Painkiller Already - PKN #281

Episode Date: January 16, 2020

Support the show & watch the PKN video by becoming a $10 Patron https://www.Patreon.com/PKA Merch: http://PainkillerAlready.net PKA on iTunes: http://bit.ly/PKAOniTunes PKA on Podbean: http://painkilleralready.podbean.com   Timeline by Urban   0:00:00 - Woody starts the show 0:00:15 - The gangs various nose issues 0:06:16 - Streamer Pestily’s success and charity work 0:09:59 - Iran’s missile attack 0:12:08 - Japanese culture 0:13:47 - Kyle introduces Taylor to a new sports YouTube channel 0:16:25 - Back to the Iran missile attack, was killing General Soleimani justified?, Should we be in the middle east? And more 0:29:52 - Reasons for the Iraq war, should America still be there? 0:33:28 - Watchmen spoilers start now: Kyle shares his issues with the new direction of Watchmen 0:46:47 - Streaming services vs services like blockbuster or redbox 0:51:52 - Woody shares a story of renting a dirty movie with a girl 0:53:52 - Kyle worked at a video rental store and enjoyed all the benefits 0:56:33 - Woody shares a story of visiting an adult store owned by xJawz's father, how did that influence him? 0:58:42 - More Iran missile attack talk, Trump about to address the nation 1:00:41 - Kyle retells one of the sports stories from the YouTube channel he found 1:02:21 - Football talk: Kaepernick, Colts kicker cut, Funny Pat McAfee story, Peyton Manning, Wonderlic Test 1:09:56 - Last minute comments on the Iran missile attack 1:10:58 - Woody calls it a show

PKN 298. My nose is so stuffy, it's hard to talk. Yeah. We're all here. You'll be fine. This is the short one. It's only... It's not fixed in two days, though.

It's going to be difficult. I'm fucked. Yeah. So... It's hard... You were telling me a story of how... Did you have a nose job or nose fix? Am I crazy, Taylor?

When I broke my nose, my mom was just like, yeah, just go ahead and shave down that hump. Okay. I have what you described, which is like I'm eating and I can't eat with my mouth closed right now because the nose is just completely non-functional. It's like I'll suffocate if I try to have good manners. That was the worst way to get scolded as a kid. I still remember it. We'd be having like pepperoni pizza. We're all there at the table. It's a meal. I love and I'm just going

Chew with your mouth closed How are you? You guys can eat and breathe? I'm gasping for air over here. Yeah. I was eight before I think that was a thing. Drowning every time soup comes on the plate. My sleeping is terrible because I have to breathe through my nose for the CPAP to work properly. So, like, maybe I'll get, like, three hours of quality CPAP sleep and the rest is, like, dry mouth, awful, like, you know, bad sleep.

Have you tried, like, Vicks Vapor Rub? Like, you know, sleep have you tried like vicks vapor rub like you know that stuff you rub on your chest and i i found pseudofed to be helpful my wife is suggesting zyrtec which is an allergy med that i guess handles the stuffiness i think i'm gonna give that a go and of course there is that machine that like like pumps water in one nostril up through your sinuses and out the other that That thing's got to be the ultimate fix. You can't fuck with a pressure washer in your nose. Why hasn't someone invented a little nasal umbrella that you can stick up there, inflate, and pull everything out?

I don't know if that's how sinuses work. It's genius. I'm telling you. I'm quite sure it's not. I know exactly what you're talking about, Kyle. I saw commercials for it at the airport, the Navage, and it looks like something, like if I were in

the Call of Duty campaign, and I'm all tied up, and then Sergey comes in with the Navage, I'd be like, oh, I'll tell you anything! I don't know what that is! He's like, foolish American, this is good decongest. Yeah, but you don't have to put decongest. Yeah, but yeah, but what?

You don't have to put water in it. Now I put Mr. Pibb in. It's very bubbly. How do you spell Verage? Or get close? I think V.R.A.G. There's a Q in there. Verage nose cleaner or something.

It's something. Something Aj at the end. It's a machine you're talking about, right? Yeah. Okay. So all I'm finding is like. It's Navage. Navage.

N-A-V-A-G-E. Yeah. It looks horrible. But apparently it really kicks ass. Works well. It's the world's only nose cleaner with powered suction to flush out allergens, mucus, dust, and germs. Unlike neti pots, the nasal squeeze bottles and push saline, that push saline through your nose, the Navage pulls. Yes, actively pulls.

Have you ever used a neti pot? Sucks. No, no. I would be down to use one of these Navages. Oh, it goes in both nostrils no it sends it in one and then pulls it through the other is my understanding and so it's like sending all the clean water here all the dirty waters coming back out through this one and into that bottom container so there's

water on the container and bottom container that conversation on this exact well that's the beauty of my age you You get to enjoy these conversations again and again. This exact thing. This is literally like those people are like, man, I wish I could just forget the Lord of the Rings and watch it brand new. That's my new superpower, Kyle. What he does is small appliances and small talk.

He's like, oh, oh. You see what goes up one and out the other. It's like, yeah, we did this last month. Yeah. Just like memories oh, oh. So it goes up one and out the other. It's like, yeah, we did this last month. Yeah. Just like memories in your mind. My biggest concern is that cleaning that bottom thing is going to be like less pleasant than cleaning out one of my many, many fleshlights. No. You just dump that out and you're good to go.

I think it's going to be a really cool thing to see what's in there. You're going to get done. You're going to be like, like look i made a big one it's like i bought this like mini steam cleaner for my couch and on my couch my like little spot cleaning for where i know the previous owner let their dog and piss and where they still will and i'll go over an area that i think is mostly pretty clean and it just comes out brown oh god like there's so much dirt i need to hire professionals you know how they say oh shit hard with sharing this with everyone dining room you know how they say like don't drive angry there should be a don't shop angry

because i just bought this the navaj yeah i've got one now i just impulse purchased a Navaj. And I shared my address while doing it for like the, I don't know, 17th time. Please don't send me personal messages saying I shared my address. It's not the greatest secret. I appreciate your kind hearts. This was the first time. Right? That'd be a big deal.

The fact that it's Googleable is not... Lesson learned. I appreciate your kind hearts. This was the first time. Right? That'd be a big deal. The fact that it's Google-able is less impressive. It comes and goes. Sometimes there's businesses for my house having to do with PKA, like Rape Squad Killers Headquarters located here and shit like that. But I don't think it's there right now. I had to explain to Pastilli last night what the Rape Squad killers were. I've had that conversation, yeah.

Well, did you tell him he was misinformed? I explained to him that we're horny, violent men, and we take what we want. And it's that sort of attitude that has made us so successful on YouTube. Okay, I'm glad you said what I was hoping you'd say. Yeah, yeah. In Russia, you don't ask for the pussy.

It's already yours. I'm an original. So, Pristilli, I saw him streaming, and he had 10,000 people watching, which seems like bad news, given that I saw him. When was that? Call it Sunday afternoon, it was post drops, the drops that ended. Okay.

Yeah, so I love what he did. I'm just, I don't know if he could have played it any better. There were drops, people were staying in stream, partly for the drops, partly for the content. I don't mean to, like, I'm trying to be positive. And I like him. I've been watching him, right? And I don't even play this game, but I've been watching Bastilli.

He would do 30-hour streams, 24-hour streams. He really maximized it, got everything he could. And now that the drops are done, his new base is higher. So, great job. Yeah, for sure sure I think it's got 13 or 14 thousand subscribers now which is huge yeah you're getting you getting several dollar he knows for those each you know yeah it's pretty great he's

raised 70 or 80 thousand dollars for the for the so far. Now that I can't get on board with. Kids with cancer. No, actually, I do love the idea. I would just rather it be like, I don't know, first become PewDiePie or Mr. Beast or someone like that who's already taking care of the family and his, and then once you get there, start giving away your extras and what you have. Maybe there's some...

I don't know. I mean, we can ask him when he comes on the show, but maybe he's got a personal story with childhood cancer or something. Maybe this is a really big issue for him. I doubt that he just reached out and was like, ah, sick kids. That's a good one. I love seeing kids sick. This is for kids with cancer?

More the better. I want to catch. I want to catch. I want to go visit those kids daily. I want to come close and personal pain. I want to look death right in the face, but far enough to not be scared. How do you feel about dying? Little boy, not afraid on a scale of, of zero to one, where would you put it? Are you afraid that Satan's gonna take you?

Yeah. Oh, and he will. Yeah. Which religion are you? Oi buddy, that's the wrong one. That's the wrong one. What? That's the wrong one. Whoops.

I'd be skeet-sheetless if it was you. You're all liars. Are there any religions that let you be a couple? I have a feeling Hindus are relaxed about it. Yeah, you can be Christian Hindu. No? No, they wouldn't let you be.

Are you thinking of Buddhism?hism uh yeah it might be yeah that is a distinct possibility yeah i think maybe the buddhists are more accepting of that sort of thing and maybe they just want you more it's more about living by by their teachings than worshiping i all i was thinking was that like if one of five is right, but two of them let you have dual citizenship, that's where you want to be. I see what you mean. You keep that Canadian passport handy just in case Trump really fucks things up. Did you see Iran attacked us?

What did they take? The tractor? The lawnmowers? Did they get your paramotor? No, they're apparently firing some ballistic missiles at some northern Iraqi bases right now. I forget how many.

It's dozens. Oh, that's great. What I read is they sent dozens of missiles. And I have heard nothing about if they hit anything. And by sent, they mean launch them

through the air even that i needed clarification not ups right i was like did they send them to some place for future action or like did or do they actually launch please tell me you did not send it to u.s ground but they were aiming at a u.s military base and uh do you know how many missiles it is Taylor I have I saw that it was called tens like tens okay which is you know who knows 10 20 right I thought dozens tens this doesn't roll off the tongue yeah but like those probably translated from what they said oh I like to think that the rest of the world doesn't even use dozens they have a metric system like you know they said tens of missiles yeah they need to adopt dozens that's a good one that's it that's a real

nice way of explaining things we need to redefine dozens to mean for every dozen you send we're sending the bakers back your way they're so confused now so i's not good. Hooray, another war. We'll see what Trump does now. I saw Joe Rogan was very afraid, he said, of this whole situation. He said it was very scary. He said it was the most afraid he'd been since 9-11. And I can see it. It's right on the brink of some real serious nonsense if things go the wrong way. I saw there was a stampede at that salami guy's funeral.

Over 50 people died. And hundreds were injured. They went to the funeral. I read two articles on it. Neither of them knew what kicked off the stampede. But my guess is elbowing elbowing turns into little girls look it turns you get millions of people gathered around like stampedes tend to happen exactly i mean we get that at concerts sometimes for no good reason only the japanese have mastered

being in enormous groups and nobody gets hurt ever they're all so polite so orderly that's a that's a good race of people right there every country should should look at Japan and be like, what can we learn from them? Oh, we know everything we know from America. We are the original rape squad killers. Alright, aside from the underwear shit on the street and the age of consent laws. Other than that, let's look at China. I don't think they do as much street pooing. I think that's the Chinese. No, no, I was joking about their, like,

used underwear and their like, silly little gross things like that. I don't know why, look, I think the underwear vending thing is, first of all, Yeah, you paint it like it's a negative, Taylor. First of all, I think it's like a gag. It's way overblown. I think it's, I don't know, what's a really bizarre thing in our society that we're all like, yeah, we

just do that because it's silly, you know, to mess with people. I think it's like that. I think it's i don't know what's a really bizarre thing in our society they were all like yeah we just do that because it's silly you know to mess with people i think it's like that i think it's halloween sure i mean i i think i i think that's you know it's the americans are dressing like demons again yeah right if you look at that through the wrong lens you could look at halloween kind of weird it's like so they dress up like murderers and and and they go to the houses and they threaten the people either give me candy or get some action and and they just give it up well they have to it's halloween i don't know about this honey maybe canada come on state sanctioned uh blackmail is what it is you're allowed allowed to threaten people. What's not a federal holiday? Should be good. I got a new YouTube channel. You're gonna fucking love Taylor. What is it like BT sports or something?

They do all of these obscure sports stories like like like just a couple of guys like us sitting behind a microphone and One of them that I watched was this guy this hockey coach who like read the entire rule book and found all the Air Bud rules and would just ruin the game. Just ruin it. There was one rule.

What's it called again? BT Sports. BT Sports or something. I think I've been watching that one, yeah. There's this one rule, apparently, on penalty shots, the goalkeeper didn't have to stay in the net. In fact, he didn't have to wear goalkeepers gear. And so they would put a defenseman in there. And when the guy came for the penalty shot, the defenseman would just come out like a bullet right at the guy

and take him out, steal the puck. And that would be their penalty shot. That seems very risky. I'm going to get the exact details of this wrong, but there was a rule that you couldn't by way of penalty have less than three men on the ice. Correct. Okay. Well, that meant that no matter what you did, the refs couldn't take another man off the ice. So they would just continually drop to two men, I guess. And the

refs would blow the whistle and make them put a third man out. And then they just take him right back off. And they would just run the clock down to nothing by doing that. Because they have to keep doing the replacement and blowing the whistle. No, no, no. Get him back out here. That ruins the spirit of it. That was the first rule he air butted. And because of that, they were like, Ah, if you do that, the other team gets a penalty shot. That's when he came up with a whole other defenseman is just going to take your your penalty shot guy out and steal the puck from him. Air Bud maneuver. And there's a few of them like that. It's a fun channel. I've known this one for a couple years, this channel. They did a basketball one where

I forget what happened, but two NBA teams were playing each other and the game went so wrong that they had to redo it. But during that time, one of the players was traded to the other team and that guy won like both times in the same

game and it was kind of fun i think i know what you're talking about there's one i looked at bt sport and now i'm not sure if this is even the right channel but apparently i named a channel that it seems like it's very popular i guessed the name of popular sport channel even though this is not perhaps the one i was referring to i'm gonna i'm gonna digging. But yeah, lots of really fun videos over there. On the missile thing, more than 30 is the current number and no estimates on casualties or damages still.

Hmm. So that's one of the... I wonder how this is going to pan out. Right? It'd be good. Like this... I'm going to get in trouble for saying this, but I almost like they get a

a little bit of see now we're even right like i hope the attack is is chill enough that as americans we don't feel obligated to respond in a big way and as iranians they don't just like miss with every missile hit sand because you know they'll be tempted to keep going like if we could just yeah it's probably gonna escalate though like that that solmani guy was like a very very popular dude in iran i i'm not saying you're wrong because i i might even agree with you but i do feel like trump doesn't want to be pro-war. He just... Just can't help himself. I mean, his largest donors and his advisors want him to go to war,

and that seems to direct more of his foreign policy on his own. Actually, according to Pentagon officials, blowing the guy up was like, they said when they provide Trump with options, like, all right, we got this problem, here are four options. They kind of did it the same way

that Kitty and I used to pitch companies would give them like a really cheap option that they're not going to like. Like, hey, for $10, we'll take your product and smear it with feces in front of a million people. All right. I hate that. All right. For $8 million, I'm literally going to make a Super Bowl commercial very poorly in your name. Okay. And I'm gonna fuck well, we hate that too That's all for $58,000 sir You're gonna love it and they're like 58,000 58,000. Yes. Yes. Yes. So like what they did with Trump. They were like, alright, mr. President

We could do this we could do that We could blow up an Iranian general. Right? I know. I told him. That one. Yeah. I love that. It's like, you remember the Simpsons movie?

Smoke that motherfucker. With like, Wolfstein or whatever the Schwarzenegger guy is the president of the Simpsons movie. And the EPA guy comes in. He's like, I have five. Devious. Each better than the last. Plans. Plan one, two, three, four, and five. And he layers the folder down. He's like, I have five. Devious. Each better than the last. Plans. Plan one, two, three, four, and five.

And he layers the folder down. He's like, I pick three. He's like, do you want to know what they are? I was elected to lead, not to read. I pick three. Yeah, I heard the same thing, Kyle. I've seen that in a couple places. Yeah, he picked... Such a terrible thing. Such a stupid

fucking thing to do. I don't know if it was stupid or not. I think that... I don't know that we can know if it was stupid or not. I don't know that we can say that it's stupid or smart. I don't know. The reason they gave was like, there's an imminent terrorist attack coming. They're changing that. If it's imminent, oh, they've already changed it. If it's imminent, you take out the main guy and the wheels are still in motion. Taylor worked a long day today, so he's not up to date on the last five minutes of news. But now they're not saying it was an imminent attack.

That was the reason. They're saying 15, 20 years ago, he killed hundreds of people, and he's a really bad guy, and he's a terrorist. They didn't mention imminent attacks at all. Am I saying the word right? Imminent attacks? Or any more. They're just kind of rolling back, because when they said they're imminent attacks, we did

this to prevent war. We did this because he's about to – I'm making – I'm exaggerating here. He's about to 9-11 us. All the people who aren't pro-Trump were like, okay, show me the proof. Just show me. Show me. And they're like, oh, well, you got us there. So actually it was things he did a long time ago.

Yeah, see, I saw Rachel Maddow saying that. And so like 15 years ago, he allegedly does something that we don't like. And second of all, like there's a CNN clip from three years ago and multiple mainstream media clips were praising him for being at the head of the battle against ISIS. Like he, that's not propaganda. He literally was in charge of fighting ISIS

in Iraq and in Syria. Yeah, they're different kind of muslims than the iranians you're right muslims which is where iran is they haven't committed a foreign attack on our soil in like 30 years or something i'm trying i can't say that because i don't want to be that democrat that's like you know trump being for my next trick i'll make democrats like iran and it's like no no no i'm not falling for that like I feel like I can't say this guy was some sort of good guy who took out ISIS because he's not a good guy I don't give a fuck about Iran over there I don't why are we there at all we shouldn't be over there that's not our problem

well we're not over there yeah we are we have thousands of troops on this right no well of course not in Iran but in like what five dozen bases immediately surrounding iran if iran didn't want war they wouldn't have put their country in the middle of all our bases taylor yes we've got an afghanistan iraq we have bases surrounding the edge of iran everywhere clearly they're provoking us the annoying thing with a lot of republicans right now and right-wing people as a whole like the more neocon type is if you say anything like, hey, what the fuck are we doing? Why are we doing this? Oh, you love Iran. You do. You love Iran. It's like, no, no, I really don't think that's fair. So so here's where I am on it, because I feel like I'm kind of in the middle with like most political stuff. I yeah, I feel

like we're very close. Get us out of there. I don't know. On so many things, my opinion is, I don't know. And I think that the people that do know might still be doing the wrong thing. But I don't know. I don't know why we have so many bases around the world. But every administration since World War II seems to have thought it was a really fucking good idea. All these fucking Nobel Prize laureate

advised motherfuckers who have tens of thousands of people in intelligence and our legislative bodies like, oversighting them and being like, yeah, yeah, let's keep funding this. Oh, yeah, do that. Clearly, that's the thing to do and that's the thing that's gotten us to where we are right now and i don't think that i'm in a position to like judge why we have a base in japan or a base in korea or a base right outside of iran you should be able to kill this guy they're paying for it i want to go are you finished well our our taxes pay for like icbms

but i'm not gonna be like ah this this reactor you got here. I don't know, Bill. Let me tinker with this a bit. You're definitely a little, you're running a little lean here. Okay. Okay. We've shifted before I got a chance to go. Charlie Wilson's war. I'm going to attempt my Kyle like movie recollection skills. So here we go. In Charlie's Wilson war, they tell this story of a Zen Buddhist. And the story goes like this. There's a boy in an Afghan village, and he gets a horse. And the whole town says, oh, he got a horse. Isn't that nice? And the Zen Buddhist says, we'll see.

And then a short while later, the boy breaks his leg. And the whole town says, oh, he broke a leg. Isn't that terrible? And the Zen Buddhist says, we'll see. And then shortly afterwards, a broke a leg. Isn't that terrible? And the Zen Buddha says, we'll see. And then shortly afterwards, a war breaks out and everyone in that town has to go fight except the boy with the broken leg gets to stay home.

They all die except the boy who gets to stay home with the broken leg doesn't. People say, oh, isn't that fortunate? And the Zen Buddha says, we'll see. And the point is, like you can't tell how these things

are going to work out. You can only tell in hindsight. So we killed General Salami. I like that. Salami. Okay. I've been actually practicing it. I still suck.

But we killed General Salami, we'll say for now. And isn't that great? This guy killed hundreds of Americans. This guy was a terrorist. We're calling everyone brown-skinned a terrorist. And my answer is, we'll see. I don't know. If they strike back and this starts World War III, clearly it was a mistake. If we seriously have drained the talent pool, apparently Iran doesn't have a ton of guys

who are both militarily cunning, who can take out ISIS, and charming enough to meet with diplomats and participate on the world stage. We took out a guy who was important to them. Maybe this is good, but we'll see. That's what I'm going to get out. Yeah, as far as taking him out, it seems like we went about it the wrong way, but it definitely seems like a bad guy

that needed to kill him. It's more about how it was done and not what was done. I would call him a madman. One of my hot buttons. Whenever the madman stuff comes up, I think the proof's in the pudding. It's like, well, what are some of the acts that he's committed? And when they started listing out the stuff that this guy had been involved with and done

from the torture and the... He's basically a military advisor for terror groups. I'm pretty confident. He says, oh, you could do much better if you had a little more funding, a little more ammunition, some infrastructure behind you. How about you look into this thing over here in the West Bank? We'd love you to move in over there and maybe take out a few Israeli soldiers. That could really stir the pot. If you gave me 10 minutes to research. I could paint Abraham Lincoln as a madman, right?

Yeah. The amount of... He killed his own people. He inherited a peaceful country, and then all of a sudden the things that were... 600,000 Americans dead. Sent Sherman, I think, down and burned Georgia to the ground. Abraham Lincoln was an absolute madman.

I'm not a big Abraham Lincoln fan, so you're not winning me over with this argument. Okay, my bad. I've never been one of those people. Oh, greatest president ever. Was he? Was he? He could hold the union fucking together

and he lost a significant percentage of his population. He drafted people and allowed the rich to buy their way out of the draft. You could literally buy your way out of the draft. I don't think that you have to, and this is this fucking annoying dichotomy that's coming up with the media. They force you to take a side of,

oh, do you think that this guy's actually like, was super rad and tight and cool? Or are you glad that the worst, most evilest man on earth that we haven't ever mentioned before is actually gone and dead? And it's like, no the the real thing should be why the are we over there what has benefited americans one iota since we entered that this whole nonsensical shindig 20 years ago nothing has benefited us well you haven't seen my

boeing and iraq and afghanistan and all of this it's like, oh now it's different. Now we gotta take out this other country too. And it's just, I'm apparently, I'm just there's not even any reason for me to comment on politics at all anymore, which people would probably rejoice because like there's nothing that's gonna change. These people are gonna do whatever the fuck they want.

Even the so-called anti-war people. You thought that we were affecting change here? I just think that the fact that taylor calls up those you know i'm starting to realize that tka does not have the reach up on capitol hill that i thought that would be pretty funny if they're like lindsey graham what are you listening to i had nothing i'm not i'm not gay i not gay, and that round-headed owl isn't going to say otherwise. You suck one dick, and suddenly P.K. calls you gay. It's so frustrating.

It feels like it's rinse and repeat for all these conflicts in the Middle East. I'm not frustrated. I am concerned. I am concerned because I think whenever you get superpowers, now that Iran is a superpower, but China... What are we afraid of Iran for? They don't have nukes. The only country in that region that has nukes is Israel. Because of Israel and China and Russia. Yeah, but Israel has nukes. They're fine. What does that even mean, though? You're going to attack a nuclear power?

It means America won't attack them. By far what does that even mean though because you're gonna attack when it needs America will detect them No, the way I the way I see it is like, you know, you right now you've got Russia and China doing joint naval drills With the Iranians, you know, I just wish Taylor would wise up and realize that Trump was put on this planet to protect the Holy Land There's just a lot you believe that And that's Mike Pompeo! That guy's got a lot of power! This fucking loon,

this loon bag, like, yeah. Please God, let Bernie Sanders get elected and reference the Easter Bunny during his decision-making process. It's just so silly at this point. Yeah, I don't know. I think it's a pretty scary situation, because an actual World War III scenario could happen. And, of course course that has nothing to do with Iran. Iran's the small fry in all of this. You know, everybody talks about like the military predictions for what

would happen if the United States had a war with Iran, but then they play the war out in the way that they want. They envision the war to be played out and you would imagine that would mostly be airstrikes. You know, I saw some some something the other day and they were talking about how Saddam Hussein was at war with him for like eight years right and sort of fought them to a stalemate But then we invaded Iraq in like 21 days or whatever The the thing that I would imagine is a lot of those statistics They show there is like some sort of full-on ground invasion like it's d day and we're trying to liberate france and i don't think that's going to be the case you would imagine i would imagine lots of airstrikes lots of missiles destroying lots

of infrastructure and and uh higher-ups i wonder if we kill one or two more iranian leaders if suddenly there is influence by not dying as we are by donor money they're like ah should we attack america again i don't know every time i vote yes two of my friends die i mean it hasn't made the iraqis like us i mean you know what's funny is like the original thing going into iraq we're gonna bring them you know they're mad at us because we have dippin dots in the simpsons we're gonna bring fucking democracy to them and then just this like day or two the iraqi congress is like we're voting and we want the u.s out we want the military out please leave and the military's like nah not not that kind of democracy

idiot like the kind but we manipulate into getting what we sent a letter to iraq saying that we manipulate into getting what we want. We sent a letter to Iraq saying that we were leaving, and then we said, oopsie daisy, that letter was a draft. We didn't mean it. Popped. Like, shouldn't we do this more carefully? Epic prank. Guess what, Iraq? You've been, I am Steve-O, and this is make Iraqis pretend we're leaving.

I was like, come on. Is it possible that all the wacky things that we see Trump doing are part of his reality show that will only be released after his presidency? Oh, God, I hope so. And he's just like, we're really going to mess with CNN this week. They think I believe this shit. We're really going to mess with CNN this week. They think I believe this shit. And he's just winding them up.

And he's got Cuomo and Rachel Maddow and Don Lemon and fucking Anderson Cooper. And he's like, look at them go. I didn't mean any of that. I said, look at them go. Of course I know that's absurd. And it's like, I don't know if you ever saw the old Saturday Night Live. That dog mad as hell by beer. Co-Faafy. Yes. Did you ever saw the old Saturday Night Live. That dog man is holding my beer. Co-Faafy. Yes, sir.

Did you ever see the old SNL bit? You know, they used to, Ronald Reagan was widely thought of as kind of a dumb-dumb as a president. Like someone who certainly wasn't very knowledgeable about foreign power and the economy and things like that. The real, the stuff that kind of requires you to be an intellectual when you're president if you're going to make some big economic decisions and uh and this in this bit he's like being interviewed by some like foreign press or something like that and he's just he's just being he's just such a dumb he's like oh yeah let's get let's pose for a picture yeah yeah i hope you enjoyed you want some pins i got a lot of pins and he's like giving them the pins and they walk out. He's like, all right, everybody back in. And like a huge global map comes down and everybody comes in and he starts dictating. They're like, Mr. Reagan, we've been going for

17 hours. We can't keep up, sir. Well, bring in the B team. And he just keeps going. He's like, he's, he's controlling the entire planet on a, on a global scale. He's like, we're going to go into this country, do this. We've got to mess with this market and do global scale. He's like, we're gonna go into this country, do this. We've got to mess with this market and do that. And he's like, he's solving healthcare crisis and he's just like the mastermind. And then they're like, Mr. President, Mr. President, someone from the Hill is here.

He's like, oh, everybody out, everybody out. And he's like, hello, did you want a pen too? He's just playing dumb dumb the whole time. I'm following, I've got my finger on the pulse of breaking news here. I don't know what to make of this. They've lowered the number of missiles fired from about 30 to more than a dozen, which technically could be the same. And they've raised, as far as I know, the number of targets from one base to two.

Do you think maybe this is like when you ask a German how many Jews died in the Holocaust? And they're like, more than a dozen. More than a dozen. You would not get that answer from them. Well, it is technically more than a dozen. It is. There's a subreddit. What is it like?

Technically the truth? Right. I've seen that. That one's funny. No, I mean, they won't say that in Germany because they'll go to jail.. I've seen that. That was funny. No, I mean, they won't say that in Germany because they'll go to jail. You can't do that.

So I watched, not to change the subject too abruptly, if we've got any more new topic would be great. I watched The Watchman on HBO. Now this is what Kyle

really came in hot with. I ran, missed me with that nonsense. The Watchman. I want to in hot with. I ran, miss me with that nonsense. The Watchmen. I wanna talk about this super. I have strong feelings about The Watchmen. Carry on Kyle. I have strong feelings about The Watchmen.

I know, I saw the movie. So do I kind of know where it's gonna be? Can you lead with a one to 10 on the series? What does that number represent? My enjoyment, the quality of the series ah well you haven't finished the series yeah he said he finished it yeah i would say enjoyment yeah i'm not looking for how the video production i'm looking for how much my enjoyment of of the watchman is a five out of ten okay i was very all right so look is that average or like... That's bad. I did not enjoy it very much at all.

There's only one white character in the whole show who's not a villain. And he's literally played by that dum-dum from Oh Brother Where Art Thou? The one that's like, I'm with you, fellas. Yeah, really? That's the only white guy in the show who is not literally a clansman isn't the blue guy a white guy the blue guy is a black man now um the um one of the main superheroes from like the original minute men you know they in this alternate reality there's this group called the Minutemen back in the 20s, something like that. And they were the first

vigilantes, the street justice heroes. They have changed one of the characters from what was always believed to be a white man to a gay black man. And he 96% from the critics, 53% from the audience. That kind of disparity usually tells you something. And he fucks another well-known superhero in the ass. Vigorously. You get to watch it.

You get to watch it. Captain Metropolis. If someone wanted to skip ahead, which episode would that be? Woody Justice is a gay black man now and he ass pounds captain metropolis this is literally like them telling me that right there at episode five maybe i would say around episode five yeah yeah um our main character that we're supposed to like her name is is, is it Black Sister? Is it really that on the nose?

Are there main characters from the movie in it? Yeah, but they're very old now because this takes place in modern times, like 2020, whereas the events of the movie that you and I enjoy is 1985. And so 34 years have passed. And they age like normal people?

Yes, they all age like normal people except for Dr. Manhattan, who not only doesn't age, but has become black. They all went through a transition. Part of his lore is that that character doesn't change. And it's like he's unageable.

And between the movie, between 1985 and 2020, he's become black. He's chosen to be a black man. And essentially, these are big spoilers. But put a spoiler thing on this for Watchmen. So we don't ruin this for people.

I just realized how much I'm spoiling the show just because I just came in so upset at it. And I guess some people won't mind the gay black new version of the superhero or the fact that there are no... The bad guys are the Klan. The bad guys are the Klan who use mesmerism to hypnotism essentially to control people. Right, right. I don't know the difference, but carry on. They have sort of a global conspiracy um running um what is the the answer is a black clucks clan yeah they wear robes they call themselves uh the they they do this to like identify themselves they

call themselves the wp thing are you serious actually yeah they do that i didn't realize this is embarrassing. But they call themselves, it's supposed to represent the Cyclops, but they're still doing this on their foreheads. And you get, they've renamed themselves, like they call themselves the Seventh Cavalry now, which is like a Custer's Last Stand kind of thing.

I believe he was the Seventh Cavalry and surrounded by the natives, the savages, essentially. And, you know, I think it's just to read something into their name in that way. All the characters are gay and black, except for the villains or not men. The main character is, what's her fucking name? It's like Sister Knight or Black Sister or something like that. I think it's Sister Knight. She's literally a black woman who dresses as a nun and beats people up. And she's hard to look at.

And I don't care about her story at all. She's hard to look at. And I don't care about her story at all. She's hard to look at. She is. She's supposed to be so beautiful that she has literally tempted a god to throw away his godliness. And she's played by Leslie Jones. Essentially. She looks like Michelle Obama's ugly sister. And it's just, it's so well made.

The production value is excellent. Jeremy Irons is in it. Google him real quick. You probably may not. Great actor. Great actor. Super well-known actor. He plays Ozymandias.

He plays the villain from the original thing the guy who like had the master plan he's literally the smartest man in the world and his storyline almost redeems the entire nonsensical show because he is literally on another planet doing his own thing and he has essentially he's been he's a castaway on one of the moons of jupiter in this like paradise that was created for him but he has now realized it's a prison to keep him there and and using basically like 17th century technology. He is attempting to get home from Jupiter. But he's the smartest man in existence. So he's got some pretty cool gadgets.

What's his name again? I know Jeremy Irons, but do you remember the character's name? Yeah, I think his real name is like Vite. Something Vite, but his superhero name is like Ozymandias or something like that. Oh, because the Watchmen movie had the smartest man in the world.

That's him, yeah. Oh, so it's the same person. Was it not Night Owl or something like that? Am I crazy? Well, that was the good guy. Okay, then I'm confusing him. Well, the owl guy was the guy who flew around on the spaceship and fucked Lori.

And Ozymandias was the guy in Antarctica in that giant thing. He had actual superpowers. He was fast as fuck. He could catch bullets and stuff. He was one of the few. Okay. Yeah, yeah. So I now know who he is and I'm going to show a picture to people. Oh, actually there's no picture in Wikipedia. Man, I just... And the whole thing is about race issues. Like you start off watching this fictional depiction of a, the massacre of a black town, like, like, like a bunch of, bunch of Klansmen roll in and they kill all the black people in this town. They drag them

through the streets and just hate crimes everywhere, shooting the mothers and the babies down in the street and just murdering all the black people, just burning their entire city down. And in the future, Robert Redford is the president. And he has this thing that they called Redferations, which is like referations, but named after him, where anybody who descends from someone who was hurting that massacre or killed that mask or is getting a bunch of money. I don't know, man. It's so on the nose. I haven't looked, but I guarantee this is made by a woman and it's probably made by a woman of color. Who doesn't like people that look like me? I felt targeted.

Let's see who directed it. I felt targeted. Because it was like, come on, you can't have one white guy who's like with it. Like even Ozymandias, who's the smartest man in the world, you kind of make him look like a buffoon here occasionally. And the one white guy who's like on the streets with us and we see in quite a few few scenes. You're right. It's a woman.

You're calling him an ignorant hayseed. And he's got that Southern accent from Tulsa. That's actually a really good impression. I can't get past that. You weren't totally, you know. So it's made by some chick, I guess. It was made by, let's see. Written by...

I think it was written by a dude. I'm sure it was written. It says she's a director. Yeah, there's actually a couple different directors. It was... I felt assaulted. I felt shamed. I felt assaulted. I felt shamed.

Just turn it off. The Nicole Chick directed three of the nine episodes and it looks like dudes wrote them all. I don't know. The writing was fine. The story's interesting. It was a little convoluted at points and some of it didn't make any sense at all.

What are you going to expect from sci-fi superhero nonsense? I don't know, man. I tried to watch it. It couldn't hook me. I couldn't get into it. How far did you get? Not very.

Like one and a half episodes, something like that. Yeah. Yeah. I'm looking at the thing. I remember the black child lost his parents. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't know I was just like this is airing on HBO I

Don't I definitely don't have a friend that runs some illegal media server Not a lot of not a lot of views You know what do you have them I pay for a on their way And looking at like the the ratings of each episode and not a single one cracked a million one of them only got 620 000 that's what you can tell how many people watch it yeah yeah you can go to us viewers and millions it's the furthest right column yeah i'm really hoping it doesn't come back for a second season um oh if those are the viewership and it costs that much to make yeah i don't know if it will i heard early on so here's you get mixed things with shows that are um like politically biased like this one clearly is like

like some media will be like it's the new hit that's spreading word to mouth like wildfire and it's like really your neighbor told you huh like it's but but and but then i also heard people say that hbo was embarrassed and they're trying embarrassed and they're not calling it a series anymore. They're calling it a mini-series to try to save face. Like, oh no, this was a one-off kind of thing. The fact that we left the end on like a will she or won't she, that was just creative artistry. No, I think they're embarrassed.

I think that it has done poorly, and I hope that they don't make more because I didn't enjoy it. You don't have to make a story about people that look like me. That's not what I'm saying. They don't have to sound like me or be like me. I watched well, I was about to use that as an example of something to support

my argument, but that doesn't work either. I'm about to talk about the terror season two with all those Japanese people that I just couldn't get on board with. It wasn't because because they were japanese though it was because it was terrible writing yeah you don't have to defend yourself yeah you can just you can dislike that doesn't just have white people in it that's fine yeah you're right not a lot of views i i looked up true detective just like for comparison about to triple the views oh true detective i love i know but i intentionally didn't choose like game of thrones or something it'd be like yeah look how much it sucks i just want to see like what's

successful is and you can you can tell through a trend as well so like you go to chernobyl's page and it's like love that too you know u.s and uk views or whatever starts out at like you know 1.8 million combined and then ends up at like 3.1 million combined or something like always going up every episode whereas if you see a show like this, where it's like, Ooh, set 800,000 people checked it out. Oh, only 720 came back. I think 620 came back. Oh, 750 came up. How interesting is it that I can find you a call of duty video from a guy you don't even know that broke those same numbers last week? Yes. That's pretty crazy. That's really interesting to me.

Let's say Watchmen did do well. They got two and a half million views. How is that profitable? You can get two and a half million. There are videos on YouTube getting two and a half million views about, I don't know, Angry Joe drama. Right? The amount of budget and time and effort that goes into making a Watchmen episode how do they profit off two and a half million views it's all about subscribers

right you know like because there's subscribers because the YouTube subscribers are fucking free and unless they're paying for YouTube premium okay that's true I think is the one thing that you don't pirate. Yeah. No, I pay for Disney. You're like, no, no, I found a way. I pay for Disney. I pay for Netflix. HBO just hasn't sucked me in. There's like one episode,

or sorry, one show every couple of years I care about. See, I go back and watch the catalog and they release movies quite frequently. I rent a lot of movies. Like if they're, when they get down to $4, I refuse to do that nonsense where they try to force you to buy a $20 movie that you just want to watch once uh but I won't go to the red box because I'm most of the time they're just the CDs what do we look DVDs like like I don't know

and I don't there's a reason that blockbuster died I don't have to go get it bring it home and then take it back to you you need yeah i'm gonna create uber buster right so someone will bring a dvd to your house huh has no one come up with this idea before what uh but it's impossible to tell rhymes with wet flicks yeah no that's streaming that's true it used to be in the mail. We could have a much bigger... Oh, but... They still do in the mail. I know, I know, but it sucks.

I used to do that. Did you ever do that with the mail? Yeah, a ton, because all the good stuff was on the mail list. Agreed. And it was like, I don't know. You mail it back, and they mail you a new one,

and that sequence took like eight days or seven days or something. Not for me. So first of all, maybe that changes. No, this is back when I lived out in Franklin County. So I did the three DVD plan and I staggered them.

So like every day I would send a new one back. And if the turnaround time was like two days, every day, essentially, or every other day at the very least, I got a new DVD in. So almost every day, but definitely every other day, new DVD was rolling in. So my situation wasn't quite as good. I don't know if I had a two or three plan, but let's say this happens. Somebody else in the family sitting on a DVD for some period of time.

I, on the other hand, have been trying to get through True Blood. So I send it back and it's like eight days later than it comes to me. But I can't do the stagger idea, which is a great one, because someone's sitting on, like, are you ever gonna watch freaking RomCom Stupid? I am, I swear I'll get to it. Like, God, we've rented that thing six times now.

Like, if this was Blockbusterbuster you would have got your shit done But that's how I watched The Office like like back then. Yeah, like the early seasons of The Office I and I it was like, you know, I love The Office so so much and and it was just like There's only three episodes per disc. What kind of technology is this? There should be I should be able to get them all on three discs but no it was like three episodes per disc maybe even only two and so like you couldn't even get a whole season in yeah it was it was very frustrating i want to say with true blood i started doing netflix but it was like it wasn't coming fast enough because i really enjoyed their early seasons of true blood and i actually went

to the local video store and like they had, you could rent the whole season there for like triple the price of a regular rental, I think, or something, maybe $8 for five days or something. And I think I rented, I think that's,

I think that's how I originally watched the first few seasons of true blood was renting the DVDs. You laughed at the Uber buster idea, but I suspect that you want a guy who will bring it to you now. Yeah. If you could call Uber Buster idea, but I suspect that... You want a guy who will bring it to you now. Yeah, if you could call, and I'm like, all right, I'll have this movie at your door

in 30 minutes or less. When you're finished with it, just here's the envelope, drop that envelope in the mail, that you might like it. And I mean you in particular. I think a lot of people might not be down, but you're a post-mates kind of guy.

You might be like, DVD quality? I meant to say Blu-ray quality at my house? Less than 30 minutes, you say? You'll beat the pizza guy? Oh, and by the way, every movie, because that's what Blockbuster can offer.

They've got all the greats. They're not some subsection of movies like Netflix. I was still renting. There's a video store in East Atlanta that I used to go to with an ex-girlfriend. And I mean like four years ago. It was really cool to just... There was a bit of nostalgia involved.

Okay. And also it was like, yeah, it almost feels healthier to be in here in a catalog of DVDs and VHSs. And I like the smell of this place. They all smell the same. It's healthier. No, it really is. We're going to go out and do a thing. We're going to go out and do a thing rather than just sit here and just an hour and a half goes by of this of just your thumb

my thumb should be so powerful at this point you fucking let's go thumb war anytime i have a uh a dvd store moves i can't compete with that yeah years and years ago a little face on it i'm in like high school or early college or something like that. Me and my friend's girlfriend went to rent a movie. And I, yeah, so we're going out to rent a movie. And I think we were supposed to, maybe they goofed that we should bring a porn back or something. And I never did anything. The story doesn't end cool.

But there's the two of us in this, like, the dirty section of the DVD store. It's not Blockbuster. It's some unknown brand. And it's almost private. There are, like, these Brady Bunch beads that sort of give you this illusion of privacy back there. Yeah. And we're picking out a porn together, more or less. And I remember her, like, taking an interest in this. back there yeah and we're picking out a porn together more or less and I

remember her like taking an interest in this she's like huh this chick is hot like I like we're just basing on the cover like we don't know any of these and she's like she's hot we should get this one and in my head I'm thinking you're hot you're picking up porn like that makes you pretty awesome and we got a regular movie in a porn and brought it back and that's the end of the story nice everybody like beat off together I don't think we watch the porn as a group but I guess it was like on the list of possibilities I think actually what happened is we ended up it's Ocean City so there's always like a parade

of girls that will only be in town this week and we managed to recruit a couple of them back to party with us nice yeah I never rented porn from a physical store never did did that. Did you ever, Kyle, rent porn physically? I feel like both of us are too young for that. I'm right on the cusp of it. I worked when I was 17, maybe. Maybe just before I graduated or right after graduating, I worked for a while at a video store. I was like, this is perfect. They're gonna pay me 8.50 an hour

to like do my favorite thing in the world? I love movies. Watch movies, yeah. Literally when I was like applying for the job, I was like, so I can have as many as I want. Like, yeah, yeah, it's full. What about games? Well, yeah, you bring them back after five days though, right?

Especially if it's a new release. What if I don't? Well, we're not going to arrest you or anything. All right. Good to know. Good to know. My biggest fear. I don't know if I'll come back up in life.

All right. And so I'm working there. And after you work there for a month, you know where everything is. Because you've cataloged. you've moved everything around. Like it's not a gigantic place. It's a standard size blockbuster type place. And there is a dirty section, but not standard dirty. Like you can't get, this is like-

It's like soft core shit. Skin and wax kind of stuff. Not even that. It's like weird independent stuff. It's like, do you want to see it's like watching breast exam videos on youtube no not that it's like uh it was like one of those on it was like a really dirty like private stripper party or something where like girls are just stripping and doing like sex acts on a stage and i was like i want want to see this. I want to see what's going on here. It was like right next to faces of death. And so I'm like, but, but it's like, I don't want my colleagues

to know that I want to see this, but. So you swapped it out with faces of death. Well, I just took it. I just took it. And I was really disappointed. It was grainy. There was literally really gross strippers on a private stage, seemingly, with a huge crowd of people throwing money at them. And the girl's fucking herself with a banana, but she peeled it and it breaks. Yeah, right? It's just mush. Plus, it's not good porn if there's no cock in it am i right boys it was where am i supposed to be

if i am that's gonna hurt yeah if i am i'm all mushy and that is the extent of of my like you know porn renting i mean i technically i stole the thing i think I brought it back because I didn't have any questions asked. Hey, who took the banana smasher vid? I wanted it again. I think I took it back and it's VHS. I've got a porn story. So

when I went to college at Drexel, I went to night school and I'd drive home by myself. Right? Obviously horny all the time. I'm like 24 or something like that. On the way home, there was this home by myself right now I'm obviously horny all the time I'm like 24 or something like that and on the way home there was this basically porn and adult toy store and every so often I would bring something home giggle giggle Jackie look what I got etc and so that's my experience with with buying porn I

later found out that X jaws is dead owned that place that I used to frequent. Yeah. Yeah. I forget it now, but I'd remember it if you knew it. But they tell the name of the franchise that he owned. He didn't own just one place. He owned several. And it's like, oh, yeah, I'm vaguely familiar of the existence of that place

where I've spent my money. Yeah. Yeah. I always liked that, Just imagining X-Jaws dad as this guy who's like... I think they've switched over to smoke shops since then and maybe gotten into legal cannabis in some way. You know how I've said many times that I was raised in a sex positive

house and that almost gives like a different perspective on sex topics than like the rest of the world has i wonder if x jaws has that same sort of like yeah you know don't just start busting out how awesome anal plugs are because other people think it's weird like you know because maybe he was raised in a sex positive house even if my parents owned a porn shop, I don't feel like I would be spending much time there. But then again, my parents weren't the type of people to own a porn shop. Yeah, yeah, not really.

Not really. Not mine either. I'm trying to think how we got on this. I like to think my parents have been to a porn shop or two. Oh, yeah. I'm sure they have. They've got cards or something. Your tent dildo's free.

They've got whatever the equivalent of a Kroger card over a Starship is. Oh, it's been an hour. Trump about to address the nation? Trump's going to address the nation? No, it's time an hour. Pretty much. Trump about to address the nation? Oh, that's why he linked that. Trump's going to address the nation. No, it's time. It's for Trump. I follow that.

Trump must know something. I assume, you know how I keep, I wonder what happened with the attacks on these military bases. I'm going to make up numbers. People will know better by the time they listen. If there's like 500 deaths on our military bases It's fucking showtime right if there's three

Then maybe we can be like all right We got you generally. It's just a bunch of equipment destroyed, but that doesn't seem like if it But then again who knows we don't know any details really I wish I wish I had thought of that If all they did is knock out a couple Hummers in a tank, we'd be like, alright, we don't have to escalate from there. We can live with that. It sucks, but we don't need World War III.

Yeah, well, we'll see how they blew up the shithouse. Yeah. What if Trump came and said, they're Iranian missiles they they struck on the train on the North Lawn it was sad private combat jacking this is a picture of him his name and he subscribed to Woody's theory that it's not good porn if there's no cock in it. Alright, Nation. Until our next Oval Office address.

We'll see what happens. We're going to find out if we're going to war in about an hour, I guess. Yes. Are we allowed to say we're going to war? Because I always try to correct myself when I'm talking about one of my sports teams. I'm like, yeah, we're in the playoffs. Well, they are. It's they when they do something bad.

It's we when they do something good. We won the Stanley Cup. They got knocked out in the first round the year prior. Oh, by the way, the sports YouTube channel that I was referring to, somehow I just guessed the name of what's apparently like an actual sports YouTube channel. But the one I meant was SB Nation, SB. And I linked above, but I'll relink. This is the hockey. This is the hockey one that I found really interesting.

And they do lots of different kinds of content. Cool. I'll check that out. Sometimes their videos can be a little bit like like like dime beer night story or something like that like they did this whole statistical breakdown about the guy who led who leads all time for most times hit by pitches and it like like when they show the data they're like it's it's staggering. They're like, this is how many times the Minnesota Twins entire franchise were hit by pitches in 1999. Dwarfed by this one man. Even more impressive, he didn't play in every game. In fact, he only appeared in, like, as the numbers get more and more ludicrous you're like he was a master of it

Like like he got he gets hitting like three consecutive games that he doesn't but he's not at bat at Every at bat in those games He's like he's like making like one or two appearances at the plate per game, but getting hit every game virtually It was like his percentage was like like seven percent of the time he's gonna get hit by a pitch the the league average is like 0.1 or something he's like 600 times more likely to get hit by a pitch than any other man who's ever played the game who's ever played the game i'm gonna watch some of this channel this is cool it's really good i think they do one on uh how good colin kaepernick, which was pretty interesting, actually.

They make a pretty good case for the fact that he lost a job because of politics. But if you look at the numbers, I think you'll be on that side. They're basically just like he is the best player ever to lose his job as a quarterback that didn't retire that next year yeah I mean it's not all about performance it's not a hundred percent performance-based if you can't get along with your you know there's there's a whole thing about Peyton Manning's kicker like like during the early 2000s this Vander Jack guy or something like that very good well he was one of the best they cut his ass he

was the highest paid kicker in the game he couldn't keep his mouth shut the uh the guy that replaced him i think i have his name right pat this no like that but it was it was the uh the patriots kicker they they they stole him and brought him over his uh his name is escaping me right now but i would know if i heard it uh well then maybe i'm mixing up kicker and punters is's something Vinatieri yeah yeah I think that's it really that's the guy who is so good I know yeah no the guy talking about is different he he was a really athletic kicker and right now he's super funny his YouTube channels exploding and his like opportunities are exploding he basically just talks football and shares his old stories like yeah it was Vinatieri um he's the one

who came over from the the Pats to the Colts and replaced the guy that I'm talking about. Well, Vinatieri was also an upgrade. He's probably maybe the best ever, according to the guy that I listened to. In that little microcosm of time, like the Colts guy had, the Colts guy's previous season was perfect.

It was like 28 field goals out of 28. And it was like, like, like he didn't miss an extra point. He didn't miss a field goal all year. He's like six for six beyond 50 yards, which was like the number one in the league. Like he was the man, he was on the cover of like a sports illustrated as a kicker. And he got really full of himself and he started shit talking Tony Dungy, Peyton Manning, and the entire Indianapolis Colts organization. The guy I'm talking about, Pat McAfee, he's the one who does storytelling. He's really funny. He was also a kicker for the Colts. They probably had different jobs. I'm mixing up kicker and punter, so don't listen to me. Anyway, he tells the story of Peyton Manning, and they've got this

rookie wide receiver, and the wide receiver is great right he's he's on fire he's like one of the better rookie wide receivers that are out there before every game uh Pat McAfee was actually like his warm-up guy and he'd catch 20 with his right hand 20 with his left hand 20 with both hands it's kind of like his warm-up and uh he goes out there Peyton Manning throws him a catch he goes for a one-handed catch and he doesn't he doesn't get it. Peyton Manning throws him a catch. He goes for a one-handed catch, and he doesn't. He doesn't get it. And Peyton Manning points to the sideline. And the guy's like a little confused. He's lining up again.

He's like shakes his head, points to the sideline. So the wide receiver's like, look, I guess Peyton Manning just kicked me out of the game. And he goes to the sideline. The offensive coordinator was like, what are you doing? Go back in. And he's like, Peyton Manning just kicked me out of the game and he goes the sideline the offensive coordinator was like what are you doing go back in and he's like Peyton Manning just kicked me out of the game and the offensive receiver is like Aaron the offensive coordinator there's no you're not out of it you're in go kick it back so he goes back and Peyton Manning his poison side like the finger wag and then both the wide receiver and the offensive

coordinator like well I guess Peyton's not letting you play for the rest of the game for the rest of the game this great wide role great rookie right for rookie wide receiver got kicked out of the game and he he didn't even know why he was mad. Peyton Manning didn't explain himself. And he's like, I don't know what I did. I don't have no fucking idea. And then later, Pat McAfee, the guy telling the story, comes back. And he's all sad and dejected.

And he's like, well, I guess I can't catch with one hand anymore. That Peyton doesn't like you. And those are just Peyton drills. And then they laid out that Peyton Manning was in charge of that team he could have had anybody fired even Tony John Dungy the coach at the time and the I forget the owners name but they mentioned him and they're like Peyton Manning is the only guy allowed to walk into his office not the coach not the GM not anybody anyone else would need an appointment to talk to the owner. But Peyton Manning, they're like, Oh, yeah, come right in, Peyton. How

you doing? What can I do for you? There was a he was the guy that ran that team. I was a big Peyton Manning fan when I was in high school, like that. That was my team. I didn't give a shit about the Falcons. I really liked the way Peyton Manning ran his offense all the audibles and how he would read a defense and quickly be on the fly. It seems like his audible... Everybody else was like, hot, hot, hot! And Peyton's like, blue 42, red eagle, red eagle!

And everybody's like... Everybody's like, oh shit, boys, it's the red eagle! And they completely changed the whole offensive scheme. Now it's a flea flicker. Everything has changed based on some codes that he screams at his guys like he's a military commander. And they all know it.

I really thought that was impressive and cool. Of course, he had to play against Tom Brady year after year. Most of the time he didn't win. Sometimes he did. Peyton Manning now has a YouTube channel where he describes other quarterbacks and their decision-making process

and what he thinks they did right and what he thinks they did wrong. And I'm not a quarterback. I'm not a guy who looks at people lined up and knows it's a dime. I'm just not that guy. But I listen to Peyton, and I'm like,

fuck, are all the football people this knowledgeable about football I suspect some of them aren't but he seems to know everything or dum-dums yeah do you know what the wonder lick is yes yeah it's like an IQ test for football players that come in yeah I think maybe specifically even quarterbacks um I wonder what Peyton scored on on on his I don't know but I do know that all the players take it and And I do know that higher is not necessarily better for every position. They don't want the smartest running back

out there who questions decisions and gives trouble. They have targets where they like to see them. One of the highest scores was a kicker back when I knew about this. So the highest score is 50. And the average with all NFL it seems like average score

is a 21. Average score for QB is 26. Peyton scored a 28. Not so hot. Let's see what Tom Brady scored. 47. 110. It only goes to 50.

He scored 33. Sounds like a hard fucking test it didn't mention the highest score there did it like 50 is the highest possible and and brady's a 33 and payton's a 28 okay i just wondered if that kicker still had the record but we're over time all right well i'm gonna go uh turn on cnn and see if the world's gonna end later this evening i'm gonna go watch the sim and see if the world's gonna end later this evening I'm gonna go watch The Simpsons and work out and assume it's gonna be fun For you real quick forever here

I'll just get aggravated if I watch more shit Yeah if I watch more shit. Yeah. There you go. This video is called The Moment the Simpsons Ruined Homer Simpson. It's from Nerdstalgic. He's got a great YouTube channel too. There you go. Enjoy that. That'll make you really despise the show.

My private messages have been blowing up. I have all these army friends who seem to be, they just know shit that I don't. And they're like, man, they deployed the B-52s to one second. Fuck, it's not immediately findable. Oh, Diego Garcia. And to them, that means something.

Like, oh, they moved the D-52s to Diego Garcia. That's the hop-off point for something and like you know which places are deployable some places some people in the army aren't like about to deploy their freighters or something else and they just see free war movement but what the fuck do i know yeah we're definitely poising for an attack right hopefully though it's just in case I don't think it'll deescalate but we'll see in case I change my mind

bitches I don't even read this to you alright pkn281