Painkiller Already - PKN 400

Episode Date: April 20, 2022

pkn episode 400 or like baby podcast is longer running than most real podcasts hell yeah oh yeah we're gonna have a gretzky like record on podcast by the time we're done woody will be 74 i'll be what 56 kyle taylor has shown some commitment to the game i can't believe he did like bloodletting and sacrifice just for the just for episode 400. Yeah, I wanted it to be good. It tasted terrible. How did PKA go? Pretty well.

We had Wolf and Anthony Cumia, which was just an accident, really, because you injured yourself last minute. It was like, who can we get that's free in an hour or two or whatever it was. I mean, it was more,

it was more time than that to be fair, but like pretty soon. And a wolf quickly was able to fill in, but it made for a nice little contrast. Cause they got to talk about like black lives matter stuff and the protests and Trump. And, and you know,

Kumia takes that line. He's like, Oh, you gotta admit, you know, gas was $2 a he's like you gotta admit you know gas was two dollars a gallon and we weren't in well we were in some wars but we were winning them yeah he's like hey look everything was perfect under trump the economy was booming and it's it seemed like the move was to let wolf and kumia talk rather than like team up on kumia but uh in my head i'm like you know we lost more jobs during that four years than we

gained like you can't go too fucking bonkers about how great the economy was uh you know every time he bragged about pat the first time he bragged about the stock market passing 30 000 all right cool i guess you know celebrate not that you did it but whatever the fucking fourth time he's like past 30 000 isn't this great i'm like bro you're flatlining like stop it so is everything okay i'm getting looks yeah i'm all good anyway so i just shut the heck up and let them talk rather than no i agreed it was fun to watch. I thought the show was good,

even though Taylor wasn't there, which is no small feat. And I think we used Anthony Kumia who is cheat codes to make a good show. I agree. I think that's what I said after the show. I was like, I think that's a pretty damn good show considering Taylor wasn't here. Yeah.

And, uh, or something like that. Um, so, so yeah, I, I hope people liked it.

Um, I love Anthony. Um, I like talking to him he's hilarious it's so he feels like my age like like he doesn't feel like a guy his age like he to like he and i relate on you both date 18 year olds you have that he and i'll be late you know yeah we have good taste that's one of the qualities that we share true when you look at anthony you're like looking into a like a scrying mirror 25 years into the future like i had to how like you not that this

is really an age thing we did not see his girlfriend i don't know what his current girlfriend looks like or is like but i do know that she was in the other room playing PlayStation. I do know that she doesn't remember 9-11. Yeah. She calls those the 9-11 buildings instead of the Twin Towers. I bet there are kids who are like, you know those 9-11 buildings? No, that's a real legitimate thing. His pop culture knowledge is so hand in glove with mine. I was like, do you remember George Costanza's fake horse's names?

He goes, ah, there was Prickly Pete and it was da-da-da-da and Prickly Pete. It was a short one. The other one was short. It was. You didn't know it.

When he heard it, he knew half of George Costanza's fake horse's names. He knew Prickly Pete, which is already hard. When he heard the second knew half of george he knew prickly pea which is already hard and when he heard the second one it was like right yeah for those who don't know the reference like it's not like oh yeah that's like it's not like knowing george's like father's name it's like this one little thing in one little episode that was said one single time um it's just a my some real minutia um but yeah i love ant uh and i like wolf too wolf's always great wolf's chill to hang out with um yeah i was a real great guy so so it was uh uh it made

the show a lot easier i think having two people who were like you know coming to engage coming in who were engaging and like know what they're doing yeah good yeah, I was having a blast last Thursday. I'll tell the tale of what went down. So you can see it. My arm's still wrapped up. It's more right here on this inside. And I'm really bad at telling people what I want because if I ask for something big, I feel very guilty about it. And so usually what I do is like, no, I don't want anything. And then two weeks after my birthday, something shows up that I bought for $600. And my wife's like, what the hell? I would have bought you something.

And so this time I was like, you know what? I want a hack squat leg press machine. It's like $1,600. I've wanted it for a long time. It's far and away at 1600 bucks the most expensive thing i've bought for my gym triple up any of the other machines and still more like all my other machines like 500 or less like and sometimes way less this thing 1600 and like the rationale is that like it's very heavy built it's very nice like everybody who

reviews it says they love it so i was super The Titan one, yeah. Yeah, I've been looking at it too. You call it a hack squat? Yeah, so it's at a 45-degree angle. You can lay on the bottom part and press your legs up, or you can flip the top to where it's little pads, and then you can do a hack squat as well. So it's two-in-one. And the calf raises too because you're on that platform,

so now you don't need blocks or anything. You're just already there. You can do everything with it. It's super handy, and so i was really excited about it and last week on thursday it wasn't supposed to ship until like later last week in the show and my wife tells me she's like hey i just got a notification it's not only shipped already it's arriving today and i'm like, oh, it's it's it's it's push day, but I can finish push day and then I can go down. I can put it together maybe before the show and then fuck around with it and have some fun. And as just happenstance, I'm in here doing some work and I got to get a water. And as I'm walking past my front window, I look out and I see the big truck like the guys delivering it.

I just happened to see it. And he's kind of at the base of my driveway. And I don't have a long driveway, but I've got a steep driveway and he is clearly struggling. It's not in like a taped box. It's in like an ammo crate looking thing, like particle board with like the studs under it where you can slip in the crate, the pallet jack. with like the studs under it where you can slip in the, um, the pallet jack. It's yeah, it's a crate and it's got those metal kind of crimps on the corners to hold

all the particle board together, all the plywood and everything with the screws in it and everything. And so the guy's like, Oh, Hey, I was just going to drop it off here, but if you want, I can,

uh, we can push it up into your garage. And I was like, sure, this will be a lot easier. we can push it up into your garage. And I was like, sure, this will be a lot easier. And I already noticed that he was struggling because he had put the prongs of the pallet jack incorrectly. They were under the braces. And so as you know, with the pallet jack, you're meant to stick it between the braces. So when you lower it, the pallet jack hits the ground

and you slide it out seamlessly and then can stick it back in. Well, he did it wrong. And so it's all kind of hanging off. And I'm pushing this thing as hard as I can, like a football linebacker sled. And we get it up into my garage, no problem. And I'm like, oh, that's awesome. And he's like, thanks a lot, man. I'm like, no problem.

I appreciate it. And he's like, ah, he lowers his pallet jack and the whole thing goes, and I hear the grinding of the pallet jack under like on my concrete. And he's like, fuck, it's not coming off the pallet jack. And I want to be like, yes, you didn't do it right. Like there's only one way to fucking do this between the slats. Do you see the pallet jack spaces?

Put it there. Yeah, put it in spaces, dude. And so he lowers it and there's just the grinding of the pallet jack spaces? Put it there. Yeah, put it in the spaces, dude. And so he lowers it, and there's just the grinding of the pallet jack. And instead of maneuvering, he's just yanking on it, which is kind of pulling him closer to the driveway in the down area. And so I pull on the left side, and I grab it, and I heave it. And I pull it as hard as I can, and it somewhat comes off on the left side of the pallet jack. It's the heaviest box on earth this container and for my next trick the basement

somehow somehow i'm gonna have to open it in pieces and so then i go to the other side and he's still standing up pulling on this thing and i wrap my arm around to where my arm is like here's the corner of the box and i as hard as i can the thing clunks off onto the ground and he's like oh thank you like and i feel like what i think is like a bee sting level of pain on my arm and i do kind of a half-ass glance down like expecting a scratch and there is a hole in my arm very deep yeah there's my arm and i immediately go like i've never seen louis hospitals do it differently than we do here yes yeah that was the job me and the u.s ups man did so basically i immediately go like my instinct because i can see the the entire all the skin is perforated the meat i can see the fat and the muscle tissue like i can see all the fucking meat and the darkest red blood starts pouring down

my arm like it's soaked in two seconds and my instinct was to like try and grab it and pinch it closed and i was like oh i need to go to the hospital and the guy was like well i can't take you to the hospital i'm like no i don't want you to take me to the hospital just hold on don't leave don't leave yet and so i like i'm pinching my arm closed walking back into my kitchen through my garage. Blood is everywhere. And I'm like walking through my kitchen on the hardwood down towards my hallway because I wanted to get a towel from my hallway closet. But then I'm like, fuck, I'm going to ruin my carpet if I walk onto this. And so I find a clean dish towel and I'm looking for tape.

And I hear the guy, the USPS guy in the garage. He goes, I got tape. I found it. I found tape. And I'm like, thanks. And so I am still futilely trying to pinch this wound closed. There's so much blood. I can't get a purchase on it and there's no way to close it. It's, it's so gross. I go out there and they, and I, I slapped the towel on and I'm like, thank you so much for not leaving right away. Tape me up. You know, I don't want to bleed all of my car on the way to the urgent care or the hospital.

And he tapes me up good. He's like, wait, hold on. Don't leave yet. Let me get another good round on there. My wife's a nurse. And I was like, I appreciate it, man. And so my arm is tuck taped with a dish towel on it. Hold on, let me fly this.

My dad's a pilot. Yeah, exactly. on it hold on let me fly this my dad's a pilot yeah exactly and as he's like getting back into his car to like try and continue his day of deliveries i'm like peeling out like and it's just like driving to the to urgent care initially and then i called my dad on the way there and because he he's not a doctor but he's adjacent works very closely with a lot of doctors familiar with that uh that industry and everything and i was like hey don't freak out but i just stabbed myself so bad like worse than it's the worst injury i've ever seen in person is the way i put it to him i've never i've never in my life seen a cut more intense than this in person and he was like okay

so it's through the skin and i'm like oh it blew it blew so far past the skin like it was like the the width of it it's at about 10 percent of the total like kind of width of a exacto knife okay and make it much longer than the exposed point i'm trying to figure it out. It's a long... You could put a crayon in it. You could have stuck multiple crayons in it. How many? You probably could have, at the time of it opening,

you probably could have got five, six crayons in it. I'd have gotten seven, I guarantee you. I bet you could have, but... You know what? I'm patting myself on the back for my crayon. I've played this game before. Not quite. I called my dad, and i was like hey

you know i told him all that and i'm like should i just go to urgent care or what and he's like do not go to urgent care it sounds like you got like real deal damage in your arm can you grip everything can you feel everything and i'm like yeah i have full grip thankfully my forearms are so jacked that there was a layer of muscle and fat under it a week a smaller man would have died in the garage would have fallen off like the arm would have fallen off i might have hunted down a tampon for the ride to the hospital it was this guy taped it up so well that it didn't leak the whole way there now when they eventually took it off the entire towel was soaked with blood like wet but i i listen to my dad i go to the hospital and it is you know you know how triages work in

hospitals like everyone who's older than you who shows up goes before you it's not a line it doesn't matter when you get there and so like i'm just watching myself sink further back in line as the day goes on, which fucking blows. Because it's like, it's like, oh, you have a forearm laceration. It's like, yeah, but like, you can't tell with the duct tape. It's, it's legit. It's a legit one.

Like, I'm not overdoing it. Yeah. Next time something like that happens, it sounds like you went to a big ass hospital, right? Yeah. I just went to the closest. Actually, that wasn't even because that close. I was told to go there. That's what makes sense.

And I bet it was the best care you could have probably gotten. But if you'd driven like two hours into the country and went to some little podunk hospital, it would have been crickets when you went inside. Two hours into the country? He waited longer. I waited longer than that just to get in. And like when I did go back and get in. Yeah, yeah, go ahead.

While we're doing suggestions, the hospital you went to, if you cared about it... I know you're a man who has a forearm scar, but plastics would be available there. You could just request it. Typically, your insurance will cover it and be like... If it was your

face, even as a guy, ask for plastics. If you don't, you won't get it you'll get whoever's in the er just will sew you back up and keep you alive but that's not what you want like if you care about your fucking scar ask for plastics i've learned this in my life i'm sorry carry on with your story no no i and i really wanted to i it's a forearm thing so i just wanted it done quickly like just just get it done if it scars a bit really not a big deal so after at long last i get brought in the back and they they start to take scissors to remove they do the thing like are you gonna are you gonna want to keep the towel i'm like

is there another doctor that is grandma's towel my gift to you yeah you can have that we can consider a payment for the stitches if you want i'm a barter just just cut it off so they get those big jaws of life scissors and they go through the 15 layers of duct tape and the towel and i don't i don't know what it's gonna look like under my under the wound because like last time i saw it it was over an inch deep like just a hole with an enormous amount of blood pouring out and what happens apparently is like your arm repressurizes and like starts to push like the meat almost like to the surface and almost out have you ever seen like a twice baked potato or a woman with an outie vagina yes yeah even better so it's so they they remove it and like I'm grossed out by it, so I don't want to look, but I have to know what it looks like.

And it's like the meat of my arm is cresting above the surface of the skin. Like a souffle. Yeah. Oh, wow. And it was a resident doctor, so I guess like the level below the real doctor who started, you know, numbing me and stitching me up. And she looks at this and I don't know anything about stitches. I've never had stitches, but I look at the wound and the only bone I've broken is my nose a couple of times. Have you never had stitches, too?

I've had so many stitches. Oh, yeah. I'm in the hundreds. I'm sorry. You've had so many stitches. I've had 20 stitches okay yeah and so i i was like i'm curious is this gonna hurt is it gonna be like totally numb well it turns out they numb the shit out of you they could like chop your arm off and you wouldn't feel it but she looks at the amount of damage in my arm and is like okay not not too bad i think this is going to be about three stitches and

in my mind i was like these i don't know but those must be beefy stitches or something like i don't and she sewed me up and again i don't know about stitches but have you seen zombie movies where like the wound is open for all intents and purposes and it's pinched together kind of in three areas across that is what my arm fucking looked like and she starts wrapping it up with the gauze and everything and i don't really know the difference i'm like well that's horrifying like it's still oozing out there's still like blood and viscera and stuff coming out of my arm when they push on it and she was like all right she wrapped it up and then the the real doctor came in and was like let's take a look that's the name yeah yeah the attending physician he came in and was like all right so

i see that suzy q got you stitched up let me take a look and he unwraps it and he goes oh like like oh okay well we're gonna add some more stitches here and he was like do you do you want me to re-numb the area like do you feel this and like i had to make a decision i didn't know i was like i kind of feel you poking but not like really and he's like well do you want me to we can re-numb it, but that'll take. I'm like, just go very quickly. It's like wanting to go fast. And so then he starts sewing and he adds four more stitches in between all the gaps. Meanwhile, I'm seeing the beginning of like a terrible scar because of how badly this

has been put together on my arm. And even with the seven stitches, there's, there's, there was still a triangle of red slice. Eight would have hit the spot. No, I showed it to someone who is in the medical field.

I showed them the wound a few days, like after the fact. So it's already started, like starting fusing back together. And they were like, Oh my God, that you needed 10 stitches like for sure 10 stitches here this is terrible like they did a terrible job of this and i was like you know

it seemed like it but yeah i can't i'm not last thursday i think i've got 10 days all right i can take off the sutures between one and two weeks and they said to take like 10 days off of lifting but i'm gonna play it by ear just on it based on all the injuries i've had it sounds like they should have done you know like a good six internal stitches to get that together and then a good 10 maybe external stitches and then the whole thing would be sewed up the internal ones are i'm gonna say biodegradable but like you know what they mean they dissolve your body will take them apart. Extraterraceae often have to be removed.

Which feels great. You do that yourself, by the way. Oh, I know. They sent me home with a suture removal kit. This has to be... They don't always do that. They didn't used to do that.

I think some of my stitches were in the days when moms stayed overnight after delivery. There were professionals there to care for the baby and stuff. Now, 45 minutes after that baby pops out, they send your bitch ass home

and tell you to start momming. You just limp around breastfeeding or something. That's current medical care. So the remove your own stitches thing is just par for the course. Okay. They asked. They were like, you can come back in and do this, or you can take this little kit for free and give it a go.

I was like, just give me the kit. Yeah. It used to be nurses took care of your kid till tomorrow. Like, that was like a thing that nurses did. No more. now you know don't be a bitch yeah so that's why i missed the show everyone in is listening i stabbed myself with a piece of metal well badly the the next day you know uh something equally bad befell me obviously you, you know, when I dropped the blade to my food processor onto my foot there. Dude, that

happened as I was sending pictures of having stabbed myself. The picture's crossed in midair. How did you drop the food processor on the bottom of your foot? Like, that is confusing. So you know how, like, when you step, your foot is moving forward and toes are pointed up when you yes yeah okay sure sure that's when

it hit my foot i was mid gate or mid step or whatever and it was falling and it it the toe was pointed straight up and if this is like the tip of my toe it goes from like almost the nail all the way across the tip and the bottom of it and i immediately like dropped the pan i had in my hand and like wrapped it up and i was like we're not going to the emergency room i refuse i refuse to go to the emergency room and i i like undid it and there was a pool of blood like as big as like a dinner plate and i was like i refuse i literally got on the couch and like elevated it and like kept it squeezed really tight and it and eventually it stopped enough to get some super glue in there pinch that i was wondering what you went with yeah i i alcohol swabs and like got it clean

enough and then a fat thing of um super glue and i wore latex gloves and i just held it shut for a while with the fan blowing on it and pretty much good as new how's uh walking on it now sore so you're tender with it yeah yeah yeah but you know i take those epsom salt baths though and uh i don't know if there's any actual like flesh exposed i made like a cake of super glue over the wound. Hopefully that works itself out. Super glue, quite the lifesaver. I know it was invented for that purpose. Everyone throws that out there when they hear

the words. Did you know? Yeah, we all know by now. Everyone knows super glue is made to hold skin together. Someone's listening right now. I didn't know. Did you know Steve Buscemi volunteered for 9-11? Shut the fuck up! We all know that! Yeah, well, I'm glad both of you are okay.

It was a harrowing weekend for us both. I think I'm doing an acronym this weekend. I mean, sepsis sets in. I'm not here. There it is. I didn't go get any medical care like some people i don't know like like me as a pussy oh you got cut by metal you want a tetanus shot no i did i got a tetanus shot because they were they're asking me the like have you had one the last

10 years and i'm like i couldn't tell you gun to my head let Let's assume. No, I have no idea. And then like on the way home, I remembered I got one in 2017 when I almost cut the tip of my thumb off. Oh, and so I, 10 years is how long it lasts. I think. Yeah, they should think 10 be better at that.

Like, I know there is some sort of cyber system out there that tells you all the things you've taken. Like I, I got a physical recently and they're like, are you still taking this, this and this? And I'm like,

no. What was that for? Like a post surgery? Like, no, I'm not on opiates. Yeah. I'm on a daily opiate.

Life has been a struggle. That's like asking your wife, do you still take these epidurals? Yeah, it was like on par with that. That's strong stuff, you know. But I'm like, it came from somewhere. How are you walking? And I've never been to this like minute clinic before.

Yeah, when I like gave them my information, they're like, at 123 Simon's Court, I'm like, I moved from there when I was 11. Like, that was 2001. We had a flag out to remember the towers when we moved from that. Like, on earth, is that where you think I live? But yeah, overall, I was asking the doctor and everything, like, how long do I have to take off lifting? And the guy was like, I mean, I guess you could go lift now if you wanted.

And I was like, I am not going to take your advice on anything because that doesn't make any sense. You're telling me I stabbed my arm four and a half hours ago and I can go deadlift now? Like right now? Well, you have threes. You should have said, just to be clear,

when I say lift, I mean 400 pounds several times tonight. You know that, right? Oh, well, don't do that for like a month and a half then. Oh, yeah. I can tell. It's like I can push on stuff and I don't feel anything.

If I like pull on anything, like I tried to close a window with my right hand the other day just by force of habit. That feels weird. But I'm just thankful I don't have any numbness or anything. Which, once again, thanks to the years of farmer's carries at the end of workouts. Literally. That's what I know. My foot feels so weird when you rub the scar when I drop that stupid

butcher's knife on it because the nerve is fucked up in there. If you wiggle it, it's like shorting out a wire. It feels fucky. You were talking about how it took a while to get medical care and I recognize now how bad the cut was. It was legit and they may not have given you the care.

They may have prioritized you a little more if they knew what they were looking at yeah maybe not suzy q she doesn't know what the fuck she's looking at it reminded me when i came in with colin he was like like vomit on his chest white as a ghost axe wound to the foot and they're like for run of the line here's a bet for you sir yeah you don't always want to be front of the line this is like it's it's kind of sad but like as i was leaving the hospital like in a pissy mood of like this is bullshit i can't even move the equipment for my shit out of my garage for almost two weeks because the pieces are too heavy god what a bad luck day. Miss the show. Feel like shit. Mad.

And as I'm walking out, like the doors to leave with my wife and I, there's this guy laying on his side on a gurney. Like a middle-aged guy. Just like. And I like immediately was a surge of like, life's not not all bad you like whistle all the way to the car i'm truly blessed like i don't know what happened to that guy but he's in his work clothes just yeah last time i was in um like an er uh not the not this last time my foot i think it was the time when they like forcibly like blood tested me at the at the hospital one night um there was a guy there was a guy in there

just in so much pain that the other people were like can someone can someone see the man over there like a woman has a kid who's probably got like a tummy ache but there's a guy over there in a chair who like, I don't know what's wrong with him, but he's making a movement. Like he can't stand to sit like, like he's like wiggling in that chair. Like,

like putting any pressure on his ass is like excruciating. It's like he's sitting on a hot coal, but he can't get up. That's what he looks like. And he's like sweating profusely and he's audibly groaning and he's biting down, trying not to. And I'm just like,

you know, this arrest ain't so bad, huh? Let's get his blood test done, boys. I got all these stories. Cute. Like,

I looked like that guy when I had my, that complete hemorrhoidectomy. I was that guy. And so we're at the proctologist's office to get fixed. And we're the first appointment in the morning right they like we gotta go we see these like tomorrow morning 8 a.m so we're the first turns out there are like five first appointments in the morning but i am pale there's sweat beads of sweat coming down my face i was trying to talk my wife into running all the

red lights to get there i'm in so much fucking pain and i'm doing this like like holding myself levitating a little bit may i needs of yeah i don't remember the hemorrhoidectomy um and and and i kind of want the whole story now but like this sounds horrific i i guess my i have to know like like because you are in this excruciating pain on the way, was there not one of those numbing sprays or cooling mists or wipes or something that could have been applied? Is this like an emergency hemorrhoid? I think we're beyond that. It's too far. Yeah, so how close were you? I won't keep interrupting you, but I should.

I'm going to stop. So what happened was I had had, on the hemorrhoid scale. So when they fix your hemorrhoid, you don't have hemorrhoids anymore. You're cured, which is really cool. My butthole is actually newer than the buttholes that you guys have. But at the time, I was prone to it. You get one, you're prone to another, you're prone to another. And now I'm just a wreck.

I had a hemorrhoid that was like a four out of ten. I could continue to function. I was fine to function. I was fine, whatever. And I decided that is a good day to chop wood all day long. I took a little problem and made it a mountain of a problem. I was younger and dumber. I was 26. And so anyway, it's not getting better. It's getting worse. It is a problem. It is just, it,

it, uh, hammered is it's right on your anus. You can even see it. And, it's a like picture, like a vein that just swells and gets bigger and bigger and bigger until it's like a balloon.

And mine is too big. The size of the, be the biggest grape you've ever seen. Uh, you know, like that size, it's attached to your asshole. How close were you to

pricking it with something? Not at all close to that. They call it lancing and it's something a proctologist might do. But I get there and I'm like, Jackie, ask the receptionist if we can go first.

And there's like all of us are having a bad day, but my wife is like is it possible to see my can go first and there's like all of us are having a bad day but my wife is like is it possible to see my husband first and she's like yes yes yeah we will we will take him in front of the line and i go there and the proctologist is like a hundred years old and uh he looks at my butt for one second and he's like complete hemorrhoidectomy this you know we're fucking we're going balls to wall on on this thing because there are a lot of procedures they can do they put little rubber bands around it and let it die they can just pop it like it's called lancing it and that's another way to like relieve it like take it now i think i would have brought a gun

they just cut the whole balloon out and sew it back together i think is basically what they did for me it's one of the most painful recoveries of any surgery that it's probably the worst it's the worst thing in the world it would during the search this is the recovery though i'm talking about that was the super bad thing and uh um so anyway uh he sees me complete him right and then his son works there too his son is a proctologist and he's like a complete hemorrhoidectomy dad like you think and the guy's like do you want me to look and i'm like and he goes oh yeah yeah yeah yeah complete hemorrhoidectomy so methuselah operates on me like it's quick that was a thing too so i get to the hospital and i'm dying in pain and it's clear like there's no fakery or exaggeration happening here and um it wasn't long at all they it was they handled it

like an emergency case like a gunshot wound almost and they get me in there they get me in scrub i'm i'm like front door to the or in what seemed like 12 15 minutes. I'm the guy that they're prioritizing. How quickly did they give you something for the pain? I don't know. I forget. It might have been before the OR. 12 minutes in. They put the IV in.

They put something in the IV. They're like, do you feel better? I'm like, wait. Actually, I do. How did you cure my butt pain with the dude from the thing? I cured all pain. I don't need this. On second thought, you don't need to do it.

Just send me home with this. I literally had that thought. I literally was like, you know, I'm kind of okay now. Maybe we just heal naturally. 15 gallons of that. Yeah. So to wrap this up, I did the surgery. The recovery was one of the most brutal experiences in my life.

It felt like pooping broken glass for weeks. You know what? I bet the fucking cure would have been. This may sound a little gay. You know those lube injectors that they use? Oh yeah, for anal. If I had that surgery, I would absolutely have been like

so for Taylor's benefit, they had the end of it doesn't look scary but it looks kind of like a turkey baster but like rounded off and smooth. And if you're going to fuck a girl on the butt, you can inject her whole butt with lubricant. You can use like numbing lubricant and then let that sit in and do its thing. But if you were going to have a dangerous, scary shit where you didn't want anything to hurt at all,

lube that thing up. You're not going to have anal sex. That's a good idea. I can guarantee you were on a diet. You're right. I was on a diet. I was on a diet that included some sort of oil. Was it straight up olive oil? I forget.

They gave you an oil. That's what will lube you up anyway. Basically, your digestive system is just filled with this stuff and you're on laxatives. It was still amazingly painful and long. I'm on laxatives. You're doing this all day.

Yeah, it's an awful... Taylor, for weeks. For weeks I had that. I missed like two and a half weeks of work. How long was the period when you started getting the hemorrhoid to when it was insurmountable like I have to go to the hospital?

36 hours, something like that. That's how how quickly they pop up it popped up and then he like made it so much worse by doing all that hot sweaty friction work with his loins that's what i was counting from from splitting wood to seeing the doctor for like the night before seeing the doctor was probably a day and a half like i tried to give it a moment to heal like and it wasn't my first hemorrhoid but um yeah and like i said anyway yes a day and a half and it was like this is just i can't live this way it's i was like suicidal it was like like i if you hurt that bad there's no will to live anymore that and that and the um kidney stones are two of my like biggest fears because like the thing with my eye like like hurt really fucking bad and like like just the drive to

like get it done that i remember telling the uber driver her being like oh i couldn't and i'm like yeah that's how i feel too i have to there's no getting out this is a fucking train to outchwitz there's no there's no, lady. There's just dread and fear. That's how I feel about those two things, too. I would pay whatever I could and travel to another country if it meant I could get that hypersonic sound wave shit. If they were like,

sir, your stones are 13 millimeters and we're only ready to 8 millimeters. You need a Brazilian gun to knock these out and that's frankly sir it's not very safe i would be heading to brazil they won't have me i'd be importing a brazilian hypersonic kidney stone gun and zapping myself or something i i cannot pass that stone you've never had one right no no and i drink much soda. Oh, that gives you one?

That's what everyone always says, but I don't believe it. It has to be genetic because there are these people who get multiple kidney stones. Meanwhile, there's me with 35 years of soda experience. My household had Diet Pepsi in two liters continuously. It's what we drink.

It was our Pepsi. It's how we hydrate. It literally is. I'm not exaggerating. It our how we hydrate it literally is i'm not exaggerating it's how we hydrate okay diet pepsi trashy trashy maybe it's what we did okay never a kidney stone i think you're right about the genetic thing because i know one person in particular in my life he's an older guy but like he eats a special diet to avoid them and like even his doctor, apparently, when he told me a few years ago, was like, yeah, it's just something I have to deal with. I don't eat this. I don't eat that.

And I still, about once every four years, have to go in and get them pulverized. I remember going to Jacob Miller's house, and they had milk at dinner. And I was like, I'm never coming back here again. It was chicken nuggets, little pineapple rings, and I don't remember what the third thing was, maybe mashed potatoes, and then glasses of milk. And I was just like... With your chicken rings?

No, it was pineapple rings, you know, like you get out of a can. I like that. I love that. That's the closest thing to candy that people on a restricted diet get. It's so dramatically sweet when you haven't had like real sugar and so long anyway did y'all drink milk at the table like that's what i know woody spilled the milk one time it was a thing so that's true yeah we drank milk at the table and you were forced to finish it well i mean i'd drink

every drop at your house. Goddamn. There's usually water in our house. Just pretty much always water. Maybe people are a little more educated now. I think we'd give our kids water. Yeah, milk's not healthy unless you're bulking. When I'm bulking up and I'm like, how can I add more calories?

It's like, let's throw some whole milk in here in these shakes. It's like, holy shit, that's 150 calories? Yeah. Isn't whole milk a good post-workout, something like that? People act like it has a lot of protein, but the protein-to-calorie ratio sucks. If you're in a weird spot where all you eat are things with no fat, then there's room for milk in your diet. But I never feel like I have any trouble hitting my carb or fat macros, so I don't add milk.

I show those carb macros what's what. They don't stand a chance. Right, right. you know like when i'm dieting well and i'm i have been recently um i like i focus on protein protein protein protein and everything else can go fuck itself it'll it'll be fine if i'm a little low on carbs oh no i've done that before where like i've been a little low on carbs and i'll be like, well, I mean, you got to fuel up. It's like it's 1145 at night. What do you feel? Those goldfish are good. You know what? If I finish the goldfish, then I won't eat them later.

You know what was funny? I had gotten rid of all my goldfish and everything. And my wife was being so sweet because she saw how bummed I was that I couldn't build a workout thing. I couldn't use it. I can't work out now for probably the better part of two weeks. I think I'm being optimistic with the 10 day thing. But she was like, well, I'm just going to take care of you all night. I know you're so bummed and everything.

Is there anything you want from the store while I'm there? And I was like, goldfish. So she got me more goldfish and I've been eating those past few nights. So, yeah, I went the wrong. she got me more goldfish and I've been eating those the past few nights. My wife was like, I'm going to take care of you.

Put your hair in a ponytail. Clean the entire house. Top to bottom. That's so funny. She gets a little mischievous grin, puts it in a ponytail. Do those fucking windows. Get that hair out of your face there's a tremendous amount of moles

in the backyard this year you don't want them grabbing onto your hair that's the first thing they go for the moles well the floor of the basement where i work out hasn't been cleaned since the previous owners of the home. So if you could take care of that. Dude, I've been looking at those four by six, three quarter inch stall mats. The price went up. See, this tractor supply store caught on to what was happening rather quickly, obviously. So now if you go to their website, they have their fitness like thing now.

They actually had tractor supply store. Now they have their fitness like thing now they actually at tractor supply store now they actually sell fitness mats and i think they're like like a six by four by three quarter inch mat is like it's over a hundred dollars yeah they're expensive it's like 150 dollars 170 dollars delivered or something like that and you know 25 by 25 garage uh it's incalculable yeah Yes, that is fact. Yeah. Probably a grand or so, $1,250. Some put that in there just off the top of my head.

If you want to do the whole floor, yeah. Of course I want to do the whole floor. It has to all be seamless. It has to all be seamless. So, like, I have things. It's a binary thing with me with, like, neatness and, like, orderliness. Things can either be a complete wreck and I'm okay with that. Or they have to be like really well organized.

Like most of the time I'm okay with like complete just chaos. Like I needed some tools yesterday and I was like, fuck the drills in my trunk. The ratchet. Well, the ratchet pieces, well, they're in the garage. And the ratchet, it's under the bed somewhere. I think I was going to use it as a weapon if need be. And it's just like everything's scattered.

But I want to put this little garage gym or basement gym, whichever it ends up being, together kind of neatly if I can. I remember. I'm sorry to call out poor kyle but like in terms of like hey some things can be a complete mess and some things need to be quite clean i'm in his car and it's like oh it looks like i went to wendy's a year and a half ago there was there was a bag of fast food back there and and woody's house woody's car must stay very clean because chiz and I both

agreed that you were very, that you overreacted to my, what was literally a petrified french fry. Y'all may have seen this. No, no, no, there was a bag. There was the white bag. What did you do to scare it? With things in it and stuff. Yeah, we're not wet things. No, no, no, they were aged.

They're petrified. Maybe I'm crazy. I've turned to the point where you point where if you bent them at all, they just go like a cracker. It's become wood. My car is in between. You won't find really anything that doesn't belong there except dust. So it doesn't get detailed or anything.

But if there were, say, a water bottle in there, then that comes with me when i leave the car all the time yeah i'm not about that life um there's stuff in my car especially in the back seat because you know like there there have only been like i don't know how many people have sat in the back seat of that camaro before but it's a very short list of people not that not that i'm that exclusive with who i put in my car. It's just that there's no goddamn room back there. Yeah, not a lot of people choose the Camaro when there's more than two people. Most walk in that decision. Or the trunk.

The trunk has the two people. You got a unicycle? I mean, anything else. It's terrible. It's terrible. I've been back there before. On that trip, I got back there at one point to spare you. And I think maybe I had a – I've had some girls back there before, for sure.

But it's not for grown people. Probably not while you were there. Honey, there's got to be a better place. Yeah, it's awful. So yeah, anyway. Good stuff. And that's a horrifying story about your asshole. I hate it.

I'm a little scared. I hate it. I have another one. I've talked about the testicular torsion before, but you mentioned the guy leaning over groaning. I was that guy on testicle day. And I was getting all the attention from the ER. Like everyone's just taking care of me, checking on the kid with the testicle problem. Yeah, really.

I'm 15 years old in the room they're like at 15 they really care about your testicles if you're 65 i imagine they're like well i amputate but for me they're like your fertility you don't really i don't really think of fertility as like one of the main things you value, like, but medically like fertility goes along with like keeping the foot or the hand or something like losing that is a big deal. So, uh, you know,

they're really taking care of me. I'm getting like first class attention and I'm moaning and I'm not faking. I'm in a lot of pain. This is a problem. And my dad is like, everybody's focused on you. Keep it up. I'm out of you,

son. I can't, I was afraid he was going to go the other way. No, no, but everybody's focused on you right now, man up. Like that would have been fuck.

Really? And it was like, it was almost a life lesson. Like, like sometimes it is appropriate to work this system maybe not all the time every time right don't like cheat on every test you take study don't don't like do everything shortcut wise but sometimes you know work the system a little yeah yeah you hadaky wheel. You had a testicular torsion. You were just letting him know you're in pain. Yeah.

I don't want to bother you, but my testicle is dying. Literally. Literally. It was funny. This is a story Kyle won't like, but like, so he cuts you open. He looks at it and it is not the right color. It's like blacking and it's like dying. And he's like, and then I unspun it and it pinkened

right up it's good to be 15 and i was like oh my god what would have happened if i was 25 but you'd never had children could be oh no you still got the other one no i no i think you'd have been oh it wouldn't have been both? Oh, you're fine then. I guess I don't know if it's the Vaz Devrons what holds your testicle in place, but mine was long, giving it the ability to twist. While they were in there, they put a little stitch in both of them

so that they can't twist. A little humble brag there. That's... Those are your fancy twist-proof balls. Yeah, yeah, I it'll be deflects on y'all but they are twist proof now and you're what what age did you get your asshole redone it's almost legal the butt was 26 he's got a tight little 22 year old ass i was thinking about this the other day like if i get um it getting a vasectomy is

one thing but then it was like wait a minute what why do i need what do i need the balls what if what if we just lost the balls but why and i got aesthetically you don't no no no stick with me here and then we got some of those nudicles some big ones right like i can pick i could get like a testicular enhancement essentially like some like some real melons down there fist size both of them and uh and what i was that's that's like 99 a joke but my question would be 99 like one percent i'm like it could be kind of cool right like is it one of those things where like i go in wake up and i got a new set how many hours until after you remove your balls voluntarily are you gonna be like but doesn't the one percent of

you realize that they do other things than just make sperm i mean i inject oh did they make the sperm they do i think testicles make sperm i don't know about the rest of the semen though because i need the semen yeah it comes from your prostate but okay well then why do i need the semen. The semen comes from your prostate. Okay, well then why do I need the balls? I inject all the testosterone. I don't know what else they do. What do testicles do? I told you about the nudicles. I'm getting big fancy balls put in.

Yeah, they might be gilded. Symmetrical, perfectly shaped testes. Yeah, but what if your sack doesn't take to them? Then we'll just get a new set. Just clear the whole place out. Get in new stuff, you're saying. They do it to dogs like every day. Yeah.

It's like a super simple procedure. I could do it myself. Kyle's making more sense the deeper I look into this. They make testosterone, which you could get in a needle, and they make sperm, which is the point of removing them. Yeah. Yeah, which you can get for free at the park at the bookstore you know and like like the benefit from this i was wondering like

when you get kicked in the nuts it is the actual balls that are hurting right so so like if they weren't there anymore would i be immune to to low blows now like a hundred percent like what would it feel like you're new your nudicles are going to hurt. I mean, your dick is sensitive, too. Well, I could flip him up, get him out of danger. Throw him under the waistband? I wrap him up in athletic tape anyway. When I was a teenager and I was surfing, right?

And every once in a while, the wave dies out. So you're surfing on your feet like you might imagine. There's a weak spot. And I just jumped to my belly and started paddling real quick. Well, the dick was pointed up. The wetsuit holds it very tightly, so you don't have to be hard or anything. And I just squished the head in such a way that I was scared it was permanent damage. So not completely invulnerable is my point.

He's pretty resilient. Yeah. He's built a pound. A hardy fellow he is. I see some of those guys with those real, like a nine-inch dick, and it looks like the big pen. It's so skinny. And I'm like, that could actually be dangerous to operate.

He's got to be careful. If he does that bit where he a long thin penis yeah yeah if she does that bit where she's on top and she hits that angle and it goes in wrong i think that one will snap into like a twix yeah well be wary for our for our pencil dick listeners don't let them all i wonder how many are self-identifying right now For our pencil dick listeners. Don't let us know. All you pencil dick listeners out there. I wonder how many are self-identifying right now. Fuck! They're holding up a big pen and they're like, motherfucker.

That's a pretty girthy pen. I don't know. Poor guys. I hate to pedicize shame. That doesn't seem nice. Body positivity. No, that's what we're doing here. I just think it'd be dangerous to operate that equipment. That's all. It could be risky. Sounds like it's a danger for the guy getting ridden, though.

Not for the lady as much. Well, yeah, of course not for the lady. It's a very, very long thin to the point of sharp. Oh, just like like in seven. No. What was the fucking sword name that the little chick assassin had? Stinger? Something like that.

And Kill Bill? No, this is Game of Thrones. Are you? Yeah. Oh, yes. Yeah. Your sword was Stinger. Did I get it right? Yeah, yeah? Oh, yeah. Stinger. Her sword was Stinger. Did I get it right?

Yeah, I think you're right. It's definitely not Sting because that's Lord of the Rings. Yeah. Needle. It was Needle. Needle. Needle. Yeah.

Yikes. Yikes. Yeah. I hate even remembering anything about that show. It's such a. You're that angry at it, huh? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Waste. Look at all that time it wasted and all that hope it inspired in us for years that it was going to be fun. It's very upsetting for me. Did you watch the new Thor trailer? I don't watch trailers. Oh, that's fair. I will not spoil

anything I'll say. It got me excited. The only thing I did see was the image of him like sort of, it looks sort, you know, it's got that Guardians of the Galaxy Thor retro kind of thing, and he's holding a Stormbringer or whatever his new axe is called, and maybe some lightning's hitting it and stuff, and he's ripped again. So, yeah, I'm down.

I can't remember where his hammer is at, Mjolnir, but I'm excited for it and the Guardian stuff. The other stuff I don't really care about, like the Chinese guy with the nine rings. I saw that. I didn't watch that. People said it was good. I disagree.

Well, you know. I don't know what you're thinking, actually. I'm not the most respected movie reviewer on the show. I get that, but I didn't like that I forget nine rings or ten rings or whatever it was called Shin something I don't know but I go to this

I didn't know anything about the Guardians of the Galaxy I hadn't heard of them I didn't I'm like one of them is like a pet person or something like I knew nothing and then i watched it i was like this was actually really good yep so i'm open to the concept that there's some other marvel thing out there that could be amazing it depends who makes the movie you know like guardians

could have been another like fan four stick um if you remember that movie it's when they tried to make the fantastic four and they spelled it uh Instead of an A, they used a four. So it's FanFourStick. And it was one of those movies where they had to go back and reshoot. So some of them are wearing wigs and stuff. And it's really jarring. And it was just a complete disaster. It's another one of those, the Sony or whatever Marvel movies.

Because they still own fantastic four at least then they did maybe things have changed hands with disney and everybody moving around and buying billions of dollars worth of companies i don't know but uh but it was awful sony please sell 15 years worth of rights to someone who will make good movies you have good properties i know you haven't seen moon night yet so like you wouldn't get this little meme but there was a meme and it was like moon knight looking to a mirror at uh at sony and like moon knight was marvel and the person in the mirror was sony was like i could save us both come let me take over because like that's because that's the thing with moon knight he has these dual

personalities and only one of them knows how to use the fucking powers. But if he gives himself over, it's like, now that guy's in control. You have to relinquish power to the other personality. So the non-powerful guy is in control. He has to allow the powerful guy to drive. Whoever is in control remains in control

until they relinquish that control. Why would they ever relinquish control do they just because they each have skills and uh actually being aware of each other is a brand new thing he's he's having a dissociative like fucking meltdown like in the middle of this world uh saving event so he's having a meltdown i love the idea that one guy is like a badass fighter superhero yes and then he's like, this place is a mess and the taxes are due.

Snap over. And the other schlub who can't do throw fireballs or whatever is like, alright. It's basically two of the cliches from any Jason, any Mission Impossible movie, right? You got Tom Cruise, who's the guy who's going to climb on the building and kill the people. But then you got the guy in the van, right? You got Tom Cruise, who's the guy who's going to climb on the building and kill the people.

But then you got the guy in the van, right? Who's escaping me. The guy in the van is in his head. And every now and then he's like, all right, you know what the stars looked like 3,000 years ago? All right, take over, fuck. They have to swap out a little bit.

But for the most part, that show's just okay. I don't know. It's just something to kill time. I don't it but interesting yeah i don't know it's even got um it's got some good casting i like the villain uh he's ethan hawke is the villain um and uh he's he's pretty hardcore he's he's he's he's this soft-spoken villain that i don't really i don't know i don't like him he's too soft-spoken like i like don't really... I don't know. I don't like him. He's too soft-spoken. You're not afraid of him. You're like, this dude's kind of chill.

You realize that you could totally get down with this guy because his only thing is this. He represents an Egyptian god who wants to judge people for things that they may do in the future or the things that they have done in the past. Or the things they're doing right now. All in this moment. You're being judged right now for your entire life's work.

And he puts this little thing on them. Between their hands. And they hold hands. And the scales tip. And you either live or die in that moment. And it's like, wait, I've lived a good life for 50 years. Yeah. But at some point in the future, you were going to fuck up.

So you are hereby punished right now. This ensures that the guilty are always punished. The difference is our hero, his Egyptian gods deal is we catch somebody slipping. We fuck them up, yo. Like that's his whole thing. He waits until they have committed the crimes already, and then he literally beats them to death. And so these two Egyptian gods have an argument basically about policing strategy. And that's a whole Marvel TV show.

So I'm excited about this concept because it solves the Walter Frey problem. I've said this so many times. I'll do it quickly. This guy lived his best life, right? He had dozens of wives and dozens of children. And he was the ruler of a kingdom until he was like 100. His kid's like 75 and never gets to be king.

And then for his last like 10 minutes really sucked and i'm like he won he won this game a hundred to point five like if there's a basketball school he crushed it or score he would have crushed it so yeah uh anyway the egyptian god would have punished him at 13. And that's kind of how I'm feeling watching it. I'm like, you know, like, it works. As long as he gets it right. Yeah, I don't care. And like the most hardcore thing Ethan Hawke does, I guess, to like flagellate himself on a continuous basis.

Every morning he wakes up and he like takes a drink of water from this glass. And then he wraps it in a towel and smashes the glass with his magic cane that judges people's souls and then he pours the shards into his like mandals and then he slips them bitches on and he walks in glass all day and you can hear him every time every step he takes it goes kink kink because he's got the shards of glass all in the bottom of his mandals well i know you said the show was just so so unskippable but you've captured my imagination well go check it up you'll be out you'll be disappointed um i think that's the plan i know i haven't it's like it's like i don't know like there's definitely gonna be any titties i'll say that disney's gotta get some titties in there there's not enough gore either i I don't know. Yeah, this show needs to be on HBO. Well, Marvel owns their own shit. I like

titties and gore though. Titties and gore are like the cornerstones of a good TV show these days, I feel. My dreams are not constrained by corporate enterprise, corporate org charts and such. It should be on HBO. The reality is my dream. Better call Sol is out though,

the new season. I noticed a little cool thing um I just saw the I only look at posters so if they do anything cool the poster I catch that so like the poster for the new season of better call Saul I want to say it's like black and white and he's wearing his like standard like lawyer suit but he's doing that thing where he's like throwing on a new sport coat you know he's like doing that motion and the new sport coat's like bright red you know so he's it's him transitioning into like the real the saul goodman from breaking bad the flamboyant bright orange suits and shit and like the whole persona um i think this is the season where he transitions into that and when maybe he loses pretty blonde lawyer lady yeah pretty slick

right yeah I like it I the final season oh that's interesting too so it's on AMC I think we pay for that yeah like dude Colin buy shit and then it just like keeps happening

entertainment I saw a thing the other day where this lady is in her garage, and she's got two little boys, and she's like, you bought this? And they're covering their faces. You know how dogs will be when they've torn up a magazine? Yes. They're doing that.

They are crying. They are crying. They are so embarrassed. It's like an 88-inch TV. They didn't buy a PlayStation or some little bullshit thingamabob. They have a gigantic box there with an 80 inch

LED TV. She sounded so chill about it. My mom would have been beating me while she recorded. This lady wasn't mad. Clearly because Amazon's going to take that TV right fucking back but like i don't know if i fucked up like that i just i like that the kids were afraid because

they needed to be afraid but my mom would have had to work a lot harder to get me that afraid i guess is where i was she earned your fear and she would have i choose to believe that dad's like back there like nice for kids you guys are taking the fall for this one oh no honey whatever will we do I already opened it and mounted it to the wall and installed HBO and invited

all of our friends and they're here I read something and I'm kind of getting on board it might be the move to buy the dumbest TV you can find. Some of the smart TVs are inserting their own ads, which I haven't seen myself, but I've read about. And they can go out of date and maybe you don't get every channel. Is that a thing? I think the best experience comes from a streaming device.

Just get the dumbest TV and Roku or whatever is good. Go ahead, Kyle. Might be. Okay, well, I completely agree with that. So I do both. I think I've got a Sony. I think I got a Sony. Okay.

I don't notice any ads, but if they did give me ads, I'd appreciate them, honestly, because they're advertising content to me. And I always want... The Samsung? I think we have the exact same tv yeah okay then but but but like i use it i don't know about you but i use its interface occasionally um especially if i'm gonna like adjust something over there with the tv

settings but um for some reason i have paramount plus installed into the tv but not into my like amazon device and i'm too lazy to go and like find that information and i did one of my wackadoo passwords where like yeah i went and i'm not remembering that shit and uh and so like i just have to switch over the tape but i don't mind and occasionally it does serve like some kind of an ad but like i said i don't watch anything that has ads anymore so i don't always know when a cool movie or tv show is coming out. I want to be advertised to like, like I am the best target for advertising. I'm like, Oh,

you got an ad. I sit and watch trailers. Like, like, like sometimes I watch trailers when it's a movie that I'm until it has sold me. Like if I'm like, Oh,

I don't know what this is. I'll never watch it unless it like, it sells me a little bit and I'll start watching the trailer. And the moment it has me, I'll pause it and stop. Because shit gets ruined for me really easily if I have too much information. I can imagine that. I know you like Mission Impossible, right? So Mission Impossible, whatever they're up to, comes out.

And you're like, don't show me the trailer. I want to be surprised. But if it's maybe Moon Knight, something you're completely unfamiliar with, I predict. Then you'd want to see the trailer and see if it's maybe Moon Knight, something you're completely unfamiliar with, I predict, then you'd want to see the trailer and see if it's some Viking show. Maybe you want to see the trailer and see what's up. That makes sense. For sure. We use it with movies because I'm going

to more movies now that the pandemic's over. Delta says it is, so it is. Now, everybody's taking the fucking masks off. I know we're going over here. Do you want to wrap it up and say I wanted to talk about john jones for a minute but we can just do it on pk uh let's do a pkn again you want to talk about john you think john jones is going to beat stipe first of all the fact that it's being offered to him that they're saying to inganu

the heavyweight champion of the world for tay's benefit, that, hey, what, did you hurt your foot or something? What's it been, like, eight months since you fought? You know what? We're going to have an interim fight. Two guys are going to fight for a temporary belt. And then at some point, if you want your belt to be the undisputed belt, you'll have to face off against the winner of that fight.

But we're not going to let this division, you know, sit here for eight months. They do it all the time. We want this fight. division you know sit here for eight months they do it all the time we want this fight and so they're having the ex-champ big white boy fight the 205 pound john bones steroid jones getting arrested beating up women champion of the world never defeated only ufc fighter to beat a car only lost one fight and it was a disqualification because he fucked the guy up so hardcore with an illegal blow. He headbutts cars. He does all the drugs.

He destroyed Uncle Chael, and he gets away from the law every time they try to pull him down. He narrowly beat Uncle Chael. He won eight seconds left in the round, and he would not have come out for the second. That's my story. You can't tell it. I love that story.

I love that reality where that existed because Chael would have held that belt as long as he could he'd never fought john he'd have been hurt for the next like 36 months oh yeah forever and he'd have been talking so much shit to john he'd have been calling john won't sign calling john a coward anyway these two are fighting and it's actually a big fucking deal because john has spent literally the last i think two years i don't think it's exaggerating putting on 40 pounds like every time you look at his instagram he's squatting heavy it's nothing but like he's just squatting heavy he's you know like like what was it i said 700 pounds and someone was like he does not he squats 600 oh well what a bitch he's you know like like what was it i said 700 pounds and someone was like he does not he squats 600 oh well what a bitch he's very long and thin and he doesn't look that thin in that

picture but he's he's he's built kind of a two-to-one favorite i didn't see that coming he's long and thin and in a way this comes from greatette, a video I watched of him, he's getting newbie gains. He spent his whole life kind of optimizing his strength to weight ratio. And this is the first time he hasn't had a weight problem. If anything, he likes being heavy. So he's lifting in a way that he couldn't when he had to make a weight limit. And he's kind of getting newbie gains. I think two of his brothers were NFL players or maybe even still are. So he comes from stock

that doesn't have to be so skinny and now he's bulking up and he has steroids. Probably. Very much looking forward to that fight. Huge John Bones Jones fan. Kind of was a bitch when he cried when those cops took him down though.

I was a big fan and now I'm just interested in in a good sized fan yeah something like that because like that is a real bitch move crying um when you get arrested and cry you have every right to talk trash yeah i've been arrested a time or two and like i think i should i fucking tear i mean when i got back home and like they just and it's like well i fucked up didn't I? You have that cry, but I'm not crying in front of him. Look at my fucking picture. Look at my mugshot. I'm hard as nails, son.

You're ready to do life. You're ready to do life. As far as they know. Staring down life with vitriol in his eyes. Yeah, so I'm excited about Jon Jones. i did not see him being a favorite like that i don't chael sun and acts like weight lifting and putting on muscle

is not making you a better fighter it just makes you slower it makes you tired faster stuff like that and i mean it seems like strong people do well at fighting to me, but he's Chael Sonnen and I'm just fucking Woody. But he hates Jon Jones. I can't take his analysis seriously. I'm being silly. Anyway, I want to see the fight. Let's see the fight. Very excited.

Stipe was the longest reigning champion in the heavyweight division in UFC history. And Jon Jones is the longest reigning champion in the light heavyweight division in UFC history. And he was a longer reigning champion too. But I guess I'm saying Stipe is no joke. He's a legend at the sport. And let's see what he does against Jon Jones. Get smoked. If DC can beat him, then Jon can make him cry maybe.

Yeah, DC can't beat him. The only way Jon Jones can ever be a full man in my eyes again is if he makes Stipe cry. That'll cancel out his crying. Pull the cry shame away from Jones, and he'll have it. Yeah, so to be fair, Stipe beat DC two times out of three. But I just thought you're like, if DC beats him, then

Jon Jones kills him. DC won one in three tries. That's still telling. Jon Jones hasn't lost to DC in any of his tries. Well, there was the... If they fought tonight, Jon would beat DC. Jon kind of lost

in that one of the times they fought, they took his win away because of his positive steroid test. They determined that he was too much man for that event. That is what they said. They said, you're so much of a man. Why are you in there with regular people?

Sounds legit. All right. Let's wrap it up and see Taylor chomping at the bit. PKN episode 400. Thanks, boys.