Painkiller Already - PKN 430

Episode Date: November 16, 2022

There we go. PKN 430. Taylor, get in the game. I'm plugging something in! I'm here! You know what's funny? I do that all the time, and I was like, I can't believe no one ever calls me out on this. As I was leaning down, I'm like, this probably isn't a good look for the beginning, and then you did call it out. So, how is everyone? How are you doing? Well, I tried to make a face like a retarded monkey. You know what I found out today? Some of our goods are made by monkey slave labor did you know this oh it seems like a cost-saving they are i'm not i'm fine with that they have no concept of money they beat them though they they

they keep them chained like little slaves and they whip them and force them to you know mine for magnesium and pick bananas and all sorts whatever you know monkey business i mean the picking bananas is incredibly racist of you to call them monkeys the fuck is wrong with you well i mean they're they're definitely monkeys i've seen they're actually apes i know these are little monkeys i saw them you can't just call the monkeys kyle it's 2022 they're not you can't stop me you mean okay so these aren't chimps. This is a lower tier of monkey.

They're monkeys. Actual monkeys. Monk. Okay, what are they actually having them do? I'm curious now. I saw a little monkey with a chain around its neck, like it was Kunta Kinte, and he had a tiny, tiny pickaxe,

and he had one of those hats with the light on it. It was real sad. There's no way that's real. There's no way. They would start a rebellion. The fact that you didn't call me out at pickaxe... That is when I knew it was made up. It's not made up. I just like...

The worst monkey labor on coconut plantations in Thailand is more widespread than previously known which makes sense i didn't know about it at all yeah and some u.s brands and retailers are still buying the country's coconut milk despite grisly reports of animal abuse i don't know maybe monkeys like picking coconuts yeah monkeys do they have a union rep i've heard monkeys are built for that they're whipping those monkeys asses. They don't get enough coconuts.

That's what they're doing. It is cruel to make them do coconuts because I bet they like coconuts. That's probably why they picked it. No way. They like picking coconuts. If you trained them to organize little bits of iPhone parts into different piles, they don't want to eat that. They probably wouldn't mind.

They get little bloody fingers, but they're monkeys. It's fine. You replace them. The fingers? Now they've got little robots? No, you replace the whole monkey. We're not trying to lose money here. That's a doomsday scenario.

You start making monkey cyborgs. You have a monkey slave ring, but you lose the money because you're paying thousands for animatronic. Terrified young monkeys are forced to perform frustrating and difficult tasks such as twisting heavy coconuts until they fall off from a tree at a great height an investigator learned that if monkeys try to defend themselves their canine teeth may be pulled all right wait a minute i have heard from my propaganda spreading co-hosts that monkeys and apes are so strong i can't believe a heavy coconut is a problem. Really? So now monkeys aren't strong.

What he just picked up was a little monkey. But if there were one of those monkeys in your house, now it might scratch you and you might have to go to the hospital to get it looked at, but it's going to be for a shot. If there was a chimp in your house, it would

eat your dogs in front of you and beat you to death with Ender's leg. That's the best thing you could possibly hope for is that you'd be killed first so you wouldn't have to witness the grisly scene of the chimp going for everyone's genitals because they're brutal. They're the meanest animals out there

because they're clever. They will storm. What level of chimp can you beat up right like it taylor i have faith in you you could beat up a baby chimp you could clearly beat up a newborn chimp at what point along its development does it surpass you like many sons do to fathers something about like the the proportions of their arm makes it so that they have a lot more leverage and like pull movements than we do. And so like if a young, like one year old chimp grabbed like your wrist or something and didn't want

you to like, let go, let's say it grabs Brock Lesnar's wrist. If it doesn't want Brock Lesnar to go, Brock Lesnar is going to be dragging that chimp until the chimp gets bored and let's go. Brock can use every bit of strength. He's not going to be able to pry those, those one and a to be dragging that chimp until the chimp gets bored and lets go. Brock can use every bit of strength. He's not going to be able to pry those

one and a half year old little chimp fingers apart because it's that much stronger. You've seen the shaved chimps. They're dense. They're so strong. I feel like you picked the wrong guy. I picked him for a point. He's a little bit chimp himself.

You felt like a baby's grip strength. That's one of the first things that a little baby gets. It's like, oh, you can put your finger in there and they grip. A chimp is like... Look, I could beat the fuck out of a baby in both armed combat, unarmed combat, and debate. That's fair. Our babies are F tier.

If we were playing Civ and it was humans, apes, everyone would go ape rush. Because they'd make the apes and then rush and we would be... We are playing Civ. It turned out the smart babies that take a long time to raise win.

Alright, touche. You win this round. But in 30,000 years we'll see I have a question for you how many Polacks does it take to start World War 3

2 it takes 2 Polacks to start World War 3 because that's how many Russia killed today with one of their missiles going stray or I guess fill me in on what happened. I don't know. I'll stray and it hit Poland.

It's actually, Oh, locks in Poland. It seems like I know a little bit more than this. It, as far as I understand, they unleashed a heavy super barrage of missiles and dumb artillery, and they were aiming for a Ukrainian power plant,

but right by the border, there's a Polish power plant. I think this is going to be 80% right. And they accidentally hit that as well. Accidentally, I don't know. And killed two Polacks and damaged some infrastructure. So that happened today? Yeah. Today, as far as I know, like a few hours ago.

Our today. Yeah, that's a big deal. We'll see what happens because, obviously, that's a member nation, and tack on one is a tack on all. At this point, I feel like they're pretty justified to do anything they want. Russia should have been so much more. The fact that they're being that lackadaisical with that red line is so weird to me because we wouldn't.

As the United States, I don't think we would if the shoe were on the other foot. I know we're having a hard time over here, but what we really don't want is to give them any excuse to send anything else or send some people, God forbid. Let's not

even shoot anything in that direction. Anything that could even reach over there. I would shoot missiles that if we tried to hit them they wouldn't make it yeah just be extra safe i don't think the u.s would make that same mistake i agree with what you're saying i also think hypothetically we'd apologize right like if we're at war with ukraine and we accidentally bomb poland we're like hey you should know. Didn't mean that. I'm sorry. Here's some money or something. Here is no missile.

Here's two babies. Two Ukrainian babies. Where the US would be like, a Russian missile silo has been destroyed and two rogue Taliban agents in Kazakhstan have been eliminated.

Yeah, USA! This does seem fucking ridiculous. How do you just hit the wrong country? I get they're next to each other and everything, but is Ukraine's border power plant halfway in Poland? It doesn't make sense. Why would they? You're right.

You'd think they'd be a lot more careful about that. So the Russians are saying bullshit. They're calling bullshit on this. Oh, they're saying false flag or something? They're saying false flag. And, you know, that would be a crafty move by the Ukrainians to pull a little false flag here, kill a couple of Polacks. I mean, supposedly.

I don't see any. Do we have pictures of the bodies i you get polish body bodies anywhere yeah they're all over poland um i think mostly the attack is real because it's kind of hard to like there's gonna be pictures of this damage and bodies or something um 9-11 was it in the midst of a larger attack that's what i heard that they were like really just going ham throwing missiles towards pol or ukraine and that a few went over the border is that the case like if that's the case i feel like russia should have just owned up to it and said sorry yeah but who well you know i'm sure they'll come around and do the right thing yeah those russians are known yeah for you need to just have patience kyle yeah i'm sure you guys saw the guy uh the guy tagged the um that russian uh oh my gosh yes

i forwarded that on to friends oh yeah i saw that the rsk excuse me okay dude Yeah, I saw that. The RSK. You wrote... Excuse me. You okay, dude? Half way through your first word in the sentence and you're dying. You wrote, uh... Yep, I'm giving up. He's a fan of the real sweet kids over there. Oh, he is.

Man, that's great. That's the last thing someone saw. What is that? What does that mean? Yeah, I hope not. What does that mean? Yeah, I hope not. Yeah, I was thinking... Well, no, because it... I guess that was like a downed tank, right?

Just like a, oh, tank here. Nobody's taking it. Tag it, right? I don't know. That's not a tank. Okay, carrier. Armored personnel carrier?

It looked really tanky. Maybe we can find a picture, Zach. It was made of metal. That's what a tank is to me. Yes, everything made of metal. Everything made of metal is a tank until proven otherwise. To me, if it's tank shaped, it's a tank. If it's a tank, if it has metal plates and guns and tracks.

Didn't it have tracks? It did. Yeah, that's a tank. I sent a picture to Zach via WhatsApp in case he needed a way to find it. But Zach will show a picture in a minute. Yeah, it definitely looks tanky to me. The thing's wrecked. I don't know if we wrecked it.

Like, our fan destroyed it. I know that's a thing he does. Yeah, I don't know. But remember, if we're asked, that stands for Russia Stop Killing. That's really good that's really good that's great i love i imagined a lot of the fighters over there having mustaches let me i'm going to like that yeah that's a war mustache okay you you're gonna tell me that's not a tank. Look at all the treads. Look at the metal. I mean, you know, it's not, but it's tanky enough.

What kind of tank is that? Is that like a Russian tank, a Ukraine tank? That's actually a British tank. They were so upset. You fooled me. I was just believing anything you said. It's just like a photo taken outside of London at a museum. Look, we couldn't get any clear shots on enemy tanks, so we took out one ally for a photo op.

I hope that's cool with you guys. You know what we should do? While the whole world is distracted, that looks like a missile or a shell, right? Oh, I see. I don't know what to make of that. While the whole world is focused on this ukraine russia thing i think we should pick up a country or two oh i think i think

let's make trump right greenland i feel like that's not the country we'd want to start our invasion of because then people are going to go the u.s is going for greenland let's build our defenses we should take the united kingdom first they had their time and it's time for us to be in charge they they bullied us for for centuries kind of and it's our turn to be in charge they can be like the 51st state and guess what we get rid of all the lines bitch there's no britain anymore there's no england there's no ireland doing them a favor it's just what what would we call them new england just new new england yeah welcome to new new england so we'll call them newer england newer england we'll call london london

is new boston bitch owned and then so we'll take them and then we can obviously like once we've established new new england fall back take greenland and Iceland. Now we're making money hand over fist in the vacation sphere. This whole time we're reverse Pearl Harboring Japan. They don't even have a military, but we're showing them we're serious about it. I think we just take a couple of those island nations. That's the thing about that. Wouldn't that be nice? You want to go visit London?

No passport. Huh? You want to go visit Japan? Yeah,. Huh? You want to go visit Japan? Yeah, I'm making good points. It is a good point. It'll also get us to around like 55-ish states. I say while we're at it, get for an even 60. 60 states.

Are there any other countries that have 60 states or territories in it? Puerto Rico comes to mind. If you want states, they're like kind of right there. Yeah. Yeah, we can throw them in the mix, I guess. What's the other one people talk about? It's not really new, not really new though oh dc yeah that's but those aren't new we already yeah yeah they're not it's easy in particular doesn't seem new at all we could cheat and just like make montana seven just like make it it's not like divide montana into seven states

and then then add in three more states a bunch of states with less population than Wyoming that go Republican. That's my job as president. They're like, you're rigging the Senate. And I'm like, I want 60 states. California said no. So I went to Montana and they agreed. Yeah. Oh, I've been having fun watching politics lately. then they agreed. So yeah. Oh,

I've been having fun watching politics lately. I know it's not everyone's cup of tea, but man, it's good right now. Just like Donald Trump is just coughing, leaned over suffering and all the Republicans are kicking him in the balls while he's at it. Like he took,

he's being held responsible for the midterm disaster that that just happened for the republican side it looks like the democrats might pick up a seat maybe we'll see how georgia unfolds um and there's a slim path but then the republicans are going to get the house that's just what's up but um the democrats are finishing with more state legislators and more governors than they started with in this year. There was a lot of stuff working against Democrats, but it turns out the message of the election was stolen and you can't have abortions didn't win votes. And yeah, the abortion thing, maybe I'm overestimating it, but I feel like I don't feel like I am. Like, I feel like that inspired a lot of people.

It turned out it was a bigger issue than the polls suggested. Yeah. And well, I've heard about that, too. So there's this idea of the shy Trump voter. We heard about them being underpolled back in 2016. Now they're saying Gen Z is underpolled. And it's hard, right? You try to you can't just go

by what what your poll results are right if you just go by poll results then really what you're learning is people who pick up the phone and answer surveys how they're gonna vote so you have to take those poll results and like fuck with them a little bit and that gets complicated like how do you fuck with the poll results and get that right so what they've done is they've like overstated republican votes in an effort to correct for what happened in 2016 and in that they undercounted gen z votes turns out gen z's went to the poll a little more than they were before and they absolutely do not pick up um

telemarketer phone numbers and shit like that on their phone these poll masters are like are like people you pay for sports picks yes like they're literally that same tier except they're like i'm nate silver and it looks like utah's gonna go d plus two with them and it's like and like after like 16 in the disaster like you kind of realize it's like, and like after like 16 in the disaster, like you kind of realize it's like a lot of people like looking at data and being like, like kind of, what are you feeling today?

You feeling D plus three, you're feeling D plus four. You know, I like the way you said it. Like it, they're like people you pay for sports picks. Does that mean they're uneducated buffoons? Totally guessing.

No, there's subject matter experts doing their best to predict something that's practically unpredictable. And they do better than I would, but not great. It's like, who's that guy, Jim Cramer and Paul Krugman, two economists who have been wrong about every, and this is not, for people who think I'm being hyperbolic in my typical fashion,

about every and this is not for people who think i'm being hyperbolic in my typical fashion paul krugman has been wrong about everything for 30 years he's been wrong about the internet bubble the real estate bubble everything every single thing he's said the wrong thing and he will still go out there and be like oh this move from biden is gonna be great this is a really good thing and it's or or the opposite i'm not even picking good or bad to go with biden here it's like it's wild these these careers where you can fail for 30 for 20 plus years and still be the guy that goes on the news a lot of the people still working at the pentagon are the same people who like apologize for being like, we did make up those wars. Like we made up we made up those weapons of mass destruction.

Sorry. Oh, Honduras. We did topple of them. Fuck you. Like that kind of shit. Like they just stay in charge. They just stay in charge. Yeah.

So anyway, Trump is set to declare today. I don't know if it's going to happen or not. But today, Tuesday, the 15th, he says he's going to announce that he's running for president. There's a bunch of theories around that. Some people feel like that will relieve some of his legal trouble, and I've heard that it won't. They are reluctant to prosecute people running for office for fear that it looks partisan, but I'm told that it's not going to

solve all his legal problems and a bunch of them are civil so of course it wouldn't um we'll see if he runs he and desantis are going at it right now name calling going back and forth it's pence is going after trump everybody fox news no good nicknames yet. Rupert Murdoch. Ronda Sanctimonious. I know you hate it, but it's been getting traction. I don't know. But like the New York Post, the Wall Street Journal, and Fox News are all ripping on Trump lately. They're all owned by Rupert

Murdoch. And they seem to have a coordinated anti-Trump Are they like back in 16 mode where it was like you want to go for jeb bush not this other guy and then like bush dies marco rubio dies ted crude dies and eventually that's what trump is saying all right fuck trump i guess he's like we've been here before where all the corrupt news is against us and we win anyway they'll come back in line you watch 16 was so funny where it was literally like Trump playing Among Us

being like, I'm over here fixing the vaults. And then he'd stab someone in the back. Who was that? Who was that? And then Trump was covered in blood with Rubio's head and he's like,

I found this. And it's like, why is there fuck holes in the head? Like that. I don't think it'll happen again, though. So I've been betting against Trump for a while and i think the midterm results back up my theory which is that people are not really into trump's bullshit anymore him running around for the last two years saying the election was stolen from me didn't motivate anyone people just leave him no one's joining him

but we'll see because i'm wrong like half the time. Yeah. It was a great weekend. Israel Adesanya got the shit beaten out of him. Oh, he did. I've been watching so many gifs and set to music of him just getting his head beaten in.

It's so nice. I liked Israel Adesanya, also known as Izzy, on his rise. On the way up, he was knocking people out, and he's very good on a microphone. For a male fighter to be popular, he needs to do two things. He needs to be good at fighting, and he needs to be good on a mic. And if he can do those, he kills it. People want to see him, and he wins fights, and it keeps going.

Side note, for a female fighter to be popular, she has to win fights and be pretty. Those are her things thus far. No females ever been good on a microphone. They all fucking suck back on topic. This guy's good on a mic, but he started like point fighting, walking backwards, slowly jabbing. He'd go five rounds and some of the rounds had like three, six punches thrown, bullshit like that. It was terrible. And his talking though, continued to be great. He was talking about this guy and he lost to him twice before. In kickboxing. Thank you. In kickboxing, so not MMA, he had been beaten by this other guy.

How do you pronounce his name? Let's call him Alex Perea. Alex Perea. Okay. So we fought this guy in kickboxing twice. The first time he lost a very narrow decision. Izzy feels like he should have won that fight, but the judges didn't. That's what matters.

And they do a rematch. In the rematch, Izzy gets knocked out. So he describes this guy. They're like, hey, what about those two losses you had before you were doing MMA, back when you were doing kickboxing? And he's like, oh, fuck that guy. He's going to be some old has-been in a bar watching me on TV as a legend, saying, I beat that guy once while he's trying to get a crack whore to suck his dick.

That guy's nobody. That guy gets motivated. He's like, you know what? I'm going to learn MMA and fuck that guy up. Again. Again. In his own sport. Then he did.

He learns MMA. He joins it. I follow MMA a lot. I follow MMA more than 90% of the fans out there. Every day I read MMA news. Every day I watch the fights. All right. He joins LGA.

Kyle, have you heard of LGA before? No. It sounds like it's golfing. I don't fucking know where this guy learned to fight, but he learns MMA. He goes into this minor league organization that I hadn't heard of before. Then he gets picked up by the ufc wins all his ufc fights earns himself a goddamn title fight and then beats the world champion yep by knocking him out in the fifth we can't and the joke is um zach can you show the

the image not the the video because the video is like when trump got made fun of at the correspondence dinner yeah yeah yeah it's pretty close but it's worse than that though because because like in fighting it's cruel right so so like leading up to this alex perez's children he has two boys are clowning on izzy about how their daddy's gonna knock him out again they're like they're on instagram they're on their little man instagram this is the joke that he's going to follow him to hockey next. Like wherever you go, I'm coming. I don't care if you learn fucking hopscotch. You're fucking rolling some dice in an alley.

I'm coming for you. Oh, yeah. That's hilarious. Israel Adesanya is going to be minding his own business in like a League of Legends lobby. And then this guy's going to pop in. Alex Perea has joined the lobby. God damn it, with the skill-based matchmaking, I keep playing Alex Perea.

Not for long. Dude, I don't love Perea. Does he speak English? Yeah, pretty well, surprisingly. I had never heard it i didn't i hadn't heard him speak before i saw he's one of those guys who's of indeterminate origin as if you ask me he he's he also came with his face painted and like a headdress to the native american it looked like it looked like a fucking like undiscovered tribesman who's gonna eat your genitals

and and uh and so i don't care what sort of like made-up land he hails from but it does seem he's from wakanda yeah oh my god don't i want to we should make fun of wakanda after the the box office results come out because i i hope it's bad uh but but but no perea kicked the shit out of izzy i'm glad we've got a champion there who can speak and kick ass um until his next fight because everybody in the division is just like chomping at the bit to get a shot at this guy they might give israel his shot again they should that seems only fair to like not is he to not let is he get an immediate rematch seems shitty because is he was leading on all the scorecards you know three rounds i didn't know that actually yeah i've seen he's he's up three he's won the fight he just has to stay away it's awesome it's the kamaru uzman situation all over again where all he had to do was dance and

be himself and he uh and he wins but he got caught and he got beaten like a fucking heavy bag that was i don't know if you saw it taylor the gifts in our whatsapp yeah the last seconds of the fight so yeah he's gonna get fucked up by uh any wrestler um gaston could come fuck this guy up um robert whittaker is who i pray they give the shot to because he's he's one of those fighters that i just love i watched one of those behind the scenes like ufc doc type things and uh like i was on the treadmill one day and it was on espPN at the gym. And I really fell in love with that guy's story. He seems like such a good guy. And I don't know.

Perea? No. Robert Whitaker. Robert Whitaker. What's his name? He's a Kiwi. Robert Whitaker. He's going to smoke this Perea guy, though.

I would love to see that fight, just for Whitaker's sake. But they'll give Izzy a rematch, and Izzy will get clowned again. So Izzy has a kickboxing background and his wrestling is only good enough to defend himself from wrestling and get back to his feet where he can hit you. Very good defensive wrestling. He's not going to take you down and do anything to you though.

The thing about grappling is it seems like it's easier to learn how to nullify somebody else's grappling than it is to have effective offensive grappling. That's where izzy's sort of knowledge sort of stops he just learned to nullify grappling and stop there this guy perea did we say yeah i'm really struggling with it anyway he's newer at this his grappling is worse than izzy's it's like the only thing he's good at is beating Israel out of Sanya yeah exactly and the and the

thing is there's guys in that division who have spent their lives wrestling and uh and and being practitioners of judo and all sorts of grappling backgrounds that they could just eat this guy alive um but they didn't to Izzy because he's just so elusive but that's not Pereira so yeah very cool fight I liked it because again somebody I didn't like got the shit beaten out of them. Then in the women's division, you got the Chinese lady who's built like a man. She came and just stomped the shit out of that Esparza girl who

sort of beat Rose. Rose beat herself that last fight. So that was fun to watch. Now Rose gets her shot if she wants it, and she's beaten this Weili chick before, so hopefully she can do it again. Weili looks like a man, though. She has incredible delts. A pretty man, I think. I and she's beaten this wayley chick before so hopefully she can do it again wayley looks like a man though she has incredible delts a pretty man i think like i i think she yeah yeah i'm not saying she's masculine like in her features per se like like i mean she's for a chinese woman she's very attractive um but but she is built like a what like i can't have a preference? What's her name? Wei Ling?

Wei Li. Wei Li. Yeah. Chinese women look different than Japanese women. And as far as Chinese women go, she's a fairly attractive one. There are some real... You can't always tell the sex apart. I'm making faces like Kyle's being crazy.

He's totally right. Chinese women have some ugly fucks in there. No, there's just a lot of them. So, you know, they sort of blend in. You're going to have some pretty ones and some ugly ones. And most of the pretty ones use face tunings. I mean, the models don't get involved in backyard bare knuckle boxing. Yeah, she looks strong as shit.

And so she's fucking up all the women now. Is she the new? She's the current champ. There's a chick named Rose Namahunas. I think she beat her. I forget if they're one and one or she beat her twice, but she's not undefeatable. The turnover on the female fighters.

I only have any exposure to the female fighters from hearing you guys talk about it, but I swear every 10 to 15 days there's a new world beater who just beat the most recent one like is it still the ron rousey thing that's not that no it's still inching up so quickly that's so that's not true anymore um it hasn't been true for a while so you've got valentina shevchenko at 125 pounds and she has been the champion for a very long time and it seems like she will be the champion at 125 pounds until she doesn't want to be anymore no one is even close when they bring people out it's like here we go again every time it hasn't gotten anywhere near the point where oh

that was close there was a what about that like it's a little close actually like that stomps them out at 135 you've got Nunez who is a world beater wait wait wait didn't didn't Nunez lose to uh she lost and got it back she lost and got it back what you've got is like oh we had a little slip you had someone who's like the best female fighter of all time probably in Nunez and she lost once and then she took the title right back She Shevchenko, like, for me, every champion is an unbeatable boss character until they're not. Sure. Like, surprise to me,

like, it turns out they're just humans. Who's that, like, that Easter Island-headed bitch? Like, real ugly. She was, like, the best for a while. Well. Cyborg? Oh, you're talking about Chris Cyborg. That must be it. Really big head,

very unfortunate looking. It was like Wanderlei Silva in a dress. Dana White, her boss, Dana White said that in front of the press. And they were like, Chris Cyborg came out today and she said she was

upset that she had heard you compared her to was it and Dana interrupts Devon delay silver in a dress that's what she looks like have you seen her tell me she doesn't look like Vonderlay and they pull up a picture of her and she's wearing a lovely gown but she looks like Vonderlay Silva the axe murderer in a dress I mean you take one look at her and you know she fights. Yeah, she's got masculine features from steroids as well, though. And she was probably never a real looker.

But she was always too big. She couldn't make the weight classes. And they invented this class at 145 pounds. And that's only for Chris Cyborg and fat women. That's all it is. Are there any good fat women?

Like, you know, there are some good fat men. No, they're fat for a reason. There are no women who are, you have to be built. And then, no, fat's never good. Fat's never good in fighting. It's just not. I don't think it is. I think some of those 205.

What about that one guy, Cormier? Big country Nelson. He'd been better if he'd had that fat. He hadn't been in himself for the last year or two of his career, even though that Derek Lewis fight was a give me. That was a gift. But in any case, there's what you got from Cyborg.

That's just a picture of her in a dress. That's all. That's her looking good. She's looking nice. They've dolled her up for this. Yeah, this is prime chris cyborg but to answer your question we're pretty solidified about who the top six women on the planet are and that's not changing anytime soon more or less that's the best i've ever seen her look absolute best god that adam's apple i wish mine was like that like like like i wish i had that jawline like like look look look how nice her chin and like jawline is and all that like like she looks like a male model from the predictor of how well someone could suck a dick

no it's not woody no i'm just as much as you want it to be you know what you were more forgiving when trump asked about bombing a herd what he's like i'm just i gotta know it just seems like maybe they'd be like gag less or something what did you guys watch did you watch any of dave chappelle on saturday night live i watched yeah i watched uh i think i watched most of it it was it was in like a couple twitter clips he like apparent i saw he like apparently he like lied about his opening monologue to snl and then went out there and started that one i just saw like a rumor about that because like as he was doing it he was fucking nervous it was i got that vibe too oh yeah he was he was i mean, he was fucking nervous. I got that vibe too.

Oh, yeah. He was scared. Obviously, he's an actor. He's a comedian. He's a performer. He can look nervous when he's not, but I agree with you. I think he was like, I'm taking some risks here. He's like, Kanye talked so much shit, Kyrie got in trouble.

And I like how he puts things. He's's like he linked some kind of video i don't know it's like and apparently he said a thing who knows what and then they gave him this big list of like tasks to perform but i mean couldn't he just like post a link to ben schindler's list or something and everybody evens it out. I live in Ohio amongst the poor whites. That's one of my favorite phrases, the poor whites. I've heard him use that one a few times. I know what he means by that.

I know a lot of the poor whites. I loved it and the best joke was that if it's Italians, it's the mob. If it's Italians, it's the mob. If it's blacks, it's a gang. And if it's a Jews, if it's the Jews, it's a coincidence. Don't look at it.

Don't pay attention to that. Leave it alone. I couldn't believe he said that because in a lot of ways, he more eloquently echoed Kanye. He said what Kanye said but like in a way that you don't ruin your life Kanye went Defcon 3 and like ruined it

see the way that Chappelle did it he had the very important thing of jokes like having jokes in there makes things funny and easier to listen to and it also like it provides cover right you know oh clown nose on i didn't mean any of that i'm telling jokes you can't limit my jokes you know that's you know a good joke greedy hook nose jokes jokes jokes

and it's like man i didn't hear that part of the bit that would have been intense i have a theory that might get me in trouble so buckle up oh goodness well don't say it then here i go i feel like it's been safe to take shots at white people as a whole for a long time safe to take shots at white people as a whole for a long time. And I saw this headline, you maybe saw it on Reddit, there were like six headlines montaged together where they replaced white

with Jewish. And it's like, the problem with America is white people voting as a block for Republicans. The problem with America is this and that. But then they change it to Jewish. So it's like, the problem with America is Jewish people doing this, Jews doing that, etc. And it looked bad. It looked super racist when you remove white and you put Jew in there.

And I'm like, is it possible that we've just grown accustomed to beating on white people? When you insult a white person, they say, I'm so sorry. I mean, it's not me. It's just all the people that look like me. It's my forefathers that did this to you and I apologize on their behalf my forefathers were in fucking Ireland starving with a potato famine worse than

yours but cancel the wood but here we are apologizing right because it's okay to blast you you can say anything and they they shifted their guns over to jewish people and it's not okay and they're finding out they're getting debanked it really just shows like

doing anything like racially like that just because it's drilled into people's heads that it's okay to like i saw like a new york times article like that kind of thing you're saying where it's like the problem with whiteness and it's like what the fuck like can you imagine like any other group like rightfully so any other group would be like what like fuck you what are you talking about but like yeah no sometimes you like those like a little silly little photoshops where you're like oh yeah you say it about any other group it's polo really not cargo shorts are my culture how you dare me how dare you and so yeah i mean everybody's known that for a while like you can you want to make fun of a group you gotta you know the safest group is definitely white people

that's why you see like a big influx of like jokes where it's like oh these italians it's like oh why are you going after italians because you're right safe everyone's on that for a while i just my um the the little woody twist on it is like maybe what happened is they were used to casually taking shots at white people and it being a pretty safe occupation and then they made it this subset i don't know jewish people white i don't know i'm confused um no you say no they are they are they are i don't even know what the right answer is but in any case they shifted their guns to we say, a subset of white people, Jewish people. And they're realizing that you can't fuck around.

No, that is not it at all. You are making it sound like they were attacking white people. They were like, oh, look, some different white people. And they went after them. No, their anti-Semitism is a very deep rooted and different thing than the group of people who like call us mayos and stuff. There's a lot there's those are different people there are people who want to like get rid of the white race and and hate the white people but they are a whole different branch of people that that hate the jews

well kanye's been reading up on those people's literature um and he's got a lot of links to their websites oh i didn't follow any of his links maybe i should you know but but but no no it's it's not like they were like casually hating white people and then they're like slipped up and accidentally hated on a jew and didn't realize that that was a faux pas uh anti-semitism has been getting people fucked up for a long time yeah yeah it'll up for a long time yeah yeah it'll you'll you'll get canceled yeah you had that hit that big list of jewish people um um and and i i zoomed in and i started reading it and while a lot of it is accurate some of it is so inaccurate that it's laughable there's like like what does it say well it color codes like owners, CEO, presidents of

lots of media corporations and Hollywood entities. At the bottom, they're color coded. Red for Jew and green for I'm making this up off the top of my head. Green for gay and blue

for other than white. That's basically everything. Then I started looking at some of these gay people and blue for like other than white and that's basically everything but then i started looking at some of these gay people and it was like question mark like maybe maybe this guy's gay we think so dude i want to make my own graphic and just say everyone's gay yeah every single like pink for jews blue for gay it's all blue blue there's like hundreds of question marks i don't know i don't know it does seem like jewish people run uh most of the entertainment business but i'm sure there's lots of um coincidence no i don't think it's a coincidence i think it's it's that they really like doing that and they're good at it i I bet there's other sectors that are just completely ran by good old boys in the South.

I bet it's hard to get a truckload of gravel from a black guy. I thought you were talking about a different area of media for a second. And I'm like, where's the Confederate Netflix? Like, where's the Confederate Netflix? Where it's like, we're just taking all the same ideas as Netflix, but making them about me. It's like, Ozark, but there's the N word. I bring it up every couple years to make sure everybody I know has seen it before,

but have you seen the CSA mockumentary? I didn't like it as much as you. I started it. That's for sure. Yeah. So the quickly it's free on YouTube. CSA. It's presented to you as if you are watching a television broadcast of a documentary. You got your head wrapped around that.

So that means you have an introduction. It's the documentary being hailed by the New York Times as provocative. And you're like, oh, okay. And this fake world of New York Times said these things. And then some commercials play. And the commercials are in this weird universe, too. And then the documentary starts. And it's all based in this alternate universe, which I love.

I love alternate universes where the confederates won and they continued on the great things that america did and added their own see a confederate flag on the moon um i and and um i think they uh conquer all of south america and like like most of it like they goionist, they wanted it. God and country and all that. They wanted all that sugar or something, so they conquered it. But they kept the slaves. So there are commercials for a product

called The Shackle. And it's like an electronic shackle to put on your slaves. It's like a slave collar. They kept slaves up to like 2002 or whatever it's a major part of the documentary so they're just hated by the rest of the world um well they we put the rest of the world in their place where they belong right because we have slave labor

to to power our our industry slave labor so much more efficient than the industrial revolution and machinery this confederate military and, it'd be super success. Everyone knows, why would you use a giant machine that one person can run when you can feed, close, and house 100,000? You know we fueled the Industrial Revolution with coal mined by slaves, and the whole point of the machinery was to operate the textiles that was picked by the slaves, too. Like, we were burning those fires by the slaves too like like we were

burning those fires because the slaves were giving us so much materials to work with i'm saying it doesn't make sense to to use slave labor past the point where you got machines we had slaves today like have you seen those old like uh like uh ads from like 1911 1909 or whatever where it's like you see the slave monkeys being used to get our coconuts. Can you imagine? Taylor, I feel like your anti- slavery just represents a lack of imagination. Ignorance. It represents ignorance.

I stand against ignorance. That's who I want to be. I want to be someone who's against slavery purely on efficiency grounds. I'm telling you. What about the people? Well, if they could work faster, you'd make a compelling

point. I highly recommend the CSA. You'll get a chuckle. It's very, very tongue-in-cheek. It's like a multi-layered mockumentary where you really fall into this goofy alternate realm because of the commercials.

And the commercials are actually based on real world products. They reveal that at the end that there used to be something called nigger hair tobacco. And that's what it said on the can. And they had a picture of a little black child with a fuzzy afro. And I guess the idea was that's what your tobacco was gonna look like that is like bafflingly racist if you google that can like people those are collectors items people scour the earth for a can of that that still says it on there i'm googling this so i highly recommend the documentary the title the title on wikipedia is literally bigger hair dude i commit to history i'm looking at a google image search of that

product and i did not expect the woman to have a giant nose ring. Yeah, yeah, I remember that now. I remember that now. Zach, please don't show this to everyone. It's too much for me. Don't get too much for this. Did they have like a racism Olympics before? Thank you, Zach. No, no, no.

It gets worse than that. That's why I think it's one of the reasons. Obviously, the documentary is funny. But it's making you laugh, again again at some important stuff that that's accurate when you laugh at how ridiculous the idea of that tobacco ad is and then at the end they're like no here's the real ad here's the actual picture and yeah it was actually called that we weren't kidding and then there's another one about um oh there's a bunch of so there's some sort of like motor oil called like sambo motor oil which is sambo is another like um bad thing to call black people yeah it's not like a really old timey word i've never even i've never heard that you yep uncle i'm not gonna go down the list i know them all

oh my goodness so i've never heard that word before so it didn't like trigger me as um like something i'd be sensitive to. But the picture of the guy on the can, good gosh, he is very dark, perhaps wearing some sort of hoodie, and really you can only see his big white smile. Aunt Jemima and Uncle Ben were the only ones who survived the purge that took out products like this in the 40s, 50s, 60s, and 70s. Well, there's nothing wrong with aunt jemima and uncle ben uncle ben's just a guy where do you draw the line god damn it all right first of all definitely with the fucking i'm gonna be honest i always take the other side of this but there's a ton wrong with uncle with uncle ben and aunt jemima because first of all the term uncle doesn't mean

your dad's brother in this in this kind in this connotation it means that old black man who works for us because he doesn't because he's a slave that's what an uncle is he's the old he's the old slave so he so he wasn't like every man who like prepared rice he's an uncle uncle tom he's the old black guy over there an uncle's an old black guy an old slave um an aunt is the same thing um it's your old slave who's doing the light labor yeah but with the way like we thought of it i didn't even really like ever put those pieces together i just thought like those must have been a lady who like just excelled Aunt Jemima is a house N-word. Right.

Maybe I knew that on some level. I also considered that she might just be a grandmother from the 1950s. If she were, they took her babies away and sold them to North Carolina in cotton. And she's been making them biscuits for masters. The 1950s? Good God, the police should have gotten involved.

Let me read this. The character of Aunt Jemima is an invitation to white people to indulge in a fantasy of enslaved people and by extension, all of black America as submissive, self-effacing, loyal, pacified, and pacifying. It positions black people as boxed in, prepackaged, and ready to satisfy. It is the problem of all consumption, only laced with racial over you're

reading that person's a communist you fuck you retard it's not all that it's not a fucking slavery so they read it to the product itself and what it represents about black people that's retarded no it just no but it is racist uh they probably shouldn't call it uncle or aunt no they just changed what the bottle looks like. They got the lady off there. I love those Uncle Ben's pouches of rice. They're so convenient. Remember when Tony had the panic attack?

They could name it KKK original and I'd buy those. They're really good rice. It's priced five times as much and I'm still buying it. What if it was Farrakhan's fried chicken? Would you eat it then? It doesn't matter. It could be Hitler's Breakfast Depot. Really?

And if it had the best breakfast steak and eggs, I'd go there. If it was Farrakhan fried chicken, and they donated to something that was like going to south africa to purge the white farmers what how good is this food it's chick-fil-a but spicier dude if it's really good spicy fried chicken they can have a they it can be a they can be a black israelite assigned to my table to yell at me about being like a yacoubian devil or whatever the fuck i don't care he can do that he can be like i'm the real jew and i'm like i'm not jewish he's like all right well the point remains like yelling at me about it i'm just like all right you can yell at me the whole time you stand on no ground i understand on no ground other than pasteness and jibaiya i'm still stuck on her she never represented a slave to me i i not to you the phrasing i was looking for yeah to me not to us she was the black version of how i imagine taylor's grandmother which is like cooks a lot

really like puts huge meals on the table and like uh really values a large family if i put myself in a black person's shoes though i'm like come on y'all can't get rid of the syrup the syrup still got an old slave woman that for every breakfast, you got to remind yourself that old slave woman who used to serve you breakfast and how things used to be. You think a bunch of black people gave a fuck about that's what I would think. That's what I would think. I swear to God, if I went in there and I saw that old black slave woman on the breakfast table, I'd be like, I don't care about the white people who eat this syrup.

I don't like that it's still a thing. Do y'all know what this represents? This represents old black slave women where the baby's stolen away and got whipped when they burnt Master's biscuits. This is evil? I doubt that you're right or that removing it was a good idea. That all seemed fine to me.

I'm just saying, I guess I wanted to tell people what I always projected onto it. I didn't know anything. Anybody who eats syrup is a fatty anyway, so who cares? There is sugar-free syrup out there, and I feel like you're painting with a broad brush. You're kind of a syropist at this point, Kyle. Before you know it, they're going to be getting rid

of G. Hughes. That's just his face. He just put his actual face on the bottle. He's a man born in like 1970 my favorite sauces are made by a black man black people make the best sauces you think so sorry harley the real sauce boss is a black man no kyle i got my syrup suggestion from you i yeah i know that's that that's great i like five calories per tablespoon. It's basically free. It's basically free. Uh,

you can, you can, it tastes great. You can drink it and not even feel guilty. You literally can't. It's like drank it. I never have. That'd be so gross, but like you really could,

you really could. Um, I've got tons of it. I keep it around. Maybe not a cup of it. Sambo is also a type of Russian martial art. Did you know that? Like a couple of it's only like 30 calories.

It's like barely anything in there. Sambo. Yeah, it's a sure. It looks like it looks like judo. I actually can't tell the difference between them at some point. Like Sambo, Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and Judo are all the same thing. Sambo tends to have a little more leg locks. Judo is a little more in the takedown and Jits is a little more in the upper body locks.

Is Krav Maga the one where it's like testicle squeeze, eye pokes, hair pull, like anything to overcome your opponent? Like self-defense if you're death-threatened? Here's my thoughts on Krav Maga. Yeah, that's the Israeli one. And I think about that one, and i bet that's for a guy who his use case is some palestinians may have snuck across and they're gonna try to bag me and tag me and take me back over there to board across the border so i need to be ready now you think

the palestinians are bagging and tagging israelis and taking them they might those palestinians are I get an antagonist. Raley's a dick. They must. Palestinians are trying to sneak back into their house. They're trying to get running water. This is my house. Since I said, here's my thing on Krav Maga. I can't for me. Play that clip. No,

I sat with Israel. You're being arrested and taken to a gulag, but you're like, as they're battering, ramming your door down, you're putting your Israel hat on. I know Harley Moore and Steve! You're putting your

yarmulke on. No! Moses Goldman! I support Israel! I'm just yelling the name of any jew i know they're very you know like interwoven connected people chances are like one of them knows they're like really you know no moses yes i do yeah as far as you this is like the equivalent of like saying muhammad well i know moses's whole fucking story i know he's you know i i gotta know enough about moses to get out some trouble if you were a friend of moses maybe and you're about to take me to the juke julek i don't know you think that's what they're gonna do you're being arrested by some

like massad agent and they're like well you're gonna be taking the the juleg unless you tell me the history of moses in detail and then you're like all right i'm prepared for this all right his wife rebecca and sarah right like no in the old language and you're like all right you're gonna have to just just take me no you're good you'll be safe is krav maga bullshit or not i think it's bullshit if you're trying to step into the cage i think it's it's not bullshit if you're just trying to like have your soldier ready to like win a knockdown drag out fight in an alley somewhere maybe i can't tell if it's bullshit i'm really stuck

and i'm super curious kravag has all these elements of like look if i used all my skills on you taylor you die so i can't really do my death punch to your chest very jocko willing kish oh that guy can deliver but but like i don't know it's very like fuck i wish i could think of the other bullshit ones there's a banana oh oh the the the the fucking um tai hai tai chi well tai chi is dancing it's the steven seagal shit that's akim akito yeah akito is a good example that was really bullshit the whole idea is that i use your energy against you right so you charge me and i like guide you to the ground as if you're so uncoordinated that me stepping out of the way like a matador one yeah is gonna get you and two you will fall to the ground like a fool it's the one you see people flipping people like this and their whole body like and the other people are

clearly participants the victim is using more skills than the aggressor yeah so anyway krav maga has a lot of that like i can't use my skill set on you because it's so dangerous it has um shit like like okay imagine your opponent puts his hand on your chest you grab his fingers and you pull them apart really has that ever happened you've been very angry now he begins to beat you harder all right you're being attacked by a patient patient man like who puts your hand on your chest flat and gives you an opportunity to grab your fingers and spread them without like getting out of that hole it sounds like bullshit on and people oh the israeli army uses it hand-to-hand combat isn't really something any army focuses on that's not how you win wars i can't tell the level of bullshit krav maga is i bet there's

quite a bit of bullshit when like there's no mma fighters that use it yeah there's no mma fighters that use it and if like a big part of it is like yeah yeah, then you can gouge their eyes out. And it's like, well, if someone's like really good at jujitsu, they are they could they're not gouging your eyes out because they're deciding they're not eye gougers. Not because like they didn't learn the eye gouging trick. They don't know the tactics. I was at a shoot one time. This is a thing where like industry reps uh get invited and like influencers a few of us got invited and uh they like take care of you and they put you up in a big place and then the next day everybody goes out to a range and we shoot the newest coolest stuff and and i'm at this thing

and there's some of the guys are there that that like teach that close range disarmament shit so they're over there like fucking doing their ninja shit taking pistols away from people before they can shoot them or whatever i went over there and i'm like how's it work and they're like ah you you do this and you lean this way so you know you're you mess up his sight picture and you hit him on the inside of the wrist and you clap the gun this way and he has to drop it and i'm like yeah yeah i would drop it if you hit my hand like that for sure yeah but i wouldn't let you hit my hand like that like why would i do that they're like yes exactly we are training people to disarm stupid gunmen that just so we're all

clear here you will kill me if you know what you're doing you let me i'm like yeah because the whole point i remember one time i had a gun and uh I was trying to shoot a bird and I kept walking closer because it was in a tree my dad was like you have a gun not a stick and that always and that always stuck with me and uh and and so like yeah like I'm not gonna come over there and talk to you I'm gonna fucking start shooting from over here you have to like ninjutsu your way you better do like you're gonna have to do some tony ferguson barrel rolls you'll have to cod advanced warfare off at least one wall you have to slide cancel i'm good you're dead and so and so and so once they were clear about that i was perfectly

cool with everything they were doing and i wanted to learn how i was like you know chances are your gunman was a stupid man he has he hasn't shot you yet and we're still talking so he's dumb so yeah teach me how to do this thing and eventually yeah like if they hit your hand like that it's at the inside of your wrist like these are like the strings that operate this stuff and something about hitting it just right like made my hand like not work for an instant and then he was also hitting the gun in such a way that it was, he was rotating it back. And,

uh, he was like, and at this part, if you want, you can tear their finger off. And sure enough, when he rotates the Glock back, your finger stuck in the trigger guard and he can very easily rip your,

your trigger finger off. And, and I remembered something G Gordon Liddy said on his radio show. And like 1997, G Gordon Liddy, um, was the guy on the Watergate thing. He's also been in prison and he's ex military of some kind. He had a lot of training and he had gotten an instance where he did tear a man's finger off one time using,

using a pistol. And I was like, am I going to let him see not Iran Contra or was he Watergate? He's Watergate. A hundred percent. He was there. He was in a break-in. That's what he went to prison for. Yeah. Anyway,

anybody that tells you they can knock your gun out of their hand is silly. Yeah, it is silly. You're right. I could do it to someone who's not paying attention close to me. If you get close enough and you let him hit your wrist, you're definitely going to let go of the gun. My tactic is going to be openly weeping, pleading.

I've soiled myself! I haven't had a vegetable in a week and I shit myself. Get the hell out of here. He was definitely Watergate, not Iran ran Contra. I was just wrong. I think I've found a way to make Call of Duty a little bit more fun. I've just been playing by myself. And that way, I don't get matched with the fucking A-team. So I get to play against reasonable people.

And against them, I do fine. So I've been having fun. So you can't play with your friends because of the game forcing you not to no i can play with max that's sustainable one friend i can play but you know how like all friend groups are naturally acclimated to the same skill level this won't this won't backfire this will work it's it's uh yeah i can play with one friend maximum otherwise the lobbies get too hard for me to play in uh but other than that it's it's pretty fun i saw a big viral tweet just the other night of like like thousands and thousands of people interacting being like i'm in the it wasn't like a cod hating thing it was just someone being like i'm loving

the new cod but fuck man i can't play with my friends because they're playing against my competition and so they're all telling me i'm not gonna play with you and it's like this sucks i can't play with anybody i know because i'm a you know oh that's the other thing like my friends don't care but like part of it is also i'm not good enough to play against their competition so the games are harder for them right they could go on in fact fight even better people if instead of me they had like a somebody that was up to their... Another one of them. Yeah. No one wins. If you're the good friend, I don't want to play with you. If you're the bad friend, I don't want to play with you.

At this point, I play with... I will play with a full party if they're bad. I will play with bad people because why not? They're going to lower my... There's a couple guys who I normally, when my good friends get on, I'm like, hey, man. I'm going to run the good party here. The A-teams arrived.

Not only are they my good friends, just to be clear, they're my closer friends. It's a coincidence. But now, it's like, oh, Jimmy Two Fingers got online. Let's get him in here. He plays with his tongue.

He doesn't even use the two fingers. He just licks the screen. He's got a touch pad. He's head butting an iPad over there. You guys want to call it a show? I'm going to go eat dinner. I'm hungry. I'm going to feed my dogs

for the fifth time today. All right. P.K.A. 430.