Painkiller Already - PKN #242

Episode Date: April 19, 2019

It's PKN time baby!

painkiller already uh 242 before we start i have a quick thing to say not painkiller already painkiller nearly thank you for that uh honestly 243 out of 244 really good rate to not mix up the show's a day late and it's me this time but it was so thank you guys thank you guys for moving the show i wasn't going to, here's what happened. We did a special thing for Colin. It's his birthday two weeks from now. And we took him to a musical, Percy Jackson. Colin really likes Percy Jackson.

It's like a special thing to him. He's watched all the movies. He listens to the audio book while he mows, which is to say like again and again and again. And he's a big fan. Well, Percy Jackson, the musical was in like our Durham Center of Arts or whatever it's called so it was like it's like the good place where the good musicals are and uh his two parkour coaches

are also really into Percy Jackson they're like at the right age where it hit them like like maybe Harry Potter for the people just you know a few years older than them and uh Hope is really into it my wife is really into us we brought Hope and two sororities and we had this big party it was nice such a great, like Colin was so happy. The whole, like his whole little world was there, and it was the musical, and it was Percy Jackson, the lightning thief, and it was a really cool thing. And I was going to skip it so that I wouldn't ask to reschedule the show. And Jackie's like, just ask.

Just ask. They probably don't even care. And so I asked, and we moved it a day. Yeah, of course. That would have been so funny, just ask. Just ask. They probably don't even care. And so I asked. And we moved it a day. Yeah, of course. That would have been so funny, though, as a joke. And you're like, hey, I want to spend time with my son and have a really wholesome time with my family. And we're like, no.

I want to do it Tuesday because Wednesday. I also have nothing going on. Your message was so heartfelt, too. You were like, I mentioned to Colin that I couldn't make it to his special day. He was just so bummed out. I wanted to be like, tell Colin Taylor says have a lot of fun, man. Don't be down on it. I forgot what I even put in there.

I'm like, break it up. But yeah, I try not to move the shows. I try to hit it whenever I can. Even when I go to an SIV thing in California. I get there in time so that I can dial into the hotel and we do it on the regular time. But this was the one where it wouldn't be possible to like, it was so long.

We left at five and we finished at like 11 p.m. So I had to do a whole different night. Anyway, thanks everyone for working with me. It was a big deal. I'm glad he had fun. He's 15 now? Yes, but he'll be 16 this month. Oh, yeah.

In about two weeks-ish, he'll turn 16. Nice. I remember when he was just a little tiny. Remember when I just put him in mandals, which apparently is a form of child abuse? We tried to take out that damn tree. Well, the mandals weren't

child abuse, but the mantles and the axe 20 years ago was that now the tree thing oh god like the axe uh the foot oh so i know that he was 12 so it would have been roughly four ish god that seems like that's so long ago now it's weird maybe he was 13 but yeah it was a while ago god that was scary oh my gosh yeah and by the way he was not in mandals that was a joke everyone he was in um he was in like real work boots but they weren't steel-toed work boots which i now see as a mistake but he was in you know if you can just picture like that yellow leather work boot yeah the thing that you might want you don't have to worry about anymore woody got him a chainsaw yeah yes no yes. No more accidents. Yes, he won't be hitting his

axe with a foot. I'm sorry, his foot with an axe. Have you guys... I'm sorry, go ahead if you had more. Nah, I think I was just about to repeat myself. Carry on. I watched this thing on Netflix that I've always skipped over because it looked dumb called, I think, Dale

and Tucker vs. Evil. I've seen it. Tucker and Dale vs. Evil. I've seen it. Tucker and Dale vs. Evil or something. It's hilarious. It's a funny movie, dude. It's hilarious. I skipped over it a long time, too, because it's been on Netflix, I feel like.

If there was Iron Man streaks and sports, whoever stays on there the longest, I feel like Tucker and Dale vs. Evil is the current reigning Iron Man champion of Netflix because it's been on there for years. I skipped it because the name is so goddamn dumb. Eventually, I just put it on the background. Absolutely hilarious.

Woody, it's basically like, I don't know if you've ever seen or aware of the genre of movies like Wrong Turn where some well-to-do college kids take a wrong turn. They end up in the hillbillies. They're usually kind of scary-ish. Maybe into the wrong part of the city. The hills have eyes kind of thing. Yeah, it's like inbred hillbillies get them. But they're usually kind of scary-ish, right? And maybe into the wrong part of the city.

Yeah. Like the hills have eyes kind of thing. Yeah, it's like inbred hillbillies get them. That's the theme of these movies. It's like, don't go out into the woods of West Virginia because the folk there don't take kindly to you and they'll rape and murder you. Well, this is that flipped on its head.

So the college kids go out there and Tucker and Dale are the hillbillies, but they're just nice guys. They're real sweet fellas, but they look weird. And through like happenstance, they keep ending up in these weird scenarios where they look deranged to these college kids. And the college kids get into their head that these are those wrong turn, inbred, murderous hillbillies and they start trying to defend themselves. But every time they try to defend themselves, they accidentally

kill themselves. But nobody sees the accident happen. So like Tucker and Dale are like I don't know! That college kid just run and jumped head first in the wood chipper, Dale! They're just terrified. What kind of people are we dealing with out here

like it's they won't spoil much because like in the very beginning like when they first see the the college kids stop at a gas station yeah and like you see the two creepy looking bumpkin guys but then it goes over it kind of like look glancing their way at the girls and everything but then it goes to their conversation and the fat one's like tucker i just i'm terrified of women i don't know what i should do like i try to go up to him and talk sometimes and it just never works out and man i'm never gonna find someone is like the other bumpkins like that ain't true now what you're gonna do you're gonna stand up be confident and you're gonna walk right over there and introduce yourself to her you're gonna be charming and charming and friendly, and she'll enjoy it.

He's like, I'll do my best. So he goes over there. And just remember, smile and laugh. Yes. Smile and laugh. And he goes over there. He's so nervous. He's just this giant burly guy, just like a creepy-ass smile,

like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. What's your, ha, ha, ha, ha. They get back in the car horrified he's like now see you didn't do it well but the first step is is something do you feel better he's like you know what actually i do kind of feel a little better feel more confident he's like now you're one step away so it's like a wholesome thing for these bumpkins yeah and these kids are terrified of them the whole time that's fun it's it's it's actually pretty fucking good i watched it a couple hours ago and just genuinely thought it was hilarious it was really good yeah i watched uh i watched airplane again the old

nights ago the old movie how's it holding up oh hysterical like my girlfriend had never seen it and i've been showing her like comedy movies that i her comedy movies that I always get a kick out of, like Animal House, fucking Airplane. What was that? Old School with Will Ferrell. That was the last Will Ferrell. No, that's not fair. He's made a ton of hilarious movies.

But I think of all the Will Ferrell movies, I laughed the hardest at him in Old School. That's his best. That's his best ever. I did the same thing and watched that with someone who'd never seen it a few months ago, and they loved it. Yeah, Old School is amazing. Old School is really, really good. I have a soft spot. Is the whole movie called Elf?

Is that just the word? Elf? Yeah, that's a great movie. Elf is so good to me. And in particular, that snowball fight scene, sometimes I watch it just for inspiration. They're hunkered down behind the rocks. The kid's scared to death. He doesn't even want to fight.

And the guy, Elf, I think I can take him. Turns out snowball fighting is a superpower of his. It's like paintballs, like ropes. It's amazing. It's been his only activity

his whole life. He just goes out there and it's just frozen rope. Yeah. I like Elf. That's my thing. Yeah, Elf was a good one too. I was going to say I heard that Sherlock Holmes movie that he and John C. Reilly made was a

real stinker. It did look like a bit of a stinker. Yeah, it's a shame. I know you don't watch trailers though. Something about comedians. There aren't many that stay peak funny for very long that peak of theirs is not a bell curve it's an angle it's it's about writing too they got to pick the right project like like like dicaprio we always talk about it's like it seems like every time he picks one to do it's it's either does he make it amazing, or does he just pick the really amazing ones?

How many has he thrown away that were still great, but he was just like, eh, I was a little iffy on that one. I usually single out. Might not have been great. I think you're right. I single out Tom Hanks for the same thing. I feel like he doesn't take a project unless it's really good. Yeah. You know who will take any project?

Oh, the motherfucker guy yeah if i was if i had my fucking cousin little cousin's birthday party at my house i could hire him to he would show up like he and i like that about him he has no qualms with being in terrible movies do you think that he thought snakes on a plane was going to be good no he's sammy j he's like that's another four million dollars in my bank account hell yeah no qualms with being in terrible movies. Do you think that he thought Snakes on a Plane was going to be good? No! He's Sammy J. He's like, that's another $4 million in my bank account. Hell yeah. Different people are wired different ways. If I had Samuel L. Jackson money, which I assume is quite high, I mean, the Avengers

are big hits. I don't know that I just work as hard as he does. I bet he does these roles without working that hard. Have you guys ever memorized lines? Even a couple? Like a paragraph or two? Yeah.

I find it difficult. School plays. Oh, you might be more experienced than me if you were in a play. But I've had situations. Kitty gave me one where I think it was like promoting a charity or something. And I had to get like two paragraphs of lines right. It was very difficult for me so what actors do is just complete magic but i bet samuel jackson somehow it's not that hard for him he can

like show up unprepared and hit a home run somehow god was it that marlon brando victims go ahead was it that thing, Hurricane Victims? Hurricane Victims? Yeah, the charity. Oh, I think it was, actually. Yeah. Oh, I felt like I was given more lines than anybody. I hated that. I just remember me and X-Jaws. Were the lines different?

Yeah, we all had different things. Like, I remember me and X-Jaws filming each other in my yard. He was staying with me at the time. And just being, I filmed his real quick.. He was staying with me at the time. And just being... I filmed his real quick and I was like, you had a sentence. All you had was a sentence. You're like, Hurricanes are bad!

Fuck them! And then it's my turn and I'm just like, in the beginning of time. Mine was long by my standards. and then white boys so here's it so to set the table a little bit i don't remember what i'm not i'm not i've been digged i guess i'm um i'm envy but not in like a super negative way but i'm envious of all the success white boys having right the guy makes a vlog like videotaping his like as he walks to Target. And it's a big hit.

Everyone loves it. And she gave us all this task to do. And I did take after take after take until I really felt like I had professionally executed my lines. It sounds like Kyle did too. And then White Boy was drunk. Super drunk. He was fucked up. White Boy was...

Well, look, I could be wrong. I thought he was drunk. And I remember him even spitting, which I think is a drinking thing but i'm not positive um so white boy was on something and he did what a hollywood person might think is a really bad job but it was magic in its own way it was hilarious and it couldn't be used no it was used she like she took the rest of us like wrapped it all together into like a decent video white boy got a solo upload like like but it was jame hip i i remember it being magic but a different kind of magic. And I'm like, this guy put in no effort. It was like first take, don't know my lines,

things. I, and I, I don't, he gave up halfway through. He's, he's standing in front of the camera. First of all,

he's holding a laptop, reading his lines, right? We all memorized our lines. He, and he's like, and he'll look at it and then he'll deliver it with vigor. He'd be like,

hurricane, blah, blah, blah blah has hurt a lot of people. And that is bad. And he gets halfway through it in his pajamas or whatever. And he's just like, I don't know. I don't know. I hope that's good enough. There you go. That's it.

It was ridiculous. I couldn't believe he did that it was it was ridiculous it couldn't be used i mean she uploaded it but again it was an upload to like mock him for for doing such a bad job speaking of like uh actors who don't memorize lines did you ever hear the thing about i think it was the godfather when marlon brando was all made up he was such a big star that he was just like no i'm not gonna memorize my lines so whoever i'm talking to is gonna wear a placard with my lines on them and so if you re-watch the godfather you'll see him like you come to me on the day of my daughter's wedding like looking up and down at lines

throughout it and he was such a big pull that they're like Well, he says he's not gonna do any memorizing and he's the biggest star on earth So we're gonna have to bend over and let him do it. Yeah, that wasn't just the godfather either He that was his thing really I thought it was a one-off once he got big that he did that no no no it hurt and what is it a Train car and called or whatever it is. Yeah, like that man never memorized his lines. He's always reading them off a fucking card or something.

And somehow he delivers them well. You know, he's an amazing actor. In The Island of Dr. Moreau, same thing. Like you can see him kind of looking over there at the lines. And in Apocalypse apocalypse now he's supposed to be a marine colonel who's gone rogue and gone into laos to run a campaign of terror against the enemy right a badass special forces type commando motherfucker he comes to theute 350 pounds and they're just like the fuck the fuck marlon you promised you'd come in here fit i'll fit so they dress him in all black with a black hat and they film him in shadows

literally dark of night with a with a flame burning next to him. And he delivers his line in the night. And that's it. What a badass. That's cool. It's cool. It's badass. It's amazing. It's unfair though. It's definitely also unfair. How like some people work so hard and just put all their effort

into it. And then there's Marlon Brando who waddles up into the darkness and reads a placard off his co-host chest and they're like i'm probably reading glow in the like like 50 years from now people will be raving about my skill when all i'm doing is jutting out my lower jaw anyone can do this impression i probably can't dude. 20 minutes and you'll get it down. Taylor talked about how he does impression practice in his car, right? And there are times when I have something I want to say in an impression. Like, I think I have gold, but my impressions suck.

So I started working on my impressions in my alone time, right? I'll be like in the bathroom. It's fun, right? It's funny. It's funny because I haven't improved at all i am still out there like this is my irish accent fuck it's exactly what it's like i don't know if i'll ever improve at this but i have been working at it off camera there are uh there are you i've been working on uh uh my matthew mconaughey Or no my Owen Wilson wow

Recently Wow That's pretty good Did you know that these Lincolns drove so well Wow Taylor does an African accent Oh fuck wow The ones that come up most

Like Owen Wilson wow That's not going to be a tentpole impression. So Woody, you work on the extras later. Let's get Muganda, Conor McGregor. Hit the big ones first. Don't do the offshoots. I want to get all the Simpsons characters, but I stopped watching the Simpsons for a couple weeks, so I've got to start watching again. So far I have none.

They're hard. but I stopped watching The Simpsons for a couple weeks, so I got to start watching again. So far, I have none. They're hard. Yeah, you should. I was in the shower this weekend talking about toilet paper in my Indian accent. Not good.

Not good at all. It was bad. Maybe in time. I don't know. This is even worse than my hand. Taylor, you said you had a topic up my alley, but people don't know sometimes we have a topic but we don't want to like ruin the magic of it so I have no idea what this is yeah so uh

I was tweeting the other day asking for yard and lawn care advice because the person who had my house before me did not give a fuck and didn't care about the lawn and let it go to to shit where there's just like big areas where it's just dirt and just shitty looking and then a bunch of uneven stuff the amount of moles and foals or whatever the hell that i have is ridiculous so i've been you know taking care of that uh but i need to to start remedying it and i want to like flatten my yard get it nice and good and the number one response to the tweet other than one one guy, one champion, being like, actually, I'm studying landscaping and herbitology or something like that.

And I was like, that's dope. I'm going to DM you. That's the Harry Potter thing. Okay. Well, then grassology, whatever the one is. That's what it is. Turfology. I don't know.

And I was like, I'm favoriting that. That guy is going to be useful if I need any help. But the number one response was, dude, you do a podcast with Woody, bro. Just ask him. And so I wanted to know any little tips or tricks you have for it. That is so overvaluing, my actual input. What I do well is mow a giant field. It is not a golf course.

It's not as level as I'd like it to be. I de-thatch it it every year and it comes up kind of green um if i didn't mow it i think that it would be all different heights you know i'm sorry that i can't help you i don't even think i have what people would consider grass it's like one of those other short green plants all over the yard uh you know yeah so it's a field it's a pasture that i mow kind of yeah i'm sorry i'm not more help oh it's okay i just got off uh off amazon one of those aerators like the manual ones that you push and it kind of like plugs that makes the plugs and stuff yeah it makes all those so i'll probably after this well after this i'm watching the playoff game but this weekend

i'm going to go through and do that and i i want to just get it done quickly and i thought oh you just put seed down on the ground and then grass grows how fucking hard can this be so i went and wasted like 30 at home depot and just spread a bunch of seed around and then i googled and it was like well actually you're not gonna want to do that it's not gonna do anything certainly not in the spring yeah no certainly not there's like a few tufts that have worked but that's it and so i'm i'm planning on getting peat or whatever the fuck the the fertilizer thing is and you like dump out little bits of that and spread it around even it on that area after you've tilled it and then you throw the grass seed around and so hopefully i won't have a totally shit lawn. It's really my backyard that they fucking ruined. Like my front yard.

Are there trees back there? Yeah. Yeah. I back up to a decent wooded area. So there's quite a few trees. You might be playing on veteran mode. If that thing is, you know,

if there's trees and roots in the area that they could be sucking up, it could be hard to grow good grass there. Okay. That might consider mulching a spot. Maybe I'll just pave it all over. That trees wouldn't love that. That's what I did. Okay, that makes sense. You might consider mulching a spot. Maybe I'll just pave it all over. That trees wouldn't love that. That's what I did. Well,

the HOA hated it, but I cut down all the trees and I paved my backyard into a street hockey rink. If the grass can't... I don't see it, but if the grass is not growing because the trees are in that area and everything, you might want to mulch it and just go with that instead of grass that you'd struggle to grow. That might be might be it yeah i didn't even think about that i remember uh

when i lived in apex i tried we had an area it was kind of on an incline so it was hard to keep watered effectively and i was like i am gonna finally tackle this thing so i go out there with hand tools you know the rake with the hard edges and i effectively till it with a rake and i'm busting my ass and and then after i do that i like i got directions i forget what they were now but it was like you lay the grass you lay the lime you lay the this you lay the fertilizer you put the the hay on it you know so it's all there then you water it and you water it and i did what i thought everything right you know what grew hay i grew hay on that fucking thing. I was like, the fuck?

It's like 18 inches tall. Yeah, you grew fescue. Or ryegrass or something like that. Yeah, I think the hay had seeds in it or something. Yeah, it is. And it's grass. It's not what I was going for. It is grass.

Well, I've been looking into a Kentucky bluegrass. Hank did that one time. He did his whole lawn in Kentucky bluegrass. I think then he got the fire ants, and they ruined it. I got a bit of a topic or a story. I was at, where is it, maybe Kroger. And we've got a huge Kroger here grocery store. And they have really great food Kroger here grocery store. And they have really

great food selection. I love this store. And I was stocking up on some great stuff, getting some lamb and get some steaks and some crab legs and just filling the refrigerator up for this week. And I see I'm in an aisle trying to get some wax paper or something for my sliders. And this black gentleman is wheeling toward me in his electric wheelchair and so i get my completely out of his way i sort of slide it all the way is he old no i would say he's maybe seven years older than me so i would say no then he's got like a handicap or something really yeah and uh and he wheels up and he goes how tall are you i don't know probably

six one of these shoes man maybe maybe six two on a good day uh he's like no i you look tall you gotta be at least six four and i was like no nowhere near that no not at all but but but thank you though i i guess i appreciate i wanted to be like, well, from down there, I suppose appearances can be deceiving. I suppose we all look like we're towering over you when you're wheeling around that That's a good bit. A handicapped black guy who thinks everyone's 6'4". Man, how tall are you? I'm 5'4".

Nah! You got a whole head taller than me. That's 6'4". And that gentleman over there, head taller than you? He must be eight feet tall. Goliath looking motherfucker. That Robert Wadlow kid. I was just like, nah, nah.

He's like, you look familiar. I know you. How do I know you? I was like, I don't know. I've made some YouTube videos. You know, a little bit of that. What kind? And I'm just like,

I really just want to get this wax paper, man. You know, a little bit of everything, you know, some gun stuff. What's it called? We're having this long conversation and I,

and I'm, I'm being polite and everything. And, and, and, and someone else is kind of coming through. So I have to move together the way. So I'm just like,

well, I'll, I'll see you around, man. Nice speaking to you, and so I walk one way, and he wheels the other, but he catches me again in the meat aisle, and he's just like, where are you from? And I was just like, I told him, I was like, Franklin County. He's like, Livonia? And I was like, yeah, yeah, that's how I know you. Look at this. And he shows me his arm and he's got some tattoos. But tattoos don't really work well on black people.

So I'm just like, I can't tell. What is that? He goes, the hair on my arm just stood up when you said that. And I was like, oh, OK. All right. I'm from Livonia, too. That's how I know you. And he tells me where he worked and what he did and some of the people that we know in common and everything. And

he was like, I was in the Marine Corps. He was like, that's how I got in this damn chair. Got blown up. I was like, shit, that's fucked, man. I was like, where? Iraq, Afghanistan? He's like, Iraq. I was like, we should have been over there anyway those damn politicians he's like that's right but when they take go you go i was like yeah that's fucked man i was like what happened he's like lost both knees they had to be replaced both hips had to be replaced and you see this right here and he had a scar on his nose and it wasn't a disfigured scar and i'm of the opinion that black people scar better than white people i feel like light gray on brown is as bad as like the red on pink that we get and if i see a bad scar on a forearm i think it looks

bad if i like some facial scars though look badass it wasn't very bad facial scar especially you're doing a diagonal was a little bit of his eyebrow chopped in half because that would have been cool as fuck it was like right on the bridge of his nose, he had this scar. And he's like, do you see this? You see this? And I'm like, yeah. He says, that's where it went in. And he takes his hat off. And he leans his head down.

There's a hole in the back of his skull about the size of a nickel. And I'm like, how did you survive that? He's like, I don't know. They said it rode along my skull and missed most of the brain and came out back there and i was like fuck well thank you for your service now i can't walk away is there something i can grab for you yeah now that's coming now now not only are we like hometown buddies like like and he wasn't making it up because he knew Livonia. Nobody else knows Livonia, that tiny little fucking town that I'm from. And he's got the hole in his head

and everything, and he's just fucking telling me the Marine Corps motto and all the nonsense. I was like, well, thank you for your service. He's like, listen. And look, you can say no. I'll give you my Marine Corps, my military ID, and you can hang out to a collater or whatever.

He's like, I got a friend coming be here in half an hour and I don't think I've mentioned this yet but he smelled like death he smelled real bad he had a stink on him no or like filth kind of thing filth

he said I was wondering if you could help me buy some Depends poor dude and I was wondering if you could help me buy some Depends. Oh, poor dude. And I was like, hell yeah. I can absolutely buy you some Depends. You grab them and throw them in the cart, man,

and I'm going to be, you know, I got to grab some buttermilk and some bacon, and I'm getting out of here, and I'll take care of that. He's like, yeah, and I can also use a little money to go wash these clothes. I another change of clothes here and my friend's gonna pick me up in a couple hours i'd like to be clean when he gets here he's like i got a catheter i gotta shove it up he's like i got no control over when i go to the bathroom oh he's like are you cool with and before this he'd been like are you before before he asked me any of this he was like like, so you cool with black people? And I was like, yeah, yeah, I'm cool with black people. Of course, I've been having this 10 minute conversation with you and I haven't rebuffed you and ran away to get my buttermilk. So I guess I'm pretty fucking cool with black people because I'm still here.

And and he's all right. All right. So we're wheeling along and he he's telling me about this catheter, and I'm just wanting to get to the ATM. And he's like, what was that? What was in videos you did again? I'm going to punch it in here. And I'm like, I told him, and he's like punching it in. And I'm like, I'm going to go get you some cash. And you just wait right here, and I'm going to go get the money. It was more worthwhile for you to go get money for him

than stand there while your videos are playing. Dude, I was gone. I was gone before he knew what happened. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Get your own Depends, dickhead. I went immediately to security and I said,

there's a homeless man who shat himself back there and he is getting in the way. He's accosted me. He has accosted me. He is accosted me. And I am here to buy some very expensive groceries. Two, maybe three hundred. Oh, you just rose for me.

Yeah, I hope not. Oh, you're back. Yeah, so I went and got him fucking $20 and gave him the fucking money. And then we pointed ways. I was so afraid that he wanted to ride somewhere because I was going to have to say no. I could not let that man... I had stuff to do.

I also don't know how you get an electric wheelchair in a Camaro. I don't either. You drag it behind. I've got the door open and I'm just like... And you leave him in it and so you don't stink your car up. She's just like...

Brilliant. Slow down! You're a fly. Man, that's really uncomfortable. But also, did you feel a little good about yourself given the homeless poop-covered man? I assume homeless. Maybe that's wrong.

It was hard to tell. It's a possibility. It's a possibility. He looked fairly okay. Yeah, he could have been homeless. Maybe that's wrong. It was hard to tell. It's a possibility. He looked fairly okay. Yeah, he could have been homeless. I suppose that's possible. Dude, if you get crippled, both your knees gone, both your hips gone, both your ankles gone, and there's a bullet right in your skull

that goes out the back of your head, the government should have to just put you up for the rest of your life at one of the resorts at Epcot. He was like, you know they still fucking with me about my disability? If you miss one of their scheduled appointments, they cut you off. They assume you're no longer after it. But I make all my appointments.

It's been five years now. It's been five years. I'm trying to get my money. I was like, fuck. Well, let's get you some diapers and let's get me the fuck out of here because you are really a downer my friend that's fucking sad and that's so true like those guys go through hell to get anything like the a buddy of mine who has to work with the VA all the time for his health stuff always is like oh yeah I got to go in for this and I'm like oh are you gonna

probably get it and he's like no no they probably won't give it to me they'll probably say that I don't actually warrant it or that my PTSD isn't that bad. Or, oh, you're not trying hard enough to sleep. Drink some chamomile or that kind of shit. They really run veterans through the ringer. I don't know what it is about me that attracts homeless. This is not my only homeless story today. I mentioned the gas station homeless that did not thank me a while back.

Yes. I stopped at the exact same gas station. I was once again going to pick some friends up. Once again, it's midnight and I'm in my car. I stop and I'm getting my gas. I have the gasoline. I'm leaving. I've made it. I saw him looking at me. He's flagging me down. No. Whole new guy. This is a whole new homeless black man.

And he's waving at me with both arms, smiling. And I'm just like, okay. I stop. I roll the window down. We're in the parking lot of the gas station. He's like, first of all, that's a nice color you picked second of all the air and your ties is a little low you're gonna get that checked and third of all i ain't no beggar but i could use whatever you can give i just got out the pen i've been in since 96. jesus christ and i'm doing some quick math in my head and i'm just like Jesus Christ.

And I'm doing some quick math in my head and I'm just like, fuck! All right? You killed someone. Dude. Yeah, there's barely internet in 96. Yeah. Yeah.

How many rapes were there, Dante? Like, God damn. You did, it's like 15 or, I don't even know. It's a long fucking time. Can you calculate that? 23 years or something. Calculate. You can't even figure that out. It's a long fucking time. You can't calculate that. 23 years or something. Calculate. You can't even figure that out. Yeah, there's no way.

There's no math for that. It's calculable. It sounds dumb when you say it. That sucks. It could probably kill somebody. And I was just like, that's rough, man. God damn. He's like, can you spare something?

And I'm like, look, I got somewhere to be. And I mean, like, I really didn't have time to stop for this gasoline. I'm in a hurry. I don't have any cash. He's like, change will do. And so I start picking through my, I never use my change. So I've got a bucket full of quarters in my console and I'm just getting them out. I give them like a fist full of quarters and, and, and then, and I'm like, Hey man, it's tough, rough all over. I tell him about my legal troubles. He, and he starts giving me like legal advice. He's like, you know, if they mess up this or that, you're good. And if this and that happened, you're good. And Hey, about them sentences, you know, first six months don't even count. That's a halfway house types in there. And I'm just like, dude, if you were the person to ask with this sort of thing, I don't think you'd have done 23 years.

Although maybe he did 23 years on a quadruple murder. Right? He's like, trust me. Trust me. I killed them all. And if they can't even find the bitch's head, they can't kill her. If she can't spit, they must have quit. If there is no head, rest in bed.

So that's three homeless African-American men in the last month, I would say, who have singled me out and come for me. I don't know. You have a kind face. He has a little bit of homeless nip in his pocket like cat yeah something like that like i don't know if like like my car is nicely washed and i'm and i'm and i'm wearing a i wear i'm wearing a button down and a nice jacket and and

like dress pants and nice shoes like i don't know if that's what's maybe i should dress more raggedy when i go out like like like just wear like a t-shirt or something and some sneakers. I don't know what's going on. Works for me. Raggedy as fuck. Homeless people, they hand me money. Like, you look down. What are you sitting there having a cup of coffee and they're like,

God bless, big man. It's like in Half Baked Where Dave Chappelle's taking that woman on a date When he's got $8 And he's got 16 cents going to the ice cream place And the veteran's like Change for a meal And Chappelle's like don't mind if I do

Takes like $4 out And he finishes the date That movie's so good We went to the musical last night And it was trying to pay for parking. So I wanted to hit the ATM machine. It was literally broken and I find myself with no cash.

So I go and I get two 50s from the stash and when we go to pay for parking the person is like, I was like, I'm sorry to do this to you. All I have is a 50. And my wife is checking. She doesn't have anything. She goes, oh, you only have 50s?

Well, then you park for free. I'm like, what? How can that be? She says, yeah, they don't let us carry 50s or 100s. I could break it, but I'm not allowed. So park for free. It's like, what kind of system is this? The rich get richer.

It's the Reagan system of parking. And yeah, I thought there'd be a catch. I don't know why. I go in the parking deck, up the set. I'm convinced there's going to be someone around the first turn. Like, aha, no, we can break it up here. But no, yeah, I park for free, lift, everything. That's how it works. I've never heard of that before.

Me neither. I would think they'd just send you away. That's not what they did. Dairy Queen is two miles away. Have yourself a cone and come back and pay for your parking. Right, but no, I parked for free. Yeah, that worked out. Well well hockey playoffs are here i'm i'm just raring to talk about that i it's it's all it's been all it's been on my mind it's all

been thinking about i mean you've got your your hawks jersey on right now repping you know they're not in the playoffs but next year man taylor i got my golden knights gear in the other room i'll strap it on you know i'm ready to to go. I'm prepared in these circumstances. Who are you pulling for? Golden Knights, I guess. I've got a friend who's a Golden Knights fan. I guess I should pull for the Blues, though, right? They're kind of the come-from-behind team, it would seem.

They are. You didn't think they would make the playoffs, and if they did, it was going to be a big mistake for them, too, because of the draft picks and everything. So I guess they're the ones that I would hope would go far or maybe even get in there. You hate the Winnipeg Jets who were playing because the Winnipeg Jets are just the team that Atlanta became

when they finally left. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. The Canes, the Hurricanes who I root for, and the Blues are both similar in that at the all-star break, halfway-ish point, they both look like loser teams that weren't going anywhere, that had serious flaws. No doubt. And somehow, in the second half of the season, they looked great. If the season were only second half long, I don't know that the Blues and the Canes would be such dark horses. You know, they'd have a pretty strong

second half season. So I like to think that's the only relevant way to measure a team. I'm doing this selectively and saying the second half is really the way you measure a team and the Canes are darn good. Look out Capitals, so we'll see. How many games is it? 82.

That's less than I thought it was. Basketball and hockey have the same amount. Both 82, I believe. Baseball has 300 and football has 60. 300, you say? I don't know. Baseball has so many. I think it might be 600. In my head, it's like

162 or something. That sounds right. 162 or something like that. It's a lot, though. It's a fucking lot. Base baseball is not as strenuous in many many ways you know basketball they're up and down that court hockey they're up and down the ice half the players in baseball never even jog in a game right visibly overweight sometimes all right all right some of them are. First baseman. Bartolo Colon. That guy looks like he should be taking your change

at a toll booth. I like that about baseball players. It's like, it doesn't matter if, especially like, I remember Roger Clemens, he was getting a little hefty there at the end, you know? But it didn't matter. It didn't matter. He could still throw the ball fucking 95 miles

an hour or whatever. It didn't matter that he was maybe 30, 40 pounds overweight and that uniform was looking a little silly. I'm pulling for obviously the Blues number one. Number two, I think Tampa. Oh, you can't give me two. Carry on. And Carolina would be number three for my top three hope they win picks. Carolina would be good because it would be a really my Carolina gets no attention ever. And so like, even here went on the incredible tear and everybody's like,

wow, there's a team in, in Carolina. They're in Raleigh. They're literally, and they're good. They're really solid. Now,

I think if you do what you said, Woody, and you start in like early January and you look at the records of teams, which that's not just your bias. Most analysts will look at the second half of the season or the last third to see how they're going into the playoffs. I think the Blues and the Hurricanes and Tampa are the three best teams. I know the number one team since January 3rd has been St. Louis.

Number two has been Tampa. And it would not surprise me if Carolina was neck and neck with them because they turned it around in a big way. Yeah, I'm very excited. And the Flyers, oh wait, the draft picks happened. How did the Flyers do? Do you know? I don't know.

I know number one is New Jersey. Number two is fucking Chicago. Or no, number two, number one's New Jersey. Number two is New York Rangers. Number three is Chicago. Number four is Buffalo or some shit. I don't know. But I don't really follow the draft very closely.

I don't care until they're in the league. But here, like... Philadelphia is 11, so maybe we'll get someone. Is hockey one of those things where the draft picks are real iffy? For example, like in baseball, you never know what you're getting. A lot of times in baseball, they've got to stay down in the minors for not one year, but maybe two or three

or four years. They get really seasoned. They might come up to the majors for a month and they'll be like, you're batting 195, buddy. Let's send you back down to the mud cats or whatever their farm team is but in football it almost seems like if you get like the heisman trophy running back or you you

get like that alabama like like uh fullback or whatever it's like oh shit next year this guy's gonna be making plays and doing stuff basketball can be like be like that too. They're just good at figuring out who will be good. Hockey isn't like that. If you're picking a goalie, it can be totally up in the air because goalies are the effiest position. They just don't pan out that often so you don't get picked that high. Every once in a while, you get a blue chip prospect

like Austin Matthews or Connor McDavid. With Connor McDavid, it was a foregone conclusion where it's like, he's going to be the next sydney crosby the next generational talent like so they knew that but then there's also guys like uh the guy that i made fun of for not knowing english well enough to even talk to a reporter after the canada russia juniors game neil yakupov uh and he nail yak n-a-i-l like what you hammer into a board nail yakupov he was picked first overall by the oilers in like 2012 and now he's playing in russia because he was so bad he never panned out teams kept giving him chances and he just sucked a dick and so there's always a risk

there like it's not known in the same way yeah it's interesting how that works i i like this i'm always interested in professional athletes and anybody who's like an outlier in their field of, of athletic performance, you know, whatever that may be. And, and like,

I, I think the off field or off, whatever you, that whatever thing they compete in, the off field antics and stuff that really fuck a lot of people. Like they get that half million dollar paid payday or whatever they start at in baseball. We said it was a half million. They're just like, thanks for life.

Now I need a $250,000 car. Wait, wait, wait. Wait. After taxes, I'm pretty sure you're broke now. Don't do it. Don't do it, Javi. 30 for 30 broke is amazing. You guys have probably seen that, but I'm sure some of the listeners haven't do it hobby 30 30 broke is amazing if you guys had you guys have probably

seen that but i'm sure some of the listeners haven't seen 30 for 30 broke oh my gosh and the way they outline where all the money goes they're like you get a 70 million dollar contract suddenly you think you have 70 million first of all you don't they don't actually pay you that that's like what it could be if you break every record and get every accolade and win the, I don't know, Heisman, which is not a thing in pro sports. But anyway, so take that 70, you actually get 45. And then half that goes to taxes.

And then, you know, consider that like, whatever, you're supposed to pay all your linemen for stuff. You're supposed, $12,000 at restaurants to pay for team meals and this and that. Before long, you can piss it all away. Your agent takes a big piece. One guy got divorced. Divorce is very expensive. You can see what an unspendable amount of money, like $40 million, can be spent yeah absolutely i um

i feel if we're gonna do a little bit of sports talk i saw tj dillashaw two-year suspension tested positive for epa epo which is blood doping it's the lance armstrong uh thing there's no possible one of the things, Taylor, that mixed martial arts fighters will use as a defense is the tainted supplement defense. I ate kangaroo meat. It had testosterone in it. That made me test positive. That one

I think is probably true. I use this GNC supplement. Their creatine is contaminated with tarenobol. I'm tested positive. And it works sometimes. It'll certainly work to the extent that there may be a reduced sentence. We won't hit you as hard.

We'll give you a bit of benefit of the doubt. TJ Dillashaw popped for EPO. The only way you get it is by injecting it. It is not cheap. It is not something amateurs do. It is professional cheating at high-end sports. It basically gives you more red blood cells. It gives you more oxygen, much more endurance, much more abilities that go, go, go.

And you can definitely see where that would come in handy in fighting, where you see a lot of guys gas out in the later rounds and defense is better your offense is better your decision making is better you're clear-hearted because it joe lozon used to say that you're like think of street fighter right where you've got that health meter and it goes down and down and down but in street fighter mortal kombat or whatever even when you're just a little sliver left of health your character is still as good as he was at full health but in real life when you're just a little sliver left of health, your character is still as good as he was at full health. But in real life, when you fall behind on the health meter, because you took a couple hits, you also fall behind on like the speed and the talent and the power meter too.

Everything gets wiped out. So once you're behind, you're stuck. If you have that kind of cardio, you know, you can be a monster all the way through. It makes a huge difference. Yeah. And you can go harder. all the way through. It makes a huge difference. Yeah, and you can go harder. You can go harder. And in training. Yeah, you can go a lot harder in the first. Oftentimes you see guys almost take the first round off and measure their opponent, which is a dual purpose thing. You're measuring your opponent.

You're figuring out the reach of yourself and him. But also I'm sure it's because it's like, I got to go five rounds here potentially so kyle's frozen but and you don't you don't want to blow it in the first round yeah so yeah big big deal and like i said it's not a fluke you don't get apo through gas station dick pills like john jones gets whatever no no there's no offense to this. And he's a champion for Taylor's benefit. He was the champs. And he just had a fight where he went down in weight to try to become a double champ,

which he lost. And now you've got a guy like Cody Garbrandt, who I'm a big fan of, who's just like, dude, this guy beat my ass twice. He's fucking cheating. And not just cheating a little. I think, I'm pretty sure I'm right on this. Kyle, back me up if you know it too. He busted for EPO in his current thing.

And then they went back and tested another one of his tests against Cody Garbrandt. And they found EPO in that too. Fuck, I didn't know that. Yes, I know for sure they found EP epo in his blood test against cody i just don't know if if the current one is also true so cody garbrand is like that like what the heck dude like this guy was on performance enhancing drugs when he took my title or i didn't get the title i guess it was the second one took it okay yes so anyway um i think it's the second one though where he tried to get it back and he didn't he failed to get it back, partly because TJ was on EPO.

And it was like a widely known thing. TJ accused him of, I'm sorry, Cody accused him of being on performance enhancing drugs all the time in their pre-fight lead up. He taught our whole gym how to use drugs. He specifically said EPO in a tweet. Cody was like, don't let all that EPO go to your head or something like that. And sure enough, here he is. Years ago he said that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like a while ago. And to me, that's proof enough for me that it's been EPO for eight years or something with this guy, easy. For me, it's proof that it's been at least EPO all this time. There are a lot of drugs that get out of your system in a hurry. And he might be on a cocktail and just got busted for one. It certainly looks like he's on more than EPO because he has an incredible physique. The kind that you see actors

will occasionally get in for two weeks so they can film something and then they go back to being a normal human being. He has a Bruce Lee like muscle definition. It's ridiculous. So it's also, so two year suspension, take that, burn it in. He's 33. So one might call this the end of his career.

Is he going to come back after a two year layoff and be champ again? How old is he going to be to give this guy even a championship shot i guess they did it for john jones but in my head they might say dude work your way up like we don't want our champion to be coming off a drug suspension that that's not who we choose to be champ so you need to earn your way woodley's another dude woodley i heard brendan schwab talking about woodley and if people don't know tyrone woodley fights at 170 very good fighter kind of a bunch of boring fights that make dana white mad and also very selective about who he fights and that makes dana white mad then he finally lost

to uh oosman yep and uh now they're talking about what they're going to do to make him go back, and it's interesting to me because I follow not just the fights but the whole scene and the drama and the contracts. He's fighting Robbie Lawler, who he already beat but is very tough, and if he beats him again, eh, it doesn't really boost him up or anything. He's already kind of higher than him. They're going to give him the hardest road back ever if they ever give him a road back, and he's already kind of higher than him they're they're gonna give him the hardest road back ever if they ever like give him a road back and he's 37 37 i did not know that he looks so

much younger his physique is incredible yeah but um i'm like he's gonna have to fight for two years to get a title shot and then it'll be 39 at 170 they just cooked him dude he's he's i don't got you know i i i remember maybe like two months ago we took with this came up and i was like i we talked about how much i hate him and how i wanted all these bad things to happen to him and my dreams came true my dreams came true you know you need to use that you need to wield that power more responsibly oh i this this use it for those homeless guys oh man he's i'm so happy that he's down and out i i found him to be so arrogant and such a piece of shit and and and just so full of himself and uh and such a race card playing bigot i i i just there's nothing about him that i found to be redeemable. He's not an evil guy. I don't get

that from him. It's just that he is not likable in the slightest. There's not a likable trait about him. I mean, he looks incredible. I find him to be one of the most hard-working guys in the game, but that's not enough for me personally. you got to have a decent personality like like i it's not like we say this all the time is it i'm not just rooting for the broncos i'm rooting for you in particular as a man or as a woman and if i don't like you as a person then all the other stuff doesn't matter to me as much like like like i like uh rose nama unis because i think she's a cool chick i think i like her style i like her personality. I really do like it. Did you happen to see her win before she was in the UFC?

Like Pat Barry's crying and they film it to her. There's a vlog. It seems like you might not have seen it. It is so heartwarming. I think she hit the flying armbar early in the fight. Dude, Rose Namahunas is easy to connect with. And she is very emotional, high and low. And she shares it with you.

And I love that. I agree with everything Kyle said about Woodley, except for me personally, sometimes he pays it back. Like I think I saw him on the Joe Rogan podcast and he seemed pretty insightful and I liked it. But by and large, I'm like three and a half or four out of 10 on that guy because it was more subtractions than additions.

Yeah, good riddance. Good riddance as far far as i'm because i don't want to see him fight that's the other thing like not only is is it all the other stuff they don't like about him i don't enjoy watching him compete i find his fights to be actually boring he's i didn't even enjoy watching him lose he managed to make that not fun somehow he just stood there and took body shots for five rounds very durable very impressive chances took no chances like like he could have exploded in the fourth when he knew he was down like three rounds to none or at least down two two to one and he certainly could have exploded in the fifth round and started going fighting i know what robbie lawler would have

done he'd have fucking came to clean somebody's clock in the fifth round he'd be like it's all or nothing. I don't care if they knock me unconscious or if they destroy my face or if I blow out my knee or dislocate my arm. He'd have came to kill somebody. But Tyron Woodley's like, take as little damage as possible. Ben Askren, who is his friend and training partner, said that the way that he saw it was one of the problems

and one of the strengths with with tyrone is that he looks for the perfect shot so he's not out there like you know throwing it down like we like to watch he's just looking for the perfect opportunity five rounds goes by he never sees a perfect opportunity it's like he didn't throw a punch in 25 minutes and that's that's what happened max holloway's the opposite match oh yeah oh cal froze i thought i was like he was responding my laugh weird just all these all these weird angles his punches are it's not it's not straight punches it's not even just hooks it's it's all of this he's coming from 360 degrees around your face with all of these weird looping

things where it seems like the punch isn't even a straight line it'll like it'll like snake in like you see him commentate his own fight with um brian ortega oh he's he's adopting the lingo now he's like look at that that's a four piece that's he's like forget the soda that's a big gulp right there it's probably too much usc talk but there's a fight coming up this weekend i think saturday yeah it's better than average and max holloway right yeah and the second the undercard is good too there's like two good fights on it i forget what it is yeah i'm not aware of um compete and i think poirier might just knock him fucking unconscious if he doesn't but Poirier definitely has the power to do it

oh um I think I'm going to have it on my this new UFC site is so slow and I don't like it as much yeah it's Kevin Gastelum and Israel Adesanya as the second to last fight Gastelum takes that I was not impressed with Israel the last fight. Gastelum takes that.

I was not impressed with Israel at all when he fought 43-year-old Anderson Silva. I thought that was... And if he was holding... And people say, oh, well, he was holding back because he loves that guy. Well, double fuck him then because that's not what people were paying $65 to see.

You fucking hero worship your your your buddy out there no we pay for blood all right i'm gonna go with israel wins in it uh i i think i said that wrong but i'm gonna go with israel winning it uh just because it's five nine versus six four that's gonna piece them up we'll see yeah kevin's got to close the distance that's for sure nine inches of distance he's got to close. That's a lot. Also, if people don't know, if my arm's nine inches longer than you, but I'm also like six inches taller, that counts more. Like getting to punch, just the height difference is worth two inches. So Kevin's got a real challenge on his hands.

We'll see. Watch him wrestle. Fuck this fucking clown. I can't wait to see it. I didn't know that was a fight, but I'm jazzed to see it now. Especially after, first of all, Kevin showed up to that event wearing somebody else's fucking belt

to try to pretend like he is the champ. And everybody was making fun of him for that. And I shared their mockery. First of all, I could see him in the background of the cage standing. Those people behind him, I know what those tickets cost they're 1500 each he's standing in front of somebody holding his fucking belt all right it's not even your belt sit the fuck down they paid they paid at least 1500 maybe maybe 2000

for that chair behind you and i don't like kevin either i just think he's gonna win the fight yeah kelvin but i i hear you yes kelvin it's a stupid name yeah you know what i'm rooting against him well there you go the other guy's name is israel adesanya oh a battle of ridiculous names adesanya is right i um for some reason i run through it in my head like ala sanra or something like that. But I've got the letters in front of me right now. Adesanya. I'll try to burn it in. Yeah, so anyway, two good fights. This is a thing that UFC's been doing a little bit.

You think it's a super card, but they used to do like with McGregor cards. Dude, five amazing fights on the main card. And then the prelims would be good. And then even like the fight night pass stuff is just like, oh my God, everyone who's anyone wants to be on that McGregor card is stacked from top to bottom.

Fights you care about aren't even in the last five. Now they put two on the top and you're like, oh yeah, it's going to be another one and then the third fight like, I read about this every day and I don't know that guy's name. Yeah. And that's name. Yeah. And that's how it is.

We'll see. That's how they get that. Maybe somebody will prove themselves. I know that happened maybe a couple cards ago, and yet still, like, the whole card was, like, KOs. Like, maybe the Till card or something like that. Like, everybody got knocked the fuck out that night, and it was a fun five fights.

Sure. Yeah, it is. I can tell you whether I'll care about the fight beforehand, but it is really difficult to predict if the card will be fun to watch or not. You get two guys you always bang, never fail to deliver, and then they just wrestle, wrestle, wrestle.

Koscheck versus GSP, matching of the greatest wrestlers in ufc history they just sit there and ineffectively jab for five rounds it happens so anyway oh i have a boat update remember i bought this boat for paramotoring it not like timeshare boat yes yes the timeshare boat it's super fast people don't know boats are expensive to own i'm one of 17 people splitting the cost on this thing and the idea is I tow myself up on the paraglider over a lake and then learn new things

in the safety of the water landing. So that's the thought. Today, two or three guys took our boat out just because the weather was good and they lived nearby and all is well. For a beat, I was jealous I wasn't there. But you know what? It's a shakedown run.

Knock yourself out. I don't have to be on every trip. It's ruined. All fucking ready. The whole engine is trapped. We need a new engine for our boat. I don't know how many thousands this is, but I'm grateful that it's split 17 ways.

They show me pictures there's like uh black oil dripping from under it uh apparently the seller lied to us because there was more work done to it than he led on i i don't know um but like i'm just like get it moved like it's sitting at a marina with a mechanic right now tell that mechanic to do what it takes to make the boat good because I want to make some bad decisions this summer. Yeah. So. Well, at least you're sharing the grief with, you know, a dozen and a half other people.

Yeah, yeah. Some guys in the group can pay, like let's say it costs four grand. Some guys can pay a 17th of that and it's cool. Other people I think are kind of scratching. There were guys who were like, yeah, if the buy-in to this is $4,000. Some guys can pay a 17th of that and it's cool. Other people, I think, are kind of scratching. There were guys who were like, if the buy-in to this is $1,500, I'm okay. If the buy-in is $1,700, I'm out. And I'm like, I take that to mean that...

Then you shouldn't be in. Then you can't afford the boat. Maybe boat ownership isn't right for you. I don't know. We'll see. But I hope it's. We'll see. But like, I'm, I'm, I hope it's not down too long.

I'm halfway cracking up over here about it, but I owe one 17th of a new engine. So that's a thing. Bust out another thousand is thankfully it's only bust out one 17th of a thousand, which is incalculable. Yeah. That is incalculable. Yeah. That is incalculable.

You can't know. That's like asking, how old is someone from 96 to 2019? You don't know. Yeah. You don't know. All the numbers reset in 2000 to Y2K. And so it's,

it's a grab bag. Yeah. So, uh, anyway, here's my, my picks real quick for anybody out there if you're making a bracket and you want to know who not to pick because i'm notoriously bad at these

first round i've got calgary over colorado uh vegas over san jose nashville over dallas st louis over winnipeg uh tampa over columbus boston over toronto washington over carolina pittsburgh over the islanders and in round two i've got calgary over the knights st louis over nashville tampa over boston and pittsburgh over washington and then conference finals i've got st louis over calgary tampa over pittsburgh and then stanley cup final I got the Blues over Tampa. Oh, yeah? This is an obvious, honest bracket. Not a Homer bracket whatsoever. Taylor picked the Canes to get knocked out in the first round. I am choosing the Blues to forfeit and the Flyers to take their spot in the first round.

Well, the Enterprise Center collapses, and both Winnipeg and St. Louis are eliminated. And the flyers volunteer and for some reason the league agrees well by the air bud rules of the nhl the flyers get in now yeah oh you guys got to get on there and start doing yeah so we're gonna do a bracket here i guess uh so taylor you had to create an account on this website first? Yeah, I just made an account. Just a bogus email account. Maybe we should...

I figured I'd do it... Oh, the show's... Oh, I didn't want him to send stuff to me on a real one. Or I guess I just used one of my whatever-the-fuck accounts. I'll make it later. I've got it on my screen. So, call it a wrap. Is that PKN?

PKN 242, probably.