Painkiller Already - PKN 610

Episode Date: April 30, 2026

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It's something else here now. Something new. From. Exclusively on Paramount Plus. It's the series Stephen King calls scary as hell. Everything here is impossible, but it's also real. Sci-fi Vision calls it the best show streaming right now. We're running out of time and we still don't know the rules.

Don't miss what the movie blog calls something you need to watch. Saving those children is how we all go home. From binge all episodes exclusively on Paramount Plus. PKN 610, so boys. How's it going? How's it going? I'm trying to get less salty from my marathon defeats. It's, uh, I was playing with a friend.

And we were doing like key runs. So this is like runs where you particularly want to win. And he's like, I got a guy online I could bring him. I don't really remember him. But if I had it on my friend's list, he must be pretty good. This guy was fucking the hot garbage water that comes out of the back of a garbage truck. He was so fucking terrible. He never killed anyone.

the whole time. All it, we would have been better off running a two-man team against triples than to have this dead weight pull us down. I lost a gold backpack, a gold shield, some gold implants. I lost shit.

I can't get back. Kyle's muted. And, like, fucking wiped out like the previous two key runs. And we got killed by ex-fill campers. But fucking cunt-face garbage water has a class that we called recon that lets you see where people are, but he doesn't know when to use it. And we got killed. And I'm just so,

I'm not over it yet. That was like three hours ago. I was trying as hard as I could, man. Like, you know, you guys get it. This kind of hurts here this now. You were just, you just said GGs like an hour ago. Like, you did this in front of everybody. Dude, I was. I was not even though. But afterwards, he's like, I had to take a phone. I need to talk to my girlfriend. And then he tries to get back in the game. And me and my friend are like, Nah. Nah. We'll roll the dice with randoms

before we let you back in fucking dumpster water asshole. Like, you could give him homework. You could be like, you know, maybe maybe he was cheating on his homework. Hey,

Energy Am, what's this do? Hey, Signal Jammer, what's this do? My friend, who is his friend, is like,

what level are you? You don't know this by now? He's like, one. Doesn't it say over my name? He's level 52. He should have known by then. He was nice. I shouldn't be this mean to him.

I'm just upset because he's responsible for the bad things that happened to me. You lost your backpack. Yes. Having him on your team would put you back in lobbies with goobers where you could kind of run train again. But I guess that's not how it works. Yeah, I think we just bumped into the team that killed us earlier. And then what they did is they waited by the ex-fill for us to try to try to. to leave. And in my situation, anyway, I was the first one to go down. There were like seven bot

shooting at me. And I was like, all right, bots, they don't shoot as hard as people do. So I was just planning to sort of get past them and around the corner. And I got wiped. Unbeknownst to me, there was a three-man team mixed in the bots also shooting at me. And I got wiped. Thanks. Aggravating. Well, live and learn. Now you've got something to grind for tomorrow. right get those gold backpacks back sorry about the noise but it's probably less satisfying when you just had it and lost it than the first time well i mean i found two gold packpacks in my first 300 hours so i'm sure the next one's right around the corner probably not yeah this guy's not making it back at the party i don't think no no no kyle you were saying a little bit of offline grief

car accidents to deal with. Yeah, girlfriend got rear-ended a little bit. She's fine. She's fine. I don't know a few topics, but I have a related topic I'm excited about. Okay. No, no, I didn't want to interrupt and end it. Is she okay?

Is it like... She died. Sure. It's really hard for me to do this right now. It's the car total. Nah, it just needs repairs. It needs repairs. It wouldn't drive after the accident.

The other person's car was much more worse damaged, but they have insurance that covers everything. So all good. Not a big deal. Was it like, so when a motorcycle gets through an accident, let me start over. When a car gets in an accident, it's usually whose fault is it?

Because that's all that matters, everyone's fine. When a motorcycle gets into an accident, I don't care whose fault it was. I just want to know, fellow rider, was there anything you could have done differently, right? Were you blasting through a green light, assuming no one would run? Were you, like, I don't know, hitting your horn instead of your brakes, assuming people would respect your authority? Because if you do that shit, you just not deserve an accident, but you're going to get one.

Was there anything she could have done better? Do you know? Is it a red light to be sitting at? Oh, oh shit. She's sitting at a red light. Yeah, she's sitting in red light. She's like jamming out to fucking Britney Spears or something. you know that I'm toxic

and she just here like tire squealing as the car slams into her yeah she was just sitting still somewhere that blows that's not a big deal it'll be all right well it's still an annoyance not for me I don't care

he's just a little louder than usual for me but he sounds he's blown out to me am I? No blown out or maybe you were just really excited with the screeching maybe I'll try to keep it down here a little more NPR. A little more NPR.

Yeah, so she's sitting at a red light and got rare-ended. That sucks. Yeah, it's not a big deal. Was the person texting that sometimes causes that? That way of knowing, right? Yeah, unless you know, yeah. Yeah, you'd have to look, you like looking at them when they did it. Yeah.

Exactly. Can the insurance find that out, though? How? A text was a... Oh, a investigator? It's more collision. We're... How would you prove it in the possession of the phone at the time?

This is sounded like the sort of thing that you would need the NSA to get involved with over a minor car accident. But we've got to go-locate the phone and find out what messages were sent from it and prove that he was the one who sent the message from the phone at the end of time. And then we've got to, like, argue against their expert who's going to talk about irregularities and geosynchronous time codes. I think we'll just pay for the bumper. It's probably easier to just... Yeah, you're still sounding a little loud to me, friend. It's not just loud.

Like, it's cut out and it's like this electrical. Whenever you tested, it seems perfect. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve. Like six and seven were bad. Six, seven. I'll unplug and re-plug and come back. Okay, I'll see how that goes. Taylor, did you see that him lazy, dude?

Him lazy? I don't know if I'm pronouncing it right. H-M-B-L-Z-A-Y. I need some more vowels in this. Right? I just saw it on Reddit recently, but he's a streamer, and he's walking from coast to coast, if I have the story, right?

And he just got rear-ended. He was pushing, he was wearing one of those, like, traffic safety vests, pushing a cart, like maybe a homeless person would. And, but he's not homeless. and he's live streaming it like kind of as a stunt. Yeah, yeah. I found his interesting.

And he got hit pretty hard. He did get up again. Did you see it, Kyle? Yes, I did. Walking. That sounded great, by the way. And he was walking in the, I'll say the middle of the road.

He was walking in the right lane of a two lane road. And I couldn't see a lot, but just eyeballing it. Yeah. I'm guessing the speed limit is like 45. Zach, amazing work, by the way. Look at this guy. He just put.

Ha, ha, ha, ha. Dude. It looks like the blue car hit him because it did. But what actually happened is another car hit the blue one into him. You can, with audio, you can hear it better. And so the blue car, I think, was going to slow down in time. But the car behind it probably didn't anticipate slowing down to three or however fast he was walking. And look, he's already up again.

He just bounced back. Ah, he's fine. That'd be so funny. He's like, thanks for the sub. and they just keeps moving. Doesn't stop. Look at that sub goal. This guy is about 3,300 subs.

He means he's making over $6 grand a month, I guess. Off just that. I mean, he's probably doing double that with all the revenue sources. That could have been so much worse. This guy makes like $150,000 a year pushing this freaking homeless shopping cart across America. Oh, he got hit out of one of his shoes. Oh, yeah. That's wildly garment.

You can see the silver car that I guess is the real culprit here briefly. Oh, did you spot him something. Because the car that hit him was blue and I saw a silver one on the side of the road. Unless maybe that's just a good Samaritan. What you don't hear is the blue driver is like freaking out yelling. And at first blush, you might think, like, why are you yelling at this guy you just hit? She's yelling at the silver car for hitting. She's like, you could have killed him.

Yeah. And I'd be mad if I were anyone in this situation. who just got pummeled by the silver car. Someone, this is a Reddit comment, one of the least reliable sources in the world, but they're like he's a nuisance streamer. And I never heard that term before, but I instantly know what it is.

Like, you know what, injectority is a nuisance streamer. There's some guy in what, the Philippines or China or something right now. Johnny Somali, going to jail. Yeah, that's not going for. What country is that that he's in? I think South Korea. Okay.

Nucent streamer. Yeah. This guy, I mean, is he a nuisance streamer? did you think walking in the road was safer for some reason? I don't know. It did. I can't tell, but it did look like he's, he's in a lane there. Like he's in a lane. So I've watched it repeatedly. Like I'm positive. He was right where the tires would go. Like he's not on the show. It's not like there was all cyclists. Yeah. Yeah. So this guy's still even slower than cyclists though.

Some old geezer ran some cyclists down in my neck of the neck of the wood. Yeah. There's a whole video of it. That's what I was thinking. I was like, he's like Batman or something. There was a whole swarm of them. You know how they do. All like grouped up, taking the whole road up. And he was like, not today.

They don't even create money. I own the highway. He just smushed a couple of them. That dude is fucked. He is clearly, that was like attempted murder. That guy. He's so old. He'll be fun.

He was following the cyclists. So he was down to like 15 miles an hour, whatever it is, they go, 20. And then decided to purposefully hit several of them as he went by. You could see him swerve his black minivan into the victims and knock them over. And a couple of them got hurt. The cyclist got his license weight. The police caught him. And I saw the list of things he's getting charged for.

I mean, if he was us, he'd be in jail. But he's 77. And I thought he's going to like maybe get some leniency because he's so elderly. He'll be present. Want to go electric without sacrificing fun? That's the Volkswagen ID4. All-electric and thoughtfully designed to elevate your modern lifestyle. The Volkswagen ID4 is fun to drive with instant acceleration that makes city streets feel like open roads.

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Luckily, Jeff saved with Amazon and stocked up on antacids, ginger tea, and milk. Habaniero? More like habanier, yes. Save the Everyday with Amazon. They need to get a, you know, you just got to take that guy's license and then. He should never drive again for the rest of his life, the rest of his two years on earth.

After like 80, they should, 80 at the latest, they should make you retest. Oh, yeah. I think a lot of places do. Yeah. My dad had to retake his test, I think. Or maybe an eye exam or something. He had to do a thing.

Oh, yeah. Maybe they do it through eye exams. That would make sense, though. Yeah. Yeah. But that guy is, he's literally a murderer. Like, well, attempted murderer. Wow.

Did he, like, have a, do he stroke out while he was on there? That's what I said. He's just, he's car into the cyclists. It doesn't seem to be that. Seems. Officer, it's because I was furious. And there was room to pass. Now, it was on a turn.

So I can imagine being, like, gun shy about passing the. cyclists on a turn. Yeah. And not like, normally when I pass cyclists, I'm all the way in on company traffic, like, all the way. And I might, I might be halfway or something in this situation because the turn makes it worse. But what he did was clearly like taking revenge on cyclists for the crime of existing.

Of existing on the road. Somebody's got to do it. I'll tell you what, speaking of like the corporation of wacky conveyances, I watched this YouTuber today. and what he does is he goes on to abandoned railroads with weird craft and explores out into the wilderness. He's a young guy and he's got an old male bicycle. It's a bicycle, it's an e-bike with like a cab attached to it for mail.

It's a U.S. Postal Service vehicle. And the cab is like, I don't know, big enough, I don't feel like I could lay in there long ways. Like I'd have to curl up. And he has, he's got all his gear in there such that it is. He's got a wood stove. He ordered off Timo. Sorry about the interruption.

So he bought something designed to go on railroad tracks. No, no. Okay. He bought a United States Postal Service, mail bicycle. It looks with like a cab that it tows for like, I don't know what area you do this in. I'm imagining some like Florida neighborhood or something like that where there's just a big concentration of houses or something. But anyway, it's a bicycle that's towing a cab. and he has made it

so that it will drive on the rails. This is him. This is him. Oh, this is terrific. That's like a fallout vendor you'd find. Like, oh, hello. Hey, are you so railroad spikes? Of course I do.

Wow. Wow. Oh, and he can lift it. Oh, yeah. It comes off the rails occasionally, and he's got to put it back on. And as he's going, I don't know, I don't know where he was, but it was like a coniferous wilderness.

It looked like a, I don't know, Pacific Northwest or something like that, middle of nowhere. He never saw a person or anything regarding civilization. But he's just cruising around and there's constantly trees laid over on the tracks and he has to get out his Timo chainsaw and like try to chop through him. He's got a wood stove. He cooks his meals on. They always look awful. And he'll make hamburgers and he'll just be like, look at that. Wow.

And I'm like, you must be hungry, brother. Yeah. He makes bacon and eggs for breakfast and the eggs are all blackened and like gross. And he's just eating them with his pocket knife with dirty hands like, this is the best. Dude, I've watched a good like 12 hours of this YouTube genre. And they never have good vehicles. They come off the tracks on their own. There are often, at least in the ones I watch, boulders in the tracks that are a real problem.

Like no one here, chucks, I think if the three of us were together, we couldn't move these rocks. And they have to like find a solution to the boulder, which could involve like levers and moving it or just moving the car off the ray. But usually there's a destination and that cows didn't seem to have one. But the normal thing in what I see is there's a particular bridge that they want to experience that this thing is spanning from mountain to mountain. and it's closed now. And it's fun to watch this stuff. Their sense of adventure is 10 out of 10. Their craftsmanship and, you know, just construction skills are one out of 10.

And I like putting it all together. It's great. That's the funniest person to watch do that. Like when you're watching Outdoor Boys at no point, are you like, this guy's in danger. Like if he ever recognizes true danger, he's like, well, fiddlestick. I just measured and it's over two feet of snow and we're supposed to get three more tonight. I'm going to have to cut the video, guys. I got to go.

Whereas one of these guys would be like, we're out here, roughing it. Give me some more. I didn't have more sight to bring a jacket. You know, when people said, you know, when people said, you know, one lighter, I was like, you know, ah, one's more than enough. It wasn't. I'm so cold. Yeah, this guy, you're talking about. Kyle just seems to be tooling around.

Yeah, he went out and back again. The video I watched today was like 30, 35 minutes long, and he just went real deep into the woods, and then his chainsaw broke, and he kind of turned around and came back. Would the railroad tracks close? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay, yeah.

Yeah, they all have to be abandoned because he's getting trees all the time. Yeah. The ones I watch, the tracks are also closed. I'm like, is it possible to do it on open track? You need a vehicle light enough to get off the tracks in a hurry. And quick.

Yeah. Probably don't want to listen to music either. You're going to get blasted. Yeah. You got your AirPods in, like jamming out. You party in the USA. You get absolutely splatted. You just hear, chew, chew, too.

Like, yeah, chew, chew, too. It's not the R. Kelly's song. You're about to die. I'm listening to a playlist on Spotify. It's all the songs that have siren. in them. I wouldn't want to rough it like that. I wouldn't want to rough it like that.

I need my shower. I want a hot shower if it all possible. That has to be part of my daily thing. It's a hot shower. If I got to go beyond that, like I've camped where there are like cold showers and I could deal with that even. But there's got to be clean water at the very least.

I don't want to be taking creek baths. Be smelling like crick. Is this guy bringing his own water? or is he like, it's a life straw? I just drink out of the, you know, septic tank. You know, I never saw him drink. I saw him make those two meals. And I saw his chainsaw and his terrible wood stove.

And, like, he barely has anything in the back of that thing. Like, it's not, like, full. It's not like he took up every. He's got, like, one tote full of shit. And, like, that's it. How long has he been going? Like, is this, like, day three? Or is it?

I have no idea. Like, I watched one video when it seemingly, like, he, did it in like, I think he spent the night out there, like, like one night maybe, something like that. Okay. I am a three hour drive from the ocean, but like, I don't know, a five minute drive from a creek that goes all the way to the ocean. And I have had the idea, like, what if I bought a little kayak and just made, made it adventure of it? I don't know how many times I'd have to get out to carry it around. I'm sure it's not a nice clean shot. But it'd be

cool. Oh man. They'd have to, like there would have to be little like roads where it travels through a pipe and you have to like lug your entire canoe or whatever on your kayak out and bring it over the bridge under the other side. How many times can you bottom out

before you're like, this sucks? I'm getting an Uber XL. We're in a drought right now so it's not a good time. But I'm seriously. I'm getting hype thinking about it. Oh, kind of in the same vein. I saw a video about these three guys who crossed the Atlantic in cars. They took their cars and filled them up with foam and attached sails and like solar panels

and wind powered like battery charging like like things and they went across the Atlantic Ocean together because one of their dads had always wanted to do it. So they did it in cars. I think their dad wanted to use a boat. for whatever reason, they decided foam-filled 1980s sedans was the move. I mean, there's a rough scene. That's crazy. It's like 130, 150 days, something like that.

That's so much food. Yeah, I think helicopters had to rescue one of them at one point. There was a big storm, and he got sick. I'm the one in the Buick-Lessaber screaming. That is crazy. Do they make a YouTube thing about it? I think this was before YouTube. Like, the footage to me looked like some, looked old.

It looked like it happened in the 90s or something, but I didn't really look too much into it. It's just love of the game. I like stuff like that. Like crossing the Atlantic used to be like one of the ultimate accomplishments of Europe, of Europe, you know, when they did it, it opened up the new world. And like these guys are doing it in a Skylark full of it. Well, two of them are.

Yeah. Two or three is not bad. Two or three is not bad. I told you there's not enough room. in my chevel you're going to go we knew this would happen I wouldn't want to kayak through

like that river to the ocean though I just feel like there are more fun kayaking adventures to be had I would be interested in white water where it was actually scary and I would definitely be interested in I guess something intercoastal would be cool too like something like that

but like Taylor said I'm imagining a lot of bottoming out and getting and like dragging Oh, I'm sure it's type two fun, but I feel like it's a pretty dope thing to have done. And I guess I'm a little attracted as I process it to adventures that like start here. You know, some guys like, oh, let's ride the the Colorado backroad discovery route. And I'm like, all right, but wouldn't it be cooler if we all started in our own driveways, drove to Colorado on our motorcycles and then did the trip and then made it back home instead of

trailering out there. And it is cooler. It is neat when it starts and stops at the house. Is it the Cape Fear River? The noose, but it's spelled like N-U-E-S-E, something like that. Okay, okay. I was trying to find it here. Because I mean, I don't know if you guys have done float trips. I'm sure you have. But on like an eight, nine-hour float trip all day, Saturday. By like the fifth time you bottom out, if there hasn't been enough rain, you're like, I'm right I'm mid sandwich eating chips

and now I feel like in that situation you're like I'm high I don't want to be bothered by the bottom you're not on an adventure you're on a like Oh yeah it's not an adventure

Is this inter tubing or kayaking I would imagine Canoeing yeah I haven't done like a full on intertube one And since I was a little kid It's usually a canoe

where like you're in there with another person that's all I've ever done I went on that little rafting trip with Woody and Chis but I also like a couple times I like went tubing down a couple of the rivers that we have here that was fine I guess

we would bring our weed and our like our what do you call it chillem like one hitter and and had it in a plastic bag and we'd pass in the Ziploc bag from intertube to intertube out there that was great it stoned as fuck out there on the river

and just float but sometimes you like pass another group who doesn't have that same vibe where like they're you know a couple families with like young kids and like you don't want to be you know smoking up their section of the river so you either have to hold back or like get past them kind of quick and then resume it was an all adult thing when I was there like we were all like 25 to 30 something like that there weren't even kids around I don't like to do things where kids end up being there kids wouldn't be like any river the kids are going to end up being there no no we're not interdiving down

the river it'd be dangerous you'd fall in and get sucked down a hole or an eel could get you with eels here did you know that uh the fun kind uh i'm just making it up we don't have eels up you can imagine if we did but you can imagine if we did no the shocking kind yeah i don't i hate kids ruin everything like like if there's a bar, a restaurant, an establishment of any kind that has a no child policy, I'm like, oh, yeah, oh yeah, sign me up. I didn't even want to drink. Now I do, let me in.

Because I feel like you're eliminating a lot of customers by saying that. I think you're winning over a lot of customers by saying that in certain situations, though. Like, I just don't want to eat dinner when there's like screaming kids in the restaurant. I mean, you're just looking for a bar, right? Like that would just be like a traditional bar where like after, 8 p.m. or something, they're like, yeah, we don't let underage people in anymore. It's, I don't want them there at all. I don't want the

stink of them in the place at all. If they were here at noon, I'll know. Stink of them. Yeah, it would be fucking broken crayons all over the place and shit. Smell that baby powder. Yeah, I don't want any part of that. I really just don't like being around kids. All the screaming and the little faces. The little faces. The little faces mustard in the corner of their mouths and shit. Like get out of here with that. You sticky bastard. What about the, what about on the other end of the spectrum? The geysers who have like that white stuff in the corner of their mouths.

What is that? Oh, there's a word for that. I can't remember what it is. There's a word for that white stuff. It's like you're turning into a pillar of salt slowly. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I would much rather be around a bunch of geysers than a bunch of kids, though.

Like, I just, they're not as loud. If both groups are well-behaved, I don't mind. I suppose. I don't know. I just wish there weren't any children. You're limiting yourself to very selective. establishments that probably have very limited menus after 9 p.m. if you don't, you know, like there's no way Texas Roadhouse is shutting down kids, right? Or no, no.

No, no. Some will. But, but, but yeah, if I can avoid children, at any cost, I will, I really just can't stand with them. We know. I, I don't think they're nearly as annoying as you say. Good. It depends. That's good for you. Ampy kids are fine, but like temper tantrum kids or crying ones, they kind of suck, right? I've seen kids doing laps around the table they're sitting at chasing each other. Did you beat up the dad? It's your obligation. He's a big guy. I didn't feel like I could take him. And there's the, I didn't want to make a scene to the Olive Garden.

I just as if there's not a fucking frying pan with boiling oil nearby that you could have used. I can't imagine. Like I'm putting myself back in like little kid me. The thought of getting up and running around a restaurant that my dad would have put a swift end to that. Like I would have been too afraid to do that. I got the, you know, you want something to cry about lying for a whole lot than less than that. I would never do that. I never made a scene in my life.

Really? I'm sure. I've never made a scene in my life. Doesn't last long. I fell out a shopping cart one time and got all fucked up, but that wasn't a behavior problem. That was just bad balance. That was an entry.

Also poor supervision on my mom's fart. Thanks, Mom. Tumbled right out of there. You deserve that cry. Cry? I had to have surgery. I had to go under anesthetic. I had weird, scary dreams

about God. I met God in my dreams, Taylor. He was a black man in one of those giant oversized birdgated. Oh, I remember that. I don't know if that was God you met. He was in a bird cage. How dare you? I had a vision at a young age, okay?

But he'd be faithful until I was 23. He'd look Iraqi or something? I don't know. I've seen him, Woody. He's black. He's black. He has a beard. I would say he's somewhere between 65 and 75 years old.

Five foot 10, about 170. 75 pounds. And last time I saw him, he was in a bird cage being suspended. We were in a room of pure darkness. The floor was pure whiteness. And he was in a large man-sized bird cage over me, suspended by, I don't know what, I suppose a rope cable chain, what have you. And he was letting me know, I was going to be okay. He was like, ah, it's okay. You know, you're going to be fine. You're going to be all right, Kyle. That's what he's, he sounded just like that. Have you met him too? He's going to be okay. Have you met Black God? Meanwhile, there's like an employee at the grocery store standing

as God lately there's an employee at the grocery store standing over your crumpled body being we gotta get these boy to the hospital right? He's pretty fucked up. I was pretty fucked up. Yeah, damn.

I'm pretty fucked up. I lost my gold backpack. I'm still not over. He thinks I'm rare. How rare you've been playing? 300 games he said to get to. 300 hours. And the ones I got were from like quests.

I finished that I can't do again. Oh. No more backpacks coming, huh? They must be rare. I don't know, man. Maybe Cryo will have more. I don't run that mat that very often. That's rough stuff.

If I had to control kids at the grocery store, I'd do the same trick. My mom did on me. First stop. Fried chicken area of the deli. Couple chicken legs for the boy. Bada Bing. I'm just eating now.

I'm silent. Your mom put a leash on you. Yes, but that was younger. And, you know, sometimes you deserve it. Sometimes it's... What about the muzzle? The muzzle, you know, that was less acceptable. But it was the 90s, man.

They let you do it. I didn't get leased. I wasn't prone to like running off too far, although I would pull that move in like Nordstrom or Belk or whatever, where they have the clothes in that circular rack. and in the center of it there's an empty space. And so I crawl up under there and be chilling in there with like my Game Boy. And there'd be a time where she's like, Kyle?

And I'd wait until there's a little bit of panic in her voice. And it's like, I'm in here. You have to wait until the fulfilled promise. The previously denied request to KB Toys comes to fruition. Now I've won. I would never happen. I've been to Toys R Us twice in my entire life. Well, Toys R Us wasn't in malls.

It was KB Toys that was in malls, the little version, which had a much worse selection. I mean, I'm not saying it didn't exist when I was a kid, but I have no memory of ever seeing a KB Toys in my entire life, like even in a store. Like, I know they exist, but I've never seen one. Or the candy stores? Yeah. No. I ain't got to go to none of those places. I would beg to go to the fireworks store.

I got to go up exactly four times in my entire life. They took me to the fireworks store. It would take several years of forgetting what I did. the last time to get a fresh trip to the fire report. Well, you're limited to snakes and you're like, I know they won't remember that by the time we get there. Even then I was good about it. He's like, all right, you got $30. Do your worst.

And I'm like back there like, hmm, it's the same charge in these as it is these. This is the literal most bang for my buck. Wonderful. I'll take three of these. And there's like, oh, but wait. Now I have 300 very powerful. fireworks that would shatter a beer bottle. So I'd light them and put them in a glass bottle and then throw the glass bottles

and they'd explode into the air and like shards of glass everywhere. I don't told you, Kyle. None of the fireworks were the language is in Thai. Gotta be English. Yeah, that's what I wanted. It's a wonder you work even more often. I was pretty good at it. Like, you know, I like, I did some things that looking back, I was like, oh, shouldn't

have done that one and that one. that one but the rest of it like that's still how i would do that thing that you did you know like like i burnt my eye every time i got hurt i would learn from it so like the first time i burnt my eyebrows off i was like oh noted don't like don't i had taken a six inch pipe and filled it up with like poured gasoline in it and then i think i had lit it somehow or another and then like this fireball came out the end and just roasted my eyebrows and eyelashes off like they were gone i looked insane you You really shouldn't see that coming. That is so obvious. I'm like 12.

I'm like 12. It's to me a pipe filled with gasoline vapors kind of shoots right at you. I didn't know about vapors. I was keeping on it. Safety. I was learning as I went, you know, figuring stuff out.

Getting in trouble in class, quit giving me that look. You got no eyebrows. This is the only look I can give. Yeah, I never had an eyebrow burning off experience. I never had something that dangerous and close to me with fire.

Dude, I mentioned once or twice my senior girlfriend was really pretty. When I landed her, she had baked brownies and put her head like in the oven and just gave her whole head like a frizz and her eyebrows like a, they were like half gone. And I bought low, sold high on that. You're like, all right, we got maybe three months here. We're on the clock, buddy boy. I would have got to burn her again. I would love more brownies.

Honey. She'll set her up for failure. No, should that happen before I bet it? Hey, honey, come light this campfire for me. I've got it. You get ready. We had a chopped up palettes. Yeah, I didn't go to the toy story.

And I think, Toy Story, a toy store. I think I learned early that toys were shit, that they broke after like a few months and you lost interest in them. And like my first, when I was 5, 6, 7, maybe just 5 and 6. And below, I remember getting things like train sets and those little, I remember Karpunk. I don't know if you remember that old game.

Yeah, yeah. It was a huge Christmas game that year. And like Teddy Rucksbin, like all these toys. That sucks. Right? At the time, it was a teddy bear that moved with a cassette play. So it would be like, I love you. It had a very good commercial.

It did. It looked real in that commercial. It looked like you're going to have a little bear. I mean, I wanted one. My mom's kind of predicted that like, no, no, no, this is the kind of thing that's only good at commercials. You'll hate it. Oh, yeah. She was right.

Those are the word. I've said it before, but I'm convinced my dad got me those moon boots to teach me a lesson. To be like, oh, yeah, the kid who at, you know, eight has already. far outsized the recommended weight on this. You're going to be clomping out there like there's snow shoes moron. So like I had learned that by the time I was seven and so I remember like

that the mode of operation was to give us the toys or us catalog and we would go we would get a budget and we would go in and we would make them list. And that was a little bit of math homework for a seven year old too you know like like trying to come up with a dollar amount based on like your 15 or 20 toys you want for Christmas. And I was just like, I don't, I think I want a four-wheeler.

I think I want a four-wheeler. I got a four-wheeler. And the next year, the four-wheeler was still fucking there. And it's still going to go. And I was still loving my four-wheeler. And I just never forgot that. Every Christmas after that, my sister would, again, get, like, a Barbie or some, like, bullshit, plastic thing that lasts for six weeks. And I would get a rifle or a four-wheeler.

And that's about it. I wanted guns and ATVs. And that's all I got for Christmas from the time I was seven to the... I don't know. My last Christmas was probably when I was 15. I mean, they stopped giving me stuff around 15 or so. Not even, not even a token under the socks. Some socks and stuff like that, some sweaters. Sox at 15 is a terrible gift.

You're not yet in a time of life where it's useful and you don't want to deal with going to colds. They have plenty of socks. Yeah. Yeah. Or cash. I think they may have given me a little cash because I would usually have some sort of trip planned around that time. You know, I'd use that money to like go on some trip. or something or something like that.

But yeah, I gave up on the plastic when I was seven. Yeah, I wasn't given a, I remember going through the catalogs and circling stuff, but it wasn't like I was going to get everything I circled. It was going to be up to them what they picked out of the things I circled. And so I remember doing like little cost benefit analysis where I'm like, if I circle the Coonskin cap, it's dramatically less likely the BB gun comes in. I'm going to have to forego this. I really got to structure this.

That's fair. That's the, you know, well, yeah, that actually is a pair. But like other little things where it's like, you know, the, you know, the dress up Indian outfit or all of these action figures. If I want the whole set of street sharks, you know, that could undo my, you know, desire for this cool lever action BB gun that or a, you know, pellet gun or whatever it was. Because we had those, you know, those BB guns that you had to pump the air rifles like a hundred times to get them to shoot hard enough. when you're like a real little kid you just can't pump that enough to get the velocity you need and so like you need to be handing it off to your dad or grandpa whoever for him to finish it and they only sit there for so long doing that with you and so you menishing returns i remember

checking that with a chronographer or a chronograph when i was like eight or nine being like pumping that crossman 150 fucking times like i'd pump it and then take breaks and like come back Come back later, pump it some more. Like, I've been pumping this bitch for three days. When I let her go, first you're going to vaporize. No, it kind of caps out at like 450, 500 feet per second. How many pumps is a good amount? I'm supposed to very a little kid, but probably 25 or 30.

Oh, my father-in-law, he had like varmits in the backyard of some sort. I don't even know what that word really means, but, you know, gophers and something digging holes. and he wanted to deal with it. So he bought a pellet gun because, you know, I want to go two nuts on him, but he bought a pump pellet gun that he ended up giving to me. And I'm like,

oh, this is cool. He's like, yeah, but not useful because you got like a vole or something in your yard. And he's there, crank, a crank, a crank, now it left. They kept running away or going into their holes while he was pumping up the pellet gun. Yeah, it's not the kind you need. It's like, I think I just need to get a 22.

These real guns, man, they go. You know what you? Just pull the trigger and off it goes. The good pellet rivals are one pump. You know, you break it down. And when you put it back together, you got a thousand feet per second almost. Like, they are...

Oh, yeah. It's a good. Yeah, they're very good for pellet guns. There are those little tiny pellets where you'd have to slip it in there the right way. Because I remember the breakdown action on. You know, the Crossman is a point is a 170, is it 177 or

117? It's one or the other. It's since I was a kid. But they make 22 caliber pellet guns. I think some of the better ones are 22 caliber pellets. But the Crossman is like a 0.117 or a 0.7. Yeah, I think 0.117. Something like that.

177. I looked it up. Yeah, the Crossman. That's the exact same brand we had for the BB guns. where like you remember the the like milk cartons full of like copper beaies that would have a snake on the side of it. Yeah. I would have a rattlesnake and I was always in my head like this is so cool. This is like a grown up thing.

There's a rattlesnake on the box not even realizing that like well it's also in a milk carton. It's like 550 rounds in that milk carton. You could shoot for and you know you fill that fucking pellet rifle up and like I don't know. I killed a lot of birds with that thing. I was always out there before I was free range with a real gun. I was out there with that crossman killing shit. That was a good gift. I got my money's worth.

And I bet my dad and grandpa had like stronger forearms. My dad always ended up breaking them. I would always do something wrong. He'd break that motherfucker. I remember every time he broke it. He would grab it by the barrel and he'd smash it on the ground and it would just explode. I remember I pointed it at my sister one time when I was a kid. Smash that motherfucker.

Shot his window out of his truck one time on purpose. Smash that motherfucker. her every day. And then it would be like fireworks. A couple years ago, bye. Don't you get me another one of them BB guns. You're going to fuck up again? Absolutely not. Not as far as you know. I'm going to be on my best behavior this time.

Yeah. I had the Coonskin cap and the Daisy lever action pellet. BB gun too, though. There's when I was a living in the dream. Yeah. You felt so cool. Just guns. Nothing else.

nothing else. No, no, no, like, no clothes. Just a coonskin cap and a daisy, red rider. A daisy red rider. And I was just out in the yard. Hang in mushroom at seven years old. It's funny. I remember like, like, hang and ding. I would piss on people apparently when I was like four or five. Jesus Christ. If you weren't giving me enough attention, you'd look down and I'd be pissing on your leg. and not family members anybody could get someone one of my dad's friends he was a sheriff's deputy

in the county Johnny good guy and one time I pissed on his leg apparently I don't remember any of this but he was like that boy pissed on my leg this is the story being relayed to me later on

and then one time same thing I couldn't stand being ignored I wouldn't tolerate it like most of my like outbursts a kid were because I was being ignored and not being paid attention to and then I had to handle things myself and I was going to handle the Kyleway

and I remember they were shooting Skeet, my dad and Johnny, his buddy and getting ignored. Dad's talking to Johnny, not looking at me. And I picked up the biggest rock that I could muster and smash Johnny's foot and broke it. Square knows that in hospitality,

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That's swearup.com. It's almost on him. Was he like a GTA NPC? He doesn't see you? I'm like four years old. Like walking up with my giant boulder to smushes. foot. This is the same thing to my half sister. It's more aggressive. I whack my half sister in the head with a level. And it wasn't one of those plastic levels like you get now. It was like wood and steel.

She kept popping out behind the island in the kitchen, scaring me. And it's weird. I could put myself in the mind of four-year-old me and remember how scary that was. Like, obviously now it's your sister jumping out and saying, boo, there's nothing scary about that. But four-year-old me was fooled every time. So every time she jumped out. I thought a monster was going to get me. And I went to the living room. My dad was hanging wallpaper. That's why the level was in hands reach.

And I was like, Daddy, she's getting me. She's getting me. And it's like, handle it yourself. Hmm. So I grabbed the level that I could, it was as long as I was tall. And I'm like walking in there, like holding it over my head. She's waiting behind the island. She never saw me come in with the level.

She's older, right? Yeah, like six years older. So she must have been 11, 12, something like that at the time. And I cracked her right in the top of the head, split her head open. I don't think she had to get stitches, but it was bleeding pretty bad. Those things have a wicked edge. Had it coming. Bringing it down hard.

I mean, she didn't do that again. That was self-defense. It was self-defense. She was spooking you. I was standing my ground. And your poor dad was like, what she's going to do is pee on the kitchen floor. Oh, he's my ass. I remember that, whoopin.

Like, that's one of the whoopens that I remember best. And in my entire life of whoopens, I remember that one. Because I remember first I ran. And I made it all the way to the swimming pool. I made it all the way to the pool. He's like, you get back here. I'm like crying before the spanking starts. I remember he spanking me on the steps.

Did he have to catch you or did you just run and run and run? He was so scary that I had to come back. Okay. Like he was, there had been other times when I ran from him and I hid well enough for him. And that he cooled down. And I don't, when I shot the window out of his truck, I immediately ran from him. And we had a waterbed at the time. And like where the headboard attached to the water bed, it created this like tunnel, like where you like under the headboard basically, like a five year old

could crawl into. And I remember I crawled under there. I have my light brights in there. And, and he's like, it's like something out of like Lord of the Rings. Like he's just like, he's like up to his shoulder like all awkward trying to get and I'm like backed up in there you come out of there oh no I've even got a toy right to think you like press the little diodes on or something and then they'd light up yeah yeah you had another fantastic commercial that didn't quite deliver Yeah, yeah, I got to say it, you know, but at four, it was cool. You know, anything impresses a four-year-old.

When I got that Super Nintendo, I was blown the fuck away. Yeah. Super Soakers, the way the commercials in the 90s for Super Soakers were is like you were like blowing people off of their bikes, like slamming up against the wall, the amount of power. And then you'd get one. And it was just just a piss stream. Never strong enough. I didn't get any of those.

Those were fun. You never had a super-sortening. I guess your step sister was too much older. She wouldn't have played with the squirt guns. She didn't live with us much either, kind of sparingly. She must live with her mom. I grew up in like a suburb, right? So there's a block, but not like with other blocks around.

Like ours is in the middle of the woods and all the kids on these two streets were friends and rivals. And we'd have water gun fights all the time. This is when Super Soakers were like first invented. So most people had their little regular water guns. Then someone comes with a super-soaker and just dominates the block. And like other people showed up with super-soakers, but some were just like, you know, if this is going to be an arms war, and they have a fucking bucket.

I don't even know what the best tool is. I show up my dad's motor-powered backpack sprayer with residue of roundup in it. Everybody's getting that monstander. Spurs! I have cancer. I don't know what the problem in the Super Soaker factory was, but from time to time, I swear you would just get a lemon

where like it just wouldn't shoot. You'd have the exact same, you know, exact same one as your friend and his would fire real nice and yours would just piss stream out. And you'd be like, how many times are you pumping it? How often are you doing that?

Okay, mine just sucks. When I finally did get one, I tried to turn into a flamethrower. I tried to fill it up with gasoline instead. And it, it melts. Did that work? Yeah.

Gasoline melts that cheap plastic, just dissolves it. So, like, I'm slow, it started getting sticky and then, like, colored plastic is rubbing off of my hands. And I'm like, oh, no. And, like, the tank starts shriveling and, like, shrinking and stuff. And I was like, I've ruined my soker. I would not be getting another one. No.

Back to regular guns. But you can't pop the edge with those in the, in the neighborhood. No, no. Can't do that. My dog. That's what baseball became the thing. Indiana bones. He had surgery this morning.

So, how's he doing? So the doctor said, he had surgery on both of his shoulders. And one, she's like, it looked pretty good. Like it looked worse on the x-rays than when she got in there. The other, she said, was extensive. And I wanted her to say his prognosis is still great. But I'm not even 100% sure. There was just like the bone was soft and then there was like a spur over here and then there was a flap on this.

And I think we got the right surgeon. These are great Danes. You guys know that. But I was worried about the one listener that catches like one in a hundred shows. And it was an orthopedic veterinarian who specializes in dogs and horses. This is the guy, right? Yeah. So we don't get the dog back until tomorrow.

and then he has a few weeks of like recovery in front of him. So we'll see how this goes. But I hope he's fine. Yeah, good luck with that. Yeah. It's tough. It's hard to get a dog to recover right because they just want to go right back to, you know, going bananas. Yes.

He has a few things in his favor. He's very young. He's eight months old maybe. He's still intact, meaning he has his balls. And that'll help him recover too. So he's basically like a teenager. They bounce back best. Yeah, I'm sure it'll be fine.

That's, I mean, there was no better person to get for it. You didn't get the, you know, the doctor Nick. Yeah, in the strip mall, you got the real person. So, yeah, anyway, big day to day for us. Jackie's exhausted. She got up super early, took him to the vet while I slept. Can't complain. Is the other dog upset?

Oh, she was so upset. She's always like, those two are two peas in a pod. They never, she was like in a panic jumping on the bed. bed while I was trying to sleep. But don't worry, don't worry. I was able to sleep. Yeah. It'll be fine. God. You think it was your checkbook that got destroyed this morning? You make dog shows you're going to have to win to pay for this shit?

You're going to perk up, bitch. You're going to learn some tricks through something. Literally, bitch. We're going to pop out some high quality babies selling them. Make our money back. They're the purest of breeds. Actually, brother-sister. We call them royalty. I've spoiled dogs.

I haven't socialized them enough. And they've just, they have such separation anxiety when they're, when I'm not with them. They're almost never without me. It's so rare that they're not just making contact with me. And so when I leave for a day or two or, or even a few hours, they have a meltdown. They have, they, they like get depressed and freak out. It's a whole fucking thing.

They are, uh, they're, they're my little buddies, though. Like, like, they're constant. They're outside the door right now laying against the door, waiting on, like, listening to my voice right now. I, if I open the door, they'd look up at me. Look, you don't? You don't? Oh, no, it's the hang out.

That's every seven months, right? Yeah. It's out of time. I shaved Toby down the other day. He looks tremendous. He looks tremendous. Oh, you trimmed it personally? Oh, I thought you meant you had him taken to the ground.

He looked. He looked good. I bought, I went, I basically Googled Best Clippers Doodle Reddit. And I found that Reddit thread where there's a bunch of experts arguing over it. And I found the right one and the right serial number. And I went on Amazon and bought it. It was like $180 or something. So not that expensive.

Is it Oliver they made it? I'd have to look at my Amazon, I will. But it's tremendous. It went through his thick-ass doodle fur, like no problem, like a couple swipes. They get a little hot, but you just take breaks. But he's usually a motherfucker to shave.

Where does it get hot? Is it on the blade or in the motor? On the blade, from the friction, obviously. That might imply it's time to reapply oil. Just saying. Oh, you oil these things? I should have done that right away probably. The Andes, A-N-D-I-S-22-685, professional ultra-edge, super two-speed detachable blade clipper.

Rotary motor with a shatterproof housing runs calm and silent, 14-inch cord for all coats and breeds, 120 volts, and Burgundy. I found the Burgundy one. Was it 175? 182 I got 182 I see it no I see the 182 also I don't know the difference yeah no it's tremendous and he's so much happier

like it's I can just imagine what it's like getting that winter coat off so now he's just I can feel the heat radiating off of him leaving his body now and now he's super snugly because whenever gets chilly he's freezing we thought he was going to die the other night he got into a treat bag we've got so many treats in our house

there are more dog treats and there are people treats. There's almost no potato chips or we have like corn chips for like salsa and we have like nature grain bars or some shit like that. That's about as like crazy as it gets around here. They've got 30 kinds of jerky. They've got peanut butter balls, all this shit. And there was this, it wasn't the silica stuff that keeps moisture out. It was a different one.

It was an iron one. And he ate it. And apparently they're toxic to dogs. So he starts vomiting black, iron. I couldn't tell because of the iron, like oxygen absorber, it looks like blood because blood is like iron. So it mixed with like bile and he's vomiting this black, thick stuff, like looking at me like,

ah! While like goo comes out of him. And we thought it's going to fucking die. And like my girlfriend's like, oh my God, she sees it. He vomits it up. She puts it on the counter because we might need to use it for I to show the vet. We're on the phone with the emergency vet. And while we're not looking, the other dog eats it off the counter.

No. What was it again? This treat? Was it a human treat that they got into? It's a, it's the, the moisture-absorbing packet from the treats. And it's not silica-based,

because those are actually non-toxic. It's iron-based. New thing to me. I didn't know this. I didn't know anything about this. But anyway, the fat dog eats the gross, vomiting poison right off the count.

her top. My girlfriend's like, I'm like, wait a minute, I'm coming out of a nap. It's like, I actually had gone to bed. This is like 11 p.m. She's waking me up. And she's like, I'm like, show me, show me what he ate. Show me what he threw up. And she's like, it's right there. Oh no.

I'm like, where did it go? What do you mean? You lost it? I'm like, and I look over at Memphis, the fat shepherd. And she's going, I was looking her lips And I'm like You bitch you ate the vomit poison Like he threw it up because it's poison And you thought mine

And she fucking ate it Up all night with them Seems if they're gonna fucking die They're fine Was she vomiting? Or was it just Toby Toby got most of the evil out? She's a fucking tank

I don't think she's Part Billy goat She's her mouth is one direction She only intakes I've never seen that dog She could eat a butt lizard alive and she would throw that bitch up. She is so, she wasn't fat before me and my girlfriend moved in. And I, I don't know what it is that, like, she, she's become so, like, food, um,

centric that we have to feed them separately. She has one of those bowls that's a big, it's shaped like a big flat saucer. And it's got like a zigzag pattern in it to make, to slow her down. So she has to, like, lick kernels of food out of it. Because she'll just wolf hers down and then try to steal the other dog's food. We used to, like, free feed them, just a big bowl of food for everybody, and everybody was chill with that. But no, she'll eat everyone's food. She's like that kid from kindergarten cop.

You ate everyone's lunches? You ate everyone's lunches? She's eating some of the craziest things. I bought a cake one time. I bought a strawberry. It was a girlfriend's birthday. Fought her a strawberry cake. A nice one.

Okay? I paid like $90 for this cake or something like that. We ate two slices and left it on the counter. And that dog ate the entire fucking cake. It must have been 25,000 calories or something like that. It was like a pound of cream. She was like, we've been talking. She's like, I had so much cake.

I'm going to have to take that to work and give it to my friends. And I'm like, yeah, I don't, I was so rich. I don't really even want anymore. We go back in there and it's gone. She had a whole stick of butter one night. I had a whole stick of butter sitting on the counter. I'd like cut a little piece off. I'm sauteing onions.

Come back in there. She's eating it. Even the wax paper. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. The whole thing. It doesn't matter if it's wrapped up. She'll eat the wrapping and all. And never vomits.

She's just a Kobayashi-style dog. She'll take some wicked shits. All right. I'm on the porch looking out there and she's looking at me like, oh, I'm really paying for this one, boss. I don't even want to say it because I don't want to lose the next big dog, small dog argument. But we have taken to having two candles on each,

like one on each nightstand. to just like defumigate the room or something. Now Jackie has a CPAP, too. Breeds fine in the night. The candles are really effective. It's like, whoa, this is, oh, you know what? That only lasted like 15 seconds. Two candles will do a lot more work than you'd think.

But when they get gassy, I hate it. I hate it so much. It happens if we switch food or if they get into some people food or something like. bad and it's like they all start farting and you can't tell which one of them it is and it smell dog farts all smell to say people farts have like 32 flavors dogfarts smell like dog shit a hundred percent of the time and it's i will be in the living room and i'm just like oh oh my girlfriend had covid really bad she she can't smell anymore she can't smell anything oh yeah she lost she's completely spared from this assault completely she doesn't smell dog farts like like the room will

be like putrid and i'm like oh it's so bad and she's like like still? I'm like, yeah, it's thick in here. I feel like I could chew on that one. It's like it's burning my fucking eyes. I think it's all of them like in concert, like every 30 seconds letting one go. And then every now and then you'll hear it. You'll just hear. Yes. I'm like, oh, come on. We had one of those, but it lasted extra long, right? It was like for a good like 10 seconds. And we had just upgraded to double candles. And I'm like, you know, That was a good move. That one would have been tragic.

Did you hear the story about Andre the giant farting? Probably. It was this Princess Bride story or something? I think so. Yeah, yeah. Apparently he farted on set and it was like 30 seconds, they say. They say it went on and on and on. And it stopped being funny and started being concerning.

And they were like, someone finally broke the silence and was like, Andre, are you okay? And he said, I am now, boss. honestly I get up in 40 minutes I get that he's huge and it's kind of funny but that's low class you shouldn't if you're a person

I get why dogs don't leave to fart now that would be a dog to you know pick up and grab all right and on that note now we lost Taylor well oh no oh you're back you're back

that would be a dog to pick up a grab but it's not realistic I guess where we're going Not realistic, but people. People should all know. Yes. Even if you're going to go in the other room and have your fart, don't be rude. I had a hard life. He gave it all.

Well, we should go. We have to. We have to hang out. All right. We join the patron.