Painkiller Already - PKN 394

Episode Date: March 9, 2022

There we go. PKN 395. What's up, boys? How's it going? How was your weekend? Oh, pretty good. Pretty good. Yeah, it was we. It was real nice. It got up to like the mid 80s here over the weekend, which is pretty good. It was almost like we skipped the comfortable part of spring and went too hot. And then today it went back down to like 30, early 30. What is wrong with your state? It's the Midwest. You get caught from everything. And and so and like today i got home i had to run out and do some stuff this morning and i got back home and i'm like god it is fucking freezing in this house and because i had turned the cool on the couple days we had the 80s i'd forgotten about it and so i checked it was like

60 flat degrees in my house and i'm sitting there shivering like a retard. It was just nice every day here, Taylor. Try that out. It rained here the last two or three days. I like the rain, though. It keeps all those goddamn kids outside quiet. They can't get out there with their little motor scooters and they're hot, rotting around and bouncing their balls. Get off my lawn. I did tell them to get off my lawn. They were using it as a ramp. Wait, you have it as a ramp. Wait, wait. You have children using a ramp in front of your house?

Dude, I was like... Yes, you will. I'll be sure of it. And then one of them for Christmas got this pink electric car, like a little child-sized one. When I was a kid they had the jeeps

and they had like a i think they took like a a big battery like the size of your head but it was 1990 so still that thing went the electric motor could barely go uh it was just for putting around this thing scoots. She's like eight and she's signaling as she passes me. I'm like, I'm so scared to drive out of my like little community here because this little eight year old has like a Barbie dream car convertible that does 30 or something. And she,

and it's quiet as fuck because it's it. I don't know if it's that, I don't know. I don't know about that. That's pretty wild. Blown away in that picture. She said, it's not even moving. You can't know if it's that i don't know about that i don't know about that that's pretty wild blown away in that picture she's it's not even moving you can't see your passenger's hands no so child sex is there not a cul-de-sac for them to inhabit near you like when i was a kid it was kind of understood like even street hockey like you had to have a much bigger cul-de-sac for that or preferably the kind that didn't't have anything in the middle of it.

But it was understood. Yeah, when you fuck around, you have to go to the cul-de-sac. Otherwise, it's no-go land. For whatever reason, they seem to think that my place is the best place to be. I think they all just live really close, and they're just scooting around down there. I think there's some, I wouldn't say rich parents, but there's some parents that take care of their kids really well there,

which I get a problem with, but that means that everybody's got a scooter or a car or a hot, rodding around bike with the cards stuck in the spokes. They're loud out there. Were you too old to... Those kids with the cards in the spokes. They're the troublemakers.

They're Rapscallion dionte that's my version of dennis there's dionte the menace here dude i want to tell you about my weekends so i had big big plans right here's the deal jackie was watching the kids their parents went to puerto rico so i we had had this weekend lined up for a while. It's like, Woody, you should probably skip town. We're going to have these kids all day and night. Good idea.

So I pack up my paramotor, some tandem gear, some acro gear. I pack up a motorcycle and two electronic skateboards. And I was going to just go to the mountains and goof off and my friends were like dude you should come over so that's what i did they're in ashville north carolina which is near it's in the appalachian mountains and lots of fun stuff there cool the weather didn't work out we didn't fly once and my motorcycle broke on its first ride which was really disappointing yeah still though i had two skateboards and my other friend brought two so we were able to supply a married couple with them

and uh we went to a couple different parks and we buzzed around and her father owned an ice cream store so she went there and she made me a free sundae it's typically not woody diet but vacation calories they don't even count i'm pretty pretty sure. You had the hookup. The inside, the new flavors and everything. Yeah. So it was just fun to hang out with friends. And I had a blast. And we had perfect weather like every day.

So that was totally cool. We probably didn't eat edibles every night. Nice. Nice. Well, you slept well, that's for sure. Can you do tricks on your skateboard? Like kickflip or anything? People can, but I just cruise around. Okay. I have been on a skateboard once.

I was maybe 11, and my younger brother was one of those wearing vans, wanted to skateboard so bad. It was much... You know how weird that was? Different grades. You're only a couple years apart, but they'd have different interests on like bigger levels where it'd be like we were more we were more into hockey they were more into skateboarding or whatever and i remember being like this doesn't even look hard he's not even doing tricks and i like stepped on it on the

really like slick kind of concrete that you have in your drive or your garage. And I, I swear to God, like I thought I shattered my elbow when I stepped on it and I immediately shot out like into the street. I've slipped back all my weight on my elbow and I'm like, no, no, it's just that this is gay.

It's not that I can't. I normally dress in like shorts and vans when I ride, but this was a little more hardcore and I had my moto gear on. I have motorcycle pants and a motorcycle like a mesh jacket. And it was nice to know that if I fell, I'd be fine. I ended up not falling, but it wouldn't be uncharacteristic for me to bite it at least once. This reminded me of a cataclysmic crash I saw on campus at

Mizzou once. It was a guy on a bike. And you know how people would zoom throughout campus on college campuses because during the day, there's not a lot of cars. So they're whipping around the road and everything. And it was a very populated time of day at this circle where it's kind of at the the interchange of where you can buy lunch and a couple other large buildings and this guy is fucking flying like at a curb but he he he was planning clearly to pop up the wheel get that wheel above the curb then you just keep going right that's how you ride a bike this guy popped it i'll say two feet too early and came down onto the corner of it and like flipped forward and just like just ate shit and had to like this kid's probably like 18 19 years old and

so he has to like get up and do the like oh i'm i'm more annoyed than i am like grievously injured there's like there's like there's there's college girls around you you know you don't want to look like a huge asshole people are laughing then you have to walk your now destroyed front wheeled bike like your glass it was like oh my god i never i just left five minutes early i I walked. I'm not going to risk that. When that happens, I try to keep in mind the delta between how I feel like people are feeling about me and how I would feel about someone else. If you crash on your bike, whatever. I don't assume this is a normal ride for you. I don't assume that you're constantly crashing on your bike, that you have no cycling talent.

Something went wrong. It could happen to any of us. And I just want to make sure you're okay. And I'm not judging you harshly. that you have no cycling talent with something went wrong it could happen to any of us and i'm just want to make sure you're okay and and i'm not judging you harshly but if it were me it's like everybody thinks i'm stupid everyone hates me now i fell on my bicycle i'll never be able to go to the transfer schools in 12 years someone's going to talk about this on their podcast. And it also, I feel like it was worse being around college kids. You're all insecure as can be.

You're trying to read social cues from other people on how to appropriately respond to things, so you're in the in crowd. But if that were to happen in front of a bunch of adults, some kid just eats shit, you're right. They'd be like, oh my god! Are you alright? And the kid would probably get more embarrassed from that. like adults some kid just eat shit you're right they'd be like oh my god like are you all right

and the kid would probably get more embarrassed from that like yeah yeah trying to get tougher i'm gonna join the army fight russia you know what happened to me so i rode a motorcycle to college and it seemed like two or three times a week when i came back to that motorcycle it was a cheap thing that it was knocked over and to this day i don't know why were people targeting me was there someone who hated me so much that they vandalized my vehicle twice a week or is it just if you park a motorcycle in a college lot some asshole that's what it is mess with it zt um my friend uh who lives down here in athens which is a big college town obviously uh he's had his pushed over a couple times and like he's even got the gun camera because he's parked it's parked in an um you know like a underground garage or maybe a multi-level

garage system whatever okay and he works there so he has access to the cameras it's like oh and here's the douchebag and the guy just comes up and kicks his bike down and walks away. What a piece of shit. Yeah. And if people don't know motorcycles at all, some are almost meant to be knocked over. Like, I have a Supermoto. If you tip it, I would kick it over now just to show you what it's like. It's no big deal.

Other motorcycles, you knock them over. And now the turn signals are broken. There's some plastics that are scratched. The gas tank could be dented. It was in that category. It wasn't meant to be knocked over every day yeah same here yeah he's got the uh he's the suzuki um that i was looking at he's got that sv650 maybe something like that something like that yeah like a couple he's got the red and black one so yeah it fucks it up when you kick it over the mirrors break break off. The tank will dent. Living on a college campus as an adult sounds horrific.

I know because I have friends. Not close friends, but I caught up with them. They live and they stayed in Columbia where Mizzou is. It's a very large school. The whole city is Mizzou. They're talking.

I remember early 20s oh it's still fun man we still go out all that late 20s like now we're 30s like i gotta get out of here like yesterday it's it's rowdy all the time like the same way like i remember when i was like 10 the prospect of like being invited to a sleepover or being allowed to have a sleepover like with friends play pokemon go in the fuck around the woods whatever was like oh i'm this is awesome what am i gonna do as an adult when i when you can't have sleepovers anymore and then it was like ships passing in the night we're like one day you're like no i don't want people over at my house what are you talking about? Yeah.

It's like you're turning into a hermit. I'm like, I'm already here. Join me, baby. Join me. When I slept in the dorms, when I lived in college dorms, it seemed like there was a fire alarm getting pulled two or three times a week. It was a real thing. I stopped going outside.

They'd be in the hallways like, there's a $500 fine if you don't and i'm like you don't know i'm here fuck you go room to room you gotta keep a lot in fuck you no guys the sophomore who didn't want to move out into an apartment is running a really tight ship here and they're gonna have a list they're gonna turn over to the pd and it's like i never got caught. And I never left the room. At some point, you know it's not a big fire. Or even a fire. Why are they pulling the fire alarm?

Did some nurse not want to have sex with them or something? Probably just being shitheads. Being obnoxious. Dude, it could be anything. It could be like Taylor said, just absolutely shitheads pulling a fire alarm for no reason. Sometimes it was overcooked popcorn, shit like that.

You know what? I would say a higher percentage. I would not say we had two or three times a week. That's like getting to the point of you're going to lose your mind because of lack of sleep. But I would say it was more popcorn. I do know a girl that did something with ramen,

like not adding water or something like that when they microwaved it and starting a fire in there. So that could have done it. But even that, like I think immediately she was like, Oh, I'm an idiot. Instead of like,

well, let's let this pan out. Let's see if it works. Yeah. I think someone lit a wastebasket on fire. Maybe it melts. I don't know. It's melts. I don't know. It's ramen.

I don't know either. Did you? So what's it? I think it was last week or the week before when I when I wanted to bet that gas prices would go above five dollars a gallon average nationally. But then nobody could agree on how you figure that out, even though like there's like a thing on the news. So we just gave it up. But we're almost there. We're almost there.

It's like 470 or something get out nationally how sure are you because i just filled up for 417 zach says it's 389 here i was gonna finish and say that it's 470 a gallon here in atlanta um but i saw that's over five dollars on the coasts and uh i don't know what the national average currently is but it's gonna hit five it's gonna go over five i wouldn't bet against that now although i may have bet against it and i'll pay up if it comes to that i don't know what the national average currently is, but it's going to hit five. It's going to go over five. I wouldn't bet against that now, although I may have bet against it, and I'll pay up if it comes to that. I don't remember. We didn't make a bet. Nobody wanted to bet.

But there's always – I don't like it when they do that, when they find some random gas station in Hollywood charging $6.70 a gallon, and they act like that's representative of what gas prices are now. No, asshole. Get out of Hawaii and find some regular gas station and see what it truly is. It doesn't seem like there's any reason for those people to be exaggerating. It's going up enough

as it is. Just point out the amount it's going up. It's gone up tremendously and it's only going to go up more. Biden cut off all Russian imports today, I suppose. I was napping while the TV was on, Biden cut off all Russian imports today, I suppose. I was napping while the TV was on, but that's pretty sure that's what I heard. I saw that he was going to. I don't know if it's happened. I'm sorry I cut you off, but I'm not sure if that's the right move or not. When I heard that we were still buying oil from Russia, I'm like, why cut it off? When I heard we cut it off, I'm like, wait a minute.

The UK has promised to try to phase it out by the end of the year. It's March, UK. Jesus Christ. and the UK has promised to try to phase it out by the end of the year. The UK in particular. It's harsh, UK. Jesus Christ. It's a big percentage of their. It'll be forgotten. It's like either we turn out the lights or we figure things out. You guys pick, and they're like, we'll keep the lights.

So they're working on it. You love electricity. It's been a really interesting week because a lot of the weapons that were promised last week arrived this week and so I'm seeing these big shipments arriving and I'm seeing I'm noticing as I see the Ukrainian units I'm like oh they gave them some good

shit they gave that guy the good thing there's like three guys with AKs and this one guy's got like a fucking sniper rifle that's eight feet long with a big one some guy's got a metal detector like, the fuck? I used to always

feel bad for that guy in the toy soldier set. They're just like, throw that guy away. Do our listeners even know what we're talking about with the metal detector man? Green army fuck? I've seen, they've got so many different kinds of anti-tank weapon systems because every country in the world that's like not a douchebag or an African has decided to send like their old anti-tank shit.

Like the French, the Germans, everybody. So they've got like three different generations of the same anti-tank rifle. They're like laying there and the commenters on Reddit are like, those are from 71. Those are from 71 those are from 63 those were made for saudi tanks like all this nonsense i saw a guy today who had a goddamn panzer faust let me see if i can find so you can see what a fucking panzer faust looks like i was reading about russia not reading i watched a youtube video about russian logistics and apparently russia has a really really good railway system so they can get a lot of stuff to the edge of the ukraine

but from there it goes to trucks and they do not have a good roadway system so they haven't invested heavily in their trucks that's not how you move shit around russia anyway this creates a big problem and i'm watching on reddit they have like literally 35 year old dump trucks filled with people and materials and shit like that bringing stuff in from the edge of russia into deeper ukraine how it looks like so you're absolutely right about the train thing i've seen apparently that's a big part of while in the u.s we had the interstate system that was our big infrastructure thing. And everything is connected. In case those of you listening to this who don't know, one of the ugliest parts of America,

and it's the part that you'll be exposed to unless you dig deep when you visit our fair country, is the interstate highway system. Because at every exit of it, they copy-paste 13 different businesses. But that's how you get around the country. So you have to get off the interstate and then drive off onto some uh like state highways to get to any like oh this is george's best fried chicken like you know what i mean to see any folksy shit so that's our sort of defensive thing the idea of being like we can because you've got the two highways and then there's a median in between that median is for fucking tanks so we can get tanks from the midwest uh where they're being produced down to florida

where the cubans are coming from you know what i mean so the russians did this massive train thing because the invasion's always been coming from uh from europe or at least it has been since time and memoriam so they've got a fucking wild ass train system but i saw like the cia a cia guy mocking that he's like he's like they're bringing dump trucks on trains today uh anderson like we might see horses by the end of the week um the it's really fun to see all of the um you know the the good guys make fun of russia's military and because i think that that's the last thing that putin wants people to think of him is to see his military like to see the images of russian soldiers riding into battle in a dump truck and we are not making this up a civilian dump truck like that you would see like rock in and gravel and stuff yeah there's a bunch of ruskies in the back of it with ak's being

driven into battle right fucking now. And on the other end, there's a bunch of Ukrainians with American Javelin missile launchers just waiting. It's wild this week. I mentioned that because you brought up, like, I don't know my anti-tank weapons at all, but you're like, this one's

from 1962. I imagine it's just fine against a dump truck. Yeah. Oh, dump trucks can't handle I don't just fine against a dump truck. Yeah, oh, dump trucks can't handle a 2022 dump truck. You can take a dump truck out with a machine gun any year. Yeah, you hit the grill on those things.

They're going out. Just an AK. But the rockets they've got are wild. I put a link in there if you could see. The Panzerfaust, this thing, I didn't know this existed how old is that i have no idea i didn't i didn't know these look no no you haven't seen the warhead jesus fucking sergey's ready to take out the whole country it seems a bit much what is their hit rate on something like that i have no idea like if he fires that kyle let me let me rephrase the question if he fires 10 of those how many vehicles do you think you're taking so i don't

even know what the fuck that is but okay so there's a bunch of different ways that they work right some of them have those laser systems where you launch out the missile and then there's a guy like continuously like keeping the laser and on the target and the the rocket wants to ride that laser beam those are super duper effective i just don't see a miss much with those if the operator knows what he's doing the javelins they're reporting 280 kills out of 300 units is that what the javelin is and that's but you got to keep in mind that's just dumb old ukrainians who have never used one before because there's ukrainians they have no reason i don't i get unless a lot of them were civilians three weeks ago some of them were for sure right like like like they're 280 out of 300 was the reported number

the javelin though is the super smart thing that we looked up last week that's literally the best thing in the world from what i understand uh and it's it's shoot and forget so that fire and forget so they just it's it's a smart weapon that's like looking in there, there it is, there it is, yep there it is, there it is, and it's just doing its own thing, attacking from the top idiot proof, I saw them just like the one in COD the Russians are putting cages on top of their tanks to prevent against

the javelins, but they don't work because someone explained the javelin has two warheads, so the first one will just blow through the cage and the second one will blow through the top of the tank and the top of the tank is where all the ammo is. Well, it sounds like, what if they put two cages up there? No one's thought of the two-cage method. I saw a Reddit commenter.

He's like, the cage isn't to prevent strikes. It's to keep the crew in. It's only a second cage. I've seen so much Russian armor get taken out this week and uh they keep sending in more i saw that train did you see the train pass by like like so you know russians often have those cameras in their car so like they have the rail rate railway crossing footage of uh tanks Trains loaded down with tanks and armored vehicles and trains

loaded down with just civilian trucks. It's clear that they went somewhere and just requisitioned civilian vehicles from gravel companies. Fuck you. Anything that had six wheels or whatever and a big

engine, they just took it and they're shipping it to the front or in the ukraine at that at least that i assume isn't popular like there's probably people out of work now who are like you know what i'm not really for now or now there's people out of work i think the the rubles uh less what the the ruble is worth less than a penny. It's 126 rubles per dollar now. Dude, it's worth less than some in-game currencies. Oh, way less. You used to buy skins. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

If it were a crypto coin, you would not want to invest in it. You'd be like, ooh. You'd be like, I'm going to keep my money in Poo Poo Coin. Thank you very much. I'll take the surefire thing. No penny stocks for me. Yeah, it's wild what keep my money in Pupu coin. Thank you very much. I'll take the surefire thing. No penny stocks for me. Yeah, it's wild what they've accomplished in such a short time. But the Russians seem pretty resolved.

I think Putin's last offer is pretty good. If his starting point is we'll take the Crimea and you never join NATO, then it seems like he could be talked into something a little bit better than that and everybody could just agree, right? I thought they had Crimea, or they want it recognized. Yeah. They're like, admit that we own Crimea, promise to never join NATO. Oh, and

let us throw a president in there. in Crimea? They want Zelensky to remain president, or whatever he technically is. I don't know his title title, but they want to install also a minister of the foreign peoples. They just want to make him a figurehead, essentially.

Leave him there so the people will stick with the New Deal, but then have their own puppet there in power. So that's a no deal. But it's not miles away. It's not like he was like what did remember the speech, the Crows and gibbets speech when they show up at Saruman's tower? And he's like, Saruman is like, can't we take counsel together like we did in the old days? And he's like, when you've answered for the children who were hewn even as they fled against the gates of the Hornburg

and the burning of the Westfields. And he's just like, when you hang from gibbets for the sport of your own crows, then we can have counsel and sarmons. Crows at gibbets. And

that's kind of where we are right now. We're at crows and gibbets uh we're not at crows and gibbets yet like like i feel like there's somewhere to talk about there yeah i mean but zelinski's just hopefully they come to an agreement soon so they can stop the violence so i'm gonna make this prediction okay zelinski is currently one of the most popular most well-loved human beings on the planet and he's like a former actor he's very slick he's amazing um on camera he knows how to pull those heartstrings he shamed nato this week after they gave him like all that money he was just like you this blood is on your hands every one of you that

doesn't want to install my no flies on the blood is on your hands that's kind of ridiculous oh i love all of you who don't want to start world war three with russia are cowards he's already in world war three so i understand his standpoint so three is going to get a little more intense than this i watch some right i watch a lot of right-wing news and i'm watching them tear down zolinski i wonder if that will take effect yeah and it's like some bullshit stuff like zolinski has money in banks that are also known to do business with oligarchs and you know by that measure zolinski really is an oligarch and i'm like wait well you can do that to me like woody has retirement accounts with jp morgan through cisco osama bin laden also worked with j. Morgan. Do you seriously think that Woody's not connected to Osama bin Laden?

They use the same bank. The Nazis. Yeah, that's ridiculous. No, what I've seen from Zelensky is he is a master of social media and running this machine that needs to be ran right now. He is – I think it was the UN. They had a vote a week or two ago and, you know, it went really well in his favor, but they said that like he won over four or five votes

with the phone call before it. They said that, that, um, when he called in, he literally swayed four or five countries that were on the fence, which is just massive. He's, he's, he's, he's selling this thing well, and it needs to be sold because it's not a cheap thing that he's asking people to do for him. A million and a half refugees so far, hundreds of millions from multiple countries. Billions have flown in already in various kinds of aid. I hear his leadership described repeatedly as Churchillian. I didn't even know Churchill was that good a leader i hear him but apparently this guy is one of the best leaders that we've seen on the world stage

in ages he is are they setting him up for the fall because that always happens they always prop him up all he's got to do all he's got to do is like not be a nazi and and he can do whatever he wants so like i think what they want to do they they want him out. They want him out so bad. We do. The United States. When I say they, I always mean the United States because we're kind of running the state. The United States wants Zelensky out. This is our game. This is the United States game that's being played right now.

Just like Vietnam, you could say, was like Russia's little game that they were playing. This is great for us. So I think that they want Zelensky out of there as soon as possible, and they want him to run the guerrilla style insurgency

from out of country, over in Poland, right across the border where he can actually be in contact with them, but in safety. They want that, but he's refusing to do that. So he's just in his goddamned office. Did you

see the video he made? Yes, I did. Get out of your office! He's like, I'm not afraid. He's like, he's in his office and he shows out the window and... He's walking down the hallway. No, no, I saw it. There's an edit!

He's on his phone and he's just like, and I'm on this camera now. It's just like, oh my God. He wanted to show himself walking down the hallway of the building. Because Putin has this green screen thing. Because it's a good movie. We all saw the green screen thing with Putin, right? You know what I'm talking about when I say that?

I do not. No, I don't think so. Putin put out a video where he's sitting there with a bunch of college students or something. It's a bunch of hot-ass Russian chicks who are dressed professionally. And he's explaining why we've got this war and everything. And there's those European mic stands that you see at the UN. It's like a long, bendy metal thing with a tiny little microphone with a windsock on the end and a little red light on the edge of it. And so anyway, everybody's got one of those at the table, the long table he's sitting at they're going to them and everybody's sitting together no more of that 30

foot stuff and he's he's gesturing right he's he gestures a lot when he speaks and he's he does he does this gesture where it's sort of like forward and there's this up and down thing but he goes through the girl next to him's microphone because she ain't really there and near there's the fucking microphone and he's not really in this goddamn room and you just saw some fucking russian fakery because trump because he wants to appear like he's like casual at a group of people when really he's in a bunker somewhere who knows when he recorded this who knows where he even is it's fucking fake his hand goes through it like ghostbusters and i mean so zelinski is just like i'm walking down the hallway of the building that has my name out front on google earth like sitting down for a little meeting with you guys boys like

like it was it was pretty cool contrast is striking i saw none of the missiles made it in yesterday they're saying i think that someone has giving that giving them some more um equipment of some kind because they've managed to take down every single cruise missile yesterday. They got shot at Kiev. Did you hear that the boat that was taking out Snake Island and they told him to go fuck yourself?

Alright, we don't know if it's that boat. There's no way to know if it's that boat. I read it on Reddit. I'm done with you questioning my sources. Reddit isn't wrong like the majority of the time. They got the Boston Bombers. The majority of the time.

They got the Boston Bombers. Freedom don't come free. Yeah. There is some claim that they took out the boat. This is what Reddit says. It's Reddit. Keep in mind. They had a smaller patrol boat, maybe, that worked as bait. And it lured in this Corvette.

I don't know what a Corvette is. It's a type of ship, I guess. And they got the Corvette to go where they wanted it to go. And then they just bombarded it with artillery. And they sunk it. So they say. I watched the ship burning and smoking. Really?

The footage I saw was nighttime. Was yours also nighttime? No, it was like early morning dawn, maybe. The sky had that gray hazy thing, and the boats were at distance. They certainly weren't near the horizon. They were not in swimming range. Let's just say that. It looked like five miles out or something like that but you could see the boats

clearly from that far and uh it's burning the fuck up with the zoom lens you could like one of them was like fucked and there's one on either side of it and i was just wondering i was like how the fuck did they hit a boat like i know they don't have a navy the ukraine i saw a youtube video and like the flagship of the ukrainian navy was scuttled and it was like all right first of all ukraine doesn't have a navy second of all its flagship was this thing this like 75 foot long like canoe it was a metal like military at boat you know you'd recognize it's embarrassing to call it a flagship you don't you don't admit that that's your flagship.

Pretend you have a huge one off the coast of Japan. Yes. If only our Navy were here. We've just got the little engine that could. You guys have to pull it together. And the captain's like, actually, I already started sinking the boat, so the Russians can't get it. We're running, right?

Russians come across the boat. They're like, we could take it, but it's kind of shit. come across the boat they're like we could take it but it's kind of shit apparently they lured the russian ships boats into position with bait and then the artillerists would have already lined up to hit that spot and once they went to it they took them out so what i read so the u.s um is using all of their recon stuff to the promoting Russians. They were using those... I don't know everything about the US military, but I guess we've got this thing called a Skyhawk

or something drone. It's a drone that's as big as a real plane. It looks like it's 60 feet wide or something like that. They're like a quarter billion dollars each, and we're just zipping those back and forth across the border. And the same with the F-35s.

Is that just to deliver munitions? No, they're looking. It's to look into the hearts and souls of every Russian within like 100 kilometers. Is it helpful for a surveillance drone to be bigger? Maybe it's faster. It has a longer range. I think that one has more equipment. It goes so high they can't shoot it down and it flies fast.

I think it's really high. Although, I didn't know this. We have missiles that shoot down satellites from our boats. Wait, we can shoot down satellites? We did it like three years ago. Here's the deal. We had this I didn't know we could do that. If you Google this, you might find

the cover story that we used at the time. We've later admitted to the truth because I think they said, oh, we're decommissioning a satellite, an old one. In reality, we had lost control, I think, of an expensive $18 billion spy satellite. It had hydrazine fuel in it. Do you know what that is? No, I've never even heard that word before. It's this avionics fuel. It's used, I think, a lot in fighter planes.

You still say fighter planes, avionics fuel. Yeah, yeah. I mentioned it because a lot of people know it because it's so horrifically dangerous if it's inhaled. There's like a thousand-gallon tank of the shit on the satellite, I guess, and if it went down over a populated area, it could just kill lots and lots of people it i read a guy on reddit on a completely different situation because the helicopters use it as some sort of like emergency fuel tank or something um that's

what it was called but uh they were like don't approach burning helicopters it's instant cancer they're like what do you mean instant cancer what do i i can't simplify either of those words anymore for you michael scott you breathe now you have cancer it's in you there is cancer in you now you have the cancer bad but then like i also read that like that's if you're lucky like if you if you actually get a good puff of it um then it just kills you right there like melts you or something so they shot a missile from a boat and shot this and blew it up in goddamned outer space um for you know to prove that they could and also because it was a big ball of poison that was going to land somewhere over europe that must be some really good

propellant yeah yeah because it has some downsides. That's the cool thing about the military. That's what I like that when, when you, when you think about things that are, uh, when you buy things at the store, like home Depot, somebody might say,

Oh, that's industrial grade glue. That's what the guys who do this for a living use. And you're like, Oh, okay. But military grade is this other area, right?

It's not always necessarily better. It might be worse because you can make a million of them for like a cheaper way. It's not always better, but it's always the most practical, it seems like. So it's just like, yeah, our emergency fuel, it causes cancer. Well, hitting the ground causes explosions. So like, you know, you take a little cancer over explosion sometimes, you know, you ever gone down over North North Vietnam, kid? You know, how old are you?

God, I wish I was there. An 81 year old man leading our platoon. Why is there an 81 year old man in the White House? Don't ask those questions, son. I'm part of the old prospector unit. They're putting an old prospector in every military unit. Zelinsky is making me envious. You don't know the bit I'm talking about.

There's a bit from Will Ferrell where it's during the Afghanistan or Iraq conflicts and special military operations where the bit was that they were installing an old prospector from the 1800s in every military unit. Everybody's dressed like modern military. Then Gus Chickens comes on in and he's got the pan. He's panning for gold. He's got the pick over his axe. They're about

to go in on a night raid. They're just like, Sir, I just don't understand how an old prospector is going to help us. He's jingle jangling everywhere, sir. He's like, Oh, peaches. Don't worry. He's got like three tin cups tied to his belt. You're going to get a hell of a noise.

I'm sorry. Go ahead. Yeah. What are you saying about Zelinsky? Zelinsky? Just that I envied having a young, coherent leader. A guy with charisma. It's been a while.

I'm going to make you just really like him. How old is he? He's in his 40s, I think. Yeah, he's definitely on the younger half of the world. Yeah, 44. Way in the younger half of the world. Oh, I saw this.

Yeah, he was lifting weights with his dog in the gym. He's got a functional trainer. Some dumbbells. He looks a little like Woody. I see it. I see it. Dude, check out that one calf by the black dog. A couple of cute dogs. If a black helicopter landed in your yard and President Joe Biden, no, no, the President Kamala Harris got out and she came in and she like sat down and said, Mr. Woodworth, we need you. Your country needs you.

Frankly, the world needs you. You are going to be Vladimir Zelensky. He was killed this morning at 400 hours. We can't allow the enemy to know this. You know I don't speak Russian or Ukrainian, right? You do now. Russian people of Ukraine. We must fight against

the Russians. Operation Woodworth is a calamitous mistake. If you speak Russian, I could do a Russian accent. There's no time for this. Get him over there. The world hangs in the balance.

In reality, they're just like, yeah, his body looks enough like Zelensky. We could say Zelensky died. Throw this YouTuber's body in the mix. I just love to see Woody walking around looking real awkward, just like pointing for people to go places, just like nodding. And they're like, President Zelensky today gathered troops around the Eastern Front. And then the media would be pumping you up so much. They'd be like, such a strong leader. He doesn't need to articulate his words at all.

And it all is understood. And you're just mumbling. articulate his words at all and it all is understood and you're just mumbling like you've got one of those um like conductor uh like like sticks and you do things like that that's how you rule your country and they're like incredible incredible it's the first case of lock jaw for real president zelensky poisoned by the r earlier this week if they tried to invade America then America would step up like Ukraine does Taylor already said he would run anyone did

Taylor said that but I don't think he's in the majority I said that if I was trying to get out of a dangerous war zone and some soldier held me at gunpoint and forced me to fight i would run if possible yeah i'm not doing that what's that soldier gonna do send that idiot up into the danger zone like of course that's what would happen like i'm not doing that shit but you can obviously wage a

guerrilla warfare in the u.s like that would be that's how the iraqis and the afghanis did so well for so long it wasn't like grabbing people at the border common people like in lord of the rings and going go fight the uruk-hai be brave it was an insurgency where it would be people popping off roofs taking pot shots and just generally disrupting like that's a world of difference um well what they're doing is they're you know if you want to fight and by the way i'm literally mean like if you listen to this want to fight in the war for ukraine there's a website you can go to you click your country at the bottom and they'll show you listen to this want to fight in the war for ukraine there's a website you can go to you click your country at the bottom and they'll show you how to get there and what to do if you're from russia and you click it it'll tell you to go fuck yourself by the way um i and and

they will put you in the ukrainian army and they will gear you up as a ukrainian army man and they'll put you in a fucking unit somewhere and they'll send you where they where they want to send you and you can come from like, it's like 30 countries or something. If you want to go scab in. Let me jump in. Yeah, yeah. Because I think what you said was true. I think now there's literally a waiting list

to get into the Ukrainian army. Fuck yeah. Like, good gosh. Like that's a lot of patriotism when there's a waiting list to get into the army of a country being invaded. Did you see that group of guys? It's so ripe for a fucking comedy movie they were like here's a unit with members from spain brazil the united states the uk italy syria it's like how many of

them speak a common language here none of that but we've got a crew from netflix following them around in next up we've got the the joint israeli palestinian brigade what goofy hijinks will they get into next it's it's really crazy i here's my prediction now i don't think they're going to be able to uh to take kiev i don't think they can take kiev i really don't but i think they have it i don't think they can take Kiev. I really don't. I don't think they can go in there. I don't think they can get in there. I think if they go in there, it'd be awful. I think this thing is going to last as long as the

Ukrainians fight. You might be like, no shit. Well, no. They can all throw down their guns tomorrow. I think that this could last months and months and years if they wanted to because the West is going to if they can keep supply lines open if they can keep those western villages um that are between them and the border and keep supply lines open

so that they can't be starved out this will last forever they'll just keep going information advantage that the ukrainians are enjoying is interesting to me like you just you can go to twitter and they'll give you reasonable battle like this is how you operate a tank this is this is a gas tank uh like a refueling gas tank it's a high value target for these reasons and it's super easy to take out you take out this gas resupply thing you're effectively taking out a tank but it's much easier oh they've heard us say this now they're disguising the fuel trucks this is what fuel trucks look like now take them out and it's just everywhere and all over the place they have like a non i guess the russians

are using like unsecured um like radio channels like yeah their new thing that was supposed to be the encrypted radio thing that they were bragging about. Like if you watch Future Weapons, how does everyone talk? Russia has the cutting, but the best... It doesn't work. And they're having to use this like CBs. So everyone's listening to the CBs. And the Russians are using like disinformation on that.

Anon quickly caught on to where the disinformation is. They're like, these channels are the fake ones. These channels are the real ones. They're like, these channels are the fake ones. These channels are the real ones. They're like broadcasting things over there, like pig noises or images that look like pigs if you look at the

radio frequencies over a spectrometer. I'm getting out of my depth now. You know how you have one of those radar images that you see a plane peeing on? Instead of that, it's like a back and forth scribble of a troll face. I don't know how you do that. They're fucking with the Russians' communication. They're sharing their secrets.

Any old Ukrainian can find out what Russian movements are like. I know. I see them on Reddit. I bet I could find on google maps where that convoy is stuck whereas the opposite's not true kyle the the u.s intelligence is you know they had those satellites and planes so they're able to look at like the back of somebody's head and see what they're you know what they're what they're reading um they they they told the ukrainians where they were like i think it's 60 56 helicopters were parked and the ukrainians

destroyed them all wow they were sitting on the ground yeah helicopters on the ground are easy to break yeah that's the worst place to have them every day i see like one of those maps one of those like like displays and it's like how many russian like like killed in action and then like tanks um armored vehicles apcs blah blah blah and it breaks it down this big board and it gets bigger every day like by a significant margin as soon as if they get those planes it's going to be nuts because they're just trying they're still flying like they're ukrainian fighter jets in the air uh they just the ghost of dm is still up there doing shit i'm assuming you know like like like... Our job isn't to expose

Ukrainian propaganda, it's to propagate Ukrainian propaganda. That's why we celebrate it. I said our job is not to discourage Ukrainian propaganda and expose it, it's to propagate it.

Like, yeah, I saw the ghost of Ukraine. I saw him too yeah yeah yeah there's two ghosts okay there's a ghost legion there might be a dozen yeah that's the way it's gonna end it'll be like the end of lord of the rings where all the pirates jump off the ship and i was trying to talk to my friends this weekend about like what do ukrainian farmers do with tanks and and they they wouldn't listen to my thought. They're like, you can keep them.

It's tax-free. I'm like, no, no, no. What do you do with a tank? Can a tank be repurposed to plow? Like, what do you do with a tank? I bet it could. It seems powerful enough. Is it really inefficient?

Keep away wolves? Well, like the thing is, you could kill deer with a tank. Think outside the box, Woody. Deforesting. There's going to... If it was a scenario where the Ukrainians win, or if the war ends and the Ukrainians still have those Russian tanks,

there's going to be some kind of a program where they're buying them back. But other than that, there's no way to repurpose it. Because I bet you could turn a tank into a plow. I've seen tanks with plows on them. But it wouldn't be as good as a tractor with a plow. And they already have one of those. You know what's really good at plowing? The tractor you use to steal it.

Yeah, yeah. You just know there's some Ukrainian farmer that's so stoked on getting a tank. And he's getting so excited for his first plow through with the tank and he's like, this sucks! This is so much worse than my tractor. It smushes the ground before I plow it. I'm getting feet to the gallon here. This is all my crops in my

way for destroying it. That's unrealistic. I'm sure they use the metric system. I've seen so many tanks getting stolen, either towed out with tractors or pulled along i guess dry rot is a huge a huge issue for the russian military um all the tires on their trucks are chinese tires and i guess with those military tires what they do is they rotate the vehicle like frequently like exercise it so that the sun's not on the same side of the vehicle for months at a time so they don't dry rot on one side and so like all of their trucks are

all their trucks dry rotted and uh and they're dead in the in the water they're stuck in the mud over there doesn't seem like any other stuff is working well no it doesn't it's been really fun to watch it turns out that if your country has the economy of Texas and the military of America, there's a mismatch. Yeah. Yeah, they probably didn't spend all that money where they were supposed to as well because it seems like, you know, I just feel like somebody was supposed to take

like 15 trillion rubles and like buy new tires one day. Want lunch, yeah. How much would lunch cost in rubles right now well that's easy at least 125 times what what your lunch cost per dollar that's incalculable yeah i'm not even going to begin to do it uh like what do you i i um i don't know how this ends but it's been incredibly entertaining to see the war go on. Just to see all the Russians dying. I've been enjoying that a lot. I mean, hopefully it ends quickly, but that might be wishful thinking.

I saw that the Russian Paralympic athletes were talking shit to the Ukrainian ones. Like, we're going to bomb your families back home. And it's like, bro, you've already hopping. Were you really looking for a beef? You got one leg asshole you really want to start some shit like who was there a video of this there's a paralympic peril you know the the the paralympics are happening right now or they just happened i don't know if they're still going i don't watch that crippled shit i don't know but they're like

i've never seen it i don't watch that or the wnba no thank you i feel but they uh yeah they were they were picking on the ukrainian athletes i guess and then i saw the one russian um gymnast um had like a z on his chest at the at the medal ceremony and they were like we're gonna ban him for so fucking long. By the time he's able to, he'll have to do a different. That leg will have grown back. But we can't kick him out. He's the only long jumper with no legs swinging on those arms. But who does that?

So this is interesting too when i felt like when the war first started the western media propaganda all said that the russians hated it and you saw the protests it wasn't moscow it was somewhere else maybe saint petersburg and when it was protests and was like all these russians don't like it they're doing a run on the banks etc now it seems like there's a fair amount of russian patriotism and they don't like it. They're doing a run on the banks, etc. Now, it seems like there's a fair amount of Russian patriotism, and they don't believe, or better yet, they do believe the Russian state media. They know the truth that they had to do this.

They're pro-Russia on the war. They're not all against the war like they make us think. I think it's either that. They had a hard time making me think that they were all against the war. They had a hard time making me believe that any of them were against the war for a long time. Now I'm seeing thousands of people in the streets, whereas I was seeing a dozen people in the streets. And now I'm seeing people getting the shit beaten out of them with sticks in Russia and little old ladies getting arrested and women

and stuff. So that means that things are actually happening. But when you see a thousand people in the street it you can tell it's not some made-up nonsense and then it's multiple streets you know multiple squares and they're chanting and stuff um but whereas before i was like i don't know about this but the one when you see the poll the polling data means nothing right because they keep track of how you voted you can't it's not a poll it's a vote it's like yeah but but it's a i don't know like like they do polls and they're like all right comrade taylor do you think uh premier putin is doing a

satisfactory job and you're giving two thumbs up on that one fucking fucking eight stars i still want to have a job tomorrow bud yeah 10 stars, ten stars. Give them twenty, a hundred, whatever the top is. Ten rainbows, a hundred lucky loos. Throw some horseshoes in there. What do you need? Even on those polls, it was like 60% in favor, and it's like, damn.

40%. That means that 50% is actually in favor, and they were like, say it's 40% that don't like it. It can't be the truth. If the numbers they're releasing are that 60 is actually in favor, and they were like, say it's 40% that don't like it. It can't be the truth. If the numbers they're releasing are that 60% were in favor, that's pretty strong. And obviously, they're going to release the numbers

that reflect what they want perceived the most. Have you seen the Ukrainian hotline so you can call and find out if your son's alive or dead? I have. Yeah, Russians are calling it too. There's apparently a... And they're uploading the calls. Yeah, and people are calling to find out

if their Russian children are still alive. And I guess it's good propaganda. It looks good on the Ukrainian side. It seems kind. Oh, it doesn't seem kind at all. No, it doesn't seem kind. There's a Hollywood... They call and they're like, No, it doesn't seem kind. There's a Hollywood. They call him.

They're like, hello. Terribly sorry to bother you. I was hoping you would know where my son is. His name is Pavlov the liar. And he went into Ukraine on the 4th. He's in the 5th division. Oh, yes. Pavlov burned.

Oh, I'm sorry. I misread that. I'm so sorry. Pavlov burned. Oh, I'm sorry. I misread that. I'm so sorry. Pavlov is burning. He's on fire right now. Is it true? This was from yesterday. No, of course not.

No, they're not doing that. But it's this thing where it's like. I misinterpreted. I must have saw something different. They didn't make this line because they were worried about the feelings of Russian mothers. This is propaganda. Yeah, it's propaganda for Western media. Yeah.

Well, it's for everybody. It's to scare Russians, too. I saw propaganda and believed it, I think, because I saw a very different report. It's real. It was like, they're doing this thing. They're being nice to the Russians. And the call I saw wasn't like you described. No, it was nice.

They actually didn't have any data on the person they were asking about, the one I saw. Yeah, they didn't have any of it. That's the thing. They're not going to have data on anybody that calls. Of course not. So everybody that calls

gets the same answer. Oh, I'm so sorry. We have no idea what happened to your son. Maybe contact your government. Bye. It's perfect. It's perfect. It's perfect.

It's a great scheme, and it's not even dishonest. It's just that when you call, I guarantee they've never once been like, oh, yeah, he's fine. Not even a scratch. You want to talk to him? Matri, come in here.

Yo, what's up? Mom! Oh, hang on. Let me finish the sandwich. Get that Red Robin out of your mouth and into the phone. Man, that logo is the truth, right? Red Robin. Mmm.

No, that's not happening. It's to tell the truth, really, because the truth is horrific enough. You don't really have to tell a lie right your son was sent here thinking it was a training exercise and some fucking ukrainians who are fighting for their freedom and thought you were think of you as a storm trooper machine gunned him down in a muddy ditch like that's what happened to your son he's dead dude it's yeah it's rough and at this point i'm done with russians thinking they're on a training exercise. Fuck you, you lying sack of shit.

You maybe believed that two weeks ago. Are you still uninformed? Did you hear them say they weren't going to take artillery crews prisoner anymore? No, but I like the idea. Yeah, yeah. Like, you know, if you're an artillery crew, we're particularly mad at you. Yeah, they're like, we're no longer taking artillery crews

captive. We're done with that. I like it. You bomb women and children and babies asleep in the night, we're coming for you. Ukrainians are not scared of Russia. Oh, did you see the

I forget what town it was, like Obolinsk or something, but ukrainians are not scared of russia and that's amazing oh did you see the um i forget what town it was like obelisk or something but they were playing don't worry be happy in like the town beautiful right great dude beautiful it eerie it was it had this titanic um on the deck of the ship, keeping everybody calm. Did you see all the French chicks naked in France protesting? I did. I don't speak French.

Yeah. Whatever they were saying, I'm game. It was like 40 pretty hot French chicks. I didn't see any fatties. And they had their Ukrainian flag painted. I'm trying to get support.

Yeah. No. Do you think they sent away a few big ones? I guarantee they did. Was there like one big girl who was like, you put me front and center. You put me front and center. I'm like, first of all, ma'am, your five o'clock shadow is just terrible. There's a giant Ukrainian flag painted on her belly.

And she just kind of wiggles to simulate the wind in the back behind the normal sized people. Yeah, that had to have happened because they ended up with like 40 hot chicks, you know, topless, you know, their fists up in the air. And I was just like, I don't think this helps at all, but I'm OK with it. I'm OK. Y'all could have sent a dollar or a franc or whatever. I guess it's euro now. It would have been better, but I'll take your titties instead. Whatever you got. We accept

titties, euros, dollars. Anything for the war effort. The only thing they don't accept is rubles. I wish I had some rubles. Honestly, if I could buy rubles right now, and I bet there's some Russian citizen who's like, God, I wish somebody would buy $100 worth of rubles off me. I would totally buy $100 worth of rubles, but I want them in ones. I want them in ones. It's a briefcase full of money, right? $100 worth of rubles at this point. You're a guy. You're 23 years old. You're about to fight for the war.

Is it easy to get laid now? Are all the girls fucking like there's no tomorrow? Here's the problem, Woody. Most of the women left. She'll have to work hard. I get it. You know what's been interesting? It's with the transgender individuals. The men have to stay and fight.

A lot of the women are staying and fighting. If you're a man 18 to 50 or maybe 18 to 60, you stay and fight. And so now you've got issues where you have trans men and trans women who are a bit of a pickle. Because the border guard is saying, yeah, you are. And no, you're not. This is Ukraine. We don't play that. Basically, that's what they're being told. They're saying, this is ukraine we don't play that basically that's what they're being told they're saying you know this is ukraine we don't play that and uh and so like there are some women who have just what i want to see is i want to find out if

if you are a trans man meaning that you you know were were born with lady bits but you're now uh uh going around as a, as a fella, are they going to be like, all right, sir, I don't know if you know, but 18 to 60 fighting for the homeland. So head right over there and sign up for your military unit.

I can just imagine like, uh, actually, you know about that. I think I'm, you change your mind quick, right? Hello me. Yeah yeah butch oh my stars and goddess

all types here every man's allowed then the next character is a six foot seven viking looking guy in a dress traipsing out of there. It's MASH! It's MASH all over again. You ever watch MASH? Clinger. I've never seen MASH. MASH is for the Korean War, our conflict. Special military operation. And there was a character

who obviously wanted to get the fuck out of Korea. So he just dressed as a woman every day. And they're just like, dude, you're here i just didn't care so he was just always in like like a terrible dress like he's not trying at all there was something called a section eight that he was always going for and if you're a crazy person then you file for a section eight and they let you go home so he would dress as a woman every day trying to get this section eight but he was in this catch 22 because clearly anyone who wants to go home

isn't crazy. Therefore he's acting very sane by dressing as a woman and he never got to go home. I saw either way. So like, like Tik TOK videos have been getting more and more vicious for, well, since,

since Tik TOK was invented three minutes ago. And I saw one where it this fucking Russian checkpoint, right? They pull all the civilians out. It's some kind of checkpoint. And they're being real scary. Like, everybody's got their hands on the car and everything. And then he yells at the lady. He's like, turn around.

And she turns around. And it's her fiance on his knee. Like, will you marry me? I saw that one. And she's just like, I'd have been like, this is a fucking war zone you asshole aren't you guys supposed to be fighting russians right now how did you get your whole unit to throw in on this why'd you kill my dog to make it believable he like broke nana's nose halfway through the thing to get her attention. It was pretty neat, though.

I actually liked that. I saw the video, too. It was too much. It just made them look like it's easy to forget that these soldiers are people. And anytime they play music or do something sort of real, I like it. The best one was the speech the guy gave about the Russians coming. There's going to be a sniper in every door. You can go home.

You can just choose not to fight. You can't beat us. You don't know where you are. We've messed up with the street signs. We've rearranged the signs. Good luck with your outdated paper maps. They have paper maps, by the way. Yeah, they have paper maps, which you'd think would be nice and reliable, but it's really a problem

when you have to look at signs. Soviet era paper maps. Have you seen them? I bet Ukraine's made roads since then. They're maps, like props from a World War II movie. It's like that leather little pouch that you open up. Like what Captain

Winters was using to get. Yes! Remember, it looks like when they got fucking the sword out for Aragorn. And that leather shit is being unwrapped. And then it's like old Soviet paper. And on the top, it's like, this map was given to first commissar of the 8th Division of the Red Army. Pavlov.

Nonsense of fuck. 1978. You had a GPS. Nassar, 8th Division of the Red Army, Pavlov, nonsense-a-fuck. 1978. If you had a GPS, you could ignore the street names and follow the streets to where you're going to go. If you have paper maps, you've got to be like, all right, let's see, I'm on the corner of this and that. Where's the corner of this and that on the map? Oh, you're looking for, you know, you're still finding north.

That means you have a compass. You have a compass there. If your first mode of, like, you have a compass. You have a compass there. If your first mode of navigation involves a compass in the 21st century, things have gone awry. They're using the sun to guide them to Kiev.

He's counting the hours with his hand. If I see my commander doing this, looking at the sun, I'm running so fast. I'm quitting. I'm trying to find someone with opposing colors on. All right. Well, I'm going to go watch some more war footage.

I know Woody's hungry. I'm going to go eat as well. I hope you guys enjoyed the show. Go fight. And be tagging those Russian things up. R-S-K. I want to see it. I want to see more PKNs than Zs out there.

R-S-K. R-S-K. My bad. Why would I more PKNs than Zs out there. RSK. My bad. Why would I say PKN? It's RSK. Stop killing. Yeah, no. Please advertise our lesser known podcast.

It's only unlisted. That's what I'm looking for. All right. PKN 395.