Painkiller Already - PKN 608

Episode Date: April 16, 2026

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free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario. PKN 608, how you boys doing? Before taxes are due, fun, fun. Got it done. So I'm feeling better now. I get so, like, annoyed the whole week surrounding tax day. Like, if we got like universal health care or something, it wouldn't be as bad.

But I'm just like sitting there writing and like doing the fucking turbo tax and all this, trying to find deductions. And then like once you send all the checks out, you're like, I just feel raped. I didn't do it. I didn't get anything. Dude, I heck and hate it. And then there's like the pressure trying to get it right. Not all these things. It used to be everything I needed came in the mail. I just go through and enter all my stuff and I be set.

Now it's like scouring people's websites to go to their like account details tax information. I'm searching like every email account I own for like 1099 and keywords and shit like that. It is a pain in the ass to do my taxes. in 2026. And then I have it done ish. It's printed out. I have the envelopes written. Everything's ready to pack and mail,

except the checks aren't written. But I have to write the checks, pack and mail it. And then I can get this monkey off my back. It's so maddening. And it, like, it's funny. Like, when you talk to, like, a dermatologist or something,

in my head, you, like, you elevate their expertise where it's like, well, if this guy ever notices like a weird mole on his own arm, he's like, bada bing, bada boom, nothing to worry about. That's this and that.

But like the same way you're an accountant. I always just thought like, oh, this is just like second nature to what he's like, oh, easy, peasy, it just pop it in. It is.

And I actually do know what I'm doing, except for gathering all the information. And like I didn't make sure that that's the hardest part for me. What else did that hand thing? Oh, do you e-file or do you mail it? I mail it. Oh, me too. I mail it.

I don't know if this is true anymore in this day and age, but I think a time existed when it was a little harder to audit the paper returns. If you just send in all your data digitally, it's prime for like computers to go through it and fuck with it and analyze it and compare it. If I send them a piece of paper, I mean, I assume they scan it in and such, but it's got to be harder on them,

which is my goal. I never even thought about that. But now I'm glad to know that's true. Dude, Missouri for some reason. And I'd never noticed this. And I never previously did it. But I was like going through my Missouri return. And there was a box checked where it was like what they wanted.

And it was like additional information. It was like include your federal return. And I was like the whole thing. This is going to this is a tremendous amount of paper I'm packing into this. I had to go by one of those like orange like styrofoam thing to like pack all that in. And it's there's no way. someone at the Missouri office in Jefferson City is like, ah, let's

start the day and like turning through all of that deliberately. They're like, it looks good. I think I want to like, I don't know, should I crease it? Should I put one in backwards? I just need to fuck with their automated systems. The last thing

you would want is, the last thing you want is like perfectly stacked, perfectly sized sheets of paper. They could run through a machine. You want to like be like, doggy and corner. and make a little tears here and there. It should look like a dollar bill the Coke machine rejects.

Man, I'm learning a lot. Burning it so it looks like there's the age. Put tea on it. The thing looks like the Declaration of Independence. It's so. Ride it on him. Don't even use paper.

Yeah. That's done for another year. I always feel like a retard when like eight months after I file the taxes. Sometimes it's like a year and a half later they will send me something and it'll be like from the IRS and it'll be like hey it's an idiot that's implied. Here's a check

for $1,200. You gave us more money than you were supposed to because you didn't deduct this right. And it's like fuck I gave you an interest free loan. Another one. I was a different kind of idiot. This is like like more than seven years ago, but like they sent me a thing and said, hey, you didn't include this in your taxes. You owe us another thousand. And I'm like, I didn't mess up.

You messed up. But you're telling me for $1,000 we get to stop talking. That's the deal I took. I just sent him another check. And I was like, let's just make, let's just end this here. This is what you want. I'm more scared of the IRS than any other agency.

They will ruin your life. They will ruin your financial life. It's worse than cancer. It's like, if you go on for, well, hang on. This is, dude,

don't terrify the listeners. They will ruin your life if you make it your business to defraud them. If you are late, make a mistake, they are incredibly understanding as long as you don't break off contact with them.

As long as you're like, hey, whoopsy daisy listen can I do this over and get back to you in like a week I'm on this they're like oh certainly Mr. Bios whatever it takes did you have interest in penalties

no I've never I would have no idea I would have to do everything I don't even I don't even touch it like no the thing the ruin your life I was talking about is when you're like I don't pay taxes no one ever writes to me

no one bugs me whatever I don't know if you go to jail, like right off the bat. If you have the money, then it's just worse than cancer, right? It's just like, well, you're going to be completely wiped out, and we're going to take all your future earnings. And actually, the rest of your life are going to be spent working for me. And welcome to your new reality. Wesley Snipes with the prison. Like, they don't give anybody a, uh, don't worry about it.

He was blade. Like, he didn't pay the, right? Like, that strikes me as a little odd with the IRS. like people who go to jail for it is because they will let you know like they will send you a series of letters if you fuck up where they're like hey buddy probably an honest mistake looks like you owe us X amount and then if you don't pay that I assume they send another series of letter because they don't want to throw you in jail they want their tax cattle like they want you earning but it blows my mind to get a letter from the IRS that's like you owe an extra X amount

And then to be like, this is for the birds, like just tossing it into the trash can. At different points of my life, I've wondered how much it would cost to get me to prefer jail over penalties. Right. Like, so you get me at 18 years old. I'm broke as a joke working as a lifeguard. Get a speeding ticket. And it's like $300. What if I went to jail for the weekend?

Would that be a penalty? that's a lot better than $300 for me. That'd be easy, peasy in comparison. Then you factor in the meals, a little more. Right, right. But now it's like if I owed whatever, like 30 grand in taxes, it'd be like, hmm, would you do 30 days in for that instead? Or would you just pay it?

Oh, could. So you wouldn't even, they wouldn't hound you after that after the 30 days? Yeah, let's pretend they gave you the offer. Hey, you want 30 days in? or you want $30,000. That's getting close. Right, right. I'm like free meals,

free board, free butt sex for 30 days. Right? Usually I pay for that. So this fellow $1 million. This guy got a million dollars in his bank account due to an error,

and he spent part of it instead of returning it. This is kind of similar. In court, he was offered a deal, repay the money, or serve a year in prison. He chose prison. A million dollars? Yeah.

I think you take the year. Yeah, a year in prison for a million dollars? Basically. Sounds in that. I don't know. I'd be tempting. You're going to Bernie Madoff prison. Like you're going to...

Oh, are you? Is that where you go for tax evasion? Because there were no tax evaders in there with me. No. Oh, really? You're going to like a low or a medium. You're going to Rape Island? You're going to potential rape island.

going to that place I went. You're going to a worse place. That matters a lot. I want to know how bad the place is if I can find a little quiet corner of fellow white collar criminals to hang out with for 30 days or even a year.

We can talk. But they can be board games. But I want to be stabbed. The rape thing, that was actually just a joke. I'd prefer not to have that happen. I would. Yeah. I feel like I'd leave a different person.

I don't know. There's this blood of my blood again. This time I know the cause. That's how I know is that. I think it was being chewy that made that happen. Your rapist is telling you should get your prostate checked. He detected some abnormalities in there. I thought that's what we were doing.

No, no. I'm totally in, guys. It's just I think my first swastika should be like between my nut sack and my thigh. somewhere I can go to the beach still. We'll work up to the big ones. You're not going to give you a swastika? I think you've got to earn that swastika. I don't think that's like a...

I watch dogs. I don't think that they do that. I don't think that they're like branding people like cattle. I think it's more like something you earn. Like you want a swastika. It's like a merit badge. I mean, maybe I didn't consider it that way. You got to put it in the work to get your swastika.

And to get one of the big, like, ornate motherfuckers, you got to think, the guy who's doing a big ornate swastika and making it look good in prison is a talented, sought out individual. He's not doing this maliciously. How ornate could a swastika do you. You got me going with the maripa. I want it.

Oh, yeah. I want a sash full of stylized swastikas, right? Like a flaming swastika to prove that I'm a good fire starter. A red one. my first age schwastika, I earned this one by healing up Tony over there. This is my community service swastika. I'm so proud of that.

You get Nazi of the year at the end. They're all clapping for you, giving you their hostess for the evening. I'm shirtless with a sash of tattoos. At first I was scared because of the Nazi stuff, but then they appreciated me. You know, in a way, I've never felt appreciated. These guys are all right.

There's like a hole in the middle. That's my BJ swastika. Perfected that one. That was the first one. I requested that they put it lower in the sash, so it seemed like I worked up to it. I bet your accounting skills could be put to use in there, and that would be good to have.

I know there was one guy who was a writer. He had written a book about his own, like, criminal life after the fact, and he went to prison, and he got taken. into like the Italian mob bosses sell. And he's like, read your book. It's very good. Now you're going to write my book. And he's like, well, I will absolutely write your book.

But here's the thing. Guy like you doesn't want a book. You know, some people might think that, you know, all your exploits in there, they might think that's akin to like ratting or informing. He's like, you're not going to write my book now. He like talked his way out of it, like this smooth way. That's amazing. That's good, but in the same vein, you are now going to write me a Lord of the Rings-esque fantasy.

I'm going to enjoy here. I'm the son of Aragorn. I need to be Ayrthorn, his father. It's Aragon's son's name, the little, his son. I don't know his name, actually. Yeah. Let's go Aragorn the second. I mean, how do you not be Aragorn Jr. after what, the first Aragorn?

did, no. You'd have to. You'd have to keep that alive. There's a reason. Like, you look at the Kings of England, a lot of Henrys, a lot of James. Oh my God. So many. Like, I was watching the new Dracula movie last night and he's talking about, you know, he's been alive for 400 years. He's like, yeah, then I met the... Oh, Derry. France. He's like, Louis the something. I forget the number. Like, even Dracula can't keep up with it and it's his time. That was a terrible movie, by the way, the new Dracula. Well, I don't doubt that. Have you guys followed the Iran War very much?

We're blockading the blockade that they blockaded us so they can't blockade. There's a real inception going on there. And I don't know who's in the very end of the blockade. At first, Iran had a blockade, but the U.S. was keeping the oil flowing. And I think the idea behind that was they didn't want the rest of the world mad at us. And they didn't want American citizens so angry at the war that, you know, a full blockade, stopping the exports, would raise gas prices even more. citizens would get mad. Okay. But then it became kind of clear like we're just really enriching

Iran with this. Barrels of oil are shipping out at 110 sometimes. Everyone's doing great under this except us. They're getting like two million dollars and tolls and all the oil prices so high. Iran's just getting tons and tons of money. So we're like, oh, shucks, this seems like a bad strategy. Let's cut off Iran's ability to export. Well, that hurts China. Like, we don't get much oil from, of course, it's all fungible. But like a lot of the oil goes to other places in Asia, including China. And part of it, I think, is just to make Iran have less money. They're not exporting as much anymore.

And part of it is to get people like China to put pressure on Iran to, like, bow to our will so that they can keep the oil flowing. Is it a good idea or a bad one? I don't know. Half the news sources say it's stupid and it's a blockade. of a blockade and you're dumb and China's just going around the blockade anyway and then I look into that some more and I'm like well okay

normally 130 ships a day go through this straight now it's eight that's pretty blockaded right that's not the same number I know all my numbers we're so fucked we're so fucked everything is a ballsy pilot captains someone in our discord was like

ah this probably be sorted out by next year I'm like no no this is going to be worse than COVID price It would be sorted out by next year. Oh, no. The infrastructure that they're destroying throughout the Middle East, like the entire, in Dubai and Qatar and then fucking Saudi Arabia, some of that they've already said will take many years to repair. They've destroyed tens of billions of dollars worth of oil and natural and natural gas infrastructure

that will take a long time to repair. Not only that, like what's coming down the pipeline is increased costs for everything. So like everything that we use, every consumer item is shipped to us on a diesel truck with that $7 a gallon diesel. A quarter or 25% of the world's fertilizer. Oh, I don't know what it's called. I currently? Okay, okay. I don't know what it's at right now.

25% of the world's fertilizer comes from there. So now all the food is more expensive because there's less, and there's less food, like creating scarcity, making the food more expensive. It's all downstream with that oil. And we've already seen what the major corporations do in an event like this. They don't, when they finally get their pipeline of supply back, they don't drop the prices. They keep them right where they are. This is the new normal. This is the new normal for you.

And unless you're like PepsiCo with Doritos, like they really stepped in shit. They were selling Doritos at $7 a bag. They lost billions of dollars. They've had a complete rework. And now they're spending all this money being like, Doritos, now only this price. Like they're freaking out. The bags say it on them. Like price drop to this.

Like it's printed on the bags and stuff. They're trying to get their Dorito customers back because people, I stop by, like, I don't buy Doritos, but occasionally I'll get some Doritos. Like, I would see them at like $7 a bag. I don't want Doritos. Like Doritos aren't $7 a bag potato chips. Like, no thanks. Corn chips. I don't know.

What is $7 a bag potato chip? It had to be a big fucking bag. Even Kate Cod isn't pulling that. trash bags full of Doritos I will buy for $7. Yeah. That's fair. You get bulk and then you're like, well, I got a 50. It's open.

I don't eat this whole trash bag. I'm going to eat Doritos. I have to go blue, not red. I am going out of my way watching like left and right news sources on Iran. And I just feel like I don't trust anyone at this point. They are absolutely cheerleading it on Fox News. And Gutfield is so smug as he leans back in his chair and talks about how we're crushing Iran, how we took out their Navy and their Air Force.

Their Navy and Air Force were 57 years old, something like that. They were targets to hit, not people to fight. It wasn't combat. It was target practice. And there is something to be said for that. But the thing to be said isn't, God, we're amazing. It's we're good at target practice. We hit everything that we wanted to hit.

Of course we did. It was just sitting there. We saw it, we can see it from space. We spent billions and billions and dozens of more billions to take out 55-year-old airplanes from the 70s. That's what we did. And we're gloating, like, it's absurd. It's kind of bullshit. Yeah, it's total bullshit.

They needed to be taken out. I mean, what were they going to do? Did they, though? Were they going to do? Were they going to shoot us down? We were going to have aerial dog fights like Top Gun with Iran. some guy on that boat using a sextant like looking at

stars like I don't give them fuck no one wanted this war it doesn't seem like we've impacted their ability to do stuff like they still have their missiles they still have their drones they still control the straight to some extent I guess I don't know

we just spent way too much money to take out 50-some year old garbage military equipment I saw polls about America, like the average American support for Israel over the past seven years. And it's like minus 50 plus points. Like it never has a country tanked its reputation in another country that they entirely depend on, but seemingly control also the way Israel has. Like no one is is on board with this.

No one who isn't like a war hawk is on like the Lindsay Graham's are obsessed with it. There are certain billionaires who are obsessed with it. Political parties like it. But no, the average person on the ground sees no reason to have a problem with Iran. And it's- I haven't-based. So that last part ties into where I was headed. I haven't seen politicians really like run towards what seems like a demand waiting to be bought. You know, like there are people who are looking for a get us out from under Israel's influence.

political candidate. And I don't see anyone running as that guy. AOC. You don't get that high unless you've told the line. AOC's your gal. If you want that. She's like she doesn't even want to give Israel defensive measures anymore. You know, like she's completely like cut them off. I'm kind of with her. Like, and not even forever, ever. Like, I'm okay with having Israel as an ally. But with friends like them who needs enemies, right? They literally started bombing Lebanon, like, the day after our ceasefire. Like, if we're not on the same page. Yeah.

Well, Iran, it does. And that's why we're not at peace anymore. I have no problem with Lebanon. Yes. I, my God. It's so funny. You said, did you see the Huckabee and Tucker interview? I didn't.

Huckabee's like, we got a real problem there in southern Lebanon. He's like, we? I'm an American. I don't have any problems in southern Lebanon. It was great. It was the Lebanon coast. And he's like, I live in Maine. I don't have problems with the Lebanon coast.

I'm like, yeah, make it matter to America. Show us how Lebanon's not just the 51st state or maybe we're Israel's second state. I can't tell nowadays. Seems like the latter. They are like we're not forcing their guys to go fight for us for our job. geopolitical interest. They're annexed in Lebanon. They're annexing Lebanon.

I think that's where Fish's people are from. So you can imagine. He is just constantly posting his shit. He should be. It's absurd what they're doing to Lebanon. He was pro-Trump. Fish, if you see this, you are a gullible person.

You voted for Trump. You believed what Trump told you. You should not be able to buy a new car on your own. You need an adult to hold your hand because you are easily fooled. You are easily fooled. He has only ruined it life for people like you. I don't think he can vote.

Learn from this. They can't vote. He threw his support behind Trump. Such that it is. Well, he's done the exact opposite of everything he said, and that's why Trump has lost popular. It was men under 40, people under 40, that got Trump over the finish line for deportations,

voter ID, reduction visas, and no new wars. And he's done the exact opposite in all forms. That's why they're going to lose. He's a pathetic faggot, cowed by Israel.

I think he's gay. Whatever. I'm using faggot in the pejorative, mean sense, not saying that he fucks men, because that's just being gay. We're all okay with that. He's a faggot in such a sense that he is totally controlled. Like a Harley rider.

He was a, rogian horse. If he was doing all the things that got him elected, people would like him, or the people that got him elected would like him, but he's doing the opposite. And so, I don't know. He's a very likable individual. I find him to be incredibly charismatic.

Yeah, yeah, I really do. Like, I'd say, like, he doesn't even have seen him alone. A lot of people find him charismatic. It never worked on me. I never liked it. He seems folksy and down to earth despite what he is. Like, we all

know he's like a Manhattan billionaire, but you see him at a UFC event, and he really does just seem like a dude. And I don't care about that. He's a tool. Politicians are tools, and they're to get things done. And if he's not

doing the things that everyone under 40 elected him for, then throw him in jail. Fuck him. Like, he's useless. He's a broken hammer. Toss him in the trash. I disagree. I keep my hammers. I just bedazzle them because they look cool. Craftsman has a lifetime warranty, all right?

Take that thing back. They just give you a new hammer. No questions asked. Really? Yeah. Craftman's the shit. Yeah, I remember we'd be working on a car and my dad would break a wrench or ring one off or something. He'd be like, run this up to the store, Kyle, and tell them to give us a new one. And they'd be like, hey, I'd feel like I was doing, like, are they going to turn me down?

And they'd be like, oh, that shouldn't happen. And they just hand you a brand new wrench and take your old one, you know? It was lifetime warranty. Maybe through Sears. I think maybe Sears owned craftsman back then. I've done it too. It's pretty neat. The big cool part of it is it's easy.

Like if you return something at Home Depot like Cobalt, I think they have that now. But oh my God, you got to go to like the return center and like fill out some paperwork. Do you have it? All right, I'll give you a store credit for what this cost.

And then you can go there, pick out it. Not Sears. You show up like to every single cashier in the tool department. They're like, yeah, we got more of these. or they don't make these anymore, get your one better. And he just grabs it and gives it to you.

And it's quick and it's easy. It's informal. It's like it was the bomb. But I don't know what Sears is like nowadays. Yeah, I don't know if they exist anymore. Yeah. I think Sears closed, right? They sold Trismund to somebody maybe.

Did you watch the most recent UFC event, Woody? I did. It was tremendous. It was one of the best in a really long time that Josh Hawket guy I don't know if you're familiar with him

ex-NFL guy guy he doesn't care does he do all the bad words he doesn't I wouldn't say they're necessarily bad words he does a Chale Sunnan

kind of thing where he doesn't really curse he just says audacious things and skirts around he'll almost say the N word like clearly the next word that rhymes is the N word

and he'll like and he'll leave it out but he does a character he's Latino I think think. I think he's a Spanish man, but he does this sort of Randy Savage character with glasses and a do-rag, and he rhymes. He's like, I'm going to take him out in three, and on his face, I'm going to be, and you'll all know who the champion is, me. He's got these long, well-prepared

like a real word's cut up just now. His are better. He's got good ones. He mails it with that. A, A, A, A, A, a rhyming pattern. But he memorizes them and he has them to go after being beaten bloody. You know, which is impressive to me because he fought Curtis Blades. He's a heavyweight. He fights number five heavyweight

in the world. Curtis Blades, three rounds. A war. I think it set records on output. Like more punches thrown. It was so insane. Curtis Blades has a fractured orbital, fractured nose. The cardio was impressive. I mean, they got tired, but they're heavyweights.

And so the performance was so amazing. And Donald Trump's sitting right there. And Trump asks Dana White. He's like, why isn't Derek Lewis on the White House car? He's my favorite fighter. And Trump was like, shit, really? Hang on a minute. Derek, would you fight Josh Hockett at the White House?

He's like, yeah, boss, whatever you say. And like, like, they're loading Hockett into an ambulance. They're like, Hockett. the president wants to know if you'll fight Derek Lewis at the White House in two months and he's like yeah boss whatever you say and so they're like done seventh fight on the card and I'm just like man it's hard to hate Trump when you're a UFC fan imagine if he was if he was at hockey games Taylor and he was like making stuff happen that you wanted to happen like bat like he was making sure that Matt he's like hey clearly that call was wrong can we get them

in the playoffs anyway, like a 17th team in the playoffs. We can do that, right? And it's the blues. You're like, the fuck is he? Are the blues in the playoffs? No, I would be like, you're going to ruin our draft pick, you dumb fuck. You know what? The All-Star team looked pretty good. Let's keep them together and have them play in St. Louis. Now, that's my president. But I would go for any president who did that if Joe Biden was like,

And another thing, after the black kids would dry my legs, I said at Edmonton, I said, you better trade Connor McDavid to St. Louis. And what you're going to take future, and what you're going to take for it is for future considerations. I'd be like, wow, brilliant. People sitting slipping, not true. It's going to nose puck. The Sixers, their star, Joelle and Bede got hurt again right before the playoffs. it happens every year like clockwork sometimes it's like a basketball thing like he has a bum knee

this year appendicitis how i'm not even mad at him it's just every playoffs two years ago bell's palsy the fuck is happening with this guy yeah drugs right what what calls is bell's palsy out of nowhere i don't know i don't for a professional athlete you know what i mean like like not so I mean, he might smoke pot, but he's not, he doesn't vibe. Like, I don't think he, I don't think it's drugs. I think he just had some bad luck, but I could be wrong. Is Belz palsy more than the face, though? Does that fuck your body?

No, he played through it. But he had Bell's palsy. He couldn't speak well. And I don't know how much it impacted him. But he had other issues to like a bum knee, Bell's palsy, appendicitis. It just goes on and on. I think Bill's Palsy to get out of those interviews. The fact that they have to do media has always struck me as a weird

thing. It's like, what do you mean? I have to. You'll find me. And there's no way you can like take your ball and go home per se because like this is it. This is the NBA. But I don't like that one bit. That feels to me like I guess it's in their con. I know it's in their contract otherwise. But I don't like that it's in there. Like that would be part of my like if you could negotiate like how about you pay me instead of 17 million a year, you pay me 16.5. And I never have to talk to one of those condescending, never played a minute of ball motherfuckers again, like asking me about my like, I see where you're coming from family or whatever.

As a player, why you'd think that. As a fan, that's what I'm here for. Like, I want to see them talk. I want to see them answer questions. I've,

LeBron James in particular, has a flawless memory for like how plays broke down. And it blows me away. When they're like, hey, what happened here? See what happened? And he just starts detailing like every pass, every player's position on the court when it happened, how it broke down. And I was like, shit.

You know, I can barely remember my way around marathon maps and this fucker. I watch a lot of those. I watch a lot of NBA content, like people analyzing players. And like, like, I watched the guy recently breaking down John Morant and the way he comes down from his dunks now. Like, I guess he used to come down one footed. Now he comes down two footed. And they're like, this is why he's not getting in. now. Like, like, look at, and they showed before and afters of several players, like, like

guys who used to come down one, one legged would be much more prone to these injuries. And then you'd watch how they're doing it now. And it, it doesn't look as good. But it's like, all right, I'm coming down. Everybody out of the way? All right. And then they land like I would land. John Moran was fun. He would dunk seemingly as if landing was tomorrow's Jaws problem. he'd be leaned way forward like Superman position almost dunking and then it wasn't until after the ball went through the hoop that he started thinking about what he does from here and have to like find a way to land without getting hurt hopefully hold the rim and get himself vertical again stuff like that I'm a big believer in like fully immersing yourself and and knowing stuff about the things you hate the most because otherwise it's like it's unfounded emotional hey and I want my hate to be to be numerical. I want to be able to go to the fucking, oh, you don't understand why I hate them. And like roll out the fucking board of like Charlie.

You're a true hater then. I don't hate the NBA in that way. I'm just indifferent. I'm disinterested. But I do know from Woody and other NBA fans that like they're sort of like real housewives like drama off court is a big thing that drives their popularity as a league. the NHL is not like that because they're from a hundred countries and some of them can't speak English and the way they get around the ones who don't want to get interviewed they will just give the worst

interviews on earth until they learn they'll be like Nikita Kutrov like your eighth hundred point season in the NHL that puts you up there with people like Mario Lemieux how are you feeling and he's like

not you know little hungry We're just going to get shots on net, put the bread in the basket, get some traffic in front of the goalie, see what we can do, make things happen. Too many guys out there going 85% we need to go 100%. You know, that is kind of splunk we play. So Taylor, I wanted to talk to you about this. In hockey, as you know, stats, the emphasis. emphasize stats are season long.

How many goals you have this season. In basketball, it's mostly per game stats. How many like points per game you get, steals assistance, et cetera. And I wrote on Reddit that I really like the way hockey does it because a guy can miss half their games. And they'll still be like, this guy that gets 30 points per game is way better than this guy that gets 27.

But if we looked at season long stats, maybe that 27 points per game guy plays 82 games. The 30 plays half that. they wouldn't even be close. The lower scoring guy is providing more value to his team, I thought. And then a Rediter replies

and they're like, having said that, going into the playoffs, every single GM on the planet will take the 30 points per game over the 27. I was like, ooh, tushay, I get you, assuming he's available for the playoffs. Yeah, not in hockey necessarily. Yeah, it's so much more physical

and injury high of a game that you don't want some guy made a glass. There have been like solid players in the NHL who have had their careers shortened, even though they could put the numbers up just because they're made a glass and they'd be there at the trade deadline and be like, look, this guy's a perennial 35 goal scorer in the league. And it's like, yeah, but look at his playoff record. He makes it eight games into the postseason and because it's so much more physical because the refs swallow their whistles.

like he just can't handle it there. So we'll take a guy that scores, you know, 28 goals a year who is like an uninjurable titan over that guy. So I also like the way the NHL does it. It's weird that the NBA, that some guy can play 30 games and they're like, look at his numbers.

And it's like, yeah, but like, he was watching the other guys work the rest of the whole fucking year. he's a great player but his team is the seventh seed because he missed half the games yeah i don't know what the right answer is i guess both it's the right answer uh and then what why a guy is made of glass is interesting too right a guy can be built like a fire hydrant just strong and tough and hard to break but that's not it in basketball according to my observation i think being made of glass is playing recklessly landing on other people's feet jumping without having a plan for landing, stuff like that.

I bet in hockey muscles help, but a lot of it is, you know, how good is he at keeping his head up? Can this guy play in the league and understand the dangers around him? Or does he have to look at the buck to be as good as he is? Oh, yeah. There have been first round draft picks in the NHL, but it's a guy who dominated in the lower league so much. He keeps his head down. And then he gets in the NHL. and that shit doesn't play there

and they just blow you up on game three of the season and it's like welcome to the show the current like and it's ironic he's so famous too but like the all time current player who's just made of steel

in the NHL is Alex Ovechkin I knew it the guy cannot get injured and he also throws more hits than any superstar in history he has a durable body and a awareness

that stops him from being easy to hurt. Yeah, he's awesome. I hope he continues to play. He was playing against the Pittsburgh Penguins, who, as Kyle obviously knows, Pittsburgh, Washington, big rivals, Sidney Crosby, Alex Ovechkin,

and the penguins came out to shake Ovechkin's hand after their last game because they're like, this was his final go-around. He obviously wants to move back to Russia with the rest of his extended family. And they were coming out to shake his hand and Ovi like waved him back. Like, no, no, no, no, no, no.

we're running it back. We're running it back again. And this is way pushing him back. And I'm like, this is so sick. And I think it's genuinely because Ovi has beaten Gretzky's all-time regular season goal record, but he needs like nine more goals to including Gretzky's playoff and regular season to be the all-time number one. It might even be like seven goals.

And so I think he's going to place the entire next year just to be the undisputed, like, yeah, I'm the guy. Like, you know, I'm the goal score. He's, I like him. So cool. I love Ovi. Okay, okay. You get to have their entire career on your, on the, we'll say the blues.

Do you pick Crosby or Ovi? Oh, I'd have to go, Crosby, because he's the better player by all, by all metrics other than goal scoring, like point production, defense, or actually goal scoring,

and longevity because Crosby does miss a lot. They've been in the league for almost, I think, the exact same amount of time, and Crosby's played 150 fewer games because he just got targeted and destroyed because mid-2000s hockey was a little less, a little less superstar protecty. Now they'll call a little more on superstars. But if I was just looking at it, like the most success for the blues, I'm putting Crosby on there instead of OVey back in 2004 or whatever it was. That's not the answer I wanted. Let's wrap.

Okay. That's it. Sorry. One more UFC thing, then. If it was me playing, then I would take Ovi's career personally over Sidney Crosby's. Because Sydney isn't going to be the number one in anything. Ovi's the goat goal score. No one's going to touch his record. Like it's for another 30 years. Like people said that about Gratsky, but like he's now.

Crosby have three rings. Crosby has three. Ove has one. OV-1. Yeah, because Crosby won in 2009, 16, and 17. But yeah, sorry, Kyle. You were going to talk about baseball or something? The fucking main event of the UFC is Yuri Proaska taken on Carlos Oldberg for the vacant light heavyweight title. And Yuri Poroska is a big fan favorite. He's the, he's Eastern European.

I don't know what country, but he fancies himself a samurai. And it's very funny. He's like a big, O-Fish weeb. he's literally they'll give him a fight offer they'll be like hey Yuri the you know December in in Las Vegas you're taking on Oldberg and he's like he'll disappear into the forest for two or three days and think about it and then he'll return call call up the UFC and he'll give one word answer yes or no and it's always yes he's weird he's a he's a Guzio. He's really weird.

Yeah. He genuinely believes in like a samurai code of Bushido. Like he seems very, he wants to be very honorable in all things inside and outside. He's like a weeb? He is. He absolutely is. But he's a champion of the world weep. So you don't pick on him too much. He used to have that Japanese hairstyle where everything's shaved except for that one like chunk of hair coming out of the crown of your head.

He rocked that for years. He only shaved it off recently. I didn't know he shaved it off. I disagree with that. He's getting his shot back at the title. He lost the title because a real bruiser came in from a different weight division. That guy's moved on now. And now he gets to fight this Oldberg guy for his title.

And it's going to be huge emotional moment. You're rooting for him so hard. First round. Carlos Olberg. Look at this guy. Amazing, right? Tell me you don't like this guy. This guy rocks.

What you keep in to speak, it's even. better. He speaks pretty good English and he's like, honor is all. You know, like, he's so fun. Do you think they told him like, stand here like this? He's like, no. All right, we'll meet you in the middle. Put down the katana. And I don't know what he's doing. Is he standing still? Is that arm going forward or is it going backwards for the elbow? He looks like he's about to throw a spinning kick to me or something. Well, part of the article you linked was him crushing some guy named Dominic Reyes with

an elbow. A good fighter. Yeah. So he fights... Kind of beat John Jones. He lost to the scorecard, but everyone watching thought he won. I think he was also in the card. I think he, Reyes fought that crazy man who did the worm

and blew his shoulder out. It was a terrible fight. Johnson Walker, maybe. Johnny Walker. Yeah. Like the crazy guy. How big is this guy? light heavyweight so 205 64205 oh he's bigger than I thought he was

huge and he cuts weight to get there obviously he's probably walking around 2 45 or something so main event these two face off we're in the first round and Carlos Olberg clearly blows his ACL you watch it in slow motion you watch the tendon come down the back of his thigh

okay like it's that bad like like you watch it like like a rubber band moving his thigh muscle. From a kick, from a move, or just bad luck? He's pivoting off of it to throw a check hook. His check hook's kind of his main thing. Like whenever Uri comes in, he throws this hook, pivots away,

and there's a lot of weight on his back foot, and you watch it snap and pop, and it's broken. And so he keeps fighting, of course, and you can see that every time he tries to throw it, he stumbles and falls when he tries to put weight on it. Yeri has the victory within his grasp. his opponent is crippled. Once the round ends,

this is one of those scenarios where they're going to be like, whoa, your knees blown out. You can't keep going. Like, that's it. We're at two minutes and 35 in the round or something like that. Yuri has this autistic,

where he's clearly upset that his opponent is injured, and so now his victory will be hollow. And so he's saying, stand here and bang. He's like, okay, if you can't, if you're not mobile anymore, let's stand in the pocket and trade. And he eats one right away.

And I'm like, all right, cut that out. And then he eats another and another. And Carlos Olberg knocks him the fuck out in front of Donald Trump and the world. And then Olberg goes and he's like, he wasn't showing me mercy. He just lost. That's all that was. And it's clear that Yuri is showing him mercy. And so like not home, he has nothing now.

he's never getting back to this he's never getting back to a title shot i was surprised he had this one it's so upsetting it's so upsetting to see him go down like that and he didn't need to all he had to do was fucking dance around he did you see the interviewer i talked about it i didn't want to i showed him mercy i have killed that part of me the next time i will target the leg I'm like, okay, okay. That attitude would have served you well last time. Last night. Like, why did you have mercy in a UFC fight?

Like, I do like when they pull back punches when the guy's clearly knocked out. After when the win is already secured. Yeah, I like that a lot. It's a lot of sportsmanship. He's laying there unconscious and you can fall on him with a W.W.E. style like elbow drop if you want. They can't stop you in time. but you see those guys like, and they'll pull it back.

And it's like, oh, thank you for not giving him that extra bit of brain damage. And from his family, Khabib was great like that one time. He could have broken Justin Gage's arm. Yeah, Kabib could have broken Justin Gage's arm. And he's like, but I talked to his parents day before, wonderful people. And I think Justin tough guy, he knows that. He will let me break his arm. I know this.

I know this. And you watch him like, he's saying it, and they play the footage of the fight. And you see, he's got. the arm bar. He can, like, he can, like, he's three quarters of the way to making the arm bar happen. And he's Kabib Nirmigameda, so he's going to make it happen. And you see him change his mind and transition to a triangle and choke Justin Gachie unconscious like it's nothing. He didn't tap to that either. Yeah. And he said his parents were in the stands and he didn't want to break his arm in front of his parents. Yeah. Yeah. Seems like a good guy. He is a good guy.

I, Kyle said something years ago that burned into my head. He's like, every time Khabib talks, he is respectful and respectable. And I was like, something about that wordplay hit home with me. I'm like, yeah, he's respectful and respectable whenever possible. You can't find a, you can't pick apart his words and ever find him on the wrong side of something. You know, it's, it's, he just seems like a genuinely nice. And you still hate him? Not anymore, not like I used to, because it turned out Connor was such a piece of shit.

And we didn't know that at the time. And I thought of Connor as, like, dude, he's just trying to make you more money, Khabib. Like, he's not making fun of you to, like, dishonor you. He's trying to get, like, Joe Schmo, who normally doesn't buy a pay-per-view to tune in in the tens of thousands and make sure we both get an extra zero on our check. Don't take it so personally. I'm sure Connor was trying to amp shit up, get more. Because he's a showman.

Like he's trying to grind the drama, get people interested in purchasing. Yeah, that's a huge part of the fight game that a lot of people just completely disregard. It's like a tool that they just leave behind in the shed. And it's like, whoa, you're never going to be the guy. Even if you somehow, as a boring fighter, climb the mountain, you went 13 in a row and they can't deny you that title shot. And you get your title, as soon as you lose it, you'll never be back. They won't give you that automatic rematch. They won't let you fight a contender and then get back in.

They won't even let you fight the number three guy and then get back in. They'll make you go through a laundry list of Numma Gamedovs and Gustavs and fucking Brazilians and kickboxers that you can't counter. They'll fuck you over. But if you're a guy with the gift of gab, if you can go out there and get people riled up, if you can put on a show when you're not putting on a show, it matters how many Instagram followers you have. I mean, Twitter followers you have. I agree 100%. The only thing I want to slip in is it's not even hard.

Like, if you want to be the funniest guy in Twitch streaming, good luck. That's not easy. If you want to be the best looking guy in Hollywood, good luck. That's a tall order. If you want to be the most charismatic guy in the UFC, that's fucking easy. Like, all you got to do is not be an asshole, be a, able to speak a few sentences without filler words and ums and aze say something about your opponent and if it rhymes the podcast will be talking about it for weeks it's not hard to be the most

personable guy in the ufc this is easy pickings dude i would love that job just like you'd be great at me at yury prochecksna and they're and all i do is i just feed him note cards and we practice and i'm like that's okay you're reading most of the words but you're getting all the wrong emphasis. Dude, Taylor, you hit the mic. Do an impression of your opponent and the crowd would go nuts.

They're crazy. Oh, my name is Yirie and I'm gay. That's like kindergarten levels. Yeah, that would be so fun. Because those guys don't, you know, they're so busy fighting and losing brain cells that they just don't have time. Some of them are good at.

Some of them at least have a schick, even if they're not. Like Tony Ferguson was never. Has a schick. And he hammers that. Who is his? Strickland, even though his, you guys have said his fighting style is boring as fuck. Love it. He's big on social media. And he's good at creating things.

Like building a nonsense. He's unfiltered. So he'll say stuff about gay and trans people or the president or whatever. And it's not always what you want to hear. You know, for a long time it was like super pro Trump. And then he's like, I don't want to be on the White House card. It's a freaking Epstein reunion. And

And like, if you like Trump, chucks, now you don't like him anymore. But he's unfiltered and that's his whole thing. He's not a gifted speaker or anything, but it doesn't take much. Yeah, that's what I was going to say. Like a guy like Tony Ferguson, also not a gifted speaker. But his weirdness and like bizarre personality, I remember he showed up with those gloves, those fingerless gloves. And he was, he like had a ball and he was like doing tricks with the ball and like, like reflex. stuff and it was just weird.

Like the way he like threw his belt on the ground and kicked it because he considered it a bullshit interim belt and he wanted the real one like kicking his own belt, you know, like like and and you know, you saw his training. The guy blew his knee out. I don't remember if it was ACL or whatever, but he did his own rehab, Taylor. And his rehab, like they show him and the scar is fresh from surgery. Like it's still a little red and puppy. He's kicking a steel beam in his backyard like a like a like a like a like a like a

flagpole. Bong, bong, bong with his shin over and over. He's training like John Claude Van Damme in a movie trains.

Like the way he would kick down bamboo trees and shit. Like he's, and it's like, bro, your knee is barely put together. He came back and won that fight,

I think. Like, like he came back and want. That was probably his last win. It'd be like, I don't know. He'd put like a stretchy band around his waist

and just crawl around the gym and shit. Acrobatically. Like, he's acrobatic, gymnastically talented. He's a professional athlete, and his cardio is genuinely, like he's the only guy that that Walton, I think his name is, it's Guggins, but it's not Walton Gagins, that's the actor. Who's the black guy?

David Gaggons. He's the ultimate guy. David Gaggans trained him for one fight. Now, he lost the fight, but he came in an incredible shape. David Goggins is doing his like hell week of cardio and Ferguson is hanging with him. Like they're on the stairs. They're doing like 30 miles or something like that. And Ferguson is just doing it.

He never quit. He hung with Goggins the entire time, which I've never seen anybody. It's rare for an NHLer to get more time in the league because they're good at interviews and whatnot. The only guy I can think of is the goalie Ilya Brzgalov who played for the Flyers for a bit. he's the guy who when they confronted him like you had a terrible game what do you think he's like it is only game why you have to be mad and like he would give interviews because he wasn't good about that point in his career where they'd be like ilia you got pulled in the second period you let in five goals on 18 shots what do you have to say and he'd be like do you ever at night

look into this guy and you see the star and you see the universe and you say to yourself, why does this even matter? Why is this to be something to be care about? And so that is what I think is five goal, 18 shot, you know, what is this? It is nothing. I do not want that guy to be my goalie.

No, that's why he left the league after like two more seasons. Yeah, I want you to look at this guy and think, he was only in his week two more seasons because he was apparently like, an all-time locker room guy. People would be like, this guy's hysterical. Like, he's just fun to be around. Pay him to be in the locker room, though. We need somebody else to stop in these pucks.

He didn't play on good teams. He didn't help them. But yeah, Trump showed up at the UFC event. He's there ringside for the whole, like, end of the car. I think maybe the whole main event. The main card. Yeah, he took some booze for sure. Yeah.

He took some booze, but it wasn't like, They turned up the music to hide it. I saw a clip. It wasn't a ton. And everybody's like, like, you know, I saw the like, like, see of arms trying to record him because he's, and, you know, he comes in with his own music. Like, everybody's got intro music when, you know, fighters do. He's got his too. It's, it's American badass by Kid Rock.

And so he comes in holding hands with Dana White. He's got the whole crew with him. He's got Rubio. He's got, like, like, two of his girls. Maybe the granddaughter's there, too. She's a real cutie. And, uh, what's his name? The Brazilian fighter who's very good.

like Costa. Costa has moved up to 205. Incredible. Like I thought he was washed and then he looked good at 205. I think he got a K-O. And then he jumps the cage and gets in Trump's face. And it's just, they just have like a like puppy dog moment where Trump is like, oh, you're some good looking guy.

You're too good looking to be a fighter. Stop. Look at this guy. He's good-looking guy. Did you say that? It sounds like something that's saying. Yeah, that's exactly. And then Costa was like,

Thank you, Mr. President, for all that you do. All that you do for us. Thank you. And they held hands for far too long. And Costa's like wiping his sweaty hair and like holding on to Trump. And I was like, I would recoil if sweaty Costa had held my hand for this long. It's like I don't think you have a choice from your sweat. You hold until Costa lets go.

That's what Trump usually is. You hold until he lets you go. But they just hold on to, they held hands like, like as he needs. meals with his cup out and like like it was weird it went on for a very long well you can't have the optics of trying to pull away from a UFC fighter holding your hand and being like no that didn't pan out that didn't work he yanked cormia he yanked cornea when he walked in and cormiere like stumbled forward a little bit like trump it may he can't help but like trump a little bit like he grabbed 300 pound cornea and yoinked him a little and moved him you know what I mean this 300

You're so kind. Actually, I don't know how to estimate his weight, but he's so big. It's impossible. He's so dense. He's like a black hole. How many trillions of sons exist within that. Corriere is the guy who his pre-fight meals were just like entire family buckets of Popeyes and stuff. It was just feasting.

Dude, that's a as a king. All about that cake. Yeah. And chicken. Oh, yeah. Hot that cake. And chicken. That's hilarious.

That guy rocks. I think he was fighting Dan Henderson. And they were like cutting weight the night before the fight. And Dan Henderson's camp sent Popeyes to Daniel Kormier's room. It's just funny. Just a torture. Now that's, I don't, this Henderson guy, that's over the line. That's pretty fucked up because you know he was smelling those spices.

Yes, he was. sitting outside. I choose to believe that he, you know, thought it was kind of funny because Daniel for me, but fighters get so grumpy while they're cutting weight. Maybe he didn't. Yeah. Yeah, dude, the, the wrestlers in

high school would get grumpy as fuck when they were cutting weight. This one guy would like just spit into a water bottle all class. And I wanted to be like, Micah, this is vile. Like this is wild. We're trying to

learn Spanish. I'm trying to cheat in Spanish and you're distracting me. I'm looking at Zach's paper right now. That's what's happening. Little do you know, the inside of this label is all in Spanish. These are our vocab words. Teacher thinks I'm trying to cut weight. I just drag right before I got it here. I don't think there was a single high school class I cheated in more than Spanish because I had no interest in learning. I didn't care. And the guy next to the guy next to. The guy next to me was pretty chill, and he didn't care if I copied. I don't really remember cheating at all. I did change some grades in the teacher's master grade book.

That's so much more than cheating. I went straight to the source. I can't imagine getting away with that. I didn't. They did that. Oh, he didn't get away. He changed grades, like his own grades in his girlfriend's grade in the computer, because he's this genius computer hacker in the movie.

And I just daydreamed about that my entire schoolastic career. I just went in there and I changed some stuff that made sense. Like you could turn some numbers into other numbers easily. But somehow I think she could see that like the pencil differences. It was in pencil so that she could go back, I'm sure, and like, you know, fix her own stuff. But I was like, there's all of my grades the whole year. It's like I can change a few of these really bad. ones to like really good ones easily.

Like if I made a 10 on a test, well, let's call it 100 instead or whatever. Like I would have been tempted to change like four, six other students' grades too. So she didn't know who was guilty. Did you? Yes. I changed. But the problem was like, like she knew I didn't like. What I did was I made another guy's grades bad that I didn't like had beef with this other guy.

That's true. That's great. And so she put two and two together, I guess. because she's just like, I know it was you. I know it was. She's got me in the hallway and I'm like, I have no idea what you're talking about. I know it was you. I'm really at a loss here, Miss, Miss Cox.

And she's like, lies on top of lies. Lies on top of lies. On top of lies. And I went, I have no idea what you're talking about. There's nothing you can do. There's nothing you can do. You didn't get in trouble for it? What did she do?

She had no proof that some third party hadn't gone and like changed my and framed me up. It's like when would I have had access to your grade book? Now, of course, I know exactly when I had access to it. I come in after, not even after class, but after school had ended and I had snucked in there because she left your door open. Thank God that teacher had IBS. I came in like after hours. I came in like 3, 3, 4 p.m. or something like that.

there was a basketball football game going on. I was doing the league cheating. You were fucking on the Yankees. I was going around jiggling doorknobs, bro. I'm getting in somewhere. You know, you better lock up. That's crazy. I guess it's time to wrap.

Oh, new game. Burgland Gnomes. Been playing the Bergling Gnomes. Wait. That's the free game. I think I know it. It's free. It's free. You're a little gnome.

You look like a gargling gnomes. garden home and you have silly long spaghetti arms that you can control like the length of them and you go into an old man's house and you burgle it and uh you go and and at first he's like and he grabs you and like throws you back outside but like it he gets madder and matter and then the next thing you know he's stumbling into the living room with a handgun and me i'm running one way and fish is running the other and little mitts running the other way and he's running around bang bang and when he hits you you explode into blood and guts and gore. It's this cute little gnome game with like tons of violence.

You're like running around. You have an objective list. In the oven turns it on. Yeah. It's one of it. He's like, I'm in the oven. Get me out.

And I'm like, coast is cleared. I'm like opening the oven. And I untie him, but he's dead. So I start, I have to do like gnome CPR. And he like tops up.

He's like, oh God. Oh, God. Oh, God. I was so close to die. And I'm like, quick, he's coming. And then we're just like, ampering around his pantry doing this objective list of nonsense.

It's like clog the toilet is one of your mission objectives. So we're in the bathroom throwing toothpaste and the toilet. Yeah, like flushing a whole roll of toilet paper and stuff. I haven't played it, but I watch Peanut do it. And you can get the guy's gun and kill the guy who's causing all your problems. But I guess the aiming mechanism is really awkward. And sometimes you hold the gun at like a 90 degree. They're shooting each other.

Hidden in the house, there's a handgun, a taser, a stun gun, and if you get the stun gun, you can kind of run up to him and like stun him briefly and he falls. It's hilarious because you're a tiny gnome man. Like you're like a foot tall tops and he's a grown man. And then there's also a German World War II hand grenade. And so like I look and I think it was fish. I think he suicide bombed to the old man with a hand grenade at one point. As you'd expect, yes, yes. But it was like, he's dead. He's dead. Free range of the house. And his old ass body's laying there. It's bizarre. It's a really cute little funny game.

And it's free. It's free. I think it's in demo mode or alpha or something. But you can play the game for free on Steam. It's five gigs. I'll download that on Steam. I'm still playing marathon. I know it's time to go.

I had an experience yesterday. And I swear I'm not retelling the story to make myself look better than I really am in terms of like, we're playing in. And I'm like, I start off all friendly always. I'm like, hey, any mic's out there? No replies. Okay, whatever. I have two no mic teammates in my Phil lobby, whatever. One of my teammates hacks a wall safe, which press a button.

It's not like hard. Wait 10 seconds you can get in. And I saw that and thought, well, he started it rather than both of us like go. to the wall safe and grab it as quick as you can. I'm like, that's all his. You know, he's the one who pressed the button to unlock it. I'll let him take all the loot. Cool.

Well, the drone flies over that has loot. I shoot it down. And this fucker does not return the favor. He takes the best thing that I earned by shooting down the drone and puts it in his own pocket. I don't even say anything. I get these coordinate data pads that have like loot across the mat. They don't come with me.

And I'm like, fine, don't come with me, you loot thief. I didn't want you coming with me anyway. You've already been served. You got the safe and the drone. I get my stuff on the way back. He's like, dude, are you on a treadmill? And I'm like, oh, can you hear me breathing? My bad.

I didn't mean that. And he's like, yeah, I can fucking hear you breathe. He's just being a dick. And anyway, he had a couple other like snippy things at me. Like, everything I did was not good enough for him. And I wasn't doing anything wrong. Like, I was like, hey, you want to go to station? No, let's go to hauler, Jesus station.

Like, was that a bad idea? I don't know. Why is your idea so much better? And I was like, all right, let's ex-fill. My pockets are full. My backpack is full. Like, let's go. And he's like, yeah, sure.

And I stand on the ex-fill, and he's not near it. Even though I told him, even though he agreed, he's too far away to take the ex-fill with me. And he's like, wait up, wait up. And I say it just like this. No. I don't think I will And he's like, you fucking maggot And I was like,

I don't like you very much And then I leave the game What a dick hat It was just like this guy put venom on me All game long, it was all one sided He stole loot that I thought I earned I shot it down And I and if I had done it to him earlier

It would have been fair game, but that's not You know he knows I stood next to him And let him take everything fuck that guy. And I'm glad I left without him. Yeah, there's a reason he's playing solo. He doesn't have any fucking friends. You're choosing to play solo.

And he's not. Yeah. Yeah. I got killed by a cheater. It sucks. Oh, that's, I didn't think that was a thing in Marathon. Yeah.

It didn't seem like it could be. They had this idea called fog of war. And the concept is like, if that guy's on the other side of the wall, it doesn't even come to your client. There is no cheat client that will ever have ESP. Well, turns out there's clients that have it. In this game, you can only know your opponent's name in two ways.

Either they kill or get killed or they talk in lobby, like proximity chat. I didn't do either of those things. I hadn't gotten any kills yet. I hadn't been killed. And I didn't talk. And they quickly wipe out my two teammates. And I'm in a 1v3 now. And he goes, hey, hey, hey, are you the real Woody's Gamer tag?

Are you really Woody's Gamer tag? And I was like, I didn't even realize, like, I didn't occur to me that he couldn't know who I am and I'm in proximity chat like yeah yeah it's me I don't have any chance of beating these guys 1v3 they're all they have great gear they wiped out my team like they were nothing and I'm like hey I'm gonna put my gun away

I'm gonna so high and one guy killed me while the other guy yelled no don't do it and that was the guy that one guy's fucking Walter White in the back of the truck ah And then afterwards, I was like, wait a minute, they couldn't have known my name unless they had wall hacks and auto aim and whatever the client gives them.

Well, that other guy heard you breathing. Is it possible that you had your mind over? He's a different game. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, obviously I've seen that in Tarkov. In Tarkov, they'll have all your information. Like, they'll know more about you than you know about you in the game.

They're like, hey, Kyle, I see your stash is worth. 8.4 million rubles and you have a like 1.1 KD not very spiffy. And he's like, tell me about my stuff. Usually not like that, but it's

like they have more information than I have. And I've seen the cheat client. It's like displayed next to your name like in this little data sheet that they can just grab and look at. The cheats in Tarkov are really next level. They pay a bunch. Like people pay tens of dollars.

a day for those cheats. This episode is brought to you by FedEx. These days, the power move isn't having a big metallic credit card to drop on the check at a corporate lunch. The real power move is leveling up your business with FedEx intelligence and accessing one of the biggest data networks powered by one of the biggest delivery networks. Level up your business with FedEx, the new power move. I was hopeful about marathon.

Yeah, you don't just get to cheat and have it. You're part of a cheating service. That's a lot. There are so many, like, anti-real money trading mechanics in Marathon that I hoped people be less incentivized to cheat. Like, I can't, I can, in theory, give you a gun, but it automatically comes back to me at the end of the raid. Like, you can't keep anything I give to you.

If I give you attachments that make your gun better, they don't even go on your gun. The game just disallows it. Yeah. And I'm like, there's so many anti-real. money trading mechanics that maybe there won't be cheating. I guess there is. They need to do a Twitch event.

Like they need to do a Twitch event badly. They need to do drops, like cosmetic drops. And that would really bump up their numbers because they've been stagnant at like 20 to 25,000 players at a time or something like that. Like pretty much since the game's been out. I feel like the game's incredibly underappreciated, but I can't deny reality.

Like it has, you know, probably it'll hit 25,000 users today, 24 or something like that. That's not great for a new shooter. I wonder what it costs. It's over $200 million. No, no, I know that. I know that. I mean, what it costs to do like to get like, I don't know, eight huge streamers, get them to stream your game and to do drops.

Drops, you know what drops are. When people watch that streamer of enough hours, they get in-game content just delivered to their account because they link the two accounts. Like it's a brilliant way to market the game. They did it once. And it was great. And Shroud said it was the best run event he'd ever been part of. They had the jacket they win. Zach, are you able to Google Marathon Streamer event jacket and show it to us? It's hilariously gaudy and funny.

And I wish I had it as a fan of the game. Anyway, every team had their own administrator on hand dedicated to them to answer questions, maybe let them know where they were in the like pecking order like if they're winning losing second whatever and um shrouds person was so helpful they were like shaping team strategy based on where they were that's the jacket that's the jacket they were all fighting for and uh shrouds and it was so nice they wanted to give her the jacket too i know you say no thanks but that's because you're judging the jacket on its merits and not how much you like the game but if you were a new fan of the game you'd be like, this fits, it's aesthetic,

and it's a trophy that's kind of neat to players. I like it. Is this kind of par for the course on Europe where? It's literally high-vis, though. Like, is this par for the course on what players look like? Does everybody glowing neon yellow and green? Yeah, there's all sorts of skins you can unlock for your person. I tend to choose the ones that are a little more camo.

You know, they're like dark and a little blue, maybe blue and black. I switch camels in Tarkov for like snow and like desert and, and like I wear what I want to blend in if I can't if I get a pixels worth of advantage I need that pixel. Yeah. So badly. Some people will dress like this and wear the brightest, most, like, hippest thing they can find. And then there's guys like me who are black and navy blue trying to blend in. But I've watched a good bit of gameplay now of Marathon.

It really reminds me of apex legends with like the gunplay and what the guns look like. Yeah. And I saw there's like bubble shields and stuff. It's definitely not my cup of tea. The guy was watching was really fucking good. I could tell, though. Like his, it's like, you're just tracking his head. Do you remember his name?

No, it was, it was a clip on, like, TikTok of, like, a 1v3 clutch is what it was. I have no idea who was doing it. Oh, I might even know the clip, but, yeah, the only thing that gets me is the aim assist on controller is very good. Most of my best teammates are on controller. They have told me, like, I didn't even know there were people there, but, as I was scrolling my crosshairs along the horizon, the Amos has stuck on someone,

and that's how I learned about him. And it's like, shit, that's a next level assistance helping you aim. Yeah. Yeah. I wonder if they have a slider to adjust how strong it is. Oh. Like the client. Like behind the scenes?

No, well, there's some games where you can turn up or down. How much assist do you want? Oh, I don't know why anyone wouldn't max it. I think maybe if you're trying to like deal with multiple targets, you don't want it to like automatically drag you off one onto another or something. You want to be able to track the one target that you're following. But I'm not really sure. I haven't played console in so long. Last time I tried, I was playing Fallout and I felt bad.

I was like, I was like, let me shut. I was introducing my girlfriend to fall out. And I was and she had her Xbox one there. And I was like, this is how you do. And I'm losing gunfight to like. To Raiders. Raiders with pipe pistols are like shitting on me and I'm like

I'm not good anymore and I'm like hang on a minute and for the next three and a half hours I set up a gaming PC in that room so I can show interest Now watch me Watch me click on heads Use it or lose it brother

Yeah I can't I'm terrible at console Just really embarrassingly bad I don't know how bad I am I played a lot of Eldon Ring some kind of controller fresh, but I haven't played cheaters. I tried to play fucking Harry Potter,

and I couldn't play it. I wasn't good enough with the controller to play the Harry Potter game. I couldn't do the spells. You have to like loop your hand and like the, you have to draw like a treble clef and like shit like that to like,

not literally a treble clef, but like there's a pattern. You have to wiggle your wand into for various spells. And it's like, I can't do it. I can't cast the spells. You really are. week on the controller now.

Yeah, I haven't picked one up in, you know, 10 or 15 years or something like that. I've just been all PC. Damn. All right. Well, dinner time. Gaming's fun dinner time. All right, PKN, 608.