Painkiller Already - PKN 504

Episode Date: April 16, 2024

pkn 504 how you guys doing pretty good doing solid i'm doing taxes so i'm just like a pig in the mud this is awesome did you file an extension so you got like six extra months it's doing the 18th oh mine was doing the 15th maybe the states are different did i fuck this up oh that would be terrible i didn't mean to ruin your day, potentially. I know some... I did fuck this up. I literally asked Siri. That sucks. Well, it's better to find out now, you know?

Oh, God. What kind of forums do you guys buy? Are you still on that you don't do your own taxes plan? I do do my own taxes. No, no, Kyle. Oh. That was years ago. I don't touch them.

I wouldn't know where to begin. I don't know what forms look like. I don't know where you order them from or print them out from. I wouldn't know who to go to. I have no clue. I've never added a one to a two. Other people do that for me, and I just keep my hands free of it.

It's a few hundred dollars. It gets happy. It gets done. It's over. That's wild to me. That you've just never done it. It sucks. I hear. That's why I don't do it. I haven't had a fucking colonoscopy yet either. I don't go in for those for's why I don't do it. I haven't had a fucking colonoscopy yet either. I don't go in for those for fun

because I don't need one. If the government was going to throw me in jail for not getting my asshole checked out, I'd procrastinate on that too. Here's the deal. The tax return is the 2023 return. When you look up when those taxes

are due, it tells you April 18th. But somehow the 2023 taxes, that's not what they're talking about. The 2024 tax date is April 15th. And gosh darn it to heck. Okay. Here we are. Here we are.

That sucks. Wait, so you're late? It appears that I'm late. I didn't realize it. I Googled it. It's confusing because the 2023 taxes are due on the 15th, but the year we're doing is 2023. Is there a whistleblower program that Taylor and I could alert real quick?

There is, but you're not going to get any. You'd have to be an insane enemy of mine for me to report you to the ir like like if someone was like a serial bank robber i wouldn't report him to the i know no way i i don't want to say who but you know i there's people that i tease like that all the time who get their money from not from illegal sources but just they deal in cash and so it's like when's the last time you filed bro what'd you tell them yeah filing late i'll probably get a penalty um and probably not much though right i i have no idea how it works it's not gonna be too much but it'll be fine but i am embarrassed here on the show

so i i i checked it out. I made sure I was in the clear. It was due the 18th last year. 2023, it's the 18th. I'm doing my 2023 taxes. That's where I got twisted in my head. I really hate that I made this mistake.

In the world of fall, no one pays taxes woody i understand you and jackie picked up the show how deep did you delve we finished last night the whole thing oh shit i'm yeah we really liked it we kind of got into it like it so oftentimes we kick off our uh you know our six times a night bottomless tv watching with uh youtube and um six times a night bottomless TV watching with YouTube. And, but we've been so into fallout.

We might just skip it entirely or only watch like 10 minutes of YouTube and go straight to the show. Yeah. So powered through. I am. I'm really glad you liked it. That counts as a Kyle pick. It does. It does.

We have a win. We have a win. Walton Goggins steals the show. I think Taylor agrees. He's two episodes in. He's, of course, the ghoul. I might as I'm three. If you want to if you ever want more Walton Goggins, there's a show called Justified that stars Timothy Oliphant.

Timothy Oliphant's a U.S. marshal who moves back home to Backwoods, rural Kentucky after a shooting. Walton Goggins plays like a white supremacist, drug dealing, bank robbing, like explosives expert who always goes on and on pontificating with that southern, very sophisticated, verbose southern draw of his, which is my it's it's fun to listen to. I like I like his dialogue. He does that in everything. And he was also in I think it's called The Fat Man. And that is a movie that takes itself completely seriously. I think it's called The Fat Man. And that is a movie that takes itself completely seriously. But Walton Goggins is a boy who was spurned by Santa Claus as a child.

And now as a man, he's a hitman. And he's going to kill Santa Claus. He's looking for him, like the real Santa Claus. And Santa Claus is played by Mel Gibson. But Mel Gibson is like a badass Santa Claus with guns. Well, he has to be. Otherwise, it'd be a pretty short film. He's like, I'm here for you, fat man.

Is he Australian too? Mel Gibson goes, you think you're the first? And it's like, oh, shit. Is that a Kyle pick? It's a silly movie. It's not that great. Just the premise. Because I was like, that movie is awful. Let's see if this is a Kyle pick.

Will he endorse it? There's movies that I subject myself to, but I wouldn't recommend to others for sure. But yeah, I'm really glad you like Fallout. It was a light addiction. Yeah, I watched the first three, I guess. It was good that I

called an audible, because for some reason my Amazon went from episode one to showing a trailer that showed like a baffling amount of the story where I'm like, what is going on? Like these are characters. I haven't been introduced yet being shown in like a referential way as though

I should know. And then like, I like it started on episode three and like two minutes in, I'm like, this can't be the right episode. What happened at the end of three? That was the one with the, the head.

Yeah. Where they, the gulper eats the head. And then, um, it's at the end of it. The, uh,

the ghoul says, this is the, this is the real golden rule of the wasteland. Always get sidetracked by bullshit. And it's like, oh, great, great game reference and it's true and so so after that they leave and they go to the you know on their quest to get him more uh ghoul medicine that's what i'm up to right now is i know it's uh it's kind of nice watching a

show where i have no attachment whatsoever to the lore of it like i couldn't enjoy like the amazon lord of the ring show because i would have been having a tism fit the whole time like that he wasn't doing this and but this i just don't give a fuck because i don't know what is what's the ghoul juice like so what is that okay so as first of all i would i would give i'd give myself like a a silver medalist in like fallout lore knowledge so there's some things i don't know there are a lot of things i do know though because i have poured over it for hours and hours however as far as i know ghouls are created by extreme exposure to radiation and they just mutate that way and they live for until they turn feral and there are i think the feralness is dependent on

the age and how much radiation and there's a lot of different kinds of ghouls there's glowy ones and there's like super powered ones but i had i've never seen a ghoul that looks as good as walton goggins um but i've seen plenty in the lore and in the games that speak just as well and are just as um intelligent and like easy to get along with and everything however as far as it being a medicine that like fixes it i don't remember that being a thing um at all um and also later on a care now i won't there's a little thing later on where a character heals and someone goes are you a ghoul or something to to that nature. I think you're a ghoul.

Ghouls don't heal like that. As far as I know, they don't have some sort of healing factor or anything. That's new too. They've tinkered with little things like that. I was wondering, what's the downside? From what I can honor, you do look bad. It appears that you rot. You live a long time

and you rot. Leprosy. Okay. I interpret it as some sort of intelligent zombie. But I think I'm kind of on there. Yeah. And like Kyle said in the show, I don't know. I didn't make the Olympics at all in Fallout lore. But I did finish the show. And in the show, turning into a ghoul appears to be a way to

sort of get a healing power and um and it looks like ghouls are dependent on drinking anti-feral juice or they go feral okay yeah whatever that shit is that's um there's a ton of meds in the game that all have names and like they do things to you some are stimulants there was a part where a guy hit a stem in the first uh episode and it gets cut right in half i like that yeah there's a good bit of violence in it there's no um the metal suit doesn't seem heavy enough sometimes that's such a nitpicky stupid thing the physics are off where i'm like man he should be crashing to the ground but he's a little he's a little too ginger in that suit i want to see more like this is not from x there's a very small scene where someone in the armor suit jumps into the osprey looking

helicopter plane thing and he jumps into it so like like he floats up yeah and uh i yeah the physics are just a little wrong but mostly i like the show i felt like this the production quality was outrageous for a show this well done it's weird to me that it hasn't received more buzz it's huge it's the highest rated thing there is i was just about to go to i'm a little immune to buzz i never see ads and it's it's hard to like tell me about your new stuff. It's number one in streaming worldwide. Oh, well, heck. Okay. Really? I just don't have a water cooler

anymore where everyone's talking about the show that's on, Prison Break or whatever. I did see on Steam that all the Fallout games are getting a big resurgence out of it. They priced them all down to 80% off and a bunch of people are trying them for the first time.

200% uptick on Fallout 4 and they released new HD graphics and some other shit for the game itself, coinciding. Kind of weak. Give me some DLC that's based on this character, dude. Why don't you give me free DLC so I can play as that ghoul?

Obviously they've already modded it. Is the girl in the show? You mean in the game? I'm sorry. I did say in the show. Yeah, is the girl in the game the pretty one from Vault 33? So, the only characters

that are in games or in lore at all that exist in this show would be Mr. House house uh okay so there's a scene in the later episodes where we see like a sketchy board meeting with vault tech and all the like the big wigs are sitting around like i want this and i want that you remember that scene what he two of those guys that were in that room are like central to lore um in new vegas um they're they're big players and like the global problem and and the lore going forward but none of the minor characters at all um what like this is this is all brand new stories they are minor characters none of the major characters at all

are in the show in the game correct like yeah what i mean like like are the main three characters like like there's no one like zero people as far as i can think of right now do you ever wear the armor in game oh yeah yeah it's kind of a different playthrough um if you're gonna wear the armor or not i made every decision in fallout 4 about what would get me to the armor faster i made my alliances based entirely on the armor and i didn't realize you had you'd had you beaten fallout 4 i guess yeah yeah that's the only one i've played and at the end it's like did you want to join with the underground a bunch of fucking losers and like a in the a hovel that they don't even clean or do you want a mech suit and it's like there has to

be a trade-off here that i'm not seeing right no it's the mech suit and it's like there has to be a trade-off here that i'm not seeing right no it's the mech suit definitely because you can fuck shit up with that that was the best part of the game would you describe the game as going from vault to vault and sort of learning the lore what everyone was about so that's skyrim so in each game there will be probably five to eight vaults that you'll stumble upon and those are like medium locations you often need to explore them for side quests you and there will be two or three that are part of the main quest and as you delve through them um you'll go into those little computers and those computers are perfect by the way the way that those systems work like that that that whole

that whole operating system it's 100 perfect um you delve through those and you kind of get the slowly as you delve through, you use those computers and like the world around you to learn what the experiment was in this vault, because 99% of the vaults were experiments of one kind or another. And as you, it, as you delve deeper and read more and just observe, it just gets really dark every time. It's always something awful down there. So that's part of it,

but it's not the main part. It was interesting to me that human life wasn't more valued, like even in the show. I guess it's fair. In the first episode, a population of 80 gets cut down to like 40. Don't quote me on the numbers, but just go with it.

And they're all like, all right, well, I just want to carry on. I'm like, whoa. It's going to take a while to get back to 80. This is a major problem that could take generations to sort out. And half of you guys are all related, so the mating options are not as obvious as you might

think. And they're just like, hey, you know what? Another day, another dollar. There's no sense of urgency with those guys. It's just you're getting bullied by a bunch of raiders, and then the next day they're like, oh, let's have a fucking feast. I think part of that is like unrevealed lore. We still haven't learned exactly how they

chose the individuals that were in those vaults, like 32 and 33. Well, nobody's in 31. That's a little spoiler there. Whatever. Whoopsie-daisy. I don't get upset by spoilers. There's people in 31, but it's different. They're sort of like,

what's in 31 right away anyway? They'll be hanging on to the 31 mystery for a couple episodes. Yeah, sorry about that. My bad. Put a spoiler there or something if we can. My bad. But 32 and 33, we don't know how those people were chosen. They would have had a very specific

maybe they look for agreeable people or meek people or people who would be easy to subjugate because all of them seem that way they all had this naivety about them that isn't you don't really see anywhere else in the world that that we're exposed to like remember the fat how the fat guy's like terrified to even go to the other vault but then immediately he's like all right what was i thinking whoopsie daisy almost rebelled against the right in line here Here I go. And we learned more about.

There were too many fat people in there. There'd be fatties. Not if it's run well. You can't have fatties. How much supplies do they have? A lot. They seem to be damn near limitless. Because they're growing their crops like that,

it would be pretty crazy. I don't remember too many vaults that had farms in them like that it would be pretty crazy i don't think remember too many vaults that had like farms in them like that there was just corn that didn't yeah yeah but listen you can have anything you want to eat corn on the cob corn off the cob popcorn cornbread corn fritters we live on carbs here. Who wants some salsa? Is it corn salsa? Yeah. It's not very good.

They had canned tuna. It's been like 233 years. You haven't run out of canned tuna yet? The vaults are really big, as shown in the show. We see those just... It looks... it was a trillion dollar corporation too so you would imagine that like overstock i can imagine a scenario where like

buying extra tuna because we are also producing the tuna is just part of their fucking evil corporate maybe you know because you played the game but vault tech is the prior to the nuclear explosion nuclear explosion the uh vault tech is the biggest company on earth yeah yeah okay yeah i remember that part of it because you go you get you can find a million of those bobbleheads i don't even know who the biggest company on earth is currently i have no idea it wasn't one of those chip companies or something oh and very like briefly maybe nvidia got very big therefore um what do we mean by yeah value market share employees yeah for a while it was game stop so i don't know if you can accurately yeah i liked the the parts of the show i've seen so far uh

i the only character who i'm like really wanting to see on screen a bunch is walton coggins though like yeah the girl's kind of a little milquetoast not too exciting interesting i was all about the girl her eyes are so big so big but she's very pretty i like that cgi my wife and i were like is that cgi no that's what the actors look like yeah that's like like that's yeah yeah she's all eyes yeah she's a co-worker with eyes that were even bigger but she wasn't as pretty and she that was a disorder probably she was indian and like those eyes came with bags i was exposed to a lot of mercury you know i didn't i didn't like uh i didn't like the the black guy in the Brotherhood bullying that woman with the Salvador Dali mustache. First of all, don't assume that person's gender.

That's clearly a non-binary Brotherhood of Steel. Whatever. Who cares? The lady with the fucking mustache, he put a razor in her boot, and then no one seemed seemed like that concerned and i'm like well this is great who put the they were gonna all right so it's revealed later taylor wait maybe that's not true that's where we're going but but but in any case even he was jealous cleaning the the shitters and he was jealous yeah he was jealous of shit clearly him and then she you know she but all the same if you notice the scene right after,

they interrogate him and they are just about to execute him. And the guy goes, do you have anything to say for yourself? And the black guy, like, calls his best writer buddy, I guess, and out of nowhere has, like, a fucking paragraph. He has, like, I want to hurt the people that hurt me and bring justice to the wasteland for every man woman and child under the leadership of the brotherhood of steel sir forgive me and i will prove myself honor and it was like the guy was like that's what i wanted to hear boy let's get you a fucking suit

i thought the brotherhood would would take the self-sabotage so much more seriously and then they did they took his took his life in place of theirs. That's the only time they're referred to where a pronoun would have fit in. They used their. And it's in that interrogation scene. I paid really close attention. Jackie and I have no idea if that actor is a boy or a girl. In real life, that's a girl. But that is a non-binary character that's what we're meant to take from that in real life she's just a regular stock girl who's not oh i have no idea i have to look at the actress but that person has a vagina yeah and a mustache

which is a mustache which nothing wrong with that i I've seen plenty of Italian ladies with stashes. Right, Taylor's not from the Northeast. You've got to go to school with more Italians. When they're just hitting puberty and they haven't figured out how to look pretty yet, mustache is everywhere. You could tell what girls had some Italian in them at that age by the arm hair situation. Oh, yeah. Oh, okay.

She's a little italian maybe maybe some kind of some some kind of look look in there maybe that's what that rapist sarah silverman is she jewish i think you girls get like nice hairy that's funny i'm sorry for laughing you might as well have said it samuel jell jackson uh i don't know how to say it's an african-american yeah i don't know maybe he got a tan you know i got an actor spotting him i could have been an ignorous the jewiest jew i can think of that's funny what are you watching

ignorous bastards being like which ones are the fucking Jews? All the skinny ones. Okay. Yeah, well, overall, the show's been pretty good so far. I'm going to keep watching it. Hope that the lady and the black guy get more entertaining. I'd be looking at my watch at 4 p.m. thinking like four and a half hours from now,

I'm going to be watching Fallout. So I i was into it how many episodes are there i've watched eight i watched it twice um because when it first came out i watched it without my girlfriend because i couldn't stop watching and then i went ahead and watched it with her and uh you know you always pick up stuff did she like it does she know anything about the lore like you she's played a little bit of Fallout over my shoulder, that sort of thing, like a few hours at a time. But so and, you know, if I have a girlfriend, she's well educated in all of this. If I ever mentioned some nerdy shit, they've heard it ad nauseum. My girlfriends, my girlfriends all know about wings of redemption lore they know about battlestar galactica they've seen every episode of the office or that's it

even the bad ones after michael leaves we're getting even the bad ones i feel like kyle's gonna get have longer and longer relationships just because there's a lot of lore to cover i just cut things from the program that's all supernatural i dropped that a while back it's just it got too big and they're making more now did you know they're making more i did know that it's been five years since that shit went off the air and they're making some more now like people yeah with the same people dude i don't know they do remakes all the fucking time not this not the shit you shit it's not a crazy question to me i guess so um i didn't like it though because you always told me that show was like there's 30 seasons and every

season has 102 episodes the stars of it are have gone on do okay so jensen ackles has been in the boys um playing um i don't know what his character's name but soldier boy soldier boy i was gonna call him golden boy you're close um yeah uh and um and the other guy uh put the one the polak guy he's got a paladinsky name his name is a toughy yeah um jillette i can't think of it right now i know what i pronounced up um he's been doing making walker texas ranger which they rebooted. See what happens? There are four seasons of Walker Texas Ranger that I'm so glad I was unaware that it was existing.

Did you ever watch the original with Chuck Norris? Do you remember the intro song? I probably would if you sang it. Chuck Norris decided... Don't worry, I am. I probably would if you sang it. So Chuck Norris decided. I thought you were going to sing it.

Don't worry, I am. It's just important to know that if you go to YouTube and search Chuck Norris Texas Ranger intro music, it's him singing. He sang it. So it's in the eyes of the Rangeranger are upon you watching every move you make when you go to texas look around you because that's where the rangers gonna be yeah it's an alternative world where there's fascists in control of everything i expected a rhyme at the end of the song and it didn't there probably are i don't know the rest of the lyrics but it was chuck norris and this black guy and they were like texas rangers and

they run around karate kicking anybody who said boo you top shit you got the foot that's good out there making sure there's no the hoodlums and and no good nicks running around causing problems for all the other ranchers but it was just like a shitty like c-tier tv show for when it was on and for some reason they remade it with that uh he's right it was terrible it was it was right there with his he was in that kung fu tv show also right chuck norris it's where you're famous oh am i crazy he he might have been but i don't have that memory i remember him fighting bruce lee and um in that one movie at the end with the fake coliseum he could have been in kung fu with david kerating david kerating i confused him with david kerating somehow my mistake david kerating played an asian

man on tv for like his whole career taylor in case you don't know he just squinted a little and he played it's all true there was a there was a i swear to god he just squinted a little and he played it's all true there was a there was a i swear to god he just squinted a little and the worst part is that's a hard name for an asian guy wait they do r as easily right yeah carol carol adine would be tough car Cara Luddean is natural, right? They needed an actor to play a Japanese. I can't remember. I thought it was Japanese. Probably Chinese.

A monk or whatever. Wandering the Wild West from town to town and getting into, like, you know, kung fu fighting his way into, like, saving the day. And it was like, should we use Bruce Lee? Nah, David Carradine. He's the one. Just have him squint. It almost was like, should we use Bruce Lee? Nah, David Carradine, he's the one. Just have him squint. It almost looks like a real one.

It's a ridiculous TV show where every problem is solved with Kung Fu skill set. The economy's suffering around here. Everyone's unemployed. Anyone know Kung Fu? Beat up these bankers. Kung Fu came out way before my time, so I only watched it on tv land occasionally but

kung fu the legend continues came out in the early 90s and it featured the older david carradine still very white and i think it was at least the first couple episodes but then it was like his son who's just a completely white guy with like with like you know like black mel gibson like slick back in the early 90s hair and just just being a cop in chinatown now in modern days or something it was awful it was awful but yeah david carradine did that for i mean he was in kill bill if you remember he was the fucking master kung fu guy at the end he's white ass 20 years ago what was the the Kevin Sorbo one? Did he play Hercules?

Hercules, The Legend Continues. No, no, The Legendary Journeys. Yeah. The sidekick's name is Aeolus. Who is Kevin Sorbo? Kevin Sorbo is currently a conservative pundit who... This guy doesn't look jacked enough to play Hercules. Oh, that's because he had a serious heart issue,

and now he can't be physically. Oh, you're right. I was premature. This guy was pretty. That was made in New Zealand. I think your boy, who made Lord of the Rings? What's his name? Peter Jackson.

I think Peter Jackson had a lot to do with the production of Hercules, as well as Xena, the Lucy Lawless companion. That one was bad, but also bad. I think it's a sp-off of hercules because they would they occasionally they'd have like a meet-up episode where you need hercules and zena to like save the day again they would contend with like aries like gods sometimes and monsters and often warlords and stuff zena was so fucking hot and she had like a sidekick too gabriella and she was totally eating that box like you could tell and they even did an episode where they're like sitting in the hot tub together

chilling and it's and they're like kind of being flirtatious and joking around a little meta about how like the fans want them to bang or whatever um really always had a crush on lucy lawless so when she showed them big old titties finally and spartacus oh oh that became my favorite show for a long time yeah i know who you're talking about now that was a very good show it almost took you out of ancient rome where you're like there's no way tits that big could have just naturally come about those are natural on pornhub are Yes, she has always had those titties. That's that Mediterranean diet. Those are New Zealand natties. She looked pretty good, too.

Somehow, her look is similar to the Mandalorian chick who got cancelled. But she was in better shape than Gina Carano. She's way more petite. And she still is. Isn't she like

5 11 or something well i don't i guess i meant like maybe not maybe petite's not the i think i meant she's like thin maybe athletic gina carano got got like big girl she turned into like angry girl at the bar gina carano looked like the pictures I saw of her, it looks like she could play like a dwarf woman, like in Lord of the Rings or something. Oh yeah. Yeah. That'd be good casting. You would know this,

Kyle, you know, celebrities. Has anyone else notable ever masturbated themselves to death like David Carradine did? Or is he the only guy? Yeah. I,

it's yeah. The auto erotic asphyxiation. As far as I know, he's the only one that, like, I'm sure someone else probably did it, but they had people around them decent enough to pull their pants up. You know what I mean? Oh, 100%. Like, if I walk in on someone who has masturbated themselves to death,

like, I would have to to unless they were an enemy of mine i would i'd pull their pants up i'd take that rope off and i'd like throw them in the yard or something and be like he just passed out doing yard work or just regular suicide almost would be better than than like accidental jerk off suicide yeah you retie the tie i would prefer my family think that i had killed myself than that i had had accidentally autoerotic asphyxiated myself to death, wouldn't you? That's a good question. It's palatable.

It's more palatable. That's a good either or. This is its own trolley question. This is our new mermaid top or bottom question. Yeah, that's it. Would you rather have a loved one kill themselves accidentally through hanging, trying to get the best nut, or kill themselves out of desperation and depression? Ooh, I don't know. I think I might go with the masturbation one.

I would prefer the masturbation one, but I fix it so that to the world that's not there. Well, see, that's not the question, though. It's you that it's going to happen to. So you are going to autoerotic asphyxiate yourself to death, and I'm going to find you. Do you want me to do that? Because if I clean up the mess, your family now thinks that out of nowhere,

you killed yourself. Dan, I'm going to have to take one for the team and just have it be known that I, David Carradine, to myself. I think for the sake of my family, my friends. Yeah, they'd always be like, how did they blame themselves like how didn't i see it how don't i see it you know like they'd be like mate well he did say this that one time you he said that to you and you never did anything like the whole family's rupturing over a non-issue that you've thrown upon them he could only talk about his feelings an ind guy voice. Why didn't we notice?

I'd walk around with an explanation. Just keep a suicide note in your pocket that says, if you were a better cook, I'd still be here. Oh, shit. You keep one in your pocket all the time? Your whole life is doing laundry? It was the chili. You made me eat it.

The dates crossed off and replaced multiple times. Yeah, I think that's the only option because you can't have everybody thinking you killed yourself that would destroy your elvis died trying to shit you know he had like like i think he had i think the strain of shitting killed him and they found him on the toilet oh i thought he had like a bunch of drugs like a john candy situation. Yeah, I think he was constipated because he was on so many drugs. Yeah, opioids constipate you a lot. That one guy, Rush Limbaugh, there were

always jokes on Family Guy about him not being able to shit because I think he took Oxycontin or one of those. That's a terrible thing to be addicted to. He shit for the he shit so hard his heart stopped wow no this didn't really happen that he had just wrote it it can't be fake yeah zach wouldn't lie as he forcefully attempted to defecate his abdominal aorta was compressed

shutting down his heart basic science taylor god who if it's you're not ready to shit if you're having to try that hard to force it out like it's when you go to the bathroom it shouldn't be like a war to win like you should have to shit ideally easy for you to say you're not constipated on opiates maybe that's true maybe he just needed to eat some fucking popcorn like something right yeah dude fucking life cereal does it for me practically involuntarily He just needed to eat some fucking popcorn. Like something. Dude, fucking live cereal does it for me practically involuntarily. You're going to be fine. Live cereal?

You shake your head at popcorn. Popcorn is one of the most fibrous things ever. You eat a big bowl of popcorn, it's nothing but fiber. I understand a lot. Wait, it's a starch right like like potatoes don't do that but popcorn is like a shit ton of fiber i know because when i'm like

eating a big bowl of popcorn every night i'm every morning i'm firing them out it's like you're taking a shit so fast you're like i can't possibly be done like you're like that's you know who greg doucette is right the YouTuber yeah he'd made those uh those tasty recipes you guys were eating he uh he also suggests popcorn like if you have an urge to eat that you feel like you can't defeat then he said his go-to is popcorn and he does it so often his girlfriend would complain in the background on camera like about his gas it's nothing but i mean it i don't think what other food is there that by volume can be a big giant bowl and is only 300

calories if you don't like spray it in oil and butter and stuff i don't think there's anything else oh i can make you some egg white floof that knock your socks off yeah i can make you egg white floof but you'll hate it because i did too. It looks amazing. It tastes like egg whites. You want to munch while you're watching TV or relaxing or something. Yeah, get in that bowl of egg whites. Mmm. With a little red

food coloring. Making egg whites gave me so much more respect for the yolk. The yolk is doing so much heavy lifting in that arrangement that you remove the yolk and it's like, oh, eggs are nothing without that. It doesn't bother me with the French toast. When you're making that Superman French toast that's just lightweight bread soaked in egg whites and cinnamon and shit,

I don't miss it that much. It doesn't have that delicious eggy custardiness that really good, awful for you French toast has. But it's like 90% of the way there when you douse that shitty syrup on there. It's pretty good. That's what dieting is.

I even get the confectioner's sugar that has zero calories in it. I'm dusting that shit on there. Get a couple strawberries. Wait, there's zero calorie confection sugar? Yeah, it's called Swerve. That's the company. They make brown sugar, real sugar, and confectioner's sugar. It does use

sugar alcohols, which upset some people's stomachs. I do stevia. Like mine. It fucks your stomach up? I have so much gas that i i like seek out like i had never bought vino before until i started until i started making i've never heard of you know what could it be it'd be this weird simulacrum made of chemicals that i'm testing on everything

that's sugar alcohols and swerve whatever that stuff is um because i would make this stir fry that was you know just follow a regular stir fry recipe but you substitute all the sugar and there's a half cup of sugar in that in there with the fake sugar and so like half a cup of sugar in a bowl of chicken and vegetables is is it actually zero calorie or do they do like that serving size hokum that like mio water additive does where it's like oh half a teaspoon yeah half a teaspoon zero calories and it's like well not really i think it's um i i don't remember uh i think it's zero though that's the way i remember it being but it's possible that it's low calories like

yeah it's like calories are low enough you're allowed to round to zero yeah like uh so serving size is one tic tac fuck you yeah tic tacs are the worst for that it's just candy they just made really really tiny candy technically yeah when they when they made the orange ones it was definitely just a this isn't even a mint anymore my breath does not smell better no but my spirit is better yeah i guess so remember when paul we got over there i had some tic tacs give me some i eat them all it's like why would you eat all you couldn't give him one tic tac fucking paulie yeah ketchup has a lot of calories that's how they survive

well we get that uh it i mean i think in europe it's technically classified as soda because or jam or something like that it's i mean it's fruit and sugar it's it's jelly it's i think they have better ketchup than us which was an upsetting real is they put real sugar in it and it's got fewer ingredients than we have here i don't we can never admit to europe that their food is better they'll never let it go i use that black man ketchup and it doesn't like something hugh's gh hugh's ketchup it's a little more expensive but it has very very few calories yeah and it tastes pretty similar it's like five calories a spoonful instead of 40 or something like it's

completely different yeah you need ketchup yeah if i'm baking potatoes and or like call them french fries but they're not you're you were baking french fries were they always a little sad like they were never quite as crisp as you want i use the air i use the air fryer uh so so they're pretty good you know you just take like a spritz uh that's another thing that has a crazy low serving size um those cans of canola oil it's like if you look at it it'll tell you how many seconds you hold it down to get a serving size it'll be like one tenth of a second yeah i have some like olive oil like that and some i have some beef tallow like that it's like a spray beef towel my grandma bought me because she thought it

was neat and was like this seemed like something you'd like but like it's like a spray beef towel my grandma bought me because she thought it was neat and was like, this ain't like something you'd like. It's exactly what you said. It's like an eighth of a second spray. What you do is you just go, zero calories. Another zero calories. Another zero calories. Zero, zero, zero, zero. Before you know it,

you're 60 calories in the bag. You're shaking. Like eating a big meal in small bites. Yeah. Man, I'm hungry. You should eat before these instead of after them. It's too early. I start at 5. I'm going to eat fucking dinner at 4.30 like an elderly person.

You get those early bird specials. And the dating life in there is not so bad. You got that gray hair. Yeah, that's true. A lot of those hoops are single. That'd be so fun. Like, I skip the middle-aged part of aging, and I just go straight to grumpy, fogey,

where I'm eating at 315. Picking up singles at IHOP. What Kramer did when he went to the retirement community and just moved in, and he's, like, feeling all the girls. He's dancing, spinning them around the room. All those old 78-year-old guys to the retirement community and just moved in and he's like feeling all the girls spin him around the room all all those old 78 year old guys are just like sour as fuck looking at him yeah you'd be that guy that would be a cool guy to be go kramer a lot of the stuff kramer does is only

cool because of his weird indifference to his own eclectic behavior like if he were self-aware at all it would be like no did you ever see if george tried that it wouldn't actually gonna get uncanceled i feel like like i think he served his time right well he's it's not like he was working when he got canceled you know he was on stage he was at a stand-up you know spot where he could go and do stand-up comedy but it certainly wasn't a big crowd and you know he had the spinoff show right after seinfeld do you remember it where he was a uh i think he was a detective or like a private eye or something like that had a good cast but they couldn't decide if they wanted him to actually be a private eye or if they wanted to see Kramer be a private eye.

And so they settled on having Kramer be a private eye, and it got canceled after, I don't know, eight episodes, half a season or something like that. They all failed. Jason Alexander had at least one show, maybe two. So did Julie Louis-Dreyfus had maybe two that failed as well. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, Michael Richards was 75.

Wasn't she on Veep? Yeah, she went on and did went on did veep of course like that was a big win she had a whole cell she's like the curse is broken or what there is no or something because they called it the seinfeld curse because they all did too it did so terribly you know after the after the show is jason alexander does he do anything i see him in commercials and i i see him playing poker you know like when i'm like super into poker i'll see him uh playing does he need more money i don't know i bet he's got seinfeld you know he like famously didn't get seinfeld got all the money. And Larry David. A lot of the people on Seinfeld

were just sort of turning the corner and starting to get like a million dollars an episode until Seinfeld himself was like, yeah, I'm done. Everyone's like, you're done, but I'm not. The guy who played maybe George's father was starting to make money. Everybody was upset that the show ended when it did

except Seinfeld. Well, Jerry Stiller had been working for 40 years and he hadn't got his retirement in order yet like he was he was one of the funniest him up there with kramer were the funniest characters inside he immediately got a new show and did king of queens he was the dad on that show for like i just know he complained that's's why. Someone who had a great career. That's how those people are. He might have complained before he knew that was his future. Actors!

Actors! Not, you know... Boomer! He's Italian. I just bought him. Yeah, he's Italian. That's what it is. One guy who had a great career.

I'm just looking at the cast of Seinfeld. I wouldn't have thought of this serendipitously but uh patrick warburton the guy who plays putty he's done like yeah a million voice acting gigs some of them as big as like joe from family guy like that's even if you're only in like every other episode or something like being a family guy voice actor. I imagine those guys are making pretty fucking solid name on Mila Kunis or Mia Mila Kunis. Yeah. She loves that gig. It's hilarious because she doesn't do a voice, but she's a voice actor.

She just did her own for a while. Now she tries to sound younger, she said. Now she tries to sound younger, she said. One of my favorite old family guy jokes is they were traveling back in time, Brian and Stewie, and in the early season, Meg is not voiced by Mila Kunis. It's a different lady.

And Stewie's like, I say, Brian, why is her voice so different here? Brian's like, I don't know. It seems like someone's about to miss on it on a huge opportunity. I love meta jokes. It was very funny. Man, they got a lot of flack.

I love old family guys. Like old family guys are solid, but there's like a period in like, I don't know, season five, six, seven around there where like every other episode was like stewie and brian in a time machine again and i never like got that tired of it because it was always pretty funny and amusing i think family guy overdoes the non-sequitur thing you know like if you remove all the little side things and just watch the show it's awful yeah there's no like it's very different in like from simpsons king of the hill like it's just

meant to pack as many jokes as they can in like the story itself is so secondary most of the time whereas like king of the hill is endearing because it's like slice of life like realistic situations like you empathize with the characters early simpsons same way although not quite as much because Homer's still a retard but like I like Homer in early Simpsons where Homer like kills himself or like is about to kill himself and it's like oh this is this is sad

oh oh that's a like do it for her or something like that with the pictures and his desk yeah I think that, yeah, that's a good one. Did you ever see The Tick? Yes. I remember that show being on

and it not sucking me in, but I think that was Patrick Warburton too, right? It is. Patrick Warburton is The Tick and his sidekick Mothboy or something like that. The Tick is just... There's an animated one, but there was also you might... I was going to say, it's from a movie

too. There was a live action The Tick on Fox and it was awful. I remember watching it. I was like probably 12 at the time, 11 or 12. And even for me, it was too silly.

It was like, what is this that's completely on he was you know because he's wearing that suit and fighting crime i guess this is 2016 to 2019 they made i know they did a new one they did they did when did when did the og one come out probably like 96 or 97 well I thought it was a cartoon. I could have sworn I watched the show as a child. Yeah, the original cartoon came out in 94. I think it was a live action movie. That's how I remember it, but I'm not sure I'm right. It could have been a movie too.

I mean, I was definitely 11 or 12. I sometimes didn't know the difference as a kid. I remember watching an entire episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer thing. This is a pretty good movie. And then it gets to the end. I'm like, and you know, the music played. And I'm like, oh, does that mean there's more of it? That's how I got into Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

I really liked that show. I never watched that show ever. I had in my head that it was a show for girls. Never looked back. Probably. I bet it was a show for all sorts of teens because there were gay characters, there was lesbian characters, there was a bunch

of outcasts. You had Seth Green, speaking of people who do voices on Family Guy in there and a bunch of those dorky guys who are notable actors now but i don't know their names uh i liked it a lot and it was pretty adult like like buffy put that pussy out there every now and then it was it was fun yeah yeah she went to a hell dimension where she like got raped and destroyed for like a long time until they could bring her back to life and then and then wouldn't you know it the town's been taken over by more

rapists rapists like monsters and they're talking about how they're gonna rape them with their like They could bring her back to life. And then wouldn't you know it, the town's been taken over by more rapist monsters. And they're talking about how they're going to rape them with their crazy monster dicks. And how monster dick kills is just going to rip them apart. I didn't know this was a teen show. Yeah. That was a good episode.

I actually like the musical. It's one of the few musical TV shows I really like. It's real good too. They're all like, why am I singing right now? It's a little off topic as we're talking about TV, but my wife watches those crime shows and she learned about this rapist. Now get this. Where at the time, rape laws were different.

If it was like a sort of, I don't know how to describe a mild rape, like a date rape that wasn't violent, the punishments were lower. Then this sort of beat you into submission, hold a knife against your neck kind of rape. Cool, cool. So what this guy would do is he like drugged 27 women and they were out, out.

And some of them didn't even know they were being raped and he'd film the rape but he'd dress them again and they just wake up and not know that they had been raped well his penalty was like a couple months in prison because with these videos they proved that these were non-violent rapes like this guy was actually you know kind of gentle about the raping and uh they had to change the laws so that people like that would have higher punishments. That's wild. What would that guy's name be in the papers?

The good guy raper. No, the nice guy raper. The good rapist. The gentle lover. I don't think there's an easy way to brand that well because he didn't change that law speaking of laws getting played did you hear the good news confederacy remembrance month is coming up soon oh thank god i almost forgot it oh mississippi leading the way and made up silly holidays we're gonna we're gonna celebrate

confederate remembrance month uh yeah that's right between trans awareness month and gay and made up silly holidays. We're going to celebrate Confederate Remembrance Month. It's right between Trans Awareness Month and Gay Awareness Month. You just nestle it in. I suppose they're analogous. I don't care for either. A couple hundred years ago, there was a short-lived little thing. Stranger Things had a bigger

cultural impact. I don't know. People are still talking about it. People talk about Str things come on bro maybe i didn't last longer i didn't get into yeah i never got in i i liked the first season and then i never picked it up again um and then that like bobby joe girl got like way too popular and like stuck into everything because an algorithm told some executives to and then like the girl who was previously the one with her head shape yeah yeah 12 or 13 whatever fucking nine i don't know 11 i

think okay that's close pretty good nine a lot of misses but you're in the ball real fucking close um you know she's using that king kong godzilla movie that's something I'll never get into. This is lame. I want to see Godzilla Minus One, I think it's called. It's the Japanese-made Godzilla movie that won the Oscar this year. For visual effects, I think. It takes place right after World War II

and so you have battleships trying to kill Godzilla and it's very visceral and it looks cool. But Lionsgate just released a new fucking Godzilla-King Kong sidekick movie where King Kong's got a gauntlet on, and they go and fight evil together. So there's some sort of...

Oh, they're on the same team. Oh, yeah, of course. They're pals now. They have to go fight together, and they're intelligent enough to work that out. I see King Kong as like a brooding detective. Detective Chip! Like he spokes like a brooding detective. Like a giant armchair. Right?

They keep asking him desperately, like, Kong, use your strength, please! And he's like, that's not how we operate. We operate within the bounds of the law. Kong smash law books. King Kong Esquire.

There's some sort of deal that says that they can't put their movie out to DVDs and streaming and all that jazz for six months or something within the release of a Lionsgate Godzilla movie. It's just fucking annoying.

If there's some way a bootleg copy could get on our plex that'd be swell have you seen argyle i haven't even heard of it's the rating is like 24 i i i stayed away from that one both of those takes make sense but jackie and i have a curiosity first of all argyle came out it has a henry cavill i think is the lead in it and it has a lot of other high-end actors. It was very expensive. I think it cost a quarter billion to make. And it's supposedly awful.

Just a terrible movie. But Jackie and I are curious about it. And the version that's on Plex is corrupted. And it's $20 to watch it. I don't know. I just object to that. So I haven't seen it but i'm really curious breaking bad guy it's got the um the jurassic park girl with the big ass henry cavill

henry has um john cena john cena he's on this list samuel l jackson he finally got a finger in a lot of pies that guy uh sam rockwell. I think Kyle's told me that he's rude. People don't like working with him, right? Or is that a different guy? I don't know anything about Sam Rockwell. I don't know that name. Oh, he's good. I think he's in Moon, isn't he?

Oh, yeah. Moon's good. Moon is a great, great movie. It's one of those movies with one character stranded on the moon and things aren't exactly right, and he's sort of in contact with Earth, and he's like, did they just lie to me? They just said this and that, and he's looking out the window. Don't they lie?

But you don't want to call them a liar over the radio because it's not like you're calling your cousin down the road a liar. It's like mission control is misleading you for a reason. Maybe I don't let them know I know that they... And the mystery deepens. That movie rocks. It's like it's rare that I finish a movie and I'm like

that was excellent. It's rare that you finish a movie? No, that I finish a movie and I'm like I'm excited to forget enough about this over the next year or two that I can rewatch again and appreciate it again. And Moon is 100% up in the air. I need to check out Moon. Yeah, it's good.

It's a fun mystery. It's like a big Twilight Zone episode or Black Mirror episode in many ways. Yeah, it's a good description. It's that kind of sci-fi. It's that dark. There's always like a dark edge to the sci-fi that's yet to be revealed. It's one of those where it's like,

wait, they're eating the people! That kind of sci-fi. It's super fucking good. I really like it. It's nowhere for free. Sunshine also is another sci-fi that I really want to watch. That's where they go to restart the sun or something. It's also...

Restart the sun? I don't remember what sun or something. It's also... I'm having a hard time getting that on screen. Restart the sun? I don't remember what they do exactly. It's already out. It's over. You know, you say that, but yeah, he's a real giver-upper. Have you noticed that? I know.

The sun goes out. He's like, forget everything. The sun goes out. There's no stick-to-itiveness with this guy. Get up there. Where the fuck is it going? Get it going. I mean, we'll go below

and use the Earth's core to heat our underground subterranean layers where we'll subsist on some sort of fungus paste that we grow. And someday, after we guide the Earth

to a new star, we'll be able to go up topside again. Nah, you have fun with that. I'm going to jack myself off to death. I'm going to go out like a king. Then you'll come in there and you'll see me dead hanging with more cum than you've ever seen in your life.

And you'll be like, wow, he went out like a champ. He did it. What are you offering? No, that's me taking pictures. You'd be so embarrassed if the internet still worked. You're lucky there's no more phone service anywhere my death mask is me in just absolute bliss like your final face they used to uh like some emperors some popes they would take a death mask after they died with some sort of plaster.

And so you can like see the exact face of like Pope Pius IV. You would have a life mask and a death mask in many cases, and they would be sort of displayed in contrast of one another. And, you know, the more popular you were what i saw a really interesting um thing where they used ai or maybe just some other tools to take this marble statues of roman emperors and make them look like people you know colorize them i've just seen that done to george washington like making him look like a human rather than a painting it's like oh yeah you know i've seen him in like uh i think they took him out of all his like frilly stuff which does sort of almost feminine by today's standards and put him, he was in a military uniform when I saw it and I was like,

ah, made me look at him in a, through a different lens, which I liked that death mask thing. Like I never heard that term before. When my grandmother died, she died in a hospital and they were trying to keep her alive. It was a cardiac event and they left a tube in her

body. I think it might have breathed for her or something. Maybe she was intubated but it pulled the corner of her mouth down and then rigor mortis set in in that position and she had like an asymmetrical kind of vibe in the coffin that was hard to ignore. I don't know. Brought up a memory. Thanks, Taylor. often that was hard to ignore. I don't know. Brought up a memory. Thanks, Taylor.

That's why you don't use a discount mortician, folks. Come on down to Joe's. We'll make Granny look right. Here's Napoleon's death mask. That's a dark story. What are you coming out with a sad one again this week? I want that one

to be cataloged along with the Valentine's story. I got a lot of baggage. That's pretty cool. That is pretty cool. It's weird to say, but he looks fit. Right? That angular, that gaunt look.

I bet his skin didn't look great. Nice cheekbones on that guy. I wonder if everyone's bald. Because you can't do the hair part, right? Again, Taylor with the quitting. The quitting. There's one guy who's like, I don't know how to represent it the way he wants.

He's Italian now. Oh, this is a horrible Wikipedia article article 19th century death mask of an infant what no one wants that here why would they bother yeah it doesn't even look good yeah who builds a connection with an infant right like i didn't even like my kids three or four like yeah i i don't i don't i'm gonna have to build a relationship with you before i really care too much i think right you know i i'm watching Kingdom of Heaven, which is one of the greatest movies of all time. I'm watching the extended Roadhouse version. It's closing in on four hours long. The cast is too big to name them all, but it's basically obviously Swayze. Crusades in Jerusalem with Orlando Bloom inheriting this position of power and trying to keep the peace between the Christians and the Muslims. It's really fucking good.

I don't know. As I was watching it, and I think that movie is 20 years old or so at least, the special effects are as good as anything I've seen recently. There's big castles and big battles and shit. I think those are real horses. I think there might be hundreds and hundreds of real horses in that movie. It's really good.

I don't remember why. Yeah, but they don't always use real horses. They're real. You're thinking of unicorns. Those are fake. That's why the line of the movie is so good. Exactly. Unicorns are way more realistic than giraffes or narwhal whales that narwhal thing looks absurd it literally is i'm a unicorn is like a first draft fantasy animal like i would no imagination there was like a

fucking gigantic moose with a 40 foot neck i would claim that to be fake way before a unicorn yeah yeah or those people like way back in the day who would find uh they'd find a hippopotamus skull and invent all these fun stories where they'd be like it's a or an elephant skull and they're like it's a cyclops here's where the one eye is and here's the big jaw of it and then later some some fun ruiner had to be like it's just a big animal it's not a giant what doesn't cyclops can i'll play it looks it looks like a cyclops skull i would have nasal cavity

i would have been 100 on board for you know if i lived in whatever year they first found that skull and they brought it to wherever i was living in europe and they showed you because you'd have no point of reference what a fucking elephant was so it does look like a cyclops. And not to flex on Taylor, but I spelled

elephant correctly first try. Proud of you. It's good. It's kind of a big deal. We need some new fantasy animals. It's been too long. Too long. We've had our laurels hung on dragons, unicorns, pegasi for

too long. I don't understand why we haven't seen any. I don't know why these geneticists... They cloned Dolly in 1998, I think, or something like that. I think it was all fucked up, though. No, it was fine. It went on and had children. They were also fine.

They've cloned cats and all sorts of stuff. I'm sure humans somewhere have been cloned. That's not cloning. That's just two animals fucking. I'm just trying to contribute. But I'm... I saw an animal at the zoo that looked like a zebra fucked a horse and also got an anteater in there

somewhere. You guys all knew this animal. What was it? It's got that weird... Snout thing? Yeah, snout. It's an anteater zebra horse. All mixed together. It was fucking weird.

Was it a chib or something like that? I looked it up. It's like a kia or something, I think. Oh, well, you fooled me. I just gave you a picture of its butt and you recognized it from its asshole so I figured you were intimately familiar. You recognized it from its asshole. You show Kyle a picture of any animal's

asshole. He'll be like, ah, that's a southern sea crab. I've seen this before. Not as tight as it looks. Notoriously so. What was the animal called? Do you guys remember? It's an Ickchib or something, right? You're close. It was the animal called? Do you guys remember? It's an Ickchib or something, right? You're close.

It was something like that. Ah. An Okapi? Was it an Okapi? That does sound right. Zach wrote it. Oh, Zach got it then. Yeah, it's the Okapi.

Oh, perfect. He's ahead of me. Look at that thing. I actually remembered it being more anteater-y. Look at its eye. It's got a goat eye. Yeah. It's got eyeliner on it. Does it have a horn? It's got two little horns. I only see one. Okay, I see the other one. One's pointed so directly toward us.

I saw one at first, yeah. You're right, though, Kyle. They could come up with unicorns or something. I don't know what the purpose of them would be other than a more dangerous horse. If Zach could find a picture from just its asshole, Kyle would know this animal. Oh, Kyle. They could come up with unicorns or something. I don't know what the purpose of them would be other than a more dangerous horse. If Zach could find a picture from just its asshole, Kyle would know this animal. Oh, yeah. He'd be like, see, you can tell from the slight change there in coloration that this is

not a stock standard zebra asshole. Almost prehensile. Do you guys want to rap? Yeah. Time for Doug. Enough of copy butthole talk. BKN504.