Painkiller Already - PKN 451

Episode Date: April 11, 2023

pkn 451 how are you boys pretty good doing good good had a good day today there was a big ufc event you guys are both oh chomping at oh fucking good man i've never been so happy i've never been so happy to owe woody five dollars really yeah oh yeah for sure you didn't watch the whole thing woody no i was watching tv with jackie and it's like what do you kick her out of bed and say the fights are i guess that's what i do yeah but i didn't do that this time surprising i watched all six hours i i started or it's not six hours yeah it is it's it's over six hours yeah it was seven hours of fights i watched it all i started it starts at 6 p.m and it goes until well after midnight usually into 1 p.m. Then I watch the post-fight

press conference. I can't miss that. I got to see what's coming next. Tell me where you stand on... Let me tell the story of Israel and the child. Listen, the audience is up to speed. You can tell me how you feel. Israel Adesanya was the middleweight champion

of the world. This guy is a fantastic fighter. He has a lot of fights in kickboxing i don't know what his record is but it's something close to like 41 and 2 something solid and the one guy beat him twice right alex pierre the first time he beat him i think it was a a decision that israel feels like he won but you know whatever it was close decision that Israel feels like he won, but whatever. It was close. The judges gave it to the other guy. Fine.

He gets his rematch because Israel is a hot shot in this kickboxing world. And this guy, Piera, if it's not that as close to it, he gets his rematch. And this time he knocks out Israel Adesanya. While Israel Adesanya is still recovering from his traumatic brain injury the other fighter's child goes into the ring and lays down on the ground mocking him for being knocked out Israel is petty like that he's not in favor so Israel goes into the UFC becomes the champion there one of the better champions we've ever seen by the way he just happens to be in a division where one of the best champions ever silva fought but um uh he's he's proven himself to be a really good 185 pound to the point where

he's cleared out the whole division some people wanted him to lose just because there's no one left for him to beat he has more wins as champion amongst like top 15 ranked fighters than any other champion does and jones is in two is a heavyweight now so he doesn't count but um of current champions more more top wins cool guy they go to the ufc and this guy who beat him in kickboxing i i feel like Israel was getting the better of the match, but that doesn't matter because he got knocked out. He lost to this guy, Piera, and it sucks.

Well, anyway, he gets his rematch, you know, but they say nobody beats Israel. I was Sonia four times in a row. So this time he gets his win and he knocks out the other guy second round i think kyle fact check me does that sound right second second or third yeah okay and uh so it's real

out of sonja knocks out this guy this kid's dad at this point round two i'm right and uh he jumps up to the top of the cage you know that thing they do where they like muscle up to the top of the cage. You know that thing they do where they muscle up to the cage? He points at this man's son who is currently crying because his dad just got knocked out. He's tearful. He lays on the ground and imitates what he did to him years ago when he suffered his loss.

The internet's a little bit split on this. It was so slick. First, it was so good. Some people are saying that you don't look this is a child you don't mock children like that uh it was not a proportionate response me it was exactly proportionate he did that kid to exactly what that kid did to him and i i think one difference between me and and people younger than me i'm pro revenge i'm for this i when one guy mouths off then gets hit for it i see justice other people say words

should never cause you know violence fuck that there are such a thing as fighting words and sometimes words should be responded to with violence according to me uh this guy all he did was give what he got dude that's kind kyle thoughts man it was so cool so one of the things that uh alex perera does is he he's from those fucking south american savage tribes and i guess he hunts monkeys in the jungle and eats them or whatever so So when he's walking up to the ring, he draws back an invisible bow, an imaginary bow and arrow, and fires an imaginary arrow at his opponent. And then, I guess, imagining that said arrow has struck the opponent in the heart, he goes, ah!

Like celebrating that his opponent's now dead. Showmanship. Very intense. He does it every time. Well, he did it, you know the saturday night and then when is he knocked him out and i mean the guy had been unconscious for 0.0017 is he reaches for his own invisible imaginary bow and arrow and gives him three gives him three arrows and the man's at his feet and he's giving him these imaginary fucking arrows in ternus like it's warhammer

or something and then like what he said he runs the other side of the cage finds the guy's kid and and what he does is he completely collapses into the fetal position in a very dramatic fashion boom he hits the mat and and you know mocking the kid did the whole thing he did before getting his revenge there but then like he's such a goddamn ninja i don't know what he called is it is it called kipping or whatever he like kips to his feet like a goddamn ninja that's how he recovers like no hands he's just up on his feet now and it's like strutting back to the other side it was so slick dude is king of cringe he showed up wearing a goddamn skirt dog collar he showed

up with a goddamn skirt and a dog collar and he's the favorite you know wearing pearl necklaces and shit literally i mean he's a he's a he's a weeb he's fucking lame he's cringy anime all that shit yeah he's always in an anime stance it's funny i bet if you love love anime he's your guy dude he's always talking about how these other fighters don't get it. They don't understand culture. They're not from the internet like he is. The comeback I love the most is, dude, you're 34. Stop acting like you're a teenager. He identifies as a teenager. Smoke that guy.

I'm glad that's over. He won't have to go back and fight that guy again. That'll retire him. What? No. Trilogy fight. Never. That won't happen. They're done. Alex will move up to a bigger weight class 205 and and be a monster there because they still don't know what the fuck's going on up there that's what he'll do i guarantee it i'd bet that for sure and i get and i bet dana is like hey hey you gave it a college try but no one beats israel adesanya four times and

certainly not going to give you a second chance at doing it. Go be a 205 pounder. Here's your new contract. It's pretty good. Leave Izzy alone. He's got things to do. That's what they're going to do because Izzy's got things to do. He's got money to make. If you were to take the counter

argument and say trilogy fights are money fights, Dana's totally going to set that up. I'd buy that just as much as I bought what you just said, which makes a lot of sense. I don't think trilogy fights are money fights, Dana's totally going to set that up. I'd buy that just as much as I bought what you just said, which makes a lot of sense. Don't risk your cash cow. I don't think trilies are always required, nor are they always money fights, especially when you go down to the 135-pound men

where Moreno and Figueroa and those guys, they take turns being champion. They just roll fucking dice. Yeah yeah it's you this time they just keep they've had at least a trilogy and maybe going on a quadrilogy down there it's silly i don't think they'll do it i really don't because i don't think alex really has any fan base either i think month first of all ufc doesn't need money they're they crush it every time they break a record every time with the the uh the gate attendance the money the paper not the pay-per-views necessarily. Those are doing well, but the money they make at the gate. Oh, I almost forgot. Oh my God.

The reason the night was incredible is there's Dana White. To his left is Donald Trump, cage side. To his left is Kid Rock. To his left is mike um kid rock to his left is mike tyson wait was there a little photo of mike tyson cracking up and trump looking cool as shit all of those they're there i was looking at fingers it's too cool they walked in and the dj starts playing american badass by kid rock and the four of them strut in, and they're sitting there all night. And so you see

them, like, the way the cameras work. You don't watch UFCs. You're seeing these guys all night. I immediately... Donald Trump has a recognizable silhouette, we'll say. And so right away, I was like, was that Donald Trump? Was that fucking Donald... Holy shit, it is. And then

one of the Paulul brothers is like right behind them like a row back um but but yeah yeah the the biggest one of the night is the paul brother or uh um logan and uh ksi getting donald trump to hang on to a can of prime for a photo man can you imagine i wish i could get him to hang on to my cum pills. We need to get Donnie on our cum pills. We could just use a D-Pay. Stormy Daniels is probably easier to get. Of course, she does not

stick to her contracts. I don't know if we can do business with her. And she's not our target market for the cum pills. What's she going to do? Say I use these? We can't use your endorsement. Our target market is former president billionaires. That's obviously who we're trying to get. It's one guy, but if we can get him in the mix,

goddamn, we can do it. That was an awesome night of fights. From beginning to end, the first night of the fight was the first fight of the night, I think I should say, was very good. There weren't really any stinkers. I was really surprised to see Kelvin Gastelum,

the short one, middleweight. Forever, he was a contender, I thought. I thought of him as number three. He had a title shot not that long ago, and Izzy roughed him up. Anyway, he was ranked 15th

coming into his fight. What happened to him? He smoked. coming into his fight. He smoked. He won his fight. I couldn't understand why he had fallen so far in the rankings. But yeah, really good pay-per-view. Another one I'm glad I didn't buy because I didn't. But it was worthy of purchasing, but

I'm not going to risk it anymore. So if you could go back, you'd buy it. What do you react to? So if you could you could go back, you'd buy it. What do you So if you could go back in time, you'd purchase it. You probably think of Kevin Gastelum like I do as like, I know he fought Israel

to a really close loss, right? And then after that, you know, kind of forget, right? He's lost five of his last seven. Damn. It was five of his last six no till last night yeah yeah till last night yeah so well i'll say this he looked like shit um he looked like yeah he looked he looked 20 pounds overweight but but he starts that guy he looks strong too he he's almost um a daniel Cormier 205 like guy, but at 185, he's short for the division.

He's strong, he's effective, but somehow you just know that if he had the kind of physique that the other guys pull off, he'd be a really good one 70 pounder. Yeah. That's a difficult thing to do do apparently i i don't understand it you would think that's your profession um i always think back when it comes to something like that to that moment in 300 when leonidas asked the spartans what is your profession it's like yeah this is what we fucking do all day every day non-stop 24 7 we don't even have 365 day years we haven't figured that shit out yet we just keep going but but he didn't have to be smug about it in that scene we've talked yeah he did fuck those no he didn't and those

are going boy lovers can you imagine if i had let's say philosophers kyle let's say this let's say that i'm from a town and i have to handle the landscaping of a thousand acre field and brush and bramble and everything. And I've got 35 guys there and all we do is landscaping. And then you bring 3,000 helpers and you show up like

Master Taylor, we're here to help wherever you can put us. And I go Landscapers! What is your profession landscaping sir well that's not what i insult you guys and i'm like what do you do and you're like i'm a porter sir and i'm like they're probably not good at landscaping are you like no you're there to help and i'm being that's not what happened taylor it is i haven't seen that because i've seen the movie 30 fucking times so what happens is the piece of shit Athenian or whatever he was,

Argonian or whatever, he says, I've brought 3,000 men. What have you but 300? And I brought 3,000 soldiers, he says. And Leonidas is like, you haven't brought a single fucking soldier. Like, you brought potters and philosophers and boy lovers he says i brought 300 fucking soldiers that's all they've ever done it's all their fathers have ever done like you know how we're so we're worried about pit bulls all the time we're like yeah because their dads were pit bulls and their grandfathers were pit bulls don't you understand it's in them they're murderers

that's what these men were in that zach snyder movie that's fine I like my way better that he was smug and Taylor really was selling me with the landscaper argument I'm like man I know they're not as good at landscaping 3,000 landscapers I don't care if they brought scissors

then you see then you saw the actual battle and the Argonians like had integral parts throughout it. Remember, there was even the way like that. Leonidas had his little thing where he's like brawlers more than Faramir when he's like brawlers more than fighters all. But they serve their purpose. And like saying that. And it's like without the sound effect that follows that, I guess.

She like want to kill somebody. Yeah, I need to watch that movie again that movie is a good movie the sequel blows uh but pretend it doesn't exist well except for that scene where eva green gets topless that couldn't redeem it all the high seas battling oh we have different priorities taylor yeah you can see tits anywhere. And there's tits in the first one. What's her name? Oh, I forgot the first one. I like that he boned her doggy style, too.

You don't see that in movies so much. They always make it so loving. Fucking use her a little bit. Show that this marriage still has some spice. I don't remember much of her. He is shredded. All right, so they are shredded, but they're also airbrushed

and toned up a little bit. Makeup. They were in tremendous shape, to be fair. Yeah, but you know what's funny? Some of those guys look like Giga Chad or whatever. They got like 18 abs. Have you seen the... It's true

you're right like there's a lot of airbrushing a lot of like i think they took like mascara kind of in between the abs and defined them like a little makeup trick but like there were guys like extras who were genuinely like that guy in sunny who they joke about being absurdly huge that mac thinks he looks like and so like they would pan sometimes. And it's like, wow, Gerard Butler, Faramir. And then they pan an actual guy. And you're like, oh, that is so much mass. You know what?

If this were real, they'd immediately hold a vote to put him in charge. Oh, I don't remember the other guys being big. I remember the guys being ripped, looking like fucking Jesus, but who lifts weights. I think Jesus looked like he lifted weights. I bet Jesus was fit. Carpenter?

He was walking all the time. It seems like his diet was mostly fish and simple carbs. I mean, he drank a little, but that's good for your heart. Just for the antioxidants. That's how you knew your water was clean. You can't be just drinking water willy-nilly.

There's only 46 grams of protein in this fish. Kyle brought up Boy Lovers. The Dalai Lama. Have you guys seen that video? Dude, that is wild. He's going to collab with Tom Brady. I was talking... I love Tom Brady. dude that is wild he's gonna collab with tom brady it's gonna i was talking yeah dude the for someone sitting in front of the world state kyle and i were talking about this like

imagine how much of a despicable ghoul this guy is behind closed doors if sitting in front of every camera in existence he'll look at a little boy make out with him and go like suck my tongue suck my tongue little boy it's like look at that level of confidence to confidently sit there in your religious holy man robes and demand a little boy looks like you got reincarnated

as a little cocksucker dude this makes me hate religion shit like this like if you want to believe in invisible powers and fantasies and spirits sucking on a tongue yeah i do um if you want to believe in that stuff knock yourself out but please let your religious leaders fuck would you you're turning him into weirdos he's like he can fuck he's choosing he doesn't i he doesn't fuck and and i i looked it up monks can't fuck but the dalai lama is a super monk

just chooses not to fuck ah whatever fucking weirdo this is why priests are raping children this is why the dalai lama is asking kids to suck his tongue. It's a problem. Please let your religious leaders fuck. By the way, if for some reason you're like a guy with a family or a mom with a family and you're turning to the leader of your church for advice, don't you want a guy who has a family, who kind of like has a successful marriage and can apply some of his lessons learned to counsel you and yours that's very true if you took me right a 50 year old with two kind of grown kids and i and i turned to this guy for advice and he's never had a real fucking girlfriend he's never been married he doesn't get laid like what does he have to offer me he has the

word he has no kids like he doesn't i mean how is he going to steer you straight with experiences gained by men okay and women when he has the sum and total knowledge and communion if you will with god almighty i think i'll stick with god over tim and and in jan's version of like what a relationship ought to be woody but it doesn't and the reason that priests have sex with children is not because they are being forced to be celibate because it's way easier to sneak a girlfriend than it is a little kid.

The reason priests have sex with little boys is because they are in a position of power so they're able to have sex with whatever they want. And every time you have people get into positions of power, they all want children. They all want children. And I always joke, is it because pedophilia is so fun?

Maybe it is. I'm going to steer clear. I'm not going to test those waters myself. I'm babysitting, and you'll see. These children, they put everything in their mouth. You give them some car keys. You give them a spoon. That shit goes right in their mouth.

You think these kids aren't fucking awesome at sex? You got another thing coming. Well, the the dalai lama school of thought right there yeah this like a man like that guy is so much that's can you imagine the world right now if the pope had done that if the pope had sat on a bench and been like i can't stretch my imagination no like i literally can't imagine really explosion in the world if the pope did this i'm saying like but think about like okay the dolly line like the pope doing something this overt people would be like what like how it's supposed to pitch in a thought for the sake of conversation shocking what if in his place like in india right now do you think they're flipping out the way that america would be over the pope or italy or something i i don't think i don't think

it was sexual um you don't think it was sexual to ask no i just thought it was some weird i thought it was some weird dalai lama shit i bet if you asked him about it, he'd be like, oh yeah, he's trying to get reincarnated up in this little boy body because I'm sick of being an old man. He can suck my caw, which is what he calls his spirit. I'm making that up. I'm out of my tongue.

He's sucking my caw, not my tongue. He has issued a statement on it. I'm going to paraphrase, but it was something like... He mentioned the caw. He's a bit of a prankster and sometimes he taunts a statement on it. And I'm going to paraphrase, but it was something like... He mentioned the car. He's a bit of a prankster, and sometimes he taunts and teases people, and it was non-sexual. Lie. Oh, Taylor. Obvious lie.

There is no daylight between our positions. I really don't think it was sexual. I can't tell if you're serious. I know he's fucking with me. I really don't. I really don't think he's getting my goat with this one. I don't think he's trying to get some sneaky, flirty thing going on

with that little kid. I think it's just some sort of weird old man Dalai Lama shit. Look, if a normal white man from the West did that shit, I'd be like, fuck, he's a pedo. But it's that weird old guy who's supposedly the Dalai Lama. And so any weird shit that he does in public,

I attribute it to that. Because he's the Dalai Lama. Dude, this is some great bait. Yeah, it is absolutely. Ah, damn it. He's a fucking creep with his tongue stuck. I guarantee he has no history of anything like this. If he did, you'd be presenting it with me.

Woody's clearly trying to railroad this man because of his hatred for religion. Just because he has the child to suck his tongue. I guarantee Woody's parents put the thumb to Woody and was like, tear him down. I saw this thing on Reddit about about soaking are you guys familiar with

this soaking soaking yeah the mormon thing yeah we talked about that yeah okay well there's you can also do it orally and and this this guy was writing how his girlfriend likes to watch tv with his dick in her mouth and that he's like it's not sexual or anything she just kind of enjoys it it's a feeling of security and connection and whatever and uh and you know we watch tv and you know i keep my dick in her mouth so i saw this and i sent it to jackie and i was like i want this and she's like all right it's on so we try it in my experience it is absolutely sexual you cannot put your dick in someone's mouth and have it not be sexual circling back to the dalai, if he says that French kissing is not sexual for him, that he wants that kid to suck on his tongue,

that was a French kissing. That was closer to CPR than French kissing. How many men? That boy was in trouble. The kiss of death. The kiss of life. The food particle with his tongue. I believe it's called. Isn't that right? And he was looking to deliver insulin to that poor child by eating a candy bar and having him suck the jizz out of him.

All I know is here before me, here before me, I see a man who is literally trained and certified in something called the kiss of life okay cpr okay so he should be a tube and open the possibilities that lips can touch lips and tongues without it being sex because he's kissed god knows how many women and men on the beaches and saved their lives yeah i hear all this, man. Would you dare say that the thousands of children he's done this with?

Oh, I guess it was sexual then, too, huh? I have not seen him do that with another child. Do you have any evidence of him doing it with any other children? No, this is the only time he's slipped up and done it in front of CNN. I don't think it was a slip up. Every other time he does it in a fucking temple with some guy who's bald, banging a drum loudly, drowning out the screams.

It's a good man right there. Chanting. You know, look, look. If we're going to cast out every man who kisses a child, then where's the world? Is this going to be empty of love? I don't think the Dalai Lama has even close to like the powers of a Pope

anyway. Like if they had some sort, like if they had, I think he's got, if they were, if they were like, uh, if they were casters,

Kyle, he's not allowed to go home. Hope would be much more expensive because he'd be high. He'd be a high magic. Yeah. Yeah. And then kind of magic with the Dalai Lama have beast magic. He'd be,

he'd have like flock of doom. He's going to man, or or maybe maybe like placation magic where you can like make someone tired and they can't resist things buff debuff spell stuff worthless things like that that's probably waste of winds of magic frankly the pope power either high magic or or or or healing magic like dwellers below um flesh to stone regrowth stuff like that you You know what the Mormons would have? The Mormons would have different kinds of magic. It wouldn't be as powerful because it's kind of a spin-off. Runic magic, perhaps. But the Mormons would have tremendous leadership.

Nothing can slow down their beliefs. They're in. They're all in. They'd all be flagellants. Essentially, yeah, they are. Except they'd be flagellants, but kind of like the nurgle huggers they just want are you aware of how much of uh um territory the mormon church owns in the united states of america it's like three percent of the of the continental united states or

something i think no that's way too high it was like three percent of florida that's what it was and i but but but like spread out it was a percentage of the country yeah i would have thought i thought it was going to be the country. I would have thought Utah. I thought it was going to be Utah. They own so much of Utah, I didn't even mention that. I guess Florida, too. There's some not very valuable land in both those states. One million acres.

That's a nice round number. It was a huge amount i i know i heard some report about how much money they had like cash liquid money and it was obscene it was like hundreds of millions or something billions like sometimes i mean i meant billions yeah a ton of money like the mormon church or um different collegiate endowment funds i was yeah that's where i was headed like when you have that much money your money earns money do you stop needing to collect more money like it's generational wealth right is such that like your kids are so wealthy that they don't have to work and then they they pass on even more to their kids

because their money earned more money than they spent over the course of their lifetime it's the mormon church there is harvard there can harvard just start doing free tuition does it need tuition anymore no they don't need no they don't need tuition yeah and and by needing tuition i like i mean like sustainably obviously their endowment fund could let i don't know maybe even 50 70 classes not pay but i want to know that 70 years from now they have more money than they do today that kind of tuition like they might be there i don't know that's so much fucking money what was the other topics we wanted to talk about well i quickly before we divert um it's it's funny like we're talking about how much money the mormon church has in a favorite sci-fi television show of Woody and mine,

the Mormon church is a central group in there. They have pooled their money together on an overpopulated and under-resourced Earth, and they have created the largest spacecraft ever in the history of mankind. It's a generational shift that they intend to take to the next star over. It's like, like yeah it's a hundred year journey and they've created and on this on the on the uh the tip of it like tip of the spear on this pointy ship it has um marona who's oh thank you i knew you'd know it off the rolled right off the tip of his tongue the angel uh marona is fucking got his trumpet he's out on

the front of that golden spire and uh they steal the mormon's ships i was gonna say don't they repurpose that ship yeah they steal it and they keep their own they steal it to save the the universe the galaxy or whatever but then that doesn't work out and then they just keep it and i kept wondering like aren't the Mormons raising hell back home about their $20,000 ship? Son of a gun! We're gonna have to build a new ship now. If there's one religion

that... If one of the religions was going to globally grow, consume, and conquer the planet, there's no better option than Mormons. If I have to believe some goofy shit about magic underwear or even that can you imagine mormons being like hey you have to believe what we do unless you don't sincerely believe it because it has to be accepted internally can i talk to you

again about it and you're like god get the hell out of here and they're like they're jackboots like disappointedly walking away like they'd be the best well as far as religious despots go they'd be the best i would be part of that religion too like like if i was going if i had to choose one i think that's the one to go with even if we're not talking about the the polygamy and everything it just seems like the community that they have is a real community from everything i've seen like they're super family focused growing up in the south everyone's religious i think people maybe who aren't from here would be shocked when they saw the churches when you drive through a georgia small town a small town in georgia will have seven or eight churches and i'm always curious about the shitty churches like that's

a church in a strip mall you know you can the churches are free you can go to a good one why'd you pick that one that one was a fucking arby's two days ago it's usually spanish people uh spanish language people um uh mexican immigrants uh they want you know in espanol so i noticed a lot of those places well the the churches that are in strip malls in particular are usually that okay white folk and black folk don't got them got real churches hmm yeah I uh oh strength training I was talking about that before the show

I've had a couple here's what happened last month on the PKA hangout a guy was showing videos he hung 55 pounds from his waist and did two pull-ups the second one was a bit of a kip but uh he did two pull-ups and i was like like i i sort of pride myself on pull-ups like could i do that and i thought you could but because i'm 50 i really

am cautious about injuries you know it when i was 20 i'd work out while I was hurt and heal in spite of that. Now, oh man, I got to like take time off. We can delay me for weeks and et cetera. So I really worked to avoid injuries, but it got into my head. I was like, can I do this? Can I? So I threw my, you know, belt on and hung 55 pounds from it, a single dumbbell and just walk it over to the pull-up bar i felt sucked to the ground you know like like gravity something else today isn't it yeah yeah waddling over and then i busted out four with pretty good form with 55 pounds and hung on me and i was like that's what okay and i it's very impressive yeah the fourth one was a bit of a kit, but if you did a bit of a kit, I might've had two more in me like in it. And I wasn't hurt. I was like, Oh, that was, that was kind of a win.

This is neat. Time for 75 pounds. So push day rolls around and I had been wanting to bench two 25 forever. And amongst people who lift two 25 is kind of a benchmark. Like when you put two plates on it, which is four, two per side, then, uh, you know,5 is kind of a benchmark like when you put two plates on it which is four two per side then uh you know you're kind of maybe it's the very low end of the cool kids club and i've been just really cautious about like even allowing myself to do 225 and i was like well you know the pull-ups worked so let's see let's see if i can get it and uh i did four but again i might have had six in me like that's awesome yeah so i have now joined the two plate club very congratulations yeah

and you're right like it's it's easy on youtube like fitness stuff to be like two plates three plates like wow these guys and then like all the comments like go into a normal gym and like look at people lifting like like two plates is is a good amount of weight like to be thrown around like that most people aren't doing that at the gym when they do the nfl combine they test the players to see how many times they can bench 225 and they're not getting like 50s typically usually in the team i think that would be on the high end, huh? That'd be very high. Yeah. Yeah, that might be a record. But I think they come in around 8 to 16 mostly.

Maybe Zach knows. Yeah, I think if it gets in the 20s, it's a good bit. Yeah. On those YouTube shorts, they started giving me Combine stuff, and I was getting like most embarrassing embarrassing combines ever and stuff like that. But then the guy would turn around and have a great career. Those are really fun. 29 is the record.

29 is a ton. 225, 29 times. Wait a minute. Is it the record, though? The top says... Oh, wait a minute. 29 was the highest score in 2022. The record is like 49.

Yeah, goddamn. 49, that's actually that guy. So close. I remember Mike Vick's bench press being like 500, 550 or something like that and thinking, how can a human like that even exist? He's that agile, that fast, but he also that that much power michael vick was one of the greatest athletes i've ever seen man do you remember madden 2004 did y'all play that game no but i've heard that you couldn't play with michael vick because it wasn't fair

so i didn't play multiplayer because i didn't have broadband but i always played as michael vick because here i am in georgia who else I going to fucking play? And you would just, ah, fuck all of y'all and run around the whole defense. And it would work enough that you'd just win. You'd just win. It wouldn't work every play, but he was incredibly fast and agile. And it was fun to watch him before he had to torture all them goddamn dogs. God damn it. Fuck, we could have won a Super Bowl.

You think? You think you would have for sure won one no need them done something else have the falcons won one lately ever no it's been like i remember the dirty bird and like dion that was like 93 94 maybe uh but i think the last the last one was in that some reason 83, 85, somewhere in there maybe. But I don't know off the top of my head. Look at Vic go. Look, he just runs around. He drops back five yards and just goes. He's like 10 yards off the line of scrimmage, I think.

Yeah, yeah. There was an older game than that where Barry Sanders was a similar kind of OP character. Bo Jackson. Bo Jackson had the game too. Oh, okay. And then Tyson Punch-Out. Yeah, there's been a few of those games where the main guy was just impossible.

Vic was the cover art that year in 04. Do you still have your copy? Yeah, I'm sure I do. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, for sure. And then he went and Deion sanders went off to the dallas cowboys i think he won a championship or two over there i'm not sure i don't know i don't really remember anymore i think i'm gonna watch the nfl more this year i've got the channel uh i got the

it's all about the nba baby it's all about the nh you can't you can't lure me over there but if you guys want to touch your dip your toes into baseball or the NFL this year, I will follow that and discuss it with you thoroughly. However, I will not be drugged down into hockey or pulled up to basketball. Alright, well, what's better between baseball

and football? Football's only 16 games or something. Come on, boys. You both have teams. Alright, fine. You both have teams. Alright, fine. Let's go cards. But I don't know. I need to learn the players again. Because Yadier Molina and Pujols are gone,

which means I don't know anyone on the team. Who else is on the Cardinals? Are the Phillies still good? I know they just lost a World Series. Do they still have the people that made them good? You're going to be a problem this year. You're going to contend for the East. And the East is going to be high

because the Braves are good and the Mets spent almost $300 fucking million. Zach says the Phillies are stacked. I'm a pretty big Phillies fan, so I already knew that in theory. I can't remember the guy's name, but they have a really fun player. His interviews are good.

Sean Strickland-esque. All right. Yeah, we can do that. Or we'll just wait until the goddamn NFL season. But, man, I cannot get into hockey or basketball. That basketball shit drives me nuts, man. I see you and Chiz blowing up WhatsApp. And I'm not complaining.

You talk. Right, you talk too. Yeah, we all talk about nonsense. Chiz in particular is really verbose chiss it's paragraphs it's paragraphs and they're so well written and formed it would print to two pages it's like man just make a blog dude just make a goddamn sports blog because this is good shit i bet and yeah i'll send like a picture of a WhatsApp folder and delete 20 goddamn diagrams and graphs. There'll be graphs in there.

He'll have a bibliography at the beginning of his WhatsApp messages. It's absurd. He's citing sources. I don't know what he's trying to prove because when he's agreeing with him every step of the way, they're just jerking off to how good or bad their teams are. Can you believe how good or bad that team is oh i can't not as good as this one guy oh which six foot eight black guy do you like oh no no i like the six foot six one with the enormous wingspan which one his team is so good at shooting those hoops

white guys are taking over the n. You heard it here first. The last two MVPs, both white guys. Same guy, but just the same. Luka Donovic, one of the best players, is a white guy. Sabonis from the Kings, that's Chiz's team, white guy. There's a lot of white stars. They're often European. They like basketball more over there.

Eventually, there's going to be a bunch of Chinese stars though that's lucas team right lucas team they quit luka donovich yeah they they could have made the play-in game so the way that playoffs work in in basketball is it used to be eight the top eight teams made it now the teams ranked seven through tenth that. Now, the teams ranked 7th through 10th. That's four, right? Yeah, the teams ranked 7th through 10th play each other, and then two of them play the top two teams from the regular season. Okay, a little playoff to get in. Yeah, so the way it works is 7 plays 8, 9 plays 10,

and then the bottom two go to the top seed, and the next two go to the top seed. So it's a one-game series? A one-game series, like one game series. And I love it. A similar thing for a while. I don't know why it was on now. It makes the regular season matter more.

It used to be like, I guess it mattered a little bit for people, but if you're 10th, you're out of it. Now you're still interesting. If you're 11th or 12th, you're still interesting. Cause you might make top 10. Yeah. I like that too. It used to be, it didn't matter if you were 11th or 12th, you're still interesting because you might make top 10.

Yeah, I like that too. It used to be it didn't matter if you were 6th or 7th or 8th. Whatever, you're in the playoffs towards the bottom. You're not getting a home game, and you're in the playoffs. Now, you really don't want to be 7th. You'd much rather be 6th and avoid that play-in game because anything can happen in a play-in game. One game series. avoid that play-in game because anything can happen in a play-in game one game series so like suddenly if you're like fifth through twelfth the regular season matters more whereas previously it

was just so much more decided yeah definitely don't want to talk basketball ever okay okay oh man i um like like we could get into some weird field and track shit. If you want to follow women's tennis, I bet there's some smoking ladies in there. Senior cycling. Let's be the foremost internet podcast that covers cycling for people over 40. Nope, nope. Not that either.

Disabled for 60 below 65. I bite my tongue when cycling comes up because I know that's a thing that you love and the thing that your family loves. But I have strong opinions about it. And when I see them on the road, they are negative. And, you know, I videos. There's a few different kinds of videos that I don't share in our WhatsApp that I share in my other WhatsApp conversations. Anything that involves someone dying or crashing in a parachute or a motorcycle. I do not

send to the group. That's what he does those things. He doesn't need that. He knows they're dangerous things. He does them. I lost my train of thought. On a related note, people talk about how dangerous motorcycling is all the time. I feel like they should be talking about

cycling too. I wonder how the numbers add up. When I see people get ran over who are cycling, I'm like, fuck be talking about cycling too. I wonder how the numbers add up. Oh, the cycling. When I see people get ran over who are cycling on, I'm like, fuck yeah, got him good. Anything they do awful to cyclists, I like. But I just, you know, I don't... They shouldn't be on the fucking road. When someone does something and it knocks down the entire peloton.

Like that's... I can't get enough of it. Like, you know the one taylor accidentally hits my front wheel i fall and i make like 37 other people fall it's did you see the clip on reddit today i'm sorry the guy tries to pass the group this is a cycling race oh and i tries to pass the group on the left and he's he's he's off the road but when he does it, it's one of those gravelly sides of the road situations but then it becomes a mud hole that he has to go down

into and recover from on a bicycle, a racing bicycle. So then he leans right into, is the Peloton the name for the phalanx of assholes? Yes, it's the group. So he careens into the phalanx of assholes. Now that I know the name, I i won't and they all go down they all go down except for him and like two other people he took the leader out and everyone behind the leader tactician and he

kind of looks back at the pile of wreckage he has created dips his head gives it like two shakes and then keeps pumping yeah i loved it i loved it it's like yeah fuck all those guys fuck you i'd win every goddamn race i'd win every fucking race i only have to make it to the point where they get stacked up and i'm taking them all down i've done a few races like that so this is me at like 17 dude i so i was really fit really fit it's a laser i i trained like every day i was just all about it was my sense of identity being good at cycling it was my thing and when i went and i trained with other people i'm trying to i don't know how to be humble i would fucking smoke everyone just locally right this is not like i'm world class or anything

but in training smoking people then i got into a race and where you really want to be in a race is kind of right behind the leader like at the front of the peloton but not in the lead not breaking the wind because that takes more effort you want to be a second place so we get to the end of the race this happened to me twice and i'm right there i'm exactly everyone in this fucking race wishes they were where I was. And then the last two laps happened. And this is like a tight course with lots of turns. And I just got fucking bullied,

bullied, bullied. They're just shoulder in me. They're bumping me. I literally had to bunny hop to jump a curb and I'm out of the race. I never finished notably at all because there's more to it than just like pushing hard on the pedals. If it was a time trial,

I would have done well. But a time trial is against the clock. I guess you get it. But in a group like that, there's a physical sort of aspect to it. Yeah, if everybody was on those bikes doing that program, whose name I've forgotten, you know, where you're virtually

racing against one another indoors. Swift, maybe? Yeah, that's where you people should have to be, where you should be put. Or, I don't know why the government doesn't look up who the people who order those bikes are, who's paying $5,000, $8,000, and be like, hey,

we got one for free. We're going to plug you right into the grid. Yep. Just plug them into the grid. Now you got a little one bank box from Rick and Morty or whatever. Just peddling away. That's how everything. And then slowly we transition

it to where they have to bike. There's no reason Kyle can't be president with ideas like that. I don't think you'd run if you're a felon or anything. You can. All you got to be is over 35 and born in America. They intentionally made it so. I don't think you can run if you aren't a felon.

You can run no matter who you are, as long as you're a red-blooded American. You got to be... I forget. 35. 35 is one. And then what's the term for a born an american not a naturalized citizen because that would include immigrants right but anyway you gotta be born here

well i that you say that and then they're 2008 what happened whoops so true he didn't have an accent. Every once in a while. We filtered out Schwarzenegger. You know, even the best goalies let one slip by. So sometimes this happens. But today I got so angry at my printer that I destroyed it. What happened? So basically I've had this same printer for actually over three years now and just a normal printer and scanner for a printer.

It's a long time and it worked seamlessly for the first couple of weeks and then it stopped and it would just do that thing where like, you know, it's not recognizing the printer. Unplug, replug. It recognizes the printer print. It's printing. No, it isn't printing complete. Nothing happened. And then you just do the same things over and over. And there's only like one layer down on a printer to go. Like you can print this way, or you can click this and then print this way and then clear the cache. And like, I just would have to do the same things over and over and eventually like the eighth, 10th time it would work and so every time i've had to scan or print something for the past three years it takes minimum five ten minutes like

of real time of like time to unplug replug and do all this and i've watched youtube videos on this exact like hp 5200 pro printer and i did everything and today i just kind of hit the last wall with it where i had i had a very busy morning i was out and about in meetings wall with it i totally hit the last wall with it i entirely hit it with i hit the wall with it and i all i had to do was print off so that fucking lemon pc that that company sent me uh they also sent a shipping label with the new pc and last friday was when i was shipping it back to them and i did not check the shipping label i just took the one they provided slapped it on top of it and then took it to ups and shipped it and i go to my

grandma's my grandparents to hang out for the weekend for Easter with my brothers and everything. I get back home to the same PC delivered back to me because I didn't pay attention and I just slapped the return label, but it was another label to send it to me. And so I was like, God damn it. I messaged the lady at the company. They picked it up and brought it back? They picked it up and brought it back. God damn, that's efficient.

And so I messaged the woman and was like, hey, I used what you sent me it was definitely the wrong one and she's like it definitely was the wrong one here's the new one and so i go to this this meeting i'm out and about all morning and i come back home and i'm like all right i just gotta print this out real quick and it took me 45 minutes 50 minutes of just like on this other pc i have here just that has the printer hooked up to it i'm like all right print this and that and usually it was a 5-10 minute thing and this time it would not work it would not fucking work it would not go and so i'm like losing patience over it about

half an hour in my printer was right there like behind my desk and i like walked over and i like lifted my foot as if i was gonna stomp it and like froze my foot the way you would in a movie like i had all the inertia was coming down and i lost balance stopping my foot like oh okay don't actually stomp it and so i come back i i like aggressively though like hit the power button like fuck you and then i get back up i come over here it's recognizing it now now it's recognizing it okay it recognized your warning shot recognize the warning shots i go to print it doesn't say print failed it says printing is in action and then it says printing is complete nothing has happened then it says there's no there's no ink but that's a simple fix what you

do is you lift it and close it, and then there is ink. And so all these things are happening, and I'm losing my mind. I'm using gamer words at the printer. I'm mad at it. Is your wife home? I'm screaming into the abyss. I'm by myself, and I go over there, and this was kind of the initial part where I knew I was going to smash it. I went over there, and I went like, wrap!

And I wrapped the top of it with my open hand, hard, with the palm. And a few pieces broke off. And I snapped the top back together angrily. And then I went back over there, and I tried printing it one more time. angrily and then i went back over there and i tried printing it one more time and i almost went into like like a walter white style fugue where i i just like thoughtlessly stood up went over to my printer opened the scanner to get a document out that i had to scan up opened the printer paper because i had new paper in there took that out took out the inks in case you know i didn't think i would use that company again obviously but i took the inks out just in case. And then I carried it into my

backyard on my patio and I raised it above my head. And I had the presence of mind to go, if you smash this, it's going to get glass and plastic all over your patio and your yard. you smash this, it's going to get glass and plastic all over your patio and your yard. And I have a big yard, like rubber trash can, like one that isn't too deep. And I was like, I'm going to smash it into the bottom of that trash can. And like, I convinced myself that's also, and then there won't be a mess. And in my head to like, let the anger sate me, I was like, but definitely not just one slam. If I it in the garbage i can reach back in and slam it again it probably won't slam as much and maybe i overestimated murder maybe i overestimated like the robustness of an hp printer but i threw it so hard into the bottom of this garbage can

that it exploded like the whole thing exploded the trash can itself jumped up like probably eight inches off of the patio and like there were four or five pieces of shattered plastic exploded out the top like onto my patio it would have gotten everywhere if i hadn't done that but yeah i smashed it into a million pieces and then carried that trash can into my garage for the main trash can felt great and i was walking back i didn't want this fight and it's okay to be bigger and stronger than your opponent it asked for this fight it got what it deserved i it but what what happened is i then came inside and like as i'm walking back in i'm'm like, damn, I really need a printer. I was hoping you were like, I walked back in and there were

seven copies on the floor. I failed to notice. The printer was already gone. No, I was walking back in and I was like, the only urgent things that I had to do for the rest of the day because I had a very busy morning,

I had to scan some documents. Thankfully, this stuff doesn't have to be done until tomorrow. But I was like, fuck, I just shattered this. So I ordered another one. It'll probably be delivered during this show, a new printer. And then I was just like, fuck this. I'm in a bad mood now. And then I played Warhammer with Kyle for like 90 minutes.

Did you was a good uh i don't know it has good reviews it was like a hundred bucks oh jesus christ well which is twice as expensive as my old one i had i had a dog shipper okay well well you'll get a sequel to this in like three weeks we have like an good printer. We have like an enterprise workplace printer because we did homeschooling. And every so often, they need to print out like 85 pages or something. And you got to have a laser proper printer for it.

That makes more sense. This is just trash. Like I need it more for scanning than anything else. And it worked for scanning for like a year and a half. So pretty, pretty good. It's baffling how bad printers are. Like I know it's a meme and it's drilled to death but it is unreal where like when there's a piece like when i was troubleshooting the the lemon pc they sent me like at least there were a there was a ton of shit for me to try

i'm trying this i'm trying that this isn't working it might not be a psu thing oh this might not be the right thing with a printer it's giving you messages that have value yeah something helpful with a printer it's like it's not printing and it's like oh okay well like old printers let me go to troubleshoot oh that doesn't work anymore because you have to use an app and it redirects you to like a live chat bot and it's like that's not helpful that's not helpful that makes me enraged that makes me so fucking mad to like get redirected to like see a settings or help button and then have it direct you to their like subsection of the website instead of an actionable settings list where things can be changed i oh i hate that if i want to change something send me to the fucking settings

list don't tell me about how possibly theoretically things could change. You know what you should do next time? Call customer support. You want to get one of those guys on the phone. Oh. And then we'll hear the tale of what Taylor did and how he put the customer support representative in his trash can. I had to go to Bangalore to get him. I'm okay with this.

You're allowed to be bigger and stronger than your customer support representative. Than the Indian guy taking your call. You should have had sports in high school. I don't know. You're getting your ass kicked by Taylor now. I still don't have a printer. I don't have a printer or a scanner. I just go to the public library. That's where I get my

porn too. It's full of resources in there that no one is tapping. except for pedophiles mostly a lot of old guys in there i was gonna say public library is good to get your tongue sucked just saying yeah i mean old eddie in the back he'll hook you right up he'll suck you want him to suck but i'm into a library and no i i i still i legitimately don't don't own one so i have to lean on somebody else every time i need something printed. Usually Kitty. She's got a printer and a scanner. Is she far from you currently?

Um, an hour? Not far enough to push him and buy a printer. It's pretty far for a printer. Well, I mean, if I need something, you know. Two hour round trip. What I do is I save up all my printing needs. Then I go and I knock them all out.

And I print over the internet into Kitty's room. I just, you know, I should get her to mail it to me. That way I don't have to ever fuck with a printer. Because I know I'll get mad at it and I'll destroy it. I don't do well with stuff like that. I was telling Taylor, I know if you could just

invent your own printer and make it incredibly simple. Make it so easy to connect to that it had no security features. Anyone could print off of it. So in the instructions, it would say, when you're not using your printer, unplug it because anyone can print from your printer that wants to. It's fully open.

And then I would make the ink cheap too. I think when you bought our printer, you would get a lifetime supply of ink. You get a cartridge a month forever for free. I know how to make a buck. You want to print black and white and you're out of cyan?

Sorry, bitch. You can't print black and white until you buy some cyan from me. Dude, I hate that. That should be illegal. It should be. It's like, you can't print this. It's like, I can.. That should be illegal. It should be. It's like, you can't print this. And it's like, I can. You can do this, right?

It'd be like your car getting sassy with you. What would happen if you drilled a hole? It's like, oh, usually it's better to have more than... Usually you shouldn't start the car when it's got the gas light on. So I'm not going to start. Why can't you refill them yourself? Why can't you just drill a hole, put a syringe in there and fucking...

You can. The fucking ATF comes to your house. No. No. Why though? Because I hear people complain about how much that ink apparently costs. I don't know anything about this shit. Again, I've never owned a printer, but I know I wouldn't.

I mean, I think I would just drill a hole and fill it up with ink if that was possible. Ink seems cheap if you're just buying bottles of it i don't know why i don't know why no one's been able to do that right i i guess there's probably some proprietary ink big ink big ink i just see the atf at kyle's house next time they steal his phone they steal his computer take the printer, bitches. All my ink. I got all my blotting pads. 800 blotting pads. Dude, the ATF would be getting hard at the sight of the number of dogs in your house. They'd be like, oh, target practice. I don't have enough rounds to clear this room. I think this Kyle guy's running a cult.

this room. I think this Kyle guy's running a cult. I've been trimming them up today with the doggy trimmers. It's the poor Pomeranian. I just freestyled because you can't run a guard through a Pomeranian. It's that black people fur.

I went like no guard and just imagined like I was ice sculpting and just sort of drew lines around her. And I did a pretty fucking good job. I described it like this. You wouldn't laugh. She's got a haircut that's not funny to look at. And Toby, on the other hand, I took him down to a four guard the other day.

Pretty short. he looks like a standard poodle now um then i went down to a three guard yesterday thinking that i did not knowing it realizing what is this like a hobby you just shave your dog daily i don't want to go too much because then like maybe i don't know he it's too he gets hurt or he shivers too much i like i want i'm going for an aesthetic here and I don't want to have a bald dog. You should do something funny. I kind of already did because his ears are shaved.

His ears are shaved. It's like a Weimaraner's ears. You know how they're just completely shiny? And then the rest of them is still pretty floofy like a poodle. Weimaraners are good dogs. He's a sweet pup. I almost got a weimaraner that was that was one of the dogs in contention for sure that and that borzoi but the only reason i didn't get the borzoi is because those people i don't know like they have the

weird face too they unsold their own dog i'm like yeah i'm close to you i'm 15 minutes away and you have a rare dog that's 800 cheaper than most of them are i'm your guy i'm coming to get it today and they're like have you ever raised a borzoi before and i'm like no i haven't looking forward to learning more about it well let me tell you all the reasons you'd hate being a borzoi owner and she made a list and i was like makes a lot of sense i don't think i want to being a Borzoi owner. And she made a list and I was like, makes a lot of sense. I don't think I want to be a Borzoi owner. Can you tell us about the list?

Um, she's like, you need to wait a year and a half or two years. I'll call and harass you every day. And I'll, it's mostly about me. It was the long delay before you neutered him. And, uh, because he needs the testosterone for bone density they're very long lanky dogs and um and then and then lots of

behavioral stuff and grooming stuff can you show us a boy zoe picture zach borzoi they're uh also known as the long boy yeah i've shown you them before. They're the very long snooted hose goats. Glad that you did not get this kind of dog. It is not a very cute kind of dog. Dude, I fucking love them. They're part of a group of dogs called sight hounds. They're bred for what you might imagine, spotting game by sight. They include the whippet,

the Irish wolfhound, I believe, and really most of the dogs who look like this. The Greyhound. I believe if Kyle was doing voices for this dog, it would be funny. So, thumbs up. That can't be real. Hell yeah, I'm Sid the Sloth, motherfucker.

You think your snoot is long? Look between my legs, faggot. Can't get it from me. I'm a dog. What is on the right? A pizza? Ew, with olives on it. That's a terrible

looking pizza. I'm hungry as heck. It looks good to me. If you want a whole subreddit full of these dogs, it's called Long Boys. Boys, B-O-Y-E-S. Don't go to Long Boys. It's a very different subreddit. Already subbed.

Well, that seems like dinner time, boys. Yeah, I thought that was a good PKN. PKN 451. I'll play Warhammer.