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pkn 323 mistakes were made gentlemen gentlemen and lady probably one lady there's at least three
or four my computer rebooted and it seems that all the like sound settings changed on reboot
and are we recording i don't know what yeah we're recording i'm explaining my idiocy
what you guys don't know is we did about 30 minutes. 45 minutes of a show.
Of a show.
It was good, too.
There was Vermintide talk, guys, in my defense.
There was so much MMA.
Far too much for my case.
It's probably true.
In any case.
You guys want to run through all that again?
No, no.
This time we'll do a show with no Vermintide, no MMA talk yeah what are we gonna talk about man um we could talk about how's the weather where you are
i didn't fly today and it was a flyable day and it gives me guilt like how's the weather for you
i don't like winter winter's not really my thing i should have a Florida home. I'm getting to that age. And when a good day comes, a day that I would have enjoyed outdoor activities,
and I don't take advantage of it, I feel like an ass.
Because there's going to be some bad day in January where I wish I could have and didn't.
I'm the exact opposite.
Like those sunny days where it's all bright and hot outside.
I'm like, oh, God, what an awful waste of a day.
But then when it gets to this time of the year when it's gloomy.
I went out to the grocery store this morning at 7, 8 a.m. or something like that.
And it was just raining just a little bit.
The sky was super overcast and the sun hadn't been up long.
And I was like, yeah, this is almost perfect.
This is exactly. I wish it was like this all you mean you like it because it's kind of shitty and then
you feel like going inside or like you just like that misting overcast i like that i hope a meteor
strikes the earth i hope the meteor strikes the earth and covers us in the gloomy cloud like in
land before time and uh and It's like that all day,
every day. Couldn't you just move to Seattle
instead of killing 7 trillion people?
Or billion? How many people
do we have? It's 7 trillion.
I don't believe you. This is a little...
That's good.
Maybe it's billion.
I don't want to move to Seattle because I don't like firebombings.
But I am
going to go to Colorado because I do like the cold.
They're not very effective in the rain.
Well, you would think that, but I do like the cold, though.
I like the snow, and when it's gloomy,
I don't like the bright, sunny fucking days.
I hate that shit.
I'm not – I think I'm like most people,
that when it's like 77, sunny, maybe a few few scattered clouds that's what perfect weather is to
me hmm yeah i like where it's high 60s nice low seven we're talking about weather it depends on
the activity yeah i guess we'll get off weather soon if i'm gonna do something really working
high 70s is maybe a little warm low 70s i like when you can still wear a t-shirt but i know i'm
not on the razor's edge of getting very sweaty okay no okay which is like never you have pit stains right now yeah that's true
you're the sweatiest person i know
we're sitting here having a conversation and he's just like
well i finished my workout and then i shower and it's like like whoop well I finished my workout
and then I shower and it's like well I'm not
going to do anything the rest of the night do I need
deodorant yes
it's just me
no yes is the answer to that
okay well I'll
put on deodorant
yeah no I would
it's clearly too late now
I mean that ship sailed.
Do you comb your hair?
I would never exit the shower without putting on deodorant and doing my hair.
If I don't have any plans the rest of the night, sometimes I won't.
Like, if I'm just going to sit in here by myself, like...
I guess if nobody's there, you just forego the shower as well
huh well no i like showering showering's feeling it feels nice i got lots of time i like to take a
one of those epsom baths soak up a little bit those are nice and pleasant yeah shower after
too because you can't just go get out of the bath no you get in the bath and then the shower
yeah does your bath have a shower in it or is it like a garden tub or jacuzzi or something?
I got a jacuzzi tub and then
the shower's on the other side of the bathroom.
Roger. Yeah, ours is like that too.
But the ones where there's a
with a shower and the tub are the same
thing, like the guest bath. I kind of like
that, you know? On my way
out, I'll just do a quick rinse. It's right there.
Same tub. You don't even have to let the water
drain. Just rinse. This is shower
talk now. We wasted all of our
topics. We talked about
Vermintide and MMA,
but we had fun doing it.
I want to get back to the weather.
God damn it.
What's your favorite type
of perspiration? No, not
perspiration. Precipitation.
Precipitation. Sorry.
Are you a human i really like the snow i really the snow man i really do i like you yeah it's rare down here so like it's special to me
that makes sense that makes sense dude i think you're like colorado
at least for a couple years and even if you like Colorado for I'll make it up five years
and decided you're gonna change it again that's still a win you know that's that's okay my friends
are gonna do van life and uh so he's in the army and in the army they they own you in a more
complete way than most jobs do you know even when you're on vacation they like well you get some
time off but you have to be 90 minutes away or
something like you know and um so when they get out they're gonna do van life and i said something
i don't i intended for it to be like an encouraging thing i don't know if they took it that way
but i'm like i bet that even when you're done with van life you know you'll look back on this
and you'll have no regrets you may tire of the lifestyle at some point living in a car right like you can tire of that two people married living in a car
right like that that's awful that's where are their wives they are husband and wife oh and um
that makes much more sense now because i picture two army buddies who are leaving their wives to
go ride around in a van and And I was making some assumptions.
He's army.
They're freshly married.
And he gets out in July.
And they're very looking forward to that.
And I was like, dude, you're going to love van life.
It's going to be a cool thing.
And when you tire of it, you'll look back on it with no regrets.
It'll just be a piece of the quilt that makes up who you are, right?
And you'll be emotionally richer for it and whatever.
And then probably we'll land in like a more traditional life like most people do.
But you'll never look back.
You want to take a long-term bet?
I think they get divorced because of this van.
I think they are so perfect for each other.
I would take that long-term bet.
Yeah, why do we share a farting space with a person the size of a van
for a year
and she's shaving her vagina
in a gas station shower
or something?
How does that work?
In a 7-Eleven bathroom.
Is that where we shower now?
In a truck stop?
Apparently truck stop bathrooms are really nice.
I'm told.
I love that that's your response. There's more to it though. Well, they bathrooms are really nice. I'm told like, I love that.
That's your response.
There's more to it.
Well, they're actually real nice.
Yeah.
No, you'd think they were like truck stop bathrooms that you and I see.
But if you go to like the, the big ones with the diesel pumps and everything, they're well
maintained competitive trying to pull the truckles in.
I'd see them too.
And they're nice.
At least the ones I'm thinking of.
And then there's the terrible,
but it's still a truck stop.
There's more,
there's more,
there's the planet family plan.
The,
they all get,
they all join planet fitness and you can work out.
You're right.
Which is nice.
But also they have locker rooms everywhere across the country.
There's always a planet fitness,
not too far away that you can use to start your day.
Okay.
So you're never more than a 20-minute drive from the bathroom.
That sounds like it's conducive to a wonderful sexual relationship.
The actual toilet facilities are something that would concern me.
So it turns out all the pros in this thing don't put a toilet in the van, right?
Like a lot of people start out with the idea that they need some put a toilet in the van right like a lot of people start out
with the idea that they need some sort of plumbing in the van and um they quickly learn that that's
not worth it that you want to i don't know pooping being an open tub of poo and your ford windstar
isn't working out i can't wait till like like night number one would be a concern when she like pops out of the van to go shit in the woods.
And then she comes back into bed for some loving.
He's not going to want any loving.
She's going to be silently resentful until it explodes.
No, she's going to have.
Can you imagine?
Okay.
First of all, you got to drink a gallon of water a day.
So means you're going to be peeing a lot.
You're going to be driving all over the place or just hanging out in parking lots having to piss having to go into
to planet fitness you're going to have to every single there's not a moment's peace
i can tell you 20 times a day i have family members i know plenty of people who are truckers
none of them talk in a positive way about those stops. So, you know, I have this theory.
You guys have heard variants of it before that, like, girls will just adopt their boy's personality as a way to, like, match better.
You know?
Oh, yeah.
I'm totally into the Dodgers.
That's, like, my big thing.
I'm a big Dodgers fan.
Name their cleanup hitter.
Oh, I can't do that. I just really big Dodgers fan. Name their cleanup hitter. Oh,
I can't do that.
I just really liked the,
whatever.
It's bullshit.
She is one of these one in a million girls that went camping by herself without a guy like that.
That's who she is.
She's a hiker camper sort of adventure chick.
And,
um,
that's who he is.
And Harry legs.
No,
she's,
I'm teasing.
I know. Yeah, no, she's beautiful.
And I think they're perfect together.
So it'll be fun to follow their adventures.
They're going to be YouTubers, so again, everyone can watch.
Some of these on van life just look awful.
It's all awful.
You have to sit on your bed while cooking on a hot plate.
It's all awful.
Look at how upset this dog looks just being there.
The dog doesn't even want to live in a van.
This is bullshit.
I have no room.
This is the sort of thing that could be fun for some people for a very short amount of time.
Sporadic van life might be acceptable.
be acceptable the people there is i cannot imagine a scenario in which a man and a woman both as a couple could go live in a van for any extended extended period of time and not have a
fucking meltdown you cannot live in that close proximity to your partner for that long under
those conditions so we can live alone like this let me draw a parallel right like riley and
elena on that sailboat similarly challenging conditions but maybe even worse because the
water's trying to kill you the whole time no no way that's so much better they're on a fucking
yacht on the ocean going into cool ports around the world, which are like tourist attractions in themselves, with a shower and a toilet facility.
Look at the level of delusion of this drawing of what van life is going to be like.
First of all, that's not even fridge-worthy for an adult.
Second, I'm going to be soaring through space.
Wow, we'll be climbing mountains.
No, you're going to have two upset dogs, because those are large breeds that need more than a camper
full of space.
What are you doing? It's going to be
terrible. Oh, it looks
awful. It looks so...
I get a little angry just looking at
it.
Go to the Reddit.
Oh, that's rock climbing.
Van life.
That's
a picture of him trying to
escape.
It's the only way
he could form that into...
He couldn't form it into words, so he had to make this drawing.
That's him trying to climb away from
Van Life. Claw his way
out.
Look at her shoes.
One of those Birkenstocks.
Is that what those are called?
I call them
mandals, although that's clearly a chick.
It fits, though. She's wearing bell-bottoms
with torn knees and socks with sandals.
I used to...
This one's called First Night in the New
Built. It could also be called
Reality Hittin'.
Look at her hair. Look at the fact First night in the new build could also be called reality hidden.
Look at her hair.
Look at the fact that she can't do her makeup because she doesn't own a sink.
Honey, do you mind if the camper sells Chinese food forever?
I'd like to make some tonight.
Look at the fact that she started to eat some of her dinner and then realized it was awful so now she's ordering door dash to a fucking van
yeah no no park down the side of highway hold on a second look at this van is nice
i like this place how do you all of us are too tall to lay that way none of us can lay that way
like we couldn't be able to stretch out my it would be sleeping can she that's why she's sitting where she is my trailer is like that uh i have to sleep diagonally and i don't love it it's it's not
a it's not not what i would want it's no big deal taylor you just curl up in the fetal position
which is going to feel right at home as you're sobbing every night
but imagine that like shucks i don't understand i get sweaty in the van? It baffles me that other people don't see the appeal of this.
This is appealing.
This is a world of adventure.
This is everyday waking up and not just deciding what you want to do,
but where you want to do it.
Are you into rock climbing?
Are you into jet skiing?
Do you want to fly every fucking national monument in the country
like whatever it is that your dream is this is a life of no strings this is just go go and i and i
think for me it's a temporary state like it's a thing i'm not obviously not going to do it but
it's the thing i'd only like in the short term but i don't see why. The shoes hit so hard.
There's no filming.
Police open up.
Just every night in a Walmart parking lot.
What do you want to do?
The world is our oyster.
Well, there's one company that lets us stay in the parking lot all night.
So let's find a Walmart.
This is so true.
You know there's going to be police searches along the the way you're that creepy guy in the van who's been parked here all week like yeah you guys don't you don't see any appeal
i can't tell you how much this not only disgusts me but makes me furious to imagine doing this
it doesn't look like i get it taylor now kyle
said something that kind of burned into my head that i couldn't unhear he was like for him he's
like it seems low class and i never even contemplated that maybe it's me in my shitty hotels but i'm
like low class no i didn't see it's like living on a. It's like I could see a Winnebago or a van trip on a road trip where it's like we're going here to do this.
Like that could be a lot of fun. That could be a bunch of fun.
Yes. I don't want to aimlessly drive around because this looks like a genuinely very uncomfortable way to live.
Like just think about not being able to stretch out.
Think about walking around just trying to grab something off your counter.
But you can't stand up all the way.
So you're kind of hunched into an unnatural position.
All you want to do is stretch out.
Oh, what do I got to do?
Well, I guess I can go walk around the Planet Fitness bathroom for a while and look at old men naked.
All right.
But anything's better than being in that fucking van.
Okay, I'll do that.
Like, that's the way I see myself doing it is like two days maybe of of nice long road trip and then other
than that i want a real bathroom here's the thing the the thing about like these road trips and
these adventure trips and stuff like that i've done two dozen of them you can do them just fine
in any form of transport you just stop at a hotel or a motel along the way if you're if you're cheap you can get one of those 45 a night motels you know and it's that's so much i'm just talking
i'll have you know that's what i spend on diesel every day for my van and you barely can smell it
while you're sleeping i show up at that front counter i need
this room for four hours yeah and like maybe if you had some sort of van van life like short
term thing like there were some guys who used to rent uh hunting land from one of my dad's neighbors
and every hunting season they would kind of like they had they had a short bus like a school bus
that had been converted into i guess a van life
type scenario and it was painted camouflage and they would drive it to their place and then they
would set up a little camping gear on the outside they would sleep in the thing and they would hunt
for like a week that makes sense kind of but this this is this is just like literally one step up from homelessness.
It's technically still homeless.
It is homeless.
This is homelessness with a plan.
This is like bougie homelessness with no plan.
I have a friend we call him homeless.
I don't think he likes the joke, but yeah.
Because it's hitting so close to home.
Because there isn't a home.
He owns several homes.
And he's like,
I'm done with these strings.
He sold all his houses and just started living.
The amount of shit.
Imagine seeing a parking spot 30 feet in front of this gallery with all this shit back there.
You're going to be spending more time cleaning. Wait, what are you seeing? front of this gallery with all this shit back there, you're going to be spending more time cleaning
Wait, what are you seeing?
All of this shit
I got a picture of this
and they're using one of those
lenses to make two square
feet look like 20
Yeah, and look
at all this shit
You want free hanging cast iron pans
you fucking idiot
we've got different photos buddy you're looking at a gallery you see
oh we gotta oh we gotta click through the gallery what are you yeah you have to click through yeah
yeah yeah i didn't see the little arrow at first couldn't even straighten the projector for that
horrible quality of the office she's pretending to enjoy yeah the last bit you can
see this is just a basic cargo she's so close to that projector she's not enjoying that i feel i'm
with you guys on that one she needs to turn around and put her feet by the projector yeah no one
watches tv from two feet away no that's his spot um look look at the thing she's lying on notice that crease that you can see if you look at the very
bottom of it like like at the bottom of the kit you know that's probably why she's sitting like
that it's the only comfortable way to lie so if you go to the last picture it tells kind of a
different story than the rest of the pictures like uh i forget which one of you mentioned the lens
that makes it look big it looks like a decent room. And I know these vans are a little longer.
It's not a room at all.
It is the interior of a van.
These vans are a little longer than the vans you bump into every day.
They are the longest vans you'll see around.
But when you go to the very last picture and you see it with the back doors open,
that's a scale that we're all familiar with.
This is not a big living space. No, no, it's not because that's a scale that we're all familiar with this is not a big living space
no no it's not because it's a van and one thing that occurs to me like when you convert it from
one living style to the next like you see her in one space she's laying down watching television
and then a moment later they pop the kitchen table up and converted it into two couches like a dining
area yeah it's like oh no i i know how this goes you're happy you have that functionality but you
use it once a month and mostly you just eat in a bed configuration and never change it because it's
a big pain in the butt and you know what do you take all the sheets off to convert it from a bed
to a kitchen like you see where i'm headed with this there's just a whole lot
yeah yeah but still heading toward a divorce now that's where these guys are headed they're
perfect for each other and um oh we'll see they're gonna when it happens i hope you'll let us know
this adventure because it's coming yes i would make that a show topic oh look at these fucking delusional
fucking idiots they've got a regular like ford windstars i think it's a dodge caravan if i'm
just like just by looking at what i can see here and to make the fucking hovel in the back of it
look like a fancy living space they've got some grapes and a croissant on a fucking fold-out lap table
like oh la-di-da when i'm sitting here shielded from the sun's rays by my mario sunblocker i have
grapes and a croissant and contemplate suicide just to be clear she doesn't live in that yeah
but look at this i'm an essential worker and I built a mini cozy place in my car.
I can't go out or drive home for lunch, but at least now I can escape the break room.
It's like, this is crazy.
This is a different kind of crazy.
This has nothing to do with van life.
This is just a crazy person.
To me, this is a person who dreams of van life and hasn't pulled the trigger on it.
This is a person whose employees
hate her or she hates them
or co-workers.
How bad is the break room
that the back of your van is
preferable? You can't get on
board with that at all? The break room
where...
I'd much rather hang out in a break room where I can stand up all the
way than shove myself in the back of a
car. I've never seen a break room
that didn't look nice. You know, there's
a table. You can stand in them.
I've had jobs where... Some microwave
or refrigerator, a bunch of snacks.
If I could escape and just lay down
with my head on a pillow for seven minutes
that that would be a real nice
escape from my work day.
Maybe your jobs didn't suck as much as mine.
I guess not.
Look at this.
Although I would occasionally go out and sleep in the car.
He needs everyone else to know
that he lives in his van too
when he's playing keyboard out the back of it
at the Walmart parking lot.
This fool has brought his
goddamn full-sized
keyboard with him.
Or does he plug it into the cigarette lighter?
Get out of here. get out of here get out of here there's no no part of this looks you don't see the dream in this at all
are these real questions you're asking us yes do you look at the lake he's on with the mountain
range yeah they're available to all human beings you can only get this or otherwise
no i'm telling you.
There's a Marriott near there.
I'm not kidding even a little bit.
I would kill myself if this was my option.
I would get bored super quick if I were to Van Life.
I'd get lonely is a better term.
I would get lonely if I were to Van Life by myself.
To put me here in this thing, I'd be like, this is beautiful.
And literally 90 seconds
later now what do i do like now what's okay i've observed it now what you have another can of beanie
weenies and you go shit in the woods but no now what you do is you go to your cohesive internet
community where everyone agrees this is really neat and you post it you get other people who
made their decision to go neat we're all crabs in a bucket you can't escape
i'm telling you like even though this isn't my personal dream i get it i get this dream i want
this this is a dream vacation to me if i were to i don't know do parachute on that lake like i do
and take this van there that that would be a great great weekend
to me don't you already have that camper i do yeah i use it it's it's good it'd be nicer if
it were a van a little less of a pain in the ass if it were a van what what would be the the
advantages of a van over your camper that it would be i wouldn't have to hook it up and maybe that'd
be a disadvantage too because things would move around inside but i have to like when i arrive i have to hook it up i
kind of level it which is a pain in the ass maybe that is with the van too and uh the vans level i
mean i've seen motorhomes that have those struts that come down and sort of do a thing but my
trailer has something comparable to that they're uh they're literally like the
scissor jacks that you'd use to jack a car but but as i look at this four corners as i look at
this minivan here i i seriously doubt there are any struts um as he climbs into that very
despicable looking and i mean this last one taylor linked is is literally full-blown homelessness like he has
he has taken a chest of drawers like really a nightstand and he has thrown it in there next
to his sleeping bag so that he has storage yeah that one's pretty rough. In one of those drawers is a handgun and one bullet.
And every night he looks at it like... I like these.
And a lot of...
When I see a van build like this,
I see something different than you guys.
I think you're like, this is a homeless...
This person's life is a disaster.
I hear you.
I look at someone who had another option, right?
They probably had some $800.
Suicide.
An $800 a month like apartment that they were staying in and a job they didn't like and decided, you know what?
I'm doing it.
But wait, you don't have the high-end Winnebago dream van.
No, fuck you.
I'm going to go to Walmart, buy a chest of drawers and a backpack, and I'm starting tomorrow.
It's like, no, no, no.
There's not enough room.
Fine.
Throw in one of those freaking Thule roof racks.
Let's go.
And now he's living his version.
You know what's in the roof rack?
A gun with one bullet.
His wife.
He killed her two weeks ago, and now he's fleeing justice i see a person who made
it happen who said yeah all right look i wish it was a casket i wish it was you know some done up
winnebago perfect thing maybe but fuck it this is the station wagon i have He has a solar panel mounted. I'm going to live station wagon life.
Off I go.
I dig it.
I dig it.
How long into your nap while Jackie's driving and this chest of drawers falls on you?
Oh, my God.
He takes one right turn, a little too much gusto, and now you're dead.
He's got his board up there on top you can't sleep
while jackie's driving it's a terrifying experience it'll rock you to sleep notice how the corner of
that table is just perfectly positioned to go right into your ribs when she takes a hard turn
as you're swinging around back there it says this has everything except a bed the hammock is
interesting as a concept, right?
Because it takes virtually no space.
You can hang up that hang.
I assume it's on a carabiner, right?
So you just unhook it, and now you don't have...
Beds take a ton of space in a van, right?
Yeah.
This guy solved that problem by having a substandard bed.
He solved it.
He solved it.
He made it worse for himself.
He's going to feel terrible sleeping in a hammock every night.
His back is probably not doing much.
There's going to be lots of spooky noises on the outside of your van.
When I was into camping,
rap tap tapping on your window.
You don't want that.
There was a time when I was really into camping.
I was doing the off-roading thing.
And my,
I was hanging with PK Dan a lot. We hikedroading thing. I was hanging with P.K.
Dan a lot.
We hiked Yosemite Trail and shit like that.
Anyway, I'm in these internet communities where people are like, yeah, hammocks are
the way to go.
Since I put the hammock in my bedroom and removed the bed, I'm so happy.
It's so light.
It's this, that.
Hard to get laid, but otherwise, really cool.
Maybe this guy likes hammocks.
These? See, this one isn't even... really cool. Maybe this guy likes hammocks.
See, this one isn't even... So this
looks like the best
possible scenario you could hope for
for a regular van.
At least it's clean. Nothing's hanging.
It's going to fall. This looks like the best
you could hope for. And look at how
little space there is. Look at, just for reference,
I know we've all been in vans, but look at
the step to get up into the van. Look at how wide that is and then compare it to your total amount of space there is. Look at, just for reference, I know we've all been in vans, but look at the step to get up into the van. Look at how
wide that is and then compare it to your total
amount of space there.
We would all have to turn sideways.
I can't stand in here.
Yeah, it would be
so uncomfortable. I don't know. There are definitely vans you can stand
in. I know you can't stand in a van, but
there are high-top vans that you totally
can. Yeah, this isn't one of those, though.
I can't... You might be right. I'mans that you totally can. Yeah. This isn't one of those though. I can't.
You might be right.
I'm not saying you're wrong.
Just that these,
I don't know if it's the lens or the perspective.
This van looks 18 feet long.
There's no way that door is seven feet tall.
You're right.
Like this,
this van looks 18 feet long in the picture.
I do like the heater air conditioner,
a mini split on top.
It takes no space. And you know, it's like OP for the space. I do like the heater air conditioner, a mini split on top that takes no space and you know it's like
OP for the space.
So that's nice. I like the little
window they have on the side. This is
pretty nice. This place is
falling.
This is really
nice.
Alright, man.
I hope you get yourself a van
I guess. It sounds like you're really into this
and dude this i don't i here i got an idea okay how about you just buy your friend's van after
his inevitable divorce that's that's not funny don't be misled by my laughing but uh uh oh you
know what i've had a little bee in my bonnet about lately?
Not van life, but so I have wanted to sail across the Atlantic for ages, right?
And I've told this story before.
So real quick, I was hiking Yosemite 80 miles or so, five, six days. And we arrive at Devil's Postpile, which is this tourist attraction.
And we get there.
We're sweaty.
We're grimy.
We've been carrying our effective house and kitchen
and all that shit on our backs for a week.
And we really felt like we earned it.
You know, it was cool.
And then also at Devil's Postpile
were these people that showed up
in well air-conditioned buses with chilled water
and they had polo shirts on.
And I really felt like I had earned Devil's's post pile while these guys just showed up there
and they're touristy whatever bullshit okay cool take that pack it to the side we sail across the
atlantic on a disney cruise ship and we arrive in the italian riviera and i'm there of course on the
big cruise ship i've been doing cruise ship stuff,
which is what, like eating too much and activities and massages. And then there are these little
yachts, 32, not too much different than the yacht that you used to own, Kyle. And I realized I'm the
guy I detest, right? I'm the guy that showed up and didn't really earn the Italian Riviera by
doing a transatlantic crossing.
Instead, I showed up on a Disney cruise ship.
I want to be the other guy, right?
So there are a couple obstacles.
I get very seasick.
I don't live near the ocean.
I don't know how to sail and I don't have a yacht.
These things are, these are all like the cons.
Yeah. Yeah. a sail and i don't have a yacht like these things are these are all like the cons yeah yeah and it's not easy for me to learn to sail because like it's like a six hour seven hour round trip just to go
to the place where there's like water to learn to sail i i don't see how i can like regularly sail
and pick up this talent so what if i just like went online and founded someone who needed crew?
Apparently this is a thing.
People are like wanting to sail across the Atlantic and don't have anyone to go with them.
And they pick up strangers as crew.
I could just be like, honey, it's my lifelong dream.
I need three weeks off.
I'm going to pop up on the Italian Riviera and I'll fly home.
Isn't this a great idea?
To be a worker.
They can like rape you in the middle of the ocean.
And because I'm almost positive nothing's illegal in the ocean.
You can't rape the willing.
So this shows what you know about rape.
I mean, they want to hire you as a seaman if you don't even know how to rig the sails.
It's free, and you just volunteer your services as, like, they prefer you over nothing.
Oh.
So, buddy, you just get, like, everything provided for?
So, they take you there, and they feed you?
I don't think they feed you like like you know but they might coach you on the you you buy your own share of groceries and you bring your own gear and i guess rain gear and clothes and shit like that
and uh and then you help him sail he'll teach you how to operate the auto nav and whatever and you
go across the ocean yeah you should how far how long is that track to go across the ocean? How long?
I think three weeks is a good estimate.
Each way?
No, I would fly home.
That's not earning it.
Flying home?
No, here's what you do.
You fly there.
You sail back.
No, that doesn't have the triumphant italian riviera arrival one's different than the
other yeah no no because you want to arrive at so i've been to the italian riviera and the french
riviera i don't know why people make a big deal out of the french riviera the italian riviera is
so much better it's it's fucking baller and you show up and you're hungry you've been surviving
by the end on like celery and coca-cola or whatever you
have left and uh you know then then there's the restaurants and the culture and the music and the
weather and it's the coolest thing i want that right when i come back and i arrive in like miami
that that's not like a thing to me like that's it's america i've been in america plenty
so you're gonna sail there it's gonna take three weeks if like let's say i assume because you're
sailing that like if four days in your motion sickness is not getting any better it's like
well buckle up because this is this is what we're doing now like there's probably no zip cord to get out
of this if if you decided to right like it's a three week full commitment yeah i think i think
it's full send i think it's like skydiving like you you're kind of committed once you start
i've changed my mind well good news it'll be over in two minutes yeah if you want to end it quick
but uh yeah it's occurred to me like i could make this dream happen even in my current lot in life
just by like missing three shows and everything will be okay oh you go for it i think it'd be
hilarious it'd be good content right no but yeah it'll be fun for me it would be it would be
whatever makes the a host a little more seasoned and emotionally richer adds to the show
an eye patch would look good on you yeah maybe maybe you should wear an eye patch
i should come back just show up with the the iPad and do a pirate voice. It went bad.
It went poorly.
Maybe.
Yeah, I can't get on board with the van life.
I can sort of see the sailing thing.
That seems interesting to me.
And you see the parallel, right?
You see how they're similar.
Really?
No.
The van life is literally homelessness.
And the sailing thing is an adventure.
It's like,
yeah,
I don't really get motion sick.
It's like the difference between camping and just going and living in a
cardboard box on the street.
Yes.
One of them's like extreme danger camping.
Well,
what if you're not in St.
Louis?
I think it would be
more interesting if all the survival guys had to survive in metro air and dangerous metro areas
instead of like that's where you're more likely to get stuck in east st louis have bear grills
go do east st louis that would be a great episode way better than another mountain
it should be steve erwin it. That'd be hilarious.
He could just grab a hood rat.
This little critter,
he steals purses.
His head body.
He lets them go
and he skitters away.
Look how scared
the females are when you grab them.
I don't see Steve Irwin.
It's terrible.
I mean, that's what the bum hunter would do yeah yeah you know what he needs to come back
you've seen those clips right you've sent me a lot of 100 clips over the years yeah
yeah they're fucking hysterical entertaining yeah there he is
even in that thumbnail he's just about to pounce upon
a homeless person with duct tape
when is this from like early
2000s yeah
yeah this is probably living on
like mom's world and albino black sheep
and
he's just about to pounce on that poor
homeless man duct tape
him and then start taking
measurements of his skull.
He's like dictating them to
someone who's jotting them down.
Are all the comments like, this is awful?
It is awful. Isn't it
mean, though? Oh, it's awful.
It is mean to tackle homeless people.
Yeah. Top comment. I used to
laugh at this when I was a kiddo, when I had no
clue about the world. This is some twisted shit. That bomb sounds like Tommy Chong.
This was funny when I saw it so many years ago. Everything was hilarious.
It's not so funny now. But the only thing the guy cares about is to point out that he definitely has no dandruff because nothing else matters.
Just that because at one point as he's examining the bomb, he's like, got a bit of dandruff because nothing else matters, just that. Because at one point as he's examining the bomb, he's like,
got a bit of dandruff there.
And the bomb is like, I ain't got no dandruff, man.
It is genuinely mean-spirited, too.
Alright, if you guys had to pick an adventure, what would your
adventure be?
Motorcycle across the country?
Farther?
The northernmost part of alaska no no okay um
it would probably be to fly somewhere to do something like if i was gonna go
yeah like an outdoor adventure i guess is what we're talking about we can't do an indoor adventure
i can't think of an adventure all right i thought he was talking about. We can't do an indoor adventure. I can't think of an indoor adventure.
I thought he was talking about just kind of general places you might like to go.
No.
He's talking about a wilderness
adventure experience of some kind.
I guess it would be like
futzing around.
I like hanging out in the woods.
I don't know. Maybe an archery
trip to go kill
a bear
in a cold environment.
You hike in,
shoot a bear with a bow.
Are bears
bothered by bows very much? I don't
even know. Bothered to death.
It makes them furious.
That's my fear.
It makes them furious.
They hate them.
It's the equivalent of pepper spray.
I'm disrespected by bows.
I'm a 10 millimeter bear.
I'm not a bow bear.
Yeah, you can kill bears with bows.
I've seen it done with a spear.
I bought a 10 millimeter handgun recently
and I was like, so what are you going to use it for?
And he's like, I mean, there's really
not much to use it for. Practically's like, I mean, there's really not much to use it for.
Is it practically?
Is that super big?
A 10 mil?
Yeah.
It's like it'll kill a bear.
Because nine mil is not very big.
Some people argue it's not big enough for a human.
I think it is.
But whatever.
It's on the cusp.
And then I realized how much the 10 mil is than the nine mil.
Okay. Yeah. because when you go
bigger than nine mil in my head you start going to like 45 and uh what else is there
357 shit like that like the numbers don't fit i think it's the 10 mil is more powerful than the
45 i didn't know that okay uh right I wanted to ask him too but
anyone would insult you
no I'm not I'm not really
it's similar to the 45
I would imagine it's faster though because it's a newer
cartridge
I'm looking right now
Pokemon learn moves and Pokemon red
or when they evolve or what different
trainers have because I got about two bucks
around that's interesting.
The 10mm is bigger than the 45. Yes
and no it isn't. It's a quicker
version. The quick version is
the 10mm has a longer case but the 45
ACP has a larger projectile.
10mm also has a shorter bullet.
The long version goes a little more like this.
Let's see. Chamber pressure
obviously way higher for the 10.
45 AC because they don't make a 0.46 ACP.
Oh, that's funny.
Would we say maybe they're in the same league?
It sounds like a little better here, a little better there is my takeaway.
What I'm really looking for is to see the energy.
Is the bottom line on it?
Yeah.
The.45 is right on the 10mm heels, matching it in lighter loads such as the 185 grain loads,
but falls a little behind in terms of velocity and muzzle energy.
They're very similar.
Okay.
I think the real reason a lot of people use it for bears is because you can get it in high capacity,
and so you've got a lot of bullets to shoot in a small package.
I think you'd much rather have a 12-gauge shotgun.
Kyle, I can't think of a.45 that comes in more than seven shots.
Are they out there?
How big do they get?
You can get standard eight-round magazines.
I had some of those,
but I also had some 15- or 20-round magazines,
but they stick out the bottom of the pistol like this far,
and they're really funny looking, but those do exist.
I'm sure somebody makes a drum mag, like a big plastic drum mag
that'll stick out at the bottom of your 1911.
Oh, but then if we're
talking about 1911s but obviously there's other 45 acp pistols um the um the h and k i had an h and k
yeah they're wider they're double stacked and i don't remember how many the hk held hk 45
or even the usp 45 um but it's somewhere in the 15 to 20 rounds something like that probably
somewhere in there i really don't remember how many held okay okay i could stand corrected yeah
in my head nines tended to come in like 17 rounds and 45s tended to come in at least seven rounds
but it's at least 12 or 15 and then um the fn the fn um tactical it's it's high capacity as well
you're not talking about a 5-7 are you no the fm 45 okay
yeah the the 5-7 holds like 20 rounds in a standard magazine
i when you first showed i helped you had a 5- seven and i held it and you were like it's kind
of a solution looking for a problem like it's not a great people stopper because it's so penetrating
it's not a great something else i guess it was good for armor maybe but that's not a common
use case but i guess that makes it a little like the people wearing armor tend to be good guys most of the time right the other thing is like
i don't fight a lot of people with armor these days um or ever um you know but i'm really looking
for something that i can shoot targets with and is cool and feels good and it was none of those
things for me at least stock like maybe if i had had it worked on and better sights, better trigger, but
it just didn't feel good to shoot at all.
And it was very expensive to shoot.
I didn't even shoot it, but the best gun I ever
felt was one that you
handed me. It was a CZ, and I kind of
wish I knew exactly what it was. You brought it to
the cabin.
It's maybe
a Shadow.
Maybe it was a CZ shadow target pistol,
something like that.
Yeah.
That one felt really nice.
That was a loner that CZ had sent me.
Yeah.
I,
all guns feel high quality.
If you're not a gun person,
you're listening like the things you own,
your dishwasher,
your computer,
every lamp in your house. they're all consumer grade.
Your ceiling fan is a wobbly piece of shit.
Every gun is like, oh, oh, I get it.
Like this is an industrial type thing.
This is a hardy, heavy, last longer than people do kind of thing that I don't hold every day.
The CZ felt better than that somehow
like it stood out amongst other guns that all in my hands kind of feel like hardy pieces of
well-designed well-oiled machines so anyways pretty neat yeah i'll see if i can find
an image of it but yeah it was a really cool pistol uh along those lines why are ceiling
fans all wobbly pieces of shit can no one make it seem to be a trend what yeah right like why
don't we have one that's on rails a little bit but like i'm gonna have to replace the one in my
sunroom speaking of that because it's just wobbly and shitty. We've got a couple like that.
They suck.
Yeah, that is a good looking gun.
Those CZ-75s.
I've never shot one of those, I don't think.
I think it was something like this. It was very similar.
It was very similar.
It looks like it's got that little
flippy thing that a lot of Berettas have.
Like on the thumb. I don't know what that little bit of plastic is called to the grip
oh i don't know what you're talking about that hits you here like between your thumb and your
index finger like right below the hammer oh the beaver tail yeah is that what it's called out the
back under the hammer yeah i think he likes that the beaver okay i've
always thought those look neat i agree yeah this this was a cool classy uh if the the on the grip
that uh like knurling or whatever is really aggressive and i think it's actually like made
into the aluminum or whatever that grip's made out of it was it was grippy. It was grippy.
It was grippy.
That's important.
I like grippy stuff.
I like when you grab something that's made to be grabbed.
Some target rifles have what's called a,
or even some shotguns have a palm swell,
which is right where your palm is.
It's swollen.
It's extended out.
It really fits your palm really nicely.
Somebody noticed palms do that and decided to make their grip better yeah and said because
everything else is just flat and it's like my palm's not flat it's this concave thing or so
when they when they make one with a palm swell and it really fits your hand or i also like a
thumb hole stocks where your thumb goes into the stock and it really gets in here like like in that area like
it just really feels good i like that too yeah i don't have one but i've shot one oh actually my
50 cal may have one i need to look at it again but in any case uh i like that it just fits better
yeah so it's like ergonomic things right like somewhat along the way is like yeah
humans hold tubes really well and then they were like actually tubes okay but you could do better
and and then they did better and it's like it is better they need to do that with phones i feel
like phones are like some of the least ergonomic things it's just this little rectangle of glass
and and aluminum um I was looking at some
of the new phones that are coming out, some of the
new types of phones. There's that
weird flip thing, the LG
where you grab the phone and just go,
clock! And you've got a separate
screen up here. It opens into a T shape.
Into a T. That's weird.
Chiz was talking about the
maybe the Galaxy
Z Flip. Let me see
what he said. The one that folds like a book?
Yes, there's the one that folds
like a book.
Like it
I mean, you know, a picture book.
It does that. It opens up like that.
And it's got the bendable screen.
It almost opens like two iPhones
if that were a better
picture for someone out there.
It's like there's two phones stuck together and you just close them and then you open them back up and it's still one screen.
And then the new Razr, you remember the Razr from like the early 2000s, the flip phone?
Yeah, Motorola Razr.
Those were cool.
Yeah, there's a new version of that where instead of buttons, obviously it's all one glass screen like everybody else's phone
so the the screen folds you know it just folds and again and it's i keep using iphone as a
like metric system like it's how fahrenheit was invented it's one iphone tall but it folds in half
and uh and that's a neat concept too i don't know which of those that i love but i really
am sure i love that they're trying things.
Like Kyle said, someone decided that an oversized deck of cards was a great phone and it's not.
We can do better.
So someone needs to be like, yeah, small in your pocket, big in your hand.
Or fits your ear and mouth a little better than what we've had before.
Why an oversized deck of cards is a good... It's not a good design.
We can do better.
Yeah.
All of those things I just mentioned
are overpriced and underperforming.
Their main thing is that they do...
They fold, you know?
I'll probably stick with the non-folding ones
if this is like the first couple generations.
It's $100, dude.
You're not going to trick me
into buying one of those $1,500 fucking phones tech companies until they do a lot more than this $100 phone.
I'm over here waiting for my new iPhone to arrive.
I mean, enjoy it.
But I'm just saying you can't trick me anymore.
I'm done doing it.
I did it for years.
Every year.
Oh, plunk down
another thousand dollars i think you're in a unique use case and that the federal government
steals your phones every couple of years that is true they have taken a few phones you can't
trick me into buying any more iphones atf i know this is all a scam to get iphones out of me
yeah i i'm not going to do it.
It's so nice to
when things... I don't even wear a case
on this thing anymore or put a case on it or wear a case
because if I drop it,
I just don't fucking care.
If this thing shatters, I'll have a new one the next
day and it'll also be $100.
I'm also going to have
the biggest inconvenience is having to physically drive
to the phone store. Can you say that again, Taylor?
I don't have to drive to the phone store. I order them off Amazon.
Can you do that again because you're audio, Taylor?
The biggest inconvenience.
I was saying I hate
physically going to the phone store.
Where they sit there and transfer your data
and everything. I fucking hate that. That's why I've been
procrastinating. I need to get people.
I order them off Amazon and then
I just transfer everything over virtually. I need to get. I ordered them off Amazon and then I just transfer everything over like
virtually.
Like it's super easy.
I,
yeah,
I ordered the new iPhone.
My phone is bad.
It has a,
you know,
the home button that iPhones used to have the little bottom center button.
It,
if you're not an iPhone user,
it's essential.
Use it to open series,
use it to get out of your apps.
Use it to change apps.
Various long holds, double presses, single presses.
It's the interface to old iPhones.
My button is broken.
I broke it, I don't know, eight months ago, something like that.
And I was just like, well, I'll get the next iPhone when it comes out.
And it just seems like it's been forever.
COVID delayed a little bit. When they finally opened it for pre-orders, I'll get the next iPhone when it comes out. And it just seems like it's been forever. COVID delayed a little bit.
When they finally opened it for pre-orders, I ordered it that morning.
I like to use phones until it's like borderline not functioning anymore.
And apparently even past that point.
It's like, oh, I can use maps and it does basic app stuff.
You know, I got my calendar, my email in there.
That's kind of all I need. Unless you're a gamer, like a mobile gamer, I guess it Maps and it does basic app stuff. I got my calendar, my email in there. That's kind of all I need.
Unless you're a gamer, like a mobile gamer,
I guess it doesn't matter much.
You don't need it.
My iPhone 7, if it wasn't broken,
I'd probably still be happy with it.
Usually what happens is my battery starts to suck
and it barely lasts a whole day.
The battery gets down to like 38%
and then goes straight to zero but that hasn't
happened to me my phone works great with the exception of the fact that it's broken yeah i've
heard about iphone people having that problem that's that would bother me a lot to think i've
got 37 in the tank and then yeah gps well you start to know it's on a 37 to 100 scale. You've fooled me once.
You're working with 63% at best.
But yeah, I'm psyched to have my new phone.
It's weird.
Every time you get a phone, you're like, yeah, new phone day.
It happened.
And then it's in your pocket and you're like, well, now what?
My life is the same.
My computer because I'm home.
Yeah. Yeah. But I'll be happy to have. your pocket and you're like well now what my life is the same my computer because i'm home yeah yeah
but i'll be happy to have i i think i'm the only guy that loves siri and with that button broken
i couldn't use siri anymore i used her all the time so i'll have her back i hope i've got this
absolute retard named bigsby who has been nothing but a chore wait what what's bigsby do hi i accidentally hit a button it'll scroll to like some new panel
and it'll go hi i'm bixby but that's all i've ever gotten to because i don't know what it does
phone for four years what the fuck i don't i've never heard of bixby
hi i'm bixby and i'm gonna make an easy google take three minutes i hate bixby bixby's an ass
i can't spell bixby and whatever the fuck siri it's the samsung intelligence assistant
dude i wouldn't i i don't like samsung's i've only had two androids they were both samsung's
and they replaced all the cool android shit with proprietary Samsung bullshit that's not as good.
And then AT&T did the same thing.
I was like, this Android kind of blows.
And people were like, Woody, you're not even using Android, really.
That's an app that AT&T gave you.
And I'm like, what?
This is the only one I know.
I don't know.
It's all the same to me.
I'm like, oh, yeah. Google Play is it's all the same to me like oh yeah Google Play
is shit they're like that's not even
Google Play that's like Samsung
flavor I don't know what
Google Play
yeah so like
everything the whole experience is so
bad for me but I think that
if I had bought like a pixel or
something like one that was more naked Android I might have liked it more yeah it's what this thing is I think that if I had bought like a Pixel or something, like one that was more naked Android, I might have liked it more.
Yeah, that's what this thing is, I think.
Okay.
Not a thousand percent sure what it is.
Oh, it's a Pixel.
It's a Pixer.
The top Bixby question is, what is bixby and why is it on my phone
i remember like i spent maybe a minute being like how to remove bixby and i was like you
know what i can just ignore it what's the voice of your navigation
uh usually for navigation i use the ways app that's better than all the other stuff oh i so mine is an australian
dude because um he's so helpful right my truck is basically an apple truck now and like he's
more helpful than the other voices well it's just and she was giving me what mate there's one way
to get there but you want to have extra fun let me take you on a bit of an adventure. Oh, I know a spot where all the ladies go out.
My truck is masculine.
It can't be a girl.
It's Bro Truck.
Bro Truck helps me out all the time.
If I'm choosing a song on Spotify
and I drift onto that dotted line between the lanes,
Bro Truck is like,
yo, let me take you back in the middle.
I'm like, thanks, Bro Truck.
This is great.
I appreciate that. You catch up to the car in front of you. Bro Truck is i'm like thanks bro truck this is great i appreciate that
you catch up to the car in front of you bro truck is like slow bro relinks i'm like thanks bro truck
i wasn't even looking does it say these things it doesn't do these things it does these things but
the voice of him you know when you have like navigation i'll ask bro truck questions bro
truck what's five gallons and milliliters and he's like oh it's it's a
fuck a lot of milliliters because it's an australian dude i don't know what it is but
like i ask her questions i do math i i have a button on my steering wheel that lets you ask
siri questions and this australian dude who is the voice responds and i ask her questions all
the time he's like an online google while i'm going to be out there later tonight he's like an online Google while I'm going. He's going to be out there later tonight. He's like, bro truck. Is van life cool?
Of course it is, Woody.
It's the best life.
Don't listen to those naysayers.
Yeah, yeah.
So my truck is an Australian dude.
He answers questions for me and steers me back in the lane.
He's good.
Mine is like a British lady.
I like using the different accents
i think with i don't know if android could do it but i know with like the iphone you can do
like celebrity voices for your for your navigation which i've always thought would be cool to have
like sam jackson telling me where to go but i want him to curse at me so on the taylor said ways is the best but like so google maps is
pretty good i use apple maps because on my car you can do split screen which is really nice
like you can see the audiobook and the map at the same time and google maps doesn't do that
but ways ways is my least favorite she's really constantly interrupting my google book my book
like i'll listen to an audiobook and she's like oh i'm one mile there'll be a tire on the side
of the road fuck you for telling me that i didn't want to know that i wanted to hear my book um i
have the voice option turned off on every one of my navigation even like the voice telling me i
could just look like it's easy to what here's the other problem
with ways i also turned the voice off but i guess i didn't with ways but the problem with what
they're like oh woody woody stop the presses we found out if you drive through this asshole's
living room we can save you 19 seconds on your trip are you in i'm never in no i don't want to
do that ways why are you always driving through neighborhoods and shit?
Waze tries to get you to participate in their app,
where I've only ever done it by like, where do I want to go?
And it's like, oh, live traffic, go this way instead.
But a buddy of mine, we were driving on a road trip,
and he's like, oh, a cop on the side of the road.
I got to report it.
I get Waze points.
And I'm like, what?
And he's like, I don't know.
It's more just kind of something to do when you're driving like and if i save up enough ways points nothing happens yeah
same time i do like that it tells you where speed traps are but my regular navigation does that too
now does google maps do that i think they do right yeah yeah i don't think apple maps does
but they tell you like right as you're getting there, I'll be like, oh, speed trap!
And they'll be like, there is a speed trap in, well, right now, actually.
And I'm just like, fuck, they got me.
You have just passed a speed trap.
Yeah, well, fuck.
I'm passing speed.
Yeah, it's like, I need, like, a mile.
Like, if you're speeding.
You need time, not speed. You need to know at least a mile ahead. Like, a mile could If you're speeding... You need time, not speed.
You need to know at least a mile ahead.
A mile could mean 40 seconds.
National Highway... Stop.
Kyle can't.
Stop.
Stop.
A mile is
40 seconds of warning.
Well,
how fast is that, Kyle? Doed an hour for the second time.
No, that's not true.
This is some indeterminate number.
Man, if you guys could have heard the first show, it was magnifique.
He is just trying to get you to hate me.
The truth is it really was a lot of UFC talk.
But we were passionate about it.
That is true.
You know me.
There was only a little Vermintide talk, although I'm sure we would were passionate about it. That is true. You know me. There was only a little Vermintide talk, although
I'm sure we would have heard about it.
Well, if we play Vermintide tonight, we can talk about it.
Yeah, I'm down.
Right before we started,
so I'm going to get
right on Vermintide as soon as we're
done here. Me too. Well, it takes me
about 15-20 minutes to produce
the show, and then I'll be ready too.
Okay. Sounds good. I'll see if I can rustle us then I'll be ready, too. Okay. Sounds good.
I'll see if I can rustle us up a fourth.
Cool, cool.
PKN 323.