Painkiller Already - PKN #289

Episode Date: March 13, 2020

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pkn 289 so we we actually started this 10 seconds ago i noticed immediately my audio was bad and started over okay there is a subreddit devoted to like deep diving wings of redemption and i want you guys to know that this is reddit level conspiracy accuracy right don't take this as fact but that's fair to say right kyle um i would i would take it as fact personally but to each his own it's about the wings wedding and i guess do you remember you ever watch the movie this is related i'm sorry to cut you off but you ever watch the movie? This is related. I'm sorry to cut you off. No. You ever watch the movie Hellraiser? Oh, yeah.

I don't think I know the plot. You know, the main bad guy, he's Pinhead, and he's got this scene where he's explaining to someone who they, the Cenobites, are. He's like, angels to some, demons to others. That's a cool scene. You know what? I'll do the reading i i i read it last night it was 3 a.m i was playing tarkov i hardly remember it so let's wings's fiance kelly is still on plenty of fish he still has a dating profile and was last active eight days ago here's her current profile then there's some pictures uh as proof don't know what that means don't know if the pictures have screenshots or whatever and i

don't think it shows her that she's been active what does active mean does that mean she logged in she logged into the account yeah i think it just means you've logged in okay so that doesn't mean that she's actively dating it just means she was on that site woody if you had proposed marriage to me i would immediately delete my Plenty of Fish account. I'm kind of honored by that, actually. Yeah. I mean, I can't be out there playing the field if I got upcoming nuptials with a gamer tag.

So this guy, how does he know his fiance's mother? Well, he gave her a call. So he called her and talked to her mom. She's put, the fiance's name is Kelly. I'm just going to use it because it's hard to talk about her without naming it. Her mother was clear. Kelly has put everything on hold. Kelly has asked that wings not by a wing. This comes from her mother and a secondary source who should remain confidential. Her mother was clear about another thing kelly would never get outside and married outside of a church venue she'd never

agree to a civil marriage which was the plan um her family are pentecostal assembly of god believers they speak in tongues and shit richard lied it says about having stayed in touch with her over the last six years they reconnected on plenty of fish after he messaged her after seeing her profile pop up in 2019. Wings suggested that she is moving in with him defeats the fact that she works in Myrtle Beach, effectively creating a 90-minute commute for her every day. Does that sound right? Are they 90 minutes?

Yes. The commute would be like 45, 45. She has a stressful job as a health insurance coordinator. She's very anti-Bernie Sanders, as Medicare would end her job immediately, and her family are Trump supporters. From her family, and direct from her Plenty of Fish profile, she wants children and wants to have them immediately. Note there's nothing suggesting that her cancer issue would prevent her from having children. Her cancer situation deals with

her thyroid. Once her thyroid was moved, you take Synthroid for the rest of your life. That's it. Confidential sources within her family, immediate family no less, that there will be no wedding as Kelly requires an additional cancer surgery this spring. Appropriate people have been notified that Wing searched for escorts. That might not be true. I have no... He just visited an escort website. That's all. But people were sending escorts to his house.

He says people sent escorts to his house and they said they were from there, which is what led him to that site. I mean, there's shit on my website my uh searchers not certain like from this thing we we've had tradies on the show and that back page site that we went to to like find him and talk to him that's in my well that's just a couple computers ago but that's in my history perhaps i hear you plausible plausible right um so and then that's where it ends he's told i guess her family that he's been on that website he's been looking for escort

so it appears that wings has if this is to be believed it's reddit it's the internet it's craziness that uh the latest wings data is she's a lot different than he said she was. He wants to have kids. She won't get married. A civil marriage. They told her, not him, not to buy a ring. A lot going on. I guess his points were that

his points were that he said that this was somebody that he'd been staying in contact with for the last six years. I feel like Maury Povich right now. According to the internet, that was a lie. He said that she's a nurse who makes bank. A little research shows you how much she makes and good job for her.

But she's not going to be... You shouldn't be putting any added burden on her financially, right? She can take care of herself. But she's not going to be supporting anyone else. I don't know. This was the same gentleman who uh catfished wings i believe is he so i mean we probably all fake some wedding with cancer patients before so i don't think yeah we've been there by judge yeah yeah i um i i actually faked a bar mitzvah with a cancer child um that's actually

pretty funny yeah i had reshaved his head put him on that chair carried him around maybe we all do it it's a good way to make money in the chair that's what the church community does they do that to celebrate cancer yeah it's not for marriage. It's just any time. It's Saturday afternoon for them. Yeah, it makes so much money. Did Wings really exaggerate his relationship with this cancer patient to act like they're getting married? Did he hope it was true?

Did he think it was true? Maybe he misunderstood it. I don't know. I'm leaning away. Welcome to the benefit of of the Doubt podcast. Okay. Yeah, you're right. Guilty as charged. He definitely knew.

He knew that he was kind of exaggerating. Yeah. I would assume based on just... I don't know, man. Regardless, it seems a little mean. It's putting me in a little mean. Just put me in a sad mood.

I guess one way to look at it, you could look at it this way, I suppose, and maybe this is me just trying not to feel bad about this. Maybe contacting her family and letting them know what he's been saying about her is in a way protecting her. And she does seem like someone who needs protecting because she's, she has cancer. She's just about to have a cancer operation in the spring.

Um, you know, she's someone who's really looking to settle down and immediately start having children and uh you know she deserves someone who's gonna do that for her on the other hand well i certainly wouldn't have been like you know contacting her family and like sticking my nose in it you know but but i just don't know how to feel about somebody else doing so i wonder i bet i have this idea that wings is flexible on the kids thing when that um i forget which of his girlfriends had kids but the kids moved in and he became sort of a mr mom dad type thing right away and yeah he was washing their buttholes and giving them enemas and stuff i go straight there too. Look, if you let me babysit your kid,

you can bet they come back with a clean anus. The best thing about telling wing stories is, the best thing about telling wing stories, you don't have to exaggerate or like play it up for laughs or anything. Like, you know, you could be like, yeah, I saw this girl at the bar. She weighed a ton.

Really? She weighed 2 000 pounds well no i'm just saying that you know it's kind of it's funny you don't have to do that with these stories like like no he no they come with a small boiler plate he gave like a like a 10 year old child an enema who wasn't his child you know just just stringing those words together so we all do that right i hand the kid back say kyle i cleaned the first six eight inches of his asshole as you'd expect if i if i have a son and the babysitter the male babysitter i hire gives him an enema while i'm at the movies with my wife or whatever you tip him right calling the police. What?

You bent him over and took a fleet enema and popped it in there and then told him this is normal, this is what you do before you get to watch South Park for the evening? To be fair, and I like to be fair when we do this, because like I said, you can be fair and it's still funny. The mom requested this to be done, I believe.

Or was it at least like she signed off on it. Maybe wings had been asking for it for a long time. Finally, she gave in. That's a real fucking mom. And can you make sure my son's asshole is absolutely pristine by the time I return? He was constipated.

I believe that was the situation. And I've been constipated once in my life, and it was when I was in prison. But never before, never before has there been more than two days without poop. I've never used an enema. I've never used an enema either. All the time. I have taken

that X-lax, the chocolate that makes you poop. I forget which. Usually Frosted Mini-Wheats gets the work done over here, though. that makes you poop or I don't I forget which you mirror usually frosted mini wheats gets the work done over here though fiber one hours those tastes so good to like a cup of coffee really gets you going in the morning usually yeah I was drinking so much coffee in prison thinking like this will do it and I would like mm-hmm I remember distinctly

like feeling like left on the on the right side of my left rib cage, I could feel something hard in there. I'm like, that's poo. Yeah, my colon was impacted. That's poo. I remember making sure nobody was looking and massaging that hard spot. Come on, buddy.

Come on now. Get on down there. I want to hear Wings' side of this. I want him to be like... I believe he has responded. Again, I really don't follow this stuff. I was taking a nap yesterday afternoon. And my phone goes off.

And I was honestly angry when it went off. Because I was like, I just wanted an hour nap. I just wanted an hour nap. What the fuck? And I look and it's Mitty. And I'm like, Mitty texts me hour and a half. I just wanted an hour and a half. What the fuck? And I look and it's, it's Middy. And I'm like, and Middy texts me maybe once every two months. Okay. Like he only texts me if it's something important and it's this, it's, it's the link to this. And then afterwards it says, laugh my ass off.

And I'm like, all right. I mean, if Middy sent something, it's, oh, oh God. Immediately. I wasn't sleepy anymore I had to get up I had to get up and like go go like find out what what the deal was with this and uh man I don't know I don't know I'll give him the benefit of the doubt on the prostitutes I really will um I don't know I mean I would just I don't know why you would hide that and admit the, some of the other things he's admitted.

That's sort of the way I'm rationalizing that in my head. Yeah. You know, like I fucked a couple of prostitutes. No big deal. It's like, I'm not proud of it. I don't think he's cool.

It's kind of funny. It's kind of silly. It's good. It's a ridiculous experience. And I enjoy having those in my, in my repertoire. But I don't know why he would lie about that, unless he's worried about, like, maybe, for all we know,

that girl has called him and been like, and you've been with ladies of the night? Godless Jezebels? That's probably what a Pentecostal Assembly of God member would say. That sounds like a scary church. Anytime there are too many words to describe what kind of church it is, it's a bad sign. It means that

they weren't okay with top level Baptists or whatever. They needed four more qualifiers for playing with snakes and speaking in tongues. I was going there with the snakes. I bet they're snakes. I hope they're snakes. I bet there's a preacher running down the aisle shaking a fucking cobra's snakes. I hope there's snakes. I bet there's a preacher running down the aisle shaking a fucking cobra in each hand

like they're maracas. It sounds like an improvement to normal church to be honest. I feel like Taylor's not on board, but if they were chimps he'd be there. I mean, yeah. I'm going to release this rabid chimp. And the Lord is going to

hold him back like God came down and closed the lion's mouth in the lion's den. Now, what? Oh, he done tore your eyelids off. That's the Lord telling you to see clearly. He's saying you've got to open your eyes to his compassion and love. You've been blind before in the day. Oh, God, it hurts. Why?

Blind man. Oh, just as the Lord says, if your eye causes you to sin, you are better to pluck it out than to sin with that eye. And that is the service our chimp gives you. Look at that. He ripped off all the fingers on your right hand. Now he can't even beat off in a mole. Yeah. That's what you get with a chimp.

But have you ever seen those stories? yeah that's what you get with a champ but have you ever seen those stories like obviously there was one really famous one where hopefully i get it correct where there was like a father snake charmer like in this pentecost whatever the fuck kind of church and he for the longest time you know it's a scam and it's like all right well we take these things and then they go and have their glands removed and then they can't bite and attack you. And he must've gotten real cocky one day or had a mix up and one of them tagged him and killed him because they didn't take him to the hospital. His adult son steps into the role and talks about like for some reason, like some rationalization for why his dad got,

got tagged and killed. I think it was like three days later, the same snake killed that guy. And it's like, hopefully that church went under. Hopefully it was like three days later the same snake killed that guy. And it's like hopefully that church went under. Hopefully nobody was like, well they was evil man. He attended the church for 14 years.

Like, what are you doing? You should probably, you shouldn't be allowed to do that with snakes. He got smited. Smitten. Smote? I don't know. Smote. It's smote, smitten is a whole different thing yes, he was smitten by the snake means he wanted to fuck it

but smote by the snake means that God sent those teeth right into your fucking jugular because he saw how stupid you were being yeah, I'm almost positive it's smote and what a cool word so the wrap up on that is Wing's probably not getting married this girl doesn't want it This girl doesn't want it

Her mom doesn't want it Two for two Cancer coming up Kids conflict We'll see how it goes Maybe he will marry her and they'll work it all out Wing's will say you know what I'll do kids I'm on a roll with my predictions

By the way this weekend Adesanya's going down Joanna's gonna win The Chinese girl's also going down Two ups, this weekend, Adesanya's going down. Ioana's going to win. The Chinese girl's also going down. Two upsets this weekend. Get your money out, boys. Did you hear that Rose Namahunes, I think that's her name, was offered to fight, wasn't ready.

Yeah, yeah. She took it off to work on her own mental health. She has, mental health doesn't come easily to her. Like, she's often working that out. So that's interesting. Of course, her boyfriend-husband person was addicted to opiates. So that's it. Yeah.

That's, it hasn't been smooth sailing. Um, presidential news is fun. Interesting. So it's, who's the big winner today? I don't know yet.

I think that it's not a conspiracy to say that the Democrats are like the moderate Democrats are working together to make Biden more viable Klobuchar dropped out Buttigieg dropped out they asked Biden if Buttigieg would have a place in his administration and he said yes I think Buttigieg dropped out because he was offered a spot if he wins and I imagine Klobuchar was a similar thing and Part of me is like what that's terrible. That's not fair. But it is fair. I mean, or at least that's how it can work.

The only difference is now it seems to be happening out in the open and in a faster pace. Because the primary is squished to something like 65% of the delegates are going to be out by Tuesday. Like they went from Iowa to Super Tuesday in what? 10 weeks or something? Eight weeks? like they went from Iowa to Super Tuesday in what 10 weeks or something eight weeks and and Like it's gonna almost take that long perhaps to figure out who the Democratic nominee will be and There's no way she could do you think she's in it just to kind of like siphon off some Bernie support

I don't know. She has a couple strong states Massachusetts is coming up where she's from and something else. It's looking like she's going to lose her own state to Bernie. I've read that too. But I think that she's competitive and there's a chance she could win. She's probably hoping to win her own state and defy the polls. So she thinks she's in it, I suspect. And she's not getting offered deals to get out.

Because I think here's the scoop. It was previously kind of two far left candidates and what, four or five moderate candidates? I can't, you know, Biden, Klobuchar, Bloomberg, Buttigieg. I don't know if I missed any. Yeah, a couple other ones. Yeah, so, and then there was just Bernie and Warren on the other side.

Now, it's kind of 2v2. It's evened up. It's Bernie and Warren, Bloomberg and Biden. Bloomberg and Biden divide the people who are not as left as Warren and Sanders. And we'll see how that changes the dynamic of the race. Like, it's conceivable that Biden does better if he gets all the moderate votes than Bernie. Or, you know, now that it's 2v2 and I feel like the Bernie fans of the world are like, this isn't fair. They all dropped out.

But that's now you could argue it is fair. Now it's 2v2. It used to be. That guy Bloomberg. What the hell is he doing? It used to be. That guy, Bloomberg. What the hell is he doing?

Like, I feel like a lot of people should be more bothered by this, that he's just like decided. Now, you know what? I'm actually not going to play by the rules. I'm rich enough that I can do whatever I want and just make workarounds for things. I'm going to pop in when it's convenient for me and kind of astroturf the entire country and a billion dollars or so of advertising. And then just it's like, isn't this isn't this just an oligarchy like being able to do that you don't really you ideally don't want that i hear you like it i've said this before the money is speech thing but let me just lay it out there super fast for people who haven't heard it we all agree that we can buy a yard sign for our front yard spend 15 on it say i love trump or Bloomberg or whoever you want, and that is free speech, right?

And then you take that to the next level and it's not a yard sign, it's a billboard. And the next level, it's a TV or radio spot. And on the next level, it's like hundreds of spots and canvassing the nation like Bloomberg did. And it's hard to draw the line and say, well, Taylor's lawn sign is totally okay, but this guy's radio ad, that's where it gets too far.

That's not free speech anymore. Or maybe the radio ad's okay. Maybe the TV ad's not okay. Maybe it's a Super Bowl ad. Where exactly does broadcasting your opinion not become speech anymore and become something dirty? Because it is dirty. I think we all agree.

Well, let's jump out there and take a little stance that $250 million is all you can do. I'm going to draw the line. There will be one person affected. Yeah, let's say like I don't know. I'd be happy putting it into thousands of dollars

instead of millions. Because you look at the top political donors over the past 10 years. I think Bloomberg is number two like the only guy who donates more is sheldon adelson who's trump's like the republican kind of bankroll guy and it's like just seeing the amount that these people donate it's like oh well of course they own our politicians like a fucking course they do and so there is you're right i don't know exactly the amount of money right but going ah the yard sign that's the same as siphoning money out of the financial industry and fucking pouring it into making yourself a viable candidate you know it's just

it's like porn right the supreme court decision on porn and free speech he's like i don't know what's art and what's porn but i know it when when I see it. Like it's hard to define. That is a similar type issue with the yard sign versus Super Bowl ads. Like somewhere in that huge span I've defined, it becomes buying political positions instead of free speech. But it's hard to like legislate the behavior. He's like, what are they going to do if Biden wins? Biden's going to win. He just, he's not making any damn sense out there. Yeah, Biden won Virginia.

He was talking about winning Super Thursday today. Like, he's just not very cogent sounding. Like, it's not going to look good for him to be on a stage, and Trump's just going to have a field day with him. You know, it's funny. I, I laugh along with the jokes,

but when I watch Biden, most of the time, like, okay, he stutters here and there. And sometimes he fouls up with the gone desk, makes it 150 million or something stupid. But I don't see him consistently talking like a crazy,

worn out old person. Like I saw him give an interview about this. Okay. The interviewer was saying, what about this? Were you embellishing or did you just forget? He doesn't have much of an answer. What about this time? You haven't ran for Senate in a couple decades.

What happened there? Well, the core argument was what I was trying to get at. All right, all right. They get to the end of the interview. And it's like, ah, maybe he's not so nutty. And he calls the interviewer the wrong name. How wrong?

He's like, thanks, Chuck. It's Chris. Have a good day, Mr. Vice President. And he goes, okay. It was humiliating. you almost had one Joe close your hand to the fetish line and you shit your pants

yeah he's always been gaffe prone and I feel like what about the molestation well I'm pro molestation that's different the gaffes that he used to make and they just said man why can't this guy Melastation. Well, I'm pro-melastation. That's different. The gaffes that he used to make and they just said,

man, why can't this guy avoid that? Now they see the gaffes and they're like, oh, he has dementia. He's a sundowner, et cetera. We see it through a different lens because he's 113, something like that, years old.

Of course. He has to have lost. I mean, you lose a step at some point. You do. That bothers me with half our candidates. They're all a flashlight in the woods with low batteries. Every one of them. Trump's over there fucking shining like a bat signal.

I don't see it like that. Bloomberg can afford any organs he wants. Throw a new one in there, bitch. That's the sole reason Mike Pence is there. He's never done a drug in his life. Those organs are prime. I didn't follow what you were saying at first. Are they the same blood type?

No, I'm just making that up. No, I choose it to be true. Did you know Mike Pence has the exact same blood type as Donald Trump? Rare AB negative blood type. This needs to go on my Facebook. Did you know that there is a surgeon along with Mike Pence everywhere he goes? Oh, God. You type that up, throw it on Facebook facebook it'll go crazy uh i like that i i need to start

posting shit as terrible as all my friends do just make stuff up let's let's make that our goal this political season is see how many fake news things we can get going that would be kind of fun i like that we have to be we have to be even-handed with it. I like that. Whatever's funniest. We can do this. We can start some fake news. So the results for today won't be out for a little while. I guess California in particular takes a while to count.

Yeah, but you got exit polls. Seemingly Joe Biden has won Virginia, which is uh that's a that's a showstopper for bernie for bernie's virginia to me biden does well in these southern states because they have such a large african-american component of the votes yeah bernie needed to be a lot stronger than it's again it's not just about winning and losing it's about how many counties you're getting right which how many delegates you're getting i should should say, out of them. It's not looking good for Bernie. Really? Yeah. I read that Bernie will almost certainly get more delegates today than Biden. It's just a matter of how much he wins by.

It looks like the estimated right now is... So even though Pete backed out, they still have the delegates assigned to him? Well, nobody gets those delegates. They're his delegates, even though he's gone. Okay, I wasn't sure how they did it. In previous contests. But also, Pete will be earning votes today due to early voting.

All that stuff was in before he backed out, as well as for Klobuchar. Okay. Yeah, it looks like South Carolina is going towards Biden. Virginia towards Biden. Obviously, Vermont and New Hampshire go Bernie. Nevada's going Bernie. Is New Hampshire voting again? Oh, maybe you're talking about the...

I'm just looking at the yeah the CNN like summation page everything yeah it looks like Biden's in the lead with 72 and Bernie's neck and neck with 66 and Elizabeth Warren closing the gap with 8

it's like what the hell who the hell is Bill Wel welt what are you doing man he won come on just quit just quit man it's not looking good yeah so the fact that klobuchar and buddha judge pulled out to obviously support biden is somehow both a weird conspiracy and normal and okay were they supposed to stay in and obviously lose just to help Bernie I think it makes sense that the DNC would like they clearly want a more moderate candidate that's pretty obvious watching right and so like them saying it would in the same way it makes sense to me them telling the two moderates you know Klobuchar and

Buttigieg like hey you might have a good position here within our organization if you drop and we get biden in there i could i could also see the dnc being like hey warren writing to the wall you're not going to get massachusetts probably your own state but stay in it you know i i could see they also endorsed it you know so take that for what it's worth i don't know um it's a shame uh trump's gonna win so that'll be interesting trump train's coming through again i also think trump is gonna win the pool the polls say he's not but i just think he is yeah all right good point um, count him out, then. Yeah, the thing about Trump is his numbers represent the percentage of voters polled

who are willing to admit that they are Donald Trump voters. You think that's a big... I think it's a huge deal. My world is filled with people who don't just admit it. They put a fucking flag on their roof, and they wear their shirts, and they wear their hat and say, I dare you to knock it off. I am so in love with this man i'd suck his dick i would suck trump's dick just for the honor of it remember that conversation we had in the hangout where we all like everybody in the hangout especially the three of us all agreed about certain issues like

like yeah this is bullshit the way they do this thing but it's like if we were polled well of course i'm on board with that yeah that's how people are that's how a certain percentage of people are about donald trump they do not want the shame and and you know everything else that comes along with being a trump supporter you get get attacked. Physically. Not just on the internet. You can get physically beaten up. I wouldn't... Would you rather walk around any busy area with a Trump hat on or

a Sanders hat on or a Biden one or a... What do you think is going to pan? If you had, if you gave me a choice of every hat, I'd be like, fucking give me a Yang gang math hat or something. I'm not wearing that around to say, have you ever seen die hard with a vengeance?

It's the one where Samuel L. Jackson teams up with Bruce Willis. Oh, I don't know where you're going on this. This bomber has planted bombs and, and a couple of schools around the city. Won't tell him where, and he's making Bruce Willis's character jump through all these hoops.

If he wants to know where the bombs are. And he's distracting Bruce Willis so he can pull off a big heist. And he's also torturing him because Bruce Willis killed his brother. Well, the first hoop is, I want you in your underwear in Harlem wearing a big poster board that says, I hate brothers. Kind of. Kind of. Kind of. But a worse one. And so he's out there wearing this shirt that says, I hate the N-word,

and looking terrified. I'd rather wear that than a maggot hat. No, no, I hate the word. I hate that word so much. That's why I'm wearing the N-word. Sorry. Snaggers word so much. Sorry. Naggers. They're always complaining.

You know, women. Come on. No. I know the answer. I don't know if I should say it. Miss. Five seconds remaining. Okay.

The black guy behind the camera. He's just looking at him like, what the fuck are you about to do? Who do you think has the best chance? Can Biden or Bernie stand a better chance against Trump? Bernie. It would be Bernie. I guess.

Yeah. I think the debates are very important. Okay. And I think that I saw Trump tweeting out a video of Joe Biden's gaffes today and it plays well. You know, I feel like he's, he's going to be able to make fun of that guy.

I feel like Bernie's harder to make fun of. Like when you make fun of, if he's going to make fun of Bernie, it's going to be about his policies being pie in the sky. It's like, Oh, you want to give everybody everything. And he's like, yes, you want to give everybody everything.

And he's like, yes, that's right, I do. Really? Even me? Yes, you. I didn't realize I'd be included. I'm kind of being won over. But with Biden, it's like, why don't you go touch some... I'd love it if we threw a joke in there about, I was going to bring my young children here,

but I didn't want them in the front row. That about I was going to bring my young children here but I didn't want them in the front row, that's far too close to Joe he gets a little handsy you know what, I'm getting so god damn bored of Mike Pence that stick in the mud he won't even hang out with me and my wife, you won't believe this I thought he was lying about it a few years ago Bernie

how about my VP, how's that sound me and you together, we'll take out that would be the funniest thing. If then you have to, Oh, Bernie would never agree to it. And neither would Trump. But that would be,

I think, I think Bernie would agree to it. Bernie would agree to being Trump's VP. I don't know. This is his last chance. He's not going to, he's not getting up to bat again. Actually,

when you're, you're like 79 years old, shoot your shot. You know, it's like, well, I'm going to be dead in eight to ten months anyway. I may as well get this on my CV. I'd love that. I'd love that if Trump

went with a different VP. He could use the coronavirus as a reason for firing Mike Pence. His failures would almost clean him of the coronavirus. I trusted Mike Pence to do a good job with this thing and frankly he just hasn't it's hilarious to me that he just like oh this looks like a hot potato pence catch and just like ducked out of it is that what he did yeah yeah you're in charge of the coronavirus he did that he did they totally it's kind of a smart move if you think about it. If Mike Pence fails, Mike Pence's fault. If Mike Pence succeeds, I knew he was the man for the job.

That's me. I'm your leader. That's the worst leader ever. He's kind of washing his hands of it. I mean, I'm not saying it won't work or that it's not smart. I'm kind of agreeing with you. But I'll add, that's a shitty leader. I would not want to work

for an asshole like that and that's who he is i mean i never we didn't see lincoln out there on the battlefield leading come on like you know you gotta delegate a little i didn't see obama like passing the buck of responsibility on ebola or bola yeah you didn't see him saying that. I handed that off to the CDC, so really, Dr. fucking Gupta or whatever, he's the one who's in charge. He wanted to handle this. He said,

Mr. President, I'm a virologist. I told him, fuck you. I'm the man. I'm the president. People chose me to lead. Give me that microscope. I have not made much progress. All Trump has done is publicly pass the responsibility. Which one is the disease?

Is it that gooey thing there or is it the spiky little one? Those are pretty good accents. That's pretty tough. I'm not entirely sure that I want to be in charge of this. Hey, you know what? Hey, Joe. If I give you this friendship bracelet, will you be in charge of this? He would do it.

Absolutely. The reason I picked him is because he's functionally retarded. His ideal evening with me? No lie. He wants to have tomato soup and have grilled cheese sandwiches together. That's it. It came out that Biden wasn't Obama's. He was only in some ways his first pick. His heart wanted someone else. I forget who. But his brain said Biden would help him win the elections better. That makes – well, yeah, because Biden's more moderate and they wanted to – Where is he from?

Maybe it was a Pennsylvania thing. Maybe it was a Pennsylvania thing that he thought Biden would help him carry PA. Maybe. Maybe. Texan. I don't want a politician in charge of any of this disease stuff. Like what makes us think like, oh yeah,

Trump or Pence or Obama or them, they understand diseases and transmission. I mean, maybe it was a venereal disease. I'd want Bill Clinton on board, but yeah, with a virus like this, I don't think I want to, people are freaking out over nothing.

I've got something nastier than this right now. And let me tell you, I've done my part spreading it. Such a kick. You look behind him, all the interns are like... That's the way it was walking into the Clinton White House. You stand there naked and you get de-loused like an Oz. Coronavirus is in my county. It's in Georgia. you stay in there naked and you get de-loused like an Oz. Coronavirus is in my county.

It's in Georgia. I don't see any in Missouri yet, but we got enough people come here from Chicago that we're going to end up getting some. Yeah, big tourist attraction. Well, I mean, people come here like a lot of you know how fucking work is. I mean, it's hard to go around. I get you.

Eventually. They made a big arch that just went over the whole thing. You know what would be hilarious? They're like, coronavirus strikes East St. Louis. Crime rates plummet. People are too sick to go outside. Did you see the smog in China? They have this satellite map of the dramatically better.

These were the pollution areas. It's like this green cloud over 40% of China. This is today. There's a little poof of green over here. Nobody's working. Everybody's hiding out. Are you guys still at the same ranking number for this coronavirus thing? Sure. I have enough toilet paper to last three months now. Yes, I ordered more noodles.

I read today that 92,000 people have been diagnosed and 3,000 something have died. That's a 3% death rate? Does that sound right? It's over a hundred the numbers the numbers are climbing rapidly right they're climbing as fast as you can count

essentially so because because i looked today and it was like 118 000 or something like that but and how can you even know if you can have it for like three weeks or something before yeah 300 000 people probably have it right now and we'll and we will we'll know about that in two weeks it's pretty interesting i uh i've gone on lockdown. There will be no more deliveries coming in. I will not be going out. I've got enough soups and dry goods and frozen foods. I got so many frozen vegetables. I'm in here. You got some Purell? I'm on total lockdown. I started it as soon as I installed Escape from Tarkov.

This is more of a precautionary thing I'm doing. Jackie is not bought in yet. She's like, what do you have? I think our family's safe. She told me she got a new car, and I haven't programmed the garage door opener like in the car to open the garage door yet and i'm like i just don't have time you know like you spend you play a tarkov 11 hours a day and there's hardly time to do anything else surely you understand i like the fucking like all the people talking about prepping the way kyle did but it's just

on twitter people doing horrible preps where it's nothing but high-protein Hot Pockets, like 10 bottles of Hennessy and a ton of weed. It's like, shit gets real, and you're going to be in a real good mood for like three days, and then you're going to wish you had some Dasani in there. Yeah, I got 100 bottles of Aquafina stacked up in there. I got 36 boxes of thoseafina stacked up in there. I've got 36 boxes of those.

A cup of soups. Well, and what you can do is you can just ride it out and just watch your favorite team, the Vegas Golden Knights. Why do you have the Vegas Golden Knights up there? Spiked. But why the Vegas Golden Knights? You could have spiked it. No, no, it's pretty.

Okay. I just have spiked it. No, no, it's pretty. Okay. I just kind of like it. It's like the way Patrice O'Neal would talk about it on ONA where Opie would be like, ah, Patrice, you an Islanders fan? You got the hat on. Patrice is like, what? Who the fuck are the?

No, shit, this match my shoes. He's like, oh, sorry. And he's like i every time i hear someone talk about patrice o'neill it's how great he was at cutting down other people so fun at some part are you just an asshole at some point i meant to say like it's too much sometimes people like they said it was he took it too far i feel like they're being nice to him because he's dead but i i don't know if i want to be cut down that much and it seemed like the people who say this kind of agree it's too much sometimes too maybe sometimes but it was more like the opie and anthony the kind of show it was like he fit right in and like you could rip on him too

like they norton would make fun of him ruthlessly and it was just kind of the the banter they had there and so it when he was making fun of like everyone else in the room it didn't ever come off as malicious like that's the o and a show would get yeah oh and a show is a little different he got kicked out of the comedy club for ripping everybody down he got kicked out they wouldn't let him go in anymore. So he stood out front and insulted people. They didn't like that either because it was too out in front. Then they eventually let him back in the club,

but only like upstairs at this like comedian's area separate from everyone else. So he could be a toxic fuck with more privacy. I thought he was hilarious. So I'm very biased. I have rose colored glasses with Patrice because I listened to that show so much. Okay. So I thought he was a fucking hoot.

Kevin Hart was doing his routine that wasn't going well. And all of a sudden, a phone book lands on the stage. And Patrice O'Neill is like, read that. That's better material than what you're doing right now it's just like you know everyone's watching right now i'm trying to get good at this well like he and he like uh kevin hart made fun of him too there was there's an old clip that's hilarious from this from the ona show where you know it's just him in there with Opie and Anthony. He's talking about how he let Patrice stay at his house for a while when he first came out to LA to do a

little bit of work. And he's like, and one day I walked into the computer room, like my office, and I see that big giant back of Patrice's face in a screen. I can't see what's on it, but I see a huge bottle of baby oil right to the side of him. And so I walked over and I'm yelling at him to stop. I have to walk all the way up to him and slap his headphones off his head and tell him to stop beating off in my office. And I let him live in my house and disrespect him. And I was like, that's an embarrassing story too. But it was like, Patrice didn't take offense.

They're all laughing. I think I've heard this story. Patrice didn't even stop. No, he doesn't. He's like, no, you quit bothering me. Yeah. It was... I won't go into it because it's just parroting that. I already talked about ONA too much.

But yeah, so many funny fucking clips of Patrice. I listen to those all the time. How did he die? Heart disease? Just a guess. He had a stroke. I think it was due to his diabetes because he was tremendously fat

and really just never took care of it. It was diabetes. You're right. He had the beatus. My dad sent me a text message yesterday and it's this piece of paper and there's a post note on it that says, colon cancer.

It has spread to lymph nodes and liver. And I was like, Oh no. I called him. I was freaking out. It's Chuck. Oh, Chuck,

the alcoholic dude. Oh, the alcoholic guy worked for him years back. Poor old Chuck. He could have mentioned that worked for him years back. Poor old Chuck. He could have mentioned that with the text. Oh, for sure. That would have been a good lead in. What the fuck's your problem?

What are you doing? You're a terrible texter. Your father's tech incompetency is great. Yeah. I like it. It's awful. Yeah, I was freaking out. Is liver cancer very common?

I feel like that's not one. I feel like boozers get like cirrhosis. Colon cancer, and then it's spread to liver and lymph nodes. Yeah, I don't understand cancer. Like, oh, yes, I've got colon cancer in my lip. Okay. I mean, this is very ignorant also also but my only understanding is like oh if a little piece of your colon cancer falls off and it travels somewhere else in your body and it

lands in your liver and it starts to grow there then they'll say oh your your cancer spread like it's metastasized yeah it's retarded cells they end up free floating around getting into other stuff but is it still colon cancer in your liver? That's the part. It would be just liver cancer. Now it's liver cancer. Yeah, and if that goes to his pulmonary system, then he's got lung cancer. I'm not sure you're right.

I'm not confident though. Are you confident that it becomes lung cancer? I'm pretty, yeah. I don't think it's a specific thing. You can't get liver cancer in your brain. You get brain cancer. Yeah. My dumb ass cancer in your brain. You get brain cancer. My dumb ass thought you could. He's got brain liver cancer. Where is it?

I feel like if you had brain cancer and it spread to your brain, they still call it colon cancer in your brain, but maybe I'm dumb. It's possible. I wouldn't go that far. But that is the case. When the cancer spreads, it's about the cells of that organ or system

now being cancerous. Liver cancer isn't like a different flavor of cancer. It's just cancer in your liver. It's like cancer in your liver. You know what I mean? It's like a burn. It's like, ah. You don't say, oh, I've got hand burn. It's that special kind of burn that you only get on your hand.

It's like, well, no, that's just a burn that happens to be on your hand. That's how cancer is. In any case, Chuck looks like he's not going to make it. How old is Chuck? 50, 55. So he's a hardcore sun-up-to-sun-down boozer, and he ends up getting taken out by cancer. That's probably not the future he even saw for himself.

Yeah, he shot himself and survived that. Wow, he's really... Been hit by a car? This doesn't sound like a great... He was in jail when I was in jail. My second day in jail, they they wheel chuck in in a wheelchair he was happy to be there egg salad sandwiches they're all in his mustache and beard hey man what's going on that's that's an excellent chuck impression by the way hey man what's going on let's get chuck on the show chuck's final days oh i mean chuck's chuck's are we brainstorming for pka

titles like we do after the show right now no i don't mealy mouth around everything yeah chuck's had a a ridiculous little life there he i i think he's lived without electricity for a decade now. My father-in-law grew up without hot water. Yeah, I did too. Because they were poor. My father. Yeah, my grandparents did. Without hot water? I thought it was less common. Without running water. Oh yeah, they didn't have running water. They had

outhouses. They had a cold water flat. That's what they called it. It's... I just remembered. There's holes in our they called it. I just remember... There's 13 holes in our old tin roof. No one else knows that song. Nope. The people who forgot about poor white trash.

If that ain't country, I'll kiss your ass. No, I don't know that, but that sounds catchy. Ah, it's great. It's David Allen Coe. How do you not know this? David Allen Coe? You don't know who David Allen Coee is now i mean it sounds familiar i assume he's a country man based on the way you were singing it but maybe i'll have to expand my horizons a bit david allen coe stock market went

down i made a shocker who knows i on i turned out my investment triggered at the end of friday so i was very excited i was like i timed the lowest low like i i kind of missed out on some of the investments i could have done during the trump rise and then it hit a two-year low and i bought it like the lowest minute of a two-year low like this jackass just timed the market and then it went down and then went went up and then it went jacked down so I don't know where it compares to where it bought it it's going to go down more this thing is just getting started

we're about to start cooking with fucking grease and tens of people will die tens? it'll get higher than that I don't think so oh I'm still up actually it was lower Friday than it is now.

Yeah. But yeah, I made a tweet about it. Yesterday, the stock market was just rocking. And I'm like, this is so nice. I missed a lot of the Trump stock gains. Suddenly, a two-year low pops out out of nowhere. I time it to the minute, unusually. And things are going well.

But I was still kind of bummed out because in Tarkov, I was just getting my shit pushed in game after game after game. I'm like, this doesn't even feel like a good day. I'm sure your real money will console you. You should have bought that put

option on Corona beer, right? Ah, yeah. People are like 30% old. Maybe 37% old. We're making a connection. They thought that maybe you were getting the disease from the beer. Don't act like there's no connection at all. There's

no connection at all. It has the same name. Yeah. You know, I heard it started at the bottling plant. Why else would they call it the coronavirus? They've actually changed the name, and I bet the corona is so happy. I wonder, do you think that's why they're calling it COVID-19?

No, I just think that's what it's actually called. Yeah, yeah. But why did they call it corona? This is now the dose X flu. We got to regain some market share. Yeah. I would lean into an act like Corona was a vaccine. Ah,

you don't want the Corona virus. Do you take small doses? 16 ounces a day. They're just fucking sued. Beer helps you. Yeah. Actually, it turns out that it really tends to lower your immune system it's really you know you you recommended 11 a day to people it's too much it's too many a day i'll have it oh okay covid19 is an abbreviation for the coronavirus. That can't be. There's no V in coronavirus. The CO stands

for corona. The VI is for virus. And the D is disease. COVID-19. And the 19 is the year of our Lord. 2019. How many people died from, what was it a few years back during

before Trump? That kind of just was nothing, right? How many people died from, what was it a few years back during? H1N1? Yeah. That kind of just was nothing, right? Like how many people died from H1N1? Is it that or SARS? I think, I forget, or they might even be the same thing. But I was watching Sanjay Gupta on CNN, who's actually pretty good. I know it's CNN, but I like that guy.

And he was talking, I think it's H1N1. I might be mixing it up with SARS. But that took off in a huge way. It's year after year, it still goes on. And it's actually part of the annual flu shot most of the time. And it's just part of our life now. So it was just a really bad flu season, kind of, right? Well, that's as much as I know.

You know what I mean? Just just a good old fashioned flu killed last year? Probably a lot of old people. Yes. Guess how many people you think the flu killed last year? 90,000. 600,000. Taylor is much more correct than you would think. The stats here are

varying a little bit. It says 300,000 to 650,000. And there were 12,000 to 60,000 deaths in the U.S. I guess maybe... That's an enormous amount of variability. Big disparity. I don't know. I guess maybe it's kind of hard to nail down exactly.

Well, she got the flu. These bastards are like the cable guy. Where am I going to be there? Between 11 and 7, bitch How many people will die? Because you need TV, don't you? Bastards How many people is this going to kill?

Somewhere between 50 and 5 million I'd say at least 10 Correct Fact check on trump unfortunately he's correct at least 10 will die you don't know how much this pains us to print here at snopes but but it turns out 30 000 is more than 10 yeah i told you um you got some caviar today you're ready have you ever had caviar i have it's been a long time i didn't like it it's kind of it's all right you know i i like

it when it's on top of the sushi i've been uh just putting it on crackers i had it on crackers too and i was like you know i feel like i like the salt on the cracker more than the caviar. Like this cracker is better without caviar. Lower calorie. The only thing I really knew about caviar is that it's very expensive. So I tried it. I didn't like it. And I was like, well, I'm going to leave this for people that do.

And I'm going to have crackers. Yeah. It's like cigars or really expensive scotch. Is it worth getting into? No, probably not. I'm digging it though uh i know there's like tons and tons of different kinds so i did a bunch of research and i ordered some off the internet and i didn't get some like outrageously expensive stuff but i did get expensive stuff and uh it's good i won't be ordering anymore but no but you liked it you would have it if you yeah you know if i had it

right in front of me right now i'd eat some i i'm when i get done with this i'm gonna go get a little scoop of caviar out of the out of the fridge how much have you eaten at once just like two crackers yeah it's a rich right i got two ounces of it yeah so it's like you know there's always a lot of it like you know you get to an age about taylor's age i would say when like all the people you know get married and uh you know northeast weddings everyone has caviar and i'm just like you didn't have to do this you could have saved a hundred dollars none of us really like it you know you could have got the firecracker shrimp from panda express you know that would have been more of a crowd police trip. Have you seen that

stuffed crust pizza from Pizza Hut? I would prefer... When you go to a wedding, sometimes you get a nice beef or chicken dish, but so often they try and fancy it up too much. It's just too much.

Because there's so many people there the piece of chicken you have is that big not enough chicken or not enough beef especially if you order beef i feel like they fucking ration that shit but if they had just like a couple boxes of pizza like some variable options on the table at a wedding not classy at all i wouldn't want to do that at my wedding but if i went to a wedding and they just had you know a trump style layout of pizza and and chick-fil-a that'd be pretty tight i'd like that i would enjoy that you're looking at me like not at all cop um i would just rather have a fancy meal that's correctly portioned i think i i enjoyed the food at joe's wedding yeah well i'm sure he did a good job probably served enough chicken yeah he had a

whole bunch of people back there fixing up the dinners my wedding was real i think my wedding might be the best i've ever been and it wasn't super expensive we got um so we dated for a long time and then once i was ready to get married i was like disappointed that we couldn't do it in like three weeks i was like how long does it really take to plan a wedding let's just go so um it was a year between wedding date engagement date roughly but we like did nothing for three months or something so my point is we booked a wedding place that wasn't booked they were like three months out and we got a deal how many snakes were there? There were no snakes

that I know of. How do you know if the Lord is okay with the union? He's probably not. He's probably not. A Woodworth wedding without at least four snake attacks is considered a dump. Alright, who's catching the snake we went to uh we went to book the church which is the church jackie went to her whole life and whatever and then it felt like it kind of makes you entitled

to being able to have a wedding there and uh the priest was like pregnant and she's like no and he's like tell the truth you know are you pregnant and it's like no she's not pregnant we're just ready to get married now it's free yeah shut up holy man yeah yeah i'm sorry that i fuck things that can get pregnant holy man not like you that's a good strategy right all the evidence disappears in a few days. Yep. Well, I don't know. You know, you read that morbid.

I get on morbid reality occasionally. Some father raped his son to death the other day. Well, you can't kill the son. You just have to keep him alive for like three days, and all the DNA evidence is probably gone. That's the worst part. It wasn't an immediate death. He died from some sort of butthole infection he got from the rape.

Oh, Jesus. That actually does void my plan. Yeah, I didn't want to go into it that deeply. And neither did the son. But it was just dark. The world is a dark place sometimes. It was just dark. The internet is a... The world is a dark place sometimes,

but the internet is so good at aggregating all the darkness into one little singularity of darkness that you can just open up on your browser and scroll through instead of it. It needs to leave it dispersed. You know who else lives in that singularity? Policemen and EMTs and stuff like that. But you almost almost Like trauma doctors

Oh yeah There are people who deal with the biggest Problems day in and day out And I have some sort of empathy For what it must do to them Yeah There's no way I would want to be like We've talked about it before how like

The other day someone was talking about Socialism on TV or the internet and they were like all right this is socialism the police department this is socialism fire department it's like it's not like you got a bunch of volunteers just running around putting out fires and i'm like actually um that's how we do it here uh and volunteer yeah and and like so those guys are volunteer and, and, and they're not getting, I don't think they get paid. You know,

they're volunteering, they're buying their own gear and shit. Like they want to do it. And, but the worst part of their job is when you sign up for that, they want that call at four in the morning, house fire, suit up boys.

It's go time. Jeremy does that shit. Really? Yeah. But in reality, like it's more often, there's just a terrible car crash on the interstate and they need Jeremy does that shit. Really? Yeah. But in reality, like, it's more often there's just a terrible car crash

on the interstate and they need somebody to operate the shovel to scoop Granny up and put her in a bag. Oh, that's not the part of the job you want? Does anybody want this?

Can I take this with me? Yeah. Can I have it? Score. He still had some jewels on his fingers. I wonder if, like, what is in it for volunteer firemen? They just love fighting fires. They love doing heroic things.

Like, why do you become a... I think it's camaraderie. Okay. Club, kind of. Yeah. And you get to do cool stuff. They think it's cool to fight the fires. I've seen them.

I had friends whose fathers did it. And you go over to their house, and they got a scanner over on top of the fridge. And you're listening. And they're always listening for that fucking code 19, code 19. All units respond. They're just ready to jump out of bed and hop in the boots and throw the jacket on.

I don't want to give myself a potential 4am errand. They all do it. Yeah, they all do it. And, um, uh, but I used to go, they would practice, right. They would do these scenarios and those were pretty, that was a, that was a show because they did this practice one time and they were practicing how to deal with a propane tank, like one of the big ones outside people's homes. Oh yeah. Like if the cap got knocked off and it was on fire. So they hook a huge propane truck up to one of those external propane tanks so that it has plenty of fuel. They knock the cap off and they ignite it.

And it's shooting this fire, this, this like fireball this this flamethrower of a propane fire straight up in the air i don't want to exaggerate but 100 feet 150 feet i don't know it's a plume of fire that is that it's so hot that it's bam it's like oh god we're too close and we're not close at all and then they all like sort of like get in this formation like slow walking it down with the hoses until they like like like put the plume down and actually get it extinguished and then they fucking do this lockety cap thing on it they had a whole

you know practicing that procedure was cool shit to watch wow what a procedure like i i was like so that it's a big propane tank and i know these because i have one in my yard it's on fire and the gas is leaking so they make the fire bigger by knocking the top off no no this this was a scenario in which the the top has been or it's already been punctured oh okay on fire and they're dealing with that scenario oh okay so when you said they knocked the cap off that's how they set up the scenario. Yeah, that's the scenario instigation. Yeah, yeah.

I see. And then they walk it down and put it out with a hose and water? Yeah, they walked it down with the hose and then they did something to it. I was like 12 at the time. So we were far back. I don't know what they did to stop it at the the end like if they capped it off with something but uh i don't know oil fires

were a neat thing you can find them on youtube where they put out the uh oil rig fight so saddam hussein when he was leaving kuwait he like ruined all their oil fields by setting them on fire and just wrecking them and And there were a lot. I think to say there were a thousand oil fires is not too far off. And they had to bring in these specialists to go in there and put out the Kuwaiti oil fires. It was a big deal. Cool to see.

Well, I guess that's a wrap. That's a wrap. We'll see who wins tonight. If I'm being honest, I probably won't. Blues game's on. It's almost dinner time, and my girlfriend's making Kung Pao chicken, and that's interesting me a lot more. I keep reading that I won't know the real results for a few days

because I think California in particular takes a while to count, and somehow that's dropped my interest. Yeah. Yeah, there's no rush. Yeah, circle back to be on Thursday where you know it my interest. Yeah. Yeah, there's no rush. Yeah, circle back to be on Thursday when you know it's fine. Yeah. All right.

All right, PKN 289.