Painkiller Already - PKN 508

Episode Date: May 14, 2024

pkn508 how you guys doing pretty good pretty good so you know there was all that uh controversy where escape from tarka put in that 250 version and that they're without going into the minutia they were totally trying to fuck people over and as the the revolt grew they were trying to backslide backslide apologize but half apologize and some sort of and half backslide, backslide, apologize, but half apologize and some sort of... And half backslide too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like they were shitty. They handled it poorly. Like a week later,

the Tencent's game, Arena Breakout Infinite, is ready for beta. Who is that? You guys were mentioning him as if... Tencent is a corporation. They're the 19th biggest corporation on the planet. They're a Chinese gaming developer. So they own every major mobile game you can think of. And they owned a mobile game called Arena Breakout.

It's very popular. I don't know. Huge amounts of players. And so they're making a pc version of that game i'm told it's not a port meaning they didn't just uh make the just transfer it over that they built a new game for the pc that is arena breakout well arena breakout is a copy paste of tarkov in so so many ways i i mean the same items are in the game now Now, of course, there's an M16 in every video game, but no, no, the exact one, like you can see the polygons, they transferred it from Unity to Unreal 4. But someone explained that when you create, say, like the dust cover on an AK-47 in this game, the guy who did it for EFT, his name is Kiba. When Kiba did that, it was like a

fingerprint because he assembled those polygons in his own way. And no one else would do the same thing ever. It just wouldn't happen. Well, you zoom in on both ones and they're identical. They're identical. They have copy pasted their game. And if this had happened a month and a half ago, I think the Tarkov community at large would have gone, hey, don't do that to our beloved game. I mean, they're not perfect, but we're almost to full release. But because they shit on everybody, all of the streamers are streaming this game,

and they're doing beta drops, which means if you watch an hour worth of content at certain periods, you get a beta key, you get access to the beta as well that's going on right now. And Landmark would have like 50,000, 60,000 people watching. Pastille was the same thing. They were the most viewed game on Twitch. Over 200,000, 250,000, something like that

at one point. I'm not saying they're going to kill Tarkov, but man, they're going to take a chunk because the best... This game's fucking free. This game's free. They monetize in ways that are pay to win in some ways. You can just straight up buy more in-game rubles, we'll call them, in-game currency.

But who cares, I guess, is kind of my feeling. I know you have to pay for your secure container. I think you pay a certain amount of money and you get the, and I think it's a live service game. So you're probably going to pay every month, like a dollar or two or something like that. I'm okay with that because what I did last time was 150 all up front for this game,

hoping that shit would turn out. I kind of want to look at, all right, here's $5. Hang on to this five. We'll see how things are going in a month and a month. I may be over this game, you know? So I'm, I've been playing it a good bit today.

They stole Tarkov. The maps are totally different, right? The maps are totally different. It'd be funny if... I already know the maps. There are in-map assets that are identical. There are buildings you'll go into and you're like i've been here before really yes i mean it's the chinese love that not just

for games like they're big oh it's great to compliment yeah they should be proud we steal your game oh is tarkov gonna die or are people going to flop back to Tarkov once the Chinese plug and play copy paste game also starts demanding money? Well, I mean, their game model is demanding money. It's a live service game where they're up front that they want your money. Where Tarkov went wrong is they weren't up front. They sold this $150 package and said, when you buy this, that's it. We'll release, as this game grows and we release the new features

and functions that are clearly missing, even though you spent $150 just now, don't worry, it's on the house. This is your one-time entry fee. It's like getting that bracelet when you go into the VIP section. They're not gonna nickel and dime you for breadsticks. Like, what are you doing to me? paid six hundred dollars to be in this room

you can't charge me for drinks that's what we did up there but that's what tarkov tried to do they they gave they sold your vip band you got into the the cool part of the club and then they tried to sell you a five dollar fucking water or something they were very clear about their vision right this is an incomplete game when i bought, it had maybe four or five maps, something like that. And they've added two more and expanded some of the existing ones. And also the way that you extract right now, you go to a map and then you leave it. Boom. What's going to happen in the future, they say, is you'll go from a map and then extract into another map.

And you may be even three and they can all be connected. They abandoned that. All right. Then we're going to be like in-game vendors right now. You get all prepared in like before the game. And I think there are in-game vendors, right? Is that implemented? Yeah, it's implemented to some extent.

But the way it feels, it feels like they got caught with their pants down making promises. And they were like, put him in there. Okay. They described it as this thing where like, oh, yeah, big part of the game in the future. We'll be going to see the light keeper. That's what he's called. It's easier to get Kappa than to get the Light Keeper, I think. It's absurd.

Only the streamers do it. When you do it, he gives you a few items but it's nothing game-breaking. It's not like, oh, now I have armor-piercing ammo. Now every raid is better. Is this arena breakout the same structure where they're going to wipe every so often?

That's another thing that I don't know. I didn't finish. They promised you a vision. And they said, if you buy it now, you'll be funding this vision that we developed for you. And then as it filled out, they said they wanted more money. I know Kyle said $250 a lot, but I think that if you already paid the $150, it wasn't an additional $250. It was an additional something less. Yeah, I just want another $100 from

someone like me who's already $150. Me too, yeah. But it wasn't... There was no ambiguity about it. This is your last payment. You get what's coming. And now they're like, well, these new parts of the game that you download, they're not downloadable

content. They're not DLC. This is something different. And it's, ah, you broke our deal. Are you sending me a CD key? Because... You're right, right? Yeah, CD-ROM. That's what they should have done to get around it.

You need to AOL this bitch. Send everybody a fucking stick. I don't even know how much you can put on a CD-ROM in modern times. 640 megabytes? Gigabytes? How much does it all see? So people are just playing the exact same game,

but the China version at this point? To call it the exact same game is going too far because there are market differences, but all the guns are the same. All the gun sounds are the same. The animations have

been copied the way that you assemble guns and find that's right there and here's the thing what it's better it's better than tarkov oh yeah oh yeah all the backpack organization functionality because i i understand that's 70 it's so much better all right so let me tell you about the backpack organization so now you can just if you kill a guy and he's got a backpack what you used to do is you've got a backpack let's call it and he's got a backpack, what you used to do is, you've got a backpack, let's call it, say it's got eight squares in it, so, you know, four by two or whatever. You would put that into yours and

it would take up the amount of space that it has inside of it. Now, you just roll a backpack up. You roll the enemy's backpack up and you put it in yours as this little rolled up piece of, you know, backpack that takes up, like, just two squares. There's lots of little things like that. The healing has been completely simplified.

You just press V, and there's a wheel that'll pop up, and you can just sort of pick the... Oh, you don't have to like, this is for deep bleeds. This is for shallow bleeds. This is for broken bones. There's a little bit of that,

but it's so simplified. There's no more fractures. You need to be an actual doctor to heal yourself in Tarkov. Yeah, Tarkov has made me better at healing myself in real life. My ears are ringing. What medicine do I take for this? I'm into Profitol. Another tin of sardines.

Maybe I'll feel better. Maybe if I just take my mind off this with 40 straight minutes of backpack reorganization. The little items like that are there too. Like, you know, there's bolts and screws and hoes and all of those assets are just laying around the map. But the gunplay's been fun. Aren't you bored of

this game quickly because you were kind of burnt out on Tarkov and it's so similar? No. No. No. This is a whole new thing. This is a whole new thing this is this is a whole new ask that with a motive like wouldn't you be more interested in like age of empires god i've tried to play as vampires it's just not fun it's just not it's so fun have you considered a fun game maybe he'll play with you man when you look at that game and it's just like all those both of those pixels on the screen.

Dude, it's so fun. It's so fun. You were such a tease. Literally, I stopped asking you about it. And then out of nowhere, you're like, I bought the game. And I'm like, yeah, right, bullshit. Then you start it up and you're like, I'm going to play. And I'm like, oh, this is great.

Because me and my boys, anytime, no matter what the skill level is, we always want more people because then you can fill out more of a lobby and do more game variants, play on Earth or whatever. Kyle pops in the chat and he's like, I'm not going to play right now because it's my birthday. Happy B-Day. And I'm going to hang out with my girlfriend and I got to watch videos first. And I'm like, very understandable. I know he's analytical.

That's how he likes to approach games like this and then for like four straight days just no responses to messages i'm like hey we're hopping on you want to play hey we're hopping on you want to play and the and i wasn't being pushy because you wanted him to be an absolute guru by the time he joined i just study and just land he just wouldn't respond He was just fucking leaving me on read. That's not true. I sent that one reply. I told you that I had to go return some videotapes. Yes, a reference to a movie older than the game I'm trying to get you to play.

That's fair, but I don't watch that movie every single day. You want to know a way in which I have been trouncing Taylor? I watched Terminator and Terminator 2 in the last week. There you go. Those special effects still hold up pretty well. You just need to get over the initial...

If you got over the initial strategic hump of it and figured it out, it's fun to collab with teammates on strategies i like that aspect of it i like that aspect of games but that game is just i nothing it's really hard to make me happy like like as i'm if i won i i would just be like all right dude when you outsmart someone when you bait them into creating the wrong unit because they anticipate your counter and you fake it you fake into a a tech switch like it's like yeah i i bested you and then when someone bests you that way it's incredibly aggravating where you're like oh this guy played me for a fucking fool i'm an idiot but i just got in a gunfight in a cornfield with an ak and there's two of them and i got them both. And it was like the best part of my day

today. To each their own with gaming. That's just not very exciting to me. I instantly killed the first one and then swapped to the second one. I watched you and Vavity for hours playing Tarkov while I was doing AOE and I'd look over, see the game,

I'd watch, and no joke, 90-93% of this game seems to be skulking through gray toned airport hangers and looking through a backpack. And it's like and the supposed like riveting excitement of tricking someone verbally amounts largely to you, you a scav? Yeah. I'm just going to pick this up and leave, brother. Is that good with you? Yeah. Load your backpack for 40 minutes, and then you go, Hey, you there?

Oh, he must have... I want to be on team Kyle, but he's pretty close. I'm hearing this, and I'm like, alright, then what? Then what happens? Was he still there, or had he scoped what? Dude, I make more actions. I make more actions. Was he still there or had he skulked away? Vovity and Kyle are good at Tarkov and I'm not that great at AOE.

I make more actions in one minute than I will see them make in 25. Well, yeah, you just constantly do this. You just click. You just click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click. That'll get her off. Keep doing it. Kyle's got that practice to him. I'm telling you, you've got to get the Theragun.

It's ridiculous. You get the Theragun. It's ridiculous. You get the Theragun dildo attachment. That sounds too rough. What does that have to do with the Tarkov? You turn it all the way down. Oh, I mean, it's a Kyle item.

It's, you can get the dildo attachment on Amazon and you get the $40 Theragun on Amazon. That's what I got. But there's like a, you know, obviously Theragun is like 200, $250 or something, but the cheap one works fine for me.

And, uh, you know, you pop that dildo on there and you turn that thing to even like one out of 100. I think the speed is to 100. And like a one out of 100. And your lady friend is just like, whoa, whoa, what's happening now? Whoa, whoa. If it's doing anything to her like it does to my thigh after a workout, I want no part of it because she's not going to be having fun.

She has fun. She cannot have a day off tomorrow. We can't hit this so hard that that's required. Oh, my God. It's ridiculous. It's my number one rated sex toy at this point. It's a real winner. I thought you used like a Sawzall for that.

I have tried that before. Yeah. That's really what the Theragun kind of is. Like it moves that quick. Yeah, but it's really short. It's a faster RPMs and a shorter throw. Whereas the Sawzall is a long throw and fewer RPMs, which is more dangerous.

A little Theragun tip. You'd think turning it up makes it more aggressive. It makes it less aggressive for sure because what happens is the when it's slow it really like bum bum bum bum bum when it's really fast it doesn't reset it just stays in one place and sort of vibrates more quickly yeah it doesn't bang as hard yeah sure it depends it depends on the application i suppose if you want yeah i went to like actual muscle therapy i don't i don't find it to be good for that. I find it actively unpleasant when I've tried to use it for that.

I'm not arguing that it's more than a placebo. I just like it. Yeah, I would love a massage like after if I'm sore. Like someone who's strong who knows what they're doing. But a air gun seems. I don't like strong masseuses i want i want to like wring the blood out of the muscle like like i want like double thumbs on the muscle pushing it down my back i want gentle hands a nice relaxing massage i want to be making some noise

i should i should be audibly i'm like get the new girl. The one whose fingers are not strong yet. Bring her in. Bring Olga out here. I want that big bitch back there. That sounds awful. You can probably loot Olga in Tarkov. Stuff her in your backpack. You know, run around.

He needs to earn cap of the stuff her in there. I want to recommend that movie again, Shadow of the Vampire. I watched it a second time. It's so good. stuff her in there um i want to recommend that movie again the shadow of the vampire watched a second time it's so good uh again it's about the making of the nosferatu movie but it's like a fictionalized version of that it's really good um i i again i watched it twice what else i heard i heard that jackie hadn't seen the terminators and i was like what i'm so sorry because that's like a form of spousal abuse not exposing them

to that and a form of child abuse in taylor's case so really fix it i mean that's like you've been married for 30 years or so she had to put up with a lot so that's that's a long time to wait that's a very funny thing to be married for 30 years and then like bring up a movie that came out in like 1988 and be like oh you haven't seen this oh we gotta watch it wait you the person i know fucking every iota about and you and you me oh we gotta we gotta watch this flick together baby we did yeah the special effects they really improved between the first and second i've seen them recently so my memory is fresh to get the Terminator to walk, you can picture the metal skeleton of the Terminator.

They used stop-motion animation in the first one, and it is very obvious. It looks like a fucking old-school Christmas movie. And when they go to the second one, he walks smoothly. They built actual moving robots. Yeah, the first one was very cheap. Maybe $15 or $20 million or something like that.

And then the second one was the highest grossing movie of all time at the time, I think. James Cameron's a fucking miracle worker. He's got like two of the three. He's got two of the top 10 highest grossing movies of all time with the Avatar and Titanic. All the others are part of some giant

corporate structure of sequels. Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings. The Avengers. The Avengers. There he is just making these unique things like Avatar. Our Avatar is derivative of so many

other properties, but it's his own fucking thing at least. It blue people on a planet somewhere it's not a vid i never heard of avatar outside of him not avatar but but it was like smurfs or dances with wolves or or fern gully yeah it's those things mixed together and and then you get avatar yeah i like smurfs a lot more than avatar do you remember the the ever-present threat of Gargamel? You never knew when he was going to come down and cause problems. It's the cat that gets you. Yeah, the cat. I always was like, man, if that cat ever finds his way out of this tower,

he could run roughshod over the whole Smurf house. Even as a child, I'm like, so is everybody banging Smurfette? Like all of them? There were only two women in the whole show. She was the only one with rights all the rest were housebound then that must have been the deal is that it i don't know and then there was one elderly smurf who didn't yeah papa smurf didn't seem to give uh the best advice he was the one who would always come through with like a lesson at the end where like

a friend of gargamel's would look scary and they'd be like we have to beware the ogre and then in the end it's like the ogre ended up being friendly that should teach us smurfs not to judge people based on the you know the fact that they're scary and it's like yeah but he's hanging out with a guy whose express purpose in life is to ruin your way of life yeah a little caution will go a long way yeah Yeah, they should have been more cautious. So I guess all this to say I remember much more about Smurfs than Avatar even, and it's been much longer.

I don't know anything about Smurfs. You didn't watch Smurfs as a kid? Not a single episode ever, no. Did you guys see Avatar 2? No. Yeah. Kyle did, oh yeah. Yeah, I, you know, it's, they're, it's technically amazing, like what he's doing it is technically i know what you mean but it's a funny way to call that those creatures that those

avatar blue monkey people like they look like real beings from another planet or something and their expressions are so spot on the way they're they're mimicking or they're sensing what they the real actors are doing and everything and then like the spaceship boat thing and the big whale and all that shit that shit all look good too and just the environment they're in i gotta believe that none of it's real like like so little of what i'm seeing on screen is didn't just pop out of the side of a pc like yeah is that beach even real like i don't know i'm with you exactly and but during their movie watching i didn't really didn't grab my attention which is not good cgi does that just

blends right in with the movie i'm watching but the rest of the cgi the plot was weak they spent a lot of time on technical excellence like kyle pointed out but the plot even if you're not angry about how preachy it is which i can respect but it's not me it's still just guy is unbelievably evil for no reason just like you know oh are there children let's fucking murder children like why it's not even your tactical advantage you're just being a dick yeah he's that guy killed me yeah and you came back to life through some miracle of science do you really want to go fuck with him again no not really maybe i'll use this maybe i'll become an artist like my grandfather use my hands to create instead of kill now let's go get let's do the same thing as the first one again let's get him and then that monkey kid the monkey kid's

the worst part of the whole movie there's at least his name the monkey kid there's a human who's been living with the blue people and so he's all like like they do like he's growling raised by wolves practically yeah yeah yeah he's feral and he's like bouncing around shit and he's annoying as shit his acting is you know kid actors it's it's hit or miss and then you gotta tell him all right you're feral so when the big giant man comes in, snarl at him. He snarls. I'm like, dude, why are you snarling? You're smart enough to know your snarl is going to be ineffective, so you wouldn't

snarl. It's like they hired a non-actor for his gymnastic skills because the kid was like off and he was always fucking swinging from trees and flipping around and moving athletically. He's like a Tom Holland, I'm going for, who can't act.

I will not be watching that one. I didn't love it. And then again, like we've talked about before, but the whole crux of the movie is that whales instead of whale oil on this planet, they make the elixir of life. And it's like the whales are chill. They're basically

people that are whales and not for long not for long i would i would be fucking out on the the front of that fucking boat throwing harpoons into it if my grandma needs a little of the magic whale oil i'm i'm genociding all of the whales yeah yeah we need some depth charges let's let's stop futzing around. Look at these guys. They live for eternity and they've done nothing with it. Floating around in their own shit. And then they have a bunch of blue monkeys hopping around dancing.

Flying raptors. You never get to see any blue people genitalia. That always annoyed me. I've told you, they don't have genitalia. They're like Barbies down there. They plug in their hair. Even I brought that away from the first movie, remember? Maybe there's a cloaca.

Yeah, they have cloaca eggs or something. They do like a cloacal kiss. There must be some sort of genitalia. Where do the babies come from? Well, there's the cloaca. They would come out of the cloaca, but the way they make them was when they would braid their hair and then they have like a data transfer.

I do remember the braiding of the hair. I choose to believe there's a dick and a pussy involved as well. And the braiding of the hair is the emotional connection that goes with it. Those are some real little loincloths in the first movie they were wearing. So they got some some like gorilla proportioned dicks. If they're if there's one of them. I have no counter to this argument. That's how they lose to the humans is they realize we have bigger dicks than them. And they're so embarrassed.

They have penises. I feel so gay with my long hair. I just got annoyed with any movie where I know that the United States Marine corps from now would just destroy the blue people but somehow the marine corps 500 years from now is really having a hard time they're just losing they show up with those hovercrafts or whatever and a blue guy flies by on a pterodactyl or some shit and shoots a bow and arrow through the windshield and kills him it's like whoa we didn't bow and arrow proof our spacecraft? What are we doing here? Yeah, it's the one thing they have. I guarantee. Proof it.

If you shoot a bow and arrow at an Apache's windshield, it'll bounce off. I promise. I promise. I think you're right. So in the first movie, there was some sort of, like, radiation shield that prevented the flying craft from being able to get in close. So they had to take their basically

giant Humvees and fight the rhinoceroses and it wasn't as lopsided as you'd think um in the second movie i don't have an excuse for why the flying devices didn't just nuke them from orbit but there we go like like i don't know i i'm from the united states so i feel like i've got a firm grasp on how you take out a lesser technologically advanced team. I saw the Wagner Group attack that oil field, the Wagner Group. And we called the Russians. We're like, are you attacking us? And they're like, no, no, it's not us. And they're like, all right. And then they just rained hell on them for a day and call back. And they're like, you're right. There are no Russians in the area. I love that love that story i saw you know the russians gave all the guys that survived that

a special medal that's like yes it's like a man on fire surrounded by american aircraft or something yeah they're like standing with an ak against an apache and uh like they got a medal just for not dying against the amer. And that scene never happened. There was no brave person standing against Apache. Probably not. Well, they got to play it up a little bit. I bet there were a lot more people screaming and scared at Iwo Jima than we want to let on. But we won.

And so it's fucking stoicism, brave raising of the flag. That's part of winning. You get to write it it all and so we get to be the cool heroes yes it's that um there's that famous artist you know the the guy who did the painting of the thousand yard stare and he also did the painting where the soldier's walking and his half his face is gone and half of his arm is gone um that may be late um but but he got a lot of flack for that like you can i i watched this documentary about him and his artwork and how he had everything the way he'd covered the war up until then it looked like a coca-cola commercial you know what i mean like like everybody's smart it's like brave americans going in and then like what he saw on that

changed him and his and his paintings are all just gruesome and gory going forward um have you followed ukraine lately uh sort of i saw there was some sort of russian advance on kharkiv where they just walked in or something uh yeah they watched a new like uh from the very northern part of where russia Ukraine. They're invading from there now, whereas previously that had been not a hot zone. And the Ukrainians, I think, were caught with their pants down, and it looks bad. I watched the Ukrainian propaganda, and they're all like,

all right, they may have taken a few villages, but man, their losses were huge. They can't sustain this. A song I've been hearing for three or four years now. Yeah. And you watch the Russiansussians and they're like we took more land in the last four days than ukraine did during their summer offensive the uh when i saw a russian i saw a first person point of view drone uh hitting a russian and just

before it hits him for some reason the Russian had a can of gasoline in his hands and he tries to hit the thing with the can of gasoline brilliant I can't think of a worse idea because of course it just what if it was propane it would have been better if it was propane oh yeah because the can of gas does it's like one of my videos back in the day. It's an explosion against a can of gas. And so he just becomes a fireball and he burns alive and explodes there. And it was gruesome. I watched a bunch of Ukrainian crones dropping grenades like I watched from three or four years ago.

And I'm like, how do I know this is recent? Because the Russians have done a much better job with making it harder for the drones to have free reign than they did three years ago. And I just can't trust anything I see. It's very hard for me to be confident in the news I digest. Yeah. Wars are notoriously covered with bias, depending on where you're viewing from. It can't be that bad. I saw Antony Blinken in Kiev today in a bar playing guitar and singing.

Was he good? He played that guitar really well. He wasn't a great singer, but he wasn't a bad singer either. But he could play the shit out of the guitar. That was impressive. I didn't expect that. Kyle said Anthony Blinken clearly and correctly, but somehow I processed it as that Bourdain guy. I'm like, that might be old footage.

Anthony Bourdain, that guy who would eat bugs in Cambodia and then stay in a nice hotel. That was his jam, right? He toured the world eating delicious foods and making a TV show about it, seemingly. I never watched it frankly interesting that he killed himself when he was living what a lot of people would consider to be a dream life every day he went to bed being like just looking at a poster of guy fieri and

wishing he could be that lovable that carefree i never watched it you know what he makes on his walmart t-shirt sales alone? Good. Yeah. Yeah. Why can't I drive into a delicious driver, dine in or dive in a cool, you know, chop top Mustang.

And everybody loves me in my frosted tips. I'm not up to date. Do people love for our fire? Yeah. Yeah. He's just a funny guy. People not love Bourdain. I thought he was popular.

I just don't care. I guess I don't really know anything about him i'm just trying to create i don't think i watch food whatever channel he was on i don't have it yeah i never watched what he did i thought that he was more of like uh eating gross foods and like doing you know you know how you'll watch uh nature shows where they try to be so even handed. It's laughable where they're like, we're here in Namibia to try a local delicacy. If you remember last episode, we tried the most fantastic assortment of Italian meats, cheeses,

and pastas. And now we're enjoying a dirt cookie. It would be easy to make a mockery of this, but we have to be smarmy cunts about it and we pretend that it's on par with spanish italian and french cuisines it's like get real you're eating bug paste yeah i don't right whenever i see that tribal shit they run out of ants all the time i i just want to stop and be like hey we all realize that they're not eating these caterpillar larvae because it's like the tastiest thing this isn't their version of this is this is just some shit that they

survive on i got maggots in my backyard let's go get them oh no you don't want those well because they're in a log well you're gonna eat it from my dumbo here i don't think so yeah oh why because there's chilies nearby yeah we're not there not going to do that. There's that scene in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom where those Indian people are starving and they give them those palm leaves with maggots all over them or whatever and the lady's like, I don't want to eat that.

And he's like, that's more food than they eat in a week. And it's like, I don't know. No wonder I'm mogging all of them. No wonder I'm so big. I don't want to eat any caterpillars, any larvae. I don't like bugs at all. That's what the liberals want, Taylor.

Do you know that? They want us on a bug diet. I don't like that one bit. What's coming? I've been to the meetings. It's all true. I will not eat the bugs. They're like, what can Taylor cook without a gas stove?

Bug larvae. If there were a time to start eating bugs it'd be right now because it's it i don't know the cicada regions very well are you guys in big cicada areas so this year you're having you apparently there are two different um we've got two here i don't know if you guys have that or not I thought it was sort of a national story we don't have any cicadas here yet but usually we have a ton there's a ton of them like walking outside anytime during the day there's like a

loud constant buzz I found seven of them in the last week in my basement gym and that is causing me some alarm because i they are discussed they don't do anything they don't even eat like plants they're just the grossest looking bugs so if you look at the north carolina map i'm right where that elbow is sort of in the center of the state but i just mowed my grass this weekend and didn't see you see the problem though right so like you've got you've got brood 19 and brood and brood 13 in the um adjoining one

another in certain counties up there in uh in missouri and uh illinois it looks like and they're so you're getting two different hatches happening they they're on a 17 year cycle and two of the cycles have coincided yeah both in a 13 year cycle but they both landed on this year nice luck yeah they're they are so gross i hate the way cicadas look really basically yeah they have these big red eyes that are on like stalks that come out of their head can you show us one jack yeah each individual one makes a huge amount of noise i was like working out earlier today and i saw like you can hardly tell like when one is if it's just dead because they die and are clumsy or if they're like about to start their molting process and

so they're being very still and so i was like using my hockey stick and i would like smash him oh these are the dead husks there are these there are hundreds of these in my yard my whole back fence is fucking covered in these things i don't know how but they're like sticking to the window on the outside of like my my basement gym area they're they're everywhere you can hardly walk in a yard without they make a little goo they make a little goo and glue themselves to the surface so they can you know crawl out of their body i I didn't know that. It's just common sense, Taylor. Come on. It's common sense.

You can't crawl out of your body without some lube, Taylor. This guy did it, community. It's called goo. Yeah, see their eyes? We were in a... I was at a machine gun shoot and they were roaring. You could barely talk because they were so loud. I set off a giant explosion and they all went quiet for like several it was eerie it went from complete silence and then they slowly came back like

like they didn't know what to do about that there's like a pressure wave that hit them in the valley they like i i watched one of i was like just in my backyard the other day and i was just kind of watching them and being like all right like there's a billion of you guys what are you individually one on my back patio crawling around i'm like what's your plan like what are we doing here champ and so i watched him for like 20 minutes, like climb up. I was on the phone. So I was just kind of also watching that. And he's climbing up this, the metal side on one of my swings, like a patio swing.

And he spent all of 15 real-time minutes climbing up. And I'm like, he's getting ready. He's going to latch onto the top of this metal. And then he's going to molt. He spent all of 15 real-time minutes climbing up, and I'm like, he's getting ready. He's going to latch onto the top of this metal, and then he's going to molt. And he must have gotten most of the way to his destination, and then he just falls off and tumbles to the ground, stuck on his back for like a solid 40, 60 seconds, just chittering and trying to roll over.

And then he just crawled into the corner and i think died like he there was no stick with down syndrome to learn from and me like there's no it's just like this has got to be the dullest animal to ever exist there's nothing that's represented a species for you. Now you have a lower opinion of cicadas than you otherwise would have. There's some entertaining cicada out there that you don't know about. Yeah. There's cicadas that have a stink bite over a female.

Although, you've watched the dumb ones. Those are the winners, I guess. Those are the ones who made it out of them. They molted. This guy couldn't. Or maybe that's post-molt. I don't know. I got a bug zapper the other day, like one of the

old school ones, and it comes with all these guards on the outside. And it's like, the whole point is that stuff can get in. So I cut all those guards off with some pliers. And now it's just raw energy radiating out there. I'll be watching TV and I'll hear something get in there. And it's like,

and it goes on for like 30, 45 seconds. My girlfriend's like, I don't think it's a squirrel or something. Do you? Either way, it's going to die. Like,

yeah, dude, before cicada season hits you, get one of those tennis rackets that you can like smack bugs with. And it shocks. Oh, oh yeah. We always used a red rider BB gun,

you know, just a little lever action one and we'd shoot them out of the air my wife bought the salt gun the thing that shoots salt at bugs all it does is annoy them we haven't had any kills from them but if you want that bug to fly to a different part of the room i can help you it's so that i have a salt gun too and it only works on house flies if you were to try and shoot a wasp did that one got in my house it just upset it blew its wings off and its legs off slowly like that guy i just got a damn robo yeah i shot it so many and i was like like mugging it well come on finish the reference you were

almost there like robocop yeah the crucifixion scene a movie i haveop. A movie I have not seen, but I know the reference through Family Guy. The Jesus Allegory. You got him crucified at the beginning, walking on water at the end after his resurrection. It's a beautiful film. Paul Verhoeven. Even watching the cicadas fly. You know the video footage of the Wright brothers when they didn't have it fully figured out yet? Sure. footage of the Wright brothers when they didn't they didn't have it like fully figured out yet sure and and so they're like like eight feet in the air and then it comes back down on its wheels

and it's like oh these guys are so close to flight that's so neat that's how these things fly they fly like they're designed to have like eight to ten feet long ways and height of flying and then they just run into something fall and then physically climb up the tree instead like they're everything about these animals is gross all my friends with dogs are saying that they're just eating them like popcorn chicken oh just eating huge amount and i guess like similar to humans uh dogs can't digest chitin yeah which is what uh bug exoskeletons are made up of and so a lot of a lot of dogs out there shitting little legs and wings i would imagine yikes yeah another reason we can't be forced to eat the bugs kyle i don't want to eat a bunch of bug plate armor

and then put that out no you probably crickets they process the crickets into a delicious lean protein there's no way it's delicious no no there's not no there's no way yeah that's um that's the the in that movie uh snow piercer they're eating those cockroach bars it's really really disgusting they made like that was like a demoralization effort from the front of the train because they couldn't have made those bars look worse like when they found out they were roaches and they were all like oh my goodness i thought it was just a gelatinous black protein paint it's like no you fucking retard like what what else could this have possibly been it's disgusting like they're

they're having lobster up there they have a whole lobster tank in one of ours i know you uh i don't know if you kept watching rick and morty but there's an episode more of the later seasons where uh there's a universe where someone commits suicide their insides turn into spaghetti but but not like the most delicious spaghetti ever like their intestines turn into the pasta noodles and their blood and viscera turns into a sweet and spicy bolognese and so rick has been going to that universe and bringing spaghetti back for dinner for like weeks it's rick spaghetti time and everybody's like oh my god it's rick spaghetti time and they eat it and they fucking love it he's like you want some more and he goes to get some more and then morty realizes he catches him scooping it out of the inside of a person so

they go to that world and uh they explain to the people that that's the deal and morty wants to like justify it and get some absolution for what he's done but they just monetize it and they start and they start marketing their spaghetti to the rest of the galaxy and selling it and they start and they start marketing their spaghetti to the rest of the galaxy and selling it and they they rick had to tell them that that this happened well they had never eaten the inside of a dead person before who's in it they have to commit suicide like just a dead a dead one of their people is just you know it's guts and stuff but if they kill themselves there's enough uh of some brain chemical that it turns their insides to spaghetti. That's not

the delicious food I would hope my body would make. What would you want to be? I think it'd be more as a ravioli. Yeah, maybe a ravioli guy. Maybe I'm five cheese ravioli just filling up my chest cavity

and everybody can snack on that. I'm glad you got on board with that. Not like a ravioli, I up my chest cavity. Everybody can snack on that. I'm glad you got on board with that. Not like a ravioli. I'm insulted. You're like, no, actually. No, it captures my essence. Yeah, a little toasted ravioli inside my mouth. Yeah, then I could like open casket funeral.

People could cry and then they could reach in and get a little bite. Yeah. Yeah. I want to be a banana, but I'm probably actually trail mix. You'd be a high calorie mix of nuts. People would pick through you until the M&Ms were gone and then throw you away. I'm back on the fitness kick.

I have been for a while. Six weeks. So not zero, but into it. Today was push day. I worked maybe a little too hard. You'll get a good night's sleep and seize the day again tomorrow. Yeah, I've been doing decent on my exercise routine and everything. I've been trying to force myself to do more cardio.

What's your cardio choice? I bounce around because I have. So sex. Yeah. Intense intervals of 40 seconds. I have a stationary bike, an elliptical, and a treadmill. Oh, I thought you literally bounced around. I was like, all right.

Cool. I jump rope, got it. Same thing. No, I do. I will use something until I get really bored of it. So I got to the point that I was very bored of elliptical. And so I switched to the stationary bike, but it just takes so much longer because biking is so much easier than

elliptical or especially the treadmill that it's like, like I think I read online that like the calorie, like physical exertion breakdown is like three to one and so if you want the same effort of like medium intensity running three miles you would need to do that same level of intensity for nine miles on a bike and or maybe even more than that maybe it was three or four ratios like nine or twelve i like the elliptical so much i use the elliptical the most because it's got a little stand and i can put my phone on there and like watch a video or something. And I and I hold I put one.

You have I have maybe a Nordic track. Yeah, me too. Yeah. Something like that. I don't know what the model is, but I put my phone on it. No, I got it from my mom's house. She just had it in her basement. And so I took that season oh

mine's only a year old oh and then yours is definitely newer than mine but like you know how it has the track on there that shows like it'll simulate like running around a track yeah pop up i or like it'll say the total distance the the total calories, all that total time. I'll like orient my phone so that it blocks how much time or how much distance I've been doing it. And so I can kind of fool myself. And then I'll move the phone. And every once in a blue moon, it's like, oh, I'm already at like two miles. Like this is great. But then most of the time it's like, let's go ahead and move that phone.

No, that's not possible. There's no way that small amount of distance is even done. I'd love to try jumping rope just so we could commiserate. I have heard people say planks make the timer move slow. Nothing moves it more slowly than jumping rope. I will be like, I'm curious. Wall sits are right there with um you're really good at those though so i'm with you on the they fit me jumping rope is hard but like i'll like all

right just 30 more seconds and i go for what seems like a minute and honestly it was 14 seconds i'm like i can't believe how little time had passed and i jump a rope about two two times per second it's like my pace and uh yeah i like jumping rope a lot i get good cardio it hits your calves hard which is like a glory body part for me and uh and the worst reason but it's true there aren't many exercises that i look better in the mirror in than jumping rope like my posture with my arms like my fucking delts are popping i've got forearm veins i'm not that veiny but i do have some forearm veins and they're popping and it's just my my biceps are like dude there is nothing that makes me if i was fucking on tinder i'd put jump rope videos of myself on there his cell phone. There's a lot of dirt rope content from this guy.

You'd be, here's a 14 ounce rope. Let's try her out. I remember Kyle slopping the whole time with your whole channel instead of the try on girls. Kyle said,

chainsaws are sometimes called one-armed dumbbell rows are something that are really flattering to his physique. It feels like it pumps his own tires when he sees himself in the mirror doing one-armed dumbbell rows. And for me, that's jump rope.

That's the best version of me. It's also my least favorite exercise. Something about it I just despise so fucking much. I hate chainsaws. I don't like that it's so much slower than doing a chest-supported row because you're only doing one side at a time. It takes twice as long.

I generally avoid like one sided exercises. Like you said, like Bulgarian split squats, they're fantastic, but Oh my God. What I, if I hit like the Bulgarian split squat part of my routine, like this is fucking awful.

Oh yeah. My hell is an all day workout ofgarian split squats and then treadmill like that's that's something that i don't look good doing two things that i don't look particularly good doing that you don't see any immediate benefit from at least like if i knock out like a couple sets of pull-ups in my basement gym mirror i can be like oh look at that bicep vein looking good like you're looking a little juicier bulgarian split squats the whole time you're just like i know this is good for me it has to be really good for me based on how much i hate it this has got to be incredible and you're and then you finish one whole leg and then you have to do a whole nother

exercise with the other leg terrible yeah i'm always it's like i said on the last show it's when somebody's when i see somebody doing stupid cardio what i consider stupid cardio i'm like i want to ask them like what's your goal what are you trying to do there it's just like when you see someone lifting something you know it's a stupid lift but hey i don't want to discourage you from lifting but why are you doing that because that's like maybe you have a goal i don't know about and that works for it maybe you're an arm wrestler and you're going to be like, I only do this. This is all I train. Oh, shit.

I didn't know you're a professional arm wrestler. I'm sorry. I was the stupid one. But when I see someone doing like stupid cardio, I'm like, what's your goal? Are you trying to do what everybody's trying to do and look sexier? Because that's not how you do it. You're not getting any sexier ever from what you're doing there you're gonna you need to do an hour of like the medium low impact cardio so you never hurt yourself every fucking day and then you know

stop eating like a pig yeah you're right that's the harder part i take a modified opinion of the same thing you can do whatever you want you fit when i was a teenager i used to sell gym equipment i worked in this bicycle store that sold bicycles And we also sold like bow flexes and stationary bikes and this and that. And people would be like, which one's the best for me? This like bow flip, like this is a cross country ski machine, the rowing machine, the bicycle. And I was always like, the one that's best for you is the one that you don't use to dry your laundry on. You know, the straight up answer is probably the rowing machine is the, you know, the one that will give you the most intense workout.

But if you hate it, it's not the one for you. If you actually use this bike and you won't actually use this rowing machine, get the bike. And to Kyle's point, like, that's not the exercise for you. What are you? Shouldn't be jumping rope. You should be outside walking for 90 minutes. And I'm like,

ah, but I hate that. So I will only do it four times before I quit. Get back on the jump rope then. Yeah. The best thing is the one you do. That's the best advice for any kind of workout. Cause yeah.

Or Jeff Nippard. I don't know if you know him. He's a YouTuber. You probably do. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

He's kind of science-based and he'll often be like, you know, if you do like this, I'll make this this up i'm not sure i'm right if you do your bicep curls with dumbbells they're eight percent more engaging on your biceps than with a barbell or you know an easy curl bar and i'm like yeah but i like this one better i like the way it i have a wide easy curl bar that fits on a bench press rack because I'm a home gym master race. And I love, love setting it down on the rack. It's just the right height for me to start it on the next exercise.

It actually means a lot to me compared to the dumbbells that I have to muscle back on their little place. My rack is kind of packed, so they all have to be within a centimeter of where they're supposed to be and uh i like it on the rack better if it's five percent less effective i don't care i prefer this exercise when are you going to start juicing uh i don't probably to uh it's certainly not that i don't want to give myself a shot all the time it's oh i'm afraid of injecting myself daily with a three-inch needle where dude that's like you're talking about like not doing the workout i'd be like three days in workout i'd be like three days in and i'd be like i hate this i don't want to give myself a shot again i'm not doing yeah that's

a big part like getting getting getting ready to go work out is like this multi-stage thing and each each step of it sucks gonna drink your nasty fucking pre-workout drink it's all gritty sit on the couch and my fucking now now i take my caffeine now i'm getting sweaty just from the caffeine now it's time to inject myself in the ass while i stand here in the living room like the um like that uh captain like the captain morgan man on my coffee table it hurts it hurts so much every fucking time yeah see that See, that sounds terrible. Every now and then I miss and I hit like a vein and it just, it like blood shoots out of my ass cheek, like,

like on the couch. And now I'm like trying to scrub it, not realizing that it's still shooting out of my ass cheek. And I've just bled everywhere. And I haven't gotten the juice in me yet, but I've blunted the needle. So now I got to get a new needle and shoot this into the back of a new needle,

load that bitch up. And I'm like, do I want to stab the same spot or like I got to get a new needle and shoot this into the back of a new needle, load that up. And I'm like, do I want to stab the same spot or like make a new hole in my left ass cheek, left X as she was getting shot tomorrow. We don't want to hit him. Yep. Going in there like that.

I can get big enough just lifting and eating protein. That's fine. Just for weight loss. That's the weight loss shot. No, I don't. That's the L carnitine. You see now the weight loss shot.

I might be able to no you know what i there's no way i maintain a routine where i have to inject myself with needles no wait wait so the wayzo kyle is that what the drug is weight loss no is it way go wayzo it's a weight loss injection this is like a brand name oh i think and uh uh anyway it's weekly and that's one of the reasons people have had such good success sticking to it like if i told you to wake up and take a pill every morning or twice you know morning and night or whatever then it's harder to stick to they just need one injection a week and then like there's there's no backing out really like it lasts so that's like a prescription weight loss medication ozempic is a injection right similar to it's yeah it's like an ozempic competitor is very similar

and carnitine is more like an amino acid vitamin shot that you might go and get like at the same place you get hangover ivs i was reading a cnn article on a study right so i'm a layer removed but apparently they did a long-term study of this stuff and it is amazing. People are getting like cardiovascular benefits beyond what you would expect from just the weight loss, which might increase the availability of prescriptions from just like diabetes people and morbidly obese people to people who just need better cardio. I don't know. I'm not a doctor, but, but uh like studies were really positive this is gonna change shit once it's more widely available and manufacturing kicks up and the supply is there or if derrick's clinic can prescribe it is it the prescription or the uh

the like someone in my universe got it their doctor put them on a wait list for it and they still don't have it interesting i know um ozempic is causing uh some women to get pregnant you see that oh yes yes well i mean that's what happens if you get sexy it's fucking them yeah no well it's it's well it's partially what what he said yeah it's making fuckable women are now getting fucked more news. But apparently some women who have been like trying and failing to have kids are now getting pregnant from Ozempic, which is another one of those health studies. And I heard let me jump in. So what I heard was that it's making birth control less effective. So they're having unplanned pregnancies. Oh, I saw.

I'm sure that's happening, then i i was thinking that or i saw a couple things that were like people who were struggling to get pregnant on ozempic suddenly were and my gut reaction i'm like yeah like like is that the ozempic or is it that like being really overweight for a woman makes it harder to get pregnant anyway because it affects your your hormones and stuff and so maybe just the weight loss is making them more fertile i don't know how recent was your article because i've got a april 5th one here that says the reports of a zempic baby boomer anecdotal and it's not known how widespread the phenomenon is experts say significant weight loss can affect fertility others speculate that the glp-1 drugs could interfere with the absorption of oral

contraceptives causing birth control failure. Yeah, that's my guess. So Kyle said both of us are right. Yeah, someone very unhealthy who's trying to get pregnant. It's like, well, you're not getting pregnant because you're 120 pounds overweight and your endocrine system's all fucked up. Oh, what do you know? You lost 80 pounds and now your endocrine system's all fucked up. You're hotter.

Now you're healthier and therefore more fertile. And your birth control's not working anymore. This just a perfect storm yes for making a baby so what i keep seeing is like ozempic face then making fun of all the celebrities who now have these droopy hollow-eyed faces who who does i haven't seen that oh you have to if you search a Zempic face celebs, you'll get... That's a thing. You can't lose too much weight or it's a bad look. Certainly too much too quickly. Your skin doesn't have a chance to...

Oh, it doesn't rebound quick enough. Especially if you're older, I would imagine. What is a Z those epic face? Yeah, this guy looks healthier on the left. What is the Taylor so good with names like the buccal fat removal

from a face? Buccal fat. Buccal fat. It kind of looks like they've had buccal fat removing surgery. The people who... The doctors performing those cheek fat removing surgeries on those hot women, we need to throw them in jail. Really? Oh yeah, it's terrible. It's a terrible thing to do. So here's my understanding. You tell me if I have it right. It looks good in the short term,

but they don't age well? I don't right. It looks good in the short term, but they don't age well. I don't think it even looks good in the short term. It makes them look alien and gaunt and thin and unhealthy. Whereas there was that one. Is her name Joy Taylor or something? Anna Joy Taylor? Anna Joy Taylor. She's just got a weird face.

She has a triangular face. No, she does. But there was a before after she had something like that and like it's just really sharp angles i think one thing that that will throw you is celebrities have such extreme makeup especially at events um that that it can appear like they're they've transformed into something else. When they've got lots of light color and lots of reflection around their nose or something, their nose can look half the size it normally was. It can look like someone's

had a nose job, but they've just really got extreme makeup. I did a Google image search on bugle fat removal, and all the women look better, which isn't to say that Taylor is wrong, but it might be that thing that everybody does with plastic surgery where you look at the ones that aren't so good and the ones that turn out well, you just think that person's hot.

It gives them like a cheek ridge. Yes, but here, I'll show you the one. This woman's cherry pick to make me look right. this woman's cherry pick to make me look right Zach can you put that up there it's the girl on the top I'm interested in of course her makeup and tan and everything else about her is better too but you'll see she's got like chubby cheeks before like she needs the surgery to shape her face so she doesn't have those chubby

people's patches. This one, I would argue, is like beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I can see guys who might like the left girl and guys who might like the right girl. Here's mine. This girl clearly looks better on the right to me. She's way prettier now. Better lighting on the right. Better tan, better hair.

You know, even her fucking lipstick is better. Let's all agree that it's kind of prompted to be ineffective before and after. But also, her face is better. That surgery, she is one of the... That tackle box in her ear. Right. But I think this woman benefited from it.

Not everyone will. Is that too much, Taylor? That's too many ear piercings. Yeah. Really? That's too many. Oh, goodness. I didn't know this was at the top. Looking like... You remember X That's too many ear piercings. Yeah, that's too many. Looking like... You remember Xerxes? How many piercings he had?

The king of Persia and 300. Doesn't this woman look better too? He had them just in his cheeks and stuff. Just in places. He just picked the spots. He just picked spots and had piercings all over. That's a beautiful lady. Who is that? Well, she needs to be smiling in both of them for me to tell looks like she's lost some weight on the right anyway i think she

looks better in the after picture assuming it's the right but i don't know how she'll age yeah i think she's just smiling in one picture and it's making her cheeks pop right yeah i can't tell the difference in like if if they're right and there's so many like with um with botox she could just have her upper lip paralyzed and that's why she's she's doing that so that's what's happened there she's she's she's got her whole fucking upper lip and forehead paralyzed there so there's so much botulism in her face something about that guy's face you just brought up. Is that John Legend? He looks almost like an unfinished drawing.

Yeah, like AI. Like a Pixar cartoon that's 95% done. There's not enough detail in his face. Maybe he's on some... Can we put some detail? He's just wearing a white piece of paper. Could we put some lines on him? Yeah, he's got ends all over his suit. New balance suits.

That's what he's wearing. I don't know about that. Yeah, I don't know. Man, he looked like a human there. He got the same exact smile. I don't know what work they've had done, but I don't think they're untouched faces. It could be, like Kyle said, just ejections.

It could be surgical, but I don't think they were untouched faces. It could be like Kyle said, just ejections. It could be surgical, but I don't think they were born to look like that. Her face looks almost clip-arted onto someone else's body. Proportions feel odd. Kind of a bobblehead situation going on. That's a big old head she's got. And that's okay.

And that's okay. Everyone's different. I'm taking care of that. I need food different nothing wrong with that a lot of great people have big heads brave lady yeah so i don't know what she's all about but she's a member of the community so i'm cool with her so we should just go on and on about what bravery it takes to show your head on camera when it's that large. Oh my god. I would hide. I would just stay in a closet. I should have one of those Russian war medals

throw on my lapel. We gotta get the measuring thing. Did we ever measure your head? I did it on a Twitch stream years ago with a set of laser calipers that I don't know where I have anymore. My phrenology tools. Do you have that bicep measure?

Yeah, you just take the bicep. I have a tape somewhere. And I did on the stream look up my head size compared to average head sizes and everything. And I thought I was going to ruin the bit. But no, I was in the 95 plus percent. She measured your skull size like a baby.

You should do your weight and length as well. You can use a food scale. My head's too heavy. My daughter was gigantic as an infant. That dollar was photoshopped smaller. was gigantic as an infant. Now that dollar was photoshopped smaller.

What the fuck? That's fake news right there. Don't fall for it, folks. Hope was a giant baby. For her first year or two, they gave you a tiny dollar. Never mind. Hope's had a big head. She was similar to me.

I had a big old nog was similar to me yeah i had a a big old noggin i was always in like the top i think i was like 99 in height and weight as a kid like a very young kid like really a large child my poor mom yeah i was hungry Speaking of hungry You guys want to call it a show? Yeah I think we're ready Yeah PKN 508