Painkiller Already - PKN #307

Episode Date: July 14, 2020

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PKN 307 Looking good, matey Yeah, feeling good Feeling scurvy I love the eye patch, by the way You look like Solid Snake It is the Solid Snake eye patch, yes Did you tell me that?

I'm not stealing valor He told us that I've been stealing valor all week I've been I tell everyone I was in Afghanistan And now you're not gonna give me a free value onion rings ma'am mm-hmm I've been supersizing

everything Starbucks they don't even know what to do no yeah and because you're also faking a missing leg yeah yeah yeah Dan and around yeah I'm glad I kept that wheelchair I've liked I like applying stone valid or just things that it doesn't at all mean but yeah you're stealing a little pirate valor you it was so rough that you couldn't even do the show last week it was awful yeah you were describing it as the stitches scratching your so yeah i have uh stitches going down i'll show you on my good eye like like right down the center of my eyelid it's stitched together in sort of this like serpentine pattern and then i have another

big cut um on the outside of the eyelid like going toward my ear for about four or five stitches because they had to get some slack so that they could connect the eyelid back together and that one doesn't bother me a bit in fact he stitched it so well that it's like it's mostly healed by now i get the stitches out thursday sometime but the stitches that are on my eyelid are also in my eyeball like they're always on my eyeball and when i close my eyes like like right now this eye is closed, but if I were to close this eye too, I don't know, if this one relaxes even more. It triggers a touch, right?

It's more closed, if that makes any sense. And so when I lie down to go to bed, I get this like electrical impulse in my eyeball about once every 60 to 90 seconds that is so intensely painful that my hands spring out in front of me and go, and so that's awful. And so that's when I text messaged you guys at like 1 PM was like, I don't think I'm going to make the show.

Cause like I was trying to nap through the day. Cause I got the surgery at like 11 AM, 1130 AM. Something like that. Who's up by then like 11 a.m. 1130 a.m. Something like that. And who's up by then normally? Me. Me. I had been up since 6 a.m. just watching the hours tick by

until it was time to fucking go get my eye cut in half. And yet it was just so, so fucking painful. And I was not going to do any do any funny things i was gonna sit here trembling and occasionally that'd be funny though that sounds terrible and there's nothing you can really do about that no close your eye and and like when your right eye is like looking around you're not like a one-eyed person so the other eye is matching it you know does that still bother you now because the stitches are there now oh yeah stitches are still in there uh it's still

pretty rough it's it's worse when i try to sleep so i try to stay up really late and then i get really sleepy and then take some melatonin or something to really help knock me out and then hope that i fall asleep quickly enough that you know that doesn't keep me up all night so we all know there's REM sleep right rapid eye movement sleep do you wake up with some kind of soreness from that um it's always pretty sore it's pretty swollen like i've got like a black eye type thing going on so uh but but i take i'm on a lot of antibiotics and i put this antibiotic cream all over my goddamn eyelid like three or four times a day. When I wake up, it's really gunky.

Like it's like the eyelashes. Yeah, but grosser. Like yellow stuff like in my eyelashes and they're all stuck together. And I've got to like open them up manually and put eye drops in there and then get a Q-tip and really carefully get all the gunk out of every corner of my eye the yellow stuff is the eye drops right no no no i think it's just some like pus and yeah it's just us and sleep makes eyeball discharge i don't know my wife had i think i talked about it maybe when you weren't there she has really really really slow blink reflexes you could just walk up and touch them.

Hey, don't touch my eye. Both blink. It's kind of funny. So when she holds babies and stuff, she gets scratched a lot. Yeah, those lightning fast babies. Yes. those lightning fast babies yes so uh anyway the so a bunch of times through the kids growing up and her watching other people's kids she'd have she'd have like cornea is it cornea scratches yeah and uh they gave her a numbing agent that was almost fluorescent yellow so i thought you would

have that similar type thing no i wish they had given me something they uh so they give me these numbing eye drops um like three rounds of that leading up to the the surgery uh and that's really just for the like prep which is where they take a q-tip and like roll my eyelid inside out because that's that's kind of traumatic um oh i've seen lots of third graders i can do that too yeah that always grossed me out but yeah i got there and uh i waited for like two fucking hours to get in the like pre-operation room and they stuck the iv in me and everything and and they're like did you have anything to eat today and i'm like yeah i had breakfast they're like, did you have anything to eat today? And I'm like, yeah, I had breakfast. They're like, what did you have? I'm like, four eggs. Like, what time?

I'm like, 5.30 in the morning. You can't eat? I know that now. I feel like eye surgery, you should be able to. No, it's about the anesthesia. They don't want to vomit while you're intubated. It's a big problem. Well, they didn't intubate me.

It's about the airway collapsing potentially and did you lie no more than that if you're in your X if you're under general anesthesia there's a chance they might have to breathe for you and they don't that combines poorly with with vomit sure just has four eggs you didn't have sausage or bacon or no I am for eggs that's my breakfast okay and so um yeah four scrambled eggs and a little cranberry juice and so uh i'm like yeah i have four eggs she's like oh what time was that like 5 30 in the morning and then you know it's like 11 30 now i figure i'm good it's been six hours and uh she's like didn't they tell you not to eat and i'm like no no they didn't and they

didn't because the anesthesiologist called me like'm like, no. No, they didn't. And they didn't. Because the anesthesiologist called me the day before and went over a bunch of other stuff. Asked what medications I was on. And I gave them a big list of that. Because there's lots of things that you don't realize are anticoagulants, blood thinners. But they really are. Like fish oil. Don't take fish oil before an operation. Really?

It's an anticoagulant. Yeah. So I was like yeah yeah i and and i hear them like talking about me over in the corner like yeah he ate they're like oh no and i'm just like oh shit well i certainly hope it wasn't anything more than three eggs bad news for you dr this gentleman had a fourth egg this morning he had the fourth egg they should have told you because that it's a really big deal and so i've had a fourth leg this morning he had the fourth egg they should have told you because that it's a really big deal and so i've had a bunch of surgeries they really really stress it like it

would they would have told you i feel like i've been told six times before some of these surgeries like yeah well in any case so that made them push my surgery to like the last of the day which for them and their day is at fucking noon. I really, that's pretty good gig, I guess. Well, they started six ish, but carry on. Yeah, probably so. But so do I. So they, they pushed me to the last guy.

And so they're given all these old lady cataract surgeries and shit. And I'm just laying there in the bed waiting for them to get started finally to do. They give me the numbing eye drops for a while and then they wheel me into the back and i am terrified i'm just so terrified of what they're about to do to me because i know it was so painful last time when they put the lidocaine in my eyelid it was so fucking painful um driving up there with the uber driver driver, I told her what I was about to get done and she was like, ooh! Your eye? And I'm like, yeah, my fucking eye. They're going to cut it in half. Have you thought about just taking chances with the cancer?

Yeah. And I'm like, yes, yes, I have. Apparently, this is the most bitch made cancer ever i could beat this and so uh you know they wheel me to the operating room and it's legit scary operating room you know there's big lights everywhere and there's a team of people uh no i've had i don't know four okay but um it's you know the big lights on the ceiling and there's three nurses and a doctor and anesthesiologist. And they tilt me head down in the chair and they like wrap a towel around my head and like secure my head like so that it can't move at all. And but then the anesthesiologist gives me some real good shit. I believe it was ketamine. And and what is that?

Michael Jackson drug is it propofol I always need your help on this but yeah it's close yeah it's the yellow shot in Tarkov propofol I'm joking I think it's propofol not propofol but in any case they give me a cocktail of real good shit and i just go loopy at that point i'm fully conscious but i talked to them the whole time i was joking around and having a like a fun old conversation with them while they were slicing and dicing and i remember maybe 20 of that time period like like huge amount of time has been lost to me like during the thing. Next thing I know I'm in the post operating room and I'm showing two nurses FPS Russia videos

of me driving through a house and an armored personnel carrier. Which I never do. This is what I used to do. Yeah, which I never do. But I'm just like, yeah, we're driving through the house. Look at it.

Driving through it. You weren't ever like totally under at any point. It just loopy and out of it they're like you may as well have been you know one was basically yeah yeah I was just sedated pretty pretty pretty heavily I guess you didn't you didn't say before you were under general anesthesia right they put it in an IV and it's uh i wasn't unconscious i was awake the whole time but yeah i would think that that meets the definition of general anesthetic i'm not 100 sure yeah well local is when they they anest they anesthetize the area being operated on which is what they did last time with the lidocaine um and general i'm sure

if they started cutting on my foot i'd had no fucking clue so i i don't know anymore they have these drugs that wipe out your memory so i've been told i had a local and i'm like what i was totally out they're like no you weren't well i have no memory of it like it it almost seems like it doesn't matter how bad they hurt me if they wipe out the memory of it because yeah yeah they um well they they did give me the local as well. A lot of pedophiles have the same opinion. That's true. So, yeah, it's looking pretty good now.

I'm really looking forward to getting those stitches out Thursday. Every day it's a little bit better and a little less awkward to open this eye and use it. I still don't use it all day. I keep it closed probably 80% of the time. But if I'm watching a movie, I'll try to open this eye and use it. I still don't use it all day. I keep it closed probably 80% of the time. But if I'm watching a movie, I'll try to open it and I try to keep eye drops in there to kind of keep it moist. And but then it gets all runny and it's gross and sticky. And it's a whole thing. Now you have good eyesight. Would you say you have good eyesight

equally in both eyes? Yeah, yeah, no, because for me, it's like a Taylor might work with me on this. It's like, oh, I'm going to lose an eye. Well, this one's the reading eye. You know that, right?

I would have also preferred to have my left messed with. Yeah. Yeah. Goody. It's like, I can't do anything. Also, if the font's small enough,

I just shut this bitch. He's only holding us back. Hold out towards the camera. He's only holding us back. Hold out towards the camera both of your fingers like this and then far away. Further away, further away, and then touch him. Okay. Pretty good.

You haven't had your impediments long enough for it to really fuck with your depth perception. Also, his arms are the same length, and I think that's that's helping him well i you know the camera's to the left so i'm having to do a whole thing here like you know it's i'm you know i'm missing a little bit i'm missing a little bit but we need to throw a ball to him and see how it goes um you know there's been plenty of things that i've done that require depth perception where i'm just like oh shit what have you actually noticed realistically

right now? Like any little tasks? I imagine mostly you're just kind of healing, sitting around, not doing too much, right? I've tried to put the cap on an ink pen, and I struggled with that pretty mightily. I had to get it close to my face and do this number.

Get it in like that. There's no way I was just going to like, oh, yeah. I had no way i was just kind of like oh yeah and i had to stab myself or something just like washing knives in the kitchen just lots of stuff like that has been a bit of a struggle i want to driving is weird yeah that seems like it would be i want to go back to the pre-surgery drugs because it's i've just been a big fan how long did it last i've had surgeries where like they hit me right before i went under and i'm like well that was a waste i don't want to be high for 60 seconds and i've had it where it goes like 15 20 minutes wears off and i get a round two

where are you on that spectrum um you know they they gave me the stuff as i was laying in the operating room like right before the doctor started. And I don't know how long it went on for. I would guess less than 20 minutes. Probably something like that. I don't know how long I was in the post recovery area. I have no concept of that time. Anywhere between one minute and 15 minutes, I would guess.

But I don't know. between one minute and 15 minutes i would guess but i don't know in the post-op those post-op nurses are heroes to me you know it if you're feeling nauseous they're johnny on the spot they get that fixed and that's a problem that medicine has licked if you're cold they open up that safe of heated blankets and give you blankets like they're fresh out of the dryer and they tuck you in like you're a baby the thing like under your legs and hips and it's like i love you you're so nice did you get that did you have that do you remember that i got a warm blanket but like like while i was waiting but i was just like i you know i'm a grown man i really don't want you to want a blanket you know that really didn't satiate your your anxiety it didn't help you no i didn't give a about the one about your blankie

it's not like that it's an after a while you can feel gratitude the blankie had gotten like room temperatures like you want me to warm your blankie back up and it's like no like well if you're offering if you're offering it is your job to touch my dick again like you did earlier no if they were offering me a newly worn blanket i'd be like i wasn't gonna ask but if you're offering i'm a huge fan i'll take another hit of that ketamine you keep your blankets just hit him with the drugs so they they only gave you one day like the day of the surgery of drugs to like take home and help you with the pain no they didn't give me anything to take home oh so it was all just stuff that you it was all remnant from the actual operation i mean i was 100 sober an hour after the thing like like i i like wheeled me out to the Uber to leave

and I stumbled getting into it. And I, you know, I was a little un, my drive, going up my driveway, I was like, hoo hoo hoo, all right. I'm trying to get the key in the hole. I'm just like, God damn it. This was not my day. But, but you know, after a little while i was i was fine right like

you you think your thoughts are 100 clear like kyle said but don't drive yourself home right like no yeah you know that it's like i feel like i could do well on the sats i think but uh don't don't drive or any of that nonsense no i knew last time i drove home um but i had just had a local and it just they were just like huh and you really need a ride home she's she's like you're gonna call an uber right i'm like yeah she's like are you doing it right now i'm like yeah i'm gonna go uh i'm gonna go outside for a little while and wait on him out there you know right next to my car so for the local were you like actually a hundred percent next to my car oh yeah yeah i mean it was just it's it was just like getting um like some dental work done it was just basically some numbing of my eyelid yeah my eyelid

was numbed and then i had like i don't know if i sent you the picture where my whole face yeah i did because i was that that was me in post-op when my whole face is is taped up and i got that goofy fucking look on my face like they've they like put a huge wad of gauze over the eye and they like took um masking tape and like masking taped half of my fucking head up with that shit just like they did the time before and i i had to get that shit off after about six hours a lot of people asked how you were doing and I wanted to show them the pictures you didn't look bad you had like the eye patch on and stuff but I was like it's also not his most

flattering pictures and you know what our fans do with those I was pretty I definitely got like a kind of about me. I was pretty fucked up when I took that picture. I sent that to a lot of people. I found out later. I shared it with nobody, Kyle. I'm not your link. I don't know if it got out. Any of the nudes you've sent me, they all stay right here. Thank you.

So you were just on drugs, sending updates to everyone. Hey hey did you know i used to have a youtube channel that's the funniest thing is imagining you like slowly coming to being like and then we drove through a house and where are we over is it done what's happened what am i doing how many how many videos have i showed you they were definitely they were definitely asking about it because like um there's a really really hot nurse that works there and i talked to her a lot last time i was there she's married but who cares and uh she's like i saw you the other day getting a haircut and i'm like oh yeah i remember you i don't remember her yeah you and so we we have a

nice little we've had a nice talk like both times i was there and we were talking about this show she's like yeah i like to listen to podcasts what's yours and i'm just like oh you know i'm with the anesthetic i'm having a hard time remembering you know you don't need to see three letters it's called the jerry pretty big yeah rogan experience yeah yeah they cgi me up and make me like another guy yeah changing the voice too It's called the Jerry. Pretty big deal. Joe Rogan experience? Yeah. Yeah. They CGI me up and make me look like another guy.

Yeah. Change my voice too. Yeah. Change my voice. Had Elon Musk on last year. It was cool. I talked to Bernie. Talked to Bernie.

He just full on lie. Just full on lie. Everyone knows who Joe Rogan is and they know. You're just sticking to your guns. That was Joe Rogan. Did you know that? We've got your name right here, Kyle. Kyle, that's my

non-descript name. That's my non-descript name for when I want a little privacy. You would not believe what it is to hold on to that lie. Honestly, the worst part of what you said so far just sounds like the falling asleep. That seems like far and away the worst bit. Yeah um the actual operation was no big deal at all um you know it's um my eye looks gross right now it's like it's really swollen and i'm so looking forward

to get these stitches taken out because then i can go back to doing normal things and being around people because like if you see a guy with a swollen eye you're like ah he had a little minor bump or something somebody punched him in the eye maybe maybe he does boxing whatever but when you look at my eye you're like oh shit what happened oh god are those stitches oh yeah i've been trying not to freak people out. So like the neighbor's kids right now or no. Yeah, I'll show it. Yeah, it's fucked. No pressure.

I just did. I bet you're going to look if there's any scarring, you're going to look much tougher. You're going to look like a real deal gangster. Actually, it looks a lot better than I expected. Way better than it was before. Yeah. actually it looks a lot better than i expected way better than it was before i yeah i could your eye open i could hardly even see or no wait i could i can see where that is i see that it's red and i see that it's a little swollen some of the you've got redness like on like where black eye would be but i suspect that's from the patch then it would go away yeah yeah there's some redness just from the patch but like it's. But the whole side of my face is swollen.

Everything is, all the way down to here is much more swollen than this side. And I don't know. It's just very icky. There's a big cut right here. But you're right. That looks like it's pretty much healing. Yeah, he did a good job with that. There are some injuries that I associate with, I don't know aging or whatever like a bad hip and then some that i that almost seem like athletic

injuries you look like a ufc fighter post fight to something yeah that's that's what is it my head i was going for yeah when i see like the eye and cheek a little swollen i'm like yeah yeah they all put those on their instagram five days later a little swollen i'm like yeah yeah they all put those on their instagram five days later yeah yeah so is that really annoying is it harder to keep both of them open than it is to keep them closed this one's just so blurry right now and hard to see out of that like like right now i can see very well and now like i've got like double vision like if i've got them both open does that settle down if you leave the patch off a little longer yeah yeah i'm gonna paint in the ass that sucks i would prefer a pain in the ass

this is a pain in the eye oh no i've had that that's terrible you don't want that i totally get it because uh two days ago or yesterday no it's two evenings ago i was like carrying like a box too big to see your feet and i was like trying to go quick with it, it was two evenings ago. I was like carrying like a box too big to see your feet. And I was like trying to go quick with it because it was heavy. And you know, when like, you almost become like a falling forward person, like holding something heavy where it's like, trying, I didn't have any shoes on. I like kicked right into a door jam with my right pinky. And it is, it's the blackest and purplest I've ever seen one of my toes to the point that yesterday i was like uh all right time to work out and like my foot wouldn't fit in my workout shoes oh god

because of my pinky toe and so i was like i entertained for like two seconds being like you know what lots of lots of cool guys that are way better looking and in better shape than you just work out barefoot. Let's try it. And I did a little test, and I couldn't put it even just a tiny bit away. So I've been limping around like a retard. And hopefully today it wouldn't fit in the shoe either, unfortunately. But tomorrow I think it would be good.

I think I want to skip squatting and skip farmer's walks. I broke mine walking through the house barefooted. And the pinky is out on the end and it like caught a wall like i'm walking past a wall and it just caught the wall and bent like straight out away from the foot and it's gonna snap and i'm just it's like the worst pain it's so bad it was it was horrible and it was like late at night and my girlfriend was already asleep so she can't scream that's that's what It was horrible and it was like late at night and my girlfriend was already asleep. So she can't scream That's that's what I was gonna say like like in my case. It was the same thing. I couldn't scream so it's just that hyperventilating sort of

And you get and it's an injury we're like immediately you're so mad at yourself Like it's a nonsense injury that wall didn't move that walls been here for fucking five years Yeah, the first time you've carried a box around the house, you fucking retard. That's annoying. It's still pretty fucking purple. And like that area... Can we see it? This isn't Twitch. Show your feet. No, I'm not showing my feet.

Talk about making memes, Woody. Okay, maybe you're right. Don't do what you don't want to do. I showed my feet on twitch the other day they were but not it wasn't the point it wasn't like woody's feet watching stream it was probably like you can see you doing push-ups bare feet right they asked me about how running a mile a day for 30 days went and uh i was just basically trying to describe like what got better what got worse like my quads got better. My cardio got better.

The muscle next to my shin, which might be a technique problem in running. Like I don't know how to run. Just got worse all month long. It just got more sore and more troublesome. Chin splints? Yeah. Yeah. So basically I put my foot on the desk and pointed out the muscle that runs parallel to the shin.

And a handful of people were like to us to us, but Oh, the one where like, if you point your toe straight up to it gets incredibly sore. Yes, those get so sore on me. Mine, mine almost hernia once, like it just created a bulge like a knot on the side, like like after like, after a long run, like toward the end, I've just got such like, it's like a weird shin pump and like when i got home and took my pants off and looked and there's just a knot like a bulging pulsating hernia on the side of my shin right there that goes away after 20 30 minutes of not doing anything yeah it was kind of weird like my calves improved all month my quads improved all month my shins just

slowly got less and less able to do their job have you ever had like a charlie horse in your calf or somewhere so i guess this is during our fitness competition it was like like me going from just weight lifting no cardio to like i i'm gonna i'm gonna watch five seasons of king of the hill and bike for four and a half hours no cardio in over a year but i'm gonna do this right now i forced myself to do it and i was like the whole time that was also when i was like the key to this eating clean healthy and electrolyte drinks i was drinking so many electrolyte drinks i was shitting all the time and i'm like god this is happening i'm so hydrated and then i look i've had two gallons

of pedialyte today why can't i stop shitting literally i would drink like there were a couple days i drink like 64 ounces of pedialyte oh my god it was way too much and it really does it gives you the shits but um anyway there was i was after like a five hour bike session i get in bed i'm just so so tired and i just remember waking up to like my my calf charley horsing so hard it like forced my toes to point down and it was I was sleeping alone but it was the only time I've woken myself up with the charley horse and I remember sitting up going like it was the most painful feeling in my leg I've ever felt it lasted for like three minutes slowly going down intensity But it was hard as a rock and I don't know all of that

Pedia light was supposed to be preventing cramps must have all escaped my body in the form of liquid shit Hey, uh, you know some people recommend you drink about 20 ounces of this a day if you're doing really hard labor Let's triple it and that'll be three times as good. Yeah. Joe Lozon cuts weight and drinks a sip of water for three days straight, and then he has one of those. You're drinking half a gallon of it. You're drinking half a gallon a day,

and that's in addition to 50 bottles of water or cans of diet soda. I'm back on my diet root beer grind. I've been having a lot of those. I got some unsweet tea. I bought a gallon of diet soda. I'm back on my diet root beer grind. I've been having a lot of those. I got some unsweet tea. I bought a gallon of that today. Hmm. Noice. Kyle, have you followed the UFC stuff? Yeah, it's huge this weekend. Huge fight. Masvidal. So there's been like this big rivalry

between Usman and Masvidal for a while. They've yelled at each other. Yeah, so at the Super Bowl, these two guys met. And Masvidal is kind of known for getting into fights in inappropriate places. He holds a press conference. He's actually punching dudes. He goes to a nightclub or something. He's beating up civilians.

This guy is actually one of the reasons I root against him. He goes to a nightclub or something. He's beating up civilians, right? This guy, it's actually one of the reasons I root against him. Because when I hear a story, oftentimes I place myself in this story. And when there's Mass Fidel beating people up who are, like, dancing or going to the bathroom, I'm not Mass Fidel in that story. I'm the dude who just innocently walked into a bathroom not knowing there's a professional fighter in there who just beats up anyone who walks through the door yeah you couldn't take that chance yeah they're like how do you know he was even with the other people couldn't chance it what you're fucking you're fine so anyway um he was at the Bowl, and he's there with Kamaru Usman. They're in the same weight class, kind of rivals.

And he's talking shit, and Usman's like, do something. Do something. Do something. And I liked it. He was like, Masvidal's, I'm going to do this. I'm going to do that. He says, do something. All he said was do something repeatedly and not take a step backwards.

And Masvidal is like regular people. Hold me back. Hold me back. In my opinion, Usman alpha that confrontation. I don't know if other people saw it the same way, but I like that. Hey,

do something. You want to talk shit. I'm not taking one step backwards. Here I am. You know, you want it here. It is come and get it right. The Beatles said that I think.

So anyway, that was their confrontation they've had kind of a rivalry online real life etc mass fidel was gonna fight this guy and um he wanted too much money this is i like the drama of the fighting as much as the fighting almost and he had previously fought nate diaz and together they were both kind of like take no shit street fight east coast west coast gangster kind of things and they made something called

the bad motherfucker title and they fought for the BMF title and Masvidal won did great and it was this big money event big money fight even though they're not like the top of their weight class it was a big money fight cool Masvidal says this is my new. You have to pay me that much every time.

And the UFC is like, yeah, but like, bro, like this isn't as big a fight as that one. You had Nate Diaz as your dance partner. There was a lot of interest that there wouldn't normally be. Not so much this time. And Masvidal's like, well, suck a a dick i'm not fighting unless you pay a lot well gilbert burns who was going to fight next weekend dropped out he has corona so they need a replacement they need someone to save this card this is the first card at ufc's fight island they're trying to do something special here and mass fidel's like pay me bitch and the ufc is like well okay so masvidal stepped up and this is a thing i like in a fighter as much as i fuss at him you know he's like you pay me and i'll fight and he's going to it would seem he they agreed

six days notice he's gonna fight the fucking champion of the world a bad motherfucker and um he doesn't seem like he's afraid he seems super loose in all the interviews um looks like he's having a great time i'm really looking forward to it i think he's got a shot i am so convinced he's gonna lose i was about to place my first big bet on fighting ever right i bet five dollars on fighting a big bet is normally 10 and i'm like what if i drop five or ten thousand on this because i am sure uzman's gonna win and then i looked into it and i'm like so you're telling me if i risk ten thousand i get like 2500 back suck a dick like i don't want that I didn't realize how big an underdog Mass Vidal was. Yeah, he's plus 240. What's the?

Let's see. You risk 100 to win 240. Go the other way. Usman is the negative 300 favorite. Oh, wait. So you risk 300 to get 100 back. So if I were to risk 9,000, I'd get 3,000 back.

So I exaggerated a touch, but that's about right. Yeah, so you bet $9,000 and you get three grand profit. I was like, I don't know. That seems I don't, you know, the odds make my certainty less valuable. Well, you could pick the round.

I don't have any certainty around that yeah then your odds go up i bet picking picking masvidal getting uh losing in round one would uh get you the odds you're looking for i hear you i'm not sure there'll be a knockout like that though i think masvidal and i'm sorry i think uzman's gonna wrestle fuck him for as long as masvidal can last and then he wears out in two or three, maybe. But we'll see. Yeah, I'm looking forward to it. It's a big card.

It's not just that fight. I think Rose is on that card. I think Paige Van Zandt is on that card. Both underdogs, I think. Yeah, which makes sense. I don't like Rose's chances. I never do. But particularly this time, I just feel like this whole Fight Island thing is going to be such a stressful situation that I don't think she does well.

When there's stressors above and beyond the fact that you're about to get in the ring with a professional fighter and fight them in front of a million people, I don't think she deals well with that. And there's a lot of them. They're testing them like four fucking times for this. They're testing them like four fucking times for this. Like they get tested. They got tested in Vegas and then they got tested as soon as they landed. And then they get tested like the next day. And then the next day, like,

like four total tests. And I watched them do the test. They really shoved that Q tip back down their nose. Like at first I was like, Oh, this doesn't look so bad. And then he went, all right,

here we go. I'm like, wait, you haven't started yet. Like he was already to the back of the nose okay okay my friends here we go and just yeah like another three inches that sounds terrible trump said it was really unpleasant and um someone in our 50 hangout had been tested so i asked about it and uh he acted like it wasn't a big deal.

He said that in a day or two, it stopped hurting. That's what a big deal is. Yes, right? It's really rough. I know. Yeah. I got my sight back within a week. Yeah.

I can smell things again, mostly. You had a very minor procedure Kyle it only took a week for the stitches out of your eye it's nonsense yeah it's it's seen it looks like a big deal it sounds like a big deal I would not want to get that test and they're getting it four times in the space of a week that's got I wonder you can pick a different nostril to go down all right now we already got this one you already got this one maybe you probably pick a different nostril to go down. No, you already got this one. You already got this one. I bet you probably can.

Or maybe you want to isolate all the damage to one, like Cokeheads. Decisions. Wait, is that what Cokeheads do? I made that up. I don't really know. I think it actually makes more sense to split the difference so you're not destroying one and you don't get an Artie Lang nose. Yeah, I don't think that it matters. He was punched, right?

No, his nose bridge collapsed from snorting heroin and cocaine for years. Are you 100% sure he wasn't punched? Positive. I think he may have also gotten punched. We've all seen plenty of people get punched in the nose. I've had mine broken. It don't look like Artie Lang's, all right? Artie Lang's, his got punched, and it was made out of paper mouchet.

It just went flat. Probably he um he had it repaired he looks better now on a scale of one to ten he's gone from a one to like a three like it doesn't look great but it's improved let me see it's just this is the worst nose i've ever seen oh it's so oh my god what's happening that that photo is awful and he's like uh he's like clean and sober from drugs for a while now at this point so good for him i see one here and they've captioned they put a caption over that picture you just linked but it says worth it do you have i'm gonna look at them 2020 maybe god wow you didn't even look for no I I thought the Google search would be Arnie Lang knows but it's no it's just already

laying this these are his best photos this is the best or it was the most popular at least I okay I see him now he says he's seven seven months sober here this was actually in September of last year looks better looks better can you link i don't see it yeah i'll link you oh wait i i found one yours looks way better there than yeah this is september of last year so that would probably be what he still looks like people gained weight when they quit like cocaine what about definitely lost a lot i know what about heroin does heroin make you gain weight lose weight and based on heroin junkies i imagine it makes you lose weight well the thing about him is he's a wealthy heroin user so it's not like

he's having to cut anything out of his budget to afford the heroin that's true yeah you can do whatever he wants so you can get you know two extra large pizzas and some black tar heroin yeah and he's it's basically a tranquilizer so he's just lying around all day like not even sitting up to watch tv wow wouldn't it be nice to have a tv on the ceiling over the bed is that just me it seems like it'd be cool i feel like it would get old real quick i want one of my bathroom i want one of my bathroom so that i can sit in my tub and watch it because i like to take baths that would be nice did you i haven't taken a bath in ages my shoulder was hurting me and so i put some like

epsom salt in there and was it from working out your shoulder it was but it was like or it was like something probably related to working out that i irritated and then i slept on it weird last night because like i couldn't work out yesterday and i didn't work out today because of my foot and uh but yeah just out of nowhere like i was moving something today and it like twinged and felt weird so i so those baths really fucking help i felt like there was this period of time where i wasn't working out hard enough right i'm like you know like i i'd maybe do some push-ups and pull-ups that day and decide it was okay to skip the actual workout because i had done something and

so any of that goes on i'm like man it's been like 10 12 days since you actually pushed it you know step it up a few workouts later my elbows are like you proved your point you asshole slow back down it's too much so we're ready to get back at it now yeah i i was i was wanting to work out today because i felt guilty not being able to do it yesterday but like my girlfriend was even like hey you think that's smart you just were squatting down to pet the dogs and you almost like fell over so maybe you shouldn't go do farmer's walks you know and and try and bench or do whatever i had on my schedule she's right you're still young 29 right but better safe than sorry you know add six years to that or something and you'll be moderating to some extent like you know what

ounce of prevention better than a pound to cure let's miss one workout so i don't miss four yep yeah that's kind of the mentality is like i'll feel like such a fucking retard is if i'm like taking the turn in my basement with my farmer's walk handles or if i'm like at the bottom of my squat and suddenly i'm putting a bunch of pressure on it and i like fail a lift or i end up exacerbating it like i don't know those are those are the worst injuries the ones where like your own pig-headedness makes it get worse where because then the whole time you have to be like oh man this that probably would have resolved itself a week and a half ago if you hadn't gone you know retard mode have you used um straps on your rack instead of bars uh no i only have bars are your bars uh like long cylinders or do they like clip onto the side?

No, they're long steel cylinders, like posts that you stick through the holes, whatever height level you want. Yeah, mine are a pain in the ass. Are they the straps or no? No. So I was thinking about getting them. Anyway, the one are now they like go to the side and you slide them over two inches and they click in. mine are now they like go to the side then you slide them over two inches and they click in so they work great but they're paying to get lined up on both sides at the same time and they're a they're strong but that brings them to a weight where they're just a little unwieldy like i'm

gonna call them like 15 pounds can i lift 15 pounds for sure do i have like dexterity where i can get things within an inch of an inch when they're 8 15 like that's that's like sort of suck so i was thinking about getting something better there's the steel ones you do will you put it through the first one then just slide it all the way until it reaches it's so easy i should just upgrade it that is what mine came with but yeah they're they're sliding right out popping back in they're only like as big around as this marker and they're they are pretty like for what when you look at them you don't think they're going to be as heavy as they are it's really heavy metal but then also it's like you know what this makes me feel a little better about the fact that if i drop all

this weight this this metal is not going to bend or have any problems it's going to be fine yeah because your girlfriend's not going to be able to save you no no no i i had a come to jesus moment on a bench last week i think it was friday where's like the last one of the five by five and like there was a point where i was like this this might not happen and the doors closed down here and she's upstairs working out she can't hear me like you didn't have the safety bars i did have the safety bars but i've never if i've had to rely on those it's only happened like once but like it's basically like the the bad part about mine is i don't know how much distance there is between where you can like stick the posts in but like where if when my back is arched

my chest is out and i'm wanting to bench like six is where i have to be or seven is where i should be if i want to totally be safe if i were to drop it but if i do seven like i'm clanging before i hit the the bottom of my chest six it gives me the feeling of safety but i also know in the back of my head every time i'm putting it up it's like this really you're gonna be kind of smushed yeah at least so like the illusion of safety I had to do that thing like I like lifted my ass up off the bench and like did a terrible like dirty form lift right back up there I was like oh mine is perfect so if I I can touch my nipples which is about where I put it and do push push-ups, or I'm sorry, benches, and it works fine. But if it goes at my neck, it doesn't touch my neck.

So that's like the safety. Like I could drop it on my neck, and then I have to do this weird like turn my head sideways and slide out thing. But it works. It works, and it's safe. With my fat head, I try and do that, and it's just. But with squats, my squat form has room for improvement at getting really down

low feel straining on my knees but in and where i want the bars that save me but people use straps and you can touch the strap and it doesn't ruin everything if you clank it even for just a second it like it's really a big mess up that's why I thought straps might be cool for squats in particular. Yeah. I, uh, I don't know what it, I need to look up like what actual experts think about this,

but I feel like I get less strain. Like it, when I do sumo squats instead of regular squats, where you just kind of like, you don't go all the way down. Is that what a sumo squat? You're like, it's a first, you know,

like sumo wrestlers, like put their feet far apart like when they're about oh right right so it's like a different range of motion you know i still do regular squats but there's something about sumo squats that feel more natural and easier for me i don't know the whole form stuff so like i watched um it might have been eddie hall's uh deadlift attempt right put his legs, you know how if you do a deadlift, right? For me anyway, like you work, work, work, and then the last six inches are easy. You just kind of like straighten up, right?

Inch point. Yeah. So Eddie Hall, he looks short to me. I can't tell. And he has his legs so far apart. He's six foot three. He's very wide. Yeah. You see him standing next to the mountain,

and you're like, man, that guy's not very big at all. No, wait, that guy's seven feet tall. Yeah, that's exactly what happens. So it happens with NBA coaches too. Like, oh, yeah, that guy's like me, six foot four. So anyway, yeah, it looked to me like he put his legs so wide, all he had to do was hinge forward his waist, and he did a deadlift.

And I'm like, should that be legal? It seemed like it was cheats of some sort. Who's going to tell him that? I'm not. I mean, back when I thought he was 5'10", I thought maybe I'd step up, but not anymore. But now that I know that that powerlifting champion...

Now that I know 2017 world's strongest man. When you're fighting a powerlifting champion, those extra two inches are really, really important. That's what I'm saying. A little bit of reach and you just gotta keep him at arm's length, you know? It sounds like he wants to fight the

mountain have you heard him lately talking about that sort of thing that would be good good publicity i mean the mountain would win i think so too i how do we know that these people have any fighting skill whatsoever or any cardio to even speak of dude i it's it's cardio to carry a 500-pound bag of beans or whatever the fuck the competition is 100 yards and back while a not-that-big crowd is cheering you on. I'd like to see them jog a mile.

Jog a mile? I bet they do shit like that. I doubt it. I agree with you now. I feel like if they would have run it all, it would look so silly, too. It looks silly, but I think they'd injure themselves, and that's just not what they're going for.

You'd be looking in your cup of water like in Jurassic Park. You'd know if you were coming. Eddie Hall's coming. Remember, Woody, work the jab. Oh, God. They must do some cardio stuff, though, because it is really hard cardio to flip a semi tire or whatever those monster truck tires are like for for five minutes on end or three

minutes on end that may not seem like like that that is cardio that's a lot yeah yeah it's a different kind of cardio i'm talking about like steady state cardio i don't think they do any of that short burst cardio oh yeah more high intensity stuff don't think they do any of that. Short burst cardio. Yeah, more high intensity stuff. Don't some of these guys feel like cardio undoes their gains? Like, isn't that it does undo gains? Yeah, it can be like if the goal is to

put on mass, it only undoes gains if it eats into your caloric intake for the day. So like if you're trying to build a bunch of mass and you eat 2500 calories in that day and you run enough to kill 600 of those or 500 of those like yeah of course that's bad for getting size so that makes sense but let me just pitch this thought what if you're trying to make your legs stronger so that you can see succeed in the world's strongest man

competition and you're using whatever like recovery you would have had on some of that mile run or two mile run right you might want to devote all your attention to squats and not do mile runs because that's more relevant for the way you compete yeah i think that makes sense too like if you're if you know the competition at no point are they like all right thor surprise 100 meter relay they're like all right get it we've got an actual pig still alive he's a mean motherfucker you got to catch him take him down he's 415 pounds you know and like whatever it would be you know well actually no that's a bad example that's a lot of cardio those things are quick dude i really want

you to add that to the competition grease pig catching. When I was a little kid and did the little kids rodeo, Kyle, you might have done something like this, where you go and then you have to try and catch the sheep or ride the sheep. I was maybe six years old, and all they did is they put you in that little cage thing for the

rodeo, they put you on the back of the sheep, you hold onto the wool, and then they let you out, and then it runs around everywhere and you have to stay on for however long and then you get a dollar. I won a dollar. And I got a blue ribbon for that. Still, it's around here somewhere. That ribbon was for the pig. Taylor just kept it.

Wow! USDA Prime! rhyme. Just let the failure happen. You know what? You have a dollar, too. Your memory of it is of winning. There is a photo of me standing there with my little cowboy hat and my spurs on, holding up a certificate. Look at the marbling

on that big headed boy so anyway no memories good lord already get your nose fixed so bad it's really rough yeah i'm really looking forward to this ufc event though uh i was i wish there had been one this uh this past weekend my dad came over this weekend uh and i i assumed there would be there's been one like every saturday for weeks it felt like but there was not yeah they've been they've been pretty active i i compliment them on keeping it going yeah me too for sure i'm sure the fighters are happy that they're all still getting paid the ufc is not great financially, but probably better than not holding events.

Yeah, definitely better than if they were shut down right now. And it might be good for them to exist in this void of sports. It's got to be. There's nothing else going on. Football seems to be getting ready. I don't know what their plan is. Are they going to have crowds? Someone said they were going to have CGI crowds.

Hmm. Or maybe they were going to do something. Maybe they were going to have cardboard cutouts and pipe in fake audio of the crowd cheering. That'd be fun. Let me ask you guys this. Do you think the NBA is going to succeed in finishing up this season? I feel like no one's going to honor this bubble. No one fucks more than NBA players.

Maybe I just made that up. Rock stars. Say that again? Rock stars. Rapists. Okay. NBA players are amongst the elite and uh i just don't think they're they're rule followers when it comes to things like covid restrictions and that all it takes is one guy

and he'll quickly infect 13 more and it'll be a problem that already happened with the blues they're supposed to start the nhl back up in like a couple weeks and four at least four players on the blues tested positive and our coach tested positive and so this that might be all she wrote for our season if they're like literally saying hey uh st louis you can't play yeah i haven't missed it at all i i'm so glad like i don't you know obviously i don't care about any sport really other than the ufc so it's it's really tickled me to see everybody just shut down and all and and all these poor athletes just have to sit in their mansions and cry it's it's it's been fun um i see lebron james doing a bunch of charity work because he's a goody two shoes uh it's nice to see him doing that i suppose but i don't give a if there's a nascar well i think nascar is racing but i don't give a fuck if there's a nascar i think nascar is racing but i don't give a fuck if there's a baseball season who i don't fucking care i don't fucking care

i look the sixers were forced fourth most likely to win it this year so i kind of wanted look based on what 538's ranking of strengths of schedules and players and this and that. They had them fourth. It helps that they're not even the fourth best team, but they're from the East. They should just have a gigantic playoff. Forget the whole season and let's just do a big playoff with all the seasons, with all the players.

Not all the fucking teams. I'm a little confused. Just play for the championship. Whittle it down that way. Don't do a season. Just let everybody compete in a big bracketed tournament they're doing something similar to that they're finishing up the last like six games of the season so it'll be 20 short maybe i'm making up these numbers but they're about right and then um and then they'll do the playoffs yeah so yeah i just don't care i uh i just really don't hmm well i want to win you know the sixers and i have been trading as much if it if a full season wasn't completed to

to get to determine the outcome it still does like every league has if if like my team won after playing like a 30 game season like I mean that happened to Chicago in 2013 oh wait I'm sorry I made that 1913 in my head and I'm like that fucker knows that carry on no no 2013 they won the Stanley Cup and it was after only a 48 game season instead of an 82 game season but in that situation the playoffs was exactly the same you know it was it was a normal playoff year so i can see if a team wins people being like ah we'll never know but also it's like come on every team was in the same situation yeah but it's less valid you know there's like like you know if you don't play the full season injuries don't come into play wear and tear doesn't come into play endurance doesn't come

into play it's a different thing so here's why i think it is valid but like the sixes for example are benefiting a lot because some of their stars were really hurt and now they all got a chance to fully recover and then kick off you know a few games and then playoffs so they're going to benefit from this on the other hand everyone's playing by the same, and that's why I think it's valid. Whatever benefit or whatever the opposite of a detriment the Sixers had applied to the whole league. So it's a champ. I'll be happy when hockey comes back, no matter what, even if the Blues get trounced because of our top line sick

or whatever it is. I don't really stink. The only good case scenario is if these were AHL guys and we sent them back to San Antonio or wherever the hell our AHL team is now. But I just know it's going to be like, oh, it's Tarasenko and Ryan O'Reilly

and our head coach and our good goalies. Both of them. Wait, is Tarasenko going to make it back? Yeah. I mean, he's been... He recovered from, he was scheduled to come back to the NHL the game,

two games after they canceled it. Like, he was pretty much 100% ready to come back, and then they're like, nope, you can't play because nobody's playing. Maybe it's, maybe it,

oh, I was looking at it the other way. Maybe it'll help him, right? Like, maybe, I just don't see these guys play you've got a team making a playoff push you're gonna bring him back at the first possible reasonable moment now he got a few extra weeks to get doubly healed and that's the glass half

full option i like that one better you're right yeah i'm coming out there and just being so unfamiliar with it that he's kind ofics. But he's a professional athlete. He knows what he's doing better than I do. Yes. Yeah. It's funny. Like UFC in particular, you watch him fight, you watch game day, and then you're kind of disengaged from the recovery from that. But these guys, it's brutal.

Dustin Poirier, he's just been out of sight, out of mind for me for a year or so. Fucker had hip reconstruction surgery or something? That's a big deal, right? Imagine this professional athlete on the freaking, what are they, parallel bars, like walking, trying to regain strength in his legs and feet. I don't see him until I see the finished product, where he just won a great, great fight. Yeah, it was a great fight. Yes, fight of the Year candidate.

But what they do behind the scenes to put that show on, it's brutal. They earned their money. God. I saw Khabib's dad died. Yes, he did. Too bad. Connor, I think, said it was a hoax.

Well, he said that before the guy died. Yes, yes. But khabib proved him wrong it'd be funny if kind of let me see the body he should retweet the hoax thing yeah actually that is a good line that's funny what if he just went on a crazy trolling binge where he was just like pictures of him on instagram like we're gonna go find that body. And he's got a shovel. He's got his passport and a shovel.

Dude, that would be on brand for him too, right? He attacks his dad, his whatever, his wife. We're going to go dig him up. To be to be like no no connor would show respect a little brush and dust pan like it's been dead for a month here like a monocle inspecting colonel mustard looking if he wants a fight that might help him get it right and so for people in the background, Khabib fought Conor. Khabib choked him out. Now Conor would like a rematch.

Khabib is like, go earn a rematch. Go beat someone relevant. Make yourself number one. I'll get to you when you've earned it. Well, Conor could earn it by doing Kyle's plan. It would work. Go dig that fucker up. Oh, dude, Barry, like a plastic skeleton.

Oh, found him. Yeah, over here in Dagestan. Oh, he's wearing a shirt that says he's gay. He's Muslim, yeah. Dude, if Connor did that that that'd be fire instead he respected like respect to a you know a great martial artist and etc etc etc it's never too late to change i i would i would have doubled down he really should have doubled down and brought out the shovel that would have been fucking hilarious dude doubling down i feel

like trump has shown us that doubling down is an effective thing right you say something you're kind of in the wrong according to popular opinion you just double down and it's like oh it it's almost like we can't win unless he lets us part of it is just letting news cycles change because i mean like the news there's way too much news constantly and so like yeah after four hours they'll be like actually although there's this other thing that we're entirely speculating on but it doesn't matter because cnn and fox are already on it which means we need to hop on a two eight we're abc we need to get our ratings in understanding that this all blows over in a week is something that youtubers knew but politicians

didn't seem to do that they always try to go into damage control and damage control makes you you're if you're explaining you're losing yeah did you follow that whole um i i definitely don't know any of the uh the actors but um the the smash brothers players that were like um without all the underage kitty diddling and such did you follow any of that i haven't looked into it this seems like oh man mr medicare would do a deep dive on but i did i didn't hear the story that apparently there's multiple professional smash players that are uh creepy and stuff yeah i i shouldn't even talk about it because i don't know what i'm talking about but but i don't know their names so it probably doesn't even talk about it because I don't know what I'm talking about. But I don't know their names, so it probably doesn't matter. Yeah.

It seemed like, because I was just reading it right before I went under anesthesia. So it's possible that my memory is also a little corrupted. Yeah. But it seemed to me that there was, first of all, I don't know. Instead of being like, Brian Williams apparently is accused of doing of doing x y and z with stacy jameson it's like poon smasher 67 37 did this with kudu kudu and i'm just like i don't know the these are or if these are men or women like based on their their in game name is so goofy that you can't even tell if it's a guy or a girl. But it seemed to me that a 20-year-old girl was fucking a 15-year-old guy. And there was a bunch of text messages talking about it,

and a lot of people knew about it. But I don't know. It just seems like there's a... It's fun to see all the people getting canceled and getting called out for just all the fuckery that's apparently been going on for years. Anybody and everybody who did anything is getting accused. the fuckery that's apparently been going on for years. Anybody and everybody who did anything is getting accused. The guy from Mythbusters, his sister came out and accused him of raping her when they were kids. Which one?

The one that I like, I don't like. The one that you like. Oh, no. Wait, yeah. You like the funny one or the science-y one? I like the one that wears the hat. The science-y one. Oh, the bald guy. Yeah. Yeah. Jamie. No, the funny one then. Okay. The one with the red beard. The science-y one. Oh, the bald guy. Yeah. Yeah. Jamie. No. The funny one, then. Okay. The one with the

red beard. Or it used to be red. Okay. His sister said he raped her? Yeah, repeatedly when they were kids. With his penis or some other form of rape? All the kinds. He goes the spacey route. I've been accused of raping

my own sister. What you don't know is I'm very, very gay. This myth has been busted. Pull out the metal side. Myth busted. Hi, today I'm here with Derek and Tori and we're going to test if I raped my sister. So here's a childlike doll that we brought in. That's the approximate size of my sister. So here's a childlike doll that we brought in. It's the approximate size of my sister at that age. Now I'm going to try to rape her.

Now here's a second doll. The size of it is just... Come on in, kids. Come on in, kids. This is in the name of science. You're erect. Stop it. I saw a Reddit article today and I couldn't agree more. They were talking about how you can't even talk to children now without like looking weird they were saying that

leonardo leonardo dicaprio was at a i want to say the tennis tournament or something and he was talking to a 12 year old girl a fan and just like talking to her they were both in the stands and uh and people were calling him out for for that inappropriate. And they're like, look, he's taking time out of whatever Leonardo DiCaprio's fucking schedule is to talk to a fan. Like he doesn't have his arm around her. He's not sniffing her like Joe Biden. He's having an innocent conversation in a massively public sports arena. Like nothing is going wrong here. I couldn't agree more.

I drove home two, three days ago or something like that and um my neighbor's daughter and two daughters like come running up to my car at my and my and my driveway and they're i don't i can't tell kids ages but i'm gonna guess like eight like eight nine years old these these little girls. And they're just like, hey, hey, you know how kids are. Like they've got no shame or like any sort of social skills. There's hey, hey, you live here? And I'm like, yep. Who you live with?

I'm just like, I live alone. You live in that big house all by yourself? Yeah, yeah, pretty much, pretty much. I live here. And I'm like yourself yeah yeah you're pretty much pretty much i live here i'm like yeah yeah i know we're building a fort in my bedroom and i'm like this is getting a little awkward i i don't i don't know if we need to talk about your bedroom fort um um yeah that's cool i'm gonna sit here my and but i'm sitting in my car and I'm like, does it look more creepy if I sit in the car with sunglasses on or if I get out and I stand over

them, right? I don't know what looks more creepy and I've got to keep my sunglasses on because my eye looks like fucking Frankenstein, especially three days ago. I don't want to freak these little kids out by taking the glasses off and be like, give them the evil eye.

I think you should have smelled her hair. It's presidential. Oh, God. I wanted to get away from them so badly. But I didn't want to be rude at the same time. And eventually their dad saw them talking to me and was like, Rochelle, get over here. And I was like, I'm glad you didn't yell at me like that.

Did you want to get away from them because eight-year-old girls are not interesting to you and you have nothing in common because you're a grown man? Or because of the appearance of pedophiles talk to eight-year-old girls? Totally the appearance of like talking to my neighbor's little children and how that could be perceived. Like I would happily have sat there and talked to them because, you know, I don't know. It was fun to talk to them. Nobody else asks you who your favorite lizard is. Yes, exactly. I was leaving the house.

I went in, picked something up, and then I was leaving to go to Kitty's house to take it to her. And so I was immediately right back out there with them. And they start chasing the car. Hey! Hey! And I'm just like, I guess I gotta stop. I can't just drive away. And so I was immediately right back out there with them and they start chasing the car. Hey, hey. And I'm just like, oh, I guess I got to stop. I can't just drive away.

So I stopped. I turned the AC down. I rolled the window down. Hey, what's up? She's like, where are you going? I'm like, my friend's house. She goes, who's your friend? How do I fucking answer this? Like, I gotta go.

I gotta go. I gotta go, children. Goodbye, kids. Goodbye. Don't say goodbye, children. I was thinking, like, what's the creepiest thing I could do? What if I was like, hop in the car. I'll take you, too.

Jesus Christ. But yeah, you can't talk to children as a grown man anymore. Yeah. Man, I don't really want to talk to kids anyway. I do want to talk to kids. I don't want any kids. I don't want them in my house. I don't want my own kids, but I happily talk to children.

I got a problem. They're innocent. They're funny. They got their little quirky senses of humor. Everything you say is funny and interesting to them. Yeah. And the smallest amount of alcohol gets them so messed up like they don't even cheap dates yeah not even hard alcohol just a little homemade apple cider I mean in my experience throw six-pack in the back of the van six or seven of them all get drunk

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