Painkiller Already - PKN #23

Episode Date: January 27, 2015

In this weeks episode of PKN, the guys read over a LONG, viral reddit post that goes over a man's live updates about realizing and uncovering that his wife is cheating.

And we're live! This is Painkiller Nearly, episode 23! Getting up there in a hurry. Yes we are, 23 episodes. So, I was talking to Kyle about what we were going to do for this Painkiller Nearly. I wanted to do something different. Spice the show up a little bit. And I think I'll kick off with my bad joke, but man I want to read this thing from Reddit. And it's long, and I'll try to read it in an interesting fashion but it's about this wife who's a cheater and this guy he writes effectively and he's obviously crushed and well if you want to do anything before that let me know but here's the joke got a job working with a bunch of emo kids it's depressing they're always going on about

dying they look terrible with their white skin and they complain about how shit their life is oh sorry sorry not emo kids chemo kids oh god that's terrible that's terrible oh oh man oh right in the feels that's a good one all right all right yeah i'm interested in hearing this whole Reddit thing. I caught like the broad strokes, and I got the gist of it by glancing at a few of the memes. But I don't know all the details at all. All right. Well, I will read this to you. Settle in, Kyle and listeners, because I imagine this is like a 10 minute read we'll

see where it goes yeah and just so everyone knows this was one of those posts that it was it's multiple posts and it kind of uh it started really trending on reddit yesterday and last night and they all made the front page and dude it's crazy and really deep posts maybe because i'm married it kind of hit me extra deep like just just a minute. I feel like I emphasize, I have empathy towards just how shaken up a life would be based on this happening. So his wife is cheating on him. My wife, Jenny and I have been married for eight years.

When we met, we were 22 and we both graduated from university and it's been great so far. We haven't had a huge argument and we've had where we've had to separate for any period of time. But we've also given each other our passwords. I'm sorry, I'm reading terribly. We haven't had a huge argument and we've given each other our passwords on phones and personal emails. Well, Jenny was sleeping this morning and my brother shot her a text. My brother's wife, Carly, and Jenny are planning an out-of-town getaway

while my brother and I and some friends are going to watch football on Sunday and hang out all weekend. He was asking Jenny to text Carly on his phone because Carly had dropped her phone in the toilet. My brother and Carly were basically sharing phones for a time until she gets a new phone. I decided to open up the phone and reply as something stupid and funny in order to embarrass Jenny. And when I opened up the iMessage app, I went on to read their previous conversation to see what was happening so I could tell a relevant joke. Second to the top of the list of conversations was a chat with this guy named Zach. Didn't know who Zach was, but the most recent thing he sent her was, and then there's a heart GN in text. I was curious, so I put off replying to my brother and opened up Jenny and Zach's chat. To my horror,

there was sexually explicit talk of what he wanted to do to Jenny when she crawled up next to his sack. What a filthy beast. I scroll up and there are multiple nudes from both of them waiting for me to discover. Oh my. Most of them dated sometime between 1 and 4 a.m. I'm usually sleeping then. Smart.

So I knew she was obviously trying to hide it from me. I realize my wife is cheating on me. I take a moment and I realize that this is the end of my marriage. All of our happy times, our foreign trips, our romantic nights must have meant nothing to her. I put the phone down and I went to the bathroom to freshen up while Jenny was still sleeping. I carry on with my day. I make breakfast and I wake her up. And while she's sleeping, her phone went off seven times. Yes, I counted. There were good morning texts from Zach and a confirmation to see if she

was still visiting him this weekend. She went to the bathroom and I heard her phone vibrate loudly since it was placed on the bathroom countertop. I heard the sounds of typing and the send button. This happened three times while she was in there. As she was coming out, I quickly went downstairs to pretend like I did nothing, like nothing was happening out of the ordinary. We eat, she goes to take a shower, and I try to open up her phone. Jenny had changed her password. I must have been acting a little weird or distant, and she thought it was time to secure her phone, since we'd been so comfortable around each other for the past few years. I tried to open up her Facebook and her email, but the passwords for those were changed as well. Jenny had gone out with some friends tonight and she thinks she lost her phone. Nope,

I stole it. Before she left so I could try to break into it. I went through a massive hassle to unlock her phone, but finally did it. She's cheating on me. They talk about sex positions they want to try, how far Zach can shove his cock down her throat, and one short conversation about meeting up this weekend. My bitch sister-in-law Carly must be in on this. I've erased all traces of me breaking into her phone. I don't know what to do now. Jenny is cheating on me, but we've had no other major problems since we've been together.

We still have sex four to five times a week, and I make her cum a couple times during each session. We still go out on dates and cuddle sometimes when we're home. I don't get it. She's on birth control so I told her we should wait a little bit before having kids. Thank God. We're both fit and still attractive so I guess it isn't about looks. I have a bigger penis than the other guy. That's what she desires. I don't mean to compare. It's just primal instinct fighting over a mate should I tell her I know should we split and file divorce right away should I tell my brother he asks a bunch of questions but

then he gets to do these updates yeah private investigator hired to tailor Saturday Sunday and Monday whoa he went kojak on her I don't want to read like every time. I guess I'll just do some of these.

6 p.m. It took a while, but passwords to everything changed. Back up my personal info, created a throwaway email to send proof to. 6.47. She's home. It really sucks speaking to her normally. I'm done with this. No sex.

I found three excellent divorce lawyers for myself. Luckily, I make much more than her so I can afford an excellent lawyer. sex i found out three i found three excellent divorce lawyers for myself luckily i made more i'm sorry luckily i make much more than her so i can afford an excellent lawyer while she can afford a mediocre one at best wait side note here he doesn't know how this works he'll be paying for her lawyer too did he get three three lawyers he said he found three and it does make it sound like he hired all three but i think he's choosing to go and one tactic is to go meet with all of them especially all the good ones because once they've consulted with you she cannot uh go to them i've heard that i've heard that um hired a divorce

lawyer pricey but he's known to do excellent work i'm in good hands i'm tempted to have sex my soon to be ex-wife is trying extra hard to seduce me for some reason. Either she's super horny or she's trying to get me to have sex with her as some sort of infidelity forgiveness. God damn it. She's on her phone texting again in the bathroom. I can hear the sound of the buttons being pressed over and over. It's probably nudes and sexy talk.

Jesus, this hurts. 9.55. Went to bed. I'm sitting here watching TV on my laptop and she's trying to initiate sex. Of course I have to decline. I went to have sex with her, but I'll... I want to have sex with her, but I'll control myself. Despite what she did being unforgivable, she's still beautiful on the outside.

10 o'clock. I'll update some more tomorrow after getting up. I cannot stress how thankful I am for all the positive support. It means a lot to me, but no matter what it takes, it'll take many months or even a year to get over this shitty situation. I hate to say it, but she's pretty on the outside, just fucked up

on the inside. 11pm. Got caught watching TV. Now I'm actually going to bed. The next morning. I woke up a little late today, and I went to break into her phone since it'll take a while, but I won't do it today. She's still asleep. The private investigator will be following her vehicle starting at 10 a.m. today. Jenny and Carly are heading on their weekend trip today at noon.

She'll have some breakfast and Carly will swing by. They'll take Jenny's car and head off. The PI will begin tailing them all day. I'm excited to see what he finds. He offered to take me around with him, but I politely declined. I've got some shit to do today anyway. Really great start to the day. Ten hours of sleep.

I don't get that often. All right. Here's where it got interesting to me. As I go through the replies, a few people can't tell if I'm bragging, yada, yada. Here it is. Private investigator posted down the street waiting for her vehicle to pull out with Carly. She woke up ten minutes ago, and i'm about to cook her breakfast carly is showing up a little earlier today around 10 30 so i'm cooking her breakfast too i can't believe i'm wasting my shit on these

people but do what you got to do to keep everything under wraps i have another meeting with the divorce lawyer today at one carly has arrived they're both eating breakfast while i'm watching tv on my computer. Once they pull out, the private investigator will begin tailgating. They left a little later than they should have. They got caught up chit-chatting and occasionally talking to me. PI is tailing them now. He got a camera that zooms in and takes high-quality pics from ridiculously far away.

It's an assortment of high-quality dash cams and handheld recorders. The PI is sending me live updates so I can view these cameras on my computer, sort of like a live stream. I'll post a few details here, but the main parts will be posted after the investigation. She's not headed to the place she told me she was going. Jenny is driving. This doesn't look good. Carly got dropped off at Starbucks.

Jenny took the car and left the shopping center. I don't know where she's headed. Private investigator is tailing Jenny. She's making sporadic turns left and right, ultimately leading to nowhere. She doesn't know he's following because he's very far away. I think she's playing it safe. Jenny circled back to the shopping center. She parked at an abnormal distance from Starbucks and is texting someone.

It's probably Carly since they're both on their phones. Carly is texting, as seen through the Starbucks window. Jenny is texting in her car at the shopping center. A man walked into Starbucks and sitting next to Carly. Jenny is parked closer to the Starbucks, seemingly waiting for Carly to come out. The man could either be a stranger trying to hit on Carly, a random person sitting next to her since the seats are close to full, Zach, or her own affair partner.

So Carly is the sister-in-law. Yeah. And there's a guy talking to her now. The man left Starbucks and is headed out on his way. Carly and Jenny have regrouped in the car. They've been talking for the past few minutes with no movement. Carly seems to be on edge. She keeps looking out the window. They know something we don't. This is intense. Still in the car. Like 15 minutes later, still in the car. PI is later still in the car pi is hundreds of yards away zoomed in on his equipment he's not even in the same shopping center as them he has slightly tinted windows so it'd be far hard for them to even see him 102 they pulled out of the shopping center private investigator is tailing don't know where they're headed still driving it's 15 minutes

later they're in a bit of traffic so they haven't gone too far. 123. Carly still dropped off at a hotel. The hotel is a decent one. Not like a rusty motel or crazy Vegas quality either. It's the common ones you see around, like Hilton, Hampton Inn. Jenny is in the parking lot. 126. Jenny left the car, followed by Harley, into the hotel. They're either going for food or meeting up with partners. 127. PI thinks, judging by the way they're moving, they won't be in there for long. The hotel has an IHOP subway, pizza hut, and a few other restaurants.

130. The PI is heading into the hotel to see what's up. I have to... He has to go to the bathroom. I'll skip the details. 2 p.m. They're eating at a hotel restaurant. They're chatting and acting normally like nothing is up. The private investigator is sitting far away out of sight.

They don't know he's tailing and they aren't acting nervous at all. The man walked up by their table, said a few things and walked away. He was probably a service worker. He had his shirt tucked in and all that jazz judging by the private investigators footage. They're almost done with their food and cleaning up. I decide they decide to take the rest of their food to go and they pack up their items.

They hop in. They're headed towards the car. They seem relaxed. We don't know why Jenny started sprinting towards her car. 208. They hit the road. The PI is once again tailing their car. They're headed towards a residential area. Not many businesses or large buildings. Holy shit, these U-turns.

It's like they keep trying to shake someone off their tail. They're on their way back to the hotel. It seems there's no way in hell. They know the PI he's extremely far away. This isn't like the movies where the PI is a few cars down. The private investigator is at least a hundred feet away. Puzzling. 215 Carly got dropped off at the hotel. Jenny is driven away and is now en route to a residential area again. Carly is seen waving at Jenny as she drove away.

Carly had a hotel key card as she entered the lobby, so she probably has a place to stay. Jenny handed Carly the hotel key card. I'm sorry. Jenny handed Carly the hotel key card, and Carly left the car. They must have already gotten a room or got one before the pi could tail them in since he had to wait a small period of time to not look suspicious 222 jenny met up at the flat house as a residential area and kissed a guy before she entered it's zach cheating confirmed oh

zach seems to be clueless about this i'm sorry carly seems to be clueless about the situation pi snapped a lot of it this is about enough. The PI might call it off for the day now. 224. They're definitely unaware of the Reddit post. Jenny is as careless as she entered the house. Didn't try to hurry or anything. What a joke. I don't know why I had my hopes up that nothing was going on. I'm sad now. 227. I'm really sorry about the abrupt update above. She dropped Carly off at the hotel, rushed back to the residential area, and entered the house. She showed Carly and kissed Zach. She didn't try to cover her tracks, no zigzags, nothing. I expected a big buildup of some sorts.

Not a quick confirmation like this. 231. Fuck. Carly texted my brother about Jenny. So my brother knows. Carly knows I know. They didn't know I knew. Fuck. if jenny finds out i know this whole evidence collecting thing is ruined i need a way to tell them to shut up without giving away what i'm doing um oh and he sums it up again carly thought they were going on a girl's weekend i don't know what was going on in their head starbucks i'm sorry i don't know what was going on in the starbucks maybe carly wanted to drink something i don't

know who talked to carly they made some weird turns and most likely out of the suspicion that I was following. They grabbed a bite at the hotel. Jenny sprinted to the car because she was excited or they were messing around. Jenny showed Carly where they left for safety in case Jenny never replied again. Then she dropped off Carly at the hotel they're sharing. Jenny went back to the flat and met up with Zach. They're inside. The private investigator doesn't know what to do next. Stake out or go to the hotel or call it off for the day. This is what I think happened. The case is ruined if Jenny finds out and I'll ruin my opportunity to get more evidence. I'll be stuck with the video of her entering and the quick entering kiss. I want more. I had the PI

schedule until Monday so I might as well use it up. My head is spinning. This is too much information for 30 minutes i can't deal carly texted my brother jenny is cheating my brother texted me i cannot have them tell jenny i know because it'll ruin my opportunity to collect evidence to truly cement my case i'm not sure if a quick kiss or entering a house will suffice the infidelity clause he has a prenup with an infidelity yeah she might be able to play it off as a friendly greeting the pi is scheduled till monday so i've got more time to collect evidence if my bro and carly can keep their mouth shut well i'm eating lunch i'll be reading replies yada yada the

pleasure of our love lasted a few years the pain that comes from this will last a lifetime um i cooled off while eating lunch not as hyped up as I was before. The PI texted me that there's movement in the house. He's just sitting there staking it out. Carly is not to be trusted. She doesn't need to know about the evidence. I told my brother to not talk to the issue or tell Carly not to speak about it as I wanted some time to think about my options.

Hmm. That was clever. Yeah. I feel much better now. I don't know why they went to starbucks or who that guy is who talked to carly at starbucks but it's definitely not zach um i can't speak to my lawyer about how much proof i need because he closed up my doorbell was wrong it was someone asking if i'm ready to upgrade my cable service uh all right he got all nervous at the cable service

like an assassin was coming for him or something yeah i'm not gonna get too paranoid that happens around here door-to-door advertising guys calm down about the cable guy he had a name tag a car a ladder everything so zach and jenny are relaxing on the front porch, just talking and holding hands. My PI is super far away. I can't see him, but he can see them. Zach and Jenny left Zach's house. The PI is tailing them. Sigh.

More suspense for us. Zach and Jenny are headed into the Starbucks shopping center. Don't know why. I'm guessing they already ate. Zach and Jenny are sitting in the carked par in the shopping center, just like Carly and Jenny were doing in the parked car in the shopping center, just like Carly and Jenny were doing earlier. They were just talking.

Remember that guy who met up with Carly at Starbucks? He just got into the car that Zach and Jenny are in. They're all sitting together discussing something. Things are heating up again. I'll post proof later. It's escalating quickly, just like earlier. They pulled out of the shopping center. Private investigator is tailing.

So the first Starbucks guy is now in the car and the four of them are going somewhere. Oh, my. They've arrived at the hotel. Zach, Jenny and Stranger are headed into the hotel. Carly is inside the hotel somewhere. The Stranger is probably the person Carly is having an affair with, I'm guessing. So now both women are cheating. If the stranger was a hitman, I think he'd be a little taller or more muscular.

He looks like an average guy, even kind of short. I don't know how the PI can go about following without looking suspicious. 4.11. My PI followed them into the lobby. Jenny picked up a room key and all three of them headed into the elevator. We're essentially blind right now. We don't know what's going on in the hotel rooms. The PI wants to know if he should stake out the hotel or if we should call it a day.

I think Carly was trying to portray Jenny as the only person who was cheating. That's why she texted my bro. Now I think if Jenny rats out Carly, Carly will deny it and say Jenny is just saying that because she was caught cheating. Once again, my head is spinning. Bitches! I know! Did you get that strategy, though? Like, the girl number two said girl number one was cheating, so that if girl number one rats out two, she can be like, oh, that's just a revenge rat.

Uh-huh. Yeah. All right. Can't trust anything. She's a cheater. You can't trust anything. Uh-huh. Yeah. All right. Can't trust anything. She's a cheater. You can't trust anything she says. Yeah. Yeah.

So essentially all four of them are inside the hotel doing something, most likely having sex. The thought of my wife having sex with another man makes me want to puke, but I'm coping. There's no way for the PI to get upstairs into the hotel and find out what's going on in there. He'll stake it out for a few more hours before heading home jenny just texted me that carly is cheating whoa i actually don't know where to go from here so now carly's cheated her and texted her husband saying jenny's a cheater jenny's texted her husband saying carly's a cheater

wow women are the worst not only cheating on their husbands they've turned traitorous to their to themselves like they're they're trading they're turning on each other there they're ratting each other out that's these low low down dirty bitches oh man all right let's keep going i'm still thinking about what i should say to her although almost all although i'll most likely ignore it i don't want to say something i'll regret and mess this whole thing up 5 p.m not much going on now they're still in the hotel my pi is staking it out for another hour the updates will get slower etc um scanning ahead thank you for the wonderful pms it seems like jenny convinced carly to go with her to zach's house to show her the location just in case something happened to jenny carly would be her guard so to speak then jenny brought zach and the other guy to the hotel

and carly got cold feet and didn't want to cheat on her husband so jenny is stabbing her on the back jenny is saying carly cheated because carly didn't join her in the cheating so they didn't have like each other's backs i guess there was sort of if we both cheat we won't write each other out thing happening there but instead they're bitches um so i'm not sure what i'll find out what happened um that's the only reason i can think of as to why they turn on each other i'm posting screenshots from the text yada yada um starts talking about proof he's replying to comments. Um, I got texts from Jenny and Carly. Jenny asked me, what are you doing? And call me when you can. Carly said, I'm sorry about Jenny. I'm here. If you want to talk about it, fuck me for falling asleep like an idiot. I don't know what to reply. If anyone on here is late and has some advice, that'd be great. Jenny texted me again. She was getting spooked and I didn't want

to have handle her driving home probably hammered word that i found out i told her i was at the gym working out met some friends there and decided to hang out for a bit and ended with what's up babe she hasn't replied yet i've ignored carly's texts i checked in the notification bar and so it doesn't have the read sign smart eh um there's no way that i could continue to ignore jenny she started texting me repeatedly at 10 o'clock probably worried oh here's i called my brother and told him about what they texted me parts of the investigation etc he'll be here tomorrow morning i feel better now that he knows what's up and isn't in the dark jenny replied to

me oh cool hun i'm gonna head off to bed. Good night. I replied, cool, I already miss you. Good night. This playing at cool stuff is tough. I know it isn't uncommon for people's parents to be dead by the time you're 30, but I wish my mom was here to comfort me. She was the best at that. If your parents are still alive and you're on good terms with them, don't treat them like shit and definitely don't take them for granted. They won't be there forever. I didn't treat my mom poorly. I just wish she were here with me trying to hold back tears as i reread everything i'm typing again thank you all for the amazing pms i'm getting offline just in case something goes on i've armed all the alarms in my house we have any windows or doors that break i'll have a loud beeping alert. He's got his gun with him.

Just woke up an hour ago. It's the next morning at 930. Slept a bit longer than expected, freshened up, etc. I have expected this all to be a bad dream and Jenny to be sleeping right next to me when I woke up. Sadly, this isn't the case. This is the worst I've felt since my parents and sister's death. My brother's coming over very soon. He texted me, morning, dude. What time should I come over? I said, half an hour. PI updated me at 421 AM telling me Jenny and Carly arrived at the ground floor and were sitting in the hotel lobby talking to each other.

They were not up in their rooms. Carly was holding her head as if she was hung over. They returned back to the rooms at 5 AM. Need to fast forward to the night footage. Okay. Oh, some people are calling me fake. Bullshit, bullshit. I don't care. My brother should be here in a.m. Need to fast forward to the night footage. Okay. Oh, some people are calling me fake. Bullshit, bullshit. I don't care. My brother should be here in a few minutes. He's picking up breakfast for us. Oh yeah, Jenny is due to come home sometime this afternoon. Mixed feelings about

that. Well, I've learned my brother's not very good in a crisis. When he arrived, we ate and I told him about the whole cheating situation and how I have video. I showed him a screenshot of Jenny kissing Zach and Carly talking to a stranger at Starbucks. I showed him them hungover at the hotel, the texts, and he started to freak out. I was afraid he was going to burn my house down. He took a good ten minutes to get him under control, but he was surprisingly and amazingly calm afterwards. It was like he had a short breakdown and then went back to his normal state. We talked over the options and decided that we would act like we didn't know about our spouse's cheating, like we were clueless. So I'll act like my brother and Carly never said anything about Jenny and my

brother will act like I haven't told him about Carly. It may or may not work, but we're doing this to keep our spouses under control. The last thing we want is our spouses to come home and have a simultaneously freak out damage control during the meeting the pi texted me that they had gone down for food and all four of them were sitting at a table outside a restaurant now they're double dating yeah jenny clearly had on male sunglasses and one of the guys brought it with them for their hangover probably lent it to her either way it was clear they were all in pain from their hangovers except except for the stranger. He seemed completely normal. They had their meal and they went back up to the hotel room. I'm not sure why they didn't use room service. Maybe because it's so expensive.

As of now, they're back up in their hotel rooms and I expect them to leave the hotel in an hour or two. Not much to do there all day except hang out and have sex. Jenny texted my brother, hey, last night at 1.19 a.m. That's it. it he didn't reply to her Carly has not texted him yet my brother is still here calm and collected watching TV as I use my computer let's see nothing's happened they were at just afternoon they left the hotel Carly Jenny and stranger let's call him X and Zack are in Jenny's car the PI will tail them looking for this to get good again they're headed back

he talks about his proof he has nudes sexually suggestive text sexual text and video and picture proof of them kissing and hanging out together so it feels good now that I have more than enough proof

for his infidelity clause in the prenup I'm devastated about what I've discovered. Hats off to the PI. Now me and my bro are watching where Carly and Jenny are going. So he and his brother are there getting live updates from the private investigator and his, like, super telephoto cameras. It's kind of neat. So I'm scanning ahead to keep this moving. They're at a Starbucks.

They're sipping coffee and talking more drinking and talking. In his situation, it's clear that my spouse is cheating. My brother is helping me set up a few surveillance cameras with audio recording in the house. I'll cement my case possibility as she tries to say I did something to her, hit her, etc. that I didn't actually do. He seems to have cheered up a bit since we don't have proof that Carly cheated at all. I mean, maybe Jenny had a threesome

and Carly was just a witness. I'm not saying that's what happened, but it's always a possibility. We'll just have to listen to what they tell us when they get home. Speaking of when they return, what should I do? Play dumb, et cetera. And let's go to update two. This is outrageous. All right. They're on their

way to the hotel again. I don't know what they're up to now, possibly retrieving their things before coming home. 247. They've arrived at the hotel instead of normally walking in. And clearly they're in a hurry. Jog speed walked inside. They just wanted to walk faster and they know something's up. Jenny is talking on her cell phone, standing outside the door, and Carly is waiting for her inside the lobby. Jenny isn't calling me or my brother, so I don't know what she's talking to. I don't know who she's talking to. 252, Jenny's still talking on the phone.

Carly's joined her outside and they're taking turns talking. My brother's racing to get cameras set up. This will be close. 254, friends called and asked if I'm going to join them to get cameras set up. This will be close. 254. Friends called and asked if I'm going to join them to watch football. Not sure if I should decline. 3. They got their bags, and it looks like they've checked out of the hotel.

They're in their car, and they're ready to pull out. PI is ready to tail them if they drive off. 302. Bank came through as requested yesterday afternoon. Joint bank account is frozen. I'll be notified of any withdrawals from my personal account in the next two weeks. 307. I guess they love talking in coffee shops and cars because they're still in the car talking.

I don't know who they're talking to, but I'm watching the football game. 320. We only have two recorders in the house. We need to run out and get one or two more. If Jenny and Carly drive home, we won't have time. 323. It's too risky to go out for more recorders. 544. Shit is going down. I can't type for more than a minute right now. No one's gotten hurt or anything. Just a lot of shit. I'll update when I get the chance. This isn't a pleasant place to be. Trying to get through all this. Tears were shed anger grief yelling my goodness nothing physical

at all 327 they left the grocery gym wait so these are out of order to some extent um oh and then that's a repeat jenny is using the bathroom i'll quickly say the next update i post at my friend's house will be lengthy it's's not very good. Then it went more or less as expected. The lies that have been told in the last two hours, the lies I'll get out of here. If I have to, it's just not pleasant. The huge part of my life is falling apart around me.

I'll find a way to cope. I'm not a bitch. I'll get through this. So can my brother. I'll update as soon as I can. Here's the last part. All right. So Jenny and Carly got back from the hotel.

I had my devices cleared and everything looked normal. My brother and I were sitting on the couch watching TV. Jenny opened the front door and Jenny and Carly walked in. It started with normal, hey huns, I missed yous, bitches. And they took off their shoes near the door. Carly went over to sit next to her husband. Jenny walked over to me and hugged me for a good minute or two. I won't lie. It felt good forgetting about everything and just wrapping up in each other's arms. She didn't smell different, so it was easy to forget about the whole affair situation. She pulled out the hug and kissed me like she did Zach for a few seconds.

I pulled away and said, what's up? She looked away and I could tell she was beginning to cry and started sobbing. She got all teary eyed. I almost felt bad for her. And she said, I'm sorry, honey. I'm so sorry. I played dumb and said, what happened? She asked me, Carly didn't tell you? I said, no. And she got back to me that she had a makeout session with some guy, Zach, and that she didn't want... and that if she didn't, he would let out a dirty secret of hers. I asked her what the secret was, and she wouldn't tell me. I told her, is that all

you did? A few kisses? Isn't that bad. If he was blackmailing you, it's okay. I asked her, what about the weekend getaway? You didn't go on a trip or anything? She said no. She'd only gone to a hotel where the guy wanted to meet up for some kisses. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha She said no. She'd only gone to a hotel where the guy wanted to meet up for some kisses. Were they 14? Carly clearly looked uncomfortable during this.

She kept looking over at us as if she wanted to say something. I turned to look at Carly. This is when the truth started to come out. I already knew Jenny had sex. I was playing dumb. And Jenny said, we did a few other things, but that's all. I asked her to tell me what she did. Jenny said she played with Zach's penis and touched it a little. Again, they're 14. Give me a break. I got more aggressive and frustrated with her lying and asked her, are you sure that's all you did? But Jenny told me that she had to have sex with him just to please him and grew tired of her giving me tiny bits of information.

So I asked Carly what happened. Carly told me Jenny and her were going to lodge in the mountains for a weekend. Jenny told Carly that I didn't want to miss the football game. So I was going to stay home and it would be a fun weekend for them to bond. This is believable. They are best friends. Jenny then took them to Zach's house and she forced Carly to keep her mouth shut or she would tell my brother that Carly was cheating. Interesting, by the way, because she didn't keep her mouth shut and she did

say that. Yeah. So she showed Carly where she would be in case something happened to her and dropped Carly off at the hotel. Carly said Jenny went back to Zach's place for a while. They did something and came back with a guy she didn't know jenny then had more sex with zach while carly just spoke to the new guy and jenny brought over the new guy that jenny brought over they had a few drinks and went to bed they dropped them off at their houses and now they came back home false bullshit carly lied she never mentioned meeting ex at starbucks or the coffee shop trips at all my brother was growing more and more frustrated with the lying and so was I. I told Jenny and Carly to come with me. I sat them

down at the dining room and I asked them to give me the whole truth as their stories didn't add up. That's when Jenny started bombarding me with, why don't you trust me? And we're married. We're supposed to trust each other through thick and thin. Wrong verse. Carly started giving dirty looks

and she repeatedly rolled her eyes. It was like I was speaking to toddlers. Jenny was furious and she walked into the kitchen, got a bottle of water and slammed the refrigerator door. My brother heard this, came over and sat down with us. The four of us were sitting at a table. My brother and I knew most of the truth. Jenny and Carly knew the whole truth. We just had to get it from them. Jenny started sobbing hysterically and Carly knew the whole truth. We just had to get it from them. Jenny started sobbing hysterically, and Carly followed. They both cried for 10 minutes maybe without talking. Jenny came over and hugged me and sobbed into my shoulder.

I was going to miss holding her for sure. She still felt like the same non-cheating person I knew before. Jenny sat back down and told me the whole truth. Jenny and Carly had made up the whole trip. They wanted to have sex with other people. She, hooking up. They went over to Starbucks so Carly had made up the whole trip. They wanted to have sex with other people. She, hooking up. They went over to Starbucks so Carly could meet the guy that she had been seeing for a while prior. Jenny grew paranoid that she was being followed by me and started driving around in circles.

She then went back to the shopping center to pick up Carly. X had to take something... I'm sorry. X had something to take care of, so he said he would meet Carly later at the hotel. X is a friend of Carly and Jenny's. X and Jenny... I'm sorry. X had something to take care of, so he said he would meet Carly later at the hotel. X is a friend of Carly and Jenny's. X and Jenny, I'm sorry, Carly and Jenny drove to the hotel where they were staying to eat some food. Later, they went back to the car

so they could drive over to Zach's flat house. Jenny ran over to their car again because she was paranoid I was following her. They drove over to Zach's house after many turns because she's paranoid I was following her. It says it twice. Jenny clearly, I'm sorry, Jenny showed Carly where she would be if anything happened. Jenny then drove Carly back to the hotel.

Carly waited there for Jenny, Zach, and X to come over. Jenny went back to Zach's house and they made out there. They also had sex. After a while, Jenny and Zach went to the shopping center to pick up X again. With X, they went back to the shopping center to pick up x again with x they went back to the hotel where they were going to have sex as i guessed carly got cold feet and didn't want to do it jenny and zach however did have sex multiple times carly ratted jenny out right away so that she wouldn't be involved with anything they had a bunch of drinks and they got drunk after jenny

and zach had sex once more they went to bed carly and x hung out all night nothing romantic except for hand holding they woke up ate food dropped everyone off at their houses kissed zach and drove to the coffee shop there they talked extensively about what they would tell us to cover up what happened they got too confused and just decided to wing it they went back to the hotel got their things and checked. They left the part about driving to the gym grocery area and they said they just drove home. Instead of lying, they broke down and couldn't do it. So now they're admitting what they did. They also didn't say anything about the person they talked to on the phone outside the hotel. So from what they told me, Jenny had sex. Carly did not, but was going to. I don't know what to believe. Jenny again, hugged me and sobbed into

my chest, ruining my shirt. Charlie cried, but didn't approach her husband. My brother had a look of relief on his face, but also anger. He scolded them about lying for maybe 15 minutes, and again how badly they had hurt us, and they cried more, and I was furious. I thought that what we had was great. She never showed signs once of wanting to hook up with other people. I'd asked her how long this had been going on, and they said they'd been meeting each other, but she didn't say anything. After a few more moments of crying, she said weeks, but this was the first time they had sex.

I was devastated. But I understood that this is what she wanted. Sure, she played with my feelings, but she's not a person fond of commitment at heart. She wants to sleep around and that's fine with me. It's just not happening while we're together. So I'm continuing with the divorce process. Fuck her. My brother and Carly walked into our bedroom. There were tons of yelling and crying on both parts, but they came out after 20 minutes and looked like they had made up. So they went home. I was upset and Jenny kept telling me

we could work through this and she didn't want to lose me and that this would never happen again. I just left the table and went back to watching TV. She started yelling at me about how I was betraying her and that we're life partners and we can't divorce. She came over and sat on top of me in a cute way, but I rejected. She got all pouty like she normally does when she went upset and went upstairs to use the restroom.

Holy mood swings. That's when I wrote the quick update. I told Jenny that we'd talk about it later tonight and that I was still on my friends, still on with my friends to watch the football game. She pleaded with me one last time and I wasn't budging. She said she had a date plan for us and had to have a sexy surprise waiting for me.

When I got back, she winked at me and said, sorry, and walked out the door. I didn't say anything about the investigation I have going on. Here I am at my friend's house, enjoying the game, writing a depressing and devastating story on Reddit.

Still on with my lawyer tomorrow morning. Thank you all for the support, etc, etc. And there's a little more. Let's just finish this. I don't want to leave anything out. Hey, so my sexy surprise last night was pretty terrible. I walked into the house pretty pissed off and Jenny had literally everything i like prepared for me my favorite meal my an outfit of hers that i

liked i didn't know what to do i felt so many like some of our old nights that we loved it's not written perfectly i didn't give in sexually but i was pretty hungry so i sat down with her and we ate pretty much in complete silence. She had the nerve to ask, Are you still upset with me? We should have thrown that food all over the floor and just made a mess of the entire smorgasbord and just went, clean it up, and just walked away. I just looked at her, and she knew it.

I finished eating and started heading upstairs, and she chased after me, grabbed my hand and once again cried into me. Although this wasn't a whole bunch of tears like earlier, she was still sad. You know, throughout all of this, I still see flashes of the person I used to love so much. The way she walks, the mannerisms when she brushes her hair back, etc. I realize this is just her way of guilting me. I'm not going to stay with someone who I can't trust second guessing everything they tell me i told her leave me alone we'll talk some more tomorrow i go through my routine where she's waiting for me with one last attempt to have sex i finally told her this isn't happening and you know it you have zach on

speed dial call him if you want a quick fuck out rage, or maybe to prove that she doesn't love him, she smashed her phone on the floor. Said, I told you I don't like him anymore. I want to be with you and only you. Our bedroom floor is carpet, so our phone didn't break, but the SIM card and battery flew out and made it look bad. I told her, pick up your fucking phone and stop bothering me. I'm trying to go to sleep.

You should have thought about our relationship when you went sleeping around with other people. More crying. She fell asleep that way. I fell asleep afterwards and we didn't have sex. I woke up this morning at 5am without her. I hit the gym for an hour and went to the divorce lawyer. He told me not to tell her anything about the PI investigation or, I'm sorry, or anything else involving the divorce. He thinks that it would be wise if I went over this thoroughly, as after divorce it would be tough to go back. He told me to give him a call when I was ready to move forward. I received a copy of the prenup and we read it over. It's still valid, thank God. He didn't have much time to speak with me since he should have been

off in the office for MLK. That's a vacation day holiday, but he has me and another client and he wanted to go back home. I'm planning on calling him tomorrow to move forward with the process. There's no way in hell I'm staying with Jenny. After the meeting, I texted my brother and asked him how things were going. He said about back to normal. Well,

good for him. It's weird. I'm happy for him, but I kind of wish I had a partner to go through this with me together. It's tough getting divorced, but I'm not a bitch and I can get through this. Jenny texted me this morning and asked, where are you a few times?

I didn't reply. I'm at home now. It's pretty awkward. She's trying to set up a movie date with us tonight. I kept rejecting. To clear a few things up, people are telling me I'm bragging, yada yada. The only reason sexual details are included

because it's a common reason for divorce. A lot of divorces are over sexual dissatisfaction thank you all for the support etc too long didn't read carly cheat i'm sorry she cheated carly got cold feet and didn't cheat i'm getting divorced my brother may not be and that's it that was a long read i hope it was i was on the edge of my seat as i went through that i really enjoyed that it was a long read but i but i really enjoyed it and um that was a great story he's he it was well written he handled it very well and uh and good for him that must be crushing yeah that must be the worst that That's really terrible. The comments are killing me too.

Like, am I the only person pissed off she has the audacity to tell you she has a date planned out when she got home to expect something sexy? As if you'd actually want to touch her after some random guy ran through her all weekend behind your

back? Good fucking riddance. I wish you the best op i absolutely cannot stand people like your soon-to-be ex-wife and something about the phrasing of that like like you'd want her after some random guy ran through her all weekend and i'm like yeah picture it like yeah ran through her that's that's like figuratively like what happened like yeah some other guy was ramming his cock in her all weekend long who knows how many times right to say his count it seemed like four or five times right yeah half a dozen no dude you could take that cum dumpster of yours and find someone else who's still interested in it not me yeah i gotta agree with you uh just the worst part for me is how uh deceptive she was and just the lies and the fact that she's a bad liar makes her even more disgusting it's like

you're not even smart enough to tell a good fucking lie like dude like that's the best you've got like i get so he didn't mention any kids i assume he doesn't have any because he mentioned just about every detail and uh but like i can see why people take their wives back after they cheat like i get that i i like man you know it sucks i can hardly live with this it's crushing etc but the alternative like splitting up splitting up the kids and like do the alternative is a rough one too still though i would get the divorce because that scar right that scar that is on the relationship that never goes away that distrust that and and like dude if that happened to me you know what i would do i would hold that over her head forever like an asshole. Yeah, like dinner.

The mashed potatoes are a little bit too salty. Yeah. She's like, honey, these mashed potatoes are a little too salty. Salty like his cum! Like his cum, you whore! Is that what it's like? Yeah, yeah. You know, like every time she took too long to reply to a text,

every time I didn't know exactly where she was, like forever. The holidays. Until the day we died, she would be in debt and not trusted, and like I would not be a good husband after that. A guy messaged me on Facebook the other day, and I think he was in high school, and he basically said that his girlfriend had, in a way, cheated on him. He had heard that she had cheated on him,

slept with a guy at a party, and her story was that she drank too much and she just kissed the guy a bunch. And I was like, he's like, what should I do? I don't know, weighing options, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, once a cheater, always a cheater, period. And he was like, thanks. That was the end of it.

That's the truth. Can't trust that. Especially not Jenny. And there's been so many great Jenny memes now. I'm glad that you read through all that and I got to be part of it because now I get them all 100%. It's good. Yeah, good.

I'm glad this guy was smart enough. And he really covered his bases. I think the Reddit comments were helping him along a bit because, you know, he, he said things about like her, like faking some sort of a physical attack and stuff like that. Like this guy was ready almost for anything.

She could have poisoned him. Like he didn't seem to, he was still eating the food. He was just like, all right, I guess I'll eat all this food. You just prepared for me. Like,

like I would not have eaten that food. I don't, I wish I was reading comments earlier and a lot of guys were going back and forth on the seductress mode. Like, so here's the deal. If I fuss at Jackie, she usually, like, if I'm annoyed at Jackie, she'll get annoyed at me. That'll be, like, the reaction, right? It's never what you want, like the apologetic whatever. It's always like, you know, Jackie, you have this flaw that we need to sort out.

Oh, well, you have this flaw we need to sort out. These other people on Reddit, apparently, when you fuss at these girls, they turn into like seductress mode. And, you know, to get all dressed up in their fancy lingerie. That would be my choice. That would be my choice. That would be my choice. If every time I had some complaint, she tried to blow me, I could take that.

That's a different kind of personality that spawns that kind of reaction. I promise you, you don't want that. You don't want that. There's some key core reasons for them to default to that, and you don't want any part of that. That's just got crazy written all over it. That's a sweet kind of crazy. Good for this guy, though.

It sounds like he's going to – hopefully his prenup is just really harsh. She gets nothing. He gets to just basically kick her out of his residence and go on about his life. Well, the prenup had an infidelity clause. And I'm guessing that infidelity clause is probably not kind to the cheater. Exactly.

Yeah. Yeah. And he seems to have this thing sewn up pretty nicely. And, you know, especially with her admitting it. And he told his brother and Carly to testify if need be. Like, she's fucked. It seemed like he had recorders around the house i bet he has her admission tape oh yeah i bet he does too yeah

you know because he had those recorders going so she couldn't falsely claim that he beat her or something yeah that's great so uh situation like gone girl and she used the recorders to her uh to her advantage like we're gonna hear about that in a couple days yeah how he suddenly turned abusive and she had to defend herself oh man it's i don't know something about that whole story sunk in with me and i always worry that like that whenever these cheater stories happen like sometimes they hit home with me and I worry that people are going to assume it's because I have personal experience with that. That's not the case.

No, that's not, that's, I don't, but well, I mean my 10th grade girlfriend a little bit, but whatever. That's not what I'm talking about.

It's just because you put so much value on your, you know, your relationship and your, your life at home. That is the case. That's the deal. Like, it's as, you know, you, that is your life that's the deal like it's as you know you that is your

life you're like you know you probably might not even want to go on if you if that wasn't your life anymore that's it's it's everything so what you're talking about there isn't just like oh yeah i got a divorce but i kept moving it's like ah shit that whole thing that i thought i was gonna die being a part of that's all over yeah everything that was me you know is now over that would be a oh dude i got a story so um and i'm just i'm processing can i say this yeah i can say this um so my the contractor who's i'm getting my house renovated before we move in uh it just it seemed to just scope creep or whatever first it was paint and then it was like well you know while we're doing this we should take down the popcorn ceilings that like a couple of rooms

still have that and while we're doing this like every little crack in every wall should be fixed and repaired and made perfect again and while we doing this, one of the sunrooms had this like brick floor that's kind of yucky to look at. That's all going to be like fixed and hardwood and the HVAC will be redone. And one of the rooms had two doors like right next to each other, which makes it tough to furnish like because furniture doesn't go in front of a door typically. So we're like taking out that door. Now there's like new exterior siding.

Anyway, so this contractor, we were just after we agreed on the price and all was said and done we were kind of talking and like got to know each other and super interesting guy but he was telling me so he's he's been divorced twice and it's funny when someone gets divorced I find it sad when someone's talking about wife number three i find it funny like are you getting good at it yet how's that especially when they're young like like if they're like 40 and they're on wife three like yeah this guy's a little older than that i think he's threatening 50 okay and uh maybe not 50 yet but yeah and um so his first wife you almost don't hold it against him because they were like super young i think they got married at like 18 or 19

and they got divorced a couple years later and they were just babies who didn't know what the scoop was all right fine wife number two so he had a perfect life. Him and his brother worked in this construction company, the one I'm hiring. And, uh, they were general contractors and they work with all these subs. Um, both of them had million dollar homes next door neighbors,

right? He and his brother are tight as, as you know, two people can be, uh, their wives are best friends. They had babies who were one day apart, right? So like the wives went through their pregnancy together and they had kids who were practically twins in

terms of age and everything was awesome. Well, his brother's wife cheated and that wrecked it and his wife covered for her. Well, when his brother found out that his wife was a cheater, his brother killed himself. Oh yeah. So my guy told his wife to heave ho. You got to get out of here. Yeah. He's like, you know know you're pretty much a co-conspirator in my brother's death you're gone you're out of my life and um and uh then i i met

this guy through my agent and like he was just not in a good place himself and notable his parents had recently died like around this time so now he's got like nobody you know he just he went from what seemed like near perfection to ruins in you know the course of a couple of months and uh my my agent who i think is a great guy had him live with him much like i did for pka dan and he spent a couple months living with my agent the first couple nights my real estate agent slept on the floor next to him just to make sure he didn't do anything crazy wow and it was like huh that's a pretty good guy and um i don't know i guess today's cheater day that was intense i um i enjoyed listening you

read the thing. I went and got Game of Thrones, the audiobooks. I don't know how long it is. Really long. Really long is the correct answer. It's CDs because I want to listen to it in the car. I don't have an iPod. I don't do that.

I think it's four discs times four. It's at least 16 discs. I'm guessing somewhere in the nature of, I don't know, 20, 25 hours. It's very long. Maybe more. Maybe 30 fucking hours. It's a lot more. What did you buy? Because Game of Thrones is a bunch of books. I got the first book. What's it called? A Song of Ice and Fire. I've already started listening to it, so it's definitely the first book.

It starts off with that, you know, there's rangers facing off with the White Walker in the forest. I'm not doubting you. I'm only looking up how long it is. I see. I'm really enjoying it. I got it off Amazon and I was hoping that it would say who was

reading, but it didn't. And I went into it blind, but it's this old, he sounds like an older English gentleman. And he does voices for, this is my first book on tape so maybe, I guess it's probably common. But he does voices for... This is my first book on tape, so maybe I guess it's probably common. But he does a little voice for everyone. And it's pretty entertaining.

So I've listened to about an hour and a half of it. And I'm just listening to it every time I drive. And it's making me want to go out to the car now. Really? Yeah. So it is 10 minutes shy of 34 hours. Yeah. And that's just the first book see my goal is to get ahead

of the shows I'm gonna do it yeah I think I'm gonna do it I'm not betting against you but I am saying you're going to be older by the time this happens because it's 34 hours for the first one, and I think they're on the third or fourth book in the show, as I'm sure someone listening knows.

Yeah. And I think they're all of similar length. So if you average like 33 hours a book, you're a good 100 hours away at least from catching the show. I spend a lot of time in the car. I do a lot of driving. Where are you going? Back and forth at the airport a lot.

Just little trips. Anytime I want to do something at the range, that's all the way to my dad's house. It's 15 minutes back and forth, but then I have to go to Hartwell sometimes and that's like fucking 40 minutes back and forth whenever I want to get something. When I was doing all that carry

permit stuff, I drive a lot. I should do this too. My new house is like 30 40 minutes away each way so that's an hour um hope is about 20 minutes when i take her to school each way so that's like you know 45 minutes total when you do the carpool line and stuff so i would knock out a book a month i bet i think you should check it out it's really good i it's and having seen the show, I've got a little bit,

you know, it's not a blank canvas that, that this, uh, this guy's painting on. It's already got, you know, the skeleton there might help because I've listened to other audio books and

sometimes what will happen is I realize I haven't paid attention for 10 minutes and I have to like go back and such. Whereas with this, I think if the, if I lost it for 10 minutes, I'd be okay. back and such. Whereas with this, I think if the, if I lost it for 10 minutes, I'd be okay. I didn't lose this at all. That was my fear that I was going to zone out,

but I, I was focused and engaged the whole time. I was, I was, I, you know, and it helped a lot with, um,

lineages, uh, because sometimes that's really hard to pick up in the TV show. They, they mentioned it once, maybe twice. And then you've got to really read between the lines. But they'd be like, yeah, this guy's grandfather, blah, blah, blah.

It'll go in length to explain things. I like it. This is a cool thing. So you can buy this on Amazon, and it looks like you can get it for audio and e-book. And then you can switch back and forth. So you can read the book on like a Kindle and then go to your car and have it read to you. And then it will sync up and your Kindle will be turned to the page where you left off and vice versa.

That is awesome tech. That's cool. Yeah, they call it Whisper Sync. And you can just go back and forth from reading and listening. I think I really prefer the audiobook. I think I like it better than reading. This guy reads better than I can, I promise. There was at least one word that I'd never heard before,

and this guy pronounced it with his beautiful accent. And he's giving the characters accents and stuff, and the old characters sound old, and the young characters sound very afraid. It's good. i like it a lot i used to daydream about being an audiobook reader and you know while this last reading section perhaps didn't prove i could be a compelling reader i think like oh you know what if i read it through and i know it better than that thing i could do a good reading but can you imagine me being a game of thrones audiobook reader just screwing up name after name after name. Oh, that's another

thing. Maybe it was just his pronunciation, but I think that Sansa's name is pronounced Sansha in the book. I'm pretty sure that he called her Sansha. And he goes into length explaining the religion. That happens in the first hour of the book.

The whole thing, I really like it. They explain the whole Daenerys' background much better. I'm really digging the audiobook. I gotta go make a 40 minute drive as soon as we get done here. I'm having a french fry extravaganza tonight.

Really? I gotta go get a new deep fryer and some potatoes. What happened to the previous deep fryer? Oh, man, I had a little accident last night. Please tell me it involved fire. No, thank God, because my fire extinguisher wasn't working. So I like frying things. I love fried food because I'm from the south, I suppose,

and I love all things that are fattening and bad for you. But french fries are my favorite. I like to come up with really cool gourmet ways to make them crunchy on the outside and delicious on the inside. All these seasoning salts and dips and horseradish mustard

combos and stuff. Anyway, when I've added the potatoes, for some reason, there was some kind of reaction to the hot oil, and it just started boiling over onto the countertop at a rate that I could not control. I got the fire extinguisher out because I was ready for it to flash over because I've seen

it happen before. I tested it a little, and it just went... Like a little white powder shot out the end, like what you would imagine if a mummy came or something. It was just a little white powder. Oh god, that's a great story. I was just like, ah! So I got a ladle and started ladling the 350 degree oil out of this thing and into the

sink as fast as I could. Got it unplugged and the whole place is covered with molten oil and so I'm throwing that away but I'm getting a big one like a restaurant, not a restaurant size one but like a big stainless steel one that has a lid and the big basket

so I'm going to have a french fry extravaganza tonight. Dude so I was talking to again it was actually my builder and a subcontractor carpenter and they're fixing somebody's kitchen because they had a grease fire and the grease fire itself is bad like it might have been involved with deep fryer but i picture it being like a frying pan with grease but um that's just the start of it like the the fire was damaged but then the fire department came in and when they put it out they like put water all over the place and and you know they in my opinion go a little overkill it's like

yeah you know water damage nearly as bad as fire damage can you settle you know down a little bit like they don't do that so like firemen are like they're like the marine corps you can't be like hey guys why don't you slow that rate of fire down? You're punching through the building and into that forest over there. There are animals out there. They're like, you want them dead or you want them alive. That's what we do here. Dead or alive. There's no in between.

I remember my dad had a big one of those poultry houses that burnt down with 20,000 four pound chickens inside of it. The nature of it is that it's a metal roof held up with studs along the side. When all those studs burn away, the metal

roof just comes down and it baked these chickens. I remember my dad telling the fire department being like, hey, could you just let it burn? Let it really burn away so we don't have as much to clean up. He's like, you want it put out or not? We can leave. He's like, yeah, put it out. We'll get it put out. They're a dick about that.

My apartment, I'll tell the story and fast forward, but I feel I must mention that it was my birthday. I was ironing my clothes for my birthday dinner with my friend-zoned girl who lived across the way. And I had hung my nicely crisped ironed dress shirt up on the sprinkler system because I couldn't see anywhere else to hang it. Finished my pants. All my laundry was at my feet. And when I went to pull the hanger back out, it was stuck, so I kind of gave it a little twist. And if you've ever looked closely at a

sprinkler, it's got this little red stick. Like a little red stick in there. And that snapped. And what that is is it's a vial full of mercury or something, and when it gets hot enough, it breaks. And what it's doing, it's wedged

between a plate and a spring-loaded piston. When that thing snaps, the piston comes down, water comes behind it at super high pressure and that water has been

in those metal pipes in the roof since the building's construction so it's rusty as fuck so i got blasted by just i don't know 50 psi torrential water and then when the fire it was awful it was the the whole place was ruined so yeah water damage just ruins a place that was the worst day so they were telling me about the water damage and the grease fire and all that terrible stuff and then i circled back to we once had a grease fire in my kitchen right but right by my kitchen is the garage where we keep the fire extinguisher so i saw the flame like get up and it was tall it

was like i don't know what stove height is like 30 inches or something this was head high you know this is like another three feet tall fire so um i casually just go to the garage pull the pin use the fire extinguisher fire's gone no damage whatsoever and jackie was there and my co-worker her name was a lock was there and they start making fun of me oh you just wanted to use the fire extinguisher oh yeah you just wanted to play fire really i saved all of you a little if you had not been there they would have died yeah the house would be burned down like i put out a fire in the kitchen if you throw water on that it's game over yeah now like if they had put a lid on it, then a good chunk of the fire would have extinguished. Not all, but a lot of it.

And that might have been a better way to handle it. I don't know. What's more likely is that she'd gotten close with the lid and, like, tossed it, that thing that I've seen ladies do before. And then it, like, knocks all the flaming grease all over the counter and the whole countertop's ignited. Yeah. And then it like knocks all the flaming grease all over the camera. The whole camera top is ignited. Yeah.

And they're all like, now look at all this dust we have to clean up. Because fire sting was shoot like that. It beats the fire. Yeah. It was a good call. I have no regrets. You should have reignited it and left. Let's do that thing where you flip a match and let it go.

Yeah. We had fire. So we went to the house today i had i didn't expect to have to go but um the painters called me and they're like hey we're at the door we're ready to start they're supposed to come tomorrow morning so i ran over there and let them in and let them do their thing and uh then jackie and hope came to join colin and i anyway we started burn we hadn't had a fire in a few weeks and we had been burning our trash pretty much because we didn't have trash service because we don't live there and didn't want to pay for trash service when we don't live there

and uh dude we had so much to burn boxes and boxes and stuff we burned enough like the volume of it of course it's all like boxes and stuff so it's not like dense was about the size of a volkswagen bug we built like we burned boxes and some stuff you're not supposed to burn like styrofoam man that's a smoky fire we burn all that shit everything gets the only thing that doesn't get burnt is tires and they get burnt sometimes too the only thing that doesn't get burnt is things that don't burn like uh oh it all burns dude so i make some pretty hot fires like i really do i mean like it as hot as fires get and uh i find aluminum foil doesn't burn that well like the thing you'd wrap it up like you know you can even do that people cook like that they put a hot dog in it and like put it in the fire then retrieve it so that stuff just

doesn't seem to melt for me but uh you know if if it has any shot of burning it goes down yeah i don't think you're gonna you're gonna have a hard time burning aluminum aluminum you can like i can burn aluminum cans and stuff but i don't know what tinfoil is made out of maybe tin i don't know but uh that stuff doesn't burn very easily but yeah like i put soda cans in there you'll never find them again we watch them you can see them melt and crumble over and i don't know what happens to them but they turn into something i can't find nice i was i melt glass that's a fun thing have you melted glass in your fires i've never i don't know if i have or not i've never made it a goal

of mine i've melted glass with a torch that's fun yeah but i've never like uh in the fire like the thing about melting glass in a fire is it's still there tomorrow but like you put it in and you can see it get all like cherry red and if you poke it with a stick it doesn't break it dense and you can like you know play with it like a glass blower might yeah that's really cool that's a cool skill the next morning as you clean up you just have flat glass bottles to deal with they didn't go away like other stuff does you know what's cool have you ever seen um when uh lightning hits the sand yes i'm not in person but i seen it in movies and maybe even in stores, but not like on the beach. Yeah, that's cool. It melts the sand and turns it to glass. I don't remember what it's called.

There was a chick flick where a guy, that was what he did for a living. He set up lightning rods or something. Yeah, that's what Matthew McConaughey, that's his niche market. He fucking hangs out all day on the beach with metal rods out there until the fucking lightning hits one out of a million times so he can make $85. Jesus Christ, that was stupid. He had all these poles out there.

It's like, that's not how lightning works. You should get a tower and run some lead wires down. Anyway. Those lead wires, I wonder, they would have to have a lot of capacity well they they're already they already exist there you know like lots of lots of things have lightning rods that you just they just run it straight down to the ground and ground it out

i'm sure you're right yeah i don't know how that works specifically you know like i i know electricity will burn up a wire if it can't handle the power or like the size of it but i guess you're right because i think the way lightning works is that like once it's it's just kind of redirecting it and it kind of does its own thing anyway i don't know though because like i see that it's just it's a tiny wire that i've seen used like yeah you're right and lightning rods are like copper the size of your pinky but often there's a normal wire leading to it like it's not it's not I'm sure it destroys the wire maybe that's the case maybe when it grounds out anyway fucking Matthew McConaughey movie he's a good

actor but but for the longest time he didn't she didn't let anybody know he's a good actor but I feel I haven't seen his range too much he just plays that like quiet slow-spoken guy in every film. Unless I'm missing that. He did a movie called Killer Joe where he's a hitman. He's really fucking scary in that. He did a movie called Mud where he's kind of an outlaw on the run, hiding on this island at a lake.

He's got this relationship with these two boys, not a creepy one. He's good. I know you didn't like True Detective, but I love that shit. They're going to do that like they do American Horror Story. Actually, not exactly. The next season will have a whole new cast, whereas American Horror Story

seems to keep the same cast for multiple seasons, but different plots. I'm interested to see the next season. Maybe it'll be better and you won't have to deal with those accents. I also just felt like they move kind of slow it's only 10 episodes i felt like it should have been an hour long oh god you had to weave the story and it was good it was a good story lots of nudity and violence yeah that normally does make a show for me but um is the new what was that the wire the wire did that remake come out yet

the wire okay are you familiar with the wire it was an hbo special i've oh yeah i've seen the wire i've seen all of it okay uh you maybe you don't know they're remaking it like they're remastering it and they're 16 by 9 in hd and yeah so they're gonna take that but they did you ever see the behind the scene stuff where they take the jaws footage and make it new again no i didn't okay so jaws is filmed on film not not digital and uh so with that they take the like all the originals the negatives put it back on like remit put it in digital color correct everything and you know like old film like every so often you get like a little scratch or a line on there that just blinks fix everything like they basically run photoshop on every single frame of an hour and a half long movie and fix it all.

And the audio, they went like bonkers and made the audio amazing and put it in surround sound. And now Jaws has the production quality of like a 2015 movie. That's like 15,000 frames or something. That's pretty cool. I didn't know that's how they did it. Yeah, they did it.

I'll have to show you the video after this, and I think you'll watch it and you'll get excited for Jaws again. Like, it's really cool. I'm sure I watched a remastered version last year. There was a few movies that I go back and watch, like, pretty regularly. What did I watch recently? The remastering process video is what I was going to show you. They spend 10 minutes showing you how they did it. Oh, you watch it and you'll be like oh wow you know they they

did an amazing job and they show like the old and the new side by side it's like right oh we watched uh we watched john with the other night what did you think john witt wick with uh keanu reeves oh yeah i liked it I liked it. I liked it. You know, if you were to boil it down to thumbs up or thumbs down, it would be up without a doubt. I watched it again. If I were to one to ten it, though, it wasn't like it crushed it. Like, I think I had seven or seven and a half that film.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. I think so, too. But it's one of those, you know, it's a Keanu Reeves action movie. Like, it could have been a three. Like, it easily could have been a three and you'd could have been a three, and you'd have been like, oh, yeah, Keanu made another bomb. You never know.

The guy can do anything. One to ten, that's his range. It's like my grades in high school. I got them all. I saw him talking about, he gave an interview after the success of John Wick, or maybe just prior to it, where he was talking about how they asked him, do you wish you got more of these roles, and they listed a few

like some of the Marvel movies and stuff like that, and he was like, yeah I tried out for all of that stuff and I didn't get it, other people get that stuff, and I don't get it and it hurts my feelings and I wish I could get that stuff but I'm just not getting it right now, so I just do

the best I can, I do these kind of movies, and I do those kind of movies and I like doing this, so that stuff. I'm just not getting it right now. I just do the best I can. I do these kind of movies and those kind of movies. I like doing this. That's what I'm going to keep doing. Then John Wick came out and it was a big success. He just came off of one of the biggest flops of all time. I don't even remember the name of it. It was that movie where it was set in feudal Japan or something. There was mysticism where he was wearing a kimono or something,

fighting a CGI dragon. I hate those films. It was going to be bad. It was called, I don't remember, 28 Warriors or some crazy bullshit, and it just had bombed and lost millions. But this John Wick movie did very well. Did you see IP Man? Yes, I've seen all three.

Is it good? If... See, I... It's not like I'm some illiterate that can't handle subtitles. But it also requires an attention span. If you're looking for... All right,... In something like Oldboy. In Oldboy

with the subtitles, despite the subtitles, I'm invested in the characters. I get the story. I like it. But with Ip Man, if I'm pronouncing it right... I don't know which one of us is right. I don't know if either of us are, honestly. I've seen all three. I'm not getting anything from the story

other than this is Ip Man. He's the greatest fighter of all time, and he's gonna teach, you know, teach karate and, or whatever his style is, and just beat up a lot of people, and he's gonna be really cool and chill about it the whole time.

And that's all he does. Like, he just beats people up. You know, he's a nice guy. He's like a teacher. He's always like the above violence kind of guy. But he'll totally just go crazy. Lots of street fights. Lots of good fight choreography. If you like the Bruce Lee style fight choreography

where it's not necessarily always... In John Wick, you were talking about, oh, this is a move that you would see like there was a lot of mma in there a lot of yeah and john wick i felt like was above average in terms of fight choreography and it still wasn't where i wanted it to be you didn't like that arm bar i was gonna call that he gave up an arm he the guy he had the guy totally locked in i was like oh that's cool next he's gonna break his arm no next he just sort of let go with both hands and let it happen and there were and then there was another time where he had full mount

and the choke he went for was that like the one you might use in like a sex rape fantasy type thing where he just choked him with two hands on his throat instead of like a you know i don't know a collar choke or something that would actually work i'm like that there isn't a choke in the world that's easier to break than the stupid like you know thing like that or hand squeezing yeah or even worse the one hand on your neck thing like like like someone couldn't just get that sideways you know there's a reason you never see anyone do those chokes in actual fights like you know mma they're totally legal they're just a horrible choice because they don't work because because you know you're not you know you don't have control of them

and the guy can just break you push your arm away yeah i i agree if so i don't know what to say about it man i know a lot of people love that shit but to me it's like it reminds me a lot of a bruce lee movie but not as cheesy with a better story better acting and stuff and really good fight choreography he's really good at what he does you know he's he's going through so many crazy moves and doing flips and he's really fast clearly and and and the guys he's fighting with are just as good it's fun to watch archer that was good the new archer i don't know if it's the new one the whole season that girl was on like addicted to cocaine that's our that's last season that's archer vice that's season four um season five just came out first episode did i think it was called season five

okay well then season six just came out oh okay i think that's the confusion i had because i think taylor called it but it was called season five so archer vice is that a different show um so what they did is you know they they're isis they're a uh a spy agency which is not um like uh allowed a government agency there's like a private spy agency they're totally illegal um and then at the end of the third season if i remember correctly um i don't remember exactly but they they come into like literally two metric tons of cocaine or something like that like a room full of cocaine and and so their next step is to sell this cocaine. And so they kind of become cocaine dealers. It's funny that you couldn't remember the weight because all year long, like, he's messing up metric and kilos.

Yeah. Yeah. And they keep losing large amounts of it. And Pam, like, whoever the blonde chick is, I think that's Cheryl. No, is it Cheryl or Pam? The blonde fat chick. Pam you're thinking of. I think it's the blonde chick is, I think that's Cheryl. No, is it Cheryl or Pam? The blonde fat chick. Pam you're thinking of. I think it's the blonde fat one.

Pam becomes super addicted to the Coke and loses a ton of weight. But now in the new season, she's gained all the weight back. Like they've rebuilt the offices. Oh, spoilers. Well, it's the new season. Those aren't that bad. They're back in business as a spy agency. All the cocaine's gone.

I think you mentioned it on PKA once that the fun thing about Archer is when a thing happens, that thing sticks, right? Like if you watch The Simpsons, there's a term for it. It's something continuity. Yeah, yeah, continuity. Well, not just continuity, though. Like there's some sort of term for continuity episode to episode. And anyway, like there have been stuff that happens in simpsons like i don't know homer's not her real dad and then by the end of the episode

they resolve it in such a way that you can almost play them in any order and it doesn't matter lisa's been a vegetarian since like 1994 though because paul mccartney uh uh made a deal with him that he'd come on the show if she would become one and always stay one really but yeah the pets die left and right although they do keep up with that by like making it snow just adding a number onto the snowball 37 or whatever um or sometimes they don't they just but they refer to them as snowball like things happen in the simpsons but then they undo them before the show's over. In Archer, a thing happens, and then that's just a thing that's forever.

I was having fun with him. He was shooting inside a car, and the guy's like, oh my God, oh my God. He's like, this sounds like popping bubble wrap to me. I know, it's hard. I can do this all day. He's always complaining about his tinnitus.

It's great. Dude, I like the storyline in Archer and all the characters and stuff, and it's funny, but what really sucks me into that show is the fact that Archer never gets excited or nervous about anything. The weapons are very well done, too. The weapons are perfect. They look exactly like they're supposed to look. They're actual weapons.

Like, they do a really good job at that. Yeah. And I imagine every time someone runs out of bullets, they fire the proper amount for that magazine, too. I've never looked into that, but they reload a lot. Like, that's a thing. Like, they're constantly running out of bullets, and Archer's always, you know, being like,

he shot seven times. That's a Makarov. He's out. You know's out you know he's getting yeah why isn't everyone else good at this yeah i really like archer i'm excited that there's another season in front of me to watch yeah it's uh it's the new episode was good it lived up to expectations it's always a fear uh that that you know the new season is going to start off on a slump and like oh that's the thing yeah but but it was very good although i'm having a hard time remembering exactly what went down i it would be spoilers anyway yeah i wouldn't want to hear it anyway so is that a wrap i think we went way long

this time yeah it's time for the french fry extravaganza oh send me pictures all right uh painkiller nearly episode 23 thanks everybody