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DKN 269
Woody, Kyle and that guy that you
tell the show starts at 6
so he gets there at 630
yes
I was so fucking
sure that I would be able to get
out of obligations and make it home
and then nope
nope not at all and where I
was I had terrible service so
my bad well we knew taylor perhaps you just
met you and didn't realize that you'd be late well i hope you guys don't have any pressing plans
later on i push it to 6 30 is what i needed the the way that flying and the show conflict changes
throughout the year right so now sunsets at like 6 30 so if i ask you guys to just delay to 6 30
like there's no conflict in the summer,
sunset's at nine. So I can go after the show. And then there's just a few weeks a year where I'm
like, Hey guys, does seven work for you? I had a very, I had a meeting with a client and that
client had hired a new girl recently and she's younger girl. And I had an awkward experience because I don't
see her that often. And so I had, I guess I was like walking through their parking lot, like going
to my car for something in the middle of the day. And then she, when I saw her, she was like, Oh,
I knew it was you. I can recognize you from the back of your head now. And I was like,
I can recognize you from the back of your head too. And was like i can recognize you from the back of your head too
and it didn't until a minute later register it's like oh that's not appropriate
like you're fucking someone doggy style and you know the back of their head and i think that she
took that away from it because she she laughed and i didn't mean for it to be that way i just
assumed you meant her ass in a roundabout way i didn't really
go to the hole you know you know when you're her doggy style probably in the ass
no just regular doggy i'm a traditional man okay keep it in you know in the safe hole kyle's
teeth gritting seems to imply he agrees did Dude, you look mischievous, like a clown over there.
Did you end up seeing Joker?
No, I haven't seen it yet.
I'm thinking about going tonight, actually.
Dude, I almost went to your place to go.
The weather on Saturday was supposed to be bad,
and Sunday was good.
And I was like, dude, I'm in Hartwell.
I'm going to ring Kyle.
I'm going to invite him to go see Joker somewhere.
Whatever, we got time.
And then the weather turned really
good and I got swamped.
I was probably asleep. My sleep schedule
is... It's nice to be
able to turn on the lights
whenever you want.
It's almost like I'm paying for this electricity.
It's like you're not married.
It's real nice to have
control over electricity in your own
refrigerator and stuff.
So I'm really taking advantage of all that.
You know, like last night I was up till like six in the morning.
Like, don't be confused.
I didn't go to bed at six.
At six in the morning, that's when I decided, let's make some ice cream.
I think this is the right time to make some ice cream.
And I was like, I don't even have the ingredients for ice cream.
Let's see what I have. And I had like an old. Oh, I forgot you bought an ice cream. And I was like, I don't even have the ingredients for ice cream. Let's see what I have.
And I had like an old...
Oh, I forgot you bought an ice cream maker.
I have an ice cream maker.
It's incredible.
It's incredible.
I was like, oh, you go to the store and fucking buy it, retard.
No, no.
Fuck all that.
No, now I make whatever kind of ice cream I want.
So I had like a whole jar of those maraschino cherries,
the kind that the juice is just so delicious.
And, you know, so I'm just like water we're gonna make cherry ice cream so i just pour the whole jar into the the sweet cream which is like the base for any kind of ice cream and
i had like one of those big family style candy bars so i just crushed the fuck out of that and
throw that whole thing here it was a hershey's Symphony, which is like toffee and almonds.
I'd never had it before.
I got it specifically to make ice cream out of.
It was incredible. It was really good.
I like the Kyle just scouring the house
for ice cream and geese. Pickle juice?
Ah, the fuck.
You joke? In prison,
they made cheesecake. I don't know if I talked
about this, but they make cheesecake with
the, you know the bootleg ingredients.
One of the flavors of cheesecake was pickle juice cheesecake.
Pickle juice is underrated.
That shit's legit.
Not in a cheesecake.
That's a terrible mouthfeel and texture for pickles.
Fuck that.
I mean, they were into it.
They were into it.
I mean, but you get into weird shit when you're locked up like that.
Like, you get what you can and you take what you can.
That's why so many guys will, like, in prison, if they're the big muscular guy,
fuck assholes of other dirty men and then get out and be homophobic
and be like, nah, I'm not gay.
Just fuck that guy.
Yeah, the gay guy told me that anybody
who's been in for five years, they're down.
Like after five years, everybody's down for some of that.
Can't you just beat off and then be like,
whew, save myself again from something that,
just imagine the first night in prison, Kyle.
Like imagine you were five years and two days in in you finally get your dick sucked by a guy and he's like hey come on i
gave you the max suck my dick and you suck his dick and you're just laying in bed a bleachy flavor
on your tongue wondering who am i but i feel like that's a lot of your hang up, Taylor, is that you don't want to be gay.
Now, if you take away that stigma, if you take away any problem, if you're in an environment
where all the highest ranking people are down for a little gay sex, but not being gay, then
you might reprogram a little bit there.
Yeah.
But the big hang up isn't i don't want to
be gay it's a man isn't appealing you know if it's a good looking man well there was a
transsexual that was there a couple months before i got there apparently with some big old fake
titties that seems like an incredibly dangerous situation for them to be and then also i saw a
story where it was like it was like it
was like trans woman transferred to female prison after long litigious
about sexually assaults 20 women in first week him fucking mean mug and
smiling at the camera and it was like you son of a bitch she figured it out
cuz he still had his dick yeah yeah. That's what he used to do, the harassing.
That's the trick right there.
If you're going to go to prison, you're like,
and now I'm a transsexual.
I'm going to need to go to that ladies jail.
Yeah.
But it said that he sexually assaulted them all.
Yeah.
Or rape or some form of harassment,
probably like slapping people with his-
I just feel like, aren't there not women hungry for sex in a female prison?
Why do you need to sexually assault how bad is your game that you can't pick up some snatch in a women's prison?
Not an attractive person based on the photo. Yeah, Kyle. You know maybe
This is how we talk
Yeah, what you understand is in the clink that's what we little snatch and
grab if you know what I mean I'm trying to picture the stereotypical person in
prison who'd call it snatch and I'm short
A little gray in the beard.
Hey, guys. Mr. Helmet Head.
Snatch around.
Man, you give me 15 max.
The finest snatch you ever had.
Oh, we have something in common, Kyle.
I'm about 12 hours into the 11-22-63 audiobook.
Oh, good for you, man.
Good for you.
Yeah.
I'm digging it.
Parts of it are a little slow.
I'm really wrapped up in the main storyline, okay?
And then whenever they,
like right now what's happening in the book
is our protagonist is falling in love
and even just had sex with another woman at the school.
And, you know, they could cut the dialogue and that whole like
i get it i i guess he's gonna you know sync up some life in the past and that's what they're
trying to tell us but they could speed it up speed it up a little bit yeah it's a thick book
and that is definitely part of it is you know you've got the whole main story of him trying
to stop lee harvey oswald and then there's sort of this secondary story of his love's
affair with um that young lady and jody uh texas sophie maybe i think her name might be jody
i think they're in jody texas i i don't know i'm spacing her name even though i literally just
finished the tv show last night this happens to me in audiobooks.
The voice actor is so good, I know all the characters
by the accent that he assigns to them.
Oh, that's cool.
There was another scene where he got sick, right?
He had some sort of stomach flu, and he had diarrhea,
and he threw up.
Oh my goodness, six pages, like, on the details
of the poop and the interaction with the store manager
who sold him the Kaopeptate and what the vomit looked like and his previous meals and there
was his dinner, then his lunch, then his breakfast, then his dinner from the day before, and just
on and on and on and on and on.
And I was just like, my God, like, I'm a little bit older since we started this topic.
Yeah, he has to go buy incontinence pants, which are adult diapers,
because he has a mission to complete today.
Because a man is about to master his family today.
And he can't take the day off because he knows it's about to happen.
He's in the fucking future.
And the thing about changing the past is that the past doesn't want to be be changed and so it will throw these ridiculous roadblocks in his way like his car won't start or he'll get a
flat tire and then the engine will explode like if he's trying to drive somewhere to stop a thing
and so one of the things that time throws in his path when he's trying to do this thing is
he gets like diarrhea and vomiting like all day long and he's just he has a real
tough time like like he's he's waiting to like save this family meanwhile am i gonna shit myself
the past simultaneously hates him and loves him right and this is the the universe of the past
like he mentioned it throws roadblocks when he tries to make changes. But then he ran across these kids who were doing a particular kind of swing dance that got him back in it.
And then a year later, I'll say, that same song comes up.
And him and this Sophie Jody woman do that same dance again.
The past harmonizes and throws these lovely coincidences his way.
An interesting little tidbit about the two children that he meets there. And in the book, it's Derry, Maine, which is, of
course, the town that Stephen King focuses on in a few different
books, the main one being it, that is the town where it
happens where the you know, the interdimensional being that
takes the guise of a clown and murders children every 26 years.
Those two children are two of the main characters from the book It, right after they've defeated
the clown. It's Trashmouth and Beverly. And he's like, I'm baby. She's like, I'm baby from the
levee. And they're doing that little rhymey thing with their names and they're doing the Lindy.
They're doing the Lindy hop and he teaches them to do the Lindy hop. And you know, they're doing that little rhymey thing with their names and they're doing the Lindy. They're doing the Lindy hop. And he teaches them to do the Lindy hop.
And that keeps coming back over and over the whole...
There's a thing I'm really curious about, but I didn't pick up. Had they just defeated It or are they
about to defeat It? They had just defeated It. Oh, okay. Oh, interesting.
For the first time, because they've got to come back as adults in the It book. That's the reason
after 11-22-63 I immediately
read It because I was like,
I know that those two
kids are from It.
They sort of
hint at it, talking about
the bad things that had happened there.
I recognize the town's name, Derry.
D-E-R-R-Y.
That's an easy giveaway.
They mention that a lot of bad things had happened in that town and kids disappeared. the town's name Derry. D-E-R-R-Y. That's an easy giveaway, yeah.
They mention that a lot of bad things had happened in that town and kids disappeared
but he's there to prevent a guy
who kills kids
and I never really realized
that it was It. I didn't know that.
So I thought that maybe that guy had killed some
other kids. I know he killed his own kid
from a previous marriage.
I thought maybe he was the one, I thought maybe that's one of
the things. That's the one of the things that the the clown and it that Pennywise does is not only
does he himself take the the the form of whatever you're most afraid of to frighten you and feed on
your fear. But he also will sort of possess like a demon, people who are vulnerable to possession, people who are like
alcoholics or already right on the edge. In the case of those kids' father, he's an alcoholic
who has lost his family. The wife has divorced him because he was abusive and he's lost
contact with his children and all that stuff. So what's going on is the clown is possessing him even I think
in the pages of 1122 63. You're still dealing with Pennywise to some extent. Because there's
this really creepy scene in in, in Texas. Oh, and it where the clown possesses Beverly's
father and gotta give him my she's 11. And he's like, he's like, you've been letting
those boys put their things in you. And she's like's like what i don't even know what that means he's like take
off your pants i want to see if you're intact and she's like no that is that's that whole story is
pretty fucked up and i haven't even i've seen the first movie i haven't seen the book i wonder if
like how big of a cultural thing was it to be afraid of clowns prior to it coming out?
Was it at all a thing or did it kind of make it a thing?
I think it really made it worse because especially in modern times, because things like that are cyclical.
You know, what people are afraid of, our fears are cyclical and they're oftentimes based on pop culture or just culture.
You know, there was definitely a time where, you know,
diseased, where strangers were scary
because you might think that strangers were gonna bring
some sort of flu into your village, right?
Back in the olden times and demons and witches, of course,
back when we didn't understand how the weather worked
or, and everybody was hyper religious.
And then in modern times, when something like it comes out there were protests around the country of actual
hard-working clowns saying hey you're our gig up like like we're we're here to make the
children laugh and and you may you're putting this steven media acrobat why are you giving me shit i juggle yeah i'm happy the happy
clown my name is happy i juggle come on children run from me crying when they see me now i haven't
been booked in six months you know and that's a real thing well they also didn't have the help
of what was it last year the year before where the meme of like people dressing up as
in elaborate clown suits and then just standing on the edge of the woods which the more time that spreads between those events and
now the more i'm like that is so fucking funny like that it is it's a really funny thing because
you know you're scaring the shit out of someone i didn't like that kyle's talked about cyclical
fears it's occurred to me like even between my age and Taylor's,
are you not scared of sharks?
I saw Jaws as a child.
I was traumatized.
I was scared of sharks in fresh water.
Oh, sharks?
I was afraid in pools I would go in.
I remember when I was seven or something,
me and some buddies were in a pool.
You know how you'll just hang on one side and wait, and then you'll do a race to the other side and all that shit?
Sure.
And someone was like, I don't want to go.
Jaws might be in there.
And I was like, it's a pool, Max.
Jaws isn't in there.
They're like, all right, Taylor, then you swim across.
I'm like, how about we all do it together?
I remember I finished the first time I saw Jaws.
I can't believe my parents let me watch.
I was like five or six.
I was down in my basement watching it on the glass screen boob tube by myself and just like really into it. And the scene of him like almost sliding into the shark and eventually sliding into the Sharks maw scared the shit out of me and I remember
when it went when it was over sprinting upstairs and sprinting through the
hallway in Matt because I needed to get to my room because I kept imagining out
of the bathroom a giant shark head just coming at me meanwhile I live in Missouri
you were like I'm dumb child, Taylor.
Absolute retard. That's a
very scary movie. Jaws
scared a lot of people.
When the blood came out of his mouth when he was getting eaten,
that scared me to death. I can still picture that
scene. Yeah, that's a great scene. The best
scene of the movie is, of course, the USS
Indianapolis speech that he delivers
the day before he dies or the night before
where they're all sitting around drinking.
I think the actor's name is Robert Shaw.
Robert Shaw, Roy
Schneider, and the Jew
are all sitting there
having this conversation. At first,
they're showing battle scars off.
I can't think of his name. He's a famous
actor from Close Encounters
of the Third Kind. Him and Robert Shaw are having
this moment where they connect finally because they've been at odds with each other Kind. Him and Robert Shaw are having this sort of moment
where they connect finally
because they've been at odds with each other the whole time
because Robert Shaw's a roughneck
and the other guy's an intellectual.
And he's like, ah, look at this.
A stingray got me off the coast of Spain.
And he's like, ah, that's nothing.
Tiger shark off of the coast of Australia.
And they're showing off their scars back and forth.
And then he mentions the USS Indianapolis
and they start laughing. He's like, you were, you were on the Indianapolis. And he starts telling that story,
that whole monologue. And it's so funny. Robert Shaw's character, the fisherman,
the roughneck guy, he had served in world war two. And in case you don't know the story briefly,
it's true story. It happened a hundred percent like this um the uss indianapolis was delivering
one of the the nuclear weapons um to that was going to be dropped on japan it had to be taken
by ship from the united states over to one of the japanese islands that we control loaded into the
enola gay and dropped on a city and their mission was so secret that when they got torpedoed and sank on the way back,
they didn't radio for help.
And all these soldiers are badly burned and poorly equipped, just floating in the water.
Something like 1,600 men are floating in the water with no help coming for like a week.
And the sharks ate many of them.
A lot of them died from dehydration from sunstroke a lot of them
killed themselves they just allowed themselves to drown because of the horror of the situation
burns all sorts of things like that but hundreds were eaten alive by sharks while the others
watched and what a terrible way to go one of the worst life vest again imagine getting burnt
not dying and then getting eaten by a shark on top
of that yeah and the whole while knowing and not even having the thought in the back of your head
like they're coming they're coming when they'll be here soon like you're just sitting there like
man this is i'd rather have any disease than this probably yeah other than that one where like your skin falls off that
TLC leprosy yeah not leprosy that's the Jew yeah it's a Julia Julia Luis's
father right yes it is no it's absolutely not her father's a rich
industrialist only just be played as. That's the disease that causes your skin
to fall off and your legs to eventually
need to be amputated. It causes
sexual assault in its
victims. They become
very sexually aggressive.
Disorientation.
Before I knew it,
there was a hole in my leg and I was
groping a woman over
and over under the seat
of the back of a Winnebago.
I can't participate in any of this because Blade was nice
to me once ten years ago.
You ever seen the cold
dead eyes of a woman who's just now realizing
you've been assaulting her for the last
four weeks?
And those eyes just roll
over white like a doll's
eyes.
And those eyes just roll over white like a door. I know she won't remember any of this in the morning.
Unfortunately, ice Poseidon's been streaming it to the whole
all night long.
And now you'll have to talk to Chris Hansen, who's fallen far, far from grace.
Is his show still going?
I don't know, man.
If he's interviewing, I get out.
He's doing a new drama alert, I guess.
Yeah, I get out and he's talking to Bjorn
and only using me playing.
He's like, so Bjorn, I'm wondering why it is
you have a problem with me.
Bjorn's like, your name is Hansen.
Ja?
Yes, it's Hansen.
Why do you pretend that you are American?
I am American.
And by the end of it, he's like, I think I understand now.
He's an alcoholic numbskull.
My name's chris hatchard and i'm confronting
pedophiles talking like like different people i'm sean godrey that's chris hanschen
yeah i can't help it it does every time yeah i saw that and I was very confused. Blade needs to do something.
His legs.
I'm in prison talking on the phone and Kitty's like, yeah, Blade's legs are rotten off.
And I'm like, I don't have time to talk about Blade's rotten legs.
Did you get the bread machine or not?
I knew you were going there.
I was going to kill it.
Kitty, Kitty, the Ace 1000 bread maker.
Did you order it?
The Cuisinart, God damn it. The Cuisin maker. Did you order it? The Cuisinart, goddammit.
The Cuisinart.
So many minutes, I get a day.
Time's ticking down.
They're warning me already.
Yeah, I just didn't care.
I wish the best for Blade, but you know.
I have a high opinion of Blade.
So I assume that those pictures of his legs were just like his worst day, you know?
And then if we hypothetically took a picture
four days later, they'd be largely healed.
I thought that.
Other people were talking about him losing his legs
and it's like, you're just drama person.
Then I saw a picture maybe a month later
and it's like, whoa.
It's worse.
Is it, is degradating, degradating?
Degrade.
Degrading is what I'm looking for, thank you.
I mean, I guess decompose is what we're talking about.
This is a degrading situation.
And I just didn't expect that to happen.
I didn't think that would be the case.
Well, if you look at his flesh, like, it's dark purple.
Like, it's not the color of healing.
You're right.
I just projected onto it.
Like, I don't know if you took a picture on my worst day after a skateboard slide or something like that you might say what his legs are a bit
fucked and it's like yeah for now and I just attributed that to blade yeah he's having a
bad chin day I just don't know how like is
it true oh go ahead is it true that he wears diapers now because he shits
himself so often well I to be fair let's be a I think it's more the piss you know
the way it's been relayed to me is that blade shits himself on such a regular
basis that he puts diapers on and and he's discussed that openly.
In Cotton's pants.
Yeah, he did poop on that couch.
Like Jake Amberson.
Is he a time traveler, and we just don't know it?
Is he trying to stop the assassination of Barack Obama,
and we just don't know it?
He did it.
Congratulations.
Didn't happen.
You know, maybe he's going to come back
and do something important still. Is he a time time traveler and he's just really struggling with it and that's why
to maybe it seems like time is really throwing some roadblocks in front of blade to stop him
from having any kind of a future jesus christ it is rough to watch because it's like like have you
ever had like what in your mind is like a moderate or mild thing
happened to you like something as simple as i had a deer tick on me that i found after i was doing
yard work the other week on the back of my leg so i pulled it off and even something like that
obviously no blood it's just a little tick i'm like huh i'm gonna check on this every day for
the next four or five days make sure that a bull's eye area or a scar, not scar, whatever it
is, rash begins to show up.
Because if you get that bull's eye, it means you're probably got Lyme disease.
A little fever, too.
Yeah.
I was fine.
I was like, good.
Thank God.
I love red meat.
If I woke up and there was a rotting hole in my leg, I would be in a full-on panic.
What I would do, I'd bury my troubles in more alcohol and even like the type of alcohol it's like jaeger the the most sugary
kind like you can't switch to like you should like the healthier option would unironically be like
i'm switching to vodka it really would be yeah you know you drink vodka or tequila you know both of those are very low calorie
compared to whiskey or anything other than like fireball and fucking uh uh jaeger when jaeger's
not even good i don't like it alcohol is my now look i don't know what the fuck i'm talking about
so i'll preface it with this but you know know how calories in, calories out. It's a simple formula. Some people are like, oh, it's thermodynamics.
Alcohol is my primary example
that seems to be an exception to that, right?
Because what a calorie is is if you burn it,
I think one calorie heats up one milliliter of water
by one degree centigrade, something close to that.
Okay, so alcohol is very good at heating up water.
Yet if you drink it, it comes out of your pee,
it comes out of your breath,
it comes out of all sorts of things.
Like, I don't know that your body is as awesome
at converting alcohol to fat as it is, say, sugar to fat,
which I'm awesome at doing.
Maybe.
I mean, I think mostly like it is the calories in calories out,
but like mostly the difference in.
So first of all,
like comparing apples to apples,
just like the ethanol content,
like the ethanol in there is what gives alcohol its calories.
Like one shot of vodka has got like a hundred calories.
One shot of Jaeger Meister is,
let's see,
shot of Jägermeister is let's see calories in one shot of Jäger is load faster 112 calories and Jäger is only like 30% alcohol whereas vodka is 40
yeah arts yeah and so it's more calories in jaeger and less alcohol and a fuck ton of sugar
and so it's like a triple triple down worse than even regular hard alcohol like i think there's
like a reason that alcoholics like you rarely see them drinking fireball 24 7 they're like
they've moved on to like high proof vodkas or the kind of vodka that you get in plastic barrels that like it's a
horseshoe of life you only buy those if you're like 16. i won't sit here and let you throw
stones at blade as if he's some sort of two-bit alcoholic drinking the wrong alcohols my man
is on top of the alcoholic game and you need to put some respect on that voice when you talk about
him all right all right but i just think he could both save time money and his legs if he would
vodka instead of fucking jagermeister like it's it it's like the worst possible name even drinking
beer like that shit kind of had me drink has to be pretty like worse than jaeger no but oh yeah yeah that's
it's called sugar it was really or grand gala they're very sugary yeah yeah grand grand gala
calories i bet it's similar honestly okay it's got to be higher i would guess 160 it just seemed
really sugary as a matter of fact like when i revisited the bottle for the
next drinking episode like eight months later the top of it was just encrusted with sugar like yeah
you could lick it and it was legitimately just sugar i had a glass of it i've told this before
but like there was just that tiny residue in the bottom of the glass after you drank it
and i left it sitting on my nightstand for a week and i looked and it had turned into this
crystallized rock candy formation that was beautiful like a snowflake so this is a one shot of grand gala has 156 calories
and 12 and a half grams of carbs and sugar per serving jesus christ i think next drinking episode
which is going to be a ways off i I think Kyle can't drink for a while.
We'll get that sorted.
No, don't sort it.
Taylor's doing his
Woody impression.
Vodka and water, I think.
I learned
I guess what you do is you
get a regular water bottle. I have to do it on air
so that people don't accuse me of cheating.
And you drink this much of it to the label.
Then you fill it up with vodka.
Oh.
Oh, is that too much you think?
I've never done that in a water bottle before.
My thought process is every sip of that 12 or 16 ounces is going to be hell for you.
Whereas you can just like take, you could take a rocks glass and just put like two fingers of vodka in there and be like, this is going to suck.
But it's only going to suck for five seconds and just be like, oh, I hated that.
Now I can move on to drinking, sipping Gatorade, which is like fruit punch flavored or lemon lime flavored.
And I'm fine with that.
you have that 16 and a half ounce bottle that's one eighth vodka every sip of it is going to be like oh so gross oh so gross for like 20 30 minutes if i do like vodka water to me i'll like
i'll put some mio or something in there you know mio is it's like that water flavoring shit
and like you just kind of spritz in there at zero calories and solve like put a shot or two in like
a nice big glass and then add as much water
as i want and meo it and it's really not that bad and i don't i just don't like taking shots i really
don't what is mio it's a sugar additive uh sugar flavoring yeah and so it's like you go like squirt
a little bit almost yeah but it's a liquid and it's super duper concentrated like you have like a standard like glass of water like like three or four drops is plenty yeah it's very it's very easy to overdo it
yeah it's kind of like tart um sort of sour flavor flavors if you put four drops of this stuff in a
standard glass of water it's like a hint of flavor right no no it's it's pretty flavored
really yeah okay it's very potent it's very concentrated other kinds they've got an energy kind
and it's you know they're only like this big little containers but it'll say like every little
that you do is 50 milligrams of caffeine and so you can go like
how much is all right this is now the most powerful drink in the world uh the coffee is
like 80 right okay i had a five-hour energy drink for the first time i think i had it in a loco once
but but um yeah it's just i needed it i had a big day. I was driving, feeling almost dangerous.
So I took a five-hour energy drink.
It works.
And it doesn't taste as bad.
Something about the bottle, the size of it, and the logo on it made me think that it was going to be awful.
Like cough medicine bad.
And it wasn't.
It was berry.
No caffeine either.
If you convince yourself.
Is that true?
Really?
Some of them, I thought they had caffeine. I I don't really use those I thought caffeine was the thing
they're like it's a lot of B vitamins in there I know yeah maybe I'm wrong I
always thought I had none I've seen caffeine free versions I know it's about
as much as coffee apparently I didn't know that I thought it was no caffeine
because they're always like tell me how it's no jitters like you get from caffeine but i guess all the b vitamins and stuff
are even out i've started uh working out on weekdays in the morning instead of after work
and so when i wake up like i don't like coffee enough to go make a cup and sit there and sip
it and drink it and wait for it to amp me up. And so I spent $7.50 on an Amazon jar full of 200 milligram caffeine pills.
And so in the morning now, I'll just roll over to my end table, open that, pop a caffeine pill.
This happened just on Monday. It was 6 a.m. And.m and i was like oh this sucks so i forced myself
i took the little little thing and then laid back down and like hit snooze and within like
eight minutes i was like well sleep's not an option all right i gotta go i have to go work
out or i'm gonna have a panic attack and i'm i'm pretty sensitive to caffeine and it worked great
i didn't feel that jittery uh for the most part like as long as it worked great. I didn't feel that jittery for the most part.
As long as I was working out, I didn't feel that jittery.
But man, $7.50 for 100 milligrams of caffeine.
Caffeine is the cheapest substance on earth.
I swear to God.
And so if you need to wake up quick, people out there, crush this up, snort it.
That's the only way to... Taylorlor what if i take it anally can we compromise you can do whatever you want with it man seven dollars and
fifty cents pop it each way every morning just in front i looked at 200 milligrams is also how
much a five-hour energy has i guess that's a lot of caffeine i don't like the idea of taking pills
or caffeine for some reason.
I don't know.
I like coffee.
I like sugar-free Red Bull.
I like those a lot.
And I just feel like that.
Get your B vitamins and your taurine.
Get your saccharine.
Have you had your daily dose of guarano
what the fuck is that
I don't know it's probably some
fucking Swedish root
did I tell you guys like when
they first got
popular and my mom was
like so sure
she was driving me to a friend's house I was probably like
14 or 15 I was like I want to. She was driving me to a friend's house. I was probably like 14 or 15.
I was like, I want to get an energy drink.
And she's like, fine.
If you want to get an energy drink in the gas station, it's your funeral.
Those are so bad for you.
And I'm like, whatever, mom.
Someone got one.
And I looked at the can.
It was just Red Bull at the time.
And she's like, do you know what that is?
Do you know what guarana is?
It's bat shit. And I was like, mom, know what that is? Do you know what guarana is? It's bat shit.
I was like, mom, I've seen Ace Ventura.
It's that you're thinking of guano.
Guarana is probably some other nonsense.
And she just was like, I kind of embarrassed the rest of the tribe.
I think for the thing about beaver anus is true, though, or possum anus.
Does anyone know what I'm talking about?
Yeah, yeah.
It's beaver like scent glands or something, which are right next to their butthole and
they're used to make like raspberry flavoring i think yeah yeah i like i was drinking a raspberry
sweet tea when i learned of this and i figured it wasn't true that it was a wives tale or something
and i googled it on my phone and there i was drinking
like otter anus or something in perfume as well perfumery oh they're in schnapps i don't really
drink schnapps but did you watch honestly if it tastes good who cares did you watch the ufc fight
at the lake but i i'm sort of caught up on the results
I guess Joanna champion I don't know what's true but she told everyone she wasn't gonna make weight
she said she couldn't do it she asked Michelle Watterson by the way it's fucking hot right now
um if they could meet at a catch weight and Watterson said no no yeah I'm gonna gonna meet
at our scheduled we We had an agreement.
You and I are going to fight at the weight
that we said you were going to fight at.
And she said, hey, just so you know, I can't make it.
And then when they're like, you won't change the agreement,
she says, well, I'll try.
So she made weight.
And then afterwards, Dana White came out and said,
Joanna was just fucking with you the whole time.
She always knew she'd make weight.
And I don't know what to believe.
On one hand, Joanna does fuck with people mentally like that.
That's part of her game.
On the other hand, like, I don't know.
Dude, the internet.
So Joanna Champion got fake boobs since the last time she fought at 115.
Looks great.
A lot of people were like, I don't know.
That's like 200 grams of boob 400 grams the last 400
grams are the hardest to cut and just like suddenly people are like experts on the effect
of implants on cutting weight that would be my thought process is and as a know-nothing idiot
is like you just added artificial weight that seems like a wait till you retire maneuver
i agree mostly i i wonder what kind of
opportunities come their way like page van zandt's a professional fighter but she's also making some
money modeling and i am i can't think of any movies she's done but people like that get movie offers
so i have to wonder if she's like you know if i had some jugs i i could get the next hunger games
maybe yeah she was very flat-chested beforehand.
Both of them.
Yeah, both of them.
I'm always in favor of that.
I figured she'd beat Michelle.
Joanna's very good.
I think she's probably the second-best fighter at that weight,
and the first-best fighter is Rose,
who I read was looking really good.
I hope she comes back and fights soon.
Yeah, that title's changed hands three times in the last three fights.
I forget the current champion's name.
Isn't the Asian lady, right, the Chinese girl?
I'm pretty sure she won in China, right?
Is she the champ?
I thought that the big Brazilian girl that beat Paige lost then to the Chinese girl
and that the Chinese girl now held it.
That sounds great.
That's my understanding.
But in any case,
I'm a big Rose fan.
Don't really care about those other girls.
Michelle's very pretty
and she's got a nice family life.
She's got a little kid and everything.
I wish the best for her,
but I'm a big Rose fan.
I want her to get her championship back.
She looks so good in that fight
up until that lady slammed her
on her head and knocked her unconscious.
Yeah, so Kyle has
everything right.
Wiley Zhang is the champion. Jessica
Andrade?
Andrade, I think. Okay.
There's no G, but that could still be right.
Jessica Andrade
is the one that she beat, and Rose
is third. And Joanna Champion is fourth, I she beat in Rose's third.
And Joanna Champion is fourth, I guess, in that weight class.
Is there another UFC fight coming up?
Yes, the BMF.
Oh, wait, what are we talking about?
Joe Lozon fights this weekend.
Yeah, three days, I think.
Yeah, I have the 19th in my head.
Does that sound right?
Oh, yeah, I thought it was the 18th.
Yeah, Joe fights just a few more days.
Yeah, look forward to watching that.
Yeah.
Hope Joe wins.
They're in Boston, of course.
You know, I don't know anything,
but I would think maybe Joe's planning this as like maybe a retirement fight.
Maybe he rides off to the sunset on a whim at home. That'd be a nice
way to do it. Yeah, I hope so.
That would be cool.
That would be cool. But I'm not in the business of
predicting Joe's retirement.
Nope. Nope. It's up to him.
Yeah.
Today was the Blues Day
to go to the White House. I saw some
news stories. And Trump has been
ridiculous about it he
he's like doing an interview apparently he's like uh you know early in the season i even
talked to the commissioner and he said it does not look good for these guys and he goes uh
alexander steen was standing up there with them and steen is our guy who has like all
four teeth missing he was just like these guys that came back, they won that.
Get a load of this guy.
Get a load of that face. Get over here.
Fantastic.
He's like, I think I think I can take this guy to fight.
You think he's taking a few hits?
I don't know. I don't know about that. I don't know.
Introducing shit.
And it's like all the blues are behind.
Meanwhile, it's the most Canadian team in the NHL.
Like 18 of the 22 of them are Canadian.
Yeah.
And he's saying stuff like, I'm here.
I'm celebrating.
Having a great time with this team.
A wonderful time.
Our economy is doing great.
You know, even Nancy Pelosi couldn't ruin the fun we're having today.
And all this stuff.
He's like, British Academy in history, boys. And they're trying trying to impeach me i wouldn't worry too much about it to a bunch
of canadians it's just like it's just so funny you guys see the electoral margin that i won by
it was the largest history our goalie bennington tried to like do like did the hand thing back to
him a little bit oh like the poland is trump still doing that he does he's 70. you
cannot teach him a new trick he's like 74 years old he's an old dog and he was like this man right
here stopped 32 of 33 shots gave seven against the bruins in Boston I just gotta know why didn't you
just stop the last one pretty good I don't know I was I guess it was a good idea of always just like you always have good reflexes. Yeah,
I'm sure like,
what is Latin? What? Stop that when he did you?
34 a piece of black this 3536.
So he's just out there talking about impeachment.
And you can see the blue spine of guy just being like, why about the hockey game and
then let us eat the ever getting colder Chick fil A you provided.
It wasn't Chick fil A, right?
Oh, is it not?
I was just no, I'm asking because it's not too far.
It's Trumpian to do that.
Yeah. is it not I was no no I'm asking because it's not too far it's Trump Ian to do that yeah but I just wanted to know like like the the government's back open he
should have a White House kitchen honestly like if he had had heat lamps
on more than just the Burger King that day whenever the fucking Patriots went
or whatever it wouldn't have been that bad but i've been a college team oh college team that was alabama i think uh clemson probably clemson i don't know yeah
clemson so yeah well the cardinals are getting absolutely molested in their series kyle
uh so that's good news i don't want to talk about sports
oh the nba stuff is still going wild like we laid it out in the last pka
i guess the gm from some team maybe the spurs said something negative about china
a couple more players did but the nba came out and said we're not going to center what our players
say well now the players are self-centering now no one wants to say shit about China. LeBron James came out and said that
the GM was wrong and uneducated in his criticism of China. LeBron James is all about China, right?
That's where all his clothes come from, his sneakers come from. LeBron James' big business
interests in China. And LeBron James has been outspoken about some American political issues. And there
was a time when he criticized the right in some way. And they said, hey, you should shut up and
dribble. But their timing was bad because he was opening like a new private school in Akron. He
devoted millions or tens of millions or hundreds of millions of his own money to set up like a
scholarship fund. And this whole like LeBron should shut up and dribble thing Their timing was bad because he had just done a lot of good
You know outside of the game of basketball and he's coming out with a new line of clothing
I think called like more than just a basketball player something close to that
And while he's doing this probably from China the clothing he's like yeah, you know
I'm really like not for criticizing China the Internet's going wild with ripping the fuck out of LeBron James.
Oh, yeah.
It'd be funny if he was like, our clothes are proudly made in Bangladesh.
You really need to see the South Park episode.
Really?
It's called Banned in China.
Yeah.
And it's excellent.
It's really good.
Randy goes to China to try to break into that Chinese market and sell his marijuana.
And they open his suitcase.
It's full of marijuana.
And he's like, they're like, what is this?
And he's like, marijuana.
Oh, yeah, that's my weed.
And they're like, oh, now he's in a prison camp.
And the prison camp is horrifying.
Like, it's the worst thing you've ever seen.
There's people shitting in holes in the floor,
getting their brains blown out,
getting beaten severely.
And his cellmate across the hallway
is Winnie the Pooh and Piglet.
And, hey, since you're new here,
I was wondering, do you have any honey?
It's real fucked up. But,'s pretty good satire and commentary on the whole Chinese thing
and what's going on over there and how American companies will kowtow to the Chinese way of doing things.
The boys have had this separate storyline where they want to do this movie about themselves and their band.
They have two Chinese military guys who are just watching
the whole time, rewriting the script every second of the way.
Oh, no, no, no. Don't talk about homosexuality. That doesn't fly in China.
But he's gay. Doesn't matter. Write it out.
They're just like completely editing
and censoring everything they write.
It's pretty good.
How bad is China?
Like I feel uneducated on this now.
And I can tell you like
when you hear descriptions of China,
oh, they've got these work camps and prisons
and they do this.
Three million people in them.
How's that compared to us?
Like per capita,
I think America leads the league in prisoners.
It does, but we don't't lock we don't have political prisoners who are arrested for expressing their political beliefs
we've got like people who've smoked marijuana those real hardened criminals you know the ones
that need to be locked away to protect the rest of us yeah avoiders jaywalkers and such but yeah
these are like these are these people being brainwashed they harvest their organs the
prisoners they steal their organs do they literally harvest their organs yeah like I
literally where yeah they literally cut them open and take their kidneys that's a true thing that
happens yeah there was a clip on Twitter from like some like not Chinese I guess Taiwanese I
don't know fucking know what source it was. But it was showing all of these
bodies they found in makeshift
temporary caskets that were
people who were frozen alive.
They're dead now
because you can't just lay in dry ice
or ice for a long time. Not yet.
Maybe we could harvest their sperm.
Yeah, you could get their cum.
Oh, this one have a very good cum.
Look at his jawline. Is he still orally harvestable? Yeah, you could get their cum. Oh, this one have a very good cum.
Look at his jawline.
Is he still orally harvestable?
I don't know, but it is funny.
So many of these companies, these woke companies,
will be like,
I'm fucking BP gasoline and here's the trans flag
for the month of pride.
And then they'll be like,
gays don't exist and I don't care for them China,
please buy my gas.
Just whoever's buying it, they're gonna change.
Like all of those Marvel movies,
any progressive shit that they don't like,
China just cuts it out.
I don't think Black Panther did well sometimes they're sometimes there'll be an
alternate cut of the movie but oftentimes the movie is completely rewritten in order to have
chinese characters chinese locations and involvement of the chinese government to the
betterment of like the main characters of the movie i don't i don't remember how the end of
the martian actually goes in the book but in the movie movie, you know, oh shit, we're out of spaceships.
And China's like, oh, we have one. And it's China that saves the day. And, um, I don't know in the
Meg, uh, you know, that movie where Jason Statham fights the giant Megalodon shark, uh, you know,
lots of Chinese involvement and Chinese characters just sort of like squished into that.
I watched Godzilla, uh, two days ago for some reason i don't know what i was
thinking king of the monsters it was it was a real shit show just just for some reason there's just
two asian characters two chinese characters who are just squished in there and and one of them
mothra is in china so we got to go there they definitely weren't japanese they definitely
were chinese okay one top critic in China called Black Panther a
torture for the eyes he doesn't just dislike it I would rather go back to
that camp where I sold him out for smoking pot.
Yeah, I don't know about all that.
The episode's really good, though.
Really good. The South Park episode,
Band in China.
And now South Park is entirely Band in China.
Entirely Band in China after the episode called Band in China. Scrubbed from
the internet, yes.
I always wonder, what's scrubbed from our
internet?
A lot of fun stuff. It's hard to find that well all right uh i shouldn't have said that and then immediately go to something horrific
so a lot of things that are that we shouldn't ever watch uh i know that that that shooting at the uh
christ church or whatever the fuck it was in new zealand where the guy shot all of those muslims
that's kind of been removed from the internet that one chick that had sex on a urine float
urine soaked public restroom yeah what dude there's a chick she's smoking hot i guess her
father's a wealthy attorney and she fucked some dude on the floor of a men's restroom
and the floor had urine on it.
So it's like, it's gross.
Like she couldn't be a filthier whore, right?
Like that's, she wins whatever prize you get for that.
Anyway, that's good.
So her family had that video removed from the internet,
and it's the only successful example of that that I've ever heard of.
You can't find it, even if you spend some entire nights looking for it, hypothetically.
Even if you spend night after night, day after day,
your hypothetical wife and children have gone to bed.
Well, you know, one's in college hypothetically, but still.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
No, they removed an internet video from the internet.
And that just, I like the current strategy that most people have with their porn lives,
which is, ah, there's so much porn out there.
Like, what are the chances you're going to find my drop of urine in the ocean yeah right it's just there's so much out there
you won't see me yeah i mean the listeners still haven't found my uh all of my pages
but i'm more into snuff stuff and so that you have to dig deeper oh no yeah yeah yeah doesn't it does snuff porn
mean that you kill someone yes okay that's what i thought but i wasn't sure i wanted to be
to be sure have you ever watched that before i don't think so no never mixed the sex with the
murder so there is sex with it yeah okay so it's, so an ISIS guy beheading someone wouldn't be called snuff porn.
I thought it was almost like, you know how Reddit has that dumbass shit
that if I ever meet the person who came up with history porn and city porn,
I would want to go to their house, wherever they live,
knock on their drawer,
then as soon as I do, tickle tickle them tickle them until they're begging
me to stop help i'm dying i'm dying but i wouldn't stop i teach them a lesson okay oh i didn't know
snuff film yeah actually are you sure snuff film has to have sex yeah i think so
i thought it just meant that you snuffed a life out. Yeah, so the Wikipedia page is implying that the person asked to be actually murdered or commit suicide.
A snuff film or a snuff movie is a movie in a purported genre of movies in which a person is actually murdered or commit suicide.
It may or may not be made for financial gain, but it is supposedly circulated amongst a jaded few for the purpose of
entertainment.
Some film records of executions and murders exist,
but in those cases,
the death was not staged for financial gain or entertainment.
I don't know.
It doesn't look like,
I think there is snuff pornography and that's a related thing.
But I assume that would be your like
some slaver is fucking someone who's chained up and then after they finish
fucking they just I think of it as a murder a murder it's more of a mape well
that shit that shit doesn't seem very uplifting no not really my favorite what's
your favorite interview or video online you've ever seen where someone is like
killed huh favorite murder the one that like kind of puts a smile on your face
um i like that one where the isis guy is fucking a goat and he gets ac 130
that is a good that is a really good one i know the one too it's like black and white
sort of infrared footage or something and yeah that's two thumbs up the russian guy
getting beaten to death with hammers two thumbs down that one's very difficult and it's long
like it's i i got the time on that video that one actually is the extra 30 minutes additional scenes yeah you're gonna there's a whole thing with the weta workshop you get some peter jackson
commentary well it's the same video but we're dressed like uruk-hai that one with the hammers
in russia i want to say there's a screwdriver involved too.
There's a lot of tools.
As I watch it, my thought process on it is like,
all right, this is bad,
but he can have this kind of life going forward.
Okay, okay.
That eye's not coming back, but he's alive.
You can live a life with one eye.
It's not so awful that you could be a congressman.
And then it just goes on and on until you're like, ah, you know,
it'd be kinder if you killed him at this point.
This is just awful.
I'm not quite as far as Kyle where it's like losing one minor thing is kill yourself.
I need this.
This is important.
This, this, really all the fingers. one minor thing is kill yourself. I need this. This is important.
This. Really all the fingers.
Any of this.
What about your mouse hand?
You could do without a pinky and ring finger.
Fuck.
Your mouse hand, Kyle. Your mouse hand.
I've got a lot of buttons on this motherfucker, you know? I've got buttons on the side.
I've got buttons on this side.
You're right. If it's going to fuck with your KTt just end it i mean you know i could kill myself what's going on here
what is uh i'm curious how much weight have you gained since you got back i haven't weighed myself
but i don't think i've gained much i'm just into eating like one meal a day so and i haven't been
eating crazy like i made the ice cream but i didn't eat much of it like i
had like a few bites of it it was more about making it than it was eating it you don't look
like you've gained much but i was wondering if you were getting closer to to your mean normal weight
no i think i'm still losing weight because i've just been eating one meal a day and uh and i'm
keeping up with my little jog in the morning time because I'm just up anyway, you know, most of the time.
You're really jogging still.
I didn't anticipate that.
Good for you, man.
And the neighborhood here, I've got a nice little loop where I can do, I don't know how far it is.
I have no idea.
But it takes me about 45 minutes, so it's probably a couple miles at least.
Oh, at least 45 minutes?
You're probably running running over four miles.
I don't think I'm getting that far.
It's a light jog. I'm definitely
not running too fast,
but I'm definitely not walking either at the same
time.
I've been eating a little bit better. I've been cooking. I've got some
lamb tonight I'm going to cook. I've got some lamb
chops, some shoulder chops. I'm going to
cook those up with some broccoli and
a salad or something like that. Are you sous-viding them? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. I made filet mignon
yesterday. Cooked those up with some mashed potatoes. Those were really fucking good.
Sous-vide them. I use that for anything that's beef or lamb or I don't, I haven't tried it with
fish. I think fish is better if you just get it in a pan and get it over with.
Yeah.
I've been eating a little better the last week or so.
I've been eating less.
The weight loss is slow.
I saw Wings is gaining weight.
I got linked to that video earlier.
He's gaining at this point?
Yeah. Yeah.
The title of the video is W is wings redemption says he's gaining weight
and would do well in jail yeah now the second part of that statement as the only one of us who's been
in prison how do you think wings would do i think he'd be miserable not probably he'd have different
issues than i would have because nobody probably want to fuck him but like i think that like the
beds would be so uncomfortable for him because like
the heavier you are the more you squish that pad you're on and the and the harder the closer you
get to the metal that's underneath it and i think he'd be just incredibly uncomfortable in that bed
and those chairs like there'd be no place for him to rest because i think in real life he spends 90% of his time, 99% of his time either in his bed or in his big office chair
or in a truck seat or something like that,
something that for the most part supports him well and comfortably.
And so to transition to a world where things aren't comfortable
for a 150-pound man, it would be real awful.
There was a big guy in there who was about wing size, you know,
probably bigger than wings. Cause I don't know what,
I would guess wings is probably three 95 right now. That would be my guess.
But there was a guy in there who was probably more like four 50 and, uh,
and just,
I walked by past his cube one day and I saw him lying in that bed and it
looked so uncomfortable. He's just like flat on his back to distribute it,
distribute his weight as evenly as possible. And still he's just like flat on his back to distribute it distribute his
weight as evenly as possible and still it's just mushed was he new there or was he just someone
who was eating so much every single day in the cafeteria that he was yeah oh you can stay fat
and you can gain a lot of weight there because there's just so much i mean there's three meals
a day and they're not healthy meals that was the core of my i was i was waiting my turn and i'm
like how how i thought Wings would do.
One, I thought he'd lose a bunch of weight because they'd regulate his diet.
This is my thinking.
I guess it's wrong.
And then that in itself would be like a positive for him.
Like, all right, I'm not in love with being in prison, but I am in love with losing three pounds a week.
And this is cool.
So maybe I was wrong there.
And I didn't see him like, you're very good socially,
and you can avoid conflict,
even when conflict comes looking for you.
Wings isn't gifted in that same way.
You know, I see him getting maybe irritated with a guy,
or I don't know, stepping on the wrong toes or something.
That's my personal fear.
Step on a toe in there, there's gonna be some blood.
Like I,
cause he ain't so big.
I didn't get that actually.
Yeah, that's my personal thing.
Like would I be able to never look in the wrong cell
or always filter every word, you know?
Like, and that's an important skill set in prison.
Maybe it'd be good to get raped right away
just to get fear.
Just so they know I'm a lousy lay.
Like a band-aid, right?
Yeah, I just go into prison after I've been lied
or they throw in that shit at me like Shawshank Redemption
and I just present myself.
I'm going to get ass-fucked,
but really unenthusiastically
so that all the other prisoners are like,
don't bother.
That guy's a lousy lay he's a dead fish terrible life
i think he'd gain weight probably in there because wait yeah because i don't think there's nothing to
do and and there's like a lot of food to eat you know there's three meals a day like i said and like breakfast a standard breakfast
is biscuits and gravy with like uh with fruit and they have this i thought it was water they had one
of those like things where like the top of it is ice and and like liquid like circulating in it and
you can you've got the little thing you can oh like it's like a fruit punch type thing right but it was clear it was clear so
i thought oh ice water i'd love some ice water and uh and so i got some one one day went to the
cafeteria for lunch it's just that their kool-aid is so cheap they didn't bother to color it that's
all it is it's this clear kool-aid you don't know what flavor you're getting is this fruit punch or
blueberry i don't know it tastes good though and it was so sweet i took like two sips and i was like my teeth hurt yeah i can't do this but
everybody else is slurping it down some people are taking their half gallon jug and just like
filling that bitch up so they got like half a gallon of this sweet sugar water of sugar water
yeah and you know things like bags of sugar you buy a pound of sugar for like two dollars and fifty cents or one mac will buy you a whole uh thing of sugar that's in a full old folders jar if you know
who to talk to so like so it's like breakfast is like the gravy and biscuits or pancakes or
something like that and then lunch could easily be like beans and rice and chicken and tortillas and uh or or like pizza or hamburgers i could
imagine him eating his sorrows too like i didn't realize i pictured i pictured me going with the
tray them giving me whatever they think is an appropriate meal and not having anything to say
about it yeah i pictured a lot more like oliver twist-ish, where you'd go up to go for more, and they're more, and then you get beat up by the toughest guy.
I mean, that's it.
You don't get more.
They don't beat you up, but there isn't more that I saw.
So you just load up in the beginning?
They put it on your tray, just like school lunch in high school or any school, you know, elementary or whatever, you know, they, they, they prepare your tray for you. And like, they'll ask you your preference, like, Hey,
do you want the gravy on it or on the side, that sort of thing. Or you can tell them, man, no beans
for me. And then they'll do that, but they're not going to give you extra of anything. Well,
the thing is the commissary, right? Because you've got those three very square meals a day
that are each probably 12 1500 calories I don't know
they're they're unhealthy meals it's a lot of stuff it's pizza and Swedish
meatballs and chicken fajitas and stuff it's not terrible food and then you got
the commissary all day and everybody's eating and they make they they'll fill
those big Tupperware bowls up with all kinds of nasty shit. It's melted cheese and nacho chips.
They're just eating Pringles all fucking day long and drinking Coca-Cola.
You could just go and go and go.
I would definitely gain weight in prison.
My big thing is snacking when I'm bored.
And if I'm going to be bored eating, I'm going to pack on the fucking pounds.
And I'm not going to pull a pounds and I'm not gonna pull a
Kyle and eat a pouch of chili a day I'm gonna be like well I'm life is just filling up time
between meals now and with you know reading it and Harry Potter I do think I could find a workout
buddy like that part of it I might be also do really well yeah workout buddy get my pull-ups
and push-ups in pushups in. Yeah.
Yeah.
Everybody seemed to,
almost everybody was out there working out. Like,
like we went early in the morning because I just,
I don't know.
That's when he went.
So that's when I went,
but a lot of people would work out twice a day or three times a day,
whether they,
and you know,
they run,
they play a lot of pickleball.
That was a big thing in there.
Um,
uh,
not so much basketball or softball ever,
never softball.
I was like, come on on let's get a game
going there but they play football and stuff like that so that everybody was working out
not everybody there were fatties in there you know there were people who just did nothing
and there were guys who seemed like they were working out hard but they just ate so much that
they were still just real fat that was about to say that's the move you just want to bloat max
you just eat as much as you can every day more
high protein still lift weights but you don't you're not trying to get shredded you're trying
to get you know prison thick ah so you want to be nobody you look bigger than you want to get
fucked yes you don't want to get raped like i like on an eye on a glance i want the i want the
thought to be oh that guy's big, and he's also
not good-looking.
Whereas if you get
shredded, it's like, man, that guy's
looking like a snack. And it looks like he doesn't
need a lot of snacks, because he's so shredded.
But I'm...
I can rape him.
There are a lot of snacks in there. A lot of snacks.
Are we talking about handsome guys
or snacks?
A lot of snacks. There are we talking about handsome guys or snacks in this situation a lot of snacks there's my friend snow block i was wondering like you were saying people
could get anything and they're like oh i you want some uh you want some vodka we got vodka
you want whiskey we got whiskey you want weed we got weed so did the guards just not care or were
people more careful about it to where there wasn't some guy just like stumbling around drunk?
Yeah, there was it that I could smell weed at night on the outside
but but like I never noticed that anyone was intoxicated or
Not on alcohol. I didn't smell any alcohol people. You'd smell cigarettes and weed on people though
Yeah, and you could I could tell you know somebody was really high off something else and i knew that they those
things were available and if you really wanted them you know you could go get them okay
but you know if they caught you you'd be in a lot of trouble so one thing i've never mentioned the
guards wear these big like key chains covered with like all kinds of keys and jingle
jangly things.
And the whole idea is, if you hear me come and put it away, and you will hear me coming.
I don't want to have cowbells tied around their necks.
They do.
They do.
And it's intentional.
It's it's all about them not wanting to like be like they're
there to keep you there they're not your your priest they're not your rabbi and they're not
your mother all right you do what you want to do but don't let me see it because if you've
got it out when you heard me coming you're literally disrespecting me and there's going
to be it's like you're rubbing it in my face like hey yeah guard i knew
you were coming i'm still rolling a cigarette up that's when you would get in trouble for a cigarette
the guards knew that every night at 9 30 or whatever whenever after they walked through
and counted us all as soon as they walked out the door everybody heads to the bathroom and
lights a cigarette up the whole place reeks of cigarettes at that point for like an hour
yeah but they jingle jangle every fucking where all the guards all the staff like this big chain that like runs from like there
I don't know like halfway between their hip pocket and their groin
And like down and back back almost to the opposite side like like between their hip pocket and their ass
And it's covered with like the big prison keys, you they're they're ridiculous and all this other shit on there that's like just old jingle jangly little coins
they look like those dungeon keys like you'd buy at a halloween supply store yeah yeah cool that's
what i thought and if they really now if they now i have seen before like i could hear them coming
and like after a while you get cued into the noise of that jingle jangle and I hear the jingle jangle but it's very faint and these two
doors away he's like just came into the dorm but he's not even into the sleeping
part of the dorm and I heard jingle jangle and I was like and then it went
away and I was like okay all right I guess he's not coming and then I hear
like a rubber boot behind me just just just real quietly. And I turn around and I look
and it's a lieutenant
or something like that. And he's holding
that bundle of keys.
Creeping through, trying to catch somebody
doing something. He's on a mission.
What an asshole. And he goes
in the back and he's like, he wakes some guy up.
He's like, alright, get out. Come on.
He starts ripping all the guy's shit apart.
Throwing all of his shit on the floor. He's searching him. He's shaking the guy, all the guy's shit apart, throwing all the shit in the floor.
He's searching him, he's shaking him down.
And I guess he didn't find anything.
But like when they do that,
they throw everything that you own in the world
in the floor.
It's so fucked up.
It's like-
It's so demoralizing.
It's like a tornado just went through
your double wide trailer and everything you own
is now scattered in the yard for the neighbors that never happened to you no
no they never searched my they ever looked at it they never bothered me and
they never nothing like that ever happened to me and it didn't happen
often to anybody but I saw it maybe four times when I was there that's that all
right everybody get out of here we're gonna search this whole thing and you
know they just took all their shit apart
and lifting up their mattresses
and just really digging through their little world.
I wonder if they always find it.
How many times have people searched
where they're like,
thank God they didn't look inside the pillow, whatever.
Yeah.
They probably don't announce that to people.
They're just like, oh my God.
Well, if they find,
well, the person isn't going to say anything. if they if they're looking they probably knew something uh i don't
know where people would i knew where people would hide some things but i didn't know like people's
personal hiding spots they did catch one guy with sim cards cell phones synthetic marijuana and
cigarettes and he never came back they had a lot of things he had a lot of things and he was he was like flaunting
them like like he like like he was sort of being braggadocious about like yeah i got this and that
just sim cards tossing them in the air i wrote 11 max this isn't college you can't brag about that
they said that sometimes a guard would confiscate a cell phone from one of us and
then they'd go up the hill to the medium security prison and they could sell it up there for
six or eight hundred dollars i guess that is awesome yeah i was like that's like 10
000 hours of work yeah i was like how many max is that? Five years of labor. It's like.
Yeah. That is pretty funny.
If I were a prison guard, I'd probably do the same thing.
I would not recommend that.
Depends how much you value your job.
Yeah, it depends how much you value that job
and perhaps ending up being a prisoner there.
Yeah.
Well, if you were a prisoner there,
you'd be very popular, maybe.
I don't know about that.
Maybe, with some of the guys, you'd be very popular, maybe. I don't know about that. With some of the guys, you'd be very popular, maybe.
Oh, that book I was telling you about, the Stephen King book, Mr. Mercedes, about the retired police detective.
I guess it's a fucking TV show.
I was just Googling it, looking for the third book.
It's called End of Watch, and I want to get into the third and final book of that series.
It's a TV show.
I'm about to start watching it.
Stephen King has a successful offer. I bet he's wealthy yeah 100 i would hundreds of millions of dollars yeah
he's written like 60 novels all of them literally all of them are like bestsellers and uh that's one
of the things that mill yeah 400 mil and the licensing like all of those movies that have been made like so many of his
movies that you didn't even know were his or movies like the running man that old arnald
schwarzenegger movie yeah right yeah i didn't either start until i started looking into it
and like all these current tv shows 11 22 63 that's a that they made a show out of that and
apparently mr mercedes is a whole tv show and everything from the shining to the shawshank
redemption to the green mile carry pet cemetery all of that stuff the stand under the dome is a whole TV show. Everything from The Shining to The Shawshank Redemption to The Green Mile,
Carrie, Pet Sematary, all of that
stuff. The Stand, Under the Dome.
He's pretty old. He's such
a weird fucking dude.
He's 72. I didn't know.
His nostrils are off-putting.
He's an odd-looking fellow.
I wonder if he's had some plastic surgery.
Well, he had that terrible
incident where he was ran over as a pedestrian.
And I think maybe, I know his leg was basically destroyed and had to be pieced together.
But by the look of his face, it looks like something happened there too, right?
He's an odd looking guy.
Or maybe they, so I'm looking at his face now.
In this picture, it looks like they stretched out like next to his noses.
Maybe that's why his nostrils that way,
they just stretched it.
I don't know.
I don't know, he's an odd looking guy, for sure.
Strange, strange, strange man.
Yeah, it's weird.
On some of his jacket covers, he's wearing,
he's got a mustache, that was not a good look for him.
It's weird to be odd looking, right?
Like, let's say he did have plastic surgery
that made him look like that.
What's the alternative version of him look like that what's the alternative
version of him look like super old i guess 72 he might be all like fat faced in a negative way like
i you look at him and you're like you look weird but what's worse weird or ugly
yeah you know sometimes i always want to know the alternate version do you
want to look older like a lizard yeah yeah i lizard who's an an example joe rivers i play a
lot of total war he's kind of botched um who's a plastic surgery person man He's a plastic surgery person. He's a man's a movie. Oh, who's the guy who sings, you know,
Kenny Rogers.
No wind to fold him.
Yeah, Kenny Rogers is fucked.
He doesn't even look like Kenny Rogers.
No, he doesn't.
But he's not that fucked.
I have a picture of him.
I'm going to send you a link.
He should have known when to walk away.
And know when to run. He doesn't want to run he doesn't have eyes kenny riders to me but he's looking down oh he doesn't look bad what does the other version of
him look like what does the non-altered version of him look like once you get to really fucking old
just give it up let it yes that's in society cut some slack right no they did
it with Barbara Bush the whole world nicely said isn't she sweet right no one
was like Barbara Bush isn't doing well in the hottest first lady pad SNL did oh
that's not nice but I felt like they just like, leave her alone. Right? She's not dying.
Mr. President, so sweet of you to bring your mother.
Yeah, she looks so goddamn old.
You know, people are like Melania.
They're like, well, Melania, you dumb bitch.
Because she is good looking. To me, Melania, she's also a plasticky kind of look.
But like I said, what does the non-altered version of her look like?
Maybe she looks better with that plastic surgery.
Yeah.
There's a critical mass of plastic surgery where when people get it, they can't come back from it.
They look ridiculous.
I don't know.
Maybe some of it's so good I don't even pick up on it.
That could be too.
Well, everybody ready to get
dinner so ready yeah let's get all caught up in celebrities looks yeah all right pictures of
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