Painkiller Already - PKN 597

Episode Date: January 28, 2026

Pekan, 597. Kyle may have the hiccups. I was one of those cartoon hiccups. That was the one of those like, that was like when a mouse falls in a barrel of beer. And then as he struggles out, he's got the little bubbles coming out of it. You get one-off hiccups? You're the only person I've ever heard. Like, you just get a random hiccup?

Yeah, I got it for a long time. And I went to a hypnotist. Yeah, hypnotist. Hicknitist. He taught me. Hick up. He taught me a hypnotist. And he taught me a technique to stop him on hip, you know, hiccup one. What is it?

Ah, I don't remember now. Okay. Shit. I get brutal fucking hiccups. It is the worst. Three months ago, my wife made something that gave me the worst. Awful hiccups. They lasted like 36 hours.

It was, and they hurt those hiccups. they were interfering with my gaming. And a friend of mine, the same one that's like amazing at A-Lab, AIM Labs on his first try, he's like, Woody, I bought one of those hiccups straws. It'll change your life. And I was like, I'm in. It was two-day shipping. My hiccups were solved by then.

We identified it was the food that started. So I haven't tested it. But apparently the hiccup straws, you get them on Amazon for like 20 bucks, are super effective. Oh, I'm going to buy one of these because I get. horrible hiccups from time to time. Usually it's like when you've eaten a ton and like just real quickly, you get the hiccups. And the only strategy I have for it that works 100% of the time is to make yourself throw up. It like it like it triggered because in the way I found this. Like what? Tell me. I need to know. Well, fuck that. No, it's a it's a terrible solution. But I had,

I had the same stuff. The only thing that solves a jam finger is amputating my hand. it's to jam a different finger worse. Now you don't even know. You don't even notice that first finger. This was like a couple of years ago. I got the worst hiccups in my life. They like started out of nowhere and they went for like a day. Like I woke up or no, the worst one ever was it was high school.

It was after a night of drinking. I passed out on my friend's couch hiccuping. And I woke up in the morning like nine hours later and was like, it's over. I was like Frodo on the mountain. It's over. And then I got up and I hiccoped again and I like tasted copper. And I was like like iron, like coppery metal taste. And I was like, that doesn't seem right.

So I went to the bathroom and spit. And I was like I had hiccups so aggressively through the night in my passout that I had like agitated my throat. And I was like spitting blood from it. And that I would say I would learn a lesson there at 18 to be wary of the hiccups. Don't try. So your parents let you stay overnight at places? Yeah, yeah. Especially that age.

mine did too, but I didn't, I don't think my, let my daughter stay. I don't know. With girls, it's like, oh my God, what's she doing? What are people doing to her, et cetera? With me, my parents could rest assured, no one's doing shit to him. Yeah. Yeah, my dad's like, he's not even the cutest kid of that sleepover, sweetheart. Don't worry.

If there's a pedophile there, our son is safe. He's the one buying him beer. No one's getting pregnant. If he's lucky, the dad touches him. Yeah, it was, I know, I will be more hesitant with the daughter, with the sleepover thing. Because you'll have it in your head. You'll be like, well, what a, I don't know, her friend's dad. She has an older, an older brother.

What are they, what are they all about? What's their story? Are they going to be creeping on my, my daughter? I wouldn't like that. A son would be like, maybe have a fun time. Anybody, not necessarily a guy. I watched the police activity or maybe it was Midwest safety the other day where the cops were called because there was a girl sleep over and the mom had gotten drunk and started molesting the girls

and they had they had called the cops geez well that's bad too not as horrible but pretty bad but i agree that's one of those things where we all know but it's like we all kind of know why it's just it's more invasive for a man to be molesting you if i were going to get molested dude 10 out of 10 times woman. What was a very gentle, considerate man, Taylor? Okay, nine and ten. No. Would he make sure that I also came?

Oh, yeah. That's his only concern. Oh, okay. Well, then maybe. Yeah. See what I'm seeing. Now you've come around to my side of things. Oh, man.

You've done it again, Don. That's great. Did you guys get crushed by the weather or nothing? No. All right. But big weather, fucking. lied to us, spun this big fucking yarn to sell commercials and get, and get, I was watching updates every 45 minutes. Like, we better check just in case our lives are a danger according

to everyone on the weather. Big snowblowers behind this. They fucking lied. I was so close to go in and buy in a generator because they were like, oh, you know, where they, what words did they use? They said, impossible travel and multiple, how I can't, I can remember how they did, what, what words they use, but multiple days of no power. with impossible travel. That was the forecast. The forecast was it was supposed to start at 7 p.m. with this freezing rain.

The temperature by midnight would be below zero, and it wouldn't rise above zero for like a day and a half, two days, while more and more freezing rain piled on top and layer upon layer of, they're like half an inch of ice on the power lines. It's 500 pounds. And then the limbs are going to break them.

And then there's going to be a thousand outages across the orchids. Trees will explode. Well, the trees were exploding. I didn't see some videos. That was kind of cool. That was pretty cool. But no, it was a big fucking nothing. It rained for a couple hours, like 12 hours later than they said it would.

They were a fucking Native American on peyote could have gotten it more accurate than this by just fucking sticking his wet finger in the air. When it finally did hit, it was a light freezing rain that put a light covering of ice on everything that melted the next day, like after four or five hours of sunlight. It was bullshit. It was all made up. I hear seven people died. They must have died on their way to buy like supplies for the bullshit made up. They died buying generators. Yeah, a generator fell on them at Home Depot or something.

They manufactured fucking catastrophe. Next time, I will take them less seriously. I won't take them at their word when they start. They needed a big weather thing because this was, I think, the first year in recent memory, that there were no hurricane landfalls in. the U.S. And that's usually the, that's their big to do. That's their Super Bowls.

And they didn't get one. So they had to take advantage of, of the snowstorm. It was like, what a bunch of unsubstantiated crackpot theories. But it's a fun idea. That big, that big meteorologist is like, people are tired. They're all turning to their apps. So here are pretty significant, like, road issues. They were super treacherous, coated with ice, etc., etc.

It lasted about a day and a half, I would say. In Texas, they were saying the power will go out. It wasn't like a mite. Like I always hear from my areas. Did it? Did Texas get big power outages? I'm not sure. No, not enough to be the national headline that it was last year.

It wasn't last year. It was several years ago when the whole grid went down and there was all this. They made it political. Like, you know, the Republicans can't take care of themselves. And they always talk about... Well, Ted Cruz hopped on a plane and went to Mexico. What is he a line worker? Look, I don't like Ted Cruz.

He's not my boy or anything. But does he need to be up in a dump truck and a bucket truck like fucking clipping wires like Vito from fucking Sopranos? That's a silly argument. I think that he put on boots and go in front of the cameras in the cold. The senator for his state that has like how many people died in that? There are dozens of people that died from that. Is he a first responder? What was he to do, Woody?

It's literally my question. How would anything have gone different if he had not been in? I want him to be there in Mexico for him to be there and to be available. Like I And I wouldn't change my mind if he was a Democrat I just think he'd turn his phone off I think he went home early when all the New heat came on him

Again though Literal and figurative I guess Like like if he's done his job correctly They don't need him at all He's already set up the dominoes of human beings Who fix problems right No one's gonna be like Oh Mr. Cruz um the power went out

What should we do? Well we need to get it back on Right right all right How do we go about doing such a thing sir aren't you electrician? I am, but I have no idea, sir. Your leadership is core of this. Like, I want him a T-O-W-O-W-O-A-L-L. Mr. Cruz, you didn't forget to take the turn the power back on key off your ring before you left, did you? Damn, not the master power key that fixes electrical issues. Like, I just don't care. And I feel the same way by every governor. I think governors' like responsibilities and, like, powers are so overblown. Like, like, he's a legislator to some extent. Like, he calls in the National Guard if the storms get bad.

But he doesn't. It's incredibly important. They should be around governors. Governors of the guys actually doing this shit. I mean, I bet he was closer in Tijuana to some parts of Texas than he would been if he'd, if he just been in northwest Texas. The Texas governor really can't help. Like geographically, like he was probably closer.

He wasn't going to Tijuana. Because of the wheelchair, he couldn't help. And this last time, like, they tried to call him out of him again. And he's like, I'm just possibly. popping out for a minute. I'll be right back. I just need cigarettes. I think for this trip, if people don't know what Kyle's talking about, he had a pre-planned trip to Mexico. And I guess it was short because he was going to leave and come back

before the storm hit. So I'm not throwing stones over that. Right. You know, some bad timing, some bad optics for a guy like Ted Cruz, who, like, literally the power was out. People were dying. And he's texting his neighbors like, let's get the fuck out of here. It sucks. And, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's not good leadership. That would be like if there's a hospital administrator who's not at the hospital during like a mass casualty event, they don't need it. He's the one who budgets out the Q-tips. He's not going to like roll up his sleeves and fix anything.

If they have questions, he has his phone. I just don't mind. And I don't care if it's a Republican or a Democrat. And like like if the governor of California, they gave that, that black lady mayor who was overdoing some sort of a Democrat stolen money campaign with Africa. and somewhere like trouble because she wasn't there for the fire, the big fire event in L.A. And I was like, what was she going to do? You've seen her. She can't put out a fire. They were probably better off without her there. So the second command could do so. She would have been a waste of a bucket because she would have carried slower than professionals back and forth.

Those Lesbo firefighter captains might have had some something to do with why they did so poorly. But I doubt the mayor needs to be there. I just don't know what she's going to do. Remember how heavy that lady was? The firefighter. You know, I expected a hoss. You know, I expected a big gal. She was. She's big. She's been eating that firefighter chilling.

It wasn't her weight that clued me into her proclivities. It was like the flat top. It was that she looked like the, she looked like the Peter Griffin's like dirty sister who shows up. She had the same hairstyle as the bad guy or is the cool guy toy in small soldiers. Then like perfectly flat. Zach, try to find me Peter Griffin's sister with that, with that when she's got the flat top. She like hearts in Peter's face.

I think she only pops up like two episodes. It's like one episode. It's, it's, what's their head? He was the guy who got really strong soldier. He had like 14 words. Kurt Russell. His hair cut. It comes to mind.

Yeah. People don't know that reference. Oh, that's a good movie. There you go. There's a cat to the fire department. And she's even doing like, hey, what was I got to do? Everything was on fire. It's like they didn't even change out.

Peter hardly. Like they just took an old Peter and just added a couple movements. Added some broader shoulders. Yeah. Step up the footage a little. She didn't have the ball chin quite as badly as he does. He's got sort of a double line testicle chin.

Yeah, I just don't care when like people. Like I want the president to be there in the White House if something's going down because he literally fix the lines. Oh my God. The president doesn't do any. His job is the budget and put things in place in advance. But it's not. He's the commander. the alignment? He's not a lineman.

He's going to carry a bucket. The president doesn't do a thing. But he does, though. The president, no, he doesn't. No, he doesn't. No, he doesn't. The president has a command center. The people belong in and actually know what to do. The one in top, they don't know anything. It's better when they're gone. Governors don't. Governors are bullshit. That's like the mayor of a town or something.

There's nothing that he could do by being there. The president, however, is in like a command center below the White House with all those screens and he's like yes blow that guy up sink that and like and they're doing it they're doing it they're why he's like watching in real time while sealed he is not real time making decisions on what boats to blow up he's no he's like that i haven't seen uh i haven't seen the uh i haven't seen the movie but i know the gist because you guys have told me that superman where he that guy's screaming like one a one a like beating up like using the robot to beat up superman that's what cops. Do you think that's what Trump's doing?

Exactly. Behind the bushes over there. They should Jim Trump an Xbox controller and make him think he's controlling the shit. Real, younger brother shit. Excellent work, Mr. President. Excellent work. If he ever figures out that that's a PlayStation controller, we're in trouble.

Yeah, that was Lex Luthor. They said I wouldn't be a natural, I'm a complete natural. I love that you don't know Lex Luthor's name. Like, it wasn't even a deep cut. I don't know. I haven't seen any Superman movies at all. But you're aware of Lex Luthor business. Now that, now that you say that, yes, but I wasn't off the cuff. The weather here wasn't like brutal.

The snow wasn't even, we got like 8 to 11 inches depending on the area of the city, which is like significant, but it's not enough to like grind everything to a halt. It was the freezing temperatures I was worried about. Both of my master sinks froze in the middle of the first night. And so I had like space heaters and a hair dryer all rigged up and set there, trying to have it blow under it to cool it everything. And then I was going down in the basement. And I was like feeling the areas of the wall trying to like, is there, is there moisture here?

Is there anything going on? Because this has happened to me before. And I was so panicked. We had just finished the footing the floor in earlier that day. And I was just in a in a rough place being like, if this gets destroyed, I'm going to, I'm going to freak out. And so I'm like running up downstairs. I maybe slept two hours that night because like any like little house settling sound. which happens when like a dramatic temperature change happens like just things contract and expand and so you hear those little cracks and settles like I was like popping out of bed like I'm still just sleeping in Vietnam and into the basement with a flashlight and all the like feeling touching everything that I was worried about that and then yesterday evening after 48 hours of solid freezing I had both of like all the faucets turned on and I just heard them start to go and so then I've turned them both to trickle and I've still got them trickle and I've still got them trickle.

because it's supposed to get down to close to zero again tonight. But like it was really watching it and being like, okay, as long as it doesn't go any, just tick down lower, it's minus six now. Okay. Now we're getting, this is getting a little scary. This might not be a frozen pipe. It might explode on me. And so I'm just thanking my lucky stars.

That did not happen seemingly. But no, no nightmarish situation. Thank God. Plenty of food. You're right. They did overblow it a little bit. On the worst night of it, I had to take the trash out, right? And taking the trash out of my house is a bit of an ordeal because the driveways are long.

So you like get the golf cart, which barely started. I drive a few extra laps, trying to put some energy in the battery, drag the, we have this like hitch carrier for our trash cans that go into the back of the golf cart. And then we drive that to the end of the road and I let him out and whatever. I come back in and I am like, whoa, it is cold out there. Like cold. It's dangerously cold. I'm glad that I didn't have Colin who normally does this job do it and took it on myself because of the weather. I'm like, Jackie, what is the temperature out there?

And she's like 27. I have become a North Carolina pussy. I rode my bike and skateboarded to school every morning in the winter. And temperatures colder than that. I didn't wear fucking socks until I was 20 years old because I was a surfer. and that was my look. And now I can hardly take the trash out in my commuting weather. You've abandoned your roots.

It don't happen anymore. I'm worthless. That other night, I was like going outside with a flashlight a couple times in the heat of the evening to like just look outside, see if I could see anything or there was any trouble anywhere. And like maybe a two minute trek around my house and coming back in my like my nose moisture had frozen. like it had to where like at that point it's probably minus four so it was chilly enough that like being out there for two minutes was like actual temper wind chill it said minus four but feels like minus 11 whatever like silly thing out there yeah I felt like I could have like pinched my nose and that it would have crackled like it was so freezing yeah oh yeah my wife tried to like console me because

I had this like same conversation with her she's like well it feels like 20 I'm like don't maybe feels like. It's being on the golf cart that does it. Like you're not moving, you're riding, so you're not getting your blood pumping and staying warm. And you're just kind of taking that, that wind chill from the golf cart. I bet on the golf cart it felt fucking five or ten degrees. You know what I mean? Taylor's was negative four.

It's probably felt negative five. That was negative 20 up there. He lost a leg. Oh yeah, dude, Buffalo laughs at all of us. Buffalo's worse than like most places in Canada with how, Oh, I saw a graphic. So from the tip of Florida to like the top of Minnesota, I think it was, the disparity, the temperature disparity, 144 degrees. Wow.

Yeah. That's fucking wild. I think I saw that same graphic. It blew me away. I was like that is, you almost forget temperatures swing 144 degrees on Earth. Yeah. The short area, like just in one country. It's, you know, that's a big deal.

I'm glad I don't live in a place where I mean if you break down at negative 20 and you can't get out of there for a couple hours you might just die like if you're not resourceful enough to start a small fire or something like if you're not a hearty individual if you got any health issues or small children or old people like we might just not make it out of here gang

like that's pretty serious like that help each other more though like if you're on the side of the road and it's cold in North Dakota that stranger's you're not You know, they're going to help you out. If you're on the side of the road in the way, probably liable if you didn't.

Maybe if you drive past a guy broken down in a blizzard in North Dakota and just go, oh, it sucks to be you. Seinfeld's spoke about that. That might be a crime. Morally liable, that's for sure. Yeah, I would absolutely stop. They didn't step in and help John Panette and then they got arrested. Like, that's why, you know, you have to remember that fat guy at the end of Seinfeld?

Oh, well, that's the good Samaritan law. That's most of you make believe, I think. I think you're probably right, but I mean, you're somewhere like, what are you saying? Yeah, you're going to step in help. Because if you're in North Dakota and you know like, ah, if they're like in dire straits, they're going to die. Like, we may as well throw them in the in the back. What did they say the good Samaritan law was that if they don't have them? We're going to signfield episode where it didn't help the guy who was like they had not. They had like a good Samaritan law where you had to intervene and help someone if they were in danger like that. And instead they had stood back and been recorded, even, which is obvious. the time. Yeah, mocking him openly. Yeah, being like, why that's not me. So I love the good Samaritan law.

I'm going to see if I'm right. He was fat. RIP to John today. Okay, hopefully it works with my spelling of Samaritan. I bet you got it, phonetic. Yeah, I'm right. I'm right. Yeah, so there is something called the Good Samaritan law,

but it's not an obligation to help. It's like if I see you hurt and I administer CPR, but I get like the pace wrong or whatever. like I'm not great at CPR. You can't sue me for my best efforts. That's the good Samaritan law. Ooh, I don't know if I like that. I want some shielding for sexual assault.

Like if I see a woman who's in a bit of danger and I strip her nude so I can better assess the situation, I don't want any charges coming at me. That seems like that I saw Kyle on the ground and immediately I thought I have to get his blood pumping. She was choking on a piece of popcorn. and I was like, I got to get her pants off first. So the evidence proves I got the blood pumping. I actually have some photos on my phone. Your honor, the fact that Kyle could not have known that she was already dead.

I do. I know. I've never taken a CPR class or watched a video, but I genuinely feel that from my media knowledge, I can do CPR now. What is the ratio of chest compressions to breathing for one person? I'm using the BG song, so I don't need any of that. I'm going, ha, ha, ha, ha, stay in a lap, stay in a lap. Okay, you chucked it up.

It was a true question. For one person, they don't do breaths anymore. Why wouldn't they do breaths? Are they going to oxygenate the blood that we're flowing through the body? That's what the chest compressions do. They don't blow anymore? I think if you have two-person CPR, they still do that, but not for one. Am I wrong?

Let me check. I mean, again, I learned from TVs and movies. but I always see them breathing, you know, oxygenating the blood and then forcing the heart to pump it throughout the body to keep the organs of brain oxygenated and until real help can get there. This is why the woman I tried to help died is because I was doing more than a woman not staying alive. I picked wrong Diji's song. Much slower song. Much slower song. more than a woman

I don't know if I don't know if it's gonna work he's blue I don't know they're gonna fucking preaching songs help they do the beginning of it the song how does it start off

am I alone to stay it alive oh at first I was afraid I was petrified you have to get past that part although that's kind of you hyping it up it's like I am afraid

the first I was afraid I was petrovat like whatever but it doesn't make sense how I knew how I'd ever live without you by my side don't worry I'm here and I've been so many nights

wondering why you did me wrong this isn't about you anymore and I grew strong and I learned how to get along and yeah you that is the same song right yeah yeah it is the same song it would be hard to not like in the

chorus start going faster at like the yeah like when it when it gets cooking a little bit. I took CPR courses every year when I was a lifeguard. That's four times. I took it once afterwards. I took another one just a few years ago after someone got hurt in a motorcycle accident. I was like, I should take another course, refresh this because apparently this is my lifestyle.

And they taught us not to do the breaths. So I looked it up. Professionals, like people who are trained still do breaths. It's 30 to 2. and I'm like, so they're training me to do it the untrained way. I guess I'm still untrained even though I've taken this course

like six times now. You know what I would do? Like if I were you, since you carry a utility belt of like tools and stuff, I would want one of those things. The thing you squeeze, the auto breather thing, you put over the mouse and you squeeze, not only for sanitary reasons so that you don't get

herpes saving your buddy's life or something like that or just the ickiness of like maybe his fucking mouth is destroyed in the accident. or something like that. You don't know what happened. Maybe he ate a fucking rock on the way down. And his mouth is full of broken bones and blood that he's trying to cough up or something.

But I would want one of those squeezy things that breathes for him, respirator, manual operated thingies. I have a respirator. The thing I like about it, is it the measurement? Like what I blew in that doll, like six years ago, four times before we let the next student take a try. You know, like, I don't know how much or how long breathe.

So I like that it kind of measures the breath size for me. I think it only matters so much with like a child or a woman. Like I feel like I'm giving you all I got. I'm giving you the full breath. Oh, I'm smooth. Also, it's not what people think.

People think CPR brings people back to life. Hmm. What it actually does. Rotting and breaking down. Perfect. Yeah, yeah. It kind of keeps the brain oxygenated,

which is why the chest compressions are so important because that flows the blood. Until someone better than you gets there to act. actually help them. It's really rare that they like come back to away from the chest compressions. Yeah. Now the reason they're unconscious is something probably totally different. I know with the Heimlich you like break people's ribs all the time like doing it correctly because it's like dire, got to get that out. Do you break ribs often with CPR like common? Yeah. I mean I've had instructors say if you're not breaking ribs, you're probably not doing it hard enough. So like most of the time, yeah.

And just recently I was, it might have been Reddit, so terrible source. But the guy's wife was a nurse and he's like, she never gets used to the breaking of the ribs. As many times as she's given CPR, it's just uncomfortable to break the ribs like that. Yikes. That'd be a good time to have headphones playing the BG because then, no, seriously, because then you can do it and you're like, you're not distracted by the cracking of the ribs. I'm in the zone over here. I'm in the zone. Someone shows up and you're like, I'm almost to the final chorus.

And then he's just a really flowing step. Do you say something? What's that? Huh? Nothing, nothing, nothing. Sorry. I wouldn't want that responsibility. If there was anybody else there to do it, I would, I would, unless it was a woman who

didn't know what she was doing. Like if it's, if the, if there's a nurse there who's like, I've got this. And like, like, get in there. But if it's a woman who's like, I don't know, I saw that episode of the office one time. All right, I got I got to step in for Taylor here. She's, she's going to let him die here. He's, she's, no way she can break Taylor's ribs. And I, I hear that's necessary.

I immediately start with some punches. Dropping elbows on him. I'm like talking. God when I heard it. God, I think this is mostly a head trauma thing. He's delirious. Do I break his nose? I do that double-handed chest, right?

He's doing, come back to me, Taylor. He's doing illegal, you know, uh, midnight to six, uh, elbow drop somebody in the middle of my chest, keeping me alive. If that's what it takes, man, you got to do it. Yeah. I'm glad I've never been in any kind of scenario like that. I don't, I don't be responsible for bringing somebody back or like the idea. Like, because I know that like if I let you, if I let you go, like for years, I'd be watching video and they'd be like, actually, the best way to do CPR, I'm like, what?

What? The best way, I did it wrong? No. Like I would, I'd be like, oh, shit, I was sucking the whole time. I was sucking the whole time. You're way too low. You're pushing on my belly. You're just throwing up.

I wonder how much more CO2 comes in your exhale versus what you inhaled. Like how efficient are. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like I would doubt that I get 100% of the oxygen from every breath. Right. So what percent, like how lousy is my exhale breath?

It's not great I just like, if you've ever been under the covers like hiding from the sunlight trying to sleep late or something like that that air gets like toxic feeling and choking after just a minute

like I've never been able to do that thing like in the movies where they're just like oh it's bright let me just live under the covers and sleep here like even in prison I was like it was I would do like a bandana

because I had to have my mouth to real cold fresh air that is one beauty of the BEP like my air is coming from the nightstand over there. And it's filtered and pressurized and heated and humidified.

Like, I don't breathe whatever peasant air if happens. My air is prepared. And, like, you want to, if the sun comes in and you pull the comforter over your head, it's still fresh and new over from the nightstand. I wonder if you could put some vaid juice in there and have your air taste like pineapple. Like, you could just breathe pineapple air when you're asleep and you wake up feeling like a tropical sunrise every day. It would totally work. I mean, there's a little water thing. That's how it gets humidified. I have to supply the water at the start of the night. This is like Pinia Colada. This is

delicious. Does that product exist? This is genius. I bet they would. They'd be like add one drop of eucalyptus essential oil for some. Oh, not that. I don't know. I don't want essential oils in there. I trust the vape juice. Everybody acts like vape juice is some edgy, like, experimental product and there aren't 100 million people puffing away all day every day with no ill effects. Yeah. Probably cigarettes are bad for you either, though, so. Cigarettes are probably, well, cigarettes are cooler than vaping. They're worse than than being.

Way cooler. And so they definitely counteract the additional danger. Yeah. And you've told me before and I looked it up and it was true. Nicotine keeps you from going crazy with dementia late in life. Yeah. And Alzheimer's Perman. Yeah.

Keeps your myelin sheaths nice and lubed up. keeps those neural connections and apparently the B-PAP communities a bunch of P-puffies they just say distilled water do not add eucalyptus or essential oils see that somebody's got to look on it though the world is full of weird people like me there's definitely somebody who's left you know what do you don't listen they're the naysayers telling Magellan he'll never make it yes you're gonna storm it you're gonna go dude like it could have some other properties like is there's something that's not harmful to me that also kind of kills mold or cleans the pipes a little bit.

Oh, vinegar. That wouldn't be fun to breathe, though. Okay. Yeah. It'd have to smell nice. Yeah, a little bit of vanilla. A little vanilla. I would like that.

I hate that hot key that makes my screen go full screen. What's the one to make it go away? Is it F10? What? Try F11. That's it. I know you know. I don't even know what you talked about.

What did you do on your screen? I think he made his browser full screen, but it's like more than regular full screen. Like all the X's and minimizes were gone. That's a terrible feature. I'm glad it happened right in front of you. I was here to help. Yeah. You know what?

I've been useful today already. I can put my head on the pillow. Have your head on pillow? Nab one little drop of eucalyptus from Jackie's cabinet and then just give one. On Reddit, they're freaking out. about this idea. This guy goes, can you put nicotine liquid in the humidifier of your CPAP? And people like, the mod immediately locks things down. No one should put anything other than water in their humidifier tank. If you're, if you're, if you're, if you aren't sure of whatever you're putting in there,

blah, blah, blah, blah. And this next guy is like, this is the most unhaged thing I've ever read on the internet. Why would you put, want to add carcinogenic toxins to a medical device? It's just on and on and on. People making fun of this idea. Told you, a bunch of pussies, yeah. They're shutting down. They're two of four. I feel like a rock star B-PAP user now. I'm like, oh, what do we got here? What do I want my air to smell like cookies, bread, vanilla? It doesn't just smell like it.

It tastes like it. Yeah. Oh my God. Smell and taste are one and the same, right? Kind of. Like, you know, I love these things. I would vape this if it didn't have nicotine in it, just for like a nice, refreshing, like, sugary hit after a meal.

Those ones are too strong. What was your preferred scented candle? Like, name a flavor or two that would. be your thing. I like clean sense. So like if we're not going mixed, then I like lemon a lot. I like sandalwood or teakwood.

It was like more rich mahogany sense. I'm not big on food sense like vanilla because it makes me hungry. Lavender. I like. Kyle's ripped on lavender before. Lavender is old lady. It's an old lady scent.

It's a really good scent. It is the premier The client is settled on lavender. People love it. Yeah, all the wood ones are good to do. A lot of the sense Taylor made and mentioned, I consider risky. Like a lavender done wrong is really chemically. A lemon done wrong is also kind of really chemically.

They can also be great. Don't get me wrong. But you have to get it right. Whereas like, I've never seen a bad cookie. I've never seen a bad bread. I like cinnamon. Apple pie. I like orange.

Don't mind those scents in other people's houses. And I did do what you said, and I put too much lavender in a lavender before and too much lemon in a lemon. And it smells, like, if you put too much lemon in a lemon candle, it smells like pledge. Like I realized that like the way to make lemon, but it's, it's a lot continuously is I started putting like way less lemon than I thought I should. And then it becomes like a light, airy crisp smell. I never became an expert candle maker, but you can get the scent effed up by cooking it too hot. and depending on the kind of wax you need, like what is too hot can change,

we kind of wax you're using. Anyway, then to get messed up if you go too hot or too cold when you melt the wax. I found an extension. It's not an extension. It's a website called Bang for Your Buck, and you can search the cheapest version of anything on Amazon,

because Amazon doesn't have like a tool to do that. So you can even search like price per ounce, price per pound on things like rice and sugar. But I did that for candles, and I bought like a six-pack of the cheapest candles, Amazon sells the other day. And I got one of those like cinnamon and orange. And that's what my house is smelling like.

Yeah, it smells great. And it was a win. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's hard to fuck up candles. We, um, there's some things in my life.

I try to do the like, buy it nicer, buy it twice wisdom. And one of them is extension cable, extension cords. If you buy a shitty extension cord, it doesn't do what you need. You don't know why. Like something's not working. You buy a good extension cord. and it'll last longer than you do. So my wife found a website called like badass extension cords.

And I was like, they're good, man. They're all like Amazon will sell you some 16 gauge piece of shit. These things are all like 12 gauge, like bad at. You could jump a car with them. So that's the way we went. That's one thing I think you should never cheap out on his jumper cables. You should get the good jumper cables. Because the good ones are free in the back of your car when you buy it.

No. Honestly, what you want is a jump pack. Like when I work, I didn't have an experience with jump packs. Like growing up, my dad didn't have one. We always just hooked up a tractor to something and then got to go on with some paper cables. But when I worked at the car dealership, they had those jump packs. And I was like, oh my God, this is magical. Like, you can go from zero to starting a car up instantly. Those are a godsend. I don't have a jump pack. I have, this is now, I thought this would be the power by a drill. Those are super helpful too. I have a tire inflator that's like a DeWalt drill, except that instead of a drillhead, it's a little air nozzle. So you've got like a mobile air compressor for emergencies. I do have that in my truck. I don't have a little one. It's like on wheels that's like in my garage. And I thought that this would finally be the year.

Seven years ago, I bought a generator from Home Depot, like a Westinghouse 3,600 watt generator. And every single year, it's just sad. in my basement and I've been like, is this the year that I finally test out the generator and learn how this works and like because power all goes out. And no, no, I don't think it's, if it hasn't happened in seven years, like I'm glad I have it. But fuck, like it's been sitting down there. I haven't even added the oil to it. It came with oil. I never even, because it was like, don't add oil for no reason. Like wait until you're going to use this thing, then add the oil with the funnel, this and that. That oil's been down there for seven years. Do I need to replace it? Is that

even okay? I think it sits on the shelf just fine. The our generator, our power goes out a lot more often than yours. We lose power for more than three hours, at least twice a year. Oh, right. So yeah. The whole house and everything. I'm sorry. Say again. Your generator runs everything or do you have to like snap a couple breakers off and just focus on it? Not even that. I take it out of the garage and we plug in the essentials, which is like the fish tank. the refrigerator and a couple other things, the internet. And then everyone sort of just search the web until the power comes back on. How much is yours, the wattage?

You know? It's a dumb amount. It's 7,500 is what it is. And like you can get a little one that does what we need, like 2000 would do the trick. And that's fine. Or you could get like a big one that will do the whole house. For some reason, I got one in the middle, which doesn't do more. than a little one would, but it's heavy as fuck. I'm the only guy in the house that can

like put it into position, start it, etc. It has a button to start it. But if we haven't around it for six months or so, it has to pull start. And that's definitely like a dad job. I was curious how long the gas would last in it because it only has a four gallon tank, mine does. And I was just curious. Like if I have like my internet hook up the right size, I have a 2000 that holds like two gallons and I use it for I have this little camper type thing and I might have to wake up at 6 a.m. and put more fuel in it when it runs the air conditioner four gallons will run you want I'll make up a number 18 to 24 hours something like that so yeah mine will run for days but but for what like what is that getting me that like 18 hours doesn't you just fill it every day

you're fine. So you're like having to be like, well, I could just run this all day. But, you know, I think actually I'm going to take a half liter of gas and put it in there. And then you can actually give me through the next two and a half an ounce. I mean, it's the other way. It's like, well, this thing only has a half a tank. But what? I want this fuel getting three years old.

Yeah. You know, it's on that side. I know gas goes bad after a bit. We had diesel ones for the chicken houses. I think they were like, they were kilowatts. One of them was like 30 kilowatts and one of them was like 50 kilowatts or something. something like that. And you had to go out there. You know, it would be in a storm when you were doing it. The brain would be pouring down hard and you'd have to like turn off the main line with these big

like movie style electro switches. It looks like the switch they pull in the movies to electrocute somebody in the electric chair. Like disconnect the main line and turn on the generator, get it going and then connect it to the line, get everything going. Those were diesel though. Those were like tractor engines. That sounds too powerful for my needs. What is alarming is the number of times. on the generator and in the little guide and everything, it says like, don't run this in your house. Which means a lot of people have just been running these in their house. And I feel like if you're if you're with it at all, you would start it in your home and within 10 seconds be like, oh, this isn't right. Like we got to grab that. We got to get it outside. Let's get this. Have you guys ever run a propate or kerosene heater in your house? Never. No. I'm too quick.

that. I don't even I don't have a kerosene heater. Might be why I can't remember names. I did a winter that way. I hate winter. You're always fucking dizzy. God,

winter makes me some nauseous. This reasonable affective disorder is something else. That's great. Yeah. Yeah, I bet. I saw the seven people died. That's probably what fucking killed it's probably something stupid like that.

That's always embarrassing. It's like, why don't Americans know? Why don't like every, why doesn't everyone understand how carbon monoxide poisoning works? Those people are so stupid. They don't get it. I mean, you don't need to know the biology of it or anything. You just need to know that, hey, this thing makes poison gas inside. I'm just joking because I did it.

Sure, it makes poison gas and there's a bit of a black smoke spot on the ceiling, but it's warmer. Oh, but man, it was toasty. You know, you got a cost benefit, right? Wing said that, I think it was a turkey fryer, like a propane turkey fryer just in the middle of his living room burning. Oh, come on. In his house, like recently? Man, it's, you know, time gets a while ago. It could have been 10 years now.

Decad plus. Yeah, either way. Come on. He was too old to be doing that. Yeah, he was a man grown. Even knowing the turkey friar. This is a, you boil's oil and you dump a turkey in it? It's a burner on like a little, it looks like a Bunsen burner, but way bigger, you know.

It sits on the ground, the propane tank connects to it with the hose, and you've got a valve. You turn to make it go to crazy mode and just burn tons of propane and shoot this blue flame straight up from about 16. It's about 16 to install, this little round platform that the, then the container of oil sits on top of. Yeah. That's filled with a boiling oil? Yeah, the silver cylinder is full of boiling oil. 400 degrees. It's filled up about a third of the way, but some people fill it up all the way,

and then they get that cataclysm where they dip it, and then there's a big overflowing of a oil. Because they don't understand displacement. That's another thing people should really get. So I am hip to displacement, but I'm a little mixed on like the crazy things that sometimes happens when you put the wrong thing on that. Like does it ever get too steamy or, you know, when you put like a, if you put water on a grease fire, terrible idea. Is there a good job to.

Are there any like things that can go horrific? Yeah. If you put throws in one in there. Yes. That will be a disaster. Yeah. All right. So I do this every year.

The main thing is unlike RFK, put on some fucking shoes. He was doing it barefoot. And I was just, what are you doing? Because if it overflows, then it's. 400 degree oil dripping onto you and then you might trip fall and knock the whole thing over and you do have a problem. And you shouldn't cook around their spare foot anyway. You don't do it under an overhang or indoors, which I've also, I've seen people do it on like patio porches, like in apartments, you know, have that little, it just sticks on the side of the building. They're out there and

there's like eight more above them and three below them. They do them on those. Yeah, look at this buffoon. The displacement is a big thing. So you can either eyeball if you've done enough times. But what you can really do is before you get started, you can put your turkey in an empty pot and then figure out how much water it takes to get to the fill line. And then now you know how much oil to put in the exact right amount because you've already done a previous displacement. If you put it in frozen, then it's all going to like explode and go crazy and oil's going to gut out constantly and start a huge fire. And the turkey's never getting cooked because you can't fry a frozen turkey. If the turkey's just too moist from wet brining, which mine always are, it's going to cough

and spit and make tons of steam under the oil that's going to make the oil level artificially rise for a while, like a foamy, boiling layer of oil foam and gas on top. Does it burn you? Like when you make bacon naked? Yeah. So when I do it, I put... Yeah, it can't, it can sting you and stuff. The main thing is like you need to wear long pants. and long sleeves and you need to be wearing gloves and the gloves are connected to the thick in your you've got a thing connect to the turkey like a like a hook thing but if you don't wear gloves then all that steam hits your hand and if you ever drop the turkey and it

perplunks to the bottom of the bucket then again it's overflowing oil um there's lots of ways to do that wrong but as long as you go slow and you don't panic nothing bad can happen but every time I see somebody with a grease fire on reddit they immediately panic and start freaking out or even an alcohol fire. I saw that lady doing that cake the other day, a dessert where you pour alcohol on it and then you light it. And she lets the vessel of alcohol that she's holding in her hand become ignited on top. And now she instead of just sitting it down and letting the, because it's just the top layer of alcohol that's burning, she's like, ah! And like throws it all over everything. And now the whole room's on fire, including her. I've seen people do that with gas cans. They're trying to get a fire going that's kind of stubborn.

And all of a sudden, the tip of the gas cans ignited. And they freeze. freak out for some reason, like it's going to explode, like in the movies. So they start flicking it around and kicking it. And every time they do, more petrol, more fuel is like leaking out and catching on fire. And it's, you're doing this to yourself. Like, I know how you can be this. Fire stuff. I'm really experienced in, you know, gas and fires and stuff.

The, uh, it seems like with the turkey, a big part of it is just having an escape plant. Like put it in a place where it can tip over, blow up whatever, and you can get yourself 12 feet away. And if you do that, things won't go too wrong. I have a related but different question. You know, some alcoholic drinks, they're served on fire. It's kind of a display. Yeah. Asking for a friend.

Let's say you're a total pussy about alcohol and don't actually want it. Could you just let it burn longer? Stahl a little bit? Tell a joke. Is this thing getting less alcoholic by the second? It seems like it would be. It might technically be. but I guess it is technically that

but what is and Kyle do you know like what is the strength that takes to light the alcohol because I feel like a regular shot of vodka wouldn't light the way those really strong shots do I don't think I've ever done a fire shot so I don't know I've ordered them

I blew it out though first yeah and then let it let it just burn oh sorry I forgot to take it again can you refill oh you won't now maybe next time okay usually you're seeing alcohol lit it's a stronger proof It's something like 100 to 150 proof.

But I think regular alcohol will burn. Like 80 proof is 40% alcohol. It'll burn at 70 degrees, the room temperature. But almost all the time, if you're seeing it like flambade or something like that. Or if you're seeing a dessert especially, they're using something like Everclear, something that burns, something's like 150 proof and burns really quick and there's not much left behind. But yeah, if you let your drink sit there and burn, yeah, the alcohol is burning out. Yeah, sure. I know you could because what we used to do in school sometimes in like middle school and high school is we would take the like Purells they would have, the hand sanitizers around the school.

And we would like take it to our desk and then you would like squirt it into different shapes. And then you would use a lighter and like you could light it and it would burn in that shape. And it didn't leave like a mark or anything on the desk. And so it was just all good fun for everyone. So. And no one ever. We used to do that. We used to take methanol racing fuel. my friend

raced go-karts the one who wanted to be in NASCAR and he had a go-kart that ran on methanol or at least a methanol mix and I'd never heard of methanol but it burns like a blue-silver flame and at night

it looks like magic it literally is like this blue-silver flame but he would put it on himself and light it because I don't know if you had it in your palm of your hand it wouldn't burn you all the heat was going up and it was like a magic trick

and we kept getting braver and braver with it until we're like putting large amounts of methanol on ourselves and lighting ourselves on fire in his fucking front yard. In my high school I know I'm mixed up because I know we had the bunsen burners were powered off this gas

thing with a nozzle like built in built in plumbing but we also sometimes used alcohol burners and you just poured into this thing light the alcohol and have this. All right. Well, one kid in class would light his hand on fire. And he didn't do a cup of it in his palm like Kyle described. He'd be like human torch, all the fingers and everything. And he was good at it. And he never burned himself. I didn't take it upon myself to learn this skill. But I'm like, he just like shook it off and like beat it on his own pants and stuff to

put the fire out. But I'm still like, I kind of get it. You know, it's the skin's not burning. The alcohol is burning until it gets to skin. I don't know how he did it without getting hurt consistently, but he did. Yeah, I would think eventually, like, the alcohol would burn off the tip of one finger, but it would still be in between these fingers and now the flame would be burning this instead of it. I don't know, because I never, I never want that ballsy with it. The, uh, the ball's put the cigarette out on my tongue either. Oh, I, I've told you before. My, my stupid trash buddy at a concert was like ripping a sig and then he, like, put him. He, like, it out on his arm, but he didn't commit. And so it just gave him a nasty burn. And he was so

trashed. He was like, ah, then he hit the sig again. And then he went to put it out again, which is relit the cigarette. And so he like really badly, committing doesn't help with that. Like, unless your arm is moistened or like, like you put like a puddle of spit on your arm, then that'll work. But there's no committing to make a cigarette burn on your arm not be one of the most painful things you'll ever experience. Because cigarettes burn way hotter than you think. I stepped on a lit cigarette when I was a kid and I still vividly remember that as one of the like top 10 or 15 most painful moments of my entire life. I've been like way worse than he cut. It felt like there was just a burning nail in my heel for like an hour after that. Of course

I was a little kid too. I was seven. Sure. But that was awful. But you can if you, your tongue is all spitty and you could like if you commit, it won't burn you. Vigo Mortensen does it in that movie what's it called? Yeah, Eastern Promises. That wasn't in the script. He just fucking did it. And they were like, oh. Yeah.

Yeah, that's hard. I'm putting like a little puddle on my tongue. You know, like, I think I'm ready. I think I'm ready. Everybody watch this. I was such a person when I go to do it. I would be like, like, like I would stop. Like I literally couldn't make myself do it.

Yeah. I've seen it done it. taps, but I'm no expert in the best way to do it. The guy I went to high school with, someone had a big ugly wart right on like his middle knuckle. And he used to put cigarettes out on that wart. And I think low key, he was trying to do some sort of cigarette-based wart removal, which didn't work. Instead, it was the foulest looking most hideous wart ever, like burned and damaged and scarred. And, uh, yeah, not, not. cool. I think they use cold now. I think you did the exact opposite. I was supposed to.

I've never had a ward. No, I had a skin tag on my ribs one time, kind of low on my ribs like where my, you know, like your hourglass part of your ribs. And I ripped that off myself with nail clippers in a hotel room in New York one afternoon. That was also very painful. But I've never had a I had a whart on this part of my finger. If you're listening, it's my middle finger on like the inside, like that would touch my palm if I made a fist. And, um, I, I could like hit it with a razor blade and shave it down to where it was like almost gone. And, but it didn't go away. It just sort of healed up and came back and eventually I went to a doctor and he used this. It was like a soldering iron, but it was super cold instead of hot. Yep. I've seen that. I know.

What I did have when I was like 12 or 13, Blessed Taylor got a pill to fix this, I had blackheads in my ear, like in my ear. And so they have to use that metal loop to like press the perimeter of it and pop them all. And I remember it, first of all, it was a really hot like 20 something year old nurse. So I'm already embarrassed that this hot chick is digging blackheads out of my ear. It was so painful. My head is like I lay down on my side with my head on like a medical head support pillow thing. And then she is pushing so hard. Then I'm like,

I think she's going to push through the side of my head. I think she's just going to like break through my skull any moment and kill me. And she's like, oh, a good one. And I'm like, like the tears are welling up in my eyes. And I'm just trying not to be a minchin about it. My dog died earlier today, just so you know.

there's like three or four or five in each ear she's like all right now the other side and i'm like i hope you'd forgotten about the other side that's good i remember leaving there and my mom being like bet you'll keep your ears clean now and i was like you goddamn right and now i swear to god god i'm almost 40 every shower i'm in there with soap and scrubbing like doing little i get out of there with the q-tips i like look at them in the mirror making sure there's no goddamn blackheads in there i always pictured what you're describing because i never had that metal push experience, but I've seen videos of people doing it into the ear. I would be so terrified of them because like the inside of your ears already kind of slippery. Like I already sloped.

I would be so worried about them slipping and now I'm like deaf and they're in my head. That's what it felt like what I'm telling you. She was pressing so hard. Her hands were like shaking. Like she was like she was giving me all she had and it felt like I was going to die. How big are blackheads in people's like in your ears? Are they not just like the kinds that you get on your nose where they're teeny tiny? No, they get real. So you've seen popping videos on Reddit, I'm sure. I hate those.

I hate that. The older they are, the bigger they get. And sometimes they get so big and fat that it looks like the end of a cigar is like in someone's skin. And the skin around it has gotten like loose and inflamed. And so they're just kind of going in and hooking it and pulling it out by the end because it's like mashing. It doesn't even help it. They've got to like claw at it. It's really disgusting.

I have the opposite experiences, Kyle. Every once in a while, I'll say like every two years. I get a pimple behind my earlobe. I probably have hygiene issues. Like I don't clean well or something. But I can pinch it. There isn't a more painless spot on my entire body. I seem to have no nerves behind my earlobe there.

I just pinch, squeeze, it's fixed. Like, boom, boom, but a bag. All better. it's nice that's a little bottom part of your ear call is that the lobe the little dangley thing that you get pierced i've had um i don't even know how describe it basically it feels like a beebe inside of there that's infected like a cyst in the lobe yes and it's like you squeeze it and you like feel it like there's a round bebe in there and like every day more and more inflamed and bigger and more sensitive until i've got to get a needle and fucking go in like

looking for and get it out. That's happened. You had to lance it? Yeah. I've done that a few times too. And you do it from the exterior part? Like yeah. The outward facing part? Okay. Yeah. No, mine always have like some sort of head and it's on the back. I wish.

It's also nice. Like no one else knows but me and everybody listening. I had I had weird body horror dreams last night. So I dreamt two things. One, they were hairs growing out of the head of my dick. Like long hairs growing out of. of the head of my penis, like straight out. And I was flucking them.

And I was slucking them. And they were like crazy painful. I was like, what the fuck? Where'd these come from? I didn't notice these yesterday. I'm freaking out. And I look up in the mirror. And the whole top of my head is now shaved.

And it looks like eggs have been laid inside of it. It's full of holes, opened holes that, that like range from the size of a BB to like the size of a silver dollar almost. And they're leaving. I was going to say one too many science horror movies for Kyle. It looks like something has laid eggs all in my head. Like all in my head. Yeah.

Did you have the wear with all within the dream to go, this is a dream? No, I remember I wiped the things with a towel and I look and there's like blood all over the towel now. And I'm just like, I woke up in a panic. Like I got like really upset. Those are the worst. You wake up stressed and like 30 minutes later you're like still in a bit of a funk, even after you've internalized why you're in a bad mood. You're like, it's just a dream.

But it's like, yeah, but my brain hasn't figured out that it's a dream yet. And so it's still flooding me with cortisol and stress chemicals. I dreamed there were wasps all over my legs in bed one time when I was a kid. And when I woke up, I like, of course, sit up and like put, sit Indian style sort of at my pillow. And I remember it being a long time, like sitting there at three in the morning before I was like, but there are no wasps in the bed. And I could like get back under the covers. It was a while before my brain was like, I don't know, man, there might be.

It seemed real. It seemed real. Like there were wasps all over you. You're just very familiar with that coring out of wound things because, and again, you don't have to keep us abreast of it anymore, but I know you will. Like once a year, you send us in the group chat that like almost artisanally cored out corn on the bottom of your foot where you clearly are like pretty good at it now. Yeah, man.

And every time you'll be like, there's a hole on the bottom of my foot. And I'll be like, he's being dramatic. the same where there's like a hole after you pop the zip. No, it's like a pop a pencil eraser in there. Let me see if I can. Can you go to a medical professional so it doesn't happen annually? What they would do is they would like burn the inside of it maybe, but I'm so good at it, Woody. I'm trying to find nowhere at the end here and we've got the hang out.

I'm trying to find a photo of it to send a Zach because like I'm really good at it. And now I'm good at preventing it. Now I have to use like a. It seems like you should be obligated to find this. You don't even have to, man. We got to hang out. We got to hang out. Oh, man.

I wish I could stay. Oh, man. I don't want to see this. God, damn, it shouldn't be in here. Because of his sleep. Sometimes, like, you wake up. Darn it to heck. I wish you had your other phone.

If you only had your other phone. Anyway, you got to get, we got to get to the hang out. P.K. Oh, I got it. I got it. I got it.