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right pkn 267. take two i failed up the recording it was 10 minutes taylor's being very kind about
it but uh oh man yeah no big deal at all so to give the one minute recap before we were talking
about woody uh went paramotoring and was almost late and now we are late and so ironically enough
it wasn't the paramotor it was the damn technology elves not working correctly.
And yeah.
It was a Windows update.
And I think my live stream started with the wrong recording device and this and that.
And yeah, it just messed up my default.
That stinks.
So yeah, I should have.
Shit happens.
Check it more carefully.
All right.
Fucking way she goes, Ricky.
Oh, dude. That guy's tattoo is still on my mind he's uh vavity if i'm pronouncing it right is
his online name from the uh from the pka hangout and he got a ricky bobby tattoo i showed everyone
in my live stream his ricky bobby tattoo because he put it on his instagram we all agree it's the
most finely executed ricky bobby tattoo we have ever seen it's a finely
executed terrible tattoo like well i don't want to jump on that train that seems mean i don't want
to be no it he he even got it ironically and so he knows that it's like bad like he it's a joke
like my younger brother is obsessed with getting a portrait of someone on his ass
i thought it was a phase but it's been like 10 years and he's like i want to get a high
definition picture of somebody on my ass cheek and i'm like how does your girlfriend feel about
this and he's like i haven't i haven't broached the subject it'll be easier to ask forgiveness
she's normally in front no generally yeah yeah i don't know it maybe sometimes not that's true
you just been the rest of your life walking semi circles around your part I
was I was talking about sex and then I switched to pegging and I didn't really
articulate all that but that's where my head was yes right hopefully it's
someone she likes maybe she finds erotic your brand Brad Pitt on there. Get Brad Pitt on there. But she's like, I'm getting bored of Brad Pitt.
Get Leonardo DiCaprio on there.
Can I interest you
in a, fuck, I don't know,
Ryan Reynolds tramp stamp?
You just got a
cacophony of sexy man
on your back and ass.
You know, we should pitch this to your brother and see where
it goes.
May as well.
I've got some clout with the kid.
Can I ask, is it middle or youngest?
Middle.
Middle.
He was always the biggest prankster of us and he liked that kind of shit.
Whereas I would unintentionally damage things more often than intentionally.
Like it was rare as a child
that I would like spitefully go
and like rip down books from a bookshelf or something.
It was usually like,
I'm just walking around and it bumbled into things.
You know?
Well, both of those behaviors
will get you beat in my house.
Taylor, you need to,
dude, like I knocked over a glass today
and I didn't blame my wife but there were a backup of glasses on the counter
but in my head I'm like well no wonder I knock one over this whole counters filled
with glasses dude dishes crazy woman but that's not the direction I took with it
I just said sorry because she cleans it and still still I'm just like easy woody easy
no one's gonna hit you and I don't mean to talk shit but I am by far the toughest
motherfucker in my house I don't know why I'm so scared yeah the whole
property really everyone who lives in my house and everyone that I know of who lives outside there could be a muscle-bound hobo stable somewhere yeah did we lock the
guest house but uh damn well your parents being as religious as they are
now should feel fucking bad a man a successful man in his 40s should not break a glass in his own house that he bought.
It's like when I break a glass or something, I'm like, God damn it, Taylor, you fucking idiot.
Like, at no point in my word that I'm going to get smacked.
I just call myself dumb for like a half an hour and then my self-confidence drops and that's it.
Now, Taylor, let's play out another scenario, which clearly deserves a beating.
What if you're not that strong,
but trying to manage pouring a gallon of milk into a glass
and overfill it?
Well, gallons of milk in the era you're talking about,
I looked it up, $3,000.
That's not a joking expense, so I would expect it to.
But if it was a commodity milk like today's, then that would show supreme lack of understanding or empathy on behalf of a parent to a child is what I would say.
I wish I was taught to clean it better too because I think I've told this story.
The milk, right?
Like you pour the milk and it just overflow by a little bit.
But you have a ring around the glass.
So I clean around the glass
and then put it down somewhere else.
And now I've created a ring there
because I didn't know to pick up the glass
and clean the bottom of it.
Like when I spilled milk at a neighbor's house
and one didn't get beat at all.
And then I saw her clean the bottom of the glass.
I was like, that is genius.
This is gonna come in so handy. This is a game changer. This is going to come in so handy.
This is a game changer.
This is a game changer.
We can turn two beatings into one.
We can cut the milk-related beatings at my home in half.
We can get this.
Gentlemen, I'm not being aggressive.
When I say we can get this establishment down to two milk beatings a week.
You say it can't be done,
but look what we did in the stiletto field
just in December.
Look, I bring out the stiletto chart.
Now, it looks like clip art.
It's so progressively down.
Really, the trick was I hit her shoes.
That made me think,
like when you're like,
oh, I'm going to a friend's house
and I spilled milk
and I didn't get fucking smacked.
It's like, do you remember weird shit where you'd like, when you're like, oh, I'm going to a friend's house and I spilled milk and I didn't get fucking smacked. It's like, do you remember weird shit where you'd like when you're like a kid and you think the way your house operates is the way every house operates.
It's just a family.
And then you go to someone else's house and it's it's weird and they do weird shit.
Remember the first time?
Like it was, of course, a hockey friend that had like a foul mouth.
And like we were only like 10 years old and he'd be like calling people like faggots and fuckers and
cunts and real like bad words for that age and i always in my head was like that's man how is this
kid not getting smacked around like at home for this kind of language or is he
just bottling it all up there and he's a good little prince and then he comes here and he
just releases the evil on us because he was not getting it from us the rest of us were kids we
weren't speaking like that and i went over to his house once because after the game my dad had to
leave earlier for something work related and so i had to get in their truck and drove back to their
house and like immediately i figured out why he spoke that way because like his parents
were cursing at each other in casual ways not even like fuck you you bitch but like a playful
like oh you whore like that kind of stuff for like james you're a son of a bitch you know that
she's always trying to get me down you know i never do and it was well this is the most redneck family i
think in the hockey kingdom but yeah it was it was like eye-opening for me where but at the time
i thought it was awesome because i was like oh dude rich you live in a place where you can say
bad words all that you want this place is awesome it's cool because he's like hell yeah dude it's like like oh man if i say
oh my god i get sent to my room in a spanking because that's taking the lord's name in vain
or something uh one of my friends uh he was there was only two of them it was him and his sister
right now i was like i guess the beta in my like i had an older brother and that's it and of course
i had a mom a dad and an older brother and that's it. And of course I had a mom, a dad, and an older brother
and all of them could kick my ass and sometimes did.
So then this guy, I'm hanging out with him
and he's like bullying his little sister.
And somehow that was just shocking to me.
Some of it was physical, but more like,
like he didn't want her hanging out with us.
So he just like physically remove her from the room
along with some comments about how ugly she was.
They were Jewish and she had really curly hair.
And he just, he called her the fro.
And yeah, so dude.
That was funny.
I'm 46 and he was younger than me,
but let's say he's 45 now.
I caught him on Facebook.
And like, I always wondered like how he turned out and what he did.
Successful guy.
Started a few software companies.
And then he gave me an update on the fro.
And I'm like, you've been calling her that for like 43 years now.
Commitment to the bit.
Yeah, right?
She's like, I've had straight hair for 31 years john
yeah i i friended her too when i found the other her through here you dumb jew john how many times
we're both jewish i'm not stopping dude it's funny when we were seven. I remember my dad telling me where he was like,
he's like,
when I was like seven,
I had to go to a friend's house and we were having a bath.
And I thought it meant my friend gets in the bath.
He gets out of the bath.
I get in the bath.
I get out of the bath.
Then his younger brother gets to the bath.
He gets out of the bath.
How old are you?
I think he was like six. Okay. Like six or seven years old uh this is my dad who told me this story so it wasn't me
and he was like yeah but then it turns out that these people that we thought were normal were
the most miserly people with water use that he'd ever met he said they filled glasses like only this much to the top when you asked
for water and that like if you wanted more you could have more but they weren't about to fill
up your whole glass of water on the off chance you don't drink it and so when bath time came around
he remember he's like i remember their mom coming around and going boys come on bath time and at
first i was like huh well i wonder what order we're gonna bathe in and then
she's like no all in it like he's like the two brothers i was with knew the drill they started
stripping down and they both get in the tub how old are these people they're they're all like uh
six and five okay okay the kids and my dad's like and even at that age i was like this is
fucking weird like between like five and seven i don't remember and he's like and then the mom was like he's stripping getting the bath with him
and so there were three of us abreast sitting in a bath and the water's running and the water gets to
three inches deep in the bath and three inches how much is that whatever that is not very much
three inches how much is that whatever that is not very much three inches is like
just a small amount of water in there and he says they're all sitting in there
shivering because you know you get water on one part of your body you start to get cold everywhere else yeah and he says he had just like independently like dip his hand in soapy water
like like how you'd imagine people in the old west did it and rub it down he's like
yeah that was the last time i went to their house it up the smiths were terrible
their water consumption made no sense and i was like man that that really doesn't make sense of
all the appliance of all the utilities i have water is the one i'm like p diddy with where
it's like hell yeah brother! I'm rolling in water!
You missed your chance.
I'm making it rain!
Yeah, I'm making it rain!
Damn it!
Yeah, that's like...
I don't know. That was weird to me.
I remember I saw...
At what age did kids stop bathing together?
I don't know.
I don't know. He was more
taken aback that it was all three of them
like two would have been probably fine i would imagine you're still little kids you don't
fucking care yes seven i think might be too old but if you told me four i'd be like i don't know
if that's my in my world like we stopped early three or something like that but then i was at
with my wife's family there's nieces and nephews and stuff and
they would bathe together until five maybe I don't know but older than I
thought yeah I don't know what the I don't know what the baby books are
saying about what the best approach is because I haven't read a baby did you
when you were gonna have kids did you do the baby book thing where you're like
I'm gonna get some I'm gonna do some, I'm going to do some research. I'm going to read some books, see what people are saying.
I read at least two. One was what to expect when you're expecting. Are you familiar with
this book?
I've heard it, but I...
That one is like the Bible for the pregnancy, right? So all the things that the mom can
expect, sometimes you can read it and start seeing problems that aren't really there you know you get the hypochondriac yeah I
might be a word it's the attic part that I you can become a hypochondriac about
it so what to expect when you're expecting is just a really well put
together book on how to work your way through the pregnancy and delivery.
All right, cool.
The other one I read was, you know, the seven tips for success.
What is it?
The Stephen Covey book, seven tips for success.
I'm not familiar with it.
Oh, I have to know because I'm pretty sure our audience won't know about it.
I don't think I've ever read a self-help book.
Really?
Yeah.
Or I've read books about like sales techniques,
but that's about it.
It is...
God damn, there's a lot of seven tips based things out there.
Seven tips for success.
Surely there will be one return.
The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.
Well, he's written offshoots,
and one of them is like The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Well, he's written offshoots, and one of them is like
The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families,
and that influenced me to some effect.
I can picture his publisher like,
Eric, listen to me, hear me out.
Eight tips.
Are you kidding?
I can't do this.
We've talked about this once. We've talked about it a thousand times.
There's no reason for more than seven. All things can be accomplished.
Name one thing. There's the seven commandments.
And like the publisher doesn't have it.
Once you cut out the bullshit ones about going to church and like not
worshiping idols, there's like seven solid ones.
Those are the ones I use.
The seven habits of highly effective people is a fantastic book right it's great it turns me
into the best most effective wonderful version of me for about three months then it wears off
it needs to be read more than once but um so i was like oh oh, Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families. I'll read that too. And I'm like, it felt a little bit like a Woody's Gamer Tag book report in fourth grade.
Like, yeah, you know what?
The encyclopedia just put it so well, I just kind of rephrased it and turned it in.
And it seemed like every deviation from the encyclopedia was a stare for the worse.
So I tried to keep them at a minimum.
from the encyclopedia was a stare for the worse.
So I tried to keep them at a minimum.
I remember not understanding plagiarism when I was like 12.
And none of my friends did either.
The teachers stressed it way too hard.
They'd be like, if you plagiarize on this book report on President Zachary Taylor,
when you're applying to college,
people are going to know.
That'll be on, like, that kind of shit.
It was like, and so I'd, like, look in the library
and it'd be like,
Zachary Taylor became president in 1824 or whatever.
And I'd, like, write, like,
in 1824, a man named Zachary Taylor,
president, became.
And, like, I'd have to talk to him. So you don't have to, you don't have to write, to write like a Yoda style.
You can plagiarize little things.
And then that little bit of leeway led me all the way until high school when I was just
copying and pasting full passages out of other... Not really. I never did
that because I was too paranoid and we had to submit everything to this software that
checked for plagiarism. Can you submit it first?
I'm trying to remember.
I don't think so. I don't think you could. I think after you submitted it, it got ran
through that. But then there were also things where innocent mistakes would happen.
The database was almost too thorough where you could say something like
the myth of George Washington chopping down a cherry tree and then lined his father about it was promulgated due to
blah blah blah blah blah blah and you would say something like that and it would show that you
plagiarized and it's like how many ways are there to say this yeah sometime in the past someone else
said that too yeah yeah it's like you're running this against everyone who's ever turned this paper
in in this university or in this high school.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, you've been teaching the same shit for 15 years.
This is really a you problem, not a me problem.
You need to switch it up.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm trying to think of other funny shit when going to people's houses.
I remember the first time I went to someone's house who had no limits on candy and soda consumption.
My fat friend.
I was going to ask how that worked out. Did he have self-control? No, no. No. to someone's house who had no limits on candy and soda consumption my fat friend i was gonna ask
how that worked out did he have self-control no no no i remember because like the way it was for
like a long time in my house throughout my childhood was like if i wanted a coke
like i would have to ask and be like may i please have a coke or can i please have a sprite and
usually my parents would be like no like no you
can't have a sprite and then every once in a while they'd be like yeah grab yourself a seven up go
wild and be like yes and then just just nurse that seven up it's precious and then go into his house
and it's like just walk in grab yourself a dr pepper what's that full-size snickers in the
cabinet grab that too and i didn't fully like put the pieces together as to why he was the fat slow
friend that never got picked for football i just like after that was like man do you guys know
do you guys know how awesome jared's life is full-size snickers candy candy on that little
spinning susan in the middle of the counter my my brother was was always heavier than ideal and my mom put us on a diet
no I wasn't heavy but I think she was just you know treating us equally yeah
so she gave us a candy bar week it was a mini one and we'd keep it in the
refrigerator and like you know the little things you open to the side maybe
you store eggs there yeah one was Pat's one was mine we could keep our candy
bars there and rather than eat mine I saved them up that doesn't like it's not that i didn't want
them i very much wanted them oh yeah like they were more valuable than gold they were like almost
too precious to eat and as my supply gained like momentum i had dozens of them piled up it was like like meanwhile he's paycheck
to paycheck over there yeah he is he's paycheck to paycheck over there come in he's he's waffling
it down and this to me is like like like The Hobbit where the the dragon has all that gold
more than he needs but not more than he wants and then one day my brother stole like 30 of them he ate
like 30 this is 30 weeks of candy bars all at once and i was like no no you felt robbed i'm
well you didn't feel it you were i was robbed for sure and it really hurt me and my parents gave him a talking to and
it's like he doesn't get beatings this is you know like it's fun i like it so lucky but uh
you should have to garnish his candy allotment until i'm repainted that would be fair i just
got that was i guess that's how it went down yeah i think they could have handled
that better that's so funny you did that because i did that exact same thing like my grandma is like
in addition to cooking way too much like was a full-on like shopaholic like loved qvc when
christmas time came around she was more excited to give us as little kids presents than we were
to get them almost like she was so excited and so my parents would be like
you can't get him too many can't get him too many and they always have to get the
same amount and so you'd get your like like you know treasure trove of toys you
know and as a kid like when you see a bunch of presents and you open one it's
an action figure you have no idea that cost three dollars and ninety nine cents
like you didn't know that the whole cart together,
it wasn't very much, but it was precious.
And my younger brother,
no discipline when it came to Christmas morning.
Tearing open presents, tearing them open.
I did this for years and it always made me laugh.
If he get through, let's say there are 10,
let's say we each have 10 for even numbers.
He is tearing into his sixth present.
I've peeled the paper open on number one.
He's tearing into his eighth present.
I've opened one,
putting the start on the second,
and by the end of it,
he's got all of his presents open,
and then he would look back
and see me then starting
to casually open mine.
And so many years in a row, he would cry and and see me then starting to casually open mine and so many years
in a row he would cry and get upset and be like taylor got more than me taylor and i'd be and
they'd have to be like no no you've always got exactly the same taylor just always does this he
always waits until you're near the end opening them and then he starts opening them and then
my younger brother would freak out no No, he has more than me.
It's okay.
Oh, that's-
You keep this up, next year you get a math book.
Yeah, it was fun.
That was, good times.
That was as fun as the presents.
Jesus, you're cruel.
Yeah, the CNN.
Yeah, one year, like when my parents made us
start to buy each other gifts, we put no effort into it.
One year he got me a clock that happened
to be sitting on the counter at pier one when he was going through it with my mom i'm seven
i don't want a clock from pier one okay but then i open it and that's like this little like desk
silver clock that like sways back and forth and my mom's like he just really thought you'd like
that and i'm like that's son
of a bitch no he didn't but i he just wanted to say something so you get out of there the things
i like are well documented i i even the score because the same year that he gave me a ball of
used sticky tack i gave him a whiteboard with no markers and then that was the gift we exchanged and now we just
really don't yeah I had to process it I'm like that is a shitty nine-year-old
yeah yeah my parents maybe this is a side effect of being raised by an
accountant we didn't have even number of gifts.
We had even budget, right?
So like I remember a year I got a wetsuit, but the wetsuits are pretty expensive.
Consumed almost my whole budget, but I never felt gypped by it.
That racist, whatever.
And I never felt like it was in like there was some sort of inequality there because
I knew the budgets were the same and they were so equal.
They tracked it and would give one child or the other like a makeup check like you know all right Taylor here's all your presents and seven dollars and 36 cents to make it even you'd be like yeah
now I know that it's equal that's a great approach that really that for making kids know that they're
being spent on equally that is
a good approach do you can you think of any presents you got that you were so stoked on
and then you got them and it was the most disappointing thing in the world yeah i got i
wanted a i'm showing my age a record player taylor it was literally a record player. I got it. My favorite brand of sundial.
It played vinyl records, and it had an FM stereo built into it,
and it had speakers, and I chose it.
It was in the Sears catalog.
Jesus, this was a long time ago.
And Taylor, I wore out the page.
You couldn't read the print anymore.
You couldn't see it.
I touched that.
I told my mom all the time, I want this one, this one right here.
My greasy little finger took the print off the catalog.
How old were you?
Six, I don't know.
And eight, something like that.
And when it came in, I was like, meh.
And I tried to tell her it wasn't the one I wanted.
And she's like, look at this. Look at this catalog.
You wore out the picture.
You told me you wanted this one so much.
I was like, yeah, you got me, mom.
This is totally what I asked for.
And for some reason, it didn't live up to my hype.
Nothing could have.
That sucks.
The one that sticks out in my mind is,
I'm sure some of our listeners will remember this
because a lot of them are around my age, moon shoes.
They were basically these big, plastic, heavy shoes with just a little trampoline you strapped your foot to on the inside.
And the commercials on Nickelodeon, you're seeing these kids jumping building to building, clearing hugeasms jumping over cars and you know like
10 years old i'm like this this is what i need moon shoes i'll bring them to recess and be the
i'll be jump i'll be dunking i'll be dunking on my with my moon shoes you expect them to be like
a full-size trampoline like a full-size trampoline really does launch you six feet in the air like it lives up to the height oh yeah turns out
10 year old taylor was already at the cusp of the weight limit
so for me moon shoes like when i strapped them on and i like stood in them like my feet were like
pretty much on the ground like just like
stretching downward and like I was like trying to like bounce but there was there's nowhere to
you just had to like walk off with me in them with no ability and it was the fastest I'd ever
gone from like you got me moon shoes you got me moon shoes like and in my head I'm already
picturing myself dunking outside.
I'm picturing myself jumping onto the car hood or jumping up to the top shelf and grabbing all the good sweets or candies. For me, it was goldfish and crackers. Nope. Nope. I wore those
for about 20 minutes before I fell forward about 10 different times trying to jump, but I would
just not get enough height to clear the actual shoe and clip the front and fall forward devastating it was a dev I think it was a
birthday actually sucked oh that does suck yeah but any presents that did live up to the hype
uh I always loved getting hockey stuff like every once in a while, I'd get a hockey stick that I really thought was awesome
or new goalie pads that I thought were sick.
I remember when I was maybe 9 or 10,
getting my first pair of real goalie pads, I felt like.
I was like, wow, these have different colors on them.
The way the goalies in the NHL on TV have different colors on them.
That was one of my only gifts that year because they were expensive. colors on them the way the goalies on in the nhl on tv have different colors on them and it's like
that was one of my only gifts that year because they were expensive and all i did was like spend
all day wearing them and like trying to stretch them out and get them ready for practice and all
that it was it was a blast i love that and then of course because i was like nine or ten like
nine months later they don't fit me they're too small and so that was devastating and from that
point on my dad was like fully on board the play it again sports train that makes sense i can't
blame him like at the time i'm like but richie gets to say bad words and has new stuff all the
time that's not fair and they live in like a poor place.
Mine was surfing.
14-year-old Woody was a little bit like 46-year-old Woody in that he got into shit and just was consumed by it.
You know, this is his favorite thing.
Yeah, I would wake up in the morning and think about surfing.
I would think about surfing all day long.
Rather than listen to my teacher, I'd draw pictures of surfing
and think about the waves and the weather and what was going on. And people
probably don't know that in New Jersey, you need three wetsuits to surf throughout the year. In the
summer, you don't need one at all. On either edge of the summer, you need a spring suit, which is
basically like a one-piece shorts and t-shirt size thing. Then you have a lighter full suit and a winter full suit i didn't have a winter full suit so you start needing that thing about november in new jersey
and christmas is december 25th so i am freezing freezing i have no gloves no booties no hoodie
just out there in a in a wetsuit made for fall,
just shivering, trying to surf until I couldn't,
until weeks had gone by and I'm just not surfing.
And like, it's my sense of self-worth, my identity,
like it's my everything.
Yeah, it's your hobby.
Yeah, and I was good, right?
And I just couldn't.
Then Christmas rolled around and I got this five mil thick real full suit I mean it had booties and
gloves and a hoodie and I'm just like frickin Michelin it's so warm you pretty
much can't wear it out of the water like the drive over to the beach or walk and
you're just melting so you're like you're like get the back or walk and you're just melting. You're like, get the pack unzipped.
You're trying to get some air in there.
It was
snowing the first day I got it.
I went out and surfed in the snow
and sleet. I was just like, this is
good.
Lived up to the hype. I was happy.
That's a good gift. You're talking about
the stuff you would daydream on
with
I'm going to draw myself surfing. I'm going to draw a board that I imagine having gift yeah you're talking about like the stuff you would daydream on with you know being i'm gonna
draw myself surfing i'm gonna draw a board that i imagine having with rockets on it or some some
silly stuff like that i imagine as a kid i remember all the time drawing medievalized
versions of whatever my school looked like and imagining if like this especially started after Lord of the Rings came
out when I was like 11 where I would spend like a whole days in class just drawing like intricate
fortresses shaped like the school and be like if orcs attacked how would we defend it well I'd have
the I'd have the kindergarten first and second graders over
here doing that because they're low maintenance they'll have wooden spears they'll be at the gates
their fodder we'll have us the cool ass fifth graders on the roof with bows i'll be like
legolas like and i would i would obsess over this i would draw these like these really detailed plans
and like my schoolwork wait by the wayside i would find
a way to still do okay okay legolas is a skinny athletic dude that's not you what are you though
because you're not a dwarf you're way too tall i think you're the human. Probably. Probably most of the kids in school were.
Very few dwarves, very few elves.
It was mostly human school.
I'll be upfront.
But yeah, I would just like get stoked on it and like get so excited every morning.
Oh yeah, I was really into the Avengers.
I envisioned myself as Black Widow, of course.
And you're like, what the fuck?
That's my flexibility. as Black Widow of course man that was doodling castles and assaults was like
my bread and butter I did that on every road trip and it kept myself occupied
for at least part of the time most of my road trip time as a kid was taken up by game boy and
pokemon red which little little past your time but it was actually did colin ever get into the
pokemon games no no are they complicated like no they're they're like the one the ones i feel like
so let me sorry to interrupt you but like there's a lot of this character specializes against this kind of character.
That might be a lot for him to absorb.
Or not.
He's learned the whole crafting thing in Minecraft.
Yeah.
I've watched videos of the crafting and not understood it.
And the typing in Pokemon, at least back then.
I literally buy the new games sometimes
when they come out because I want to like see how Pokemon has changed because it's a
fun like part of my childhood.
I remember getting Pokemon Red when it like came out in 1997 or 1998 and just like every,
everyone at school had them.
Everybody spent every recess doing nothing but battling and trading their Pokemon until
like they're like, you guys got to play football or something.
No more video games allowed in recess but like
the typing is so obvious and the old ones it'll be like like what's good
against water electric leaves or plant type because it'll just absorb the the
water and then there are other ones that didn't make full sense where I guess fire is bad against water probably water is good against fire yeah water is good against
fire fire is bad against water fire is good against uh plant plants good against uh plants
bad against ice ice is good against the plant because it'll do that and then there are ones
that didn't make any fucking sense where it'd be like normal type is bad against fighting type and in my head like as a kid i always remembered like yeah like like how a fighter would beat up
a normal guy right yeah and then there'd be other stuff like ice is super effective against dragon
it's like yeah because like well i'll just have to remember that one
like ghost is good against psychic and then psychic is good against poison but all the
poison types are also ghost types in this and so it's like okay so yeah they just like beat each
other up that's it makes kind of sense but oh i i love those colin probably would have liked
liked pokemon now they've added a new type called fairy that i don't even know what it's good
against i just don't i just don't use those kind i i don't know
yeah i don't know either i'm trying to process it what would a fairy be good against fire no
plants maybe dragons i think what they are good against is like like fighting type
i think they're good against that and fighting type was just like the coolest type because there was one pokemon called machamp that just had there's like goro from like street fighter or whatever where
it's just four enormous yoked out arms and i was like that was always my man i thought he was so
cool you're not thinking of mortal kombat are you or is that mortal kombat i don't know mortal
kombat you're right those are games i never ever played so i don't i don't know did you ever get into those i got into street fighter which is a little older and uh and i was better than most
at it i wasn't special but i was i played it a lot that's the that's the game i played in the
arcade when all the guys were kind of domineering at school i was just wanting to play street fighter
and uh those games seem always seem so hard to me.
It's, I guess, like, real fun.
Like, there's little tells the other character gives,
and then if you react right away in the right way, you do well.
Okay.
Kind of like a much harder Super Smash Brothers.
I still love Super Smash Brothers.
Yeah, I don't know about that one.
That one's interesting to watch. And that game is deeper than it looks, right?
Because it's cartoony, and the aesthetic is kind of playful.
You would think that the game is kind of simple.
But the way that they manage the aerial part of it,
I'm just like, oh.
Even as a non-Super Smash Brothers guy,
I can see that there's a super high skill cap on this.
Yeah.
The videos I'll watch online
of people just dominating, it's crazy.
Like they'll do stuff that I wouldn't dare do.
Like someone, they'll knock somebody off the edge.
And for me, it's like, all right,
I will wait on the edge where it's safe
until they get back and then we'll fight again
and I'll try and knock them off again.
The good guys will be like,
nah, motherfucker, I'm jumping with you.
I'm gonna punch you twice more
and get to the absolute limit
of my distance and then do like a goofy double jump and somehow make it back with like an extra
side b and it's like i i can't do that i don't know the buttons that well even a thing who knew
like i wouldn't know that was a thing unless i saw you do it. My secret weapon in the original one on N64
was to play as Donkey Kong,
and he had a move that they didn't glitch through
or kind of glitched where if you would get one stock up,
so if you're playing five stock
where everybody's got five lives
and you're like wanting someone,
and I donkey punch him out of the ring
and kill them once.
We're on Super Smash still.
Okay, I went to Donkey Kong.
I got confused. No, as We're on Super Smash still. Okay, I went to Donkey Kong. I got confused.
No, as a character.
Super Smash.
And so I would always kill them once.
And then Donkey Kong had a move
where you could grab them
and put them on your back.
And then you could just walk off the edge of the map
holding them and kill yourself and them.
And so all I'd have to do
is eliminate one of your lives, Donkey Kong.
And then he's a heavy character. So you have to get close to me to do damage to me nope just gonna pick you up and walk over the edge again and that was a great way to lose friends
when you're eight i um did you watch down the rabbit hole the wings of redemption two hour
documentary yet oh it was pretty well done all right side note about that thing here's what's bullshit about down
the hat rabbit over the course of two hours i'm featured in a lot i age 11 years and wigs does not
age one i'm like what the fuck how is it's like keanu of redemption the dude looks the same as he
does 11 years ago meanwhile i'm getting older in every shot.
So, fuck that.
But back on topic.
You still look great for 26 years.
Yeah, the secret is low expectations.
So, I'm trying to remember where I was going with it.
Wings.
Oh, he looks the same the whole time.
I was headed.
So, he lost a syndicate in that thing.
A big part of it was getting behind.
In TDM and Call of Duty, if I'm up by two on you,
look, I'm happy to end the game here.
There's a timer.
You need to take your happy ass away from cover and get to me.
And so that's partly what happened.
He's down by four.
I'll make it up, six minutes left.
And he's got to push the action.
He's got to take all these risks to make that up.
Otherwise, there'll just be fewer engagements and he'll lose.
So I guess I would just bring it up that the dynamic is the same.
Once you're behind, you're screwed.
The goal is to get ahead.
Yeah, I'll have to watch that whole doc.
It was pretty compelling.
And part of wings, being fat really makes it so wrinkles don't show.
It does.
Not until that person loses all the weight.
And then it's like a rapid fire of both getting healthier and looking much older.
Because the wrinkles are even deeper.
I hear you.
But with wings wings i feel like
he just looks better i he might look better now than he did 11 years ago because he's lighter
and yeah it's uh yeah i definitely look better now than i did when i started my youtube channel
i looked like a fucking skinhead
it was an idea it looked like george foreman apparently according to like a fucking skinhead. It was an idea. It looked like George Foreman, apparently, according to like a 10-year-old comment.
Gary Coleman, I think, is who I said you looked.
It was as dumb as trying to find the least similar person in the whole universe.
And if people don't know, Gary Coleman was a midget comedic black actor.
And it doesn't look anything like Taylor.
But people have tried to make sense out of that ridiculous comment for a long time.
It was just meant to not make sense.
It's like, no, it was absurdism.
Well, goddamn, poor Gary Coleman.
He's been dead for almost 10 years.
Has he? Do little people not live as long as regular people yeah it's like a almost like a bell curve thing i feel like where if you're like super little you're not gonna live as long because
your body's more strained kind of like verne troyer mini me or gary coleman or like any kind
of midget and then if you're like super huge like andre the giant like your body just human bodies aren't
meant to support that kind of weight like that kind of weight and like your heart's probably
enormous yeah i don't know elephants seem to do a good job of living but they're entirely different
species so that doesn't i know i was like the bell curve thing doesn't really apply to dogs
either i feel like smaller is longer period that's true that's true dogs we kind of got to pick our poison is like
breeding them for thousands of years mmm like it's fun to look at dog I have
looked at dog breeds now like the one I have mixed with is like the Cavalier
King Charles or never Mike why the fuck does it have that dumbass name and
they're like apparently King Charles was just like stoked on these dogs like
there's so nice they just you just do whatever
you want with them they're just they fall asleep they they never bark at you they're good and like
imagine being like a king and like your main thing that comes out of it is like what was king charles
ii like well he loved this specific kind of dog it's like i had to look it up because it was a new breed to me cavalier king charles spaniel
i think right yeah and the spaniel tells me a little bit about the dog like without the spaniel
part i'm a blank slate it could be a great dane it could be a bijon frige or anywhere in between
but the spaniel like okay so it's probably not too far from the other spaniels i can think of
but it's mixed with a poodle which in itself is a big question mark to me
because poodles are huge and small and poodles are a lot of things.
It depends how big the poodle they fuck.
And the poodles that one of my dogs got fucked by,
one of them was a decent size and the other one was tiny.
Wait, they're brother and sister though, right wait so like their brother and sister though right
they have their half brother and sister they have the same father brother and brother yeah
they have the same uh dad and so i think they're actually no i think the dad was a poodle
in that he fucked a big cavalier and a small cavalier and that's where it's going to go we'll
see even if they get to the absolute,
if they're 100th percentile growth dogs,
they're still going to be small.
There's no worry.
We had two yellow labs from the same litter and I used to be like,
they're actually twins
and people would be like,
wow, really twins?
You know all dogs are twins, right?
They're born like six or eight at a time.
They're actually a quarter of an octuplet set.
That is a funny way to trick people into thinking it's more impressive
to use human terms and be like, they're actually octuplets,
but we couldn't bear to take all of them.
Wow. Wow.
I'm super stoked on the fact that tomorrow hockey season begins the regular season regular season
kicks off tomorrow blues have their banner raising against the Washington Capitals we got a
fucking uh Falk from the Hurricanes hopefully he'll perform well for us um See, I wrote down a topic rather than interrupt.
538 did an analysis on... Really? Yeah.
On the
Blues' chances of repeating.
And I guess there's like
sports betting that comes out.
And they have the Blues
as one of the lowest chances to repeat at
like 5.5% of any
of the recent champions.
And five 38 is like,
this doesn't make any sense.
You know,
they,
they've got basically the same core coming back and you traded the defenseman
and got one from us,
but you got the upgrade.
So you gave away some picks,
but we're talking about this year and they're,
they're just like,
they should be better this year than last year.
So we'll see. I would hope so. Like we'll, we'll see. They were a champion. If they were just like, they should be better this year than last year. So we'll see.
I would hope so.
We'll see.
If they were a champion,
if they were as good,
I'd be okay.
Oh yeah,
if they're as good,
I'm fine.
But like,
when's the last time someone repeated?
The Penguins did.
Pittsburgh, I know.
Yeah.
Chicago.
Before that,
Detroit in the 90s
when they were just stacked
with every good player in Russia.
I must be wrong,
because you would know.
Didn't Chicago have a little mini dynasty?
Chicago won
in 10,
13, and 15.
Oh, okay.
Yep.
Yeah.
It doesn't happen a lot.
I think we have a good...
As good a shot as anyone. Hockey has so much
parity you can't know. That's anyone. Hockey is so much parody.
You can't know.
Like,
that's what I like about it so much.
Other than it's the sport that I played is that like,
you never really know any,
it seems like I don't follow the NBA.
You do now.
So you can correct me if I'm wrong,
but I feel like it went like a Titan team,
like the golden state warriors goes up against the fucking new Orleans Pelicans.
No one is like Pelicans primed to pull off an upset.
It's like, no, they're going to get absolutely shithoused
by the better team.
FiveThirtyEight did an analysis on that.
And I do want to say that basketball
might have been the least variable one.
And they just basically said that hockey's susceptible
to like chances and bounces,
whereas like basketball for example while it has that the fact that the winning team scores 110 points the bounces tend
to even out and the better team wins when you win two to one like the random factor counts for a lot
also like the actual players playing, there are basketball games where
they're intent on winning,
and so they'll leave their starting five out there the whole time.
And just, it's like,
you got LeBron in your starting five,
he's going to play the whole game, and he can
trounce you. Whereas, like,
Connor McDavid,
he cannot play the whole game.
Like, if he does, he'll become a detriment
once he gets tired. He could play the whole game, but he'd be paying it 50%.
Yeah, exactly.
Welcome to beer league hockey.
Oh, you want to play your best guy and he's tired?
All right, throw out the grinders.
Hey, good guys on our team.
Have a breather.
Enjoy yourself and then go out there and blow past him next time.
So it's like a full, you have to run four full lines in hockey now,
which I like a lot about it.
The only person we've lost this offseason is Pat Maroon, the hometown guy.
And he went to fucking Tampa Bay.
And so he's got a chance to win another cup immediately with Tampa.
They were strong last year.
I really think Tampa's going to win it this year.
Just because their entire core has got to be humiliated, livid over getting blown out of the first round yeah swept
by the columbus blue jackets swept did columbus did they they might have knocked the hurricanes
out do you remember what happened in the second round to them i think it was that uh columbus
swept the lightning and then the hurricane swept columbus and then boston swept the Lightning, and then the Hurricanes swept Columbus,
and then Boston swept the Hurricanes.
I think that's it.
I'm going to go with yours.
That sounds right.
I think so.
I was paying a lot more attention to the Western Conference,
to be fair.
The Hurricanes did get out of the second round, though.
I remember it was like Hurricanes barely make the playoffs,
and when they do,
they make at least the Eastern Conference finals.
That's the thing about the Hurricanes.
You'll go to people who have played on them for
the last 12 years, and then
you'll go to playoff
stats for a guy, and it'll be like,
man, they only made the playoffs
twice in the last 10 years? Wow,
but both times they played 21 games.
And they got a cup.
Yeah, and they got a cup in one of them.
Yeah. Which is great is that no cam ward got
traded to the hawks i think he doesn't play for them anymore i don't know who the canes goalie
is right right now oh i didn't even know he got i'm a bad fan maybe basketball has ruined me i'm
well that's your second team though you're you're looking for philly right now in philly it depends
on who's better taylor when the hurricanes are the only ones still in the playoffs,
that's my team.
Yep.
I don't think the Blues have ever traded with the Hurricanes before.
Oh, Rob Brindamore.
They did that.
But other than that, I can't think of any.
Wait.
Brindamore?
Yeah, because the Blues drafted Brindamore.
But he played for the Flyers.
You're right, Flyers.
I'm getting those confused.
I get your teams confused.
Yeah, I've got high hopes.
I'm just happy that hockey's back again
because it's not until I get to the end of hockey season
that I'm like, well, where's the content, guys?
What am I supposed to watch at night
i can only watch so many shitty netflix shows and movies that i'm not that interested in but then
like sports like i wish i were into other sports i think i'm gonna watch baseball this off season
because the the cards are gonna be playing kyle's atlanta braves in the first round and uh that'll
be good to talk about actually this week kyle's back this week
isn't he in two days but it will do in the show in three kind of yeah we're doing the show friday
night this week right yeah yeah i thought so so yeah i hope uh honestly for kyle's sake i hope
atlanta wins almost like i got the guy a break yeah yeah break he's gone through enough but but no I want the
Cardinals to it dude I'm excited about basketball season I like but to me like
the games are kind of a I don't know they're the engine but that engine is
pulling this whole train a train of social media and do many NHL guys have
YouTube channels Jimmy Butler's
out there learning to mountain climb he sucks and hiking up a mountain he is
awful he's you know he's just like he started like competitive like I am gonna
get up to the top first I'm your guy he bought way too much gear he's a
basketball player so he has an unlimited budget and he puts on like a 60 pound backpack just filled with everything for
a day hike doesn't know anything about what he's doing 60 60 pounds for a day
yeah oh yeah he might have had a tent back there for no reason they're not
hiding that I can't be and it does take long he's laying on the side of the hill exhausted complaining
about how hot and hard the rock is yeah that's what rocks do what did you get
there baking in the Sun oh yeah and just like all kinds I like watching him work
out I like what it's interesting to me to see what's his name again Jimmy
Butler it's interesting interesting to see what kind of workouts
a professional NBA player does they have weird things that like their knees have
to be very strong all those little supporting muscles are incredibly
important to them their ankles their cardio there you know they're on the
beach with stretch bands and doing stuff like that no deadlifts you know for what
it's worth but uh so it's and you know they're uh like passing muscles right they're
passing medicine balls and stuff like that and it's like oh yeah interesting some of it might
be adapted to guys like us and some of it like you know it it's just not that important that
you can receive a hard pass taylor like it's you'll be fine but uh yeah watching the workouts
watching just sort of who he is he went back to to his alma mater, and he's like a hero there at that school.
It might have been Marquette.
And yeah, so the games are important,
but the whole social media memes,
the memes in basketball are hilarious.
The stats in basketball that the fans put together
are dumb in the funniest way and i yeah and i can't wait for
that to to go down but it's fun so i'm looking forward to the season and i'm struggling with no
content the nhl has to step up their player presence on social media but it genuinely seems
like most of them want nothing to do with it. I feel like that's smart.
I'm telling you, these basketball
players, I don't think social media
is good for their health. Kevin Durant,
possibly the best
player over the last, whatever, four or five
years. He's in that argument
in top three easily, just which
one is he? This guy
has repeatedly been caught
for making fake accounts, like complimenting himself
or defending himself, trying to like change the tide
of what people are saying.
And it's like, oh, I know this is a net negative
on your mental health, but you'd be happier if you weren't.
You're looking for praise and love on social media.
And like, if you start letting that impact your mood,
then it ruins you.
This is an area where I have a little expertise.
Yeah.
But it's like, dude, Kevin, I wish I could coach you on this.
I've been there and done that.
There was one player who made the mistake.
Patrick Laine, who was the number
two overall draft pick a couple years back like a pure like a big they were saying like oh he's got
like the body type and everything to be kind of like another ovechkin but probably not quite as
good because ovechkin is the best goal scorer of all time pure goal scorer of all time and this
kid's like 22 now or something and he made the mistake like last season early on like tweeting or saying something
that gave out his gamer tag or whatever for fortnight and so then he went through huge slumps
and all the commentators and fans would be like well we took a look at his fortnight account and
he's played 40 hours this week what's he he doing? How about you step into the training room
and get your shot back on point
because you haven't scored a goal in eight games,
and you're playing Fortnite five hours a night.
And he literally came out and said this year
because his last season was so bad
that he was like,
Fortnite's in the past.
Fortnite's in the past.
I'm not going to do that anymore.
And then he started with a new account that got leaked, and people were ripping on oh no oh it's funny he should be
motivated to really step it up because he's he's like on a bridge deal right now and he's only
making like six something million dollars a year and if he had killed it last year he'd be making
close to 10 dude it's funny what contracts do right like some people usually
players do really well when they're about to go for a new contract they're like if i do well this
season it's life-changing money sometimes they get that life-changing money and it motivates them to
be better oftentimes they get that life-changing money and they don't do well and i don't know if
it's because time to rest let's you know water finds
its level and I'll be normal me or sometimes they feel a pressure oh my
gosh I'm earning 28 million a year or whatever it is and I have to deliver
like a 28 million dollar man that just you know pushes on them and so they
never get into that like flow state where the real success is yeah and i'll tell
you i enjoy that part of sports as much as the sports maybe i don't maybe other people can uh
relate to that but i i like the meta of the whole atmosphere around the teams and the pros and did
you watch draft day of uh of hockey uh draft day is a movie starring Kevin Costner, and it's about drafting football players.
And it was really good.
Rotten Tomatoes said it was okay, if I recall,
but I really liked it.
I cried.
I loved it.
I got engaged.
I was all wrapped up in it,
and it's a part of sports that I like.
Speaking of upcoming movies,
I'm on online shit a decent amount.
And the Joker movie coming out,
all I'm seeing are mainstream publications being like,
people are fearing a shooting from the Joker,
an incel or a white supremacist shooting from this and
it's like i have not heard a word about this from anyone who's not in the media why are you stoking
flames it seems like you guys are the ones who want a story out of this you fucking duplicitous
cocksuckers why are you why are you projecting into reality your own shitty wishes like nobody is
saying like even that dude who shot up uh the the the new zealand the joker movie a while ago
yeah i wasn't a white supremacist like i was jewish like and he even like got interviewed
afterward like about the joker thing like were you trying to be
the joker and like in in a longer more crazy spiel he was like nope nope just insane i have no no ties
in with that character whatsoever i just knew it was going to be a big movie and i wanted to kill
people he colored his hair right in like a non-human way yeah it was a green and it turned
out that was just something he did okay that was part of his crazy and it's like what the fuck people like like i saw the new york post and like a couple other like
wall street journal wall street journal washington post one of those like putting these articles out
and it's like you're just giving people ideas you're just doing that thing where you make an
article about three tweets that you found from people with nine followers and you go there's a
trend happening and it's like no you go, there's a trend happening.
And it's like, no, you're speaking something
into a potential existence.
I'm sensitive to that.
I got a couple of them, almost all Antifa coverage.
Dude, I've never seen Antifa in my life.
I guess they just don't exist here.
I don't know how big it is.
It always seems like it's 12 assholes in a street
and they're acting like it's a national movement.
Oh, David Chappelle's new special, right?
My little universe, I didn't see any liberals complaining about David Chappelle's new special right I in my little universe I didn't see any liberals complaining about David Chappelle but I saw tons and tons and
tons of coverage about how liberals were complaining about David Chappelle and
I'm like dude it was funny it was funny like I get like these ones yeah he did a
really good set David Chappelle hasn't gotten worse.
And that's, I can't think of another comedian I can say that about.
Well, absence makes the heart grow fonder in a way with him because he's been gone for so long that when he comes back, people are just so thirsty for any kind of funny content from him.
And like, like being totally truthful, his special isn't half as funny as the David Chappelle show was it wasn't like the Chappelle show was just funnier but we've been missing his kind of comedy and his funny cadence and his jokes for so long
that we're like yeah this is great this is good to me it is great and it's good compared to the
current crop I thought the David Chappelle show was little hit or miss I thought almost every show
had a great bit but there are also bits I had to endure you know and just to get to the good ones
um I do like his cadence I like the way he does it I his part on Kevin Hart that
might have been two things ago was freaking hilarious I love that really
like his son really just loving Kevin Hart he gave his son like a Kevin Hart
shirt he's like wear this when your dad's mad yeah Chappelle's great I do the other one who i think um is as good now as he's
ever been is joe rogan i actually didn't love joe rogan stuff from 10 years ago get into his
stand-up honestly like he's he's not that funny to me on stand like i don't listen to i listen
to his podcast maybe like once a month when i see a guest that i like but i like him in a
conversational setting a lot more than i like him in a stand-up setting. Not his most recent special, but the one before that.
Have you seen it? I don't. What's that one called? Do you remember? I would have to look it up,
but he tells the joke where he looks like a thumb with two thumbs, if that one rings a bell.
That's a good joke. Yeah, it's not that, like, they're all stand-up comedians.
They're all funny.
Yeah, he actually, he used a joke that I kind of ripped on.
He said that he could beat up everyone in his family.
I kind of stole that tonight.
But, yeah, anyway, that special, to me, opened my eyes.
I never really loved Joe Rogan comedy until that one.
And I was like, oh, my gosh, this guy is as good as anyone.
I thought that special rivaled a Bill Burr
special or a Louis C.K. special or a Chappelle.
For me, it hit
my funny bone. I liked it.
Nice. To each his own.
Yeah.
Call it a wrap?
Yeah. I've got some...
My girlfriend's making some jambalaya right
now I'm about to go munch on that gonna be real nice I just realized I haven't
had dinner it's like a treat waiting for me now but my wife is sick so it will
probably suck you bitch you bitch just be better make me something new all right