Painkiller Already - PKN #35

Episode Date: April 23, 2015

In this weeks episode of PKN, Kyle is sick as a dog and the guys converse of the events of the most recent PKA paintball trip in Chicago and more house updates with Woody.

and we're live welcome to painkiller nearly episode 35 i was just watching the uh paintball video that kyle put up yeah i put it up karma hoard on reddit yet i'm sure it has like twice yeah probably oh i didn't see it and and i did not want to edit that thing but i had to because i knew they'd give me so much shit. They wouldn't though. No, they would. Because I didn't last time. So they all think that I didn't edit that last survival video or that last adventure video together. But I did. I just won't give it to them because

they were assholes. It wasn't a matter of... You uploaded it though. No. Oh no. Never. Wait. Never. Are you saying you didn't upload the survival video footage oh i uploaded that but i have our our um zip lining it and uh whitewater rafting footage i have that oh and you you never uploaded that no they don't get it because they were assholes so it was never a lack of effort i did it it's just they can't they're not allowed to have it

so that's what happened there um but i had to do it today because I knew they'd give me a ton of shit if I didn't. I felt like shit. I got sick. One of you motherfuckers got me sick. I don't know who did it. They've been much friendlier on the subreddit in the last month-ish or so. That's a good thing. Maybe it was the plane.

The plane is usually what I blame my sickness on. She isn't sick too. That's a fair point. that's a fair point. That's a fair point. I think it was duct tape, man. Fuck you, duct tape, man. I've been coughing and having a hard time breathing for months now. So I'm like, it's an incredible Hulk, right?

That's my secret. I'm always sick. We always joke around about duct tape, man, and his duct tape vest and everything. But he showed up again this year, so thank you again, sir. And he gave me this cup. He looks better. He's lost weight. I thought he got taller.

I was certain that he got taller. You say he did too, right? That guy's 22. He is not just hitting puberty. Maybe he lost the weight and it sort of helped his structure a little. Maybe he's a chiropractor. Standing taller? I don't know.

Confidently? We both thought he was taller, and he's undoubtedly thinner. What did you say? I said I think he's tall, right? Like he's as tall as I am or taller, right, maybe? Yes. Yeah, I'm going to call him 6'3"-ish. Yeah.

You know, something like that. He's tall. But I never thought of him as tall before but now i see that so uh so he's growing into the good man that's cool i'm happy for him yeah he he was we were talking about his job he said he got a raise at work he's making a considerable more uh amount of money per hour so yeah everything's going well with him yeah that's good for him that's good the. The whole trip was great, right? I really enjoyed that trip. So like before the trip started, like contractors and people that I talked to, which is a whole

other thing, they were like, man, this is going to be so great. You got to play paintball, whatever. And I'm like, dude, it's a business trip. I know it doesn't sound like one, but you go there, you got things to do. You're busy all the time. You're not slacking, whatever. It was not just a business trip. It was fun.

I had a good time. I went in there worried that it wouldn't be a good time, that it would be draining and stuff like that. But I left thinking, you know, we should do this again. And the other cool thing, so one of the things that makes me feel good about it is everyone was happy. So the owner of the paintball field was happy. The people who went to play with us, like the fans, they were happy. And then you and I were happy. And to a man, every single person thought it was a really good idea and a really good trip.

Yeah, we spent a lot of one-on-one time with the fans, I feel like. As much as they wanted, I felt like. If they engaged with us, we had plenty of time for them, it seemed like. Some of them, though, I never spoke to. They just kind of stayed to the edges of the group and kind of watched the others, which I'm cool with that, too. Not everybody needs to get up close and personal and lay hands on you and everything.

Maybe just being there is all the experience they want. But there were a couple of girls who I never spoke to, and I'm not saying that i like what it was you know going after or anything i was just wondering are they did they come here for our event are they here by accident is their boyfriend is their boyfriend a fan of ours like how did they get in our group who are they uh never spoke to him once i never spoke to the girls i spoke to one girl she I spoke to one girl. She was there with a boyfriend. Okay.

What was I going to say? Oh, I was leading teams all trip long, like every map. Like, it started early in the first map. I think it was the first morning of the first day. Like, we were playing Nuketown, and I started asking around. Like, I'm not shy about asking refs or people who look like experienced players or whatever for advice like you know are there key strongholds on this map what's the you know what's the essence for success on here and stuff like that and um then once they tell me i start telling everyone else as if i know what the hell i'm doing it's like all right we're gonna me and six or eight guys are gonna go we're gonna take the bus we need someone laying down a line of fire so that we can cross it and um it went over so well by the third or fourth map they're all like woody now what you know

what's our game plan strategy for this other bumper cars is the key to this map you know it's easy to shoot out hard to shoot in and uh and it was fun the first day especially i did well so in paintball i consider myself like a one, one and a half KD player. But on day one, I was like a three KD player. I was doing really well. And it was neat because when we did really well at the last paintball event, it was because all our fans had bad guns. These fans all had good guns.

We had made a big enough deal out of it that everyone went for the better packages. And everyone's gun was as good as mine. And I still did well. Chiz got a new gun, did you hear? No. He bought himself a Geo, like the thing he was shooting at the event. Really? Yeah, Chiz borrowed the guy who owns the field.

He borrowed that guy's Geo. I think he had a 3.5, and think um chis went and bought either a geo 3.0 or a geo 3.5 a red and black one was it new yeah i don't know that dude they're expensive i don't mine was 1400 new but that's a couple years functional used car but that's a couple years ago so i'm sure he probably paid 700 or or $800, something like that. They were $1,400 on the wall at the pro shop, I saw. Yeah, the pro shop might not be the best place to buy a gun. Okay. But anyway, yeah, so Chiz has a high-end gun.

In my opinion, and everyone seems to agree with this, once you get to $500, like an Axe, which is what I have, your further success will come from more skills. If I had a Geo, my KD wouldn't rise. Thoughts? No, probably not. The most important thing is reliability. To me,

it's reliability and consistency. I want the balls to... Consistency over accuracy. Accuracy is non-existent with a regular paintball gun, so I just want consistency. I want a regular pattern of balls going over there. Accuracy is non-existent with a regular paintball gun. So I just want consistency. I want a regular kind of pattern of balls going over there. I don't want them doing squiggly shit. Right.

But reliability and consistency. And that's all I need. Rate of fire is awesome, but sometimes it can be a bad thing. You can get carried away. You can just be like, oh! And all of a sudden you've shot 120 rounds at one guy who was hiding the entire time what was i doing there i'm just scaring the fuck out of him because like you're completely

right i my guns right now kind of tuned for it i guess it's called ramping right like i after i shoot a couple times it goes like full auto and um it's easy to shoot a lot of unnecessary paint and so like so there are limits to the rate of fire that they allow you to shoot at. And I'm going to sound stupid, but it's – what is it? I can't remember the league or whatever it is. But anyway, it's like 10 or 12 balls per second. And I promise you, our guns are shooting much faster than that. They just are because and and i just feel like our event was

kind of a little private event where i don't remember anyone chronoing our guns did that definitely not chronoed all weekend yeah now i know all the rentals were chronoed properly and i know the refs were running around and like spot checking occasionally but i uh i think there were there were a few guns maybe shooting a little bit fast. I have these all over my body. That's cute. Cute. Can you do better? Oh, God.

Show me your penis. Oh, that's... So I'm going to say you have more shots, but the ones I have are better. I've got one of my armpit on the left side which is absurd to me, it's never happened what I have a lot and I'm not going to show you but across my body, so this situation would happen a ton

there's a wall, I'm on one side you're on the other, not you specifically but hypothetically or maybe there's two guys there, that happened too and I'm like alright, so I'm going to come around I'm going to trade, I'm going to take that room so that my team can go behind me and i'll just take those two out knowing that i'm dying myself and that's a thing by day one i was lit up across my body like i just i've been shot a lot

from very close to just it was ouch we were playing uh we were playing nuketown and i i moved up past the bus and started crawling until I got to the white truck. And then I ran from the hood of the white truck to four crates that are kind of positioned in a delta form, like a V. And I dashed in behind those, and I was like, holy shit, I'm on the front lines. It's just me out here on my own. I'm about to pop up and fuck some shit up like even if they get me like there's got to be like half a dozen guys wide open to me right now i've moved up so far and then the pain started and i realized that there

was one guy just one who was almost as far into the field as i was on their team which meant he was just behind the white truck on the other side of the white truck that I had left. And so he just started shooting me in the ass and back area until the refs asked him to stop, which he was, I could, I could, I could immediately recognize it was a green like E-Tech or V-Tech or whatever the hell it is, the, uh, the rental gun. And, and, and he was a little guy. And I just remember, I could hear it just he chewed my ass up my whole back i think he shot me six times i had a situation i like i charged ahead uh and like at the very start of the map i got further ahead than anybody i think maybe lozan was with me and he quickly died out and then for the next like 15 minutes i'm pinned down too far out like my whole team's

behind me i keep waiting for someone to join me nobody does you saw it because you were like would he get closer to the barrier and um and eventually i got shot in the back of the neck that guy i don't know why he shot me he thought i had a gun i guess but like those are my two worth bruises right here like like all of this bruising is due to like a guy shooting me uh when i wasn't even in the game i was standing there like cross arm like covering my nipples when there's all that crossfire going on and people are shooting and stuff i don't typically walk around well i leave the premises i like to well i like to walk around i like to see what's going on i was recording you with my thing see if maybe something crazy happened you know maybe a good scene maybe you're gonna do your matrix cartwheel

and you know shoot a few guys if you went like if i knew you were recording that's what i would have done whenever i saw the cameraman with a camera on me that's i mean i was like well time to do something now like yeah me too the cameraman he had like a fluorescent orange vest on and he's like filming me and i'm like well i'll be damned if he's getting footage of me cowering like some sissy behind. Let's go, boys! And I played really aggressive, which means I died a lot, too. But yeah, I charged forward. A lot of it was in map control in my head.

If you can get to the enemy's flank and shoot. It's funny. Paintball teaches you about war and stuff. like, Oh, we're behind them. We're side or whatever. What people are shooting at you from two angles. It's super hard to have good effective cover. Yeah. So, so what you want to do is push forward enough so that, you know, you aren't creating

two angles and then they're all going to get shot out in a hurry because they can't hide. And, um, so sometimes I would die just knowing that i sacrificed myself to get map control you know i traded with this room but now my team can move in behind me and and you know we own a flank that we didn't have before but it hurts that's that's why i think it would be fun if we played in a scenario game except we were actually taking part in the scenario aspect which is something we never do. Like, if we had ourselves, like, a 10-man team each, and we had objectives,

and we were, like, setting up an ambush or something above a creek bed, like, that would be fun. Like, if everybody had radios and stuff. They're going to have a scenario game in July. I think they want us to come back, so that might be something to think about. I know it's going to be hot. When you first said july 25th i was like oh that sounds hot and the thing about paintball is it's nice if you can

wear long pants and like a padded jersey and in july that it might be hard to pull that off but there's a ufc card that is stacked that's also on july 25th and did you hear about this no oh no there's there's a ufc card and it's stacked i could look up the fighters it might not mean much to you but it's a card that would be awesome to see made one or two championship fights and is it in chicago chicago on july 25th and you know joe pitched it and he's like hey there's this thing and i'm like can you get us awesome cards i want to sit next to shack they're awesome tickets i meant and he's like i'll see what i can do so um so it would be i mean i don't mind paying for the tickets i just sometimes you know the ticket next to shack isn't even for sale so um uh you know joe often hooks us up with like

friends and family tickets or something that uh that are right there so joe would be a spectator too and um yeah that'd be cool it would be super cool we could combine paintball and go into the usc fight i already bought us uh radios um i did i don't know if you remember like uh for the survival thing i bought us all radios oh yeah so i've got like i got like 80 mile like cb radios with like and they're all a different color like the power rangers yeah i got three of them so throat mics do you really have throat mics yeah it's just a little uh it's like an 18 additional thing for the uh i've never used a throat mic i wonder how the audio on that works i i would really like an audio solution for moving around

you know like if you if you put it under your shirt you get the rustling which is bad if you put it over the shirt it can grab things like like imagine playing paintball where you had a cord on the outside of your jersey to your run into your pocket and catch and it'd be caught up in your gun and stuff um i've got so much going on already man i wouldn't want anything it's so complicated for me to play paintball with like i uh i had a lot more footage but it's just like there's all there's so many complications that if i miss one step then the whole thing gets ruined. There's that, like you said.

And another thing, just go for it. Oftentimes, the aim gets off. You shoot at the sky. In the clip where I go in the boat and shoot those three or four guys, as I'm going in, if you watch carefully, I slam the camera into the wall. And it goes like face down so you don't get the scope angle for the scope uh and angle for that shot okay yeah and that's super common right that had it it's it's tough to get these shots that you want I don't when GoPro releases like their official footage you know those amazing things they're usually really easy like here's a camera on a skydiver's head yeah that'd be nice you know like on a certain on the nose of a server's board

right right that's easy compared to like you know a gopro helmet i like my replay better i like the replay because uh i like it that it's cylindrical and it takes up less uh less space really it presents a smaller target area for something to shoot now that one fair enough that one did get shot right off my damn head uh yeah but other than that is that a replay i thought it was a contour because of the shape of it no contour is out of business i knew that um i bought the new replay it's um 1080p at 60 frames and it seemed fairly easy to use and it had uh you know it'll sync up with your phone through wi-fi so you can see that's what i had on the scorpion they can do some nice things like one of them shot a laser so if it was on you can

just like put your hand at it and know where it's pointing and that it's running that's oh that was yeah that was the uh the contour did that i don't know who yeah it's been copied yet but this one has a vibe it vibrates to to let you know stuff through let's it's like morse code again so dude the event was successful by for like everyone involved felt like it was a win and that made me happy like my big what was your favorite mill mill what does that mean oh meal um i'm a little fucked up i'm on a lot of uh cold medicine right now i have like a kitty's got british cold medicine and uh and i i don't know it was like it's like brit Theraflu and I'm pretty

fucked up right now so what was your favorite meal um my favorite meal I you know you'd think I'd say the Brazilian barbecue which was awesome I out ate everybody and uh it was a hands down win I it might have been that I last time we did brazilian barbecue i was hungry but not like mega hungry or anything and i was saving my appetite all day long i hadn't eaten much i hadn't even drank much so i came into fogo de chow did i pronounce that right fog de chow fog de chow i came in there like on empty i'm crashing my head hurts i'm feeling awful i'm like just covering my eyes protecting it from light we had to stop at a gas station to get him tylenol yeah i was and i try not to

complain much but i was feeling terrible like like like i thought i was gonna throw up and um and then we got there and the food arrived and i started feeling better and i just ate and ate and ate and uh out ate everybody hands down yeah down yeah good i started showing off at the end like rubbing the dessert thing with my fork yeah that's ridiculous so that was a good meal but um the very first ones with the the nachos and stuff uh i had a really good time i missed the nachos did you yeah i was at the gun place the The nachos were great. Something about the excitement, it was like the launching pad for the whole trip. It made it a good time. Really?

I missed the launching pad. I know. You were walking around doing the gun tour. The gun tour was good anyway. I got some pretty cool gun stuff. I think I'm going to work out a nice deal with that guy. Oh, I'm getting my drones for sure. They got shipped five days ago.

Nice. to work out a nice deal with that guy oh i'm getting my drones for sure uh they got shipped five days ago nice like um two jumping drones two of the like big video drones uh i think four um of their like micro drones um i think i already said but two jumping drones i don't even know what those are i have an update i'm sorry you should finish i'm just excited and two of their bluetooth headsets that's awesome and that's a lot of gear. The price tag on what you're talking about is much higher than the price tag on what I'm about to talk about. But all my mic gear arrived. And you know me and mic gear. I have two new boom mics.

I can't even get it in the footage. This thing is on a boom like that. And the problem with the boom mic i have now is that it's not big enough yeah and uh and like for me to use it i'd have to be leaning forward like this and i will say i like yours better than taylor's i can't even fucking see taylor right now i'm slow um so uh so my boom mic on this isn't big enough. It was always okay otherwise. But the new one is bigger, so it should reach over my big 27-inch monitors.

And it has a light on it, so you can tell when it's hot, like when you're live and recording and stuff. And it looks great. I saw it on the Joe Rogan podcast, and I was just like, wow, that mic looks amazing. That boom mic looks amazing. I started asking where he got it and the people that make it reached out to me

and said, you know, like, let us supply you with them. So I was like, all right. And I didn't think, yeah, just tell us what you want. And I started making a big shopping list and they're like, whoa, you want all that? Yes, I do. Yeah, so it's at the new house. So when I set up over there,

when I move my computer gear there which will be soon i'll use some new new boom mic stuff i feel like you need i think i think it'd be cool if you had a little red light uh that would light up outside your room that said on air uh whenever wow he's getting one he has one i suppose look at this goddamn shorts ah look at this this is i got this for christmas it's a it's a light right like it just needs to be wired up and um maybe i'll do it in my new house this is why you can't buy gifts for woody i was just

thinking in my head like i know I know what I could buy Woody for a housewarming gift. And then I was like, I bet he's already got one. He's already got one. It's nice. You can see it was like machined. It's like aluminum and it's heavy.

Whoever did this, like the materials weren't, I don't know how much aluminum cost, but it's pretty cool. And I just never installed it. You should have gotten Jamal right on there. like the materials weren't i don't know how much aluminum cost but it was it's pretty cool and uh i just never installed it um you should have gotten jamal right on that that should have been his tab right you can handle that god damn i feel weird i that i don't know it was like black flavored like theraflu it was purple and strong i feel so dizzy so another thing tomorrow might be the last payment

on my house like uh not the house itself but the work to it they did everything like i haven't gone through the whole punch have you cleaned you're not getting more cleaning out of them um they came they cleaned for like five days. And they just didn't. So it's clean. If you were to walk through there, you'd be like, yeah, they cleaned up here, obviously. But if you look more carefully, the floor is like, it needs buffing, really. And everything else, like the walls and the toilets and stuff are good.

Just the floors. What happened was there was so much drywall dust on it, they mopped it. And when you add water to drywall dust like it's not the best way it would have been better to sweep and like vacuum and then mop you know to really minimize how much like goop they were dealing with yeah so um they actually walked around with towels on their feet like rubbing it and they did like a couple areas so it looks great but there's a lot of flooring to do, and they didn't do it all. They're done, though. They're done. You're not getting more from them.

Noah's Ark was built faster. There was a cabinet that didn't have... So you get your kitchen counters, right? And then this one particular cabinet was off on the side, and it didn't have a countertop like it was supposed to so i was like just put a wooden countertop on it whatever i saw it today it's shitty they did a horrible job like it doesn't if you look carefully it doesn't match and if you touch it it's not smooth like they didn't sand it and um if you don't know after you sand it you're supposed to hit it with like you know 500 grade sandpaper or steel wool or something to get all the nubs off is is there some sort at some point

do you fill out a survey about like your your user experience here like your customer experience like when does that happen um no i don't think that happens i don't think that's part of their feedback jesus i i will get I gave that feedback yesterday, and we'll talk about that in a second. So now I'm like, okay, for example, the countertop's not up to my specs. And sometimes I have a hard time figuring out, like, am I being a dick?

Or is it not supposed to be like a rough, bumpy, mismatched piece of wood that they stuck on there? And when they put it in, they scraped the paint, so now the paint needs repair. And I'm just like, no, you suck i'm not crazy you suck but like i could try to back charge them maybe 75 off the 20 grand or something that i'm gonna pay yep or you know just like pay it close it you know for 75 i don't know man i don't even want to come back to my house you know like i kind of do like i feel like you should just keep i think you should like do it

twice more and then you would be really close to being done because i feel like if they tried one more time and they went back and they got all of that drywall goop out of the grooves in the flooring and if they went back and they sanded any wood that might be a little rough edged if they went back and made perfectly sure that they they don't they didn't poop in your toilets and leave any shit stains like they do one more trip through i i hear you but there's some value in getting them freaking gone like every time i come there you're gonna miss them they've driven on the grass right like it that i have a driveway with turns in it and uh they always like cut the corner and drive on the grass right like it that i have a driveway with turns in

it and uh they always like cut the corner and drive on the edge now there's like a big puddle there gets fucking worse every time they drive these big goddamn vans on it um they put nails in my yard i have a golf course i should have put nails there the the neighbors were fucking i could see where they'd be driving four-wheelers through uh my yard. So I took some fucking two-by-fours and nailed big nails through them and just threw them out there in the yard. And just rolled out two big, long eight-foot two-by-fours out there with nails all on them. It's genius. They don't do that anymore. So what was I going to say?

I do love that idea. In my garage, there's a golf cart and the golf cart's nice because you used to go all over the land like to the barn to the like there's a tree we had to like kind of rescue from vines i like to go check on it and see if i if it worked or not and they block it in with their car all the time because they park right up against my thing um there the password has been shared around on the garage right because like ed was in there today letting the locksmith in how the fuck did he get the password i know i didn't give him the new one but you know i want to change the password again because i don't know how many

fucking people have it anymore there's some value in just paying them locking the doors and saying don't come back how do we get vengeance? How do we get our vengeance against Ed? I know how. On May 4th, I'm going to court. Because Jamal is suing Ed and I for payment. This is my dream scenario.

Ed has billed me for some of the stuff that Jamal had to fix or Jamal broke or whatever. Ed's going to try to... The way Ed thinks this is going to work out is he's going to have Jamal had to fix or Jamal broke or whatever. And Ed's going to try to like, the way Ed thinks this is going to work out is he's going to have Jamal's thing thrown out and he's going to immediately counter Sue. And the nature of small claims court is that they, they like hear your new stuff right on.

They just settle it, right? Like, Hey, you know, we're going to throw this out. Here's our counter. And they're like,

all right, let's listen to the counter and just resolve it on the spot. And I'm hoping that in this scenario, I're going to throw this out. Here's our counter. And they're like, all right, let's listen to the counter and just resolve it on the spot. And I'm hoping that in this scenario, I'm going to be like, this is fucked up. Like, Ed's getting all this counter money for stuff he sent, but he billed me for it. I should be getting this. You know, like, I'm the one who paid for the floors. I'm the only one in this scenario that didn't fuck shit up. Like, I've been doing Ed's job as a project manager.

I've been sourcing materials. All my checks have been on time, bounce free. I don't know. In my dreams, when we go there, I walk away with money, but we'll see. Be sure. Please go in there 100% prepared with all your photographs and documentation

and have your shit in order because that goes so far in court. Because I guarantee Jamal does not have his shit in order because that'll go that'll that goes so far in court you'll you'll have because i guarantee jamal is not does not have his shit in order and based on ed's past i don't think he has his shit in order either like you don't need a lawyer i think you just need a like a three ring binder and you're so that's how it's going down yeah yeah so we'll see how this works out like it really would be weird for me to be the one that walks away with the money, but, uh, but that would be awesome. Um, but I went down to court today and it's called bonding. So I bombed,

I made an escrow account against the lien. So now there's no lien on my house. The lien is kind of against the escrow account. And, um, I mean, the way that that probably will work out is it'll get distributed to Ed and Jamal, right? Whether Ed gets all six it'll get distributed to Ed and Jamal. Whether Ed gets all six grand or Ed gets three and Jamal gets three or whatever. I shouldn't even care who gets the money. That's that.

And the way Ed sees this thing, he's like, yeah, Jamal really fucked this up. I want to be like, you're fucked up too. You think you're better than Jamal in this scenario? You're not. You are Jamal, for starters.. I want to be like, you're fucked up too. You know, you think you're better than Jamal in this scenario? You're not. You are Jamal, for starters. You brought him to my house. You gave him the password. You have this eight-time felon in here doing all his shit.

You know, if you think you're not represented by your contractors, then you're full of shit. It is you. You are responsible for this. And the fact that they never seem to own up for being responsible for the work of their subcontractors, it should be embarrassing to them, but it's not. They're just not seeing it.

And on top of that, this is not the only bad sub that was on the project. And all the subs are fussing because there's a guy hanging out at my fucking house today. Ed's supposed to meet me here and I'm supposed to get paid. Ed didn't meet him there. You know how I know Ed didn't meet him there? Ed called me from his attorney's office to work out this Jamal shit. That's great. That's great.

You're like, no, Ed's not calling. I didn't know that at the time. I figured later, like, Ed's not there. I know Ed's not there because Ed's calling me and stuff. Ed didn't show. So there's another advantage of like sealing off. They can only put liens against my house while I don't owe Ed. What they're really putting liens against is the money I owe Ed.

So once I close this with Ed and get a final notice of lien waiver from him, then I'm done. Like all these subs that are unpaid can't come after me. So there's a lot of value in that too. Just closing the door. Don't come back to my house. What a nightmare, man house what a nightmare man what a nightmare indeed so um so that that's closing off all right well all right so wait we kind of

got off um okay i i remember us i remember asking you uh what your favorite meal was and i don't remember what you said i think i landed on the uh you know i gave you two answers so if i narrow it down to just one favorite meal first one i really like the portillos i like the oh that was good too i uh i hadn't i think all i had eaten that day was like half of a burger and at the park and uh and we went and went and we went to Target and got that thing for Joe's dog, and then we went and saw Joe's dog before he was going to go buy it the next day. Appetite's increasing the whole time. Yeah, and I was getting hungrier and hungrier,

and I was worried that we weren't going to be near a Portillo's, that it was going to be like 50 minutes away. But sure enough, by the time we're done with the dog, there's one 13 minutes away, and we got there, and I got my Italian beef sandwich with hot peppers and sweet peppers and a hot dog with everything on it and a giant order of fries with cheese, and it was worth it. No one knew what to order, so everyone copied Kyle.

And it was a good way. I would do it again. Yeah, I really like that place. Yeah, a lot of good food. Chicago is known for good food and puffy people yeah there's a lot of fatties there because the food's so good yeah absolutely although there were some fast people too like at our paintball thing there was one guy who was a fucking runner two there were two guys that were runners oh man so so all trip long right like we're like all right we're gonna dart out

front and different people were saying they were fast but they were like normal people you know like they really they weren't i don't know if they were faster than me i'm just a normal person too like yeah and it had it's a lot of time it seemed to have much to do with how like how much foot speed you had uh and more to do with like how far you wanted to run like some people just kind of like oh all right i'll slow down right about here and it's just like no keep fucking going come on you're right some of it's how far you want to run so much is your foot speed but also how much foot speed you're willing to go right like you know if i go 100 and they go 80 it's the same speed it doesn't matter how fast you are the fact is you didn't go balls to the wall then these cross-country guys came i played with them on nuketown before the final battle thing

and they're like I'll go in the front because I'm fast and I thought alright if he says he's fast whatever you know I expected him to be like everyone else who said he was fast on that trip but then he ran the fucker could run he was fast and then for the final battle

it was a big match it was like 100v100 maybe does that sound right battle what people it was a big match it was like 100 v 100 maybe does that sound right maybe yeah and it was out it seemed like it was us and our fans versus like all the open players that's what they did yeah so it was all the pka people against strangers and um and you have there's a barrel with a they call slapstick in it and you basically have to press it and then protect it and he's like i'll get there before anyone and press it and god damn he got there so fast he was so fast he was all alone i ran flat out and i and to my credit i had a i had an army behind me i had at least 15 people behind me i was i was just screaming faster faster run run run but by the when we got there it was pushed to their

side and i was just like all right well let's look we got it we just hold this position now what I didn't know was that what they had done is they had taken two different fields that were normally separated by a barrier and they put the they put the slapstick in between that in between them like on the border and we weren't allowed to push into their field so at one point I was kind of already on the border and I rallied up some troops. I was like, all right, who's fast? Who wants to come with me? And like four guys were like, yeah, me, me, me. And I was like, all right, you, you, you, and you, you're coming with me. The rest of you on the count of three, you start laying down all the

fire you can and don't stop until we're behind cover and everybody's like all right so like literally like 12 or 15 of them start shooting and it's just that it's that noise that it makes when you get that it's like bees and and and me and my little murder squad just take off i've got i've got fucking five power rangers behind me and we're running fast and we run run run and we're pushing deep into enemy territory We all slide up behind a fucking blue for tourists and the breath goes All right, well retreat and we all ran backwards. It seemed like bullshit to me. I felt like we should have been able to push them into their fucking spawn where they belonged. We were so much better than that other team

that if they didn't stop us from crossing the midpoint, they would have just been spawn trapped for ages. There was no mercy when their team would try to come. To their credit, there were two or three of their guys who were willing to try to come and hit our slapstick. We were everywhere we were so wide this thing and they would come running and then you would hear that that that hum of bees again as everybody opens up on this guy and i was maybe 30 feet away because

i didn't want to i didn't want to hit the slapstick but i was willing to if i had to and that fast kid was right in front of me. So there were two fast kids, right? One hit the stick, the other one hid behind a tree for like 30 minutes, just like this. No one knew he was there. He just take a cover behind a tree. If they hit the stick, he'd just be like, he was six feet

from it. He would have just hit it right back. At one point, I yelled at him. I was like, hey! He was like, what? I was like, is there room for me there? He goes, me? All right, never mind. But yeah, we're posted up around this thing. And when their guy came for it, he came in and he hit it.

I don't know if we shot him before. I'm sure we did. It seemed like to me that we shot him 15 times well the thing was they were running like one in front of oh so you think he had covered another like stack it's like a human shield for the other guy it was it was pretty good it was a pretty good tactic if they had like a bunch of guys with a phalanx going that would have been that was the coolest thing ever but uh but they weren't that they weren't that organized by far so i think the second guy hit it as well. And I figured that counted.

But they paid for it. He was running and he tried to stop running. So you lose all your momentum when you do that. And he turned around. And he's kind of like in a fetal position but crouched. And I can just see the paintballs exploding off his back and his ass and his pod and his head and his gun. And he must have gotten shot 15, 20 times in just a split second. It was just raining on him.

Yeah, the other team was brave. I don't know if it was coordination or talent or what, but they were really overmatched. They had two or three guys that were willing to do something crazy to try to score. But we had five or six guys who were willing to do the same thing. Yeah, countless people. And we were so well positioned. We owned the center line. So when we needed to hit it, we had to go six feet.

When they needed to hit it, they had to walk through like 25 feet of paintballs because we owned all the way as far as we could. I really enjoyed my time there. I wish I had – I meant to use my pistols more but i didn't get co2s at uh at walmart but but i don't even know if i would have had an opportunity to there were so many people kind of sort of that would have been mean though those pistols hurt really bad like especially point blank the the neat thing about pistols to me is how light you can be because pistols don't use a lot of ammo so you can bring like what 12 balls in your set and you're pretty much there and like just street

clothes zipping around being light and fast and sneaky whereas if you have a speedball gear like the pod pack makes you a fat kid right it just does like it you get a big it's not a belly but it's a back you know with with pods on it. The biggest love handles ever. Biggest love handles ever. You're shaking around. And then the speed gun with the big tank on it and the hopper and stuff. You're immediately like two-thirds normal speed, I feel like. I think that's a good estimate. But if you have a pistol, then you're kind of like 98% normal speed.

Like you're right there. And you can be sneaky and stuff. I like to use my machine gun as kind of a crutch, though, for my ridiculous play. I don't want to be really careful. I get frustrated if I'm pinned down for too long. I want to be able to run out and have enough firepower to hold off two or three people if they're afraid of me. Joe and I didn't like staying together as much as i liked until the end and then that was awesome like when you me joe and maybe skeletor that guy

we met with the like fake dreads he was so enthusiastic yeah he he was when we started playing together and like you know we would talk and and there was no lack of bravery right a lot of people like when the paintballs are shooting, they don't want to move. They want to stay where they'll stay alive. But like you and me and a couple other guys, you know, just like, yeah, I need cover. Not a problem. You know, you're going to get cover. I'm going to pop up.

I'm going to make sure he's the guy who's cowering or vice versa. You know, if I want to move forward, then you'll do that. And it was nice to have an effective team. Yeah, when I lay down cover fire i it's it's with a purpose like i'm i'm making i'm painting the entire area above their bunker with balls to make it like twistle i want i want them to look up to where they want to poke their head and just see balls whistling there there's the whistling and then i like i hit the the outside the window just for this like when the sound is like... When that's happening,

I feel like there's a cycle like, alright, it is not time to pop my head up right now. When you're in one of those... In the Vietnam map, when you're in one of these plywood houses and they're shooting the outside, it sounds like they're hammering nails into the side of that thing. It's... You're just like, shit! What are they

shooting at us with? Everybody gets a little afraid when they hear that. There's definitely something. But yeah, you need cover fire and you need people who will give it to you. And sometimes it's hard to get that. But the Skeletor guy was so enthusiastic about that shit. And when he was playing it, first of all, I'm going to guess he was like 50, 53 years old, somewhere in there. He's like gray haired.

He wears this paintball mask that's like a skeleton with all these dreadlocks hanging off of it. And when he's playing, he's screaming the whole time. He's, woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Yeah! Yeah, yeah! Get some! Get some!

Woo-hoo! I got you, buddy! I got you! Nice try! Nice try, little man! Not today! And he's just screaming and hyped up the whole time, calling people out that

you know enemy positions and stuff he's uh he's playing with him yeah me too with him i thought he was like 19 until he took his mask off right yeah yeah he's um he's he wears it's like a i don't know how to describe the hat do you like a fisherman's hat almost but it's camo and it has these dreadlocks that come off of it and then a face mask so you really can't see like his neck or his hair or his face or anything it's more covered than most people so you don't get any vibe as to what their age might be and um and then when he takes it off and he had he's had a full head of gray hair you're like whoa i thought he was 19 yeah he's not but he's just got bright blue eyes and he's just like energetic and and i don't know he wanted

to play with he wanted pictures like wrestling with joe or something at the end of the night and it like joe didn't know how because at first he wanted to like get a picture of joe in a headlock or something so joe was you know he obliged and then like he keeps going and he's like wrestling him and joe's like i don't know what am i supposed like so joe starts like wrestling back like kind of halfway and but he's going all the way because he only's got one speed go go go and joe's like you know son of a bitch i'm gonna kick your ass if you keep this up they're wrestling up there in the grass that was pretty hilarious yes yes and then you were like we should make this two of you one i totally agreed but um i was late to the show yeah so that was. I'm trying to think of some of the other highlights of the whole thing. I like Nuketown, but our group was so big,

I feel like we really over-infested Nuketown. I feel like next time, especially if we do an event like this one where it's just our group, maybe take the time to break up and do a little tournament of 10-man teams. It'd be great 6v6, 66 10 v 10 something like that but 50 v 50 like we did like like what if what if like each of us had a team like myself you chiz and uh that would that would be so funny and joe if we all had our team and then we had a little tournament but yeah that'd be

great right single elimination see who wins that's a neat concept i like that yeah we could we could enforce our own rules there could there could be a way to take prisoners maybe like maybe if you touch an enemy player you take him prisoner and he doesn't he has to join he gets to join your team for the next round i'd want to get i'd want to i'd want to have some real fun with this yeah that'd be fun next time maybe yeah yeah yeah in july well i'll be well i know i think i think july is going to be their uh scenario game the call of duty world at war game so i think maybe they do like a world war ii scenario i'm not really sure we'll have to learn more about it yeah yeah that's what those posters were in that uh that staging area we were in. I saw them, yeah. Yeah, that's their big thing. I feel like shit.

One of those fans did this to me for sure. I came home, kind of rested. Oh, I saw all four Game of Thrones. I guess you did too. Yes. Yeah, so I'm current on... The reason I did it is that I spend a lot of time on the internet yep and um there are people who will purposely spoil things for me and it was like i have to

see these four or someone's gonna fuck it up like it'll they'll tweet it to me or whatever so um so i'm current on the first four episodes i guess i won't see a new one until may yeah it kind of sucks, but I really enjoyed having that little four-episode marathon. Have you seen them more than once? No, because I'm waiting to watch them a second time with Kitty. I watched the first episode

with Kitty, and she couldn't stay up to watch the others, so I told her I'd watch them the second time with her, and I don't think I want to watch them three times. So, I'm just waiting. The second time I fell asleep while they were on i was watching but uh but yeah i've seen whatever a couple of them what'd you say i said i'm not surprised yeah dude i so the joe and i shared a bed at the hotel right with little gay and um we were watching game of thrones on sunday night like it was time to watch it and i kept falling asleep i

was exhausted it was a weekend of paintball or whatever and uh like we're watching it and he's like woody i'm like what what i'm not sleeping but i totally was but like i think i'm snoring like there's no it's like a it's not a lie when everyone knows it's a lie it's a joke that's kind of how it was and then like another time, I'm watching. And I managed to wake up right before it happened. But I'm watching the show and then... Like that. He's waking me up with a clap. And I'm like, what?

Why would you do such a thing? And he's like, yeah, we all knew. And then another time... I don't know if he finished watching it or not. But I think the show wasn't over. And he was out of bed putting his computer into his backpack. And it seemed like it was too late to complain. Like, he had made the decision that we weren't going to finish watching it.

And it was like, well, I guess I'm sleeping enough that he managed to, like, turn it off, get up, find his backpack, and insert it. You know, if it takes you that long, you don't have an argument. So it was like, well, yeah, he's right. I just watched it takes you that long you don't have an argument so it was like well yeah he's right i just watched it without you yeah woody falls asleep uh just about anywhere he needs to fall asleep it's my superpower it's almost like you had one of those like awful um occupations in the past where that was something that came in handy like where did you get this ability to like just just doze off and sleep like a World War I French soldier or something. I don't know, but it really

is true. If we were, say, driving 30 minutes and I wanted to shorten the trip, I could sleep during that. You did! You did! When we were driving to go get Joe's dog, we were all looking at Woody because he's snoring and we hit a pothole and he didn't stir a bit and I was like,

when I was driving to Boston, i hit potholes on purpose i'd slam those motherfuckers with my truck he'd snore a little louder and that was it i mean well i mean well um yeah i forget i whatever it was it was that was a fun night. It all worked out well. Yeah, the whole trip went really well. My flight back, no issues. The flight in was delayed an hour, but all in all, I don't think I had a single issue the whole weekend. Everything went really smoothly.

That photographer guy was a bit annoying, but, I mean, that's – what are you going to do? Shit, everything's not going to be perfect in life, and it's not like he was a bit annoying but I mean what are you going to do? Everything's not going to be perfect in life and it's not like he was a douchebag. He was just a bit weird. Romeo, the owner of the park and TJ, his partner. They were both super super fucking cool. We heard a cool story

that I think we'll say for PKA. I don't think we should say who the story's about, but we should just refer to it as the story about the man who owed the other man some money. I know the story, and I wasn't sure where we were going on that. That's a good one. Yeah, that's a good one. So, yeah, it was a great trip.

Met a lot of cool people, lots of good food, and we did some cool things, and those are hallmarks of good trips. It was a great trip. Met a lot of cool people, lots of good food, and we did some cool things. And those are hallmarks of good trips. It was a total win. All the fans we met were really cool. I didn't meet any weird fans. And there were even some fans that I met who, like, weren't there for our event. They were just like, you know, they were there on their afternoon playing paintball.

And then they recognized me. They were like, hey, you're here? What? And even those people weren't that weird so that's saying something the big a big thing for me was that the fans were happy like you know my big fear is that they felt like they didn't get their value or they didn't you know they didn't get the time with us they expected or or something but to a man everyone just seemed to think it was a really well done event so yeah we took dozens of pictures signed dozens of autographs

it seemed like someone wanted something all they needed to do with that was ask for it and you know i mean we literally formed lines and got it done yeah yeah so um that's right yeah i didn't say no to anything the whole time did you sign anything cool i didn't really sign anything uh no i signed a lot of like shirts while they were on people uh while they're on people I signed a hat I think we all signed pretty much the same stuff yeah yeah that's just any piece of equipment book yeah that Game of Thrones book that is but nothing really for the record books like that like that guy's boobs yeah that was bizarre yeah so even and yeah there were less weird fans uh there's there's usually some weird fans that kind of creep me out a bit but uh that didn't happen this time uh everybody was

really cool um even there were some little kids that were cool i always like like being like the little tiny motherfuckers that know who i am because i think that's bizarre um and the the fields were really fun I liked playing um although Nuketown I felt was like crowded with our group I think it would have been amazing with a smaller group and uh but a lot of the other maps like the one I don't remember the names really but the one with the plain fuselages that was a cool map uh I think that maybe Biohazard was the one with like the bumper cars and the checker building and all that stuff so before it was a paintball field this lot this piece of land was like a an amusement park that was kind of running down

and he bought the amusement park and now that came with all kinds of like obstacles like what was previously maybe a concession stand or a ticket booth is now a place where i'm getting cover popping up behind the counter getting down again and uh when i think about like ideal paintball locations you know like a miniature golf course or an amusement park or something like that that's real high on the list of what perfect is you know a junkyard might be one but they're dangerous um yeah but this it was well done there's a lot of cool uh things to hide behind it's it's it's always something different that you're seeking cover behind sometimes it it's these cool army crates.

Sometimes it's a little plywood hut. Sometimes it's a full-on structure that's like a concession stand. Stacked bumper cars. Or a torn apart plane fuselage. Or recreating Nuketown. Stuff like that. It was all pretty neat. And there were lots of opportunities for a thinking player to to really do well like there was a couple times where me

you and skeletor and maybe joe and you know a couple other fans or whatever were like all right you know cover cover and we were pushing and moving up and taking positions and we really we took that corner away from the enemy and took it the guy with the pillbox right that made his sticks is that the one you're thinking of? That was one of my favorite experiences. It was just a super well-done course. Also, what was neat there is the rental guns were good. Very good.

As good as anything else anyone else had. I take an interest in people's business models. It's fascinating to me. He's renting out expensive guns like he's spending a lot more on his rental equipment but um because they shoot so much better i'm like he's got to be making it up on paint you know like as a player i want to have a gun that shoots as fast as i pull the trigger as a course owner i want to have a gun that shoots all the paint that you can you know because i'm selling you paint and uh i was like i think this is just a win-win on both sides you know rental players

can compete with regulars and they buy more paint yeah it doesn't make sense to me uh to to sell someone or rent someone an old metal tipman 98 that's gonna go punk punk punk when you could sell that when you could rent them one of those electronic markers that's going to go punk, punk, punk when you could rent them one of those electronic markers that's going to go brrrr. And you're absolutely right. And we talked about the price point on the paintballs. That seems like bad concessions and that seems like where a lot of the profit margin is built in.

Paint is one of the places that a paintball field owner makes their money. You might think it's rentals or admission, but paint sales is a big part of their business model too. So selling better guns sells more paint. Although from the way I understand it, it's not a huge boon of an enterprise

as far as profits go because it seems like paintball is kind of a dying sport in a way. It's not nearly as big as it used to be. So I think that it seems like paintball is kind of a dying sport in a way. It's not nearly as big as it used to be. It seems like it. I think it's on the decline. There's been a lot of... I feel like

what happened was they started marketing it as a kid's sport instead of an adventure sport like snowboarding or something extreme. That's what it should have been. It should adventure support an adventure sport like snowboarding or you know something extreme like something that's what it should have been it should have been an extreme sport and instead they marketed it more toward children and children can't afford to play paintball not only that but it hurts yeah it fucking hurts like like i mean every that's

what everyone asks does it hurt yeah but don't stop being a bitch about it like you know perfect i love that yeah does it hurt right it hurts like a second you know it's a snap it's a you know it's a hit unless of course you get shot in the dick and then you can whine a bit i was thinking that probably would have hit me mid-shaft that's funny um well it hit me right in the tip of my dick and i had a welt right on it and uh and it was so painful that like i felt sick to my stomach i was like i was i was breathing i was like oh my god that fucking hurt it was uh it was pretty extreme that was one of the worst i'd ever taken it is the worst it is after you got shot in the dick, I checked my pants out, and I have more than one pair of paintball pants.

The ones I was wearing, not especially protective. No, exactly. So it's the Empire. The Empire pants are more protective in the dick area, but I don't like the knees in the Empire pants, so I wore my dye pants. I like the knees in those much better, but they had a little bit less penis protection, apparently.

I also don't like Empire pants because they stole all that gear from us that time. I might have the same pants as you. I think I had dye pants also. Yeah, probably. But mine were camo and his were black. But I was looking at them and I was like, I think we've got the same pants on. Yeah. I could use a little dick protection just saying

oh actually i could use a lot of dick protection because you know it hurts so goddamn much and if you go watch that video like that's the last scene of that video it's me yeah it ended great you put the camera the gun camera down and you're just like oh i walk in the corner and check it out that's what i'm doing in the corner i'm like looking at my dick and i'm seeing that it's got like this big red welt on it i'm just like oh god oh i hope you play through the pain oh god i expected to like be pissing blood or something it hurts so fucking much it was the worst i uh i i had i had a few equipment failures and they didn't really have they were bizarre ones. I had one and it was bizarre. The rupture disc

or the pressure disc or something broke it. It ruptured in the tank. It's got like a copper disc in there. If the tank gets overfilled or something like that, it ruptures and leaks all the air and then it's a bit of a chore to

replace it. I didn't have any tools or the disc so i had to get a new air tank and that cost me like two or three games and then the uh the scorpion tail turned out not to work too well because as soon as i started sprinting and bouncing up and down it was like so as long as you don't sprint it works great but uh that's not gonna work out too well because i sprint a lot i am my i had i borrowed kitty's rotor is it a halo rotor is halo a totally different thing it's a different thing it's um it's uh the die rotor i think okay so she had a die rotor and that is the thing that feeds paint into the marker for people that don't know and uh my paint got in the wrong spot they took

it apart they're like i've never seen paint jammed in here you've got it like in in the wrong spot. They took it apart. They're like, I've never seen paint jammed in here. You've got it in all the wrong places. So they cleaned it up, put it back together, and it worked fine. I think it might be my fault. I have a habit of putting my hand in the rotor to see how much paint is left. That's kind of like what I do. Do I have a full hopper? Yeah, hopper.

Do I have a full hopper, half a hopper, et cetera? And I think when I did that and pushed that little flappy thing around I got paint where it doesn't belong, I need a better way to check my paint level or it's just a weird thing happened who knows, but paint was where it didn't belong, it got jammed, and the one time

I recorded that was the time that I had a jam which is a shame I think I'm going to play this weekend really? yeah I've already got all my equipment, you know, ready to rock and roll that I had a jam, which is a shame. I think I'm going to play this weekend. Really? I've already got all my equipment ready to rock and roll. It seems only fitting. I've still got so many first strike rounds because I only played a few games with

them. I think I want to go play some pubs with my first strike rounds because I... You know, I had a thought. Go ahead. I think there's a certain karma justice in that when you were playing in Georgia, you shot that woman in the pussy. And then you shot her in the dick. Oh, man.

Maybe so. But yeah, I really had a great time at the event. But I feel like I couldn't show off the kind of regular domination I'm used to. Because as I predicted beforehand, the better players and a lot more people on the field. So I'm going to take the same rig I was using at that event to my local park this weekend, I think, and see if I can get some cool video there shooting it like that tiny...

Here's the lineup last time i played there was an 11 year old black child who looked very uncoordinated and i'm just gonna say it he was showing the hallmark signs of early homosexuality not that there's anything wrong with that i'm just saying he was prancing around and he was he was kind of like flourishing his wrists and stuff he was he was he was not very coordinated so him his auntie and her sister revenge of the nerds right yeah so him and his uh his mother and her sister and they were both these really big fat ladies like each of them were at least 250 pounds more like 300 there were lots of little children there was a small british child i can't even i can't think of a more peaceful

individual like those are the those are the actors they used to to make hobbits the small There was a small British child. I can't think of a more peaceful individual. Those are the actors they used to make Hobbits. The small British child? That kid's of no consequence. There were so many, and they all had these tip-mans with the clear hoppers. And you can just see the orange cheap-ass paintballs inside the hoppers. They've got the hopper turned the wrong way. This is a good environment. Yeah, so if it gets hit in the front the lid's gonna pop off you know they they're just they

don't know what they're doing they keep actually shooting the ground and there's they've got the barrel barrel socks on and they're shooting into the barrel sock and then no one's got a squeegee so you just know that his gun is gonna pop pop and the paint calls are just going everywhere and i'm over there with legitimately like $2,000 worth of bullshit on it. Scopes and first strikes. Yeah, just taking the game way

too seriously. I feel like a little pub stomping will make for some cool videos, so I'm going to try that. Dominant seems like a strong word, but I played really well on day one. You did. I watched you. You had a couple you had a routine yeah a bunch of good runs getting five wasn't weird my probably three was average throughout the day a bunch of times i just didn't die out we just killed everyone on the other team and um and you know whatever like we were just real successful the second day

i was a little more average i didn't play badly but, but whatever, 1.5 KD or something. It just didn't go the way I wanted. Maybe they got better. Maybe I was taking advantage of their rust or something on day one. Who knows? I'm going to find out more about this scenario game that they do in July. And maybe I can get – what if one of us were the general or something like that? What if we took command in this game?

What if he was the command of the game? They might not be up for that, but I want to be part of the scenario one way or another. I want to do more than just mindless TDM. Yeah, fuck that. I want to be going to get a suitcase or kill a specific guy or take a flag

from the enemy. A slapstick or some sort of intelligence that we can bring back. And I would prefer not to be the guy who actually has to wait out in that bullshit and grab the flag. I'd like to have a 10 or 15 man squad with me so I could delegate and sit back and watch a little bit.

Have some fun that way. I feel like that would be fun to film. I might want to be the guy that gets the flag. I don't want to talk too much smack right now in case I win that later. Very well, number one. We have a plan. You want to call it a wrap sure all right so that was painkiller nearly episode 35 a lot of recap so thanks guys