Painkiller Already - PKN #32

Episode Date: March 31, 2015

In this weeks episode of PKN, the guys go over the new pains and tribulations of Woody's house renovation experience.

All right, and we're live. Painkiller nearly episode 31 with a fixed template. Everyone should love it. So we are, I think, probably 7 and 14% more handsome for you. Can they see Taylor, though? He's just off to the side. Yeah, they won't, I guess, yeah, you won't be able to see. His camera's working, but he's just off screen and side. Yeah, they won't... I guess, yeah, you won't be able to see... His camera's working, but he's just off screen and his mic is not here. Yeah, he's having audio issues.

Well, he's here in spirit, then. Yeah, yeah, yeah. His camera's working, you just can't see him, and his mic is off. So, yeah. Oh, should I kick it off with my bad joke? Yeah. Cinderella is now 95 years old after a fulfilling life and a now dead prince she happily sits upon her rocking chair

watching the world go by from her front porch with a cat named bob for companionship one sunny afternoon out of nowhere appears her fairy godmother. Cinderella said, Fairy godmother, what are you doing here after all these years? The fairy godmother replied, Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life since I last saw you. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns? Cinderella is taken aback, overjoyed. After some thoughtful consideration, she uttered her first wish. The prince was wonderful, but not much of an investor. I'm living hand-to-mouth on my disability checks.

I wish I were wealthy beyond comprehension. Instantly, her rocking chair turned into solid gold. Oh, thank you, fairy godmother, Cinderella explained. Fairy godmother replied, it's the least I can do. What do you want to do for your second wish? Cinderella looked down at her frail body. I wish I were young and full of the beauty of youth I once had. At once her wish becomes reality.

She's beautiful, young, Visage returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside of her that had been dormant for years. And then the fairy godmother spoke once more, You have one more wish, what shall be cinderella looks over at her frightened cat in the corner and says i wish for you to transform bob my old cat into a kind and handsome young man magically bob suddenly underwent a fundamental change in his biological makeup and he stood before her he was a man so beautiful the likes of him she nor the world had ever seen the fairy godmother says, Congratulations, Cinderella. Enjoy your new life. With a blazing shock of blue electricity, the fairy godmother was gone, as suddenly as she appeared.

A few eerie moments, Bob and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes. Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most beautiful, stunningly perfect man she had ever seen. Bob walks over to Cinderella, transfixed in her golden rocking chair he held her close in her young muscular arms he leaned close blowing her golden hair with his warm breath away as he whispered i bet you wish you hadn't neutered me oh that's that's terrible i didn't know where that was going there was a long build up it was but yeah the cat was neutered well not a good joke so you

accomplished I aimed the displease alright I have house talk which brand new house talk I haven't heard this yet yeah I purposely didn't talk to Kyle about it so that you know the magic would be there and I know that some people don't love house talk but we all remember jamal right

hey there kyle you're frozen for me okay um jamal has now filed a lien against my house and what that means is that if the general contractor doesn't pay jamal assuming the lien gets like basically he filed a notification of like an intent to file a lien against my house or something like that it's not actually a lien on my house now i think he needs to like sort of win in court or something for it to become a lien but he has a contract with ed and i don't there's something messed up like every time jamal did something he just broke it like there were days where we went backwards um jackie called him hurricane jamal because like when he like okay for example like you want to put in new railing right for the banister the first thing he does is start like ripping shit up and bending it and breaking things and to some extent that's like a you sort of do demo before you do construction

but also he was breaking way more than needed to be broke you know to put in a new handrail and now other people are like fixing it um the upstairs you know he broke it and did it improperly as he installed doors like we'd get like six doors on site and then like three of them would be damaged beyond use. So he'd like try again with new doors and then like one of those would be damaged beyond use and like just keep rolling in new doors. And apparently he told my GC

that he needs 2,500 more to be right. But the lien is for 6,000 more. I don't know why. And it's bummed me out. So I've looked into this. And this is kind of what I wanted to tell. At first, I thought it was bullshit. My GC told me it was bullshit.

He's like, Jamal works with me, not with you. He can't put a lien on your house. He's like, Jamal works with me, not with you. He can't put a lien on your house. That's not true. The system works like this. And most people who learn this learn it under the worst possible conditions. I hope I'm helping somebody. When you hire a GC, that person pays the subs. If that person doesn't pay the subs, you have to they'll put a lien on your house with a lien on your house they can force you to sell your home to make that subcontractor get paid that's the scoop so that's not going to happen to me i mean worst case scenario for me is i'd pay twice but um that's where we are it looks like the gc is not paying the subs, and Jamal's not the only one.

A bunch of these people could come after me to get paid. Yeah. That's no good. It's not good, right? What are we going to do? Well, there's going to be an attorney, right? That's the thing. Here's where we are.

I owe Ed enough money that I think we can pay the subs with it. But what if we got Sharif involved? And the work isn't great. The work is better now. It's acceptable. But some gaps are too big. I don't like the way they did the stair rail. they changed it without talking to me to a much more expensive design now they're trying to bill me for the unauthorized change order and all these what a

nightmare you have going on over there this is uh this is a really terrible terrible thing that has befallen you yeah it's awful it's awful and I, I don't know what the progress has really slowed, almost stopped. I mean, I, some guy in the last two days has stopped by for about an hour each day, right? I've gotten two hours of work done this week so far and they took Saturday off. And of course they took Sunday off. So I've had two hours of work done since Friday, you know, since, or Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday. It's just not going anywhere. And my spot, my play from here, is to no longer pay the GC.

Everything that... I should be paying his subs as a joint joint check i'm new to joint checks i don't know how this works but um apparently like i pay the sub with a check that's from both of us or to both of them or something like that so that um ed can't come at me as if i didn't pay him or whatever but it's fucked man he's not paying his subs and his subs well his subs suck which is why he's not paying some of them there are other ones that don't suck and they're not paid either and so what I need to do is not pay ed because the way the system works is like like let's say hypothetically

you have a new deck put in right so you hire a general contractor and the general contractor hires someone else to deliver the materials so you owe well so he owes like a transportation fee and whatever owes for the wood if he doesn't pay that guy you have to that surprised me i thought like that transaction was between the gc the sub, I got nothing to do with it, right? If you're the GC, I hired you. I didn't hire some lumber delivery guy. You hired a lumber delivery guy. That's between Kyle and lumber guy.

That's not how this works. He could make you sell your house to get paid. It's fucked. It's stressful. Like, my appetite is gone gone i'm not sleeping well um you'll be nice and trim for paintball it's occurred to me i'm actually i've started the downtrend um not much you want to get that you want to get that hollowed out look that's gaunt that's a good look for me i really look good hollowed out i swear i don't know once you get old being too thin can look bad.

It can really age you. Like when you're 17, you know, like the hollowed out cheeks and stuff just look dashing. When you're 40 something, hollowed out cheeks can make you look 50. Sick. Yeah. It's not a good thing. We'll see. I'll just keep losing weight until I look bad.

But anyway, I'm trending down. Not a lot i think i've lost like two and a half pounds over the last like two weeks so it's not even that fast yeah that's good weight loss too that's that painful weight loss where you're you're just hurting on the inside and that the pain just burns the fat away i i don't even want to eat i'm not i'm waking up at night i'm gettingamps. Muscle cramps are the thing that happens to me. Yeah, yeah. Like my calf and my thigh are locking up.

Are you talking in your sleep yet? Are you having imaginary arguments with your contractor in your sleep? I seriously do wake up and think about it. So tomorrow we'll browbeat them over these unauthorized change orders. But I'm not signing anything. And I'm certainly not paying anything. Because anything because you know he's in a bad and are we sure that sharif couldn't be i mean it's occurred to me to like make a video about my experience and out his name out the i want to dominate the search engine optimization results for this

builder's name yeah you should like it like let's say his company is like home improvement with tim the tool man taylor like you'd name the video right with tim the tool man it would be in the description it would be in the closed captioning yeah contractor that would be the title of the video yeah you're right and and then and by the way stick 100 to the truth right i can't be countersued i have to i'll show documentation i'll show what these invoices look like you guys will laugh there's math errors on almost every invoice um it's true and uh that's funny yeah i never thought to like add all those uh accounts up i just assumed that that would be correct yeah it's just incompetent he had two errors in his favor and one error no two errors in my two errors in his favor and one in mine so it was funny though looking through at some of his

errors there was stuff that i knew about that was going on at your house that he apparently didn't know about like when he was charging you for repairing that wire out there that, yeah. Like I knew that, that that's not a charge for you, that, that it was, you know,

those guys who cut the wire and then they dug a trench that he hired. He hired a guy to dig a trench. And then while they dug it, they cut an underground power line that like went to floodlights and just left it that way. They like push dirt back on it and pretended they didn't cut it so then he tried to bill me for the repair of it but he's responsible for the breaking of it and he doesn't know i just and by the way like in looking at some of this stuff that he doesn't know it's dangerous to imply intent to imply intent right because a lot of

times you like in when you're not talking to each other the guy seems like pure evil and then once you work it out you realize realize, like, oh. There was a time he billed me for drywall that I thought was way too much. And then I find out the sub, he didn't even put a mark upon it. He just straight passed it on to me. Now, I have a feeling that because the sub sits around all day being held up by other people, that's why he overbilled. But whatever. Or, I mean, since he's not going to have to pay the sub anyway in his mind,

he probably didn't mind giving you a deal there. Oh, God. So, you know, I had thought, like, I would love it right now if I just, like, hey, take 15 grand or something like that and don't come back. Lose my number. I'll finish it. I'm better at carpentry than most of these people. And I'm not slower.

Trimming out a door, that'll take me like an hour or two. These guys take forever. I do things one time and they're right. I really am more talented than the carpenter on site, I think. Here's what I would recommend. Obviously cut ties with them that they just seem

like they're no good like i feel like if they stay any longer they're gonna like accidentally start a fire or like kill the neighbor's dog and you'll forever be hated like they're gonna they're gonna do something worse somehow like they're gonna step it up a notch they should go whatever that takes and then instead of looking for a general contractor you yourself have to become the general contractor you've got to go get a carpenter and a plumber and a bricklayer and whatever's required it might be me myself doing a bunch of the work like i could dude the painters work quickly and the guys that refinish the floor work quickly but if i had done the bulk of this work, I'd be done faster.

It wouldn't have. They started this in mid-January. There's no way two and a half months later I'd be where we are if it was just me poking away. Right? I am single-handedly faster. You turned into Noah out there. You're just like, fuck you guys. I'm not bad, really.

No, I believe you. I know you are. I'd be dropping in doors and they're the team they brought in now the electrician i would sub that out he was good up there though is that flooring on the second floor fixed yet oh you'll love this so because that's jamal work i think jamal broke it and by the way he wants to get paid for it but jamal it. They had another guy come in and do a half-assed job at finishing the leveling. There's still big gaps and lumps and whatever. And then that guy started to lay the laminate down. Well, he quickly ran out of laminate because they didn't... This is the level of planning they do.

They gave the guy like 10 boards and you need like 300, right? It wasn't like it was close, right? So they gave the guy like 10 boards and you need like 300 right it wasn't like it was close right so they gave the guy 10 boards he lays him out and he's out of materials so he's like well i can't go any further amount of materials yes of course you are like obviously you're out of anyone could see this coming but rather than like have the materials they're waiting for the guy because we waited for him like a week after he runs out they begin to um look for materials well the flooring is discontinued you can't get that flooring anymore i think right it's possible someone has it in inventory somewhere but the flooring's discontinued so we're kind of fucked like with the discontinued flo So... We're kind of fucked. Like, with the discontinued flooring, we might be looking at redoing the entire

second floor. And it's a big house, right? That's probably 2,000 square feet of flooring up there. Because I'm not going to have some rainbow mismatched thing. Every room's a different floor. We had matching floor before their damage.

This is awful. This is so bad. We had matching floor. There were no transitions, right? Like, every room was just, like, one great big piece of hardwood floor. Now, like, they can't even find the flooring. Dear God. Well, they gotta take up whatever there is and find a new kind of flooring.

And I don't want to pay. Of course not. And it's probably not even level enough already. They probably honestly need to be in there with some sort of a giant sander that you'd like operate like this. For example, so they put a, it's like drywall, but it's thinner and really hard. I think it's used behind like um black spash and stuff but they put this like i'll call it a sheet of concrete on the ground and then they put flowable fill so it's sort of leveled into that sheet and now we have a more level floor okay

the sheet ends like six inches from the end of the uh the hallway where there's a step and uh so now if you can't see me but if you're looking at this that six inch space it just floats in the air you put laminate on it it bounces up and down like there's the floor ends six inches before it's supposed to and it's not supported there's a gap there i'm not describing it well but god it's not good workmanship and you know i can't pay for it i can't pay for i'm not gonna pay for the repair to the damage that you did they tried this before when we when francisco cut the structural beam in my living room or family room yeah are you telling me that a guy named francisco and a guy named jamal were the key uh troublemakers francisco i don't he did a lot of good stuff too he just cut where he shouldn't

have and there was and they made it even better than it was and i am not being billed for it at least not directly because we crossed that stuff off but um they had an engineer come out and like all right here's the structural damage of the house what do we need here to repair it what are we going to do etc and then they had to buy materials and then of course there was work so they were like it was like over a thousand bucks to fix this thing um and then they sent me the bill for it and i'm like no no you were not billing me for the repair to the thing you broke and that's how i feel about the floor you were not billing me for a repair to the thing you broke this is not not okay so it's probably there's some people

who are done with house talk but it it dominates my personal thought process it well that just sounds terrible i i am uh i wish that i had a sharif that i could send to just punish the these people because i feel like that you i feel like you've been wronged here i have and i'm not a bad guy i don't wrong other people i don't deserve this shit and and i'm not gonna get as fucked as it sounds like i am because i called it early enough. If I had paid the GC and then he didn't pay his subs, I'd be double paying. But I still owe the GC like 30 grand-ish. So I'll just pay his subs directly and have an attorney work it all out so that they can't come after me. And then pay Ed whatever little bit is left.

But 30 might be high maybe 25 left i might not owe him enough to pay what he owes his subs but it's like dude i paid you like 35 already pay him from that you know yeah that's gone i guess well not my problem i don't need to pay him enough more from here so that he can pay off all his subs because he went and robbed Peter to pay Paul on some other project. No. You've had plenty of money from me already for the work

you've done. And some of this stuff, like billing me for people's driving time to pick up materials, the paint, like it... So Benjamin Moore driving time to pick up materials. The paint. So Benjamin Moore apparently has expensive paint. We've been talking about Benjamin Moore since before the quote came in.

We gave him all the colors in Benjamin Moore codes. And then he went and bought Benjamin Moore paint. And now he wants to raise the price by almost $2,000, saying the paint is more than he thought it was. That's on you, baby. You need to, like, make a proper quote. This motherfucker can't add up paint? Like, there's a square footage formula for each gallon.

Like, it's written on the jug. Dude, the shop. These are the quotes we've had for the shop. In order. $32,000. $97,000. $48,000.,000 48,000 117,000 and the chop that hasn't even really changed see that's just how far off he is yeah i think there was a 50 something in there but like it just that's absurd he's off by double you know he'll quote you half and then i feel like it's it's

he's is he all there? Like, it seems like he's... Maybe he's just fucking with you. Like, some of this stuff is so ridiculous. It feels like an ADD thing. It feels like... This is a guy... I'm sorry, I'm cutting you off.

Go on. It's math. It's just... It's math seems bad. This is a guy who can't pay attention to something for the, like, five minutes it takes to figure it out. He's so bouncing around in his head that instead of being like,

all right, it's going to take me 20 minutes to get this. This is how many 2x4s, 2x6s, this, Russes. It'll take this many sheets. I bill $38 a painted sheet of drywall. Drywall's $15. The other whatever that is. You know, it'll take this many sheets. I bill 38 bucks a painted sheet of drywall, right? You know, drywall is 15 bucks. The other whatever that is. What the hell is 38 minus 15?

25 bucks is hanging and painting it, right? So I'm just figuring out like, all right, this is how many sheets of drywall. This is how many lights there'll be. This is this. He just can't pay attention that long. And it's like, ah, fuck it. 50, 50K. Is that good? And then, you know ah, fuck it, 50, 50K. Is that good? And then, you know, later on, I'll do it again.

He shouldn't be a GC. He shouldn't be a general contractor because he can't pay attention. And, you know, he forgets things and he's not a detail person, right? A general contractor, essentially, he's a project manager. He needs to get the people and materials on site doing things in order, you know, in the way that you would, I don't know, fix, I don't know. Okay. If you're going to remove popcorn ceilings, you do that before you paint because it's

a really dusty operation and you don't want dust in your paint. So like he just needs to schedule the order of operations, the people, and have the materials there for them to do their job. That's what he does. But because he, like, is not detail oriented, the whole job is details. The whole job is a sequenced list of tasks that he needs to manage.

And it's not what he's good at. So. So terrible. Well, I, uh, so so so terrible well i uh in my own small way have been dealing with my shitty hired hand uh as well i i had to do some fencing today i had actually uh i was driving a tractor uh yesterday me too and well i had a little accident in mine i uh i i uh mine. I was turning into a gate, and the gate wasn't open enough, so I had to turn really sharply, and the bucket hit the gate, and the gate snapped the post that the gate was attached to, and that all fell down.

So you rammed the bucket into the gate. Were you trying to hit it and open it with the bucket, or did it just go wrong? It just went wrong. I didn't turn the wheel sharply enough, and I was going too fast. It just barely hit it. I feel like if I'd, you know, it was three inches to the left, and I'd have been okay. But I was three inches to the right, so I hooked the gate, broke the post.

I'll tell you something about buckets. And by the way, like the lawnmower hanging off the back. In a car, your front and rear tires are kind of near the front and rear of the car. Mostly, right? You know it overhangs a little, but the front is like, what, a couple feet from the tire? In a tractor, the front of the bucket is like eight or ten feet from the tire. And the rear of my lawnmower is also like eight or ten feet from the middle of the tire. That means when you turn, those things swing with you in a really big way.

I've hit my barn, uh, with the front of my tractor already. I hit the door and, uh, what happened when I was pulling out and I was like, all right, now I'm out. And I turned the wheel not realizing how dramatic moving the tires, you know, you move the tires over a foot, You move the bucket over four feet. Bam. But we're tearing the barn down, so whatever. Well, anyway, I went back today to put a new post in the ground

and hang a gate on the new post and then fix the electric fence and do all that. And I got – I didn't really like making fences. I don't like doing them. No, now I know. That's why I... Actually, I've got a picture on my phone of... I stopped and took a picture of a fence

that I thought you might like. So I'll send that to you in a little while. Yeah, yeah. I was like, Woody might like this fence. It's like black and four... Kyle, I have had a horrible day and it warms my heart to know you were thinking of me as you saw a nice fence.

It really does. Yeah, it totally did. I had the little day, and it warms my heart to know you were thinking of me as you saw a nice fence. It really does. Yeah, it totally did. I had the little electric gate thing. You punched a code in, and a wrought iron gate thing. I thought, eh, this looks like Woody. All jokes aside, I've got the thank you for being a friend thing going on in my head from Golden Girls. Yeah. Thank you for being a friend.

So I got, since Jeremy is a family man now, he has a wife. I don't know. i think he's gonna marry her soon and he's got a kid and a job and all that like he can't be my like my sort of like third bird yeah helper helper is doesn't does it doesn't just um he's more than that he's like a fellow three like he's like a stooge. He's the curly to my mo. I need somebody over there that I can fuck with a little bit and they'll be cool with it and they'll also work on command.

So, I have to get Josh, who is Jeremy's friend, I guess. And he's... Jeremy 2.0. He is no Jeremy. I told my dad today, I was like, he's noeremy 2.0 he's he is no jeremy he is he is i told my dad today i was like he's no fucking jeremy he has no fucking jeremy he's like you got that right oh i long for the days of the guy that steals my guns tries to like like all right kyle you

you owe me 150 for yesterday and then he'll go to kitty you also me $150 for yesterday. He was a hard worker. And then he'll go to Kitty. You also owe me $150 for yesterday. Didn't Kyle pay you? Oh, yeah, that's right. You knew. You knew. You know, like in the tractor breaking or trailer breaking, I mean to say. Yeah, Jeremy has had his fuck ups. But they were in the midst of him working hard.

That's one thing I won't say about Jeremy. Like if you tell him to dig a hole, you better come and check on him in a minute because he's going to be up to his neck like he's going to be in that fucking hole like like he'll do what you tell him to do and he'll do it hard and to the best of his ability this josh guy first of all he's just annoying like like he's just got a few weird character flaws that they just bug me or rub me the wrong way whenever i express some displeasure with something or i tell him that maybe something not so great happened and nothing major it's not like yeah my mother died it's like i stubbed my toe coming out of the house this morning it really hurt he he he overreacts to

it he goes oh lord oh oh no and i'm so well it was all right you know I was just saying that's annoying I don't like that he ruins every conversation because he steers it in a weird direction and then he always suggests things he's like you ever think about doing a video like redneck style you know maybe come hauling up in a jacked

up truck bunch of beers falling out like he's drunk as shit and you just get out and shoot a bunch of shit and I was like that's a horrible idea and I'm just like well we thought about doing a cowboy video where maybe a horse and you know revolvers and then

you know 10 gauge shotguns cowboy stuff that's about as close to that as I've really thought if you want to be a Russian cowboy you really should ride a bear just saying and he goes on he's like well you know this should be more like a redneck thing though i was like yeah like maybe get some hate crimes in there you want that maybe we'll shoot some black targets too and he's like yeah he's like yeah it would be good now you think now you think you think it would be something you'd like to do and i'm just like no no no i'm i'm fucking with you we're not gonna do that video that's that's insane and so

so he worked i don't know so we're digging fence post holes you you've got a thing you ram into the ground and it pinches the ground and you and you take a bite out of you manually remove all the work with a post hole digger? There's no auger involved? No, I don't have one. I do the whole thing. And we're putting a post in the ground that's like this big. So you've got to dig a big hole. And he's tuckered out after 90 seconds of physical labor.

And this is a guy who's like 5'10", 240 pounds. Like he's short and large. He's a little fat or is he just a brick brick house he's fat no he's fat i thought that maybe underneath that that big sweatshirt that maybe he was like a hoss like you said like this was a guy with like arms two and a half times bigger than mine the kind of guy who like when he rams one of those things in there it just like bites the earth yeah because fat doesn't mean weak wings of redemption's calves can get some work done if he could like get your neck like in the crease of the back of his knee and like ratchet one of those legs up he he'd just end you he because there's a big thing about my calves and

whatnot because i got that compliment from a co-worker a long time ago wings held an xbox controller next to his calves and it was like whoa huge yeah they're those calves could lift heavy things so yesterday when we were working i i felt bad for him so i would pitch in every time he'd get all tuckered out from digging i'd take the tool away from him and i would work for a few minutes and usually i didn't he'd do like half of and then i'd end up finishing the job and cleaning it out and making it the way it's supposed to be more than one hole to dig yeah yeah three okay i pictured one go on uh yeah i'm putting up rows of picket fence like sequentially to shoot a cannonball through so i thought this was the tractor damage and you just broke one oh no that well that it was lucky that you know we already had our tools there

it was like well i guess we'll get started on this but we actually didn't get we had to go get a special big post so today was the day we fixed the gate we broke it yesterday and we were digging holes yesterday and like i said he's getting tuckered out of 90 seconds he can't continue and i'm just i was helping him i was like well let me help him finish this thing up and get it done well today i was like no i'm not gonna fuck the best way to like run this job site here is you dig that hole right here where i say to and i'm gonna go over here and do all the electrical work and i'm gonna be cutting wires and twisting them around these things and connecting the electric fence that you're so fucking scared of things that he would fuck up yeah he's taking the task that he would fuck up yeah he's taking

the task that he would do wrong the ones he could do and i thought like digging digging holes is literally you know there's that saying the world needs ditch diggers too and it's it's usually like well yeah no matter how low you fall you could you could always dig a hole nah nah i come he goes it sure is hard i go over there and look and he's been pounding these things against a rock for like five minutes or something and the ends of it like the end of it is supposed to be like a blade like a spade it's like it's like curled over so i'm just like all right so i start loading the fucking truck up i get the tool away from him go back over to the shop and i'm like fix it you know i i figured like he should know how to fix it you take the nut off take the bolt out now you have two separate things instead of one thing that

does this and put them on the anvil hammer them out it's it's not going to be hard he had no idea where to start he just can't do anything and then when i started like i got ready to like hit him with the hammer he's like trying to hold him for me at all these start. He just can't do anything. And then when I started, like, I got ready to, like, hit him with the hammer. He's, like, trying to hold him for me at all these absurd angles. He just doesn't know how to do anything. And then he got a splinter. He got a splinter. Oh, my goodness. And he started whining.

He started whining about this splinter. And I look at him, like, you better be careful. Men have lost entire arms to splinters like that before. Oh, Lord. Really? But he said, he was like,'s like oh you just fucking with me you just fucking and i'm like yeah i am stop bitching about here take my gloves here you go since you bring any fucking gloves to the job like here's my gloves go dig the hole it took him half an hour to dig the hole after that and at one point i i remarked to him like when we weren't

sure if we were going to be able to fix those hole diggers, I was like, you might have to use that short handled shovel to finish that hole. And he said something like, I just let that $10 go right on by then. He's like, and I'm thinking like,

all right, now you're done. If you can't like, if you can't work when the work's hard, I'm certainly not going to like bring it with me when we're going to like pick up toilets and TVs on some fun trip somewhere. Like you hard, I'm certainly not going to like ring with me when we're going to like pick up toilets and TVs on some fun trip somewhere. I'll

get you every time I need a hole dug, basically. He's just not a good assistant at all. And certainly not a good... And the other thing is you're right there next to him leading by example. It's not as if you hired him for 10 bucks and said, alright, I'll be here with my lemonade if you need me or if you have any questions. You're digging holes right next to him you're working on the electric because he either

can't or won't do it oh he's so afraid of that electric fence was it hot well yeah but it's if you've got rubber soles you can just you can great it feels like like the electrical pulse feels like like someone tapping your wrist like it's nothing there's no pain he acted like we were in north korea trying to get to fucking china and fits was like warm warm like the jurassic park fence yeah you could he could hear it popping like grounding out on the post he was like oh lord and i'm just i'm working on it twisting the wires together and making it making sure everything's not going to ground out he's just like ain't that't that hurting you? And I'm just like, yeah, it's real bad. What kept the cows in place

overnight? Is that what the fence was holding in? He just put them in a different pasture, I think. He's got the place kind of blocked off. Segregated toward a racist kind. Yeah, exactly. To keep all the black and white cows in one area and all the white and black cows in a different area absolutely you can't mix those two and

everything would just go to pot yeah so i need i need a lackey i need an intern that's what i need i have an idea you know what i think my general contractor might be interested in hiring your lackey i think they're perfect together i've never met someone because this guy's always like if you need some help i'll be there it's like i thought he was gonna be like good old country boy working hard and like hay bales on his shoulder and stuff and instead he's he's just kind of like, I want to hang out, but can't we just smoke cigarettes? Yeah, right. For $10

an hour, I will be the passenger in your car. I will be, you know, I'll watch you shoot videos. He might even load clips. Oh my God, the gun people. He's done a bad job at everything I've ever had him do. And not in the same way Jeremy does a bad job he's done a bad job at everything i've ever had him do and not in the same way jeremy

does a bad job at everything i've ever had him do jeremy will overdo something he'll try so hard to do it right that he'll break it this guy tries so little that he doesn't even get it close to being right so jeremy used to work for your father jeremy worked for he's worked for both of us as is this guy and separate completely different things how does your father find new people all the time oh just by association really like they're just kind of like i mean it's really more of a charity thing than anything dad doesn't get out really someone's got to carry the dead chickens away but there's a guy there that already does that like he's just kind of like shouldering a little more of the load it's like yeah there's some work that could be done like you could go over there and do this or do that this guy couldn't be trusted with the dead chicken work

that's way above his pay grade this guy you can't send outside with a lawnmower like you've got to be right beside him and be like hammer that nail and ah you fucked it up already god damn it and it's i want to be a lackey i want to show up with i like knock a tooth out right and get fatter and and whatever dress down i don't know how I can dress any lower. And they just start hanging out. I will blow your father away. He'll be like, oh my God, this guy puts chickens directly in the bucket. Amazing, right?

He never eats the chicken poop, ever. Has it stolen or gotten drunk? And he hasn't threatened anyone yet. I like him. He also hasn't brought any miscreants around just to look around yeah this woody guy is the best lackey we've ever had when he loads you know rifle magazines it makes so hard to find he puts the pointy end forward it's so hard to find like and we're talking about people who work for like 10 bucks an hour like

you're it's like a hired farmhand type character and most of those that my dad is like had working for him over the years you had to either go pick them up or they would walk there one guy i swear to god drove his lawnmower to come work he would drive his lawnmower from like eight miles away over and work and i remember there were some uh some mexican guys who had a car that uh you used a screwdriver to turn the ignition in it and uh yeah uh and then there was the alcoholic uh black guy oh no uh no there was an alcoholic white guy and an alcoholic black guy i couldn't say which one is has has a as a more serious problem really i feel like drinking at least amongst rednecks is a really popular thing um yeah i know i know a lot of older guys who are like in their 50s and 60s and they

ride around with like literally with a cooler in the bed of their truck and you know they get out where they just drive around visiting their friends and like hang out spots and every time they get out they crack a few more then they continue on i was talking to one of my dad's friends one time i saw him at a uh at a gas station he was coming out with a 12 pack of beer and it was a really rainy like shitty day and i was like hey hey what whatever how's it going i was like it's pretty rainy and shitty out here he's like yeah on a day like this, I like to get me a 12-pack of beer, sit it in a console, and just cruise. And I'm like, well, I'll keep an eye out for you then. Jesus fucking Christ.

I used to go off-roading a lot. And it seemed like whenever I went to Kentucky, good old Kentucky, there was someone, because there's camp spots, right? So even though I wasn't there with these guys, by campfire time, everyone's kind of with each other, sharing stories of the day. These guys would drink cases.

There'd be a couple people, maybe one in 10, would drink 24 beers by themselves. And that was like... It used to be a challenge in college if you could drink a beer an hour for 24 hours which sounds easy because like you kind of wear off a beer an hour right so why not you could and you can drink a beer in like five minutes and you get the other 55 to just chill sleep do whatever you need to i never got it done that's for sure i don't know anyone that did

but these guys at the campfire it was no problem it was just one after the other it i i don't i don't know what to say they blew me away and it was common wow the only uh don't when you mention kentucky it reminded me of this we were driving through kentucky one time and all the like power poles or like the telephone poles uh were like leaning in toward the road as you went like all sides yeah both sides like leaning in toward the road as you went like all sides yeah both sides like leaning because the because the wire the way to the wire and the way it was torquing was was always leaning them all inwards and my cousin was like wow jesus what the hell's going on with that that's ridiculous and i was like ah don't be too hard on them for like three or four years.

Man, I wish I had like some happy, fun stuff. This house thing is dominating my thought process. I've been acquiring more and more paintball gear. Like I have so much paintball gear. Now I literally have two kits I'm bringing. Like I have my blue kit and my tactical kit. Like there's two totally different from the top down kits i'm bringing like like i have my blue kit and my tactical kit like there's two totally different from the top down kits i'm bringing from like different masks and different jersey different different tackle vests well one of the kits has like two or three pistols on it

i'm not sure which and one of the kits might be the most expensive paintball kit ever assembled if i can get that thermal scope in time it will be i uh i'm to put an L-can or something on there that's got like a little... It turned out those L-cans, I don't even know it, had an illuminated reticle. So you just had to put a battery in the thing. I knew that. I didn't. Okay. I put a battery in it.

It looks really cool now. So I might just use that. But regardless, I got my scorpion tail't that camera rig that bolts a scorpion like on my or i uh like a flexible right right right yeah i saw the test video right yeah it's like a flexible camera person shooter that's my back yeah the shoulder i can bring the camera like literally like right here so i can like look at it and talk to it and then it's you know keep walking and it's it gets that perfect viewpoint or i can stretch it all the way out so it's, like you said, third person mode. I can even bend it over my head

and have it look straight down like it could be above me, getting that viewpoint. So there's a lot of possibilities with that. And then I got two different masks. I got the jersey, the tactical vest. I got so many holsters and mag pouches. And I think I'm'm there were going to be

some paintball shoes but i think uh i think i think the paintball shoes are we're out i didn't get those but all shoes are a tradition for us yeah i think i'm i think we need two different kinds of shoes to be uh to be fully prepared though because they have asphalt and they have like muddy outdoorsy we always go and buy like the cheapest hiking shoes that walmart sells something like that cleats yeah i think i i think i want that the cheap ones are like they're like 30 bucks i'm gonna get a pair of cleats for the mud and i'm gonna get a pair of um uh like like we always get like cheap sneakers um yeah i still have a pair of cheap sneakers i might bring them but cleats are a

really neat idea because they help more than you might guess in some situations like yeah you know but yeah cleats are huge and nothing crazy like not steel fleets just like rubber baseball cleats it's getting close it's just over two weeks away yeah i'm pumped i'm ready to roll uh i all i'm thinking about is contractors the contractor stuff yeah back charges damage go on so i had this video idea and then but i was i was literally i i come up with it and it involves josh and i was riding in the truck with josh today and and i was thinking to myself like this guy's not cool enough to do this video idea like like he's not down for the for the team like like he's he's not team fps he won't do this shit because here's

what I want. I want to make a quick little Facebook. I'm going to make a video on my second channel that's showing off my paintball gun and I'm going to mention the event there and then I'm going to mention the event in the main channel video too. But I wanted to make a quick little Facebook channel or Facebook video that's

60 seconds long that's just the basics like where the event is what days it is and you know how they get their stuff but I was thinking it would be fun if the whole time I had Josh dressed up in one of those chipmunk costumes that I had Jeremy wearing and I'm just hosing him down with my with my fully automatic paintball rifle and I just keep pouring more and I'm just talking to the camera the whole time while I hose him down. That would be so awesome. And I like it even more knowing what a pansy he is,

right? Like the reaction you'll get from him will be outstanding. Oh Lord. Right? Oh no. You shot me with the first strike, which is extra hard. They break skin a lot and stuff.

You know, did you hit that guy in the hand he freaked out i gave you nothing i gave you nothing and that's all you get you shot me i was like man it's fine it hurt but but the you know how i react to pain is something i choose this fuck he doesn't think like that i i would love to see him lit up i i really want to do it but i don't think he's cool enough to do it. And I don't think I know anybody who would do it. And I'll give him $100.

And I know a bunch of fans are always going to volunteer to do it, but I can't do that. I can't invite you to my house and then do something awful to you on video and then just be like, yeah, here's Dave, the guy we did that awful thing to. It's just not good. It just doesn't make me look good it makes me look like an asshole so i need to find someone close to me who i can pay to do it and i'm much better about the that happens to him would chuck be down oh that chuck might die like i don't want to kill anybody i'm not down for murder either

but hurt that much inside that chipmunk suit i mean it's it's a big furry suit and it hangs with um it's loose right like the point of getting a paintball isn't to have a pad it's to have like loose hanging cloth you know that's what really stops a paintball in my opinion anyway it's just hard to find people that that aren't gonna balk at every little fun thing i want to do it's it's uh i used to have a group of people that were always just like yeah more more gasoline and diesel like duct tape like guys would be coming out like wanting to make everything bigger and uh scarier and now i got this fucking pansy ass guy who's afraid of an electric fence and i'm thinking like we could use this electric fence as a detonator i'd like to see you measure the speed of electricity how long is that fence right like i'd love to have an explosion like three four blocks down a thousand yards and see

if there's a delay i don't know how that does it does electricity travel at the speed of light because if so that's way too far even. It's 186,000 miles per second. That's how fast light travels through space. I hear you. I don't know how fast electricity travels. I have this idea. It depends on the material it's going through.

Yeah, that's how sound works. But is electricity... I'm Googling it. How fast does electricity travel? Um. Oh. 1,100th the speed of light. So that's about

18,600 miles per second. I'm getting 1,860 per second. I'm getting 1,860 per second. 10%? It says 1,100. Oh, okay. Then, yeah. Then you're right.

So, yeah, 1,800 feet per second, or I'm sorry, miles per second, which is still a little fast to measure. Yeah. That's the wires in your home. Yeah. So maybe the wires in your fence are a little slower than that. I don't know. I mean, I just imagine they're not nice copper and such.

Yeah. It's made, well, I mean, it's made to do that job. It's electric fence wire. Electric fences are fun. Everybody thinks that they're, in the movies, they make it look like if you touch it, it's going to shock you. But in reality, as long as you've got rubber soles on you just barely really feel it but i used to do this thing where i'd like first i'd show someone that i'd be like look touch it

it doesn't hurt and i'd lead by example and they touch it and they'd be like oh yeah yeah it doesn't really hurt does it at all you can just feel a little like tingle and i was like yeah touch my hand and then they touch my hand and then i grab a steel fence post and ground us both out but you're not you get it too oh yeah it's worth it though it's also spread a little bit like we did that with a taser and like if you tase me it hurts on you know like a five but if four of us hold our hands together it hurts me like a one that taser fucking hurts i i don't know where that thing is i it's i still own it uh that was a good video i had to put it away like it's just not cool having that out because i don't want to get tased or stunned and i don't want to stun anybody else and i don't want to start a stun battle and

everybody forgets that the end of that stun gun has like sharp metal points and they're just like mashing it into you and i don't like the stun gun i don't like getting electrocuted that's why i haven't been tasered who was the guy that we stunned at the end of that video was his name josh the guy that i shot with a stun gun no i mean he was big yeah yeah um he was fun he squealed and ran and yeah it was a fun couple of minutes i did i do not like those things in there but not so much that you couldn't like handle it like it i think i i you shocked yourself in the forearm and you just sort of took it yeah i don't like shocking myself but it i don't want someone else shocking me if that makes sense did i replicate what you did and not react to a shock i don't remember i know that i uh i shocked myself a lot though that's all i remember

do you want to watch the video yeah oh found it nice it's only a minute and a half so for those of you watching this on audio it's not so bad wow i am rocking a fucking magnificent beard oh yeah that's nice. That's rustic Woody. Oh wait, I think I have a... I think I have a main screen set up or something. Hang in there. Ah, it's not... It's not right. I think I'll do it the other way.

I do have a PKN screen set, just not this scene. All right, you ready to play this? Yes. Ready, set, play. All right, so I'm here at FPS Rush's house, and somehow we got the great idea to bring out the Taser. 200,000 volts. I'm starting to regret this. It is 200,000 volts. I'm starting to regret this.

It is 200,000 volts. Most people do regret this. So let me see. How does this work? Josh thinks he's not in this video. I'm telling you. You might not think that 200,000 volts would be very painful. You might not think that 200,000 volts would be very painful But...

Oh, fuck! You don't want to see a grown American man react this way But Russian, you just... You just take the pain out of him Now he has to be big man I try, I don't think I... I was gonna... wait See, that's how it always goes.

I didn't... I'm getting shocked a lot. I don't like it. It hurts a lot more than someone else's video. It does. It hurts a lot more than someone else does it. I'm not even in the video! He was the best. He was my favorite part of the video. People are falling from behind the camera and shit.

That's good. What's great, I want to watch a part of it again. I'll find it, I'll find it. I want to try it again. Try it again. Now he has to be big, man. Uh-huh. I'm at like 50. I think it's near there.

Is it where you shot me? No, there's a part where the camera, I think it's Kitty. She's rapping so much,. She spits all over and there's ghostly images. She spits and bubbles. Yeah, yeah. She blows bubbles across the camera.

It's right around the middle. Oh, wait. I found it. Mary Poppins spit. Alright, alright, alright. So cue up at 32. Okay. Ready, set, play. Yeah, right there. Yeah, that's funny. She goes...

And then like 10 seconds later, the bubbles start floating across the lens. That's great. That was, yeah. I remember that. I don't know where that thing is and I don't want to know. On that trip, we fired the shotgun a bunch. I still have a shell on the back of my truck from that.

I just keep it. Like, that was a good day. Yeah. This one shotgun shell is not making my bed messy. It stays. It's, eh. I've got to pee so goddamn bad, but I don't want to leave you. Has it been an hour, though?

I don't know. I've just got to pee real bad. I think we're time. I think we're good. It's got to be. So you want to, I don't know. It says this current call is 56 minutes and 50 seconds. Ooh. Now, can you go four minutes i guess so i'm not gonna like it though all right what should we talk about i'm thinking waterfalls glasses of water running faucets

i'm gonna look forward to how worn out you are when we get to paintball. You and Chiz. It's going to be great. I can only be so worn out. It's really dependent on how hard I work. Chiz has been dieting very much at all. I bet he's eating an unhealthy amount of calories right now, like too little. So I just imagine him showing up all...

Is he aggressively cutting weight? Yeah, yeah. So I think he's going to show up all weak and frail. And I just imagine you all just haven't slept. You've slept like three hours in three days or something. You show up all... And then here's you, dedicated his

life to paintball excellence. I think we could break ourselves up into squads. We could get a Kyle squad and a Woody squad and a Chiz squad. That'd be fun. That's bullshit. The idea does have some merit. There could be like a Kyle squad and then like a Chiz and Kyle Woody squad and then a Chiz Murka squad.

Murka's not going to be there. That's not my problem. Merk is not going to be there. That's not my problem. Are you going to do it by popularity too? Are you just going to go ahead and rub it in? Are you just going to kill him? Oh, the Chiz fans. I'm over there.

It's Chiz and Duct Tape Man and three other people. And then the rest of us are just... That wouldn't be fair. We're going to have to come up with something. It really depends how many people... You like to say fair is the goal i'm hoping we get a lot of people to to show up to this thing what so this place rents better guns yeah they do i imagine they both rent tipmans which is your standard durable mechanical like gravity fed thing but

they also rent guns that are equivalent to what i'm bringing and to be honest like i so i have used your super like um speedball gun and then i've used mine people don't know my gun's worth like 500 bucks maybe 400 bucks and kyle has one is 1800 a good guess it's 1400 new 14 okay okay so he has a 1400 gun and i have a 400 gun And I've used his and it's better, but it wouldn't make me play any better. It just, like it handles slightly nicer. I think I like the trigger response a tiny bit more, but more or less I think of them in the same class. If you were coming at me with a Geo versus an Axe, I think I'd have the same problem. What do you think?

Is that fair to say? More or less, yeah. I'm not disagreeing. Like I'm getting a, I don't think so problem. What do you think? Is that fair to say? More or less, yeah. I feel like you're disagreeing. No, not at all. It's one of those things where you're paying a lot of money for 5% improvement. It weighs less.

It's little tiny polishing things that make that thing so expensive. Speakers are a good one, right? It's got more options. It's not that it's going gonna make you into a super player it's just got more options and it's probably got some more reliability built in in the long run good so um but so yeah people who buy the good guns like the real hopper fed you know are gonna have weapons just as good as mine and that's that sucks for me it doesn't

matter what kind of gun they've got at all that doesn't matter it never it's never mattered it's never mad do you remember when we went like seven versus 70 i'm totally gonna bring my auto car i'm bringing three guns i'll bring the auto cocker too uh it really does i definitely think those ropes the overwhelming firepower does help. But that was a weird scenario we were playing in where there were so many rentals on one side and so many better players on the other as well. That probably won't be duplicated.

We're not... It can't be because there are not enough bad rentals. There are a lot of people who are going to get the Rape Squad killer package, which I hope has the good gun in it it and they need to be on our team i'm not worried about the guns it's gonna be fun all right that's the show all right kyle's got to explode um painkiller nearly episode 31 i hope you guys liked it wish me luck on the house good luck