Transcript
Discussion (0)
all right your alarm didn't go off yeah and i was just telling you this is what people who are late
because they are bad at fucking setting alarm clocks and being adults say i swear to god this
is twice now that like the last two times i've set an alarm it hasn't gone off like do you look
at it so sometimes i like when my alarm doesn't go off i'm like oh i didn't realize when i said
it it wasn't recurring so it worked the first time ever,
then not after that. Or sometimes I'll be like,
only
Tuesdays?
I do this thing where I
just, I'm always setting a new one.
So like,
it just didn't go the fuck off.
It's there, but it was shifted left.
That's an...
With a physical alarm
clock, like an old school one, I get
AM and PM messed up if that's why it didn't
go off. It's easy to set an alarm for
6 PM and not wake up
in the morning. It's all good.
I feel you. What's actually happening
is
confusing me. I think that
maybe because my phone is on silent,
the alarms on silent, which has to be something that's like from a new update or something,
because like we were just discussing the other day, my phone could be on silent,
but the alarm still goes off in any case. Like, like, um, I went to my dad's house yesterday.
Um, so I, I, I slept there and I slept in my childhood bedroom and, uh, and I, and I
can never sleep very well in that bed because it's not even, it's not even my childhood
bed.
It's like a bed that he put in there for guests and it's, it's like so soft and fluffy that
you like squish down in it.
That sounds like heaven, but not for me.
I've got that Casper mattress.
It's nice and stiff.
But anyway, I slept like an hour last night and then got back
up and like literally waited till 5 a.m until like there was somewhere to get breakfast from
and uh i went and got breakfast and then i sat there and waited for my dad to wake up so i could
like say goodbye to him and then drive back and i got back here at like noon i just processed that. Are you allowed to go there? Yeah.
Yeah.
I asked permission and like.
Oh, that's the part then.
Okay.
So you got permission to go that far.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
I certainly wouldn't tell anybody.
I wouldn't go without permission to begin with, but like, I wouldn't like.
You're so close.
Yeah.
I'm 30 days away.
31, 32.
Yeah.
31.
But anyway, like, like drove home this morning got
back at like 11 and um i was captivated by this high stakes poker game that was in the in the
discord so i watched an hour or so of that and then i was like okay and i guess i'll get five
hours of sleep that'll be plenty and literally like i woke up um i had the alarm set for 5 30
and i got to be here at six,
which is fine.
I can hop in the shower, take a shower, sit down.
Everything's always already set up here.
I just need to sit down and press a button.
And I got up at five to piss and I was like,
all right, 30 more minutes of sleep.
And then the next thing I knew my phone was vibrating.
I was like, ah, that was a good 30 minutes.
And it's you calling me.
We need to start. We need to start on time. And I'm like, ah, that was a good 30 minutes. And it's you calling me. We need to start.
We need to start on time. And I'm like, oh my fucking God, how does this fucking happen?
I'm, I'm honestly going, I'm going to do it like in a moment, I'm going to order like a real alarm
clock because I don't have an explanation for why this has happened. And if I'm ever late again,
there shouldn't be an excuse because I don't have one. It literally just didn't go off.
Or if it did, it didn't wake me up because when my phone goes off, my alarm is like music.
It plays my Spotify playlist.
So like it's not that jarring thing because I had PTSD as a kid.
Borderline.
Like when I used to work, I would stay up all night and then the alarm would go off.
And I always had it set to this alarm that went.
And like I would wake up with night and then the alarm would go off and i always had it set to this alarm that went and like i would wake up with my heart pounding it was like this traumatic experience of like that sound was like linked with like the worst thing i'm is like get up fucker but i don't
wanna yeah it's time to do stuff you don't want to do and so now it goes off and it's like each morning i wake up i'm dressed and put on my
makeup i rotate stuff like that because my alarm never goes off with good news it's going off
sometimes it's no big deal right like trash night for example sometimes whatever like it but it's
always like an unpleasant interruption it never says hey woody you forgot
there's a free sex and money and steak yeah you know on the table and it like my alarm i don't
have an alarm for that i've just got the one good alarm i've got the freedom alarm it's been ticking
down for a while um the trash alarm is smart because i'm one of those semi-responsible adults who's like,
it's Sunday.
Oh, no.
I'll wake up at 3 a.m.
And I'm like, wait.
Wait, it's tonight?
It's tonight, Sunday?
They're going to be here in two hours in the darkness of night with that fucking truck.
And I'll have to get up and take the garbage down.
Because you've got places to put garbage.
If, for example, like, oh, yeah, I missed garbage day. You for example like oh yeah i missed garbage day you
have garbage storage you could burn garbage technically and like like scoop up the cans
or whatever that didn't burn i don't i don't i'm in a like a house and like in the suburbs
so like when i miss garbage day it's a fucking catastrophe it's like what do i do with my garbage
where does it go?
And I end up with just a
giant pile of garbage. It's a real problem.
I'm like, okay, well this week I guess
we
just don't do things that involve
trash. It's a question for you, Kyle.
If I were to forget
garbage, and this has happened, right?
So now I have two weeks of garbage and the can
is overflowing.
Step one, let the can stack as tall as it can.
It usually have a few extra bags on top and the lid's not closed is okay.
Yeah.
If it gets past that, then on garbage night, I will slip a few bags into the neighbor's
garbage cans who have extra space.
Now, if this would have happened in reverse,
I wouldn't mind at all.
My excess trash can space is yours.
It couldn't bother...
Like, what?
Are you going to get the inside of my trash can dirty?
That can't be a problem, right?
The inside trash cans are dirty.
Are you taking space I wasn't otherwise using?
Like, I don't care at all
but i still feel like i'm being bad somehow for putting my trash in your can yeah what do you
fall on this i think it's a southern thing too because we're so territorial down here when it
comes to like little things like that i feel like if i was in jersey it'd be like no big deal it's
like like yeah your trash is my trash but down here It's like, yeah, your trash is my trash. But down here, it's like, what are you putting in my trash can?
That is my trash can.
It's like there's so much macho territorialism down here,
alongside with that whole Southern thing where if we see you on the side of the road
with a flat tire, we're coming.
We're going to take pride in helping you fix that flat tire.
There's a little bit of both mixed in together i think if i asked my neighbor uh it
would be no big deal but i'm not knocking on this fucking door like like but like i've been living
next to the same guy for two and a half years we we both know each other work out because we like
see each other like like heading to the gym or whatever and we just give each other that yeah
like that's it i have no idea what this man's name is.
I know he works nights.
I know he has an odd schedule.
He knows I've got an odd schedule.
I see him over there hitting the heavy bag in his garage and stuff.
And he sees me coming in and out of the gym,
clearly sweating or whatever from jogging and stuff.
And we acknowledge each other, and that's it.
Every now and then, I get his packages.
He gets mine.
We take them to each other. No that's it. No idea. Every now and then I get his packages. He gets mine. We take them to each other.
No idea what the man's name is.
And I get it on a piece of paper, like at least once every two months.
But yeah, I wouldn't put it in theirs.
I'll tell you what I do.
Well, I'm slipping it in the dark of night.
They probably I'm getting away with.
Oh, I'd be afraid of getting shot.
You know, it is in the street at this point, not in their yards.
They've already
declared they're finished trash for the week.
That's why it's out in the street. I live in a neighborhood
of very wealthy black people.
And I am the only
whitey in
here, at all.
There are two other white people, because I
walk the neighborhoods for exercise.
I do these 10-minute walks after every meal.
You get up all summer too?
Even when the cold is good for you?
Yeah.
I intend to – I'm sorry to interrupt your story.
I was doing that.
Summer got hot.
And I said, fuck that.
But I intend to bring it back.
It's not too long from now.
I don't like having to take like five showers a day, but I intend to bring it back. It's not too long from now. I don't like having
to take like five showers a day, but I do it anyway. I, for one thing, it's good for my skin
because, um, like, like I'll get acne if I don't like stay on top of like stuff like that. So I
take my salt baths and everything. And I put oatmeal in the bath is colloidal oatmeal stuff.
There's a whole, there's a lot of things I do that people are just like, yeah, I can do that.
And it's like, no, you can't.
Fucking do it then. Fucking do it then.
Take eight oatmeal baths a day one day.
See how you like that. I don't take eight,
but I've taken four or five before. It's silly.
But in any case, yeah,
I walk through the neighborhood a lot.
So I've seen every neighbor in
the whole fucking area.
There's two other whiteys.
We look at each other like
surrounded huh i didn't know the rent was high it seemed okay but
like like i've got this big booty mama that lives right down the road from me and i mean like i
could hit her with a rock if I threw it hard enough, uh,
like,
like five,
six houses away.
And she's suntans in her front yard.
She has a backyard.
This is a nice area.
I'm in a nice ish.
I mean like,
you know,
like,
but she chose the front.
She gets out in the front in this lawn chair and she's got like a kiddie pool
and she'll get like face down in the kiddie pool.
And she has
one of the biggest asses i've ever seen and not visualize this is this a great big ass like like
a fit wonderful juicy ass or is this like uh this woman has a cottage cheese weight issue
it's neither it's more like it's more like one of those fantasy rap star asses.
It's way too much.
I don't have enough dick to fuck this woman from behind. There's no way.
I would just be fucking cheeks.
You need a foot of cock to
fuck this woman from behind.
I'll tag in.
I don't know if there's any way to
put our dicks together like a pool
cube and like i just make whatever joke is funnier at the time big small i used them all same yeah
but uh but yeah it's just like like she's out there and she and i see like all the neighborhood
dudes are just like like hey miss johnson how you doing today you need me to help you with your
your bags or this and that she She's got like four kids.
They're all hanging around.
It seems almost inappropriate.
It does seem inappropriate that they're around her big juicy ass because I'm walking by like I'm eight feet from the ass and I'm trying to like head forward.
I'm getting my exercise out here.
But like, you know, I'm walking by and I'm in like whatever shorts and like a um like a tank top or whatever and she's like hey you getting your walk in and i'm
like yeah you and your front yard all white trash style with your ass hanging out like like she's
just always out there in like a very revealing swimsuit in her front fucking yard. Regardless of what they're doing,
but a swimsuit sunbathing.
Yeah.
She's got a backyard and look,
black people don't need to sunbathe.
Like she's out there for fun.
She's not getting a tan.
I didn't even put that together.
Yeah.
Black people don't sunbathe.
What am I?
Like,
she's not trying to get darker.
I've never heard of black person being like,
look how light skin you are.
You got to darken that up. Like they never they never say that like it seems like black people who are
light-skinned like being light-skinned and black people who are dark-skinned sort of like oh yeah
that light-skinned girl yeah she's high yellow like they're into that wait what was that high
yellow high yellow you've never heard that no what is What is that word? Say it slowly for me. High yellow.
Oh, okay, okay.
Yeah, work that into your vocabulary.
Next time, Wolfson, drop that for him. I'm concerned that this is bad advice.
No, it's not.
It's not as bad as that other thing you said.
Oh, my God.
I say son of a monkey all the time.
Mostly around babies and stuff.
Well, good luck.
Good for you because I'm making a t-shirt
they're making emotes for me i'm like i don't know if i can use those emotes until woody signs off
also like several members from the black community will have to sign off on that
that emote um yeah they're
they're pretty ridiculous issues if it's uh oh i'm teasing i don't like that i don't i don't
have son of a monkey emotes i i specifically asked that they not make them um but yeah i'm
sorry i was late i really am i i don't have an excuse other than my alarm didn't go off
also my my dog ate my homework um a whole litany of things went off
target yeah that's why i hate that fucking excuse because whenever someone says that i don't fucking
believe them i don't believe them i'm like my alarm's never not going off i've never because
you know i've got a lie i've i wouldn't say it as a lie i'd be like i forgot to set an alarm
which is the other excuse or i might like i'm sorry cough i might go the other way and take
ownership of it like i could explain i set it for am you know i i said i didn't realize it
wasn't recurring like you know like i set my alarm improperly is something that i've said
uh as opposed to the passive like it didn't go off yeah i mean it's set here for 5 30 p.m i can
only imagine that it did go off i don't it's set here for 5 30 p.m i can only imagine
that it did go off i don't know if i get a notification that i missed an alarm missed
alarm yeah it's literally here hang on let me make sure i'm not showing you anything i don't
want to show um it's like pastilla's gone live and postmates is offering me a deal so i think
we're good here um but yeah it says i don't know if you can read it'll focus maybe i put you small so you're
next to my camera how dare you anyway it's not you i make both of us small that one says missed
alarm at 5 at 5 30 p.m so it went off but perhaps it was on silent well it shouldn't be able to be
on silent which is the confusing part to me which I'm just going to buy a goddamn alarm clock.
I'll get one of the cool ones that does stuff.
I won't get the old red numbered rectangle.
I'll get some sort of thing that shoots the time onto the ceiling of your bedroom or something like that.
They've never worked for me.
I don't know i don't know
what's cool i like the concept of one that's um mechanical and like flips with each minute
but i also like completely silent i can hear i have to look i have to keep my watches in a
different room because i can hear them while i'm asleep so sometimes yeah that was gonna say oh yeah i i hit pull day hard today i finished i was like you fucking got
every calorie i don't know how you measure a workout every bit out of this workout
and now every time i pull even a little bit my muscles are cramping up i tried to rehydrate
i just like i can't drink a water without being like oh stretch that out yeah yeah that's it feels
good when you do that because you're
like yeah i i got my i got i got everything out of that time that i could have it's good
yeah whenever you get a really good workout and i'll walk out of the car and i'll be like
it wasn't a good workout that wasn't a good workout but sometimes i walk out i'm just like
we spared no expense tonight like we got it all done and went back for more.
I am just fucked.
I'll ask myself as I walk out,
could you do a little more?
Could you go back in there?
Could you do some farmer's carries?
Could you do some,
did you do lunges all the way to the door
just for the fuck of it?
Yeah.
On your way out.
Yeah, and everyone looked.
Some of my exercises have a kicker
at the end. One of my push
days, for example, has dips at the end.
And I can get all the way to dips
and feel like, you know, this
has been kind of a 6 out of 10.
But dips will fuck up every
push muscle I have and
make sure that the time
was well spent.
I put in farmer's carries on pull days
because I feel like that's a grippy sort of pulley exercise anyway.
All the lat stuff and the seated stuff and even the curls,
a lot of grip stuff going on anyway.
It just makes sense to throw that in on those days.
And on push days, I usually just like,
I'll either mix in close grip bench or push pushups and do one of those until like failure.
By the end, like I'm not putting hardly any weight on the bar for close grip bench because I just have completed an hour and a half workout of pushing stuff.
So I'll put like 25s on there sometimes and I'll just be like, wonder how many I can do.
And I'll just like, just go to failure.
Like, like sometimes it's only 15, sometimes it's 25, like whatever I can do. And I was like, just go to failure. Like, like sometimes it's only 15, sometimes it's
25, like whatever I can do. I, uh, I have a similar, like, it's not fair to judge a weight
at the end of the exercise. I, on my push days, I do overhead press on each one. This is a,
for people to know it's a bar value lift straight over your head. And, uh, one, I do one push dates
at the front and the other it's at the back of the whole routine.
I lift 40 or 50 pounds more
at the start of the day than the end.
Anyway, closed grip with
you said 25, so that'd be 95
total.
Dude, that just
tells me that you spent it.
Cool.
By the end of it, because I've already done like heavy bench and tricep tables and overhead press dumbbells and on and on and on and on.
Some people don't understand that because some people go and their workout is bench press until failure.
Like, yeah, I'm going to do like 12 sets of bench press.
Like I'll start with 95 and work my way up to 225.
That's my workout.
It's like,
that is a stupid person's workout.
It sounds fun,
but not that effective.
But I don't know.
I just like,
yeah,
I would like that day in the gym,
even if it didn't give me what I was sure.
If that day existed in my repertoire,
like,
like I would enjoy that day,
but it does.
I got injured.
I don't,
I think that because I'm
13 years older than you, 15,
something like that,
I think I'm more injury prone for that reason.
A lot of my
working out strategy involves
not getting fucking
derailed by that.
Because our fans don't always understand
satire and sarcasm,
this is the one time I'm going to explain it.
We're going to troll Diego
Sanchez.
Did you see that I tweeted him?
I did and I loved it.
I'm going to say things
to and about Diego Sanchez
in the coming days and weeks
that I'm aware are untrue
and are not feasible
but i'm going to say them nonetheless so this is your one time like slash s okay so let it be yeah
the trend continues a professional athlete replied to me oh yeah i didn't know that i'm just learning
that now oh yeah i knew. I knew. I knew.
I was like, okay, we got your attention.
I'm shocked that you can operate an electronic device.
Excellent.
Excellent.
Oh, wait.
This needs to – is that the real him?
Because I got 577 likes and he got nine?
That's the real him, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, that's him.
Oh, he's verified the checkmark.
Thank you, Zach.
It's right next to him.
Okay.
Yeah, he's going down.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think the premise is going to be that I've already signed
and that he's running.
This is fantastic.
I'm a big fan. I'm here to to help you can't run forever diego i'm gonna hold up fake contracts
contract make it a sign
like list the whole sport a whole list of sports that i'll face him off in if he's too much of a
pussy to bare knuckle box i need chel sunnen to report on this story. That's when we've
achieved success. I'll do that.
What's that? Remember from Tombstone
when you're like, how about a
spelling contest?
Like just whatever.
We'll play
Call of Duty. We'll box.
We'll do Jiu-Jitsu. We'll do
kickboxing, Muay Thai, whatever you want.
Whatever you want. We'll go into the woods. We'll do kickboxing, Muay Thai, whatever you want. Whatever you want.
We'll go into the woods and have a kumite, you pussy.
Just go on and on about how he's got CCE, how he's just a broke-down old man,
how he's washed up, how the UFC doesn't want him anymore
and nobody wants him, if we're being honest.
This is hurting.
Just go on forever.
Kumite.
I've heard you say that. I don't know what that
means. Oh, it's this old
story that
maybe Rogan retold or somebody on his
podcast. I just remember someone telling the story
of this guy who was
one of those fake martial
artists and he was like, yeah, I've got
a... There's a Kumite.
A secret Kumite in the woods
this week. Just drop me off. I'm competing. Kumite is like a Kumite in the woods this week.
Just drop me off. I'm competing. Kumite is like
a martial arts tournament. I imagine Mortal Kombat,
but for real.
It would probably, I'm guessing,
K-U-M-I-T-A-E
or something.
The C-U-M-I-T-E,
but I don't know if it's spelled
Kumite.
They say that it's a part of karatee but i don't know if it's spelled kumite uh like that yeah they say that it's a part of
karate training i don't know anyway you were saying but like this guy had told this story
about like and i can't recall where i heard it told it it's that it's probably someone someone
in the joe rogan sphere right he was like yeah this guy he was like a fake black belt or whatever
back in like you know the 90s when like nobody knew what anything was in the early 90s.
And he was like, yeah, I'm competing in a kumite this weekend.
Drop me off on this road, this track of road, and come pick me up in three days.
Three days time.
Come back.
5 p.m.
Drop him off.
Come back five days later.
He's got a huge trophy.
He's just got a huge trophy. He's just got a huge trophy.
He's just like, yeah, I won.
I won the Kumite.
Apparently this guy was like a well-known fake martial artist.
One of those guys who would – he probably went camping.
And like his buddies showed up with like –
and he's one of those grand champion oversized trophies
that like you wouldn't even see in professional sports.
You only see in like nonsense that are like four four or five feet tall my dad used to shoot he traveled around the country
and did archery tournaments they do these 3d archery tournaments and he had like he never
like displayed trophies but he had this storage place where like he just had like piles of them
and some were like three and a half feet tall and When I was a kid, they were taller than me.
It was one of those. These absurd, silly trophies that people only give away when they don't have enough money for a real
prize. We got you a $180
trophy in lieu of prize money. The highest
prize I can think of in all of sports everywhere
bigger than an NFL championship, bigger than an NBA championship,
is probably an Olympic gold medal.
And it's not that much to see.
Yeah, I wonder what the monetary value of the gold is.
And I wonder what, because I doubt it's solid gold.
I'm pretty sure it's not.
These most recent ones, someone posted their medal and the gold's
chipping off that's super lame um and uh but yeah the gold medal to me and like maybe the nobel
prize and an oscar like those three are like the most recognizable like oh shit you did it kind of
trophies like a grammy is like a step below i feel like and like an emmy
is like four steps below i'll never forget that episode of the sopranos where that guy's trying
to pawn off an emmy and the guy's like i don't know 80 bucks tv come on
uh yeah i i forget what show it was but like someone had an emmy displayed on their uh
um like mantle above the fireplace and the guest walks in and they're like oh an emmy
that guy over there has a grammy and he's putting down their envy
but yeah yeah like especially back in the day, an Emmy was like, okay.
It's TV, right?
And Grammy is what? Music.
That's like the highest music award.
You'd think they'd all be the... Well, you'd think
it'd be music and Oscar
would be the same because they're both annual
prizes. I think they're very close, but
I don't know. I don't know
what the numbers of Oscars that are given away every year
and the number of... Certainly, the MTV Music Award
is one of the lower tier awards. I don't know. I guess
Grammys are a big deal now that I think about it. Let's go what it's for matters. If you get
an Oscar for Best Leading Actor, that to me is the cream of the crop.
That's the number one Oscar. But then there are other Oscars that are given away to
a team of audio effects artists or something and that means less yeah it does mean less honestly
um it's rare that the audio effects you can be like oh yeah man i do remember that that was kind
of wild how they did a thing that was new and innovative but most of the time it's just like
okay i guess that movie sounded okay or even if it is let's say
it was like best cgi all right well that goes to the 92 people who worked on star wars or something
like it yeah i think that i were i know the lord of the rings won like a lot of them they may have
won nine or ten one year like it was it was a ton of them right um i was in high school at the time
and i did like lord of the rings a lot of them. I was in high school at the time and I did Lord of the Rings a lot
at the time. It was one of those first movies where
I had a driver's license and I could go
experience a thing I was into.
I was really into Lord of the Rings at the time.
That's one of the bigger...
I think they won more
than anything. I think Lord of the Rings
did. I know Star Wars has a few.
I don't know
if they set the record for a year.
But if I were to guess which movie it was, they'd be high on my list.
Right?
Yeah.
Who would be more than Lord of the Rings?
Like, whoever dominated more than them.
Especially when you had the whole trilogy.
Because Return of the King alone, if I remember correctly, got like 8 to 10 one year.
They were certainly nominated for like 8 to 10. It was
a lot. But yeah,
I don't know.
Awards are cool. And anyway,
this guy was a fake martial artist, and he
was going and pretending he was in kumites,
like fighting out in the woods
like Mortal Kombat, with a bunch of other champions
who apparently also had to show out in the woods
so that they could use their dark arts
that aren't legal in in like some boxing ring somewhere so yeah i'm gonna troll diego because
i think he's dumb enough to be trolled um i don't think i could troll like a tony ferguson he just
wouldn't reply probably um i don't think i could troll uh uh um you know a max holloway or somebody
like that or even certainly not at you know like
go extreme like chael sonnen would never fall for that colby covington i mean he runs the game he
doesn't fall for the game he gets it he gets it fighters like that but we're dealing with a dumb
dumb here and uh and so i think it would be fun to fuck with him so like you guys have to be like
like tweeting him all the time and and like and you got to be like pumping me up like you guys have to be like, like tweet them all the time. And, and, and like,
and you gotta be like pumping me up.
Like you don't even know how long he's been training for this.
You don't even know.
Like,
like you need to be,
you need to be on the side of like,
look,
don't let him trick.
I'm going to put in a request,
find a picture of Diego,
not looking his best and do it.
You versus the guy.
She tells you not to worry about me.
Yeah.
Stuff like that.
And tweet it at him.
And then,
and then like every now and then be like,
look,
Diego,
don't let Kyle trick you.
He's been training for this for years.
This is all he does is train boxing or kickboxing.
Like just make up martial arts that i do i don't care like tell
tell him that i was in fucking thailand for a year and a half training with masters tell him that i
lived as a shaolin monk for for five years one time in my teens like you might fear that like
live with the shaolin monk that's not horseshit that's great that actually might terrify him
because because he comes out with that nonsense painted on him but's great that actually might terrify him because because he comes out
with that nonsense painted on him but right from that pedophile who's been raping him
joe lozon's not scared at all if you spent time at a religious retreat he's like that's that's
not where good fighting happens i'll tell you what would scare me is if if they said oh yeah
he went to he went to thailand and just uh fought in the in the Muay Thai circles for three years.
Wait, they didn't immediately murder him and send him back home in pieces?
Oh, no.
He competed well.
He won the jujujuju competition, and he beat Makoko.
And it's like, oh, God, what a nightmare in the night because those Muay Thai guys,
they start training when they're like three years old or something like that.
And by the time they're 15, they're washed up old men because they've had 150 professional fights.
It's absurd.
You might know this, but surely there's some listeners who don't.
One of the reasons people go to Thailand and then come back a much improved fighter is that they're running from USADA, the drug testing agency.
So they go to thailand they get
some fight experience but they also get a steroid cycle in where no one's coming to test them yeah
and they come back and they're like what is a whole new guy yeah fuck i am yeah is it it's like
you put on 14 pounds of muscle in th. That's a good estimate. I did.
So that's one of the advantages to training in Thailand.
Yeah, yeah, that makes sense.
I don't know.
I think it'd be fun to, like, fuck with this guy because he's dumb enough to fuck with.
And I just think it would be funny.
Like, he won't get the satire
because he can't understand such a difficult concept.
Just like some of you guys
out there but that's okay because because you watch the show so i like you i have another topic
yeah you brought it up earlier there was a high stakes poker game last night people had maybe
14 grand in there on the table does that have i exaggerated do i have that about right uh you're
under the mark i think at one point there was like 17 and uh it sort of lowered down to around 15 but then like as when i started watching like
people like joined to like watch me watch so like uh it went up because like new people joined the
game yeah i don't know how it ended like like because i had to like rush in here and just like
sit down or whatever um like i'm literally like when i sat down i was
just a couple seconds out of the bed uh i'm gonna pull it up to see like what happened because
they started playing last night at 9 p.m 8 p.m something like that and like i said i slept a
little i watched a movie at my dad's house drove back this morning got home at 11 a.m
and um dirty messaged me and he's like dude
there's like 17 000 on the table 30 made 1200 scum made over 700 that's nice we all hope he does well
ghost rhino who i don't know was up 1900 and alexander is he the relatively good looking guy who plays poker really well? Young?
That describes
him. He seemed
to be the big winner up 3,400.
I don't know
if we want to call out the big losers, but
one guy lost
6,650.
That's a rough loss.
Another guy lost 800.
Just to be clear, that's $6,650.
Yeah, I wasn't clear on that.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Dude, so one guy lost $6,000.
That funds most of the winners.
Yeah.
I think that he was a big part of why everybody was still playing.
Yeah.
Because he was just giving away money.
Yeah.
The outlander who's really good at poker that I've mentioned
before, $3,400
that he won there.
That's wild.
And then a few of those other people joined
like Deon there who won $47.
Look at his buy-in. He bought it for
$5.
He sat down when there was
a ton of money on the table.
Someone loaned him $5 to sit down, and he sat down and doubled up twice.
And I know that that doesn't come to $50.
Is that the DN with the mattress?
Yeah, yeah.
$47 in winnings means a lot to DN.
Yeah, he sat down with $5 and quickly left with $52.
And he was like,
cash me out! Because he played two
hands in a row and won both of them against multiple
opponents and just got the fuck
up and left. Poor Dean doubled his net
worth. That's what they said!
That's what they said!
He had $0.27 in his bank account before
that happened. You have no idea how
big this was for him. He can eat this week.
Poor Dean. Whatever class busted him one night, or at least he thought he was going to bust him, get all of his money, that happened you have no idea how big this was for him he can eat this week poor dude whatever
class busted him one night or at least he thought he was gonna bust him like like get all this money
and like class preemptively wrote in the chat like there's a poker chat he's like enjoy the ramen
bitch it gets a little mean-spirited sometimes between some of them but yeah they um i guess like
people kept
losing money to certain people and like so other people would put more money in to match them and
by the end one guy was sitting there with five thousand dollars and everybody else had around
two thousand to twenty five hundred dollars in front of them and they're still playing one two
which is nonsense uh one dollar and two2 blinds, because you usually play like 100, 200 big blinds.
So you play 1-2 when you have $200 or $300,
but they're playing 1-2 when they have $2 or $3 or $4 or $5,000.
They should be playing at least 2-5,
but they could easily play 5-10 or 10-20.
It's kind of nonsense.
I understand this for my fellow non-poker
players the first guy who puts money in kind of like an ante puts in what do you say five two
puts in two bucks so then everyone is subsequent to that puts in five as they go around the table
yeah and there's going to be a raise like it's not as if everybody's going to agree to that
like someone's going to be like ah let's make it 15 but but like just raising the
stakes of the game means that there's more money in every pot regardless of like what cards anyone
has just because of the way the game gets played but um the guy who had like the most money
seemingly to lose um wanted to play one two so everybody was like yeah we'll play one two
sure sure sure that sounds good um that guy apparently um is like
a hedge fund manager or wall street guy or something like that he's got um they told me
he's i've spoken to him a few times is he the one i'm thinking of that mentioned he was an
ex-hedge fund manager he had to leave early i don't know i believe he's Lebanese, so probably not. I know I'm told his rent is $45,000 a month.
Yeah, so he was able to lose $6,000 in no sweat.
Yeah, it's no sweat to him.
He doesn't mind at all.
He's having a good time.
Alex B., you need to come hop in my Twitch chat sometime.
Jesus Christ.
Jesus Christ, man.
Yeah.
Yeah, it was fun to watch.
I just spectated the game for a while.
I was still so tired, while i didn't want to
i was i was still so tired and i didn't want to sit down with like i would have needed to like at
least buy in for a thousand to like play in that game and i did not feel like risking a thousand
dollars especially with so little sleep oh that reminds me of a couple topics i don't know if we
can go the full hour today but we'll go a little longer um the woodley fight would so people don't know if we can go the full hour today, but we'll go a little longer. The Woodley fight. So people don't know.
I always miss it.
His name is spelled Tyrone, but it's pronounced Tyron.
It's actually spelled Tyron.
T-Y-R-O-N.
T-Y-R-O-N is exactly how I spell Tyrone.
You don't put an E on the end?
Am I wrong about?
Maybe.
Okay. I think I just don't know how to spell Tyrone. I think we've discovered that. Am I wrong about – maybe – okay.
I think I just don't know how to spell Tyrone.
I think we've discovered that.
So anyway, Tyrone Woodley fought Jake Paul.
And it is rare that I want to bet big money on a fight because in air quotes, whenever I know who's going to win, right? Whenever I have a high level of confidence
on who's going to win the fight, that guy's an overwhelming favorite and it doesn't make sense
to bet. And you know, whenever I have an inkling that it's backwards or so, I have a lot of doubt.
I had a lot of confidence that Tyron was going to win and he was the underdog. And I was like,
and he was the underdog. And I was like, oh, is this the time? People who know me know I rarely bet over $5. $5 is my standard bet. And it's just uncommon for me to even do 10. I'm like,
I should put $10,000 on Woodley. I should do 10 grand. The way the odds worked out is I'd get
17 grand. And to be clear, that's like 27 grand back, but 17 of that is winning.
So you risk 10 grand and then you get 17 in profit plus your 10 back.
Yeah.
Cause I don't want to bet like $20 and have it not be worth like,
not give a fuck about winning and losing.
So I was like, I should bet $10,000 on this.
I think I'm going to make this a go.
And in the end, I just wasn't that sure.
And I kept my money in my pocket.
Thank goodness, because what I knew to be true was not true.
Tyrone Woodley in his last four losses has had this same problem.
Kyle and I have joked
he's been loading up that right hand for like 25 rounds now and when he finally throws it it's
going to be a nuclear event uh like i watched him fight and even in the first round i'm like
oh right this is why he's on a four fight losing streak this is why he's on a four-fight losing streak. This is why he's out of the UFC.
He's just hesitant. He's not throwing. He's waiting and waiting.
It's a little longer.
He's just waiting for this perfect opportunity to throw a punch.
Meanwhile, the other guy doesn't give it to him.
He keeps moving around. He keeps throwing his own punches.
It's like he's waiting for a mailed invitation to actually throw a punch his nickname is the chosen one but the internet calls him two things
the frozen one and tyke will right a nike will play because he puts you to sleep uh but not in
a good way because usually because he bores you and uh i as soon as i saw saw a round or two in, I'm like, oh, my God.
I am so glad I didn't bet on this guy because he's not fighting back.
It's embarrassing.
The whole MMA community is slightly embarrassed today.
They were after the fight.
I saw so many memes where it's like the whole MMA community right now.
And they're all like holding him
up on their shoulders like before the
fight and I'm just like
ooh
we're laying a lot on the shoulders of a man
who hasn't thrown a punch in years
I don't know what
like either he
has an injury we don't know about in which case
he should disclose it so that we
don't rag on him anymore case he should disclose it so that we don't rag
on him anymore because tyron if you have like a degenerative brain disorder or something like that
it's too bad shoulders can't throw a punch or something like that like if you literally have
had both your shoulders rebuilt like poorly then like man you're fighting well for a guy with parkinson's you know like
you're for a guy i mean maybe you should compete against other athletes with parkinson's maybe
michael jake fox wants to mix it up in the ring like like who knows you could probably dig up
muhammad ali yeah yeah you could take you could definitely take the corpse of muhammad ali
um and i mean you you both have like very similar punch counts at the end of it.
Frankly,
it's waiting for an opportunity to throw a punch against the corpse.
Yeah.
I'm not ready yet.
I'm timing better first.
I was so sure that Tyron was going to win.
And in the end,
maybe it's,
they asked Jake Paul why he chose him.
He's like,
Oh,
a couple of things.
I think he's incredibly overrated. He's really you know he's street so um you know he's going to help
me hype the fight he's going to get legitimately angry and stuff and he did that and uh he's like
you know he's got that big booty but what he's saying is that he's like carved out of marble
if you look at tyrone woodley he has one of the best physiques to have ever competed in the UFC.
He looks good.
And those are the reasons that Jake Paul chose him.
And in the end, Jake Paul looks like a genius to me.
They did hype the fight well.
They did make millions and millions.
He did come out like he was carved out of stone,
or marble I meant to say.
And he was overrated.
Everything Jake Paul said was true.
It's embarrassing.
It's embarrassing.
And I was reading this morning, or yesterday morning,
while I was in traffic getting to my dad's place.
Like on the UFC subreddit, the MMA subreddit,
and people being like,
You're reading in traffic? Yeah. I choose to believe on the motorcycle, but carry on.
It's stop and go.
It's silly traffic.
This has set us back decades.
The casual fan that we've been trying to explain for years
that we are a sport full of actual ninjas and actual action stars.
Like now they're like, I don't know, maybe Chuck Norris could beat up John Jones.
I mean, yeah, maybe Bruce Lee would be the champion of the UFC.
Like it's hard to refute them now.
bruce lee would be the champion of the ufc like it's hard to go it's hard to refute them now now it's hard to refute them because a youtuber has beaten up two former mma champions like like
a you like like he he wiped the floor jake paul or with um ben askren former like champion a guy
who had like an incredible record then he wipes the floor with Tyron Woodley. Another, not just a flash in the pan champion, but a guy who KO'd Robbie Lawler.
A guy who was the champ for years.
I remember when Tyron Woodley was the champ and being like,
there's nobody out there that can beat him.
After he beat Wonderboy the first time, as boring as it was,
I remember,
I think it was,
yeah,
or maybe it was when he won it the second time or somewhere around that
timeline.
I remember like saying on the show being like,
there's nobody in the division who can beat Tyron Woodley.
There's no one out there who can deal with his like style because he's so
hard to deal with.
He's so hard to deal with.
And then if you do try to challenge him and get wild and force him to act, his style because he's so hard to deal with. He's so hard to deal with.
And then if you do try to challenge him and get wild and force him to act,
he's just so big and strong and talented.
There's no one who can fuck with Tyron Woodley.
And here we are four years later, not a long period of time,
and nothing happened to the man.
He didn't have some crisis in his life. His wife didn't pass away from terrible circumstances.
And it's like, oh, no, he didn't have a car accident where it's like, oh, will he ever return?
He didn't get KO'd and beaten where maybe there's a little bit of mental thing going on.
And also there's this – like Tony Ferguson seemed to fall apart at one point.
That didn't happen it was just
one night one day tyron woodley was no longer there in paragliding there's this concept of a
fear injury where you know like maybe you had to throw your reserve i think it happened to me
at some level and uh afterwards like you're fine there's nothing you landed fine but now you see
the whole thing a little differently you're a
little little nervous you're you just don't you never get into that like flow state where everything
works properly for you you have a fear injury and that's how i see tyron i think kamaru uzman
i'm pretty sure i got that right you did um just like wrestle fucked him he was a stronger guy he
was better at being tyrant than tyrant was
and ever since then he's been loading up a punch for 25 rounds now shit he just fought eight rounds
and what 33 rounds now he's been loading up that punch he's so afraid to throw and like like
against a guy who can't hurt him it he just made so much sense for him to like turn loose and like
do something but i don't But I don't know.
I don't know.
It's embarrassing.
It's very embarrassing.
But not as embarrassing as what I'm going to do to Diego the Nightmare Sanchez.
If he ever pulls that dick out of his ass, wipes that dirty shit off his chest, and steps in the ring with me.
Yes.
The Dirty Sanchez has no chance.
We're going to have fun with this if you guys help me.
We can literally troll this professional athlete to the point where it'll be hilarious.
He'll eventually actually get mad.
Yes.
It's not a very safe thing to do, but you should be okay over the internet.
What's he going to do?
What's he going to do?
See you someday.
Let the professional athlete assault me in public i would
i would love that like i see where you're going with john jones want to come attack me as well
bring it you need to pick on wealthier fighters i'll take i know right
fucking connor mcgregor lately yes now you're talking connor mcgregor must be easy to provoke
he'll hit you if any professional athletes want to like randomly assault me in public in front
of witnesses and cameras fucking bring it i'll fucking headbutt your fist i'd love that i'd love
that first of all the lawsuit would be hilarious for the show but second of all i'll take your
free money that you fought for right you trade so hard to get you spent yeah
all those years you toiled away for eight to show and eight to win yeah a grand this is yeah uh
all right should we call it a wrap i think we should sorry a little short voice it's my fault
uh it's it's uh i'm literally going to buy an alarm clock i will never be late again it'll be
impossible yeah uh for people don't understand we have two hangouts tonight so we have to be on I'm literally going to buy an alarm clock. I will never be late again. It'll be impossible.
Yeah.
For people who don't understand, we have two hangouts tonight.
So we have to be on time for those.
So, all right.
PKN 360.