Painkiller Already - PKN 458

Episode Date: May 30, 2023

every bite and then the man's like he ate my last meal pk and episode 458 how's it going ladies and gentlemen oh it started just reminiscing about the simpsons a bit what i really wanted to talk about was that poor poor young man that 18 year old baseball player from i don't know louisiana or somewhere who decided on a dare to jump off the cruise ship into the warm tropical waters. Then he got left behind. That was two, three days ago now. Tonight will be three days. I'm not sure how many cruises I am. I'm the highest level

Disney cruiser. I have a special black key card and stuff. If the staff sees it, they're like, would you like a tour of the engine room? Right to the glory hole room. Come with me, sir. You're a special friend right this way. Anyway, those

intrusive thoughts haunt me, right? Like, I should jump off. This would be so fucking fun. Now, I saw the video of this guy jumping off. It looked like a, they called it a cruise ship, like a Bahama cruise. Was it a, like, what do they call it

when you just go out drinking? A booze cruise. Is that what it was? I'll be honest. I agree with you 100%. It looked to me like one of those booze cruises. And so that to me made it even more weird that they didn't get somebody to stop the boat and just stop. It's my understanding that if

you jump off a real cruise ship, like the ones that I see, you can't really jump off below five stories. I guess that disincentivizes a lot of people. Not me, though. I wish they were like, hey, one of the excursions you can buy is to jump off the

fucking fifth story while the ship's moving. I'll be like, yeah, that's the one I want more than any other you wish the captain would fall in who can save the captain does anyone have time experience Woody's like fucking taking his

macho man's shirt off pull my cell phone like dropping buffet plates but apparently the death rate on like jumping off a cruise ship is closer to 100 than you'd think it's really high i don't know why i know like i'm like the ship can see where it went because it has that trail now i'm not an idiot i know that the trail goes away but it i can see it like for miles it doesn't seem to go away in five minutes. Like how hard is it to drop one?

They have these motorized lifeboats. It's not like a rowboat or anything. It's meant for like hurricanes and shit. Yeah. And it has an engine and they practiced saving people at like every stop they do. And I'm like, they could save me in it. And I'm not a guy who's gonna sink in the

first couple minutes either like i'm gonna stay afloat and this guy is black is that pitch black it's so black yeah you really want to do it in the daytime it it's pitch black and if you haven't spent any time in like the open water you'd be surprised how bad your visibility is all of a sudden like you're keeping your mouth out of the water, but you're essentially four or six inches tall. And the waves are a couple of feet tall. So like you don't get to see what's happening very much here. Even if it's flat, the waves are a foot tall.

Sound does the same thing now because the waves are reflecting it from every angle. When they're screaming to him to go grab the, not buoy, but lifesaver, he's swimming the wrong direction from the lifesaver. Oh, no. I read that the currents behind these are very odd and that he could have easily been sucked up under for long periods. They're like, you could be underneath one of these boats tumbling for minutes like like long periods of time is it the red one oh no actually put that picture back up yeah

i didn't pay enough attention when you said i thought for sure it was a big motherfucker right when he said booze cruise i picture that as like a little excursion like that red thing was the little one i it's a really good question because it in the video it it vibe the video looks like the red one yeah it vibed that little red one and that's even weird yeah you're right that's weird yeah why couldn't they like stop it's how would you jump off that like everyone would know you know like this guy just jumped off the video everyone's yelling man overboard man overboard oh my god that guy just jumped his friends are filming and laughing about it um jesus christ so like it seems to me that the captain

must have known whoever's driving must have known about it inside of a minute and a half and the fact that they lost him it's weird it's really sad even in the photo there of him jumping you can tell it's nighttime. And it's... We have a video. I mean, you don't see that much more. You see him paddling around a little bit. People don't immediately know that it's... Somebody throws a life ring overboard. That's the little... You guys get it immediately. But that's the circle that's hanging on the side of every boat that floats really well.

And he's just 20 feet from it like they didn't throw it they could have done a better job throwing it two in instead of just throwing it in the water and asking him to go find it but how do you lose someone like like if they have them locked in right can they can't they just like have a flashlight or something just beamed on them or is it like he's constantly waves are dipping and because it like i know so little about for one thing that in my head i'm like this doesn't seem that hard to keep what it looked like was that it was going to be whoever's driving that thing isn't near us they're on like the other end of that boat at night through and there's two parties between us that's what it

felt like because everybody was out there drinking and like like screaming and have a good time i i don't if it was a quiet afternoon and there were eight of us on a big yacht, and I could be like, David, Bill fell over. Oh, no problem, bro. Did you throw the life ring? That's a different story. I think it was more like there's some Bahamian captain somewhere, like eight minutes of running and screaming worth of contact time away.

And nobody's got flashlight. I think, I mean, I saw a light, but I don't know what that was. It wasn't like a, a Batman style spotlight to find people in the, in the water.

Uh, I, I read, uh, on Reddit, some guy that does like water rescue. And he talked about what Woody said, how there's just a little bit of your head that sticks up and that finding

somebody. Oh no, he worked, uh, he was Navy. He,. He he talked about being afraid of falling off of aircraft carriers. You just don't find people when that happens. Yeah. You'd think that it'd be incredibly easy to find a human. Right. But if you redo it and realize it's just kind of the head from the chin up, imagine it was a turtle that floated on top of the water. Would he be easy to find? Yeah, right. Very true. Yeah, that's that's pretty. He's green on top of the water would he be easy to find yeah right very true yeah that's that's pretty likely he's green just like the water right now real turtles just their head

sticks up but imagine the whole turtle float it was an inflatable turtle would you find it for sure maybe not yeah oh what so you could jump five stories off of a cruise ship and you're confident like you could hit that dive comfortably, pop right back up. Feet first, for sure. Feet first. Hitting the waters. You know how people say there is a height at which it really fucks you up

if you don't know what you're doing. If me or Kyle jumped off five stories and went feet first, we'd be fine. You're fine. I'm pretty sure you're fine. Five stories is 50 feet, right? I used to watch people do that. I never did it because I'm a pussy.

They would go and jump off the rock quarry. There's rock quarries all around Georgia that are just full of water now. It's a giant swimming pool of doom. You never know how deep they are. I've done that at the Ozarks, maybe 30 feet. They would jump far. I've never seen anybody get hurt. You just got to deep they are. I've done that at the Ozarks, like maybe 30 feet. Yeah, they would jump far. And I've never seen anybody get hurt.

Like, you just got to miss the rocks. When I was in high school, I used to do this all the time. My friends and I just thought it was fun. And I would take other people from my high school who maybe wanted to do it, but just needed a tour guide to help them actually do it. And yeah, I'd fucking jump off with them, swim to the docks, run back on top of the bridge, jump off with the next fucking jump off with them swim to the docks run back on top of the bridge jump off with the next guy or two swim to the take them to the docks and i just like and that was probably 45 feet so add 10 more it's a lot more but what's the highest jump

into water that you personally would like feel like i can do this oh uh what's the highest olympic 40s diving board 40s yeah and then and then like it it would help to have a little advice like if you don't keep your feet together you get like kind of an enema type thing going on that's not great i like to land heel first i don't know it's just it works so i didn't change it up. Yeah, and then keep your arms in. I land like that. Easy peasy. That would be fun as long as you made sure someone was keeping an eye on you. We've talked about those cruise line stories before where we've said before,

and this is well known, it's the best place to get away with murder. Easily the best place to get away with murder. Who's the celeb that with murder who's the celeb that did that is it christopher walken like somebody did that there's a whole he's alive yeah but he killed somebody oh did he yeah yeah it might not be him it's it's like there was like this um um like love triangle with three a-list celebrities and one of them got pushed off a cruise ship and now there wasn't a triangle anymore. I can't remember who it was. It's a real story. Like, is it, it's always just suspected that that's how it went down.

It's like highly suspected. It's like when you lay out the events, it's like, oh shit. I can't remember who it is. Is it highly suspected, kind of like, who was it that supposedly killed Kurt Cobain the the theory kurt cobain his girlfriend the other theory is his girl what's her name um fuck i know her name i'm gonna know it as soon as you say is it courtney courtney love there you go there we go man yeah comboed it, is it Courtney? Courtney? Love. There you go. There we go. Yeah. Yeah.

Comboed it there. Is there, is there a credibility to that, Kyle? This seems like, no, I would know about. No,

I don't, I don't think so. Um, I, I always follow Courtney love cause she went on the Stern show a lot as an interview. Cause there was a, definitely a period of time where she's on a lot of drugs and alcohol. So she'd come on,

they're all messed up. Uh, and you know, they, they talked about that shit and i've watched a bunch of those documentaries i don't think so she you know that that was a guy that wanted to kill himself yeah he ate a shotgun that's just the rudest possible way to do it my god like shotgun's so fucking messy i was i was talking to a girl about this the other night

effective maybe maybe it's effective. If you get the angle wrong, you're just going to be a mutant. I saw a guy who was based off the other day. What's the most effective way to kill yourself? Are effective? I want it to be painless and quick, and I definitely don't want to survive. Hang yourself.

Hemlock. That's not quick. Instantaneous. Break the neck, snap, you're dead Oh Get that old chart from the wild west Where it shows you how many feet of rope to use Per pound of man for a six foot drop I'm not doing math as my last thing It's all

It's the reason I went through with it I'm like Fuck this, I'm just gonna live You gotta make sure your head doesn't pop off I'm i'm fine with my head popping off that's yeah but the audiences at the time were not it's very gruesome to tear someone's head off i'm not doing math for my audience yeah well if you just want your head torn off then there's ways to accomplish that too but there was that guy who made the suicide helmet uh that we talked about that time he had this helmet that had multiple 12 gauge shotgun shells loaded into it at every angle aimed inward at his skull so he saw he was able to like

hit this button and shoot himself like five six times in the skull with a shotgun simultaneously just implode his skull damn so much i was like a suicide helmet does it just have a plastic bag in it yeah wait yeah to me decapitation might be the the fucking move but man that's gruesome uh i wouldn't want to do that thing where you go in the uh the garage with the car those people are all jaundiced and awful looking and somebody's gonna find you in there you know oh really because i i was watching a um yellow world war ii movie and i guess they gassed nazis and he's this is the nazi explaining that i'm sorry they gassed jewish people that shooting jewish people was having a demoralizing effect on the people pulling the trigger and that if they gas them instead it's pain painless. It's, you know, they don't scream.

It's blood. It's not bloody. And this is what he said. They come out a delightful pink color. And I just took that as fact. Yeah, I don't know because, well, mostly they were using Zyklon B, but early on they did try to use carbon monoxide from truck fumes and stuff. Yeah, carbon monoxide, that doesn't change your color, does it?

I've always, where do i get that from i think i watched i think i was watching a movie where they played it for laughs but the girl is trying to share this moment with somebody she's like and then i had to find him of course it was so yellow so yellow and they're like all right moving on jesus christ what a downer they were just talking about how jaundiced the person was because you know that happens from from your you know your liver or going out or whatever your kidneys and stuff like that not being able to it's scary by your blood you jaundice yeah my grandma was jaundiced at the very end it's very uh off-putting they're almost carrot colored by the end. My grandpa with pancreatic cancer looked like Simpson the last time I saw him because

everything was failing. Yeah, it's rough shit. I'm distracted right now. I shouldn't be. It's unprofessional. One of my friends, this is one of my better paralyzing friends, his wife is in a meeting right now with Russell Crowe. I'm trying to get her to slip

in movie lines what we do now echoes it through eternity he's that's good for a business meeting I have um that is a great one there couldn't be I have to believe that when things are bad I can change them that's from Cinderella man I came up with that um there has to be a mathematical explanation for how bad that tie is okay that's um from a beautiful mind so um i'll let you know if we get any of these said during the business he just stands up irate i will not be disrespected. Are you doing Gladiator right now? I'll fight you. His wife works with

governments and I think the energy industry to determine the impact on the nation's water systems that they have or something to do with underwater water. Made up jobs. It doesn't matter. Russell Crowe adjacent. We drink all the water.

Oh, yeah. It's me, Macho Man Randy Savage telling you the importance of fluoride in your water, keeping your teeth nice and hot. Is it hard? Hard. What is good for fluoride? White. Fluoride's good for your teeth.

It's good for something to do with teeth that either keeps them white or hard. It makes your enamel hard and strong. You know what they should do? Enough about fluoride. Replace everything in our water with stuff that whitens teeth. Everything with whitening.

Just put bleach in there. Yeah, why not? Think of how much better everyone would look if there was bleach in there. Yeah, there's fluorine in there, but I guess I was going for... Okay, so we just need to up the bleach. Yeah, hydrogen peroxide.

Throw a bunch of that. Oh, hydrogen peroxide. It's foaming at the mouth. Yeah. But beautiful smiles. They put hydrogen peroxide in fish tanks, and that baffles me, because I'm like, isn't this kind of poison? And they're like, nah, it's just like liquid ozone.

You don't mind using ozone in your tank? And I like well no but it just feels wrong other people dose vodka in their tanks because i guess it's organic or something and something it causes something to grow that you want and i'm like it just feels like we're poisoning our are you fucking with me do you want hydrogen peroxide and vodka in there should i piss in it like you know you want some chlorine this guy's just a saboteur. He doesn't want anyone else to have beautiful reefs like his. I put the peanut oil in, now what? All bourbon Monday.

Turn the temperature up to 425. My fish is swimming upside down. I think he's drunk. Wait, are you teaching me to deep fry fish yeah so kids don't jump off the uh the fucking cruise ship because it won't be all fun and laughs that bahamian captain's had about three too many and he's gonna take his time turning that bitch around and it turns out not a lot of naval ships around to help you out not a lot of coast guard and uh your buddies are pieces of shit too and you weren you out, not a lot of Coast Guard. And your buddies are pieces

of shit too, and you weren't as good as a swimmer as you thought. If you jump off a real deal carnival cruise, do you think you will drown before you see the ship leave your line of sight, or do you think

there's like 20 minutes or longer? I guess it depends on how good of a vibe. do you think there's like 20 minutes or longer i guess i think you're sitting there alone it's gone if you survive the undertow i think you watch it disappear you know and you imagine a scarier it was in warm waters where there are sharks that's that's the but but if you're in cold waters you probably go down from hypothermia and they always say like half an hour. But then every time you hear about someone going and surviving, they're like, he should have died in 20 minutes. It's like, really?

He's a grown man. But he lived for eight hours. Sharks are in cold water too, right? I thought they're super common in California and the water's cold there. I think that they are very common in the tropical waters. And I think... think apex spiders are everywhere i i just have this i i realize that they're a global a global threat the shark but uh but i just i don't know if any like they are antarctic sharks although there might be oh for sure that's

where the sharks lived yeah yeah that old timey shark that's like 400 years old that's older than the united states those are from from up there they got those weird parasites instead of eyeballs did they test how old that thing was or did they just say yeah they cut it in half and counted the rings yeah it's so old how old is it i don't know it's fucking disgusting it's dead now that'd be so great. The scientist was like, so how do you put them back together? Is it back together?

Ah, the final Greenland shark. So this is shark attacks. Interesting. I am surprised that Australia is not high. Well, maybe it's the number of people. I don't know. Zach, I want to see the ones that include provoked shark attacks.

Where someone was badgering it and bullying it with like a ruler or something. Does that happen? Well, it says right here. These are only unprovoked. Right. I don't know if people were asking for it. I want the guy who put shark urine all over himself and tried to attract him like that deer idiot.

I have got to think that like there's no fucking way Iran is the only country with shark problems. Everyone else just isn't keeping track. You think Somalia has a district of shark records? No. They don't have a government. 15 people could die a day of sharks there. They don't know. It's weird that Reunion Island got to 41 and no one else on the planet

got to 1. Yeah. This is really suspicious. Indonesia doesn't have japan like like like that one half of papua new guinea but not the other half india has no shark attacks that's horseshit that's indonesia there that that big one that sticks down isn't it deadliest region for shark i was looking at india okay so this is just like a measure of who's recording it best. Yeah. I'm not really afraid of sharks.

I'm just not at all. Really? I die from stupid. No, I'm in Missouri. No, it's funny. When I was surfing,

I was never afraid of sharks. I'd even see sharks and just like not be afraid of sharks but the moment i'm surfing by myself the moment like the second to last guy has gone in i'm terrified of sharks suddenly every ripple in the water is a shark everything like i i can't think of anything else sharks and i've talked to other surfers they said the same thing did you always know what kind of shark they were or were never knew what kind of shark they were. Not one single time. See, I would be interested in that.

I would be like, okay, that's that tan looking one. It's a nurse shark. It's just going to kind of want to munch on crustaceans. And then people would say that. Like old fishermen would be like, that's a nurse shark. At most, it bites off a few toes. Like that's an unacceptable bite. I don't actually just to cut his problem.

I don't want to be bit by a shark at all. No, especially like the one I was afraid of. And this is entirely based on watching too much Discovery Channel as a as a kid, because they would show like feeding frenzies with like superimposed editing footage of like showing people playing out in the surf and then bull sharks like tearing apart a calf you know or something in Africa not even at the same continent I remember like how much

they hammered home on Discovery Channel like the bull shark there's no telling what turns this thing off and then just shows someone like playing a little bit and it just shows like snap attack. And like, they apparently are known for just attacking anyone for any reason,

but they aren't known for that. That's what discovery channel told me. They don't just attack people for no reason. They attack people doing offensive things. Like, I'm still stuck on the phrasing. Like there's no telling what turns this thing off. Well,

it's not really in defeat. It's not into that. Okay. Go face, whatever that anime thing is just make a cross-eyed gago face how do you really pronounce it do you guys know uh i never knew until you were the first person i ever said to actually like like call that a name but but then I think it's Rago is how it's spelled on the internet. If that subreddit is... Ahago? Ahago. Oh.

I just don't. Ahago. You don't like that, Kyle? You don't want your woman looking retarded? No, it actually is kind of hot when they make that, especially Belle Delphine. I'm glad you said that.

I'm sorry. I didn't need to let you finish for that. I'm so excited. I have strong feelings about a Hago, right? I, I was just on, um,

ask Reddit after dark today. And a guy is dude, hundreds of people smashing guys who are into a Hago. Really? Right. Like, just all my, who do it? They say it's an absolute turnoff and it's the stupidest fucking thing and they just go on and on and on and i'm like why why are you mad at this absolutely harmless thing it's not for me i like a little more sincerity in my female

appreciation but if it's for you what is the harm i like it at defeat right feet to me it's for you, what is the harm? I liken it to feet, right? Feet to me, it's not for me. I've tried it. It's not my thing. But if your kink is feet, dude, lady, indulge it. Take some pictures of your feet. What's the harm? Why are you so fucking foot shy?

Let your guy fuck your feet. Fucking take your shoe off and fondle them under the table at a restaurant. These are tiny little asks that will make his day. That's funny. A hego? Dude, this is such a little minor

ask. If you're not indulging him in this kink, then you're being selfish. Is that an issue? So first of all, I don't know what it is. i don't care i don't want to know it's the cost night thing yeah that's what we know of it but for all i know it's a whole fucking like manga with 30 years of history behind it one character on that makes a silly face i can explain it in seconds apparently in japanese anime, this is cartoons that for the longest time

the woman's pleasure like wasn't expressed at all, just stone faced and then they're like, well, how in cartoon do we show that this lady is like over the top bonkers into it and they came up with a hego where she sticks her tongue out and looks cross-eyed that means that she's like

orgasming right on the spot and that's it I just, I don't know side that means that she's like orgasming right on the spot that's it yeah yeah i just uh like i don't know i occasionally think that developing space is pretty when she does it but the idea that it's some sort of fetish that guys like come on baby do the ahago thing and they're like no it makes me feel dirty and like i'm not a woman come on ahago A hegel for me. Do that thing you do. There's no way that that's a thing that happens. There are guys who are like, come on.

Let's put it in your butt. Come on. That's going down. And suck my dick is going down. But the idea that there is a man who, A, wants his woman to do an a hegel face, and, two, has a woman. I'm not buying it. I'm not buying it let's see where you go that's a venn diagram that i do not believe exists just two circles i uh yeah i don't know if you're into

hate a hate it's if if you deny a hego then oh my gosh you deny anything that's not absolutely for you that is the smallest ask ever a denier you won't make a silly face when i fuck you hell no i'm going to leave yeah because that was step one of 37 that's actually like like that's not far from where my head was like like oh if you're not compromising on that then you are just over the top selfish. Only think of yourself. Only do your favorite thing. Fuck off. Yeah, because when I eat your pussy, every time I eat your pussy, I do that thing

that Bart does when Homer chokes him. Ah! Dude, they love that. They love that. You give them the Bart getting choked by Homer, like, twat licking. Everyone's down for that. You reference it first, though.

You got to. They think you're choking. This is a weird thing for people on Reddit to be upset about. I'm looking at the subreddit for it, and most of these chicks aren't even naked. The vast majority of these chicks aren't even naked. Tell you what I don't like? I don't like when they got a lot of spittle coming off their tongue there's too much

spit in a lot of these it's like oh that's part of it i think yeah i'm i'm good on the spit you can hang on to that there's something called is it real life a hego it was just linked in that is what came up when you search it reddit a hego yeah and i watched like, I don't know, half a dozen GIFs from it. And it looked like drool coming off your tongue is part of it. Yeah, that makes sense. You know, they're... Not the good part of it. Man, I...

No, no, that's the bad part of it. I'm trying to judge y'all cartoon watchers out there because I enjoy some animation myself, but I just don't understand the animated pornography if you live in a war a place where you can get the real kind of pornography and especially like the waifu shit that when dudes have like those waifu pillows like unironically that are that that stuff's upsetting and y'all all look the same you're all you're all white god damn it first of all come on boys they don't want to be they're like they want to be korean or

japanese probably japanese right and there's a few black guys who are very much like that like israel out of sonya is a famous is he does he love dragon ball z full-blown like like weeb dude like he's always knocking out all sorts of fucking anime poses and shit like like he's he's full-blown like furry weird he's weird and cringy as it gets now how common do you think a waifu pillow is i think it's one of those things where there's a lot more people making fun of it than there are actually doing it like there's no way it's that common it's very common it i mean it's as common as those people are you know it's it's neckbeard culture, in my opinion. That's where I see it all the time.

All jokes aside, those big, awful, gross, neckbearded, big, giant, fat dudes with hats on. Y'all always have hats on. They definitely own at least one sword, and they probably own, what do you call that thing? All right, a point in their favor. I've never had a fedora, and I don't think I do have a sword, actually. Never mind.

Like one of those ties on their forehead, like the karate kid. It has the Naruto signet on it. When fedoras first started getting worn in the early 2000s, like became a tech nerd thing, I was like, these are actually pretty slick. To me, it was, I don't know. I don't know the terms, but a gangster with the fedora on and a suit.

Is it a seersucker suit? I don't know my clothes that well. Just a nice three-piece suit. Yeah, yeah. That's a cool look. You look well put together. I like that there are multiple accessories. I like that I don't know. I like the look

of Wild West gentlemen. There's that part in Tombstone where the Earp brothers are really rolling in it. Everybody's rich because it's a boom town. Every single character owns a part of the gold mine. Everybody's wearing the best of everything. I like that look.

I like those nice old west suits with the fucking pocket watch hanging out with the chain on display. I like that too. Yeah. To me, fedoras were just kind of like an accessory that went with that look. Even if you didn't have the rest of it, then, you know, maybe if you just somewhat put together, it seemed like kind of cool.

And then I quickly realized it's like super duper uncool. Yeah. And then you discovered atheists on Reddit. And you're like, oh, no, they've ruined this hat that used to be like for cool detectives. I bet there's a country where it is cool. Like you just got to get away from the riffraff who gives it a bad name. You wear that hat to South America down... Nah, I'm going...

Don't go to Japan. I want to go down. They won't let me go there. Are there guys in Japan? They'll turn me away. Are there Japanese reverse weeaboos who are really into King of the Hill? Cowboys. Yeah.

Yes. Cotton picking. Gosh dang. That kind of shit. You are so crazy. Maybe that's what they're doing. They're wearing cowboy hats and cowboy boots and shit.

They respect our culture. Hopefully. Or at least and shit they respect our culture hopefully or at least the hollywood idea of our culture oh i watched uh so barry ended like ended ended like the finale came out the other day wow that was i didn't know i was watching the finale until it ended and i was like oh that was that was it oh my it was a pretty wild uh time Yeah. I'll say this for anyone who hasn't seen it yet. I wish someone had spoiled this for me. It's not really a spoiler. It's just the end of the last season, the last five or six episodes are not a dream.

I thought they were. So I wasn't taking it seriously. I hate that. I hate that dream shit. Well, you sort of think it is. So what happens? Again, not really a spoiler, but Barry gets a head injury. And then the next episode, things are a little weird.

It's like, huh, what happened? And then going forward, it kind of keeps that weird going and there's a time skip forward. And I thought it was all on his head for like multiple episodes i was like barry's laying on the floor with a head injury right now dreaming this he'll wake up eventually and he'll get back to the main story this is a fantasy thing it was this show it was the show ending and i was sitting there like well god damn it i fuck i can't believe they meant it because they were doing such crazy shit in the last season And I was sitting there like, well, god damn it. Fuck.

I can't believe they meant it. Because they were doing such crazy shit in the last season. Because time skipped forward a little bit. A lot of the characters changed. And things got wild. A lot of people died toward the end of the show. But it was pretty good. They could have ended it last season. Could have made it a three-season show.

But four was fun. Four was really fun. Glad you liked your show. ended it last season could have made it a three three season show but uh four was fun four was really fun glad you liked your show i'm currently hating so jackie and i are watching firefly lane together i think it's season five i think it's the last one of course you haven't you're a man this show is so fucking gay if if kyle were to watch it he'd still have low t but jackie likes it so i suffer through it i mean she suffers through the shows that i want and uh it's the we actually just have one more episode left i'm pretty sure it's the like final finale of the last season and you've never been more excited for a finale so jazzed for it to end i they really imply that one of the main characters was gonna

die and i was rooting for that um but she's not gonna i hope so i hope it's a brutal death in the ending seconds they showed like 10 years later and there she is and i'm like no fucking way she's she's like the most aggressive cancer right now that's spread into like her bones and lungs oh she's toast no she's here 10 years from now and she's looking great she's got her hair back and everything and the show's gay but we should talk about from yeah i haven't i thought it was a good episode i lost it oh i don't care i don't care spoil it i'll end up watching it later so it was a good episode it was a better episode at the very least there was okay yeah so i at this point i'm just at this point i watched the show speaking out loud like i'm like what are you doing that for where are

you going why don't you tell him hey you're here tell him hey turn around look at that look at that what's that behind you tell him what's behind you where are you going so you're like incredulous as you're watching like yeah or like the lesbians it's when the lesbians get ridiculous um so so at this point i judge it based on questions and answers that it's it's it that's i'm adding them up like you can ask a new question but but answer something you asked before that i'd appreciate that and they and they answered what i would consider a few questions this episode. They also asked a few more. But one thing that happened was... Go ahead and talk about what they're answering.

Well, the lesbians were... Remember last episode when the one lesbian sneaked some goddamn morphine? And it's like, just what we need. And she didn't inject it because she's a pussy. Super interesting, yeah. This episode, they were... The other girl finds that she was going to rehab

before she ended up here in La La Land. And she's like, what is this? Like, accusatory. To be clear, she was on her way to rehab. She's not rehabbed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's on her way there. Which I'd have said the opposite.

I was coming back from rehab. I'm clean now. That would have been good if she said that. But they actually talk it out and then she says she she thinks for a second because i'm yelling the screen you've got a junkie maybe you secure the meds remember the morphine from eight hours ago secure the meds because of course my mind would immediately that whoa you're a junkie and maybe i should secure the meds she goes and she goes to secure the meds she starts counting them she starts and she's like did you

take anything did you take anything we only have so much and i'm like all right you're saying stuff that makes sense and the chick's like ulterior i'd like you know how women get when they don't when they're liars she's like i mean it took a little just a little do I look like I stole morphine laughter well played I uh oh oh oh

they talk it out and they fix the situation she says okay I'm gonna leave now she's like where you going I'm gonna give you time to hide the meds from the junkie. I'd have been like, good, I appreciate that because you are a junkie and these are meds, so I don't know why you're making this

ridiculous. How about you go outside and if you're cool and calm down when I come out to get you, I'll let you live in here tonight and escape the monsters once more. Wait, what? That's why she said not to. Here's where I was. one of the ways that i judge from is by the that's what i'd say insane character incompetence right there are a couple

things that cause big problems in this show paramount among them ill-timed panic attacks they are the theme of every show oh my god my God. And then everyone fucking panics. No one can do anything clear. No one can make it. So there's a guy who's like chopping food, and he accidentally stabs a main character in the lung with an eight inch knife. Oopsie daisy. You know how that happens. And of course, there's like 40 people around.

98% of them panic. One guy is like, you know know what we should go to the medic makes sense and uh you know it's nighttime so he has to get the van they did this movie trope of him like i don't look run to the van it's as simple as that run to the van not him he's like looking around head on a swivel walking practically tripping whatever then he goes to the van once he sits in the driver's seat he thinks ah i should probably have keys as if like this isn't something you'd sort out before entering the minefield of monsters so he's searching all over for the keys he finally finds them uh below the sun visor you know again super why were they out of the ignition ever thank you

i would super glue the keys into the ignition of every vehicle it wouldn't be possible that makes a lot of sense yeah or a stand i don't know like it maybe it's easy to leave the uh i'm serious light on but yeah just leave it in the ignition i don't see why not to yeah and uh joseph took the key from the vehicle what do we do when the key from the vehicle. What do we do when the key leaves the vehicle? We take Joseph's finger. That's right. That'll be it. That's kind of really onto something here. And anyway, as he tries to like, as he drops the keys, they fall to the floor.

He fumbles the keys rather than just start the car. And I'm just like, oh, my gosh. Like, this is an easy thing to do. These monsters can only walk slowly and sort of shuffle their feet. It's not hard to make it to the van. Please tell me. That part I'm screaming. Why isn't there a talisman in this van?

Why is this van not one of our many talismaned up locations? There should, like, they should be everywhere. Kyle, they can't just make those in two seconds. I honestly don't think they can. I really do think they have a limited quantity of talismans. You think they'd have one person who's assigned to talisman duty per day and you'd have a surplus? I'd be wearing them.

I'd have them like wallet chains. I'd have a necklace. I'd have an anklet. I'd have so many rocks hanging over me. I'd have talisman tattoos such that so long as I'm in this skin, I'm safe. We've already stabbed him. Remember my idea with the barrel? Yeah, the barrel idea defeats this whole thing.

So, yeah, it was absurd. The guy that accidentally stabbed the other character, it's like he plunges a knife this deep into the man's chest, like by turning around accidentally. First of all, I knew he was going to do it because they gave you a quick establishing shot as he's chopping vegetables. They give you a real quick

establishing shot of the knife. Chop, chop, chop. It's like, alright, he's going to stab somebody. He's being bitchy as always. He's the bitchy character who raises tension when there is none. I don't know. Everyone maybe needs to know the secret that's being kept right now that I know.

Aren't you all afraid now that you know the secret? Whoa, why is everybody mad at me? Swivel stab. It's like, dude, you're the worst. We were chopping vegetables. It's like they're trying to do the same thing with zombie movies where they're like see the problem are the people more than the monster and it's like yeah through sheer idiocy incompetence and like mr magooing their way around this camp of hell like through sheer it's statistically unlikely a group of people would have this many ancillary problems not related to the direct issue of monsters.

Right. Monsters are such a uniting thing. They unite you so well. Like you put me with a bunch of people I hate and they're like, hey, there's teleporting monsters and they smile real creepy and they eat your soul. I'm best friends with those guys now. Me and those communists are boys. Like we're all against the monsters. Three of us are there.

This show doesn't go three seasons. We're out in two. We're out in two. We escape in two seasons. Immediately, we start devouring the useless eaters. I don't have a good grip on how dangerous they are. I would find out, though. Well, you may die.

I'm really stuck on how quickly they killed Father What's-His-Name. Or send that Asian kid out. Jenny? He's their front line. We hype hype him up we talk about what a badass he was we'd all arm wrestle him and he'd like we'd let him beat us we'd just be like like ow man i don't think i can i can't fight anymore we like we like come into town and we're like, all right, we're all going to pretend to be deaf. This is learning, acquiring info. And then what we do is we throw all of them in the box

and now we're the kings of the town. Yeah. Well, not all of them. There are some useful ones. We throw the women in the box? The big fat bossy bitch. She's out. She's been eating way too much.

She's out of control. The Asian guy. He's losing his mind all the time. He's toorionic uh he's going away uh the lesbians and their their nonsense with like fucking around with morphine we don't have infinite morphine here we can't be one's a medic and and look we've got problems with demons there is no way i'm allowing that blasphemy to be happening in the camp all right we can all sing kumbaya lgbtq on the in the real world but in this pocket universe i'm not having that split it up girls 100 i'm devout in this pocket universe i don't know which religion

yet but probably christianity we're not licking any clam in the fucking purgatory realm bitch we're trying to get reprieve right now from the big guy so you can just keep your fingers to yourself for now go over there and fuck gookie john see that's not as offensive if you know that i have a friend named that i think i'm more pro-clam licking than you guys are can we negotiate on this not lesbian clam licking though i no no it's fine with me but no no no it's that time of the lord though we're not going on like whatever's okay with woody because he's not the one who owns the pocket universe we're all trapped yeah i'm gonna lean with it you know with a big guy upstairs and so i'm not gonna eat pork on here either look i'm not

everybody's giving a big guy upstairs is pro clam licking because he um he grants dreams right that that bracelet that showed up they just wished it into existence. They wished a couple of things. There seems to be a, if you desire something, it will show up in this universe. And my theory is that's why girlfriends there. Yeah.

I liked your theory there. It's a good one. It's a good theory, but I mean, if you are in some sort of post-apocalyptic purgatory place, it seems like a good kind of a, what's it called? Pascal's wager to like oh buy in all the

way to a religion while you're in there woody i just had a fucking moment where like the the scales fell from my eyes crazy all right not only the girlfriend showed up right do you remember what her job is the lesbian girlfriend who just showed up she's a NICU nurse she's like fucking like there's the fucking Iranian chick is knocked up for sure because she that's why she's all panic attacky she's got a baby take a pregnancy test oh no I'm mixing that up with fire flame girls I'm sorry yeah don't bring that in there. Your relationship is 100% pregnant. And here's what I think. It's going to be a rapid pregnancy.

It's going to be super fast. And she's going to have the baby in three episodes. But that's the season finale. She's giving birth. And that's going to be such a mess. She's going to have it at the worst possible time. She's going to have that baby in the gravel. I'm sure they'll all be level-headed and it'll be okay and the baby comes out creepily smiling

oh that's right she's gonna have a weird looking baby now what here's an actual so taylor doesn't know but they kill a monster at the end of episode six maybe and we don't know what's gonna happen there's a body laying on the ground as i think they go inside. Cause it's nighttime. And I'm like, did they establish like blowing up its head can kill it or something? They used a weird technique, but like that, that didn't make a ton of sense,

but they just went with it. The monster seemed to lose control. You know how long they normally look like people, but they can make like a crazy toothy monster face. Sure. He seemed to turn into a crazy toothy monster against his will as he died. We don't know for sure because it's in the

closing seconds, but I think we're supposed to take from it that there's a dead monster on the ground. I'm like, what happened? Did we get to autopsy it tomorrow? I'll watch that episode. It was a good episode. It was better than the last one 100% which makes it like a 4 out of 10 no no no

I thought this was like above average episode there was a part where look I appreciate it so fucking much in any show when they just talk like normal people or they say things that I want to say or things that I want to know when they speak with my voice almost and there was this moment where the black guy i need to learn

his character's name or the actor's void void um void is speaking to not the ghost necessarily but his imagining he's imagining that the priest is back. And they're having a conversation. And obviously the priest isn't really there. And the Asian kid overhears him. And he's like, who are you just talking to? Kenny hears him. And he's like, who are you just talking to? Who are you talking to?

And instead of just being like, nobody, he's like, I was talking to the priest, all right? I was talking to Father fucking made up what the fuck. And he's like, what? Yeah, I was talking to him about this, and the other and you know what when i was in the and then and then in another scene he was like all right here's what happened there was an old guy chained to the wall his name his name was tim or whatever his name was and he scratched me and he put his arm on my arm and he said my blood is your blood and i was like thank god you finally just spit it

out because because it takes eight seconds it takes eight seconds to tell that story that happened five episodes ago and she was like here's the worst part here's what annoyed me because it slows everything down she went nah that didn't happen i don't believe in that i mean it was kenny right like well well he's telling kenny about like the the talking to the father but he was telling the nurse about the worms in his arm yeah and his experience with the invisible man or the man who disappeared or whatever the chain of the wall that's another such a huge contrived bullshit thing is the the refusal to believe odd things are happening like it's literally like being in in middle earth and telling a dwarf you don't believe

in elves. You are already bought in! You've seen the talismans. You've taken the infinite road. Like you... Yeah, it's very frustrating. A lot of them know that electricity comes with no

wires. The wires that plug into the walls don't have metal in them for some reason. And the circuitry in the walls leads to dead ends. Yet electricity still kind of works because the lamp itself has electricity. Somehow that comes from nowhere. And that's a thing that like the entire community has seen. Yeah. The rules of electricity are different in this universe.

Okay, cool. The rules of like monsters are different in this universe okay cool the rules of like monsters are different in this universe the talismans and probably all of a lot of them have like seen things that aren't there far away trees the magic trees you know you throw a rock in it falls from the sky oh yeah jump in it teleports injuries and a bunch of them have had visions of people that aren't there right or they know someone they trust someone who's had a vision of people that are three or four of them have had visions yeah or someone they love or like are close with you know like i feel like four of them should know there's visions and 12 of them should be like well leave kyle doesn't make up shit about visions if

you saw it he thinks you saw it like that so um anyway yeah why are they like what weird thing in blood that's too much for me to buy it but yeah and if you would just write it that way and believe your audience can get on board with you it's such a more fun show because if they were just like dad i just saw i just saw three ghosts if he went you know if we didn't live in a pocket universe full of monsters that come out at night I might not believe you Timmy but we do I love that

you start shooting through the closet door but you have to believe it starts playing the doom music dad leave you gotta buy in the doom music dad it's just like dad i saw santa claus last night you'd be like all right son you know we live in the world of monsters so i'm gonna believe you but yeah just so you know normally he's not real he's a made-up thing in the real world are you telling me you saw a real santa claus in here because i'll buy it i need to know for sure no i love this i i you guys would write a better show than they do there needs to be someone in the writer's room who's like you know what maybe not spend three and a

half minutes on a dude fumbling keys no like what you need in a writer's room we need a bully every writer's room needs one bully to sam hyde needs to be part of the writing team can you imagine if you put sam hyde in there and he would bully people and be like oh yeah they don't understand that fuck you fuck you in your ass they understand i'm a writer and i see sam hyde in the writing room with a mouth guard in and headgear and boxing gloves. I write shit straight. Oh, dude. Speaking of Sam Hyde, I know you guys didn't watch much of the fish tank.

Is it over that he did? Yeah, it's over now. It was I watched the like it's been 24 seven for six weeks. And so obviously I didn't like watch much of it at all by percentage. But I would pop in at night and like go on twitter and look at the highlights on youtube and the wrap-up last night the last 30 minutes of it live was maybe the most surreal live content i've ever watched like in a stream it was the most masterful trolling i've ever seen the most like sam hyde cried at the end of it. Like he, he got emotional at the end of it. Like it was these two girls,

Letty and Josie were the last two and they have been undergoing psychic hell and torture in this chamber of fish tank with all of Sam Hyde's poll 4chan audience, like text to speeching them. And the last four days of the competition was literally locking them both in bedroom two. And then random people just coming up with challenges like how long can you hop on one foot compared to each other yeah now you have to mud wrestle now you both have to see who can

belly bump airsoft fatty harder now you have to you know do that just random nonsense and it got to be the final challenge at the end of the day and these people are dirty it's disgusting it's it's the nastiest house i've ever seen in my life you don't know if you could pay me to go in there they ruined this house and sam hyde goes in at the end after one of them has won and he takes out the contract that they had all signed when they went in. And he had been going by the name Jason Goldstriker. And he was like, so Letty, Josie, do you guys know who Sam Hyde is? And Letty was like, yes. And Josie's like, no.

And he's like, oh, well, I'm an internet troll. I'm a troll, I guess. Could you, Josie, could you just... And he takes out this contract and he's like, here's the contract I gave you guys. First thing I would notice is it's stapled in the bottom right-hand corner. That didn't throw you off.

Neither of you? Didn't throw you off? Okay. Josie, go ahead and read this underlined portion right here. Can you read that for me? And then she starts saying, there is no guarantee that by participating in fish tank, Josie louder. There is no guarantee that by participating in fish tank, that I will be awarded any funds,

regardless of what is given to me throughout the course of the competition. And his Sam goes, looks at the camera. He's like, Oh, Oh, one more time. Oh, you guys got scammed didn't you oh fuck oh my god fuck oh oh and frank hassle is there and he's cracking up and they're laughing at these people and he's like guys i don't even

hate you i don't even hate you and he starts screaming and he's like i don't hate you guys but you know who i fucking hate are the n words and pointing at the camera like i fucking hate you you fucking viewers you ruined this show we tried to do something and you fuck he's losing his mind fucking over the top losing it he like storms out i can't tell what's real jet his it's very real at this moment and jet his assistant the main runner of the show is like everybody calm down mr goldstriker had an absolute meltdown because sam was on screen going you know i'm doing world peace 2 right now right i missed a fucking huge shoot today to be at this horse shit i'm shooting a fucking show and i'm like he's he's

losing it he's doing very well and he storms out of there one of the girls is so dejected that she like sits there almost like catatonically and the other girl goes in a closet out of camera space like like out of camera view and sam is walking around he comes back up the stairs five minutes later with his shirt off like where's my fucking phone jet where's my fucking phone like just mad where's my fucking phone? Like just mad, angry going around. And this continues for like 10 minutes. It's unbelievably uncomfortable. There's 20,000 people watching this. Like,

Oh, well, ha ha. I there got scammed, scammed. Fuck. Is this real? Jesus fucking Christ.

There's no way. And airsoft fatty that, that big tard, like Sam, I realized it was a bit at the point that Sam went into a room with the contract and started pretending to write on it. And Airsoft Fatty came in and was like, you know, you don't have to behave this way, man. This is fucking, you don't have to act childish. Are you going to pay us at all?

Are you going to pay her after wasting six years of her life? And he gets up and he's like, six weeks of her life. And he's like, you lose. Good day, sir. And he does the whole Willy Wonka bit. And clearly these two people don't know the Willy Wonka bit. You get nothing. Zero.

You lose. Good day, sir. And he's like yelling at them to come out. And then Josie, one of the girls does something very sweet because you know one of the competition things was you could pay like 400 to give this autistic girl a plushie throughout the entire thing and she got like 15 plushies and she came in and was like you know i wanted to give you this plushie to you can sell it you know maybe sell it and make something i don't want it it. And he's like, one kind deed, one kind.

My boy, you've won the fish tank. You've won. And he starts freaking out and shaking this autistic girl like, you understand, Josie, you've won the fish tank. You've done it. And he's gaslighted them so hard for like the past hour that they're both still like scared and like are you serious i don't know and like no he marches him down there he gives it was only guaranteed that the winner would get 35 000 he gave the winner 35 000 he gave the second place person 20 000 even though there was no guarantee for that because he was

like letty we have you took so much abuse i. It was the most sincere I've ever seen Sam. If you look up End of Fish Tank, he started crying talking to that girl, Letty, who was taking all the abuse throughout the show. And he was doing that thing where he was trying to laugh, not be uncomfortable with his emotions, but he was crying being like, Letty, you realized we needed a fucking villain

and you were that villain and you did it so well and i couldn't be more proud of you and i think so highly of you and you are so resilient it was a weird how was she a villain like she like antagonized all the other contestants like fucked with them and did stuff like that uh as did airsoft fatty who seems like a genuine lunatic but like it was it was from what I saw it was genuinely entertaining as shit there was no way to like replicate that with real like casted reality because it was so over the top so absurd and the way that like Sam was absolutely ruthless to these people and I didn't realize he was actually that good of an actor i guess

is what like because i like for the first 10 minutes of it until he started like a couple of the rants i'm like oh no he's joking but no for the first like three minutes of that i'm like holy fuck sam is gonna not pay these fucking retards anything yeah well it was it was wild it was surreal it was one of it was the best streaming content i've ever seen i hope they do another season. You can't just sit there and watch it for hours and hours and hours, but you catch the highlights and every once in a while you pop in and they're doing something wild

and insane. I would have only paid if the person who got the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory reference. Was it profitable? Yeah. I imagine it was. you can't tell because like

you don't get an extra 20 grand away at the end if it wasn't yeah i would imagine it was very profitable uh the amount of constant text to speech and sound effects was it was non-stop and every single and there were you have to remember like something's going on in room two something's going on in room three something's going on in room two. Something's going on in room three. Something's going on in the living room and all of them are getting nonstop $30 text to speech and $40 sound effects, you know? And so it's just a I don't know what to make of his expenses because I can't. Sam Hyde has my head twisted up. twist it up you know he's like oh my god there's here's a like a screenshot of a contract that says i pay ten thousand dollars a day in bandwidth and i'm just like it really a screenshot of a

contract is proof yet it's not you know okay i don't know i uh i think that controlling i don't know what he's doing but he definitely needs to own the house where the thing happens. It needs to be built in a way so that it can be destroyed and repaired modularly. It shouldn't be a big deal if a wall gets tackled. If a man goes through a wall, he's like, no problem, zip, zip. He needs to make it neat. He's already got it wired up with cameras and mics, but I want some cool shit. I want to be able to zap people's butts while they're sitting in chairs i want to be able to um have all sorts of controls like like you need more buttons and knobs did i send you the

video of airsoft fatty falling i want to be able to turn the plumbing off i want to be able to turn the toilet off did did that would be funny oh Oh, no, no. I got it. So in the hole in prison, you have to ask them to flush your toilet. The button's on the outside of the cell. That's how you do it. Show that. Did I send you guys the video of Airsoft Fatty falling down the stairs in the funniest? Yes.

Look, it's bizarrely awkward. It's the weird. Have you seen this, Woody? It's the giant fat guy. It's the most awkward. Turn on the volume. make sure the volume's on That is I'll say it

I'll say it I'll say it He hit his face He hit his face, can you back up a little? He hit his face, he just like Dragged it down That was as awkward and painful as you can call it. How did he hit his face on three stairs?

How do people come to his aid by the end? You okay? Dude, he had the most weird group of freeloaders throughout the competition. To keep it spicy, as people got eliminated, he would just bring in people called freeloaders and so like frank hassell was a freeloader airsoft fatty was a freeloader and randomly that one dude uh remember that clip from like a year ago the guy who was talking about aoc's big ass yeah yeah that dude just randomly went in with that with like a black homeless guy and the the black homeless guy like went up and didn't realize there was night vision in the the rooms and so like he

like went he was just shirtless he went up there and like stripped naked and started like whipping his dick and balls with like a towel this black homeless guy did and then they had to go up there and tell it was it was bizarre yeah i didn't think he was uh and then chris airsoft fatty got naked probably three or four times during the show until like i think sam told him hey that was really funny but no more of that uh but he's got peter griffin body you cannot see his penis when he's naked it's totally do not need to censor it yeah if you look up like he there's a picture of him raising his hands naked and you cannot see genitals. It's literally the Peter Griffin thing.

No, I would definitely make... The only way the toilets would flush would be if a participant on the outside paid to flush the toilet. So you'd have to earn it. You'd have to earn toilet flushes. Yeah, that was an early thing is that a lot of people, I guess...

I think Frank Hassel kept shitting and not flushing. That's on upper. Give him the upper deck. Yeah. I don't think you can show this one because he is technically naked, Zach, but I know we have to wrap anyway. We've got our beautiful hangout with our

wonderful patrons coming up in about 22 minutes. That'll be fun. Check out very good. All right. PKN 458. That was crazy.