Painkiller Already - PKN 470

Episode Date: August 22, 2023

pka 470 what's up boys not much not much not as much as what you've been up to so you both legs intact both arms intact body looking solid this trip was amazing one i didn't break anything outside of a side view mirror so no big deal and uh um so for example i did the transamerica trail it was like 6 500 miles miles, something like that. 8,000. I don't recall. I probably did six or seven mountain passes on that trip on this one. First day, eight mountain passes.

We were just like, what's fun. He kept describing this trip. Like, you know, you have a birthday cake and you eat the whole thing. He's like this trade is kid trip. Just frosting. Nothing but frosting. Nothing but the best parts of like adventure motorcycling so the first day we did the plan was to spend a few days doing

mountain passes in the colorado and then maybe just maybe go to utah and check out slick rock that was the idea the first day we did every mountain pass half of them like two times. And it was like, well, maybe we'll go to Moab. When I went to Moab on the Transamerica Trail, I had a bigger bike with luggage on it. And it was harder to ride on some of these things. I was also less experienced. So I did like this practice trail. And then when I did the harder one, I made it about, I don't know, 15% in. And it was too difficult.

And like the nature of what would go wrong was your bike sliding down the side of a mountain, perhaps irrecoverably and you getting hurt. And I was like, the juice just doesn't work the squeeze on. And I have a pretty high risk profile, but I was like, I think there's an 80% chance I fucked this up and it goes wrong on the new bike. I think I can make it. Well, I go, my, my in crime who's about the same skill level as me instantly falls down the side of the mountain and his bike like he's at the top and his

bike is moving just a little bit and he like grabs it a touch but not enough and the bike's trying to pull him off the side of the mountain and uh he just lets it go so he he's unhurt, but his bike is now slid 40, 60 feet down a rock face. And the recovery wasn't too bad. You know, he just climbed down the rock face himself. He did that. Yeah. Because I imagine Looney Tunes, like you look off the cliff and there's a little puff of smoke at the bottom. It wasn't.

It was. It was probably 80 degrees straight down. Like you couldn't walk down it. but it also wasn't a free fall. This bike just had a bunch of scratches. Dirt bikes are pretty good at being dropped and dragged. They're built for that with that in mind. Like a BMX bike almost. If you drop your BMX bike, what do you expect to happen? Scratches, but it works. Same with a dirt bike. Anyway, I happened to make that well.

We did Slickrock for a couple days and then we went to this place. I sent you pictures. It was called Top of the World. I showed my feet hanging off the cliff. I made a little video. You guys remember. That might have been the last day we rode. We rode three days.

We drove four. Not a great ratio. Kick butt. It went super well. I went last day we wrote so we wrote three days we drove four not a great ratio and uh kick butt it went super well i i went back to where i broke my leg like the exact spot we found it and uh i was like i gotta hit this again but this time not fuck it up so i did i got my rematch and my win over the portion of the trail that broke me good yeah nice yeah that uh that video you sent you were so high up. It was a really incredible view. Uh,

it was like something, I don't know, off a calendar or something. It was just a really beautiful view everywhere. You look too. It wasn't like, if you look right here, it's nice.

It was like, if you spent 360, even the, even you were like, that's town. I'm like, wow, town's pretty.

It was so far away. It was like a little shimmering mirage in the distance. My bike is carbureted. And I knew that a carbureted bike might have trouble running well as I gained altitude. Yeah, we talked about it. But I didn't have a solution. I talked to a professional motorcycle mechanic and his best idea was like, well, when you get there, find someone who solves this all the all the time because apparently you can't tune a bike at 300 feet to run well at 10 000 feet and like get that right a feet or two into my intake when i go up high like that i know a pair of people that do that

but um uh anyway my bike ran like shit i had to hold it at like 7 000 rpm and feather the clutch or it would stall and it was a real challenge but uh if i were to go again i think i'd buy a fuel injected bike for the trip i'm just glad you didn't grievously injure yourself again you know the again is just hurtful on that just imagine probably in a pattern where like you you injure yourself on a trip and then you have a triumphant return which leads you to get way too ballsy about something else and so you'll be you'll be wing suiting in the next few months something like that i would love to see i never knew that left pinky like i would love to see him marry his two extreme hobbies and have like wings or sails or something on the bike so that he could

ride the bike evil Knievel style off a Canyon and glide it for some period of time. Imagine you put like Leonardo da Vinci style wings on a cheap dirt bike, you know, like a $500 dirt bike and then ride it off a cliff and you, you stay with it for a while until you, you need to jump off, like do a little backflip, pull the chute. It'd be really cool. This is genius. I should get on this. It's a good idea. Try it out. This is a YouTube video that could make dozens of dollars. It's worth it.

You're talking about huge adventures. Put it on TikTok and we're talking dozens of pennies. I think he was pronouncing it on purpose. Put it on TikTok. That's a good idea, Grandpa. Speaking of big time adventures, I have something analogous to your story. So last night I was sitting on my couch just watching TV, relaxing, probably 11 p.m.

And I hear a little rustle, a little rustle, rustle, rustle, rustle, rustle from my pantry. And I'm like, I tried to tell myself that's the ice maker and it's like it's not the ice maker the ice maker doesn't make scratching noises from the pantry and so it doesn't leave mouse poop behind it doesn't leave so then I went and it's late I don't want to deal with this right now. And so I like go into my pantry. It has like this accordion door. And I look, I hear like a little squish, squish. And I look down and like there's a,

there's a box down there of like this old, like bulk creatine I bought a long, long time ago. And it's just- He didn't get into that, did he? I hope not. Or he would have got huge. And so it's down there, but he's behind that. And in my head, I'm like, I don't want to kill the mouse.

I just want to get it out of my house. But I don't want to deal with this right now. So I went and got one of my live traps and put some bait in there and like flip the little lid down and then put that in the pantry with the mouse. And then I closed the accordion door behind it and was like, all right, hopefully I'll wake up in the morning to a nice little mouse trapped in a live trap. So when you said you don't want to deal with it, was the alternative getting a net and catching the mouse?

Or crushing it with a broom? Yes, crushing it would have been the alternative. I don't want to kill it for no reason. I've never done that. I'd kill them. I put on garden gloves. I put on a garden glove and I literally just grab them and put them outside. I'd grab one barehanded once thinking,

it's a mouse, bring it. He bit me pretty hard. It's a wild animal. You don't want to have it bite you. We were worried I was going to get sick. I grabbed a snake like 10 days ago. It bit me repeatedly. A mouse?

Snake. Oh, a snake. It was a little snake. Like a garter snake? I don't think those were venomous. I remember Steve Irwin, God rest his soul, watching the Crocodile Hunter back in the day. He had a couple shows early on, especially. He had this little show with his wife and i remember him holding this snake maybe waist deep

in the water it's like it's right here it's just a green boom boo state he's friendly and it's biting him strike strike strike he's like oh grumpy fella back in you put your back in your little tree here. And there's a tap, tap, tap. Just bleeding all down his arm. Blood's just dripping down from each wound. He's like, oh, naughty fella. Well, this wasn't as intense as that, but I put the little tubular live traps where you put bait in the back,

and they're meant to go in, step on a panel, and then it closes them in. And it's a mouse-sized trap. And so I put it in there, I to go in, step on a panel, and then it closes them in. And it's a mouse-sized trap. And so I put it in there, I close it in, and this morning I come out to do a little checking up. And so I open my accordion door and immediately I hear like, like into the back.

One thing I noticed is I didn't realize last night there was a bag of basmati rice that was on the ground too. All like a four pound bag of rice just coating the entire floor there. And I'm like, this is a huge amount of food. Some of the grains of rice

were black. Yeah, some of them were. But I put the back in the bag. Put the back in the bag. You just boil that right out. They tear back. They back in the bag. You just boil that right out. They disappear in the water. The live trap was flipped on its side, and there wasn't any bait in there anymore. I'm like, that's a pretty strong mouse to be flipping that thing.

The trap is splinters. And I look back behind it, and I see what looks like a little looks like a mouse back there and so thankfully because my pantry isn't that far away from uh the entrance from my garage i open up my garage area and i'm like all right i need to like grab i took my i went out in my garage and i found the widest implement I have, which was a snow shovel. I'm like, all right, this covers most of the lane past me back into my house. I want to try and push him that way.

I didn't want to hit him. I just wanted to scare him in that direction. And this thing, I immediately noticed it wasn't a mouse when it ran out. And it was a full on chipmunk, like an entire chipmunk,-on chipmunk. Like an entire chipmunk. An adult chipmunk. In my closet eating rice. That is better actually.

Because then there'd be something scarier in there. There's only one way for it to run. I'm trying to push it this way. It's not getting a good purchase on the hardwood of my kitchen and so it runs out kind of towards me and then freaks out and goes, like, it's not getting,

it's like burning out. Show me with your hands. They're little, right? With the tail, like maybe that, that's pretty big. That's bigger than I thought.

A big, with the tail in there, like it was a decent sized chipmunk. And, were you thinking of a partial chipmunk? Yeah, you're thinking of a tail-less one. You explicitly said a full chipmunk.

I've only seen him in pieces. There's only one way for it to go straight. Like, I had it set. My garage door was open. The door out to the garage was open. The sun's shining. Birds are chirping out there. It can see that.

And it runs towards the door and then takes a right into my laundry room. And now it's like hiding behind my washer and dryer. And I'm like, OK, I need to chase it back out towards towards the door. And so I like then I'm like like a retard, like banging on stuff like that. Yeah, that was my idea, too. I guess it's not a good one be scared and erratic then he ran from the corner back uh to like there's a partially full hamper that was in the other corner and it was like i could see its little chipmunk face like peeking around there

and i was trying to be like come on buddy outside outside outside. And then he ran towards me, like towards me, and then did a 180 where he burned out and kept sliding towards me a bit, and then shot itself out of my house and my garage, and I was

very, very thankful that I didn't have to kill him because I didn't want to hurt a little chipmunk. Can you imagine if I had put a kill trap in there? Did you get a visual that he left the garage or could he still be there? He could 100% still be in the garage. It could be a... He'll be dead soon if he's in the garage.

Oh, like if... It's so hot in there. Oh yeah, you're right. It will be dead. If it didn't leave before I went to the store earlier, it's dead. Yeah, I'm always careful when I'm running around the house going room to room because I'm 95% moved in, but

occasionally I'm looking for a belt buckle or some shit and it's in the garage in a box. I gotta be careful not to leave any dogs out there because I don't think little fuckers would make it long. It's baking in there. My garage is not hot. I'm surprised. It's insulated, I bet. You've got like a layer of it.

And the concrete doesn't warm up very quickly. It has just a concrete floor and it doesn't warm up that fast. Oh, I have that too. But, you know, I don't think it cools off at night here, really. It's so goddamn hot. Plus, you know, the doors are non-insulated. So it's just a thin piece of sheet metal it's it's it's more like a solar oven than than anything like maybe 30 minutes ago i was walking by to turn my ac down and i got like a notification on it where it's like where it's

it's been set to a lower temperature for three hours but the temperature has gone up there may be a problem with your heating. I felt like for cold air coming out. And it is. It's just so fucking hot. That it's losing. Yeah. Again.

Did you do the attic thing? The little tent? No. I did. I 100% forgot about that until right now. I immediately got a tent. I was like. That is something.

Look. There's plenty of shit I don't know about. There's plenty of shit that I don't know a lot about. But there's not a ton of stuff that I just never, ever even heard about. And I'd never even heard about this tent to go over the attic door. So I immediately fucking got one and put it up there because I was just imagining the heat leaving. I showed that really cold here. I don't mean to make this an attic tent podcast, but it's a pretty straightforward install, and this is the kind of thing I'm talking

about. I mean, it's the hottest summer of all time. A lot of people paying for electrical bills would probably like to save a few dollars every month, but eventually, after this pays for itself in a year or two. Yeah, maybe less. It's like maybe less dollars, 20 to $4. Maybe less. The my my last place, I think there was some kind of I don't know exactly how it works, but if you live in a certain area in Georgia or maybe if you're in a certain location,

there's some really steep discount on electrical. And but that didn't apply for the last month's bill it was 666 dollars was my was my final power bill at my last place which was a little spooky 666 it was some odd cents but i don't count those uh that's so expensive that's a little high huh yeah dude if i see like like high 200s or like 300 i'm like oh my god like what yeah how low have i had my ac traditionally that's kind of how i would feel but apparently it was because of i don't know what the deal is maybe it's because of our nuclear or hydroelectric or something that area that i was in gets some huge discount on electrical just

because uh but then like i said that doesn't apply to where i am now i haven't gotten my that area that I was in gets some huge discount on electrical just because. But then, like I said, that doesn't apply to where I am now. I haven't gotten my, I don't think I've seen the first month's power bill, or if I did, I didn't take note of it here.

It could be crazy. Energy pricing is really complicated. Like the government subsidizes it and regulates it in lots of ways that like the cost of how much to produce it isn't really directly tied into how much you pay sometimes and yeah so i don't know 100 yeah it's like corn here and and understanding why we grow so much of it and why we need so much of it no i think we have too much of it we have it's just making people put corn and everything and from what i've heard that's not good for us that hydrogen fuel boondoggle the the all of it i think there's um laws against selling a growing regular sugar in america does that sound right um so i don't know exactly what you're talking about but it's not competitive maybe i know that sugar comes from uh not just sugarcane i think the

majority of sugar comes from sugar beets which are grown in south america um i want to say on the east coast of south america is it i believe i think it's brazil but all the corn syrup sugars corn syrup is what we've gotten all our stuff that's what most what the Europeans and all the other countries make fun of us for. But I mean, if you've got a bag of sugar, obviously, that's... Yeah, that's sugar. How often do you find a bag of sugar? I keep a bag of sugar. If I want to do baking or if a visitor wants to put it in their coffee or something.

So there's always a pound of sugar in the cupboard. But probably not that often to answer your question on how often i buy bags of sugar yeah probably not too often you're not that big of a baker anymore i guess you weren't ever a big baker you were big into cooking for a couple years ago i've done a little baking what i liked was um sometimes i would recreate like a fancy romantic dinners not recreate but just make um so do like you know filet mignon and uh some side and a salad and then i would do those molten lava cakes so i had to learn to make those in ramekins um they're what they're little chocolate souffles and then uh i learned that you could make a grand marnier souffle which is basically a tasty little orange souffle and i started making those

uh yeah so that that's close to baking as i i've really gotten seriously into i've never done cakes i think i've baked one or two cakes before really good yeah yeah yeah baking is like chemistry uh like if you're cooking on a stove top and you're making um stir fry a lot of people think that's really easy because you're just throwing shit in there but there's a little finesse to it. You got to watch things and be able to tell when this turns translucent or that's about to be cooked through or it's good

on the middle or it'll cook through sitting on the counter. But with baking, you follow instructions like you're coding and it comes out the other side correct or you check your code because you messed up. It's autistic cooking. It's very different different there's no excuse for fucking you there are no the other cooking there's more of an art to that the chef needs to apply whereas baking is just following directions

there's a lot of eyeballing and finesse and um a lot of other kinds of cooking but there's almost zero that i can think of in baking. It's a formula that you feed into that oven and you wait. If you look at the back of baking stuff, it'll tell you what to do at different altitudes because it matters. I didn't know that.

What kind of changes do they make for altitude? Time? Shit. Is it time or is it longer to make stuff in colorado shorter i think it's time but i don't remember yeah i because i think that boiling points might be different does that sound right to you guys yeah but that wouldn't matter in the yeah yeah but that's not relevant to this i don't know what else would be different but i wouldn't matter. Yeah, yeah, but that's not relevant to this. I don't know what else would be different. But I don't doubt that you're right. Yeah.

Do you really want to go up against my cooking knowledge, Kyle? Do you want this smoke? Have you ever attempted to cook a girl a romantic dinner? Yes. It's the atmosphere's pressure changing. You're absolutely right. You have. What did you cook?

Steak. changing the book you're absolutely right buddy you have what did you cook uh steak and uh like a i think it was like an asparagus and mushroom like stir fry with it and then like some ice or something it was just like this is many years ago and it was just the easiest thing i could think like because steak is so solid for like feeling fancy but also like all right you just do a little reverse sear in the oven comes out perfect and it makes you look much more competent than you are yeah so like the way i would often have girls come over like the first time i would meet them would be coming to my house and that can be super sketchy and uh so you know what we've joked about how it is like yeah i know it's crazy or whatever blah blah blah so i'm trying to make a good impression when she gets there so i would

usually she was might just be there just to bang and think she's leaving in a couple hours but i'd be like oh look i made you like a really fancy dinner minutes right oh it makes a great impression you know a couple minutes i mean i mean you don't yeah i guess sometimes that's sort of like spelled out beforehand i'm talking about modern dating for for woody's benefit you know sometimes beforehand you're like yeah when you get here like i'll have my dick out she's like perfect wow you know but but sometimes it's like yeah maybe come over watch a movie and what we mean is like come over and let's make sure we that you don't smell or anything and that and that you haven't

gained 80 pounds since that photograph and this and that and the other you're playing fast and loose you're just going straight to the house you're not you're not setting up a little coffee date a little a little fact finding tour first if uh if that's what they would like to do then i'm more than happy to do to do anything and everything whether it's some little coffee date or just like dinners plural or whatever but if i can just get you to come to my house and we can just watch a movie and i can cook you dinner which will probably be a better experience for getting to know each other anyway and it'll be cheaper for me i don't want to run you all over fucking town if this isn't gonna work out you know that's my preference have you ever been like

fat fished and then when you see her at the door just be like no and shut the door again or do you give her like a pity fuck and no call back like what is the protocol i've told my two my two um stories the one where i just got my buddy to call me and i lied my way out of the car and basically had her turn around take me back because work like i told her that my film had gotten deleted accidentally and i had to go do reshoots and she and i sparing her feelings on intentionally and then the other time i i was just let her suck my dick and then i was was like, oh, yeah, sorry. I didn't mean to come when you were sucking my dick.

We were going to have more sex. And I was like, tonight, tonight, after dinner tonight. But let me get to work. And then after she left, I blocked her on everything. I'm just being honest because she had, I didn't know what to do. That was awful. She had fib to you. Taylor, what would you do if

you opened the door and you realized you've been fat fished, but severely, more than 35 pounds? If it's severely, I don't want to hurt somebody's feelings. I don't want to make someone feel bad that doesn't make you feel good.

But she also started this relationship off with lying. She might be crazy, though, and not realize what she did did and you don't want to hurt a crazy person's feelings i'm gonna be courteous like i i don't courteous i would not ever just be like get the fuck off my butt like no like i i'm gonna be kind and like nice but it's gonna probably be obvious like when i don't hit her back up ever that like you know what you did like you you were dishonest about it what if hypothetically she was willing to

do something intimate would you take advantage of that or would you just be like knowing that there would be no second date or would you just be like nah get the fuck out of here uh depends on the vibe I take advantage of the wrong phrasing on what she wants

and what I because sometimes it's like there is much for just a casual fuck right right that's why I wish I had to take advantage her fetish is to be overhead pressed and she saw your profile saw your profile and she sent you her cousin's photos because she knew this would get her in your door.

But now that she's here, here's a weightlifting belt, bitch. Let's do this shit. Blowing out my L6. You're like, well, I'm going to need a warm-up. God damn. Can I deadlift you instead? You throw like 95 up a couple times and like stretch out you're like no a little more hang on have her sit on the top of my leg press thing and i have this scenario that she like breaks out rope and you think she's into bondage but really she's just

giving you grab handles you know wraps up her two thighs for a grip and maybe something around her chest or neck i don't know how that wrap your hand up like you're riding a bull no it's funny i imagine kyle like i i haven't invested in a sex swing maybe i should based on your reviews but you've never had a situation where you were like i don't know if this bitch can fit in this swing oh well she wouldn't have gotten there. You know, like we wouldn't have made that cut. Yeah. Yeah.

Right. That's a suck me off on the porch kind of girl. Yeah. We have to do it here. So the neighbors know I'm savage. Like, like, I don't discriminate. I like a curvy lady but i have for whatever reason um there was a string of girls that i was i dated that were very small like 95 to 110 pounds like

like usually five one to like five three like in that tiny people realm which is um so yeah you just kind of... I can overhead press a girl like that. I was just thinking, overhead pressing a girl is kind of a feat, because they're awkwardly shaped people in general. Barbells are made to be

perfectly balanced. Which shoulder was significantly stronger for the upper body? My left is stronger. Wait, wait. So we are grabbing her by like the mons pubis and the neck, right?

This is how you overhead press a girl? I imagine grabbing... Well, she lays sideways. Maybe that could be less of a perf. Yeah, so she... Yeah, yeah.

Woody's like, get a good grip. These two in the throat, these two in the clam. He's wrapping her hair up in his hand. Sorry, I got a good purchase here with this ponytail. I've never done this. You know, like one hand is sort of that.

Shut up, I'm trying to lift. I'm trying to work out. I would get my right hand at sort of her hip, like where it hinges, sort of like my hands kind of around her ass and my thumb kind of around her ass and uh my thumb kind of coming around her like pelvis and and then the left hand i would think would go around and under her armpit or maybe somewhere around around there and it seems to me that it

would be good to like start low and get a lot of momentum and she could even help and then yeah like like press her um but like anyone 120 pound woman will be hard to overhead press i think like real hard dude 100 woman would like it's so easy to forget and be like 100 pounds whatever like yeah that's a barbell person is it's a person who's moving they're trying to balance themselves as you're pushing it's not going to work right the moving could be helpful so i and i say this because i see cheerleaders who i don't think could possibly overhead press a woman but a woman but what they're doing is the women are kind of jumping up there and synergize their actual effort is not too much different than like unracking a high overhead press exactly because they're already almost locked out yeah but i'm

not talking but that's not fair. I think you have to press her from a full stop. Otherwise, you're just a cheerleader, and they don't get laid, I hear. They don't. Well, I'm just kidding. They do, but they're men. Yeah. Because they're not competing for the same people you are.

George Bush was a cheerleader. Look look i wish my high school had been big and rich and fancy enough that dude cheerleaders was like it's like yeah he's on the squad dude he gets to see he gets to put his hand in amy's muff every night like like i wish that was the attitude but we had one male cheerleader and he was a fruitcake that's more that's one more than we had uh we didn't know he a flamboyantly gay black man. Like flamboyantly gay. No interest in his teammates on the cheer squad. He was one of the gals. We had no boy cheerleaders, but we had two sets of girls cheerleaders.

There were the football cheerleaders, who were the hottest, most eligible girls in the school. This was the Barbie squad. And then you had the basketball cheerleaders who were just not these were the girls who could never cheer for football these are the girls who couldn't get a date and it's like i know technically you're a cheerleader but you are not what we're talking about you're yeah you're not a basketball cheerleader everyone knows at least in america football is the real cheerleader sport remember the south park where the one cheerleader was like retarded

and ugly and and uh um kyle's little girlfriend spoke out for because everybody else was being mean to her but then she started shopping her pictures, like putting photos on it. Yeah. And everybody wanted a Photoshopped girlfriend. And Wendy's like, what the? That's a great one. Because that's reality. There are tons of people who have this picture of their girlfriend on their phone that they date. She's over there. She don't look like this picture.

She hasn't. Yeah, this is her. This is her. Maybe ever. Yeah. Would you point her out? It's funny. I got to the point where I think I can see a filter,

right? If a girl smiles and has like no crow's feet at all, if there's no hint of like bags under the eyes, it's probably filtered, especially if she's over like 25 or 30. But what I don't know that i'm catching all of them you can do a filter subtle enough to just bump you up like one point and maybe i don't catch it yeah you can do filters that so if you know where someone started then you you'll you'll catch it but if you've never seen this at the first time you see this

person they've got a ridiculous filter on i saw on the other day and it slipped off of her like she was a goddamn reptilian being exposed to ultra violent race for the first time and it was just like she was like hi everybody and she turned to the side i'm denise it's a bad chinese guy i was just gonna say the motorcyclist right yeah i think he's japanese but yeah i'm with you yeah that was that's a good trick he played on if people don't know there was a over 50 guy ugly had long blonde hair and uh he went around using a filter to just be like a really smoking hot i'll call her like 22 year old girl and moto vlogs right yeah yeah instagram type thing instagram realities aside right i'm sure you guys have seen it like

guys are so good at that because if we see a girl who's actually good at the thing that we're that we like and and we can be like whoa she's not just good for a girl she's like good it's a it's a real like i don't know entryway into becoming her uh her fake internet friend and having a uh really a parasitic relationship more than anything but that's what he was doing i would imagine like all these guys were like yeah she rides just like me and reality like she does but she is a 50 year old man named koo chain and that she probably ride with you too it works on me a little bit but i never thought it would so here's where i'm going i have seen a lot of women pose with guns now i like guns and i'm pro gun but it's not like my passion i don't don't see it. I can't recognize all the scopes

and stuff like Kyle probably can. But I saw, I see girls pose with guns and I'm like, this is such horseshit. Like, why do you like this? On the other hand, if I see a girl on like a dirt bike or something, it's like, wow, it bumps her up like three points in my mind.

I have to, for me to care that she's got a gun like for i hate posers and anything i hate fucking posers it's like be be what you are at what you're good at you know like i've always tried so hard not to be a poser and uh and i see and most people holding those fucking guns are goddamn posers uh and there's difference between like a character and a poser like that's not at odds with one another um yeah but uh but i see those girls holding guns most of the time and i think you don't like guns like you like guys who like uh like guns or you like you know

getting the views from guys who like guns maybe even even more diabolically can you tell a poser by the way they hold the gun no but i can can tell based on what they're doing with the gun because sometimes it's a photo of them shooting, and then I can tell, I think. If I see a girl shooting sporting clays, I think I can tell right away if she's real. I don't need a video, just a photo of her. There's a picture Taylor used to have up of him,

maybe on Twitter or something, of him shooting. I'm like, oh yeah, Taylor knows how to stand. But if i saw a girl shooting like just based on her gun right if she's got a gun that fits her that's a huge it's like oh you went and got the gun that fits you you didn't just grab your boyfriend's gun you don't have some 32 inch barrel on this fucking trap gun that you can barely hold up uh this is a gun made for you. This is your fucking gun and you probably picked that rib and you probably decided that cheek thing and the comb

thing or just how you wanted it. That I can get on board with. That's why my most liked Tinder picture is me with a gun in my mouth. Those women are like, wow, that guy's his figure's on the trigger i asked kyle because a really common thing they do is they hire a model right a drop dead 10 out of 10 supermodel put her in a bathing suit and have her carry a surfboard as if that's what she

was doing or about to do and uh like kyle one i can see if that board fits her in a snap and it's like that's not your get the out of here that is either a child's board or a grown man's board that is not yours and the other is i can tell by the way they hold it whether or not they carry surfboards like they're awkward to carry and it's like what do you no no one carries a board like that you don't look like you know what you're doing. So, yeah. Anyway, sometimes if you're an expert in something, you can spot it super fast. Yeah, for sure.

I think driving is like that. If you see someone drive that not. What I mean by drive. Here's what I mean. If you see someone parallel park, you can tell if they can drive. You see someone parallel park or a more the southern version of parallel parking because we got parking everywhere down here. We don't have to do that shit is back in a trailer, back in a trailer into a driveway or something like that. Now, look, if you can't do it, it doesn't mean you can't drive.

It just means you don't do that regularly. But but if you see some that my point is that someone who does that regularly enough to be good at it is definitely a good driver like and if i see a woman who can do that and i have uh we had a um my dad's farm there was they drive these semi trucks with chicken feet in them and there was a lady and she has to back it up in a certain way and it's got this big spout that comes out to the side with a boom arm that she has to swing just right. She can operate that shit. She was about 5'3", 200 pounds

and she had a little bit of facial hair but she could drive the shit out of that. But her Tinder profile's smoking. Yes. Grindr. She really knows how to drive. I didn't even think of that are there gay women on grinder i don't know yeah i never even what is a woman woody

that's such a hard question i'm pretty sure an adult human i'm a human huh what's that it's. A human? A homo sapien? A bi-piglet? I don't know when you become an adult for real. Honestly, I really don't know. I remember there was a time when I thought of

danger as I think it's about responsibility and taking personal responsibility because i used to think of dangerous things as the pain that would they would inflict on me that was that's what would and but i'd never consider the hospital bills but later on i was like man that's a three thousand dollar injury000 injury. Like breaking something hurts and getting cut sucks. But it's so annoying having to go to the hospital

and actually pay those fuckers. So that's part of when I thought I became an adult, when I started caring about, man, let's not do that. You know how expensive it is to fix a leg? For me, it's the downtime. And I don't typically fret. I have insurance. I don't fret the hospital charge. I pay a ton for insurance, but that does mean that when I get hurt, there's no big charge and the pain. I don't, I really haven't had a injuries that you'd think are painful. Like the

last couple of times I broke legs, broke my finger my finger broke my i don't remember what else i broke recently but um all that stuff like the pain wasn't too bad it was the limitations like hey if you want to heal this in three weeks you need to be fucking still your new hobby is netflix don't do. That's the torture for me. I'm like, man, this is just... Do I want my summer to end today? Today. It is August 22nd. It's over today if you get hurt. You'll be back on your feet in December. Fuck that.

That makes sense. I always say that breaking my ankle was the most painful thing, but I think it was when I burned myself. Burns suck. That was really bad uh that and it kept going huh the one with the blue yeah yeah i took all the skin off the back of this hand um that was i just remember the waves of pain that would just go hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt and i slept that night with it in ice water.

Was that good? Did they tell you to? I didn't go to the hospital until the next day. Okay. I don't know if that's good. I don't know if it's good or not, but it's the only way I could deal with the pain. It numbed it up enough that I could fall asleep with it in there, in the ice, because it was just waves of intense pain it was second and third degree i got first second and third degree i'm

sure i'm sure there's some edges that were first but that really fucking hurt man that that hurt a lot for a long time because breaking it breaking something has this sort of at first it doesn't hurt a lot but it's it's more of an intense thing right then and there. But the burn just got worse throughout the day and the evening and the night and through the middle of the night. That was so bad. Burns suck. My last couple of broken bones have not been that painful. But I was on the other side of Kyle's story as he was telling it.

I've had poison ivy that's terrible and annoying and the itching, there's just no relief from the itching. And it's just making me crazy. It starts impacting my mental health because this poison ivy has been going on for like seven days now and it hurts so much. And one of my moves

is to take a blow dryer to the poison ivy and hurt it. The pain is preferable to the itching and i will just be like fuck you fuck you that's psychotic let's take a step back it's still gonna itch again when you stop hurting yourself all right let's not all right i got a bet I got like eight better ideas. I don't doubt it. Number one. I have never in my life had poison ivy. Did you start with calamine lotion or did you go straight to branding?

Like, was there an oatmeal bath section or did you go straight to the blade? Oh, I remember oatmeal bath when I had chicken pox as a kid. Fuck yeah. I have it here when i um when i'm taking those if i take i take those hot ass hour-long baths to to burn extra calories but that'll dry your skin out so i throw oatmeal shit in there so i'm floating in a salty briny oatmeal bath it probably tastes good did you have chicken pox as a kid did you get it of course when i was five i don't think that they that they make kids get it anymore that's wildly irresponsible it we used to have chicken

pox all right i say we my generation had chicken pox parties where you got it you'd be like little eric has fucking chicken pox everybody come over and get it now. Get it out of the way. That way you're not the random kid who gets knocked out of school when it matters or the bizarre 25 year old man who has to can't go to work this week because he has chickenpox. You know what I mean? My understanding is chickenpox is an inconvenience and a pain as a child, but it's dangerous as an adult, which is why I thought they affected kids. Have you heard that also? Yeah. Yeah. I but it's dangerous as an adult, which is why I thought they infected kids. Have you heard that also, Taylor? Yeah, yeah. I didn't know that. As an adult, it's more dangerous to you.

So I didn't have to go to a party. I just remember some kid had it at our school when I was in like first grade and then came home. My mom was like, oh, I wonder if you're going to get chicken pox in like in eight hours like I had chicken pox. It must be wildly contagious because I wasn't a touchy-feely kid.

I wouldn't have been like, but I got it. Maybe just touching toys. It's bacterial skin infection or it's viral? I don't know anything about chickenpox. I have no idea, but it was itchy as hell. If you vaccinate, it has to be viral.

No? No. No? Okay. Like smallpox is bacterial is my understanding, right? Or maybe I'm dumb. No, that's a virus. Is it?

I don't think the pox. Pox. A pox on your ancestors. I bet pox is bacterial. Oh, Zach says it's viral. There we go. I don't remember how I got chicken pox, but I remember when the ice cream man

had just come down our block and the song plays out of the truck and all that shit. I get ice cream. I'm eating it. And suddenly everyone's paying attention to me. They're all pointing at me saying I have chicken pox. I have no idea.

All I want more than anything else in the world is just for people to stop paying attention to me. But they won't. Like a crowd gathers. They're all like, look, look, you've got chicken pox. You've got chicken pox. Oh, my God. Smallpox. I don't think so.

I don't have a better answer. No, I'm pretty sure no. But they're like, it's like no i'm pretty sure no but they're like it's coming in and then my mom comes out and she's like yep this is chicken pox and they pulled me in the house and i just i don't know endured for a couple days yeah it wasn't it wasn't too bad it was i remember as a kid though that was like the first disease that like radically altered your appearance like all over because yeah i had and i guess like kids get it different like i had like chicken pox on my face arms like legs getting it in their eyes like like in their eyelids or something i have heard of that i thank god that

did not happen to me but i had two that were right next to each other in the middle of my forehead like a little like uh, like ass cheeks. So did you scratch at them and pull them a lot? Make sure it's a permanent scar. My mom solidified in me. If I was even gently rubbing one, she'd be like, stop it. You're going to give yourself a scar. Do you want to have scars all over your face forever?

And I'm like, nah, you want a zero to 60 there. You're right. She'd show you Edward James Olmos fucking pictures. You want to be this guy? This could be you. No. You'll get short in Mexican. It'll happen.

You'll be a really good actor. Tremendous actor. Who is he? Edward James Olmos. James Edward Olmos. Edward James Olmos. He's the one who always takes shit on the family guy. Wait, is? Edward James Almos? James Edward Almos. Edward James Almos. He's the one who always takes shit on the family guy. Wait, is it Edward James Almos? It is Edward James Almos.

Why am I saying James? I can't believe I beat you in an actor name off. That's wild. One movie he's in. Oh, Battlestar Galactica guy. Right? The one who gives the speeches? The general? Oh, yeah. I do enjoy his work. Adama. Oh, Kyle. Jackie and I are watching Star Trek together

10 out of 10 recommendation That thing I am enjoying pretty much Even the bad episodes I'm like well this is what Star Trek is Enjoy it take it in They're going on a little mission here doing a little science or whatever It seemed like their goal Was to do classic Star Trek

And what happens in classic Star Trek in any given season is there'll be an episode where we go to a fairy tale because aliens found our daughter's fairy tale book and interpreted it as, used it as their codex for communication. They're like, ah, this must be all there is to humanity. Let's set up this structure so we can tell them what we want. So that'll happen. Or there'll be a holodeck episode or the aliens i didn't love the trial i don't want to spoil too much but there's a character who's in trouble for being who she is

so they have to like get an attorney i didn't love it i liked it i liked the end okay i like that ending moment where like every that they did little flashbacks and showed you there's been a building little thing i like that but i guess the episode on the whole was just you know boring courtroom drivel i i've liked other stuff though i think picard once served as a defense attorney and i was into it so i i'm inconsistent there but even the bad episodes are good they're just not great and i've been yeah the drumhead is uh the drumhead is one of my favorite uh next generation episodes that's when they're suspected sabotage aboard the enterprise turns out not to be true but they bring in this this uh this investigator who's more like a a persecutor than a prosecutor and she's got it in her head that there's something afoot and she's going to

root it out. And she's questioning people and having trials and tribunals. And, and she's got Picard even she's got him in the chair and she's going to put him under her thumb. And he just sits there and he goes, you know, the cash to me.

And he goes on this little speech instead of answering anyone, any of her questions. And it just went, he wins right there. It's tremendous. The drumhead is amazing. And then there's another episode where he is Data's defense attorney in determining whether Data as an android

has the right to say no to them. To be like, no, I don't want you to take my brain apart and see how it works, because that might kill me. And they're like, yeah, but do it anyway. But he's a robot, right? He's an android. Is that like half robot?

I don't know. It's a robot. It's a robot made to look like a person. But it's all robot. Yeah. Oh, well, then who cares? He's people, though. He's like a self-learning thing and he becomes the accumulation of his life experiences the answer is his friends care and that's the point

of the episode and so they have a trial where his friends and mostly picard prove that yeah he is a person like i can swap a part on a motorcycle and it's just a mechanical thing i still have that bike but data there's only one data because he is the result of his life's experience unlike a motorcycle and it's all like it's still a robot so it's all like make another one this then this like inputs no like it's not he's not real he's full-on artificial intelligence that that broad artificial general artificial intelligence is what it's called like he's a guy he's they should just copy his brain so that if it goes wrong so that's the that's the thing is the guy who made him died and he only made well he made he only made the one for to keep things oh okay yeah because if

it was like a real android situation they wouldn't be able to rely on that because it'd just be everyone would have one and it would you know that's the whole map and changed all the time and now you're talking about season one of the shitty suratrex uh picard where they talk about the android revolt on mars and how they had to like i think they outlawed androids and now they hunt them down kind of blade runner style and then the androids rebelling on the android planet led by a data like clone or ancestor it's hard to tell at this point they want the actor to keep coming back so they keep finding you know the actor's great the data actors so they just keep bringing him back one way or another a little little weird because like Taylor pointed out,

he is an android. But I watched Picard. I'm like, damn, that android got 40 years older and drastically overweight. It's almost like he's 65 now. It's like, man, you're making the rest of the crew look terrible. We were uploading obesity drive. And can't sleep well

drive reflux drive we're on a planet that makes only data fatter planet cholesterol actually so i don't know that picard gained any weight. Riker did. Yeah, he did. They're 70s. Let it go. It's not like they have regular acting gigs. They got the call. It was like, really? You need me back?

I haven't thrown the ball in three or four generations now. They're like, no, no. We want you back. We want you't thrown the ball in like three or four generations now yeah they're like no no we want you back we want you to throw the ball fuck like a background character are you gonna tony stark me into a suit or something no you're gonna go in the regular fucking zip up fucking jumpsuit like you all did when you had 12 body fat let's fucking go those things hide nothing he looked fat back in the day like i always thought if you go back reicher's like got a little bit of a chubby thing going on just a little bit of a gut it's like not as good as he could have looked i would say but reicher was such a ladies man i was watching the recent star trek and i forget which characters it was it might

have been spock and the nurse but like someone had a romantic opportunity like it was a chance and they passed it up and my wife was like reicher would have hit that reicher is such a man whore that there's a whole episode where reicher is on like some pleasure planet which is essentially like a prostitute planet where they just want dick and and he's hooking up with this weird looking alien and she's they're getting all flirty and she's got his like com badge his communicator plus his sort of insignia uh that's on his jacket that pops off that's it's everything it's a cell phone basically and she's like oh look what i got he's like give it back that's star that's starfleet property and I need it for my commander duties.

He's like, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Throws it out the window. Out the window so she can get him to herself. That'd be the end right there. I got to go get my phone real quick. I don't care who you are. But then she's macking on him a little. Hey, let's play a little games.

He's like, oh, yeah? I know a few games myself. She's like, no, she's like no not your dick look at this thing she she pulls out this little vr headset looks kind of like a tiara and she throws it on him turns out it's some sort of crazy mind control device and now they've got him and now he's going to infect the entire enterprise crew everybody's playing the game getting corrupted it's all because he's down on the pleasure planet getting fucking dangerous strange pussy sticking his dick and crazy

it's multiple times his Star Trek STDs are rough this isn't what I thought Star Trek was about I thought it was more about fighting aliens conquering the skies very rarely is it that yeah those are just the big episodes

mostly it's about like crew interaction interaction yeah it's a lot of aliens it's like no we need to find out if this robot deserves to live there are plenty of episodes where there's it's often more it's often brinksmanship right where the two captains are facing off head to head and it's like our people are both down on that planet and one side is like do not interfere with what's going on that planet and the other side's like we just want to get our people out of there don't you fucking do it we'll kill you we'll kill everyone and there's this sort of negotiation and there's a lot of negotiating and more often than not there's a uh we learn something at the end there's an allegory

or uh but but i really like the wharf episodes the whole wharf tale is wonderful because they let him be in multiple tv shows and movies so he has this long story longer than anyone else's because it begins way back in the first season of the next generation in 1991 or 1990 something like that and it goes all the way into the movies and deep space nine and he gets a full character arc the way no one else does it's pretty neat is he the same actor all the way through yeah michael dorn is the actor so michael dordan michael dorn if you don't watch the show uh has a tremendous amount of makeup on if there's any actor you could swap in all of star

trek i can't think of a better candidate than Michael Dorn. But interestingly, no one has had more job stability than that actor. He's invited him to every Star Trek variation. I did a bad job. Actually, Michael Dorn was in Star Trek before Star Trek The Next Generation. He was Kirk's defense lawyer in Star Trek VI. I did not know that. Yes, he is not Worf, though. He's a different defense attorney, Klingon, but that is Michael Dorn in that makeup defending

Kirk. And he's obviously still in Star Trek because he was just in the last season. Are you saying he was in the original first Star Trek with Shatner? The movie, Star Trek 6, the film, which was made in 1991. So it's really close. The timelines are clearly they were like, ah, this guy makes a pretty good Klingon. Let's get him in here because he does a pretty good job at defending Kirk and his trial. Kirk is ultimately found guilty and sent to the Dilithium mines.

I like it when an actor has stability on a job and likes it a really common thing that happens is an actor will make it on like law and order or say and he'll be like you know what i'm a working actor i'm becoming a part of a big deal i'm gonna ditch law and order and start my movie career and it's like no you fuck you've made a huge mistake law and order would have had you for the next 30 years but instead now you're trying to star in like fucking top gun or something but that's not you it's it's interesting that you should bring that up right of talking about michael dorn because what happened was the actress who played tasha yar she was the um security

security chief or she she was the like officer who fired the the the shit the the the the lasers and the phasers and the torpedoes she was up there and wharf was like security officer or some shit in a red suit she got she didn't like how her character was not growing and she also had some beef with the with one head showrunners, so she quit and attempted a movie career. She's in Pet Sematary. Didn't go well. And Worf slides into her role. They kill her off on the show like it's nothing.

Like they have an oil monster killer. I can hardly think of another actor that died on that show. That, like, mattered. I don't think there are any just start tricking plot armor i'm sorry carry on yeah they had her come back for multiple episodes to kind of sew her character up and give it a proper goodbye and everything she ends up being a a prisoner of war rape victim who's forced to bear a daughter that's how they sign her off oh and then they have her come back to play the rape the rape victim baby in the future

because they sent her back in time to die, but instead of dying, instead of dying, she gets POW raped and forced to bear the daughter for the enemy and live in their society. And when she tries to grab her daughter and run for safety back home, the daughter yells out, She's taking me! She's taking me! So they execute Tasha Yar, take her daughter. Daughter grows

up, looks just like Tasha Yar, so we can use the same actress, and now she's the bad guy. Man, that's pretty stupid. No, it's not. It plays well. I like it. It's a big reveal. It's like...

Yeah, but Michael Dorn... Michael Dorn. I keep adding a syllable. Got it, yeah. He appreciated the job security that it brought. I mentioned Law & Order. That sort of the heavier, not so handsome... No. I'm Sipowitz.

I think you're on NYPD Blue. I am. But one of the detectives on Law & Order, I can't remember his name, but they asked him, like, you know, are you going to go on to something else? He's like, no, no, I've never had this kind of job stability. I'm going to keep this job for as long as they keep me. I'm never going anywhere. And sure enough, he was on Law & Order for like more than 10 order like is it the big ears guy could be white guy i got better than that doing it for a decade

two decades i got one better than that um so i don't watch soap operas i never have but growing up i remember my mother watched the young and the restless and occasionally i would pick up a little bit of what was going down i remember being five or six years old, and there was a character named Victor Newman on this show. He is a handsome older man, and I'm talking in 1991 he was a handsome older man. And he is still on that show right now. Here's the thing, though. That was 32 years ago.

No, no. Even better, he didn't start the show in 1991 he'd been going for like a decade or two already he's been on that show for like i zach will find it but he's gone for pat sajak's record no no who am i going for who's um regis i don't know regis and kathy lee that guy oh Oh, Regis Fieldman. Yeah, he has the record for the most TV time in history. Yeah, I remember him mostly not from the morning show because I was on the way to school, but from the millionaire who wants to be a millionaire

when that was just crazy that they were going to give someone a million dollars. That was like 1999. Yeah, his name is Victor Newman. That's the name of the character. It is. And this guy has been on the name of the character it is this guy has been on the young and the restless from 1980 to present yeah so 42 years 42 years continuously

and and they and they do lots of episodes on that it's like old school tv so tons of episodes there's no telling how many hours i remember it's crazy. I can remember what was going on in the episode I saw when I was five. Victor was on the run and he was with a blind woman. And that was his love interest. He was living with her. And you got to keep in mind, Victor Newman is like a rich, wealthy man.

I happened to click a clip the other day because it's on some app I have. And it was modern day, like this recorded this year and it's him. And he's like, hello, for the past 40 years, I've played Victor Newman. I thought I'd share with you one of my favorite clips from all those years. And it's actually him meeting his estranged father. And his father's like, what do you want, boy?

Money? I've got money. Million dollars. Two million. Say the word. I'll write the check. And he says, Father, you threw me away like I was nothing.

Since then, I've become rich and powerful. Known throughout this entire world. A million dollars. I'm richer than you can fathom. I'm leaving here with your grandson. And we'll never see you again. We'll never think of you again.

Goodbye, Father. and his father's little mouth trembles it's great i was like damn maybe i should be watching young in the rest this is dramatic every every four minutes there's something earth shattering i don't want to watch but i would watch kyle talk about the Young and the Restless that's oftentimes better than the show can you imagine how great it would be if you discovered though that you absolutely loved the Young and the Restless or like General Hospital or something it'd be like oh I've got

okay they've got 4,800 episodes oh so for every one episode the Simpsons did they have five wow like that's a lot of probably terrible content it's insane jensen ackles started out there the guy who's the smaller one from supernatural you know there's the two brothers the smaller brother he was uh he might be young in the restless he was some one of those soap operas that was his gig

i didn't know that. I still haven't watched Supernatural. That's probably a wrap, huh? I gotta play some Baldur's Gate. I haven't played a bit today. All right. Zach, press the button.