeah. Oh, this is arguably the soonest after a tragedy like this that it's become, oh, you know, whatever. Far too soon. So he killed six people, and how many injuries did he get? I think there were eight dead. Eight dead.

That's what I'm saying so far. Oh, eight dead, dozens injured. Dozens. That could mean anything. it was a box truck attack right and then he got out of the box truck and started shooting is that correct not have a real gun he had two fake guns and he's just there's video of him on on a fox news uh just kind of running around in the streets like a madman uh he looked honestly he looks confused and uh they're um i you and the police are surrounding him.

They have him now. I don't know how to ask this question. White? Muslim? No, no, no. You didn't have to even ask the question. Yes is the answer. So was the question going to be Muslim?

He is an Uzbeki national. Uzbeki? God, terrorism isn't going to help me with my geography. His name is Saifullo Saipov. That's as American as apple pie, Kyle. That's true, that's true. I rushed to judgment. It's a melting pot.

You do. I bet you feel like a real bigot, don't you? As a green man, I have to say that we must never rush to judgment in these situations. Although he was screaming, Allahu Akbar, and the chairman of Homeland Security just linked him to ISIS on the news live. Wow. Like a real link to ISIS?

This would not have happened. Well, he said his quote was something they asked him the same thing, and he was like, those lines are kind of blurred at this point because ISIS inspires so many attacks online. I'm sure if we had a wall on the new york beach this wouldn't have happened woody for president yeah that you can't prove that's not true uzbekistan is one of those countries that when i hear about it i'm like yeah i know that's like

in the istan region of the world. Right. I don't know what goes on there other than like alcoholic goat milk. No, that was Kazakhstan. That was another region of the Istan. It's mayor's milk. Don't be racist. I have like an adventure motorcycle and I know nothing about Uzbekistan other than I bet it'd be fun there.

Like it'd be perfect. Ideally suited, you know, lots of barely highways on and off road for a man maybe i mean or or a woman who'd had her clitoris removed maybe they'd let that fly oh is that is that a thing there i don't know it's a mere 20 hour flight if we want to you know go be culturally enriched or get some payback Is that what you're suggesting? No, because the guy who did it is already here. Oh, yeah. Kyle goes to the George W. Bush method of payback, right?

Take it to their shores. Find some brown people. It doesn't even have to be Uzbekistan. Who's to say where that even is? Just buy a rock again or something. I don't know. America. There could be dozens, hell, hundreds more

of these Uzbekis out there somewhere. I literally went to take a sip of my Red Bull and I was like, oh. You know, like, I'd say give that another five minutes.

Yeah, yeah. It's wearing thin. It is. It's already worn out. It is wearing them it's hard to wear it out now when they said kevin when they said they were canceling uh house of cards i was like ah that sucks but you know what i think they already filmed the current season or they're producing it i don't know where they are maybe kyle knows you seem to know they are in filming right now can you imagine how awkward it is?

They canceled it. They cut it. No, no, no. They're filming season six. Season six is happening. It's just ending after season six. Chiz, fact check for me. I think that Kyle is a few hours out of date. Oh, it's suspended. Yeah. Oh, shit went down today.

Shit went down today. Do you think that's going to be one of his monologues? He turns to the screen now and he's like, people are a little uptight around here now. Turns out something in real life got all jumbled up in this. They don't know how many times I've truly been involved. And then he turns back around and you know, he's, it turns out this is just the only one that seeped through. Right? Oh, you know, an interesting thing is Family Guy's called like 10 of these. That's exaggerating, but quite a few jokes from family guy from like 10 12 years ago

are coming true they got Osama bin Laden right uh with the with the airplane airplane hijacking um Kevin Spacey of course uh what are the others I I'm blanking out uh there's at least who who are the other people who have been getting called out recently? Because it was at least one of them. I don't think they got Bill Cosby. Weinstein. They did Weinstein. They did do Weinstein.

Well, they did. I think they might have done a Cosby joke. I don't remember. Yeah, Weinstein is an Oscar joke. Yeah. Well, anyway, maybe I was giving them way too much credit. Maybe even a broken clock is right three times every 20 years. anyway maybe i was giving them way too much credit maybe even a broken clock is right three times every 20 years so what is the gravity of this offense i i can't i don't have my arms around

it quite yet he was 27 the boy was 14 so that is just too far apart he hopped in bed with him and like do we know that this was like an attempted rape of some sort was he coming on to him or was he himself on top of a 14 year old as an adult like 27 that's a year older than me like if i put myself on top of a 14 year old boy or girl that's not appropriate you know even more so it with like the power dynamic of that you know like where there's a child actor look look what's a 14 first of all it's bad what he did but but like you gotta ask like what's a 14 year old doing at kevin spacey's after party where there's alcohol and stuff they were in a play together at the time like they're working together but it just doesn't seem like the scene for the where is it where his parents at that are allowing him to go to to this party what is it

with this cock tease at kevin spacey's party laying in his bed seductively and then not putting out well kevin carried him into the bed i don't have my facts right at all yeah like like like wedding like like bride over the threshold style i didn't know that that's even that's even worse yeah and he's drunk i think that makes it better, being drunk does not make it better. It's his house at a party. Yeah, but there's nothing wrong with the fact that he is drunk. It's the fact that he was like, well, the worst part about it is the ham-handed, oh-so-fucking-obvious thing he did when he came out,

where he was just like, oh, you know, that was horrible that I, you know, attempted to molest a 14-year-old while drunk. But that was years ago, and I'm actually gay. And so I'm going to live as a gay guy now. And then did you see how many headlines? No, no, he said, I'm going to start living as a gay man. And did you see how many news sources, how many of them just reported, like Kevin Spacey says he's coming out and living as gay. And it was like, what the fuck?

Like, he just did the Chelsea Manning thing where they're like, you betrayed this country. And he's like, uh, nah, I'm not Bradley anymore. He betrayed the country. I'm Chelsea. Well, Taylor, you've got a marketing background. How would you have spun it? Let's just say, you know, you're a kitty toucher. And now you've got to get yourself out of this trouble.

Do they teach you this in school? Surely that's what you trained in. That might be more of a PR thing than a marketing thing. Yeah, you say tomato, I say tomato. Marketing would be like, hey, pedophiles, not too bad, am I right? I wouldn't want that.

Yeah, the whole gay thing. First of all, the gay, the LGBT, XYZ, Q123 community, for so many years has tried to distance, like, the stereotype of, like, oh, gay guys, they're predatory. You know, they're towards young boys, you know? Which actually sunk in with me because I'm a straight guy, but I don't go after little girls. So when you just

flip it and say that... Exactly. I'll go after little girls that you know of. So you flip it and you think that gay men would like gay men. Work for me. Yeah, you think so. And I mean, most of them do, obviously. So that whole stereotype has taken a while

for the mainstream to kind of whittle through and then Kevin Spacey just comes out and drops this of like, ah, I'm gay and I happen to be drunk and try to molest a teenager. You know how we are, you know, one day at a time. But Milo. Everybody down the river there with your made up excuse. Do you remember Milo? Milo was the young guy in that situation. And he was like, hey, the gay community has something different than the straight community has. You know, oftentimes people adopt like a father figure.

And they're in this position where they're trying to figure out the sexuality, but they feel all alone. So they hook up with an older man. And Milo rationalized it as normal. Now, he might have been sort of doing that because he was a victim. And that's sort of the stance that people are taking now. because he was a victim and that's that's sort of the stance that people are taking now but if there is any truth to what he said that these like sort of father-son sexual relationships are part of the gay experience i don't know i don't know about father son exactly i think he said boy like uh boy was like the term in the gay community but i think they were meaning more like like 18

year old 1920 like still way younger like not a lit not a literal okay this is what he got in trouble for this is why his book got canceled like like not like like this kind of talk like and him sort of yeah defending that sort of sexual relationship within the gay community this is this is what brought him down this is not going to help my run. Who's next? I'm sunk. The next pedo in Hollywood? Mel Gibson, maybe? No.

He just wants his blowjob before the jacuzzi. You pig. You fat pig. If anybody out there hasn't listened to the Mel Gibson tapes, it is fucking hysterical because when he gets mad about not getting a blow job before the jacuzzi like in every man's mind

out there like women must listen to that and be like what a what an idiot what an animal but to men out there i'm like well you did you probably promised that you'd give him a blow job before the jacuzzi and that's all he was thinking about and then you tried to do it after the jacuzzi and then you were too tired and it was like oh oh man mel like the rest of this is really anti-semitic but you really hit a chord with me right here about the timing of the book there was nothing more infuriating than a promise blow job going unperformed you know like more frustrating look i've never had one of those massage happy ending things but i really think i'd prefer a happy beginning. You know, I feel like you just kick it off, get yourself fully relaxed and then enjoy the massage.

No, because you don't want anybody touching you after. All right. All right. Fuck off. I just want to I just want to take a nap. There is kind of a chemical thing going on there. Yeah. Where I just fuck off.

All the ideas I thought were good ahead of time suddenly become not good ideas. You have to be there. But, yeah, I just had this idea. Like, you get your release, and then you enjoy a relaxing massage. That sounds wonderful. Well, Mel's interesting. Very religious guy, though, you know. Directed Passion of the Christ, among other projects.

I don't know about him. Eddie Murphy. Oh, I'm sorry. Go ahead. You go. But Eddie Murphy had the transvestites. Eddie Murphy has been out in the news before. Eddie Murphy is definitely a possibility. And the reason that I think

and I'm kind of going with a similar trend here. I think one of the reasons that you can go toward these sort of closeted gay men is because they will often prey upon young straight men because no young straight man wants to come out and be like, ah, I was set upon by a rich, famous gay guy. Because people are going to be like, first of all, he's not gay.

Second of all, you're never working in this town again. So it's a really effective strategy for someone like John Travolta. And it comes full circle because he was accused, and he totally did, you know, grope that male masseuse not too long ago. So John Travolta, I think, is a prime candidate to come out because he's also one of those guys who used to be like a heartthrob, you know,

Saturday Night Fever, Grease, good-looking young guy who could have gotten all the straight boy tail he wanted there and is there a lot of truth to the whole he he groped masseuses yeah that ended up being true how do we know that's true Kyle do you have any source for this or you just put the masseuse you know and his history of like rumors surrounding him always that he's gay just just that that that's that's a gay man um yeah that's that that's a gay man so but where's your ranking go uh with those two like what do you think is more likely well i i think that they're both 100 likely because eddie murphy got arrested with a transvestite

in his car a transvestite prostitute and uh and the rumors have surrounded i don't know like the early 90s late 80s something like that um that makes sense i don't know, in like the early 90s, late 80s, something like that. That makes sense. I wouldn't know that. I think that they're both 100% true that they are not necessarily pedophiles, but that I think that they are likely to be like in that pool of potential

predatory Hollywood fixtures. So I like those two a lot. Okay. Rosie O'Donnell, maybe? Rosie O'Donnell, you should get triple points for a female.

I agree. That's double word score right there. If it's a lady preying upon people, there's definitely... Yeah, I could see her being one because Oprah, maybe? It's not a's not or anything but did you see that Ellen Ellen DeGeneres did that thing with Katy Perry where she like looked at her tit I took a picture stare and write it Katie because obviously Ellen DeGeneres is a lesbian I

know I know that's probably news to many of you but just staring at Katy Perry's tits and was like oh you know time for a big balloon season or some joke. And it's not offensive. Who really cares? But can you imagine if a man said that to Katy Perry while taking a picture on her TV show of staring at her tits? And it's like that's a little bit of lesbian privilege if I do say so. if I do say so. I was thinking,

sometimes I go through this scenario in my head, like me as a lesbian, I feel like I'd be really handsy with all my friends. Oh yeah. Because girls get away with that. Yeah, because most people want women to touch them. Most men want women to touch them. Because if a woman touches me in a way that I don't like,

I'm positive I can get her away from me. I can shove or push or do whatever or probably just run away faster than her because I don't want to get arrested for defending myself. Put this out there. Yeah. Like guys, right? If I had a gay guy friend – I do have a gay guy friend actually. But if a gay guy friend were to put his hands all over me and stuff, I'd be like, bro, come on. You know it's not like that. But I feel like girls get to be handsy all the time.

And I would just be all over that. I'd take advantage to the fullest extent. Are straight girls playing? Are slash straight girls playing? Another one of my favorite pornographic subreddits. I have a lot of expertise in this subreddit. Big fan. Chiz wrote in the chat.

That's great. Chiz wrote in the chat just now that Adam Sandler touched Winona Ryder's boo back in 2002. I think she was okay with that. That was probably a prearranged gag. However, he recently, I mean, like this week was on the Graham Norton show, and he kept putting his hand on Claire Foy, who I don't know who that is, but she's an actress, and I watched the clip. He kept putting his hand on her knee,

and she finally had to take his hand and put it on his knee, and they were giving him a lot of shit about that on Twitter. So I think that's kind of minor league stuff, honestly. Yeah, that doesn't hold up to the Weinstein kind of stuff that we've been seeing.

Yeah, so Weinstein, obviously, over the top, right? But, gosh, back in the day when you actually hit on women in real life, a knee touch might be something you use to gauge if she likes you back, right? You might just talk and seem to be hitting it off and then you lean in for a kiss at one point. Nowadays, sometimes they act like that's attempted rape that was that was taking a risk of taking a day it depends how good looking you are and how smooth the date had gone up until then well sure but i i don't know thank god i'm

not single i really don't know how to do this i okay i could totally see me like back of the fingernail against a kneecap just to see, you know, whether that wings. No, this is just like, yeah, that's OK. Back of the fingernail as you're going to go. Or maybe like the touch or something. I don't know. Just like a playful little like contact to see if I get the good vibe or the bad vibe from that. Find this playful. I'm not even on a date with you, sir.

Look at this fingernails. Do you play guitar? Now I'm a seducer. Hypothetical modern day single Woody would have to bring a notary with him on dates. They have to sign a consent form, notarize that shit, witness it. You'd have to be careful. Most of this shit,

people just know. The whole media and everything will blow it up into, oh, you've got to be super, super careful with this and that and not be too forward or whatever. Or you can just use context clues for how conversations are going and know that people have been doing this for all time. Flirting is just kind of part of evolution you know you're not you're going to strike out more often than you don't

or at least i think most guys what harvey weinstein says yeah that's i mean harvey weinstein may not say that you know who knows a thousand percent average yeah i feel like they're trying to like trump up the fear of it when like really most men and women out there the majority aren't creeps and so they kind of know how to play it right kyle you your eyes are saying i think that there are a lot of socially inept men out there another subreddit i and like i like it our indian people facebook totally suggests that i sent you guys that picture the other day and it's like an indian man giving you picture the other day and it's like an Indian man giving you the sexy eye and it says, freaking the sheets shit in your streets.

That was a good one. Kyle, an Indian man. Well, that was in New Ireland. I like Conor McGregor too much to keep hating on the Irish. I really like the fanfare. I like the support that they bring behind that guy as an athlete. When I saw them singing

in that hotel, they're all singing in unison. It's like, ah, man, these are good people. They're okay. These tater eaters, just let it go. Okay. Tater eaters. I like potatoes. I can't wait for the next nationality that you dislike.

Who knows? It could be Uzbekistan. We'll have to have a Wikipedia page up so you know things to make fun of. I don't wait for the next nationality that you dislike. Who knows? It could be Uzbekistan. I mean, we'll have to have a Wikipedia page up so you know things to make fun of. Yeah, I don't know what the fuck they're up to over there, other than running people over in New York City. Do they have any good UFC fighters out of there? I'm not sure. But definitely the Indians right now. Dots, not feathers. I really dislike the ones with feathers too, but we'll get to them another time. That's coming up next in our bigotry bit. And when you say we'll get to them another time,

you're talking about smallpox, right? Yes, I absolutely am talking about smallpox. That's how we're going to get to them. We'll finish the job. Woody, did you say who your predictions were? Best I came up with was Mel Gibson. What do you got? Okay.

One that I think might come out allegedly you know oh you both picked eddie murphy okay uh that's that must be a really good one i didn't even think of him uh i think one that might come out just based on all the old opie and anthony that i've listened to is jim jeffries uh who now has his own comedy central he's the gun guy right he's the gun guy he's austral's the gun guy. He's Australian. And he knows what's best for this country. I just fucked it up. I'm doing British now.

But his whole show, you know, now he's like a mainstream kind of guy with his own Comedy Central show. And if you look up just on YouTube, like Jim Jefferies, Opie and Anthony, there are a ton of hilarious, hilarious clips. But he's doing and saying things to some of these like female

guests that if it came out like it would it would ruin it like people would not be able to like stand behind jim jeffries like who maybe he's done like a uh so take it out of that context and he's screwed right like painkiller already has a thousand moments like that you know yeah yeah this is uh honestly this stuff is more offensive than anything we've ever done on Painkiller already has a thousand moments like that. Yeah. Honestly, this stuff is more offensive than anything we've ever done on this show. I don't know how that can be. Then look up Jim Jefferies' old ONA clips. A woman live on air? Did he bludgeon a child with a face mask?

Taylor, we've had people get handjobs during the show, Taylor. No, we've had people. Okay, Taylor. Oh, I mean, we didn't. No, we've had people. Okay, fine. Oh, Taylor got knocked off his game. What happened there, Taylor? No, I was going to say, hey, it wasn't a handjob. It was a little bit of friendly touching. And then I was like, oh, okay, well, let's not go down into this.

Oh, we're talking about Taylor's handjob. I thought we were talking about me. Oh, Kyle, your blow job. Get it straight. Yeah. I've completed most sexual acts. That is one I can see. Yeah, I've never completed a sexual act on the show.

I have far too much respect for what we're doing here. But Jim Jefferies, that is a good one, I think, because there was one clip. I'll have to go back and watch because I don't know the quote. But he was on there, and there was a stripper. And he was doing the banter and the talking shit. And she said something about her ass. And he said something about wanting to scoop her shit out with a knife.

And then something about rape. It was very uncouth, even for the O&A show. So, you know. Kind of knife. I don't know. I don't know. Like a paring knife, maybe? Like something dull?

Billy knife. Yeah, probably. Now and then. Kyle, do you carry a knife? I'm curious. I suspect you might. I keep one in the vehicle, you know. Oh, that's it.

And I've got a bunch of them. If I'm working, yeah, I'll throw one in my pocket. If I'm doing something that requires the knife. But not generally. There's just enough knives laying around at this point. There's one in every room. Because I've been gifted so many knives. And the CS Go Knife Company sent us...

I don't know how many fucking knives. i give those things away all the time my dad came over the other day and i was like you want a enormous buoy knife with red skulls on it he's like i guess i could slice tomatoes with this i don't even know what it's called we've got a knife about the size of a banana and it's rainbow colored and my wife uses it to open boxes it's just like like she could be a pirate with that thing yeah yeah the like the the the gut it's like a velociraptor claw maybe yeah something like that but it's it's it's kind of good looking it's like blue faded into red it shimmers and such it's yeah we've got knives but i i just carry my leatherman that's all i have for a knife but i keep it all the time wallet keys knife flashlight yeah flashlight see see scully could have learned from you all those years on the x-files like like they never had a good

flashlight that was my main complaint that show i'm having speaking of shows oh unless you have some x-files talk i was going to go into Walking Dead yes that's what I wanted so two shows right now 60 minutes each about 120 minutes of fighting so far and all of it look look I'm not a military guy I get that I don't pretend I'm with you already

but all this fighting is so hard like they roll up with cars and they have what is that like aluminum roof material corrugated aluminum or something yeah whatever it is i i could poke a hole in it with a pencil nearly and these guys are using it as bulletproof and all their tactics are ridiculously terrible all the fight scenes are horrific doing like non-fighting and like i don't mean to try to come off as billy badass but the walking somehow walking dead zombie movie the most unrealistic

thing that i can get can't get on board with is just how badly choreographed the fighting is it's sand snake level bullshit yeah did you like that uh that that rear naked choke rick threw on that guy no not at all that was a terrible rear naked what was that yeah and not only it took him minutes for the rear naked choke works in like less than 10 seconds and his was going on back and big neck and and he wasn't defending the choke right either he was trying to pull against the elbow instead of the hands well that's fine though because you know he wouldn't know how to defend against it but rick should know how to apply it he's a cop he's a cop yeah choking people's part of the gig, right?

Absolutely. That, whooping him with sticks. Honestly, my biggest complaint about that fight that he had was the guy disarms him twice, right? First he knocks the machine gun out of Rick's hands. Then he knocks the revolver out of Rick's hand. And then there's a part where Rick does a WWE throwing the guy onto a desk and the guy falls over and bends over the desk. He's still got the hatchet on his left hip. In my head'm like hatchet slash and he's done like i just wanted to whack

him in the back of the head with the crudita of that fight he threw him against like a shelf support which punctured right through his heart yeah man the fighting is so bad and i think we're in for eight hour long shows of bad fighting worse or The gunplay is worse. The gunplay is so much worse. The gunplay is so much worse. What do you notice that's so horrible about the gunplay, Kyle? Because obviously as an expert, it's like when I watch movies about hockey. I'm like, that's not how any of this works. Flying V.

It's just feeding a goal to the other team. Wait, so they're all out of position? Jesus Christ. There's lots of things. First of all, none of them are using the guns right most of the time. It's just feeding a goal to the other team wait, so they're all out of position Like like first of all none of them are using the guns right most of the time like like they're like there's they're spraying it Over their head. They've got optics on there like a cogs and red dots and stuff, but they're not using them. I noticed the King He's got an AR with the with the back sight flipped down. It's not even up It's for use you know he. Everybody's just pointing their machine guns because

apparently we've got so much fucking ammo that we can just spray mags at people. These bullets go through everything. An AR will shoot through the car easily, especially if you're just spraying an entire mag through the car. Guys are hiding behind, guys are hiding behind tables that are flipped up like an Arnold Schwarzenegger eighties movie or something like that.

So like everything is wrong with the guns. They're not using their sites. They're not shooting accurately. It's not filmed well. It's not filmed in the way like you want the camera over the guy's right shoulder. So you can see that he's shooting at someone and then they're getting hit. And I want blood packs going off on the guys. That's my ideal

gunplay in a movie kind of shit. Like, you should see the guy. Aside from the big stuff, is there anything, like, from an expert level that you notice that they just butcher? There's no recoil. You know, there's no recoil. The guns don't sound the way they're supposed to sound. Nobody ever reloads, really.

They're shooting full auto and none of them have bandoliers right so like you how long does it take to empty a 30 round clip two seconds two seconds yeah right but they never reload and they don't seem to have any more ammo on them they're just holding the trigger down in defense of that like every single hollywood movie and show does the reload thing like it's rare when you watch a movie and you're like oh wow he's reloading like isn't i haven't seen john we've gotten past that man we got we got movies like john wick out there like showing people how it can be done especially with the martial arts and the gunplay like walking dead is one of the biggest shows on tv i would like it if

they had stepped there if they had literally went and but hey hire that guy that did the john wick movie let him do our uh our gun choreography let's step this up a notch and spend an extra million dollars, whatever it would fucking cost to really kill it. But it annoys me, and it's been that way since season one, back when Rick looks over at Shane and says, take your safety off. And Shane reaches up to his Glock 19 and flicks his thumb over the slide release,

and they insert the audio of a click. And it's just like, ugh. They couldn't have used a gun with a safety? Yeah, Glocks don't have safeties, for those who don't know. They don't have safeties. It's really annoying. That's one step above him taking his safety off of his

.357. There you go. Yeah, also, no safety on that bad boy. Do wheel guns ever have safeties? Do what? Do wheel guns ever have safeties? I can't think of any that do, honestly, off the top of my head.

The hammer really operates as kind of a safety. It's got three different cock stops on it, so it kind of acts as your safety, especially with a double action, because it's such a long trigger or even more so with a single action because you can't even fire it without Maryland, for example, requires

safeties or something. I've got a Maryland legal gun. It takes an Allen key to take the safety off. So just in case someone breaks in and you live in Baltimore, you can be like just a minute just in case someone where are my allocates they're in the safe you know is this metric

is this metric does anyone remember yeah rick's running around with an mp5 with a picatinny rail on it which is pretty neat um and and he's actually got double mags on it you know he just he duct taped two uh 230 round mags to it that he's flipping around you know like the gunplay really is is messing things up and the tactics even more so because like they start the show off and and like bear negan is he's on his fucking porch 50 yards away tops and we don't have a sniper we got nobody who can just like shoot him right now i'm thinking like with machine guns that would do it too it would absolutely do it too especially when rick was crafty he was like you'll make me count you're gonna make me count

10 9 8 7 like i liked that move but i would like it more if he killed negan right then and there like or at least kneecapped him or something like that you know i'd like how do they all miss negan and negan kind of like grins and like ducks down like that old man duck and jog like like you know when you gotta hurry across the street and you just want to you like pump your arms even faster than your than your feet are moving to show you're putting effort into getting out of the car's way. He does one of those because I guess Jeffrey Dean Morgan isn't the greatest athlete

in the world and jogs over and takes cover somewhere. Ah, man. It irked me. It really did. I like the direction the story's going in. I like that we're fighting and we're in a war. You can't suspend your disbelief and death I Can suspend it enough to do a show with zombies and a show to?

That has a tiger Leaping on people that that was awesome. I love the tiger and and I thought that CGI is I thought that CGI is... That's a good point. Can you imagine how selfish it is to keep a tiger as a pet in the apocalypse? That's hundreds of pounds of meat a week. You can't put that on a flaxseed diet. It'll die. It's a tiger. I don't know.

There were a lot of people upset at how many vegetarian entrees were going down in that town. I guarantee you that. Because of the king's pet tiger. I don't know. That's a good way to get your power usurped. Isn't that a fair point? Yeah, I hadn't thought of it. If Kyle was the king, and he had a couple of pet bears,

it would be 15 minutes after I saw those bears getting fed before I was talking to everybody else. Like, guys, are you guys shitting me? Like, he's getting the same quality of meat as us and it they're bears like they can't hold guns If shit goes down, they're just as dangerous to us as they are to anyone else like I'm not a fan of zombie bears either Is that a problem? I mean did we do a little Walking Dead Game of Thrones crossover here? But I zombie bears seem like an issue Zombie bears I'm fine with because they don't need to eat to survive and they're around a bunch of other dead creatures and

there's like an understanding there with the dead i'm just saying zombie bears are dangerous oh yeah they are they are dangerous yeah it seems like an issue i also didn't like them taking those people prisoner like like oh jesus has been such a great character until lately yeah what a pussy dude there's two characters i don't get jesus like like like we jesus has been such a great character until lately yeah what a pussy dude there's two characters i don't get jesus like like like we said you know suddenly he's not even like he's the most caring giving enemy forgiving person ever pussy okay i'll go with that and then the other guy can't die what's up with him oh morgan well that was just a little bit of confidence you know i was okay with that but everyone else like they they stepped in there were more bad guys than good guys all the good

guys got shot and then morgan just sort of looks around realizes that he wasn't shot and can't die is it what are they doing here he just played dead okay there wasn't that wasn't a miracle or anything he said i can't't die for a year now, and it seems to be true, and it's weird. Well, he was, if you remember his backstory, he's a little insane. He's clear, got to clear, clear, got to clear it all. He had those zombies in a big pile and everything in a circle.

He's a little nutty. He's not all there. He's had a hard time. I guess they've all had a hard time. He lost his whole family. They all had a rough go of it yeah yeah that's like complaining about not having parents at an orphanage it's like yeah we're all in the same boat buddy we're all here because we don't have parents like get over it but what was that suicide movie called suicide note on netflix Netflix? It was like 10 episodes. It wasn't a movie. Did you guys see that?

Oh, Death Note? Is that what it is about a teenage girl mostly? No, that's a different thing. You're thinking about like... Like the guy wrote somebody's name in a book and it was like, I want him to get beheaded. And then, oh, 13 Reasons Why? Yeah, that's the girl's suicide movie.

I haven't seen that. It looks really like a downer. Yeah. So no thanks. It was good, I thought. And, okay, one of the ways I measure shows is how it makes me feel, right? And not necessarily any particular feeling, but if it gets me to feel, then that's impressive for me, right? I bring up Indecent Proposal.

It was a long time ago. But that show had me like, I don't know. I didn't like Indecent Proposal for days. I was like, oh, fuck. That would ruin everything. In the movie, Demi Moore and Woody Harrelson's character, they get a million dollars. She sleeps with Robert Redford. She leaves him for Robert Redford.

And then somewhere in the movie, Woody wins her back.bert redford realizes that she's just with him for the money and she goes back to woody and now they're happily ever after wait what now they're happy no now there's a permanent scar on their relationship that will never really come back and while the fact that the movie made me like oh no like something awful happened it's a fact that the movie made me like, oh, no, like something awful happened. It's a shame that the whole thing went down that route made me impressed by the movie. Back to 13 Reasons Why. Another way, I didn't finish that thing, you know, clicking my heels and dancing, but it made me feel like, wow, that was awful. It was tragic.

And I feel bad for this fake story. I was impressed by that. It made me feel bad for this fake story. I was impressed by that. It made me feel bad. I try to steer away from the stuff that makes me feel bad. Taylor was watching The Green Mile the other day. He's like, I need a good cry. I need a good cry. And I had a flash of the eight or nine moments in that movie that are just heartbreaking. Like when Mr. Jangles gets stomped on.

And how shitty Percy is. And, you know, take my hand boss. All that shit. You watch that motherfucker once. It's wonderful. All the characters do a great job. It's an incredible movie, but I don't need

to go back to that. That's a Stephen King thing, isn't it? Stephen King makes some good shit. 13 Reasons Why? He makes some fucked up no green mile yeah green mile and it was him and there's a new movie on netflix called 1922 i watched that um i thought it was good my dad watched it he said it was excellent so now i have to watch i don't know anything it's about a uh well i mean it's about a corn farmer um he owns i I think, like 80 acres. His wife owns like 100 acres. And she wants to, like, sell

it, I think. And he has no control over this. So he murders her to inherit her 100 acres because he cares about the farm and he wants to keep it. And then some supernatural shit happens that's terrifying for him because of what he's done with the wife and everything. But it's kind of like an up in the air is it supernatural is it not

supernatural I don't want to give anything away but it's really good I liked it a lot I think if you haven't seen it you should check it out usually Netflix movies are kind of like in the background kind of stuff but I started out with that and then before I knew it I was like invested and really liking it like the acting was much better than what you get in most of most of these like they're coming out with these Netflix movies so fast I knew it, I was invested and really liking it. The acting was much better than what you get in most of these. They're coming out with these Netflix movies so fast. I think it might have been Woody who brought this up on the other show, where it doesn't have the feeling of, oh, a new movie.

It's just kind of like, eh, let's see. Let's see. There's nobody in here who I've ever seen or heard of. Martin Scorsese has one coming. It's called The Irishman. He's got a $100 million movie that he made for Netflix. It's a mob movie. So that sounds really promising.

I don't remember the cast, but it might have DiCaprio in it. I don't really remember. It's got some big names in it, so that'll be good. I watched Pet Sematary the other night to kind of keep with the spooky Halloween slash Stephen King motif. It's a good movie. It absolutely is good okay but it's it's a real fucking downer because you know that toddler gets crushed by a truck right away and they're at the funeral and the father-in-law is like you did this they did this and like

punches the dad and the dad falls on the casket and the little boy's hand flops out like it's some dark shit a while since i've seen it. Yeah, it is dark. That's one movie that's going to be way better when they redo it. Because you bet your ass they're absolutely going to start redoing a ton of Stephen King movies, seeing with how successful it was. You know, I haven't been on board the whole remake complaint thing,

but I'm starting to. Bionic Man is coming out. It just feels like they're recycling. Six billion dollar man. Yes. Wait, what? So there was the... But now it's six billion because inflation.

A six million dollar man isn't very impressive. Yeah, they're all over the place. That's an NFL athlete. That's like a prosthetic arm that's cool. That's like one Marine at this point yeah right and it was the bionic woman uh you know those were the the two you know shows that were on tv really cheesy shitty shows but i i like the the sound effects from the six million dollar man i hope they keep those because like when he's running and doing stuff it's like

i hope that comes back who do you want to be? Maybe they've already said. Who's the $6 billion man? Is it Ryan Gosling? There's a couple guys that look the same. Ryan Gosling's the good-looking one. Ryan Reynolds is the bigger, good-looking one. I want to say,

Ryan Reynolds plays Deadpool. Chizzer Chat, can you tell us who it is who's playing the $6 billion man? Oh, Mark Wahlberg. Oh, okay. I watched that shit. You got Mark Wahlberg in there? Yeah, I like Marky Mark. Yeah, man, I like him.

Maybe he does a dance number with his new legs or something. He's a murderer, right? A what? A murderer? Didn't he murder somebody oh first kevin spacey and now you're telling me that marky mark is a murderer uh maybe i think he beat up a puerto rican and maybe called i want to say the guy was asian or something was it in vietnam or ah yeah he called him a gook or something while he whooped his ass. But I mean, look, Marky Mark is a national treasure, okay?

We can let that shit slide. He is funky. Yeah, I mean, you know what's amazing? What people are letting slide for so long is Chris Brown. Like, I saw him trending on Twitter today, and I was expecting, like, oh, another kerfuffle. You know, who's surprised? And then I clicked, and it was like chris

brown just dropped a 40 song album and it was just a bunch so many chicks tweeting like those gifts of like sassy black women or like people you know because that's like one of the big things on twitter is like the sassy black woman gift and they'll be like to all the people saying that uh you know if you still like uh chris brown you're a piece of trash and it would be like to all the people saying that uh you know if you still like uh chris brown you're a piece of trash and it would be like some gif of someone like jumping in a trash can or something because they're trash because they love chris brown and it's like uh i don't know that that dude i don't listen to his music but it must be fucking fantastic he has one song i like i think it's about marriage or something does it say you want to marry me i don't

laugh her in the mouth when she's talking someone's gonna know this song man she's might be typing it right now it it might be called marry me and i think it was in the office they did a yeah oh somebody help me with this isn't it his no that that's not helping hate mongers is it jason derulo oh marry me i just googled it you might be right ah well when some you lose some you nailed indecent proposal you got all three actors that was your three game winning streak you know but it had to come to a close yeah oh god yeah that uh I don't know it's surprising that he's still

so popular among so many people like I saw more people tweeting about how great the music was. It's forever. They're helping me. Forever is the song that I like by Chris. Thank you. Thank you, guys. Oh, yeah.

Okay. Oh, they all know. They get me. We're cool. I think it was the doo-doo-doo that got it. It was forever. Yeah. That's the one song of his that's on my iPod.

What Rihanna said. What she did. What she did. How did that's the one song of his that's on my iPod. What Rihanna said. What she did. How did I get kicked off, you know? Yeah, right? Bill Burr has a thing on this, and he makes a lot of solid points. He's like, there's no way she was, like, wearing nothing but an apron, pulling out a bunch of chocolate chip cookies, saying, you know, Chris, look what I did for you.

And then he starts beating her up. Yeah. There was a little don't back down on both sides i suspect did she hit first i don't know oh i don't think rihanna could throw a punch not a good one but i you know rihanna's fucking hot rihanna's got some some r slash torpedo titties big fan does she how do you know uh there's there's plenty of nudes of rihanna and then then she dresses really, really provocatively, like, you know, no bra and stuff and see-through mesh and such. I've got a couple folders I can share. Who's the hottest female pop star right now? Katy Perry.

I like Taylor more. Ugh. Oh, Taylor Swift? Yeah. I mean, she's very attractive, too. Lil Tay-Tay. Oh, Rihanna's 29? I'm a fucking loser very attractive, too. Little Tay-Tay. Oh, Rihanna's 29? I'm a fucking loser.

Ah, yes. Three years older than me. I know. So how you feel? I've said this before. I grew up. I'm like either one day older or younger than Eric Lindros. And I just never stacked up to that guy.

No. People watching don't. He was an NHL player. Much better than me, actually. I think Lindsay Lohan still looks pretty fucking good. I saw her the other night defending Harvey Weinstein on Instagram. Get out! Lindsay Lohan still looks good?

She's a Muslim now. I don't care if she's an Uzbeki national renting rider trucks with a stolen ID. I'd be riding shotgun with her, going down on her while she goes through bike paths in southern Manhattan. Unclogging the hopper in her paint gun.

Jesus Christ! It was like six hours ago, Kyle. Jesus. She's fucking hot. I'll be her alibi. We were praying all morning. I'd be eating that ginger pussy, just mumbling, Allahu Akbar. Like, absolutely, all over that shit. For Lindsay Lohan?

Dude, she is definitely crazy, though. I think she and I are the same age. I think she's 31. So it was okay for me to be kind of attracted to her in the parent trap. Yeah, 31. Because there's two of them, right? She played twins. And I didn't know that she was playing twins.

I was like, oh, there's fucking two of them. This is awesome. And then, of course, she did Herbie or Kirby, Fully Loaded, whatever that fucking movie with the talking Volkswagen is. And then Mean Girls comes out. Are you saying you were as fooled as the parents in Parent Trap, in that you couldn't recognize

it was the same kid? Well, one of them has a British accent. In Parent Trap, they switch places or whatever or something like that but but but she played convincing twins is all i'm getting at and she's she's always been fucking hot i like redheaded girls i like the freckles i like the big titties i like that she got a little trashy and heavy set uh went into rehab and shit that's need a recent picture. Because I think of Lindsay Lohan as the after picture on a don't do meth type thing. She's had some bad years.

Yeah, she has had some bad years. That attracts me to her even more. I've never seen Kirby or Herbie, whatever, fully loaded, that bug movie. I still remember when those Kirby or Herbie, whatever, fully loaded, that bug movie. Mean girl. I still remember when those commercials were on TV, the previews for it, just seeing her in the little driver outfit and seeing her tits struggling so much to burst free of that little driver's suit.

I remember watching and being like, God, she's frustratingly hot. And then just a couple years later, it was like she's losing it on Twitter or something. Maybe I'm thinking of someone else. It's hard to keep track. She did the Playboy spread where she's blonde and she's doing the Marilyn Monroe stuff and she's nude. Her Instagram's over there.

The Mean Girls stuff was super hot because she was like 18, like prime Lindsay, just smoking hot. I'd be all, like prime Lindsay. Just smoking hot. I'd be all over that. Absolutely. Mean Girls is a great movie. It's actually not a bad movie. I think Tina Faye may have written that or produced it or both. They got some

smart SNL talent behind that. Amy Poehler might be in that too. That's a good movie. Yeah. I can't get through without masturbating though so I don't watch it anymore. Same with me. The Blu-ray is all sticky I got that issue with Schindler's List that was exactly where I was going to go

damn it Woody I was trying to think of what's the saddest movie Sophie's Choice I've never seen Sophie's Choice I've never seen Miracle oh that's a great movie I'm thinking of Precious Oh, that's a great movie. You would enjoy that movie. Oh, wait.

I'm thinking of Precious. Oh, yeah. There's a very different movie. Precious is not the film where the 1980 Olympic team defeats the Russians. I know. I'd love to see Precious throw her hat into the ring in the remake, like how they replace lots of the movies now with like, hey, we could make another movie that's not original at all, but just fucking make

them all women or make them all black or whatever. Ghostbusters. That's the next one up. Yeah. It's a little pandering. But anyway. But I think Katy Perry, it's like pop stars who are in it, because Lindsay Lohan never sang anyway

that I know of. God, I hope not. she probably tried because they all do but um katie perry is much harder than taylor taylor swift to me taylor swift is a stick um with like i mean she's got a great she's got a tight body she's done everything that can be done with that body but it's going it's not an attractive body set or it's not like top tier by any means it's very average i think like there's so many skinny girls who have weird faces out there so to compete with her um she's got a weird face she got a weird face oh you know who else is really hot i get her name oh is it either adele or ariana grande i get them mixed up ariana grande is uh is the one that she thinks hot adele is the heavy set lady who you would vomit over because you're not into that sort of look.

Okay. Then that – yeah, and I saw her do like all – she can imitate other singers really well. It was an SNL skit over it. And she's – is she legal? She looks super young. Yeah, that's the thing Stern always says. He's like, no, no, no, Ariana Grande. She looks like a little kid.

She looks like a tiny – I think maybe she's Hispanic or something, but she looks like she's like 16 at 24. Oh, good. She's 24. Oh, I changed my answer. She's rude. You like her too. I'm about those giant boobies that Katy Perry has rocking over there,

just gyrating and jiggling and just looking real fucking nice. Yeah, but Ariana Grande is nine years younger. And Katy Perry is like $900 million richer or something like that. That does help her, yes. Now, who cares? She's not going to give you any of her money. Oh, I'd get her pregnant. And then I'd say she was an abuser or something,

and then I'd get custody of the kid. I'd get you to beat me up a little bit, and then we pretend like she did it. This is a little scary. I don't want to fuck Kyle anymore. They're going to make a movie about your escapades called Gone Boy. Yeah.

Frame that whole thing up. Get some of that Katy Perry cash. So yeah, I definitely think Katy Perry. I would rather fuck one katie perry than like hypothetical magical taylor swift twins like if you could some sort of like stupid griffin taylor swift and make two taylor swips so they could do some sort of like ball in each mouth double blow job action i saw that on reddit today yeah me too that was a good gift that was my god what he had the blonde on the left and the and the brunette on the right and like the brunettes completely deep throating

while the blonde is sucking his balls and then they just keep alternating and then they fully confident we saw the same gift that was the one yeah and here's what blew me away a little too red for my taste right what got me is the guy had a bit of a belly right now these two women are it's the angle trust me beautiful they're beautiful women and they're seemingly amateurs i don't know it seemed was it a party environment i forget yeah he had that tattoo of the piano keys on his left forearm yeah we definitely saw the same thing but i'm just like that guy was he wasn't who's hot ryan gosling like he, he wasn't whoever the Hollywood's It Man is right now. He wasn't Troy from, or Brad Pitt from Troy, you know?

Or, fuck, who's the high school musical kid that got hot? Zac Efron, right? If Zac Efron's got two girls sucking on his dick, I'm like, ah, well, yeah, of course. You know? The guy's got that V thing. But this guy didn't. This guy was just a regular dude. Who maybe...

He only saw the top of his belly. No, no, it's amateur porn. I saw enough of his body that I'm pretty sure his breakfasts involved Count Chocula. But he's still getting two girls. Have you ever been so disappointed looking down at your belly when you were getting head that you just had to be like, actually, you know, I prefer if I'm standing. No, I feel like that's a good thing for my belly. Well, but you don't have a belly at all.

No, I don't. I feel like I flex my abdominals. Like when that's going on, I'm like, oh, this looks good. Like I got some like the sides. Like I don't know what those muscles are called, but like right above your hips those look nice when i'm lying back and that's happening like adonis belt area yeah yeah that that it looks good from that angle that is still a distant island for me well not really if i flex you can see him some yeah exactly not enough that you know you're doing a little flexing during that sort of act. So, you know, I'm looking for the gif now to, like, try to, like, shout out what subreddit it's on at least.

Was it amateur something? Amateur gifs? Amateur not safe for murder? Here it is. It's amateur. It's our amateur. The gif is called Double Party BJ. Dude, I'm looking at this belly.

I really think you're wrong like like like maybe it's a little hairier i don't think he's got even a four pack no he doesn't have like like visible abs or anything but i mean i feel like that's a requirement for two girls at once how absolutely not and i think those girls while the girls don't have six packs have like an equivalent level of hotness. Right? Like, if you were to match up those girls with a matching guy, that guy would

have at least a four pack. This person has no four pack and two of those girls. And a ten inch dick. Like, you're really discounting that his dick is this fucking long. His dick seems small to me. His dick is this fucking long.

Like you're really discounting that. You're like, oh, he doesn't even have a six-pack. But his dick is this fucking long, dude. It touched stomach acid on that brunette at one point. The blonde tasted the brun brunette at one point. The blonde tasted the brunette's lunch at one point. Oh, gross. Oh, is it?

Please. You don't have to taste it. You know, fair. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I'm going to have to go find that gift later because you guys are making it sound like a couple of very sexy girls. This conversation is ruining my political career. I don't think anyone's going to vote for me at this point. No, this is exactly why people need gigabit internet.

Yes! For things like this. All ties in. Gigabit internet for everybody. My wife and I, we were brainstorming different costume ideas. And mine was the lamest. I got it off the web. I was going to wear a gold medal, something I got from this Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu competition, and have a loaf of bread and be a breadwinner.

And that would have been even lamer than last year's contest with the paper towel roll. And she came up with this, which I'm actually pretty happy with. I'm a presidential poster. Oh, this guy doesn't have a belly. Right? He doesn't have a six-pack. All right, let me. Yeah, look at that. He't have a belly. Right? He doesn't have a six-pack. All right, let me...

Yeah, look at that. He does have a belly. Rudy's a hater. I'm going to just throw that out right here. If you think that's a belly, like, you're going for that Auschwitz look. Like, I feel like your standards are far too high for men's physique. You're getting five more percent gay

for needing this man to have a more defined belly. How much gay can I get at this point? This has been accumulating for years. You're 98% gay. Woody is given 110%. Your wife is all that

keeps you in the running with straight men. That's it. And my kids. Your beard. My kids. I'm a witch. Your beard. John Travolta has kids.

He does. Does Kevin Spacey have kids? He does. I don't know. I had surgery yesterday. I don't know if it's a great, funny topic. Here, I can try and show my... There's not much to see, but...

There. They pull... Oh, wait! I could get the screws. I'm going to text my wife and ask her. I kept the screws. We're going to do something with them. This will just take a minute. But it's hard to move. It's not.

Oh. No, not the foot. I think Kyle was meaning because of the costume, right? Like maneuvering upstairs. Oh, yeah. Yeah, exactly. The costume. This part is attached to me.

I don't know if I even fit through doorways at this point. I have to go sideways. But... So be honest. How much of the crafting did you do i um was involved in the taping on part and uh and in the brainstorming but really my wife made all of this happen uh she she did great um oh but uh oh here. Do you have them? Ah, thank you. So, I have screws.

Oh, look at them in that fancy biohazard bag and some little vessels. I haven't... Is there any, like, woody viscera on there? I don't think so. Oh. Don't clean them. They look super clean. They're self-tapping.

I don't know if you guys can make out the front of it. We can't see on that camera. Oh, I'm sorry. For you guys who want to see. Oh, cool. What are they made of? Do you know? Is it titanium or is it steel?

I don't know. To touch it, I would say stainless steel. And they are Allen keys, it looks like, on the head. And maybe two inches long. So this is what was holding, I don't even know, like a scolara tendon in place, something like that. Probably someone out there knows. And they just sort of screwed it to the bone, let it heal, and then remove the screws.

Because apparently active people, which is what my doctor seems to think I am, they rip those, they break those screws at some point. And then they cause trouble with loose screws hanging around in your ankle. So I got mine pulled, and now all the healing happens in a nice straight line forward, which I'm psyched about. How long is that straight line?

Not long. I would guess physical therapy ends in November. I'm ballparking it. Well, tomorrow's the beginning of November, so that's not bad at all. Yeah, yeah. Maybe two or three, four weeks, something like that, and I'll be wrapped up. Oh, my milk expires. Two Scaramoochies, and I'll be healed.

Yeah, two Scaramoochies a year. That's awesome. I hope you find something cool to do with those. I really think it would be cool if you found one of those blacksmiths that make the cool stuff on YouTube to make some sort of a knife out of it or something like that or use it in some sort of a knife like thing I've been watching so many of those videos I love that idea I I've been talking talking about um getting back into woodworking I was actually getting back into we're working working on the shop and stuff but the doctor

said I was spending too much time on my feet dial it back for a little bit but um yeah I'm sort of setting up the shop again to start in there. And maybe I'll do a woodworking project and incorporate the screws. I'd like them to be visible, like so I can always point to them, not buried in the middle of a chest of drawers or something. So I said last week that I would keep up with my calories this week, and I've been doing a pretty good job. I've been eating a lot of fast food because we've been working a lot and I haven't had time to make dinners. So I have the fast food receipts

here. So last night I ate, this is all me, I got two number 11s from Wendy's which are the four piece chicken tenders. So I had eight chicken tenders, two large fries, two large root beers, and a large vanilla frosty. Earlier in that So I had eight chicken tenders, two large fries, two large root beers, and a large vanilla

frosty. Earlier in that day I had had chicken korma curry with a big bowl of rice, and I had eight slices of my strawberry butter toast, which were delicious. I had one of those frappuccinos from Starbucks.

Once you're past a few slices, just be honest with yourself and say I had half a loaf. How many calories do you think you're doing a day? I don't know. I'll have to actually sit down and do the math. Get my fitness pal and put it all in there

and then it'll tell you exactly what level it is. I think you should do that for PKA. For Thursday. The night before last, I've been going to Home Depot and there's a Captain D's near Home Depot. Those who don't know, that's like fast food fish.

And I really like it. It's really good stuff. And I got the deluxe seafood platter with a baked potato, fries, and six hush puppies. Extra. It comes with two. I wanted six more. fries and uh six hush puppies uh extra it comes with two i wanted six more so i had eight hush puppies four uh my mouth's watering four fried shrimp um three pieces of fish i think come with it and um two soft shell crabs oh man, that is a meal 100% fried. A baked potato with lots of sour cream and butter and French fries. But that wasn't enough because the next night I was like, you know what?

Baked potato and French fries. Yeah, yeah, I combined the two. I was like, you know what? I really like that meal from Captain D's that I've been getting, this deluxe seafood platter. The problem is there are not enough soft-shell crabs. So I went back the next night, got the same fucking thing, another deluxe seafood platter, baked potato fries, six hush puppies. I added four soft-shell crabs.

So I had six crabs that night. And that's just like my dinners. Breakfast is always four pieces of strawberry butter toast and two to three cups of coffee with just a teaspoon of sugar each and, you know, a dash of milk. But that's got to add up over time. And you don't feel sick after these meals? No, not even a little. Even if I eat – like my grandma, she'll make fried chicken, and I'll gorge myself on that, and I feel like I have to take a nap. I'm just slow. Oh, I take a nap.

Sluggish, and I don't feel sharp. Yeah, I take a nap. If someone was like, hey, you got to get this task done right now. I'm not like, oh, good thing I loaded up on energy. It's more like, oh, fuck. I'm so slow. After I eat one of those seafood platters, I ate it at like 8 p.m., and i have to sleep until like 9 30 p.m 10 o'clock and then i get back up and like go about doing my stuff until like two or three in the morning

or something like that then go back to sleep but like there's a required seafood nap after eating all of that there absolutely is and the next day there's a minimum of three shits i've been going the other way i've added coffee to my diet uh not a lot not even every day but i used to be like a coffee every two weeks and now i'm like three a week and sometimes i'll just be dragging or something and it's like yeah you know what there's a reason we're still talking that wasn't it i'm getting toward the end of the show anyway i think it's been top notch i'm not sure where we go from here really i think It's back on, just so you know. I don't know what...

Yeah, they're writing rest in peace in the chat now. And I just put in your drink and bada boom, bada bing. You just put an F to pay respects. That's right. Yes, on my side, the thing went black. It said it was going to try to reconnect in 10 seconds, and it succeeded. So I don't know why that happened.

I'm kind of new to the streaming game on youtube i guess you know they changed everything since i did it last so uh but yeah oh kyle i have a question since you brought up your diet maybe before we wrap the show you used to be heavy there was a point in your life. What was your top weight? Was it 230? 225. So you weighed 225 at one point. Yeah. How can that have happened? If you can eat, go on. I was completely sedentary.

I was doing zero, like moving around really. And I was playing Skyrim. This was when I got really into skyrim and i would sit and play skyrim for hours and hours on end this is like maybe six seven years ago and uh and um i would eat taco bell virtually like fast food every single night and um red bull uh i i pimped a red bull video for them that they were trying to promote and they sent me like two cases of red bull so i it's nothing but sugar you know i just had a red bull now but i was drinking like red bulls like sodas and i also got really into um making these like fancy sandwiches like like this is like a perfect storm of getting fat i got really into

making i got really into making making fancy gourmet sandwiches. I was getting all these artisan breads and these special gourmet sauces, like sauerkraut mayo or something like that. No, no, no. Like spicy mayos and mustards. I would make these three-tiered sandwiches with all kinds of meats and cheeses, and I'd make two of them at a time and i really got into the pepsi just had released uh pepsi with real sugar and i was like this is

the best soda of all time so i remember ordering not ordering but i remember going to sam's club and just getting cases of it like getting many 12 packs of this stuff and so i was drinking all sugar soda eating 20 of taco bell every night for dinner or mcdonald's one of the other and um and i just and playing skyrim constantly and i just i i just got huge did you realize uh in the midst of the fattening what was happening or was it kind of like one day you're just like jesus christ like um i i didn't care, honestly, that much. I was still getting laid. I don't remember this. I know what was the impetus for the whole weight loss thing.

It was because we went on the paintball trip, and I just remember how exhausted I was and how burnt my thighs and legs were from running. Tons of fans showed up to this thing, and I want to like be with them playing constantly I feel bad if I'm not out there playing as much as I'm physically capable of doing it so I just remember like the second or third day of playing being like oh my god like like I need rehab my legs are so sore but I got to go out there again and just my legs were so shredded

it was like I was handicapped when I got to the airport. And that was what got me into the idea of working out. Oh, and then I started dating a new girl. And I bought a bunch of workout equipment. And like a bunch of things came together in a perfect storm to like get me out of that. You know, so it was. You know what gets me when I'm heavy? It's not leg exhaustion.

It's heat. I lost 20 pounds over this summer, and I was notably able to deal with warm temperatures better at the end than the beginning. I would just melt and be exhausted. Last insulation. What gets me is driving with my seatbelt on and the lap band. If you look down or you feel it pushing into your fat little belly you're just like oh man like imagine what the people in my passenger seat think

you know when they look over and they're like oh look at fat taylor there's a special kind of wake-up call that that lap band can give you if your belly's like on my truck my belly can be over it and as i i lost 23 pounds i'm back to my lowest recent weight and yeah i can feel the difference in the way that band is up on me you know another one that'll get you is like uh if you wear the same pair of jeans really consistently and so let's say i have a pair of 32 or 33 waist jeans and i just keep wearing that one pair of 33s and eventually that that grows and you're now a 35 or whatever and your jeans your 33s still fit because they've grown and then eventually you stop wearing those and you grab another pair you know and you put it on and

you're like oh no oh the true 32 has been revealed like what the fuck are these like have you ever tried to put on like jeans that you thought fit only to have them stop on your big fat fucking jello thighs and you're like oh and then you have to like wall into the bathroom and look and be like oh what the fuck I'm the opposite of that right now

I've been going through like old jeans and it's like I'm looking at like some like what were they like express for men or something like that i'm looking at these and i'm like maybe and i'm like as they get to the thigh i'm like here's the moment of truth it's like and they're on and it's like all right last moment of truth if they button and like i don't feel like love handles immediately start getting painful and spilling over like and it's like clip clip oh yeah we're in we just opened

up a whole new wardrobe boys like i got like three new pairs of jeans i can use that's right i have a lot of jeans i don't know 10 12 pairs it seems like a lot to me yeah but there will be like three or four i could wear when i was fat and it just it wasn't that they stretch it was that they were different makes right so this guy you know makes my size and it fits fat people and that guy makes my size and it doesn't and and that guy makes my size and it doesn't and uh i'm at a stage right now and it'd be like all right i've got these three pairs that fit great those other nine pairs those are stupid jeans those those jeans suck uh it's clearly something defective about them and uh but now i can just go through and pick any pair i want

because i lost 23 pounds and that's it is It is pretty great for your whole wardrobe to be available. Yes, seven more. You're very close. You're like 65% of the way there or whatever the math is. I thought you got it right. I was like, really? Wow, I'm impressed. I don't know.

I can do the math. You're 23.30. It's the way there. I'm kind of showing off, I know. A little bit. Yeah, that's great. I'm proud of how we're all doing you know kyle it's to you it's more just not so much pride as it is befuddlement at how you're able to eat like this and still be thinner than both of us. And honestly, it's a little upsetting. I did eat that tapeworm that I got from Lindsay Lohan.

And I think it's Jerry. Yeah, I think he helps me with like two or three thousand calories a day. I like salty, but Jerry likes sweet. Yeah, I think I weigh about 165 pounds right now, something like that, which is shocking to me to think that at one point I was, what, 60 pounds heavier than this. Like I'm imagining putting a backpack with a 45-pound plate and a 15-pound plate in it and just living my life that way, And it's just... I die! And then I think about wings over there. Barely fitting through doorways. I couldn't imagine.

Everything's relative. Yeah. With wings... On the bright side, he'll never be taken hostage. Maybe used as a bullet shield. He has to be in a bad place. That must be the root cause of all this eating. He must feel a bullet shield. He has to be in a bad place. That must be the root cause of all this eating. He must feel a little hopeless

about his health. And that's what's cooking, I suspect. Oh, what's cooking is a lot of fried food. That's what's cooking. You can smell it from down the street. You live in such a glass house to be throwing fried food stones.

Yeah, but I work it off somehow. Like, you know, I was out in the yard for six hours today. You know, every day I do something. You know, I do something. I go for a jog. I like jogging. Do you like jogging? Yeah.

Yeah, I get a really euphoric feeling. I do. I absolutely do. Like, after I'm done, like, i get a really euphoric feeling like after my lungs stop burning and you know from like the cold morning air or whatever and i've had my shower especially after the shower like once i get out of the shower and the sweats off and i'm like my body returns to room temperature and my skin isn't doesn't feel hot anymore it's like oh man i'm glad i did that i feel lim limber and loose. I got a little burn in my calves and in my ankles and stuff.

I feel good. It's like an antidepressant or something. It feels good. I've never in my life had that from running. I've had it from swimming. It's not like I've never been fit. But running, even the best version of me was just a plodding asshole who couldn't ever get that glide

yeah there are shoes for that i i really think the problem goes deeper i think there's something wrong with my build and my technique and i just the shoes fix this they force you to run on your toes instead of like yeah you don't if you're landing on your heel you're doing it wrong if you're like landing on your heel and like letting your foot that what you want? Yeah, if you're landing on your heel, you're doing it wrong. If you're landing on your heel and letting your foot roll forward, you want to be on the balls of your feet. Like letting your feet be shock absorbers. Like how Legolas runs. I've heard flat to ball

is what you want, and I've heard that heel is bad. I don't know. I like to imagine that I'm an elf as I run. Well,e rogan told me much of what i know he wears his his special shoes for running uh joe rogan is both an expert and sometimes quick to jump on a trend you know i'll watch him talk with diet experts and change his mind four times in a week you know he looks good to me he does like 48 years old he looks like he's over 50

yeah all right he's 50 something years old he's looks like he could. I think he's over 50. Yeah, all right. He's 50-something years old. He's old. And he could beat up both of us at once. Oh, like almost certain. He's older than Artie Lang. He could take us both. Yeah.

Oh, my God. He's older than Artie Lang. Oh, poor Artie. I like Artie, but God damn. Oh, you got to switch. That's too mean to say. Wow. Wow. That's the first time I've heard Kyle say that Yeah

Is it too mean to type in the side? I was gonna ask If you would rather trade If you have to trade places with one person Would you rather be this guy Or Artie And it's like,

oh, shit. Both have enlarged hearts. Both are going to die in five years. Can you bump that in case something tragic happens and we show the chat? My hands aren't much of a typer. I've kind of got these alligator

hands under my costume. This is too much responsibility. I can click the wrong thing. Thank you. For people watching, sometimes when there's something in the chat that just can't be shared, I write bump like a hundred times and it pushes it off the screen. Because if the call drops, for example, then the words go in the middle and they get exposed and you don't know stuff happens yep i'm sorry i'm an asshole it's just funny is that a

rap yeah i think so hey if you want to be exposed if you will to these pk ends on a more regular basis get them as soon as they come out with our beautiful video essence on them and everything you can just uh click the link down below become a patron it's uh rather affordable as you'll see so uh yeah yeah i enjoyed this i think it might be cool to work episode yeah maybe we'll do live more often than we have been or i don't know we should talk and figure out what's a good idea yeah definitely very good all right pailler Nearly, episode 167.