Painkiller Already - PKN 359

Episode Date: July 7, 2021

PKN 359. Just Kyle and I. That's right. Nobody. There was some mishaps on the trip. Get used to it. Yeah. Well, people probably think he got in an accident.

It was abrupt onset Alzheimer's. He's somewhere in Eastern Canada. He forgot where he lives. He is up there in Quebec looking for his family, and we can't get a hold of him. His friend abandoned him, ironically, can't get a hold of him. His friend abandoned him, ironically, in the way he abandoned his friend. He abandoned his friend with the motor

problems, and then when Woody started having some problems of his own, he was abandoned. It's like a perfect Game of Thrones. I can't even use Game of Thrones as a character arc thing anymore. Even hearkening back to it in any positive way. Fuck that shit. His buddy was like, what's good for the goose is good for the gander.

See you later, Daryl. And he was like, my name's Daryl? And then he just wrote off. And that's it. Yeah. So no more Woody, but, you know, on the bright side. On the bright side, that means I'm going to ask for a pretty significant raise. Me too.

Oh, no. Now you're the evil dictator of the whole thing. Me too. Taking everything. The king. The king in the castle. Kyle and friends. Welcome to Kyle and friends.

Episode 300. Episode one. Episode one. Kyle and friend. Kyle and friend. Kyle and friend. Never have a guest the recurring bit is that like we'll eventually find a friend maybe maybe not i don't know maybe not toxic around here

even how's your week been you do anything fun for uh the fourth i went to a buddy's like pool party thing he had a bunch of us over and we grilled uh had some drinks uh swam around a little bit and that was fun and then played some bags and then uh that night i didn't want to stick around till late because it was like we did something on the third also and so i was like i don't want to watch like fireworks again it's a little exhausting i was getting ate up by bugs and so i went home and then uh watched my wife passed out she fell asleep and so i was like sitting there and i'm like i just want to start some like new nonsense whatever show and i was scrolling through hulu i came across wilfred which oh yeah no with uh elijah wood yeah and some uh australian guy or new zealand

guy and i don't know that which one i think it's australian who plays the dog wilfred and he is uh i had seen it before but i i started watching it back in college and i think it's australian who plays the dog wilfred and he's uh i had seen it before but i i started watching it back in college and i think i was so high that i just didn't remember any of it i just remembered like oh it's a pretty entertaining show and in my head my recollection my recollection was this is that funny show with the dog and elijah wood the guy you love from lord of the rings and so and that's what a lot of season one is. It's like, look at these classic misunderstandings that a dog might have about reality.

Wow, how silly. And there was a peppering of Elijah Wood. The whole time, the bit is, you don't know how much is real, how much is Elijah Wood's. Because the first episode begins with Elijah Wood making a health shake and then adding the bananas, adding adding the protein powder and then pouring in a bunch of pills to try and kill himself and then getting mad when he can't kill himself. So, you know, he's mentally ill.

And then he starts having communications with the neighbor dog, which is just an Australian man in a mascot costume. Yeah. And they start having conversations. And it's really not revealed for i'm on season like three now and granted i haven't been paying attention again i've just had it like background show going and uh it's it's way sadder than i remember it's almost entirely strayed from the humor part now and now it's like elijah wood having a panic panic attack in the grocery store with his estranged father threatening to kill himself.

Jesus. And the father in a dream being like, I know about Wilfred. We know about Wilfred. And he's waking up freaking out. And now Wilfred's jacking him off in his sleep to get his team in. And it's gone a bit beyond the pale. And there's still another season after this. I've only seen like three episodes ever.

It was too weird for me. I was just kind of like, it was kind of bizarre. But one of the, and one of the episodes, I think that kind of turned me off. He drops Wilfred off at like a doggy daycare. And like, basically the guy who runs the doggy daycare is having like the dogs lick his dick with peanut butter on it or something like that. Yeah. The guy from the office. Oh shit. Yeah, it is. Oh, I forgotten about that. Yeah. his dick with peanut butter on it or something like that yeah the guy from the office oh shit

yeah it is oh i've forgotten about that yeah and uh and so that was a little bizarre because like you know he gets there and this man in a mascot costume has essentially been like raped and uh it's it's very bizarre it's very bizarre um so yeah i never went back to it after that um i didn't do anything for the fourth july i've for, like, three or four days now. I blew my nose so hard last night I gave myself a black eye. Jesus Christ, I can't see it right. Maybe on your right eye. Oh, I thought that was shadowing.

Good Lord. That wasn't the first attempt at the blow. Like, I can't sleep if I'm, like, congested. So I'm, like, shooting that shooting that like nasal decongestant shit in there like every 30 minutes and then I'm just like angrily getting up out of bed over and over and like blowing my nose until it and I'm like at some point in the night I was like ow oh that really hurt I think I burst a capillary I i think i burst the capillary my fucking eye um gave myself a black eye blowing my goddamn nose um so that hurts now and i'm just really really fucking sick i have felt i just had one of those like brain blasts like memories where there was this kid

that was like this is like in grade school it's like i could drink water or milk and he was he was like no i don't make it come out my nose. I can make it come out of this little area of my eye. And he just closed his eyes and went like. And then he opened his eye and was like, did it work? And it was all red. Like a bunch of blood vessels had burst. Like those weepy, like domestic abuse woman eyes.

Like three weeks after the malfeasance against the husband. Like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. He loves me. Don't get involved in our relationship. Yeah. Pesky doorknobs all over the goddamn house.

I burnt the dinner. You know, like what do you expect him to do? He's working all day. It was delivered. Yeah. But yeah, I've done. I didn't do anything for the fourth other than i played some poker with the boys in the uh in the patreon chat and uh and lost 46 and uh and then went to bed or i tried to anyway because the fireworks were just it's a

goddamn war zone here went i guess it is everywhere but like i feel like particularly here uh like everybody was just they could hear it coming through my mic. It was, and like the flashes were coming through the window. Like, like camera shutter flashes. Um, my neighbor does not fuck around. It's gotta be thousands of dollars. He spends.

Cause like one of the neighbors is like shooting off little bottle rockets and there's like, and then all of a sudden you see like this shell like heading up into the atmosphere and then and it bursts into like six more shells that also go off and it's just a cacophony of of insanity around here the patriotism is off the fucking charts uh one of my neighbors had an entire pig on a spit nice Nice. Thank you for your service, by the way. Hoorah. Hoorah. Yep, yep, hoorah.

As you boys in the, what service was it? You know, it would be funny if like when you say thank you for your service, military people start doing that like receiving the thanks Hitler thing where they're like, they start going like that. It's like, you know, not that much that much thanks for it tamp it down a little bit yeah so you were sick for you're sick for four days now it fucking blows three days maybe i don't know i've been i've been kind of out of it i've been drinking day quill um pretty continuously and i feel okay like right now because i'm so doped up like i just like went through the whole

nose blowing process again and i cleared my sinuses out and i drank a ton of dayquil about 30 minutes ago so i'm i'm feeling okay right now but like it's just been a sore throat and uh really fucking congested and uh i wake up just throughout the night just having to like like like can't breathe like just like my nose is so fucking clogged it's fucking awful uh i i don't know what i've got i mean it seems unlikely i've got coronavirus because i got the vaccine but you probably got like hay fever or i guess when i get like well the hay fever isn't that just like seasonal allergies yeah that seems right seasonal allergies i don't get those anymore i grew out of

that oh you like that i grew into those dude it used to be crippling for me. Like my dad, like I would be trying to like work with my dad on the farm or whatever. And he'd always, he'd be like, just go home. Just go home. Cause like the tears would be like continuously pouring and like I would, my eyes would be so itchy. And once I itched, like scratch them, like it would just like rub pollen into my eyes even more. And there was nothing for

it like i i couldn't go outside when i was um like maybe six seven eight i had to use one of those nebulizers like those breathing machines like daily um you know what i'm talking about no like during the day like i had to take multiple like nebulizer treatments it's like this little uh back then they're probably miniature now but back then it was like this little box that had like a compressor in it and you had like a little mask you put on and it like vaporized whatever the medicine was and i had to inhale it for like i don't know how to do it my cousins would be outside like playing like and i'm inside and i'm like can i go outside after and they're like no no you can't if you only if you want to

die so like were you embarrassed by it it's albuterol yeah that's what it was no no you can't if you only if you want to die so like were you embarrassed by it yeah it's albuterol yeah that's what it was uh no i wasn't embarrassed by it just sucked that i couldn't go outside and have fun um like like during the summers and springs like like when i was a little kid and then even as a teenager i uh i had to be on so much like at first i took benadryl but then i would just like be asleep all day at school yeah that's just a sedative it's a sedative um that's a sedative. Um, that's, that's,

it's a fucking date rape drug. If you, if you play it right, play your cards, right. And, uh, but then I like your cards even more,

right. You can use it as a date rate drug and then get out. Yeah. Yeah. And then I went with the Claritin, uh, Claritin actually, uh,

Claritin non drowsy always like did the trick. And, uh, but then like one year I just didn't have allergies. Maybe eight years ago or something like that. I just haven't had them since. But no, this is the flu or some sort of really bad cold or something like that.

I was going to say, if you got enough shit that your throat's sore, probably not the normal cold. That was the first symptom. I get the normal cold or just drainage. I can tell the difference between getting sick and swallowing hurts and just like, ah, it's a little stingy because it's just been draining and making it raw. You know, like the flu feeling is like, I don't even want to eat anything.

Or at least when I recall, I haven't had the stomach flu or the, a bad fluid in, in years now. It sucks. You don't remember how terrible it is until you get it. I haven't been throwing up or anything. It's, it's really just's really just congestion and sore throat. The sore throat's kind of gone away now. I don't know. Maybe I'm going

through the paces of it because the first thing was the sore throat. Right now, it's really just nasal congestion and just kind of a general sense of low energy. I just really want to go get in bed in the cold sheets right now, which is what I'm going to do right after this. Have you been like, your sleep schedule is probably fucked. No, it's so much better now because yeah, because like, cause I like, um, normally if I go to bed

at like 10 PM, I'll wake up at like 4 AM or something like that. I can't get like a full eight hours unless I take like a ton of like sleep aids. Um, but like I'm sleeping like 12 hours. I'm going to bed at 10 PM, waking up at like seven or 8 AM and like eating breakfast and then like getting a two hour nap in right after that. And, uh, so I'm like super well rested, uh, like throughout the day. You better be getting like better really fast than with that amount of sleep. It's so much, that's what I was thinking too. It's probably good for me. So I just like, I don't know, take my fucking multivitamins and drink my Gatorade and sleep 12 hours a day.

And I'm hoping to like pull out of this because I'm going to do some shit. I was going to go today and buy that motorcycle. Like that's what I was going to do. And I felt so shitty. And then like, I remember we had to do this. So I just pulled the reins back. But the motorcycle is like 15 minutes from me. It's like seven thousand dollars

You know, I looked at what the I want to finance something because my credit rating is 751 but I've never financed anything before and No, only credit cards I've always paid cash for houses and cars. And I want to finance my next house. So I want to get it closer to 800, I guess, to get a decent rate. And so I want to finance this motorcycle. So I looked and the rate is like 2% on this motorcycle. So it's like $130 a month or something like that. So it's like, I spend more than that on soda i don't know like name a thing um that i use

like like vape juice or something like that it's probably what i spend vaping a month or something like that so i was about to mock that but i guarantee my my zevia bill my my diet root beer bill it's i don't even i you know i've thought about that before and it's one of those things you just try and like and start talking out loud. And you just try not to think about... Just like, what a stupid use of money to have diet cream soda delivered to my house. What an asshole I am. I've started...

Now that I've switched to these Dr. Pepper Zeros, I just get them through Instacart from my local grocery store. And they were like, buy two, get one free. So I did like, uh, I, I like did two separate order. I ordered them and then I went to the grocery store and got them too. So I got like, what is that? Six, 12 packs for like $15 or something like that. So I've got, I've got like a huge amount of soda in there now. Uh, and I got all the flavors, the cream soda, the cherry and the regular Dr. Pepper, which Dr. Pepper is a cherry soda to begin with.

So Cherry Dr. Pepper is kind of an overkill. They lean on the 23 flavors thing, but we know which one's winning that battle. 80% cherry, a little vanilla, and then 21 pretty much made up things. I have like that. A little cardamom in there? No. Probably a little cinnamon.

I guarantee they say there's cinnamon in there. There's no cinnamon at Dr. Pepper. There's no way. It's too expensive for fucking soda. But yeah, I might go tomorrow depending how I feel. I want to go get that fucking motorcycle it's so cool i keep looking at it over and over for anybody who's wondering it's the suzuki um sv

650 uh they're like less than eight thousand dollars uh brand new uh and like getting a used used ones are seven thousand so it's like i'm just gonna get this yeah why bother why not just get a brand new one that smells like i don't't know, new motorcycles and ATVs have a smell that's really nice. Yeah, like the exhaust of the person in front of you. No, it's like there's some grease or plastic or something on the exhaust of ATVs or something like that. And when you get them hot, you can smell it. There's a new ATV smell that I'm looking forward to experiencing. Did you say it was blue?

tv smell but i'm looking forward to to experiencing did you say it was blue uh it's the the gas tank silver um or white and uh the the like it's got an exposed chassis so that's red um but uh but you said the smell like in cars is the glue oh glue i thought you said blue yeah yeah yeah yeah um it's glue yeah it's it's the glue that's like holding all the, you know, cars are plastic on the inside. And it's the plastic. It's the glue that's holding like the headliner in and all of like sealing everything up. That's that's glue that you're smelling. That's that's that new car smell. Glue and plastic, which is a satisfying smell, kind of like gasoline. Not a good smell like for you but smells great satisfying especially like like a really uh high octane racing fuel smells really good like uh yeah yeah it's different

yeah it's got a different smell like um i can't remember what octane it is but we used when we would drag race like they've got that stuff at the at the at the racetrack might have been 110 octane something like that and uh it it's first of all it's clear like water it's not like yellowish like uh like like 87 octane is or something like that it kind of looks like piss it's like the piss of someone who's super hydrated it's like it looks like rubbing alcohol and it smells really fucking good um but yeah i think i'm go, definitely going to look at it again tomorrow and like price it and see about like doing some kind of a pricing deal.

We're like, hey, what if I get the motorcycle and I get my helmet and my like shoes and gloves and everything from you? Like what would be the like best price? I might do something like that tomorrow. And if I'm happy with what they say and somebody there is willing to drive it to my house because I don't have my permit yet, I'm just going to buy it without ever writing it. And then-

Isn't that going to be torturous to just have to sit there and look at this thing you've wanted for so long and not be able to drive it? I'll figure it out. I'll figure out a way to drive it. I'll get my... The permit takes like a day. It takes less than a day. You can get a permit by just doing the written part of the exam. Someone told me that you could just get all the answers off the internet. I think I'll go get that permit done. Then I'll be able to zip around locally because I'm not a complete motorcycle noob.

I don't need the class to zip around my neighborhood. But I am going to take the whole defensive motorcycle class, whatever it is. The thing that gets you the insurance discount. It's a two-day course. I'm going to take that because I value my ability to walk and all that shit. So I'm going to do that. And I even look like Woody he's talked about before, but they make those jackets that have airbags in them.

So when you come off the bike, it was like inflates. The one I saw was like a grand, something like that for a jacket. But it's like, but it's like when you think about what hospital bills are, it seems pretty cheap. Right.

And imagine like you always see those Russian dash cams and occasionally American dash cams. You're going to be a lot more intimidating is if that asshole gets out of his F-150 and you get out and you deploy your air shield before you even grab the rebar that you keep tactically behind your right calf to cave in the goals of rude drivers. I don't think I'm allowed to carry a rebar. What's the most weapon-esque thing you could carry? Like what's the most like? I don't think I'm allowed to carry a rebar. What's the most weapon-esque thing you could carry? Like, what's the most, like, I don't know. It's a slingshot, and I have a pocket full of ball bearings. Am I going to jail?

Literally nothing. Like, I can't have pepper spray. What if someone tried to rape you? I've just got to, you know. Take it. I've got my tactical lube with me, so at least it won't be too bad. At least now we're both burning, aren't we? Capsaicin lube.

Oh, I didn't think it through! This is terrible for both of us! He's just like, this is what I like. Yeah, that's why I got Frank's Red Hot. In the condom. He says, Curtain's enough to wear a condom. Curtain's enough to wear a condom. Yeah.

Yeah. You hope they are. You hope they are. Yeah. That's a, that's a little bit of a classier experience. Well, I guess, you know,

point of, by comparison to this is, uh, we were talking about the high octane gas. I was, it made me think about like, and it's always sunny and you know how it is. They'll show like drug experiences or like alcohol experiences on TV where

they'll be like, Oh, this, experiences on tv where they'll be like oh this this character in uh fucking that 70s show eric got so drunk that he's seeing elephants and things and it's like and even at the time you're like that's silly everybody knows that's not real unless you're like uh like strain central seeing hallucinations from yeah you gotta be mentally ill yeah you have to like you have to be hallucinating from the withdrawal not like oh i had some miller lights and now i'm feeling wonky it's like that's what i imagine but i don't know if it's true with it's always sunny in the gas huffing where yeah where charlie will huff the gas and occasionally the rest of the gang will huff the gas and they're all like oh that's good let me get another hop and it's like how real is that i don't think you see stuff um i think

that you're just really fucking out of it because i've seen people huff gasoline before specifically gasoline uh in my uh in my high school and uh in the welding class we had a generator in the tool room and obviously it's got gasoline in it and this one fucking degenerate would be would like pop the cap off and just get down there and huff straight out of the gas tank. And he would just get dizzy. It was like he'd done nitrous or something like that. It was just like a loopy kind of dum-dum kind of high. He wasn't seeing shit or anything.

He was just like fucked up. Seems so dangerous. The payoff seems so minimal. that can't be good for you it's got to be he wasn't that bright to begin with yeah no he wasn't risking much like glue huffing things really is uh is i remember when i was in high school a couple of my younger brother's friends i was in the basement hanging out with people and i went upstairs and i just saw two of them like like you know when you're standing right between the doors of the fridge like looking for the snack and it takes you a bit and i like come up there and i see both of them and it's like weird to see like two people angled like towards the food it's

like can't want to be like kick back up a little bit and like i just hear like the sound of a malfunctioning whipped cream canister. And I'm like, Luke, what are you doing? And he just goes, he turns around, and he's got little bits of whipped cream on his mouth. But it's like all of the air is out. They've had to do a slow dosing of this, or however it works. I'd never seen that.

But then later in the night, I saw the the canister sitting there and I was like, I might as well put this back in the fridge. And like somehow all the air was out of it, but the cream was still in there. And so it's like, okay, you just wasted all the whipped cream. Yeah. That's what you do.

Yeah. You, um, you know, if you, if you tilt it down, you get the whipped cream, but if you leave it straight up,

you just get air and that's what they want. They just want the nitrous that they're using to like pressurize the whipped cream what a stupid way there was there was you know drugs in the basement there was actual drugs there to do yeah it's like you want to smoke a blunt or something it's like no i'm wasting desserts up you know you can buy um like this whole device and like more and like they look like CO2 cartridges of nitrous. So you can just do one after another. Like Steve-O did. Like Steve-O did.

I saw on one of those. It's not COPS. It's the other one. What's that? Live PD. Yeah, I saw a live PD, and they pulled this chick over, and like, you been doing any drugs tonight? She's like, no, I'm just trying to get home.

And he's like, really? And he shines his flashlight in the floorboardboard and there's so many of those fucking cartridges like she's doing them while she's driving like an enormous like no less than 50 no less than 50 like there weren't 10 20 30 there was a pile of like used cartridges and like the whole apparatus and everything and like a big box of like fresh ones so she could just keep going she's just driving down the road hitting that fucking thing jesus that has to be so dangerous because like i don't think i've ever done it i think i've like hit like um like like the from the whipped cream thing before and it's just like a little dizzy sensation for like a super fleeting like like seconds i would imagine so i think i've only had it at the dentist. Oh, yeah.

But that's certainly not the feeling I would imagine getting from Cool Whip, pressurized canister, or whatever it is. Whippets, yeah. I can just imagine you were like the tub of Cool Whip, just eating it. I'm not feeling anything. Guys, I'm so high. My whole left side is numb. Eating it with a spoon. Eating it with a with a spoon it's like don't tell him you know let him feel like he's part of the gang yeah that never made sense to me all like the people who would get into made-up drugs or it's like huffing gasoline smelling glue uh i consider doing some of the made-up drugs like

when i was on probation um but but like i just i. But I just don't want to get in any trouble. But at one point, I was doing research and looking at all the things you can do. And I think Kratom, is that how it's pronounced? Yeah, that's what they sell. That's the name of the store here. It's called CBD Kratom, and that's where I buy the Delta eight stuff. They have huge like pots and containers of Kratom that says like green, you know, MAGA dragon or like red,

you know, truffle bear or whatever the fuck. Yeah. And, uh, there's not different colors from what you can tell. I've never tried any, but I haven't either.

Uh, wait, is that allowed? I think it is, but I just don't even want to test the waters. You know, I don't, I don't want to like, I don't want to, you know, I've got 80, what is it? 87, 88 days or something like that.

And I just don't want to like risk that becoming another year or something stupid. 87 days and four hours and 35 minutes and so many seconds. And there's no way it's that. I don't know anyone in my life who's ever try kratom bro the best kratom ago not one person has ever in passing like mentions kratom except to be like do you know what kratom is and i'm like not not fully and they're like me either but i see it available at the store sketchy it does it seems pretty sketchy and it's like for you it's not worth it and like for all those fake drugs like imagine how much that would suck if you fucking loved glue think of the the cataclysm

your life would take so quickly it'd be like so kyle the time's up when are you moving and it's like you've lost a ton of weight you're like i'm just gonna stay here in atlanta i'm gonna keep doing my model airplanes and airplanes it's like living it up don't tell them it's elmer's i don't even have the clear kind i got the kind of the blue uh fucking diamonds i'm just all blue i got a blue hitler mustache yeah you wouldn't want to get into that shit at all i remember a cops episode where this guy was like huffing paint to the point where he like his face is stained with it and uh these kids came upon him all fucked up he's like a homeless guy and they threw him off an overpass like i

think they're in la or something so like meanest kids ever right like they find a homeless man all fucked up on paint and they're like let's throw him off the overpass. And they do. And so the cops find him. He's all skint up, like road rash and bleeding from his nose. But he's still high as fuck from the paint. So he's just wanting some more paint. That's all he cares about. So yeah, no kratom, no glue.

I don't know what the others are. I'm sure there are a bunch of them. Paint. Yeah. Those are a bunch of them. Paint. Yeah. Those are just like white trash, like degenerate drugs. Like when you get into like paint and glue and like huffing things, but like Kratom might actually be a like decent experience. I'll never know. And then I think I heard Derek in one of his videos once talking about some other drug that's like, I don't know, one of those things that looks like a powder and they're like, yeah, this is technically legal, but you don't want to

do it because 5% of people go psychotic and it's like, whoa, that's way too high. That's way too high. One in 20. So if you have a party and everybody, you know, someone's not coming back to earth, what a terrible, terrible risk. I don't want to do any of that um yeah that at this point like the only drugs that i would actually do it's just weed and like psychedelics i think i i don't want any part of anything else certainly nothing addictive uh never alcohol again like like like i like there's no chance that when we're in colorado that i'm gonna be like yeah let's all have a beer like that's just not gonna fucking happen i'm like no let's have a diet soda and hit the bong again that's what's gonna be happening beer tastes good i like beer tastes okay but nothing tastes as good as this cherry dr pepper other than like

cherry dr pepper with sugar in it maybe that's true are you totally off the zevia now i've got a case of them in there but like i've been mostly on the Dr. Peppers recently because I don't know. They're good. I've got an empty one here. I don't know. I like all the different flavors. This is the cream soda.

They're fucking tasty. Yeah, I've been drinking way too many diet cream sodas, but that's not new. I don't think there's such a thing as way too many. I mean, I still drink a good bit of water. I probably drink like half a gallon of water a day. I've got my water bottle always full, like sitting in there. But when I'm doing something like this or just chilling, playing poker or games i crack one of these open i like them yeah and i drink a bunch of gatorade too because of this fucking illness that i'm dealing with it's fucking awful it fucking blows three days i don't

know where i got it from either because like i don't know i don't know like i mean i go out but i'm still pretty careful like like i don't like get all up't know. Like, I mean, I go out, but I'm still pretty careful. Like, like I don't like get all up in people's business or anything like that. I don't wear my mask anymore unless like somebody tells me to. And I haven't been told in a long fucking time. Yeah. Yeah. That's how it is here.

Like it. Well, I mean, Missouri is different than Atlanta. It was like back to normal here for the most part. Dude, it was always, but it was always normal here.

Georgia didn't give a fuck. The only outside of like very close st louis county and st louis city and like kansas city city the rest of missouri was just like people still worried about that yeah i haven't thought about that since oh shit middle of april 2020 and it's like yeah they just they don't don't care yeah that's actually got something there's no way to prevent getting sick sometimes. You're just going to get bad luck. Yeah, you're just going to get sick. It could have been some food I had delivered or the groceries that I had brought in or something like that.

This fucking dirty-ass delivery man might have sneezed on him or something and gave me the flu. I don't fucking know. I'll be over in a day or two. It's the first time I've been sick in a long, long time. The pandemic, wearing the mask and using the hand sanitizer so much, like that just kept me away from so many colds and flus, I'm sure. It is good practice.

You rarely get sick, though. I guess we're both young. We rarely get sick anyway. Yeah. Yeah, I really rarely get sick. Like maybe once or twice a year, if that. And usually in the wintertime. Yeah, that really rarely get sick. Maybe once or twice a year, if that, and usually in the wintertime. Yeah, that's it.

And I get one cold sore a year. But it's been a while since I've had something like this. This fucking sucks. I've got a fever all the time, and a dull headache all the time. It's fucking nonsense. I'll be glad when this is over. Yeah, that blows. I think it's been four years or so last time i was sick and it was like it was like compounded

though where like i had what i thought was strep and i went to the doctor and they gave me uh some antibiotics and then someone else like that that didn't help at all because it was not strep it was the flu yeah i went back and they were like this is the flu waited out and it just didn't go away and then i went back like a week later and they were like i think it's strep more antibiotics and so just for like a month like six weeks it was like the antibiotics fucked up my gut and everything so much worse than if i had just waited any of this out. Yeah. Yeah.

Sometimes doctors, you think that like every doctor is good, right? Like, but it's not true. It's like mechanics. There's a lot of shitheads out there. I was going to say that. I was just about to say that. Like, there are some shithead fucking doctors. Like, whenever I had syphilis and I didn't know what I had And like my, like, like I had like a rash on my like

shoulder that would only show up when I came out of a hot shower and like all the skin started peeling off my, the palms of my hands. Like I was worried. I was like, the fuck is this? You know? And, uh, and the, and the, and the soles of my feet as well. And, uh, and like the doctor, like this dumb bitch did not know what it was she was pakistani or indian or something like that i can't tell those guys apart but she was completely like befuddled she's like i don't know i'm like what what like she barely spoke fucking english i don't know why i trusted her i should have gotten a second opinion but like my doctor sent me to her because he couldn't figure it out i'm the one who solved the riddle with web md i literally went in moms yeah she's putting i've been putting fucking healing milk

on the wounds for weeks now from some indian goat that she had recommended but no it was worse than that she recommended um uh what's that steroid that's like a um it's like given for like inflammation or something like that maybe it starts with a c or something like that cortisone court no that's the exact one prednisone prednisone they put me on prednisone and if you've never been on prednisone before it's a goddamn night i never have no it's a fucking nightmare like it messes with your whole body chemistry um it's uh i think that's what they were talking about in um in remember in sopranos when uh when adriana had like the shits constantly and they were like we're gonna put you on a steroid. She's like, like for bodybuilders? He's like, well, sort of.

There are a few side effects I'm going to warn you about. Moon. He gave the science. Moon face. Moon face. And the mother's like, she's about to get married, for Christ's sakes. I was getting moon face because you retain tons of water. And it also, I don't remember.

It seems like it was just like fucking my mental state up i don't know how else to put it like i just felt like a different human being i was i fell into like a crazy depression like i thought i was dying because we couldn't want it to cause this or like immediate um we did like a month and then like up the dose again for like another month and none of it was needed. And it takes a while for you to like get back to normal afterwards. So like there was like three and a half, four months where I was just like ruined as a human being. This is this has been six years ago, I would say.

It was a fucking catastrophe that fucking. And finally, I was just like, could this be syphilis and they were like huh well i suppose it good you know that does match all the symptoms let's give you a shot of antibiotics they're so cheap and i have hell i've got one in my pocket yeah yeah let's do that and just like pop me in the ass with this fucking shot and like healed me immediately like like you just instantly better and it was just like i just went through months of fucking torture with this prednisone and then upping the prednisone dose and like thinking i was dying because nobody could diagnose what i have like we were about to start doing brain scans and shit.

They couldn't figure out what the fuck was wrong with me. A few more months and you could have been going Capone, just totally crazy. Gets it to your brain. A few more years. Eventually, you get neurosyphilis. It takes about a decade. I had had it roughly a year or two years or something like that.

Who knows? Neurosyphilis kicks in and after about a decade and yeah it literally it's like termites in your brain yeah i've seen i've seen pictures of brains that suffer from neurosyphilis and they have like it looks like an ant farm yeah don't they do didn't they like say like like al capone went so crazy that like by the end it was like yeah he wasn't really the mob boss anymore they the guards would just let him into a pool area and he would sit there and pretend to fish or like just just like totally not even there just they made a movie they made a movie about al capone's later years with tom hardy playing him

and um i always meant to see that, and I never saw it. I heard it was awful. I heard he's literally shitting himself, and he's trying to remember where his money is hidden, and he can't because of the neurosyphilis. And I'm pretty sure this is like, I mean, penicillin was invented like, when? Like World War II?

Early 20th century. Like the 30s or 40s or something like that capone was doing his business like after that like like like and when he was going completely crazy like i'm almost positive that that uh that that was a 1928 for uh for for penicillin's access so yeah he had access to penicillin he just didn't take it for whatever reason or they just didn't know enough yet or maybe just didn't offer who knows but like like i i didn't know and you're right about like i've never done pregnazone or prednisone whatever it's called prednisone yeah your body like is like a little ecosystem and like you just throw one thing in there sometimes

and it's like you're fucked because it just causes a chain reaction. I had no idea the amount of damage that antibiotics, if done to excess, just wreak on your digestive tract. Because it was like when I had those, like I did within like a month's time, I did two full cycles of antibiotics. Because I always heard like, always finish your antibiotics. And it's just like, my stomach feels awful and I feel so sick, but I need, I need to feel better. I feel better from that. But like,

Oh, this all gut stuff. And it was, it was months after that until I felt normal again with like shitting schedule and like being able to eat whatever I wanted. It nukes, it nukes all of the good bacteria in your gut. And that shit's so essential.

You don't realize that. Like, I think that's one of those things that they learn more and more about like every single year now where they're like something that was totally ignored like what 25 years ago is like oh your gut flora that can like dictate your mood that can dictate like like changes and pretty much everything about yourself really what he doesn't believe in it uh or at least he he thinks it's very much overblown because like like we were talking about like um um once, and I was like, oh, yeah, this and that are for gut health. I think I was telling him to put some Greek yogurt in his diet or something like that.

It's like, oh, yeah, it's really good for gut health. I was like, I don't really care about that. He cares about my gut health. I care about my fucking six pack health. And that's the only gut health I care about. And it's like, all right, you know, fair enough. I mean, I'm sure his guts are fine. I don't know. He's not on any antibiotics, but, but yeah, I take a bunch of like, what is it? Probiotics. Yeah. Like, like, but I never know which probiotic to get because like no number that you read is high enough. like 85 million god damn this this must be the good stuff huh just wait and you look at another one

14 trillion it's like and they're both the same amount of powder and the same size pill yeah like did they shrink a lot of these ones they just add three to six more zeros every week on that stuff so i never know which one is the good one to take millions billions trillions of fucking good bacteria i don't i don't fucking know anymore a lot of those like it's unfortunate with a lot of the supplement industry obviously there's a lot with a lot of data and studies to go behind it and then there's also a lot like probiotics in particular where like they can say whatever they want and there is no way to falsify what they're doing. The FDA, nobody's checking to be like, oh, they're right.

I just counted. Oh, yeah, I'm a new guy at the FDA. I'm the I'm the probiotic counter. One, two, three, four. Like, hey, I lost count. Yeah, it's like 14 billion, 198 million. I don't know. Like, it seems like the smart move there is, as with most things,

like eat some kimchi or some sauerkraut. It's like, okay, well, you know this stuff works because it's actually rotten. For sure. Yeah, yeah. I don't like kimchi at all. I do like sauerkraut and hot dogs and stuff, but it just seems like if you're eating hot dogs as a health food, you've gone astray

somewhere along the line of... Agree to disagree. These chili dogs are great for my gut health. You don't even know. There's no sauerkraut on that. Well, I was... Well, I forgot to get it, but I have the chili dogs. What am I, throw them away have you ever like had that thought i've done this i did this at i did this

a couple days ago at a barbecue where it was like i saw a hot dog and i'm like well let's not let's not be too crazy i ended up eating two anyway but and then i saw a brat and i was like ah higher quality meat and it's like it's just that's true, it's ever so slight. Yeah, I don't think you're getting much higher quality going from hot dog to bratwurst, especially if it's a decent hot dog. I do think there is something to like the source of your protein though, right? Because like I remember watching one of those videos, just like there's this whole YouTube series, like what bodybuilders eat. one of those videos just like like what there's this whole youtube series like what bodybuilders eat and uh this one guy um who was like incredibly wealthy somehow and also a bodybuilder uh or a retired bodybuilder anyway like every morning he had like an eight ounce filet mignon and uh and

along with like this huge breakfast like it was it wasn't just that one steak it was the filet and then like this big pile of eggs and a big pile of pancakes and stuff like that and he was eating like 8 000 calories a day something absurd but uh but but he was talking his wife was like he says he wants the best source of protein available and for us that's this filet there's no fat on it let's look she's just cooking the shit out of it just so overdone, ruined. I think there might be something to what kind of protein you're eating and hot dogs has to be on the lower

end of protein quality. For sure. You look at a hot dog's calorie to protein ratio and it's like one hot dog. These were like Costco big boys. Like the whole beef Costco Franks. It's like calories, 200, protein, nine grams.

Have you tried like turkey dogs? I have, and it's just a pale imitation. Pale imitation. They're 90 calories each, though. They are. There's some where it's like- The Jenny O brand. The Jenny O. I don't like that brand very much.

There's a brand of turkey bacon at Whole Foods that's pretty good that has more more protein but it's too expensive it's like what am i gonna i'm gonna eat a food i don't even like anyway for more money so but yeah if i'm gonna get if i'm gonna get turkey imitation bacon's the way to go turkey dogs it's just like just go go all in jump into the pool and have a regular hot dog man turkey bacon is so gross i i would rather just not eat anything um like but turkey sausage is fucking amazing it's just as good as pork sausage to me like uh like spicy turkey sausage is fucking great if you dice it up and then like mix it in with your scrambled eggs it really is not that different yeah and then you put some like hot salsa on your eggs or something do you ever do that you put like salsa on your eggs or something. Do you ever do that? Do you put salsa on your eggs? I put Tabasco on them.

I like Tabasco on eggs. For breakfast, I often eat four eggs and grits. And then I put the grits in a bowl, and then I put the four sunny-side-up eggs on top and just douse it in Tabasco. That sounds good. A lot of people who like hot sauce don't like tabasco have you noticed that i like it on eggs like specifically eggs literally nothing else um it

pretty much everything else i like sriracha on or um tucker recommended some hot sauce a while back that that aardvark shit a blue aardvark maybe uh and i and i i bought some of that that's like um i think it's habanero hot sauce it's pretty tasty yeah i think i ordered that and it's sitting up in my cabinet i still haven't tried it i have like five different hot sauces i haven't given a go yet because yeah hot sauce it takes a while to go through yeah i use a lot of hot sauce like like almost anything that's like beef and vegetables or whatever like any sort of like stir fry thing i'm just like yeah i could use a lot of sriracha just squeeze the fuck out of it i go through this i go through a lot of sriracha but the squeeze the fuck out of it. I go through those.

I go through a lot of Sriracha, but the Tabasco is literally just for eggs. I don't put it on anything else. I've started putting crushed red pepper on a lot of things. Yeah, I do that too. Like I'll do that with eggs. I like that.

Really just eggs needs to be punched up in a serious way. It's just, it's not enough on its own. Especially if it's paired with turkey meat. I used to be a child, and I only ate scrambled eggs, but I've been eating so many eggs the last – You used to be a child. I feel like scrambled eggs are a child's egg. I really do.

They are good. I still eat scrambled eggs occasionally, but I think a nice runny yolk like getting involved with whatever else you're eating is uh it's pretty fucking good so i've been doing that a lot do you order so like the way it is for me is like i never order scrambled egg like if i'm at a breakfast place like for brunch or whatever and i want breakfast food i'll never be like how do you want your eggs like i'll never say scrambled because like scrambled is what i do at home like like pushed more for time like let's just get this done like you want different kinds of eggs

are you the same way are you getting over easy i'll do over medium sometimes i don't want to lose all my yolk it just runs away if you go over yeah i when i cook i'm usually cooking them like over easier over medium or somewhere kind of in between like i don't want the yolk to just be completely liquid but i definitely want to be runny and i want to taste it i don't want it to be like a hard-boiled egg uh i don't know i don't go out a lot you know that's what that's what i order at restaurants how would you like your eggs sir uh hard-boiled so much so that the yolk is entirely green please want it to be hard and dry and flavorless i don't think you can even order hard-boiled egg that'd be nuts if you ordered that at danny's hard-boiled hard can even order hard-boiled egg. That'd be nuts if you ordered that at Denny's.

Hard-boiled. Hard-boiled. Hard-boiled. They should call the people. You have any pickled eggs? You ever eat a pickled egg, like from a gas station or something? Not from a gas station, but this was many years ago. Like when I was a kid, my grandma had a big jar of them at her house, and I tried one, and it was like, it wasn't that it was bad.

It was just that I wasn't expecting that much vinegar with an egg. Never had one. And so it kind of like, it turned me off. It was just that I wasn't expecting that much vinegar with an egg. Never had one. It turned me off. I was like, oh, no. Did you get that red stuff in there to make it red as well? No, it wasn't red. It was more clear. So growing up, there was this sort of gas station country.

It was an old country store. I think that really near where I grew up called Trisha's. And at Trisha's, which was owned by Trisha, they had one of those hot dog steamer machines and all the condiments at lunch. She'd make French fries and burgers and hot dogs every day for lunch. All the farmers and people would show up there and they had a big table. We'd eat hot dogs and hamburgers for lunch and play checkers. and uh you know we eat hot dogs and hamburgers and like for lunch and play checkers and uh but they had this big jar of the pickled eggs and there was for some reason there's like red food dye or something in there i don't know and i went to that store from the time i was like

nine years old until the time they like sold the place and i must have been like 16 or 17 because i was driving that same jar of eggs had been there the whole fucking time and like i don't think i ever saw anybody be like let me get one of those like why didn't just throw them away at some point nobody eats those and even worse there was a jar of pickled pigs feet right next to it i've never tried that never will that. Never will. That's something that I guarantee if I were to ask my grandpa, he would like, Oh yeah.

Oh shit. He never ever. Don't make them like they used to. It's like, how you just, I used to cut the foot off the pig while it was still alive. This reminds me of that, that, uh,

Seinfeld where, uh, the crazy guy is with Kramer at the movie theater and he's like i'll have a hot dog he's like are you serious that's been here since the reagan administration only a crazy person would eat that and kramer's like no no it's a perfectly sane so far no even closer to that is moe's pickle jar and the simpsons where no one you know that's just you know is there is there for 37 years or however long that shows up. I don't think I like anything pickled other than pickles.

Pickles? Yeah, I like pickles a lot. I like pickled onions on tacos. That's good. I don't think I've ever done that before. I've had a jar of pickles, I guess, that had other other shit in there and i think onions and peppers were among them but i never like ate any of that i just like pickles i'd probably like pickled onions if i tried them i don't know i'm sure you like it all comes down to like do you like the food that's being pickled

and do you like and vinegar love do you love vinegar because if you don't love vinegar with your whole heart then you know you're not going to enjoy it yeah i do like vinegar a lot like i like uh salt and vinegar potato chips a lot um that's one of my favorite kinds of chip that's one of the best the crunchers or any any anything similar those kettle cooked yeah the ones that are vinegar the ones that like you feel like you need some neosporin in your mouth after you're done. Those are good. Painfully. Because they have a built-in limit to them. Whereas you could eat Cheez-Its for 15 hours.

You're never going to get so salty that you can't handle it. You eat half a family-sized bag of Crunchers or something, like a reasonable amount, and your whole mouth is on fire. There are cereals that are like that, like a reasonable amount. And you're just, your whole mouth is on fire. There are cereals that are like that, like Captain Crunch cereal. Well, like fuck the roof of your mouth up if you try to eat more than one bowl.

The captain knows your limit and he's going to hold you to it. Dude, Captain Crunch, if like I was doing a blind taste test of kids cereals, I guarantee I wouldn't get any of them right for the most part other than like cinnamon toast crunch like i could do that because like my mom refused to buy any cereal for us as a kid not that we were like begging for it or anything but i remember like going to kids like houses for sleepovers when i was very young and like in the morning we'd have

like fruity pebbles or something and i just be like oh it's just like in the morning we'd have like a fruity pebbles or something. And I just be like, Oh, it's just like the commercial. Like we're eating fruity pebble. Oh, it's snapping and it's crackling and it's popping like fun. And like at home it was either no breakfast or. Oh,

it was usually no breakfast at all. I would, I would eat lunch. And then maybe that led to, to my problem eating late at night because I knew I wasn't going to get breakfast in the morning. We always had breakfast, even if it was just a Pop-Tart. It was usually

cereal is what I would usually do for breakfast. By the time I got to high school and I was in the driver's ed program, I knew that we were going to go get biscuits. That was where we're driving today, boys.

Let's see, Kyle. Let's see if you can drive all the way to the biscuit store. I think I can handle it. Drivers Day was so fun because I was the only one who'd ever driven a car before. There's three of us in the car with Coach. I can't remember the name of Coach. Yeah, you know how it is in high schools. He's like the baseball coach, and he has to teach something.

So they wrangled him into driver's ed, and he fucking loved it. And it was me, Ronald Prince, and Tiffany Jones, two special ed motherfuckers. Ronald Prince was a year older than me in driver's ed. He should have had a car by now. Tiffany Jones was also a year older than me. I literally fell asleep on the day we picked partners. It was the first period of the day. It's the earliest class. The first day of class was bullshit book work. This is a car. It has four wheels. I'm like, how did they think we got here? I've been skipping to school for years. And so like the

second day, like I distinctly remember falling asleep at my desk and like waking up and being like, everybody's paired off into trios. And I'm just like by myself. I'm like, wait, something has happened. and i look around and it's literally the two like most bottom tier individuals in the class are left it's two of

the people who are too old to be there for one tiffany was in special ed because my mom taught special ed and she taught tiffany so i'd know for a fact tiffany jones was special ed tiffany jones shit herself when we went to the fucking aquarium in tennessee and and and miss all good had to lower all the windows on the bus all right all the kids let let your windows down it's a nice day and i'm like mom why are we why is everybody take putting the windows and she's like tiffany shit herself tiffany shit herself retards at the back of the bus shit herself. And now we got to explain it to me. I know I've told this one before, but it was like, my mom was like, this is before she was a teacher.

She was an assistant teacher and she worked with like her best friends. It was like a great gig for her. And it was a special ed class. They taught special ed. I was in third grade at the time, not in special ed. But my mom, but like as a third grader, I have no social awareness. So when my mom was like, Hey Kyle, my class is going to the Tennessee aquarium. Do you want to go with us? I was like, yeah, I love the aquarium. Let's go fuck fucking third grade. Miss Thornton. Like I don't want to learn

multiplication tables today. Let's, let's go to the aquarium with a school bus full of retards, Today, let's go to the aquarium with a school bus full of retards. Literally, piled along with like 38 retards and me. Me with my fucking cassette player listening to country music, driving all the way to Gatlinburg or wherever the fuck it was. Did you try and ignore your comrades on that trip? I did. I'm the king of this bus. Yeah, yeah. In the land of the blind the

one-eyed man is king and in the land of the retards the the 100 iq man is overlord um these kids were fucking retarded and it smelled so bad on the way back for two reasons one we stopped for lunch at a rest stop and uh my mom's friend the teacher was like yeah there's a nice little grassy area it's where people stopped with their dog shit so every retard in the bunch managed to like stomp and dog shit he must have been like charlie in that episode of it's always sunny in philadelphia where he's like oh dog shit i stepped in the dog shit because i wanted to step in dog shit i wanted to cover up we wanted to cover up some other smell. Cover up the smell of this skunk. Why did you let yourself get smelt with this skunk?

To cover up the smell of cigarettes. I've been smoking up a tea. That was it. So like all these retards have stepped in dog shit. And then one of them shits herself. Tiffany does. Her pussy must have been just rotten. Because there's no way she was like conscious enough to be like,

oh, my pussy has shit in it. I got to do something about this immediately this immediately no there was just shit in her pussy like i i bet her pussy smelled like seven circles of hell was she like able to talk yeah yeah and she was able to drive by high school so like she was just like slow witted like this is a dumb dumb this is like a i don't know like an 85 iq human being i don't know like able to get a driver's license but not a lot else yeah not a lot else this is a walmart employee a career walmart employee not someone who's just like ah the economy's bad yeah like the person you go through in the checkout line it's like

surfing since 1981 like oh no no no like and you just like drops a can of peaches. How can you not have it? And now you're licking the juice off the floor. Oh, God, that can't even be good for you. Oh, there's badminton. The best customer experience I've ever had was serviced to me by a gentleman like that at a grocery store here in st louis uh called schnooks and they hire a lot of people like that you know to to do the bagging and things and they're always super sweet and kind obviously and i was walking outside towards my car and i had like

like like i think it was like a 12 pack of like these lime seltzer well can't really see lime seltzer and and i was holding it and i could tell it was like a weaker one of like these lime seltzer well you can't really see lime seltzer and and i was holding it and i could tell it was like a weaker one but i was like it's not gonna rip at the handle part but that like front flap goes like and then like a couple started dumping and knocked off the and so before i know like there's there's like 10 cans of soda through the park and it's like it's not uh it's in the middle of the road that like goes towards where the cars are parked. And I'm like,

I'm sorry, everybody. And I go to like, pick up a couple that were rolling away. And I turn around and the sweet hearted angel has like walked out like with another bag and been like, I see you drop yourself. You drop yourself.

Let me help you fill the bag. And I'm like, Oh, thank you so much. Like what a, what a nice guy and like there have been and now every time i see that guy i'm just like my man is appreciated yeah it is not required but it is appreciated does he have down syndrome face uh no it's something he's not visibly retarded no he is but it's like uh

the the head too small kind like the very short and the head is smaller kind like a pinhead like he's not definitely not to that extent okay okay it's the it's the it's the level where like you would you would see him and you would be like i know some something is off like he has you'd know you'd lock on. But perhaps not as obviously. But shout out to that guy from the grocery store who was super nice and helped me pick up my seltzers.

Big ups to that handicapped gentleman. That handicapped gentleman. I was going to give him a mean name, but you just swooped in. Swooped in. It was nice to him. Terry the Tard over there. Terry the Tard there at aldi yeah he's uh he's sucking the quarters out of those fucking shopping carts when nobody's looking playing the long con you know you gotta put the quarter in to get your shopping cart out at all

they taste like pennies but they spin like quarters yeah see the thing is is i'm retarded so it's a hundred percent expendable income for me i have to buy i was about to ask the dumbest question ever i was literally about to ask if retards have to pay taxes but if you really start to examine the question you're like well i mean should they give him a break uncle sam like that would be so funny that's like one like millionaire tiktok retard who's just like i've i fundamentally misunderstood my responsibility to the country and it's like i watch his t TikToks and I know he's not that retarded. He knows what he's doing.

They jail a retarded guy for tax evasion. How do they handle it, right? I can just see the IRS being like, yeah, we found this guy. This guy, Timmy, here hasn't paid taxes since 1987. And they get there and Timmy's just like clearly severely retarded but has his job job at aldi picking up your fucking fresco or whatever and like what do they do they haul timmy to prison there were no retards in prison i i could say that for sure yeah they would have to go to their own prison for sure they all retard prison must be a fucking hoot can you imagine

it was only one gang here it's the quips you don't want to whale red mostly because it upsets big johnny what would you even do in retard prison we'll make it making toilet candy corn. Well, they have a library open for us,

but it seems like cruel and unusual punishment. You're verging dangerously close to Elmer Fudd there, but I'll allow it. I'm the king of this retard prison. You have to be very, very quiet. I'm going to vape a retard in the shower. I know that's literally a retarded question, but like, God, how do they handle retards paying taxes?

Like, are they like technically dependents? Is that up there with mom and dad? If a return comes in in crayon, it just goes in the, that's okay, pile. Just give them a break. And there's got to be some industrious retards out there who are like earning enough that they have to pay taxes. Because I know there's like a limit, right? There's like that bottom level where it's like, ah, get out of here, you. Like you barely did anything. But there's, I don't know what that limit is.

What is it, like $3,000 a year or something like that? I don't know. Probably way higher than that. I don't know. I'm going to say I'm more making you pay. I don't know. Unless it's cash. Yeah. Yeah. Fair enough enough i have no idea i'll i'll uh i'll do some digging at a couple of local grocery stores and be like do you handle your own finances no there's a there's a down syndrome um

bag boy in my local grocery store and Root. That sucks. All the ones in front of me are very nice. I'm always very polite in general in public with people. I'm just like, hey, how are you doing? He's just like staring at the fucking canned goods. I know he's doing some Rain Man shit, but I'm afraid

to interrupt. I feel like I've interrupted his fucking, one can of peas, four cans of apricots. Who buys canned apricots? You have a vitamin C deficiency. His Rain Man thing is that he can look at your groceries and tell you what you're going to make that night for dinner.

Enjoy your stir fry. How did he know? It's a stir fry seasoning packet. I don't know. He had four bell peppers and some carne asada. Oh, well, these tortillas tell me someone's going to be enjoying a taste of South of the Border. It's like, that's great, but... That's so fucking stupid.

Yeah, well, I bet retarded people pay taxes. Not a lot. Not a lot. We're shouldering that tax burden. Yeah. For sure. Not as much, though, because Reagan shut down all the asylums where all of the tax-delinquent retarded people would have been sent to.

And put to work. Can you imagine a repo man at a retarded guy's apartment? It's just barrels of candy. I feel like this is a great scam. Because like, can retards get... I have so many questions now. We need a retarded guest. Yes, we do.

I want an actual retarded person as a guest because I have so many questions. Unfortunately, I feel like they'd have very few answers to the more important questions. But like, can I get a credit card? I am. I mean, credit cards companies want every single person like so I can totally see that unless it's like a I don't know. I have no idea if i had a retarded kid i would like build their credit over time and then i'd max all their shit out i treat it just

like a dead mother like who's the comedian whose whose mom was like dying of cancer and like i think he like gave her morphine like like helped her end it and and then he maxed her credit cards out for like 40 50 grand and he waited seven years for the like um doug stanhope and then he waited till like the statute of limitations was up so he could actually tell that bit because he actually fucking ripped those credit card companies off dude that's a that is like a fucked up bit to listen to but he tells it so well where he's talking about how like his mom wanted to kill herself and so he's off dude that's a that is like a fucked up bit to listen to but he tells it so well where he's talking about how like his mom wanted to kill herself and so he's like making her white russians and giving her pills and she's like he's sitting there with like his brother and his mom

like just overseeing her suicide basically it's like that's rough and it's like it's like it's it's a story that like if they were told straight, you'd be on the verge of crying. But he's so goddamn funny that you're just like laughing your ass off, especially at that punchline at the end when he's like, I had to wait seven years to tell that joke. Did he's he's wild. He just like apparently lives on his own out in the middle of in like bigsby arizona like he and his girlfriend and like everybody else all the other comedians are in la and everything he's just in the middle of arizona this teeny little town getting fucked up all the time apparently so it sounds like a great if he's living his life have fun man well yeah we'll have to put that on the guest outreach

list tard and i don't mean one of these make-believe tards. I'm not talking about... I mean, we know plenty of people who are dumb. We know people who are fucking dumb asses. I want somebody who's not legally allowed to have a driver's license. You wouldn't trust them with a sharp knife. Yeah, and then we'll have them on our show and probably get in trouble for it. I mean, we wouldn't make fun of them. No, it'd just be fact not in the

face not to the face every left we'd have a fucking blast no no like that's how it would change immediately like the second you were confronted with an actual retarded person you'd be like i can't i can't be mean to this person what no this is no way there's no way i can do this like i always say that like like like um we were talking about this in the subreddit the other day um not subreddit the um the discord i was i was just like never in my life have i ever heard someone call a retarded person retarded never in my life have i ever heard anyone call a gay person a faggot like ever have i ever seen that even happen once i don't think i've ever seen a black person called the N-word

to their face in a mean way. Have you ever seen that? No, I've never seen that. Called a lot of chicks cunt to their face. That's why you're not so well protected. That's a fun one, though. What are they going to do? And cunt is still slipping past the goalie for now. We'll have to enjoy that while it's here.

Same with retard. What are they going to fucking do? If that. Yeah. They have more votes than us, though. They'll all vote to ban cunt. And then we'll have to use our creativity to come up with an even better word that they'll be equally upset about.

There's so many. But we can't say it on here because then they'll get ahead of the game. Yeah, keep that another color. I saw that video you sent in the whatsapp of one blade oh shit yeah medhi sent that to me recent or is it old i have no idea i assume it's recent midi texted that video to me today and it's like blade wasted like like one eye is open the other eye is barely open and uh and he's like telling what i assume is his girlfriend or i don't know how serious it is i thought he was like getting married a while back or some shit but um his love interest i assume and he's calling her the n-word

and uh telling her to go get him was it twix or kit kat kit kat Kit Kat bar. And he kept saying, like, give me a Kit Kat bar. And word, I want a scrum diddlyumptious Kit Kat bar. And word. She's like, don't call me that. Don't call me that. Don't you go anywhere in my goddamn Cadillac. Yeah, in my Cadillac. What's happening here?

Apparently, I just saw Zach say he streamed the last two days, so that must be very recent for ady to have sent it to you. He was drunker than I've ever been in my life. And he has a high tolerance, so I can't imagine how much alcohol that takes for him to, or unless his liver is bad now, in which case it wouldn't take as much. That's how it works, yeah.

If someone's been boozing real, real hard for many, many years, usually that doesn't happen, I hard for many, many years, usually that doesn't happen, I don't think, until much later in life. Is he your age? Is he older than you? Shit, I think he's older. I would say 37, 38. I don't know. His teeth are 94. The teeth are rough. If he's still guzzling jaeger like that then or yeah to your point it'd be even more dangerous if he was having like four beers and

getting that fucked up because then it's like you know like this is a a very dangerous thing right like your liver's like crying out for relief it needs a break need a long break he just needs some grilled chicken and some spinach. He's going to eat our way out of this. Oh my God. Yeah. He was so drunk. Like, so fucked up. And saying horrific things to

his, that girl, whoever that was. I don't know. Yeah, I assume his girlfriend or whatever the situation was, but we'll have to find some more clips because that'll be a good if there's more good clips. Middy sends me some great stuff. I can't wait to meet Middy for the first time in Colorado. I've never met him.

I've seen him. I know what he looks like. I've never even seen Middy. He's a big boy. He's like 6'4". Maybe 6'5". He's a big one. He's a big fella. It's going gonna be intimidating too sweet no not not above me

fucking killed on a trip that's when all those flat benches are gonna come in handy what they call them uh coffin presses or whatever like when you're trying to do that you can cough and press 300 pounds yeah i'll be impressed i'm gonna have to or you're gonna have to or someone's better death poor poor dirty or fish yeah i'm getting there early my flight land lands at like 9 a.m. or something. I am zooming to that fucking house and like pissing on the biggest bed. That's my bed.

There's no way I'm getting that bunk bed. I am not taking that bunk bed. No one's going to try and take the bunk bed from you. I don't think so either. I'll beat them up. Yeah. Taking that fucking bunk bed. No, the first thing we're doing, I think three of us

all land at the same time. I'll get a car together and go get some fucking... One of the boys said he's just going to see if he can just fly with a joint and as soon as we get out of the airport, just fucking... Because he's flying from a legal state to a legal state. The airlines don't care anymore.

Just fucking light up a doobie as soon as we get outside the airport and just get high as fuck and then go buy more weed and keep that feeling going. It's a good plan. It's a solid plan. I'm very excited. That's probably a wrap, right?

Got an hour and 10 under us. Oh shit. Yeah. So a PKN three 59. Yeah.