Painkiller Already - PKN 405

Episode Date: May 25, 2022

There we go. And 405. It took a minute. So what do you have? You have big news. You make it sound so very hard. You're so excited. You guys.

So before the show, I was like, we can talk about the shooting. They don't even know about the shooting. They don't know how horrific it is. I have no idea what you're talking about. Are we going to make a new one today? Today, an 18-year-old in Texas went to an elementary school and shot...

Now, I have two reports in front of me. One says two dead. The other says 15 dead. And the others are wounded. So this is super breaking news. So this just happened, if that's the level of knowledge they have two or 15. Exactly.

Yeah. Yeah. The one from 27 minutes ago says 15 were killed. Uh, a Fox news one from 52 minutes ago says two were killed. So maybe this is a number that's still increasing. I don't know. They killed the gunman.

So he was 18. Jesus Christ. Yeah. This is a rough one. But that to me means like. Elementary school. That's the thing. The elementary school in particular. Like, look, none of these shootings are okay.

Like, don't get me twisted. But when I hear like, oh, this guy had been bullied for three and a half years. He couldn't take it for another minute and shot up his own high school. I'm like, oh, that's awful. You understand where his motivation came from. Elementary school. Good gosh. Why? It's not like he knew those kids if he's an 18-year-old.

If you're not American, elementary school typically means fourth grade or lower, which means nine years old to five. Yeah. Very young children. These little kids. Yeah, man. That last shooting was all old people. That was the thing I took away from it. I don't know if you guys have been able to find which one.

The last one in New York in Buffalo. They were old. Almost all of them were old because it was people grocery shopping at what looked like the afternoon like 3 p.m grocery shoppers retirees they're all like 80 like like the average age is like 80 like one lady's like 93 for real like they're in their high and high 80s and like low 90s i think in the the people who died even the security guard i think if i remember was like an older gentleman who like had that job and like when you see her him like start shooting it's like oh these are all old women you're shooting at like you've pulled up to like the old woman hangout club what are you doing

again not that it's right to shoot anybody but when they're choosing old people old women and children children like the youngest of children like it just seems like i i don't understand that one because my thing has always been like weren't you mad at something was it the old women and children who were holding you down yeah it certainly wasn't a seven-year-old or a group of people. Yeah, yeah. Like, clearly you were angry about something. God, there's no way it was, like, finger painting in Miss Johnson's class.

What the fuck? Or, I mean, it doesn't seem like we know anything about this guy yet. He could be one of those people whose, like, demons told me to do this. Right. Here's what i know and in taylor's right i barely know anything i know that he's 18 and he went to that school system awesome also the uvalde high school interesting but i don't know why a high school teacher would go after these finger painting children or whatever like a student yeah yeah a high school student

going hmm i wonder what'll come out about it well either way that's fucking horrible i had no idea any of that happened yeah i uh my sleep schedule's bad like when when taylor was like hey can we do five i'm like fuck i don't know thanks for being a good friend i appreciate it i have to set a different alarm uh you look like you're in a hotel a high class hotel i'll say yes it's no it's it is funny like i was doing hotels and everything and like my wife is mosquito larvae not good enough for me my wife is almost she's not quite as extreme as woody but like when i look at hotels and i'm like that's only a few hundred dollars a night and it's comfortable like it's a brand of hotel i know like i'm good with that she's like but it's just think of what else we could spend that on what if we got

there's a motel six here and like when we're planning vacation she'll say stuff like that i think just to get my approval of like no we're absolutely not going on vacation in a motel six. Jesus Christ. Don't veto on that. Like we're not spending $65. And I also don't need something super fancy. Cause if I'm at the beach, I'm going to be outside pretty much the whole time. Anyway,

there's a line for sure. It's like air travel as well with, you know, you don't do first class for like a two hour hop, you know, from one place to another. It doesn't make any sense, but there's definitely a time and place for a nice hotel,

but five or $600 a night when you're already at a place that's like expensive to have a good time at doesn't make a lot of sense. You're like, Hey, we could have just spent two 50 a night. We'd had so much money to eat at nice restaurants every night. And it can incentivize you to enjoy the room when there are better things to enjoy. Yeah. You know, yeah, for sure. Yeah. Let's, let's go straight enjoy. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, let's go straight home after dinner.

No, you will remember it more and more fondly if you get out. Yeah. So are you on vacation or are you – maybe you don't want to say I didn't clear this. I don't want to say where I am since I'm here for a few more days and I don't want anybody showing up. Yeah, I'm at the beach on on vacation just my wife and i hanging out we had a whole different trip planned to a different beach and then like four days before we were gonna leave like thankfully we got the trip insurance my wife just happens to check and she looked at like the beach we were going to and was like hey it's thunderstorms every single day

and i'm like not every day and she's like no look seven out of seven days it's thunderstorm so we had to like double time we had to be like okay thank god we got the trip insurance back out of all that where's another fucking beach because this week is locked in for her so we can't be shifting it like we have to go now and so we found another another oh that's cool good idea to adjust yeah i am thankfully she was paying attention neck deep in vacation planning right now i have i have fired up another midlife crisis where suddenly my i just can't go on living unless i do some cool fucking shit and uh it's basically gonna be another motorcycle trip where i zoom out to colorado this time spend a week in Colorado, a week in Wyoming, then zoom home.

I mentioned this to my insane group of friends and there's like four on board already. Sometimes these things become less on board as things firm up, but I think I'm going to do something. Nice. Can I interrupt you?

That was very cool like i'm like oh what are the pka boys gonna say what if i miss a show what if i you're just like nice go live life like that was that's very what are we supposed to do is that not in our character are we not always like i don't know what's what does somebody else might have been no that is in your character that is i appreciate you for being you but like yeah anyway like what he just said he was going to go on a vacation what do we think well we don't have time for it wait a minute we like woody woody gonna have a good time we like all of this i don't think any time ever that sounds like your kind of vacation too all that's missing

is like you know you love your motorcycle thing you just needed a little bit more camping and campfires mixed in so like i would say if you go up to like any of that those like national parks up there doing that camping like there's like real monsters up there that eat people oh yeah maybe i see one of like that's not like our like camping on the east coast like it's scary whenever i camp with my friends i play super they're like there's bears in these woods and i'm like don't worry kyle stand behind me as if like that does anything i mean but i could take a bear like yeah they got yeah they're big they got we've got black bear they've got brown bear um those are the ones that like eat black bears are like big dogs you could almost like you go chill with him if you got a sandwich you got sandwiches the the black bear i'll be like oh you brought enough for everyone cool you enjoy yours and i'll

enjoy mine and we'll sit here together the the brown bear is just like oh you'll be fattened up by the time i get to eating you starting with the kids though is that true because i knew grizzly bears were scary like that. I didn't know black and brown. I think that's what I mean when I say brown. I think a brown bear is a grizzly bear, right? Yeah, that's what I mean. I don't know my bears then.

I think it's literally just the colors. I think they literally strip it down to those two colors because the black bears are the ones you're supposed to fight and the brown bears are the ones you're supposed to fucking run from. Or is it something else? I know that's what i'm going to do i'll tell you what i'll tell you what whatever the charts say be damned i'll fight the black i'm fighting the black ones and i'm running from the brown ones i have scared away a black bear before it was stealing picnic baskets literally this is a true story we were in yosemite camping

it was stealing someone else's picnic. And we're just like, we used degrading words like bad bear, bad bear. And we clapped and someone else banged pots together. Well, at least you didn't take it to a racial place. I didn't even think of that as a degrading word. Here comes slut bear. I don't see any polar bears stealing our food. Jesus Christ.

You know, 100% of the picnic thieves around here are colored bears. They are BOC. Bears of color. And it's funny because the bear, like, put down and like walked away in shame with the picnic basket there was no prevent like that part was non-negotiable i'm willing to leave but your shit's coming with me no i'm definitely there's a video of it on youtube somewhere i know that like in colorado and i think you mentioned wyoming i think that part of the country has um elk and uh and again i don I don't know. Usually those four-legged herbivore animals start breeding right around this time of October-ish

or a little before then. And when they're in the rut, I know deer, whenever you see someone getting beaten by a whitetail deer, it's because it was breeding season and they fucked with that somehow. Either by putting dough and heat urine on themselves or some some other way they got involved like the rut makes those animals crazy the breeding season i've seen those heat this is a word to me it's like the breeding season um so like one of the reasons that um it makes the uh the males act really out of character and like a lot less sneaky normally like the reason that a big deer gets big is because he's he's out of character sneaky beyond a normal deer it's not this that

like oh that one happened to get big it's like no that one had good genetics for getting big it ate well and it was sneaky because anything less than all three of those categories means it's a dead deer. But around the rut, that's when they're not. I mean, we've all been there, right? Many poor decisions get laid. They'll run through roads and broad daylight and stuff like that. But I would be more afraid of a mama elk or something. I don't know that part of the country and that wildlife.

But God, I'd hate to get beaten to death by a mama elk and that to don't know that that part of the country and that wildlife but like god i hate to get beaten to death by a mama elk and that'd be on my tombstone it was neat when i did the tombstone i think so i don't know why i'm assuming i have an input on your tombstone oh taylor we do and we're definitely putting his cause of death on there yeah just a picture of an elk like carved into it an elk beat him up but in fairness he was really high that'll be uh when i went out west on the tat last year uh tat is transamerica trail you guys probably know but listeners may not and it was cool to see the other wildlife you wouldn't think that'd be so like impact have you seen a porcupine in real life i caught one yeah big oh i had never seen a porcupine i was like you know come to think of it this might be the first porcupine badger

you see animals in the distance right and they're large so you know that they're cows they're brown cows then you get up close and you're like motherfuckers are buffalo they're just buffalo roaming around here i thought wild bill hitchcock like solved this um and you'd see llamas and uh antelope and maybe antelope but um what are the ones that i thought llamas are domesticated right yeah yeah they're llama farms though i definitely did see them and um there's uh you think deer but this is like a deer but it springs and it jumps a little part maybe it was antelope then yeah and they were like the song with a deer and the antelope roam so just song anyway it was neat to see these things just like they half run half fly as they cover the ground and um i i'm getting excited about it i like how

they prance and i like the videos well i mean you wouldn't see this in like where you were but like the ones in africa of like those they're like the they're the the spry little kind of pinpoint uh kind of that's how they run and you'll see like that weird juxtaposition of like that silly you know goofy game from the animal as it's like trying to not be consumed. And it's weird. It's like the, it looks like the lions like playing for absolute keeps with its running

pace. And this thing's kind of fucking off, but it's like, it's just doing its best. Like this is how we go fastest. Imagine if you were coming to kill me and I've discovered that my most efficient mode of transportation was skipping. You start moonwalking towards that literally sounds like a nightmare when you can't run

properly from whatever you need to get away from yeah where all your limbs move too slow to yeah dude as a child though i i sort of like running gets me exhausted walking doesn't get me anywhere quickly but i can skip forever the only reason i don't is social pressure yeah i mean you use those wheelies for far longer than any adult should have and you you're the one who doesn't have a pair of heelies here kyle yeah that's that's 100 accurate these are the people you choose to associate with. I wasn't against the wheelies. I was against the type of people I generally saw wearing and using the wheelies.

I was like, ah, I don't want to join your club. They were the coolest thing as kids. I had wheelies. I'm talking about like 2010. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have wheelies in my 40s. I still have wheelies that fit. But really, I was just using them as a way to spend time with my kids in the cul-de-sac.

It's not the shopping mall like you might be picturing. Oh, I know what that's like, yeah. I saw some gruesome, heely accidents in late, I guess it was middle school. Late grade school because that's when you still had recess. accidents in in late i guess it was middle school late late grade school because that's when you still had recess kids would just we had like a big sloping like asphalt blacktop parking lot in the back and there was way more of that and there was grass for recess and so kids would just like get up there and then we could see who could go the fastest and like there's no way to stop like you have to try and run fat as fast as are currently going, which very quickly becomes an impossibility if you're on any sort of slope whatsoever.

And so you just see kids doing the same thing as if you jumped out of a car going 25, where you get two good steps and then you face plant right afterward. No fun. I think they actually did in sixth grade get rid of Heelys in recess because too many kids were getting hurt and you know racing and it's like it's it's your fault for like being like all right recess no you can't go on the field that's for athletes play on the concrete you know they're starting to um i can't remember where it was but like taking recess away was a common punishment and they're ending that because they i don't know that they felt that's inappropriate that's like taking away the prisoners fucking meal time or something like that you know they they get they get the play time they're seven i i hated that as a kid at least yeah we had your recess taken away my like recess equipment was so varied growing up depending on like in

like kindergarten i was in a different school system because we moved between kindergarten first grade they had that old school scary shit like the way i remember it keep in mind i was five but you climbed up a tall ladder to go down the slide and there's no way that ladder was higher than eight or ten feet but there's no way it was lower than eight or ten feet that a six-year-old climbed up like it was a tall fucking ladder and the slide wasn't a curly q thing with like like like a like a tube it was a flat piece of steel sheet metal that had polished by children's asses for generations and you flew down that thing we had like we had all the like old school heavy duty stuff and then when i moved we moved to livonia and they didn't have shit like they didn't have a playground

they sent us out into a field most days with like with like made up shit to do with each other and and then something like a cracked frisbee yeah yeah and and then finally they got these um it's it looks like basketball they got some swing sets but like not enough for and then finally they got these um it's it looks like basketball they got some swing sets but like not enough for everybody and uh they got like a bullshit little little thing to play in eventually but for a long time we were just out there and then if you and in third grade you didn't get to use the field you were on a different playground and we were in like a concrete area with four basketball goals. And that was it. And I just remember falling all the time and skinning my knees on asphalt and just be like, this is the worst.

Oh, I skinned so many knees. Second grade, they didn't even let us in the field or that parking lot with the basketball goals, though. They sent us to the front parking lot of the school on the side that the teachers didn't use. And we just skipped. And't use. We just skipped. We painted. We had chalk. We did that sidewalk chalk shit and that was playground. That was it. What do you want to do today?

Chalk. Although I remember Michael always wanted to tie girls up and whip them with long pieces of grass. I thought that was... Follow up with that kid. Yeah, I want to look into that that was second time them up well they had to pretend a little but but like like like that was the gist i remember that he was he's like pretend a little i feel like everyone here is a willing participant in

this kink they were but but i think he was the only one really enjoying it he was the only one getting off yeah I saw a kid break both of his wrists in elementary school I've told it before he tried to like do a backflip the cool kid in 6th grade so I was in 5th grade because this kid was both of these kids were a year older and the cool like 6th grader was up there

and he did a backflip off of like the top of the monkey bars because it was a trick he did. And everybody was so impressed with it. And he landed badly and broke his ankle. And everyone was like, shut the fuck up. Don't say anything, Jared. Don't say anything. David's still going to go. Let's see if I carpooled with this kid.

Oh, the cool kid broke his ankle. Cool kid broke his ankle. Normally he got away with it. Yeah, but the mimicker kid who wanted to be cool but wasn't as cool wasn't uncool, just, you know, tried to punch him up his way. We can't all be first kid. He went so hard that he overdid it. And so, like, instead of landing, like, it's almost like

he got halfway through a third flip. And so he, like, spun himself full force into the paint or the wood chips. And he used both of his wrists to stop. And it wasn't enough. And he like either sprained or broke both wrists. It was like, oh, yeah, he stopped. He did. He lost that fight to the wood chips undefeated.

And yeah, that was over the course, like three, three and a half minutes. Two kids with like serious injuries and all because like i'm pretty sure whatever teacher was like keeping an eye on us was probably just hung over do you ever think about that like looking back like being like man i wonder why my teacher is being such a cranky bitch and it's like this is like she yeah she was wasted last night what i look back and think of is how the teachers weren't as brilliant as I thought they were. As a child, teacher was the most respected profession around. I mean, teachers, they're probably geniuses, right?

As an adult, I'm like, this is the easiest major in college. And that's why you picked it for that reason or summer's off. My dad made sure that I knew by the fourth grade. My teacher was not only not a genius. She was a stupid bitch. Teachers are unambitious people who chose an easy major in college. That's why you get that job. That's not how I saw it.

I remember coming back as my kids were in school and just weird shit. One that's popping into my head right now. So I'm like a parent volunteering, right, helping out. They have the kids arrange themselves like the solar system.

So one guy is the sun, the next guy is Mercury, Venus, Earth, etc. Okay. The teacher was adamant that all the planets remain in a straight line as they rotate around the sun so like uranus is out there walking really fast and mercury is barely moving and i'm like why is this so important to you this isn't what planets do at all i didn't say it i

didn't want to like pop a balloon just Just a fat Neptune. Trying to keep it. You think all the planets stay in alignment? That should have been part of the lesson, though. If she'd done it to scale, or at least close enough to scale. You can't do it to scale. But if she'd done it to scale, the kids on the outside would have had to run faster to keep up.

And you could have demonstrated a little bit of geometry, maybe. But no. She just put them all in a line and had everybody keep pace yeah you could have maybe i don't even know for sure but i'm pretty sure uranus and like as you get out there pluto that these years are much longer than our years oh way longer yeah she could have demonstrated that like oh look how this guy's made six loops around and this guy's only made one. Exactly. No, I don't think they... I don't remember that ever bothering me,

but I did know that. There's a bunch of things that little kid me wanted to be a shithead about. I think that was one of them, that the planets don't swing together in sequence, like an arm through the solar system. Well, they don't even go in one horizontal plane.

More or less, it's the same. Yeah, they do. Not on the exact one, certainly. There's a lot of variance. Doesn't Neptune have totally wonky, isn't it? I don't know why they take a picture of Neptune with that ring top over bottom

because I don't think that's accurate. How would they fake that? What do you mean fake it? They turn the fucking picture? Oh, we found a new one! This one's really cool! This one wears its hair to the side. That would be so funny.

If they're just like NASA released it and they're all... I know they're all we can't admit it i know they're all on the same you know plane uh kind of like the galaxy is on the same plane there's aren't there aren't i don't think there's normally in our solar system anyway there's not normally a planet that's like going this way and then some that are going this way so that they just barely miss you know as they go around that'd be be neat. Some planetary collisions. That's how we got the moon. That's how they think we have the moon.

I agree. How they think we have the moon is a lot like eggs. They don't really know. Oh, come on. With the egg thing. Don't go back to that. Just because you don't understand when you get eggs. Until they're not. Oh, I thought you meant how you didn't know where eggs came from. Oh, no.

I know where eggs come from I know you're not sure because none of us are exactly sure about the problem I've heard that chickens have sex repeatedly and it's weird or can chickens be pregnant that doesn't sound like me I defy someone to find

evidence of that I found both answers like the I don't even know. They put the sperm in the cochlea or something. I'm a little confused as to how chickens get pregnant, but I read it and understood it briefly. Yeah.

Yeah. I don't care anymore. They're chickens. You should know. You probably watched chickens do that all the time. No. See, my dad did the thing with broilers, the meat part. You start with a little beep beep, little yellow thing and

turns into a full grown bird in six or seven weeks that you rotisserie. There's three stages in the chicken biz, if I understand this right. Kyle's going to know this, but I'm going to take my shot at it. One is turning chickens into eggs, getting eggs out. The other is turning eggs into chicks. And then there's the part Kyle's father does, which is turn chicks into chickens. Yeah, more or less, because there's a place where they actually make pullets, which is where they're making the hens, I think, that are going to lay the eggs.

That's part of the industrial process where like our efforts here are solely to make chickens that are going to breed. And then there's the place where they make the eggs that we eat. And then there's a hatchery where they're making the eggs that they're hatching out into little yellow peeps and then sending them to farms to become big, strong chickens to get eaten. And I can't remember how they do it i i know how they do it but i can't remember why they did it but they they uh they killed like some enormous amount of little baby chickens one time and uh they just get rid of the boys right i think that might be i know they just grind them up or something i've seen that it's it's like it's

genuinely like upsetting like a guy just has like one of those like a container the size of like an office water jug and he's just and have you seen those videos where like they throw tires into that grinding machine and it can just take anything it's just dumping chicks all going beep beep beep beep and they're you know they don't peep for long but like i'll tell you what you spend enough time as little fuckers that peep and it doesn't it doesn't do anything for you anymore you're like yeah peep it up is there no other use for the little male chicks though so i guess they wouldn't they would cost too much resources to get big enough to sell for meat see i don't i don't i don't i think they're taking the male chicks in that instance because though that that that group is destined to maybe be the the egg layers and i think they're taking the male chicks in that instance because that group is destined to maybe be the egg layers.

I think they're creating a generation of egg layers there. That's part of the cycle that I don't know much about. But normally, the chickens that would come to my dad, there's males and females mixed, and it seems 50-50. I would think it would be ideal if you could somehow get a higher mix of males, and I'm sure that's happened. Did you ever go out there and your dad was just like, I want fresh chicken tonight, and he just killed the chicken? We did that one time in 1991.

So you were four? It was five, and it was awful. We all learned a valuable lesson that day the grocery store earns every penny they get from us they they know how to they know how to butcher a chicken and then then wash it and put it in a package and and weigh it out and everything and then it's not all ripped apart and and the children aren't crying when did it go poorly well was he like gather around kids say goodbye to you know henrietta no no like the all i remember is like yeah we're gonna why would we buy he

hadn't owned the place long he was a new chicken farm and he was like why would i buy a chicken i guess like i'm a chicken farmer like like maybe maybe like whoever sold them the farm was like and it and chicken dinners are now just free just count that as a luxury you have you snap your fingers and a chicken dinner appears because you know but if your time is useless it's pretty much i do have a wife uh so she she cooked that chicken and i just remember it being like awful and i remember fattiness i remember there being fattiness which is probably something about her butchery that went poorly but they did have to start with a whole feathered chicken it was not good we never did that again we did that the one time and it was like nah they've got they've

got their together at the grocery store we're gonna go through them from now on just just owning a chicken farm doing that once and being like, nah. I'm going to filter this whole process through Kroger, and they'll sell me back what I need. Oh, have you been watching Barry? Or do you watch Barry even? I saw the first season. Are there two or three now?

Three now. The third season is like debuting. Actually, no. If it came out a while ago and there was a huge break, I think I watched one and two. Okay. Because we were talking about it a while ago and there was a huge break i think i watched one and two okay because we were talking about it there was a huge break with the pandemic it may have been two over two years um but there's like four or five episodes out of the third season now and it's really good like barry's having a real difficult time mentally and uh but everybody around him's doing really well. And so that's making things even harder for him.

And his girlfriend's got a problem with this lady who's in the entertainment business and he's like, ah, you want me to... I could do something. And she's like crying. She's like, what could you do? They canceled the show. Well, you know, I could... I don't know. I could go take some pictures of her sleeping and then send them to her. She said, what? You'd like break into her house?

Yeah, yeah. But she would, she'd never even know I'd been there. That's the, that's the point. You make them feel small. You make them feel like they're not, they're going crazy and they're out of control. Like, you know, you go, you sneak into the middle of the day and you change out all their furniture to larger furniture, just bigger versions of what they already had. They think they're getting tinier and tinier. She's like, genius. She reacts like, what the fuck? Where did you learn that?

Well, you know, in the army and some stuff I picked up on a subreddit you know at that point i was rolling laughing because he's described like more awful ways to scare this woman and do horrific things to her but when he said he learned it in the army and some stuff on a subreddit the army what could how could it be useful when you are trying to intimidate Al Qaeda, what do you do? I go to Ikea, sir, and find larger versions. I did just watch Zero Dark Thirty-Two.

I highly recommend Barry, though. It's really funny. The first season or two was good. I liked it. Yeah. But the third season, you have the relationship between no ho hank the armenian heroine um uh kingpin who has alopecia so he has zero hair on his entire body that's the guy who like wants to be cool and like liked and every okay he's very funny

like the way he interacts with barry is so funny oh Oh, hey, Barry! Why are you calling me? I just killed all your friends. And he's like, yeah, that wasn't cool. They have a lot of conversations like that. Like in the most recent episode, Barry's sitting on the couch with NoHo Hank and NoHo Hank's South American drug dealer boyfriend. And the South American guy's like, you killed all my friends.

He's like, yeah, that was a bad day. You killed all my buddies. I'm looking for another thing to watch, so I'll check that out. Obi-Wan's coming out, and the boys is coming out. Yeah, the third for the boys. I don't know when Obi-Wan comes out, but I guess I'm going to watch it.

I know I'm going to watch it. I like Ewan McGregoror enough uh boys in particular i season two was not worse than one and that's rare season two was at least as good as one i like i think yeah and uh so i i just i don't know why i have this unfounded confidence that season three will be as good as the other two well it's an amazon product and like as much as i think they're going to like make this lord of the rings thing awful for people like me and taylor who maybe have a greater appreciation for this thing or just like or you know or just like i just don't want a black dwarf like if that makes me racist that i'm racist i don't i don't like

hashtag no black dwarves um where were there am i crazy were there any black dwarves. Weren't there black dwarves? Am I crazy? Were there any black dwarves in The Hobbit? No. No. One of them got dirty one time. Not Middle Earth either. I must be mixing up my shows then. I'm sorry.

I cut you off. No, it's fine. I don't think I want to watch that. But I do have faith in Amazon to some extent. They did a really good job with the first two seasons of The Boys. The special effects are awesome. And the important thing to me is that it keeps being so, so dark that they keep surprising you with how dark and twisted it can be.

Like when Homelander is having Dirty Alley superhero sex with a Nazi, and part of it is that they both like crush that homeless man to death. While it was like part of their kink. Yeah. Yeah. There's we're going to like fucking his pulp at the very end of one of the seasons. This isn't a spoiler.

Homelander like flies up into the sky. He's on top of a building. You can see his silhouette. He's on a city, right? He's in the city. He's on top of a building. You can see his silhouette. He's in the city. Everybody's seeing him. You just see his silhouette against the moon or something. He is jacking off.

There is a sort of, I don't give a fuck what anybody thinks. I'm a homelander to it. This is the best show on TV. I'm looking forward to it i i haven't i haven't rewatched it or anything um but but no i'm psyched for it it's one of the better things that's on tv is i can't remember what amazon does do they give us the whole shebang right off the bat or uh do we have to wait season to i think they do the whole thing right yeah i think so that's cool i prefer that um then you can like try to be an adult and like spoon feed like two episodes at a time to yourself the boys i want to say they're going to

drop like two or three on the first week and then go weekly yeah that is what i remember yeah that they that they do something like that okay the the the addition of Jensen Ackles is really cool. I think that's his name. The smaller guy from Supernatural. The smaller brother. Okay. The other guy, Jared Padalecki. Is that dude still distractingly handsome?

Yes. Is he not aging at all? He didn't age at all, which is perfect. What the fuck with that guy? So he's joining the boys, and he gonna play um uh like the first superhero like the prototypical he's like the uh the captain america of this uh of this universe he fought in world war ii i wonder if he's an asshole don't spoil it i don't know like all i know is i've told you everything i know about his character and what he does he also has a very captain america-ish

um uniform with like a like a cowl, I believe. I like it when they do that. When they're like, alright, we're going to do a superhero movie. This is Captain Sam Erica. And this guy here dressed, he's Superman. Uncle Sam would be a cool character.

Like an old... He completely just dressed up like Uncle Sam, but he was buff. Right. That's kind of what Peacemaker is, I guess. He's a little bit like Uncle Sam. That could be one of his sidekicks. I'd be down for that. No, I'm excited about that show.

I was going to say... Oh, I was going to say that the other guy from Supernatural, I feel so bad, because Jensen Ackles went out of Supernatural, and he's got this huge thing on Amazon, which I guarantee is going to be a success for him. I think the show is going to do really well, too. And then Jared Padalecki got his own show, too. But he got the remake of Walker, Texas Ranger.

He is Walker, Texas Ranger. And I don't think the first season of that went super well and then into the pandemic. I think he just recently had a car accident or something and got all fucked up. I could be wrong about that. That's what's in my head. I was just thinking, oh man, they really diverged there. One of them is having a

rough time today and the other has got to be so excited because the show is about to go. Come on. If you told me that Supernatural paid him so well that he never has to worry about money for the rest of his life i would believe it if you told me it did that supernatural barely paid him and that the budget on that show was always bare minimum and that's why the special effects were like black contact lenses and glowing hands yeah i believe it too i think i think chis and i have talked about this before because my understanding is that especially by the last decade

of that show maybe or at least the last five years they were like hey so you guys are going to pay us a couple hundred grand an episode yeah that's not too bad they do 30 a year they do 30 fucking episodes and I think they actually did get paid um i i think i don't

think either of them really need to work but i think they want to you know but i like jensen ackles i think he'll be good in this role really looking forward to more of the boys i hope it's i want more dark and dirty i that show needs to stay dark and dirty to i mean they went from like you're like oh man season one they're rapists this is dark season two murdering nazis and i'm like oh they didn't really back off i don't see season three them trying to like not use bad words and we also learn like along the way that this is more spoilers pretty much gives a shit go watch the show um we learned that like these aren't even like you think of normally superheroes have gained their powers often by like doing a good thing um or or or often it's fallen then shit but these guys are all like products you know created by

that corporation for the purpose of you of being a piece of military hardware as well as a product to sell anything. You know their parents kind of took some risky parenting decisions while they were babies to make them possibly superheroes, or maybe it doesn't work out that well. I'd take the risk. My kid, 100%. 100%.

Well, my kid would take that risk. Do you get to choose powers? No, it's like a fucking crapshoot. So you might end up with a Homelander who's like a Superman clone. Were there any shitty powers? Boneclaw comes to mind. Is that like Wolverine, but with bones instead of blades?

I believe she had decent healing, all comes to mind but is that like wolverine but with bones instead of blades i i believe her she had yeah decent healing and she could shoot bones out of her um hands like wolverine did but with bones but that is a really shitty super like wolverine shot she could shoot him out or they just came out like claws like claws like claws oh that's even less cool yeah yeah and like wolverine is a cool superhero because he's somehow amazing and you know he can't die and he's brave and he's a great fighter but she was a b actress she was hot and as a superhero she was lame yeah i'd be pissed too like you're hanging like she would she would be so cool if i if i got put in the superhero lottery and i ended up like you know the bone

fiend or whoever the hell i'm gonna i'm not hanging out with superheroes because i'll be the lamest person there i'm hanging out at regular bars where i'm the coolest guy on earth yeah you'd be like i'm a little bit superhero don't make a big deal out of it all i can do is make bone fingers pop out watch this right now expected believe it i'm hard i'm hard right now sky high i think that's what it was called or superhero high school that that sky high i think it was called sky high i haven't seen that i don't think i'm familiar with it all right so sky high i do have the name right It's a 2005 film I saw it because I had kids at that year And um

It's a neat concept so There are these superheroes Your superpowers tend to develop as you enter puberty So at high school all these kids with superpowers Go to Sky High High school And it's a high school in the sky And on day one the gym teachers divide them into

heroes and sidekicks. They're like, let me see your power. This guy shoots flames. His name is Warren. Peace is his last name. He's invulnerable to flames. He can shoot them.

They're like, you're a hero. This other guy comes along and he can fly. He's strong. You're a a hero this other guy comes along and he can fly and he's strong you're a hero and this other guy comes along and he glows sidekick this other one turns into puddles sidekick and they get to fight it's like cool and uncool

turns into puddles I'd rather have nothing yeah yeah puddle man because it was good lighting they couldn't tell he's like i'm doing it now and they're like i can't what are you doing what are you doing i'm glowing they need to have a more stringent onboarding system frankly they're you know who's going to respect sky high alums when they're letting the glow guy through no one i watched the fire i would you rather be able to shoot the fire

or ice if you're a fire or ice man fire you think fire yeah that is cooler am i invulnerable to heat sure you're invulnerable from whatever you're shooting yeah because i would constantly burn myself see the thing about fire is destructive and it's cool undoubtedly ice is structural so you can like do temporary shit or it can be permanent you just i just go live in a fucking castle in ontario like north of edmonton and i just live in an ice castle and i don't feel cold because i'm an ice lord and all my friends love hanging out at my place. You constantly say let it go while you do this. In your own fantasy, you're an ice lord. You're one of a cadre of ice lords.

You can't be the ice king. No, I am. Well, the ice king sounds a little gauche. The ice lord. The ice emperor. The ice imperator yeah and just be making although fire is just cooler

but I imagine that being able to do ice into little structures and things that would be fun that would be more fun day to day I was at first thinking that I'm just shooting raw flames which is okay but can I like if I see a double hotel door can I I was at first thinking that I'm just shooting raw flames, which is okay. But can I like...

If I see a double hotel door, can I weld them together? Fuck yeah. You can do whatever you want. No one can fucking stop you because you're fired up. Can I like go up to some asshole's car and just weld his door shut real quick with my eyes? You can burn him to death.

Well, I want to know about my other vulnerabilities too because if all I can do is shoot flames and weld things that's handy but I kind of need the other Superman powers to stop the government from fucking with me okay then you well what would I guess flight would be the most

useful for evading capture obviously but you'd have to be able to fucking book it like why do you want to be a criminal? Well, because you're going to have the power to burn things and you're not going to do crime. I've always thought that if I had those powers...

Like, you've got medium level powers where you couldn't exactly conquer the world. You want to be on TV now. You're a celebrity now. You're not going to be fighting crime i've always thought of myself as a tool of the government like i don't know i i can turn it i will be your best spy and the government's best spy and a little bit thief i guess and all right hear me out i'm one quarter spy one quarter one-half pervert that's how i use my invisibility mr putin

i think you must be wary of this new assistant you have i think he might be american spy the one who can light fire with his mind say this igor well he just he just lit the cigar right here with the tip of his dick like this is the worst spy ever like got a light and you're like ha and they're like got you we knew you couldn't resist it no one could resist showing off a cool trick like that i i've read that spy gear cool shit like pens that shoot bullets and stuff are risky like on one hand they're super handy in case you need a pen gun but on the other hand if you get caught with it now you're definitely a spy only spies have tiny cameras built into their buttons on their shirts shit like that i've seen those pen guns are fucking neat wait that's real

oh like you can get one i think you can buy them okay i don't think they're like cutting edge technology since the 80s or 70s or whatever but like i went to um whoever owns sub machine gunner magazine or something like that i went to his place in vegas and he has these vaults and vaults and vaults of like walk-in vaults of weaponry and historical shit from movies and and also from spycraft and he had these things there it looks like a little cylinder like like the end of this is that would kind of go on a keychain or something and it was such that you could like twist one end and pull and now there was a spring-loaded firing pin that you were holding and when you released it struck a small bullet inside of the cylinder and that fired through the rest of the tube which was integrally suppressed so the gun so you could hold this thing oh my god who did that it's the guy with the smoking pen it's the guy who's standing right next to him next

to the come from the guy with the smoking pen there's almost no sound and there's no smoke because you know it's a smokeless cartridge and a suppressor so like he like what they would do is walk right up to someone at a restaurant or something and go thunk and kill the person and walk. The person would instantly die. Just walk away.

Well, you couldn't. You got to be really good at being nonchalant to like walk away from someone. If someone actively dies at a restaurant I'm in, I'm fixated. You wouldn't notice.

You wouldn't notice if someone, next time you're at a restaurant, pretend to instantly die fixated you wouldn't notice you wouldn't notice if someone wouldn't next time you're at a restaurant pretend to instantly die and see if anyone even look in ours is everybody's so afraid of looking awkward around everybody else and like being the one person who like claps too soon or or stands up too quickly at a movie oh just post credits i didn't know i'm cool like no one would fucking move if you just put your head on the table as fast as you could not slam down i leave movies with 15 minutes

to go don't that's that's sigma male behavior i don't need to know how it ends i've constructed my own ending so everyone told me to watch the uh the north that Alexander Skarsgård-liking movie. Man, you're going to hate that. Really? Everyone was saying it was fun and had good battle and everything. Yeah, I like to think that I'm kind of pretentious when it comes to movies. They're kind of snobby. And maybe I can taste the tannins in the wine that don't even exist.

Oh, no. You guys don't even exist. You know, I'm that. Oh no. You guys, you guys don't understand the cinematography. Um, I feel Molly. I can be like that a little bit, um, for some stuff and rightfully so in my opinion,

but this, this was beautifully shot. Like I, I did like the cinematography. I like those big wide shots. I like the scenery of, of that part of the world. But I didn't like Alexander Skarsgård, who was our protagonist. Who is he, like a Viking king?

He's a Viking prince who wants revenge. His uncle kills his father and usurps his kingdom. And then he's cast out. He escapes. And as he's escaping, he's sort of chanting to himself, I'll avenge you, Father. I'll rescue you, Mother. I'll kill you, and then whatever

his uncle's silly Viking name is. He grows to be a man, and then he kind of goes on his revenge, and that's it. It's so cut and dry. Right from the beginning, I didn't like it it was

boring it was boring it was it was it was not super well paced i didn't think i like that other guy's movie witch he's the guy who made witch um which yeah we talked about that that's that was a pretty good spooky movie i did not like this movie i it was very fighting good or didn't didn't suck in i mean it wasn't like what i like from fighting a lot of times is i wanted to be brutal i want if we're hitting each other with swords i want to seem that way but i don't know i really liked in in game of thrones where like you had this idea of like tears of uh of swordsmanship like like i thought that was i I liked the idea of that. That, oh no, that guy's a master swordsman.

He can kill 10 of these guys. What were you, but you just had Alexander Skarsgård. It's like way too big for anybody to deal with. He's six foot four in a time where like the average height is five, seven or something. And somehow he's found enough protein to stay big on the on the show uh kyle had us pull up photos of him and like he looks big and if you know someone that's six four looks like that it's like oh well that that person's enormous the only reason they don't look like jeff nipper just

because they're six four not five five you ever see you ever see the gif or maybe even the whole movie uh the mystery men where ben stiller is doing that walk with his like shoulders flared all out crazy he's doing that walk like that's how alexander scars guard plays his character the whole movie when he's like he literally like like pops his traps sticks his elbow flares his elbows way out here and walks around growling and i think he's trying to get into like the like like like be like a wolf or a bear because he ended up being raised by like a tribe of bear men who are like berserkers and they like drink like fucking you like i didn't like it. He was raised by a tribe of humans.

Well, yeah. He was raised by a tribe of berserking Vikings who drink hallucinogens and then chant around the fire about being fucking bears and shit. That's a fun upbringing. When the movie started, the first scene when they go to

him and his boys are attacking some village him and his boys like for like like for no other reason than to enslave the people there that's their goal like alexander skarsgard's not a good guy in the traditional sense so there we are we're going to raid this village so they're like sneaking up to it the villagers on the wall spot him and somebody throws like a javelin like a spear at uh at alexander skarsgård and he immediately dodges and catches it like a fucking superhero and then like uses its momentum to spin his body 180 degrees and launch it back and kill the guy that like far away and i was like oh it's gonna be that kind of movie so he's like a superhero

nothing like that happened ever again for the rest of the movie it was literally CGI to make him pull off this crazy move he did it was like when Legolas jumped on the horse oh yeah and then nothing else like that happened the rest of the movie the rest of the movie was just like way too much

male nudity and I don't know it's got me from liking this movie i didn't need to sell that are they are they jacked just just alexander is he's the only one who has enough protein to maintain a physique i'm telling you even the land like and he's an idiot that's the same some chicken for the rest of us he's not like your traditional like i really like heroes that, I guess what they really are is they're good at everything. But the key feature is that they're smart.

And then they sort of outthink the bad guy. Yeah, tactically. That's always fun. But Alexander's an idiot. His character is just a dumb Viking who want revenge. And so at a key point in the story, it's like, hey, hey, hey! Think. Think. We could do this. It'd be fun, I know. Or we could just

do that, right? That's... that! Come on, that's clearly the way, right? I will do this. And that. It's like, no no they don't work that it worked together and he's literally and metaphor and uh figuratively jumped out of the boat and swam away it was like there was a clear decision where it's like happiness forever or happiness right now and he's like i will have both and it's like i i think maybe i just missed the plot maybe i'm not smart enough for the for the movie maybe i'll watch some youtuber explain to me why it was a good movie and i'll halfway believe it but i did not like it and i spent well that's disappointing it was 25 because it's 1999

to rent or 25 to own why would you buy it now you own a shitty movie. Well, I'm sitting there like... This won't be the last time I ever watch this movie in my entire life. Let's beg for... With inflation, I mean... I'm losing money if I don't...

Now that you own the money, you can sell it and rent it to other people. Yeah. You can burn it and rent it to other people. Yeah. You can burn it and sell CDs at your local gas station. Selling Northman CDs here. What else do you got? Just Northman today. He's dressed like a Viking himself.

Come on, come all. Well, that's disappointing. I thought that was going to be a cool movie because I like the Viking thing disappointing it's got a great cast that was gonna be a cool movie because i like the viking thing it's got a great cast it has the girl from um queen's gambit as well as she's also in the witch and um she gets naked and and and like there's a point where somebody wants to i won't i won't mess in case you do want to watch it sucks i won't end up watching it man i just didn't like it had a great nicole kidman was really good at it she was just she was really good at it i liked her a lot but no i'll never watch that again and i would not recommend that to anybody who wants

it when you think like viking revenge movie that's not what this felt like it felt like a slog um a really beautiful slog but just slow and at no point was i like yeah you got him oh get another one now it was like why did you have to take their body parts and turn it into a dog man that was weird how did you even have the time for that aren't you busy those guys didn't seem so bad anyway. They're younger than you. They didn't have anything to do with any of this. So if you were so disappointed by The Northman that you were turned off from watching new shows or movies for a bit,

you can always give a peek to the Stormlight Archive books. I'm back into book four since I got to the beach, saved it. I mean, I'm a couple hundred pages into that. It's very good. And I can see in your eyes, Kyle, that there's nothing you'd less rather do than read that series. Like right now, starting like a whole new thing is kind of wild because I'm just about to move. I'm kind of figuring that out right now. I've never hired movers before. Really? You've always just movers before. Really?

You've always just had friends, family? I think I've moved five times. I was thinking about this earlier. And three of them I moved by myself. I'm coughing from this stupid vape. That sucks. Three of them I've moved completely by myself, which I actually kind of like.

And two times I've had help because I really needed the help the other two times but this time i'm gonna need help i've got how'd you move by yourself like even if a couch is light like you can't move a couch by yourself because you're gonna just just destroy the walls on the way out so um i had to move a big chest of drawers like two full size drawers wide right you can imagine this thing up on its end it's six and a half feet it long and you know it comes up to chest of drawers height like you know somewhere between your waist and uh the bottom of your chest i moved that motherfucker by myself, I can hoist it onto my back, like above my head and like ant walk it, um, for, for periods of time. And I can also like,

you know, flip it upside down on like a towel and give it like that, Laura, just nice slow drag thing. And that's how I, that's how I moved that from my last house, uh, into this house all by myself and also my 72 inch tv from 2010 okay first of all 72 inch tv in 2010 was real nice it was real expensive it was real expensive and it was real fucking heavy it's a width of a cinder block probably so it's it's actually like i would say it's that thick yeah but it's one of those tvs that's like full of lead it's so heavy it's so heavy that like i get my arms around it so i can cradle it with my hands underneath as wide as my hands will go and the weight of it presses my fingers so hard into the plastic it feels like it's going to break from the amount of pressure its weight is exerting on

my fingers i'm like this thing might break itself on me like it's so fucking heavy uh so like and now i've got that that other tv that i've that i've gotten so i feel like i need a professional who knows how to take a tv down and put it in some sort of clamshell bullshit and move it from one place to another. And also the gym equipment. Ah, ah, I, at least you're in the garage.

I'm going to have to, when I sell my house years down the road, I don't want to sell my house. Cause I love my setup. I, there's no way I'm going to take all of that shit apart and move all of that into a new house. Like I'm going to have to find someone who like,

once you're over 30, you should hire someone to help you move. Your friends have children and lives and jobs and they don't want to help you move. And they're also over 30. That's a good pro tip. I agree with you completely. Always hire movers.

I feel guilty about inconveniencing people. I don't mind helping people move at all. I do. But every time I've moved, I've made a conscious effort. I'm hiring three movers for the whole day. And no friends, no family there, unless they want to oversee it or something. If you're 25, you have less shit.

You probably don't have kids. Your friends probably don't have kids. Everyone else is 25. It's a different situation than 35 yeah it makes a lot of sense but uh the last time i moved eric iraq veteran 8888 uh him and his guys helped me move and i it was invaluable it was invaluable i don't remember what i paid them but they were worth every penny i don't eric probably didn't take any money. He's good like that. He probably just had some friends that needed some money and brought them. I think a bunch of them worked for free. They brought a Penske truck from fucking Atlanta to my house

and filled it up and drove it back, and it was so much shit. It was multiple king-size beds and chests of drawers and boxes of nonsense. You've mentioned him to me in public and private many times and have never said anything but glowingly kind things. He must be a good guy. He's one of those people that's never done anything but been gracious and cool and helpful.

Richard Ryan, too. Yeah, both of them cut from the same cloth in that way. Eric, just anytime i needed something i'd be like you know eric i'm kind of in a spot here i need to do this that and the other and here are the restraints and i know that none of this has anything to do with you but i wish you could help me somehow i'd be like oh absolutely well we already started actually. We saw this coming. You started solving my personal problem yesterday? That's going

a little bit far, but he helped me tremendously with a bunch of stuff for several years. Really appreciate him. Good guy. He lives not too far from me. I'm just not a social person. Wrap the show? Sure. I'm just not a social person. Wrap the show?

Sure. I'm going to go eat some seafood. No, let's do an hour and a half long show today. I'm really hungry. Well, you got places to be, Taylor? Oh, do you want to go have some crab legs? Yeah, I want to go have some more crab legs. Take a picture of crabs, Taylor.

I want to see the aftermath. All right. All right. P.K. and 405.