Painkiller Already - PKN #175

Episode Date: January 5, 2018

It's PKN time baby!

Oh, I don't either. Painkiller nearly, 175. Kyle was just asking if... He said, you got a new headset? I said, no. And he goes, not you. Not you. Not you.

Like, I'd give a fuck about Woody's headset. I recognize yours. I know you got a nice headset over there. I had to, you know... If you asked me what brand headset this was, I'd have to take it off. I have no idea. I have no idea what this is.

The sound comes through fine, and I only ever use one ear in my headset anyway. I don't get how you guys, that doesn't bother you, that you can't really get a timbre, a feedback of your voice. Does that not irritate you at all? I know most people who do radio, it doesn't bother them. Probably because we're

professionals, and we get feedback in our ears, so we hear ourselves. I have an open sound stage so i hear just fine yeah jim norton does it and he's a professional you know what there are other people who do the one-year thing yeah it just it just feels i feel like i'm yelling like i feel like i'm talking loud i probably am but anyway we're talking about christmas did everybody have a good Christmas time? I know, Kyle, you didn't get any gifts

because you were naughty, right? No coal? I saw this thing on Reddit. They're like, you know what? It seems like bad kids could get bad at Santa Claus by burning the coal and destroying his natural habitat. Oh, yeah. I guess so.

Now Santa gives out like carbon emission leaflets and things like that. Letting you know. Go green. A blue shitty present. Even worse.

Yeah. Can't do anything with that. So Kyle, you didn't get anything. No, nothing. Literally nothing? Is it an understood

thing? No one on your planet got you anything? Uh-uh. Hmm. Well, Chia's got me some meat. It doesn't count.

I don't want to hear about your gay sex opinions. Chiz gave me meat. What is it? Is it an understood thing where your whole family came together like, alright, no gifts this year. I'm an adult. I don't understand the exchanging of gifts. Gifts are for children.

I give my grandparents and my parents gifts and they're not children. That's not true at all, Kyle. Gifts are for children. I mean, I give my grandparents and my parents gifts, and they're not children. Yeah, that's not true at all, Kyle. Gifts are for everybody. People like gifts. It's one of the languages of love. Children give gifts. It literally is. I mean, I sent gifts to girls, but children get gifts.

They also get gifts. Oh, yay, there's a tree. Magic gifts rained under the tree. That's what the presents are for. That's the only people that should be getting presents every year at a designated time. That is crazy and wrong. I'll tell you my big present.

I got a remote controlled paramotor. The thing is huge. If you were to go like this with your arms out wide like Jesus, I don't think you could touch the tips of the wings. It is quite large. It weighs, I don't think you could touch the tips of the wings. It is quite large. And it weighs, I don't even know what it weighs, 12 pounds, 18 pounds or something.

Like it's really cool. Wait, this isn't something that you can get in. No, no, no, no. It's a remote control. So I fly remote. What is the point of a remote if you're up there? I fly remote controlled airplanes, but I do it poorly.

And it's usually filled with stress. And if I finish my session with less than like $50 in damage, that's a win. I really hope that with the paramotor, you know, I don't have those same concerns. It's incredibly durable. I would go get it. But it's super cool. Maybe I'll bring it up on PKA. It's neat.

It's neat. But really, the thing is this. it wasn't that easy to buy uh my wife we have a um like a you know like families become friends like I like the dad she likes the mom uh the dad is like a nationally ranked quad racer so she reached out to him and like asked for purchasing advice you know do I want the brushless motor she doesn't know anyway so i got this present and it was like oh this is really nice jackie put the effort into getting me something great it awesome sometimes just as much of like a nice expensive hard to get gift the good ones are ones that like you didn't even realize you could have used and you never would have thought to buy my grandma bought me because like i drink an insane amount of seltzer water i've cut out like in the past six months i i don't i

haven't drank like more than a soda a week really like even diet sodas like i've switched it all over to like lacroix sparkling water and that shit is expensive i think too expensive for sparkling lightly flavored water and so she got me like a really nice SodaStream, not one of those shitty, you know what those are? It's like you carbonate your own water. It's like a big machine that you put an air tank in the back, and then there are these bottles like this that you can screw in, and then it

carbonates it. And most of them look like really shitty and not like something you'd want to have in an adult kitchen. And so I never got one. And then, but she bought me one that's like really sleek and nice looking. Like it fits in. So it's like, oh, that's going to save me a good amount of money. Also, another thing, socks. Socks get better and better by the year.

Have you noticed that? Where it's like you don't want to – I just want stuff that I wouldn't buy myself. But, man, Kyle, that bums me out that nobody in your family exchanged gifts. You could have used a gift. You could have said, give me some socks, dad and mom. New socks are magical. I have a few pairs of really warm new socks that I haven't worn yet. I save them for paramotoring.

The white boy used to do this thing where he'd buy new socks. I think he went a whole year wearing only brand new socks, which sounds outrageous. But if you think it through, you're like, actually, you'd probably get that done for what? If you go to the finish line, they're giving those things away. Yeah. They weren't all $20 socks, you know?

So it wasn't as outrageous as it seemed at first glance. And it was a nice – I always thought of it as a really nice way for a guy who came from nothing to something to treat himself. New socks are fabulous. They feel differently on your feet. You don't realize that washing by washing, it happens so slowly that your socks get kind of crappy. And then you get a new one, and it is just glorious and luxurious. You pull up one that's old and that like elastic

band just has no tread in the tires it's just a prostitute's vag of just sadness hanging around your ankle uh what was the best thing that you got for someone else kyle once again you can't participate this year i bought gifts oh then yeah mean. Okay. Just to keep it kind of relevant. Just checking. Kyle, you said you did buy something. Oh. A rabbit dildo that's got the... I got the really good one. You know, that's got the clitoral stimulation thing on the sides. Waterproof.

For one of your ho-ho-hos. They don't like it when you call them that. I don't know. I don't care. I'm not going to fuck them. I don't have to pretend to care what they say. No. A lovely young lady

that I know, Lung Yady. Oh, Lung Yady. Lung Yady. Yeah, I guess that was the nicest gift I purchased for someone. That I know. Long Yady. Oh, young Yady. Long Yady. Yeah, I guess that was the nicest gift I purchased for someone. That's good. I'm glad that wasn't for a family member. Yeah, it probably wouldn't go over as well, I hope. My grandparents, like I've talked about on the show,

they live as far south in missouri as you can get and so internet there is an ordeal and my grandma has been trying for so long to watch game of thrones where like but she's of that age where like we can get everything set up correctly but then if there's like one minor internet hiccup that like something needs to be reset or changed or it skips like she's kind of at a loss you know she's in her in her 70s she doesn't pick up on that stuff as much and so i thought i would just buy her the physical copy of every season so that like because i mean for someone in their 70s like that that's it makes sense to him i think more where it's like all right this can't break it's it's fucking physical it's here like so i bought her all those and it was nice seeing how excited she got oh taylor i cannot wait to watch all these after you guys leave tomorrow i've been stuck on season two for a year a year like like oh grandma

i guess i got this for you before but uh she loved i got my grandpa um the john wayne collection because he loves uh western movies like that so it's just a box with all john wayne stuff and then i just like went through the the aisle at the store and picked every war movie I saw like just because tends to like that kind of shit so it was nice it's fun seeing like older family members like actually appreciate something even if it's not a huge deal I I can't see getting my grandma or grandparents are dead but I can't see getting them Game of Thrones like that's interesting to me it's cool that she likes it I like it I shouldn't be so judgy but it's like oh you're

gonna love this there's like a like a sub storyline where this chick kalisi she starts off sort of getting raped by her new husband really doesn't like it but she takes control and empowerment fucks him with enthusiasm it's a really uh not rapey after a while. You'll like it, See, but my grandma's from the generation where she was probably like, you know, that Khaleesi got a little lippy. She should have known what was coming. She's got a nice man like Carl. I was thinking about what the best present we got this year was. So listen, Colin's an autistic kid with a touch of Tourette's, right?

So he gets into things in a way that other people don't, right? He likes Futurama a lot. And it by far wasn't the most expensive gift we got. But we got him a Planet Express baseball hat. And he opened it up and it was like uh and then he realized that it was a planet express baseball hat just like fry has and he was like over the moon on it like it was the coolest thing and he's been wearing it in the house and stuff so uh that was probably the best reaction we got but uh like how long has he been into

futurama enough to have like watched the entire series. Oh, yeah, more than a year. Oh, okay. That's a show that I go back to probably once every couple years and re-watch quite a bit of it. I think it's better than The Simpsons. I haven't seen enough Simpsons. I don't know if Simpsons is still good. I felt like people were saying Simpsons sucked

when it didn't. Now, I don't know if it does now I stopped watching, but it was like, you know, the modern stuff is good. You've just seen it before. It was strong. It was between seasons four and seven. They used to have a lot of big writers on there. Conan O'Brien used to write on that show. A lot of the SNL

alumni used to write on that show. They had just amazing guest stars, just A-list people doing their own voices and stuff. It's definitely gone downhill. I don't watch it now either. I didn't like some of the early stuff. I didn't like Homer strangling Bart as part of their relationship.

Now they're kind of partners in crime. At least later. I saw him in like 12 and 14. That kid needed to get strangled. But that was like his joke. Homer was so stupid. He couldn't relate to anything. He became more of an adventurer. A good entrepreneur, Mr. Plow.

Oh that was early. I like how Plow was early on. Yeah the Plow King. That was so stupid. That show has been on I think it's as old as I am. Yeah. Oh yeah it's like

30 years or something. Jesus Christ. Yeah it's as old as I am. Yeah. It's like 30 years or something. Jesus Christ. It's still on, but the best season started in like 89, 90. Yeah, it's older than me if it's 89. I'm looking through their best episode. Oh, the monorail episode.

Monorail, monorail, monorail! I think Conan O'Brien may have written that one. Yeah. It used to be really good. Yeah, that's it. It used to be really good. I don't watch it anymore. But I hear it's not as great.

I've looked at that sort of IMBD chart that shows the episodes rating per season over the years. And it's clearly there was a peak around four through seven or something like that, those seasons, and then sort of slowly been petering out over the last 25 season four was 1993 that's a long time ago like if you put out a show of consistent quality that's what it will do right people will get into it and then they'll get out of it so i don't know that the show started sucking as much as it is like how i met your mother i thought was roughly there was Your Mother, I thought, was roughly, there was one season in,

but it was roughly the same show for eight years. Then it ran its course and people were done with it. I don't think they started to suck. Yeah, it's like the novelty is gone. Friends is another one. You watch Friends, episode 10, episode 1, they're about the same to me, but my enthusiasm for it waned because I had seen it.

I was just sort of done with those characters. I never liked Friends that much i i really didn't i like have you i don't know much of it or i've watched every every single episode of it okay yeah i i i just didn't didn't like it very much i mean there's for one thing like it was they were just all such whores right and i get that it's a show and you gotta have a new boyfriend every week but not necessarily you know some of these characters could have had long-term boyfriends or girlfriends but but it's just like jesus how many guys did monica fuck before she finally settled down with chandler it's unbelievable and chandler was there through them all yes and chandler was there for them all he saw like he saw all of these guys making the rounds going through that apartment he's right across the hall you know like like i had no respect for chandler at any point during the show

after like he just was eagerly lapping her up after she's like god i'm just getting deep dicked every night by some new dude and i'm just looking for love and then chandler does some goofy pun and in a contrived you know tom selleck doesn't want anymore so tom selleck is done with you his mustache rides are over and so oh man i did not like that i i like the show to be honest more than i thought i would but by the end that was the feel i had as well of like uh the only character i still even kind of like is joey and all the rest seem like because he's the only one who's embracing being a whore I like a whorish piece of trivia Chandler and Monica never had anal sex really how do you know I can

tell you because when they had the they were having a like a surrogate baby or something like that and there was some question about who the father was. And the mother, eventually Monica comes to Chandler and says, the sex act they were doing, that doesn't make babies. And Chandler goes, huh, was it the one that we only sometimes do or the one that we never do? Oh, that's sad. Are you saying Chandler? If you love someone, you should be able to stick it in their ass.

I don't know. I might have said that, but yeah. Chandler, I got it wrong if I did. Monica and... There is nothing more unbelievable in any show, movie, book, anything, than Jennifer Aniston struggling to find a boyfriend. Everything in Futurama. Everything in Game of Thrones is more believable than watching peak Jennifer Aniston with her perfect little nips walking around being like, oh, I can't find anybody.

It's like, God, I hope you get hit by a truck and then you're paralyzed the rest of the show. And you know what it's really like to find someone. And you'll still find someone faster than Phoebe, that goddamn weirdo. Yeah, I'd get after that crippled Jennifer Aniston. She'd be needy. She'd need someone to take care of her. Yeah, she'd atrophy, though, and after, like... The bottom half would, but

you know, the top half would stay good. You know, like... I'd be down. Yeah, I mean, I would, too. I'm not passing judgment. I'd fuck a paralyzed Jennifer Anderson in 1993. Or 2000. Or today. You were going to talk to

a computer programmer. Did you ever talk to her? Oh. We got a little bit into a conversation and just kind of on text and it just kind of became clear like we are not the same kind of person at all like she just she's not nothing was a jew she you know right bullseye right there exactly as soon as

that came up i was like oh hey like no thanks uh but yeah i'm curious what else can you share like she just didn't like funny is she like uh she just i don't want to be like rude or anything she just kind of seems like an odd duck like i would throw a joke out there uh or a little line just being silly and like she wouldn't hit it back in the same way like she'd hit it back too literally or like not get the angle i was going at or ask me to explain a joke uh when it's like man like if we're if we're struggling right now on this basic shit like i'm or not get the angle I was going at or ask me to explain a joke. When it's like, man, if we're struggling right now on this basic shit,

I'm not even comfortable enough to be ridiculous and offensive in front of you yet. We're not going to get far if this is it. I just stopped talking to her. No point in me wasting her time or her wasting my time. That's just kind of the way it goes. Did you just ghost her? Yeah, I just stopped talking to her.

Oh no, she hasn't texted me in a few days so we're fine okay so what ghosting is okay so you you're under the impression that she's like understands it's not a go yeah if she she should because i haven't responded to her in days a long time yeah you know a long time in tinderland like five days that's that's plenty of time like and she's over so i never feel bad about ghosting like you know and i don't do that very often like i feel kind of rude but i don't feel that bad because it's like by the time you've ignored her she's got 600 more dicks lined up that's the way this app works like kyle knows like if you half a mile of cock half a mile a cock is ready for her

But like what's the name of the guy who plays the superhero who's really hot that everybody likes? Which superhero man, I don't know Captain America Oh Chris Evans Chris Evans if he started a Twitter account he would not get or not twitter a tinder account he would not get as many likes and prospects as a woman who is who is 20 pounds overweight i'm not saying i'm saying a woman who's 20 pounds overweight is gonna get not just like a dozen more than him uh fucking 50 000 more than him because it's just an it's just a matter of numbers there aren't a ton of girls out there

swiping on their phones like, God, I'm hoping for some dick tonight. But there's a ton of guys out there going, God, it was just a little bit of pussy and then you just let it filter in. She's got to have a sense of humor. Like that picture that I sent you today, Taylor, of me as the sheep. I sent that to a girl. She loved it.

She was like, you make a pretty cute terrorist. I'm like, absolutely absolutely we're meshing here I like it Khalid Al Mayari I sent that to my mom and she was like don't send that to anyone else don't send that to anyone else I took one of Kitty's scarves

and like wrapped it around my head like a shamag yeah it's probably not a great book you know how like every once in a while you'll see an isis member who was like born in manchester england and you'll like see him there standing like with a ginger beard or whatever he looked like one of those isis members where you were just like god this this country sucks man i'm tired of it i'm going to the middle east join the caliphate yeah i'm going to the caliphate imagine if like god if you joined isis like right before they

started getting butt fucked like and you were trying to like strategize your way out where you're like oh man i really joined right at the big you know top of the ninth and we're down 30 runs i should not have i should have calculated this a bit more yeah they should still die though yeah i think so if you join a group like isis like there's no saving you she was unaware that isis had theme music like like you guys know about isis's theme song right right oh yeah i do know the song yeah i don't know if you got the words right but i know the song but you know that's the it's like infidels will bleed infidels will bleed um on uh on pub g people will play that coming through their speakers like there's this clip of this streamer girl like she gets downed

and then these guys surround her and they start playing the music as they beat her to death it's hilarious it's so inappropriate she's's just like, Is that ISIS? There's guys that'll run and they'll be cooking a grenade and do the old Call of Duty Misery Loves Company thing to people while playing the ISIS music. A guy last night I heard on his open mic

the song is playing and then someone else starts singing it and they know the fucking words. That was a little scary. He starts singing it. He wasn't fucking words that was a little scary like he starts singing he wasn't going oh la la la la he was actually singing the Arabic lyrics I was like oh no that might be an actual Isis member in here with a pretty good PC yeah he probably plays on low quality settings yeah yeah he's a peasant probably probably doesn't that's not a good sign

if you know the words to the ISIS song. Like, you have to seek that, like, if the KKK had a limerick that they told to each other, like,

I don't know how I'd figure it out unless I went and asked it around, you know, or a secret, like, handshake poem or something.

Come on, you've never heard all those old David Allen Coe songs, those super racist ones? I have not. I'll have to look those up yeah i'll i'll i'll help you out after the show they're incredibly racist they're just

you know just over the top like what era um 60s uh most of them you know there's some where he calls out martin luther king um you know he's so they didn't age well. They did not. No, just lots of... And, you know, I mean, it's... He sings some songs that are great. Like, he's a talented musician, but then you'll get to, like, Cum Stains on the Pillow. Like, that's the name of one of his songs.

That's fine. That's not racist at all. Or one of them's called The House Next Door to Me has been sold to niggers you know i could see a slight race angle yeah i mean if you're gonna be a snowflake about it speaking of the isis thing i've heard i've read multiple sources so i take it as true because i've seen it several times that they look at star wars and they see themselves as the rebels and if you watch star wars it completely makes sense everything lines up you know they've got the crappy equipment they're the upstarts they're always outnumbered meanwhile the other guys are

like authoritarian always imposing that's us right they've got the great gear and um the rebels just you know going for these long shots, trying to shoot one RPG in the weak spot. Remember when Luke strangled that gay guy and threw him off a building? Death Star and World Trade Center? Like, do you not see the parallels that they just found a little weakness and got thousands? When Han beheaded that woman for learning to read in the Empire Strikes

Back, it really, there were a lot of similarities. So I watched the new Star Wars, and I swear I won't spoil a thing, but if you watch it through that lens, it continues to make sense. Just again, you're like, yeah, I see why ISIS thinks they're the rebels.

Clearly, you know, the big, bad, authoritarian, whatever, can't leave these little people alone. They probably would be. Yeah, I mean, thinks they're the rebels clearly you know the big bad authoritarian whatever can't leave these little people alone they probably would be yeah i mean because they're clearly not the death star folks yeah they don't they don't have anything that dope they see it like maybe an old russian tank or two part of me is like you gotta jazz up the rebel thing a little bit just to make it undeniable that you're not isis in my head because it's i keep thinking it when i watch it they need to just do something i guess there are things that aren't similar i mean they're led by a woman for example that's you know princess leia is the highest ranking rebel so maybe that's a

thing but i don't know i don't even know i mean i haven't seen the most recent three so i'm only based on the the sequels and then the prequels that came out when I was younger. And I've seen each of those once. You might like them. I'm surprised. They're not your cup of tea, huh? They're really not. And at this point,

I don't know, the most recent reviews, I just saw it on Twitter. I didn't go that deep. I just saw tons of people being like, what the fuck is this? There's a whole movie that you guys just discounted by making this one. You're just

retreading the same shit. And I know they said that about the last one too, didn't they? That's part of Star Wars. Star Wars fans have ripped Star Wars since the first one. Since the first one when C-3PO was too lame. The prequels when jar jar and the fucking pod racing and all that stuff that was deserved yeah yeah yeah and the pod racing

was stupid but um uh they star wars fans have hated star wars since the 70s now so when i hear that the fans don't like the newest one i think fuck you you guys never like anything you just don't really like star wars is it a whiny fan base or is that kind of like a known thing about star wars angry entitled fan base maybe i'll have to visit more are there any funny examples of people getting like super pissed about it online i bet there is i'm gonna have to look there must be yeah i like watching examples of people getting like super pissed about it online? I bet there is. I'm going to have to look that up. There must be, yeah. I like watching videos of people getting unbelievably upset about things that I don't understand why they're into it.

Like if somebody made like a video about how like a new woodworking lathe that just sucked, but I've already purchased it and the fucking return policy is ridiculous. The run out on this thing thousands i don't get it so trying to think not a lot of going on in current events that or my head's just down trying to assemble a freaking model airplane and it makes sense to not hop on social media and stuff around christmas like you just i don't know when i was on twitter yesterday like just like on a because i had to drive home from my grandparents house to go to another christmas and when i was on there seeing all these people like like not even treating it

like it was christmas just like still like you know what what else fucking sucks about obama is you know or like trump he sucks about Obama is like Trump he's literally killing people like and it's freaking out it's like guys like can we have like a day we're like hey like you know Merry Christmas I'm gonna I'm gonna go spend some time with my family and enjoy the enjoy this you know see tomorrow you know I'll get right back at you on the 26th but it's like no like you can't take a day I mean there, I see so many people being like, ah, you know, there's a war on Christmas. But I see five million times as many people going, I'm so tired of these idiots complaining about a war on Christmas.

And I'm like, dude, I have to search to find the people who are actually saying, like, war on Christmas is a thing. Like, that's like a Rush Limbaugh. I don't even know if he makes that talking point he seems like the kind of guy that would kyle you listen to him he's out for the holidays oh then maybe even he doesn't i'll get some guy in for him today yeah declaring that he won the war on christmas yeah i'll say merry christmas etc he won the war on christmas but like it's such an annoying like two sides thing where no one seems like they're talking in good faith yeah it's such an annoying like two sides thing where no one seems like they're talking in good faith where it's like come on do you really think there's a

war on christmas you really fucking idiot of course not everybody likes christmas don't say merry christmas to anyone nobody's gonna get offended and then also like do you think there's really more than a handful of people out there who are upset about this prospective war on christmas like no you're just being kind of a virtue signaling cunt being like look at these idiots i'd never say shit about Ramadan because I'm scared But look at these Christians Figgots I don't know

I'm glad some people at least enjoyed their Christmas Have either of you watched The Will Smith movie on Netflix, Bright? No The rumor is It's super crazy God awful bad, is it's super crazy god-awful bad. Is it?

Chiz liked it. Okay. The critics liked it. It's sort of the opposite of the new Star Wars movie. It got good reviews from critics. Or, excuse me, it got good reviews from fans and bad reviews from critics, whereas Star Wars got good reviews from critics

and bad reviews from fans. Chiz said it was good and he liked it. I guess I'm going to check it out. Do you know if it's family friendly? Yeah, I would say so. Basically, it's sort of, if you don't know the basic premise, it's an alternate reality where there are elves and orcs in modern day times and they're part of our society.

And the upper echelon of society is made up of elves and the lower echelon is orcs in modern day times, and they're part of our society, and the upper echelon of society is made up of elves, and the lower echelon is orcs, and sort of how elves are kind of the stand-in for white people, and the elite, and orcs are the stand-in for black people, and Will Smith gets a new partner, and his partner's an orc, which is, you know, looks like an, you know, an orc looks like, kind of just very similar to the orcs from Lord of the Rings. And they're out looking for a magic wand, basically.

You know, there's fairies flying around and shit. And they're in LA. It's kind of like training day with magic. Oh, not those kind of fairies. That was a sexist joke. Different fairies. Yeah, it's... So I guess I'm going to watch it.

Planet Earth 2 is also out on Netflix. I'm looking forward to moving because I'll have 4K streaming finally on Netflix. And I'm looking forward to watching that in 4K. I'm saving it. Is it Planet Earth 2 or 3? Yeah, Planet Earth 2. Oh, my mistake then.

Why did I think it was 3? You may have read a while back that they're already recording David Attenborough's audio for Planet Earth 3 because he's going to die at any second. Oh, is he really? What are they going to do? Be like, and the lizard runs, or it doesn't.

Depending on what footage they get. Look at the bird soaring or standing on a branch. They just record the audio and then they have to find the footage to fit it. I don't know exactly how to do it. Look at that tiger

in the bushes. They just swap in where the recording session is like bushes trees grass at some point we need to just get rid of this whistly ass douche and then pick some I'm joking of course I like him the whole thing sounds like when

I don't know they make Trump sing 12 days of Christmas with all the chopped up words yeah that'd be great oh he's 91 yeah so I guess it's best yeah I I'm looking forward to watching that and I guess I'll watch Bright might watch

that tonight just to so I've you know can talk about it I guess it looks interesting I like Will Smith's I used to like Will Smith I don't know interesting like I can't think of another actor who's fallen quite like Will Smith. Will Smith was the man, especially the 4th of July movies, not just Independence Day, but as a genre.

Whatever Will Smith was doing this summer was the movie you couldn't miss. I don't feel like that anymore. As a matter of fact, it might not even be good. Yeah. It seems like it stopped after, or almost like the decline was punctuated by I Am Legend, I think. Because I don't think that he did that well in that movie. You liked it? I did. I thought you were going to say Beyond Earth. I just didn't, like, he's never blown me away. Like, I feel like for a long time my like, my likey-ness, if you

will, of him was totally tied to Fresh prince of bel-air because i love fresh prince of bel-air have you have you seen i think i may get the name wrong but like eight and a half pounds or something like that the uh that he did all right so that's very good and also uh the meaning of life uh the movie that he did where he's uh with his son uh he's He's incredibly poor and he's trying to become an entrepreneur, trying to sell these I don't even remember, some sort of medical instruments to barely make a living. They're sleeping in public bathrooms and stuff

like that. I thought that was really good. But since then, I haven't seen anything I like. I despise that movie that he did with his son After Earth. Beyond Earth. Beyond Earth. I don't know.

Something like that. It was absurd. I can shit on that for an hour. Seven Pounds, the movie Kyle was thinking of, outstanding. Outstanding movie. Oh, yeah, man. It's so fucking good.

Yeah, it's got a cool ending. It's sort of a twist. When you figure out what's up, it's a very strong performance from Will Smith. Oh, he did that movie, that concussion movie, maybe a year or two that i didn't watch yeah now that that could have been that that got really good reviews so so maybe so i'm sorry you should finish he lost some points with me when he did all that oscar complaining do you remember that yeah i do yeah yeah yeah yeah i i don't was, you know, there's no black people at the Oscars. It should be me, you know, because I did my concussion movie.

And everyone's like, you would be the weakest entry. Like, there's a reason they skipped over you. Yeah. Yeah, I heard his accent. By now, you should know that you just put black actors in categories for the sake of it. That's not condescendingending even if the movie's not good it's not like totally you know pretending that something's better and which is actually kind of a form of racism you just do it i'm a slow learner in this regard says we should

meryl streep that i had i was totally indifferent to her until she went up there and did like a weepy cry speech last year remember that yeah where she like went up in front of everyone and like said a bunch of easy pre-packaged stamped and approved hollywood opinions while pretending she was brave that's probably the most annoying trait in the world to me is when people stand in front of a crowd that it thinks exactly the same as them and are like, you know what? This Trump guy, two thumbs down. Am I right? And they're like, oh! Oh, my God. That's why I like Ricky Gervais so much

when he hosts those Golden Globes or whatever it is he does because he just shits all over the audience. Just really fucks them over the whole time. I really like Ricky Gervais when he hosts those events. I've watched entire montages of just his clips from hosting those shows as he's fucking with person after person.

Does he still do that? I've never watched an award show. I've watched the most stuff on YouTube clips. But have you seen the clips of Ricky Gervais hosting? I think it's the Golden Globes. I've seen at least one. Cause I know that he did do that kind of thing,

but yeah, he's done it like three times, maybe something like that. Seth MacFarlane's good that way too. I don't know if he hangs with Ricky Gervais, but he also would like, just, Oh,

he did a song. He sang a singing and dancing bit where he talked about all the people in the audience whose boobs he had seen right that's pretty funny yeah and then he included a few people who hadn't done topless scenes but he wanted them to so in that regard i think seth can hang with ricky g race maybe yeah that's pretty good. He went after Mel Gibson pretty hard. Mel Gibson is a national treasure.

Mel is about to come out on the stage, too. He's talking about the sugar tits thing and the Jew thing, and then Mel comes right out, and Mel's like, I love that I get to see Ricky Gervais at this thing once a year because it reminds me to get my colonoscopy.

Because Ricky Gervais is an asshole. Okay. Those things are always fun when he's hosting them. But for the most part, I skip the fucking award shows. I don't care about who's wearing what. And it's just a smug fest. I don't need to see all those pretty people congratulating each other and patting each other on the back for three or four fucking hours.

I wish that they would let Mel Gibson host it. Like, just any time you need a laugh, just look up his drunk quotes. He has to take a shot every award. I just saw Hacksaw Ridge the other night. It's that war movie about the guy who won't use a gun but it'll like run in and save people it was it was fantastic i loved it i thought it was a great great movie and it almost like it was the best movie i've seen in a while and i didn't see it in theaters but uh it made me think like wow like this guy mel gibson he really is so good at telling a story and writing movies that they had

to be like, alright, let him back. If we're still giving Shyamalan work and this dude's kicked out of the street, no, we gotta get Mel Gibson back. And then he knocks out of the park with this. But that was a spectacular movie. What did Harvey Weinstein make? Does he have a comeback in his future?

No. No, because he didn't. He wasn't as – he was just producing. He wasn't, like, writing it and stuff. I just – I have to wonder, you know, like, if he's got a good – like, if he played a role in Saving Private Ryan or something, people are going to be like, fuck, I – all right, he's a rapist. He's a little rapey.

But also, Mel Gibson just said a bunch of terrible anti-Semitic things on... In Hollywood. In Hollywood, which is, you know, I wouldn't go into a... I would not go into a dry cleaner talking like this. It's not going to go well. You're going to lose your sweater. But I'm just looking at his quotes right now. How dare you act like such a bitch when I've been

so fucking nice? One of the quotes on there, he said to her, who do you think you're looking at, sugar tits? I'll put you in a fucking rose garden, you cunt. I don't think I fully understand sugar tits. I'm going to come and burn the fucking house down. He said that to a cop

who had pulled him over for drunk driving. The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world. It's a quote from him in 2006. Fucking Jews. The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world. Mel Gibson. That's great. Have you seen Apocalypto?

Yeah. It's a good movie. I thought that was an excellent movie, too, that he made. You can't find it anywhere. I tried to rent it the other night on any of my digital services. It's not online. They really blacklisted the fuck out of him. I feel like if he hadn't said those things about the Jews,

you could get Apocalypto on Amazon Prime or or on showtime or i could rent it at least but but it's it's nowhere to be found like when you search it like nothing even comes up that's weird i haven't tried to search it but i believe you i don't know how to watch it i hope he's a mainstay in hollywood for years to come and eventually after he's regained his place of stature i hope he goes off the rails again. Dude, I think they're making another Lethal Weapon. I haven't seen any of the Lethal Weapons. I haven't seen Mel Gibson enough to know what I think of that.

Or no, I've seen Lethal Weapon 1. Lethal Weapons are quite good. But Mel Gibson was a really different guy. He was your age or something when he made that movie. It's going to be like Han Solo in Star Wars, the second to most recent one. We're getting way too old for this shit. Use it as an assault rifle, as like a cane to help him over bumpy surfaces. He's standing next to tall things, not for cover, but for something to lean on.

That's Mel Gibson now, right? Do you know, wait, guess, how much do you think Mel Gibson's worth? I'm just curious. Don't Google it. He's got to be worth $100 million, $150 million, right? I was going to say $122. That was the number I had in my head. It's high, right?

$425 million. Wow, $400 million? Good for him. That surprised me. But I guess he is, like, when he does a movie, he writes it and produces it and does all that. It just takes one.

Like, $200 million of that could be Passion of the Christ or something. Did I get the name right? Yeah, he did that. That movie was so fucking big when it came out. When you make an R-rated movie that they're showing in every Baptist church in the country,

you've come on... He should have made Passion 2. He should have had a sequel to that shit. Where Jesus comes back. Make it Passion of the Muhammad. All animated. Passion of the Muhammad. It's just a blurred out

bar. He's walking out all pale. When he raped the nine-year-old, I was really having a hard time sitting through it. That's why it has to be animated. So that you can rape the children in his only cartoons. That's a good point. No, but you couldn't even

depict Muhammad at all. Even a blurry box with a big beard forcing himself upon children. You'd be okay. There's not a studio on the planet that if you were like, alright, bear with me. Got a movie starring Muhammad of the Muslim... No, no, no, no, don't hang up.

Of course, they're going to be like, oh, no. We enjoy not being beheaded on LiveLeak, so it's going to be a hard pass for us. You can't explain the whole thing. Just write Passion of the Christ on a chalkboard, put the line through the S so it's a dollar sign, fucking roll with it.

A smart thing to do would be prequels. Be like, all right, pans up to Abraham, and he does this and that. And then they could have done that. That could have been like an apology Almost for his Jewish remarks. He's like all right. We're gonna go back and do the Pentateuch kind of time period Hmm. Yeah, and you can make a ton of movies out of that. He missed out He could have made a ton more Bible related movies and raked it. I guess he didn't miss out

He's worth half a billion dollars. He really wanted to focus on the one where the Jews killed Christ I think he really wanted to focus on the one where the Jews killed Christ. I think he really wanted to get that one out there and just make his statement and then back away and leave it out there for people to take in as they will. Think about if you had $425 to your name and you bought something for $3, that's how he would feel about buying a $3 million yacht. That's insane. Yeah. Sure. It's just like, eh. It's an amount of money you can't even fathom.

And then you, like, take that and you think about, like, Warren Buffett or Bill Gates or one of those Saudi princes who, you know, or I guess Saudi Arabia is doing some reorganizing. Yeah. I think it's a little safer to be Bill Gates these days. You know, that prince that, like, that prince that tweeted Trump during the election, like, we will not do this. Fuck you. No, you're not being elected. Like, whatever.

That Saudi prince. And then Trump was like, Saudi Arabia, you gotta get your shit out of control. Because, like, now Saudi Arabia and Israel and Lebanon and all them are kind of in an alliance because Iran's become a regional superpower, so out of necessity, they have to. And so when the U.S. then said,

alright, get your shit together, Saudi Arabia, that exact prince who was the shithead on Twitter, he's either dead or in prison right now. Because they're like, frankly, it's not going well, Khabib. You've been a terrible prince so far. Speaking of Khabib, nice segue, he fights in just a couple days.

He's going to take on Barboza. That's a different name. Is that his nickname? He is the eagle. He is from Kyrgyzstan. His name is Habib Nurmagomedov and he's a badass motherfucker who this guy walks around at like

205, 210 pounds and then cuts down to 155 over like a few weeks to fight these guys who were probably walking around at more like 170, and they cut down to 150. I don't know. He says he's going to cut his leg off if he has to to make this weight. Who's Habib?

Habib Nurmagomedov. Nice pronunciation. I'm impressed uh yeah i recognize when it's right but i can't do it the kyrgyzstani eagle yeah it's with 10 more pounds of fat than he should though right like are you being exaggerating that he walks around at 200 and that's what they say that's what everyone's saying like what are impossible. So not that they don't say that. Kyle's right. But they say a lot. He's only 5'10".

They pump out so much information, misinformation, contradicting information. He'll tell you, I think he will if he's 155. He'll tell you, I weigh 170 now. I've never been this light, ever. And then his teammate will come out and be like, that's not actually true. He weighs 210 right now and i think they're doing it as a coordinated effort where like if you're not them it's you don't have any idea what's going on trying to like muddy the waters a bit he is a big boy he is very thick he is very strong uh this is going to be really i i'm looking

for i think i'm gonna buy it i i want to see him uh i want to see him lose honestly i want to see him lose for people who's yeah uh a guy yeah he's playing uh edson barboza who is a very good uh who is a very good striker uh much better striker than uh habib is and if habib's last fight was against a guy named michael johnson this black guy who's a real tough customer he's kind of somebody you got to got to go through if you're going to be in the top five or top seven or something like that. And Michael Johnson hit him a couple times and rocked him. And I think that Barbosa's a better striker than Michael Johnson. And if he gets the hits in like Michael Johnson does, he could win this fight.

But if Habib takes it to the ground, it's just like someone throws a lead blanket on you. It's like being netted. There's no escape. He's all over you, like white on rice. There's no escape. You have to have done some grappling to understand how some people just feel heavier.

Something about them you're pinned like there's nothing you like what the hell we're the same size why do you feel like you weigh 300 pounds and they do they're amazing and he's one of those guys he's just he grapples with people two weight classes above him in training all the time he uh and he's undefeated but he hasn't had the toughest schedule he's fought some good guys but it's. And he's undefeated, but he hasn't had the toughest schedule. He's fought some good guys, but it's not like he's got the who's who in his win column.

So it'll be fun to watch. The challenge, I don't... I like watching him. I like him as a fighter. He's cool, but I have a couple issues. One, he's Muslim. And it's not that he's Muslim. It's that he goes a month without eating during the day. So can't fight i don't know about that and then he can't

and then he can't like he doesn't schedule so you know he needs like two or three months to do his training camp so he can't have a fight that's two or three months after this period of time because it would mess up his training camp and it just seems like it shuts him down for four or five months a year by not being able to eat properly for a month and i don't want that in my champ yeah i don't want another champ because i i just a lot of things have to go his way and god he hasn't fought in like a year and a half like like he missed weight yeah like he missed weight badly he nearly died you know. One of his organs shut down. His kidneys. I think it was his kidneys.

He had to go to the ER. I hope he makes weight. I hope he fights. And I hope he loses. Because I don't ever want him near Conor McGregor. I think Conor's coming back. He's going to fight Tony Ferguson. I think he can win.

He can win. I'm not going to say he will win. But he's got a chance. I'll say it. He will win. He will win. You heard it here first, folks. I believe that she will win. I'm not going to say he will win, but he's got a chance. I'll say it. He will win. He will win. You heard it here first, folks. I believe that she will win. Remember that horrible chant from the Hillary rally?

Oh, man. It was so uncomfortable. Back to Conor, I worry about his ring rust. To me, he didn't fight in 2017 in the Octagon. He had a boxing match. He's going to go from 2016 to 2018 and take on a world beater like Ferguson? He's got this.

He's training constantly. I have a long history of predicting that Conor will lose when he doesn't. I think I might just keep doing what I'm doing. He hasn't stopped training. If you check out his Instagram, he's going hard. I think he can do it. Especially if he gets Tony early in the fight, the first couple, three rounds or something like that.

Of course, Tony is just a workhorse. He can go five rounds today. If Tony had to jump in the ring and go five rounds today, he could absolutely do it because he's just built that way. He's up in Big Bear building his own fucking training facility like altitude and running hills he always trains like everything he does is training if he were here right now he'd be doing like calf raises while talking to us squeezing balls to work on his grip like i call them butterflies no no hummingbirds i call them hummingbirds while i might look completely i'm actually always incredibly tense what is that is that micro sunny yeah right now yeah it's dennis from it's always sunny uh when they're in the doctor's office uh he takes uh

mac to get mac because mac's fat and he took mac to the doctor to prove that mac was you know hurting himself but it turned out that Dennis was the one who was hypertensive. You have multiple severe vitamin deficiencies. I told you, Mac. I'm talking about your results, Mr. Reynolds. I'm healthier than you. You have adult-onset type 2 diabetes.

I've got type 2 diabetes. Other than the diabetes, I'm healthier than him right like that it's a shame that dennis isn't coming back apparently yeah what do we know why is it contract issue or like maybe just thinks it's done i don't know exactly why that's just what i'm here it's a little done isn't it i know you guys are a bigger always sunny's fan than all than average people are but you can see it, right?

Like, it's kind of losing its steam. Yeah. I like the last season. I mean, this most recent season was better than the season before, for sure. Like, two seasons ago, I was like, yeah, maybe this is kind of run its course. But this season was funnier. Aside from the first episode where they were all singing.

I don't like – that's just because I don't like any kind of singing episodes in any show. Is that the one where they trade places with black people? Yeah. Anytime I can tell in any show, from the beginning where they start singing, I'm like, this is going to be a whole fucking singing episode. I usually just skip it.

Did you watch Buffy? I like that a lot. I like musicals. Did you ever watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer? That's the best one ever! No, I would never watch that. You should ever watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer? That's the best one ever! No, I would never watch that. So you should check out Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It's a great series. It's Josh Whedon made it.

And you got Sarah Michelle Gellar in the lead role, of course, as Buffy. And there's an episode where, I don't know, they get enchanted with some magic or something. And all of them have to sing the whole time like and and so the whole episode is music a musical where they're just singing to each other uh trying to it's really good it goes like eight seasons and you have no idea all these people have actual musical talent they can sing and it's like no way that dude sings all of a sudden he's like, no way that dude sings. All of a sudden, he's like busting out singing, dancing numbers. And you're like, what? No way.

He really sings. And you think like, well, you know, they're getting some studio magic and this and that. No, they were all better than I could possibly be on my best day with help. Yeah, they could be on Broadway or something. They are just so talented. All of them. It seemed like maybe that's just part of their pedigree all of them had you know music dance lessons i have this idea that if you were to go to like i don't know what's a successful thing on right now uh shit and then they were uh some drama like any random tv show

that has their pick of actors they they could put on a musical. 90% of them would be singing and dancing. Hugh Jackman does a musical. He's on Broadway doing one now, and he sings well. You wouldn't think Wolverine can fucking sing. Yeah. Sometimes you watch them, and you think, well, I could do that. It's like, aha.

One, you can't. Two, that showcase talent is only the tip of the iceberg you know they've been training at this forever yeah i mean but hugh jackman uh there are rumors that he might be gay which would explain that kind of uh that kind of that would explain why he could sing and dance yeah i never heard that rumor i have like i definitely didn't just start it That would explain why he could sing and dance. I never heard that rumor. I have. I definitely didn't just start it. Stupid me.

It is. I just Googled it. Some people are saying that. His wife is not very good looking given how good looking Hugh Jackman is. Which is enough evidence for me. I checked the hockey standings. The good thing about pulling for both Philadelphia and Carolina is they can't both be in last place.

That's true. And as much as they both try as they might, their team can stay cemented down there. I don't know anyone from uh from buffalo new york but good god i'm i hope you guys are doing okay like with they're never good the bills are horrific every year uh the the sabers for the past 10 years it's been like all right we're gonna step it up we're gonna get better like they're so unbelievably bad it's like someone took a team that isn't in the nhl and like snuck them in

and like you know tied up all the the actual nhl players and put them in a closet and then started seeing how they would they would pair off like this is it's unbelievably bad and oh no it's philadelphia oh they lost two in a row again. Damn. Only eight more until their next winning streak. They lost three of their last four. It's not great. There is an overtime loss in there. Yeah. Looking at the standings also, Pittsburgh is only one point ahead.

They're tied with Carolina this year. They have two more games than Carolina. Yeah, so they're doing even worse, if you're being real. Yeah. But, Kyle, who did you pick before the Dallas? What's the other team again? The Stars. Okay.

You got that right. Good job. They're picking it up. They're going to be in a playoff picture by the end of the year. Oh, yeah, going all the way. I hope Chicago's not. Wow. Vegas, I don't know how Vegas is doing this well.

I thought they would peter out by now but they have the best record in the Western Conference and it's a bunch of people that none of the other teams wanted yeah the island of misfit toys dominating the Western Conference what's going on are you okay

I'll link you I don't think this is going to be hockey related I was just on the what the fuck subreddit looking for something interesting to talk about as we near the end here and I found this oh god does he die?

watch the reactions folks oh what's he die? Watch the reactions, folks. Oh. What's he doing? He's sticking a bone into his foreskin? Wait. What is he saying? I need to know.

Is he saying? I need to know. Is he okay? He's stuck like a rib bone or something into his foreskin. I don't think so. I think that's his dick. That's all him. Why am I showing this? Thank God it's unlisted. I should have been warned.

Kyle, that is not a... Look at it. It's all sinewy and fucked up. That thing at the end, that is not a... Look at it. It's all sinewy and fucked up. That thing at the end, that's not a dick. Why am I showing this? I didn't know. I didn't know. I'm sorry. It said not safe for work. I am

sorry. Not on Skype. Why am I showing this? On Skype, it's just a well-dressed man in a v-neck t-shirt. I apologize. I don't think it matters for unlisted videos, though, right? We'll probably get away with it. You can put a warning in there.

Warning, there's a penis. Disgusting, disgusting penis. I think that's his fucking dick, bro. That's all him. Someone says it's a turkey neck. Oh, God, that's worse. That's worse. The old turkey neck in the foreskin

trick. This is a shot right across the bow of you motherfuckers out there who say circumcision is cruel and unusual and I'm all wrong about it. If this guy doesn't have the outlet to put

a turkey neck in his foreskin when he gets a little, whatever mood it is that he's in, you know, angry, furious with poultry, crazy, it doesn't matter. He would be out there shooting up a school or a post office. He needs this kind of outlet.

It seems like he put the turkey neck in his foreskin, right? Why wouldn't he just get a slightly bigger turkey neck and put his dick in the turkey neck and go gobble, gobble, gobble like he was riding one of those toy horses on a broomstick? Yeah, that would be more normal. Who among us hasn't done that? I hate everything about that. I hate everything about what I saw. I don't like how he looks like a dude that you would see working working at kidoba or at your tax office up until you're like oh and i also

like to put my foreskin around uh animal necks i thought he had a terribly disfigured penis me too i didn't understand yeah because it's fleshy you know it's a turkey's neck you know it looks and the we just did a show where we talked about that guy with the giant penis and it turned out he just had a really weird skin thing happening around what would have been a six-inch penis disorder that's what i kept stretching and ruining his foreskin until they're like you want us to cut this off so you can have a dick that that works again that isn't just a bunch of sloughing skin oh no this is what pays the bills my friend he's going on disability for it i am like that one guy who

hand in the air for 30 years yes like that kind of thing god the horror that's awful did you see that bus kill all those people in moscow on christmas oh that's sad i didn't yeah yeah it looked like just a bus accident i I saw it on Watch People Die. Let me see if I can find a clip of it. It's, uh... It just moves things. A bus drives into crowded Moscow walkway. So it was not an accident.

Well, it didn't look like... How do you know that? Because it didn't say crash. It said drives into. Yeah, this one says plows into. Who knows? Maybe a bit too much vodka. Check this out.

Lickety-lick. Oh, we're going to watch it? Well, no choice. That looks more accidental than like an attack. I didn't see that. Yeah. Look at that guy's reaction. He just puts accidental than like an attack. Yeah. Look at that guy's reaction. He just puts his hands on his head like, oh, shit.

I saw it in like a thumbnail or something. I didn't see all the people. Look at them just continuing to walk on the steps after the bus drives by. I think that one woman doesn't get off her cell phone. This is to go. Another bus come down the stairs. I swear to God. What today?

That is amazing. It would be really funny if there weren't people on the stairs. Five people dead. It ruins the joke. On Christmas. I think it punctuates it. You think it punctuates it?

The joke, yeah. It would be as... You don't get that, oh, that was horrible, but let's find a way to laugh at this terrible thing if there wasn't a terrible thing. I think the best humor comes from tragedy, right?

Yeah, I agree. Yeah. And, you know, what's the saying? Like, tragedy plus time equals humor? Something like that? It's been a day. That is a time. It is.

Oh, man. I don't know. Want a wrap? Yeah, sure. Painkiller nearly 175. Poor people.