Painkiller Already - PKN #37

Episode Date: May 7, 2015

In this weeks episode of PKN..... TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES........

All right, I think that we're live. We're using OBS this time, so I'm kind of getting used to stuff, and I'm just hoping I didn't screw it up. We'll find out. Well, welcome to the show, I suppose. We were just talking about- 37. That's kind of a cool- Oh, you know, I haven't done a bad joke in a while.

Should we go into the bad joke? I feel like we ruined our pre-show flow. Let's see. Oh, that's why. I think I might have used that, but I moved you. There's no camera control. All right. Bad joke, super fast.

I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the sidewalk. Well, I think she was poor. She only had $1.20 in her purse. That's pretty good. Alright, so dude, I have a lot to talk about. You have something to talk about? Do you want to lead?

We were just talking about internet videos and how every time you do something cool in real life, or in our cases sometimes, even in our own internet videos videos it's easy for someone to point out ah but look at this let me show you let me show you the guy who really can do it well as if you didn't just accomplish something amazing when in fact the deal is the internet is the entire fucking globe it's billions of people connected to one central hub so

the the amassed uh video collection that's there you can't you can't use that to judge what's cool. Kyle showed me. That one in a billion chance that happens. I just did this to Kyle. He was playing paintball with a pistol. So how many rounds are in that pistol? Eight. Eight.

How many kills did you get? Four. Four. Freaking amazing, right? And I'm like, hey, I think you might like this other video. I wasn't trying to top him or anything. I was like, I think you might like this. No, I appreciated it.

And he did. This guy got seven kills, but it was airsoft. But it's a similar kind of thing. And, but you were saying, Paul Bunyan? Yeah. Oh, exactly. Yeah. Like, back in, I feel like all those, like, those folk heroes and stuff like that.

Guys like Davy Crockett Daniel Boone even John Henry Who was a real guy and legends of people like you know Pecos bill and shit like that? They're all based on people who weren't all that cool after all they were just kind of cool They would have had a YouTube channel, but it would have been that big like They had 300,000 subs and you know they'd have been a bit of a youtuber But they wouldn't have been that they would have been Pootie Pie or anything. It wouldn't have worked out like that. I feel like if everyone had been connected back in the Wild West,

then maybe some of the people who grabbed those claims of fame, and not just the Wild West, all human history, all the old heroes and legends we have. They didn't have to deal with people topping them. That was the beauty of their thing. If I was like,

Kyle, I've gotten pretty good at chopping down trees. I can chop like a tree a minute all day be like well paul bunion's 30 feet tall and he drops down six trees per stroke and he's got this blue ox you might think a tree a minute is cool but i saw this guy on youtube who's better Well, in any case, I did play paintball this weekend. I guess I should mention that. I played at a place called, shit, Doris Paintball or something. It doesn't matter. You don't want to go there.

Okay, so let me just say this. I don't want to come off racist. You don't want to go there. Okay, go on. Let's listen. I don't want to come off as racist at all. But normally speaking uh paintball seems much like a sport like sports like lacrosse and hockey it's predominantly white guys playing it

uh when we did our event there weren't very many black guys there i mean there were maybe one or two and and i talked to him and hung out with them they're very cool guys but there just weren't many black guys there was a guy who said that i was talking about my hair and he's like that's not for you you don't get squared up it's not for you anyway carry on so um I went to this place it was raining Saturday uh early in the morning when I left to play paintball so I wanted to find a place that was indoors uh so at the last minute I switched to this other field I'd never been to before and it's in the ghetto. It really is. It's in a predominantly black area, really run down and kind of scary.

All the gas stations are like covered in bars and stuff. It's a really scary area. But then there's this paintball field there. And they've got sort of an indoor like arena football league type setup. And then they've got a couple of outdoor fields that weren't very nice, to be honest. And they were pretty expensive, too. But they were, I I wouldn't say 85% of the players there were black and I'd never seen that before I just didn't know there were black people who play paintball like that so I played there all day and had a good time I'm surprised too it would be much like

showing up at the hockey rink and seeing that everyone was black yeah yeah yeah even the hockey rink in a black area you would think it's white people there yeah you're like yeah there's it doesn't make sense it just doesn't seem like there are that many black people interested in hockey and i thought paintball was the same thing i thought wolf was like the anomaly yeah yeah i forgot what was black but but he's like the only black person i've ever met who's really into it and especially that like owns their own equipment and stuff but there were lots

I made friends with a black guy there we're going to meet up next week and go somewhere and play yeah see he's not racist he's friends with a black guy I have a black dog I'm not racist he plays with two pistols but he's got them connected to a tank on his back so he doesn't run out of air and he's got like mags stuck all over him

so he's a cool guy anyway it was a really shitty field though i'm not going back there i need youtube advice and uh i i guess i'm going to share the behind the scenes here's the deal um so i have a sponsor in gamma everyone knows that and they would like me to do a video that has a better chance of going viral this time. They're like, we'd like you to shoot something. And I'm like, all right. And they're like, do you still have access to cool rifles and stuff? And it's like, yeah.

I've even got that.50 cal I've never used in a video. And then the idea that they kind of settled on is that they want me to put like explosives i guess in this they have a new flavor i think it's called like orange blood or something like that and they want to like throw that in the air shoot it make it explode a couple challenges with that one um will a shotgun explode like the red dot that i have you You don't want to use that. I feel like you put me in a jam because I have to answer this in front of a lot of people, but you can't shoot those explosives for this video.

Because? Legally speaking, that's commercial explosive use. I hear you. And I just told you that what you're doing is illegal in front of a bunch of people i don't even listen to you okay well all right so there's that all right now if i feel like they're asking for an fps russia style video right one with some cuts that has

like a little dialogue that maybe you've semi like bullet pointed out in advance and they want it up on thursday and today's tuesday no wait is today wednesday today i'm double checking today is tuesday today's tuesday yeah why such short notice because they're running a sale like thursday through sunday that's not very fair to you um That's kind of what I'm thinking. Are they compensating you for the rushed nature of this video? I am, I mean, I don't think there's any need for me to hide this. I'm paid monthly by them and the deal is that, I think the deal is I make a video a month for them, which I've already done, but I didn't think like I pimped it very hard I was gonna you know maybe do a second one or something just to make

sure that they're happy customers and but like so if we're gonna make it all right so I I guess I don't like that it's that that rushed on light light I'm worried that is speaking rush to and you know also I I'm not like you I don't know like I kid't i was gonna ask you like hey if i were to throw this stuff up in the air and shoot it i'm not sure like i don't have enough like skeet experience to know where this stuff lands okay so throwing it up's a bad idea all right there's a lot there's a lot of things i want to say at once all right so first of all i wouldn't use that red dot for the video. I think we should use something

more with incendiary ammo and spray paint or something. We'll still get fireballs and stuff and it'll get incinerated maybe and there could be some secondary explosions with even just regular fireworks. We could do something cool, especially with a high speed camera. I don't know if there's a lot of sugar in the product and then it gets

hit with an exploding spray paint can and a flare maybe the sugar does something cool i'm gonna i'm brainstorming right now um as far as like your idea of throwing the red dot up in the or the um the the 22 explosive binary up in the air uh and you know maybe with it like placed inside of the product and then blowing them both up or i was thinking of replacing the product with explosives that might be like that might have a higher success rate because we found that um like if you shoot that the like binary compound it doesn't explode 100 of the time like when i was at your house if you shoot it through a toilet sometimes it maybe

doesn't have enough momentum after it pierces the porcelain because I know some of those will hit. I don't know how time affects explosives and specifically the kind that you have. I was doing a little research on that yesterday actually, looking up a few different things. For the world, Kyle is great at this. There's no one better. This is why I'm

asking him. If the stuff you have is really, really good, it would go off if you stuck a match to it once it's mixed and and kill you it's it's it's pretty dangerous stuff um uh it will it'll go off the shotgun like no problem the problem with all right so first of all if you throw it up in the air and try to shoot it i'm worried i'm not worried that you would miss it repeatedly because that's not a big deal you just keep doing it until you get it wouldn't go off with birdshot though Probably it would it would go off with birdshot it would go up

It would go off with that pellet rifle that I told you would wound the bird Hit it hard on a test that but go ahead with him. I've hit it with a hammer I've put small amounts of this stuff on an anvil and hit it and it's like a snap cap It's it's a pop and you smell it. Okay. It's dangerous stuff. What was I getting at? Oh, my worry would be that you would, you know, you're throwing this stuff up repeatedly, shooting at it, trying to hit it and maybe you don't do your throw right because the throw is more important than the shooting part and if it's too close to you, I mean, you could blow your eardrums out. You could

hurt yourself. When it's up in the air and it goes off, it's so much louder. So the neighbor, you know, do you remember when we did the watermelon shoot? The size of the container that held the binary compound, this is the white one, the bigger one. Yes. The G fuel size that I get is bigger than that which presents me with two options either using what i consider to be a massive amount of explosives right i do as well yeah it's 20 it's about 20 times more powerful through my personal estimation and what i've talked to people who are chemists it's about 20 times more powerful. So if you've got a pound of it, it's like 20 pounds of Tannerite,

and it burns more efficiently. So think of it like a real world. Sometimes it being super powerful is cool, if that's what you want. In this case, where I just want something to go boom in the air. You want it to pop. Yeah, I want it to pop in in the air like it's up yeah I want it to pop in my dreams it you know it's visually interesting you know that like that's a thing and when that's about it really you know that's all I'm looking

for so on this red dot I have the reason I mentioned the size of the canister is I'm afraid it'll be packed in there too loosely, right? Like I'm pretty sure. You could use a buffer. You would do something like you would take a bag of sand and put it in there on top of, you know, as a small amount, like so that only the bottom of the container would be the part you'd hit. But once again, I don't think that's the way to go for your video in particular. I think what you want to do is it depends what

you want visually speaking like like if you if you're going to be like this is gamma labs it really gets you it really gives you a boost with their and uh mine has some special ingredients in it then you know shoot it and it fucking explodes everywhere and maybe you could i i i if i were doing it i would want to make a commercial about how how it really gets you amped up and do some close-ups with crazy eyes. When you're on gamma, sometimes you don't know what you're doing. Like running around the house cleaning and stuff like you're on crack. That's my idea of a funny gamma commercial. But if you want to get pyrotechnical with it, I enjoy that too.

I would just do it with... I like that idea, actually. I have another video that's too. I would just do it with... I like that idea actually. I have another video that's shot. I would just... So I did a day in the life of Woody. It was yesterday. And basically like I woke up in the morning and filmed myself taking Hope to school. A news crew came by to the new house and they interviewed me for a while. So I kind of like got right before and after that I called him leaving the driveway. And, and then after that, like I have a bunch of debris and I had to burn that. I pulled it off the side and I think we mowed and we had dinner

and then I live streamed and I just kind of did like, you know, like what it's like to be me for a day. And I picked an interesting day, but, but yeah, you know, and I was like, what if I just did like a mid roll in that thing and pimped it and said, look, guys, you're looking for a pyrotechnic explosive video on one day's notice? I can't be set up. So you'd be filming tomorrow? Yeah, and I haven't really even talked to Jackie or anything yet to see if she'd be.

Where would you film it, at your place? Again, so one of the things I was going to ask you, like, if I shoot birdshot in the air, like, I don't want to share it, like, my Google Maps on screen. Yeah, I'm kind of aware of your situation. Yeah, it could rain down on people a little. It's not the sort of thing that would... Nah, I wouldn't worry about that.

You could find a direction that would be safe to do this. Yeah, like, here, I'm linking you in the chat. Sorry, world, that you can't see the visual that goes with this, but I'm just trying not to dox myself too easily. It's okay. It's just Woody. I'm just looking at Woody's backyard here. So if you look to the north, there's two houses there. But, you know, if you're not an idiot about it

and maybe shoot to the northeast, there's a whole lot of just... Yeah, you know, if you're not an idiot about it and maybe shoot to the northeast, there's a whole lot of just... Yeah, you're perfectly fine. You could shoot rifles into that if I'm being honest. But I'm shooting in the air, right? I don't want it to land on the highway over there or anything. I don't even... Let's see.

No, it won't even shoot that far. It won't even shoot that far. That's the kind of advice I need. I don't really know where it's going to land or what the scoop is. At a 45-degree angle, it's a couple hundred yards, 200 yards, 300 yards maybe. The birdshot really runs out of inertia fast. If you had it leveled, it might be hitting something with some oomph. But at that range, if it were to make it to that way

and it's not you said a couple hundred yards because that's a mile it would be so spread out i just i'm using google maps i used to make it a mile away so so yeah it wouldn't go that far not at all you can shoot yeah like you that's what i was saying i would you could shoot rifles into these woods not at an angle like not over the woods but into the woods yeah again i'm pretty sure a mile but if you know maybe you don't but i am tempted to be like look you know if you want an explosive video or something i can do that for you i'm happy I'm happy to. But I couldn't get it done with a one-day turnaround. How about this?

Look, they need more budget for an explosive video. I would pitch them a bigger video that's maybe a month's worth of pay for one single video in addition to your regular month. And they would wrap a car with Gamma Lab shit. And maybe you

film it over at my place and invest a few hundred would skin they would like wrap a car with gamma lab shit and you know maybe you like do like a film it over at my place and and invest a few hundred dollars in like a bunch of uh fencing like that fencing that i shot my i haven't uploaded that video yet you could for uh for 500 bucks we could get you a car for another 500 we could have like uh 10 um 10 rows of fencing like that picket fence like like you know you put in backyards you could have 10 picket fences in a row and you just crashing through them one after another like crashing through gamma labs banners or you could even wrap the car with a gamma labs wrap and then at the end we could

we could you know blow up the car with with gamma labs containers I think that's I think so I'm gonna do I'll call them and I'll be like look you know like I I tried to make that happen I talked to my guy my dogs walking in oh hey just passing through I hate him yeah I'll just tell him like hey look man I and I talked to my guy. We tried to make it happen. It just wasn't a thing. But let's go next level. Let's put forward like $1K in expenses.

We'll get ourselves a car. You're going to get me tons of stuff. We'll get some Gamma t-shirts and swag. And, you know, heck, we can bundle it with a giveaway. I don't care. We'll do something grand next month um but we if you wanted something grand this month you needed to say it with more than a day's notice yeah i i think that's fair for enough all right so if i were doing this and i were like naming a production budget for for the the video i'm about to pitch

to you i would say it would cost about and to you, I would say it would cost about, and not just in production, I think it would cost about maybe $2,000 worth of cost and then you're going to want to make a few thousand too. But what if you did a video where you were talking about how you're sitting there and you're like, I used to have a hard time with're sitting there and you're like i used to have a hard time the daily grind getting all the things that i need to get done in one day family wife children running my own small business just didn't have enough time but with gamma labs and it shows you like you know chugging down some gamma labs i get from point a to point b really fast and maybe show you like driving you're driving your truck a little aggressively like on the roads and then every now and then we cut to a no you'll be driving the car the the junk car that we've gotten you'd be driving that like to work maybe some close-ups with some crazy eyes

real shifty and then every now and then we make it look like you're crashing through a backyard and we just film it over at my place in a field you're just crashing through fences and stuff taking shortcuts like running over trash cans and then exploding everywhere like maybe at the end we could even make it look like you just you could drive through a building we could build you a building for a thousand you could just drive through a house there's a lot of things that you that we could do it'd be fun this sound this is the pitch yeah i'm gonna i'm gonna come back to him with that i appreciate your advice i uh and i just, like I, I kind of. They're asking too much of you and too little time.

It's the time in particular, you know, like I want to keep them happy and stuff. And I, I, I, I'm putting this kind of out there. They're like, what are you not really ringing the register this month? And I was like, that is entirely unfair. And I'll tell you why you measure me by my coupon code, right? I don't get paid by the coupon code. I get paid monthly. But they've asked me to promote every coupon code but mine. Like, hey, there's a 40% off. Tell people about this. Hey, there's a new thing. Tell people about that. And it's like everything I've said has not been based on how you measure me. You might think that

that sale just did well without me. And maybe it know, maybe it would have, but, um, you know, you're, you're, you're not properly measuring my impact on your business because you're not using my coupon code. Fair enough. Well, we're doing a shoot in, um, maybe 10 or 14 days or something like that. I'm doing some body armor stuff and then I'll probably squeeze in another thing or two and we can just make it a two day shoot. if you want like cameraman and sound guy and all that. I could arrange for that to happen. Let's talk about that. To talk budget. Of course, free to use my own equipment but then it's just the two of us figuring everything out. Yeah. I was going to say, we could get Chad and Eric for, it's expensive, but we could

get them for a day. And then you, it's a lot. It's really nice when you don't have to worry about if everything's in focus, if the timing's right on the high speed, if batteries and such. When you're right in the middle of trying to figure out how to tweak this thing that you thought was going to work or when all the toilets, for whatever reason, fall over and you're over there trying to hang them, you don't want to be worrying about your battery pack and your lab mic and all that. It's nice to have a guy there. And then we can devote our energy to

getting the car, setting up fences, you know, the things that I do that I do that we can advance for you. To be honest, I just get, you know, I just get some some Jeremy style labor involved and just charge you 50 bucks or something oh speaking i got i got a little jeremy news if you want it he's getting married you know i do wait the nuptials are upcoming yes wow are you invited to the wedding no you're not no i have not gotten my in persona non grata wow i am so so i went uh went over to my dad's place and my cousin was there, and we're sitting there talking about paintball and stuff.

I'm trying to get him to go with me so that I have some backup. When's Joe's wedding? What's that? I need to schedule around Joe's wedding. When's Joe's wedding? May 26th or 28th, something like that. I need to send my RSVP or whatever back to him. Me too.

I started to be like hey joe i'll take the chicken but i was like why would i give him some more shit to worry about let's go through proper channels here so um uh in any case jeremy's getting married so i'm talking to talking to my cousin and he's like uh do you hear jeremy's getting wet getting married you get an invite and i was like no i didn't didn't. I was like, I guess you did. He's like, yeah, I got mine. And he's like, he asked me if I'd be his best man. And I told him I would.

And he called me the other night and he asked me what my shirt size was. And I told him my shirt size. I said, well, what are we wearing? And he sent it to me. We're wearing these black button-up cowboy western shirts chokers cowboy boots and cowboy hats and he needs to borrow my cowboy hat so scott's gonna be uh one of the three amigos i guess or something like that i i'm i'm pretty glad that i wasn't invited to the wedding, to be honest.

It's nothing personal. It's just no need for me to be there at all. My wedding was fun. You'd have had a good time. My father hates weddings, hates them. Never enjoyed a whole wedding in his life except mine. And that includes my brothers. My wedding was a blast. We had a good DJ and we had good wedding attendees and it was just a party. It was a good time. Are we allowed to... I guess, yeah, I guess it's... No, never mind.

Allowed? I lost my train of thought. Okay, I wonder. I didn't want to say something. What's that? I decided I didn't want to say... That's what I was like, did he lose his train of thought? Or think better of something?

What I was going to ask is if we're allowed to bring dates to this wedding and then I realized that no no it's there wasn't a plus one thing or anything so I shouldn't do that I got a plus one you're bringing someone with you you're bringing Jackie I don't think so I need a plus three or plus zero those are my things oh you get a plus one what's that i i got a plus one so jackie and i i guess we're invited maybe because i'm married and that makes sense yeah it would be weirder to not invite my wife than to not invite your plus one so uh because i hadn't decided who mine was yet so um uh what was i gonna say so that's probably why but the thing is colin is it this i i don't know if we've really talked about this in public much

but um we did an airsoft event like a year and a half ago here let me shut my door i'm gonna get myself in trouble i like this new angle, by the way. Oh, yeah. I guess I'll circle back to that thing in a second. So where I was previously was right there on that wall. And there's two windows on either side of my monitors here. And the window was shining at me on the side. And the sun sets there.

And it was like, oh, my God. So I could either do really, really dark window treatments that like totally blocked out that problem. Or I could do regular window treatments where the sun sort of glows through them and then not have a month, not have the window shining on me. And that's the option I went with. So,

but I don't have window treatments at all yet, which is why it's still echoey. I'll try and get that sorted soon, but we've got a lot of stuff to get sorted anyway. Minor. so we went to an airsoft event like a year and a half ago and uh the whole crew came jackie colin hope and i and one of the mornings i guess in the end you'll find that i think it was both jackie and my fault but one of the mornings jackie said she was going to go downstairs and get coffee and then we're at a right? So she's going to go down to like the whatever continental breakfast area type thing and get coffee. And she didn't bring her phone and she was gone for like,

I don't want to exaggerate, but it was like an hour, hour and a half, like a really long time. And, uh, I started getting worried, like really worried. Like I'm like, I don't know what to do. I've got Colin with me and there's only like so much dragging him around I wanted to do. He wasn't dressed or anything, like he was in pajamas. And I'm like calling her and that's not working. So I'm like calling Hope

and I guess Jackie and maybe Heather had gone. I don't know where the hell she was, but she was missing. And we're in California and we're in a hotel. And to say I'm freaking out overstates it, but I was concerned. No, I know the feeling. I've been, quickly, I was in a movie theater once

with a girlfriend and one of her friends. Can you hear me? Mic check. Yeah, one, two, three. Hello? Really? It just stopped hmm mic check mic check I'm gonna play some other sound source to see if it's me me ah it's it must be my fault what did I do it must have been related to that walk did I pull something out say something say something wait you can't hear me either Say something?

Say something? Wait, you can't hear me either? Oh, he can't hear. Wait, I wrote, I can't hear you. Can you hear me? God, this is greatest show on earth. He's reading it. Come on.

That was story time. I wish he'd tell me if he could hear me. That would help me troubleshoot he's not typing so I'll ask him again oh wait he says he can't hear me. Alright. Okay, okay. He can't hear me and I can't hear him. Well done. Can you say something again? He can't hear me?

Mic check, mic check. So, you can't hear me? Mic check, mic check. Did you hear that? Nothing. Mic check, mic check. Can you hear me? See, I should... Can you say something?

He's not saying anything. All right. Now there's trouble with the call. Is he going to reboot? This makes me sad. I have a feeling he's going to reboot because just a minute ago he had issues and he solved it by rebooting so so that's that may be his go-to move I don't know I want to say that the problem was my fault but I don't see how closing the door could have broke it yeah and I I can tell from OBS that it's recording me

so that much is good and when I play this song I've been listening to lately. This is my favorite part. part that's it yeah the scar hit his mom for real dog you fucking with the God now I need to yeah maybe like the it goes quiet see that this in the jungle the mighty jungle plays is like the backdrop to this Whole thing and then it goes quiet and you focus and it's you're fucking with the God now And then he saw scar with his mom so Robbie looking hello one hidden symbol of Donna's star did it like a dog? Yeah, the heart with his palm for real dog. Are you fucking with the God now long growl, pimpin' handle business like a boss now Tossed down, talkin' shit to Simba about to cost clowns Scar'd tell the youngin' that he killed his pops though

For real, motherfucker, he revealed his hots, bro And clocked on that motherfuckin' sucker with a cross Rocked uncle with a couple, then he sunk him with a toss He don't play that shit Brothers in lacrosse, real talk The dogs done finished him off And pride right was that where it started? At the meals backfield pack with the hardest cats for real jack the animals is feeling that the real is back And I just picked the realest rat you know

Simba must have hit a hella freaky gotta keep it PG, but you see Rafiki with the peewee baby dab Alright, so Kyle thinks he's having internet issues. I'm going to call him and see what we get here. All right. Come on, baby. He doesn't seem to have answered yet. Well, while I wait for Kyle, I'm going to finish the story with you guys, just in case the show has to end early like this. I'm trying to look.

Oh, it's only 33 minutes. yeah so Jackie left I got really concerned I think Collins saw me concerned that Jackie was lost like that's that's the term he uses and ever since then it's been over a year now he's been really bad about being left alone especially if we're outside like a comfort zone, like the house. So, um, uh, the idea of like Jackie and I leaving Colin with hope while we go out to Joe's wedding while staying at a hotel, um, that would not go over well, Colin would really suffer. So what's more likely to happen is that I fly up there on my own and uh and you know hang out with yeah hang out with the guys and do the thing and Joe's wedding and have a party and it'd be awesome

but Jackie will just stay home with the kids because uh um because that's where we are so anyway um Kyle is still unable to answer this call it appears that his internet is down, which used to happen a lot. We used to get this all the time, but it hasn't been happening this time. Quick note, we want to thank Squarespace for sponsoring us, squarespace.com slash pka. Those guys, their support means the world to us. And thank you to them for that.

It's a very cool thing. So if you're going to build a website, that's the choice that you go with. So squarespace.com slash pka. Check them out. And I hope that you guys enjoyed this shortened show.