Painkiller Already - PKN 624

Episode Date: July 30, 2026

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Please play responsibly. Hey, y'all, it's Kelly Clarkson with Wayfair. ever order furniture online and wonder what if like what if it doesn't hold up that sofa was four days old you should have ordered from wayfair with wayfair there's no what if just style you love and quality you can trust visit wayfair every style every home pk n 624 how are you boys good doing solid nice doing wonderful been eating a lot of these new york garlic bagel bagel chips and okay why those just love them or are they healthy or they oh no no no i don't even i won't look at the back i won't look at the back of that package i i don't want serving size one chip to ruin my fun yeah it's just so caloric

but they're so good and you get like uh like a solid day of bad breath they're so garlicky like you'll brush your teeth and then it's like it's like that car and signfeld you're like it still smells. Like you can't get rid of it. They're fantastic though, even though Kyle rips them. Because you're not worth the calories. You have a delicate. No, they're definitely worth the calories. I look at food through that land. You don't know how many there are all the time. There's no way to know. Let's see. Oh, that can't be true. There's 800 calories in this bag. Oh, in the whole bag.

In the whole bag. It's a small bag. Can you hold the bag up? That's more than one sitting of a bag, though. That is not one sitting. Well, not if you're a warrior. How many battles that you say you've been in over the last couple months, even 800 calories per battle?

It's not how many battles he's been in. It's how many he's prepared for. You get a Big Mac and a fry for less calories than that. Big Mac sucked, dude. I like, I like fast food. I like the Big Mac. You just need to get some extra pickles on there. Nice and crunchy.

I like the Big Mac. I think Chick-fil-A needs to start adding a couple more pickles. They're too strict with the two pickles. You know, Chick-fil-A mate, does a, I don't know if you like Pimento cheese. It's kind of a Southern black people thing, but I love Pimino cheese. And Chick-fil-A will make a chicken sandwich with pimento cheese smeared on top of it. And then some honey. Honey and pimento is not my go-to cheese.

it's very middling for me it's never going to be my pet's cheddar yeah oh it is pimento is chatter well pimento's cheddar are a pepper pimento cheese is pepper it's just chatter

with peppers in it and mayonnaise and probably some seasoning I did not know that yeah thought it was its own thing of course what he doesn't what he's not he's not a cheese man I don't know if I've ever seen this cheese I have no idea

know about pimento cheese. Oh, man. I remember at one point, Kyle, you brought up, you brought up like Gouda, and Woody was like, la-di-da. It was like,

that's such a basic choice. I don't even know. You said Gouda. Which Mario character is Gouda? Do you jump on their heads? Do they shoot fireballs? I don't know. I've been thinking about doing a,

like a, a Jeopardy style game where you two would compete against each other and I would host it. And all of Taylor's questions are things that Woody knows immediately. It's the opposite. Taylor's getting Woody's bread and butter.

Difficult questions, but things he knows nonetheless because of his expertise. One of the questions would be, name as many cheeses as you possibly can in 25 minutes. Taylor will get a ball. I would finish in 90 seconds. What do you would be like...

American Swiss and mozzarella, right? What do you be like? I put cheddar and then I put mild cheddar and then I put medium cheddar. I was the extra sharp. I don't know the duplicates. Is Jack also cheddar? Cheddar Jack?

No. They're different. Okay. There's a Monterey Jack. And then there's Monterey Jack. There's Monterey Jack. You would have to extend me a little. leniency because I just thought it was

Jack. That would be pretty funny because there's a lot of cheese related humor and it'll go down easier. I would be frustrated watching him flounder the cheese question. Just as he would I don't know what you'd ask me with his expertise. How many nots are a mile,

Taylor? Too many. I would probably ask him a boring accounting question like the name the name of the exemption for a certain kind of business or something like, oh yeah, that's the 401K.

There would be something. Well, I would know it wasn't that. Yeah. How many horsepower does a paramotor have? We'd just do something like that. You know, how many? Because you'd be way off.

How many do you think, Taylor? How many horsepower does the paramotor have? A fan back that he straps on. How many, how many HP do you think that? I'm going to guess seven. Seven. I think you'd be really low.

I think it's closer to 25, but usually they measure the thrust. well there you go monster yeah monster monster

and they cheat I could go on and on about this they remove the seat to the reserve parachute everything for like super flow and measure it on some unusable best day

these guys they lie to you if you don't measure it the way it flies then you're a liar well true but they don't know

how you're going to fly it comes with the chair to have a base. Okay, not having the chair on there is silly. That's, although, I guess if you were measuring, but see, they're selling it as a parameder, not as a parameder engine, right? Right, right, right.

Yeah, so that's not fair. That'd be like selling your truck and be like, well, when the truck's not in the, when the engine isn't in the truck, it makes a thousand horsepower. Well, what about in the truck? 500, 500 horsepower actually in the truck. They should measure horsepower at the rear wheel.

I think they should. But that's what performance enthusiasts do, because that's what matters. To measure their horsepower at the crank, bro, there are so many inefficiencies between the engine and the rear tire that that doesn't reflect reality. Not the one you should sell with. For comparing engines, if you're in the engine purchasing. Oh, no, if you were going to modify the truck, potentially, for example. Like if you were going to start somewhere and move somewhere else, it might be nice to know where it is at the crank. If you were planning on changing the stuff between the crank and the wheels, potentially.

What does that the crank mean? It means before it goes to the power train of the car. Yeah, if the engine were not in the car and we measured it right at the output on the engine called the crank, it's a much higher number than having all the inefficiency of the transmission, the drive train, the rubber tires themselves, etc. So a car that advertises is 400 horsepower might show 300 on the dinometer, which measures it at the tire. And I think it's deceiving to just pomp.

out crank numbers in a car that's fully assembled and what are we doing? I agree. Are most cars giving that crank number? Yes. Or are they? But one transmission may be more or less efficient than another. And if they both have 300 horsepower, we're not measuring at the tires so we don't know which one's better in real world.

That should be illegal. It should have to be from the tires. You can't be like this is how strong the engine is minus that part that makes it go. I think Taylor should be president, aside from all the things we disagree about. But even then, I'm a one of a, I'll make you, I'll make you one of, uh,

you could be in the cabinet, fuck it. Like you can, I'll throw you in. You could be the new minister of war or no way. Ambassador. You want that ambassador gig. Why is that so highly desired? So it's so it. And you get to rub elbows with

rich, influential people of the foreign land of your choosing, presumably you'd pick someone you've got like some half-blooded heritage with like Chis would go to Spain or something and you go to Italy. Like and and you're you're plugged into their high society and you've got like diplomatic immunity which is nice because you can do pretty much whatever you want within reason. Yeah. Okay.

Aside from going full Andrew Tate in some foreign country, an ambassadorship just seems like a low-paying job that probably requires you to move. I haven't learned the appeal really for me. The move, though. See, in this, the ambassadorship for you would be a terrible gig. You're like, oh, France, I don't speak French. Okay, well, don't be the ambassador of France. But the guy who is the ambassador of France, I bet he loves France.

I bet it is his thing. And he is so happy to now be in the ambassador's residence in France and be able to wield power in that way. I bet that's an awesome gig. I don't know what it pays. I just think, like, a lot of big donors get, say, Caribbean countries. you're the ambassador to the Trinidad and Tobago or St. James Island or I don't even know what a good example would be. Like, why is that a cool job? It probably has some responsibilities, which is some more than I prefer.

And like it comes with some money, which is nice, but what does an ambassador earn like 80 grand? They earn a quarter million dollars a year, but they get cost living, a cost of living allowance, which is like another 60% of that, it's like a $40,000 on top of that. And then depending on where you go, there's hardship. and danger pay. So Ambassador France gets zero hazard and danger pay. Okay. Housing is free. Travel and vacation is free.

Five weeks of annual paid vacation, including government-funded flights. Obviously, you get a very nice house if you're the Ambassador of France. Family support. You're covered educational expenses for dependent family members attending schools abroad. I'm hearing underpaid.

Because you get four years at a quarter million. Sounds like a lot, right? Is a lot. Sure. You got to donate a million dollars to get that job. So now what are we doing? I'd give you a million post taxes. You give me a million before taxes, which is like $6 million. I'm already out for, absolutely.

That's how people get them. Always? No, not always. Some of the countries need skilled diplomats, but the ones I'm talking about, the ambassador of St. James are like the cozy, the cushy ones, the cool ones. The ambassador to Ukraine, probably earning. his money. That's not a job I want. I want the ambassador to Trinidad and Tobago or something like that. Honestly, the ambassador to Ukraine, probably he's like, you know, this is great. Nobody bothers to talk to me anymore. They go from over their heads to over my head. And I'm like under the traffic all

day long. Nobody even bothers with the ambassador. I bet he works his ass off and is frustrated about how his work is always ignored. It would not be surprised. So we're on the same page in general. but yeah i yeah i just don't understand what's so great about this job that someone would pay a million dollars for a job that pays less than that and there's not a place you love though well okay so like paying a million dollars for it is a caveat that i wasn't assume you just get the job and you're not like a pay-to-played or i see you're just qualified yeah um and good at it well that might be dope like i didn't even look at it like you were the the i don't know who's second in command to the ambassador but you were that guy last term

and people speak highly of you and you know everybody and you're already there and you're politically ambiguous enough that the current administration's going to make you the guy that seems like a good gig and to me it seems like a better gig if like I said the country you're going to

is like your thing Taylor would love to go back to Italy and plug into his miscegenated roots Chis would Chis has a Spanish passport he'd love to go back to Spain and eat ham for four years. I don't have anywhere that I have like any kinship to

outside of this land. So I wouldn't have that going for me. You could go to Ireland. Yeah, fuck that. Chad GGB said a million was not a bad guess. Sometimes it's more, sometimes it's less. Wild. Damn. So.

But it all depends on the country. Like if you're, if they assign you like the ambassadorship to Mauritania, it's like that kind of is that a real place where's moritania moratania uh is in west africa it's mostly a desert country it's just south of western sahara you know i'm more of a eastern africa fanatic so surely if you'd mention any of those countries i would have known them sure name one for me i mean south africa is on the east coast

We don't have an ambassador for Mauritania in case you were curious. That is not how I was spelling it in my head. Senegal is my favorite one. It was like, did you mean Mauritania? And I think, yes, I did. Did you mean Mauritius, the nice island nation? It's like, no. We met Mauritian.

No, I didn't know that one existed either. Mauritius? That sounds like the evil stepsister's name or something. Moratius? It doesn't sound like that. But yeah, if you got. assigned to fucking Senegal or Western Sahara

well Western Sahara not technically a country but Mauritania some desert country that would suck but if they throw you they throw you in Italy they throw you in Spain somewhere with really good food Portugal

I would take that job to all right what country would you not take the ambassorship to right now Taylor keep in mind all the things I listed they're going to move for the next four years you and your family are going to get to live abroad Everything is covered.

Five weeks paid vacation every year. All your medical is covered. All your dependents medical is covered in case you might want to start a family in the next four years and have all that covered. And your kid will get to be bilingual if you get them out soon enough in some foreign land. I'm just thinking of places that I could be in danger because other than that, I think I'd take anywhere. I know Congo is pretty notoriously dangerous for foreign diplomats. Those are the only places you wouldn't go. The places that, okay, let's remove the places that come with hazard pay.

I don't want to go to a hazard pay country either. By the way, they probably need someone very qualified, as Woody indicated, in a hazard pay country. Yeah. Like the ambassador to Afghanistan probably knows what he's doing. Then probably anywhere. Then I, you know, if they're paying quarter mill a year. Yeah. And I still have internet and I can still, you know, do the show and everything.

Think of how nice it'll be when your kid has a dual American Botswana. citizenship. Yeah, don't do that. All that. So many opportunities. Botswana would be one of the preferred Sub-Saharan African countries.

Let's go to Switzerland. It's cream of that crop. It's the cream of that crop because they've got beautiful landscape. They got cool animals. I would use somewhere like Switzerland or somewhere like South Korea or

man, there really are no like wealthy South America. countries are they we really fucked them all over i'm going a little taylor here and thinking about the food he said south korea i don't know anything about south korean food really i guess i have heard of korean barbecue which is supposed to be dope that's about all but i just know asia bangor after bangor after banger what's the worst one on this list chinese food tai food japanese food japanese food there's not a miss i haven't made a miss yet right it just i don't know what it is about asian cuisine bangers all of them bangers certified. Yeah. I mean, I feel like the dream would be Japan. Like, that would be the best

ambassadorship. And you're right. Actually, I don't know about Cambodian food and I don't know about Laotian food. But I bet if I gave it a shot, it would be fine. Actually, Cambodian food is probably pretty bad because I bet there's a lot of bugs in it. Not, not bugs as in like they're not good at keeping their food clean. I mean, like, they eat lots of bugs because they're still fucked up from that pole pot shop. No, that's not. That's Myanmar. That is Myanmar. Yeah, which I don't know about their food either, but it's probably solid.

That's rampant. I wouldn't want to do India or Bangladesh or Pakistan or Nepal, although an ambassadorship to Nepal. I think it's a good gig. I think it's a good gig. I would want that gig. I wouldn't pay for that gig. When you throw that caveat in, like, who wants this job anymore? Like, that's crazy.

Yeah, now we're losing money on this whole gambit. You better have some sort of like other corrupt shit that's happening in France so that you can make that million back. And I just thought it would be a nifty multicultural job. And like, especially for a family, I think. Like being plugged into that whole thing would be beneficial for like the rest of their lives. I feel like the friends your kid makes in like boarding school in France with the other ambassadors kids or like business associates for life potentially. Definitely. It's like a friend.

Yeah. but better. I wonder what jobs are better to buy. Like jobs that you buy? Like Chick-fil-A, owning a Chick-fil-A maybe? I think you have to buy into. Yeah.

So franchises. No, no, no, no, not any franchise. Chick-fil-A is different and uniquely fucks you. Like, I kind of, they suck. You don't own a Chick-fil-A. You just work there. You get the job. It's not even expensive.

It's like 10 grand to buy that job. You have to be selected. and chosen, but you have to pay for that job. And then afterwards, you don't have a business that you can sell. You just made a lot of money while you ran it, and it belongs to Chick-fil-A, not you. So it's buying a job. Even if you own a subway, which I think is considered one of the sort of bottom-tier franchises, afterwards, you have a subway that you could sell to another guy who maybe wants to own,

you'll get into franchising. Chick-fil-A, you work there. Other people think you're the boss, but Chick-fil-A thinks you work for them. Don't all of them own the real estate technically? I don't know who owns the, I don't think so. I think Chick-fil-A owns the real estate. You pay 10 grand to own a Chick-fil-A-A-owned, and there's no reselling it. You're buying a job.

You have a franchise license, I suppose. But what's interesting about that is what Taylor said about owning the property. Let's say that you've had this Chick-fil-A franchise that you pay into for four years, and you decide, you know what, I'm not going to pay anymore. I don't want to be a chick filet anymore, I guess. What are they going to do? Can I just take the chick-fil-a sign down and serve my own brand of chicken

out of a restaurant that is 90% a chick-fil-A? My name is Peter Parker, but I'm also Spider-Man. This Thursday, no face with a threat. That can be anyone. The world may have forgotten Peter Parker. I'm just a neighbor, friendly neighbor. But he hasn't forgotten them.

Sometimes Spider-Man has to. to do the hard thing. That's my responsibility. Talk to Banner. I didn't know you could get that big. Spider-Man, brand new day in theaters Thursday. Definitely not.

There's some sort of... A chick-fil-a buys and retains the ownership of the land. So you don't own land. Okay. Do you have to pay for it with them somehow? Like, are they... No, you basically don't buy it. You buy a chick-fil-a.

It used to be 10 grand. It's maybe gone up since then. But that's impossibly cheap. McDonald's, a Wendy's will be like three to five million and a Chick-fil-A's 10 grand. But a Wendy's you own. And it depends on how successful it is. I'm pretending

this is a Wendy's that already exists and you can look at their profits. But yeah, Wendy's could be like three to five million dollars and you run it. You earn a lot of money while you own it and then you sell it. A Chick-fil-A. This is why. You have to actually fucking work there. It's very rare or maybe

never that someone owns multiple chick-fil-aes. You know, like you see a shack or something who's got, I don't know how many taco bills or whatever that guy owns. But Chick-fil-A, no, you work there and you run it and you stay on top of it and that one location is kind of your life. And when it's done, you retire. You don't sell it. Remember the Eddie Murphy movie where he comes over to the U.S.? He's an African prince and he comes over to the U.S.? Wait, maybe? No, that's the TV show. Yeah, that's that fat man TV show with the Scientology survivor

Kevin James. So I'm talking about the movie where he's an African prince and he comes to the U.S. looking for a wife, a new bride, but he hides all of his wealth and trappings and makes himself seem like he's just a very poor man with his African

man accent. I think Arsenio Hall or somebody like that is his bodyguard. Coming to America. I wasn't even close. There's a scene that the job he gets he goes to a McDonald's restaurant and then he looks a little closer and it's not McDonald's. And the restaurant owner explains to him,

looks like McDonald's, don't it? McDowels. Look a little closer. See, they got the golden arches. We got the golden arks. All right? Come over here. Have a, what was it?

It's called the, um, the, um, like a big mic or something. The big mic, that's it. The big mack. We got a big Mac. We got a big Mick. Goose seeds on the bun. To all be patties lettuce cheese.

He goes through the whole bit. No. No sesame seeds. This is well done, Zach. That's funny. Wait, what was the McFlurry? Can you scroll back up? How close was that?

The McFlore. What am I missing? Doesn't that say McFlurry? On the bottom, right? Oh, that's just the McClure. Maybe the original one is M-A-C-Flurry. I don't know. I don't know.

Well, the Mick is short for McDowell's, so they can say, Flurry. Ah, that makes sense. It's the McDowell's Flurry. Here's the character. See, this is perfect. See, there's Eddie Murphy in the top right, Akeem Jafar. He's in charge of garbage.

There's his love interest over there. She's in accounting. There's Mr. McDowell in the top left, and I think that's Arsenio Hall on the bottom left. You got semi. He's kind of like Cher, one name. And Maurice there, that's Louis Anderson.

Is he dead? He's got to be dead, dude. He looked healthy in this picture. Louis Anderson? Yeah, I think he died a long time ago, right? I think so, too. Oh, no, only four years ago. He had an animated show called Life of Louis. I enjoyed. That's how I knew who he was. He made it to 68. I didn't see that coming. Good for him.

Actually, I'm acting like 68 really old for a human. That's a fat person who died early. Or a fat person who died, you know, average of their cohort, you know, kind of in that. Okay, okay. That's what I was going for. Almost 70. That's like you're getting into cat ears if you're fat in your 70s. Like you're getting done.

Yeah. I think on the ambassador thing, I would take pretty much any country. If those are the benefits and I didn't have. to buy it if like if a if a if a trump or a Biden or a whoever president we're like we want you we want you over there than transbania i'd much rather be the ambassador to a middle tier country than like the secretary of transportation or housing and urban development or even or education or any anything like that some of the low tier secretaries doesn't seem like they have to do much I'm sure that they have a full plate.

Even the high tier. Secretary of Education. Oh, well, that's different. He hired her to kill the... She hasn't. Well, but she has by, like, her failures, right? Like, she's just not doing anything. I think it just does the same thing it did before she got there, right?

I don't know of any changes made to the Department of Education. I'm sure the machine keeps churning. I don't know. I bet she doesn't. I bet Mitch McConnell has had more days at work than Linda McMahon this year. I thought they were doing something to change the way vouchers worked or cut funding for something. Trying to, oh, weren't they doing something to like try and make school choice easier or something like that? Am I making that up?

Did I dream that? No, that's too boring to be a dream. Yeah. I would have done that. Republican general like the idea of private schools. I am on the fence, which is not a very Democrat thing. Here's the pitch for private schools. And I've said this on the show, but let's say you got these two choices.

One is the public school we have now. It's pretty good. It's the best American can do. Some states are pretty strong. Some states are pretty weak. But it's public school. We all know what it is. Serves everybody.

Over here, we have a private school. It's custom for people who really fucking love music or who really are into computers. This guy, we could tell from the day he was born, he was going to be an engineer and we're sending him to this STEM school. Or here's an athletic school or whatever. They're custom and they're perfect just for your kid. Maybe this one's like super Christian. That's why, you know, your parents love it so much and they send you there or whatever. These private schools are a terrible business idea.

if you put me into business and said I had to compete with free, I would give up now. It is hard to get someone to pay 40, 60 grand a year for something that's also free. But if suddenly we can take the voucher, like what we would have paid on their public school kid, and apply that to the private school. And now all these schools are competing, like in a capitalistic way to get those schools to, you know, earn your voucher money and you're probably private money on top of it. Then suddenly we have a school that exists in this sort of like competition arena that maybe is better than it would have been without competition. Yeah.

So I get the vision. It hasn't worked out in practice in the past. So it's almost like socialism or communism, but flipped upside down where these like for profit schools are typically not the cream of the crop. So you can send a smart kid to a school that caters to them, then that's definitely. definitely the best, like just looking at it from like a country basis. Like, think about it for playing America like a video game. It's like you have these high IQ children who would, you know, excel more and then pay dividends eventually if you put them in these schools. It's like, okay, that makes sense. But then you have to look at the cost benefit analysis of the schools themselves

and, you know, how really, you know, you think about it, it's like the existence of those as a whole is a little bit of an indictment on the public school system of like really people are willing to pay that much so they don't send their kid to some fucking mayhem center or how they perceive it to be you know what it's like we all i mean woody doesn't but but like my high school was awful because you went to a nice high school it was so nice money but it didn't have great students it had a mix the good and the best and you know if you guys know like how many of us have been all three of us have been in classes, all it really takes is one or two shitheads to ruin the whole class. That's it. Really, we need anti-private schools where we take like the bottom two kids of

all those classes and then send them to bullshit school. Everybody else can learn more. This is exactly where I was going. Like you need an off lane for some of these kids to get up to get off the road with the rest of us. They're playing bumper car. out there and everybody else is heading to work. These people need to get off at the next exit and go to some sort of a, either just let them go and let them roam the streets or like

put them in some sort of a trade school early program or something, get them away from everybody else. They have to. The idea of no child left behind, it's like, we went to school with kids who needed to be left behind. Like if in any like traveling

survival scenario, when the guys like, when the bones sticking out his leg and it's starting to smell. And we're being chased. He's hardly a day behind us. It's time to leave him. You don't say, we never leave a man behind. He's breathing his last breaths. Leave him behind. We're all going to die.

That's what those kids were like in elementary school that I can still picture Anthony Winkfield doing that three stooges bit where you lay on your side on the floor and you run in a circle. And he's doing it on the floor. The middle of the man. In the doorway. In the doorway. And class has begun. Was he killing it? Was everyone laughing?

I bet he murdered. No, one was laughing. No, we hated Anthony. Anthony was the poorest, was the poorest, stupidest black kid in the whole school, you know? Like, just, just awful.

And I don't even know what happened to him. He didn't even make it to middle school. Like most of the troubled kids made it at least a middle school. He got, they off-ramped him in elementary. He was gone. I like our idea.

Having a bullshit school. They get it in my high school. They divided the school into college prep and then what they called business, which just meant like this guy's not going to college. And so in my classes, it was all college prep people. But that doesn't protect you from bullies at the bike rack,

hypothetically. Just saying there's still the people will scratch fag on your locker. Like, according to me, I was like really cool. But what people do? people do that from that fucking business lane and they're six foot

fucking six well in my system hypothetical in the game he's a coward on the inside they're just jealous they wish they were

nerdy about 94 pounds they just wish they were me Wait, did I say me? I meant somebody else. That's that other guy. The other guy that you also bullied. Who's in the mix? Yeah, that I think we solved it right there, Kyle.

In between banging all the prom queens, I bullied the small kids. That was my high school experience. They called him Flash. Yeah, you got to go. You got to get them out of there. There's so many they need to get out of there. And I don't think it's test scores because, like, there could be someone who's trying really hard and making like 75s or 70s every time or 65s and like I want that kid on my team.

Well, if they're behaving, then who cares? Like, they just kind of suck at school and aren't that bright. Like, yeah, as long as everybody's trying, that's only thing that matters. But anybody who's a behavioral issue has to go. Like, you should be there for, it shouldn't be just daycare for you, like, like, for your parents. Like, you should be there to learn. Yeah. Because there's I've always thought the idea of having cell phones in class was insane. Let the teachers vote them off the island like it's survivor. Just teachers' pets remain. This is genius.

But they only get to pick a couple every year. Like the absolute worst behavior kids every year get shipped off to bullshit school where they learn how to weld or fucking actually that's a pretty tough job. So they learn something within their purview. And then everybody else has a better school experience. because they don't have these like... I think an early jobs program. I think that we need child labor to come back.

I think that there are plenty of jobs that a 12-year-old can do. Can they do it well? There are plenty of jobs that a 12-year-old can do well enough. They did that. Where does Sarah Huckabee, the governor? Alabama or no, no, Arkansas, Mississippi? I think it's Arkansas. Yeah.

They lowered it so 12-year-olds can, like, work in factories. and shit now so they can get cheap labor. Good. Yes, this is a genius plan. I mean, it's never been tried before child labor. That's how the greatest generation did it. All right.

You know, they started early in those factories. And when they had to go fight the juries or the Nazis, depending on the generation, they were ready to go. Child labor worked for 200,000 years. And now we think we know better. Yeah. Child labor.

I got my first job at 13, cleaning bicycles in the fucking sun. Oh, no. Not a big fan. It was so hard. It was so hard. This is the job. So it's at the beach, of course.

That's where I lived. And the bikes would rust in like two days. So I would take my steel wool and dip it in the bike juice. What's bike juice? It's a mixture of like kerosene, WD40 propane and whatever else he has fucking laying around. And then you scrub the fucking spokes, but one at a time. Spoke, spoke, spoke, spoke. The steel wool penetrates the skin in your fingers and thumb, and then they get infected.

But work doesn't stop. The rust never ends. So you just take your fucking painful little hands, grab the steel wool, clean the bicycles day after day after day as the sun beats down on you. After five hours, I've earned $15 for this job. I feel like a pair of gloves could really solve a lot of issues. What had him out there in that beating down sun on him? What? What gloves survive, steel wool, and kerosene?

I make gloves. Just those work gloves. You get it home depot? Maybe like gardening gloves would have helped a lot. Yeah. But gardening gloves like four days. Okay. I don't got a garden glove money.

I'm a bike juice guy. Then they should provide. That sounds like a perfect job for a 13-year-old. What more were you qualified for? You wouldn't want to be in like the digit index or in a factory. like pulling whosy wuzzets and putting data entry in somewhere. I got to work at 5 a.m. Kyle. 5 a.m. was the start time.

That's a good start for a young man. He can't work at it. Fuck you. You do it. I get worse. Everyone. He overslept for a 6 p.m. show, but he thinks 5 a.m. is easy. I didn't oversleep. I was playing fallout.

I was in the living room chilling. My alarm hadn't going on. I didn't oversleep, Woody. I forgot. Not. My bad. Falsely accused. I don't know what I was thinking.

I forgot what time we start. Look, we just have started this whole PKN thing. All right. And I'm getting my, you know, I'm getting my hands around. That's a fair point.

That's a fair point. PKN is only 624 weeks in. It takes a while to get adjusted to it. You guys are always moving on the times around that one time. No, it's pretty, it's difficult for me to keep up with. I mean, Paperboy is the ultimate little kid job.

That almost seems so anachronistic because I feel like even by the time I was a kid, it was like that wasn't a thing that kids did anymore. Because I remember my parents would get a paper and it was a guy in a van that would just drive by and throw it on the driveway. Like there was never a kid driving around doing this on his bike. And how would he even carry in papers? Sublet to the kids. I did it

A little My brother really did it And every once in a while My father was a paper boy And my brother was a paper boy And I on very rare occasions Help my brother when he couldn't do it So

But I do with the experience Of riding a bike With the thing and tossing it And it's harder to toss the paper At the front door Than the movies make it seem How do you know Which people have paid for a paper

And which happened? I didn't do collections I don't know So you just throw them at every house? Oh, no. There was, how did I know the list of homes?

I actually think this was a free paper as I process it. It was one of those with like lots of advertisements in it. They would just drop on everyone's door. My father had a real paper route and he sublet his, like he would take every route available and then

he would hire people to deliver the papers for him in addition to his own delivery. Would he hire children? Yes. There were like, fellow children. Oh, okay. He did this when he was a child.

I imagine he had 45 intervals. And he's got a 15, saving for his first car in the future, hiring 12-year-olds to like, you know, do the job that he started as. Okay. I like to imagine him pulling like a Tom Sawyer when he did it too.

Like, delivering papers is the most fun I've ever had. You get to fold as hard as you can. Let me go look at papers. No, no. I only got so many. I try to hit the doorsteps every time in my head. That's a point. Oh, let us play, please.

Well. Kyle would be good at this. I think he's got a thing going on here. Yeah, that's a good job for a kid. It doesn't exist anymore. But even so. I worked on that fucking chicken farm. I was up to my ankles and shit.

Holland Carcans. That's a real job. Holland Carcassus. And it would be all hours. This is a, this is my. father's first car a Ford Falcon. Oh yeah. Are you?

I wouldn't have known what it looked like without seeing it. My uncle is into those. Yeah, so he had a Ford Falcon. It was like a base model and the motor was so weak it struggled on bridges. He had the downshift to go uphill on a bridge. But that's what he would drive my mom around in. 94 horsepower. That's right.

At the crank. At the crank. At the crank. Yeah, what nice callback. 62 to the wheel. All right. That's probably about right. 62 to the wheel. Whole thing, like solid steel.

You can see how maybe it's trouble going up. You have to downshift to get up the bridge. Yeah, it makes sense. Old cars just looked niftier. That did look nifty. Yeah. Even if that was like at the time, like seen as like a bullshit, who cares car? Like, that still looks neat.

Right. it looks cool and now every car looks the fucking same I like the fins I like the fins from the 50s yes 60s there's 55 Chevroletes 57 Chevroletes stuff like that

like those a lot would that sell nowadays it wasn't be the same thing like it wouldn't be made out of metal I don't know if they can do part of me is wondering if you could do the way the like a 55 Chevrolet looks in the front with plastic.

Like it would need to be metal almost the way it's like big and rounded bulbous. Like when I think it was 2005 when Ford went retro styling on the Mustang, it was a huge hit. But the PT Cruiser was not a huge hit. And what was the other one with the like another crisis with a funny front? There was the Chevy SSR or something like that that like that like the. The truck that was also a convertible? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was always advertised.

The yellow one was always in the ads. And the Plymouth Prowler, that's what you're thinking of. That is one of, yeah, the Plymouth Prowler was the cooler version of the PT Cruiser. They're different cars, but to me. They all had the same problems. They were super underpowered. They were all of them. Were they?

They were made to look like some sort of retro futuristic hot rod. And then they had like little bullshit Chrysler engines in them. Can you show us a Plymouth Prouler? Zach. This looks nothing like the PT Cruiser. They're totally different. Yeah. Yeah, they're very different.

This looks pretty cool. After this, we show us a PT cruiser. I don't know why in my mind they're like comparable. They both came out similar times and they were both these like weird looking. Okay. So that's the Plymouth Prouler? Yeah. I think it looks cool.

I don't think it was commercially successful. It was not. I think it looks pretty neat. It looks cool. Now, what does a PT Cruiser look like? Oh, it does? Yeah. Yeah. That's what Michael Scott drives.

Yeah, it is. Well, after the LaBaron. I'd rather have the LaBaron. I have no idea why I associated those two in my head. They're very different. I came at a similar time, and they both had a retro futuristic kind of look. True. Show the Ford Thunderbird that came out in like early 2000s, because that's a

other example of that. After these ugly as shit. After the Mustang, Dodge came out with their charger and Chevy came out with a Camaro that were all kind of retro-styled. I thought all of them were bangers.

That's a Chrysler Crossfire. Yeah, Zach said the Chrysler Crossfire. That's cool too. Thunderbird. They were expensive. I don't know about that one. Yeah, I mean, for the time, it was pretty slick. Is it fast?

No, no. No, no. It doesn't have to be fast, if it handles well and it's zippy, you know, up to 90, oh, well,

shucks. It's, it's cumbersome, slow. It is lazy. It is underpowered. It is undertuned. It's best when standing still.

Very heavy. So that air scoop is just for low. It's not even great standing still. I think I like it more than you, but that's fair. 250 horsepower, 3.9 liter. 250 out of a V8. Dude, what happened in the 2000s where everything got so much? My truck has 400 horsepower, and I'm like, that is an insane amount of horsepower.

How is 400 horsepower happening nowadays? They switched to aluminum. It just went to 600 and 700 horsepower. power. Like it, we were talking about a car recently that had 700 horsepower in the dog song day. 700. Yeah.

Yeah. 700 is more. 400 seemed like a lot. 700. What did they do? The engines didn't get that much bigger. They don't drink that much more fuel. They just got smaller.

The engines got smaller. Smaller? Mine's a 5.0. It's not that big. Like, um, okay, maybe. So the 2005 Mustang GT, I think was a four point. 6-liter V8 and it had 310 horsepower I think and the new Mustang is like almost 450 or 500 horsepower with a 5.0

But I think everything went aluminum everything went dual overhead cam everything got tuned better But yeah, but the early 2000s the horsepower and the sports cars was all abysmal It was like there was a period of time where they just Nothing had any real power like you had to go after market and head I'm heavily customized. And sometimes it was either like a big block or it was some super tuned Japanese engine if you wanted any real power. And then, you know, the last 10 or 15 years, well, even like my car is that 425 horsepower out of that 6 liter. And like it's even more now.

All the sports cars are five or six, five or six hundred horsepower. Yeah. Yeah. Kyle, if you were buying a car, you had to pick one today. You don't have to find the actual car to. I'd probably get a new Mustang. A brand new Mustang. Probably get like the tier above GT but below like GT 500 or whatever.

Maybe GT 350 if they're still making those. Something like that. I thought you were going to say like a Tesla plaid but used because of what a value it is. That appeals to me too. Yeah, I would consider that. That's always what I always recommend that is like the most bang for your bucket is speedster, but I do occasionally drive a couple hours. I would need a fast charge system for sure if I was going to own one of those. And I do like those new Mustang. The Mustang just to me is

aesthetically more pleasing than even the plaid. Like I just thought it out and they're just like there's just not enough differentiation. Like it just looks too bog standard. Tesla doesn't make anything that looks like a sports car to me. Like sometimes I convince myself it looks sporty and then I see an actual sports car like the Corvette, which doesn't perform as well as a plaid, I think, but it looks light years better. A Corvette looks like a Lamborghini or a Ferrari-ish type thing to me. And the Tesla plaid looks like a Ford Focus. Yeah, the Platte, I guess it, yeah, Versa Corvette, the plaid probably makes more sense

because at least you can seat more than two people there comfortably. and I think every Corvette is a two-seater, right? It would be between like the platter like this. Like this would be the comparable Mustang. Oh, yeah. Well, see, like in a drag race, the plaid's going to be faster, but in every other aspect of being a car, including like handling and corners and...

The one of the left looks way just sicker. Like it just looks cooler. Of course. That's a $55,000 Mustang, like by comparison. I don't like how they made its eyes littler. I'm okay with it. Show me the interior. That's what I'm always curious about.

Yeah, interiors can be huge. And if you want to impress someone, like the interior can have a really big impact. You know, if that's your jam, when they sit in your car and it looks different. If it has white leather or something, it can be like, what do you got going on in here?

Red leather? This is nice, but it doesn't make me think that it's like special. It's just, good. Yeah. Yeah. It's got a nice side profile though. Yeah, they made it look like the Camaro. Like, they just stole the Camaro's lines. You think you're going to drive that Camaro for a good while long? Like, you've never ever mentioned a problem with it or anything. I've never had a problem with it. I've only got 106,000 miles on a car from 2012. So like, I just don't drive much. And especially right now I'm not driving at all. Like, I don't have any like daily driving uses. I drive maybe twice. a month or something like that. I'll go out. If you had a small errand to run, right?

You're going to pick up a prescription for somebody. Do you take your own car? Mm-hmm. You do, okay. But I don't pick up any prescriptions. You have to drive more than twice a month. That doesn't even make sense. If I have somewhere real to go, like if I'm going with my girlfriend, we'll often just

take her car. She's got a really nice car. So, like, I just don't have a use case for, like, my personal going somewhere and getting something. I get almost everything delivered, and I cook almost every night. What's her car? I'd rather not say. Oh, okay.

Fair enough. It wasn't sure. Fancy SUV thing. I'm curious, though, will you type it? I won't tell everyone. Fancy SUV is definitely, you know. I have to Google. Not cost prohibitive or anything.

Like, that would be what I wanted. Like a really nice fancy SUV, like a Yukon. Because the kids on the way. Because it's just awesome. It's just more fun to sit higher. One of these days, he's not going to tell us that she's pregnant. He's going to tell us he's dead. Got to be extra sure.

You never know until the end. What is this here? Oh, that's the 26 Mustang Premium Fastback. Do you really even care? How fast it is? Or you just... I don't care what its top speed is, but I care about like the sportiness and the ability to like every now and then,

like if I'm merging onto traffic, merging into traffic, I like to sometimes get on it and go 30 to 80 almost instantly. But like I don't speed anymore. I don't go faster than 90 really ever. Yeah, and your Camero currently, I'm sure, is more than capable of that. Yeah, it's pretty fast. Was it like the, what is their high thing?

Super Sport, the SS. Nice. That's pretty neat. Yeah, I just wish Tesla made like cool looking shit. I get that it's, you look at the stats and the zero to 60s and all that. And it's like, yeah, it's electric. And I think they're all wheel drive. So of course, it's going to, it's going to scoot, of course.

But it just doesn't have that. Like, I've pulled up next to these and like not noticed it was a nice car. meanwhile like if I pull up next to a Ferrari or a or even a Corvette like a ZR1 better than a Ferrari to me I feel like Lamborghinis are the best looking cars ever those I like the old ones with the sharper lines I recognize that they're probably worse in every measurable way but like a Ferrari Testrosa I think had the lines on the side Lamborghini Kuntosh had like sharp angles on it and maybe I'm just stuck in retro styling because I think that happens to people.

They're saved by the bell kids. They knew how to dress. On the other end of the spectrum is the slate truck. It's actually happening now and they're taking orders if you want to put in and design your slate truck.

Oh my God. Is this a terrible picture? Amazon. Yeah, yeah, they own it. Or Jeff Bezos owns it maybe. I don't know. That's the same thing. I changed my mind on

disliking the way the Rivian looks. I think the Rivian looks cool now. This does not look cool. This looks terrible. A friend of mine has a Rivian and it's very heavy and you can somehow feel it being heavy and going zero to 60 in like three and a half seconds. It's a wild experience. Yeah. I like their headlights like that kind of weird line across the whole top. Like that's novel. I have a small worry with Electric that I'm going to get trapped in them and burned alive. I mean, you could do that in a regular car. Yeah, but it happens way more often with a, shockingly, the car full of gasoline burns up

much more rarely, I think, than the electric cars. Like once they get like, if they get hit, impacted, it seems like it starts that fire. And with the Tesla, sometimes people, like their electric system fries and they're locked in the car, and they can't get out. They're locked in their car in a tomb and they burn alive when they could have just gotten out. Well, that's pretty horrible. Yeah. Car shouldn't lock you in. That's a bad feature. Now you've got to have some special device, like always

hanging right here so you don't be fumbling for your window breaker, right? Oh, yeah, that thing with like the tungsten tip, you have to smash through. I always have one on me. I bet I have one. I bet this thing has it. I have one in my car. I bet I've got it right now. It probably does. Yeah, it's right that tip is the tungsten window. breaker thing you do. Cops have one where you like

pull back a thing and it's like spring loaded and they release it and like T-too and like goes forward. They'll put it against their window and break it. Bad motorcyclists carry broken spark plugs which is the ceramic Kyle apparently knows this already.

And if they don't like someone's driving, apparently you can throw that super light broken spark plug. It's just a little fraction, like a I don't know how to describe something so small. It's like the size of 15 grains of sand. Small, small.

And they can throw it out a window and break it. I've never done this, but I've seen it on YouTube. Oh, yeah, I've done it. Not to people, though, but like breaking cars for fun and experimenting using broken spark plugs. It's so hard. And it makes a really sharp point and just the spark plug is hard. You're not saying it's difficult. Correct.

The ceramic in the spark plug is a really hard material and it's really sharp. It comes to a point. It breaks the glass. Is it easy? I think cops. Yeah. Was it heavy? Did you throw a light one at it?

They were pretty light. Like maybe the weight of a dime. No heavier than a nickel, you know, somewhere, something like that. I've seen cops way along. Oh, yeah. It just, it pops. It immediately just pops and shatters. I've seen cops wail on them with those night stick.

Oh, nightstick. All that stuff. And like, and then, you know, because over the years, we've had access to so many cars that were going to destroy. So we'd fuck around. with them. In the movies, people are always punching windows out. So we put our tactical gloves on and take turns trying to punch a window out until everybody was exhausted and sore and we're like, fucking Terminator's bullshit. It's that hard to punch a window out? You cannot. We, no, nobody could do

it. Like, they were like five of us there. Did you use your elbow like this? Because that would be my imaginary go-to. Nobody used your elbow. We were all punching with like a glove on that had like hard knuckles so that it wouldn't hurt our hands. Motorcycle gloves have that a lot. I think it's for sales, not protection. Yeah, yeah, I think so. Whose lines on their knuckles by accident? Like,

or even on purpose. None of us could punch a window out, not even close. And I've seen, like, I've beat on them with a hammer and they won't break. Like, you can beat on the side window of a car with a roofing hammer. And like, it'll glance. Yes, I'm telling you, it'll glance

off. It's shocking how, like, well made something about the way it's designed and like the curvature of it the hammer is this the front one or the side one you know the side window like like your driver's side window like if somebody's trying to get in there and they've got a hammer they're not going to get in there real quick it's going to be over and over it bounce off i don't remember we ever broke it with the hammer just i really expect that i would have thought a hammer would get it done like a little not like a like a claw hammer yeah like that's shocking to me that's not what Hollywood is all sealed yeah Hollywood's bullshit

Hollywood's always bullshit wait Hollywood's what now you want me to believe but my my favorite Hollywood trope is when like the here by the end of the movie or especially by the end of the TV series sometimes the hero has been knocked unconscious and kidnapped like 18 times and it's like dude you've got serious CTE even if you get out of this like you're not going to be able to find your keys in five years like like

You got knocked out twice today. My wife watches these old TV shows like Remington Steel or what's the old Bruce Willis TV show with Sydney something moonlighting? And in those old shows, they knock people out all the time. They would like, if a woman was acting a little like panic, they'd slap her to start beating her like the airplane scene. And if it like a guy like, all right, Kyle, we'll have to keep the secret from you. So I'm going to knock you the fuck out so that you sleep through whatever we're doing. They'd like knock people out like it was a favor to them. And that reminds me.

Archer used to do that as a joke where like he would knock someone out and then like have them come to. And he like knocked one character out twice in a quick succession. And when he woke up, he's like, sorry I had to knock you out. But in all seriousness, you need to see a neurologist. it's like super, super bad for you. My dad always told the story about when he was like four or five, six years old, something like that. They've been watching three stooges. And I guess he had a cap gun.

And back in 1955, cap guns were made out of steel. And so he saw in the three stooges or maybe he watched gun smoke anyway, somebody had knocked somebody over the head with a pistol and knocked him out. And then later on they got back back up and they were fine. So like he waited, he hid. And when my great grandma, his like great, it doesn't matter, great grand aunt or some shit came and like found him where he was hiding. He conked her in the head with the pistol as hard as he could and like busted her head open.

He's like, ah, she just started bleeding everywhere. I just remember thinking, well, she didn't go to sleep at all. anything, she was really awake. Women get angry when you do that. They ate it. Whacker in the head. I wouldn't want to get knocked out and then like lay there unconscious,

untended to for a while. That is super bad for you, as Archer always says. That's a running joke in Archer. Like, yeah, that's super bad for you. That was like, I don't think any show has had a more dramatic, precipitous collapse to dog shit than Archer. Because like the first three seasons of that show were genuinely like funny.

It was well written. It was pretty tight. It was clever. And then they like phased in where it was all just like fantasy land from then on. Yeah. It was like, what the fuck? I hung in there a little longer than you guys. And I think maybe I tried to tell myself the show was good.

And I don't know if I hated it as much as you, but I don't know if I liked it as much as I wanted to. Yeah. Whenever they went into that fantasy dream world stuff in the coma, it felt like they were just bored of, like everybody on the show was bored of writing the same stories and acting the same roles. So they just found a way to do a different show within the same show.

And it's like, no, no, no, I'm here for that other show. There's a lot of adult animation to choose from. And I chose you because I like the idea. of Archer and Lana and this goofy, like, private spy organization, which is like a trope from 60s TV. ISIS. The whole thing. And that's what I would have written the show as. Like, they should have had a season long arc against the real ISIS, like, like, because they're giving us a bad name.

And they should be getting in. I like a running joke of them trying, people trying to hire ISIS. And they're like, no, you want these other guys. guys, I can forward you. Oh, you want the Toyota Tacoma ISIS. Yeah, that's the one. Not the New York spy agency. Well, we should probably wrap.

We have the hangout. Yeah, we have the hangout in just 12 minutes. All right. PKK 624.