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pkn to 328 probably some amount of numbers hello everyone hello how's your week been so far
i made progress on shooter born in heaven last night and i feel good about it
fuck yeah that's a hard one to do that is a tarkov task for your benefit taylor
that's very difficult he has to get these long range headshot kills on other players
and some of the maps aren't conducive to long range
headshots so you have to be like up in the like sniper tower or up on the side of that building
and that's about the only place you can be and so players have got savvy to this so they're like
always like all right check the tower all right you're clear and check the side of the building
oh there he is everyone kill him kill him now it's yeah and it's sometimes i'll wait so like
let's say you need a head shots and call of duty it might be a pain it might hurt your kd ratio but
you'll get your opportunities i will sometimes wait 40 minutes and i didn't get an opportunity
i i sat there and checked one of the highest traffic areas in the whole map from 100 meters
away didn't even get a shot to get a headshot see that sucks that's like that's like fishing
yes i don't like if i were playing a fishing video game which seems really boring and it was
like real fishing where there were sometimes like that's just bass pro 2020 sometimes you play for
six hours you've been eliminated from the tournament and your girlfriend ronda has left you for billy
basterson yeah because of your fishing problems you've developed a drink in one
go to rehab for two hours of real time your diet has been so poor you have developed scurvy
negative negative one in 2020 don't let nikita hear you scurvy will get built into the
negative one agility negative two fishing prowess
minus 14th uh there would be people there would definitely be some people who got as into a
realistic fishing game like that as people getting into Tarkov.
You want to see a fish I caught last Friday, Bubba?
Hell yeah, I heard you got that nine-pound bass out to Rivermouth.
Yep, yep.
Come here.
Let me log in.
Get out of here.
Man, I wish my character in the game didn't live so far from the fishing hole.
He's got his steering wheel attached to it so he can actually drive to the fishing hole
your time zone and location and you'll have to wake up at 4 30 just like in real life
man this game fucking sucks
the game warden has inspected your fishing license and it is not up to par
they find you real money like a paypal transaction pops up
you're like god damn that's the third one this month i gotta get the license for south carolina
if you're fishing if you're pro fishing can't like make a profit truck driving simulator over
there to fund your hobby very quickly it just turns into grand theft auto
you know what i'm just gonna murder people i'm not even going to the fishing hole
it's a huge game
you know you joke you joke but i think that that there's gonna be a game like that
i think there is gonna be a game like that in the future. That is like this completely life encompassing RPG where,
where like,
if you want to play,
if you want to go fishing,
the best fishing game in the world is in,
let's just call it the world game.
If you want to play grand theft auto,
we'll just jump in the world game and rob people and shoot and drive around.
It's crazy.
Good.
The graphics are incredible.
The AI is amazing.
The car cars are as varied as cars.
You have to actually serve 15 years in game prison now it's a prison simulator you're doing people's taxes
in fucking prison you're filing appeals for them because you're the only one who's literate
you just spend two months reading books just fucking reading books non-stop that's not so bad yeah
ever since i went to video game prison and my character got turned out and convinced himself
he was gay this game just hasn't been as much fun no i bought this for the fishing and now i can't
sit down i'm just gonna go have my character take another hot shower that seems to be the only thing
so yeah shooter born in heaven's very hard to do it's a it's very frustrating but it was the
best talk we've ever had i appreciate your help it's a rite of passage um so i went to back to
franklin county georgia uh yesterday it was the first time i've been up there and
must be a year and a half maybe two years saw my dad uh got to hang out with him uh spent the night
over at his house and i I had a great time.
I hadn't been there forever.
Was it for Thanksgiving?
Was it over that?
Was it the actual holiday?
No, this was literally, I got back today.
I left on the 30th and I returned today.
I got there yesterday early in the morning.
Spent the day with him hanging out.
Watched some movies last night.
Got up early this morning.
Had some stuff to do. So I came back around noon and uh yeah it was good i hadn't you know i hadn't
seen that little town i'm from and so long must have felt like home like uh sort of comfort uh
no i hate that place but it was very familiar that's what's interesting like like i would i
was you know i i'm driving through that place and i'm just like man i'm glad i don't live here anymore this is this is terrible like like i love my dad i wish
i was closer to him but i don't want to not at the expense of living here really it's just yeah
it's awful no i mean he doesn't i know he doesn't have internet name is the town name okay to say
lavonia yeah i said it at the beginning yeah there's not any internet
like there is internet but it's so bad
it's not worth having
if you're going to stream
if you're going to try to watch television or YouTube or something
like on your TV
if you're going to try to have Hulu or Netflix
don't, just don't, it's a waste of money
and you can call them every day
and they'll show up and they'll wiggle wires
but nothing's ever going to change because the infrastructure infrastructure is what's poor yeah so you just have a dish
yeah he's just got dish but uh luckily it's the holiday so he's got all the movie channels for
free so uh you know watch some uh what do you watch um bat 21 and you don't get to choose when
you watch it it's just when it's on right oh it's coming yeah yeah buckle up in 30 minutes
we're gonna watch a movie okay it's a good one it's gene hackman danny glover yeah my grand red
sovine my grandparents have a dish too because like most rural people do and they still will
call physically dial the number for pay-per-view and like sit on the line and like you have to put in the first
three of like oh you want to watch no country for old men like it's like good lord yeah i remember
doing that when i was a kid and like sometimes i'd be home alone and i'd like really want to watch
like whatever movie was out and i was just like i can justify five dollars i can justify $5. I can justify $5 in 20 days.
That's where the bill will show up.
So I'm just like, hello?
Yeah.
Yeah, this is him.
Authorize my card.
Yes, please.
We had a magic cable box that decoded everything.
We got every channel, every pay-per-view
everything should cover it but everything you have a heritage of thievery when it comes to
digital media you know i'm second generation you're like cattle rustlers i believe my father's
i have to believe my grandfather the one that beat them and ran away and and was an alcoholic
yeah he must have
been a thief too right maybe i'm at least third generation yeah he was sneaking into movie theaters
and stuff that sort of thing i bet yeah drinking and dining dash i bet he was a dining dasher
probably something like that you're gonna break the chain oh no wait i already pirate too many shows
no like if if you're either of your kids become diamond thieves or something
like no i was gonna be the one to break the chain of abuse and then no hope hope has pirated content
on her ipad as we speak i guarantee it she's in the plex probably pirate bay if that's still a
thing is i got a letter saying not to use pirate bay from at&t so i haven't i'm like i i really
don't want to lose my gigabit internet like i i can't get fired from my isp that'd be a big problem
yeah you don't want to deal with comcast the comcast has caps now i don't remember exactly
what it is but it's like a terabyte terabyte and a half or so and look that is a lot of data but
shit like what if we want to go on a movie marathon
over here or something one month i yeah i mean i must stream 25 30 hours a week like it's a good
amount is it i don't know i don't know either um and the downloads i mean i feel like this house
has two or three streams going on at any time.
It's always happening.
We might be one of those terabyte.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It sucks.
I would imagine.
Like, it's just there's always some background shit on the TV, even if I'm paying 0% of the time.
Oh, yeah.
That is a thing that's new.
I think new for our generation.
You know, I was going to say it's new for our generation.
Sort of like keeping yourself company with like a netflix stream
but housewives have been doing that shit since since the 50s so right yeah that's what soap
operas are for they've been popping they were popping pills they'd go to their doctor which
would finger them and get them off and they'd go home i want to be a housewife in the 50s
they do that they do that up and down pulley motion
where you get three fingers in the G spot
and it looks way too rough
like they're stuffing a turkey, but they love it.
That's why they invented the vibrator
because it was just like
one doctor in like 1903
with the biggest right forearm
you've ever seen in your life.
He's like Homer from the arm wrestling your life he's like homer from the arm
wrestling episode he's like i can't do this anymore i can't do it i got tendonitis from
being eight hours a day
you imagine he's every day going into work he he he hates sex he hates it at that point. Or maybe he loves it.
I don't know.
I feel like even professional athletes and rock stars
eventually get tired of being on tour.
Yeah.
You just know so many professional athletes are like,
I have to play football again this weekend.
God, I'm going to feel so shitty tomorrow after I'm all beat up.
I don't want to play basketball tonight.
I played basketball like 70 times already this year.
Fuck this.
Yeah, there's definitely athletes.
Can you think of any athletes who were really good
and straight up said they didn't like the sport?
Oh, I want to say that Dennis Rodman was like that.
Ooh, that's a great one.
Really?
Yeah.
My suspicion is a lot of them are like that towards the end of their career.
But I had another.
What's sad is when it's not.
When they get to the end of their career and they still have so much love for the game
that they have a hard time letting go.
Like Brett Favre.
It was like, oh, man, he really loves football and sending dick pics.
Like, those are his fucking fucking the cornerstones of his existence
dick pics football yeah i don't really like taking the dick pics away and now he can't play the
football now all he's got is wrangler jean commercials yeah that's a first amendment issue
i'm he should be able to send as many dick pics and those tastefully cut and roomy wrangler jeans
that's right man this episode of pk is brought to you by Wrangler Jeans.
Wrangler Jeans. Brett Favre's dick pics.
What are the cool jeans now? If you were buying
jeans, what would they be? Pajama jeans.
They're stretchy.
They're durable. They look
like whatever you want.
I believe you might be a trendsetter with the pajama
jeans. I don't think they're widely accepted
as the cool jeans. Nobody knows
when you're wearing pajama jeans.'s how that's how i know they are because you look around you don't know you
don't know if that guy's those pajama jeans or not but he knows because he's comfortable
he's cool and uh and he's and if he needs to like stretch or bend over they're stretching
with them they're like barbell jeans how about pajama like suits that exist so i could go to a wedding or something or something fancy and
be in sweatpants comfortable every bit of it is sweatpants yeah those exist really yeah it's like
a sweatsuit but it looks like a suit but i'm gonna look like a retard though everyone's gonna know
right i don't know man i don't have a sweatsuit suit but i do
have the pajama jeans just so i don't know why i got the the undershirt and the
when i bought this i didn't realize it was one of those tuxedo t-shirts
and in hindsight i wouldn't have gone sleeveless but here i am honey let's get married
sweatsuit that looks like a suit let's see what we got that's terrible
that doesn't look anything like it
business ultra casual
that's about as casual as you
can get
hyper casual
oh wing's wife just said
she actually really loves me oh that's nice
of her she loves you she says
I think he's just amazing
what
is she talking about you in this scenario, I think he's just amazing. What?
How is she talking about you in this scenario?
Cause I,
maybe that wasn't the,
okay.
She's live streaming with wings right now.
Um, I'm someone's like Kyle.
She just wings.
Wife just said she loves you.
She,
I was like,
give me the exact quote.
What are you talking about?
Does she know who we are?
Who you are?
Oh,
he has clipping disabled.
Yes. She knows who, yeah, of course she does. She wings wife she said she said uh here's the quote that i'm getting third second
part second hand i actually really love kyle i think he's just amazing
well thank you very much wings wife another amazing club i didn't see that coming no i did
she's got a great sense of humor I didn't see that coming. No.
She's got a great sense of humor.
She does?
Are you saying she's mocking me?
Is that what you're saying, Taylor?
No, she's like, oh, he's such a funny guy. Like I amuse her?
What, I amuse you?
I amuse you?
I can't stop thinking about realistic fishing.
so a clown fishing uh sorry we did the patreon hangout last weekend oh yeah we did by the way i did four hours i just
want you guys to know i was there i heard you did everyone appreciated just staying late with them
um uh i fouled up somehow i i i was like so i guess we didn't get
it done last weekend of the month first week of the next month and i was like only you oh boy
we've been here for hello it seems like a day but four hours um i was did i get there at 2 30 or 3
30 i forget but i stayed for you got there at 3 30 um that's not great
yeah so we began it but but you stayed and like fulfilled your your thing anyway uh taylor's the
only one who didn't stay for four hours and so he has been deducted eight fake credits which don't
exist oh no we had a great fucking time and uh you know if you guys are on the fence a little bit,
I think if you talk to any of the $50 patrons,
they'll tell you that they are very happy with their purchase.
I get in there.
I stream video games, too.
And we all play video games together.
Right now, we're playing a lot of zombies together.
But whatever's kind of hot at the moment.
That guy fucked his girlfriend in the Hangout.
How are we glossing over that? I was getting to that to that oh that was the cherry on top to my sales pitch you fuck when
i when i write a story for the paper i lead right it's colonel sanders doesn't come out and say oh
and and we also got apple pies and then go backwards no the apple pie is what he tells
you last the apple the free apple pie is what makes you think that that six-piece wing meal was just an incredible deal.
I was on board with six-piece wings, some mashed potatoes, and the side biscuit.
When you make a video, you put the explosion in the front, Kyle, and then you lead up to it again.
I always put the explosion in the back.
Have you seen none of my videos?
I've seen all of your videos.
You do a little explosion at the front.
I'm the little explosion.
I'm going to play video games with you.
The big explosions at the end.
It's okay.
You tell it.
It's okay.
I liked her.
I thought she was cool.
So after he fucked her, she hung around naked for hours.
I'm going to tell it because he's not doing it well.
She's comfortable with sex.
One of our fans brings out his girlfriend, and she just strips naked in the background.
And then he attaches a sex swing to the ceiling and dangles her ass like a rotisserie chicken spread eagle in front of us all.
spread eagle in front of us all then he whips out a big old dildo and really goes to work on her until his arm got tired while she's operating hatachi vibrator just melting down over there
and we're all like what the fuck are we doing right now i was not prepared for for porn i've
only been awake for two hours and it was uh uh, it was pretty great. It was pretty funny.
Uh,
it more than anything, it was just,
you know,
a unique thing to do in the hangout.
One guy showed up really late,
uh,
chocolate thunder.
Uh,
one of our like two or we definitely have at least two blacks.
There may be a third now.
Um,
I saw a gentleman who popped into the first hangout who was African American or at least
very tan.
And he stayed for, uh, he didn't stay for the full thing. We can get, at least very tan and he stayed for uh he didn't
stay for the full thing we can get you know fish isn't black that he doesn't count i'm very aware
the fish is arabic and uh but but yeah um chocolate thunder showed up like after the fuck show and i
was like but she was still in the background naked and he's just i'm just like you missed
the fuck show chocolate thunder and he's just like the fuck i missed the fuck show they did that
so yeah um jump into the patron i think it's a bargain we uh we hang out in there a lot we have
a great time we uh we do like poker nights every week with uh with you know like six or eight of
us playing we've been doing some jeopardyy nights recently where we play competitive Jeopardy.
Right now, the game is zombies.
If I'm ever in there and I don't have a full party, I'll play zombies with you and have a good time.
Based on Jeopardy, would you think Dirty was mentally disabled?
I don't think I've actually played a game with Dirty in Jeopardy.
I thought there was this he never wins thing going on there.
He's quite good at poker.
I think he's won a bunch of money playing poker with the boys.
Chessie's good too.
He's better than me.
Yeah.
I think I've beaten him.
He's been okay in Codenames.
I don't remember if I played with him in Jeopardy.
I think my record right now is like eight wins and one loss in Jeopardy.
I've won almost every single game and I'm putting a fucking asterisk on that
one loss because my ping,
when I would click would go up by a hundred.
And if I clicked it twice,
it was 200.
It was just,
and I'm playing against someone in Australia.
So like I blame ping for that loss.
I,
I had all the,
I had enough of the answers
To have at least been much more competitive
Than I was
It's class
He's the only one who has beaten me
He's the only one who has won a game of Jeopardy that wasn't me
I don't think you were there for this but it's interesting
You weren't there when Dirty wanted to fight me
Right?
I was told that he has challenged you
To a boxing match
It evolved boxing, MMA and grappling.
I think it landed at boxing.
He wants to meet me at Lake Hartwell.
He is five foot eight and 140 pounds.
I'm very aware.
It feels unkind.
I don't know what what is he thinking?
Did I wrestle that 135 in eighth grade?
Well, you would eighth grade. you would probably still be dirty.
I bet you had a full beard and you were a man.
I don't know.
So wait, so he's 5'8", 140.
He's not even close to your weight class or your height.
So you're going to have a reach advantage.
He's never done it before.
He's going to, okay, the experience advantage.
He's going to have the cardio and the youth advantage. He's never done it before. He's going to, okay, the experience advantage. He's going to have the cardio and the youth advantage.
Also, Woody's going to
attack from about 1,500
feet, a glide angle of
78 degrees. So when
he comes in hot, Dirty's not going to
be prepared for that. I'm concerned for his
well-being.
I'd be a dick to follow
through on this.
I think he was just kidding around,
but he has to admit that he was kidding around
or he catches an ass whooping.
That's just how this works.
He won't.
It can be a surprise challenge.
Then you will.
I guess.
I don't know.
It's not a big deal for me.
Apparently, we'll just do it in the spring
when I start flying again at Lake Hartwell.
And at that point,
he will have just not shown up, guess yeah fuck him up he'll be fun by default yeah i'm losing record
i don't know it's awkward for me but hey i definitely gave him so many outs so many outs but he's not interested put some put some money on it yeah yeah he gets free patreon forever if
you in single combat well whatever makes him happy i guess yeah
you have to be there though there's i mean there's nothing i wasn't there for this there's
nothing joking about it that there's no hint of like lol it uh but yeah he says he's gonna
start training i doubt that's true what if he's he's catfishing you he's like a tremendous fighter. That would be surprising.
Just a flutter of hands.
Should we group watch this?
I'm very interested.
Yeah, I'm queued up.
This is hot off the presses, boys.
This is only moments old.
Are you ready?
Yeah.
Taylor, are you ready?
Yes, sir.
Ready, set, play.
Haley's the baby.
Have you ever heard of PKA?
Actually, yes.
I would love to go on PKA.
Well, the day she stood me up.
Actually, I got a call the next day of her crying because of the PKA podcast.
I have to do it the next night.
So, yeah.
Yeah, I'd love to go on PKA.
I actually really love Kyle real talk
I just think Kyle is like
so awesome
there you go
I feel snubbed a little bit
you should be
I
don't feel that way
you were snubbed
I see this through the lens of some sort of like
black belt emotional jujitsu happening here what's her game
guy what's her game what's she trying to pull but uh well how do we feel about having her on
the show should we extend an invite well we'll find out 30 seconds
before the show starts who if she's a guest or not well anyway um very kind of her thank you
kelly i think is your name very kind of you to say that glad you like the show
hope your marriage to wings is going well it looks like it is you know you never know with
wings he keeps his private life kind of reps which is a smart thing to do and so we never really know if like things are on
you know it's first marriage right you never know maybe maybe things aren't going so well but it
seems like just by your demeanor and the fact that you're on his live stream that things are going
well so you should call it his first marriage i'm gonna put it out there i would like to have her
on show as good did i just call it his first marriage? I'd be like, Woody, how's your first marriage?
It's been so long now.
Hit it out of the park on that first one.
Yep, we've got to get that first one out of the way, Woody.
So you're...
No, that's not what I was implying.
I wasn't trying to make a sly little comment or anything.
I was being genuine.
Glad your marriage is going well.
You seem like a very lovely person
and you seem like you're happy.
And you're invited to the show.
Just to be clear,
we'd like to have you.
You've heard it from me.
That's how you can tell it's a fact.
But wings can't come with you.
Every time he starts to walk into the room,
hey, hey, hey!
We can't afford the room. Hey! Hey! Hey! We can't
afford the man.
We have to
pay him a prorated rate for every time he walks
in.
$100 a second.
How does that work out?
He just pops in. It's $450.
We get a bill.
We'll pay a cameo rate.
Not the full full thing
it's 41 a minute he wants a little more 41 and change 42 a minute i i would just sit in the back
every so often we'll take 30 seconds see you friday that would be fun i put his name in the title we make money off it
that is a very woody thing to do
hey episode whatever the fuck 5 30 i'm just a businessman doing business
i'm just a business man doing business glad you got the quote thank you of course i got the quote
yeah it's been a great week um it finally got real chilly like like like now we're into winter
weather and i personally love winter weather.
Especially when your AC's broken.
Especially when your AC's broken.
I had to turn it off for the show.
I'm a little warm right now, only because of the heater.
I mean, the computer, which essentially is a goddamn heater, it turns out.
But yeah, I love winter weather.
I like it when it's fucking cold and crisp and chilly in the morning and everything's
frozen over.
I woke up this morning and it was 32 i think it was actually 32 so i'm glad winter has come so this isn't really tarkov talk but my game is open all the time
and in game i mine for bitcoins it's a way to get in-game currency also in the hideout there are lights i am using real
electricity and a gpu to mine fake bitcoins and keeping the lights on in a video game and i think
that's funny isn't there a phone app that you can use for that now i don't know i have heard something
about that there should be so let me tell you what rust is like these all right so this isn't brand new this is uh last time i've played rust this was what was
kind of cutting edge so six or eight months ago there's this phone app for rust now where you do
some electric electrical wiring in game like with electrical parts that you have to craft
and wires that you have to actually put together in game. And now if, if your base is getting rated, you get a text message through their app.
Like you set up the warning, the early warning alarm in the game through, I won't go into it,
but it's tedious as fuck. Like you have to have a battery in the game and you have to have,
and batteries don't just have a charge.
Well,
would you like a windmill or solar power?
There are,
there are pluses and minuses to both,
you know?
And,
uh,
but then you get a text message.
If someone starts rating your base to wake you up in the middle of
the night,
so you can go defend.
Oh,
you're right.
That does sound tedious.
It is very tedious.
That's the other thing that we've been talking about doing,
um,
with the PKA,
uh,
discord is doing a big, gigantic Rust playthrough where we get as many people who are in there as possible organized to jump on a server and play together and make a giant clan base and be the RSK clan.
Really, but secretly.
It'll be like it was with you playing where we can all be kings with slaves giving us jewels and items, right?
Isn't Rust the game where you said
you had a designated slave boy?
Larry the Strong was my original slave.
Yes.
See, people made fun of Larry, right?
People gave Larry a hard time
because he's going to be Kyle's slave in Rust.
Look at Larry now.
He has a household name across the country.
Everybody knows who Larry the Strong is. Mm a household name across the country everybody knows who larry the strong
is how's the country no but seriously like it wasn't long before like i consider larry a good
friend you know always i'm playing with larry every night playing tarkov he's he's he's teaching
me to teach me the game we played zombies with larry just the other night all because i was
there in my little sulfur for me dude when i back in like 2009 something like that to probably
2011 what's important is i paid 500 for black ops 1 everybody mocked me oh my god he's so stupid
what he paid 500 to get the game like four days early right drops. I had 2 million view videos.
That's like over $4,000.
I was growing 20.
No, I'm exaggerating.
16,000 subscribers a day.
That's a good growth rate, especially in like 2011.
16,000 subs a day.
Yes.
That's quite good.
I'm still on the internet because of that $500 purchase.
Maybe.
I remember when you were storming up those ranks in that year
because I was in your like, remember how it used to be?
It's like, oh, you subscribe to this person.
Here's like a couple of recommended sub box channels.
I was like, damn, just coattailing off of Woody's coattails right now.
That was great.
Of course, they didn't give a fuck because they accidentally subscribed.
But it was like, yeah, that number's going
up. Up is better than down.
Yeah, I remember thinking like,
Woody has cornered the fucking market. These people
don't get it.
That was a huge...
The subscribers in particular
get the views
that they're worth in the future. I'm sure there
are people listening to this show right now who are only listening to it because Woody bought Black Ops early.
And they became a Woody subscriber, and then they discovered the show, and now they're still here.
I bet.
Yeah.
Actually, the guy who pounded his girlfriend out with that dildo this week, that's where he came from.
I choose to believe that.
Butterfly effect. and now he's
fucking his girlfriend publicly on discord chat hell yeah what a winner what a bump what a ride
life what a ride huh we appreciated the the girlfriend fucking and we're hoping there's
more girlfriend fucking to come yes the next time we can see real dick just to be clear about it
that was cool as fuck and i i was making all these inferences about their relationship right like they know how to fuck she's sex positive
these are the things i was taking away from this yeah they had a big chest of sex toys and uh
technically it was prego porn because she was two months pregnant so even got a fetish mixed in yeah
yeah she didn't she i didn't know she was pregnant by looking. So even got a fetish mixed in. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. She didn't.
I didn't know she was pregnant by looking at her,
but she told us.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know, I'd like to see this evolve over the next seven months.
I hope she comes back when she's nine months along.
It's on another little show.
Right?
Right?
Kyle, aim higher.
I hope she comes back at three, four, five, six, seven, eight, and nine.
Oh.
Hmm.
I want to see the evolution.
Well, he's like, bring the baby when he... Wait, what? Oh, that's I want to see the evolution. Well, he's like, bring the baby when he,
wait,
10 or 12 months,
you can bring the little one.
It's really just a lot of crying while you're sitting in the sex swing,
isn't it?
I was a lifeguard and I worked with this dirty man and he had just had a
baby and the baby was like five days old.
And we're like, yeah, I guess you can't have sex right now, huh?
And he's like, doctors want you to believe that.
Not for 18 more years.
I got the impression that either he was already hitting it or was about to.
Good for him. What do doctors know? Fucking idiots. That's what I'm saying. You know, he was going to either he was already hitting it or was about to.
Good for him.
What do doctors know?
Fucking idiots.
That's what I'm saying.
Yeah.
Birth.
Very easy on the vagina.
It's ready to go right after.
It's what it's made for.
Sounds like something I would say.
It's well, it's probably like a resistance band. It sounds a lot like something you did say.
And every time I think about the fact that you said that,
I'm just like...
It's like you remember that awkward moment you had in high school
where you thought you were going to tell a funny joke
in front of the whole class,
and everybody just looked at you like you were a fucking retard.
Oh, no.
That's humiliating.
That landed. It was great.
There wasn't a whole genre of videos about
that line hating on yeah yeah so so the difference is like what you said was actually funny it wasn't
literally like that bad joke you tell in high school it was just like oh he shouldn't have
said that yeah oh no that thing that thing that he said yeah that was the worst though when you're like
oh man this line will get me some friends and then it's just tumbleweeds you're like maybe
maybe a school shooter will save me from this situation
hey who is that person making uh jokes before the school shooters start i don't know
lost history a lot of fake memories
get planted in your all i can remember is blood even said that joke nobody would say that i just
remember the screams now you're over there like good good all right that was a close one
but today could have really sucked as you you wipe the blood out of your fucking eyes.
Oh, man, I get to take a couple days off?
So the House of Representatives is looking at a bill on either Thursday or Friday to federally legalize marijuana and expunge records from federal marijuana crimes.
And I could be wrong about this.
I'm no political expert or even novice,
but it seems to me that the current runoff,
the senatorial runoff in Georgia may very well be what Senate confirmation
hinges upon.
Because obviously even if the house passes it,
which is possible,
I believe the Dems have the house.
Is that correct?
That's right.
Then you got to go to a,
a Senate vote then. believe the Dems have the house. Is that correct? That's right. Then you got to go to a, uh, a
Senate, uh, vote then. And, uh, it's going to be hard for the Dems to win if they don't win in
Georgia. And, uh, my dad and I were talking about that this morning and I was just like, well,
it's very selfish of me to say this, but I hope the Dems win Georgia. You know, I'm just, I'm
just thinking of my own concerns, my one core issue, which is freedom. And which is freedom and uh and so in that regard like like yeah let's
go with rafael warnick i think is his name the the black guy who's running against kelly leffler
and uh i don't know what the other uh the other race is but yeah it's a little glimmer of uh
maybe federal marijuana legalization i don't think it'll happen, but it's possible.
Based on this, the PKA trip, we're going to be going to
those key counties and stuffing ballot
boxes in order to
ensure that Kyle gets his freedom.
Welcome to PKA Election Fraud
2020.
You only
added like 13 extra ballots.
Stay tuned for Federal incarceration part two coming 2021.
Oh man, we should have just waited for him to get off probation.
Dude, how awesome would it be if all three of us got sent back to that prison I went to for a couple months?
Honestly, I'm not even kidding here.
I kind of wish that all three of us would get a month in Talladega prison camp.
I know none of you want to, but I would be willing to go back if all three of us could go.
It seems like it'd be kind of fun.
It'd be fun.
As long as, like, I mean, we've got a veteran here to walk us through the ropes.
Oh, no.
No, I'm going to immediately sidle up to Snow
and be like, I don't know about that one.
That one looks like a Chomo.
Notice Woody reacting
because he knows he's the one who looks like a Chomo.
I just feel like...
I'm 47. I've aged out.
I've aged out.
I'm kidding.
No, homie. You're going to put in some work.
No, you take good care
of that body. You look like you're going to put in some work. No, you take good care of that body.
You look even 30s to me.
So you're out there doing squats today.
What are you looking good?
Every day for you and me, lower body day.
You know what I'm saying?
I just really want you to get a big bubbly ass.
Every day is leg day, homie.
He's got you out there fucking doing squats with a barbell with rocks tied
to each end. You better squeeze
your glutes on the way up, Holmes.
We'd have to
immediately, we'd form our own gang.
The even
more white. The real sweet
kids.
And then our play
is to go around and be like, you guys believe pussy
shit, man.
Didn't go far enough.
We're the whitest.
Wow, this guy's like, he can be our friend for the month that he's here.
We're the whitest supremacist you know.
That's our group.
Oh, no, no, no.
It's a sketch comedy group.
You don't understand.
Oh, you don't get that reference.
Oh, you're going to stab Woody because of what I just said. you do you got to do what you got to do you know that's the
white supremacist you know just their old clips but it's in like the business one where he's like
uh nope we actually don't hire those people here i don't care for them just look at the stats look
at the data you know i'm it's uh why are I'm... I don't know why he sounds a little bit like Obama.
Yeah, he does.
That voice he does, that Trevor Moore
does, is kind of Obama-ish.
That professional white
man voice. Yeah, which is
similar to the Obama voice.
It's almost like he's faking that
voice. It's almost like he's putting it on
with that weird
cadence with which he speaks. It draws you in though. putting it on with that weird cadence with which
he speaks. It draws you in
though. You're an out of step. You're like, what's he going to say next?
You think he's been doing that? No, I don't think he's putting it on.
No, I would never say that. No. A fake voice
for the last 20 years?
No, no. I think all the... Who would do such a
thing? Eh, touche.
Not me.
You think this is my voice? You think this is what I sound
like?
I just wrote 11. False. not me you think this is my voice you think this is what i sound like false what do you really sound like kyle oh more like what i was saying earlier when i was talking
about lavonia georgia okay a better voice switch to that, I'll just do this all the time. We can all pick new voices.
Yay!
I only got the one.
This is my second
voice. I was going to do that same
joke. Yeah, you can be like
kind of Indian guy.
Grew up in an
Indian neighborhood guy.
I'm going to do Woody's
doing Indian guys.
Why do you not work harder on your computing?
That's not bad.
That was too good.
It was like when we were doing the Russian Southern guy.
That's tough.
Oh, that's impossible.
I haven't thought about that since Thursday.
I actually want to try to like...
I'm going to try it a little bit if I can remember to.
But it is very hard to mix two accents together.
You need a model.
You need to find an actual Russian guy
and ask him to do Southern and see where he lands.
But it is a good way to spend your time.
It is the best way for me to spend my time.
That and zombies.
You're still playing a ton.
Yeah, I love it.
I'm unlocking the diamond camos.
I'm going through and trying to get all the diamond camos.
I haven't gone too far.
I'm almost to the...
I've got my diamond knife,
which requires you to do all the challenges for the knife
and for the grenade launcher.
And I've done all the challenges for the pump shotgun, and I uh, like the grenade launcher. And I've done all
the challenges for the pump shotgun and I'm almost done with the semi-automatic shotgun.
And then I'm going to move on to sniper rifles or assault rifles or submachine guns, whatever.
But yeah, I'm digging it. I'll play tonight. If either of you want to play, um, I've, I've gotten
real fucking good at it. If I do say so myself, I've got a screenshot of a fucking performance
I put on the other night that uh that
i think needs to be embarrassingly shared oh yeah oh man i was falling asleep i wanted that to be
excuses have already begun oh no it was bad i went down like 38 times or something. Was I close? You were spot on.
Yeah.
I wanted to exfil so early in that.
It was so late, but there's no
excuses. There's no excuses.
It was just a bad one.
What do we got here?
It's a rough one.
I am, of course,
camping time.
Of course.
A pun for the ages. Thelor got about a third of the kills
and wow 38 downs you know in taylor's defense if you get like behind the curve then sometimes it
becomes nearly impossible to play like i imagine you're out of money. Your bullets don't work anymore.
You don't have Jug.
Sometimes you're just a...
I don't know.
You run out of money,
and it's hard to get in front of that again.
The last 30 of those downs,
every time it's like,
I hope they don't get me.
I hope they don't get me and this is over.
I'm going to go to bed so hard.
Yeah. Honestly, I had fun.
I just wish I had been able to clutch it at the very end.
Yeah.
I was 11 kills short.
I mean, you were clutching the entire time.
Yeah, but I didn't win.
I love the zombies game, though.
I'm so into it.
I played a couple.
I got back to my dad's house today and I was really tired because I've
kind of been having sleeping enough lately,
but I still like squeeze in a zombies game.
Cause I've been away for 24 hours.
I was like,
yeah,
I can,
I can get one in on the new maps yet.
Or if,
yeah,
yeah.
It looks to me based on like leaks and insinuation that you're going to
get a Vietnam fire Firebase map in February.
February?
Yeah, yeah.
Next year.
It is next year.
And it looks like maybe that'll be Season 2, I believe,
the beginning of Season 2 for the game.
Season 1 has not begun.
We're in preseason.
I believe with the beginning of season one,
which is maybe in two weeks, three weeks,
they're going to release the four new perks
and some new Easter eggs.
You think it'd be smart to start season one
like Christmas Day?
Probably a lot of purchases and new players.
Exactly.
Yeah, they're going to add Tombstone,
Double Tap, Mule Kick
and
one more that
isn't coming to me right now.
Tombstone, you get to go pick your shit
back up after you die. Double Tap is obviously
a double rate of fire.
Mule Kick is a third weapon that you can
carry and
I'm spacing out on what the fourth perk that they're adding is
but there's a fourth one
too that's oh phd flopper i believe oh something like that to reduce the you can uh well it used
to make it so that when you when you did a dolphin dive it created an explosion but the better part
is the no explosion damage because then you can just sticky situation just blast the ray gun right at your feet or or any of the rocket launchers because like getting the challenges done for that grenade
launcher were infuriating because it did so much the area of effect for damage of was so big that
you'd be like oh yeah he's way over there and you'd shoot a zombie and it would take like 20
of your hp and if you combine that with maybe a sticky situation you kill yourself and it would
like a devastating area of effect with very little usable damage in that area just enough to hurt you
it's like creating crawlers even on like round five it's just you have to like hit them in the
head with it like a rubber bullet for it to kill them i've got a new tactic for how to run weapons in that game. I rank up whatever weapon I like,
and I get the attachments on it that I think are best,
like the perfect combination of attachments.
This is good for hip fire, this is good for movement speed,
this is good for damage, and this is maximum ammunition.
And then I just rank that up in the game.
So it starts as red, but you can get the rarity to green and then blue really quickly like within the first 10 or 15
Rounds just by buying it with scrap and then I can get to purple by like round
22 and I can get to gold by round 30 so by round 30
I've got a gold shotgun with all the perfect attachments and it's triple pack a punch and it's got it's like ammo
Type maxed out so
i've got the best of every uh well i did i'm going through them both i did the pump first because i
think it's the best but uh i'm working on the semi-auto right now the one you buy off the wall
yes it's that model but like i said i i bring my own i bring my own oh do you bring it you don't
grab it so if you have a spaz you really like and
you get one off the wall that's not the spaz you get correct yeah you have to bring your own with
the attachments you want there's a way to like shuffle the attachments in game at the armor
bench but it's exactly what i called it it's shuffling them so like there's five attachments
the odds that you're going to get the exact five that you
want are i don't know what's five times five times five times five times five times five
probably that to one um i can't do it it's it's not good it's not good
do you ever do that thing where like you pretend like you say like thing where you're talking about something math-related,
and people are like, what would that be?
And you do like a half a second of trying to figure it out,
and you realize it's going to be too hard for you,
so you do like a fake, like, hmm, yeah, let me.
I got to 625 times 5, and I can't do it while maintaining the conversation.
3,125.
Yeah, I did it. Actually, yeah. Now, 3,125. Yeah, I did it.
Actually, yeah.
Now, 3,125 times five.
15,625.
All right, next one.
What is your turn?
15,625 times five.
It's about...
It's 75,000 plus...
78,125. 78 125 78 125 times five
you get out of here you're ruining this bit
you're actually making it work make it even harder times 10
oh that's actually how you make it easy yeah
cut it in half oh that's a good technique that's the sort you make it easy. Yeah, then drop it in half. Then you cut it in half.
Oh, that's a good technique.
That's the sort of stuff they teach in new math a lot,
and people hate it because it's,
like it used to be repeatable algorithms
that you knew how to do,
which is what you guys were working on.
Now it's a more fluid relationship with math.
Like, you know what?
Do the tens first,
then do the ones place,
and then you add them together,
and like you have
different strategies i multiply it by 10 then divide it by two and it's like this is an insane
way to arrive at the answer but in the end you develop this fluid comfortableness with math yeah
if you're a carpenter or something you just need to know real quick like like where to cut a board
it's like all right multiply by 10 divide by Yep, right here in the middle. Yeah. Should have known in the middle.
I'm a carpenter.
You do it diagonally.
You know that trick, right?
I saw that with the tape measure.
That was really cool.
I didn't know it before I saw that.
Oh, I even have tools that do it.
There'll be a peg in a peg with a pencil in the middle.
You just hold it diagonally and draw your middle line.
You're not familiar with this? Let's say I had a board that was 18 and five eights wide right i might
just measure it at 20 hold it diagonally and the 10 is the middle point that makes sense
instead of figuring out what 18 and five eights divided by two is and that's not the worst but
make it like 13, 16.
So now it's like, what the, wait a minute. I, uh, I texted Taylor like Thanksgiving night and time had gotten away from me. I didn't realize what time of night it was. It was
almost three in the morning, but to me it felt like 9 PM or something. And I was like, Hey,
how much steak did you come away from your grandparents with? And I was like, oh shit,
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't realize what time it was,
but he was still awake.
Yeah.
And tell,
tell us about Thanksgiving.
How much food did you come away with?
Dude,
I,
I was an absolute animal on Thanksgiving.
I ate so much prime rib,
like to the point that like later in the night after I've already eaten a
King's amount of prime rib fried,
the fried Turkey was so on point this
year so juicy and succulent nobody wants dry turkey uh and then by like the end of the night
like I'll take all the homemade rolls and everything and making prime rib sandwiches
eating that while I'm watching uh um one flew over the cuckoo's nest and I started it at like
12 20 at night but it was like that's why i was still up because it's like this movie is awesome i have to finish this this is so good and so i i brought an entire prime
rib home like they hadn't even been cut into yet a giant giant hunk like that we had to get rid of
some of it because we just couldn't eat that much i brought an entire fried turkey that hadn't been
cut into yet and then like a bag full of, of a lot of other stuff.
And so it was like,
I had a full Thanksgiving meal and like,
she,
once again was like,
it's,
it's an,
it's almost a selfish amount of food to purchase.
It's so much,
but it's so wasteful.
She,
but she like,
it's her day,
like the days leading up to that,
she's cooking and trying new things and stuff.
And like,
she's making the green bean casserole and all the stuffing and the the sweet potatoes the the salads
the does she do stuffing or dressing uh both yeah i like dressing i i've never been the biggest fan
of stuffing or dressing i love it i love it so much with the sage and all those other stuff you put in there.
I can't really remember right now, but like with the gravy, with the giblet gravy.
And then like if you make a sandwich out of if you make a sandwich with like two pieces of the dressing and some turkey and you just so good.
No Thanksgiving for me this year. It was kind of a downer.
Hmm. Like I told my dad yesterday i was like
i was like this people having thanksgivings and i first of all i prepsed it by saying that your
thanksgiving involved all of you getting tested and like quarantining yourselves before you did
it so i wasn't referring to you but i was like these people who had these big thanksgivings and
then they're going to go have a second thanksgiving with the in-laws are incredibly selfish i was i
was like i wanted to have you guys out to my
house like i didn't do it to keep you safe you know i didn't do it to keep me safe i didn't do
it to keep the people that me and you and mom may have affected uh infected the next day that we
don't even know like they'll be turkey in may after we were all we're all vaccinated i had the
best possible thanks like jackie was like right, we're having people over.
And there were people in our bubble already.
It wasn't really the situation you're describing.
But I have to entertain.
I have to be at the table.
Whenever we have people over at the Thanksgiving table,
I'm sitting there for two and a half hours.
It's longer than my happy place.
And then we had this COVID scare.
Colin's friend had COVID. Test covid tested positive it's a real thing
so suddenly we're quarantined and thanksgiving gets called off and then we test negative and i'm
everything's coming off woody here like this is my dream thanksgiving so uh you know we had
thanksgiving at the table everything was great didn't last two and a half hours. Plenty of food.
And then it was over.
So we've heard of Jackie's Chili.
How was Jackie's Turkey?
It was top notch.
It was top notch.
Yeah.
It was moist.
It was tasty.
The gravy was on point.
I have no complaints.
And I would tell you the truth.
I know you would.
You've dogged her chili for years.
And you didn't even check over your shoulder this time.
Woody is so high tea right now. You didn't even check over your shoulder this time. Woody is so high-T right now.
He didn't even look over
his shoulder before he said that. I tell you.
He installed a
Jackie mirror.
Now that's
very likely. Or even
he's got like a tracker on her on his phone
and he's just like, yep, she's nowhere near me.
Okay.
Not even with an earshot no complaints
i did that i've been cutting some weight uh it's going all right and thanksgiving rolls around and
they're pushing the pie on me i compromise i'm going to be a total asshole but i had pie with
no ice cream what kind of pie apple that's a good pie not a traditional thanksgiving pie in my
opinion jackie's good pie nonetheless he makes a homemade apple pie that is as good as it gets so she had
pecan pie does it have the crumblies on top or is it a like like the the the interlaced interwoven
pie filling stuff it's got some oh like the lattice looking stuff it's not a lattice top
but it's also not like a total
i don't like the real flaky dry top either that's not my i do okay no i prefer i don't like super
dry like if it's a if it's a moisture sponge in my pie that's not my cup of tea okay what i hate
is when they put that crumbly stuff on top of like pie,
specifically like peach cobbler.
Oh,
I don't want that.
I want the like flaky crust on top that has absorbed all of that peach goo.
That's when now it's like a big peach goo sponge.
That's just delicious.
Yes.
That that's,
that describes her pie.
That,
yeah,
that would be,
yeah,
there can be too much moisture in the pie
to where you cut it open and now it's like your pie
is running away from you all over.
Alright, we gotta stop pie talk.
Oh, pecan underrated, Taylor.
I feel like your pecan pie talk got cut off,
but that's a top-notch pie.
I love pecan pie.
It is top five pies for me.
Well, what would be your top one pie? Peach pie. Then key lime pie. I know, I'm thecan pie. It is top five pies for me. Well, what would be your top one pie?
Peach pie.
Then key lime pie.
I know.
I'm the only one.
I love key lime pie.
You're not the only one.
I like key lime pie too, especially if the limey is done right.
It's like tangy?
I forgot how much I like tangy.
Why isn't tangy a bigger part of my diet?
Tangy is good shit.
Yeah.
I haven't done it.
Lots of people like key lime.
Whenever I tell people that key lime is like
top two pies for me, they're like,
ah, key lime pie is gross. It's nasty.
I think they're just having shitty key lime pie.
I think pumpkin pie is pretty overrated
in the pie. It is. I prefer sweet potato
pie.
I'm not sure I've had sweet potato pie, so I'll
reserve judgment on that but we also
have sweet potato souffle it's a big thing in the south i think in you know perkins the restaurant
is that everywhere yeah they make pies and they make some top-notch pies pies you're like well
reese's peanut butter cup pie this is worth a try we got to see what this is
then they have some winners in there they're pecans top-notch is where you know a really tempting visually appealing place for that
is the that counter at the cheesecake factory i was just about to say like like whatever you said
next i was like what about the cheesecake factory yeah and this and the one i remember always like
seeing was the one where it's like we took 10 different types of cheesecake and reformed them into a new cheesecake.
You can have 10 for the price of one.
And it's like, this is an exciting prospect.
Me and my girlfriend went in Beaufort, Georgia, for those of you who are Georgians and maybe you know.
There's a cheesecake factory right there near the IMAX.
Left the IMAX, went to the cheesecake factory, there near the uh the imax left the imax
went to the cheesecake factory had dinner and like we had a reasonable meal i don't know probably
got a steak or something but then on the way out we walked by the pie counter and it's just like
oh my god they've made a franken pie out of like 30 different kinds of cheesecake it was expensive
i don't remember what it cost but i would would guess $30 to $40 for this pie.
It's not a pie.
It's a cheesecake.
It's a fucking cheesecake.
And it was like a couple dozen kinds of cheesecake.
I love cheesecake.
I don't know.
I guess it's a cake, technically.
I mean, it's in the name, so I wouldn't throw it into the pie category, but it seems like pie.
I would say cake's watering i love cheesecake plain cheesecake cherry cheesecake strawberry
cheesecake where kyle's coming from on the seems like pie though like it is it's cakes in the name
i hear you but it seems like pie to me it's definitely in my power ranking of cakes it beats
the hell out of ice cream cake traditional traditional cake, sheet cake, cookie cake.
Ice cream cake is king.
I would rather have cheesecake than ice cream cake.
You're getting so many textures and flavors and possibilities
though. There's frosting.
Talking about textures and possibilities, you saw the same
cheesecake I was talking about.
That's a Franken pie.
That's its own thing.
Your grandmother never made one of those.
Don't give her any ideas.
She'll have like 30 cheesecakes. own thing. Your grandmother never made one of those. Don't give her any ideas.
She'll have like 30 cheesecakes.
All with one slice removed.
Yeah.
So I love those things. I love the ice cream cakes.
But yeah, we ate that motherfucker
in a
shocking amount of time.
Ginoli cheesecakes are cylindrical,
four to six inches or more,
have a baked custard center,
and a crumb crust with a minor change in appearance.
Any pastry that is crumb crust filled
with custard and baked, in my mind, is a pie.
Top Google result.
Yeah, but it's called a cheesecake.
Do you like cheese Danish?
I can't even remember the last time I had one.
I'm sure I would.
I love the filling that's in cheese Danish's.
It reminds me of cheesecake.
I think it's the same shit.
I think it's just,
I don't know exactly what a cheesecake is made out of,
but I think it's the same shit,
and I love it.
It's my favorite kind of Danish.
What's your favorite donut?
Oh, I don't know.
Glazed.
I don't know.
Usually I would like long johns. Simple man. Usually I would like a long jar.
Simple man.
Just a long jar.
What is a long jar?
Usually vanilla more than chocolate.
It's like an eclair that is covered with chocolate.
It's phallic.
They sell these all over the place here,
but I don't think it's in many other places
gooey butter cake yeah like they sell that everywhere and it's like it's so so bad for you
it's called gooey butter cake what's i know
but that's how you can tell it's good the ingredients list is just more sugar and more fat
than should be able to be condensed into something that size.
It's just it's tremendous.
We make some goo and some butter and cake.
And there you go.
My favorite donut is the lemon cream filled.
It has the the tangy lemon custard with the vanilla frosting on top.
Damn, I want I want something sweet and tangy and lemony right now.
Right.
Donuts are something I'm usually able to turn my nose up.
It's not worthy of entering this temple.
But I'm feeling weak right now.
About to have dinner.
I know.
Oh, I'm about to have dinner.
That's why I'm so fucking hungry.
Yeah, me too.
It sounds good.
Yeah, that's why I'm doing this.
I've got baked chicken in there.
And I'm thinking like, that baked chicken sure is going to be tasty,
but it's not going to be gooey butter cake tasty.
No.
It's going to be shitty compared to cake.
Cake is the best.
I deserve cake. I'm going to the store.
I can totally see
that rationalization tonight when I'm like,
well, I'm already in...
Have you guys been to a restaurant in ages?
I have a while
through a few weeks ago.
The last restaurant I
remember being in was a Red Lobster
back in
it might have been last year.
Went this
weekend with friends. They had
outdoor seating and we were literally
the only people on that
side of the building like this is okay right this is a pandemic friendly seating arrangement
yeah patio seating seems like the way to go if you can get away from everyone it's getting too
cold for the patio now though of course it is unless you had a lot of alcohol we have we have
a place we didn't go to which has an outdoor propane heater and it gets it done
this thing that I'm talking about
is almost like an umbrella
that just pours heat on you
that's a win
the place we chose didn't have that
but next time we'll probably go to a different place
yeah
well that was a fun show, I enjoyed it
yes
alright
oh
PKN 328