Painkiller Already - PKN 329

Episode Date: December 9, 2020

pkn 329 kyle has big news well i don't know if it's big news or if it's true it's the biggest news that's ever been sure sure uh former israeli space chief uh these israeli names haim eshed has revealed that aliens from a galactic federation his words not mine have been in contact with the united states and Israel for years, but humanity just isn't ready to know this yet. Hmm. So there's no way this could be true. Well,

there's, there's several ways it could be true. It's just very unlikely that it's true. It's not true because Trump can't keep a secret, right? He would have told us if it were true. Don't you think he would have spilled it a little bit? I won the white vote.

I won the woman vote. I won the green vote. We're not going to talk about that right now, though. I mean, he might not know it. His military advisors, what, it was like eight months ago or whatever, lied about how many troops were in Syria, like some, some country,

they just straight up lied. And then they found out later it wasn't true. Like it's totally within the realm of possibility that this is some Pentagon thing that even they don't even let the head honchos know. This is like CIA extra super secret because you're right. If Trump knew about this, this would have been tweeted. And so this has got to be even more elite.

This is where we get lizard people. It's higher than we thought. One of those Chappelle show sketches where he's posing with the aliens and just chilling with them. They got their own secret handshakes. I mean,

it means that they're not mad at us. It means that they don't want to exterminate us. It seems like if they liked us, they'd help us out with this whole COVID thing, maybe. Get us maybe a cooler PS5 than what came out. That thing looks like a big air dehumidifier or something like that. Okay, but wait. The hard drive's super fast.

Maybe that's alien technology. It's faster than you can get in a PC. It's the fastest hard drive there is, yeah that true linus tech to linus tech says it's true yeah no he's got tech in his name do you believe him or do you believe the israelis i don't know now i'm gonna go with linus I think the most likely scenario here is that perhaps this is a bit of subterfuge to maybe get the news to stop talking about the fact that Israel just assassinated an Iranian nuclear scientist using a machine gun controlled by a satellite. It's pretty cool, isn't it? It's really fucking cool. I've used remote control machine

guns before but this one was controlled from outer space this one had face detection and i think i read his wife was like 13 centimeters away in the car with him and she was fine all she got was wet well not everyone gets horny when their wife is murdered taylor yeah true husband i mean that's that's terrifying that they can see you sitting next to somebody else at a baseball game and be like nope 100 chance we can shoot them from from here we're right outside right outside of jupiter's main moon and we're just gonna fire down and like that's that's so scary so spooky that they probably just did it from low orbit but but i get your point no i you know it's just remote control you know if you

think about it it's not that it's not that crazy um it's an easy problem to solve it well you know the gun wasn't that far away just the satellite was yeah oh you do i know that wasn't like a space gun i mean i mean if me and you play cod i can shoot you from georgia is i mean isn't that even more impressive if you think about it because space is much for is much closer than georgia to you what kyle does on a daily basis is far more impressive than the israeli military honestly yeah i mean technology's cool. You're flipping me entirely, and I'm not impressed at all. Yeah. I'm not impressed by the tech at all, honestly.

But I do think that maybe they're dropping some alien news. You think this is a little red herring. Don't talk about that. Talk about this kind of thing. Yeah, maybe. I mean, it's just a little coincidental that Iran is freaking out right now because Israel murdered their scientist. And they did. We all know they did. I thought we did.

I thought it was us. We were probably involved. We probably told them where he was or something. It was probably the CIA and Mossad. It was probably an M16 they'd used. Remote controlled M16. They said machine gun, which was weird to me. I would guess something belt fed because with something belt fed

you could just be like, oh, we missed those first three shots let's send 200 more probably i yeah i don't know if you can get headshots like that any gun will do i think yeah yeah yeah if you could like guarantee a headshot but um well i mean iran seems pretty upset about it it's gonna be yeah they always are when one of their scientists meets an early demise. Pish posh. Pish posh. I think you need to hire better scientists. We should be able to assassinate powers with

impunity. We know what's best. Alright, so we know you don't like any sort of intervening wars, Taylor, and I can agree with you on that. Do you think that we should really just hands in the pockets head in the sand when it comes to things like iranian nuclear scientists as well yeah okay i mean i don't really care so so then when iran has a

nuclear weapon and they give it to the pilot palestinians and the palestinians blow it up in tel aviv again hands in the pockets head hands in the it up in Tel Aviv. Again, hands in the pockets, head in the sand. You think that's going to happen? I think that's a highly likely scenario. Wait, I'll answer that question. If Iran has a problem with Israel, I don't

hear a woody problem in this whole thing. Hands in the sand, hands in the pockets. You need to go another one farther. Tel Aviv is radioactive now. We have no foothold in the region whatsoever. I love this foregone conclusion that if we don't absolutely bend over backwards

Not a foregone conclusion. Not a foregone conclusion. Just a scenario that I'm querying you upon. I'm wondering what are your thoughts if this happens? It's not going to happen. They're not going to set up a nuke in Tel Aviv.

Why not? Why would they? I don't know. Why would they fly some planes into the World Trade Center? You think that they're going to sign their own nation's million percent death warrant? Oh wait. By bombing Tel Aviv? Why would Iran have a death warrant?

Because they'd be fucked. The United States would instantly destroy Iran. No, Taylor, you forgot. Hands in pockets, head in the sand. That's our status now. You are president. I'm president. There's all sorts of things we're taking care of way before the Middle East. All sorts of things. First of all,

pieces of hard drive I just learned about. Yeah. You gotta care for all if i'm down with you i'm just wondering how many of our allies need to be destroyed before the hands come out of the pockets and the head comes out of this it's funny i want to do this taylor's dodging your questions i will answer them israel nukem nukem nukem nukem they're a bunch of takers anyway all they do is take and they're not even that good of an ally england they do take and take and take i remember who had when we went to iraq and had a baseless needless war you know who

was by our side in tony bla Tony Blair, yeah. Also Canada. And France, for fuck's sake. They came in for a bit. What did we pay them? I don't know. Israel didn't help us with that at all. If the United Kingdom, for some reason, wants to go to war with Poland, you know what? We owe them one.

I don't know what Poland did, but neither did I know what Iraq did. Let's go to war. England has been making deposits in the emotional bank account for as long as I can remember. know what poland did but neither did i know what iraq did let's go to war england has england has been making deposits in the emotional bank account for as long as i can remember meanwhile israel's just taken and taken yes with both hands it's like what are we doing over here what are we getting involved in all this nonsense half a world away like the like we have been like tons of people in this country have been convinced like need to be really scared of Iran. Are you fucking kidding me?

Wasn't the last time we had any kind of direct conflict with Iran when we shot down a passenger jet and killed 270 people? No, it's the opposite. It's when Iran shot down their own passenger jet. Yes, Iran

was trying to shoot one of our drones or something like that, and whoopsie-daisy, hit their own passenger jet with some Frenchmen. Straight from the Pentagon's mouth. Straight out of Iran's mouth. They admitted it about a week later. It took them a while to do so, but the passenger list of that. Are you talking about the one in the 70s? No, I'm talking about like two years ago kyle's right

it was it was a year ago january 8th 2020 that i was thinking of the one in the 70s so i'm crazy yeah i was thinking about the 70s one also but yeah the passenger list looked like the united nations there were some americans some frenchmen some everyone you Everyone. They were Frenchmen. There were some Frenchmen aboard. People of Frenchies. No loss there. But yeah, no, I think that... We're just entirely too involved in nations that aren't ours.

Quick facts. Taylor and I were thinking of one from 1988. I don't know why I skipped over the 2021. I guess because it's not American. It's not front of mind. I ran... I guess they shot down oh wait i may have this backwards we shot down theirs in 1988 yeah why was it looking at us funny the reason for the shoot down has been disputed between the two governments and the two countries. According to the US, the Vincennes crew incorrectly identified the Airbus as attacking an F-14 Tomcat.

Okay, Airbus. That was the best we could put on Wikipedia. We control that. Airbuses don't normally attack Tomcats. According to the Iraniansians they hate america and i'm trying to airbus the natural enemy of the tomcat right that has few predators according to iran the cruiser negligently shot down the aircraft which was transmitting iff squawks as a signal that identified it as a civilian aircraft.

So Iran says there was no reason whatsoever. And America says the Airbus was looking at us funny. Yeah, seems to me that there was somebody on that plane that had to die. Or there was just a real whoopsie daisy by a pilot. Definitely number one would be my guess. Oh, it's funny. I consider number two just as likely but i i think number two is the most likely because it seems like if we want to kill

an iranian scientist we can do it we just do it uh without taking out a whole bunch of other people because we've been killing those people for years that's very true the most dangerous job in the world mike row needs to go over there and fucking hang out with some iranian scientists and show them scared as fuck all goddamn day long. He can rub some of that grease on his face with cameras and be like, this is Hamid Daddell. He is fucking shit scared

all day long. Tell us, Hamid, tell them. I am scared every day, all day. The Americans, the Russians, the Israelis, there is no one, there is no place to be safe. I don't even want to be scientist. They make me work here. As I think about it, I don't think there was

someone on the plane that had to die. I think that's less likely as I process it because... Very unlikely. Yeah, I think your assassination point... Killing 290 people doesn't get you less attention. It doesn't cover the fact that there's a VIP on there. Go ahead.

Unless he knew about the Galactic Federation. Then you'd have to kill any number of millions of people in order to cover that. Whatever it takes. Whatever it takes. Anything that it takes. That's why every major war has ever been started at the Galactic Federation. Perhaps. I hope this ends up being real.

God, I hope so too. God, I want to see what they wear Don't you want to see what they're wearing Because like all of our science fiction shows They're like everybody probably just You know wears a different uniform I bet they have trousers and shirts that are separate They have no individuality

It's just different onesies You know in Star Trek they weren't separate It was that one piece thing They call it the Picard maneuver It's where he's always pulling his pulling his uniform down because it didn't fucking fit did he know his uniform down because it fit him more flattering that way or because it showed his balls less because it was because so gene roddenberry thought that in the future all fabric would be wrinkle free it wouldn't wrinkle which isn't a terrible assumption

like like sure future fabric why would it be able to wrinkle you know nobody likes a wrinkly shirt and uh and so to achieve this look in in star trek the next generation he had all of the uniforms designed a size too small so that they would be tight they'd be tight fitting and therefore you never could never would show a wrinkle right you can't wrinkle if the shit's painted on and pacard and patrick stewart who plays pacard is just like this is bullshit this is bullshit so season two you immediately see oh they got pacard in a uniform why ain't he wearing the uniform everyone else wears got his own fancy uniform now. And he does. He's got this much more comfortable thing that just kind of drapes over the top,

almost like a cape, like a shawl of a uniform. And yeah, that's what happened there. If you put me in a onesie that's too small, I'm introducing you to the boys. My two testicles. That's how that goes. I saw Wesley Crusher go through puberty on television.

Slowly but surely those balls were getting lower and lower from seasons one to seasons four. Didn't everybody hate his character? It's kind of a meme. I don't know fuck all about it, but I remember the guy who played him used to have a Twitter account.

And the only time I would ever see his Twitter account is when it was like lots, him saying something obnoxious. And like, at one point I think even what's his name, the guy who played the card was like, shut up Wesley. Like underneath everybody's just like,

he's trying to get a point about something that's probably annoying anyway, but just a liberal can't get his, his, his point out because everyone's just like he's trying to get a point about something that's probably annoying anyway but he's a liberal can't get his his his point out because everyone's just shut up wesley so uh i liked him back when i was a kid he's a liberal but that doesn't have any impact on a funny character kind of a throwaway age he was the guy that i associated like i was wesley's age when wesley was wesley's age, and he was really smart. He would often save the day with engineering skills that rivaled Jordy's. Is that the Jordy LaForge? Jordy LaForge.

And, um, you know, he would have good ideas to bring to the table. And perhaps as an annoying 16 year old myself, I didn't recognize him as an annoying 16 year old. He just seemed like a really smart science hero to me. So that makes sense.

Yeah. Yeah. He was, uh, he was like the ship's genius and he's also the suspected love child of Picard and, uh, Dr.

Crusher. And so he kind of gets his way on the enterprise, you know, right away. Like, like he's, it's not long before they're making him an acting ensign and he's, he's driving the fucking ship.

He's like 16. Doesn't he? couldn't drive a fucking earth car in 1997 but he's driving the starship enterprise the flagship of the federation and and uh you know he's always injected into the shows earlier seasons as like the genius kid who's the boy genius who's in over his head and uh a bit annoying but you know he's he's still i skip his episodes like the episodes that are wesley centric i find to be hyper annoying there's one where he goes to this like planet where there's zero crime like zero strife like everyone is just happy to do their job no one steps out of line and then you're like oh man this is a paradise and the girls are hot. He's hanging out with these alien bitches that are barely wearing clothes and an alien dude who's barely wearing

clothes. By the way, they just look like blonde hair, blue eyed, beautiful people. They don't look like aliens. Someone throws a ball. Wesley goes along and he falls into this enclosure where some plants are, like some flowers or something. Like a flower garden with a little mini greenhouse on top.

And turns out, the penalty on that planet for every rule infraction is death. And he just broke a rule. That's why there's no crime on the planet. Because fucking speeding ticket? Death. Fucking spit on the sidewalk? Death. Fall into the flower

garden? Death. And so they're stuck in a situation where Picard is like, oh, we're not going to let him kill Wesley. Early for dentist appointment, also jail. Also jail. Yeah, so I skipped those episodes. But yeah, that's the deal. Yeah, it's like a Luann episode in King of the

Hill. Just skip. Do they teach the entire planet that their punishment and value system is wrong and they change their mind? Do you recall? I don't recall how it ends. It seems like they've got a good thing going. I wish it had ended with Wesley being decapitated, though. That would have been the best ending.

Respect their loss. Yeah, prime directive. We can't interfere. That was the concern. See you later, then. Kill him off like that, like they did tasha yar it was crazy to me when she died so back then characters had plot armor right you know characters who were major characters didn't die you know everyone knew if they went down with the

darn red jackets or something they were likely to die that maybe the second they landed on the planet there could be a beam me down malfunction and people could die but you know if they were main characters recurring characters they were very safe and they killed her and i'm like all right they just need to you know flash the beeping lights at her everything's going to be fine and then they said they couldn't bring her back and i'm like but but she's a recurring character that am i the only one that remembers she's a recurring character she's a tactical officer she sits behind bakar yeah like look and she died died and she stayed dead mostly yeah they brought the actress back but only only to play alternate universe versions of that character, the daughter of that character, stuff like that.

Yeah. It's so convoluted. Little one-off episodes. That's Star Trek. There's a lot of dark dimension. There's this thing that they do occasionally, and they've done it since the original series, where they go into the bizarro dimension. the bizarro dimension and like like transporter accidents will will make this happen where like you'll accidentally bring over the evil version of one of your characters who looks exactly like uh spock except he's got a goatee it's spock with a goatee and he's ruthless as fuck or it'll be

kirk with like an extra tight uniform and he's ruthless as fuck sometimes they're in a location that does that like oh yeah yeah there's um you know a time disturbance around this comet and uh if you shoot the comet then you go back 20 years and in this time in this timeline a different thing happened and shit like that happens and stuff i like how you guys have described like those little like you have to beam me down and we'll take on the Gorgon, whatever it is. It'll be three guys in the main crew, and then you say there's a red shirt or two,

and every time you're just like, these guys are dead. The red shirt survivability rate approaches zero. It's rather low. It's rather low. It's funny that you nailed that, by the way. The Gorgon is the alien that uh that uh kirk goes down to fight who's wearing the green lizard suit ah wasn't what they used to call uh like the medusas like the something about like

like a medusa was also called the gorgon or that creature the medusa creature is called the gorgon i don't know might be some g Greek mythology involved, but I can't, I don't know about that. I know more about Star Trek made up things than Greek mythology. What was the, what was the name of the thing? Gorgons, yeah. Oh. Okay.

Yeah. So Medusa was a Gorgon and there were three Gorgons that protected something and she was one of them. There we go. That could have been a, that could something and she was one of them. There we go. That could have been a Jeopardy question. That's good. What's the name of the thing that I think you both have complained about before where it's just in, I think, maybe I'm wrong. And it's only in one Star Trek series. But the room that they go into when they run out of ideas on how to keep going.

And it's like, you know, oh, we got eight episodes. We need four more for this round out season. Oh, we got two in the mystery box. Now we're going to do a Sherlock Holmes episode. But for some reason, lately on the holodeck, there are real life consequences to how this works out. And it's like, this is bullshit. This isn't even star trek it's like uh it's the victorian era mystery now like it's star trek's way oftentimes

to branch out from the constraints of a futuristic space tv show it's like you know we're all actors here and we've been doing this for four years patrick tell them what you used to do well i'm a classically trained actor i you know you may have seen me in dune many other films actually and i love doing shakespearean things and all right all right and they go down the line they're all like that brent spiner also classically trained actor and a musician a singer so if if they can and they can unfortunately they'll use the holodeck to be like oh yeah we were doing this program where we're all playing victorian actors it'll be robin one of them was robin hood like like someone was doing a robin hood thing and things went haywire

and now we're all stuck in here and uh but but yeah the one he's referring to is sherlock holmes because data so smart he's so he's too smart for his own good. It's, it's not challenging for him. So he created a, he told the computer program, uh, in his Sherlock Holmes, uh,

skit that he was like going through to like, Hey, make me an enemy. I can't defeat. So it basically gives Moriarty, who's the classic villain from Sherlock Holmes sentience. And he quickly realizes that he's in a holodeck and starts trying to figure out how to get out of the holodeck,

even though he's a character within the holodeck at the end of the episode, because he is sentient, they can't just turn him off. They can't just delete him. So Picard tells him, and this is in like season three, maybe four, but probably three. He tells him, all right, what we're going to do is we're going to leave your program running so that you don't have to go to the dark zone

because that's what happens when you turn a holodeck off. They're just not there anymore. We're going to leave your program running and as soon as we get the technology to get you out of here, we're going to come back and get you and then you'll be able to walk there or whatever planet. They leave his program running but we never go back to it and the funny part is they

got that technology about eight years later yeah right yeah there's something we were supposed to do so and you just go to moriarty like banging and then you zoom out but you still hear the banging like the imagination is the limit in this room anything you can imagine can take form and shape and tactile response and these losers are reenacting uh peter pan and fucking uh robin hood and nonsense strongly inferred that there's a lot of porn happening on the holodeck not on tng though it is inferred it is not only inferred it is advertised on deep space nine and that is why deep space nine is better on deep space nine on the space station the ferengi bartender he owns the hollow suites and he rents time out and you have to pay which is a kind of a thing that the federation

doesn't do a lot they don't have currency and so it's not just implied it's porn you're going in there to fuck and i mean you could do like training programs like combat you could do all sorts of things but he's selling fuck shows over there and like there's a really fun episode where this this like this uh this this uh this new character with a very discerning eye wants a special fuck show he wants he wants to be able to fuck major kira who's one of the attractive officers on the space station and so quark the the bartender is following her around with like this holographic camera like you know scanning her so that he can make a character of her so for this guy to fuck but then they get wind of this and then like just as she's about to like blow him she becomes

quark's head and quark's head is just hideous he's this enormous eared spiky tooth like monster man it's it was a lot of fun but yeah they're just fucking like crazy so i've always wondered the way the hologram holograms work is it's uh it's photons of light right that that have tactile response so everything in there is light when you turn the thing off you're just in a room you're just in an empty fucking room just like if you took off a uh an oculus rift or whatever you're not back a room. You're just in an empty fucking room. Just like if you took off an Oculus Rift or whatever. You're not back in the empty room. Who's cleaning up the jizz?

Who's cleaning up all that alien jizz? The jizz is real. Right? One of the redshirt slaves? That's not what they're trained for! Those guys are trying to be engineers! They're trained to die on the surface of the moon of Glaxor

Or whatever the fuck They die in such awful ways I don't know I just made that up It's nothing That's generic sounding enough to go anywhere In any universe Somebody's cleaning up that jizz

Yeah They probably have sieves and some sort of special floor to collect body fluids. Because if there's going to be semen collecting, and if you're practicing fighting, you're going to be bleeding too. So cum isn't the only... You would need some sort

of filtration system for bodily fluids. My suspicion is it's an incineration system. They can just melt that and, yeah. Kyle mentioned how talented the actors were. That often surprises me, right? Because, like, okay, Star Trek's a good example. I wouldn't have watched Picard and pegged him as, like, a Broadway guy that can sing.

And every so often they do episodes where actors just wind up singing. Like the Buffy one that was a musical. Did you buffy the vampire's life of course the musical every episode all of them could sing i think except maybe zander i forget uh one of them couldn't sing but that happens all the time and i'll just be like oh yeah amy poehler from fucking uh parks and rec and then she busts out singing and you're like wait what she's actually good they're all these hollywood people are using 10 of their talents all the time yeah i think that those people wanted to be into in entertainment and they went a lot of them went to like these acting schools and drama schools and stuff where like you did a little bit of everything

you know if the dancing takes off we'll go with that if the singing takes off we'll go with that oh it's acting i'm i'm a better actor i'm kind of quirky all right well that's what we'll do yeah i bet the guy that played urkel could fucking bust out of tune i bet he can dance that guy that played he could definitely dance every so often he'd play like his i don't know uh reversal him and he was like totally cool. And he played basketball. Stefan. Stefan. He was Steven Urkel.

But when he was in cool mode, he was Stefan. And you'd see Stefan play basketball. And I don't pretend that I'm actually good at basketball. But I played a little whatever. And you could see he could play. Like the way that he moved, the way that he dribbled, the way that he did like a that he dribbled the way that he did like a finger roll it was like this guy actually plays basketball and i've never seen

a black man who can't play basketball just saying but i hear where you're coming from yeah yeah anyway for some reason i thought urkel would break that mold but no he can play yeah yeah i wonder what he's doing now well Well, he did some voice. He did the voice of Gene the Genie in a couple of episodes of Duck Tales recently. Oh, so he hit it big. Raven's Home did some voices. Fresh off the boat. The big show show.

I wonder. Take a non-A-list. Okay. In terms of wealth, right? We all know that Ben Affleck and Brad Pitt and Scarlett Johansson. Oh! Did I get it? They're all super rich.

They're all doing super great. You go back a little, Julia Roberts. Okay, that class of actor, actress, doing fantastic. What about a couple notches down right like a three men and a baby this is an old movie it had tom selleck it had ted danson and it had another guy how's that other guy doing like it it's so funny that you said in my head i was like tom selleck ted danson and shit yeah wasn't Wasn't Jim Belushi, was it? Who the fuck was it?

I'll look it up. I can find it. It was Steve Guttenberg. Steve Guttenberg. How's Steve doing these days? Right. How is Steve Guttenberg? Like, there's a class of actor that's not, like, super famous, but they are working.

They are working actors. And I wonder what kind of wealth a working actor accumulates like it do they ever worry about money and by the way it takes a good amount of money to live in hollywood you know if you have three million you're not set for life perhaps if you want to live and work in hollywood you know you need more than that maybe it seems like he does a lot of smaller projects and like one-off things still a working actor how's it going what is the most recent big thing he was in he was in five episodes of the goldbergs and eight episodes of ballers i like the goldbergs i've seen shucks at one point I saw all the Goldbergs the first four seasons I don't

remember Steve Guttenberg so I'm gonna say he didn't play a major role in that show yeah Dr. Catman I don't remember the Dr. Catman yeah I'm picturing a man in a cat suit now yeah i i'm gonna google a picture see if it rings a bell just a six foot set just a six foot tall furry really just um actually i'm a picture i'm literally picturing um tom from tom and jerry tom was the cat right makes sense tom cat i mean celebrity set steve gutenberg $15 million, and we all know you can trust that. Celebrity Network, that is the worst. What do you think

the guy from Home Alone's net worth is? McCauley Culkin? Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! I've been nailing that one. They ask me that on Twitch all the time. I want to say it was Waggish who we got the other night.

We were just about to play Zombies, and Waggish was in the voice chat with us for a few minutes, and we were talking about it. Waggish, if this wasn't you, I apologize. But I'm pretty sure it was him, and we convinced him that he didn't know macaulay colkin's name either and but we convinced him that um we finally got around to colkin because someone did what i just fucking did and ruined the bit and said colkin and i was just like you know

because he's he's a blonde haired kid i was like what other lie can i tell i was like you know he's actually related to hulk oh no i told him that it was Macaulay Hogan. That's what it was. And then he was, he was Hulk Hogan's nephew and he bought it. And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, Terry Hogan, the guy who plays Hulk Hogan, you know, the wrestler, um, his nephew Macaulay Hogan of home alone fame. And he was like, really? I had i had it it was we were all see the similarities there oh god they look nothing alike yeah skips generation hulk hogan's real name is

terry gene balea and i was gonna learn macaulay calkin's real name so next time you asked me i was gonna like trump you and i like like bust out turns out his real name is macaulay caulkin's real name so next time you asked me i was gonna like trump you and i like like bust out turns out his real name is macaulay caulkin and it doesn't work but so many of these actors have fake names i don't think tom cruise's real name is tom cruise i is it that i don't know no idea do you know what macaulay caulkin's brother's name is adam no rich you're not gonna get it you think they named one kid mccauley and the other one adam lenny george foreman lenny what do you have a sepsis character now i don't know homer whatever the fuck he's pretty close pretty close uh carl yeah Just start going through. Barney. Moe. I know Tom Cruise's real name.

Bumblebee Man. Bumblebee Man. Tom Mappether. Tom Mappether IV. Cruise is his middle name. Thomas Cruise Mappether IV. So I was like, I'm going to learn this guy's real name and trump everybody. But the bit didn't work.

Yeah, because his name is actually Macaulay Culkin. That's not a name you choose for yourself to be more marketable. That's a name your parents give you because they're assholes. I'm pretty sure his brother's name is Kieran. Kieran Macaulay Culkin? I think so. Yeah, that's off the top of my head.

I think it is. He's an actor as well. And he aged better. Did Macaulay Culkin do a lot of drugs yeah he looks that way he i definitely saw a picture of him that looked like he was like sunken in cheeks kind of heroin-y but yeah he looked like a one of those he looked like one of those um dogs the, from the McLaughlin ads. And the arms of the angel. Really deep.

All the, all the eye boogers just, just hanging off of me. You're like, come on, they don't have anybody to just go over there and get them a little, get more of those. Those eye boogers off that shaky little fuck.

Doing a McDonald's shoot where they like put little bits of cardboard in between the, the ingredients are like going over there and adding extra boogers off that shaky little fuck. They're doing a McDonald's shoot where they put little bits of cardboard in between the ingredients. They're going over there and adding extra boogers to the eye. It's like, get some more eye boogers in this chihuahua. He looks happy. Now, I know we're trying to make money, but two dead eyes on the same cat? Now, nobody's going to adopt a two-dead-eyed cat. Is that like an old-school school 1920 splint that you put

on that dog jean that doesn't even look realistic it's two sticks and some ace bandage come on they're not gonna buy this they always buy it i i don't know where they get those sick fucking animals but the fact that the cameraman is there like a camera crew showed up to film these animals and nobody's bothered to get the eye boogers makes me suspicious i think that was that i think that was a simple simpsons bit where they're watching that old commercial and they're like donate now or we'll kill the dogs you're playing hardball something along those lines much funnier phrase than that but poor fucking dogs i can when that commercial comes on i literally change the channel without fail i only see it when i'm in hotels

okay when i'm in hotel they must roll it constantly if you're one of those poor people who has to watch normal television i don't mean poor as in financially i mean i pity you that you're watching fucking regular television but that's true you get rid of hotels i don't think i've seen that in the last 10 15 years yeah it's still on so is that old man with the beard who's in the african village wanting you to pay for their food oh my god everyone in that commercial is dead of old age by now they were running that uh before zoom zoom was a show in the 90s after school should you. You remember Zoom, Kyle? Yeah.

Yeah, see? They would run it all the time during Zoom. And what? Almost 30 years later, they're still running that shit. The same old man. That guy's kid. That guy's grandchildren are Woody's age. There's no way.

Yeah, I don't know. There's an SNL skit where it's's that old white haired guy with a beard in the african village and he's just like for just 10 cents a day 10 cents a day you can provide and like one of the villagers goes 10 cents a day why can't why not a dollar i could do something with a dollar yeah what am i gonna do with 10 cents just 10 cents a day that's all they need god damn it they were right when you give a mouse a fucking cookie he's trying to shoot the commercial what's the second half of when you give a mouse a cookie? They want some milk. Yeah, then you want some. It's like you give someone an inch and they'll take a mile.

Yeah, yeah. You'd immediately become angry at the Africans for wanting more than a dime a day. When you give a mouse a cookie, he wants some milk. Is that an expression? Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to ask for a glass of milk then next. Have you ever seen those books?

When you give a mouse a cookie, he'll ask for a glass of milk. And if you give him the glass of milk, he'll ask for a waffle. And if you a mouse a cookie, he'll ask for a glass of milk. And if you give him the glass of milk, he'll ask for a waffle. And if you give him a waffle, he'll ask for syrup. And if you give him syrup, he'll ask for pink. Like it's just the whole thing.

Wow. This book is on YouTube. Yeah. It's a, at the time I thought it was a silly book about, you know, providing mice with all the treats they could ever want, but it's about,

you know, being responsible. It's actually about race relations in the South. It's really a life lesson not to help the unfortunate. That book was written by Beauregard Lee, the governor of Alabama.

If you look at the cover, it's the stars and bars. If you give one of them a cookie white pride association the mouse is all done up in minstrel makeup just over the top greedy mouse had asked for a cookie and what did the boss man say and you're just like, whew, this has not aged well. I said I'd draw the children's book that would entirely

eliminate subtext. I wanted to slam children in the face with what I was saying. Going over anybody's head with that one. The new episode of Mandalorian, let's just keep it nerdy, the whole PKN was real fucking good

they brought out the fucking dart troopers they got uh baby yoda and i haven't seen it i heard that a lot of the dark trooper had been rumored before so yeah they showed them yeah but now they're that's the only thing else are they stormtroopers that hit their shots or do they still miss like the other stormtroopers? How about this? I'll just tell you what dark troopers are as far as Star Wars lore. They are the souped-up battle droids. So there's a couple of different iterations of them. The iteration that we're seeing, in one iteration, it's a power armor for a stormtrooper.

But that's not what we have here. We've got like a souped-up battle droid. And they haven't shown them take any damage yet, but in the lore they're made of this lightsaber resistant material called Frick. But, yeah, I know. That's not spacey at all.

I know. Hopefully it's an acronym. And they're a much more formidable foe, because obviously we haven't had any stormtroopers show up literally like, like another minor spoiler, a bunch of stormtroopers show up and you're like, yawn, like,

like, like it, they show 10 or 15 show up and you're like, that ain't going to do it. And like maybe 10 or 15 more show up and you're like, not even close. Like, that ain't going to do it. And like maybe 10 or 15 more show up and you're like, not even close. Like they're going to, it would literally have to be 150 of them before you'd start worrying about

the Mandalorian. Right? Like it'd have to be so many that that scene would happen where they're just like piling on top of him. Like in that, like in the matrix too. Like, like when,

when, when all the agent Smiths are just piling on top of Keanu Reeves and trying to take him down by sheer, like force of weight, that's what it would seemingly take because the guy's bulletproof. That's the big thing. He's blaster proof. Look, Mandalorian gets shot almost every episode to which he says,

well, blasters are not a problem. Yeah. Only special blasters are a problem. He has to fear the blade the jedi blade nope nope that don't work either what is he afraid of monsters or something monster would eat him yeah afraid of running out of money to repair his ship every episode man you guys are hitting on a lot of stuff you've seen the episode they're hitting on a lot of stuff right here um i can't talk look i'll just

say this quickly go watch it before someone spoils and you try to stream tonight because a lot of big things happen a lot of big big things happen this is not one of those like stop in a small town and ask for a gas kind of episodes this is a okay oh shit oh shit stuff's happening like major new characters i hope that chick who got fat dies gina carano i need to see her like on the street where's her instagram let me find her instagram can you trust instagram though don't they have like built-in filters to make you hotter which character are you talking about gina carano is the is the actress slash ufc fighter's name and uh but in the show she's like bo katan or something i don't know his star wars names are hard dude she's fat and uh invicta fighter but the idea where where's she fat uh i will show you

a picture of fat gina you tell me there's another word that describes her better. Thick. Yeah, thick. Thick. This is a trick. She couldn't make weight in her prime. She missed weight a lot. Alright, I'll say this. She could easily lose. She's super strong. Look at her boobs.

That is a fat person. That is a fat person being held in by a corset that's what you're latching on to and disliking this is a woman who this is a woman who is fine the way she is frankly yeah i think she's attractive however if she lost 10 to 15 pounds she'd be very attractive she could she's 30 pounds away from very attractive. How tall is she? That matters, Woody. How tall is Gina Conner? True, true, true.

I think she might be. I have 5'7 in my head. I'm not sure. 5'8. See, this is. You knock 15 pounds off this, and this is a nice looking lady. What? 15?

Did you say? Or 50? 15. Not 50. What do you think she weighs weighs i think she weighs 185 no i'm exaggerating she might weigh 170 though no this is oh you don't think she weighs 170 no oh she does though i think right here i think this is a first of all very very muscular woman.

So you can't compare her to other women. Normally, if a woman is 150 to 160 pounds, it's a real problem. But I think that she's somewhere in there. I think she's more than 150, but not much more than 160. Maybe she might be 162, but a lot of muscle there. She's on her way. She's squatting. I found another picture of her.

I don't know how long ago this is, but look how much better she is there. Yeah, yeah. Light years better. And look at the boob difference. I know, like, oh, how can you complain about big boobs? Dude, these that I'm showing on screen now, the second picture, attractive boobs. This pair of human heads that she is in The Mandalorian, that's too much. She's got a great smile.

I can't get my energy on that. Look at her arms there in the second picture. She's at some sort of movie. Lots of pushing exercises, getting that tricep nice and nice and big no i think it's mostly from punching women in the head yeah you know what but you have to probably do a lot of pushing exercises she has all right the amount of weight she's gaining like a year implies that she's just gone off the deep end with her diet this is a one year transformation that is just yeah i noticed i noticed about it was in the episode that had a lot of carl weathers yep i noticed in that one that she was wearing like

this big like stomach belt like type thing like it's like she had a regular belt with like a gun on it maybe and then she had like a second belt that like went around her belly button or cummerbund but but but a space cummerbund all right technical uses there was a phaser in there or something there was a tricorder fanny pack a big space fanny pack right in front of her gut and uh yeah look she's clearly gained quite a bit of weight it's which is surprising because she's on the biggest tv show uh you know one of the biggest in the world they've got like a i don't know what the budget is i think the budget is 15 or a i was i'm saying biggest when he said the biggest my mind instantly started to counter and i'm like actually

it is one of the biggest it's probably the biggest budget even if it's not my favorite my personal favorite thing going on right now is the boys biggest it's probably the biggest budget even if it's not my favorite my personal favorite thing going on right now is the boys but it's probably the biggest budget it's probably bigger and it's the mandalorian it's in the star wars universe it will probably live on longer like it's huge you can't knock it's one of the biggest it is yeah and and like every every day i read more and more stuff that kind of confirms my my like suspicions early on that the mandalorian is going to spawn this whole every time the reason we're seeing so many stopping on so many planets and meeting so many of these side characters who are played by guest

stars of like note is because they're creating a whole universe you got to keep in mind this this whole thing is being headlined by um what's his name who did um uh iron man oh what's his fucking name john favaro or something john john favro is is like writing these are alley-oops kyle they're not meant to score yeah well yeah you hit the board look i'm trying to help you you take it home that's all i need it that's all i need you got to keep in mind that john favro is behind the mandalorian the same guy who made iron man and thus spawned pretty much the whole marvel cinematic universe as we know it i think that's what they're trying to do here you know they've got mandalorian as your iron man but then you've got all these other characters are your you know your hulks your

fucking scarlet witches etc yeah i think that's what they're gonna do i don't think the gina carano is gonna get a show until she slims down a little bit but um cob whatever the fuck could get one the the the the guy who was wearing the mandalorian armor in the western town yeah or played by timothy oliphant who's certainly i bet you're about to say her. Rosario Dawson's character, Ahsoka, the Jedi, she's getting one. I want that. I think Katie Sackhoff's character, the Mandalorian lady with the bube armor, I think she's probably going to get a spinoff character. Or a spinoff series, I should say.

Her own whole television show separate. And then you'll just mix and match characters amongst them, just like they tried to do over on netflix with the marvel tv stuff with uh with the defenders with um i don't know yeah it was so many of these superhero shows half of them like i haven't even heard of yeah i i don't understand why marvel money can make kumail nanjiani a sex symbol you don't know as you know this guy i i get his name i do yeah the indian well i'm sure you got his name wrong but i heard a weird indian sounding name and i knew who you meant i i have the in front of me i looked it up k Kumal Nanjiani. Something very close to that.

Oh, I think that you tried to pronounce it correctly. And I'm not saying that I can't pronounce it correctly. Anyway, they turned him into an actual sex symbol. Like, he looks amazing. And he's never looked amazing in his whole life. He was the subject of a more plates, more dates video. And super cool. And I say, how do they do this? And he's never looked amazing in his whole life. He was the subject of a more plates, more dates video. And super cool. And I say, how do they do this?

How do they identify fat, old comedians that can suddenly become superheroes? And they say, well, there's Marvel money. Are you willing to take steroids and work out? Well, there's Star Wars money, which has to be the parallel. Yet, Gina is still a fatty, fatty McFatty 2x4. Jesus. Yeah, I don't know what's going on there. Maybe she's got something going on in her life. She better be having a baby.

That would explain the giant belt slash space Cumberbund attire. Male, non-giant. It looks like one of his powers is super smell. He's been doing hisund attired. Male, non-gen, it looks like one of his powers is super smell. He's been doing nose ups and his nose downs. Oh my God, you're making fun of his face.

I thought you were saying his workouts caused him to have BO. No, no, I'm saying that his nose, he has a big nose. He has like a, I broke my nose a bunch of times nose. Yes, he looks like he could peck you with it and do some serious damage. I love the title of the article. Reveals how he got ridiculously fit for Marvel's Eternals. No, he doesn't. No, he doesn't.

I guarantee you. Is there chicken and broccoli? Is there chicken and broccoli mentioned? I'm going to Google if the word. I'm searching for the word chicken in this thing. Well, the secret was. Fred Barone. The secret was hard work and prayer he doesn't mention chicken damn it the the the secret is absolutely like a heavy dose of testosterone and maybe tremble on i don't know

i don't know why anyone takes tremble on like like it's a horse steroid you as far as you're not you're not unselling it so far unless there's a better steroid maybe like a dinosaur steroid then horses i've read about trend alone i've read about trend alone before and maybe i'm out of date with this and maybe i'm just missing maybe i'm just mistaken so forgive me if i'm just uh pants on head retarded wrong here but i read something like the only way to get tremble on at least from the article i was reading or the dark web um what they were they were like taking these these capsules that they use to inject it into horses because they've got like they use these guns to like inject livestock and it's like this pellet that you like and you like it stabs into the horse and then it auto injects like this pellet

of trend balloon into the horse and or maybe cattle in any case um they take those pellets and they do a little at-home chemistry to like get the shit out of them so that they can then inject it into their own ass and be on trend. Like that doesn't make a lot of sense to me. Maybe because people are just buying this stuff. And I thought that people were buying it through clinics and stuff. Maybe I was wrong about that. And there's just somewhere where there's like a drug manufacturer,

like underground taking lots of those horse pellets and like melting them down into fucking vials i'm sure you're familiar with sarms right but for a listener sarms are kind of like a steroid i think they're less effective but they're supposed to be and this is where i get out of my depth like androgen receptor specific so it does all the good shit for your muscles and makes them big and strong but maybe your whatever liver or kidneys or whatever they don't absorb the steroid so it's just like oh steroids but only the good parts yeah i'm 80 right on this maybe even 90 so uh hair safe it's not hair safe i't know that. In any case, he's talking about SARMs. But you can buy SARMs for purposes other than to use as a steroid.

Maybe your hobby is experimenting on lab rats, right? So you can buy SARMs. Just promise, pinky promise, pinky swear perhaps, that you're not a drinking them or whatever i think it's a liquid you drink anyway um and you can buy sarms like over the internet over the counter you can buy steroids in america that work as some kind of level of effectiveness on steroids just say that maintains one really jacked rat. Anytime someone comes,

they're like, we know what you're... Oh, fuck! Wow! Alright, you're free to go. This is the first time I've ever seen you. We'll leave. Just don't turn Mongo loose. Oh my god. How'd you get that snake so wide? It has shoulders. That's a rat that would fuck a cat god damn experimenting on right is that something that you could just do as a hobby is experiment

there's a youtuber that uses that example all the time he talks about sarms and his channel might have got canceled but uh and he's like yeah yeah you know so of course i'm not taking these on myself i'm by these arms to experiment on my lab rats but had i been taking them myself this is what i would have experienced and then he details what obviously happened to him on these arms yeah this is pinky the rat um he's noticed a bit of erectile dysfunction. His wife, Minnie, has left him. And every day is a rage-filled nightmare, which

will come to an end on Friday, I guarantee you. At the Civic Center. At the Civic Center. Be there or be square. A little fractional place. It's only one pound, but that's body weight.

He's getting perfect form. He gained a whole pound of clean contractile tissue. Contractile tissue. But it's a rat, so one pound. Pinky's progress.

But yeah, so I wonder, I was just saying, I wonder if Tremblone falls under that umbrella at all. Like maybe it's more accessible because it's for horses or something. I don't know. I don't know, man. I don't know anything. I don't want to know anything about Trent. It just seems like it seems super dangerous. I don't want to know anything about trend.

It just seems like, um, it seems super dangerous. Uh, like, like whenever you read about it, it's, it's just like actual mental issues that some people have, not everybody.

Some people take it and they're just like, Oh yeah, I feel so focused and I feel great. And I got jacked as fuck. But then like, you just read so many horror stories where it's like decimating people's hair or it's making them super, uh,

aggressive or paranoid or, you you know sexual side effects but that's probably something that they're stacking with the trend alone because like if you read what some of these people do like there's a steroid subreddit if you read what some of those people do on there they're like oh yeah it's my first cycle so i'm taking 700 milligrams of test and i'm stacking it with some primo and i I'm going to, yeah, yeah, 400 milligrams of Trana week and also some Windstraw and everybody's like, dude, what are you doing? Why are you

doing? Are you insane? No, they don't say that. They don't say that at all. All the gains at once. All the gains at once. A cycle like that, the people on there will be like yeah man sounds like a good protocol they're gonna get you're gonna get jacked but then occasionally there'll

be one guy who's even too extreme for them to be like yes i'm injecting uh 1375 milligrams of test a week they're like dude you're injecting 1.3 grams of test a week like are you insane are you insane you're doing like 10 times what what what what a healthy dose would be like but is he getting 10 times as good no no it's not how it works at all no yeah i i i watch pretty much every more plates more date video and uh it i guess some small amount has major impacts and then a little more has a little more impact and at some point you're like quadrupling your dose to get five percent more and if you're a professional bodybuilder then maybe that makes sense to you but as you quadruple the dose you quadruple your risk and for most people that little little benefit is not where you want to be. Yeah.

Crazy people. They're just abusing some really scary drugs. You know, if it were like, and because it's steroids, there's like a ton of people in there who are just like, yeah, sounds like a plan, man. If it were heroin, if they were like, yes, this weekend, I'm going to do five mils of heroin, couple pumps of coke do a little lsd and nobody would be on board for that they'd be like dude heroin that's pretty cool maybe if you're on the heroin subreddit if that guy was in the hangout you know we'd be giving him the thumbs up there's no heroin subreddit there's no fucking way there's a heroin subreddit or at least not a serious one where people are talking about doing heroin

no no you had me curious like in a positive kind of way there may be a heroin recovery subreddit recovery subreddit there's no picture of it says eight-year-old me thinking i'll never drink and do drugs and it's baby yoda and then it says me years later getting Narcan in a McDonald's bathroom, and it's the original. Like on the side with the lacy eye. Oh, there is a heroin subreddit. It turns out you just have to spell it correctly. And for the junkies and ex-junkies of Reddit, a subreddit for all things heroin. Topics include heroin appreciation harm reduction withdrawal

recovery lifestyle discussions and more jesus christ i like this me if i just link the weed users you are addicted no i'm not it's therapeutic it can help me and it can help i can stop what i want and heroin users you are addicted i know like the top picture right now posted three hours ago is what i assume is heroin in uh maybe the cap of a bottle or something i don't know i don't even know what heroin looks like i'm realizing i thought you burnt it in a spoon is it am i right about that yeah well you melt it and then you you know this guy has 10 G's of nice brown nice nothing like 10 G's of nice brown heroin looks doesn't look scary this looks well I'll give you ever too late to start yeah that's true um i i just i just here i'll link the exact picture i'm looking at

and the the audience is looking at does it look like something you might cook with like like oh yeah you just have to sift it like flour that is a lot of heroin i don't know i mean is that a lot or is that a cupcake? That is a cupcake thing. That's still a lot of heroin, I think, right? Oh, I don't know. Yeah. It doesn't look like a lot. Any amount of heroin is a lot of heroin, frankly. You know what?

I'm with McAfee on this and you guys are a bunch of squares. You're not cool with me. Heroin. Pro heroin. McAfee's in jail right now. Oh, you're going to throw stones? Is that what i'm here you throwing stones i mean i guess i can't but i mean i'm not in jail right now yeah you got that what is he in jail attacks evasion maybe who knows he's fucking international pirate okay well this is clearly not just for past heroin users because this is a photo on there of a guy getting high in an airplane.

Oh, shit. Putting it right in your hand there, huh, bro? In the bathroom. Is that an airplane bathroom? The title of it was Mile High Club. Got two rigs and a gram of dope through TSA, no problem. On my way to California for rehab. Well, at least he's getting help. He's on his way to rehab and he's shooting up that's the story he'll be telling in rehab because a lot of people on their way to

rehab are just playing it like a party like their final the last hurrah kind of thing you know what so for rehab ah it's still a bad idea but I particularly don't like it when it's diet. Like, ooh, ooh, I'm starting my diet on Monday, so nothing but cupcakes until then. And I'm like, really? Really? You're going to dig yourself a little extra hole because you start your diet?

Even if you are starting your diet on Monday, how about between now and Monday we phase into it? You really want to do cupcakes and chocolate right now? Yeah. They clearly do. Okay. They're addicts. They're addicts.

I'd way rather be addicted to cupcakes than heroin. Well, I don't know what I'm doing. Jackie said she doesn't have the ingredients. But when we hit the $2,500 mark for my fundraiser stream, I agreed to eat Jackie's chili on stream. Oh, no. Why would you punish yourself with that? I don't

understand, frankly. How does she make chili bad? Because my chili is so goddamn good that if there's even a little bit left, I freeze it. And my parents, last time they were over here, were like is that your chili in there i'm like yeah and it's mine you want some chili we'll make you a batch but like all jokes aside i guess there's beans in it and then she buys a powder that i don't like and i think that you mix that and it

turns right it's garbage right this is like freeze-dried chili nonsense you don't buy the powder you you you buy the spices that go into the powder like you you make your own chili seasoning it's just like five or six spices it's like chili powder is one of them in most regards she's not a bad cook she makes good healthy meals and she seasons it, and I'm happy. But there are two areas. This woman doesn't realize that cookies are to be made from scratch. From scratch. You do not just slice cookies off pre-bought cookie dough.

That's not even cookies. True. And chili from a store-bought powder is not where it's at. I mean, I could send a list of spices. But not until after the challenge is complete. Yeah, I think they want to watch me eat the bad chili. Maybe we'll do a redemption stream

where she makes good chili. We could have a chili cook-off. Because I do like chili. That would actually be fun if we had a chili cook-off. So it's our own appraisal. I can just imagine Jackie makes a gallon and a half and at the end of it there's like 1.47 gallons left.

Kyle's all gone. I love making chili. It's so good. Alright. Hope you guys enjoyed this early PKN. I thought it was good. You get an early PKA tomorrow there it is go patrons all right uh pkn 329