Painkiller Already - PKN #310

Episode Date: July 30, 2020

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painkiller nearly episode 310 here we go so how's everybody doing not too bad not too bad having a good day good it's been a pretty normal day this one i have on my other monitor i won't let it distract me too much the first nhl exhibition game that they're running through which is philly versus pittsburgh philly up two to one right now good news obviously the superior team but like even a little bit like what you guys were talking about, Tarkov, I was watching, and it's like they're still in the beginning of period two. They haven't played in like five months. Some of the mistakes they're making are outrageous for an NHL-level person.

Goalies trying to do outlet passes, firing it directly to somebody else. It's like, damn, they really must have thought for months. Because think about it. The NHL was telling them. The NBA was telling them. It's probably not going to happen. We're doing everything in our power to get this season under control. Meanwhile, they're seeing states shut down.

They're seeing countries shut their borders. They're going, looks like we're hitting the golf course a little earlier this year, boys. We're going to get pretty fucked up. We got an extra long offseason. I guarantee a lot of players did that, and it's going gonna bite them in the ass the nba is the opposite yeah the nba is like we're gonna put a bubble up we're gonna do this this is our plan we're gonna have a season again the guys are fucking in the gym working it working it um the sixers came back fucking murdering everybody now they did lose their second game, but that doesn't count.

They were ahead by like 24 points when they rested their starters in this exhibition game. They're on ESPN today like, fuck, I think the Sixers are going to come out of the East. I fucking told you guys they were. Why don't you listen to me? Be careful, though. Exhibition games.

Very, very risky. Not in this case. In this case, it's a very reliable indicator. Yeah, we crushed the i don't think this is gonna belie the we crushed the fucking uh we crushed cleveland wait uh lebron wasn't out there it was some guy named nate willoughby a white guy from duke on the make a wish program oh okay that might have made a little a little bit of a difference. When it was starters versus starters, we crushed them. And it does make sense. You're right. They don't have LeBron because he plays for LA.

You know? What do you have? A great money-making opportunity for you. The odds right now of the Sixers winning the championship are 20-1. So $100 pays $2,000. Not enough. Not enough. Just do it. It'll make you watch the games with so much more intensity or it'll make you

anger watch the last three rounds if philly isn't in it i might actually i've rarely been any significant amount of money um but yeah i i like him my t's thigh bowl is just fucking he he's a rookie and he's bullying people at this point like i i saw so they play against the same guy on both sides in this game sometimes they switch up on them anyway he like blocks the guy in a way that's embarrassing nba has so much like clout you know like if you miss a shot you just miss a shot right like if you block my shot i don't care but no he blocked it really hard and now that guy's nothing and it's like what okay a block is a block but all right um so he blocks the guy's shot then he goes down on the other side and he like dunks on him and then he steals the ball from that same guy again and there was this sequence where it was like matisse

fuck it's like at this point it's getting unkind you're just like bullying the guys on the other team and he's a rookie it's uh it's a very good time to be a sixers fan well it's not such a great time to be a marlins fan they uh they've got the covid big time a huge outbreak and so do the phillies so the braves are looking pretty good. Looking pretty good. Like two-fifths of the fucking division has COVID so bad they can't play their fucking games. So it's just us, the Mets, and the Nats. Dude, the Braves are a lot. Let me do this.

So I've been watching. And so the Florida Marlins, obviously Florida is like the global epicenter of COVID right now. And they're like, the Florida Marlins have more positive COVID cases than New Zealand, Iceland, Australia. It's just like, oh, my gosh. Yeah. No, obviously there's less. They tested 100% of the Marlins. But yeah, I have to believe there's a couple

COVID cases somewhere in Iceland that are going unreported. I don't know if you've ever played the game Plague where you try and infect the world. If they start discovering cures before you infect someone in Iceland, you're screwed. Iceland very, very good at keeping themselves, at least in this game.

And New Zealand's having fucking rugby matches now. They're cured cured they're done yeah 60 people live there though it i think it's more like three and a half or four million but i don't know i think half of them are in our patron chat dude the patron chat went off like it so we used to have room for 12 people three of them being hosts and then that got busy enough after i berated that one guy that we had to do two two hour sessions now we have room for 25 people and now we have to do two sessions of 25 we may have to do three sessions of 25 next time. It's like a real college professor. I'm worried.

I told them to let me know if they got left out. I was told people got left out, but nobody who got left out messaged me. No one said it on my stream either. So that's a positive sign. It may be one of those things where like, I don't know. So if somebody got left out, we'll figure something out. But we're not going to let that happen next month. We'll figure something out um but we're not gonna let that happen uh next month we'll figure something out one way or another i think but yeah super

25 fucking boxes in front of you with all the faces was hilarious it was great i'm just looking around and like somebody's michael go fucking ape shit and i'm like which one is it oh my god this used to be so much easier trying to mute and lower the volume on the one that happened one time and wait until the end that had and i snapped the fuck on somebody and kyle you misidentified who it was and i'm like no it's isolated to him and then i realized i was on mute and i'm like you know that's probably for the best thing yeah that's not great you know i just got a free pass on this that's a great thing if you if you want to become a 50 patron and join our uh our monthly chat i don't think we've had one where woody doesn't verbally assault someone and i chose those words carefully verbally assault them you

know some people you won't know what audio some guy some guy this last one said something to woody like you know he's kidding around he's like what the fuck are you talking about and he's like what the fuck are you talking i was just like we're about to have room for one more in here boys we are cl Clint Eastwood. Calm down. I think I was kidding with you.

After I verbally berated the first person ever, we had all these new sign-ups. And the guy's like, I feel like I won't get my money's worth if Woody doesn't yell at me. Yeah, come for the conversation. Stay for the experience. You'll get a fucking show if you show up in there.

We've got a guy in there. It's shout out to uh pastor anal assassin uh um one of uh one of the two homosexuals we had in uh in our in our group uh over over the weekend and uh it became quickly apparent that he was was gay when out of nowhere he pulled a dildo that was within arm arms reach into camera frame and gave it a jiggle which was fucking hilarious um uh that's a cool guy i like him i like pastor anal assassin as you say this i'm showing off my um f pass so i haven't had the hood pass for some time pastor anal assassin gave woody a faggot pass. And it's a picture of him, the Anal Assassin, holding up a dildo. I'll read it.

As a faggot myself, I, Pastor Anal Assassin, hereby give Woody's gamer tag the permission to use faggot as much as he fucking wants. So. Yes. And he has copied that and sent it to Kyle and I. And his entire extended family. Mixed reviews.

Mixed reviews. No, just if it was very satisfied or satisfied. Four stars or five stars? We had an attractive young lady from Australia that had a cool fucking accent. Always liked that. Yeah, it was a good fucking show i there was a lot of people that i had only spoken to in the in the discord the patron discord which you also get access to obviously and uh it was cool to put faces to

names it's always nice when you put faces to names and they're like normal looking human beings like you ever have an online friend that you've been like chatting with for like months maybe even years and you finally see him and you're like oh shit just an absolute goblin of a person oh shit i can't let my kids see you they'll cry oh no that happened what happened to your online friend that was coming in town he going that happens in youtube gaming right i'll see a guy who's an absolute superhero in game he's jumping off roofs he's one tapping people in head he's the most amazing thing in the world and uh watch the videos for years or whatever and in my head and then back in the early days he didn't even commentate so he didn't even have any clue what their voice or

personality might be like but based on how good they were at games, I was like, man, Chad. I mean, I can only assume he's quarterback of the high school football team. Probably fucks the prom queen. I mean, obviously, look how good he is. This guy's not getting crammed into a locker. No, he won't fit. And then you meet him. And it's like, oh, all right.

Yeah. Only Use Me Blade was the one where like, I never thought this, but so many people thought he was black because of his voice, which I don't even understand. He doesn't sound black. You're ear-tarded if you think that that's a black person voice. You know what it is? In my opinion, it doesn't have a black person voice. I don't hear that.

But I do hear a chill out of him that I sometimes hear in black people also. Like there's a vibe. Yeah. He's very laid back. Some would say a bit too laid back. And you know, he's on downers. He installs stereo equipment in people's houses or whatever. And it's, you know, maybe you could get the, and he stabs people. You know, maybe you just get that vibe from him.

That he's a black man. Oh my God, I didn't put that together. Yeah, that's why I can't click. A moment to click't click yeah i was like what he's refusing to laugh at this i won't stop it wasn't a refusal i'll pull up crime statistics if i have to you know where i was in my head during i would have guessed based on his gameplay where he runs constantly that only use we've laid was also very athletic because i don't know i i know it doesn't make sense but not at all not at all look look look i know on an intellectual level that doesn't make sense but if i'm using his avatar

and that's all i know about him it's like like, fuck, this guy runs all the time. The picture of a Colby 4 guy screenshot holding the knife running. I think he's had the same avatar for 10 years. You were applying the Wings of Redemption formula. Go on. Because he always sits in one place and camps. And he's a large man. And you thought the player who's just constantly moving, sprinting everywhere. It's going to be built like Usain Bolt. That's Usain Bolt. He's just constantly moving, sprinting everywhere. Like Usain Bolt.

That's Usain Bolt. He's just sprinting around stabbing people. Wow. Wings of redemption. Maybe he's like an ambulance helicopter pilot saving people, flying around and redeeming. Oh, the wings. We're all like ships in the night today. Just can't

it's a lot of joke explaining going on in pk that's you can tell it's a good joke is when it takes three sentences afterward to be like no no you're wrong it was that was funny actually i do like a lot of them after explained which is rare but it's time it's working for me uh in any case yeah we saw the guys in the hangout and uh when i put faces to names i was i was pleasantly surprised they were regular looking handsome successful young men and woman and uh yeah i had a good old time uh that guy yeah band resin or something he came in my uh twitch chat and started begging to be unbanned i didn't really like i i'd sort of forgotten him

like i didn't remember who he was and uh he's like what do you gotta unban me unban me please woody please please please unban me you know and then he said that he'll be good and i was like all right you were the guy talk shit about my wife so i banned him on twitch Please, please, please unban me. And then he said that he'll be good. And I was like, oh, right. You were the guy who talked shit about my wife. So I banned him on Twitch. Ah, that'll do it. You know, he rolled the dice. You got to respect him there.

He took the shot. Missed. You know, ended up being a net negative. Yeah. Man, I'm so excited for sports to be back back it's just something to just soak up some more time it's it's it's so great it's gonna be great i'm hoping that these that some of the players the more interesting ones do a little bit of like streaming activities or something of what they're doing in their bubbles especially if they do stuff that's like against the rules which doesn't seem

very likely. First of all, I dispute the very premise of your last statement. Sports are not back. They have not come back. They're trying to come back, and they will fail. Fair enough. They will fail, and I will laugh because they're silly. But what about the Braves? What if the Nats get sick?

I hope the entire Braves roster gets the covid so bad that it damages their lungs and they can no longer play professional sports and it bankrupts the entire franchise so wait i got a story i forget the guy's name but there's an nba player who was and that's my team video surfaced of this nba guy out clubbing at night right so there's like a people all over the place dancing lights blinking disco whatever and uh he's like no that's an old video i definitely wasn't out partying i'm not supposed to leave the video the the bubble and they're like but you were in the mask we all got when we checked into orlando yeah he's got like i got like... He's got like a big loud speaker.

How's everybody liking the July 25th rave? Every July 25th, if you say it's a different date, you're a liar. Everyone wants to know what's in the newspapers from today. Welcome to the newspaper rave. Well, at least he was wearing his mask. It was good, I guess.

It's also how he got caught. Yeah. I mean, wearing a mask at a rave, that's absurd. I love that because there are so many drugs that you could apply to the mask, and you'd be right on board with the whole vibe of the thing. Where's ether when you need it? I say we bring Ether back. They should be dousing those things with a little bit of Ether,

getting everybody all loopy out there. That'd be great. Maybe. You know what? Now I'm on board. Yeah. Now we're having more fun. Let's have an Ether raid.

Rave. Just the thought of imagining someone who's like, yeah, we're going to a rave. There's going to be 10,000 people there. It's going to be huge. It's like, no, going to a rave there's gonna be 10 000 people there it's gonna be huge it's like no but we shoulder shoulder definitely doing drugs together absolutely oh no we got our masks we got our masks see i got i got a i got a sacramento king's bandana that i'll wear under my nose as long as you're taking like ecstasy or whatever though i feel like that's a lot like if you're passing a pipe around or a joint or something like for just lose the fucking mask like what's the point at this it doesn't matter

but if you're just taking some pills or if you're doing like a one at a timer kind of drug like you're doing coke that seems fairly safe i mean the drugs passing back and forth in an environment like that it would just be like the being packed together enough like like i don't know man i don't like the idea of sharing a fucking joint with like eight fucking packed together enough like like i don't know man i don't like the idea of sharing a fucking joint with like eight fucking strangers during this thing like like i've definitely like done that like before there was a fucking virus that was killing all the old people but um i wouldn't do that now making space in old folks homes maybe so i i looked it up the guy's name is lou williams he plays looking for the bright side of the virus somewhere he's placed for the la clippers

and uh um he's being investigated right now like i said he wore the mask they gave out in the check into the orlando bubble and oh he did not think that through no he didn't he didn't even think his lie through. He's like, dude, I was not out. Ask any of my teammates where I was. And it's like, oh, fuck you. So you got your friends to lie for you. Yeah, that's not the truth. Yeah, yeah.

It's good because they're all going to cover for him. Yes. No, I still love him. Yeah. Once you're in, you're in for life we're your new family yeah well and what the fuck is scouts honor anyway there's no way i'm trusting a fucking boy scout either like why are they supposed to be so fucking honest you know what's what's that whole thing about scouts honor what the fuck does that mean i've never really thought about that at all but you're right do they they don't enter into like a brotherhood or a code yeah you become an eagle scout when you're like 15

there's plenty of things with pledges and i don't trust any of those motherfuckers the cops take a fucking pledge a scout is trustworthy loyal helpful friendly courteous kind obedient cheerful thrifty brave clean and rever. I remember we had to memorize that to be a tenderfoot or whatever the fuck it was. You know, that's actually a pretty good oath. It's just like, we're going to be chill and nice and pick up bottles outside when we see it. It's like the least serious, most topical, be friendly, and a good member of society kind of oath. That's good for little kids. That reverent part, though, has a vaguely religious connotation to it.

Oh, yeah. It's explained on their site as be reverent toward God, be faithful in your religious duties, respect the beliefs of others. No thanks. Yeah, this is. Well, the last bit, you have me. Hard no on that one. It's an old oath. They haven't updated it, but it's.

Fellow white campers time did you see that guy who went to uh i'm spacing out on what town it was it was a reddit video it was on tons of subreddits uh he went to like this place that's like the home of the kkk or something like there's a billboard there that says alt right radio like like white power radio or something like that and he's got his black lives matter sign like on the side of the road and he just i guess he's wearing a body camera because he's recording the reactions of everyone who drives past and it's the most hateful shit you've ever seen you want to see it does he get attacked it's funny i want to see it i there's a

town that where they're just cultural identity revolves around racism and the clan. Yes. The fuck I would have guessed that wasn't true. Where would it maybe wasn't public freak out. It was maybe trashy. Maybe our trashy. Go into all your favorite water and holes here. Oh,

I love trashy you're going to all your favorite water and holes here oh i love trashy i'll see some porn on r trashy sometimes and i'm like i wasn't so bad i've done that yeah there's i sometimes i look at trashy boners and i'm like that's just regular boners to me i mean maybe that says something about me yeah like look at this hot chick in a bikini dancing. Yeah, look at her. It's really just a whole subreddit developed to kink shaming, if you think about it. Wow. Maybe you're onto something there.

Yeah. Although I did see one where this guy is plowing his girlfriend just outside their van, basically in a highway. Wait, now I want you to find that video instead of it. I got that one on my phone. I can text that to you if you really want it. This one was good, but that one's really piquing my interest. She's fucking like huge titties.

That one's on my phone. Did you record this video, Kyle? Are you in it? I download them as MP4. If I find something interesting, and then I share them throughout the day with people. I see. No, the joke was that you were the day with people. I see. Now the joke was that bring a little,

Oh, that I recorded the video myself. Yes. I see. I see. No, no public nudity for me. I've got,

I'm registered on enough. The more joke explaining the better Kyle. That's right. That's right. Are we ready? Down a little more. Yeah. Ready?

Set. One sec. Mine, mine messed up. Didn't know. Jesus Christ. White pride radio.com didn't open. Jesus Christ. Whiteprideradio.com, altrighttv.com. I didn't know alt-right and white pride were so linked out in the open.

I thought it was like an accusation you made against the- Like a dog whistle. Kind of, but like a... I guess they say, hey, not everyone who's a Trump supporter's a republican not everyone who's a trump supporter is racist but everyone who's a trump supporter has decided it's not a deal breaker that's a thing that people say and it's lots of people saying lots of people saying that but it's like i don't know i feel like there's this like alt-right it's just people far to the right not necessarily people who are racist although low-, there's a lot of overlap there.

I'm just glad we live in a world where it's offensive for me to have any pride whatsoever in my background. Me too. Well, thank God for that. We don't need that. No, we don't. We don't need that.

No, we do not. We don't need that. Everyone else, though. Just us. Kyle, careful. You're starting to notice patterns, and it's us. Kyle, careful. You're starting to notice patterns, and it's troubling. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to notice the patterns.

I deleted all the statistics. The most important thing here is that this, they're getting a brand new McDonald's off of Main Street. Now, that is a boom for the town. Wait, what are we talking about? No, we're talking about the background behind the background. Oh, I didn't know this. Behind the whiteprideradio.com thing.

There's a little bit of uplifting news. Are we ready? It's 45 seconds. Ready, set, play. A white man held up a Black Lives Matter sign in a town that hosts the national headquarters of the Ku Klux Klan.

Here's some of the reactions. This right here is the biggest hoax there ever was. It's just the next thing to ice it. It is. this right here is the biggest hoax there ever was it's just next thing to ask it is now let me introduce you to the people from my facebook feed so that's the that's the condensed version those are like the most inflammatory remarks but he was out there all day so there's probably five times as many reactions in the Reddit video I saw. And just all sorts of crazy shit. Just all sorts of crazy shit like that.

But yeah, make sure neither one of you have any pride whatsoever about your background, whether ethnic, racial. I got you, fam fam have no pride in your family either because they're probably quite too privileged fine guilty as charged man guilt no pride none none whatsoever so yeah that's i like how you could see all of the cornerstones of a struggling small town that's been like cored out over the decades where it's like, I'm going to go to the Route 66 parking lot. All right, well, that quadrant of town has been filmed. Let's go to the Walmart half of the city. And you can almost see the tiny little town.

You know, driving across at least the Midwest, the South, you see those little podunk places every time where it's like a two light town and like it's walmart a walmart that clearly has eaten up every little bit of mom and pop opportunity and then a couple of corporate chains and then a brand new mcdonald's yes the ones that i stop in are the ones where clearly like the main economic driver of this town is the exit and the blue sign that mentions a couple restaurants and that's it all this town has to offer is like fuel a mcdonald's a wendy's a chick fil a and some more and then you try to look much past that and there's nothing it's just a town that revolves around the first two miles from the exit yeah yeah i'm from one of those towns yeah really you seem a little far off the exit maybe no we're right there on i-85 goes right through really i want to take that one

now i think i go near there yeah you're one exit away farther or not as far? North. You need to come down south like an exit or two. Oh, I stop right before I get there. Yeah, you get off probably at the one that's got that. You're coming from north, so you get off and then make a left, and there's like one gas station maybe. It takes you to Hartwell, right? Could be. You go through the country to get to Hartwell?

Yeah, a little bit. A little bit. Yeah, that area that you drive through is where I... Whenever I talk about smashing mailboxes or getting up to all sorts of hijinks, that's where it happened. A little piece of Kyle history. Yeah, that's where I spent my formative years.

They weren't really long mailbox smashing trips then. It was like, all right, the Johnsons, the Stephsons the stevenson's have not yet replaced their mailbox so it's the jones's night and it's just going over there we would go so fucking hard in the paint on those mailboxes that was all there was to do like you gotta keep in mind my town doesn't have a walmart it's so small um you know there was nothing to do mcdonald's was all that was open when you know we were up all night just like goofing around and we had nothing to do there was nothing to do it's 45 minutes to a movie theater it's 45 minutes to a mall it's there's nothing to fucking do so we go smash fucking mailboxes and we go fill the truck floorboards up with those

river with those big uh rocks that they have around the lake loading uh ramps and we go fill the truck floorboards up with those river with those big uh rocks that they have around the lake loading uh ramps and we would fucking cream mailboxes all night so much fun just be driving and then just heath an enormous rock i got so good at it dude i got so good at it you know obviously i'm the driver so i have to do it with my left hand but scott's in the passenger side and he's throwing them for the right and the whole floorboard is full of them and they're big as fuck like bigger than your head your head well maybe not yours but my head and i got so good i could just time it just right i drive about 50 miles per hour and just heave it into the path of the mailbox and now the rock's going 50 miles per hour hitting a mailbox that's so much energy being dispersed.

They do explode. The wooden ones blow up into splinters. The metal ones dent and fold in half and blow off the posts. I'd do it now if I could. Homeowner me absolutely hates

that because I can't imagine how annoyed and how much it would just ruin my day if I woke up and I had to deal with just an obliterated mailbox. It'd be like, well, I had stuff to do, but it's a weekday, so it looks like I'm buying and installing a mailbox. Looks like everything on my life is on the back. You don't live in a subdivision, right? Like, do you have a homeowners association? Yeah, you do. Okay.

Yeah. So our mailbox aged right we bought the house it was whatever and over the time that we lived there the mailbox got too old we had to replace it so you go to home depot and you buy a mailbox that looks almost just like the one you had and uh i even like took the brass straps off the old one and tried to like you because the new one was the same color and the same size and seemingly conforming, but it didn't have the brass straps over the top. So I took those and I put them on the new one, but it didn't have, like, the stamped metal, like, that sort of outlined where the brass strap would have gone. The homeowners association is like, no, that's not the right mailbox. It doesn't have the little

ridges near the brass straps that the other people do and it's like oh really i got the closest one they had like that's because you didn't go to like proprietary independent mailbox creator in town here the price went from 16 to 350 although350 although you might say $366 because i bought the other one first yeah and that was the first mailbox woody ever stole and it was like the difference is so big they don't have it in ours where it's like i have to buy a specific one but they just have rules and so it's like if you want one of those like big brick ones you can build that if you want like certain types of like those metal rot ones you can have that there's one like way on the other side of of my neighborhood that i drive by and it's i thought it was like a goof at first like oh like it's it's a tree on the front of their their yard and it's got a hanging branch

where a mailbox should be hanging from up one of those branches are chains suspending a hammock style a mailbox elevated off the ground and i'm like this is absurd this looks awful how has no one stepped up and been like hey you can't have this weird gallows hammock there and like gandalf um i love the mailbox but it really doesn't conform to what we got going on around here but what i do like is that imagining the the poor male lady trying to open it and it's like towards her and she tries to close it and just swinging away. But yeah, I hope they fix that soon.

It's just a joke. Hey, I know how you could get it fixed. You head on over there and take care of business. Head on over to a local river, find a rock. Well, I mean, we had bats too, just in case we found a trouble mailbox. Or maybe it was in an area where you couldn't get up to speed. And then sometimes we'd take prisoners.'re just gonna do it again what you need is a saw to take out the branch i've done that before too sometimes all tree like i'll tell that next time i see scott i'm sure we'll joke around and laugh about

that that time that that guy we'd smash his mailbox like, I don't know, five fucking times and he'd stop replacing it. So he just like bend it back out from it was like, imagine taking a soda can and crushing it. And then to the best of your ability, back out and crushing it again and then stretching it back out again. And by the end it's just this crumpled mess. You know, like a stick you're sticking in there, like trying to pop out. Yeah.

Yeah. You know, he stuck a stick in there and like, like, like moved it around and like wedged it back out so that it's a, a vessel. There's not a mailbox anymore. The door surely wasn't in working order.

And we saw that and we were like all right well we'll just fucking take it then so we just took it post and all and uh just pulled the post out of the ground took it with us post yeah we took the post and uh and so the next time uh we came by there um because it was on this back road where like nobody's there he's the only driveway we you could just stop next to his mailbox and and like have your way with whatever was there because he's he's i don't want to exaggerate between half a mile and three quarters of a mile away it's where he lives from his mailbox and we came back and he had an armored mailbox he had a four by four post which is like a big big post they're heavy too driven deeply into the ground and on top the mailbox was quarter inch

steel and it had the ability to apply like a master lock padlock to the end if you wanted to and it was bolted on with these lag bolts that came in from all four sides. It was made to fit onto the 4x4, not like flat on flat, but it was like hollow, so it would go around the 4x4, and then the bolts could come in from all four sides. And he had two, four, six, eight lag bolts, three-inch lag bolts from every side. And we were like, we got out like, this is the final boss boys. We've reached the pinnacle of, of mailbox smashing. Um,

the question is, are we going to back down or are we going to step our game up? And so we stepped our game up. We went back to, uh, my, we, we, we pulled the whole fucking thing out of the ground uh with great effort it took both of us to lift threw it in the back of the truck took it prisoner for a while and then we went to work on it back at the shop with uh with a reciprocating saw no i think we used a table saw because the reciprocating saw was just not getting the job done and uh an oxyacetylene torch and uh so we we uh i cut the the mailbox itself into maybe 20 pieces, all about half the size of a dollar bill. And then Scott took the saw and he cut the post into like eight inch long

chunks, you know, like just for spite. And then we took it all back to where we found it and like dumped it all out on the ground. And we just laughed all night about what he was going to think when he discovered that. Cause obviously he would have no idea that we took it somewhere else and did all that work. He would think that there were guys at the end of his driveway for an hour or

something with an oxy acetylene torch and a, a power saw. And he just, just, I love the idea of that boggling his mind as to who is doing this why are they doing it and and how it was like a ufo sighting up there just taking care of a sick wife couldn't even catch us if he wanted to they just take you down there cutting them into pieces oh man he must have given him so much needless stress a couple times.

It seems mean, though. It is mean. It is mean. It is mean. That's a lot of dedication. I had a small personal grudge against the guy. It wasn't completely random. Well, I hope he had a –

We had this – So when you hunt doves, you have a field that's sort of set up to hunt the doves. You've been feeding the doves in that location for a while. There's ways to get around the baiting laws. You usually plant like sunflower seeds or something like that. And then you mow them down so that it technically falls under like agricultural shit. So if you were to pour out a bag of bird seed, you're baiting.

But if you just plant sunflower seeds and you mow them all down, you're farming. And, uh, and so the, the, we had, we'd been working on this for a while with a few of our friends and,

um, opening day of dove season comes around. And this motherfucker is in the adjoining property, like cutting off our birds from getting into our field and just kind of taking advantage of all of our hard work and shooting our birds. So that was the, the first and last straw for us with him. That's what you get.

You have to buy four new mailboxes. You got to, you got to spend a week blueprinting a new one from scratch only to have it ruined immediately. I was a little afraid to go back after we did the armored mailbox because I was like, his next step may involve explosives and or booby traps. Yeah, I was going to say, if I were that man, I would have moved on to booby traps. Yeah, or he might just be living out there in the bushes with a shotgun or something waiting on us you know like we should probably stop here you get close to the mail the final mailbox and you notice there's a little patch of sunflower seeds growing nearby he comes out of the woods what are

you doing to my seeds boy and just blows your fucking head off officer i was hunting look in his hand look at this discarded shells surrounding their bodies. Then there's the other guy. When he had gotten his mailbox, it just happened to be right in our path that we took every night. So it was always easy to get. And he eventually gave up on having a mailbox. And he had the post with the board on top that normally a mailbox is screwed onto. And he just put a big fat rubber band around that post so the mailbox would come by the mailman would come by and lift the rubber

band and slide the mail under it and then release the rubber band so it was just holding mail onto a board so we pulled up and just snipped the rubber band you know just despiteful evil shit you know just so unpleasant just so annoying just so awful Just so awful. Just so awful. And how old were you? You said like mid-teen? And then one of the more spiteful things we did, we crushed this guy's mailbox until he gave up on having a mailbox. He was just like, all right, I guess, I assume, I don't know,

but I assume he got a PO box. You know, he just gave up on receiving mail at the end of his driveway. And so we went and stole someone else's mailbox post and all and plant and and put it in his yard we put it in his yard and then we waited a while and we'd ride by during the day and see if there was mail in it and finally we saw there was mail in it that he was using it again and we destroyed it that he was using it again and we destroyed it um that was a two birds one stone said you how old was i yeah like 16 if you're driving probably 31 it's very recent very recent yeah i don't know um we probably started when i was around 16

but we did it for a few years yeah Yeah, you must have been bored as shit. We took two months off last year, but we're back at it again. I do it now. It's so much fun. It's so much fun. It's shitty. I get that. It's private property damage for like goofs, but it's really fun to like try to hit them.

There's like a sporting aspect to it. We keep score. I thought that fucking with mailboxes somehow is like the post office gets mad too. Why would they care? I don't know, but the post office police apparently

are far more badass than people give them credit for. They have a postmaster general I learned in Seinfeld. I don't know what he does. I'm a general, and a general by God does his job. That's such a good scene. So I think it's Wilford Brimley playing. I think it's Wilford Brimley.

Yeah. Damn. Before he got the diabetes. Yeah. That was the fact that made me forget what Pythagorean's theorem was used for. Right? It's somehow helpful for something.

Yes. Triangle? Circumference? I don't remember. The length of a hypotenuse. It is the length of a hypotenuse. Well, who played the postmaster general in Seinfeld? I had no idea. We all make our choices. What is it?

A squared plus B squared equals C squared? Yeah. Also, if you want to get real good at pool and pull out your fucking tape measure like a dweeb, it helps there. Oh, that doesn't seem like it should be allowed. It's not allowed. It would be ridiculous if you pulled out a fucking tape measure and pool you got a sextant and everything

else just trying to figure out ah i only fire the ball true north i think it's only for right a lot but but you're being um i didn't think it was just right angle triangles. I thought it was triangles in general. There's no way we'll know. Nope. That's when I am not Googling who could possibly care. Algebra has been a long time for me,

but an infinitely longer time for Woody. So I, I trust neither of our, I trust neither of our thoughts on this. It's hard to say, dude, if I, if I was ever like kidnapped or something they're like you have to finish this worksheet of 11th grade math have to kill me there's no way i remember enough to be able to do even even like high school level math at this point unless it's like easy ass like balancing the equation algebra like anything more than that no no i don't yeah if it's um if it's basic algebra i can do that i'm sure

because that was just simple but like anything complex there's no fucking way i'm not i'm not going to remember most of like 90 of those geometry equations are lost to me as well I'm not going to remember most of like 90% of those geometry equations are lost to me as well. Like what is the one for finding the, doing the graphing thing? What Y plus MX equals B. Oh, the slope.

Yeah. Slope. Yeah. Yeah. I would need to brush up on a lot of the formulas, anything that just uses the rules of algebra. I think I'd be okay with um i don't know somewhere in between yeah that shit just doesn't come up in daily life

it does not but i did it after high school i had 13 more years of it so it took me a little longer to get out get out of this the rhythm of it yeah so so you and i took our most recent math class at around the same time. Yeah, that could be. Fair enough. I know a girl who's doing some math, and she was showing me how she takes her online tests, and she's got like a note card.

They watch you take the test, but it's over Zoom. She was showing me how she takes her online tests. And she's got like a note card. They watch you take the test, but it's over Zoom. And I think they can see your screen. So she's got note cards taped to the bottom of her PC monitor with all the fucking formulas. It's like 2020 cheating is completely different than 2003 cheating. Oh, yeah. We took risks. I got that shit on my palm.

Yeah. Then you get nervous. You start sweating. Oof. Don't want. That ink runs. I suspect there's a lot of cheating going on last term and next term. Yeah.

I mean, you'd kind of be silly not to do it, right? Like, if you're going into some job where you shouldn't be cheating or like you're taking some surgeon's exam online and you've got like where's the heart oh there it is like that kind of stuff where's the heart the precious heart is it these two spongy ones no no it's the red one it's the red one this guy's got two hearts and they're huge he's getting bigger every time he breathes i don't want that but if you're like an accountant or you're someone who's going to be working at a

desk all day and all this stuff is going to be available to you in the moment why why not you're someone who's going to be working at a desk all day, and all this stuff is going to be available to you in the moment, why not? You're going to have Google when you grow up. Exactly. Well, do you remember that excuse? I feel like I must be the last era of people old enough that they were still telling me, like high school, like, you think the internet's going to be everywhere forever? No, no. You're not going to always have your calculator. Remember that no no like you're not gonna always have

your calculator remember that one you're not gonna always have a calculator around yes like yeah were there not cell phones and stuff all over the place with you in high school were they still not a thing they were but it wasn't as what year did you graduate high school it wasn't it's not nine oh nine oh four for me okay yeah yeah so phones were definitely especially oh nine right oh yeah kind of when the last holdout started getting them all the time yeah yeah but it was like the the teachers didn't get that though you know like the teachers hadn't jumped over to the iphone one or whatever it was then they were on the flip phone the nonsense like you remember how shitty flip phone internet was i remember getting getting a flip phone in 2005 or 2006

that said it had internet, and it was useless. I had that fucking Nokia fucking brick, dude. I remember that. Yeah, the era that Taylor's talking about, you'd have to write special websites to work on phones. I think it was called WML or something. There was a different markup language. It wasn't even HTML.

And you'd just format it to work well on phones. And then the iPhone comes along and it's like, wait, regular websites look right on this? Like it was mind-blowing. By the way, my phone isn't filthy. The yellow stuff is what happens when you sterilize your phone with fucking alcohol. Or the phone cover anyway. You know, we have a plastic phone cover on there. And it's got all yellow from the alcohol that i used to clean it every time i get home my phone is filthy this is a clear case

oh man i thought yesterday that i was like coming down with the rona because a couple days previously i was about a week ago really what what symptoms did you have so it was like a couple days ago my girlfriend started feeling bad and i was still feeling hunky-dory and i was like this is probably on the horizon and her complaining was like restricted breath and just feeling like you know that that general weakness and then yesterday is when i started feeling like just kind of a just like didn't feel like i didn't even work out it felt like i couldn't get my breath all the way. It just felt like I slept a ton, or at least I felt like I did. And it was just like that like mono feeling.

I still have a bit of it today, but I'm hoping I'll be good to go by tomorrow. Like apparently that's like a pretty normal run. And you traveled. You were on a plane. Yeah. And as I was sitting on the plane, it's like, dude, this, there is no way. I'm not breathing the air from everybody else in my mask though right yeah i'm wearing a mask everybody has to wear a mask but it's you know they're recirculating the air it's going to find its way and you're breathing constantly so well i don't know it doesn't really matter where you catch it once you do trump well we'll say i uh i had a really bad sore throat um

and yeah it's one of those like i never know without when i first get a sore throat if it's the beginning of an illness or if i just like slept with my mouth open like i snored through my mouth or something like that and just got sore while i slept so i was like oh it'll be fine tomorrow and i woke up the next day it was worse and the next day it still hadn't gone away and i was like fuck i hope i don't have this shit and And on the fourth day, it went away. Yeah, that's what I'm hoping for tomorrow. I'm hoping to be back to 100%. Because if I would have experienced these little feelings

without the COVID thing going on, I'd have been like, oh, man, this is like a minor flu of the very, very minor. It feels like mono if mono lasted a very short amount of time i had never had mono i had what you had back in february and uh there's a lot of similarities between those symptoms and covet it might be covet but february it wasn't very popular it wasn't popular it wasn't happening much we were it was something maybe a little bit overseas but in america it just really hadn't spread yet so i might not have had it plus i feel like i get something around then february north carolina is about when spring starts and uh you know every year like maybe allergies maybe flu like that changing of the

seasons is a little rough on me i haven't after i got better at extended period where i still wasn't breathing all that well and i'd cough too much. But I seem to get that every year also. That's why I'm the only one here with the cough button. I'm the guy that coughs every February for six weeks. Do you ever take allergy medication? I have taken it. And sometimes it just doesn't seem to do anything for me. What do you take? Do you know? I've tried a few different ones and that's one of the scary parts. There was one allergy med that made me insane to be around. Like, I just got way stressed out over small things. It was a while ago.

We lived in Apex. And, you know, I'm making, like, Woody's Gamer Tag money off the channel booming and stuff. And the Visa bill was maybe 300 higher than we expected. And I'm like, what the heck? You know, what is going on here? Are we going and i'm like what the heck you know what is going on here are we gonna have bills like this every month what and uh maybe yeah yeah right you know it like i it wasn't rational it wasn't a rational complaint i was too yeah off the handle and uh and i like don't want to take that one whatever it was i like claritin uh Benadryl is nonsense.

That's for doping your dogs up. But those Claritin, the ones that dissolve in your mouth, are really effective. I've grown out of most of my allergies. But when I was a teenager in my early 20s, spring was a time of year that I just couldn't go outside. It would be so bad people would want people would stop and be like the fuck is wrong with you what's wrong with like my eyes would be so bloodshot and just pouring tears and if i touched them they would just get like infinitely more itchy uh like i would just have to like dab my crying eyes all

day and i would start sneezing and uh i would sneeze like 10 12 times in a row until like my nose was raw it was like it was awful like snot pouring down my face my eyes running and it's just pollen it was so bad i've never had to deal with allergies that bad i have noticed though i don't even know if it's possible or if i'm it's like psychosomatic but i i'm pretty sure i'm becoming allergic to cats because i never used to get burning or anything being in people's apartments or houses with cats and then only in the last couple years i'll be like man what the fuck is oh they have cats like i just feel yeah tingles and itches and in my eyes especially just get weepy my dad's uh dog rubbed against me the other day like he's got this little miniature pincher and uh like look where it rubbed against my arms they broke out in hives

like all over my four all over my forearms and like like my upper arm like where i like played with this dog like started itching like fucking crazy and broke out with like gross hives like like chicken pox so it's possible i'm allergic to a dog i don't know i don't fucking know did you get chicken pox when you were little or oh yeah when i was like four or five that's about yeah i think i had when i was like five or six it sucked at the time that was really fun i hated it i don't remember it super well i remember the oatmeal baths and the calamine lotion i guess yeah and all that time and baths and calamine lotion meant like you couldn't go play legos or watch pokemon and that was what i remember disliking about it i was a human fan

friend uh he was all right there's a little little before me yes before your time i had castle grayskull motherfucker i thought the collector's item now i had castle grayskull, motherfucker. I thought it's a collector's item now. I had Castle Grayskull, had Skeletor, not She-Ra, whatever her fucking name was, the mistress. It's interesting because He-Man's before your time because I watched that shit. So yeah, it is before my time, but for whatever reason

I think the movie came out in like the year I was born and so we had it on VHS by the time I was like four. So it got, like four year old me was watching it a lot. But the movie came out in 86. I'm almost positive. But it reached its

pinnacle before the movie obviously. Like 83, 84, the cartoon was super popular. And I think the toys probably came out in 82 as well because they came up with a toy before the show is interesting little thing about uh the way mattel came up with that whole fucking uh marketing strategy of inventing these characters

and and then inventing this show to go along with their characters to help sell more toys that's why there are so many characters in He-Man and the Masters of the Universe. That's why there's like 30 Masters of the fucking Universe and He-Man. They were just shotgunning it, seeing like, alright, we're throwing all these out. Oh, who's really popular?

Believe it or not, the turtle guy with the trident. Selling like hotcakes. We're throwing him in next season. Basically, just reverse engineering an entire show. Which you can do if it's for kids easy well the toys it was all about selling the toys because like i don't know what a spot what the cpm is on a saturday morning cartoon show is but i bet it pales in fucking comparison to the overhead on a he-man doll yeah i feel yeah that's i bet you're right i'm 100 sure you're right that's interesting. I don't see it as bad, though, right? No, I don't see it as bad.

Oh, okay. I think I misinterpreted and got a vibe. No, I love this shit. I had the fucking sword. Can you believe that this whole thing was manipulating? And I'm like, I don't know. I feel like they made a show I really liked. I didn't have any of the toys, but I, you know.

No, no, I was meaning, like, if you could only do that with kids like if they released john snow figurines before game of thrones came out no 20 30 whatever something's gonna be like oh i can imagine what this guy would do i'm buying it whereas with kids as if i have an adult friend if he saw a witch's helmet of Agasar on sale, he would buy it in a heartbeat. Something close to that. I don't know. Yeah. What do I tell you?

I get the name right for me, but I love the fucking cartoon. I love my, I love my human figurines. And when the movie came out, I liked the, well, not when it came out,

cause I was an infant, but, but like when I was four years old, I fucking loved that movie. I fucking loved that movie. And it is a garbage movie. Dolph Lundgren and Courtney Cox. Very young Courtney Cox. Yep.

It is an interesting little film. And the guy who plays fucking Skeletor is like a renowned Shakespearean fucking trained actor. And they've got him in a Skeletor is like a renowned Shakespearean fucking trained actor. They've got him in a Skeletor mask and he's doing his damnedest to act through this awful Skeletor mask. He's great. Did your action figure battles have any sort

of consistency where you'd be like, it's He-Man universe today. Ninja Turtles, you're on the sidelines. Or would you just, everything was in there because that's what I like to do. I'd be like, all right, it's He-Man universe today. Ninja Turtles, you're on the sidelines. Or would you just, everything was in there because that's what I like to do. It'd be like, what are we doing today? Seven,

eight year old Taylor. Well, today the street sharks are taking on the Batman universe. And it'd be like, am I, I still remember my favorites. It would always come down to the same ones. I didn't like Robin.

So he would get smashed by one of the sharks. And then it would always come down to Bane and his cool green mask and all the wires going back there. I didn't even know his history. I just saw him in the store and I'm like, that guy's fucking sick. And I got him and it would be him versus the final street shark who I believe had some sort of punching action. He had the click, click, click. Yep. And he almost always won.

I like that guy. Yeah. Street sharks. That was almost always won. I like that guy. Yeah. Street Sharks. That was a good cartoon. It made no sense from a physics standpoint because they literally were teenagers mutated into half shark people who

swam beneath the concrete and asphalt of their city fighting crime. Billions of dollars in transportation damage with every solved burglary star blazers did you guys want i see i'm going i'm too old there was a show called star blazers and they went around in a giant spaceship but it looked like an oil tanker if i recall correctly the bottom of it was even painted red at the supposed water line as this thing flew around i hope i have this right

holy shit you can watch it on youtube and uh the fun thing about this is it had a yeah oh my god i'm nailing this description oh my god these 20 minute episodes are all here on youtube dude it had a giant giant gun that shot straight out the front and i'm seeing it all of the problems were eventually solved at the end of every episode by shooting that gun dude they're destroying it this looks like battlestar galactica they would just take the long way to eventually firing that gun episode after episode and take care of the bad guy uh i was big into teenage me oh to get back to your question taylor i had the kyle universe which included every action figure that i owned so gi joe was there

with all the little green putty men you know those those uh army men that had like the flat base that they're on you know the flamethrower guy and the rifleman and all that shit they they'd be in the mix the ninja turtles would be there and their pizza van that shot pizzas um i'd have the full fucking cast of uh of he-man and the masters of the universe he-man would be on one side fighting against uh skeletor on the other and then i would sort of mix and match who joined up with he-man versus who joined up with Skeletor. And then I would... I would fight it out on the floor. Yeah, yeah. We would see who would win. Ah, to go back.

That was so much fun. Just fucking around for hours with those toys on the ground. It was just great. I spent most of my time back then smashing lizards with bricks. See, I was a simpler man. I don't need to go back to that. I got all the cats I can deal with.

That's why you don't have any lizards. You need some dogs. Take care of the cats. Some spider monkeys. Maybe cheetahs. We're working our way up. Someday. Is one Georgia man responsible for destroying the entire southeast we'll find out the monkey epidemic continues to take credit just shows

atlanta and there's just lemur upon lemur swinging from ruined and fucking telephone balls and shit jesus taylor no racism yeah to be a child again and and uh have your i had a great childhood i like i was just always riding around on atvs and getting up to hijinks and you know starting fires and shooting things it's good yeah i i was too close to other people to do all that unless i was on my grandparents farm and so all my fire starting shooting atv riding it was mostly there fucking around with animals yeah that yeah grandma's house was fucking sick as a little kid i would get like depressed when i knew my parents were coming to pick me up i'd be like god i don't want to go home i have to i i can't lie about the snacks i've eaten

i'm my parents a little more strict on the bullion here and the borrowing of my brother's toys. I think your grandparents might have chosen you as their favorite. I'm getting that vibe. I think it might still exist today. Does anyone else see that? I'll fire that one past them at Thanksgiving. Oh, Taylor.

No, we like you and your brothers. What's their names? Just all the same. Oh, they couldn't make it this time. I didn't even notice. Yeah. Can't tell. I didn't notice there was a few extra hams left over.

Yeah. Now, did you bring the flatbed meat truck i request no i'm saying you need to buy a comb with a half cap your brother's not here so we're not even salt and half send the whole thing back i wouldn't it wouldn't surprise you she told me to buy this like just this ludicrously big frit freezer for my garage being like, now you never know when things are going to get down. You want to have lots of meat just in case.

And I'm like, that's very true. That's very true. I don't know if I need a restaurant size walk in one. Oh my God. That's so yeah. I still want to be able to park my car in there ideally. But yeah,

she, she plays for keeps. Yeah. We always had a deep freeze full of meat growing up um you know because we hunted and and we had a couple instances where like cows went insane and had to be shot and then so we had them slaughtered and uh and so we just had like hundreds and hundreds of pounds of meat in the deep freeze downstairs like always and then one night um i don't know what happened maybe lightning struck it or it just quit working

but how are you gonna know right like it run they run really quiet it's not like you're gonna be no i don't hear that familiar hum today like it's down in the basement as well so like i don't know how much time went by before we noticed oh no that the meat freeze with not exaggerating 200 pounds of meat had been room temperature for an unknown period of time but when you we opened it and like looked inside it was like i don't know if you've ever seen fucking um hellraiser yeah or uh you know when they show you like those flashy images of what hell really is that's what was inside our deep freeze it was so god awful we pushed it toward the door and and put uh forks on a tractor and just slid them under it and uh duct taped the the lid down so it couldn't budge and just took it away and dumped it in the field

and just left it there on a lonely part of the property. And my brother-in-law came by one day and we were all up at dad's house and he was like, what's that way over there? And dad's like, oh, that's the deep freeze. Oh, did it break? Why is it out there? And then, oh, well, we think it broke, but all the meat in it rotted and it was so awful that we couldn't bear to be around it he's like can i have it and he went out there and fucking like got that thing cleaned it with a hose and fucking like got it going again and i guess it's still at his house good for him industrious he used every part he did use every part very cool pka n 310 very cool