Painkiller Already - PKN #195

Episode Date: May 25, 2018

It's PKN time baby!

all right and yeah pkn episode 195 starting with a hitch while you're in a truck i'm the only one in my normal place yeah i'm on top of a mountain uh learning to paraglide do you remember last year when a paragliding trip? It went well until it didn't. But we're giving her another go. So I'm here on top of another mountain with a new instructor and a friend.

And I'm jumping off it soon, hopefully. Yeah, I got a text message from Woody about 30 minutes ago, 40 minutes ago, or something like that. And it said, I'm going to be a little late to the show because my friend just crashed into a tree we're about to begin the rescue. Something like that, right? And he sent us this image. He was still in the tree at the time.

Yeah, the man was in a tree, and he sent us this image of a paramotor stuck in a fucking tree. Was he hurt at all? No, he has a scratch on his leg. But he's fine. He's made of rubber. He never seems to get hurt when these things happen.

He's just amazing that way. He's a real athlete. It's going to be really rough when it finally comes around the bend. Oh, yeah. It'll be like a Final Destination-style crash where he goes right into a shutting sharp branch. Impaled. Just like those birds shrieker birds or shrike birds impale their bugs on on sticks yeah hopefully that doesn't happen to him but if it does send us a picture they'll have to cut the limb to get him down because he's just stuck on it

or it'll be like in uh in uh that mel gibson movie uh signs or whatever when he's pinned you know is that that movie where the wife is pinned by the car oh yes and then it's like we can move it but she's gonna die and i always thought as a kid i'm like can't they like like what there's got to be something that you can do right like all right you're alive for now put it in reverse fuck everything just fell out like like there must be something you can do i don't know maybe that's just movie magic but yeah that's what it would be like for him you couldn't take it out couldn't leave it in sad way to die now he'd just be a tree man an ent a true weather looks so great now ah Are you in your new truck?

I am. Nice. Already putting it to use. Oh. Oh. It looks very much just like every other Ford truck built this year.

I don't know it's cool we intended to drive up over two days yesterday in the day i was going to do this from the hotel like you know just arrive in time but we powered through all yesterday so we're getting some good air time in and such you know learning a bunch today yeah is that like fun stuff that you do after the day of flying like all right let's go get a little rowdy at the airman's pub or whatever the hell you would go to or is it just like all right to bed like i would think that you guys are probably the latter just paramotoring right you've got me sold on this steak dinner idea i might pitch that you should uh yeah right now

i'm just one of the reasons my friend got stuck in a tree is the wind wasn't quite right. Like, it wasn't... When the wind goes up the hill, the wind goes up, and it's nice and it's lifty and it's really helpful. But he was trying to take off, like, in between bad wind, and it didn't work like he hoped.

And right now, I'm looking at it. It's freaking legit. It's magic out there. How much is the wing worth that he got somehow stuck in that tree and are they going to be able to he bought it used actually and it was i think 1500 and uh they'll recover it i don't know if it'll need repairs oh so sometimes repairs can be like $500, $1,500 too. Yeah. Yeah, well, as much as I joke,

I'm glad he's okay and everything. I'm glad he didn't become a tree man or anything. When we saw that picture, I was like, do they know if he's okay? Chiz was like... Chiz was like... No! You okay up there?

Oh, God, no! Oh, God, no! Oh, God, no. I realize now this hobby's been spinning in the face of God. They're bees. They're bees. That would be the worst thing. You, like, crash into it, and you're like, you have that panic attack. Oh, oh, oh.

And then you just hear a... They saw me flying. They think I'm their queen. Help! You say bears can or can't climb trees. Oh, you're just a piñata for a bear. If I'm a bear in the woods, there's nothing better than like,

look, there's just a meal on demand. Like I would be just the same way that they're curious about berries in a bear trap. I'd be like, no, there's just a meal on demand. I would be just the same way that they're curious about berries in a bear trap. I'd be like, no, this is too easy. This stupid monkey tied up before me, failing a round. When the care package just drops out of the sky and helps you out. Yeah. So there was an incident in Canada this week that really made the rounds on Reddit.

Do either of you know what I'm referring to? Is it the Laurel Yanny thing? I actually don't know what you're referring to. And usually I'm up to date on Canada news. Biz, would you link it for us and we can watch this incredibly

interesting little video? Is there any backstory we need for this? Oh, I think it's better if you just watch it happen. I saw this. Yeah. Alright, let me

take a... Alright, we ready to watch it yeah this video is called you think you've had a crappy day at work alright I'm gonna guess that one of these people is gonna shit somewhere you never know it is Tim Hortons

alright Tim Hortons you wanna 3 2 1 go it yeah let's do that 3 2 1 play You want a 3-2-1 go it? Yeah, let's do that. 3-2-1 play. Seems to be a coffee or donut related dispute. This bitch at the front seems to be getting very animated. Very animated. The high schooler behind the counters giving all the stock lines.

She's upset, as a matter of fact, because they won't allow her into the restroom. It is locked. And she's like, oh, really? She, because they won't allow her into the restroom. It is locked. And she's like, oh, really? She grabs herself a wad of napkins, takes off her... Oh, she's taking off... And... Oh, my!

She took a very... And then she picks it up and throws it across the counter. And throws her toilet paper, which is just napkins. What a cunt. And she's gone. She took a, I don't think that was urine. I think that was just a watery shit that she took there.

And she scooped it up like it was a ground ball to shortstop, right? She was on that thing immediately, had it, and she was throwing the home plate, which turned out to be the tim horton's employee and he i'd love to see the angle to see if he got nailed with it because there's nothing that ruins your day at work right then getting hit with a handful of shit from a 40 year old soccer mom dude if you remember to wipe from front to back did we get that detail she did go from front to back you can't women can't go back to front or you'll get a shitty pussy.

Yeah, that's the sort of thing they forget. Definitely pissing, Kyle. It was not just a watery shit. It came out like a custard machine, and then also some piss came out. Because have you ever, I defy you to next time you take a shit, try to take a shit without also pissing. Pee's going to come out. Doesn't matter how hard you try. You're just pushing everything out down there. So you're going to pee when you poop, and that's what it was. If anything,

that gave it a little less viscosity. And so when she threw it, it probably spread more, whereas that first one was just a perfect butterscotch ball of shit. So that would have just probably slapped up against the side of the ice machine or whatever the hell. But if even a modicum of that shit got on that poor, undoubtedly good Ontario boy who was working the counter, I hope she goes to actual prison. But it sucks because it would be Canada prison. So they'd be like, hey, you stay in your cell. It's a nice day out. When you're right, you're right.

They've got a hockey rink in the prison. She was on that turd so fast. She scooped it up, and then she gets... She wiped multiple times. I like that. This is a woman who normally doesn't shit in public, I think. You know, she was not dressed like the type of lady you'd think would take a shit in the middle of a Tim Hortons.

She wasn't dressed that nice. I mean, she would dress like a woman who might poop in the woods normally. Tim Hortons was... Normally't dressed that nice. I mean, she would dress like a woman who might poop in the woods normally. Tim Hortons. Normally? Like a soccer mom. I would poop in the woods. I've pooped in the woods. When you got to, on your camping. I don't opt for it, but like, I don't think

those are trashy people. If you have to shit outside and you go in the woods, it's better than going in Tim Hortons. This looked like a suburban mom, right? She's, I mean, she's got jewelry on, her hair doesn't look all fucked up, she's got yoga pants on, she's got a nice button-up tied up around her waist, her top

looks nice. She looks pretty. She just says she didn't want to do that, she was forced to do that. I saw no one forcing her to poop and throw it at people. Woody, when you gotta go, you gotta go. Yeah, but when you gotta go... And angry. Angry like a baboon.

Yeah. She did it like... She was mad about it. If I really... If she just had to go so bad that she dropped trow and shit, first of all, I would think she'd at least go to a corner somewhere.

Like, a three-year-old has the wherewithal to go to shit in a corner, you know, try not to get in trouble. She didn't do that. And also, you wouldn't get up and huck it. She wasn't pooping there because she just had to had to go she was pooping there because she had to had to go and they weren't giving her the keys to the bathroom and she had frequented that tim hortons on many occasions she brings her children there after t-ball every afternoon but they

weren't having it so she was on that turd and she was letting that guy have it. I want to know if she hit him with it. I want her to have hit him with it a little. A little. Getting hit with somebody else's shit would be life-changing. Life-changing. If someone hit me in the face with a ball of shit

and I got perpetual pink eye, like three years from now, people are like, what's wrong with your eye? Well, this lady came into Tim Hortons. Yeah, you used to work there, right? Yeah, I did. But when I could see. And, well, she hit me in the face with a huge ball of shit.

You know what? I wish that they would, every time you see people huck and poo, they just grab it and then immediately throw like a monkey. It would be nice if you saw someone be like... And start molding it into a ball, you know? Maybe she puts it back under her peas a little more to get it to stick. Yeah, like you do with a snowball, right? Like get it nice and hard and compact.

Oh, I got a lot of peanuts last night. You're going to rue the day you didn't let me into that bathroom apparently what happens in a snowball yeah like rocks and stuff apparently what happens up there is like people go into the tim hortons bathroom there to do drugs and so they have to put a lock on the door so that druggies won't go in there and like shoot up heroin or whatever they're they're one to do and lady, I guess, wasn't a customer. Like, I mean, I'm sure she would have ordered a bowl of chili, another bowl of chili,

if they had just given her the key to the bathroom. I wish there were audio. I really wish there were audio. What we're seeing here is, of course, someone recording a monitor with their cell phone. Yeah. I mean, she had to be doing some kind of drug. Like, you don't just shit.

Like, would you ever... How bad would someone have to fuck up your donut or coffee order that you're like, that's it! I'm shitting on the ground and you're getting a handful. I'm telling you, she was mad because they wouldn't give her the piece. It's half and half, not milk.

Jesus Christ. Does this look like a bear? I'll give you, she was mad because they wouldn't give her the keys. It's a half and half, not milk. Jesus Christ. Does this look like a bear? I'll give you a bear claw. I'm telling you, she was mad because they just wouldn't let her in that restroom. And this was her way of, you know, like, oh, yeah? You want me to shit right here? Because I will. I will if you don't give me that key.

You don't think I will? Well, here we go. Here we go. Joke's on you. I'm in a scat play. Hope you are, too. What would it take for you to shit and throw it at someone? What kind of offense would it take?

Oh, man. You see, the thing is, I'm sullying myself along with them, right? I don't want to grab a handful of my own shit. You don't have a gun. You don't have a weapon. You don't have a pole. You can't punch them. It's gotta be shit. Why does it have to be shit? Why? Because that's the video we're talking about.

You're not... I don't think I can come up with a scenario in which I do that. What if someone else threw their shit at you and you really had to go? You might just be able to turn around and aim the way you did that gas station and just send a pool of shit water their way.

Look at him. He's one at a time in them over there. I'll hit you with the shit hose. Yeah, I can't envision a scenario in which I throw shit, my own or some other form of shit, at anyone, really. I'm not down like that. And I don't know that my shit has the viscosity required, quite frankly.

I would have to know that I was... You just have wet socks. Yeah, it would be like running through my fingers. It would be like, you know when you don't have anything to dry your hands off and you just flick them? I would have to just flick shit at someone, like that. Wow. Do you eat any fiber?

No, no. No fiber. None of that. I drink a lot of coffee, and I eat a lot of steak. A lot of homemade fries, a lot of coffee and I eat a lot of steak. A lot of homemade fries? A lot of fast food? Yeah, I've been growing rock candy in my spare time. That's a new hobby of mine. Not on purpose, I just left a little liquor in the bottom of my glass

and it started growing these little crystals down there. Oh, give it a lick. Yeah, I wish your tug was long enough. glass and it started growing these little crystals down there. Oh. Give it a lick. Yeah. I wish your tug was long enough. I don't know if you know what rock candy smells like if you've ever been in one of those stores that has the whole huge rack of it on sticks but it smells so good. It smells

so fucking good. There's these little snowflakey crystals of rock candy down in there. I'm really looking forward to the point where they just continue to grow out of it, and I have to kill it with fire. Is there any alcohol in it? I wonder.

No, the alcohol has sort of evaporated off and left behind a sugar solution, which is now forming sugar crystals. So next time you have a Grand Gala, you can just treat that like a cast iron pan. That's what I'm doing. Just pour it right on top. I swear to God.

And you slowly season it until you get more and more rock crystals. This is a good experiment. This is genius. You may have to toe the line of alcoholism to really speed up that crystal growth so we can see something. I stumbled over that line several weeks ago. The people at Grand Gala headquarters are like, we don't know what it is.

A couple months ago, things just started looking up. My wife got a new car. We're good to go. Our sales in Georgia are exploding. It's all at the same store. Johnny doesn't have to go to a state school now. I mean, we're in business, boys. Yeah, well, that's a neat little experiment there.

I don't think if I do that with any of the light beers I prefer, it'll do anything but smell shitty. Yeah, I think it'll turn into some sort of moldy, disgusting thing, right? That's why I generally just throw those cans away. It should. You should always throw them away. And obviously, I'm not messy. This is. You should always throw them away. Obviously, I'm not messy. This is the only dirty dish I have around. I actually did dishes and laundry a little while ago.

But this one, after two days, formed a little crystal. And I was like, is that a sugar crystal? Let's see where this is headed. We're about three or four days in, and I'm really enjoying the... Did you stop drinking like how did that happen

well i don't know i have lots of i have lots of liquor glasses oh you switch glasses yeah well i use a different glass every time usually you know i just wash them after i drink them but this one got left out after a long night of drinking and uh it just got left on my desk and then the next day i got left again and then the next day there were sure there were fancy little crystals growing little little people in there you should do i know grand gal is your your go-to bread and butter switch to a different flavored liqueur or something and then you can get like a uh sedentary or sedimentary rock or whatever looking formation layers yeah layers like the the Grand Canyon. A little Kahlua, you're right, Chiz. I'm sure that'll form something really interesting.

If I put Kahlua, Kahlua will grow a race of tiny liquor people, okay? That's not going to be good at all. That's got cream in it. You have to pick something that's going to combine well with the orange that's already in there. Orange creamsicle. Eh, maybe.

What about margarita mix? Well, that's just tequila and lime. Oh. Am I mixed up? Well, margaritas are... Usually margarita mix is an alcoholic. It's like you pour whatever percentage of that and then you add tequila to it.

Oh, sure. Yeah, it's true. Yeah. I don't know, though, but you don't like tequila. It just seems really sugary. Or maybe like a pina colada. I'm trying to figure it. Daiquiri?

There's something that might take the layer. It's got to be a real liqueur. Like, it's got to be higher in alcohol. Like, a pretty syrupy, kind of like Grand Gala. That way it'll evaporate out and you get that. Ew, Jack Daniels tastes terrible. I hate that. It's the worst.

Yeah, not a fan. Not a fan. There's tons of flavored vodkas. You could like vodka liqueurs. You could maybe get like a blueberry thing on there. Do a bunch of fruits. I don't know if they put sugar in. Do they put sugar in those flavored vodkas?

Is that the deal? Oh, hell yeah. Yeah. Okay. That's definitely how they do it. Interesting. It's a ton of sugar. That's why, you know, in college you wake up the next day and be like, oh my god.

Like, I feel awful. Like a two-day hangover. But yeah, it's all that sugar. No gluten, though. Well, Call of Duty Black Ops 4 is coming out in October, I believe. And today they had their massive release event. They showed off a lot of new stuff. Multiplayer was revealed.

Multiplayer, you know, it looked more grounded. There were grappling hooks. That was the most crazy thing. And they weren't the kind where you're like, Spider-Man. It was more like, alright, I want to go up that building. Pew! Soof! And you like zip up the building. It's like a ladder replacement almost. Yeah. Something like that. And I also saw a guy

use one on a tank. Like there's a tank sitting there, like a blown out tank that's often used on maps, and he shot it kind of to the turret, and it jerked him on top of the turret. And so now he's on top of a little piece of cover. There's no more auto-healing. That's huge.

That's giant. And I'm guessing that that is sort of in response to the popularity of games like Fortnite and PUBG g because of course they're also introducing battle royale they've got it'll be there's battle royale zombies and multiplayer and single player so this black ops is going to have a lot of everything have a lot of big is their uh battle royale because i don't know yet but the standard battle royale size is

100 players you know like everyone does 100 players, if minimum. Like, there are a couple battle royales that are in development or in, like, the alpha stage that are experimenting with hundreds and hundreds, if not thousands of players in one map space. So to go less than 100 would be really underwhelming. So the thoughts is it's going to be 100. And in their battle royale they they've teased that you're going to have every single black ops weapon that has ever been

in a game so going from black ops one to four so you can have a shitload of weapons in there throwables usable items all that stuff uh and you're going to have air weapons and uh and uh and uh boats and stuff they're the air land and sea vehicles that's what i'm trying to say yeah does any other console game have a hundred player like anything like that i don't know how many how big battlefield one uh gets uh because that's just not my thing you know uh so i really don't oh of course good point, Chiz. PUBG and Fortnite are on consoles. Okay. I'm pretty far behind because really I gamed a lot on the last generation of consoles.

Maybe the current one can do much more. They are bad on console. The PUBG on console is it dips down to 15 frames per second at points and it rarely gets above 30 from what I understand understand it's quite bad

fortnight is good on console but again it's sort of a cartoony looking game cod looks better than pub g in my opinion uh so i don't know how that's going to run on a console it seems like it's more taxing for a console especially when throwing 100 players in there so we'll see but i'm playing on pc anyways who fucking cares yeah i have a fortnight thing but i'm talking about my son's parkour coach is in fortnight like he was one of the you know they put like the balls on you and you move around and do the dances and he was a like the circus guy yeah yeah yeah my son's parkour coach did the mocap for well one of the people that did mocap for fortnite that's that's interesting yeah

yeah i i am not that excited about the new black ops but i'm gonna end up buying it and i'll try zombies out because everything i've seen on twitter i even saw chiz tweeting about it about it's supposed to be insane and really cool uh i just hope that they don't do what they've done what's turned me off from all the recent zombie games, like the last three or four, where instead of being like, all right, you're going to do this, and you're going to get your weapon, and you're going to have some crazy staff to zap all the zombies. They'd be like, all right, what you're going to have to do is get a crawler and then assign someone to guard that crawler for two hours. And you're going to run around and do this loop-de-loop puzzle solving game where there are no clues. It's not like, aha, I've deciphered the code. It's like, and then after you touch the third torch here, you're going to run cross map,

jump twice on that panel. See, how are you supposed to know that? You weren't. You were supposed to wait for one of us douchebags to make a video about it and then try and emulate it on YouTube. And I don't want that. I just want to slay a bunch of zombies. I want it to be easy and fun. I want the difficult part to be the zombies, not the, oh, damn it, the crawler died. So I'm kind of in the middle of this. I think I like that the Easter eggs are super complicated and it takes hours to get them done.

What I don't like is that the Easter egg needs to be a cornerstone of playing the game like i want to be able to play through zombies and beat it if it's beatable you know if there's a way to like build a plane and fly away then like i can do that without some crazy ridiculous shit that no one would ever figure out on their own i don't understand how these youtubers figure out that stuff on their own i can only guess that they're literally paying off employees at the developer. Like, alright, I got ten grand for you. You come to me with the

Easter egg portfolio. We'll fucking trade packages in the night, right? Because I don't know how else. It would just be randomly doing shit. Like, maybe I shoot this wall twice? No. Maybe I shoot it three times no like restart like the i don't mind the easter eggs the thing is i don't like it when they make the easter egg how you get

the the special weapon for the map where it's like i don't want to spend like i'm a zombies player who just wants to slay zombies and see how far i can get i don't want to spend 45 minutes traipsing about you know in between rounds to get the cool Uber Ray gun or whatever. Like, that should just be available in the box. Like, let it, get something else. Get a cool headgear or some shit for your Easter egg. Don't make me play your goddamn stupid game

and make that part of the game, like you said. Because it's like, oh, well, if you want to get past round 50, you need the, you know, Thunder Gun, but you can only get the Thunder Gun with a two-hour side quest. Yeah, I don't like that at all. If you do want to play a game that you might want to Gun, but you can only get the Thunder Gun with a two-hour side quest. Yeah, I don't like that at all. If you do want to play a game that you might want to play, I have convinced some of my cohorts to get Warhammer.

So I've been playing Warhammer with them. They're terrible, so it's a lot of fun. I haven't played it since the last time we played together, so I might, after dinner, hop back on there. I've been playing a Pokemon game. Oh, they're fun. It reminds me of when i was a kid how do you play a person what how do you play like i've never played pokemon games it's just uh like zelda you run around looking for shit you run around uh beating other trainers and shit and fighting gyms to like level up and

you have to organize a team that based on whatever types you're using you think are going to be a good a good mix against whatever types you're likely to come across and it's really a lot of a lot of grinding a lot of uh fighting and i like it you know it it's fun every once in a while i jump back into it and play and then after i finish a game i'm like all right that's enough till next year the year after but you never played that kyle no man that's up an age to me that you would have would have been about that age when it came out i don't think i am i or wasn't my thing came out like 97 97 i was probably playing like uh i don't know street like like fighting games i like street fighter i was probably playing like, I don't know, street, like fighting games.

I like Street Fighter. I was probably playing shit like that on console. That's kind of what I was into at the time. Like, my friends would come over and we'd, you know, the winner keeps the controller, right? And, you know, it's my game console, so I played a little bit. And, you know, just go the rounds. And, you know, win, lose, or draw, it's really fun. I always like Mortal Kombat,

Street Fighter, Virtua Fighter, which probably no one even knows about Virtua Fighter. I've never even heard of that. Yeah, exactly. It's cartoony. The graphics are good in a way. I know it. Yeah, sure. So playing all those games. So are you trashing everybody on Warhammer 2? Oh, of course.

Because that is a hard game to get. If I jump back in, I'd have to probably totally relearn all the hotkeys and everything. Like, unit composition. If I did, I'd want to download that Egyptian thing you were talking about. But have you been butt-fucking them pretty good? Absolutely. Like, setting up 2v1s? Are you still

playing Skaven a lot? Was that your... I move around. I can play anybody now. I can play, like... I'm probably good at, like, 8 or 9. I'm good at all of them. Honestly. Like, I can play any of them. can i can play like i'm probably good at like eight or nine i'm probably i'm good at all of them honestly like i can play any of them i when i play ladder i went about right now i'm winning about half the time that's really good on the competitive ladder i guess uh but it's one of those games where like you can't prepare for everything so like sometimes you're just like ah well he did that i'm not prepared for that there's just no way i can win

this so you know you win some you lose some but i've been enjoying it a lot uh i like that game it's really satisfying to win uh it's it's yeah it's not that awful to lose and uh there's a good community around it so i watch the streams and the videos and stuff like that and i watch uh that turin guy who's he wins all the youtube tournaments so he seems like one of the best players in the world so have you stumbled in because i know at one point you'd stumbled into, I think, two games against those video makers, and they trounced you. Has that happened again?

Not, no. But they disguise their names, though, a lot. So if I'm not watching the stream, I don't know if I'm playing them anyway. But, yeah, I played against Turin, and I played against either Zerkovich or Milk and Cookies for the win. One of those guys. And both of them in turn beat me. I was pretty close to beating Turin. But the other guy just beat the shit out of me.

I like that gamer tag, Milk and Cookies for the win. Yeah, that's just like the name of his channel. I can't remember what his real name is or what he goes by or whatever. But in any case yeah yeah i i love total warhammer uh i'm having to play total warhammer one like like it's it's hard to find people to play with like that i know so i so i i'm like one guy was like well i've got total warhammer one it's like all right well i'll come over there and beat you up similar enough for me yeah same shit i have cod 2 oh it was a blast Where you'd play 4 player

And everybody used the sniper rifle And you had to be like One sniper per team you fuck Like you could like Totally miss on that crosshairs And be like dead Yeah that's the one they're playing in the office Did you play a lot of COD 2 or did you

I got into COD for 4 I played COD 2 at a friend's place for the most part when it came i think it came out in like 05 around then and so we played that quite a bit like when we were hanging out and doing shit and then as soon as cod 4 came out everybody switched to that one and i haven't played cod 2 since cod 4 came out yeah i remember cod uh cod 2 was like one of the launch games for the xbox 360 i believe so like it came with the xbox uh or at least certain ones of them i just remember seeing it at walmart and being like i got a job yeah i got no time to play the video games but uh uh so i never really got

into it until like you know hutch kind of went back to it somewhere between cod 4 and uh cod that's why i bought it six or whatever yeah we all did you know we could kind of went back to it somewhere between COD 4 and COD 6 or whatever. Yeah, we all did. You know, we could jump down there and play the Quickscope game, and it was interesting. Dude, social media is the most effective advertising. You know, you watch Hutch, he's playing COD 4 all the time. He's like, you know what? I popped in too.

It's like, oh, I am missing some of my history. I don't know the Renaissance CODs. And, you know yeah yeah and then you had so many hours playing cod 4 because of grizz videos i watched in like 2008 where i like i'd be watching it and i'd be like man this is dope i want to go do this and you go try and do it you're like fuck like this isn't this isn't working that was before you kind of figured out that like oh he must have played a ton, a ton to do this. Because nobody else was making montages back then.

So you could kind of trick yourself when he's like, all right, this is the G shot. You shoot here on crossfire. Look at that. Fucking misses. Now you go whoop, whoop, bang. Look at it. First try. And believe you me, I didn't do this section of the video 400 times you know like yeah

it's your fault it's not yeah see mike man i haven't perfected my g shot yet mike peaked mike peaked at a time way before like the monetization had kicked in so like to make money at being the you know the biggest guy out there, he was having to do stuff like put his content on mapmonkeys.com. I subscribed to MapMonkeys to see his montage a little earlier. I want to see it.

I want to see it. Let's go. I'll give you $5, $10 or whatever it was at the time. The Grizz toolbar. The toolbar. I was'm just gonna say that dude it's all made a parody video with like 16 toolbars from every youtuber i i had my i got like uh i think at 2500 downloads you got it was supposed to be some significant amount of money that i was supposed to be getting and i got to like 25 i remember telling somebody in my real

life i was like look at this look i'm about to have 2500 downloads on my toolbar i'll have like 1800 it was something nuts you know i was like 900 whatever it was and you know just for people download this toolbar which is probably like injecting viruses into the computer i don't know i don't know what i'm not running that toolbar yeah i would run it i don know. It's not good for you. And no, never got that money. Never got that money. Not a cent of it. Not a dime of it.

None of it. At some point, I was just like, everyone delete the toolbar. I don't know what it does. But they don't pay. I know that. I know that. And I talked to Hutch once. I was like, did you ever get the money from your toolbars?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I got my money. He must have had a shitload of downloads. Because they were like, oh, you've got 2,500 downloads? Well, you have $900 in your account. All right. Can I get that?

As soon as you get 10,000 downloads. All right. And I felt like I'd get to 10,000. They'd be like, well, here's your $900. Now you have $2,800 in your account. Can I have it? No. Not to you. Not to you.

20,000 toolbar downloads for this useless fucking toolbar that nobody ever uses. It doesn't help with anything. Do you know what the toolbar did? It notified them of your video uploads. It kept them really updated about you. You mean, like, subscribing would?

No, but look at that failed so often, right? This was instantaneous notification of, like, you could message them through it. Like, it would be a nice thing to have even today. But, you know, it was a way to instantly reach out to your fan group, like a newsletter, directly on their fucking browser, right? But today today of course

there's there's so much stuff like shroud wow this is maybe a month or so ago but shroud like talked about what mouse he used and they instantly sold out there were no more mice to be had you know like the notification thing is great so it used to be people would complain that subscriptions don't work my videos aren't showing up in their sub boxes. There's no other explanation for why I'm not getting tons of views, right? And it's like I didn't know. I didn't know if I bought it because the people who seem to fuss about not being seen were people who were kind of on the second half of that bell curve, right? And then it seemed to become real and everyone worked with the bell, the notification bell.

Now, even if you click the notify bell, you still don't get notified. You have to earn notifications in some other way, like how long they're watching the video or audience retention or something. You have to be hot to be hot. You need a fucking newsletter. We need to bring the toolbars back. Because if I click a notify, if I click that bell, I actually do want to know every time they upload, even if I skip one. But YouTube will be like, I know. I don't know.

Yeah, it is funny to think how like Grizz. I mean, I'm sure he doesn't like the way the time frame worked out. But like he was like a professional, you you know baseball player in like 1968 where it's like they were they're doing okay but like they're looking at people now like god damn it i had to go you know become a real estate agent when i retired like i'll never forget we were we're like the the e3 awards or something like that and uh afterwards, we went to go get some sandwiches at this restaurant. It was me and it was Grizz. Only used me, Blade. A couple other guys.

I don't really remember. Keem might have been there. I don't think so, though. And at some point, Blade's drunk. Grizz is very drunk. This is Grizz's first time in Los Angeles also. We order our food and everything and Grizz is like,

I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'll be back in a minute. Good amount of time goes by. Way too long for him to have... He could have taken a shit and come back by now. The only thing that could be happening now is maybe he has fallen into the shit, right?

Like, that's where your mind goes when it's been way too long. He fell asleep on the toilet or something. Yeah. So, I'm like, I'm going to go check on him. Go to the bathroom. He's not in there. Look around the restaurant. Like, maybe he couldn't find his way back to the table.

He's not in the fucking restaurant. I come back to the table drunk enough that like he would wander off and get lost are we like ah he's just going to the bathroom he was drunk enough that he'd wander off and get lost okay so i said to blade i'm like uh maybe text him see what's up blade text mike text back i don't know where i am there's buildings we're like yeah we're downtown los angeles there's buildings every fucking where what do you mean there's buildings where are you i don't know i'm i'm scared though and we're like all right well i was like somebody should go get him right like blade he's he's he's your friend maybe you should should go get him. You guys came here together, etc. Blade's like, after I ate my sandwich.

That's cool, right? If I wait until my sandwich comes and I eat that. And I was like, well, he's not my friend. So I honestly don't care. But I'd go get him now if it was my friend. He's like, I'm going to wait on the sandwich. I'm going to wait on the sandwich.

Guys, I got to split. Everyone's out here waiting on me. All right. Fly away. Fly safe. Dude, this is a big thing for me. All right. Wish me luck.

Yeah. Have fun. Be safe. Woody just flew away. Just flying away. Into the sky. Hopefully no more crashes. So was Grizz like...

You obviously found him after the sandwich. I didn't have anything to do... After that, me, Kitty, and whoever else we were with went and did some other shit. We went to a party or something like that. I don't know. He's alive today so at some point he was found but like i didn't have anything to do with it and i doubt

that blade did either because he was so into that sandwich and it looked like a good sandwich he was sweating while he ate it i still remember um i i just remember like i remember eating my food looking across at him wolf that sandwich down and being like, that should be good. But someone should be looking for Mike. He's just out there. He's going to end up in gangland or something like that if he keeps walking in the wrong direction. Eventually you get to something that's actually scary.

I don't know if they ever fucking found Zerg Riz. He still makes videos and stuff. Does he really? Yeah. I'm going to look up his channel. He still makes videos and stuff. I remember... Does he really? Yeah. Huh. He tries to mix it up. Last time I was looking, he does all kinds of angle videos, you know,

where to go to get a sniper angle, or where to throw a tomahawk or a throwing knife so that it might bounce in through some skylight and hit a guy off spawn or something like that. And stuff like that. But I haven't followed the guy in years and years. I don't think I've watched...

I haven't watched one of his videos in half a decade. Yeah. I made a couple of the original ones. I used to play with him a ton back when he first got started. I asked for a friend request or whatever early enough that I think it was still rare for him to get a message like that.

I was like, hey, can I come play with you? He was like, yeah. I just accepted my friend request, and I used to play with him a good bit. He was fun to play with, really nice guy. Always a nice guy. I like that guy. I wonder if he knew. Of course he did. The G-shot bullshit.

He was just peddling it for views. You know, like, probably. Of course he did. You know, it's pretty fabricated. You know? Pretty silly thing. Didn't work. Well, 18-year-old me, or 17-year-old me, bought it.

For at least a little bit until i was like this this is impossible i'm pretty sure 25 year old me bought it for a little while you know well you watched his videos and they were compelling they were compelling he'd be given like intentional like it was a almost like gerbils would have been proud at that propaganda where he like would like focus on minutiae that didn't matter where he'd be be like, see? Boom, and he'd miss, and he'd be like, see? Messed it up right there. I didn't wait for the exact moment when the four stopped moving.

Go back again. Boom. See, messed it up. Now, when I do it this way, and he hits him, I'm like, oh, okay. Well, I'm going to have a lot of opportunities throughout the game to just be like, enemy, remain static.

Step back and forth like some asshole. Oh, man. Wings had a good stream yesterday or the day before. I don't know which, because I watched the montages after the fact. But I'll just lay out a few things that he laid claim to. He said the fish don't breathe oxygen. They breathe water. Sound.

He talked about the possibility of life existing elsewhere. And he couldn't come up with silicon-based life forms, so he just used the fact that fish breathe water to express how different various organisms are from one another. Like, you know, they'll put them on land or die. It's silicon-based. Yeah, you know, like, we're carbon-based, and people theorize that there could be a silicon-based...

Oh, is that, like, a theory that I wasn't familiar with? Sure. Let theorize. Oh, is that like a theory? Yeah, yeah. I wasn't familiar with it. Sure. Let's see. Oh, man, I'm blanking out. Chiz, what else did he say? Has there been any more fallout from his recent stream where people were giving him shit,

or has it already moved on to the next news story of the day? He called Kitty a couple days ago, and he's pretty bummed out about the pedo stuff. And I still say, you know, that pedo stuff is pretty lame. People shouldn't do that. I mean, it's funny to, like, laugh at the silly things he says, but you should know that he's not a pedophile. That's absurd. That's made up.

He talked about pharmaceutical companies. He talked about different strains of bacteria. He went on a whole rant. Oh, he said the only—someone asked him if he ever tried to get with a petite woman, which, of course, is trolling to even ask the question. He's like, oh, the only petite woman I could probably get would be an anorexic one. Like, I guess he thinks that anorexic women

would find him appealing? That they would like to watch him eat? What was that movie where like uh fucking rosie o'donnell or whoever was like oh that's my eater i have them eat all my food and i just enjoy it uh kirsty alley that's what it was but uh yeah maybe he thinks that i don't know i've never been with an anorexic girl but they are probably petite if they're good at it you know if they're not good at it then then probably not yeah i wouldn't think so uh something kind of unfortunate someone has been like mirroring his twitch stream so what they do is his stream is mirrored onto their twitch stream

and so they are earning uh earning money off of streaming his content live while he's doing it. And they're accepting donations and stuff. And their rationale over there is that it's a free speech sort of chat and stream of Wings of Redemption. Because they just let the comments run hog wild over there. Wings isn't there to police them. There's no moderators there. So it's just a real shit show. So they're just 100% stealing what he's doing at the moment.

Yeah. That's really not cool. Not cool at all. Wait, so what are the viewership like on that stream compared to his real one? I would be guessing if I said. But I would say, you know, comparable. Like maybe he's getting $350,

$450, and there's probably $250, $300 over there. Something like that, who are just there to hate on Wings while they watch his stream. It's kind of like a... It would be okay,

and I use the word okay kind of loosely, if they weren't accepting donations. If the money went back to Wings, that would be one thing. Yeah, but it's not going back to Wings. No, no, it's going into some random guy's pocket. I don't know. She says there's like 700 people

in that Sean Ranklin Discord he went into. It gives you an idea of just how many people are trolls. Yeah, they love it, man. They love it. 700 people devoted to prodding and poking at wings. I mean, that does kind of suck. Yeah. That really sucks for him.

But he's got to capitalize. But then again, it's like, how am I supposed to capitalize? None of these people are going to donate to me. They'll donate to... The trolls donate to him? Absolutely. They do so because they they have that um text to speech thing right where like you give the person five and you can set the the dollar

amounts however you want you give the person five dollars you type in a little message and then an automated like bot voice reads out whatever you've typed and for for everyone to hear including him he could have that turned on but he dares not because of the the evil that would come through that that that speaker and it'll say anything right so it'll say whatever they talk you you fat piece of shit nine nine nine nine nine nine nine nine like that's oh i saw somebody do that on ices where it was like uh open parenthesis close parenthesis open where it was like, open parenthesis, close parenthesis, open parenthesis, close parenthesis, open parenthesis, close parenthesis. And it's like, oh my god, www, www, www. Nine, nine, nine.

It's just so frustrating. So Arab Andy was at a restaurant or something the other day, and he's got his text-to-speech opened up and running and someone sends him one that says, the C4 has not been properly programmed. It will automatically destruct in 10 seconds. 10, 9, 8, 7. And this adult man

goes and runs and runs and runs away. He's going to pull the clip up. It's fucking great. Like, you see an... How Arab is he? How Arab is Arab Andy?

Like, the headgear and everything? He is la-la-la-la-la Arab. Five laws. Okay. Well, then, it's easy to throw stones, but if you're that guy sitting at Applebee's across from him, and you hear, Countdown initiated. Ten. Nine. And you look. But if you're that guy sitting at Applebee's across from him and you hear, countdown initiated, 10, 9, and you look over and you're like,

I got to go to the bathroom quickly in that building over there. Maybe you tackle him, try to take him down, be an American hero, though. There was a hate crime, you know, as a, as Asia or what? Terrorist and North Carolina man known as Matt Woody's gamer tag. Woodworth gunned down a young Arab American and the Applebee's this afternoon. Frank gone wrong. The man kicked his waitress into the potential.

Two birds with one stone. That stupid bitch refilled my water once. I've been here half an hour. Back to you. That's something Woody would do. He's always very trigger happy. So you never know. Like that whole scenario I laid out.

Like you hear a noise you walk downstairs There's a there's a strange man the living room. What's your first move? And he's like well, I shoot him as many times as I can Like no, no you ask him why he's there you ask him why he's there What are you doing here? Yeah, I shoot him five times in the chest and then i say get out it's like no it's not gonna work oh is this the clip this is the fucking clip this is great i'm zandy okay i am i'm also at zero three two one play warning c4 has been automatically set to self-destruct due to incorrect timer input one play warning c4 has been automatically set yourself destruct

due to incorrect timer input this big phone, like, goes off and someone texts. I have, like, weird, like, notifications. My bad, guys. My bad, guys. My bad, guys. Weird notifications. Jesus Christ. Yeah, that guy hustled the fuck out of there.

How PC our country is now that an Arab guy standing there at Starbucks with the, you know, self-destruct initiated beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep,

beep, beep, beep, beep. Like, and everybody has to turn around like, well, just diversity is our strength.

Like, so funny. Like, I would, that would make me a little bit nervous. Even if it wasn't an Arab guy, if it was like anyone who I thought looked a little seedy and they had a bunch of equipment carrying around. I don't know arab guy if it was like anyone who i thought looked a little seedy and they had a bunch of equipment carrying around i don't know like if i heard that i think i'd know

it was something silly because like bombs don't do that but like that's true it wouldn't be a very effective secret bombing tactic if you announced with time to escape yeah you don't give your bomb like an ai or something like that please sir don sir, don't. Please, no. Please don't detonate me. I want to go on living. Please, no. Like the whole time, it's like trying to tell the bomb diffuser how to turn it off.

No, the red wire. Please cut the red wire. I don't want to die. I do not want to blow up. Oh, that is hilarious, though. That's way funnier than the WWWW nonsense because that's just trying to fuck and annoy people but man it seems it's only a matter of time until one of these and maybe it's already happened i'm sure either you or chiz would know since you follow this a bit closer particularly

chiz before one of these guys gets the shit beat out of them like where they push a prank a little too far and so or maybe it's not it's the same gauge of prank they always do but some dude that just isn't having it yeah you know like those ones where they're like oh i'm doing a social experiment where i go scream racial epithets at black people in the street and it's like first of all what what's the methodology of this experiment ah 100 of them don't care for it what are you gonna figure out and it's like yeah you're gonna get rocked and probably rightfully so the thing is they're in los angeles though and everybody in la seems so accepting of virtually anything right you could be like you could you could

identify as a as an isis member and they'd be like oh that's just who he is you know you'd be like i'm sorry i did me to do this i'm so sorry as you saw a girl's head off and they'd be like, oh, that's just who he is. You know, you'd be like, I'm sorry I did me to do this. I'm so sorry. As you saw a girl's head off and they'd be like, that's my coach. He's just being himself. Leave him alone. But I feel like if you try to pull some of that crazy shit, I always, we always revert back to Texas, but it's true. Like they don't take a lot of shit down there.

It's a big, it's a whole region of the country. It's fucking enormous. But there's certain parts of Texas I think something might go awry for you. Florida. What's an example of a, well, I mean, a lot of inner cities would probably go wrong. Really, you just narrow down the violent

places where, you know, where more violent crime happens. So, like, inner cities. It depends what the prank is. Like, some of these guys pull pranks where they, like, fake kid. It depends what the prank is. Like, some of these guys pull pranks where they, like, fake kidnap someone or fake have a bomb or fake, like, abuse a woman or something like that. Like, if you're in certain parts of the country,

I feel like you get your ass beaten. If you're lucky, you get your ass beaten. Yeah. If you're unlucky, you get shot. Or hammered. Oh, a sound hammering. That'll fix your IRL streaming nonsense. Know when Rufus

breaks your orbital bone with a claw hammer. Oh man, you want to watch the Mexican Andy freakout from the other day? We don't have to watch the whole thing though, do we? How much do we need to watch, Chiz? Yeah, where do we need to start?

It doesn't even... Oh, never mind. We want to watch this whole clip you got, this one-minute clip? All right, so this is Mexican Andy, a.k.a. N-Cell Andy, a.k.a. Leech Extraordinaire. And so the complaint here, this is Sam on the phone Sam pepper and His what he's basically saying I believe is hey It's kind of shitty that you come that you came on the RV trip, and you didn't contribute anything Monetarily you didn't pay for gas when we needed some money for this and that you said your PayPal was locked

And you couldn't get it that other time that we needed some money from you It seems like you're always on these trips. You're always benefiting Hugely, you know making thousands of dollars by just being with us But you never donate any you never like kick in like the rest of us do for anything, you know Yeah, so getting all that for kind of moochin a bit on these two and are these like side cast characters actually? Making yeah, like a decent amount of money or no yeah yeah some of them definitely are some of them fail and that's the kind of the silliness of it but some of them like this guy has made thousands of dollars specifically because of his leeching all right i feel like i've got a good enough backstory

let me know when you want to start three Three, two, one, play. It's all new friendships, you know, and getting to know each other, people. Like, getting to know each other. Uh-huh. Listen to that fake bass in his mic. This is not very white. Yeah, this is fake bass. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. This guy, if anything anything is on the higher pitch of men's voices not the lower like this is not fucking Oh interesting hair choice at all look at him like slow he's slowly raging right now that's what you can't tell he's broken on the inside because Sam just laid it all out for him. Look at that. He looks very stressed out. Look at that Hubble he sleeps in in the background.

Yeah, it's just a mattress on the floor. That always makes me sad. He slams the microphone on the ground, puts his headset down, and just walks away from the stream. Look, now I want to talk about his sleeping situation right here. If, look, I'm going to sort of pause it at the end, Chiz, if you want to do that, so that it stays freeze-framed on that cot he's sleeping on. Look, in jail, our beds were just a little bit worse than this, okay?

That's all I'm saying. Just a little bit worse. just a little bit worse than this. Okay? That's all I'm saying. Just a little bit worse. Just a little bit worse than this. If you slept on that, and I'm not making fun of him necessarily for sleeping on that. I am. I'm making fun of him for sleeping on that. And it's fine. You don't sleep on that.

You have a bed. I have... We're all bed folk here. I have several beds, in fact. And I could get another one if I wish. Are any of them on the ground? Not a one. Oh, Mr. La-Dee-Dah Box Springs and Bed Stand.

It's just a... It's the tiniest size mattress. That's the mattress you get for your retarded son. That's the one you get for your retarded kid. Because you know he's going to piss on it. And you can just throw it away. That's an $85 mattress mattress it might be a blow-up mattress i'm not sure that's a craigslist mattress but i got that oh it will be when he's done with it i'm sure if you slept on that wouldn't you kind of push it into that closet with the other refuse that's in

that closet so that no one on stream would see it? Oh, if I slept on a bed that I got off Craigslist on the floor, you bet your ass I wouldn't put it on stream because I would get roundly mocked and made fun of. I don't know anything about Mexican Andy. Is he in on this joke? Is this part of his, like, oh, that's Mexican Andy. He's just, you know, this like part of his like oh that's mexican handy he's just you know that's part of his character or something or is this not like that at all um it's not really a character in his case because he's just a um she says no he's just a disgusting annoying incel leech

so yeah you know what's really funny he's got a He's got a DX racer chair there that I know costs like $350 or something like that. Like, it costs way more than that Craigslist mattress he's sleeping on. It's absurd. It's absurd. The microphone costs more than that bed. What's he doing? He could have just got a normal chair

and got that box spring and that bed stand. It would immediately look better. Maybe get a bed skirt so you don't see all the stuff the filth under under the bed you know like that i guess can't be filth under the bed if you just sleep on the floor that's so sad no woman as ever like a woman can be as into you as you like you could be sweet talking being like you know don juan in in the, if you bring her back, she could be totally decided, like, I'm going to fuck this dude.

She sees a mattress on the floor. Alarms are going off in her head. No woman wants to be fucked on a floor mattress. On a twin floor mattress. I only know of it happening once in my entire history of knowing things in my life. There was this guy named Travis that I knew. And Travis and two of his buddies had moved from PA down to Georgia of knowing things in my life. There was this guy named Travis that I knew.

And Travis and two of his buddies had moved from PA down to Georgia because one of his buddies had a girlfriend who moved down here. So they were like, ah, dude, you're leaving PA to go to Georgia because of your girlfriend? We're your best friends. We're coming with you, dude.

We'll all three get an apartment down there in Atlanta. Let's go down there. We'll get help. We'll find jobs. We'll figure it out. Well, Travis was the member of the group who was poorest. He didn't have enough money to get all of his stuff down. Moving across state lines is expensive. It's very expensive. So all of his stuff was in a U-Haul up in PA. And then one day he was like, it happened. I was like, what happened?

They threw all my stuff away. I was like was like what happened they they threw all my stuff away i was like what do you mean he threw all your stuff away back in pa i couldn't afford the storage unit anymore and they they just threw it away i was like don't they usually like auctioned it off he's like it didn't sell they just threw it all away like a family member that like with like a little bit of space in the corner of the garage. Just, hey, you owe... Dude, those storage pods are so fucking cheap. 25 bucks a month or something. We need $30 for June.

Ah, pitch it. Throw away everything. So that meant that this young man of, let's say, 23, had nothing. He had the clothing. What he brought in his suitcase from PA to GA. And that amounted to his suit, his one suit, whatever clothing he could fit in there, two pairs of shoes, and a goddamned air mattress. And that air mattress was pumped up. Everybody else had bedrooms in this nice three-bedroom apartment. Everybody else had a bedroom

with a bed and a TV and a dresser and the shit that comes along. You're familiar with human beings' living styles. I've got a bedroom. Oh, you do? It's got furniture in it. You got blankets? Oh, I got blankets. I've got more than one pillow.

He slept on an air mattress that he had to pump up every night because air mattresses suck and they deflate. They were at some kind of club. He picked up this black lady, and they were both wasted. He took her back home, and he fucked her on that air mattress.

And I was like, how was it? He's like, terrible. Terrible. It was just terrible. We had to stop in the middle they didn't stop he fucked it flat he fucked he's like i fucked her until it was flat and we were just on the floor on a rubber on a piece of rubber and then and then we got all sweaty because we were sleeping on rubber and then halfway through the night she asked if she could leave. And I told her, I said, of course she can.

And then she hurriedly left. Oh, my God. That was one of the most pathetic sex stories ever. I was like, you think you'll see her again? He's like, of course not. No, and I hope not. If I see her again, you know. She'll run.

I'm a lie. Oh, man. Even if a girl was really into me and i was sleeping on a easily deflatable air mattress in a room that was totally barren other than that like i feel like i would be like either this is my house is being fumigated actually so we're gonna have to do this at your place or like in a car your car because i don't have one he didn't yeah or we could do it somewhere else but i'm not doing it here i felt so bad for that guy i always tried to help that guy out as much as i could like like he

never had money for food he never had money for lunch yeah he worked with us he was just bad at selling cars like like he was bad at it you know then maybe don't be in sales if you're so bad at it that you can't afford 3030 a month? How many cars does it take to sell before you earn $30, Mr. Insider? Well, it's kind of complicated, but you need to be selling eight cars a month to even stay above poverty levels, really, most of the time, especially a Ford dealership. If you're selling Maseratis, right? Like, oh, I sold eight. We're going on vacation you know you're selling used cars and new fords like you need to sell 12 cars to like do pretty well and if you need to sell 15 to do nicely and you

know it's it accelerates as you go up because you get paid more uh grandfathered backwards uh the the higher units are but but he had a hard time and uh and i always felt really bad for that guy i wonder where he is right now he might still be out here might still be here in atlanta like on the street still trying to sell cars on that same air mattress that would be sad oh have you ever like met those people in your life i'm sure you have where like Where like, you haven't seen them since high school or some shit. And you re-meet them and you get just like a 5-10 minute quick little download of the way their life's going. And you leave it feeling a mix of gratitude for your own lot in life. And then just kind of sadness where you're like, oh, their life sucks.

Yeah. You've gained 100 pounds and you work at Arby's? Yeah. Those might be connected. The quarterback. The quarterback for the high school football team. The guy that was my age, the coolest kid in school or whatever, you know. Like three years after high school, he got shit-faced wasted

and, like, jumped in a car and, like, took off in it, kind of like a silly joyride kind of thing. And what he didn't know is there was a baby in the back seat. So he kidnapped a baby. And so he got in a ton of fucking trouble. And last time I checked,

he was working in a factory, literally drilling holes and sheet metal you know back in the day i could throw a pigskin 200 yards you know i don't know why i'm not talking like i'm not from georgia but whatever i could have gone pro i could have gone pro if coach had put me in in that last that, I'd have won state. No doubt. Not a doubt in my mind. I'd be in a hot tub right now getting my toes sucked by naked ladies. He's like Uncle Rico.

I'm quoting Uncle Rico. Oh, is that what he actually said? Oh, I didn't remember that. Uncle Rico is like, seeing mountains over there, I bet I could throw a football over them mountains. Illusional moron. I bet I could throw a football over the mountains i bet i could throw a football over the mountains the mountains are a hundred miles away it's not like they're at the base of a mountain and he's like trying to lob one over like in the distance like with the blue sky over them or some mountains i could throw a pigskin over the mountains and it's him like

framing with the the majestic mountains and him who's still in decent shape you know ugly clothes and then it like pans around shows the other way it's just a dingy trailer behind him the reality of his life that's fucking sad movie and napoleon dynamite is what we're referencing if anyone doesn't know it's it's it's a weird weird movie then he came up and he like he grabs kip's steak and fucking and hits fucking napoleon right in the face knocks him off his motorcycle and the i even i still remember this the steak was such a a cheap gross cut of meat like it looked like a poor person's steak. They were always eating those steaks. It's like, ooh, we're going to eat this

skirt steak. And it's like, you mean the kind of thing that you'd usually slice thin and then use in a fajita? No, just fucking throw some Lowry's on there, grill it up. This tough-ass meat with sinewy shit in there. Yeah, I

liked that movie a lot when it came out but i think about that sometimes like i my i guess my 10 year anniversary for high school graduation is coming up and i don't know if you went to your 10 year thing if they even had one i think i'm gonna go even if just to pop in and and see how many really just to see who's gotten fat who's doing really well like who of all like the quote smart people who were like, I'm gonna be a doctor or a surgeon. And I still remember a few of them.

I can't wait to like go up to them. And if it's obvious that that dream hasn't come true, being like, oh, how's being a surgeon, Evan? Is it great? Is it great? Oh, I didn't put together that you're wearing a refuse collector outfit i didn't like oh you didn't know the reunion was tonight you're literally here for the garbage well it's

over there it's over there here you take this for me actually give me another one i i'm sorry all of you service folk look the same to me you want to polish off this empty before you leave yeah there you go my shoes are a little dirty. Get me a fresh beer. The bottom part of this has become warm with my hand. Yeah, I didn't go because ours didn't happen. What happened was, I think the valedictorian is supposed to put on, like plan it and set it up or something like that.

And what happened was they attempted a five-year reunion uh in in 2009 and we laughed and laughed when that we were like no one does that we're not fucking going like i've got better plans tonight than going to a five-year high school reunion back back there so it's that much like you just finished college college, if you went to college. Yeah, right? Like, none of these people have done anything in five years. Most of us hadn't. And we weren't going, so no one went. So it was a real disaster. So the chick, the valedictorian, was like,

well, you know what will come of the five year? There won't be a ten year. So she just didn't do it. And still nobody gave a shit. So fuck her. Fuck it. What a bitch. You'd be at your 15 year now almost you'd be at your 14 year i guess yeah 14 yeah yeah i graduated in 04 yep i graduated 09 but i'll go just to see and if it turns out everybody like ended up being way more successful than me i'll just leave quickly you can make it oh man that would be fun to get like just drunk enough before

to be like like spinning yarns yeah and worked at nasa briefly yeah i ran i ran a twitter account you know but still you know something like you can spin a yarn. There's a movie about that. It's called, it's Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion. It's these two chicks go back to their high school reunion and they try to pretend like they're very successful. And like the nerd of the school like lands in a fucking helicopter at the school. I always thought that was fucking cool.

Like he's become super wealthy so he lands in his own helicopter and stuff. That's the move. Take a helicopter to your high school reunion. Just fast rope down. Yeah. Do that. Helicopter would be neat, but you'll also look like a cunt.

Because if someone showed up to my high school reunion in a helicopter, I'd be like, God, what a dick. What if they showed up in a paramotor, though? I'd really be asking questions about what direction they went in after high school. Yeah, I think so. All right, well, that's a show. Hopefully Woody is still airborne. Fingers crossed, no accidents, no injuries.

No impalements, dismemberments. No bear attacks, no bee injuries. There are many ways that the wild can bite you in the ass, and flying around only exacerbates that chance. Yeah, you're just shaking your fist at Mother Nature, the laws of physics, and God himself. It's saying, fuck you, God. I know better.

And we all know God knows best. Woody's mom. All right. You ready?