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PKN episode 228. Hello boys! Hello there! Happy New Year everyone! 2019, can you believe how time flies?
Oh my god, I'm still writing 2018 on all my checks.
And you know what never gets old? Are all the jokes on Twitter where people are like,
oh, can't wait for 2019, 2018, oof! And it's like, it's gonna be even worse.
It's gonna be just an escalation upward at this point.
So last week
or at least I was told
that we talked about either the forest
or raft a lot.
And I was told that people
thought that I was being paid to promote
raft.
No.
But we are open to the idea.
I was going to start shitting on the
raft and talk about how it's how it's an early access game you pay like 12 or 15 dollars for
and you've beaten eight hours and now you never and you never play again you do be fair to it
you do get 12 dollars worth of fun out of that game that's true that's true and it's also so
poorly optimized that you can't build your raft the size that you really want to no we're not
getting paid by them like you have a blast and then i didn't notice
before the show your gain is a little high if you could bump it down a touch that'd be awesome
yes yeah i have a hard time figuring out what 12 dollars to get like people used to shit on cod
right it was a 60 game but it was really 120 game because guys like me would buy the season pass
but for 120 it was one of the cheapest games
per hour that i bought that year right something like borderlands i'd play for i don't know 12
hours and just never touch civilization or fallout like a lot of those games you really if you're
going by like hours played versus cost it's it gets kind of crazy and that but so i don't know
um i would recommend raft to someone who's maybe into that
sort of thing, but I thought The Forest was
an even better game. Did we talk about The Forest
here? We did. We didn't talk about it
as much as RAF. I don't want to
reiterate or anything. I played it a lot more,
and I beat it. It has a
good storyline. It's creepy as
fuck. There are cannibals. You're on an
island. There's crafting and survival
and teamwork up to eight players. There's cave diving diving like spelunking um i played a little bit just by
myself yeah trying to figure it out it really is a good game but now i'm on to rust now now i've
been sucked into the rust world and that's the prison one no that's scum rust has it okay so
i've never played rust but i have uh yeah i have people in my
universe that do and they say it has a cheating problem there's something inherently wrong with
the way they try to detect cheating on the server side and it makes it very difficult to
figure out the difference between good and cheater how has your experience been is it rampant is it
uh i haven't seen any anything that i thought was cheating um lots of gunfights um essentially like
if you don't know anything about Rust,
I'll quickly lay it out.
You spawn and you are a naked
man or a woman with tits
and cock hanging out. Not both the same
time, one or the other.
This is 2019, Kyle. It should be both.
It's one or the other.
You pick. And it's funny, there are different penis
sizes and I always get an
Asian man with a huge donger. I i've seen that in real life okay and i've noticed that um i always make fun
of my friends who have the smaller penises because mine is just i mean we're in the snowy mountains
and i'm five inches flaccid it's impressive yeah it's not bad so you spawn in part of the game or this okay yeah you spawned yeah you spawned
naked and uh completely naked and all you have is a rock depending on the server some servers give
you a little extra gear but for the most part you got a rock that's it about this fucking size
and you start beating trees to get wood and then you start start picking up rocks. And then he has seven inches.
And now you've got sticks and rocks. All upgrades in this game,
ten levels in, you're still naked with a rock.
You just have a huge cock.
It's all dick-related upgrades.
I'll say this. We have a castle
and machine guns, but my
cock's still hanging out.
That's not going away. I don't bother
with the pants. But yeah, as you work work your way up you build these big fortresses with like double locking steel
doors that you have to make like an airlock because god forbid you walk you just make one
door and you walk outside someone shoots you now they're in your house and it's game fucking over
the the tens of hours of work that you've put in is fucking over.
And there's this, there's like a set of rules for how a base can be rated.
Not like gentlemen's rules, but like the way things are interacted with,
the way permissions are granted for a base,
for who can use the code and who has a key,
who knows the digital key lock.
It's really frustrating and
really really funny at the same time really really fun at the same time i hate my neighbors in this
game because like we're in our fortress and they're over there and we don't talk we just
hate each other i know they hate us do they not abide by the hoa
I know they hate us. Do they not abide by the HOA?
We're on our roof.
They're on their roof.
And we're just...
And we never get anywhere.
We're just hurting each other.
Get that broken catapult out of your front yard
and try to re-fell this castle.
But the fun part is,
it's a rich versus poor type situation often.
So we're rich.
Our neighbors are rich.
The people with houses are rich.
But there's little houses everywhere, like little bitch houses,
like somebody just nailed up four stone walls,
and they're living in there, one guy.
And sometimes you'll walk by and just talk in game chat.
Hey, buddy, you in there?
And you'll be like, I don't speak good English.
I have berries.
And no, we don't want your berries.
In the big dick.
All right, join the team.
We don't want your berries.
We want your blood.
We kill everyone that we come upon that's naked.
I don't know if that's good, if that's gentlemanly.
I highly doubt it.
It's the opposite of that.
Every time we find someone, and look, I'm open to making friends with these people,
but I start feeling bad.
It was just me and one of my friends playing very early
this morning, and
we're doing okay. We both have a pistol
and a shotgun and a little bit of gear,
very low-tier gear stuff.
We've been playing four hours,
and naked guy runs by,
doesn't speak English. He tries,
but he doesn't, so he crouches up and down.
You know, that's the universal sign for, hey, buddy, I'm no threat.
And then he throws out, like, two metal ingots, right, which are kind of rare.
And we're like, oh, thank you for your metal ingots.
I don't know where you were keeping these because you're naked.
He didn't show the part where he's like.
Yeah, these smelled a little weird
One kerthunk he's like
Wait one more
I think I'm not sure
I was just like
Well thank you have a nice day
And he goes have day
And he starts walking away and my buddy's just like
Bang
And I'm just like
And a gold ingot falls out of his ass You says you hiding that told you he was holding out on us well you never know right so that is kind
of part of the game like like once you when you shoot someone you don't insta kill them you knock
them down and they lay on the ground like help help and then you have this option even as an
enemy you can go up and finish them off you can just rob them as they lay there crawling
or you can rob them and then pick them back up and send them along their way which is my preferred
method it's funnier that way i i shoot people rob them and then like all right i've had all i want
now you keep that bullshit i don't want that send them along your way but yeah i've rust is the new
is the game of the week for us so have have you moved on from Forest? Not completely.
I played Forest like a night ago.
I still like Forest.
It's fun to go back in.
And mostly I just like walking people through the forest
because there's about a dozen caves that are hidden throughout the island,
and each one has a different treasure at the end of it.
It might be a rebreathing apparatus for diving.
It might be a climbing axe for climbing up rocks.
It might be a compass or a flare gun
whatever but i know where they all are now by heart then i'll need to play with you because
i only played for like 20 minutes by myself just running around trying to get a feel for the game
it looks really cool whenever you want to like skyrim and but those bad guys are way way harder
to kill than i thought they would oh we Oh, did you play on normal or hard?
Normal.
We're on hard now.
It gets rough.
It's a hard fucking time.
I was dying to them early in the game on normal.
Because, first of all, when you are on the plane in the beginning of that and you try and turn,
the look sensitivity is so goddamn high that I'm like, oh, I'm fucked.
I turned it down to i think 18 percent
yeah just so i could control it a little better and even then the little uh i like the aesthetic
of the bad guys those goblins or cannibals or whatever they are covered in blood i didn't see
any headdress ones i only saw the like covered in blood i guess probably the grunts some of them
have headdresses and there's there'll be a skull on top of their head and they'll have a candle burning
inside that skull so they can see them
running throughout the night. They'll use CDs as
armor because they've killed so many people
and they don't know what a fucking CD is
so they're just wearing it like a big armored necklace.
I like the spooky camps
you come across. I only saw one
but I assume there are more.
Did you say animal camps?
Cannibal. Oh, cannibal camps.
Yeah, they eat you.
It seems like a cool aesthetic,
so hopefully you don't totally move on.
So I told you a little bit about what the storyline is last time,
but there are two possible endings.
You have a choice at the end, and I won't spoil that,
but at the end you have this choice, A or B.
It's almost like good or evil,
and we only did the evil ending so i anytime you want we could probably beat the game in two and a half hours if we really focused on like you know just going to the caves where the
not how are you dragging me through the game at once no there'll be probably three or four of us
that'll that'll join up and we'll knock it oh
something i thought was really cool with that game is i was trying to kill one of the guys with the
axe i was missing wildly and i was here and they're like chittering and and you know screaming as
they're running through the trees and they killed me and i was like god damn it i guess i'm out and
then it just goes to a cut scene of them like they're creepy covered bodies like chittering once again at each other
dragging me into their lair
and then like you wake up hung upside
down next to a bunch of other people
who weren't able to get
out and now they're dead and so
and then you're trying to escape that
that got my heart pumping a little bit it was pretty spooky
that's the spelunking horror games
get to me a lot because
it's just a scary thing to think about doing spelunking is scary spelunking horror games get to me a lot because it's just a scary thing to think about doing.
Spelunking is scary.
Spelunking is scary.
I mean,
I like to do things that sometimes people would call
scary, but spelunking, my god,
sometimes I just imagine myself in this
situation where like
I don't fit.
My chest is stuck.
What do you do when you're stuck?
And if you take a deep breath, you're more stuck?
Yeah.
You could be stuck in like a crushed car.
And that's a problem, but it's kind of a fixable problem.
You bring in some jaws, you expand the car, you whatever.
When you're stuck by planet Earth, there isn't an easy solution here.
Fuck.
How does this work exactly?
It's awful.
Oh, spelunking is so scary to me.
That's why the dissent is so horrifying.
Yeah, I agree.
It's because you're putting yourself in their situation the whole time.
I still maintain the dissent was horrifying because none of those women got topless.
They don't understand horror movie rules.
You need to have Reddit or something open with, over there so when you're watching these kind of
movies, you're like, this is...
Let me get through.
Alright, I'll get a side glance.
I've been playing... Jackie, show me.
I've been playing a game
Warhammer Vermintide 2.
I might call it
in the Left 4 Dead family.
Four of you
go through this maze
and there's a story
and bad guys are doing this or that
and you need to go there and undo it.
But different than Left 4 Dead,
each of your characters behaves differently.
In Left 4 Dead, they look different,
but it doesn't matter what you choose.
In Vermintide, some guys are better at shooting,
some guys are better at melee
and they have different weapons.
They're not all the same, I think think i'm very new uh we like it but i think it might be the freshness of it i
think left 4 dead might be a better game but we'll see what we what i like about left 4 dead what
colin also likes about it is just how team focused it is if one guy goes off on his own
like best player in the world can't deal with that and this one just every so often i need a hand
like i got downed or something like that.
But we're still playing on recruit.
You have to earn your way to the higher difficulties.
And actually, our next game, we'll be able to try it.
We just got off to veteran or whatever.
But there's four levels, and we're in the easiest one.
I want to see what that game is like when it's harder.
Yeah.
I'm watching some gameplay of it.
This looks great.
Yeah.
It's got great reviews
well that's what we played taylor it's it's total war warhammer like the but oh i know that's what
i mean like this kind of aesthetic it's so lord of the ringsy and oh yeah goblins and everything
it's just neat and i see this guy this video he has like a dwarf on his team yep clearly some
sort of ranger an elf yeah so he's got a blunderbuss that's cool yep yep yeah colin plays
i guess the classiest guy he's like a fencing type dude and like one guy will talk shit and
he'll be like i'm sure i just misheard you and uh but it's fun i don't know i guess what i like is
playing games with colin and also it's this is a unique requirement to us but borderlands 2 was
kind of too complicated for Colin.
Not the gameplay, but like the weapon analysis.
Like this gun does a little more damage
or does this damage, but it's times six
because it's a shotgun.
And the reload time is this.
And they have like, I don't know,
12 stats about the gun.
And you go into it and you're like,
well, I think we're about to fight robots.
So an acidic special effects multiplier would be helpful compared to like a fire because robots don't give a fuck about fire.
And it just meant I was like micromanaging him all the time.
This one, you build up your character, but it's simple enough that he doesn't have any trouble doing it right.
So it's fun.
I guess what I really like is just playing with Colin.
Yeah, yeah, for sure.
I like, but yeah, not getting paid to promote Raft.
Not at all.
Just really enjoyed the game. It's a fun game.
Forest, very good game too.
There's a really cool YouTuber
that does the Forest
videos. I was talking to Chiz about
I said some
of his videos to Chiz. I'm like, see if you think this guy
would make an interesting guest. You never know.
He's got an interesting personality.
But yeah, now we're on to
Rust. I'll definitely go back to Forest anytime
you want to play, Taylor.
You might even like Rust.
I'm sure I will. I'll look it up.
I know you've told me about it before, but I get it mixed up
with Stun. I'd never played it.
I'd never played Rust before, like three days ago
or something like that. I'm certainly a noob
at it, but I've watched a bunch of videos and and you know it's the gunplay is pretty basic uh i think
there are rust servers there might be a for-profit model like there is when i was deep into woody
crap i considered rust as a you know whatever woody rust or something they are doing very well
over there yeah minecraft servers servers still might be the top.
Who knows?
Back in the day, it was like, yeah, we could do it,
but it would distract us from a much better business.
Yeah.
Have either of you guys on Netflix seen that movie Bird Box?
I have.
Yeah.
Did you like it?
I don't want to poison your...
I liked it, but I like six out of ten liked it.
Like, you know, and I grade differently than Kyle.
I think sometimes Kyle sees a six and he's like, that's not very good.
But I see it as above average score.
That's my six out of 10 scoring.
And yeah, it was good.
Maybe six and a half, but not great.
I feel like it, I didn't think it was terrible.
I didn't think it was very good, but I think it might've been better if i didn't think it was terrible i didn't think it was very good but i think it
might have been better if it didn't come out right on the heels of a quiet place because it felt like
it exactly was that kind of structure except shittier and not as interesting because at least
when like the the deafness is going on in silent place like you're there with it like you're
watching all the little leaves on the trees kind of blow
and move, and you're seeing
John, or
what the fuck is his name from The Office, Jim from The
Office, getting all spooked.
The worst thing in that movie was that they showed the monster
too early. They should have not let you see the
monsters, so you were still spooked at what it was.
This, because it's blindness,
there are whole scenes
where you're just looking at light dance
through a cloth on sandra bullock's eyes and it's like i hate that this is not not good this is just
like a jokey shit version i liked it i think i liked it more than you and i think i like john
krasansky is that's his name a little less like that movie is widely regarded like most people
seem to think that movie was great and i thought it was good i'd have given it like a 7 out of 10 you know but i'm just not with the
guys who are like calling it one of the best movies of the year what's me or when do i don't
even know i've never i never watched those award shows what won this year the best film or best
of 2018 is it too early i don't. I don't think it's happened yet.
I don't know.
I just know the last few years,
I'll see their list when someone tweets it.
I'll be like,
who's seen these?
These are obscure indie movies.
A lot of them are that I'd never heard of.
There was one that was called Three Billboards
Outside of Ebbing, Missouri.
For real?
Yeah, that was a real movie that was on there last year.
And I was like, there's no fucking way that was one of the best movies of the year.
I live here and I've never heard of this.
I don't remember the plot of that one, but it's not lame.
It was something like maybe the lady's son or someone's family member is killed or kidnapped or poisoned by a company.
I don't remember what, but they buy three billboards
along the road that they're like calling out.
They're either looking for the kid or calling
out the company that poisoned them. I don't remember the exact
plot, but it was, and you know, they're trying to make
her stop.
I haven't seen it. I'm not saying it's good either.
You know, I haven't seen it, obviously.
Rotten Teethers
has a list. I'm waiting to load it.
Super slow to say. haven't seen it obviously rotten letters has a list i'm waiting to load it super slow site
what i didn't know
until recently is
how long it takes to put
together furniture for an entire house
i could i just i looked up
best movies of the year right i
didn't really it took me a second to realize
the list was in reverse order
and i'm like, Ready Player One?
Best movie of the year?
Oh, oh, fuck you.
Like, I saw that movie.
But that was the 202nd best movie of the year.
I don't know how to get to the bottom of this.
202nd.
Like, that's some horse shit right there.
Oh.
You know, I always enjoy when I see ratings for those like kind of more independent movies and
it'll be like reviewer score 97 audience score 14 or the exact opposite sometimes yeah best movie
of the year paddington 2 are you familiar with this oh that's the paddington bear thing the
reckoning are you are you on rotten tomatoes yes well see these are like
the scores depend on what kind of movie it is right it's the audience consensus
yeah exactly no trace is the second best you guys know it because everyone who went to that
animated movie about a bear of course loved it it's like you know what i mean like if you think
about it like like a think about it, a drama
might get a much more mixed audience
who have different opinions about things.
But every audience member
who actually goes to watch an animated bear movie,
as long as there's an animated
bear...
They're happy.
As long as that bear doesn't go...
Start ripping kids apart,
disemboweling people.
I linked this website on um on the discord and uh
and my tip to you is to hit the end button to get to the bottom rather than like try to scroll
through 202 movies i'm having a hard time finding a movie that got my attention this year towards
the top of the list leave no trace Trace. Do you guys know it?
Never heard of it.
Summer of 1993.
This might be in Spanish.
Minding the Gap.
Pick of the Litter.
Again, that's a puppy movie.
Very unplugged
from the best movies.
I don't know how to pronounce this.
Shirkers?
Shirkers.
Shirkers.
Yeah, thank you.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Shirkers is one woman's interrogation
of a pivotal personal disappointment
for affecting observation.
I'm already bored.
I'm already bored.
No, thank you.
Eighth grade.
Won't you be my neighbor,
the Mr. Rogers movie?
I haven't seen a movie here
that I want to yet,
and I'm at 14.
I think there's something wrong with the way this list is put together. I don't seen a movie here that I want to yet and I'm at 14. I think there's something wrong with the way
this list is put together.
I don't think that it's that we have bad
taste or that we didn't watch enough movies. I think it's
something about the way the scores
are accumulated. Maybe these
movies are only rated like 8 times or something
and 8 people liked them. I've seen Free
Solo. Have you guys seen that? It's number 18
on this list. That's the
rock climbing thing?
Yes. I saw his Joe
Rogan interview.
It was the same guy. Yes, I
did see it. It was the same guy. What did you
think of it?
I really liked it. I liked him.
I liked him.
I think I
might be coming at this from the wrong
direction.
I kind of wanted to know more about him and not just about rock climbing.
You know, so he was talking about grips and mountain ratings
and what the walls are like and how he...
I want to know what is...
He lives in a van.
I find that interesting about him.
You guys, I know I'm weird on that.
Oh, no, he's got a house now.
He said that on Rogan. Like, he used to live in a van. I find that interesting about him. You guys, I know I'm weird on that. Oh, no, he's got a house now.
He said that on Rogan.
Like, he used to live in a van.
No, I was on Rogan.
He upgraded his van, he says.
I think when he wants to live in a house, he's with his parents.
But I know that he upgraded his van.
He said it's nice now.
Oh, my.
He may have a house, too.
I'm not sure. But when I last tuned in in he had lived in a nicer van and when he wanted
to be in a house he just check in with his parents um but like he lives this nomad lifestyle in a van
going from like it's a dream if you're a rock climber i'm not of like living at the base of
the mountain and just hitting it all the time and And I want to know, like, what's dating like living in a car?
How does that work out?
Like, fatigue, interest, do you, you're getting tired of this.
There are some days, do you climb like it's a workout you don't want to do
or is every day your dream?
I want to know more about the guy.
And they just were like, well, you know, there's like ratings on 110
and then the walls got even harder.
So now they just like on a list you can get you climb an L-14.
And I'm like, yeah, it is.
Kanye West is going to go on Joe Rogan's podcast.
I see him.
Kanye.
He is an entertaining follow on Twitter because he will just for like two hours sometimes just sentence fragments and no punctuation but like
between thoughts he'll put like six
to eight just spaces
no commas no anything just spaces
in the text
he's uh
it's entertaining
I'm not finding the entertainment yet
I didn't know spaces
to put spaces
no but just the stuff he says
where he'll be like it's all love and Where he'll be like, it's all love.
And then he'll be like, you can't tell me not to wear this red hat because I'm black.
And then he'll just say just random shit.
Let me go to his account right now.
I watched his interview with Trump.
And I found him just hard to decipher and crazy.
Yeah, there you go.
That's what I'm talking about.
We're on the same page.
You're picking up what he's laying down.
I want to see him on the Rogan show because Trump just listened and Kanye went unchecked.
Rogan, on the other hand, is a professional communicator.
And I want to see where he guides Kanye and what we can learn about his thought process that I
hope it's great.
I hope it's great,
but left to his own devices.
It's just,
it's like you took thoughts in a bucket and poured them on the ground.
That's Kanye.
I've heard him.
I've heard a few interviews with him.
I think,
I don't know if he was on Stern.
I definitely heard him on Shade 45
Getting interviewed by
That guy's famous
I can't think of his name
He's this black guy on XM radio
Maybe Sway or something like that
Anyway they got into a whole argument
Like just screaming at each other
It was pretty entertaining
About music, politics
He was saying he was the genius of our generation or
something uh-huh i didn't agree with that well he was saying that i want to i believe that what
kanye was saying at the time was like he thought that someone needed to come to him and give him
like billions of dollars so that he could make his genius just flow right i've seen this yeah
and and andway was like,
if you're such a genius, man,
why don't you make a few billion dollars,
and then your genius can flow all it wants to.
No, you don't understand.
You don't understand how it works.
And he's, well, tell me.
The whole time, it is abundantly clear
that Kanye has no idea how it works.
No idea.
He's like, you don't know how to run a shoe empire? And the other guy, I think,
is like, well, you probably need
a lot of capital to start it.
Kanye's like, nah,
you just gotta believe
in, I am God.
I am the Lord, your God.
He'll say stuff like that.
He is the most egocentric
guy in the world.
I think he barely edges out Trump.
I wasn't going to say it because I talk about it too much.
No, no, everybody.
Trump is egotistical as shit.
Trump doesn't think he's God, though.
I don't think.
He never said it.
Kanye says it.
Kanye has been doing it for, well, I guess Trump has too.
I don't know.
They're neck and neck.
I'm trying to find good Kanye tweets.
I bet in private Trump thinks very little of Kanye.
Oh.
Yeah, well, it's only a matter of time until he's like,
which one's that?
The one that was on Degrassi in Canada?
Like, which one are the rapists?
I think that Trump thinks highly of anyone who thinks highly of him.
Kanye changed teams there, so kind of.
He didn't change teams.
He just kind of sidled away.
He said he had been used, which to me
was not a very good endorsement.
But he didn't single Trump out.
He was talking about some other people.
He tweeted yesterday, Trump all day.
Well, now we know.
Now we know his nuanced statement.
Now we know where he is yesterday
but where is he today it's hard to say man he probably doesn't even know the man's a maniac
he's he's so eccentric he's very entertaining uh well yeah i i like to see him in front of
a camera as much as possible i wish that
i don't know i wish he had his own like talk oh a talk show give him yeah for real like it's like
the like give him a late night show i'd watch that shit i need more kanye exposure because it
i i am so far getting mostly just like word salad of discombobulated thoughts. Here, I'll read you something that will probably reinforce that opinion.
Some tweets from two days ago.
These are all from two days ago over the course of a couple hours.
I only play by God's rules.
I don't follow no man-made codes.
Or is it cool if it's a diss record because it's more entertaining?
I'm going to break all codes.
I ain't taking advice from no one who ain't got nothing to actually help
I ain't never followed anybody else's methods I ain't trying to be cool if I got any cooler I
would freeze to death I like that one uh see when you care about your family you don't put let no
man push you to do nothing that could risk your freedom tweeting is legal and also therapeutic
if something's on my mind and spirit,
I let it out.
What if I just stole some of these thoughts
and acted like I thought them?
I want to write if I got any cooler,
I'd freeze to death on my Twitter
and just see how that goes over.
Yeah, well, he's getting thousands upon thousands
of people loving all these.
My mind is open.
I want to hear a little more Kanye and see how good it is.
I think on the JRE it's going to be very interesting.
Oh, I'm so pumped.
I hope he doesn't try to make it serious and he just like pumps him for ridiculousness.
I hope we get both and I hope they go.
I hope it's not one of those one hour shows is what I hope.
I hope it's two and a half, three and a half hours that they go with them because like some guests like clearly are like there for an
hour they're like all right i'm done some guys are there for two hours some guys will stay for
four fucking hours i i want it as long as possible that depends how big they are i feel like like a
comedian who's not that popular will hang out until joe rogan carries him out and you know
closes the door behind him whereas i the
one i remember being an hour long i think was mel gibson yeah mel gibson can tell you you to fuck
right off i gotta go like i didn't he i didn't listen to that one because i saw a bunch of
comments that were like yeah he didn't talk about anything he just like was trying to sell
supplements the whole time like his own like health uh health regimen or something like that
which you know if it's a facial hair sometimes going into it i feel like they get misinformed
like like if we were to have fuck i don't know joe rogan on the show to promote his comedy i'm
trying to think he's not a good example but they would come on the show they'd think the show was
about their upcoming special when that's not what we're looking for out of a guest.
We're asking you to be co-host for
a few hours. That's kind of what
Steve Hofstetter articulated last time he was on.
He was like, oh, the first time I came on, I was expecting
it to be more interview style. Then I realized quickly
it's just kind of a hang and I
interject when I have something funny.
Yeah, sure. Cat Gunn got
all mixed up. She thought we were
going to interview her about what's new with Cat Gun.
She thought this was an RC podcast.
Kyle, I interrupted you.
We started at the same time.
Annoying, silly bitch.
Great UFC fights this weekend.
It was one of my top five favorite cards of all time.
Jon Jones won, didn't he?
He did.
Jon Jones didn't just win
john jones won so convincingly john jones didn't get punched in the face well can i lay it out and
tell me if you disagree if you want yeah all right so um first of all you have to mention
this guy's been suspended for steroids twice he tested positive for steroids taylor this is for
you and you left but this guy tested positive for steroids every Taylor, this is for you, and you left! But this guy tested positive
for steroids. You've told him every show we've ever done!
It's not true. No, because more information
came out since Thursday. He tested
positive for steroids leading into this fight
three times. Three times.
And then the UFC changed their
policy to not discussing
the results of positive drug tests
until, I don't know,
some fucking other time.
So that John Jones,
the known steroid abuser
who deserves no benefit of the doubt,
would not have his name sullied
by testing positive for steroids
three times.
The Nevada Athletic Commission says,
fuck this fucking cheating dick shit.
We're not going to let him
fight in this state.
And California's like,
well, we'll do it, taxes.
Oh, I remember that clip. Who's going to pay my share of the taxes? let him fight in this state and california is like well we'll do it taxes and uh oh i remember
that clip yeah who's gonna pay my share of the taxes yeah yeah so so they do the fight and
obviously the steroid abuser wins the way that i saw it on the feet it was kind of even ish gustaf
is a very gustaf you know i say it in my head fine and then on mike it's terrible gustav son gustav son uh and john jones i thought
we're kind of there wasn't a clear winner maybe it was jones on the feet and then jones got the
takedown he missed a couple takedowns but that's okay i don't deduct for that uh and then he
finally got a takedown held him for a bit advanced position and then beat the dickens out of Alex.
He just, like, he
started wailing on his head,
and I'm like, that's not nice.
Like, this is not a normal
thought in MMA, but he just, he
won. There is no question
that Jon Jones won that fight.
What the scientists say, Woody,
is that these are metabolites.
This is his body's reaction to previous steroid use
that could have been up to seven years from the time that this is actually happening
because they are these long-term metabolites.
I don't know anything about what I'm saying.
I have looked into this so much.
But they say it.
Actually, with this kind of steroid, he took Ternibal or something close to that.
Terenibal.
Terenibal.
There's never been a pulsing effect in Terenable testing history.
However, there was another drug that was kind of similar to Terenable that one time they found a pulsing effect of like 180 days, 220 days.
So it makes perfect sense that this guy who took a different steroid would have a pulsing effect for like 200, no, 460 days.
Like it's more than twice as long as the pulsing effect
that they have seen before hey and john jones is bigger better faster stronger of course he's going
to test positive for longer than the average they've never tested a man as badass as john
jones that's what you're saying woody and i i agree you're
right and he proved it well you know the important thing is that i was right he was laughed at
throughout history copernicus galileo they said fuck you galileo uh this is a helio uh this isn't
a heliocentric universe they same thing this is going to go down in the history books it was not
close on the feet jones j Jones fought that fight at kicking range.
Gustafson never got into punching range.
How long did it go?
It ended in the third round.
Jones tore Gustafson's groin so badly that Gustafson could barely move.
That's why Gustafson just laid there once he got the takedown
and why he was limping at the post-fight press conference.
It was everybody in my world was cheering and jumping up and down
because they all, you know, they like Jones, right?
And more than that, they kind of dislike Cormier a little bit.
And they love the rivalry between them.
You know, Darth Vader needs Luke Skywalker.
If Luke's just out there fucking beating up sand people, nobody gives a fuck.
But if you've got Darth Vader over there just waiting, going,
DC, I could slap your wife's ass and you could do nothing.
Is that what he said?
Yeah, he said it.
I saw it on Reddit as, let's talk about sexually assaulting the wife of my opponent.
And I'm like, I'm going to need to know the details on this one.
He said, I could slap your wife's ass and you couldn't do shit about it.
He's such a bad guy.
I watched Jon Jones.
I got your belt now.
You want it?
Come get it.
Dude, after he said that, right?
So I'm there watching this thing.
And I'm like, you know, sometimes bad things happen in real life.
Like sometimes the bad guys win.
And there's no script on this.
Like this is awful.
This is awful.
Today is a rotten day.
My text message is blowing up my discourse blowing up my
skype's blowing up everybody's like call him a crybaby bitch too and i'm like nah he can't call
him a crybaby bitch because he cried too they both they both are crybabies but john jones did
cry the two most lethal men in the world are both kind of cry babies but nobody says
most lethal men in the world yeah they probably are one and two i mean they're they're they're
you know they're in the top five however you want to mix it up there might be some
who know who the fuck knows well in unarmed combat. Yeah, that's what I mean.
And then, of course, fucking Chris Cyborg gets...
Oh, I was so happy.
First of all, I called that. That's exactly how
I saw that thing going down. I was so
happy. I knew Amanda Nunez could
destroy her. I knew she was faster.
Not stronger. She can't
deadlift more, but
as far as punching power goes she's right there
adequate i knew she had what it took and she fucking destroyed cyborg dude fucking
bomb after bomb after bomb until cyborg was chopped down like a big huge clitted tree
so cyborg is a legend perhaps the toughest female next to nunez who's ever done the sport
right people would go in and fight cyborg and just consider every round they weren't knocked out to
be a moral victory you know if i if look if i lose in the second fuck that's better than most of the
girls did am i right am i right nunez is kind of a fast starter she's not known to be like a fourth and fifth round powerhouse and she went in there and did nunez
shit she just didn't get hit much hit the other person really hard until she won that's that's
nunez shit and it was bad i actually have a ufc related question that maybe you guys know like i
remember a few maybe like three years ago maybe a little more now when ronda rousey
was the big yeah the big one i remember saying multiple times like she's like the fucking
you know whitey willoughby or whatever bill burr's jokey old-time baseball name is like the 1920s
best slugger like she's gonna suck in a few years like is it accepted now and then even people like
joe rogan were like i think on
this podcast he's like yeah she could beat up i bet she could beat up maybe even some of the guys
in like the featherweight division like he was so pumping her tires which is his job to be fair
but is it kind of accepted now where it's like okay she was really never that good she was just
kind of she was good no she was a she was a specialist she was very good and and a lot of
people kind of played into her hand by,
by kind of coming right at her and, and her judo is world-class. She was an Olympian. Uh, and,
and she was very good at what she did, but when she started running into like the, the premier
strikers and Holly home and Amanda Nunez, it was clear that that was her kryptonite. She didn't have the stand-up game,
the boxing to deal with them.
And her wrestling, judo,
sort of like ground skills
weren't good enough to take them down.
They were both girls who had good takedown defense.
And they were...
So really, she was really good at her own game. She was really good at her own game.
She was really good.
In the whole amalgamation of
MMA, all those different styles,
she wasn't that great.
Here's the thing.
She was kind of a one-trick pony maybe.
I don't know.
Her stand-up game wasn't great, but her ground game
made up for that. She was awesome.
The thing is, her takedown game
all came from the clinch.
She didn't hit these wide-open double legs. In judo, the thing is, her takedown game all came from the clinch, right? She didn't hit these, like, wide-open double legs.
And in judo, the thing she had spent her life training in,
the clinch comes for free, right?
They just walk up to each other and grab each other's shoulders and elbows,
like, to start it.
That's the beginning.
So when she had to earn her clinch against a world-class boxer like Holly Holmes,
shit didn't work out right.
And when she had to earn her clinch against Nunezclass boxer like holly holmes shit didn't work out right and when she had to earn a clinch clinch against nunez the same thing went wrong so nunez would just throw her
just just get off me and go back to fucking just hit her with those really heavy hands it's like
oh no no can we can we not do the punching thing for a second i swear i'll win oh it was hard to
watch she got yes like like as much as i enjoyed watching Cyborg
get pummeled by those huge fucking punches,
I really felt bad watching Ronda get annihilated.
There is still a piece of me
that sometimes feels bad
when a woman gets really hit like that.
And watching Cyborg, that doesn't happen
because obviously she's got a penis.
Not at all.
And the best part was
when she finally was knocked unconscious, she landed face first on the mat it was perfect like it was just
she ate the fucking mat it was beautiful bj penn was the first fight on the prelim which is like
crazy bottom tier shit um he was he he's i mean it is right like huge right like he's the
first fight which is like the lowest tier on the lower tier card and he goes out and they they fed
him one they give him this other guy who's um a ground specialist a submission artist and that's
bj's game in a lot of ways too, but
BJ's also pretty damn good at stand-up.
Used to be.
And so you gotta figure, like, oh, shit.
BJ's probably got the...
Yeah, it's a good
match-up for BJ. I was telling
I was like, they're feeding BJ a good
one here. This is a great match-up. Not according
to this tale of the tape that I'm
looking at now. he got annihilated and probably damaged his knee in the process did he um i think i only saw the
finish of that fight i saw the move um how do you know how it went before that uh bj never tried to
take it to the ground um i think i want to say he stuffed maybe a takedown or two. And it seemed like he was trying to box
and being very aggressive going after the guy.
And it looked like he was getting...
He definitely had like octagon control,
like he was the aggressor.
But when that guy sprung for that takedown
and wrapped him up like that,
it was like, oh shit.
He does a really weird takedown.
Oh, I just watched it.
It's called a heel hook.
The heel hook is the finishing move.
The takedown, I always mispronounce it,
like a barimblo, a barimbello, something like that.
And it's not one you see very much in terms of a takedown.
People don't go for it.
And it would put you in a really bad position
if you don't hit it.
But this guy's the best on the planet at it.
And there it goes.
It looks like, if you're not good at this,
it's a good way to eat a knee from someone who sees it coming.
Because when he went for the takedown,
I was surprised watching it,
even as someone who knows so little about this sport,
that he was so overextended.
You can't knee a downed opponent in MMA.
So you can't just drop your knee on his face.
That would be a violation.
But if he's coming in low, I could just drive it at him.
Yeah, right?
Or if you can just stand on your feet and punch him in the head,
it seems like that would work.
But somehow with this guy, that never works.
You always end up like, yeah, I'll take advantage.
Oh, fuck, he's got my knee.
He's heeling at me.
This is a really impressive finesse, clearly high, high-level skill takedown.
And something that you would not want to happen to you.
I would personally much rather get punched in the head head knocked unconscious than have someone do that to me especially me
and my inability to know when to tap because i don't know what the fuck i'm doing maybe bj
even bj looked like he didn't tap nearly fast enough like once that thing is sunk in and it's
tight that guy can absolutely destroy his knee if he wants to.
I mean, destroy it.
Rip it completely apart on the inside to the point where he's going to need eight fucking surgeries if he wants to.
Kyle's right.
You've got to fucking – I want out.
If you're choking a guy or if you're doing their arms and shoulders,
everyone kind of knows when it's time to tap.
Weird thing about knees is it really doesn't hurt until it's injured.
So in my gym, there were no knee submissions against white belts
because they might not know what's going on.
I would tap instantly to fucking knees.
I had blown ACL and shit.
My man said, yeah, you win.
Fine, dude.
Yeah, it's not worth it.
I got a mortgage to pay tomorrow.
No one's ever going to pay me to fight.
But yeah, and then in a UFC environment,
sometimes people will try to escape too long and get hurt.
Yeah, especially somebody like BJ.
Rogan felt that he may have sustained some injury,
although watching BJ leave the arena, he looked okay.
But you never know how much of that's adrenaline, you know,
or how much of it's going to set in tomorrow.
BJ's alleged.
BJ fought heavyweight, right?
BJ belonged at 145.
And if you don't know, that's one of the smaller weights.
At 155, you know, he was champion there too.
So I guess he belonged there.
But if he were in today's world where people try to cut a little more than uh then he'd be at 145 he fought i think it was machida
and heavyweight he was like fuck it any weight you know bring it i fight he's he's just a man
right yeah i can beat any man dude people love that about him yeah and uh he didn't win but he
was game he you know he was he was in the fight
it wasn't like you i i was so upset when uh gsp beat him during grease gate uh i watched that one
fucking live like just quickly taylor and we've probably been over this before but basically
george saint pierre who's kind of considered by the purest and and probably me too is like the
greatest ufc fighter of all time Like the best pound for pound guy.
Just the best, really.
I mean,
just the best.
He's only lost,
I'm probably wrong about this,
but I can only think of like two or three losses
and he went back and
beat the shit out of both of them when they got a
rematch. Like we
joked about it before, it's hard to beat GSP gsp and if you do you better watch out he's coming it's hard for you for like
a vaseline related thing that's what i'm talking about okay baby so what he did is like he got into
like a hot bath and what heat does is it opens your pores up right like a really hot bath and uh
then he rubs baby oil all
over his body and his skin absorbs
it. It's my understanding he bathed in the
baby oil. Okay, there you go.
That's even better. He's hot baby
oil. He's
simmering in baby oil, right?
And he's soaking it
into his pores. And then
so then when he gets in the
octagon and starts fighting,
he starts sweating and the sweat pushes the baby oil out onto his skin.
And now he's,
now he's that slippery pig at the fair that nobody can grab.
Dude,
they are wiping him down.
They're wiping him down with towels between like,
they're complaining.
The refs wiping them down.
And it's like,
try,
try if you want this stuff stuff just coming right back out
in 15 seconds you can't wipe out the inside of my skin and that's where the oil is there are these
videos on youtube where they like do a split screen of bj doing that um that that that um
that thing where he wraps his legs around people and just locks in perfectly and when when when they're in his guard
and how effective it is and how he's able to keep them from uh from passing it a guy after guy after
guy and then they show him lock his ankles behind gsp and he goes and it's like what did gsp just
flex and like beat this world-class athlete i'm such a hypocrite because when john jones has 60
fucking picograms per milliliter in his steroid in his urine actually i'm like string him up
string him up he's evil he's a cheater right bring him up oh yeah i didn't think about the
ramifications of that but when gsp likeays himself on oil, I'm like,
that clever bastard.
That is way more clever.
It's like when you see somebody
cheat in school when they do something
really unique. It's interesting.
We had a kid. You remember when you would get
a flash card
that you could put as much information as you wanted on there
and you could use both sides?
Then by the time you took the test,
you'd be like, I know everything on this card.
I don't even need to use it.
And the teacher's like, fooled you into learning, idiot.
We had someone who peeled it enough over time
that they turned their one note card
into two tremendously thin note cards.
And he left the back
quarter inch attached so he could be like,
I did not do anything.
I just am using what was provided to me.
And the teacher even
was jokey and was like, now you're not allowed
to use magnifying glasses. And he's like,
and you'll even notice that it's large enough text
that I don't require any sort of
augmentation there. And he let him
use it. He put too much effort into doing the card and not enough into learning. enough text I don't require any sort of augmentation there we had a guy very
well he put too much effort into doing the card and not nothing to there was a
guy in my class and this is I don't even know if it's good but he wrote out his
note cards and then he put on Xerox copier and shrunk it he just did that
until he put more on the card he could read it because he had good vision he's
17 but it was smaller than a human could write,
because he had just shrunk it.
Yeah, yeah.
That's smart.
I've seen on Reddit where they do this thing
where they write in red ink and blue ink over one another.
And then they use 3D glasses.
So through the blue lens, you can see one color
and through the red, the other.
You drinking a Budweiser Tallboy?
Yeah.
One thing left in my fridge
when I moved in.
How was the move? How many people did you have?
How did it go?
I was thinking about you on moving down.
I bet he's exhausted and happy right now.
I was exhausted the whole time.
I hired movers
because
it's not that i don't
trust my friends it's just i don't like inconveniencing people with that like it makes
me feel guilty and like i want to be able to have somebody like on the clock getting paid so like i
don't have to feel bad if it's like oh actually yeah that doesn't look good they're like i thought
move it back over here or whatever and so right now i'm in the midst of assembling uh furniture for an entire house
it is taking forever did you pack yourself or did the movers do that too oh no i i packed
everything away all they did was help me carry stuff out and then carry it in here and then uh
you know they'll help put stuff together too if if i want them to but i'm trying to get a lot of it
done on my own.
And then I bought a stud finder, because I want to mount this TV and get it up above my fireplace.
Put it on your chest yet? That's mandatory.
Yeah, I already made a lot of jokes.
And I went up there, and I was
using it, and
all of my confidence went away.
When I was like, I would go over an area
and it'd be like, beep!
I'm like, oh, wow! This technology's incredible. I can't believe how easy this is. And then I'd feel like I would go over an area and it'd be like, beep. I'm like, oh, wow, this technology is incredible.
I can't believe how easy this is.
And then I feel like I would go over the same area and it would flash.
And I look in the little booklet and it's like,
if you get a little flashing icon, that means there are wires right there.
And so I'm not fucking with that.
I need a couple things done, so I'm going to need to get a general contractor,
but I'm not drilling into my wall like a retard.
I'll fuck it up, guaranteed.
I've got a really good one, I think.
Maybe they're all really good now, and I just got one recently.
But you know when you're in the center of the board.
I don't know.
It's got graduated lights that as you approach it, they're like,
dee, dee, dee, doo, doo, doo, doo.
Well, I'm going the wrong way.
Dee, dee, dee, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.
Yeah, that's what mine does.
You get right in the middle of the stud.
You can't fuck it up.
For you listeners out there,
stud finders are a buy it nice or buy it twice item.
Really?
Yeah, just get the good one.
How much is a good one?
Mine was $20.
Yes, I was going to say $28, something like that.
We might have the same one.
I don't know how much they cost.
Yeah, but I had the first one I ever bought.
All it had was a single light on it,
and when you went over something,
it would be like an off-on.
You didn't really trust it.
You didn't know where the center of the board was.
My new one has an LED display
and left and right.
Are they called LEDs too?
Lights.
And you just really know when you have it right.
Yeah, for sure.
Yeah, it's very nice when you're hanging a TV or a picture frame or whatever.
Yeah, so I'm trying to figure out.
I got my couches put together in my living room.
I need to get everything put together downstairs and in my bedroom.
I slept on a mattress last night because I didn't feel like staying up even later
to assemble my whole bed frame,
which I don't think I'd be able to do by myself anyway.
A lot of that shit's fucking heavy okay but i don't know i'm also shit at putting stuff like that together i get aggravated very very quickly must be a heck of a
bed frame yeah it's pretty big it's one of those ones that has like the the the big back and then
like the kind of like the pillow topped area you know... Oh, like the back of it is cushy?
Yeah, the back of it's kind of cushy.
That was a request from my girlfriend.
And so we got that.
You're like, no, bitch, I'm buying this slatted one.
I can't tie you up on a cushy bed frame.
Yeah, you can't.
I still corrected.
Alright.
Did you by any chance get it from Amazon?
The bed frame? yeah no i just
went to a furniture store okay yeah i got the one off amazon it was like 250 bucks or something like
that which is crazy cheap i thought i like it so fucking cheap yeah yeah i like it's like the
cushy like headboard thing and i don't know i've taken it apart put it back together maybe five
times now so i can i definitely went the for not with my stud finder but with the furniture
the buy it nicer buy it twice route and like most of this stuff like both of my couches the
like they're full-size couches in the living room and both of them recline all the way to laying
like the entire thing does in different sections if you want uh well i guess that's really the
extent of it that and then I bought a nice
sectional I'm
setting up my office right now and then when I was coming
home today I realized ah fuck I don't have any
lighting in there yet and so
I'm on my kitchen table right now hopefully
I'll have it set up in time for PKA
or I guess that's just tomorrow maybe not
but yeah I'm really excited with
it I'm pretty
pretty anxious
because there's still so much to get done
and it feels so cluttered.
And all those tubs or plastic tote containers,
whatever you call those,
I must have 15 of those still full of shit.
And I'm a fat-headed retard,
so I didn't take a Sharpie and label all of them.
And I got lazy in the last part of the of the tub packing to where like all
the big things like most clothes were away most electronics were away but it would get to the
point where it was like all right this can be a miscellaneous tub just just throw shit in there
and now and now i've got like seven miscellaneous tubs i had to buy new toothbrushes because i don't
know what my quip is these nine kitchen drawers are all labeled junk.
That's what I did right away.
I picked a junk drawer,
and then unthinkingly later put junk in another drawer,
and I was like, no, you can't.
Day two, you can't start putting multiple junk drawers.
This is where I'm keeping pen caps and dull scissors.
Yeah.
And knives.
I was cutting open so many fucking boxes uh over the past couple days getting my furniture out and first of all whoever's fucking packing furniture you don't need
to make it so secure that if the people driving the moving truck fall off a cliff that your chairs
are okay because i don't need 10 layers of shit there's so much
shit in there my entire garage is full of boxes when the guy pulled up in the truck and with an
entire house almost worth of furniture and i was like i want to get this knocked out i want at
least get everything in the garage or at least get it unassembled and into place in my in my house
he was like all right we can do that or we can you know leave it here and come help you uh another
day and i was like it stressed me out a lot less so we could just kind of get this going it was
already nighttime we've been doing this all day and he's like your entire garage is going to be
full of boxes i'm like this motherfucker it's a whole garage like it's two car garage how can it
be full of box it's totally full it is 100 full of boxes torn up and styrofoam and shit when i have too many boxes and stuff
i just we have a fire pit in the back and i burn that shit and when i first moved here it was like
oh i wonder if the neighbors are like you know judging me for my 15 foot fire i've been here
like three or four years now it's like bitch you know how we do if i were to get some lighter fluid and take all
these boxes i have out into my backyard it'd be on the fucking news it would start a fire
it would light one of the like there's a there's a woods behind me it would start a fire undoubtedly
as a mild breeze came by and carried like three sofa boxes aflame into it.
We just, in my garage, I've been sort of poking away at doing my garage for a while.
And I just undid all the cabinets.
So, I don't know how to picture it.
There's like two cabinets that you put clothes in almost size.
And then there's four rolling cabinets.
And there's a two-spot desk.
And it was a lot of boxes.
It was two pallets.
And all that
shit's up in flames now it's gone um yeah that's how we do now it's clean and the garage looks
better i was gonna try and still do the show from my office with like makeshift lighting but all i
had was this sharper image lantern and it's not going to look good there's room for improvement there
it's not gonna look good and so so i settled in the kitchen but yeah overall i'm really stoked
about it i'm very very lucky to be like i this is so much nicer than i thought my first house would
be and all the furniture and everything i just i'm really fortunate so it's really cool to finally
get it all moving it's nice to not have to share a wall i sense a I'm really fortunate, so it's really cool to finally get it all moving.
It's nice to not have to share a wall.
I sense a little pride.
How often are you proud of yourself, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm proud of myself, but I'm also not so dumb
that I think it's 100% me.
Well, I guess it kind of, I don't know.
It feels so much nicer than I thought.
It's almost like I've been living in apartments mostly shit ones the most recent one i had was the only one that was nice all the other ones were kind of shit and like now that
i'm somewhere where it's like holy shit like this is like where grown-ups live and it's mine i feel
like i'm almost undeserving of it but but i did write that fucking check so I need to start feeling deserving.
Yeah.
I know exactly these feelings.
I feel like I did the same sort of thing.
I'm just 20 years further down the path or something.
But yeah, I know what you mean.
Good for you, man.
I'm going to post some pictures of my gym
as soon as I get that all up and running.
Well, you'll have to burn the boxes first. Yeah, I'm going to post some pictures of my gym as soon as I get that all up and running. Well, you'll have to burn the boxes first.
Yeah, I will.
I'm going to have to figure out a way to get rid of those.
I'll get a fucking...
I'll figure it out.
Rufus is going to miss you.
I will not miss Rufus.
No, Rufus has already moved into that vacant apartment.
Rufus is living it up.
Rufus is like, look at these boxes.
This is legit
He's in his garage
I go out there in the morning and there's just a rustling
There's 14 boxes in here
It's a suite boys
You can all drink my beer
You were here first too
Rufus the murderer Alright You were here first too?
Rufus the murderer Alright
I got a lot of fucking shit to screw together
Do you have a
Impact wrench yet?
Yeah, I went and got some
Good tools that should help
What did you pick? Which brand did you go with? I need to know
I think it's DeWalt
Can't go too wrong.
Yep, yep. DeWalt's good.
I went with Milwaukee, but
they're parallel.
I don't know. Pierce. That's what I'm going for.
Alright. PKN
episode 228.
Yeah.