Painkiller Already - PKN #31

Episode Date: March 23, 2015

In this weeks episode of PKN, Chiz and Jackie join on for a special episode of PKN!

... like fish stick eating boat officer. And we're live. Cool kinda doctor. Now Taylor. I cannot believe you don't like David Tennant. Doctor who talk. David Tennant is a poor man's doctor. Wow, I'm gonna be fighting words. I can't even speak. It's funny cause me and Kyle can't see Jackie so I just picture her fuming red right now. She's in shock. Let me guess, is David Tennant one of the more attractive doctors?

Or is he the old guy? Help me out. He's the skinny guy before Matt Smith. He's very attractive. Ah, I see. So you're more interested in the better looking doctor, not the better acting doctor. What? No, no, no, no.

Actually, what I really like is the romance between him and Rose. Rose is ugly. I didn't... Rose is pretty... No, the romance between the two of them. Interesting looking. I think she's

interesting looking. She's not classically attractive. You should see her as a redhead. Classically attractive. Have you seen her as a redhead? Yeah, yeah.

How complimentary of you. As a redhead, she's much hotter as a redhead. She's not attractive in a classic sense, but she's very interesting looking and that makes her appealing. These are much hotter as a redhead. She's not attractive in a classic sense, but she's very interesting looking, and that makes her appealing.

These are nice descriptive words to say ugly. She's interesting, you know? She's quirky. I'm thinking of the wrong one. You're thinking of the wrong one. No, Rose is pretty attractive. Who's the ugly one? She looks like a school teacher. Are you thinking of the...

Matt River? No. Are you thinking of the river no the anything in the redhead she was she almost got married when we first met her she's the redhead yeah Donna nobody apparently likes Donna Donna Donna Donna yes Donna's the one that I'm not a big fan of Rose was pretty cool Rose actually your I like the romance there too yeah between David Tennant and Rose. I agree. I mean, I like Matt Smith.

Don't get me wrong. But I did like... And I love Matt Smith and the... Dr. Chiz, what is wrong with you? Look, you're falling apart on camera. You're, like, sweaty and... What are you talking about? I'm not sweaty. I'm not sweaty at all.

I'm talking about... It's the light. Dr. Who, don't... Dr. Chiz. I just feel like... Turn the lights off. Hey, you got bags under your eyes What's going on with you man

I'm 7000 years old You gotta hook me up We were having some serious Doctor Who talk but forget it I don't watch Doctor Who but I do watch Ruby on Crunchyroll.com Forward slash PKA Crunchyroll.com slash PKA

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Support the show. We love them. They love us. Why don't you all get in the middle of our giant love fest with us, right? What are you down for that? You'd be surprised i wouldn't really he knows he knows you're a cuddler how did he do compared to hope hope he do i think is the kills she's the leading candidate yeah she kills i bet she loves that nickname she got it when she was like two it's stuck did did anyone else have a nickname when they were like a small child?

Peanut. I got Woody. Cinderella. Very nice. Cinderella. Is that because you did the cleaning? Cinderella. No, because I had two older sisters.

Were they evil? Wicked stepsisters. No, but my dad just called me Cinderella. Or Jack-O-Lantern Pumpkin Pie. I was Bubba. I spent most of my life, when I was like three and a half to like four and a half years old, that was a really wild time in my life. I wore a coonskin hat and oftentimes

No, listen to this. There's videos of this shit. Coonskin hat, maybe nothing else. I would say 60% of the time, just the coonskin hat. I want to see that video. You should bring that look back. How old is he? Are you pedo?

How old were you? Are you claiming you're a pedo and therefore it's not weird? You are backpedaling into a hell of a hole right now, Jackie. Somewhere between three and a half and four and a half, five years old. I really want to see Kyle's cock. I'm not talking. I'm sorry, Kyle. I'm interrupting. I've got my BB gun, my red rider that cocks.

I got my coonskin hat. I'm naked. And I was literally like a little wild man. There was a main highway that passed right past our front yard. And one time I put bricks out in the highway so cars had to slow to a creep. And I was lying down in the bushes with my red rider so I could shoot the cars. Like that's what I was lying down in the bushes with my red rider so I could shoot the cars. That's what I was for. The people came and started

yelling and cussing and then dad cussed them out and told them to get the fuck away. Then he yelled at me. I remember another time I shot the window out of his truck with my BB gun, but I was always sniping lizards out and just generally wreaking havoc in the backyard.

But there's tons of video of me running around like... Colin needs a gun. Colin does not need a gun. He does not need to spend any time in the gorgeous... In the South, that's a way to show disrespect. Yeah, yeah. We talked about pissing on people forever ago and how we were all like, no, I've never done that. But now that I think about it,

as a three or four-year-old, I'd run up to somebody and piss on their leg just like a fuck you. You've got destructive tendencies right there. I would also do this thing. I also had this thing where apparently I really wanted everyone's attention. And if two adults were having a conversation,

like if somebody was like talking to my dad But my dad was friends with one of the deputy sheriffs They're locally they'd been friends like growing up and they're about the same age They're standing there talking and I guess I was like for trying to get my dad's attention He was like dad dad dad dad dad and he's just like not giving me any attention Talking to his friend and I went and picked up the biggest fucking rock that i could carry and walked over there and smashed my dad's friend's foot and broke his foot to to like get some attention like hey i'm here what the fuck i look like you're smart enough to not fuck up your own dad's foot but the

the friend i'm gonna get my ass beat if i fuck up my dad's foot so so so it was a weird time in my life like i wasn't like that at one by the time I got to kindergarten like oh but then you had upgraded to smashing mailboxes and what I'm throwing firecrackers in people's yards oh there's nothing wrong with that I mean that's typical like teenager stuff but you know no no I'm like 17 or something like that that was a different what would you do between those phases nothing nearly as crazy as those those were kind of the polar ends of my

shenanigans in the middle they were just fun shenanigans there weren't any scary shenanigans nobody got hurt or anything such as because from like birth to present day you've been in a constant state of destroying things. And peeing on things. No, no.

I stopped peeing on people apparently like when I was around four or something like that. I guess they have. When did you pick it up again? They have. 23? 20 years ago. A couple years ago. Bringing it back.

Yeah, what can I say? A little water sports. Jelly fishing. What? I don't knowfishing. What is it? What's jellyfishing? If you get stung by a jellyfish, someone's supposed to pee on you. It's a life-saving measure. You know that as a lifeguard, right?

I wonder if that's true. They even had it in an episode of Lost. That fantastic show. They had that in an episode of New Girl. Does urine really help? Oh yeah, yeah what did uh chis did you know he's watching new girl now is he yeah it's not true according to life science.com no urine is not an effective sting ointment yeah but it's still a good excuse to pee on them is there

anything else like vinegar or ammonia can you pour something like that on there? What is the trick then? I always heard it was like protein powder or something. Bleach? Bleach, yeah, I've heard all kinds of crazy stuff. Like with bee stings in the south, they'll rub any kind of chemical they got handy on you. That sounds awful.

Yeah, they'll get it out. Well, you know, bleach seemed to help. It's burning the evil out vinegar vinegar is the thing and the other big deal is just to get it off you in New Jersey I'd have jellyfish stings all the time but I guess they weren't that dangerous like there's no Portuguese man o' wars

or anything they just made you incredibly itchy and it just took time and cleaning. What's that? It didn't hurt at all? No, it itched. It itched badly, though. It would drive you crazy. It was even worse if you had a shirt on.

Sometimes surfers would wear a rash guard because your chest gets so irritated and your nipples bleed and you put a rash guard on. All that nasty New Jersey water. I couldn't feel that. Even dead jellyfish are awful inside your rash guard on and um all that nasty new jersey water even dead jellyfish are awful like inside your rash guard you just gotta get it off so so remember that episode of the office when andy was complaining when they were gonna go do the run for uh for um what is it when uh um dogs get rat rabies rabies awareness run or something like that. Anybody doesn't know what it is. Andy was afraid of nipple chafing and he's dressed in marathon gear and he's literally

putting band-aids on his nipples. By the end of the 5K, they're bleeding. That always made me cringe. Hey, I have a bad joke for the weekly bad joke. Oh, yay. I saw an old... I saw a poor old lady fall at the...

Shit! It just makes it worse. This is perfect. I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the sidewalk. Well, I presume she was poor. She only had $1.20 in her purse. Ba-dum-boom. That was a really bad joke.

They're all bad. Yeah, I just pick out awful jokes and tell them later on. You're really on a streak of actual bad jokes. Not distasteful jokes. These are just really not humorous to anyone. Not even a joke. Kind of like a limerick. It wasn't a limerick.

So we had a conversation. We had to record PKN, and we were just all kind of flowing together. So we thought, well, let's just start recording and see where it goes. So Chiz, Jackie, he's still smoking. He's still smoking. What's the scoop with that? He promised me he was going to stop. I'm heartbroken.

It's smoking relieves stress. I got a lot going on. All right. Got a lot going on. That's a lot of effort, alright? So does exercise. That's a lot of effort and time out of my day. And opium. Maybe you could go to smoking opium.

Would you prefer if I mainlined opium? Because then I wouldn't get lonely. What are you doing to him, Jackie? I was going to suggest going to play paintball, but if Kyle thinks that paintball is stupid or something... I can't do that every day show the gun kyle that is horrible what a real beginning this is no this thing is badass so this this pistol was made for paintball before paintball was called paintball it's called it literally says it on

the side it says the survival game Splatmaster marking pistol. Every time you want to shoot it, you have to push in on the back, and it loads another round from a little tube of ammo that's here. This is what you put your paintballs in. It holds eight or ten. It's like a

vial of paintballs that you put in there. And every time you cock it, you get another paintball in there. Is it CO2? Yeah. Did you just shoot something? I thought I saw something fly. No, just the cap to the vial of paint.

Oh, okay. So I'm going to play with this a little bit, hopefully, at the thing. I think that would be fun to have in a holster. I mean, if we could give everyone else that gun, that would be great. That would be great. Now, two PKA's ago in the drinking episode, you never made napalm.

Yeah, what was up with that? Yeah, I forgot about the napalm. No, I admit it was hard to top blowing CO2 in the general direction of an apple. Yeah, the apple taking over the whole screen. I love the science episodes. I may add them

to Colin's curriculum if I could. What other science stuff do you have, Kyle? You know, a vat of liquid nitrogen is hard to come by, so you spray CO2 on it. Get the same effect. In the general direction of his microphone. I didn't know what he was going to do.

He thought it was going to be a controlled release. He made a really cold apple. Kyle's science. I've only got the one liter of the stuff. I'm making napalm.

It was like $50 a liter. Hmm. And it didn't seem safe upon retrospect. It seems like you could use a cap worth and make some sort of... just demonstrate what napalm's all about, or two caps worth. Then I have to light

gasoline in my house. Is that a problem? You've got vents and windows, right? I feel like the room would forever more smell like napalm You shoot inside from time to time This sounds like a bunch of excuses That's absurd, I would never do such a thing You said it, you said it on

You were gonna do it and now you're not gonna do it I think you should come up with some other science project for today. Yes. What other things can you blow on? How many paintballs can a man eat before dying? I've seen people eat an entire tube before. They have paintball eating competitions sometimes. I am not participating in that.

Why? A paintball eating competition? Why would you do that? Oh, I see. I thought you were like, why am I backing out? No, why would anybody eat paint? To win a prize. Because they like pain. If you want a reflex hopper or something like that, you know.

It's a $150 hopper for $3,000 of intestinal damage. It's just gelatin and stuff. You can punch those things down. Like the people who eat an entire tub of butter in the South Fares for a fucking novelty item. They have to vomit right after, right?

I know when I did that eating competition and beat Joe Lozon, just like a child. Just whipped him, yeah. He's like, listen, when I beat Joe Lozon in an eating competition. I intend to beat Joe Lozon, too. Maybe rock, paper, scissors. I think Colin's going to beat Joe Lozon in cup stacking.

Jenga. Jenga. Yeah. Cup stacking is cool. Colin's getting good. But I did vomit all those hamburgers up, like, right after that thing. I did not want those awful hamburgers to be my dinner that evening. There are rumors that you were on performance enhancing drugs.

Absolutely not. No such thing. Were you smoking at the time? Were you smoking cigarettes back then? I was definitely smoking cigarettes. Alright then. That's a enhancing drug. How are cigarettes a performance enhancing drug? Increased metabolism. Really? Increased metabolism. Really? Increased heart rate.

I know they increase your heart rate. Appetite suppressant? I know they're an appetite suppressant. That would be the problem. I think I beat him by like half a hamburger though. I think you did too. It was half a burger. Does Joe want a rematch?

We suggested a rematch and we were discussing it for the last event and I was up to do it but he wanted to choose the the meal and he was picking meals that he knew that i would i would turn down because he was ducking me totally ducking me by picking things like the an ice cream cake like i literally had a root canal like three days like let's do an ice cream cake and i'm just like man i can only use the left side of my mouth right now i can't do ice cream cake i was like that would just be torturous anyway i was like how much ice cream cake could you really eat i was

like let's let's do ribs or hot wings or french fries or soup or lobster or crab or and i like named like literally like 50 things that that everything from chicken to beef to vegetables interesting to see you guys do water he has probably had a lot more uh i don't know yeah i do that it'd be interesting i know when it came to do the gallon challenge kyle uh was strong see i don't know it's dangerous though you know yeah yeah you can get water poisoning I always hear about this much water as it take to be water poisoned those like do that to pledges sometimes I make drink lots of water and I heard it some cake chimps just wow some chick died here on a it was a radio station they had her do that for something and she died from water poisoning it's called water

poisoning yeah I've got that several a real thing, but it's certainly not easy to hit. It's gotta be two gallons. Six liters for a 165 pound person. Six liters is about three gallons, maybe? I don't think so. Let's do it. Six liters to gallons.

I would think it would be like three and a half gallons. 1.6 gallons. 1.58 gallons. We do not know the metric system. We don't need to. I can't do it at all. There's no way I know. I was like, yeah.

I think four liters is a gallon in my head, roughly. Two liters is about half a gallon, a little more. Yeah. Whatever. I messed up. Fair enough. Only weird foreign people and drug dealers use the metric system.

Free of mutants, baby. I feel like that's entertaining to watch, though, just as they're guzzling water down. I feel like it'd be a great time for somebody to Photoshop some cocks in and have some at our expense. The caveat would be no one could pee, and I think you would lose on that front.

I'd just pee in my pants. Like, I'm a competitor. I don't care. You're a competitor? I'm a competitor. I urinate myself. I brought adult diapers. Doubled them up.

For the astronauts? For the adult diaper and, like, drove from, like, Florida to Texas to kill their lover or whatever? Like, yeah, that's when you're committed. You do what you got to do. So, but I don't think water would be fun to watch. He pulled that out of his memory bank. That was a killer. We just talked about it the other day.

We love that woman. I kind of feel for her. Her state of mind must have been so tormented. You ain't taking my man. That's it. She was an astronaut. The diapers were the big mistake. she could have just stopped and peed no nah you lose a lot of time yeah yeah i'm gonna be she was an astronaut woman on a mission

if you could get to an astronaut maybe adult diapers aren't as weird as they are she was an astronaut and so she lost some other guy like you're an ash freaking astronaut you can get somebody else really think astronauts is that really the top of the thing? You're the astronaut? I mean, I think it would be cool to, like, know an astronaut, but, like, I've seen pictures of her, and I just don't think that I'd want to date that astronaut. She just wasn't...

Well, you don't have to date her. For all the physical requirements of becoming an astronaut, typically they're not all that attractive. In both sexes. She can clean up. Yeah, she cleans up pretty well. Yeah, if you wipe the poo off her ass. I'm sure she can. It's a real nice.

You're not going to see what I can do for the main screen here. She can clean up. Oh, boy. This thing needs to be fixed. No. You're acting like she, you know, is hideous. All right, let's see here. How many hot dogs do you think you could eat?

One. Just a hot dog. It's like bun, dog, and like mustard. I think. Because I would want them to taste like something. I don't know. I think 7 or 8 and then after that it hurts too much. I can't do that

dip it in water shit. I eat 6. Like when I'm just eating hot dogs, I eat 6 hot dogs. I can do that too. See, I don't do that. Like the max I'll ever eat is 4. And I could do 6. But it hurts.

I'll usually make my own chili and make a whole hot dog extravaganza, if you will. There'll be, like, four or five different kinds of hot dogs. I'll do a couple different. There'll be, like, one with avocado and stuff on it, and one that's, like, picante, and so I'll have a whole hot dog, uh, tasting, like, a flight of hot dogs.

I usually do six so I feel like if I was being competitive I get at least I feel like a topic changed I'm a changed you could do head what do you how many can you do how many hot dogs could I eat like hot dogs I don't like them I don't want to do this I think I could definitely do for I don don't think I could do ten. There's your range. I think I'd quit out of five or six. Yeah, you gotta grill them. You can't microwave them.

So have you ever seen the green egg grill? What, the ceramic one? Yeah, those are great. Those are great? Why are they great? They just cook everything. They cook at a really high temperature from what I understand.

And it's 360 degrees and they seem to be great for steaks and stuff. I just hear people rave about them and I've heard like people who own them. Whenever I go to a really wealthy person's house, they have one. Yeah. Okay. It's not as cool as the nice built- not as cool as the nice built in one with brick and they look tasteful I don't know they look nice they look better than you

they look tasteful? there's a giant green egg they break easily because it's ceramic I think they look cool well we saw one in the showroom we got a um there's like a fireplace and patio store in Raleigh and we bought a fireplace there

and they they sold the big green eggs and jackie and i were just like what am i missing i'm just i'm just keeping a cigarette count on chis we're at number two now why are you we're not on two thank you jackie we're at three all right oh we're three okay if you're going to attack me and that's why why we keep count. I myself have fallen behind. Who knows what the audience is thinking. So Kyle, you have actually literally quit smoking. Yeah. I started with a vaporizer.

Last year? Yeah, last year. But really got my own cool vaporizer that's got the big block battery on it. I don't know where it is now. I've been using it lately to charge my cell phone. I don't use it anymore. But I started with that and kind of weaned myself back off of it

and then just didn't want it anymore. That's pretty neat. It's almost like when we cut Hope's Passy. Oh, that's... But it's true. It's just like you start weaning yourself off of it. I'm looking for a pacifier and we had a whole conversation about my vanity and i i wanted to be in uh better shape so that's

gonna help my cardio for sure so when hope had a pacifier as a little girl it looked something like the one in that picture so what happened for the longest time was, like, she'd lose it or whatever, and we'd get her a new one. And then when it came time to replace it, we were like, all right, this is the last pacifier. As if they were, like, it was the world's last pacifier because she's little and she's stupid. She's not stupid.

She was. She's two. Everyone with a pacifier in their mouth is an idiot compared to adults. So we would, like, cut off, like off an eighth of an inch at the very end. And instantly, because it wasn't rounded on the end anymore, she's like, this is not as good as it used to be. Like, all right, I guess you have what you have. And then we'd cut it a little bit more.

And now there's like a quarter inch missing. Now it's like halfway cut off. Until there's only a little nub that she can barely hold with the front of her little baby teeth. And then finally it's just like, well, this thing's worn out. And that's how we got her off the pacifier. It took about a week. Pacifier kids are smarter than the thumb suckers, I would say. Is that right?

Really? I'll blindly say that. Yeah, because I was a pacifier kid. PKA stats right here. I didn't have... I didn't do either of those things. You didn't do either of those things. Colin sucked his thumb. Why are you dissing on Colin's shiz?

I smoked stogies. Like the cartoons. Baby Kyle. That goes in line with the destructive personality. I was very destructive as a kid. A real demon child. And your sister is the bad one, right? Oh, yeah. She's definitely the bad one. I don't know. Maybe if I got to know her.

I'm sure she's... You have something else to tell everybody? I want to try joke 2.0. Is anyone down for this? Of course. That one was really bad. This one? They're supposed to be bad. Okay.

All right. Tell me if I hit the mark. Jerry decides to take up golf. But before he plays with anyone, he decides to go out alone and practice. After a horrendous six-hour round of pitiful golf, he reaches the 18th hole par 3. He hits his only good shot of the day it soars in the air drops 3 feet in front of the hole bounces and goes straight in for a hole-in-one he's a static and he runs

up to the hole takes the ball out and poof a genie appears says I'm the genie of the hole you've scored a hole-in-one and you may have one wish Jerry only had one wish and immediately says, Could you make my penis a little bit longer? Could you? Granted, says the genie, and he disappears. Genie, and he disappears. The next morning, Jerry wakes up and his penis has grown eight inches

and is resting against his leg. He's delighted with himself. The following morning, it's grown even bigger, and it's now down to his knee. And he's still happy about it, but he's getting a little uncomfortable. The morning after that, he wakes up and it's now down to his knee. And he's still happy about it, but he's getting a little uncomfortable. The morning after that, he wakes up and it's grown again. Now his penis is down to his ankle. He doesn't know what to do, but then he gets an idea.

So he heads back to the 18th par 3 and brings 20 baskets full of golf balls. One after another after another. He hits shot after shot, hoping for that miracle shot. Eventually, eight hours in failing light, he hits his last shot. And it's not pretty, but it runs along the grass, through the bunker, pops onto the green, hits the flagstick, and drops right into the hole. He runs up, takes the ball out. Sure enough, poof, the genie appears.

He says, I am the genie of the hole. You've scored a hole in one, you may have one wish. Oh, thank God, says Jerry. Can you make my legs longer? That's great. I already read the end. That was good. That was a climate joke.

Sometimes you miss. Sometimes you miss. Okay. Sometimes you hit a winner, unfortunately. A hole in one, you might say. Mm-hmm. So this is new. So how's the house?

Oh, the house? House talk? How's the house, Jackie? It's colorful. It is. It's mostly painted. Mm-hmm. You got your red.

You got your brown. You got your orange. Your blues. There's no blues. Oh, the blues in your office. He got your brown. You got your orange. Your blues. There's no blues. Oh, the blues in your office. He's going to look amazing. So his office will have this nice bluish purplish color. They literally held paint swashes up to my face.

They're like, no, brown is not your color. No, yellow is not your color. Ooh, look at blue. Look at blue. He's a winter, isn't he? Yeah, he's a winter. And they picked it so that I would. This is all true, actually. But he's going to look amazing in this color.

So his skin will look great, and he won't look tired anymore. And all the lights, a lot of the lights are up. That's kind of exciting. That's going well. We had to get light bulbs. Yeah, we need some light bulbs. And there's last minute plastering and trim. Oh, I know.

Tell them about the door handles. Oh, the door handles. It is not exciting. You're just boring these poor people. Woody wants little dinky, tiny little door handles. And I want like big manly door handles but no we have to have tiny door handles and no one will consider

the Star Trek doors that open on their own Jackie I said yes Kyle you got five doors two sides per door Jackie picked out a door handle that was 800 bucks a side it was not 800 bucks a side that's $8,000

it was not 800 bucks a side it It was not 800 bucks a side. It's like 10 sides. That's $8,000. No, it was not 800 bucks a side. It was $800 for a set. For a front and back then? Yes. All right, so it was $4,000. And then I found another one that was $1,000 for a set. And I found another one that was $600. $600 for a set.

Those are door handles. Those are $4,000 door handles. You could literally have them be gold- plated if you wanted at that point. I mean... I found ones with griffins on them. They were magnificent. It'd be amazing. What about dire wolves?

I did not find anything with wolves or dragons. She wasn't one. You know what? So, Jackie's never seen Game of Thrones. Wow. And I'm excited. No, no, no. I have seen bits of Game of Thrones. Mostly just naked women. And

I want to be her Game of Thrones tour guide. I don't want to be. I want to watch the episode start at number one. I don't want this. Poor Jackie. We gotta run it back, Jackie. I know the name of that one. I swear I do. It's coming to me. That's Denny Targaryen.

Yeah. I have no desire for this. So wait. Can I tell the story? Go on. You tell me that one of the characters gets his hand chopped off. They take his hand, stuff it in his pocket and then he rides off on his horse.

Yeah. I really don't want to ever see this. You think that's bad? And that's just the tip of the iceberg, right? That's the tip of the iceberg. I don't want any of this. No. That's kosher. I watch New Girl and Doctor Who and

Wereholves 13. I don't watch anything like... We don't watch the same things. We do not get along. Game of Thrones and Breaking Bad are some of the best TV shows in the history of television. No, it's... This is just a fact of nature. Fine. You and Chiz and Kyle can

all watch it together. We actually should do that. We should watch these things together when they come out. Well, we'll be together when the first episode comes out. But it... Have fun. together well we'll be together when the first episode comes out yeah but it have fun really breaking down a game of thrones are fantastic top of the line best stuff ever made like the best tv shows ever made have been made in the last 10 years or so golden age of television right now

but i want to like be her television tour guide and she's just she's like no i really want to be her television tour guide. And she's just... She's like, no, I really want to watch Psych, which is a good show, but... Boo! It would stop being a good show after season five. Procedural crap! You know, it's like NCIS. It gets old after... It's the same formula every episode. I don't like procedural drama anymore.

I don't like those. I'm done with it. Because it's the same thing for 10,000 episodes. It doesn't mean anything. You're not connected. Because it's the same thing for 10,000 episodes. It doesn't mean anything. You're not connected because it's just, all right, they're going to get through this. There's like half a dozen Law and Orders and another half dozen CSIs and they're all the same thing over and over. In any case, Game of Thrones is such a huge, enormous, amazing story where you don't know who to root for because you never know when someone's going to turn evil, turn good, or just get killed off. And it could be anyone.

Like what? Once. What's once? That's that fairy tale show. You don't know who's going to be good or bad. Yeah, but does anyone ever get disemboweled? No. Do characters have sex with each other?

No. Do they have children out of incest? No. Your show's not hanging. No they have children out of incest? No. Your show's not hanging. No, I don't want to watch your show. It is so sad for me. That really is sad. It's sad for you. Because he wants to enjoy something.

This is a shared experience that I'd like to have with you. It's like three against one. Why do you think he likes movie night? Because it's a shared experience we're watching together's what you have the voice for i really love watching drones with uh with a girl and and being able to be like yeah so these are the targaryens here's the deal and just and and then they're like oh oh okay so now i know what to think when i'm like looking at this guy because otherwise i might just blank out and he's just another a piece of the tapestry but now that i know to focus on that guy. Can I mention

Chiz's offer from earlier? Now I'm riding the dragon. That is the story. Kyle says he likes watching him with the girl. We were going to discuss Chiz's offer from earlier. Okay, I'm just saying because then you can watch it with that girl. There'd have to be a decent amount of money for that to happen. But I'm not. Everything has

a price. Everything has a price. Just hold off on that. No need to cliff anything. In two years, you might be totally down. We'll see how you feel then. No. I just finished book number two of Game of Thrones.

Who is he talking to? To everyone. To Kyle. To Kyle. See? He wasn't talking to us about my love of Game of Thrones. Always a bridesmaid, never a bride. You've spoken for him. Sorry. I'm not a home wrecker.

We're getting a big bed. California King, baby. Yep, California King. Yes. So I have 25 hours into book two with 12 hours to go. My goal is to catch up to Woody, and I think I can do it. Six hours into book 2 with 12 hours to go. My goal is to catch up to Woody and I think I can do it. 6 hours into book 1. I was

fading for the first hour until we started because there's a prologue and it took a while for the prologue to connect how the first episode starts with those dudes in the forest that stumble upon the body. So does anybody know what LARPing is? Yeah, it's live action roleplay. There's a significant group of people in my book club what LARPing is? Yeah, it's live action roleplay. A lot of... There's a significant group of people in my book club

that LARP. What, are they dressed up as blacksmiths? Lightning bolt! Lightning bolt! Let me show people what LARPing is if you're unfamiliar. I was not familiar. They had to tell me what it was last week

when we had book club. You missed the book club again, Chiz. I'm just saying. Your taste in literature is awful. Here's the thing. The one girl met her parents LARPed. That's how they met. And then she met her husband while LARPing. I don't need a lineage

of LARPers. I'm just saying. There's a whole community of LARPing. Can you guys queue up at zero? Of course. This is a classic. This is LARPing lineage. There's a whole community of LARPing. Can you guys queue up at zero? Of course. This is a classic. This is LARPing? What is Lightning Bolt? Are you ready? Ready, set, play.

Lightning Bolt! Lightning Bolt! Lightning Bolt! Lightning Bolt! Lightning Bolt! Lightning Bolt! That doesn't seem fair. Oh, he's dead. Lightning bolt! Lightning bolt! Lightning bolt! How many blisters does he have? That doesn't seem fair.

Oh, he's dead. He's dead. He's just spamming magic. He's just throwing rocks at that man. Yeah, that wizard took him out. Oh, I love the amused... ...master buyer over there. You've won my heart! Thank you! That's LARPing.

Now you know what your friends do. It's like cosplay, but with a scene going on being played out. Oh, cool. So you missed it, Chiz. No, I didn't miss anything. The taste in literature over there is really bad. We were reading Pirates this week. Beauty and the Blacksmith?

No, no, no. This was the pirate next door. The pirate. The pirate. She saves the pirate next door, okay? So for people that don't know, Jackie reads girl porn. They call it romance novels,

like Fifty Shades of Grey, stuff like that. This is not Fifty Shades of Grey. She read Fifty Shades of Grey before it was cool. But this was not Fifty Shades of Grey. Uh-huh. So she saves the pirate next door.

The pirate next door, uh-huh. And then his enemy kidnaps her and then eventually puts her in chains, strips her naked, and has her on deck showing the other guy. The way you sell it sounds amazing. I bet it's 200 pages of fucking fluff in two pages of where you have any sex going on because those books are awful They're really really bad. I read one, okay? I know what I'm talking about. You read one. So I would say that half the book- Of your recommendation! You said you wanted to read Beauty and the Blacksmith.

What did you read, Chiz? I read Beauty and the Blacksmith. No, you wanted to read that one. You wanted to read that one. No, no, no, no, no, no. You asked me if there was any anvil action. I said, give me a book to read. No, no, you said, is there anvil action? And I said, yes. And there's anvil action. I said, recommend me a book so I know how they write so I can try writing one because I think any moron can.

And you said, read Beauty and the Blacksmith so we can talk about it. You recommended a piece of shit. I did not. No. No, no, no. You wouldn't like this one either. The best part wasn't even the sex. There's a part where there's a stagecoach pretending that they need a wheel fixed and it's sketchy. They're trying to

rob them and she shoots him. That is the best part. The actual sex is awful. There's not even an anvil action. Horrible. Horrible book. You promised him an anvil action. She got a little action on the anvil. That's all I'm saying. There's not even anvil action. Horrible. Horrible book. You promised him anvil action. She got a little action on the anvil. That's all I'm saying. There was light touching on the anvil. No one was being mounted over

the anvil. And she got action on the anvil. Just because he's not satisfied with the action she got on the anvil. She was. I hear anvil action. I expect her to mount the anvil. There are subreddits of corpses and you are having me read this soft core shit. You would not like Beauty and the Blacksmith.

I mean the other one. The Pirate Next Door. Half the book club did not like it. That's number four of the cigarettes, Chiss. You get all worked up over the Beauty and the Blacksmith. Yeah, because that book is so awful. I think that's five. No, it's four.

How are you losing count? How? We need tallies. It's five. No, it's four. How are you losing count? How? How? On your head. We need tallies. Cheers, that's a lot of cigarettes. You're chain smoking, man. He just can't take the pressure. It's not a problem.

I just get worked up over really shitty literature. I wasted hours reading that. I'm very upset I'll never get the time back. Hours? You could have stopped at any moment. I'm not going to stop until I get to an actual scene. I'm not going to get all this stupid backstory of Covert

Cove or whatever. Oh, she's the rich one. I don't give a fuck. I'm waiting for someone to get fucked. That is the point of this book to turn me on, is it not? That is what Penthouse is for. We've had this discussion before. Penthouse? Penthouse, yeah. That's how people masturbated in the 80s.

Yeah, I think maybe. That book could have really used some pictures. You're showing your age, baby. They have a website? Is it like Motherless? Or is it more like Eat Fuck? You could read full stories about I'm not in the know.

Do they have the crying girls there? That's Maxx. I'm not in the know. Do they have the crying girls there? That's my question. I'm not familiar with the crying girls. This sounds traumatizing. Don't. It's not. Please don't. I don't want to know.

Yeah, this sounds like a bad one. The snorting was the worst. That was awful. Oh, the cum snorting was pretty awful. Wait, what about the chicken thing? You guys were looking at dead women. That didn't bother me as much. I didn't like the dick one.

It didn't bother you that the guy had sex with the chicken? Well, if you think about the size of an egg, they're equipped for it. Oh. You're a flip-flopper. That's going to be all over the internet. That's been said before. Chickens are built for it. That's going to be all over the internet. Chickens are built for it. All over the internet.

Oh, God. There are no chickens watching. We can say what we want about them. Oh. Bad. Pretty funny, though. This is why you can't have a farm. Who, Kyle or Woody?

Woody. I'm tending to the chickens. Don't open the doors. It takes a while to prep the hens. I wonder what's more work, mowing or maintaining three goats? Mowing. Goats don't need maintaining. How are you maintaining them?

Fence and they they eat grass i mean yeah i'm sorry we were on a whole different thing a second ago i was worried she's tearing up from the other thing you should get a llama i got you could get a llama for like five hundred dollars i think they'll take care of your grass and they look cool no or no and i think i think you should get one of those wolf dogs too because i really didn't know a guy who could hook you up with one they're like 99 wolf no he said you have to like like whenever you feed it like from an early age you gotta like really mess with its food so that it knows that it's eating from your food not the other way around and uh he said that he had been

told that one day the wolf would turn on him and try to become the pack leader and that day he had to defeat the wolf in some sort of combat and wait and beat the wolf until it submitted on its back so that it would know that he was the pack leader he said i'm always going to be the pack leader around here i was like all right then all right good to know constantly on edge that's one thing you first you first you i've already got something he's already got a similar situation i wish i had Constantly on edge. That's one thing you need to know going in. You first, Kyle. You first. You first. I've already got something. He's already got a similar situation. I wish I had a wolf dog who would only challenge my dominance once every five years.

Instead, I've got a vicious animal up there who's just waiting for his chance. All the time. He's like an inmate who's just waiting for the day when he can get his shiv through the bars and take the warden out. Bacon in your pocket. Kyle gives him language what does the dog say like you you you get out who are you like i'm a complete fucking stranger every time he sees me i would think he would have... At first, I was like, maybe he does have some sort of memory issue. Maybe he's like a fucking goldfish and he forgot who the hell I was.

But he knows everybody else. He knows everybody else. He knows Kitty. Does he like other men? Yeah, he's been okay with other guys. Yeah. What the hell did you do? He didn't like you, Woody?

I mean, like, if I tried, I did get him to, like, sort of sleep on my lap. But it was always this tentative thing. Like, all I needed to do was, like, run my fingers through my hair and it could snap and turn around on me. Bacon. I mean, I tried feeding it. Yeah. I tried feeding it. I don't know if it was bacon specifically.

But I'd share my food. I'd give it all kinds of love. And I'm always, like, sort of bringing it. I don't know if it was bacon specifically, but I'd share my food I I give it all kinds of love and I'm always like sort of bringing it to me and stuff and and He was just He was not a trusting dog jumpy. Yeah, Joe is on edge It's gonna happen something like crap like you work. Ah Who was like freak the fuck out and be like a spring he's so taught and like ready to destroy What is to hope what She's going to bed. She has school tomorrow.

It's midnight. It is midnight. What is going on at that household? I blame her mother. You told me. You all said, I don't worry about it. No, I said this is how you put the kids to bed. I said go to bed, kids, and then you'd come back.

That's what I said. And I said get ready for bed, kids. Well, then'd come back. That's what I said. And I said, get ready for bed, kids, and then... Well, then someone needs good beading because they didn't listen very well. Right. Like, there's beading in this house. A little soaping. It's been years. How do you punish her nowadays?

Because you can't soap her. Do you just ground her? She'd lose privileges. What's the deal? She hasn't been punished in a while. She's a pretty good kid. You can take a phone away. That's a a thing she just doesn't get to do things but then you can't contact her yeah yeah she'll take events away sometimes like um you know oh now you're

not going to the mall this weekend or something she she wants to go places and do things so you hold that overhead she wants to go to boston this summer for a drama camp no for a debate club camp thing like for public speaking camp well she'll win because she can properly enunciate words if she's competing with bostonians over there who speak their own language and uh we have a little bit of ease knowing that joe lives there like i think i could make a phone call in 15 minutes have a professional bit of ease knowing that Joe lives there. Like, I think I could make a phone call in 15 minutes, have a professional fighter, like, handle whatever trouble she's in. Someone's picking on me, Dad. Oh, we'll resolve that problem real quick.

Like some sort of amateur kickboxers or something. Joe needs to come in their Cobra Kai style. The debate goes out the window. It's all physical then. It's like, we challenge you! Like, if that moment happens, we gotta come. We're set. Yeah, yeah.

Ah, 15 minutes. Give me 15 minutes. I got a call to make. It's like Joe and Jimmy Quinlan and Joe Proctor show up. It'd be great if they were there attending. Simple, you crew! Nope, it's gonna happen a lot. All these UFC fighters show up and it turns out to be a breakdancing event.

Wait, you're telling me that Joe can't breakdance? I'm just saying. If you can dance, honey, you never know. Yeah, you just see all these wrestlers try to bust a move. Put them in the crowd of the debate, you know, so if anyone boos, they just give a mean, stern look at them. You know, you can't watch the debating. Yeah, it's awful. Oh, that's lame. Yeah, you can't watch your kids No, they go into a room and other people judge them and you're not allowed to watch Can't you watch other people's kids just not your own? No you you can judge other people's kids you can't watch

Like anybody perform. Oh, you should do that Just like you can't watch them perform, but you can judge. You can be a judge. You have to take like a class or a seminar. There you go. Let's get a man on the inside here. This sounds like a good thing. I think Woody would be really good at it.

Could you imagine? He would be like, Oh, you did that too long. You're spending too long on this section. It's a little bit quicker. If I ever go to Boston again, it's a little bit quicker, alright? Yeah, he would be... If I ever go to Boston again, it's gonna be in a fucking... airplane. I guarantee that.

You don't wanna drive through Jersey again? Come on! That's the best part! I would rather hitchhike than drive to Boston again. That is the longest, most awful drive I've... It didn't seem that long to me. How long was it? Yeah, you teleported there, Woody. Most of the way, and

misnavigated us the rest. That's what I'm sticking to. Oh, he cannot. No, he can't navigate. He said, don't worry, I'll be the navigator. And then, did you tell me my turn? I'd do perfect. No, you didn't even tell me my turn was coming

up what are you talking about when recently specifically we were going someplace we were going to the hardware store i was awesome no no you're like you didn't tell me the turn was coming up you had the gps and you're like yeah and then you started talking about something and i missed my turn then i had to turn down a street and then make another turn. Were you drinking? What are you talking about? You are not. You're the worst navigator.

I'm the best navigator. I crushed it. You just don't like the voice on my Google Maps. Remember we went to the hardware store? I do remember the Blitz place or whatever. Do you remember not telling me where my turn was? No. I think this is a bad dream.

No. She's really frustrated right now. I remember getting lost in Delaware for four hours late one night. With Woody? You got off a 95? Here's how you get the lesson.

You take 95 all the way up. How do you get lost? I programmed in the address into the thing. He took it from me and reprogrammed it. And it went to some other destination that I had never been to, like one of his recents. Now, I was Navigator, so I should have fixed what he put in there. But he put it in there. So I feel like there should be shared blame.

Okay, but why did you listen to the GPS when you take 95 all the way up? He was probably asleep. He slept for at least 60% of the drive. I believe that because I drive him everywhere. It was like a three-year-old in the back seat, like five minutes into a drive. It was like it rocked him straight to sleep, like deep REM sleep. Where no pothole or loud cough could ever rouse him. I remember when we were driving back in Georgia, we had like Thai food or whatever.

And we were listening to Stern's show and we're all laughing. It was a great time. And then we noticed like Woody's not laughing or anything. And then we just check in the back. He's just passed out there, leaned against the wall like this and in fact every turn nothing just we'll see talk about his snoring well i mean i've been on a great depth about the man's snoring do we have any recordings of this because i don't believe it's true i do i just don't have a way to pump him out don't worry if you give you give me the fucking FTP... Of what? Oh, it's too long.

Dude, you snored for like 20 minutes straight. That file is uncompressed and large. I cannot push two gigs to you. You gotta give it to me. I need to make that Sleeping With Woody website. I will do it. It's great. It's horrible. It's hilarious.

It's the loudest snoring ever. You should get one of those masks. Oh, the giant oxygen maskoring ever. You should get one of those masks. Oh, the giant oxygen mask. But that's for sleep apnea. But it'll force air down his throat. He won't snore. I don't think he has sleep apnea.

I think he has a deviated septum. It sounds like sleep apnea. I feel like this. Well, no, no, no, no. It doesn't because he never pauses and goes, ah. It's just consistent snoring. There's never a break where he's gasping for air. Yeah, he's not gasping for air.

He has sleep apnea because of the broken nose. I mean, DVI of septum, sorry, DVI of septum. Well, in any case, it's quite loud. It is. I can't take it. I'm going to smother him in his sleep. And it's consistent. Like, he'll keep it going all night.

And he doesn't wake up like you know occasionally snore for five minutes wake up hey guys what i missed but at the end he gave up waking up it was just consistent i turned the movie down and just let's 5 30 a.m i wake up i'm like trying to play it cool it's like i had to sort of like collect where i am i'm like all right movie's over skype calls over 5 30 a.m oh everyone left hours ago i knew it was the first night you had figured out oh i can put movies on my uh my macbook and watch them up on the loft bed or whatever and i immediately i was like he's totally gonna fall asleep and i know this man too well he's going to fall asleep sure enough just snoring throughout

the movie and then the next one was even better where you muted yourself to prevent us catching you snoring and the movie had wrapped up and i just hear like the noise of a mic flicking on and going yeah that was a good movie you totally fell asleep through it didn't you like did you hear me snoring i didn't hear you at all which means you were muted while snoring. He's onto my clever ruse. It's quite remarkable. The first time I heard it, though, we were teaching Hope math, and I heard

snoring, and I was like, is that Jack? Is that the dog? She's like, no, that's my dad. And I'm like, oh, well, this is great. This is high-quality entertainment right here. Yeah, she sometimes tutored Hope in math. Was that this year? That was last year. She has pre-calculus

next year. Whatever she goes into next, I can't help with. Pre-calculus? I won't help with. No, pre-calculus for me was just Rubik's Cubing for the entire class. As in you didn't learn or it was so totally easy for you? No, I passed all the tests and stuff, but I

didn't pay attention and do the homework. Are you good at Rubik's Cube? I can solve them in about a minute twenty. Show us. Let me find my cube. So, yeah. Wait, so do you boys snore? I don't anymore.

Absolutely not. I had my agnoids taken out and something in my nose removed. I snored as a kid. No, I don't snore. See, Kyle will come up. He'll stay in the guest house. We'll get some work done. I'm fine with that. You were not down with it until you heard

it was a snore cure. I said, who's taking care of Kyle? Well, you could do it or you could bring a girl. What is that face? What the fuck are we talking about? The double date on the plastic surgery. Oh. Where did your mind go? I don't know, I didn't know what you guys were talking about at all. About snoring. I forgot all of it, okay.

Well that shouldn't be- oh yeah that's part of the plastic surgery, it would fix the snoring as well forgot all of it. Oh, okay. Well, that shouldn't be... Oh, yeah, that's part of the plastic surgery. It would fix the snoring as well. I never considered that. Yeah, deviated septum, no job, et cetera. They get it all fixed up. So are you mixing it up now? No, I'm solving it now. Wait, show it to us.

I don't think we properly saw it. Well, I'll mix it up again. You didn't even set the timer, though. Can you talk through your... Thought process? Yeah... Your thought process? Yeah, your thought process as you do it. And show it to the camera. So...

Okay. Just gotta keep this going. I need to solve for the white cross first, alright? So I find my white side, alright? And you need to know that green and blue are opposite and so are red and orange. So I gotta make sure I get the cross right. So right now I've got green correctly done right there, so I'm gonna get the, uh... I'm gonna find where red and orange. So I got to make sure I get the cross right. So right now I've got green correctly done right there. So I'm going to get the, I'm going to find where red is here.

And I got to get the, I got to get the cross going. So I'm sure this is high quality entertainment. I'm really interested. I'm enjoying. All right. So now I have the white cross right here. And yeah, you can see I've got these pieces here. So those are all right.

Now I got to just do the corner pieces. So it's hard for me to see red and orange. It could be your lighting. Is that because of you? Haters. It's hard to do this in the dark, it seems. I can do it when... To the light of a crunchy roll.

That's part of the challenge, actually. That's all. Chiz can solve a Rubik's Cube in about a minute and 20 seconds in the dark. I can't. I used to do it in a minute. Did you do the white yet? No, you didn't. One quarter piece. Kyle's sitting on his El Diablo couch there.

All right, so now you have the white. Now I can do that, too. Okay, so now I have an algorithm that you have to find the non-yellow pieces in the middle here and get the colors into the... you solved for the second layer now. So I gotta see if I got any. And that's blue. Making some progress. What he's really doing is going under his desk

and pulling out a... I have it right here. So you're just solving it layer by layer. Yeah, that's how you... Well, that's how I do it. Some people... People that can do it in like 10 seconds solve it however the fuck they want.

That's... I mean, they're ridiculous. People do it blindfolded and whatnot. It's crazy. Yeah, that's crazy. I'm told that's a memorization thing. Yeah, you have to look at it quickly and then know where to go.

So now I've got all two layers done. All right? So now I have to perm at it quickly and then know where to go so now i've got all two layers done all right so now i have to permutate the corners so that like green red and yellow is in the right spot and green yellow orange is in the right spot so how long did it take you to figure this hold it up so we can see i okay orange so that's right that's wrong i mean how long did it take you to practice this before you were able to do this in a minute and 20 seconds? There we go, so now I've got, these two are permutated so I'm going to do an algorithm to flip these around

I don't know, like we literally did it all throughout our honors pre-cal class, that's all we did the three smartest kids, that's So you would copy the three smartest kids? Hey, they taught me That was rude I'm very intellectual So you would copy the three smartest kids? Hey, they taught me. That was rude.

I'm very intellectual. He didn't like beating the blacksmiths for crying out loud. Fucking horrible book. So right now I'm flipping them all to get the colors right. That's a specialized Rubik's Cube, I guess. I'm going to ask the girls for a book

to have for a book club for you guys. So now you're close. You just need to swap two. I got to swap two and then flip these around because the middle pieces are also wrong. A short novella. Just looking.

So I can do that. Something smutty. For your book club. I bet this doesn't do well on audio. Not at all. It just occurred to me. Okay, solve it a little more. A little more.

I see some blue, some green, and some oranges, but they're really flashing quickly. His fingers are nimble. He's not watching the cube while he manipulates it. And he fixed it. Ta-da! Ta-da! Ta-da! Done. manipulates it and he fixed it done i used to do that i just i'd like you i would just go forward cross forward cross and you keep doing that and eventually goes back to where you came from

yeah it's my version of solving it those are fun i like those and people think it's super impressive but it's not it's just like there's only like those. And people think it's super impressive, but it's not. It's just like, there's only like five algorithms I use right there. And once you learn them, good to go. Colin should solve Rubik's Cubes. He should. He doesn't have one. And I see that you have another cigarette in your hand.

You are very keen. That's a post Rubik's Cube. Yeah, I worked out right there. Do you know how poorly I am in shape? That would be number five that be number five? Speed is heart rate up. Are we at five or six? I had to hold my hands up. We're at five. Do you know how hard it is to keep your hands up this much while rotating a little tiny piece of plastic?

It should not wind you to keep your hands in the air. Put the cigarette down. Just say no to drugs. That's not a problem. This is a treat, alright? I solved Rubik's Cube. A treat? A treat? Oh my god. Every minute and a half he earns another treat. Oh, okay.

That is not a treat. Everybody's judgmental, but when he's solving a Rubik's Cube, he's a golden god. You could be a golden god the whole day long if you don't smoke i can go a day you can go a day yeah i went a week after i had my uh wisdom teeth taken i can't can't be doing that because you're on like oxycontin i didn't take any drugs no no motrin nope well i took ibuprofen but that's it that's not a that's not an opioid no No, it's not an opioid. It is not. I didn't want to...

Woody told me not to get addicted like him. He's like, be careful. I might have said be careful. I got it. You didn't get addicted. You didn't feel well on it. What I said was after... What happened was after... I was on it for like three weeks. I was on it longer than most people are.

For what? The wisdom teeth. Remember how long I was on them? And then when I went back what their wisdom teeth oh okay remember how long it was on and then when i went back to work like i felt the pull like i wish i had more kyle left yeah kyle's done yeah they're nice they're opioids they're nice they make you feel bad though i don't i don't think i was on what did you get a shot of a magic drug? Whatever that... Epidural. Did you get that?

Or did you not have to because you didn't have to... I had a C-section for both of them. So I had a spinal... Epidural, right? Epidural. But that was for the day. So you have it for 24 hours and then they give you something else and then um i would say five days later once you get out of the

hospital i got a hospital after three days then you're on like motrin pretty much gotcha with some percocet but even that you can't really do much you can't you don't really want to nurse the baby on that so you pretty much suffer you kind of suck it up and what do you wait on your hands but actually my mom came and she took care of me but he had to work all right this is a cisco they don't give you you know they give you the week they give you the week. They give you the week. I remember that was like... So at Cisco, whenever you took time off, there was always this thing like,

oh, you have to do it now. It's not convenient, whatever. It was tough. But if you have a baby, no one gives you any crap at all. You can take your time off, and I love that. I was looking forward to that as much as the kid. They're comparable.

Time off from work, kid. Good time. What's new in your life, Kyle? Well, for a long time this was bothering me a lot. It was something that's been really eating at me. Chiz was beating me at Civ. It really just made me think about a lot of

4 out of 5 oh it was like 5 I think yeah probably 4 or 5 in a row just beat me but the last 2 I've won the last 2 I've defeated you or you've conceded defeat you definitely won the first one I give you that one because when I say I gave up it's you've conceded defeat. You definitely won the first one. I give you that one.

When I say I gave up, it's because I conceded because I just didn't want to wait the extra ten turns. You won. You won. I gave you that. You won. It was a good strategy. You gave me that. That's what you said when I beat you with my Hoplite army a few days back as well.

No, that's the one I'm saying. I gave up because you would have won. Then that's three games I've beaten you in. How's that three? I'm not following. He beat me once with this new green strategy. Chiz had Kyle's number, and now Kyle appears to have Chiz's number.

No, he beat me once, fair and square, with his new strategy. Wasn't prepared for it. I don't know where he's getting three. We've only played two other duels. I beat you twice as Egypt. When was the second game? We played yesterday. And I gave you that one because we were talking to Woody

and I couldn't think. There was another game where I outright beat you. Where I just had more points. We haven't played. He's just making things up now. That's the way I remember things. I beat you as well. What I've been discussing is like, I feel like. Woody won't, Woody's a sieve dodger.

That's what the situation is. If Kyle can say he beat you when you've only played, when you haven't played, then so can I. Yeah, I don't know where he's getting the third game from because he beat me fair and square with the Greek army. Then yesterday, yesterday was our second game, his second win, where I was talking to what he totally not paying attention And he had a second city. I didn't notice he

That victory too. Yeah What if you're gonna if you're gonna fuss over the game thing all of my wins on you have never actually No couple have gone to the full screen, but the other couple have been alright you surrender because I'm just far ahead Yeah, sometimes you just concede defeat because you because the other person is eight techs ahead or something and there's just no catching up. They've got key wonders built and it's just going to be an uphill battle that you're most likely going to lose. However, when I do it, it's very

impressive. I've got all the delegates. I've caught up in tech and beat him. It took me forever to even understand the delegate system. I didn't realize that you were building that great the Himaji... What is it? The Forbidden Palace. Getting two extra delegate votes votes and just outvoted me in other Congress? Yeah, but here's the thing he got that one time and I still beat you delegates I I worked it and got the religion got the ideology and I I'm still learning that system of play now

Yeah, I'm still learning system of play now yeah I'm still learning but I've suggested like several times I just wrap it up I would do a four-player match where we horrible They're horrible people. Listen to doorknobs, right? Doorknobs. What do you hope me and Chiz and like a four person free for all or maybe teams like Chiz and Hope against me and Woody or maybe just a free for all I think would be fun.

But I really enjoy Civ. I feel like it's a good time to like... That is one of Hope's favorite games. Don't you want to bond with your daughter and your friends? I feel like it's a good time to like that is one of hope favorite games Don't you want to bond with your daughter and I feel like it's fun to hang out and chat and play the game It is a long game, but most of the things I guess I go have an hour games We watched a three-hour movie about a boy growing up I keep seeing them. It's a favorite of my king. You're Catholic. I thought you'd like that. Why? It's about a little boy.

You're so funny. Says the atheist. It's not funny. It's a real problem with priests. I don't deal with priests. Fair enough. But seriously, quit dodging the situation, alright?

Our games are much faster now, I feel like. I feel like they don't stretch on for 11 hours anymore. Fair enough, but seriously, quit dodging the situation, alright? You need to say yes or no. I feel like they don't stretch on for 11 hours anymore. No! More like 3 or 4. Yeah. Don't look at me, I'm going out on Saturday. Did you know I was going out on Saturday? I got a book club thing. We're trying to recruit more people.

Oh god. The worst porn cult ever. I will get- I'm gonna ask the one girl for a suggestion for a small book. Ask Deb if she'd like Game of Thrones. I know Deb- You already know Deb likes Game of Thrones. I'm not watching it. Ask her if you would like it. I don't know. She thought I liked Downton Abbey and I didn't like that one either. Wow, that's so dry and pretentious.

Like, Game of Thrones is ten times better than Downton Abbey. There you go. Endorsed. Facts. Do we normally like the same TV shows? We like a lot of same TV shows. I'm watching New Girl now. It's funny.

It's 20 minutes. It's funny. That's the nice thing about New Girl. You can just get rid of it real quick. But I do laugh out loud. I love Schmidt. It's funny. That's the nice thing about New Girl. You can just get rid of it real quick. 20 minutes. But I do laugh out loud. I love Schmidt. Schmidt steals every scene he's in.

Yeah. Got a gift. It's a good show, but it's in the C category, if you will, where Game of Thrones is an A. That's fine. I watched the new trailer for season five. I think I've already talked about it, but I'm pretty excited about the new season. It looks like it's going to be great is that book four i think it's book five yeah i think one of the books was two seasons right one of the books was two seasons

so it'd be but i don't know if i don't know if the last season was was two seasons so like book one that's book one then one and two and then books three and four flip-flop on one of the seasons of television yeah so i guess you're getting a little yeah probably the same time probably the same is true for this one i just don't know because i've only read i was hoping to be caught up i really need to put some hours into the audio no that's impossible the next the third book is 47 hours oh my god see yeah this is why it sucks yeah dude i'm Harry Potter. I had the same thought. I was sitting there today and I was like, I bet if I hit it hard, I could finish this book

in this month. And that's going to get me really close to being caught up. And then I looked at it and it's 47 hours and the last one was 37. The first one was 30. And I was like, alright, so 30 is the standard. Then it took me a while to realize that it wasn't 30, it was 37 for the second book. Because I thought the second book was 30. It was 30, and I was like, all right, so 30 is the standard. Then it took me a while to realize that it wasn't 30.

It was 37 for the second book because I thought the second book was 30. Yeah. I listened to it in my car, and it only shows how far into it you are, but after 99 minutes, it stops counting. So I had to look at it on my phone. Anyway, I had no concept of how it was seven hours longer, which is a lot. The fact that the next one is 17 hours longer than the first one. And it's not even like 47 hours and 10 minutes.

I think it's 47 hours. Big. How big? Like a thousand pages. So I've read 800 to 900 page books. Yes. So why don't you just read the book? You read faster than I did.

Let me show you why. Because you've got Roy DeSantis fucking here. I listen to it when I drive. Let's see. That was sweet, the look on her face. So he pulled the knife out and put it in her again. When they caught him down there seven streams, old Lord Walder Frey hadn't even bothered to come himself to do the judging. He'd sent one of his bastards, that Walder Rivers, and the next thing Chet had known...

I am so bored. Was that the red wedding scene? No, no, that's season three. That's Chet, who's one of the knights watch. He's reflecting back about what he did to get sent by the knights watch.

Does he use voices? Yes. He's actually in the Guinness Book of World Records for the most voices in an audiobook. Okay. He said not voices. Though some of them are pretty similar. I like it.

I mean, they say that he does 500 voices. It doesn't mean he can do 500 impersonations or accents. It's like this is Walt. You know, it's like if Woody does an accent right now. Woody, do a Russian accent. You put me on the spot. I know. I see it, comrades.

We like Game of Thrones. That's not that bad. What would you like me to do, Mr. Woodward? I could come over here and we read books together, have good time, and we do accents together. That's awesome. You think this is bad neighborhood? This is not bad neighborhood. In Moscow, we do actions together. That's awesome. You think this bad neighborhood? This not bad neighborhood? In Moscow we have bad neighborhood.

What happened there? Fell apart. Your Russian is terrible, Woody. Oh, man. I'm an amateur Russian. You could do an audiobook. You could do an audiobook. That's what the paintball shirts are gonna say like i'm making two different paintball shirts and one of them says amateur russian and it's covered with paintball like welts all over it like nice and the other one is our rape squad

killer shirt it's gonna have rsk on the front and on the back it's gonna have like a shopping list with like checked boxes of all the items we're're going to make some packages with those. That sounds awesome. Looking forward to that. Yeah, that's going to be good. Everybody should know. They put a flyer out or a deal package out on pbbomb.com, but it was like a

preliminary one. They weren't supposed to go ahead and publish that, so we're going back and fixing that because I want to make some of the packages cheaper because they some of them were too expensive so i'm fixing that uh so don't pre-order any packages or anything until we tell you to yeah gotcha yeah they just done their math wrong you were it was like wait but there's 37 of like fluff here where does that go and it was like oh shit so they're going back to the drawing board on that and there's a couple different packages, but one of them is definitely a

Rape Squad Killer package and I don't know if it's, in one way or another, you're going to be able to get a Rape Squad Killer shirt and or an amateur Russian shirt. So we'll make that happen. I think that's Painkiller Nearly. Episode 31. It says 31 on there. It might be 32.

Thanks for making it out here, Taylor. I think you did a great job. I know you don't make many of these. You know, I try to come out every once in a while. You know, work is hard, man. Work is hard. Yes, it's not easy being a stripper. It's not easy dealing drugs.

It's just that way. Everyone can go believe that now. Painkiller nearly, possibly 31. Go to Crunchyroll and sign up so that they love us. If he were some sort of drug-dealing kingpin, they'd call him the eyebrow. Something like that. The owl.

Ooh. The owl. It could be one of those trick names. They could call him Who. You'd be like, Who? Oh, my God. That's right. He's Who.

Because he's an owl. I'm glad you could squeeze in one bad joke. To tie us up. How much do we have to pay him to dress up as Owlman for an episode? Because Fat Lincoln wasn't going to happen just because Wings wasn't up for some fun. But I believe Taylor would totally be Owlman

if we could put a costume together for him. I think if we just shipped the costume to his house, he'd do it. Bingo. Alright. Uh, Painkiller nearly, possibly 31. Bye. Bye. Bye.