Painkiller Already - PKN 434

Episode Date: December 14, 2022

P.K.N., 434. How are you, boys? Good. Doing good. Where are you joining us from right now, Woody? I am in Needles, California. We didn't have that. No one had California on their bingo card? No, you were in Arizona last I checked, so I figured maybe you'd turn the ship about and we're headed back to the East Coast.

Maybe you're somewhere, maybe you went up north, which seems like you have. Are you coming back through a more northerly route like Idaho or something nuts like that? No. So I'm going about as north as Sacramento, but on the eastern side of California, like by Death Valley. Holy shit. Oh, okay, okay. And then from there, I don't know. Look, my original plan was to zip across Interstate 40 all the way across the continent.

But there are these giant snowstorms wreaking havoc across the Midwest and such. And they're Taylor's land. Yeah. Oh, I can see the snow. Yeah. So now I'm thinking about dipping down to like Interstate 20 or something. It's a little bit farther, but it's warmer. Okay.

It'd be worth it. But that's a few days away that's like i think i turn back home on monday or sunday or something seems like you're ahead of schedule if you're already in california no i'm right on schedule maybe a day late oh okay but it's not like oh i have to see the biggest ball of twine like you could just go home like man that's the kind of family vacation i always wanted to do that lame ass like like i grew up watching national lampoon's vacation and when they stopped at the world's largest ball of twine i was like man i want to see the world's largest ball of twine i really legitimately do and i still do to this day and like we were driving along they were like exit here world's largest ball of twine get your twine fucking memorabilia i'd pull over and look at the thing like i'm imagining it's as big as a car at least if i

show up and they got like a cat-sized ball of twine i'm gonna start rolling my own ball i mean right away right next to the title yeah fuck y'all but uh but i always imagine that's what road trips were like you'd stop and see like the biggest fucking dog in mississippi and you'd stop and see the three-legged cat in wyoming and like there'd be a place to stop now dad's like we're not stopping till we get there so pee now that's how it was for us as well no stopping on the side yeah twine ball wish you were here honestly like it should be bigger than that it's just twine it gets really hard to improve on it right

like I feel like if I bought a hundred feet of twine it would add very little to that you need some sort of eccentric not billionaire someone with like ten grand an eccentric thousandaire

my father was a twine mogul, he blew my fortune on this it smells horrible and animals have my family is worth hundreds hundreds of millions? No no, Hundreds of dollars

in twine resources. Ever since the twine mine was shut down by a big twine boom of 37. 1937? You don't hear much about twine anymore. String has beat it out. String, rope, just a much better tethering device than twine.

That's why it's all available for giant balls in the Midwest. No one's using it. It's funny you say better tethering device than twine. That's why it's all available for giant balls in the Midwest. No one's using it now. Yeah. I always, it's funny you say that Kyle. Cause like, I also had feelings like that probably spurring from national lampoon

movies where like, I would always imagine doing something fun, like, like a dinosaur park on the side of the road, like big statues of dinosaurs. Sure. Yeah. And there was,

there literally is something like that in Florida, but I saw it when i was like 30 i've been to that yeah like this isn't exciting anymore i've been to a place like that um one of my favorites growing up was a well done mini golf place but that which is what i call putt putt in the south it's putt putt nobody says mini golf maybe it's ubiquitous i don't know but uh we say putt-putt. And I'd be like, oh, can we please play putt-putt? Can we please play putt-putt? And they'd be like, all right, we'll go. And it'll be some shitty place. And even like eight-year-old me is like,

this is below my putt-putt stand. There's sand on the green! Like, what the fuck? A lot of par ones. That kind of caught my interest. I should have stopped and taken a selfie but i drove past the giant peach water tower in gaffney yeah from house of cards yeah i know it's it's not far from you kyle but for me i was like yeah this is this is it this

is the one this is the actual one yeah it looks nice um there's a lot are water towers a thing they have in the north that's another thing we're like yeah yeah okay everywhere i always i always wondered because some things are different and you take it for granted like like our um the way we have our all of our electricity above ground just strung up haphazardly on those power poles man if you take a step back that is so stupid that is so insane that i mean it's not like we live in the tropics where we don't have a winter every year. I can see if we were Rio de Janeiro.

Yeah, put them up there. Who cares? But every year, it freezes over and the limbs break. The trees grow over them every year. You can drive down any little street in any little town, and you'll see limbs over power lines. It just doesn't make any fucking sense. You should make power lines underground.

Like the rest of the world. But do we not do that because like it's just like too late we're in too deep on this approach and like well we do bury power lines all the time especially in more like suburban and urban areas yeah but like isn't like i think kyle's whatever you're up like like you don't see like any of that shit over there like the telephone pole wires in my opinion probably it's because it's so much smaller like they don't imagine india though imagine like a poor country the poorer the country you imagine the more electricity they have above you like if you if you if you picture like one of those like uh i don't know one of those what donald donald trump would call a shit to your country yeah you can you've seen those guys climb the poles like like

like i think there's something like good up there waiting on them everybody's like don't go up there like dude this isn't jack and the beanstalk there's not like a goose up there laying eggs electricity and they finally get up there and they touch it and of course it it was indeed electricity and oh yeah i could have guessed that you've seen those clips of it's usually like cameraman new it's like some guy in india climbing up there as there's like 50 million people on the top of a train barely on the tracks in the background and he like grabs with both hands and it's like how have i seen like four versions of this like all in india well they don't have internet there that's the thing india and pakistan if you went viral they

know yeah they pile on those trains no internet. Brazil's got no internet. I've heard they don't have electricity. I learned it from Shale Sonnen. I learned it from Shale Sonnen as well. Shale Sonnen taught me a lot about South American people. I didn't know. Taylor, he has some of the best one-liners and silly stuff. And he'll deliver it with 100 sincerity and and and and you can look

behind his eyes and tell like this guy knows exactly what he's doing he's having a ball they're like you said this and that i'm gonna paraphrase him but you said all these things against these brazilian fighters and and and this and that and he's like listen listen this is a fight game this is a fight game and i'm gonna be 100 honest with y'all okay i didn't know they had the internet in brazil like you thought he was about to apologize and say that when he said people from brazil were animals and when they came up here they thought buses were were animals and tried to give them carrots like you thought he was about to take that back and be like, it's a joke, guys.

But he was like, I understand the Brazilians are mad at me. In my defense, I didn't know they had the internet. I thought I'd get away with saying all this. Someone have pigeons dropping photos of my tweets in Brazil? Kyle, what happened in the last pay-per-view? I didn't see it. All right. So the thing I've never seen before

was the main event so this is the lightweight um or excuse me the light heavyweight title uh sort of unification bout i don't know i don't think that's the right thing to call it they've got um the champion hurt his shoulder so he's like hey give me a year and a half and i'll be back maybe y'all should fight for my belt like the number one and two guys because i'm not going to be here for a minute and and this this guy yuri uh and so they take the two top two guys and uh this uncle i have guy i'm gonna call him with the looks like igor big russian cocksucker and uh and then they get this big um like 39 year old polish motherfucker and they and they fight it was the fight boring

did it suck yeah it was so boring so i watched it in the discord with all the guys there were maybe 10 of us in there and you know there were some people are drinking and stone we're having a good time or you know especially like everybody's cheering most of them are fight fans we talked through that whole fight and it was the main event like we've been having a good time up until that fight um and we talked through the whole thing and i was was the main event. We'd been having a good time up until that fight, and we talked through the whole thing. I was like, wait, that was the last round? They were like, yeah, I think so.

It was such a bad fight. It wasn't like one of those going back to years past with T. Wood fighting. What's his name? Anybody. Anybody. It wasn't that. It wasn't like there weren't boos. We weren't screaming, what is this?

But it was like, dude, this does not feel like a main event. This feels like two guys pushing each other around. Ankaliev, I think his name is, hurt his leg or something early. And so he's just ground fucking the other guy as much as possible. He clearly won the fight. Comes down to the decision. And it's a split draw, which is a scenario that I didn't know was possible.

A split draw means that one judge gave the majority of the rounds to fighter A. One judge gave the majority of rounds to fighter B. The other judge thought it was a tie. And so it's a split draw. It means that the judges didn't agree that it was a draw. It's a split decision draw. And so both fighters are like, wait, what the fuck?

The crowd's booing. The ref doesn't know whose hands to put up. And Joe Rogan is like, he goes to the guy who clearly lost. He's like, you lost, right? Like, what happened here? And the guy's like, I am sorry, many blows to head. But, you know, I did not know. Maybe watch fight later.

You lost, right? And it's like, Joe, leave him alone. You've talked about this. He's literally telling you. He told you twice he's concussed. He's told you twice he's concussed right now. Joe's excited. He's in the mix.

And you're trying to make him admit he lost a fight. And I didn't like that at the time. Then Joe goes to the other guy, and the other guy, through a Russian translator, poorly translated, says, if this is what the UFC is like, I don't want to fight here anymore. And what he really said was, if this is what Arizona is like, or wherever they were, I don't want to fight in Arizona anymore if this is what their commission is like.

They mistranslated it, make it look like, or wherever they were, I don't want to fight in Arizona anymore. If this is what their commission is like, they mistranslate it, make it, make it look like an asshole to Dana White before they can get out of the cage. Dana White has his people call two different fighters and say, Hey, y'all are fighting for the belt in Brazil in a month and a half. These two guys tonight,

they must not have wanted it. Fuck them. And so now Glover toixeira and um that black guy maybe Jamal something something um they're fighting for the belt and they found out via phone call before well Glover's there Glover wants to get in the ring because he thinks he's the guy waiting in the wings right whoever the champ is I get first crack at him so he's there he flew there and you can see him they they cut to him he's like how can I get in the ring how can I get first crack at him. So he's there. He flew there and you can see him. They, they, they cut to him. He's like,

how can I get in the ring? How can I get in the ring? Cause he wants to get in the ring now and challenge the new champion in front of the crowd and get a mic moment. It's a big deal. If you can, you can pull that off. There's no,

you know, set up the next fight right after the last one. Half the time. It doesn't work. I hate that, but carry on more than that. It almost never works. Great.

Like, like it, and you get the payoff and everything. Sometimes it happens, but I don't get the fight that's what the payoff is that dc and uh and big boy you know the shove in the ring and it was like yeah brock lesnar came in the ring shoved dc never fought never fought that's a good example i feel like there's others too where like like all right kyle and taylor just fought. Woody gets the winner. I go in there. I challenge it.

I never fight whoever, you know, it just doesn't happen. It's fickle. We both got to be healthy six or seven months from now. And it's got to make number, make sense. Number wise.

And like division wise. It's, it's like, you know, Woody was the guy six months ago, but since then, this other guy took three fights on short notice and he's the guy now.

Yeah, it's a figment of the world. So what happened with the winner? Well, there wasn't a winner. It's a split fucking draw. So the betting sites, no one gets paid. No way. It's a split draw. Nobody won, right?

The betting sites won. The fix is in. Guess who's there in attendance? Dave Portnoy wearing his blonde wig sitting there. The guy who's running the biggest sports book in America is sitting next to Dana White wearing his Patty Pimblitt wig, which I'm about to talk about. So this thing goes down split draw. I heard nobody gets paid. I said to the group I was with, I was like, I bet that pays three or four thousand to one i bet that's like like the the odds on a split draw i looked at it and it was more than that it might have been like eight thousand to one or something because it just never happens never heard of it myself it has happened before

um but i think it might have involved bj penn so it's like three or four generations of fighting ago um it was before i really watched at all so that was crazy and that made people say the fix is in and that dana white sees the belt from one of those guys well to be like that's the thing doesn't matter if you didn't lose it's my organization neither of them had it neither of them had a belt that's a you that's the thing dana's holding the belt and he's saying all right our champs out you guys get in there let's let's figure out which one of you is the champ thank you that makes more sense i thought one of them had the belt, and he's saying, all right, our champ's out. You guys get in there. Let's figure out which one of you is the champ now. Thank you. That makes more sense. I thought one of them had the belt,

and he was like, you know what? I'm the owner. No belt for either of you. No, no. See, that's why it's so awkward. That's why it's so awkward. We just fought for 25 minutes to decide who Dana White's going to step in here and coronate. And then the judges said, neither.

And Dana White was just, okay. He doesn't give a shit. He thought it was a boring fight. So he's like, fuck y'all both. That was a night where almost every fight went to finish, except for the main event and the fight right before it, the co-main event. Now, the co-main event was a literal robbery. A lot of people think that it's one of it's the, one of the worst decisions in UFC

history. It's coming with Patty to Betty, Patty, the baddie lost his fight. Clearly, clearly lost round one. He got beat up in round one. He's eating these big punches. Patty's the super popular blonde guy who looks like a beetle. He, he got beaten in round one. Round two was closer, and he had some good performance right at the end. Like right at the end of round two, I think he was on the bottom, but he got some of those nasty elbows and maybe cut the top of the guy's head or something.

It shouldn't matter more, but it does. If it happens at the end, it leaves an impression. So I scored it three rounds to none. I thought Gordon won all three rounds, but I definitely saw where some people would give Patty round two, depending on how you view control and stuff. Round three was all Gordon controlling Patty against the fence. I think it was four minutes of control time or something in a five-minute round.

It was crazy. He held him against the fence, and it was boring, and it was boring and it was weird the ref didn't step in as you can see here the refs don't even agree on who won which rounds um the guy on the left there thinks uh patty won the first two but not the third okay the guy on the right the inverse he think that the guy yeah the guy right there thinks that patty lost um or excuse me yeah yeah yeah the fact that this guy thinks that patty yeah the guy right there thinks that patty lost um or excuse me yeah yeah yeah the fact that this guy thinks that patty won the first is insane but it doesn't make if you go back and just

watch the first uh in a vacuum by itself patty gets whooped and and one of the things that i don't think a lot man judges should appreciate it but maybe like a super super casual fight fan doesn't appreciate their boxing there's a lot of boxing in this. And every time Patty's throwing, the other guy is like deflecting. He's coming out with his gloves and deflecting them away. Or he's just covering up and Patty's throwing this little pop, pop, pop combo. And the guy is like catching him with his gloves. Pop, pop, pop. And I'm like, ooh, that was great defense.

Did y'all see that? Like he caught every one of Patty's punches just there like a movie. But if you're not paying attention or if you're not watching the screen if you're in the crowd watching with your eyes it might look like patty just went pop pop pop and like nailed that guy it it the difference is so subtle between fucking somebody up and just being completely nullified by good defense i don't know if they saw that the uh ariel Hawane has pointed out that one of these judges was in Connecticut the day before and flew cross-country to deliver that awful decision. And he also had an awful decision.

His card went completely opposite on the main event in Connecticut from the result. It had never happened before. He gave the loser all five rounds. That's bizarre. In a main event. It had never happened before. He gave the loser all five rounds. That's bizarre. In a main event. That had never happened before. I think that was the other way. I think the loser had lost all five rounds. Then he flew across the

country and he gave this ridiculous thing on the main event. Then the patty, the baddie fight is... There are people literally saying that the fix is in with the UFC at this point. There's a lot of people upset. A fighting league fixed? That hasn't happened to every fighting league ever. It's so easy to fix, right?

Yeah. So my thing about conspiracies that I look at in general is how many people need to keep a secret? How many people, right? If it's some voting fraud, for example, tens of thousands of people all have to keep this secret together and to have these fake ballots and this and that but for fighting one guy one guy you could beat me in a fight and not even know it was fixed you could think it was real only me only i

have to know that it was fixed you know and a dive. You might have thought that was hard enough. I mean, and it's funny that they're going through that whole thing with that other guy over betting on fights right now. There's that other guy who they're like, they're saying anybody who's in this guy's training camp, anybody who's trained by him, has anything to do with him, is out. This guy's a pariah now. He was betting on fights he was um no it was a guy it was a guy who ran fight camps or something like that or like like a trainer or something like i haven't looked into all that very much that's where i am a bit ignorant but there was just a whole scandal with a guy who's being sort of cut out because of his betting

and and and man that padded you need to watch, anybody who knows anything about fighting at all or gives a shit, you need to watch that fight and then see that decision come down. It's so funny, I've seen every angle. So I saw Rogan's reaction immediately, when he hears the, I was going to say verdict, the scores,

the call, and he looks over at Bilal Muhammad who's cornering for one of them i don't know which he's just like what was that what was that so rogan immediately was like this is bullshit basically not only that they had this super awkward moment so i'm following this nitty-gritty i don't know how interesting this is but like patty just has went through this whole controversy with ariel hawani where he would say that he should be getting paid for interviews that he should just show up on your show that he should be getting paid to comment and it's more nitty

gritty than that but but that's the essence of it and so like when Rogan goes to interview him he's like hey George I bet they're all wondering you know how much you got paid for this interview here ha ha ha and like tries to make a joke and like I've never seen a more thorough no-sell. Joe just goes, do you think you did enough there to get the win? And the smile just evaporates from Patty's face. And he's like, well, you know, I thought there in round one things were going poorly, or whatever he sounds like.

He's not Irish. Not at all. It was me. He's not at all. He's English and he is like liverpool or some shit it's a disgusting accent if i'm being honest and i'm from the south the uh the there was a guy in the in the call there he was like what the fuck i just lost like 400 dollars and it's like i was so glad i didn't bet on that shit is the whole ufc community semi aligned or is it actually kind of a schism of like,

no, no, no, no. There are a lot of people who are like, it's a bad call, but it's like not that 99%, 99%.

Um, exactly what I just said, like not exaggerating. So they do this thing. A lot of, um, media outlets, I'll call them,

like hat. The representatives on Twitter will submit scores before the final scores are read. They're like, Hey, I got this. And everybody presents their scores. And it's very simple scoring, as you can see there.

So I think that like 55% came up with Patty losing all three and Gordon winning all three, like I did. That was the majority. And then slightly less at like maybe 52% or something. It doesn't add up. There's not enough percentages, but you get me. It was like Patty winning one round. And then there was, I think maybe there's one guy that thought Patty won.

There's one out of like 40 journalists or something like that. And then I'm like everybody in the call, like collectively, we couldn't believe it. We just knew that Pattydy had just lost. It was kind of sad because I like him. I want him to win, I guess. I like a story. He's clearly not... People don't understand the difference between a star

and a good fighter. He's a star. He's not a great fighter. He's not a ranked fighter. He's not a top 15 guy. I looked at his list. Is he not ranked yet? No, he's not even close. He hasn't fought a ranked guy. there are 15 guys in his weight class is that not ranked yeah no he's not even close he hasn't fought a ranked guy most of the guys in his in his wikipedia page like that show who he's fought like you can always tell like most of them don't have their own links like you go to some guy like connor mcgregor every dude he's fought and beat has a link

with like an early life section and shit like Patty the Baddies a lot of it's like you know Jose Crazy Horse Jimenez or something that sounds like a good fighter Crazy Horse is a great fighter he's old now but that guy he was legitimately crazy he would fight people he rode a horse into the

ring he would fight in the that's not true he would fight in the in the behind the scenes he beat up vanderley silva he knocked him out he was possessed by the spirit of a dead horse vanderley silva he's the one who kind of looks retarded axe murderer he's the axe murderer and i don't know if looking retarded is enough to narrow down the UFC fighters. I certainly wouldn't. These people get punched in the face for a living. A lot of them have squinty eyes or

something or another wrong with them. I saw the funniest comment today. You know that guy Rojas, the 18-year-old UFC fighter? He's brand new. There's an 18-year-old Mexican guy who they're letting fight in the ufc um he came from dana white's contender series and zach pull up a picture of

of this guy 18 year old ufc fighter um something rojas or something you'll find him quickly and uh he's uh he's fine he's good or whatever like it's amazing that he's an 18 year old and he's won a fight in the ufc already uh he's going to be a lot of people paying attention to him. But someone said, I really want Zach to pull up a picture of him. Someone said that I've heard of cauliflower ear, but I've never seen cauliflower face before. You managed to find a picture where I can't see his face. What luck. Is there one of them?

There we go. There we go. Well, maybe. See, you know what? He could still be. That's his most handsome you've got could still be growing into his face he's 18 like his photographer took that picture by the way that find him at like a press conference or something there you go see that's what i'm trying to make fun of an ugly kid that's the picture you pull up

wow that guy is not aerodynamic he has had a lot of nose breaks. He has side view mirrors going on there. He's got a cauliflower face. His ears are very rough. He's in good shape, though. I was looking at one of those earlier. That guy's got the physique I want. Can't have.

Woody wants it in a romantic sense, though. He's 18 years old. Not for me. I want it in my bed next to me. You just want to enjoy it. Savor it. His face is like... I mean, he looks like a guy who's been punched a lot and who's done a lot of punching.

He'll get better looking as he gets older. He'll grow into his face and become more rugged. I sent y'all that video of him, and it's him talking on the mic mic but it's like animal it's going his mouth looks all silly when it moves oh that's right I thought it was animal

look at his mouth is he that asymmetric yeah yeah yeah when he moves his mouth it's all weird and like fucky have you ever seen when people do that thing where they like put half their face on a mirror and like you can see the other half and it's not quite right he's got that going on yeah he's got an asymmetry kyle yeah yeah yeah he's an american like high schooler like he's in fucking class

oh i thought you said he was from mexico well he's mexican oh okay you know you know how that he fights for america it's very confusing yes you know how that works like like if you're if you if you're brown you got to let people know that you're mexican oh really you live in mexico fuck no in the same way that i'm english yeah dude your name's brad you're not mexican anymore you gave that up you gave that up aaron fucking fucking naturalize you piece of shit you and montezuma peas in a pod right eric like yeah the same way me and king george so similar you identify as mexican noah you don't see us repping ireland and fucking germany over here like you're not i anyway that's kind of like the brown pride thing that wo always dislikes so much. I don't like it either.

But I don't know that I don't like it. I just don't understand that everyone gets to be proud of their race except for us when it seems like, I don't know. I wouldn't say we're the best race, but we're in the top three, right? That's such a great take where it's like guys top three like I mean we medal at the race awards and yet we get zero pride a bronze medalist

comes home he's proud as fuck we show up and look even if I get if I'm like yeah the blacks and the Chinese are just collectively better than us whites but we're third best is that okay? If we supplicate ourselves properly, sirs, can we be third? Can we be proud of our third place finish?

No. White is a pretty nice balance between academic success, economic success, and athletic success. Right? Like we're kind of – Why does athletic success get to be mounted in because it's fun to be athletic no that counts and sports are fun because if there isn't that people just beat you up not not in a modern society though yeah of course the people get beat up all the time

i mean i don't think any of us want to go back to the african plane and and compete you know well i don't want to go compete anywhere but America. It's safer here. Like you said, people get attacked other places. People get attacked here. I mean, we're being real. Like, anybody who's listening to this from Europe is laughing so hard right now.

The American, it makes it scary here. Meanwhile, like, another shooting today. You said Africa. I'm thinking, like, Somalia, where it's, like, so bad, You said Africa. I'm thinking like Somalia where it's like so bad. The government themselves have been like, we are not dealing with this anymore. I saw they're trying to call, refer to Moroccans as Africans on Reddit. And the Moroccans were like, oh, easy now. We don't, we're not Africans.

And like people start pulling up pictures of Africa. I mean, Morocco's like in Africa it's an but they don't want to be though that's geography buddy like you're from where you're from man Elon Musk is an African American

he owns it I think I hope he's the richest African American in the world second richest man in the world yeah who just passed him Some Saudi guy Who knows I didn't hear My question is did they pass him or did he fall behind

He fell yeah he's been dropping I don't know how to value Twitter The valuation of Twitter $10 billion company He paid $44 billion That's $30 right there he kind of lost maybe he's got so much outside investment right like i don't know how much is smashed yeah tesla losing value has probably been the real issue um i don't know i i think elon's

funny some french guy bernard arnaud i've been i i don't understand why everybody's so upset about about elon they're They just hate him. And I'm like, why do you care? What did he do? Why are you so obsessed with Elon Musk? I just think he's funny. Every now and then I'll see a little quirk from him. I'm like, ha ha, Elon did a thing.

And I'll move along. But it seems like the people who dislike him are just so far off his asshole. Just, oh, did you see today that on the multi-billion dollar website that he owns, he got owned? Did he now? Oh, wow. Oh, that's so embarrassing. You were on his website? Yeah.

I've been enjoying Musk more in the last month than I have ever before. Watching him drop the Twitter files. Since he bought Twitter, he's been way more interesting to me. I can't tell much going on different on Twitter, frankly. He dropped those Twitter files like what he said and then somebody on the left came up with the

hey, we're going to frame this as the right wants to see his dick. The right wants to see dick pics they hate being gay so this will be the way to do this like they've they've successfully framed it that way i'd love to search back the origin of like the first time that they phrased it that way because it's just they own the google so i'm missing something the only pictures biden asked to have removed were dick pics unless i'm wrong which i might be because i'm on the road and i

don't know oh they are but that wasn't the but when i'm talking about the the files that he leaked there was more to it than that right like all the all the going back and forth they want to boil it down to ah it was all about dick pics the whole thing was dick pics when it's like all right well that's one small thing there were first of all yes there were a lot of penis pictures we could see how you could think were there more than two i thought there were no i'm being funny i have no idea how many how many dick pics there were i'm really hoping there was cocaine on his dick in one of them i i hope there's whores in them i think he was more of a crack guy than cocaine but it was that they were going but i think that what it was that they were going back and forth

twitter staff was going back and forth sort of like figuring out how to frame news stories at times, particularly ones that were sensitive to the Democratic Party. Like, oh, do we do it like this? We do it like that. And he wanted to sort of show that. It turned out to be kind of a nothing burger, but it is interesting to me that any time that you've got some political insider or some spin man in a room somewhere, he's like, what if we did it like this?

I want to be in that room and see that happen because I see it happen at TV shows and movies like The West Wing or what's the other one? A Veep. Veep is a silly comedy one, but it's full of it. And I would love to be in that room. Yeah, I'd love to be in that room where they're like, guys, no, no, no, no. This isn't us being exposed. This is them trying to pounce on us. Yeah.

These guys are looky-loos. We've reframed them. We reframed what they're looking at. But there are those documents in there that didn't look very good when they call Biden the big guy again. They'll never find that below all the dick pics we're going to leak. I imagine it goes down like that. I'm sure. I want it to happen.

I'm sure. I want to know if Biden's the big guy. I don't know. I guess he is, right? Probably. He's the president. Well, he wasn't at the time, was he? Oh.

Well, he was the most powerful guy in their circle probably right i don't know well you know there's it's that whole ukrainian energy company and biden's son and then the pay-for-play thing and then no it's about dick pigs um i i don't know what it's about anymore i i talked to a fan today um he's either gonna come on um tomorrow or next week depending on which uh which one if he if he can make it tomorrow going to come on tomorrow or next week, depending on which one. If he can make it tomorrow, we're going to do tomorrow. Are we doing the show tomorrow? You know what I mean.

But I'm looking forward to that. Every time I'm on Reddit, just scrolling, I'll randomly find Finn as part of some weird post about being confused with your sexuality. It's fun to go through the comments and find the guys who are,

they're like, dude, that's a dude. And they're like, oh, bro, don't do that. Don't do that. You can't call her a dude. And someone's like, no, no, no, no. That's a totally straight, cis white man. He's part of the patriarchy. He's wealthy too.

What? Yeah, he fucks girls. Probably lots of them. Probably a bunch. Probably dressed like that, too. Yeah, probably dressed just like that. And their minds are just imploding. I thought he was an ally!

I thought he was an ally. I like it a lot. What an embarrassing loser to be upset about that in the comments so i look forward to talking to uh to finn more about that i want to say that someone offered him titties a while back and uh and we had actually discussed that last time he was on the show whether he would accept titties for you know million dollars or something to wear him for a year or whatever and i think he turned those down so it must have been short of a mil uh but i thought it might have been a couple hundred grand maybe that he was offered to wear some titties for a

while like like maybe i got my wires crossed but i had that in my head that would be a lot still that good on him for you know don't don't get fake tits that's not gonna it'll it won't heal well you'll look absurd later he's pretty good at like pulling off fake tits with like look absurd later he's pretty good at like pulling off fake tits with like i don't know accessories stuff yeah yeah but i mean like yeah you know how your body gets stretched if like you're fat for a long time you can't just i can't i imagine you can't get implants and then remove them and have your skin just suck back up like you'd be like two fat bellies i think if he got small implants as long as he didn't get like bazongas it'd be fine like if he put like a oh yeah they measurement cc so it's not like you can say yeah you've got like a

sass 32 um if you got a small one i bet he'd be okay like he could get something that was and also i wonder about the scarring like did where did you go in they do i've armpit i've seen bottom of the boob and i've seen that around the areola well i think the areola maybe they're moving the nipple when that when that's the case right yeah yeah which is so weird to me like there's no way your nipple would ever feel right like you just moved my nipple what yeah you can't do that with anything else can you like breastfeed after that or is it like we gotta sever all your milk ducts and sew this patch of skin back on? I'm guessing they leave...

Oh, this is kind of grossing me out now to imagine it, because I always thought of the nipple as this thing that's not connected to anything, but of course, there's a mammary gland and I'm sure there's some sort of a vessel. All that has to stay connected as they move it, I'm sure. I'm sure. Yeah. Ew. Yeah. Or Zach is saying that you can't really breastfeed

with implants yeah with implants I don't expect that right it makes sense if they're like chopping it up like it's still invasive surgery you gotta snip some things and pull and cut some stuff I'm saying if you're doing the nipple thing

now you're saying like they do the armpit thing which I'm sure is a lot simpler and like better for recovery you ever seen them put them put one in yeah i don't care i feel like the i feel like the skin's gonna rip they're so rough yeah i saw a guy fix a broken bone oh my god have you ever seen that no oh it was brutal so it was a. And he is just bending this thing, this forearm. Like, I thought they'd sort of pull it apart and gently put it back together the way they found it. Oh, no.

He's just whacking that thing like it's an additional elbow until he's like, straighten it out. It was rough. And yeah. And then someone bursts into the room. Adam, for the last time, you don't work here. He's got the bone saw. Yeah, that's scary. Yeah, I don't understand whether that rough procedures like that.

I'm thinking of specifically things like liposuction and breast implants that I've seen done. And it's like they're being so rough. It reminds me, my dad and my uncle had a business in the early 80s making conversion vans, painting them and putting stripes on them. And they could do it really fast. That's how you drive around the South and kidnap gay people and threaten them until they're straight. Yeah, they're very popular at the time. Yeah.

And my uncle would get on the left side, my dad would get on the right side. And they could paint this vehicle and have it out the door and and like minutes like like 20 minutes they could they could have this car painted and out and a new one's coming in and there's four people working on these things continuously in an assembly line their wives were working too my mom and my and my aunt you know they're everybody's got a job and they know what to do and it's the same job over and over, just different colors. So they're knocking these things out. That's because they get paid for van.

These doctors need to slow the fuck down. That's just trauma you're having to heal from. I'm sure when he's doing all that bending, like he's bruising the fuck out of you, right? That's got to be. I mean, the reason that like your dentist, like think about this, like a dentist, for example, they work on turn. Also, those,

those hygienists are making your gums bleed, not because of rampant gingivitis in most circumstances. It's because their boss is telling them you need to get that fucker in the chair and done in 28 minutes so that we can hit our turn rate to make more money this quarter. And so they're in there scraping, doing this and that. Oh, your gums are bleeding.

Like, I really believed my whole life. Like, man, I never get bloody gums unless I go to the dentist. I take good care of my teeth. Didn't realize that until I was a full on adult. Like, oh, like I'm just a turn patient. That's why they're scraping recklessly, poking you, saying it's like an ethereal gingivitis issue. It's like, no, i think it's a metal implement

issue because that seems to be the commonality here next time they say that to me the dentist i'm going to ask how many how many gums are bleeding and then i'm going to multiply that number by a dollar amount and i'll be like oh okay i'm will deduct 57 then from from today's bill look wait what yeah you've, look, if you were detailing my car and you scratched the door up, I wouldn't pay full price for that either. Sir, you've injured me during this medical

procedure. You're lucky I'm not going malpractice with this. Let's hope infection doesn't set in. Let's hope infection doesn't set in. I can make a class action. I saw a little girl with braces run out of here crying earlier. I'll chase her fucking down like a lawyer in the street. We'll make this class action, dude.

So you can give me my $57, or I can go out to my car, where I may or may not have a firearm. And then you're going to get your $57 back. And you have to phrase it just like that. That way it's not a... Yeah, you say, Doctor, I have a gun. Be wary with your implements, Doctor.

Right now. Treat this mouth as if it were your last chance to live to see the evening. I hate the dentist. It's so awful. Having to sit still that long sucks. I haven't been to the dentist since the beginning of COVID. It's been almost three years.

Yeah, longer for me. Well, I went the other day and then got mad at them. I go every six months. Good for you. Posh. I'll go when something starts to hurt. When something starts to hurt, I'll go. When he's going to the dentist,

what, are you friends with the guy? Every six months. Every six months. Hey, we'll grab a beer. Are you having an affair with your dentist? Is Jackie asking questions? Yeah, every six months. Every six months.

Pish Posh. Every six months. It's got to be a financial burden at this point. Every six months. Jesus Christ. Yeah. They also say change your toothbrush every five years. I do like an old toothbrush.

This is just a five-year-old toothbrush. I do. With the toothbrush, it's all like sprayed out and it's to the side. It does gums better. And when you brush your retainerer the thing is like u-shaped now works great there's a point with like the comfort of the old brush though where it's so comfortable that you have to be like there's no way this is scrubbing like anymore like i need to get back in the mix uh i don't think you want it to scrub i think i think that's you want it to

be like a light scrub but you still want to get like subgingivally like under your gum line. You can't just make up words when you're trying to prove your point. Oh, I will. Woody, when you see Dr. Phillips on Tuesday, ask him about that word. Dude, I get calls from my eye doctor all the time and they want me to come in for like eye appointments every six months, which is retarded. Like the only reason I get my eyes checked is when it starts to get like dangerous to drive at night because my eyes have gotten too much worse in my glasses. And like she called this lady called me for like the second time in just the last month or two where she's like, hey, we wanted to. It's been a year since your last appointment.

Wanted to get you scheduled for your eye exam. And I was like, no, I appreciate your concern. I will call you when I need to. I even told her, I'm like, I have six more months of contacts left. I'll give you a ring when I run out. Because I'm not going to go do it now. I feel like if your vision was good enough, Taylor, you would have spotted the caller ID. The fact that you took that call implies you need to see the ID.

Yeah. It says, I care place like giant. Because like, think about it like this. Like when your eyes are constantly getting a little bit worse, when do you want to go in? You want to go in right before you need your new prescription right before. So it's as accurate as possible. I go right now, get your new prescription right before so it's as accurate as possible i go right now get a new prescription i still have seven months of contacts to run through and these glasses

you've got to find somebody who's you know also partially blind and also personally blind yeah and like because i don't wear my contacts as recommended often like that seven months supply that's an easy 10 months easy holy shit and like our content now it's 10 months. Easy. Holy shit. Are contacts expensive? They are expensive. The kind I have are monthlies. So you can leave... Dirty's got the real bad situation with those hard contacts. It's rare that your eyes are so

fucked up with a stigmatism that you still in 2022 need hard contacts. Most people can find a soft contact that works around it. But yeah, I feel bad for for his eye situation like hard contacts fucking suck them getting cloudy all the time he has to take them out and clean them like everybody with hard contacts does his eyes probably get dry as shit like they're just everybody does who has, does everything in their power to avoid hard contacts.

I've always thought glasses look good on like for most people. I think that good frames are an improvement on their, their standard look. I don't know. I like girls with glasses. I think, I think guys look more distinguished with glasses. I think women look attractive with glasses.

I like glasses. Dirty's glasses suck. They make, they give him bubble eyes. Like his eyes are so big that it's hard to take him seriously in conversations. Like you look up, you're like eating a meal

and he says something, you look up, you're like, dude, I forgot. Don't give me that look. What's going on in Sunnyvale? Must be pretty nice to get out of a trailer park, eh, bubs? Taylor, do you worry that you'll graduate to hard contacts? No, no.

I don't think it'll get that bad for me. My mom had eyes that tracked at about my level as she got older, too, and they naturally taper off. The difference between my eyes now and my eyes a year from now, I might get a tiny tiny bit worse but like not at all the difference between 15 year old me and like 17 year old me where every time i went back it was like fuck again that this number is getting huge on the side of the box minus seven minus eight so very very fortunate and like my glasses are just now getting to the point that if i have to go any bigger i'm going to start getting like the dirty effect a small a bit small bit but that's okay because

it'll because it just means i'm a genius that's what it means it means you're a genius it doesn't mean you have like bad genes and that you would have been dashed upon the rocks like a thousand years ago man it would have sucked you know thousands of years ago what am i saying thousands of years ago bifocals were invented by benjamin fucking franklin oh yeah like like the same guy who invented electricity uh in in my version of things it would have been useless 400 years ago 400 years ago i would have had fucking nothing to offer i just would have been the least accurate plow slave. Making curvy lines.

Just ruining the harvest. Looks good to me. Yeah. I don't need, they wouldn't teach me anyway. I feel like I would have fallen to some sort of dark ways if I was in the olden times. Like maybe some criminality or so because i feel like i wouldn't man i had to have a hard time like being under the yoke of somebody in one of those old-timey jobs you know like like like it would be easy to just be an outlaw and right away

you know i guess i'm imagining we're in the west for some reason but like jesus christ like like if you were like panning for gold every day and like sleeping with like wet underwear every night like it would be easy to be like fuck this i'm gonna get a gun yeah i'm getting a gun or i'm moving back to england and england's a million miles away so i'm kidding yeah yeah you'd have to be closer to go to china at that probably train yeah robbing a train before any sort of security actually no but the scariest well they had the security it just like guns with no qualms about like blowing your head off you you would just like grow a beard and then do a bunch of crime and then shave it and move one house down the street

and you'd be okay like they'd never are you bearded joe clearly not. All right. Let us know if you see him. Andy. All right. The craziest part about pre-internet to me is guys that had two families. Or they'd leave their family, move 13 miles, and just be fucking gone. Yeah. It's like. Like, you could literally go out and be like,'m getting cigarettes and then just peace and 20 years later they're like where'd he go it's like i don't know it's

1978 you could just know what to do like a social security card was just like a paper with some numbers on it you know like like if you went somewhere you're like what you got your social security card i don't but i know my number you're good enough for me this this funny older video with sam hyde and this guy nick rochefort is his very funny co-host that used to be on mde and nick's like a big you know finance guy i guess and he was joking about how easy it was to like be a criminal just like this and he's like do you know how fucking easy it would have been in the 70s you didn't have to bring a stated income statement when you applied for loans you just walk in and they go how much money did you make oh i a hundred million dollars a month you're approved for you know 20 of that here's 20 million dollars a month for your portfolio like it would have been so

fucking easy to just get away with shit before You got the Abagnale guy, right? Catch me if you can. Making the fake checks and flying on airlines. Yeah, try that now. You'll be in Guantanamo. Apparently that guy really did pass the bar. That's no shit. Somehow or another, that guy just fucking studied real hard and passed the bar.

It's bullshit? The whole thing is bullshit. That movie, they say it was based on a true story but it was not i met the guy the check part wasn't the source of all that is abnigale himself he's just a liar oh well see you just don't believe the man i i thought maybe a guy who would lie about being a con artist that's its own kind of con so in the end you know you're like not really so the guy who says he told all those lies was lying about hold on i'm on wikipedia now i want to make sure i'm right about this but i'm pretty sure nothing is true about that he didn't work for the fbi i thought the check thing was at least real like passing off bad checks and

lots of people pass off bad checks still well i guess not anymore really who uses checks who takes a check oh yeah like if i i haven't had personal checks in years if i have to like send in a check for taxes i have to go to the bank like i've got i've got checks because sometimes it's you know you can just use a check to an e check or something and it's quicker but uh and then i don't know there's some bill that i pay with checks but the idea of taking a check is what i'm talking about like you send a rent check and they're like yeah they don't think anything of it but if you gave me a check for like anything i'd look at it like it was it was some outer fucking space

like dude did you just give me a fucking chore an errand did you just give me an errand here you're gonna have to tack another zero on a list to even make it worth it like what the fuck I haven't been if you can't deposit checks on your phone your bank is living in the past

I don't do that stuff I don't do any of my own banking. I let somebody else do all of it. And so I'm sure that's a feature that my bank offers. I'm sure. I think they all do that now. I think they probably figured out like, okay, checks are all but useless unless people can deposit them at home. Makes sense.

Because who's using this as a... Makes sense. Like if I get a regular check from someone that's not like a cashier's check like just a regular personal check it's like i have no confidence in this like it doesn't feel real i've been reading about this abagnale guy it's just wild bullshit there's like no evidence of any of this he never passed the bar for example like that thing there's i mean they they have a record of people who've passed the bars and he's not on that record well he didn't use his real name yeah now you just like he didn't you're having a hard time she didn't do

most of this shit like you need you're coming around to my side. All the claims that he's made, he's like, oh, I swear, I'm a huge criminal. All victimless crimes. I've never robbed an individual. Only big... Good guy. Yeah, right? He's a criminal with a heart. But he's not even a criminal.

Look, anybody Leonardo DiCaprio plays seems a good guy in my book. He seems cool because Leonardo DiCaprio ever... I don't think Leo's ever played anybody you wouldn't want to be friends with. Maybe that Shutter Island guy. Oh, Mr.

Candy would be a blast if you're white. I wasn't being sarcastic. He seemed like a bunch of fun. Look, I wouldn't want to get into all that Mandingo fighting. That was a bit dark that was what about uh the slave owner that's what we're referring to right now mr can oh yeah because he had a silly voice and i like that about that character but yeah the shutter island guy i wouldn't want to hang out with him he's erratic and not funny uh who else had a bad day in the film well there's a wall street guy

yeah he would have been a bunch of jordan uh jordan belfort or something yes well done yeah jordan belfort frank abagnale something close to that catch me if you can junior um and then uh there's blood diamond he was the uh the sort of uh guy with no heart in africa who i haven't seen that one. It's a good movie. It came out the same year as Shutter Island, I think. I watched it the same year and thought it was really good. Shutter Island was a good movie. Luke in the sitcom Growing

Pains, his biggest role. That's going way back. I can picture that button-up shirt that's too big that kids his age apparently wore during that time period uh and i can picture his fucking hair in that shitty show um and then he was uh in uh hugh glass was the character's name that he played in um the revenant played hugh glass the the the

real life character another biographical picture from him that I'm sure wasn't exaggerated at all. Well, I mean, they have to exaggerate most biographies. Hugh Glass in particular, like, look, it came from a time where tall tales were prevalent, but Jesus Christ, a lot of it is. I think it's more verifiable than Frank Abagnale. It's also less to it, right? Like, he got mauled by a bear

and hauled himself back to get repaired am i right in the movie they cover that and they sort of simplify it but um if you look at his wikipedia or like um read about him a bit like he did a lot of stuff he had been he was captured by pirates and then shipwrecked and then um captured by indians and he married the chief's daughter um he lived with them for years and only then did he like go on and become a trapper who was mauled by a bear and apparently the distance he crawled is something absurd like he didn't crawl five miles like he might have crawled 90 like something crazy like like it's easily like found out on the internet like whatever they say it is but I just remember being

not some little like oh he had to crawl across town shit it was like wait he crawled across the state yeah but that's like such a big lie that it's obviously not true like I don't know no one has ever been attacked by a bear and then crawled across Arkansas here's the thing to

me like he either crawled 90 miles and he wasn't that hurt or he was really hurt and it wasn't 90 miles. You can't pull yourself 90 miles with one arm from tree to tree. I've seen the movie. He was grunting with indignance.

I couldn't fully healthy. How far could you crawl? crawl crawling we got not on like hands and knees belly army crawling as if you were grievously injured like there's a wire like you're trying to stay under and what is the material is like i think i could fall if it's train tracks a manicured soccer field miles let's say what not like a little hilly there's some rocks there's like like a normal just a normal atmosphere about that landscape behind you there you'll die so much faster than you'll just freeze to death turns out crawling is more like tunneling out here i could make it i could see the houses in that place i could crawl to that house behind taylor yeah i get the house you could make it i could see the houses in that place i could crawl to that house behind

taylor yeah i get the house you could be you could call across california or whatever whatever state he claimed to be in liar fucked lie i thought i was fucked today my motorcycle wasn't starting and dude i am in such desolate places like you look around i haven't seen anyone for seven hours there is no one near me no one and that there's no sign of civilization or anything i i keep thinking this place i'm in not right now at the best western but like the place i was in today i was like if you go back a thousand years it's exactly like this i'm like wait a minute if i go back 250 000 years there's no noticeable difference between right now and then if you were to snap your fingers and just change time like that i wouldn't notice until the town wasn't there like it's this place is so untouched it's ridiculous

and uh i fucked up and my motorcycle tipped over and i pick it up and it won't restart and i was like no what am I doing wrong and I like pulled the clutch in and I realized the kickstand was down and I'm just stupid but for a moment I was like it's not starting what is plan B exactly yeah you've got about a liter of water on your back and no plan it worked out thank god because otherwise you might be crawling across california right now with one arm across dude i took some pictures i'll have to

show with you guys but like some of the places i'm in in like the california like uh vlm land bureau of land management land it looks like mars it looks exactly like mars with the red rocks and the red grant the red everything uh other places it just i don't know there's no place really around me where i live that just for miles and miles and miles you won't see another human who can travel a hundred miles in north carolina and not see people yeah i don't know how you pull that off here yeah i'm always taken back by that when i'm out there um like like montana wyoming idaho it was just a completely different like i don't know climate and and and like it it like the rocks are different and the soil is different and all

the plants are different like like the air feels different it's it's a the rocks are different and the soil is different and all the plants are different like like the air feels different it's it's a very very different place and yeah all we did was drive for a couple days yeah the sand here so i thought i was good at riding in the sand and you know i've ridden on the beach i've gone 20 miles in one hour on the beach like all right i can do sand and they're like no the sand is deeper here and in, I'm like, how is it deeper than the beach? This is the soft sand at the beach. It must be. How deep is the sand at the beach?

A hundred feet. I don't know. Like what's below the sand. I don't know, but it goes down for a while. Life's great mysteries. I've never gotten there. I mean, I've seen guys dig six feet deep. It's deep.

Life's great mystery It is No one knows no one's been there But here like If you just wiggle your foot it'll get 12 inches Deep in the sand like it's a different Kind of sand than the beach and It's a new skill set for me To ride on it but I'm getting the knack for it

Good Glad you're having a good time safely. So far. Yeah. That, that, uh, I remember the first time I went to the Southwest and seeing that,

that dirt and just being, I don't know, maybe it's, maybe it's lame to be taken back by it, but it just, it turns to a different kind of mud than we have here too. Um, so it's this sort of the soupy, sucky mud that's just like... Because we had a flash flood when we were in New Mexico,

and all of that red, powdery dirt there just turns into this red slurry. And it was... I had forgotten about that. I had these expensive magazines in the back of my truck that were like, I wouldn't, I wouldn't say experimental. That's, that's maybe putting it a little bit too far, but there were prototypes that a company had sent me. This is a gun magazine.

I picture a paper magazine. They were, they, they were a hundred round AR 15 magazines. So you've got like a drum, it's two drums side on, on each side of the gun and they sort of funnel up into the gun together and it was a real complex system of feeders on the inside and it rained inside of all of them they never worked again and and then uh but we had a flash flood in the desert which i'd also never seen it just poured rain for 30 minutes and the ground couldn't drink it up because it was so goddamn dry.

So it just became a river that stuck us on one side of the land for a couple hours. And then the river just went away. The desert's interesting. It's not like here in Georgia and these boring green hills. Yeah.

It's not like the South or the Midwest with all the trees. I was strongly considering going to Ukraine. I was talking to my buddy. This is a couple weeks back. and I've been talking to my contact, whatever you want to call him, who's over there, and I just talked to him today. I was like, you know,

someone told me that they watched the Russians cut a Ukrainian's dick off the other day, so I'm not really feeling the whole trip anymore. And I expected him to go, ah, come come on we wouldn't go anywhere like that he's like i didn't watch it but i heard about it really really terrible stuff i was like christ yeah don't i i care about you man don't go don't go you're one of my close friends and

i don't want you to die and you cut off or get my dick cut off. Or lose your dick. That'd be such a shame. You wouldn't be the same. You'd be fucking reeked, Kyle. They shot him after. Can you imagine doing the show with dickless Kyle and he's all timid now? Just bitch at him because he's reeked. I'm just... Every week I'm talking about

a new way to kill myself that I'm researching. No, guys, I think that a combination of carbon monoxide poisoning and opiates. Ah, shut up, Dickless. Well, that's the show. Yeah. All right. PKN 434.