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pkn467 what's up boys it's birthday today who's toby's birthday toby's birthday toby's birthday
he's one years old nice i knew i'm like it's not your birthday i know your birthday
yeah yeah he's one and it was so funny i i went to dig up the breeder's name because she and i had briefly
texted back and forth the first month or two i had him trading puppy pictures because he has got a
bunch of he had a bunch of brothers and sisters and they kept a couple of them and as soon as i
texted her she's like i was just about to text you it's their birthday here's charlie and charlie's
toby's enormous brother who's got who looks like a Bernie's dog so he's got that
dark um like black and brown coloring and he looks so floofy he's twice as big as Toby really
but this dog is there's a man holding this dog and you couldn't see the man
so you made the right pick there between the brothers as far as not having a giant mountain
dog I like I didn't I don't care about the size. I really liked his markings.
He's got this little floofy mark in his head.
I don't know.
I just liked how he looked.
I like the brown and white coloring.
Big dogs are good, too.
My head was on the other side.
I was like, the other one got it bigger?
Too bad you didn't get the pick of the litter.
But Toby, like Kyle says, it's not about the size.
Size doesn't matter.
Although, I do like that he's a big boy.
And the reason I like a bigger dog is they're not as fragile.
When I walk down the stairs and the 16-year-old Pomeranian is coming with me,
I'm so careful because I can survive a fall down these stairs.
But if I fall on her, she won't.
So I'm being careful on the stairs because of her.
But with Toby, it's like, he fell down the stairs today.
That's how he gets down.
Yeah.
He throws himself.
It's two flights of stairs.
He throws himself down the first one to the landing.
Looks up like, oh, you still up there, huh?
You got to try my method.
It's way faster.
You know the downside of a really big dog?
Everyone stubbed their toe on the coffee table, right?
They're just moving coffee tables.
Coffee tables that love you and stand in front of you.
You can stub your toe on my dog's paw, and it's a problem.
It hurts. It's a big deal.
I have had that happen at a buddy's house who had a Great Dane growing up.
It would just walk and step on your foot and it would be like it was like worse than a person stepping on your foot
because it's there's less total they have smaller feet so it's not distributed on the same someone
steps on your foot like they tend to be like oh shucks i'm standing on your foot and they back
off yeah i'll make an effort not to stand on your foot. And half of their actual shoe is touching the floor.
It's not all on you.
The Great Dane foot has got nails and it's all right on your foot.
And it thinks it's holding your hand.
And it's like, ah!
I got Taylor's foot.
This is some good traction.
I'm going to dig in with these claws and launch.
I'm going to jump from this point and send him to the hospital.
I was in the gym today with Jackie.
We work out together mostly.
And we were talking about you, Taylor.
And she's like, I'm sure he's exercising.
Because we were talking about how you're getting fit and just, you know,
basically becoming desirable.
And she's like, I want to know, what did he give up?
What did he give up? And I'm up and i'm like that's a good
question i'm gonna ask him taylor you're looking sharp thank you what did you give up it's something
that hurts i bet it's more like for so long i like wanted to be one of those guys who didn't
have the snacks that tempt me in my house but i would just like in a fugue
walk into the snack aisle and like have pretzels at home like when i make a big splurge like today
i went to the grocery store earlier today because i wanted a rotisserie chicken and i have not like
gone bananas with a carb heavy snack in a couple weeks and so like i fully today i'm like i'm
getting a giant bag of like pretzel things.
And I'm going to eat as much of that as I want tonight.
And so as long as it's like.
What flavor?
Just the regular.
Just the original ones.
Yeah.
You know what?
They changed the.
I used to get the everything bagel one and they changed the mix.
And now it tastes fucking bad.
I didn't see cinnamon there.
That's too sweet for me.
I'm looking for savory.
These are pretzels?
We're asking about sweet.
Pretzel like thin, crispy like pretzel thin yeah they're really really good and
so like it's not that it's just that i've given them up 90 of the time like i i don't allow myself
to go bananas chips any any salty snack like pretzel chips in general cheese it's just today i picked pretzel chips but
lays cheese it's goldfish uh ritz cracker like any salty snack is my my poison at night the
answer is keeping it out of your house though right yes but that's not bringing it into the
household you can go out of the house and go crazy once in a while as long as you do it every day
you gotta be real like you gotta be out you gotta be real outgoing to be fat if you eat out you know what i mean i can like tell i'm taking long enough
breaks between it because like i like bought some today and i'm like amped tonight to like
get stoned and eat pretzel chips whereas like when i was fat that would have just been any time i
wanted just whatever i'm just gonna do you not eat do you wake up i'm a huge big time all right so like
it's a problem for me too i will wake up in the middle of the night and be very popcorn at 2 30
last night i hardly ever make good diet choices at 2 a.m but did you have popcorn you fucking
lightweight basic bitch come back to me with some trail mix and tostitos it's because i was out of cashews do you know what a mouth s'more is woody that's when you get an old that's when you get an old
bag of chocolate baking chips that are from that from from four years ago when we made a girl a
cake they came with the apartment we find three tiny marshmallows and some cereal,
and we just put a handful of it all in our mouth.
I've absolutely eaten handfuls of baking chips before.
Those were dark times.
They were dark chips, though, so it's cool.
It's almost like a pink state.
It is.
I remember it the next day with some prompting,
like if I find the crumbs on my jackets or whatever. i remember specifically taking a bite out of a block of cheese
uh like five six years ago like like several houses ago i would get up and i wanted crackers
and cheese that's what i wanted i wanted like i don't know four or five ritz crackers and some
cheese on them but i'm barely awake it's i'm almost sleepwalking so I just bite into cheese and eat crackers instead
and then just leave it all on the counter and go back to bed I do that kind of shit all the time
it's gotten me into some hot water before the peanut butter phase I had where like I think I
talked about it on the show and people like like teased me as if I wasn't being a thousand percent
genuine I put on noticeable weight from like eating peanut butter like ice cream in the middle of the night.
Every night for a six-week period.
How many teaspoons would you say you had?
First of all, tablespoons.
First of all, tablespoons, you basic bitch.
If I'm being honest minimum four okay four to six kind of yeah yeah yeah yeah and then you wake up the next morning
and you're like oh i don't i don't i feel good here's a trick i have for every now and then if
there is something awful in the house and i'll get up and I'll eat it, and I won't put it away.
I'll let it go bad on the counter on purpose.
Nobody wants a stale donut,
so if some asshole buys a dozen fucking donuts
and brings them into my house,
then I'll get a donut, and I'll have one glowstone.
Yeah, Toby.
Calories don't matter in this house,
and I'll leave it open and you know like i don't know little fruit flies will get at it or something we are on the
exact same i'll ruin it on purpose i will do if i order like if i splurge and get myself a pizza
and i don't and i eat like half of it i will make myself go to bed and like can and like
purposely forget to put it away because I want to wake up the next
morning and be like,
good.
That's off the table.
I can't touch that.
That if,
because if I was in the fridge guaranteed,
I would be right now being like,
Oh,
I'm going to switch back to healthy today.
And then by 4 PM,
I'd be heating up pizza.
Yeah.
Here's my shame.
Picture this.
It's late at night.
It's midnight or something.
Jackie's going to bed
before me and i'm whatever 20 minutes uh behind her on the way there i grabbed trail links from
the pantry now every night i'm there with a flashlight looking in my fish tank it like
bugs or whatever you can only see at the dark and then in the morning we're in front of the
fish tank and jackie's like huh there's a's a peanut on the floor. You know how that
happened? Holy shit.
Could have been anyone.
Why
is there a chocolate chip on the floor here
at M&M? I don't know.
I don't know. Let's check the security
tapes.
This is
important.
You're like George Costanza level lying
where you're calling the police to have them
investigate your house
your house looks like paranormal activity too
they're just
scanning
Matt, Jackie get in here
we found a whole stash of Eminem
rappers and you're like no no no
you didn't find
oh my god this must be a more severe problem
that's one of my biggest fears though is that you've got a secret person living in your home
and you don't know it you know maybe up in the attic or something now down here in the south
they'd fucking die up there so i don't worry about that but you need a big house for someone to just
the attic just the attic how often have you go up there i've been up in my attic over the years
half a dozen times you almost never go there like been up there to look around once and that was it
i imagine no one could be up there i would you would hear an attic during the day because they
got to come down at night and have your snacks this has happened this is like a figment that
would be helpful actually a guy who comes down and steals your fatty snacks.
We need the South Park, like, what is it?
Underwear Drawn Gnomes or something?
But they steal Taylor's high-calorie food.
I just imagine getting into all the healthy stuff instead
and leaving you with less healthy choices.
Like, just a real buff intruder upstairs
going through a protein powder injury workout.
You go to the bench press
and there's too much weight on it.
You're like, what is going on?
It's getting huge.
I go to look at my workout notebook
and he's written in making fun
of my lift numbers.
Balls.
He's putting his own thing.
I would hope there's not someone
up in my fucking attic.
That would be horrifying.
It happens.
It has happened before.
I remember that one guy falling out of the ceiling of a Waffle House
during business hours.
He'd been living up there.
Just fell through right in the middle of a Waffle House
and tried to play it off.
It's a weak ceiling.
And that's a good place to live.
If you're going to live in the attic of somewhere,
100% you want non-residential. It's going to give you more time without a department store you want a big store
walmart has everything a man could want you if you can get the pharmacy late at night oh my
i'll never leave walmart 24 7 they're going to catch you though that's the problem waffle house
is also 24 by 7 so i'm like how do you get in and out? How do you make that work? How do you be so quiet?
I'd fall through the ceiling.
I don't really know what his plans were.
You would imagine they probably weren't. He's living in a waffle
house attic. He has no plans.
He might not have been a sophisticated criminal.
The plan was to get in the attic.
Just the worst risk
to reward ratio criminal
of all time.
Stealing waffles.
So warm, smells like bacon.
Preclusion.
This is the leader of the Wagner forces
that took Bakhmut.
Is running for president against Putin.
Are they having elections this year?
I don't know when the election is,
but next election cycle.
I imagine it's like ours where
people start talking about it years in advance but uh uh i don't know it struck me as very
interesting i'm like is this guy trying to die like first he nearly staged a coup in russia
and now he's running against putin for president or is he just gonna is he just gonna run and then
wait eight months and then once he's
like the opposition to putin be like actually putin's great and i like him and i'm endorsing
him so zach says it's in september of this year so that's just a month and a half from now a little
less i don't understand what they have going on over there they've got a whole other level of propaganda um so it could i can't tell looking
at that if progozhin is really close to putin and they're working on this thing together uh it's it
or or if they're complete adversaries and the coup succeeded and secretly progozhin is really
more in charge than we might be led on to believe there's no way of knowing because they don't you
know air their dirty laundry and they're so fucking they always lie anyway yes also everyone
who covers it lies the people who cover it are either russian propagandist or anti-russian
propaganda i watch ukrainian and russian propaganda every day and uh it's vastly different worlds fox news i i want i don't know now that tucker's gone i
don't watch as much fox as i used to just a little bit who's their big guy now like do they even have
a big guy oh they got the biggest they they they went late night they're the leaders of late night
fox news did gutfield get tucker carlson's spot i thought it was gutfield has
gutfield has always been like the biggest name in late night uh not always for a couple years now
i don't know who what his show is what his slot is i tune in occasionally and watch gutfield
in like five minute segments and then go back to something i want to watch i don't like politics
like the real kind i don't want people who actually i don't want people who actually care about
politics i don't want to hear from them those are lizard fucking people i don't like them
i like watching i like going to aoc as mommy and seeing her big latina titties and uh and and
there's glasses that's the kind of politics i can get excited about oh yes um i like watching all of our old
politicians have like medical issues mental events in front of us dude there are dozens
that happen to him not on camera he's on camera eight minutes out of every eight months he's on
camera for let's call it 18 minutes and one of during that 18 minutes he went to a
fugue state and couldn't and couldn't fucking move or talk or speak or anything yeah so mcconnell
used to be on camera a lot like during the trump administration he was the second most powerful
person in america right and and then he fell sometime around christmas i forget the exact date
and he hasn't been on camera really since and i thought well i mean he's the minority leader now they don't have the senate so he's not as
and they don't have the house or the senate so you know he's not going to be a such a central
figure he doesn't have the same power he used to but then i found out he fell again and didn't
really tell anyone about it and then he had that mental event what what, a week ago? And it's like, oh, McConnell is, I don't know where to stack rank him.
I think, is it Feinstein?
What's her name?
I think she's leading the pack for mental deficiencies.
She's the winner.
Yeah, the wheelchair-bound lady who didn't know when to vote.
She starts giving a speech, and they're like, just say I.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, she didn't know what was. She didn't know why she say I. Yeah, yeah. She didn't know what was...
She didn't know why she was there.
Yeah, yeah.
There's Fetterman.
He doesn't know what's going on.
He has no ability to communicate.
He knows more about what's going on.
Yeah, no.
So Fetterman just has a particular kind of stroke effect where he doesn't speak well
or listen well or one of those two.
Maybe it's listen.
He's a bad test taker, Taylor.
That's all it is.
The part where you see if you learned yeah
i've seen a better man like it's literally like he's okay america shame good america shame
not good we fight america and then people like look at him as though this is cogent and it's
not embarrassing for everyone.
We're all just
looking at Nero's horses.
I put it in fourth place, though.
Maybe I'm being fooled.
Nancy Pelosi is over the hill, too.
I've seen her do some wonky stuff.
My list was Feinstein, Biden,
McConnell, and Fetterman.
But as far as mental issues. I bet if we thought, McConnell, and Fetterman. But as far as like mental issues.
I bet if we thought we could find a couple more.
I saw a video today and I think what I read was they were suggesting that all members of Congress should be drug tested and given competency exams once a year.
competency exams once a year and uh they definitely i'd love to know what nancy pelosi's on in that one clip when she's making all those crazy faces behind biden at the state of the union
she looks possessed they're just all on every time biden tries to it was funny they're like
every time biden tries to give a number larger than 1000 he fails and they showed example after
example they're trying to give numbers and something about reading numbers is hard for him now he can't do it
yeah because
there's more than 250
7000
100 million
god Hunter
you know what they should
you know
they should live stream them taking
their license renewal exams
like that that would be enough they should live stream them taking their license renewal exams like that
would be enough
you should have to be able
to pass the driver's license like knowing what
a yield sign looks like all that shit
and if you can't and honest to god
gun to your head and you have to
be within 10% to keep
your life what percent of our
federal politicians
do you think would pass their driving exam?
If it's been given strictly.
They only have to give it again to people over 70.
Granted, because that's how it works.
Well, if only the 70-year-olds are tested,
then I would say a very low percentage of them would pass.
Yeah.
But that's not a fair test for governance
because there're old politicians
who have been driven around it's not basic competency when you are when you're uh you
know chauffeured around everywhere i bet there's obama doesn't want to drive a fucking car they
asked him like when's the last time you drove he's like i know how but like fuck a while
it's been a minute you know what did he win was it 08 the first time yeah oh yeah
oh it was the first one yeah but he was what kind of test would you want to give him something
simple i was trying to think of a baseline test that's so fucking easy that 16 year olds usually
i'd like to see them pass the basic i'd like to see them pass the citizenship test just for some
basic fucking um scholastic knowledge shit that they should like
1908 where it's like circle the first number in the second line and it's like like just like
it's meant to keep blacks from voting yeah it's meant to like those tests uh people who who didn't
grow up in expensive schools from understanding reading enough to get the right to vote pretty
fucking pretty shitty but i think we could do that.
We should test these people.
I don't think most of them would pass any
sort of normal competency. They're very old.
Should they have tests to be a voter?
Yeah, absolutely shit.
You should have tests to be a voter. Really?
Let's make it hard.
But we can't do that. That upends our whole
political system. The whole idea is that every
fucking retard that didn't smoke marijuana
gets to vote.
And most of the people
get to vote.
Didn't get caught smoking marijuana.
There you go.
Those characters
need to be weeded out.
It's true.
I don't know how
we should actually choose our leaders.
You would think that you would want your leaders not to be charismatic,
good looking,
friendly people,
but smart,
pragmatic,
intelligent,
well-spoken people who are,
who have backgrounds in fields of study that are,
that can be applied to their future governance responsibilities.
Like don't be in the Department of Energy
if you didn't maybe, I don't know,
run the Nuclear Regulatory
Commission before this or something.
Or maybe you owned a fucking...
Maybe you were an engineer and you designed
the fucking centrifuge or something.
Put that guy in there. He knows what he's talking
about. Maybe not
an actor from California.
Or a fake cowboy from Texas. about but those people are maybe not an actor from california or maybe are you talking about reagan yeah yeah one out of my hat that didn't make a lot of sense he did fine uh depending on
your point of view but um maybe not that guy there's probably a better guy yeah any of them
that get popular enough to run are already compromised, I would imagine.
A reality show would be interesting to choose our leaders.
That's literally what we do. Yeah.
I just want the guy who found like three immunity idols and was able to stand on a pole the longest to become our president.
Chris Christie really wants it.
Chris Christie dominating the roach eating competition.
He made it here by winning at roach eating and sea sauce.
You know, I give them shit, but I've never seen someone want Bauer the way he did.
He stole my bowl.
He finished mine.
Did you see that?
I just imagine them all standing on poles in the ocean.
And what's his name's got the peanut butter and the Oreos.
And Chris Christie starts shaking and crying i'm sorry mama i'm sorry looking up to heaven 55 minutes
one hour welcome to the island and he's like on like crawling
he eats everyone's rice day one they're in Survivor's a better show. You guys, I really want you to give it a try.
Dude, I would love Survivor presidents.
That one, the winner, I would need to think who the fittest, youngest ones are.
Who's the surfer, the pretty one?
The pretty surfer girl?
Tulsi Gabbard from Australia.
Tulsi Gabbard.
I'd put her up in there.
Maybe I'm overestimating how much surfing would play into it. I don't know i just i just want to see more of her really that's all it is
it would either be that or genuinely someone like chris christie would win because of the tactic of
having that amount of body fat because think about it do you think any of these people
are competent enough to like find their own food and take care of themselves yeah
but i think the food aspect played a bigger
deal in the earlier seasons. No one
stars to death now.
I haven't seen it in so long. Then they should bring that
back because that was a fun part of it.
Let me suggest a different reality to show
to you, Woody.
It's going to seem different, but it's probably
exactly the same. That's 90 Day Fiance
abroad.
These people meet online and decide this is it.
You're the one for me.
And they fly to other countries and they do it every day.
You know, it's reality TV, so they can just rebrand it and repackage it.
So sometimes the foreigners come to America and it's out of fish out of water.
Sometimes the Americans get sent over to Bulgaria and it's fish out of water.
This lady, she's in the US.
I'm going to call her
late 30s, early
40s. Definitely
used to be kind of pretty.
She's bordering
on bimbo mom look now,
though. Big titties
everywhere. I could just tell by watching her
pack to go to Bulgaria or
wherever the fuck, to me or man, that
somebody is supporting quite
the lifestyle her luggage is like seven eight thousand dollars she's wearing like another i
don't know like 10 and jewelry and those tits wearing clothes and you know tits the lips
everything's the hair she's expensive to fucking fund and it's her it's her that's her dad like
keeping her keeping her going on this lifestyle she flies over there and she's been sending him photoshopped is the wrong word that's that's
boomer talk um she's been showing him filtered filtered photos yeah and they do not look like
her they look like a woman that i might fly to bulgaria to me he shows up and this guy
area to me he shows up and this guy he's okay looking he's got longish almost greasy hair it's a little too long for him he's going for a you know you see a guy with long hair you think you're
gonna look like aragorn and you end up looking like a fucking Antonio Banderas yeah yeah it
doesn't work out for everybody's fucking face and it didn't for his he's a big guy too but not obese
just a big old man and uh he's a young guy and but not obese just a big old man and he's a young guy and
the funny thing is he's wearing a shirt with her face on it her filtered face on it and she's
standing next to him now next to an enormous picture of her filtered face because he wears
a double xl so big boy so they're walking through the airport hand in hand fake face and real face and you're just like and they cut to her like
testimonial and she's like it was it was pretty embarrassing when i got there and he had the
picture of me that looks nothing like me that i had sent him of me it's like what did you think
was gonna happen like you were gonna see him eventually and then you start realizing maybe
why he's so accepting as they're walking through the airport hand in hand.
He's like, yes.
So, you know, while you're here, I took bus here.
So, you know, you could rent a car.
Yes.
She's like, yeah, yeah, I could do that because I am only 24.
Must be 25 to rent a car.
Something like that.
She's like, fuck.
And then she goes back to the testimonial.
And she's like, and then it turns out, you know, he had told me beforehand, everything's taken care of.
Don't worry.
You're in Milos's land now.
Everything you want.
Got milk every morning for Milos whore.
Milos number one Western whore.
But he doesn't have a car so she's like so now i've
got to rent a car in fucking bulgaria or wherever the fuck for like three weeks and it is not cheap
and they show her giving her money to getting in like a three-cylinder left-hand shift car and
wherever they're at is like i don't i wouldn't say third world but it's not a great country
they got the mirrors on poles to look under the car for bombs. It's not actually Bulgaria. That's just what I'm
saying because it sounds silly. But they're checking
under the car for bombs with those domed mirrors
on sticks and shit. She's like, are they looking for
bombs? Are they looking for bombs?
She's losing her shit. And that's just one of the
couples. They're all pathetic for one reason
or another. Most of the women
are lying about lots of things
and you'll be like, oh girl, you're in trouble.
Get out. Get out. And then you'll be like, oh, girl, you're in trouble. Get out, get out.
And then you'll meet the guy.
He lied about everything, too.
Like in that way, they're really a match made in heaven.
Yes.
Two total liars who have no interest in being honest.
There's a show.
I don't know the title of it.
I haven't seen it, but I read about it. It's coming out soon if it's not out already.
Picture this. You have six couples, each of them an established couple that's been going for a few years, but is perhaps in a rough patch right now. Boom. Split them up. Match up the six
guys with six single women, the six girls with six single men, and their goal is to pry these
couples apart and make them fail every day they show footage
of like let's say you know it's you they show footage of your girl fucking or making out or
cheating on you and you have to figure out if it's a deep fake or not and you don't know sometimes
they're fucking around sometimes it's just a deep, but they're just mentally torturing you.
You know you're vulnerable going into it.
But I think you'll figure it out real quick
when you go,
man, that was crazy how they forced me
to fuck that girl last night.
And they're like,
here's a video of your girl fucking some other guy.
And it's like, hmm,
well, I just did fuck that other girl last night because it was the
first challenge of course i ate the roaches and then we had to fight i think i mean i think some
couples are going to resist the temptation and some are not i guess that's the idea behind the
show um but the whole like driving a wedge in between couples with single people trying to
steal it yeah i don't think these couples were going to make it if they
signed up for the show.
Yeah, I think they're not really couples
though. I think they're all actors.
It's on TV. You can't
just lie. I don't know.
The reality TV show. Fish Tank
is the only reality TV show
that doesn't hire commercial actors
to pretend to be contestants
like and look at-
Only dropshippers.
And real Gs.
Only dropshippers and real Gs.
Like, yeah, the Sam Hyde fish tank thing was a good exhibition of like,
oh, this is why these big giant companies aren't going to risk the liability
of an actual crazy person.
But I don't think they're person like hey but i don't think
they're all paid act i don't think they're all commercial actors most of them are in the acting
field yeah and they're and they're prepped for it so thoroughly uh they're told what to say like
it's it's so my take my take would be that your average reality show contestant has a huge social
media presence for someone who's not an actual celebrity
they're just a guy who's trying real hard they are branded they've got several corporations around
various brands they've tried before there are people who've been trying to be a celebrity
influencer tv person their whole lives in one way or another and if this they're hoping so they can
spin survivor off like joanna did or whatever into a minor uh celebrity career and then do a porno or something
you know can we turn 250 000 opportunity into a two million dollar opportunity and some stardom
and i think that's always the goal by most reality contestants because you're you know
i bet it's there in the same way that almost every athlete
i've ever met harbors a little glimmer of a dream of making it to the pros you could be a division
three basketball player like maybe i'll get noticed you won't bro they're not looking at d3
yeah yeah no they i think kyle hit the nail on the head with like, like the, what was it? Jersey shore, like big brother,
early ones.
Like now they frame it as like,
you could be the next Snooki,
you know,
she's a multimillionaire now.
And she was just some dumb content on some show.
And so like everyone doing those has a feeling that they're like yet to be
discovered as a talent.
And that's why when you mentioned her name,
I wonder what
snooki looks like now she was never a bombshell but i bet she's a real tub now i don't know i
bet she looks like kyle brovlosky's mom i wonder what the situation looks like that guy was known
for those abs he had abs at a time when you know he's in his early 20s. He's not the only guy in his early 20s with abs.
What's he got going on now?
You should find him, Woody.
Shame him a little.
Shame him.
Shame him.
A situation now is your chubby faggot.
I don't care what you say.
It's not Twitter anymore.
Oh, yeah?
Well, I'm still fucking Snooki.
It's like, ew, gross.
Yeah, well, I'm still fucking Snooki.
It's like, ew, gross.
We weren't too easy on that pedophile friend, were we?
Because I was on Hulu today, and I clicked on something,
and it said, like, Jared from Subway, monster incarnate.
And it was like six episodes of how evil Jared is. It begins with two little girls, and they're like,
we're two of Jared's Jared is. It begins with two little girls and they're like, we were, we're two of Jared's 14 victims
and they show how pictures of them
when he was like molesting them
or whatever.
They're very young.
They're very long,
young little,
they are not ladies of the night.
They are two little brown haired girls
from like fucking middle America
or some shit.
Um,
and,
uh,
I didn't,
I,
I didn't watch the rest of it because i
care and i wanted my you know it was it was noon so it was about time for a nap but i think that uh
i i liked our i guessed a lot but i almost wish we didn't know he was jared's friend
that was like such an interesting story though, didn't not a fan of the whole caught up in the wrong crowd kind of thing.
But wait, no, he was a money man for people who were taking vacations to have sex with underage girls.
That's what he said.
The underage girls weren't regular people.
They were like prostitutes.
No.
Yeah, he was lying.
He was.
We were allowed.
I like what am I going to say to him?
I don't know the facts of the case yeah yeah jared didn't fuck what he's saying is that they took
jared's money they're whores you don't know that's what he's saying in a nice way but he's saying oh
these ladies of the night who took advantage of him children 14 year old children that you would
have to drive to a cheerleader fucking meet that because because wouldn't let a 14-year-old on a bus,
much less go have sex with Jared for money
and then call her a prostitute.
Jodie Foster was a 14-year-old prostitute in that movie,
and it was a disgusting, scary thing.
Calling them ladies of the night was crazy.
By the way, I looked up the situation,
what he looks like now.
Yeah.
I have no leg to stand on to shame this guy it goes the
other way this guy looks fuck he looked great he looked he looks like i wish i looked he's
fantastic then you know what shout out the situation good for you man keeping it on looking
looking shredded in 2023 andy went to jail that's probably where he got that great body
he has a shirt on so you can only see so much.
And his face doesn't look 20 anymore.
But here's that.
Can you show a picture?
I'm linking one.
He probably doesn't want a 20-year-old face that looks jarring.
I can't even see.
Is that him top center?
I think he's top right, but he can't even see him.
Show the picture that I found.
Yeah, it's not a great picture
to demonstrate. I searched for the
situation 2023, and
he looks like this in every shot.
God, he almost looks like he's got fake muscles.
Looking good. Oh, I didn't
consider that.
Fake muscles? I guess biceps
look kind of like, I don't know, maybe
injected some of that oil in that bicep.
It looks like he's flaring his arm out unnaturally.
What's his pinky doing?
Why is his left wrist
as thin as that woman's?
Oh, that is the woman's.
Okay, I can't stop.
I'm sure this pic you have to scroll down a little bit.
It is the woman's.
Photographs.
I love missing common things
in photographs.
Confusing Perspective
is a fun subreddit for that.
I know Jackie
watches Star Trek. Does she watch Lower Decks,
the animated one?
Maybe she's seen it.
I don't know if she's watched.
Is that the one that's more woke
um no anyway discovery is the wokest of them with the black captain crying all the time
the black lady captain with the braids like like fighting the universe in a fungus ship or
something i don't know what she's doing but there's two very good star treks on tv right
now they viewing new episodes one of them is Strange New Worlds with Captain Pike. It's amazing. It's like
Kirk is off doing his own thing.
Captain Pike has the Enterprise with Spock
and Uhura and everybody. Very
good. It's in a second season.
They just did a crossover episode
with Lower Decks. What's it called again?
Strange New Worlds. It's
wonderful. Then there's
also an animated Star Trek that I think is going
into its fourth
season uh that's called lower decks and it's about four ensigns you don't every now and then you'll
get a sense of what the big mission is but mostly you're just with these four ensigns fucking around
and the voice actors um one of them is huey from the boys you know the nerdy awkward main guy
he's he's one of the main characters and then the other is like his his black female um fellow ensign who's really quirky and she's the one always getting
him in trouble and stuff and there's two more characters in this newest episode of strange new
worlds they do a crossover where the animated characters go through a portal in their animated
world and come out in the past because there's a time difference in these series as real people
as their real voice actors in the strange new worlds episode so you get the actor who plays
huey from the boys whose names escape it's a good crossover yeah and he's it's really fun to see him
try to act like his character acts because he's really spastic and and silly and the black girl
always talks when she shouldn't it's a really stern meeting with the captain and the the main bridge crew and she's
cracking jokes and being silly and so i liked it a lot um i was really happy to see that both voice
actors are fit people who you could imagine in a star trek inner uh you know uniform because
there aren't a lot of obese people in starfleet. It's like the best of the best of the best. It's like that
Asian astronaut we have
who's also Delta Force
and also does heart surgery
or something.
Fucking calm down.
Everyone on a
starship is supposed to be that or
better.
Yeah, for real.
Was he literally SEAL Team 6?
You said Delta Force.
Special Forces of some kind.
Because in the pictures, he's not just an army man.
He's wearing all sorts of crazy shit.
I think he's a Navy SEAL, but I'm not sure.
He may very well be.
I would be crazy if he just did.
He's like, I just want to be the best at everything I ever do.
Yeah.
It's like, so far, no sweat.
Yeah, so far, no sweat. He's like, yeah, well. And he's like, far no sweat yeah so far no sweat it's like yeah well and he's like i'm
starting a podcast like no no stay in your lane bitch
save some pussy for the rest of us i just have to hope that guy's so
uncharismatic from being so clearly autistic like that's what we have to hope. He is a silver
star, a bronze star with
a combat V, a Navy
and Marine Corps commendation medal
with a combat V and a combat
action ribbon.
Oh, and he was SEAL Team 3, which
I don't know anything about. Only half is good.
He's a Navy SEAL. They've just got
different groups. The math checks out.
There aren't six groups. That's to intimidate our enemies oh i like there could be a hundred groups yeah so you hear
that like yeah seal team six did some crazy shit oh my god there's six different teams of guys like
the guys who came last night no no no that's what they should be called like seal team 87 like like really make it scary but six is a
high enough number that the idea i guess is scary there's probably only like two teams
i don't know i don't know i would imagine there's like a good bit of turnover on teams that go do
shit like that because you know it's probably the most violent dangerous who would know? I don't think Jesse Ventura. He was a frog man.
He was a frog man.
That's true.
And you can't even look online and deny it because I was,
because all my records were sealed.
He wasn't a seal, right?
I'm almost positive.
I think he was.
Was he a real one?
Yeah.
I think like,
I don't think there's a fake kind of Navy navy seal honestly if there wasn't him uh you don't like him no i i have nothing against him i googled it it said
there were 10 teams and then i scrolled down then it said there were eight so i don't know what to
make of that i don't think anyone knows i didn't like how he bullied i hope they don't tell us i didn't
like how he treated jimmy norton either yeah uh but that was you know that's him at like 70 years
old in a recording studio in the morning he probably didn't want to deal what did jim say
to him and he's like he's like you've never even served norton and he starts sleeping and jimmy's
like yeah get the don't fucking touch me with your giant hand and your goddamn
Rocky Horror hairdo yeah
I know you heard that don't turn yeah
turn around what are you gonna do beat me and it was like it was
the best like little guy who's
very charismatic and funny and is gonna
smoke anyone in a verbal little
sparring match
versus a guy who was very
used to physically intimidating people
to get what he wants and like
yeah like trying to physically intimidate you and it's like yeah monster beat me up oh i'm sorry did
you think you're gonna win a little little sparring match with jim norton here you fucking
oaf you idiot and so he just humiliated him it was tremendous who would win in a fight
oh jesse ventura oh yeah jim norton's like 70 something but jim's like as pathetic as a
man can be yeah this was probably like 15 16 years ago so i bet oh that makes it jesse ventura was
like late like mid 50s late 50s probably and he's still a big guy he's very big yeah and mid 50s so
i'm 50 i'm not completely worthless um but it at 70 something Typically you are
For sure
He was still big enough to be intimidating at this time
Wasn't that guy in his 70s
Who beat up that guy on the bus
Who asked for the amber lamps afterwards
I am a motherfucker
I'm trying to get my Stacey Adams signed
He had a name
Why black man gotta shine your shoes
It don't make a difference if it's a black man.
It was like a crazy beard.
Epic Beard Man, I think.
I think he was in his 70s.
There's two movies about that starring Danny Trejo.
Yeah, they're not good.
I watched the first one.
You're right, it was bad.
And as you're halfway through it, you're like,
yeah, this really is more of a
Twitter clip than a movie.
Yep.
This is a lot more of that.
That's an old internet clip.
I remember he's bleeding at the end,
the African-American gentleman.
And that one character says, he leaking.
That's the first time I'd heard a black person
call bleeding leaking.
He leaking.
Everybody call the ambulance. Call Leaky. He's leaking. He goes, call the ambulance.
Call the ambulance.
And he is bleeding so much
out of his mouth. It's like, it's not
drips. It's a
laminar blow. It looks like you're
drizzling a sundae.
He's really going to death.
What was the genesis of that fight?
Why did they fight each other?
He wanted his is the white guy
um thought the black guy was offering a shoe shine like he thought that's what he was doing
and he's like yeah how much to shine my stacy adams which is like a kind of nice boot he's
wearing i suppose and they get into this stupid argument talking past each other with a black guy
saying why does a black man have to shine your shoes? Why would I shine your shoes? He's like, it doesn't matter
what color you are. I thought you're shining
shoes, right? How much for my Stacey Adams?
And then
the black guy's like, I'll whoop your ass.
And then that's too much. Now they're
threatening each other. And then as soon
as the black guy touched him, that's
all Epic Beard Man needed to just
explode. He just
beat the shit out of that guy.
I told you not to touch me.
Yeah.
You've been watching a lot of animals fighting and it's eye opening.
How much size matters.
Size matters a lot.
I look at a bear and I'm like,
you fat fuck. You can't beat something.
A hundred pounds lighter that has abs.
I don't know,
like a tiger or something
it can't size matters a lot it is like the number one predictor of animal fights
yeah probably people fights it is the number one most important thing in any kind of fight like
yeah i was watching a clip because i love those animal fighting videos too this one didn't devolve
into a full fight but it was somewhere way north where there it was a grizzly bear clearly a grizzly bear like probably a mama bear not like a big giant male but
fuck you up and it must have upset a moose and so like usually you would see like the bear just
being the king of the mountain and it's kind of a it's like in a, like an urban area ish. And you see this giant bear booking it at like 30 miles an hour, like real quick, like very the bears clearly very scared.
And there's a moose behind it that is like clearly teasing the bear.
Like if the moose wants to catch the bear and fucking hit it in the back of the head, it can.
And it's like intentionally charging up on the bear. And the bear like throws itself down a hill to try and get away and the moose
just kind of turns and then like looks back like yeah i think i'm kind of done fucking with this
thing and it's like such a demonstration of size matters like that bear fucks everything up and
then one female moose is like get the fuck out of my face this hoof
is the size of Brock Lesnar's head
and I can move it faster than any horse
in existence like I will kill you
you don't want to fuck with me
do you see this you know what a sun bear looks like
a sun bear
yes actually they're one of the nicer looking bears
they are beautiful
Chinese bears I think but
I noticed this Chinese zoo
here might be trying
to pull a fast one.
I'm
pretty sure that's not a sun bear.
That is a man
dressed as
a sun bear getting paid
What are you talking about? I'm a bear.
I'm a number
one bear all of zoo. It's 2023. He identifies
as a bear.
This is a zoo in China.
There's no way that's a real bear.
I don't know. There's videos
that you're able to play like the little
video maybe.
I'm being genuine now. I don't know if that's a man.
That bear needs to do its
like glute bridges or something.
They're not meant to be
bipedal.
That one's real.
Look at this. See, now
what do you think?
Uh-oh. That's a real bear.
Or is it?
I would guess
real bear based on it like moving around but
look at those feet though look at those feet looks like he wears about a size eight to me
i can't tell he looks like a bear when he's not on his hind legs
dude that's a fucking skinwalker
i think it's just an eccentric bear i think it's just an eccentric bear.
I think it's just...
Why does it look like he's wrinkled
when it stands?
It's probably not meant to stand like that.
I bet it learned, like, if I stand
up all the way, people are entertained, and they
throw me things. Let's see if
sun bears stand frequently.
Other bears often stand. They do it all
the time.
They got a little more on the head and a little more ass on them.
Standing allows the bears a greater view of their surroundings and to smell far more objects.
This is a statement about sun bears.
I'm writing about sun bears.
Stupid ass line.
The fucking AI system that wrote that
should be destroyed.
Standing allows the bear to get further from the ground.
When the bear looks forward, it allows him to see in front of you.
The bear's utilized wings to take to the air.
Okay.
I guess we're learning.
I'm pretty sure it's a bear.
That's where I'm leaning right now.
Once it moved, it looks like a bear to me.
But from the photo, you didn't think it was a bear, did you?
No, the photo looks like a Chinese man standing in a bear costume yeah and the fact that it is in china makes me believe that it might be like a chinese
man they've been caught uh doing this to pandas before yeah i've seen that yeah fake pandas
which is crazy because that's where they come from they're like oh panda don't grow a tree
yeah they do he's got a everywhere out there the pandas like i grow on trees. Yeah, they do. They're kind of everywhere out there.
Yeah, pandas, like...
I don't think they're meant to be, though.
Like, they clearly don't want
to reproduce and stay a species.
We should let them die.
I don't think they're cute.
They're often a little dirty.
And they're stupid.
They're like the dumbest kind of bear.
You gotta pressure wash them before the people come.
Yeah, they're never horny. They're really stupid. They're like the dumbest. You got to pressure wash them before the people come. Yeah, they're never horny.
They're really stupid.
I've never, ever seen a clip of like any other kind of bear just fall out of a tree.
Like you can see.
I have the answer for why.
Really?
Why?
They are the only bear that doesn't have a burrow or a designated place to sleep they don't bed down
for the night like every other animal whenever they get sleepy they fall asleep wherever they
are so they fall asleep on limbs draped over them like laundry and then roll out of the trees
like that's just how that's part of being a fucking panda is you sleep wherever you
fell asleep last did you know this have you seen these clips i know i didn't know this i just keep
thinking to myself i bet pandas go downstairs like toby just fucking just roll it'll be so
much smarter than like when i say falling out of a tree like i i've seen clips of pandas falling no lie like 30 feet on just
falling onto the ground and it's like there's no wonder these things are are dead and dying
look at that that thing's gonna go limp and asphyxiate itself between us if we took the
prop up this loser of an animal we could make three hard-working bootstraps type species fucking rejuvenate all
they need is a bed that's all they need they'll do the fucking themselves over we're over here
artificially inseminating pandas and playing literally playing panda porn to these fucking
animals i would invest these government resources into monkeys that help around the house and don't
murder me yeah i'll trust that I'd rather deal with a monkey
than a panda.
Oh, that's a good joke.
But I won't tell it.
That's a one for the
private text later.
That's often how it goes
with the guns.
Was it Zachary Tyler who sided with the Confederacy
and fought with them?
I don't know. Oh oh the 10th president i think zachary tyler fought with the confederacy uh and and he's the only president whose death wasn't um whatever um is it zachary tyler i think
tyler's right look i'm wrong about names all the time. Yeah, I'm bad with the president's names.
I haven't known them since fifth grade when they made me.
Zachary Taylor?
John Tyler. That's what I thought
it was. John Tyler.
Zach says it's Zachary Taylor.
Why am I fucked up on this? He would know.
He would. He's Googling it.
I only know cursory
knowledge about
presidents.
I'm more of a Confederacy expert.
You know every single leader of the Confederacy.
I guess that would be pretty easy, right?
Like two guys.
Jefferson Davis.
Jefferson Davis, and that was the end.
That's it, I think.
Nathan Bedford Forrest.
That's the other Confederacy name I know about,
and so that's my Confederate history.
Yeah. I think he was the KKK guy who was leading those raids, right?
I think there was some guerrilla warfare during the...
Okay.
In any case, the War of Northern Aggression was a difficult time, and who can say what happened when?
A despicable display of selfishness
from those northern bastards when you consider that get what the fuck
i mean that's how it was taught the northern heroes had to come downstairs and whoop some
southern ass and if you get rowdy i'm sorry where's gettysburg where's that at what part
of the south is getettysburg in?
Who won Gettysburg?
Isn't it crazy that they had a battle up in Pennsylvania?
What the fuck were they doing?
They let the Southerners push all the way to Pennsylvania?
I wouldn't even want to drive that far.
It was a winning strategy.
That's so far.
What I'm getting at is how do you get your army up to Pennsylvania
for this big battle and not have to fight tooth and nail every step of the way?
I guess I don't understand the logistics and the time frame of the Civil War and how that even worked.
I'm just imagining if the South sends a huge army all the way to Pennsylvania, what happens the day after?
How did they get through Maryland and Delaware?
Were there no fights?
I don't know.
Yeah.
Of course, they weren't coming. Yeah. Communication was probably stronger.
They probably came from Virginia or something. Why didn't they burn
Washington? Why did they go
around Washington to get to Pennsylvania?
Am I crazy? I thought they did burn
Washington. That's the war of
1812. That's the fucking British and the French
siding with those dirty Native
Americans. Y'all like to forget about that when you
defend those savages. They sided with
our enemies back in the day.
It was essentially the second American
Revolution. It was the same problems again.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, they burned the White House with the dinner on the table.
In 1812.
They burned the dinner, probably.
They stopped and ate the dinner. That's a historical record.
Yeah.
I think you're pulling my leg.
I swear to God to god zach prove it
don't you love google it just knows i love that google just fucking knows that's that's i i try
not to ever forget that the dark ages before google when you have to go get that old ass
encyclopedia right and see what someone said about this in 1978.
Yeah.
Before the internet was in everyone's pocket,
people would just tell random bullshit lies.
They might even believe it.
Did you know that blondes are actually more common than brunettes?
Yeah.
And then you just couldn't... Yeah.
You say it was confidence.
Women's brains are eight ounces lighter than a man's on average.
Not anymore because they're so fat now.
That's true.
Yeah, see, they sat down and ate the dinner, according to the History Channel.
Of course.
Well, if it was on the History Channel.
They also taught me about Hitler having so much free time during World War II
that he was spending weekends learning about the devil
and the occult.
That was Goebbels, right?
Or Goering. I get them mixed up.
I think it was Goebbels. He was very
interested in the occult and specifically
in these uber
weapons that could be drawn
from history, both from Arthurian
legends, things like obviously the sword
and the stone. That seems fucking absurd. way dude i can relate to it because this they're losing a war and they
don't really have any viable ideas for how to turn this around likewise when i was a student
i tried to study hypnotism so i could convince teachers to give me better. You've turned to the occult yourself.
If I knew how to hypnotize people,
I could get some better grades.
Matt, put your fucking pocket watch away for the last time.
Taylor, if you went to your local church,
like the good one,
and you told them you were considering hypnotism
to deal with something,
they would tell you that's the devil, right?
I bet it depends on the flavor of church but if it was a strict one they would probably say that's turning to like dark spirits or something dark maybe like a ouija board kind of level because
some of like some of them aren't cool with that yeah i did some form of hypnotism in a therapy
session it was really effective um it was some really yeah i can't remember what it was conversion therapy it didn't work i'm a man now
inside and out uh she was it involved um making these like i don't know clicking noises i think
it involved noises or something i don't really remember maybe she took my memories i remember
being really effective uh because because they made me do
all that therapy, that drug counseling
and I was like,
you know, it was marijuana
and it was half an ounce and she's like,
wow, you probably don't need any drug counseling
then, huh? I'm like, not at all.
Can we just handle some other stuff I've been
hanging on to though? She's like, oh yeah.
Let's knock some other
shit out. Yeah, let's work on me while we're here.
As a teenager, you don't have a really good grip
on what's wacko and what's not.
And I had a friend and his family was wacko,
but I didn't identify it.
The thing that clued me out, that clued me into it,
he had some sort of problem where he had like nine warts
on the same hand.
Like, I don't know, He just had a wart issue.
So they took him to a hypnotist to help his body fight the virus.
And I'm like, oh, your parents are crazy.
This is insane.
They don't take you to a regular doctor.
And he's like, no, no, no.
It's going to work.
It's going to work.
Your body just needs to be convinced that it can beat this virus.
Yeah, you're fucking whacked. Yeah, you're going to deal with a lot of warts they called him jimmy the mole
they took him completely over by 11th grade i remember like having a strong belief as a kid
that warts were contagious and aren't they i thought they were maybe maybe a dermatologist
i guess some of them are like genital warts and stuff.
But the kind of warts people just
get on their hand, if you
get those, those are not
contagious.
And that's because I had
to go as an
eight-year-old or whatever. My brother was six.
Ask me for a friend. Anal warts? Contagious?
Not. I would err towards yes.
Yeah, I would air towards yes yeah
but i remember my younger brother had one like on his hand and i would if you're only blowing
a distance for him because i didn't want to get it if you're only blowing
showing or not yeah showing i mean are they are they presenting a a huge amount
i've never seen real anal warts on their genitals.
I've never seen real anal warts,
but they convinced us in health class that it was a common problem
for people who become sexually active.
Anal warts is old hat.
Now it's monkey pups.
So it could present itself in any number of ways,
but HPV might be the most common STD
that people have have,
that most people,
if you haven't been vaccinated against it,
you will have one blend of it or another and some of them cause cancer many of the
kinds the kids the same the kind that causes warts causes cancer so if you've
got oh I didn't know HPV caused warts I didn't realize that was related it's all
the same thing yeah mm-hmm yeah yeah I think HPV is one of the most common ones
go get your vaccine, folks.
Also, your Lyme disease vaccine, if you're an outdoors fellow.
I think they just came out with a Lyme disease vaccine, which is revolutionary.
Did they?
Yeah.
I'm out.
They all cause autism.
Too late.
Let's just get even more autistic.
Yeah.
Can I double down?
Will I be better at remembering
shit dude that would have been so fucking funny is after you guys got like the covid vaccines like
trains just kept coming up on the show and i'd be like guys this show's not the same what's
changed with you kyle's counting all the goddamn time woody's obsessed with trains like this ve The GE350 is the king of the rails.
Dude, I have been looking at train videos lately.
I watch a train video or two, and YouTube is like, this fucker likes trains.
I got you.
And now it's just like, oh, why can't trains go uphill? I'm like, well, I have to know.
It's like those old weed commercials where I'm sitting next to you guys
and you're melted on the couch
in a conductor outfit and a little hat.
And I'm like, my friends aren't the same
since they got vaccinated.
Now they're really into anime
and it's fucking obnoxious.
I've got a weeboo pillow,
my fucking waifu or whatever.
Dude, those waifu pillows
are the most pathetic shit I've ever seen.
That and whenever people stick sex toys and make a whole janky sex doll out of something.
I'm a horny dude.
But I honestly have never considered buying one of those sex dolls.
Granted, I do have pretty good luck at making actual women have sex with me every now and then.
women have sex with me when uh every now and then but even if i was super hard up i just don't
want to fuck that big piece of plastic and rubber and silicone or whatever afterward the cleaning is the problem like i've got a i think i got a flashlight in a drawer somewhere
but every time you fuck that thing now you've got a disgusting mess after you come i don't want to
deal with this after i come i want to go take a nap or like i don't know do something else i don't want to deal with this after I come. I want to go take a nap or, like, I don't know. Do something else. I don't want to clean a dirty fucking cup.
Yeah, I don't want to do this.
This isn't my job.
It's a protein snack.
Oh, God. There can't be enough protein in there.
There can't be enough protein in there to be worth it.
I mean, the lube might have some protein, too.
Take that as a cocktail.
All your daily requirement of silicon.
If you expect her to deal with it
you should deal with it you guys want to wrap on that
yes I'm going to go eat dinner
PKN 460