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pkn 421 no woody unfortunately um well you'll find out more about that when we talk about it
on thursday he's got cancer well they knew that but what they found is i know i just like to
remind everybody no don't sleep on that i wish that you would both lean into cancer survivor more i do i sell my own like kyle strong bracelets and everything
i would love if you made your own kyle strong but it's your plus live strong it's not even
well you know you turn it inside out i was gonna know the diff yeah so many of them after lance
turned out to be a cheater do you remember those like how old are you when that was going down it
was like middle school for me so must have middle school and high school so it must have been that would have been
high school and like like just after high school um like anything like that i was just oh we're all
letting everybody know we don't like cancer huh is there like a whole group of guys who like do
or something i got that i was ourselves from the cancer loving folk that lived across town or what?
I remember that.
Like,
I think South park even had an episode making fun of that like many years
ago.
But I remember one of these,
like one of the quote unquote cool kids in my middle school,
he was the kind of kid that's like cool in middle school,
but peaks at 13 because he gets that kind of like almost cute look that the
girls at that age aren't intimidated by,
but then he doesn't grow into a real man.
He's got longish hair that swept over his face.
He has no facial hair.
He looked,
it's Jonathan Taylor Thomas.
You're describing Jonathan Taylor Thomas.
Jonathan Taylor Thomas,
four foot 11,
not intimidating.
Fucking slayed so much preteen pussy,
but then he became a man and we all just sped past him.
Yeah.
I remember in middle school being like,
damn, I wish I was cool with that kid. and then by like senior year being like damn i'm so glad i didn't miss the puberty train like that guy it was unfortunate but i remember him
like he was one of those kids that would wear like 15 of them up the forearm each a different
cause his cancer and i remember he hated it hates cancer it's everything about him you try to talk to him
about anything he hates cancer and they would like collect ones where it'd be like everybody
was about the livestrong everybody knew about pink and yellow but he this this fucker had like
navy and he's like yeah this is for uh stage three prostate like dude fuck you like like i know that
you're like this is i remember at the time being like
damn if i were to wear all those bracelets people would call me a weirdo goober because i'm not
degree cancer hater see that see those see those stars and stripes this person truly
it was stupid i remember there's an episode of the uh the office where uh kevin's got cancer
michael doesn't know
it michael's making the day about himself because it's his birthday then he realizes and he feels
bad so he's trying to like support kevin's cancer shit and he makes himself a livestrong bracelet
out of a piece of yellow paper that he like makes into a curly q and tapes together like preschool
uh and he's wearing it and and like like proudly showing it off and stuff it's super
super cringy no i don't I don't have any bracelets for Woody.
Just goodwill, I suppose, which amounts to nothing in the end.
I guess I filled in.
We agreed to let him have the day off.
We said we wouldn't cut his pay or anything.
That was magnanimous of us.
It was.
When he said, I don't know if I want to make it today, guys.
I'm not feeling good.
And we were both like, oh, I suppose.
Nails to the cross then Woody
we'll do the hour long shit
show by ourselves
we'll dock you it's cool
taking a little hit from my
emotional bank account
he's overdrafted
from my emotional bank account
missing this god damn hour long show
for cancer.
I've been playing a bunch of Fallout 4.
I don't know how I got sucked into it again, but I've been installing a bunch of mods.
It takes a while to get the mod manager installed and remember what you're doing,
but after that, it's really fun.
It's like you're playing a different game.
Everybody's exploding and eyeballs are flying around.
You know the joke with the Skyrim thing. like oh you can just become a stealth archer
do you intentionally do something different every single time you play through like
all right i've done the i've done the western gunslinger who's got no stealth and a lot of
accuracy i'm gonna do a stealth sniper i'm gonna do a a hand a guy apparently there's builds where
you just are a guy with a hammer and a lot of armor that does a tremendous amount of damage i skipped the armor um yeah i've done melee before
and melee is crazy strong because there are perks built around it um and so like using vats i think
that anyone you can target with vats you will immediately like sprint right up next to them
instantaneously hit them in the head,
and then your VATS has... You can program
multiple people, right? So he's sprinting
at the speed of light around the room,
clobbering people. And if you
sneak attack, there's
multipliers and multipliers. And then you go
search out a power fist
or a sledgehammer that's got
four fusion cores on it. I didn't know that.
That was the whole thing that led me like a hundred percent away in my playthrough from any like hand-to-hand combat
because i was like well i want to use the vats because i'm terrible at shooting otherwise yeah
what the fuck am i gonna do i didn't know you just teleported that seems like a bunch of fun
yeah if you uh i if you if you know you go down the uh the tree of making a melee character
um i the problem is you got to put a a lot of points into armor and science and gun nut
to be able to modify your guns and make them cool.
Or you can just go online and download the fucking mods.
So now I've got an AR-15 that shoots laser beams.
Dude, I made a horrible error in my first playthrough.
I didn't really look stuff up very much.
The only time I would is if like someone's like,
for the brotherhood, you must go talk to Sarah
and white horse or whatever.
And you're like, well, different game.
But then you go there and you talk and I'm like,
hmm, what else could I do to entice Sarah to talk to me?
And then you Google it and you're like,
oh, I'm not missing something.
She's just not talking to me.
Like that, that level of thing.
I made the mistake of looking up on the playthrough. was like what are the best guns like i'm curious like
what are the best guns i didn't plan on seeking them out too hard but every single list said
overseer's guardian vault 88 talk to the person who sells it there you can put a bunch of stuff
on it and i was like okay like that sounds like kind of fun like i'll get it apparently its ability
is like it automatically always shoots an extra bullet's worth of damage
every time you shoot it.
And so that makes it really powerful once you put the.308 on there.
And genuinely game-ruining from the second I picked it up.
I got it, and she was a rifle shooting.45s.
And I'm like, this thing sucks.
I didn't touch another gun for the rest of the game at all and
I figured out that if you that you don't actually need charisma at all for money because they always
pay at least one dollar per bullet so I just put two into scrounger and then I sold everything but
the kinds of ammo that I need because like all you have to do is pick up a minigun and then you
have a thousand of those and it's like okay, I don't need a thousand miniguns
because I'm intentionally avoiding the minigun
because that's not very fun to me. It feels OP.
Yeah.
I know what you're talking about with ruining the game.
There are mods that intentionally
fix shit like that.
There's balancer mods that will...
Because
what they do is they just increase the health pool
of the high-end enemies,
and it feels awful.
So they bring everything closer to the middle so that the minions,
they're still human beings.
But in the game's files, human being XP ranges from 40 to 900.
It's a big difference.
Ah, that's quite a bit, yeah.
A guy who's got 40 HP hp you just kind of like punch him
real hard and he's just like ah he falls over dead but then like 900 and you're and you can
shoot a nuclear missile at him and he'll shake it off and start running at you oh no so i've got
mods that do all sorts of things um i've got one that allows for dismemberment while they're still
alive so if you shoot somebody in the leg and VATS, it's like, why am I shooting him in the leg? Nothing happens.
And now his leg blows off and he starts crawling.
See, that's actually helpful.
I was always wondering,
what the fuck is the point of VATS arms and legs?
You can D-limb a guy
and he'll just sit there on the ground on his ass
and look at you real angrily
like that scene from Monty Python.
And then you just beat him to death.
I had things like better melee animations for your weapons.
So now he does like a karate move
or he'll like kick him down.
I was tired of picking locks.
So now when I machine gun a door,
it explodes.
I was tired of picking locks.
Tired of it.
Dude, trying to get that fucker Valentine
to go where I want him to go
was sometimes...
Get out of here with that.
There were times I genuinely quit.
Like I took, I just quit for the night
because I was like, Valentine, please.
You're on Xbox?
Yeah.
So what I did.
Everybody online says that happens a lot with him.
Oh, so many bugs.
There's one patch on PC.
It's called the unofficial Fallout 4 patch.
It's like four gigs or something,
and it just fixes like a thousand things
that are wrong with the goddamn game.
That would be great. And I'm sure that's one
of them. I did, you know that swan
thing you told me to avoid? Yeah.
I spent a huge amount
of time
trying to kill it before
I went and got the Overseer's Guardian
and then went back and I was like
oh, well
that didn't even feel like a win.
Because you just fucked him up so
bad with that thing so yeah if you're playing through for the first time everyone out there
don't get the overseer's guardian it's game breaking yeah and play on a harder difficulty
right so like like um what i've done with the mods i i've made the feral ghouls into like the
into zombies so now they look like romero zombies and they're like five times as many
and they don't just like hang out and then like every encounter in fallout is the same you're
walking along oh look there's some guys up ahead i could sneak up i could snipe i could run right
into them i could throw a grenade but like there they are so there's a lot of with the mods i have
you'll be walking along and they'll just attack people come out of nowhere and just be on top of
you already.
There's only one gang.
There's just raiders and gunners and stuff.
I have a mod that makes 20 different gangs that
have lore-specific
stuff about them. The druggie gang
has tons of meds on them.
They're always shooting up, so they're running around faster.
There's a gang
that eats people, so they're covered with
body parts and stuff
and they're talking about eating you.
I got about 50, 60 mods running
right now, but as soon as we're done with this, I'm going to download some more.
It's real fun. Are you going to stay on 4
for a while?
Yeah, I don't think I'm going back. New Vegas is
more difficult to mod and
the modding community is smaller.
There are mods coming out for Fallout 4
that just introduced like, okay, so Fallout 3 is coming out for Fallout 4 that just introduced like,
okay, so Fallout 3 is a mod for Fallout 4.
You can just play Fallout 3.
I didn't know that.
Yeah, you can just go into-
You said Fallout 3 wasn't that great, though.
It's okay, though.
I'm glad I played it.
I've replayed it a bunch of times.
It reminds me of Oblivion a lot.
I've never played Oblivion.
I have it.
I should give it a go.
Oblivion's Dumber Skyrim,
and by dumber, I mean, like, you know,
it was Xbox 360 game.
I've played the beginning of it,
like, where you're, like,
fighting the rats through that cave.
And, like, yeah, I love the audio
and the dialogue is so jarring
because it, like, zooms you in like you know those
features like in a movie to show someone's exasperated where their face comes towards
you and the background goes back like that's how every little discussion is like a dolly zoom or
something like that yeah that must be but it's like and you'll be in a room with a guy and then
you go to talk to him and now like his positioning against the wall in the room you're in
makes him look like he's a foot and a half tall
because he's like the crown mold
at the
camera movement yeah
got a real buggy camera
yeah that's what kind of sucks about it is like
I can't play Skyrim
and then like go back to Oblivion
because they fixed I imagine huge amounts
of things as far as playability
and making it more fun. Get on the PC and I
bet there's a fancy Oblivion that
you could play. You've got to get on the
PC. That's how I got into
this now that I think about it. My girlfriend
has a PlayStation 4 and
she downloaded Fallout. She usually plays
that...
She plays some zombie game. It's not Last of Us.
It's some guy's riding around a harley
like fucking shit up that's the game she usually plays it's not an rpg but i was like get fallout
that's fun so um i started playing fallout 4 on that fucking playstation controller and i'm
looking like an idiot i'm like my gun is like i can't shoot one guy like like i'm it's it's so
awful i'm just standing in the middle of the street trying to put my crosshairs on one guy and i'm like this ain't gonna work like like i so i
took my whole pc and like brought it installed it hooked it up to a 4k tv and then i'm like on
the couch but i'm like see i'm good yeah good i am it's crazy right because i'm just sprinting
through them now like having fun i i don't know how to play on a uh a console anymore
i'm just so bad at it with like muscle i feel like you played enough cod 4 that playstation
makes it worse oh playstation sucks those are made for like children's hands and japanese
to that yeah that's why wings always preferred that he's got those dainty little hands does look
i bet there's a lot of people i don't want to get into a console war thing, but PlayStation just lost anyway. So fuck you.
Soy boys.
It's funny.
Microsoft has bought so much shit that now they own call of duty.
So PlayStation doesn't get call of duty anymore.
Oh no,
that's huge.
That can't be good.
What do they have?
I'm sure they've got exclusives.
Like,
I don't know.
Resident evil or something.
Yeah.
But who gives a shit about that
i don't know anything about playstation but i remember from the beginning when xbox 360 came
out or the original xbox like it was like a very common thing with me and like my friends in middle
school or whatever like yeah obviously get xbox have you seen the playstation controllers they
feel weird like you want like that's the only the only thing you need in the console wars in my opinion
the nice staggered joysticks of the large comfortable xbox controller or this tiny
like the the prong of the controller on playstation you know it comes to like halfway
through your palm and you feel like it's going to slip out of my game like forget xbox and go
for a new design but i just wish my whole hand was in that thing.
Like I wish my hand was like almost my fingers going through a hole that's in
the controller and like being part of it.
Like I'm going to yoke.
Yeah.
I prefer a controller being too big than too small.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't know.
It doesn't matter though.
Um,
I,
cause I've got my mouse and keyboard and that's the way to go.
But yeah,
all those games,
dude,
all those games are so much better on PC because,
um, there's just such a rich modding community.
They're right.
They fixed the stuff the developers were too lazy
or weren't getting paid enough to do.
They fixed those games and it's cool.
I just want them to come out with a new Elder Scrolls.
Aren't they supposed to?
Didn't they announce they're going to do something?
Those liars.
They've been announcing for years.
It's been 11 years since Skyrim came out.
Unacceptable.
Unacceptable.
If they wanted to make money,
just make a half-decent one
in a smaller world
with better combat.
That's the worst thing about Skyrim
is the combat's pretty fucking boring.
And honestly, it's similar to Fallout. Fallout combat's not great. It's thing about Skyrim is the combat's pretty fucking boring. I don't know.
Honestly, it's similar to Fallout.
Fallout combat's not great.
It's better than Skyrim combat because of vats and guns and stuff.
Yeah, they didn't even have first-person aiming in Fallout 3.
You just had this little weird dash in the middle of your screen
that's not even a crosshair.
It's just this weird little...
It looks like a stain.
And you put that stain on, guys, and your gun goes...
From here, the gun goes... Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.
Oh, I would hate that.
Yeah.
So you had to, you know, you're installing mods now,
so the guy will actually go, aha, and use his gun.
I don't like a third-person shooter.
I do.
I really, I like being in the first person.
When you get in the combat first person, it feels higher stakes.
It's a lot easier in third
person. Like sometimes, I go to third person sometimes
if I'm dealing with a lot of enemies and I need to be
like jiggle peeking and like you
can, it gives you this really, really tiny
dot to aim with when you're in third person
that doesn't seem to suffer from recoil as bad
as just aiming down sights. So I do that.
It's more immersive for me if I'm playing
a game like Fallout or Skyrim.
You can change the HUD too then.
You can make it so immersive
that you can get rid of the HUD completely.
So you can make it so that
when you put on a helmet or something,
you're looking through that dirty gas mask.
There's mods to make it actually radioactive
and poisonous everywhere.
So you have to always be wearing your respirator
and your suit and stuff. There's mods that make the survival game and scary something i did like with
fallout that made it just kind of more fun was all the rads everywhere just like the additional
frustration and challenge of that like i enjoyed that it's not hard enough though it should be
harder but like skyrim you get to like level 14.
And if you're not an absolute retard, you can just breeze like you can like and genuinely you can pick the worst character class.
You can be like, I'm going to be a wood elf, two handed heavy armor guy.
And it's like like that's horrible, but you'll be fine.
It doesn't matter.
Yeah, it's horrible, but you'll be fine. It doesn't matter. It's not that hard. Like, you would never want to be a two-handed combat guy
because I can't imagine a more frustrating,
shitty combat experience in Skyrim than a two-handed thing.
My favorite Fallout 4 thing that I've done,
there's one that rebalances the entire weapon pool.
So first you download, like, 50 weapons individually,
like, clicking them one after another and installing them.
It's easy.
It's a couple clicks.
But then you install this overarching file that pops up in installer,
and it goes through every base weapon in the game.
And it's like, what would you like to use instead of that?
When there would have been a pipe pistol,
what would you like to be there?
And I'm like, oh, like a Beretta 9mm.
Put that there. And he's like, cool.
Every time there's a pipe revolver,
what would you like there?
I don't know, like an MP5? Cool.
And you just go through that list.
And so now when you kill a bunch of raiders,
they've got good guns, like a pile of good guns.
But the problem is, every time you see a raider,
he's got good guns.
He'll fuck you up. It's not a guy with a pipe revolver plinking at you anymore. He's got a Raider, he's got good guns. He'll fuck you up.
It's not a guy with a pipe revolver plinking at you anymore.
He's got an M16 and he's deadly.
That would make it more fun. I was excited at the beginning of Fallout every time I would see legendary whatever the hell.
Because I learned, oh, they always drop something fun.
And then after maybe three legendary things, I'm like, oh, this is a legendary can of beans.
Like this is a legendary nightstick.
The ability is actively harmful to me.
Dude, what that's for is the people who have no lives and play Fallout 4 for thousands and thousands of hours because it's a it's like a it's RNG.
So so you're hoping that you get the weapon you like with the,
the,
the,
the,
the special ability that you want on it.
And so like you're,
so that means you have to pull the jackpot switch twice,
the slot machine twice.
And so they grind and grind because everybody wants,
um,
the mini gun with endless ammo that you don't,
that there's a laser mini gun that you don't have to reload.
And so it just runs forever.
Infinite ammos. uh and there's a a double barrel that you don't have to reload too and then i think there's an explode there's a few different things like like oh i really want
this gun with that ability on it but it's hyper rare now i that never there's a mod called better
legendary weapons and better specials so i don't know when you kill a guy like
that it's like holy shit this is perfect this is amazing are you picking a different team every
time to like get different benefits or oh i don't give a shit oh i'm going i'm i'm on team giant
robot every time or whatever oh i i i'm like uh level 20 or something so i haven't even went down
the main storyline very much i've met everybody but, but I haven't done anything. I'm just running around having fun.
Well, you have to kill those terrorists at the railroad, at least.
Haven't done that yet.
Oh, no, no, no, no. The freedom fighters who live underground. I like the one black guy. He's got
that techno hat on, and he does lots of drugs. I just talked to the one guy.
Oh, you didn't even get to know him.
Didn't get to know him i think i did one
mission i literally looked up online i was like railroad like i don't want to do anything here
until i know like there's nothing else to get and they were like you got to just do a couple
missions then talk to tinker tom and tell him that like you're a fan of his work and then he'll give
you some awesome armor that you can like weave into yeah the mesh yeah and then after that everyone's like yeah there's no reason for them anymore and so then as soon as that was done
i went in there executed tinker tongue yeah i that's you and again you just get a mod and
you're just like give me a ballistic mesh and make my tits bigger and you know there you are
and it's done you have been playing a bunch of that and i've been watching the expanse the
last couple days i got sucked back into that i uh i'm still resisting uh the urge to watch the uh
show yeah i'm not gonna do that i always mix them up somehow but yeah i don't i don't think i will
watch the lord of the rings show unless everybody changes their mind about it um but the game of
thrones show i'm gonna watch that once it's all out.
It's kind of, yeah, you're not going to hate it.
You're just going to, I imagine you'll probably have a similar feeling to me
where I'm like, oh, this is fine.
Magic's kind of gone.
They've screwed us before, so I'm not going to get invested.
The characters aren't as likable.
The stakes feel lower.
The Jon Snow show would bring me back. I could get so into it i like kit harrington yeah i like him as what i don't like
no i don't though i like kit harrington as john snow i don't want to say kit harrington like in
an office environment fucking like you got this tps reports i don't want to see that shit get
out of here long hair in your face yes i want to see him on. Get out of here. Long hair in your face. Yes.
I want to see him on the other side of an ice wall with a fucking sword and nothing else.
I don't think I want to see him
in anything else. It would really take me out of it
if I saw him in a normal movie.
And you really need...
They can't... The prequel aspect
of it, you know there's no stakes
because there's no
threat of the great great knight of the night
king and so any like play up to that is like no rest assured everyone none of this matters
none of this has anything to do with anything none of your prophecies matter like none of it
matters nothing is at stake here gentlemen a girl who has nothing to do with any of these
prophecies will be born and it won't have anything to do with the prophecy until the final two seasons
but clearly uh everybody else doesn't feel the same way they just want some more game of thrones who has nothing to do with any of these prophecies will be born and won't have anything to do with the prophecy until the final two seasons. But clearly
everybody else doesn't feel the same way.
They just want some more Game of Thrones and it's
getting huge, huge views.
It's Lord of the Rings everyone's fucking hating
or the vast majority of people are hating.
It's still getting 10 million, 15 million
views or whatever. I hope
it fails. That would be cool to see Amazon
fail, to see that project
fail, but i think people
are just going to gobble it up regardless i think there's a big enough audience of people who are
have no taste who will just watch it maybe i mean i they'd get a lot more hits if they would have
been like true to tolkien i did you see that uh everybody's mad because they made the little
mermaid black and the live action little mermaid no i you No. Believe it or not, I am not up-to-date on live-action Disney.
Wait, what?
I couldn't care less.
I just couldn't care less that they made the Little Mermaid black.
And of course, they show you
the pictures of little black girls being like,
Oh my God, the Little Mermaid's black.
And it's like, alright, fucking good.
I wish they'd show a video of the white girl crying, though.
That'd be funny. Some little ginger girl fucking crying her eyes out but they don't do that i saw um but yeah that's
a bad angle for her what what happened to her eyebrows is she underwater in this i i would
assume that she's supposed to be yeah i don't want to jump the gun but I'm not going to see it
I wouldn't have watched it
if there were a white mermaid
I just don't want to watch the fucking Little Mermaid
I'm not into mermaid movies
frankly
I didn't like Little Mermaid when I was a little boy
I hate Splash
Fuck you Tom Hanks
I hate Splash, I hate Waterworld
Are you counting Waterworld.
Are you counting Waterworld as a mermaid movie?
I mean, you don't know it was under the deep.
He did have gills.
Kevin Costner had gills. That's pretty...
A Merman.
That's there.
Yeah, and the webbed feet.
You know what?
Waterworld's a mermaid movie.
It is.
A Merman movie.
There's not...
I mean, that is a genre I think we could...
Everyone would be okay to move away from.
Merman.
Merman
or merfolk
how about a non-binary mer
a mer-ex
merks yeah we could do that
why stop there
coming 2025
mer-ex
they try to make them choose
but they won't
like they're trying to make them choose. They won't.
They're trying to make the non-binary Mer-X choose between land or water.
But they're like, no.
And so they're awkwardly flopping around
on the street and excreting
bile or whatever fish do.
I can't breathe
comfortably anywhere.
They tried to make him choose. and it's him floundering dying on
the beach but it's not natural for you to be out of the water you don't make it
he keeps rolling up on the beach and people are like that's so brave of you and then one guy has
to be like what is going on push him back in the water
he's dying and they're like you didn't respect his will to be on look at that white man look at
that white man trying to push it push them back into the ocean yeah that's where he belongs huh
yes it is where he they belong white supremacist says not on my beach to binary to non-binary mermaid.
She would have died. I was
saving her. And then they cut it and that's it.
Oh, one of my Canadian
friends messaged me. I guess I was wrong.
The sixth leading cause of death
in Canada is not
euthanasia.
What is it?
Do we care enough?
I thought it was going to be
something interesting. it's not
it's not like let's heart disease no heart disease probably number one five six it's chronic lower
respiratory disease followed by diabetes flu and pneumonia but that's got to be on the uptick since
these numbers were taken oh no covet 19's factored in. Okay. Alzheimer's, chronic liver disease, and cirrhosis.
Got 4,000.
But I think 4chan may have had the best of me on that one.
But I still am going to continue on our main show
to spout that misinformation intentionally
and do it with a straight face
and pretend like what's happening now
is just a pocket universe that I am now closing.
Absolutely.
I think we should all get our news solely from Paul.
Justin Trudeau apparently just turned the lights out when we don't need you
anymore. Unless you're a native. Is that what he does?
He's turning lights off on people? Well, he's offering
euthanasia and he's giving their families tax. He's paying people essentially with
government money to force their loved ones into these euthanasia programs.
Or these people are at the end of their rope.
They can't support their family under his regime.
And so they're just having to choose euthanasia
so their family will be provided for by the state.
That's what he's doing over there.
I like the idea of being upset by that, so I'm going to accept it.
It's about to be the fifth leading cause of death,
I'm told.
It's about to.
Sky's out to be the fourth.
If they start really paying out benefits,
you're going to get a lot of pressure.
A lot of cousins and uncles going,
hey, hey, Gam Gam,
it's time to check out.
That would happen, though.
Can you imagine that?
What a horrible reality.
That would happen.
You know how Gam Gam would be. Everybody gives that generation a hard time but your gam gam if she
found out that if she checked out the government would give you five thousand dollars a year
she would fucking take that bullet for you you know she would gam gam would lie oh i only have
a little time left they'll give him how much? Well, sign me up. You know
Gam Gam would do it. That's how old people
are. I wouldn't let my Gam Gam
do that. They'd do it
without us knowing. That'd be a good movie. I'm going to write
this. It's called
Runaway Gam Gam. Runaway Gam
Gam. We're workshopping that.
Yeah. That's
a rough draft.
It's a rough draft. The first draft, Runaway Gam Gam.
You know what I wish they made?
The kind of movies they don't make anymore.
Everybody says that, but they really don't make these anymore.
It's the ones with live action animals with famous actor voices.
Nobody does that shit anymore where they got like a dumbass dog
and somebody's going, look right here, look right here.
Sad face.
And then they have Michael J. Fox going,
I don't know if we're going to get out of this one, guys,
or whatever he sounds like.
They don't do that shit anymore.
Why not?
It's upsetting.
Just took all those animals' jobs.
I remember even as a kid not being a fan of how they didn't make
the monkey's mouth move when they would have a celebrity behind it. I always at least put some peanut butter in their mouth.
Siamese cat, American bulldog, and a golden.
It's the true story of them traveling over 100 miles
I think, or 100 kilometers. It's one or the other. I think 100 miles. Through the wilderness
to find their family. Going somewhere they've never been before. It's a true
story. It happened. I don't remember who the voices are.
It might be like Kirstie Alley or
Michael J. Fox is the bulldog
for sure. I don't remember who the golden
is. Was that the movie
where they
where a ton of animals died?
That's Milo and Otis.
I did not. I loved Milo
and Otis as a kid. I thought it was awesome.
So I watched that in kindergarten class.
In class, in kindergarten.
They show the birth of animals
in that.
I think that
maybe because I grew up on the farm,
that was never a mystery to me.
The birds and the bees stuff.
I've seen a calf come out of a cow's
ass before. It was was rough i helped pull
uh where was i with the talking about milo notice the birthing scenes that's a rough
movie when you find out the history behind i just read up on that the other day i was i was
i wanted to tell someone about how many animals died and the horrific nature of the production of that movie. And so I looked it up.
It's like dozens of animals died and they're all puppies and kittens.
They say animals.
What they mean is puppies and kittens that look exactly like that pug and
kitten.
And they,
there's a list of how they all died.
And some of them died like through mauling.
Some of them drowned.
Some of them fell and like perish and had to be put down. All sorts of things.
They threw them in creeks and over waterfalls.
Had them face off with animals.
I think there's a bear
incident where the little
pug runs a bear away or something.
How many pugs did they throw at a bear
before the bear was so hungry?
Or so full that it
turned the lefty.
I can't eat another pug.
Just got a
mouth full of dog collars.
Alright, I'm out of here. I couldn't
eat another pug.
Give him a loaf of bread. We've only
got two dogs left.
We should have
started with the bread. Why aren't we back
filling him with beans or something?
We're losing dogs. We're losing light here, folks. We started with the bread why aren't we back filling it with beans or something we're losing dogs we're losing light
here folks
we started with dogs
we really should have started with feed
yeah they killed all those fucking kittens
like what do you say here 20 kittens or something
probably a lot
it's pretty fucked up I mean when was that film
that was long enough ago
I'm gonna guess 82 or something because i was watching it in like 90 somewhere in the 80s it looks like an 80s
movie and they have that's another one of those movies like it like you were suggesting you know
it's the top where you've got human voices over the real life animals jesus. I'm looking on, on ranker about the animal deaths and movie sets and the,
the movie snow buddies,
which is a 2007 movie about a bunch of golden retrievers,
I guess,
helping do something.
Five of them died.
Fuck.
Three from intestinal complex.
Oh no.
Six more almost died.
So 11 almost died.
Five did die.
Movie called The Cockfight in 1974.
That shouldn't be on the list.
That's understood.
Okay, well, yeah.
Milo and Otis, that's on there.
Oh, and I bet...
What's the Vietnam movie?
The Vietnam movie.
Full Metal Jacket?
The other one. Vietnam... napalm in the morning oh i've never seen that one i know that little quote but i've never seen it yeah they uh they
they kill a uh it's like a buffalo or something like a water buffalo or something in that movie
like on camera and by kill i mean they chopped its head off with a machete jesus like like they
take a huge hack of the back of its neck that like i think it cuts the spinal cord the second
cord the second hit does and they're like it's all these um like vietnamese like vietcong like
almost like a ritual they're doing they're getting the blood um and the fucking kernels in it that's
a good movie um i'm spacing on the name right now have you ever seen a old boy the korean version of course the good version
obviously the version the watchable version um apparently you know that scene where he eats the
live octopus so that was a real live octopus and he did that scene four times so there are four
dead octopuses from the original Oldboy.
But something about an animal being in the sea,
that amount of distance for me, I don't care as much.
It's not like a dog time.
I'll tell you what bothers...
It's something's lifespan.
That matters to me.
And while octopi or octopuses or octopods,
as we now know, don't live very long.
They are super smart.
They're really smart.
I think if they live longer lives,
we might see them as peers to, I don't know,
the dolphins and orcas and stuff.
But they live these short little lives,
so we just eat them alive while they scream, I guess.
Yeah, that is pretty cruel.
I would rather eat food that's cooked anyway
so so what's it called mukbang or something what's it called when those like yeah that's
when people eat on on youtube and stuff that big fat guy yeah but i'm talking specifically when
like they eat those live animals like there was that clip of the japanese girl eating the octopus
and it's like fighting for its life and everything like is that a fetish that people like into that sexually it probably is now that you know that you mentioned that
that's pretty fucked up wanting to watch something get eaten actually you're 100 right that's
absolutely a fetish i cannot believe i didn't put those pieces together it's so fucking weird dude
i don't know yeah you're gonna eat something like eat a roach like eat something that's already a
problem oh that'd be a great fetish for people to get.
Why
isn't there a useful fetish out there? Someone who's addicted
to mowing lawns.
Spider eater.
Come here. I got a whole box of them.
Yeah, dude. I don't care if you're hard the whole time.
You can pull my weeds.
That would be helpful. Have you ever seen Bram Stoker's
Dracula with
Christopher Lee? No, no, ever see bram stoker's dracula you know with um with christopher lee
uh no no no no bram stoker's grad uh it's it's the one with um keanu reeves and um and um
i definitely haven't seen that one i'm really stoned i can't even think of the cast right now
it's keanu and um gary oldman and anthony hopkins and uh it's really fucking good. Except for Keanu. He ruins it with his,
he totally can't do like a British accent.
Sounds like he's there to surf with the Count Dracula.
And there's a scene where he says,
he goes,
oh, but Count Dracula, I don't know.
I was like, oh my God.
And Gary Oldman is Count Dracula.
You sound like Snake from The Simpsons.
Oh, Dracula, all right.
That's what he sounds like.
And Gary Oldman is killing it.
I'm totally going to rob this Indian dude.
Gary Oldman's like trying so hard.
And he's next to Keanu and it's bad.
And Gary Oldman kills it.
Yeah, that's a good movie um Keanu
Reeves has got to be like he maybe I just haven't seen enough of stuff but he doesn't seem like a
good actor no he doesn't have a lot of range um and and I think that he he's kind of has this like
he's not very emotive like he's just he's just kind of in this one space he did
make this movie a couple years ago it was weird where these two girls like sort of like trick him
into letting them into their house they tie him up that's as close as you see him to being like
vulnerable and anything and and even then i remember he's getting like tied up and he wakes
up like as he's like buried up to his neck like might be killed and he's getting tied up and he wakes up as he's buried up to his neck,
might be killed, and he's like,
what on earth is going on?
It's like, dude, you got to care, man.
You got to really care.
You've been accused of rape and tied up.
Kano might be an example of karma,
good karma just getting you through life.
Everybody says he's a good guy.
Some of the stuff you hear about him is too good. He made so much money on the matrix trilogy it was like 100 million dollars or
something jesus and he was like oh that's way too much money for one man and so like he gave it to
the crew like he gave the crew that made the movie like millions and millions of dollars
that's awesome i love your Keanu Reeves impression it's just alright
get back here snake
he's like you can't catch me
oh man
no I um
it's good.
You just got to switch and say you're doing a snake
and you almost got it.
I'm going to work on that.
I'm going to work on that.
I'm going to keep that in mind.
You got to get on the impression game.
Just start.
Don't let bad ones stop you.
Just keep going.
Just keep barreling through.
There's a lot of impressions
where you get like halfway through a sentence
and you're like,
oh, this isn't even close. I got to think of a
joke.
This would make him way
more racist than I wanted it to be.
Damn it.
Shouldn't have went all out with
Apu. Although Apu,
lovable character. Very lovable.
Absolutely insulting
they ever removed him from the Simpsons.
I don't know. I don't care what they do with simpsons right oh at this point who cares yeah yeah that's not it hasn't
been the simpsons in so long i heard them announce that the next season was going to like stream
and debut on christ whichever service disney or hbo one or the other i don't fucking care anymore
no i don't i can't imagine many people are watching it at all
like it's just not funny if you if you like hear any of them now like you know how shows that go
on for a really long time that are animated like the characters voices change yeah because like of
age like you listen to like a season two homer and 30 years later and understandably like he's
30 years older what's he gonna do like he's, he's 30 years older.
What's he going to do?
Like he sounds like grandpa in the early seasons,
almost like he's,
he's aging so much.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And he's supposed to be 30 or something.
Um,
I don't know that that was a great show to,
to have grown up with.
It was a,
it was a big part of my childhood.
Um,
you know,
when you're a kid or at least when I was a kid,
I was looking at people
on tv that were my age to try to like model myself after like not like as a hero but like
as an example of like how do you do things in the world let's see here from this television device
and so like simpson knows bart simpson knows and so you know i'm sure a lot of the like stupid
shit i did when I was a kid
was because Bart Simpson did it.
They probably should have given me a better fucking role model.
I also like Dennis the Menace.
I fucking love that movie.
I thought that was great.
The original, the old one?
No, the movie they made in the early 90s.
I remember that one.
Yeah.
No, I was a real shitty kid.
Just always up to no good.
Just always up to no good.
Just because of Bart Simpson and Dennis the Menace.
You didn't watch like Doug or any shows.
Oh, like later on though.
See, Bart Simpson was there when I was like six or seven and eight.
And all the way until I was like almost out of,
until I like moved out of my
parents house and went into the world basically because there was no more tv after that I don't
know about you but when I moved out of my parents house I no longer had time to watch television
that that that that ended for me so like that there's that time period from like 2005 to like
2011 when I don't know what was on tv i was fucking working bro yeah i have no idea like
there are movies that came in out then like maybe the hitchhiker's guide to the universe i never saw
that shit i was i was at work i was at fucking work um we would occasionally skip out and go
watch some movies um and and so those movies that that i was able to watch during that period like really stick out even if they're shitty movies movies like um the what's the one where johnny
knoxville pretends like he's retarded in the ringer it's a great movie it's so funny theaters
that's 2005 you're saying that's not a good movie you well it's if you're gonna watch like three
movies this year it shouldn't be one of them. No, hard disagree. It is so
fucking funny. If you only watch three
films this year, make sure that Johnny Knox
was the ringer. Make it the ringer
in these two snuff films.
Start with the snuff films to the end
and a laugh. I saw the ringer on a list
of a YouTube
video of movies that couldn't be made
today.
And I was like, why? Then I realized they used real retarded people.
I had forgotten that they used real retarded people.
Everybody's got Down syndrome and thick-ass glasses and shit.
And it's wild. It's really funny. I want to re-watch that movie because I'm almost laughing thinking about
that scene where he first begins his foray into pretending to be retarded.
And he goes into the Down Syndrome guy's room and he picks up the CD of the Down Syndrome guy and then accidentally drops it trying to be retarded.
He's like, oopsie, Jeffrey dropped the CD.
And then the Down Syndrome guy is like scratch scratch you walk into my room in broad daylight
and you scratched it like i remember like not realizing something could make me laugh that
hard and like whatever i was like 15 14 15 years old so fucking funny x i don't think it came out
when i was older than that but but still, hilarious, hilarious movie.
And you're right, you couldn't make that today.
They absolutely could not.
No, I don't know if the first Borat...
Well, I'm trying to...
I don't know, the first Borat...
The thing about the first Borat is,
I think that if you tried to introduce that character now,
he might get shot.
You think so?
He might get fucking killed.
Sasha barely escaped some of those like bruno
scenes anyway you know because he'd do that one thing where he was bruno and he's like he's got
his camera crew and he's wearing like a thong or whatever and he's like from miami beach and this
big like muscly guy's like hello from miami beach yeah i love vacation i love vacation. I love vacation. I love sex. I love sex.
I love big cocks.
We are now on, this is on gay TV going out all over the world.
He's like, what the fuck?
It wasn't exactly that setup, but it was something similar to that.
He's getting the kind of co-sign being on, I don't know, cocksucker TV or something.
And one guy started chasing him trying to
kill him and he refused to leave character he is in that character on the microphone whispering
i i think he's gonna kill me i'm hiding i'm hiding in the gift shop no the store off the
boardwalk i ran in here i'm in the clothes But he's in character the whole time begging for help.
Sasha is a weird dude.
And he's still the same guy.
You know who got weird, though? It's fucking Russell Brand.
I really like Russell Brand's movies. I think
Forgetting Sarah Marshall was the first one.
Other than that, I can't think of it.
It was the only two I can think of.
Yeah. Off the top of my head
right now, that's all I can come up with.
But now he's like a contrarian YouTuber.
Have you seen any of his YouTube videos?
Uh-uh.
They get pretty good views, like a million views or so.
I imagine so.
I know he's like a charismatic guy.
Well, he's crazy.
He's like a...
That could be good for views too.
He's like a conspiracy theory nut with a lot of contrarian
ideas and you know what he sounds like he's got a wackadoo accent he's he is a i didn't know he was
like a six million sub youtuber yeah he's like a real youtuber he's uploading every day like yeah
this is what he does now he's's crazy. Is he acting anymore?
I don't remember the last thing he was in, like you said.
I don't remember him from anything that wasn't a comedy.
I don't think he ever did dramas or stuff like that, right?
Not off the top of my head.
I literally can't think of anything besides those two we named.
Well, good for him.
Having fun online. Doing whatever he's doing doesn't want to be into the greek anymore could be could be i'll have to watch some videos i missed the boat
on kevin samuels and andrew tate those recommendations so i gotta get on russell
brandon before he gets banned dude that are you recommending the first guys yeah kevin samuels is cool as fuck
woody said that thing we saw from tate where he was trying to get he was like i could save your
child's life if you ask me to i'll save your child like holy fuck dude what are you doing
that is ghoulish for people that didn't see that basically if it if it was a real tweet i think we
we saw it was real though that like it was real someone was like my i need money my child is dying and he responded like
the amount of money to save your child's life isn't a hill of beans to me
pretty much i would do it if you admit or like just something along those lines ask me and i'll
save your child's life ask me it's like's like, God, you're a fucking psychopath.
Like, who does that?
That's one of the worst things I've ever seen on the internet.
Yeah.
What did you think of Larry Lawton?
I thought he was, we had to keep him on the rails
because he likes to go on tangents, so speak i i was like getting a lot of like internal laughing when i could tell you really
wanted him to answer about the jewel and you're like just walk us through a jewel thief and then
he starts talking about his phone and like just absolutely boomered out and started talking about
his phone and now he can't program the apps and
you're like okay what about the jewels like he literally did that he literally went on this
tangent about how young people's minds work better than old people's minds and the example he gives
is how his his granddaughter or something can just pick up a fucking cell phone and use it and he
can't and he called it programming a cell phone which
i'm sure i'm sure means signing into gmail and like transferring contact no it's like swordfish
all the lines are coming down on the screen and hallie berry's blowing you
programming a cell phone she can just do it and i'm like it walks you through it holds your hand
welcome what's your name my name's my name's fucking telephone genius welcome
it's so true they're made to be used by the dumbest people alive and i get it you spent a
decade in prison like during the time when those things were coming out.
I got no problem with his inability to program a cell phone.
I'm like, all right, man.
I realized an hour in, hour 20 in, and I don't know how to rob a jewelry store yet.
I had specifically been like, hey, man, hey, hey.
I know you're in prison.
I know all about that.
And what I mean is I can pull the parts I want out of you later.
I don't know anything about jewel thievery.
And I'm like, this is perfect. I know this is like chapter and verse, literally chapter and verse of his book.
I'm sure it starts off jewel thievery.
What I'm asking for is like start chapter five, dude.
Tell me about the scariest jewel thievery you've ever done
the one that went wrong
and he can't even zero in on that
he's like in the beginning
I was born
it was a windy day
the day was July
no no no
yes July please tell me The day was July. No, no, no. Yes, July.
July.
Sure.
Please tell me.
And he was like, I am.
I'm telling you how.
And I'm like, no, you're not.
No, you're not.
Tell me how to wrap a story.
It's like one of those hokey movies where Eisenhower had just taken office
and the American spirit had never been high.
It was a warm day in July.
My parents had eaten barbecue.
Well, we just landed the dirigible and headed to town.
Dirigible.
We decided to celebrate
by going to an all white establishment.
And the worst part about it is like he had those stories.
Like we eventually got kind of those stories out of there,
but he's not a great storyteller.
What I wanted to do is be like,
all right, so this one time it was me,
Bobby the Nose, Billy Pickles, and Julie.
I was fucking Julie, but Bobby the Nose didn't know that, and that's going to come into play later.
Trust me.
Like that's how you start a
fucking story like already you're like fuck i hope he tells me why they call him bobby the nose
i want to learn more about the nose because he had this schnaz and the bitches his girlfriend
said it was longer than his dick and she'd ride that thing so like already you want more of this
right like and he can't do that for him he's just like i don So we go, like, already you want more of this, right? And he can't do that
for him. He's just like, I don't know. It was like Florida.
There we were.
The sun. Every day you gotta
get up and you gotta make sure the sun's gonna come
from the same side because you want that on that
side. Dude, don't talk to me
about reflections in glass. Tell me
about Bobby the nose and the time that somebody
got shot. Tell me what he yelled.
Tell me if he bit down on some
fucking stick or something while you
pulled a bullet out of his ass.
I did like the detail about the reflection
though, because I wouldn't have thought about that
when robbing. I did.
He's clearly got a ton of stories.
We just had to try and keep him on the
rails, because when you rob that many jewelry
stores, they bleed together a bit.
I bet his book is good. I bet his book is good good i hope he sends us those copies he won't yeah i'll
read it um but uh but but he he needs someone to like sit there and be like all right so who are
you with bobby the nose like he needs that guy to like like take this story and put it in the right
and make it compelling because i what i was trying to follow his story but sometimes i get a little
lost because he'd go off on a tangent and and I don't want to hear about his tangent.
So I'd zone out, and then he'd circle back around to rob him the store and be like, oh, shit, we're back at the store.
We're back at the store.
Because I didn't care about his Dr. Scholl's prescription or whatever he was talking about.
He'd be like, yeah, you got to wear comfortable shoes when you arrive at the store.
These shoes I got, you gotta wear comfortable shoes when you arrive at a store. These shoes I got,
these are not comfortable shoes. You see,
look at the bottom of my shoe, how
it's wearing back here on the heel.
That means I'm... Dude.
That's caused by
excessive walking.
Tell me how to rob a
jewelry store. Now the fundamentals
of a shoe, foot protection.
That's part one. I stole shoes no i i liked him uh i like he was a good guest he had he has a lot of life experience
it's just uh he's he's got a lot of thoughts and a lot of stories to tell and so he'll easily start
talking about one robbery and then it reminds him of something else. And he goes in that direction.
And I think as it went on,
we did a good job kind of reining it in and being like,
wait,
let's get back to the fucking jewels.
The jewels.
He kept wanting to get philosophical and,
and he should have,
his goal should be to be biographical because I don't care about his
thoughts and feelings about things.
I think about, I want to hear about the events. I need, I want you to tell me a story and I couldn't get about his thoughts and feelings about things. I think about,
I want to hear about the events.
I need,
I want you to tell me a story.
And I couldn't get him to tell me a goddamn story.
That was super frustrating.
I could tell you were aggravated.
I was so frustrated.
I was like,
dude,
you tell me the goddamn story.
I still don't know.
Here we are sitting here.
What's step one?
What's step one?
How do you pick a jewelry store?
Something to do with the sun. No, no. are sitting here. What's step one? What's step one? How do you pick a jewelry store? Something to do with the sun.
No.
No, number one,
you would,
it has to be like a strip mall,
he said, right?
It's got to have a bunch of parking.
Yeah, yeah.
That much I could have guessed, though,
because I'm not going to go rob
like mountaintop jewelers in Aspen
or something,
like a maniac,
if that's a real thing.
I wish he told us a good uh story about that but i did i do enjoy his youtube channel uh on there it seems
like someone's reigning him in or something he stays pretty focused but even there you know he'll
drift away um i don't know i guess i don't care as much when he's not on my clock yeah i understand
i i think next time we have him on,
maybe it'll be more... I mean, you're the one that threatened him.
I don't know. Did I?
Yeah. Oh, at the end
when he called me
fat, that was just a little light
banter.
That was fun, though.
Calling me fat.
The gall.
By the way,
I saw a short of his that said something
about his physique.
He is in tremendously bad shape.
I mean, I guess he is like 60 or 70 years old.
Yeah, he's 61.
You get a pass after 60.
Fair play.
Woody is going to look tremendous at 61.
Guaranteed.
Unless the cancer takes him
no he already vanquished it
we don't know that for sure
yeah I feel like he would have mentioned it if he didn't know
well he doesn't know yet
we'll wait for those test results to come back
oh yeah I guess they don't tell you right away
see I'm on the outs here
you're the resident expert of the
what is it something carcinoma
I think that the way that he did
it honestly is supposed to provide clean margins uh right out of the gate so he should know right
away i'm sure he's at home right now and they're like yeah you're good um well he did the thing
where they like barely scraped shit and then test it and then like go back and scrape more if they
have to right something like that yeah yeah i i yeah. I couldn't understand if they were cutting a circle,
like a patch, out,
or if they were shaving the top down.
They offered to do a thing with me
where they were going to shave layer after layer,
and then they take these little layers of skin
and put them under a microscope over and over
until they get a clean one,
but that wasn't the best thing for an eyelid.
But I think he did something similar.
Well, hopefully it'll work out.
Dude, I was watching on the fight scene.
I'm not going to get into the whole UFC thing,
but the guys get their eyelids cut all the time, like torn.
Every time I see that, it's so hard to fucking look at that's the
ref's fault isn't it because they're supposed to put the the vaseline there so it doesn't
well that's their and they do that in their corner but it doesn't matter like it just happens
the corner gets to put however much vaseline they want on i thought like the ref kind of controlled
that um i mean if you started goofing it on him and he walked out there like the blob, the referee would be like, what, dude?
It's dripping.
But no, generally they don't really care how much of that.
Because he puts an appropriate amount, too.
Sometimes there'll be enough that you can see it.
You can see that it's caked up and opaque.
But that's about as far as they'll go with it.
There's famously a fighter who was going to be facing a better grappler,
rubbed baby oil all over his body in the sauna so his pores were open.
He absorbs the baby oil so then when he sweats in the cage,
he's sweating baby oil and becoming so greasy you can't fucking grab him.
That's such a good idea.
That was GSP, right?
Yeah. Genius. you see you can't fucking grab him that's such a good idea that was gsp right yeah genius to do that when you're already the best that's ever lived is so funny like yeah to do that in addition
to like yeah i'm already the best that fidel in history and so i took a bath in oil and then it's
like come on man insult to injury have you seen his uh have you seen his interviews where he talks
about extraterrestrials i don't know anything about him other than him being the best fighter of all time, apparently.
Yeah, so his words got twisted a little, but fuck that.
There's an animated adventure of him talking about extraterrestrials
and how he believes that they have taken him.
Because sometimes he loses time, so he thinks that maybe they have taken him because sometimes he loses time so he thinks
that maybe aliens have taken him and so he said this on the joe rogan show and then they made
this animated adventure and it's all about him not understanding the concept of blinking and sleeping
and how when you do those like they they made it that and so like he has sex with this woman and
he's like i've got to sleep got a big fight tomorrow and he has sex with this woman and he's like, I've got to sleep.
Got a big fight tomorrow. And he goes
to sleep and he looks at the clock.
It's like 2 a.m.
Closes his eyes. Wakes up.
7 a.m.
Where did five hours go?
The aliens took it.
It's really good. It's funny.
I was laying there. I closed my eyes for
literally one second. And then I woke up eight hours later. That's really good. It's funny. I was laying there. I closed my eyes for literally one second.
And then I woke up eight hours later.
That's called sleeping.
It's called time teleportation.
No, GSP's pretty cool.
He seems like a nice enough guy.
He's retired, right?
Yeah. Well, he came back like three or four years ago
just to beat up a weak champion and take
the belt and then instantly retire pretty wild the canadian is the best fighter of all time
french canadian french canadian are they i guess french canada's kind of doing their own thing over
there i maybe they have like a bust fighting it's not like with gretzky where there's this
one guy out in front with this you know 40 year old sport there's there's like five there's like a mount rushmore of
guys but he's definitely up there um but i'm envious of like other sports that like can
literally have a new goat like there's this graphic that got posted on the hockey reddit
that was like you know this is why football basketball and baseball get new goats. And it showed the all-time home run hitter in baseball,
margin of lead, 3%.
Tiny.
People are there.
Basketball is top three.
Pujols is killing it right now.
He's breaking into the top five or the top four, one or the other.
Dude, everybody's talking about Pujols in town.
Everybody fucking loves that guy.
We're talking about him in Atlanta.
It's cool.
He's fucking getting dingers every day.
Yeah. for him. It's cool. He's fucking getting dingers every day. Then you see the
NHL one and
margin of difference is about
80%.
No one has
even... They blew out of the water.
The second and third best people
in the history of the game
are pretty close to about half
of it. A little over half, basically.
It's not... Well, that's a little exaggeration, but still.
Is it all talent, or was...
Is there any of him taking advantage of older rule sets?
There's a thing in the NBA, right, with the point scoring,
where there weren't three-pointers.
There weren't three-pointers to shoot.
And I don't know NBA, so I shouldn't even be talking about stats,
but I think that like kareem
was is the all-time leader in a time where there were no three pointers yeah so that's like
doubly impressive i remember him i think i saw him on a talk show once and they were like well
this guy like kobe or somebody he's got this many points and this means he's like and then and he's
like well let me explain it this way i have the most points that have ever been scored.
I never shot any three pointers.
I never shot one.
They did not exist.
They were none.
I thought that was pretty neat.
Yeah.
It's similar to that.
He's just plowed so far ahead.
So is it, was it, is it a different kind of hockey that's being played now?
It's basically like with Gretzky,ky the biggest like the biggest difference is the equipment and the goalies
the goalies back then were way way worse so they all did like stand up back then and so they didn't
go the butterfly because their pads were old and shitty and they would soak up water and get heavy
if you spent a bunch of time okay so what is his percentage of, I don't know what you call it, shots on goal
that make it in? In baseball, you've got a batting average, right?
We want to know. You go up there X amount of times,
how many times do you get a hit?
In hockey, that's called a point per game.
It doesn't tell the whole story though, right?
It doesn't, but there are very few point per game players.
So like good example, Patrick Kane for the Chicago Blackhawks.
He has like 1,100 games played, 1,200 games played,
and about 1,250 points.
That is truly elite.
Like you have to be one of the best in the world
to be a point per game in the NHL.
A point means that you either assist on a goal or you score a goal but you don't have to if you're the only
one who gets to take shots right like what i'd be more interested in is like no gretzky was not a
red zone stats in football right like when you get into the red zone short short field short field uh
how often are you going to score in that position i'd be curious to know
out of every shot that Gretzky took,
how many scored?
Yeah, this is the stat.
He scored 17.6% of all shots he took.
That's very high.
Also, he was not principally a goal scorer.
He was good because he could see the –
he invented new ways of passing.
It was called Gretzky's office being behind the other team's net and using that as like his area.
Cause you're forcing the goalie to turn around to be out of position.
You're nobody was used to that.
And he was good at anticipating things.
So like,
like I said,
Patrick Kane is like in the debate for the greatest American player of all
time with like Brett Hall.
He's a point per game,
like 1200 points in 1200 games played.
Gretzky had 1487 games played and 2857 points.
So he was closer to two points per game than one,
meaning that Wayne Gretzky in his career,
I think this is the stat.
He had more games where he had two goals and an assist than games where he
had nothing.
So like he was a back in fantasy hockey, they had to change it. He destroyed nothing. So like he was a, back in fantasy hockey,
they had to change,
he destroyed it.
So they had,
you had to draft Gretzky
as either Gretzky goals
or Gretzky assists.
You could not have Gretzky
because you would win the entire league
every single year just with him.
It's like,
there's no one that will ever come close to him.
He didn't give a fuck about scoring goals
in the second half of his career.
He didn't care.
And no one's caught him.
The best Russian of all time, the best goal scorer of all time,
Alex Ovechkin, might catch him.
And Gretzky was fiddle-fucking around with goal scoring.
He just was racking up the score on assists late in his career.
He's so much better than everyone else.
It's beyond not close.
More assists than anybody else has points.
You get a new guy every three years, maybe.
Who you're like,
is this the guy? What the fuck?
Did he do that to him?
There's a guy right now,
Kamzat Chamaev. He's this hair-lipped
fucking Russian
who's a Muslim, but he's
coming from Sweden.
And he's just the biggest...
He's a huge villain right now in the whole MMA
community because they were going to use him to
slaughter an old veteran
and he showed up
eight pounds overweight on purpose seemingly
he just quit his weight cut
so it ruins the whole
card because you can't do that he can't be eight pounds
overweight so they have him
fight a different guy and they have the guy
he was going to fight fight a different guy they just shuffle everybody around to
people who are all the same weight and he destroyed the guy they put him
against in two minutes flat he doesn't he didn't get hit once he just ran
across the ring and he grabbed it and he threw him on the ground and that they got the other guys like a
jujitsu black belt so he's rolling and they're it's like an it's like a death roll from like a
fucking um an alligator they're like head they're wrapped up rolling over and over and eventually
he submits him he makes him tap and and it was two minutes and he's just on the mic he's like
fuck you all fuck all of you i'm here to kill everybody everybody he's just on the mic. He's like, fuck you all. Fuck all of you. I'm here to kill everybody.
Everybody.
It's 9-11.
I'm going to kill you.
That's what he says.
He says, I'm here to kill everybody.
Fuck you, everybody.
I'm not here for the scale.
Allahu Akbar.
And it's 9-11.
It just turned 9-11.
That's so fucking funny.
And so everybody's just really getting. but he's destroyed everyone he's faced and and he's taking uh he's taking he takes on anyone he can at 170
and 185 pounds and that is a massive range in sizes of human beings who compete within those
because there are some guys who hey man you're a little small to be fighting at 170
and then there are guys whoa dude you're huge to be at 185 how do you get this low and those
and so he's fighting both of those people so he's kind of a weight bully he he almost kills himself
routinely to get into that 170 pound weight division where he can bully people and he what's his name kamzat shemaev
it starts with a k dude he sounds like a fighter kamzat he kamzat he's uh he is ugly he is he
might be the ugliest ufc fighter i've ever seen he is ugly conor mcgregor calls him rat lip
yeah there's a lot of there's you can pick on a. Yeah, there's a lot of... You can pick on a lot of things.
There's a lot of material here on Comsat.
You might have.
It's so funny.
He was saying,
I'll allow Akbar on 9-11.
He screamed it.
It was like 9-11 morning.
It was like 10 minutes into this shit.
I was remembering, as I always do this time.
I remember every morning at 9-11.
9-11 a.m. and p.m.
9-11 a.m. and p.m.
I pray.
I pray towards New York.
That's probably a wrap, huh?
That's a wrap.
Time for dinner.
All right.
Well, we'll have Woody back for you guys Thursday, I hope.
If not, we'll replace him with with another person
yeah we'll find someone
temporarily