Painkiller Already - PKN #34

Episode Date: April 17, 2015

In this weeks episode of PKN.... It's a good one.... So just sit back and enjoy the show!

we're live welcome to painkiller nearly episode 34 with kyle and woody and mark is here but he doesn't talk much no no he's gonna keep him quiet as like we always do he was supposed to do these things he is supposed to do these he's supposed to do these things and i think chis has done more of these than he has i chis isn't even a host of it but i think he's been done more of these than he has. Chiz isn't even a host, but I think he's been on more of these than Taylor. Taylor's a busy man. Just throwing it out there, if you were to hypothetically give him shit on the subreddit, you wouldn't be banned for that. Where are you on PKN, etc.

And he'll never watch this either. No. He's got his national security responsibilities to take care of. He's got that bodyguard job that he does part time. I think that's Saturday nights. He's got what else was there? I know there was something. I know he was like transferring organs around a couple of weeks ago. That was a job he had. He was he was riding a motorcycle for that for some reason. So he stays busy every time Obama has to visit Iraq.

Who do you think they call yeah they need they send him in ahead um he uh he talks to the locals make sure it's all it's going to be all safe he's a linguist most people don't know that about taylor uh dude i like starting the show without an ad you do i feel like the ads are like the the advertisers are getting too demanding right like it people don't know behind the scenes. They're not going to watch this either. Behind the scenes, like, every week the advertisers are asking for more and more and more. Meanwhile, Bill Burr can just, like, shit on the advertiser and, like, they just come back for more and get a big kick out of it.

We make a joke about anime and all of a sudden it's not cool. Crunchyroll didn't like us poking fun at anime as much early on, but they seem to have liked our ads of late. But we're really putting a lot into these ads of late. I don't know. We'll sign another contract with them and

I think everyone will be happy at the end of the year. I just don't want to spend the first nine minutes of every show advertising. Well, that's a fair point. Maybe we could trim it down some, try to be more concise, more to the point, I suppose. And we've watched a couple of those trailers. We probably don't need to watch another trailer. I think the only real answer is if we all came dressed as our favorite anime character.

That would be cool. You and the costumes. But yeah, yeah. I like costumes. You do. If we all came dressed as an anime character, that would be an awesome way to advertise the show without just fucking turning it into a four-hour crunchy roll ad. Yeah.

Whatever. I'll have to do some looking into that. Maybe I could get one of those suits from Attack on Titan that somehow magically makes you fly through the air like Spider-Man. We'll never figure out how those work. I think they got compressed air in there or something. But yeah, maybe we should trim those ads down a bit. Definitely a power component because they run out sometimes.

Although, in our defense, I feel like we make the ads pretty entertaining because we start with a script to work with and then try to expound upon that, try to flesh it out and make it feel natural and fun. And, you know, we generally do crack some jokes as we go. Do our best. Yeah. Do our best. I think we did a good job. They could be shorter, though.

If it was really 15 minutes last time, that's too long. Dude, I probably exaggerated. Your last video was strong. Now, that Mercedes wasn't supposed to catch on fire i didn't want it to catch on fire now why do you always destroy cars well i wanted to use it for another uh video that i was shooting at the end of that day that was the first thing we filmed that day uh and i wanted to be able to use the bins for the cannonball more uh the bowling ball mortar and i did in fact use it for the bowling ball mortar but it was after the car was nothing but you know a shell that um it was uh it wasn't supposed to burn up i doused the inside water and uh i i've normally got like a water truck there

but the the hose broke on it so i couldn't get the thing out so we did have our chipmunk fireman run in there and try to do the best completely incompetent chipmunk fireman run in there and try to do the best he could. Completely incompetent chipmunk fireman. He got pretty frightened, I think, when that paint can started jetting toward him. Yeah, he ran off. And as a viewer, at first, I was like, why is he running away from that? And I was like, you know, actually, in real life, that was a pretty big fucking explosion. If aerosol cans were exploding 18 inches from me i'd get some distance too and and yeah what he did was completely reasonable yeah he shot a fireball like two or three feet long like adam just like

yeah and part of me was like dude you're making a big deal out of that i was like well actually just because kyle almost dies every video doesn't mean that that's normal behavior. That was funny. I didn't see any of that until after the fact. I could hear them popping behind me, kind of going off from the heat, but I didn't know that had done that to him. I didn't expect that either. Like to me, like you needed to puncture it near a flare for it to do anything. Sorry about my lighting. But it actually does heat them up enough and they start popping and going. Yeah, they cook off. They cook off. Perfect. Yeah. So, yeah, we burnt that car down to nothing.

The wheels actually melted into like puddles. And then we shot it with the bowling ball mortar later. We shot in one door and out the other so it was pretty cool we had a good time i got a question for you so um that video was actually a lot of times your videos are shot like a month before they go up but that one it wasn't the case it was actually shot just a couple days before it went up i know how hard you worked to make that happen. Like, people might not get that. Like, heck, just the toilets hanging. Like, that's a lot of work. I was out there. It was dark, and I just turned the dome light on on the truck and just worked in the dark by myself hoisting those.

Dome light is not a suitable light. Why didn't you turn the headlights on? Because the toilets were in the back of the truck, so I didn't have to hoist them quite as far up. So I started there and then attached the ropes and strings and hoisted and then tied them off and it was easier that way that makes sense so like you spent more than one day working kind of sun up to sundown to get that thing done yeah now what people might guess but don't know is some of your other days are the polar opposite of that oh yeah really just like that like are you on that couch is that where you play like

sieve and stuff like that oh yeah i play here yeah yeah yeah i've got like my gaming pc down there and like a a little table that this arm is attached to and then i've got my my big comfy couch like i've always liked that i've always liked doing uh any kind of work like this from a non-traditional like i can't imagine sitting at home as a console pc gamer if there's such a thing right like yeah he'll be a pc gamer but keep the couch because that's non-negotiable you know but so i guess what i was going to get to with all this build up is didn't it feel good to work like at the end of the day let me make a short story

long we got some time we'll go lefty style and just burn shit yeah let me do this so I was watching a comedian help me with his name Ron Swanson he's from Parks and Rec with the mustache well a comedian I help me with his name Ron Swanson he's from Parks and Rec yeah

that's with the mustache well I think Ron Swanson is his show name so I can go like it's Molly shant I I knew it and then when you said his character name offer men Nick Offerman okay so Nick nick offerman is a comedy special have you seen it i have all right uh if people haven't seen it the core of it is like the 10 rules to being a successful man or something close to that and uh and he'll lay something out there and then um and then like you know expand on it for 15 minutes or so. And one of them was use intoxicants, right? Now use intoxicants. I don't think that's one that fits me, but, um, mostly I was buying into his thing. And, uh, one of the things he said was this, he's like, you know, use intoxicants

when you're, when you go out there and you build something with your hands, he was kind of describing woodworking and you know, you, you, you've put a lot of effort into it and you make your thing and at the end of the day you've created something out of nothing and then you sit back on your couch and you you know have a beer it feels good intoxicants improve your life and uh but he didn't say beer he said like you know you're intoxicant of choice he's definitely the implication was that like, go pot, right? That was the implication. But then he's like, on the other hand, and he said something that burned into my head.

He's like, no, I've run the numbers on this or I've done the math on this or something like that. When you use the intoxicants without the days of work, he's like, that just gets you depressed. And like, I don't know, somehow that burned into my head. Like, yeah, like, I can kind of see how that would work. Like, a beer after mowing the yard or a beer after, like, a day's work or something. Like, you've earned it.

You reward yourself and you do a thing is this big win. But when you just do the beer, the the beer the beer the beer the beer the joint the beer then that can lead to like you know a yuckier place and i was just like huh i wonder i don't know but you typically don't run in like daily cycles like most people are you run in like weekly cycles where you'll like burst bust your butt for a while yeah relax your butt for a while there's definitely something to be said about uh the the feeling of satisfaction after like having a full day of work where you like accomplished everything you wanted to do lately it's been fucking awful like so so there was there was that crazy build-up where i was

preparing to film three or four videos in a really short period of time uh but then even even during that day where we filmed the Mark 47 and the bowling ball video that hasn't gone up yet and then another video that I can't recall right now. I was trying to get a paintball video done too. We ran out of daylight but I needed the thing up quickly

so I told Eric and Chad, I was like, don't worry about it because they had a funeral the next day and they couldn't film. I'll film it myself. I'll set up my tripod, get my lab mic out. I'll just do this whole thing myself. No problem. No sweat. And I was plagued by these little bullshit issues for like three or four days.

It took me like four days to finally get the video done that I put up the other day. It took forever. A lot of those issues were audio issues, which if you guys haven't made videos, it is difficult to get audio right. It can be too quiet. It can be too blown out. You don't really know. And in my case anyway, I don't have good playback on site. So I see the bars move, but it's not until I get home that I really know if my audio is good or not.

I fixed that now. Now I've got, you know, I put a headset on so that I can be sure, and I'm listening back to myself, and I'm listening to myself live. I'm talking into my lab mic, and I'm listening through it. So now I've got it. But there were a couple of extra. Can I say something? Yeah. I have that too, and I don't trust it for my setup anyway.

Like, it'll play back really quiet, and I'm like, is it quiet because I've got the volume too low on my camera? Should I be jacking up the volume on my camera in the playback? Or like, what am I? I just never really know until I get home on a like pro setup. But go on.

In any case, I screwed up the audio like two or three times. And it kept being this case where I would film the entire thing, think I was done, but there was one tiny piece wrong with it, which meant the entire thing had to be started over from scratch because it was like now we're

gonna shoot this kind now we're gonna shoot this now we're gonna shoot that and I'm gonna change barrels and do this and it was like they just don't work if like if the time sequence isn't real if you don't film it actually in sequence you can't just be like oh well this last segment doesn't have any audio I'll just reshoot that part you can't because it has to be part of a whole so i ended up filming the thing i think five maybe six times um i went through 15 or 20 targets um i went through three two different locations i drove probably a combined hundred miles there were days that were wasted because i wasn't aware that i had extra air and that like good friday air all that time? Yeah, yeah.

For like an entire day was wasted because there was an air tank down here with 3,000 PSI. So you went to get your air tank filled but couldn't because it was Good Friday and you had air. I didn't get that. That part of the story is new to me. One thing to keep in mind is like I don't have one or two paintball tanks. I've got like a dozen, literally like 12 68 cubic inch tanks and they're just everywhere and they're in boxes and yeah they all look the same so i had some that had some air in them that i wasn't aware of so that that day turned red when they're full

no they should uh so i wasted an incredible amount of time uh with the audio issues with video issues but i finally filmed the thing it was like and when i when i was finally done i was like oh that was a lot of video i did i just did nine and a half a nine and a half minute video uh by myself so i got it done and i wanted to promote that paintball event in time make sure that everybody knew where's it going up it's already up it was that more fps russia video i did oh okay okay yeah two or three days ago so it took forever to film that thing i was so happy when it was done and when it was done i i did feel good i was like but it wasn't like yeah i did something good today it was like i'm done with you motherfucker like fucking like you're you're no longer impacting my life like

you you stupid fucking video like that i didn't want three feelings right to me that when i finish work like some kind of accomplishment one of three things can happen it can be the two you describe either ah you know like i'm so proud of me right if it's a video or something drop the mic bitch that one was hot you know this thing is going to go live and it's going to be well received or it can be like you said like you're so finished motherfucker i'm so glad this is done it's past me etc and um then there's the third one which is relief like i didn't know if i could do that or not i like the whole time i was nervous that there was total failure and now that it didn't fail

like i'm not proud i'm just fucking relieved relieved that it's not you know that it didn't ruin me it could be that too we um but yeah i was i was glad to be done with that thing uh i know my i know my camera a lot better than i did before i know my audio settings yeah yeah so um so now i know what i'm doing with the audio on that thing god damn that was annoying it was so awful because i feel i filmed it and the the best part was, like, I didn't change the settings. I feel like gremlins or some cocksucker came in that night and, like, flipped all my inputs wrong. Because the first thing I filmed, which is, like, five minutes of talking, I look and the bars look great. Like, I'm looking at the audio signature and the editing software.

And I'm like, this is fine. And it sounds great. But then the next day, like, I didn't change anything. But suddenly all the settings are wrong that that's what happened you transported it though yeah but it's it's like the view the view screen like covers that up when you close it like there's no way for it to get bumped and flipped it shouldn't be changed and they're like hard clicky switches i don't know yeah yeah i have, I have a camera in that class too. And, uh,

you can still mess it up. I'm sure that I definitely did. I definitely messed it up. Yeah. Yeah. I started to like DSLRs. Like, so I went through this phase.

I used a DSLR at first and then I used, um, I have a Sony like a camcorder type thing. That's, um, I mean, it was a lot. It was like a $10,000 camera,

but I almost like the DSLR more now because the color comes out so right you know when i have to color correct it myself sometimes i can't pull out of it what i'm supposed to i'm sure someone more talented could but sometimes i can't but with the dslr right out of the camera the thing's freaking amazing so um sometimes i use that yeah well the other one's more for high speed stuff anyway i i at least i feel like that's where it shines that's cool that it does that yeah but you're um but back back to you like it you're blessed with a non-traditional life right and and blessed and i'm not that religious but but like that's the coolest part of this whole YouTube thing for me. The money is great and everything, but what's really cool is that I don't have a Monday meeting at 1pm every day where I try and convince my boss that I'm awesome for him.

It's not like it's less work. We're doing this at 8pm tonight and the reason is that I was working up until it. We were supposed to do it at 630. It's not like I'm not working. I'm busy, but I don't know. I just really like that. I can I think it's like it's my decision to work or not work. Yeah, definitely.

So and at times, I mean, it's it's it's harder, but a lot of times it's easier, and it's always different. So it's my style. I like doing stuff like this. Yeah, but I like, in watching you from afar, you take weekly cycles instead of daily cycles. Like, you'll chill for two weeks, and then you'll bust your butt for two weeks, and then you'll, you know.

It's, whenever somebody gives me a deadline that I've actually got to hit, I, that. I, that. Oh no. That's when I usually actually have the last. Oh, am I not?

Did I break up or something? You did. Yeah. Uh, let's see. Internet connection. There's a problem with your internet connection. Okay.

Uh, I was just going to say like whenever I've got a deadline, like whenever we do something like the CMMG video where it's like, uh, you know, they're coming, you know, they flew those guns down for me uh it's like we're gonna be there on this day uh this time you know this is this is how this deal works blah blah blah and it's like all right well people are showing up on and if i'm not ready then it's gonna be embarrassing so that's that's usually my biggest motivating factor it's like well i gotta get my shit together i mean there better be a chest full of ammo and there better be like a cooler full of sodas and there better also be five different things to do with this rifle and you know an

extra thing in case something goes wrong and two sights for it and a suppressor for it and tools for it and it's just it took me weeks to get everything the gun we're talking about that's that ar-15 ish ak-47? Yeah, it's... I don't know if I can ask this. Did you get paid in money or guns? Or both? Both. Both?

So, did you get two of them? You typically ask for two. Yeah, I'm getting a machine gun that's exactly like what I was shooting in the video. And one of the semi-automatic versions. So, hopefully in the future I can make more videos with it and show off technical stuff about it and stuff like that yeah if for some reason a gun manufacturer is watching this kyle likes two guns just in case something goes wrong yeah you know they brought for me they brought me four um for the shoot that's what i always say i like just please bring two in case something goes wrong because a lot of times it will and it's it's

not it's nothing it's not to say the product is bad usually there's been a couple of instances where the product was glitchy but most of the time it's just my luck it's like if something can go wrong it will if if there's your luck and then one thing that non-gun people might not know is brand new guns that is you know guns that have only had like one or two rounds put through them are often less reliable than guns that are just kind of broken in a little bit they just start sliding a little better they start feeding a little better after a couple hundred rounds yeah definitely so a lot and and that's also like sometimes they'll bring you a brand new gun that's never really been used too much and sometimes they'll bring their demo gun which is the gun that they bring out to shows and they're like hey you want to

shoot us uh you want to shoot our gun because this is the one that they bring out to shows and they're like, hey, you want to shoot our gun? Because this is the one that has shot 20,000 rounds and we've had to put a new barrel on it and it's going to shoot 20,000 more. I've shot a little bit of both. It's almost like, neither of those are right. Do you have any with a thousand through it? Because that would be a great gun. The brand new one and the

worn out one, both of those are risky. It wasn't too long ago, a company brought me a gun. I won't say which one, but it had had about 25,000 rounds through it, and it was just worn out. The barrel was, and we shot a target at the end of the video. It's not on the video, but we shot a target, and the bullets were keyholing. They were tumbling in the air, and they were hitting sideways. So instead of a hole where the bullet,

you know, spun straight through like a football, imagine a football hitting something sideways and making that kind of a pattern. So, uh, sometimes they're completely shot out. Sometimes they're,

uh, the brand spanking new and way too tight. And it's a little bit of everything, but we need to make it work. Kind of considered worn out ish around 20, 25,000 rounds. Is a rifle about that too? I don't think it's, I think it takes a lot fewer rounds i know with like like high and i'm no expert at this but i know

with like uh expensive target rifles they usually talk about the barrel life of those being like several thousand rounds like eight to twelve thousand rounds or something like that but i don't know to be honest i've never a lot of times it depends on another i don't know does shotguns last longer or not as long yeah shotguns last forever yeah okay the uh the the twist of the bullet through the rifling slowly degrades the barrel but with a shotgun you're just shooting lead pellets you know through a smooth bore and it's it's not as big of an issue yeah the things that kill shotguns to to my knowledge, are usually misuse. Like, I've got one that's on its last legs,

and I'm not the first owner. It was kept behind a bar, and drink after drink after drink has been spilled on it and then left there. And, you know, it's coated with oil and stuff and should work okay, but that'll kill a shotgun. Yeah.

Yeah, it's, um, I've never, and one of those things that'll, like shotgun. Yeah. Yeah, I've never... And one of those things that'll affect the barrel life is how... In what manner did you put those 10,000 rounds through your barrel? Was it always as a machine gun, as fast as it would spit them out? Or was it slow, repetitive target shooting over the course of 10 years? That definitely matters as well. But I've never shot the barrel out of a gun, any of my guns anyway.

It'd be hard because your shooting is spread across 100 guns. It is, exactly. That's part of it. I bet I could name the guns that you really pull out most, like the fully auto AK-47. That seems to be a gun that you just enjoy making go bang. Yeah, and it always works. I don't have to worry about it getting fucked up or anything fully auto is often not that reliable um you know machine guns

can be picky about a lot of things they could be it's a it's like a it's a machine and that ak which you can just beat the heck out of and that i have a little gun envy of kyle um and that one is near the top of the list. He has more expensive guns probably, but that one I like. Yeah, that AK is like $700 or something like that. But the, I don't know, this Mark 47 that I'm getting is like a $3,000 rifle. It's not that much, closer to $2,000. But it's a much better deal than deal than the ak i think in the long

run there's a few little drawbacks but for the most part i really like it they uh it depends what you're doing with it too like that ak if you want to break 15 toilets at once it's hard to beat that ak it's going to break every it's going to shoot every time it's going to do what you want the ammo is not too expensive and um uh i had an oh you don't have to aim it totally accurately right you're shooting your toilets from nearby yeah on the other hand if you want a gun that's gonna whatever shoot a penny from 100 yards then probably not the gun you want to get you want something different probably not a lot of ak's aren't all that accurate that that mark 47 thing that

that cmmg work makes the uh the hundred yard groups from that were like an inch and a half shooting hornady ammunition uh so it's fairly accurate but it's you know it uses any kind of ak-47 magazine and i think in the past what people would do when they were making an ar-15 shoot that round the ak round is they would alter a 5.56 bolt head and it just doesn't leave enough material left after you've sized it out. And what they did instead was start with an AR-10 bolt head or a bolt carrier group, the whole bolt carrier group really, and they shortened it. So it's the .308 bolt carrier group and there's a lot more meat on that thing when they start carving. So it's a much better, much more reliable

system. It's still direct impingement. Uh, and there's, it doesn't have a, a bolt hold open feature when the magazine's empty. But other than that, it's, it's pretty bad-ass.

Um, I was going to ask about something. I forget. Oh, we could do a touch of house talk. House is almost done. Yeah. If you guys are watching this a week delayed,

like if you're not Patreon, it might be done. Yeah. If you guys are watching this a week delayed, like if you're not Patreon, it might be done. They're trying to have it done by Thursday because I told them if it wasn't done by Thursday, they wouldn't be paid till like Tuesday because I'm flying Friday and Monday. So it's like if you don't get Thursday, we're pushing out the Tuesday and they're trying to hit that. It's Monday as I say this. So that like feels really close. I don't think they to hit that. It's Monday as I say this. So that feels really close. I don't think they'll hit it.

But just the same. Especially if you're not around. Yeah, but just the same. If they miss Thursday, they'll hit Friday or Monday. That's how close we're getting. The pool table is coming on Wednesday. The cleaning crew is there right now just like sweeping and mopping and getting all the dust out and stuff and um but i don't know

the house just feels so much better i was looking at my kitchen and my kitchen's been covered with plastic and cardboard and crap for a long time and um when i saw it today like this popped in my head this thought like this is pretty cool head, this thought like, this is a pretty cool kitchen. Like this must be nice to live here. Like the idea that it's my house and that I'll get to live there. I'm going to make a sandwich right there. No. Right there.

It was like that was far-fetched. Like this is just a project I take on every day. The notion of me living there, like it just, like I kind of gave up on that. And, but, you know. It's really been, it's been a long journey. That'll be good, though. You'll get back from the paintball trip and you'll hopefully be very, very close to completion over there. Yeah.

Jackie's goal, she wants to have the furniture delivered while I'm gone. She's like, I think that'd be a nice surprise, you know. Have the furniture delivery guys come in on that Friday or Monday or Saturday. I don't know. And while I'm traveling, you just come back and the whole place is furnished. Yeah. Well, largely furnished. Yeah.

I'm glad that whole thing's wrapping up for you. It's going to be cool to finally see some Woody's Lab videos, if you're still considering doing that, when you finally get moved in and have access to all your land and toys i am still considering yeah it actually just 10 minutes ago as we were talking about your stuff i am i gave you the diesel balloon idea and uh maybe it's a bad idea i don't know but i was like if he doesn't want it fuck it on the woody's lab you're more than welcome to do it just don't think it will work I think the balloons will

dissolve from the diesel and or if you simply struck a balloon with a bullet it would just pop like a water balloon and spill but that was like part of if there were a fire source right next to it it would do less than a spray paint can

this needs to be tested. The idea was to augment the spray paint can and add to it. We'll see how this goes. I have found it is easier to simply tape another spray paint can. A second spray paint. There's something about the enormous black smoke flame of diesel that I like a lot. It adds a certain effect.

This just needs to be tested. You need a better way of rupturing the diesel container and atomizing the diesel into the air. I do like what you're saying about atomizing the diesel. into the air i do like what you're saying about atomizing the diesel my the the idea was born of like like so picture that mercedes with spray paint cans on the side if there were diesel balloons on top of it to sort of leak and cover the car with diesel on you know because you can't just cover the car with diesel because the um uh you won't be able to control when they find when they catch on fire because you've got the torque the um road flares on there but if you have a balloon and a road flare then you can pop the balloon and

it'll hit i think that would just but that would just add more fire just sort of in black spark and yeah it turned into a whole event. The whole neighborhood would notice. You should try that. I don't like it. I don't think so. It's not smart to bet against you on this topic. Because I don't just want to burn the car. Burning the car is easy. I want every time a bullet goes off for there to be a big fireball.

There weren't even supposed to be road flares. I had ordered 100 rounds of incendiary ammo, which explodes when you hit the target, and I got duds from a new... It wasn't the regular incendiary ammo supplier I usually use. It was a new guy, and his stuff was duds. What were the duds?

Did they not go boom, or did they just not catch things on fire very well? Both. They just didn't... They acted like regular bullets for the most part. Okay, but a dud can also mean like what's worse than a squib, you know, at least a flat-out dud. They went off.

They shot stuff. They worked as normal bullets, but they didn't explode when they hit hard steel and stone like my regular stuff. I'm thinking refund. What the hell, dude? Well, they were free to begin with. Okay. Yeah, yeah. It was an accident on his part. It either it's one of two things

either he just doesn't make very good incendiary ammo and which case i won't say his company's name or he accidentally i think that's it i think his incendiary is just greatly inferior to the kind i normally use uh because the kind i normally use when you hit a piece of steel or a stone or something it's a huge white flash that you know you just shoot a prank a spray paint can it explodes into a big ball of fire and that's what you want why is it sometimes maybe you're not using incendiary if you use regular ammo you add torches to the spray paint exactly that's that's what i had to do that's what i was getting at like um but if you just want uh fireballs and stuff you know i mean you've got to have an explosive you need you need like low velocityity Tannerite attached to those diesel cans.

And then, you know, of course, the explosion and the heat pushes the diesel everywhere. And then you've got a huge cloud, huge fireball. That's what you really want. I finally got my lawn equipment working now. I've got a flail mower. It goes seven and a half feet at a time behind the tractor. And then the zero turn that mows six feet at a time. And to be honest, I'm not happy with that.

I feel like I need a 12-foot wide mower. It does sound absurd, but I read someone online who's like, if I'm mowing more than five acres, six feet just seems ridiculous. And I'm like, yeah, this guy's right. You know, I want to be mowing with than five acres six feet just seems ridiculous and i'm like yeah this guy's right you know i want to be mowing with a bat wing like that that's what i'm talking about apparently my tractor is a little weak for a 15 foot bat wing but for 12 it's it's right there so um well get yourself a bat wing then right so i'm just taking a breath i'm like all right let's mow the yard say more than once and uh and you know make sure i'm making the right decision and then pull the trigger

yeah it's uh that's a lot most people don't use those unless they have like like i that i found usually when people have big yards you know just a disc mower or a bush mower or something like your flail motor is good enough. But you're a man whose time is valuable. Maybe you need more. That's how I'm thinking. You're like, can we get some lasers on there? I want to cut this shit fast. Yeah, right?

I do prefer mowing with the tractor. I've discovered that. Hopefully, mow talk isn't too boring. But if I mow with the zero turn turn then i'm kind of right in it right there's i've got a diesel zero turn and uh and it's loud and it's like we're just blasting all the time and and when i turn around like i'll drive through like a whiff of grass and it's like like i got like a blast of snow but it's grass and pollen and shit and and you're sort of right there in the in the action when i'm on the tractor it's quieter

like you know it's not as quiet as a car but you're lifted it's a little more refined that whole mowing scene is happening like four or five feet below me and five feet behind me and uh it's just humming back there and i'm listening to game of thrones on the audiobook and it's uh it i guess it'd be like a loud convertible just driving around the yard um whereas the zero turn is i mean you're mowing. I am 40 hours and 41 minutes into this book. I have seven hours to go. Less than seven hours. Well, I thought I was going to catch you. That didn't happen.

I thought, because you did sort of like a working spree where you were busy all the time. And I thought maybe you weren't listening during that but now you must have been. I have 21 hours to go. You said you have 7 hours to go? I'm 14 hours behind you. I have... Maybe I did this math wrong. Maybe it's 6 hours.

No, I got it right. It's 47 and a half hours long and I'm 40 hours and 40 minutes in. So just under seven hours. Okay. Yeah, I've got 21 hours, five minutes to go. And I need to finish by Sunday, I think.

Yeah, yeah. I'll have to do some listening. Let me just think. On Monday, Tuesday. This is Monday. So Tuesday, air Wednesday and Thursday that's nine hours there just from driving so i have to find another uh i guess what is that 13 hours of stuff i think the flight and the airport is gonna be good for five ish

ah that seems excessive two Two-hour flight. Well, there's... It's like 40 minutes to the airport, an hour waiting around, two-hour flight, like you said, baggage claim. Like, to me, a two-hour flight is a five-hour ordeal. You think that's over...

You think I'm overestimating it? Ah, it's just you can't listen to this stuff the whole time. I feel like when I'm going through security and stuff i would be so afraid to be listening to game of thrones that someone would be saying be calling on me and i wouldn't hear them and they just tase me when i didn't answer tsa scary i like to be on my game on my a game when i go through that shit do you do the thing where you like pre-register with the tsa no i wonder if i'm too late to do that but i'm gonna try and do that tonight i don't mind the line i don't either normally like like for example we're flying on a friday

at like a noon flight or something i think i'll just walk right through it you got to check your gun i don't think that's true paintball gun yeah i think that if um am i wrong i flew with it a bunch of times you just have to have the the cylinder off so it's not compressed and you can see in it and then it's otherwise okay your gun though the marker yeah the gun itself i need to are you sure i I always treat it like a firearm because sometimes when you land, they... I don't know.

They can freak out about paintball guns. Sometimes they don't, especially with mine because it looks like a real gun. Yeah. I'm either going to ship mine tomorrow or go through the whole process of just checking it as a firearm

because they're weird about that. I know Kitty's been held up in Florida before at an airport because they thought it was a real gun or something. The fucking thing was pink. So... But yeah, I think I'm going to have plenty of time to finish the thing off before the new season premieres

on Sunday night. I'm looking forward to it. This book's been really good. I've got to pack for this event. It's going to take me a while to get everything packed and be positive that I haven't missed anything. I bought some more camera gear today. So it's okay, actually. You can't bring in a new carry-on, but you can put it in your checked baggage. They don't consider paintball guns to be firearms.

You can pack them in an unlocked soft side luggage, etc. firearms you can pack them in an unlocked soft side luggage etc so as long as it's not compressed air then uh you can just you can do it do you have do you are you bringing an air tank or an air tank yeah yeah everything but a hopper i don't have a hopper i got a hopper for you did you um have you taken the the uh regulator off yeah regulator off before okay cool yeah i just know like the first time they usually they're loctited on there and it's a bitch to get off yeah no i fly with mine pretty much every time i play paintball it's in chicago so um so yeah every time i play i'm taking that regulator off it's used to it so um so yeah the house is getting done and like emotionally i've had every thought on this thing.

I've had thoughts like it was never going to happen. I was just working for no... Hey, it's not... I'm still not so sure. Hmm. Oh, this is... I told Chiz, like, it'd be funny if Jackie were to mess with him and, like, make it look like the house was on fire

the next time he came over and, like, have fire trucks there and everything. Or, like, what if you set up, fake picture of fire trucks and she set a big tire fire in the backyard to this black smoke and she took it to the right angle and she sends it to you at the paintball trip like, I'm so sorry. That would be awful. I was like, that'd be a good prank. that'd be a good prank um what was i gonna say the house i had a thing oh oh the excuses have frustrated the heck out of me like so last week i guess the or maybe it was two weeks ago the general contractor and his girlfriend had some sort of anniversary for when they met but they're not married it was their dating anniversary so he took like the week off and it's just like oh motherfucker and then the the project manager had a friend who died during an april several years ago so you couldn't expect him to be fully productive because it was his friend's i hate that bullshit that's everybody's

got a fucking excuse. There are no days of the year when I am not ready to roll if there's money involved. None. My birthday? Well, it'll be a nice birthday present when you sign the check. Let's work. Let's fucking work. It snowed two days.

North Carolina. It's over now. It snowed two days this fucking year in North Carolina. They refer to it as the snowpocalypse when whenever pierce brosnan had that movie the november man come out in the fall uh they wanted us to do a promotional video for that thing and use the weapons of november man and stuff like that and the uh the the the production company that made the movie they really wanted pierce brosnan to be in my video and i was like of course i'd

like to meet fucking james bond right and they were like and and so everybody wants this to happen it's just up to pierce brosnan to be like very well like let's do it that way so like apparently if the filming of this thing fell upon the anniversary of his daughter's death and he would only film it during like two days in hawaii on his island and by the end it was just like fuck it you know what fuck it fuck it james bond like like we can't do it like you it's so hard to film a video with you like like we just can't do it it's over so we just didn't do it yes but i don't understand when people have special day and everything i do there's always some like uh something always pops up like that like this good friday thing recently whenever

like i'm when i'm trying to work when i'm like all right my time is valuable let's do stuff right now i'm here to make things happen it's like oh lenny's not here today lenny's the guy who handles that kind of stuff what the fuck like and it'll be friday another guy died someone they know he like but danny was telling me about it i guess guess he dropped him off in Florida some number of years ago. The guy was a bodybuilder. So he was pumping his body full of diuretics and steroids. He was the second best over 40 bodybuilder in his state or something. And he died at 47.

Unfortunate. But Danny was like, like yeah i kind of knew it was gonna happen because you know because of the way he treated his body like chemistry experiment and uh and i don't know i just it seems valid right i feel like a dick now but it's like how often do you see this guy um no there are no anniversaries of my dead loved ones that i don't work on i promise you if there's work to be done and someone's like hey we're trying to give you this much money for this much work and it needs to be on this day where so and so died it's like okay like like well this will this will be a good toast to them and and yeah like no you have to

understand it's not like an anniversary this is a month-long vigil for everyone they know it's not the death date it's the death month what is this guy like 15 like by the time you're a grown man like you've probably known someone who's died in every month it's like i don't work during the year you know i know it's just november that's the only time that's that's my safe no one's died in november oh fuck there goes that guy i went to high school with that seems like an excuse to me but whatever i i guess maybe some people are closer to their loved ones my mom's died dog died recently like two days ago are you okay i am a hundred percent my sister texted me actually she's like hey let me let me pull this text message up alright I don't want to misquote her I thought she was let's see here

she goes hey it's me I go hey what's up she says got some bad news dot dot and I'm just like what and she's like Belle's been sick for a while just had to put her to sleep Belle's my mom's dog

mom's a mess might want to just mom's dog. Mom's a mess. Might want to just call and say, hey, dad's a mess too. Just thought I'd tell you and say, hey, miss you. We all need to have dinner one night. No, fuck you, you monster. I know what you're trying to pull here. No, absolutely not. Like, I'm not calling anybody to reconcile them about the dead dog.

Like, I'm sorry the dog's dead. I knew that dog my entire life. It's like that dog was 15 years old or something. so maybe entire life's exaggeration but for a real long time if you're feeling this way it might be a good time to text in your love what i was thinking i was i was like they don't need me to get like no one's looking to me for as like something to hang on to during this rocky time of Bell's death. Like put her with the rest of the dogs over by the fence and that'll be the end of it. Like I like that dog, but that dog needed to die.

It was diabetic. It was coughing and wheezing. It had an oxygen mask. That dog had more pills than I take. It was awful. It was ridiculous. That dog needed to go. They put a ramp in.

My dad built the dog a ramp so it could get up the stairs into the house. It's like, you know, it's all wooden, and he's like stapled cloth to it so that it's far off. Yeah, now get rid of that fucking ramp, right? Yeah, it's stupid. My mom had a dog, Taylor, and that dog bit Hope when she was a little girl. Hope, sweetest little two-year-old. Picture, you know, the cute, cute, cute, cute little girl in theest little two-year-old picture you know the cute cute

cute cute little girl in the pretty dress that they wear every once in a while visiting grandparents and their dog bites her and breaks the skin and now she's bleeding well fuck i don't like your dog anymore and i held on to that feeling until the dog's death the dog was always nasty and snappy and it wasn't properly housebroken but since it's just a little dog was a tiny little white mop looking thing you know they felt like not being housebroken was less of an offense i guess it's less of an offense because now that i have great danes when they do have an accident it's a fucking lake but it's still a horrible offense it's not an okay

state of affairs and uh and when that dog died it was just like you don't expect me to lie about you know i'm like i'm glad yeah i really do love uh most dogs and uh but but i never really get sad when they die because i figure like you know it's it's over for him like he wasn't a sentient being like even if i sat there and looked in his little dying face and told him how much i cared about him and how like like all those times when he comforted me and he wouldn't understand any of it so there's no point just let him go there's no reason to be there by the bedside in my opinion like i've had to i had to put the cat down last week like it's just just do it and it's over and and it's gone now.

Did you catch that dog that's been tearing apart your trash? Is there any update on that? No, but I'm armed and ready if I ever see him. I got my silenced, crazy dog-killing bullets and everything. And you would really do it? Yeah, because it just makes a terrible mess. Sometimes we goof on the show, right? We goof about things.

And sometimes, no, that's who we are. Well, I mean, I don't want to shoot the dog but it's a big it's a big like physical physical dog that comes in our yard and we've got tiny little like not real dogs there's a wiener dog and there's this that that jack russell mix whatever they are they're little and they're fragile yeah but dax in a in like a kennel he's not the dog you're talking about no no i'm talking about this dog that's like coming up in the yard ripping the trash apart like if he comes the other little dogs try to chase it all out of the yard not all that it would take is that dog to stop and stand his ground and then he kills one of the little dogs

so yeah he may have to go um if i see him i'll shoot him but you know i'm not gonna get in a gunfight in the in the streets or anything if he's in my property where i can do it safely i'll do it but the uh the fucking cat got hit by a car or something it came back all crippled up and i gave it a day and a half to see if it would like you know get better but it clearly had like some broken bones in its legs so had to shoot the cat the other day that That was the last. I'm sorry. I just had an awful segue. It was the last of the cats. I was going to say that.

Like, there was a cat that showed up on our doorstep four or five years ago. We called her White Cat, and she had several litters of kittens, and this was one of the kittens named Black Cat, and he was the last of the black cats. There was Black Cat one and two. Number one vanished, and this was Black Cat number two. He was the boy, and now he's gone as well. So we are catless.

I'm catless too. My cat ran off or something. I don't know. I haven't seen him in ages. The eagle's got it. Now, let's say that you're a gangster, right? The normal way to assassinate someone as a gangster is the drive-by shooting. I've always felt like sniping was underutilized.

They'd probably hit the right target more often. They'd probably get kill shots a little better. Rifles are much more deadly than pistols. Well, I think with the gangsters, the thing is that a lot of times it seems like they're just like... The reason they're hitting the other guys is because it's usually for territory. For drugs, it seems like to me.

In movies and documentaries and stuff. Let's just roll with it that's the scenario right someone's on a corner that you feel like they shouldn't be and so it's sort of like you kind of have to hit them right then and there there's no like scaling a rooftop and getting a high-powered rifle they've got guns that are meant for up close and personal it seems like most of the time and they just kind of pull up and start shooting. But if you just wanted to kill one person, one specific person, then yeah, you could shoot them from a really long distance away with a sniper rifle if you just knew they were going to be somewhere.

Yeah, I just feel like that's the way to go. Or possibly shotgun, right? Why are you shooting people multiple times with pistols? You're awful at it. You're holding them sideways. A good shotgun will kill your foe dead and you'll probably hit what you're looking for.

That is a lady's weapon. I think it's a smart person's weapon. It's a Game of Thrones reference. I feel like poison would be the way to go. I could totally make some ricin in my basement if I really wanted to. I never would. I wouldn't do it. Ricin doesn't

have some rare earth element that you couldn't get a hold of? Castor beans. Do they have those at the supermarket? I can order them right off the internet. I would imagine. We're not going to talk about how to make one of the world's deadliest poisons right now, but if you wanted

to, you could make one of the world's deadliest poisons at your house, you wanted to you could make one of the world's deadliest poisons at your house I suppose and then you can put in a dart you could hit someone the blow dart maybe like what the fuck was that guy got it's a blow you could be you could totally blow dart somebody take him out there was that I don't remember it this guy got it got taken out one time they had this tiny little ball bearing really tiny and it was it had rice and inside of and it was perforated with holes and it was in the tip of an umbrella and they bumped into him in the street, poked him in the leg with it, and he was dead in like

48 hours. Or he'd use polonium like the Russians do. You're definitely right. Caster beans is where ricin comes from. Or I've heard about gene manipulation weaponry that they use now that could have your body created. Basically, you

have cancer within a couple months and just be dead. This article is too long to get a short answer. It looks like this is something you can make. Oh, yeah. There's a couple crazies that got caught making it not too far from me a while back.

Really? They got caught up in this whole FBI sting. They called it terrorism, I think. Those poor old guys are done. They got them in a black cell somewhere. Terrorism. It's all terrorism. Hey, John Oliver tonight interviewed Edward Snowden.

I haven't seen it yet, but I've got to check that out. Have you seen it? Kitty saw it. She said it was really good. I know that she said that he was really shy and kind of – he was sort of cringing every time John Oliver was making the whole dick pic analogy about security. So I want to see it. I'm sure it's funny.

It's interesting that he was able to go to Russia and make that happen. I wonder who set that up. Uh, that's, um, that's gotta be good for the ratings. So yeah, I want to see that too. Yeah. I, so with Jon Stewart retired, so Jon Stewart went on CNN's crossfire and basically his message was stop it. You're hurting America.

I think he was right. You know, that was like around the time of the people don't, it you're hurting america i think he was right you know that was like around the time of the people don't if you're young republican democrat wasn't always like this it wasn't always a war people don't even want to live in like a blue neighborhood if they're red or they don't want to live around republicans if they're blue like the the intolerance for each other this is kind of a like mid-90s and on thing. This isn't an always thing. And anyway, Jon Stewart went on Crossfire and he's like, stop it. You're hurting America.

And in my opinion, I almost want to come up to Jon Stewart and say, thank you. You helped America, right? The idiocracy that you pointed out in show after show. MSNBC a little bit but especially Fox News of course you know he's liberal Brian Williams was talking about it and he's like you know we would do a show and when we were about to say something or do something it would go in the back of my head like you know don't end up on Comedy Central's you know the show. Like, this is the kind of thing that's going to get you called out by Jon Stewart. Don't do this.

And that service was important for America, and now he's stepping down. I don't know if his replacement, or if there's anyone else in the world who could do it quite like he did. Well, they picked it already, right? Isn't it that South African guy? Yeah, yeah. It's a black guy from South Africa. I've seen him on the show twice before i don't know how many times he's been on and he's got comedy specials okay uh he seems like a good choice but i don't know that there are any choices that can quite be what john stewart was right he's just got big shoes to

fill i wish him luck yeah he's very good yeah and i just i don't know i i worry like like oh wow an election cycle without john stewart but now there's john oliver trying to sort of fill the role it's hard it's tough to fill it from hbo because not as many people have it he's on youtube every video he does gets a million views that's kind of cool that's a lot of people um but i don't know i just don't feel like for me anyway john oliver's no john stewart i i um i like them both i i know you feel like john oliver uh kind of i don't know that he's a little bit too liberal and that he that he sort of wraps thing up things up in a in his own little package and presents them the way he'd like and sometimes he doesn't show both sides of an argument but he doesn't have any solutions he rarely has solutions fair enough like can i do one real quick he did one recently on how college athletes should be paid and um what happens right

now is most college programs lose money they do uh the facilities that they play in and then the other teams cost money right so while the basketball team or the football team might be profitable in a vacuum, they are funding the gymnastics team, the swimming team, the fencing team, the soccer teams, the baseball teams. All that other stuff is funded by the cash cows. So when you say, you know, this college basketball player is being taken advantage of, he's earning you all this money and he's not getting paid, I just want you to know that if you're in favor of paying players,

then you are also in favor of canceling gymnastics. You are also in favor of ending the swim team and the baseball team. Does that include the money that they would get from, I don't know, all the sports franchise video games? Like all the NCAA games and all that stuff? I think it does, right? And now, like people

say the coaches earn a lot of money. Why don't the coaches just earn less? Well, they made that decision, right? That college or university has decided that the $7 million coach will be a better decision for them than the $1 million coach. Yeah. I got no problem with the amount they spend on coaches.

I don't care what they spend on anything, but I do feel like it's not fair to not play those players who are making the university so much money. It, it, it reminds me of that episode of South Park when they compared it to basically compared it to slavery because it, you can't fault the football player because he plays a popular sport that earns money.

I feel like he should be getting some of that revenue, at least from one of the revenue streams. I think that's a viable viewpoint, right? I think you could say, yeah. The video games or the ticket sales, like one of those areas should funnel some of their money back to the player. Okay. the ticket sales, like one of those areas should funnel some of their money back to the player. Okay, so if you were to pay each football player 50 grand, right, that might be their market value. You know, it's not making them rich, but 50 grand for a football player. I just grabbed it. That's $2.6 million.

$2,650,000. If you're going to add $2.5 million worth of expenses to the sports programs, you're canceling a couple things. You're really making college sports a business, which it kind of is now. I'm not even saying you're wrong or that John Oliver's wrong. What I'm saying is when you make this decision, just know the rest of the impact. Women's soccer? It's fucking gone. Gymnastics? You're out of there.

You know, all these other things. Two and a half million dollars you're talking about. Where's all that goddamn tuition going to? Like, I feel like the real core issue is that these colleges are just money vacuums and they need to start accounting themselves a little bit better because it seems like there are countless millions going in between tuition and the games and the merchandise

and and uh and the profits from their endowments of course a lot of times these like i know where i went drexel has a large endowment they have like a billion dollars there's i mean if they do like a seven percent return on that what is that seven? $7 million or $70 million? I'm mixed up every year. $7 million would be like 1,000th. Wait, you said a billion? Yeah.

That would be $70 million, wouldn't it? That would be 7%. It's because 70 million... I'm doing it. $70 million, you're right. If they get a 7% return, which of course you can't get that every year, but that's $70 million. You're right. If they get a 7% return, which of course you can't get that every year, but that's $70 million to run your school.

They're obviously very expensive to run. And I would argue inefficient to run. Assuming you can't make the entire college more efficient, if you add $2.5 million by paying every football player... And I think it would have to be more. You're cutting that somewhere. I think what I would like to see at least is like a baby step.

If there's one player at your university who's selling... I don't know what the numbers are, like jersey sales or whatever. If this guy has sold 20,000 jerseys and the next this guy has sold 20,000 jerseys and the next place guy has sold like 3,000 jerseys like he should you gotta I feel like that guy should be compensated I feel like the star players that you're trying to convince to stay with you uh instead of going to the pros like that would be a great way to create dynasties back in the collegiate level if you if if your guys weren't immediately going off to the pros for more money. I feel like they should be getting paid in college

because they're just, it feels like they're putting work for it and not being compensated for it in hopes that their bodies won't break down by the time they can sign that real pro contract. And for me, I'm not sure if they should get paid in college. But what I am sure is that

when you talk about it like you you have to be for the whole thing you know you can't just be like you know what fuck i think everyone should get paid a lot i'm for that you know well no no there you know there's consequences to making these decisions when you devote money to the player's salary then you have to take it from somewhere and just know that that's what you're for. It all started out with this thing, people have heard me say this, you can't just be against something, you have to be for something else.

It came from my state, we were talking about doing a lottery, and North Carolina is kind of a Bible Belt thing, and there were some people who were saying don't do a lottery because it's rough on the poor people because that's who does it. There are some people saying don't do a lottery because it's against God's will to do bedding or something. And there were other people saying do a lottery because it'll fund schools. And the powerful argument I heard that burned into like who I am is you can't just be against

the lottery. You have to be for higher taxes or you have to be for lowering teacher pay. You have to be for something. Because if I'm for the lottery, this is how I fund schools. If you're not for it, be for something else. You can't just be against something. I am for another line at the gas station for the lottery. That's what I'm for.

I hate those people in front of me buying their fucking lottery tickets. I just want a soda or I just want one item and they're up there scratching them off on the counter I got no problem with the lottery I feel like gambling should be legal I feel like just completely wide open gambling and prostitution would be a good thing

bringing lots of revenue and those things are already going on so you just clean up those industries that they are get rid of all the vice police. Reassign them somewhere where they can actually do some good. Yeah, pot two. Why not? All that stuff.

Acid, crystal meth, whatever. Okay, we went a little far on that toward the end. I actually don't know. I feel like there's no reason for crystal meth to be legal. Not even once that's what i always i always crack that joke like whenever crystal meth comes up in like casual conversation as it does i'll be like hey man not even once right am i right and i remember i was with these two guys and they were like oh i tried it once man i tried and the other guy's like yeah man i tried it a few times and i'm just like i gotta find a new social group

like i'm out of here you fucking crystal meth doing weirdos like absolutely not my um i think i told this story before i don't know if it was on air though it my the pm on my at my house we're talking to about talking to his son about drugs and then all of a sudden it became crystal clear this guy was a fucking expert on the topic like you know like like i know did i talk about this on pka i forget but i remember you told me we were talking about pills i was on oxy cotton or something when i had my wisdom team that a long time ago he's like oh yeah oxy cotton that's you know it's a derivative of something else and you take it and you really like it and you more and more and more and it's

pretty expensive and you fall off your prescription and this and then right and then that's how you get into heroin because heroin gives you the same vibe that this thing does but instead of 30 bucks a pill it's 30 bucks a day 30 and you're good for the whole day this is that and it's like holy shit this guy's an expert and he's like you know did you know with crystal meth you have to exhale quickly or can recrystallize and it's really dangerous and like no i didn't know that at all i did yeah i don't want any part of any stuff like that but i do feel like um everything except for i know in my head i feel like crystal meth is a bad drug i don't feel like cocaine is a bad drug um i don't think it is i mean when it's abused but the shit's so expensive i don't know

how anybody could abuse it without you know ruining their life crack cocaine obviously is a problem i um just like individually i've supported all these positions before. Like, you know, should prostitution be illegal? I don't know. Maybe you make it legal. You clean up the industry, etc. I definitely feel like prostitution should be 100% legal. Okay. Because you get rid of pimps. You get rid of the

STDs. You get rid of the Johns. You know, the guys who are going out trying to find a prostitute, but instead find something much worse, whether they're finding a disease or they're getting robbed or they're getting beaten up and killed by some pimp or mixed up in some like nastier business somehow. There's human trafficking. So if we make like, let's say overnight we wave our magic wand and we make prostitution legal, we make pot legal and we make what was the other one? Prostitution pot. I thought there was something gambling right yeah yeah gambling prostitution and pot suddenly available anywhere anytime does america get better yes so so first there's there's gonna be a lot to be done

because first of all you're you're a lot of people are losing their jobs. All these vice police and stuff like that. So it'd be a major overhaul of the whole law enforcement system. And I feel like you need a new government agency. And the same way that the ATF is alcohol, tobacco, firearms, and now explosives, you need a group, an organization that would take care of, I don't know, marijuana and prostitution and uh and gambling like cotton candy all the fun stuff yeah all the fun stuff a new government agency that would like take care of that stuff uh because there'd be a lot of policing and and and rules and regulations to enforce like how many people you could fuck in a day and how many blow jobs and

there'd have to be regular regulations at some point right but but i feel like all that stuff should be legal prostitution definitely because it's just two adults agreeing to do something you know it's it's legal if there's a video camera there but not if there's not a video camera there and it's legal if no money changes hands but it's not if there's a little money the video camera thing is like one's a product and the other is a service. And the product is legal. You can make a tape, but you can't sell a blowjob. You're selling a tape of a blowjob. It's weird.

Americans are so hung up on sex stuff. We've got so many religious hangups about sex and prostitution and what's good sex and what's bad sex. It's really holding us back, I feel, in that regard. It's messing up a lot of people's lives. Everyone always talks about the lives that are ruined by minor drug offenses. They just had a little marijuana. Maybe they were selling a little marijuana. In the end, we're talking about $100 worth of pot,

enough that it would barely fit in the bottom of your pocket or something like that. That ruining lives from the court cost to actually being imprisoned and you know and then they can't get a job a hundred dollars a pot being a lot like a half a cup am i way off i wouldn't really know but i don't think like you know maybe you have a friend who would know i mean i feel like a hundred dollars a pot would be like uh half a coffee cup be like four hundred dollars an ounce you're talking about a quarter of an ounce um so like you know like this much in the bottom of a ziploc baggie i guess okay i'm about right then yeah i suppose so i don't know how big a cup is i don't i don't know you know how big a coffee

cup is yeah yeah that's right yeah about like a cup. Okay, fair enough. That makes sense. A cup or half a cup. Half a cup, right? Half a cup. So yeah, people getting their lives ruined by that stuff, but in the same way it happens with prostitution, but it's a lot easier to laugh and giggle at the 45 year old guy who got caught with the 19 year old skeezy prostitute. It's like, what would you think

was going to happen when you hired Letitia to take you out and give you a handjob in the back by by right aid like that's what you get you dirty old fucker but in the end it's like come on he just wanted a hand job like everybody wants a hand job every now and then and maybe latisha is not the nicest looking lady but she wore gloves am i right what's the problem i went to i just feel like i feel like that should have been a 25 transaction we both wash our hands of this literally and that's the end of the night. In the Dominican Republic, prostitution is really rampant there. And we go out to dinner and stuff, and you could totally see this gray-haired guy with male pattern baldness.

He's probably, I'm making him like 57 in this situation. Could stand to lose 70 pounds. And there's this really really like just a good looking dark-skinned woman like dining with them and you're like you say dominican republic yeah and uh you'd see it a lot apparently the dr i didn't know it until the first time we went there is um like it's right there with thailand in terms of like sexcation sex trade really how much are flights there perchance it's cheap it's just below cuba like it's not far i'm gonna look up the flights just for science while you continue your prostitution story anyway um yeah we'd be we'd

go out to like a bar or something like that and you just see like table after table with what are obviously mismatched couples and you're like wow all these guys are on sexcations it was a it was a common thing well i let's see how much 418 that's not bad at all no no i could be there tomorrow hold on let me come right back i'm sorry yeah you go right ahead i'll we'll talk more about sexcations while you're gone hey are we okay Yeah, you go right ahead. We'll talk more about sexcations while you're gone. Hey, are we okay? Are you sure?

I never know what's going to come back through that door. What he could come with. His eyes are gone and blood's just running down his face. And he's like, the horror! You never know over there. I wonder if he's going to make a new TV setup like he's got over there with that TV kind of sunk into the wall. I wonder what that's going to be like at the new house. I imagine it's going to be like that, but just massive. Although we did talk about doing a projector at one point. But Woody won't have a normal projector.

It won't be that cheap-ass shit you pull down from the ceiling like back in high school. It'll totally be some sort of coming-up-out-of-a-hardwood-floor, like Robocop-style projection screen. Hmm. How long is he going to leave me here? Seems like he's been gone a while. What if he fell down the stairs and nobody in the house knows it?

He's just down there bleeding. Doesn't know whether he should crawl back to me because that's technically closer or just keep clawing toward the back door where Jackie is to try to get help from her. This pool of blood in his wake. The dog comes by but of course his dog's a cocksucker so he's just like

you're fucked Woody and just like licks him a little and just keeps moving like not doing that whole like lassie running to get help kind of thing no no he's alive i'm so sorry you're all that's okay did you sing the chish so no we were well i was about to say we were talking but but i was just kind of talking to the camera about what may have become of you. Colin's really difficult to raise. What happened down there is he threw a ball, and he knocked over a glass of milk, which sounds like nothing.

And in terms of carelessness, this is like normal 11-year-old behavior, right? But it spilled on both the iPad and my wife's computer. This is milk. So they're more upset than they would be had it just been both the iPad and my wife's computer. This is milk. So they're more upset than they would be had it just been like the ground, you know, like a hardwood floor. I see. Now Colin is screaming at everyone else to not give him a hard time about it. Right. When he should have said like, I'm sorry.

Like, oh my God, you know you know help me i spilled milk if he had done that it'd be super easy to be like okay let's get some paper towels but instead he's like you know you're being bad for not liking my milk spilling and and it's like a completely inappropriate reaction and you know you want to guide him towards normal behavior. But like, and, you know, I'm down there, like cooling things down. And Jackie's like, you're doing this wrong. You know, he should be apologizing, not yelling at us. He threw a ball and knocked over milk in an area he should have been more careful because there's milk and a couch and they're watching TV.

And this stuff happens a lot you know sometimes jackie calls me on it more than hope does like hope will do something and i'm like hey not okay but she gets the whole thing and you know the expectations are different whereas with colin like i never quite know if i'm supposed to like come down hard on him or cut him slack because yeah you know what he's doing now is inappropriate but you know he's not your everyday kid so that's a hard one it's super hard and it happens a lot and um yeah so i i played the cooler but you know did i just raise him wrong and teach him it was okay? And that, like, there's no consequences to messing up. And, like, you know, he threw a ball and knocked over milk and spilled it all over my wife and two expensive pieces of electronics. And I'm like, you know, it's okay.

Give me a hug. Maybe there should be consequences, you know? I remember when I shot the window out of my dad's truck, chased me screaming i hid under the bed for about an hour so maybe that's what you would rather if you were my kid and you did that i'd have came down hard on you because you're like a guy who you gets all the social ramifications and the importance of you did four times oh you were four years old maybe i would have reconsidered my decision to make firearms available it was my little uh daisy one cock but um but anyway that's i hear him yelling again i guess situation's not over but um but yeah it is

difficult to be colin's parent because uh you know you don't it's it's always tricky to know when you're supposed to go hard on him and by the way there's a real chance that he'll be talking about it for like nine months remember the the water park thing for people that don't know um colin didn't go on a water park ride with Hope and I because he was too small. He had to be this tall to ride it. And, like, for years, like four years, he was talking about the slight. Like, he doesn't get over stuff sometimes. You're being like, no, you can't have a cookie.

You've already had two. Oh, I remember. Just like the water park, huh? I remember when I couldn't have something. Yeah. You know, sometimes things are totally cool. He was talking to me recently. And just the conversation and the ease at which he was talking, it was like, wow, this is really going so great.

Like, he's engaging conversationally. And then there are other times, like just now, where it's like, oh, this is really going so great. He's engaging conversationally. And then there are other times, like just now, where it's like, oh, this is going so awful. He's completely flying off the rails over something that most kids wouldn't. And you want to forgive him. If he just said, I'm sorry, please help me me with the spilled milk we'd be all over it like normal people but um instead he's like screaming at them you know it's a hard one i uh it's one of the reasons why i would prefer to be uncle kyle uncle's a good spot yeah but you want to call it a show sure yeah i think it went good this time i like this show yeah all right good

job taylor nicely done