Painkiller Already - PKN 626

Episode Date: August 20, 2026

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Hey, PKN 626. Randall heard me talk smack about him. I told you, you were being a little spicy. He thought it was funny. He liked him more than you did. I played with him last night. He wrote me. He wrote me.

He was teared up. And I was like, dude, take it look at champ. He'll be chill about this. Was he still? Edge camping or edge-looking? He's changed his ways. We won three out of four games. So I had scheduled to play with Dirty,

who said he'd never play with Randall again. And when I popped in the party last night, it was just Dirty and Randall. And I'm like, huh, okay, okay. And we had a great time. And we won three out of four games. And it was good. Dirty says that he's going to be able to play ranked this weekend. You had to be level 50.

And to get to level 50 by Friday night, it's doable, but a lot. And he's like, Friday night, I'm not going to. to bed till I hit it. So he got permission from his wife. I got permission from my wife. Apparently, we're playing Rainbow till 4 a.m. on Friday. Oh, I thought you were going to be rolling ranked just waiting for him. And I was going to be like, he's not going to be the best version of dirty if he's just played for 16 hours. And then he jumps in your lobby. He might be edge lurking or whatever. Right, right. No, he says he'll just grind this week. So last night he made one and a half ranks.

So that's like a normal night. And he needs to make seven in three days, which is a lot but doable, right? But now I'm not playing Thursday because I have a show. So now it's like, well, I'll bet against him if you want to do a little gamble here. I know I still owe you five for the UFC. I haven't forgotten that. I was hoping that we do another bet. They would either cancel or run out.

But there's no way he makes that rank. There's no way he makes that rank because he's going to have. be playing solo so much. And there's no way. It's a coin flip when you play in solo. He's not good enough to change the coin flip enough times that he can hit seven and a half ranks or whatever this week.

It does. Rainbow really rewards winning. That is the metric that matters by most. And that is most by far. And, you know, like in Cod, if you wanted to hit 10th prestige, winning makes it go faster. But really, it's about kind of individual performance

and time and game. Consist switching guns, like getting all those XP, like, more about... I didn't even know that, but it makes sense. And, but in this game, the number one way to get more XP per hour is winning. So it helps a lot to have a good team around you. If you just solo, I spend most of my time solo, then your impact is only so much. We'll see.

I told him I played with him Friday night until he tuckers out. So he can't cheese the rankups in Rainbow. He has to win, basically. Yes. Yeah. The ways to cheese it would be like buying a new account from eBay, but this dude's already like $400 into cosmetics. No way he switches accounts.

He has a problem, dude. I do that so much in every game. Because opening packs is very similar to gambling. We watched him in the Hangout where we mentioned this before, but he was like, yeah, I'll just get this, a quick hundred bucks. And Woody was sitting there. We were all flabbergasted, but Woody's like, wait, that wasn't a hundred American dollars. He was like some sort of game and he's like, no, 100.

And the time it took you to ask me that, we're out. Let me just re-up real quick. All right. He does that in rainbow. You just hear out a quarter grand in the last eight minutes and you didn't even get a cool blade. Dude, let me see how many hours I have in this game. It is 320. So I would say in the first 300 hours, I spent $0 on cosmetics.

In the last 20, I'm out like 50. and it's just Dirty's influence. It's 100% him making it seem okay. Yeah, he pumps you up. He pumps you up and leads you into dark waters. You'll do something that is like objectively a bad thing that

someone should be like, ah, probably don't do that again, but Dirty will be like, yes, you did the thing? Fuck yeah. You did that, buddy? Did you all see the thing what he did? Fuck yeah. Oh, we're going to go.

Wind streak now, now that you got the Red Tiger? Fuck yeah, I'm going to get it too. Like, he gets you pumped up. Oh, he got the Golden Sumprero? Whatever the fuck. I have more savings than average. And in large part, that's because I've had fiscal discipline since I was a kid. And I sit there and just envy Dirty's gaming budget.

This guy drops 200 bucks a week on cosmetics. How does he do that? Maybe it's like a movie theater candy. budget and this is just the one thing he splurges on it could be everything else is the spartan lifestyle i don't he made i don't want to put his business i won't go into details but he did he was very successful at the world series of poker last weekend so that might have you know loosened up his wallet a little bit oh that was good do you know how he got his current job tell me i can't tell you but i can type it to you it's one of those things where it's like you know i

better not say yeah errac is personal shit I'm going to make a guess in my mind so that no one sees me react to getting it right or wrong. I was very close. I was very close. Yeah. Like a full on like thing. Yeah. But there is another thing.

He's doing amazing at work. And he's very likely to get promoted. He had an interview on Monday that went super well. Great. So they like him, and I hope that stays that way. I want him on my team, no matter what we were doing. Dirty be a sick car salesman. That's what he should be doing.

He'd be sick at that. He really would. He's got so much energy. He's such a fun guy. He's little. And something about being little, I feel like his energy is more concentrated. All right? I feel like a six foot tall man.

You only got so much energy per like kilogram. He's contonium. Yeah, yeah. This guy. He could be really aggressive with the sales tactics. And then he could be like, come on, I'm just a little fella. Come on.

He's a birthday. I'm a little birthday boy. Like maybe. I've told this before. I had a teammate in swimming. He was telling a story about like the Wendy's drive-thru being slow. Everyone's like rolling in the hallways. It was so fucking funny.

And I thought about it later. And it's like, if I retold that same story, they'd be like, what was the point of that? What? Like to stop. Dirty's closer to the first guy. You know, like, he's got an energy and he's a good communicator, and he's fun to be around. Have you met him in real life? No.

I've seen a lot of pictures of him, but I haven't met up with him in real life. He's a good time, and he's like game, if you know what I mean. Like, if you were to message there and be like, hey, I'm going to be in Anderson, South Carolina tomorrow. Do you want to go skydiving? He'd be like, yeah, yeah, dude. Can I strap to you or do I strap to somebody else? Like, he would be down. He's always down to like do a thing.

Dirty's a good time. I've always had fun with Dirty. I bet him two, three times. I think I spent two weeks with him. I think I think we spent two weeks together in fucking Colorado, which was a week too many. That's such a long time to spend just on any vacation. That's not. Yeah, it did.

We planned. It was one of those things. It was like when you've, because I had gone like four or five years without smoking, it was like if you'd ever fasted for a day or even two days and you're planning. and you're planning to break your fast and you're like, I'm going to need two racks of ribs and I want to,

like, I think our eyes were bigger than our stomachs on that one because we're like, yeah, we want two weeks of smoking weed and chilling. And no, we didn't. Nobody does.

Nobody wants that. Like around day 10, it was like, who, four more days here. With all of you. Do you just have this expression? Friends and family are like fish?

Are you familiar with this? No, it's a new one. I haven't heard that. The second half is after three days, they start to stink. And I found that to be about true. Like, I love people for a weekend. But for a whole week, you know, sometimes I need a little time reset. I was good.

Like, it was interesting that like none of us had ever met in person most, for the most part. But we all kind of jelled well just based on our like gaming together. experience. Like, the personalities were exactly the same. You know, there wasn't that one guy who, like, has been faking that he's an extrovert and then when he gets there, he's weird. Like, that didn't happen. Like, you know, I mean, everybody. Dude, I'm right here. Why are you talking shit about it? Everybody jelled and had a good time. I didn't get mad at anybody. I got a little mad at Fish, but it was fine, you know, like, fish was like, he had a bedroom, but he would sleep like in the living room and so like I would get up to get another one of my Dr.

Beffer Zero's which I love so much and he'd be like how many sodas is that and I'm like are you counting my fucking sodas he's like I think that's eight I'm like first of all it's nine cock sucker but why are you counting my sodas like my mom drinks like if you're stop count my fucking sodas and he was just like always there waiting and I remember being I was downstairs in my bedroom It was like midnight and I was like thirsty But I thought to myself Fish is gonna give me shit

I have so many questions about this But like one I acknowledge that's weird behavior I have never counted anyone's sodas in my whole life Nor have I met a soda counter Or heard of one until just now Yeah But two why did it bother you You felt judged by a zero cow drink

That was the weird part I was like why are you counting my zero calorie fucking drinks She's making conversation at 3 a.m. Are you worried about my aspartane cancer or my waistline? Because I don't care about cancer. And I,

it wasn't that big of a deal, but, but like he does, he got real homesick too. I don't think he's, he's got, I think those, those Lebanese folk,

they have a real, real, uh, sticky family life. Everybody, type on, type on it. And being away from like home,

every time he would go away from home, he would get like, stick to his tummy like a kid who gets sent to camp and like immediately has to come home and it would be like I remember literally we're planning the vacation and it's one of those things which like all right well uh you know this place is near all of these points of interest and this is how we'll get from the hotel to the the the place and blah blah blah and he's like I'm going to need some pepto can we make sure that at some point we get some pepto for me and I'm like first of all want you just bring your You just bring it. It's available everywhere.

It's such a concern because he knows his tummy's going to get sick from being away from his parents. It's also for sale at like every gas station, Quiki Mart. I know. It was absurd. Every gas station, every pharmacy, every airport. Do they have Pepto in Colorado? Who knows? They have it in hotels, like down by the counter.

Yeah, that makes sense. Pepto. Yeah. They're distribution. Lockalo needs to call the Pepto people figure out how they did that. It's on every shelf. The only thing would annoy me about your story with them is I wouldn't, if everyone had an assigned bedroom, it would be different if there was overflow. But it's like, don't commandeer a common area of the home.

Stay in your bedroom. Keep your mess there because like it's kind of a responsibility of all of ours over two weeks. A lot of mess can accumulate. Like we all have to keep this tidy. We all have to be throwing the garbage away. And over two weeks. All over that mirror. Like over two weeks.

I'm not even joking. They took the mirror off the wall allegedly in Minecraft. In Minecraft one time, they took the mirror off the fucking wall and used it for cocaine. And at one point, I'm like, well, that's got to go back on the wall at some point, right? Is somebody going to wash the cocaine residue off? Did you say there was cocaine all over the mirror? Oh, over the mirror in Minecraft. And I'm like, who's getting off to themselves? That was Tinder Kyle who did that.

Great news. The federal EV rebate is very. FAC, eligible customers get up to $5,000 with the federal EVAP rebate on select 2027 Volt and 2026 Equinox EV models. Visit your local Chevrolet dealer today for more details. Yeah, if I came downstairs and someone was sleeping in a common area doing cocaine off of a mirror that they removed from an Airbnb, I would be like, boys, I know it now is not the time, but tomorrow morning we're having a talk.

Hang it back up. Go go to the, you have to go to CVS anyway for your pepto. Pick up a hand mirror. You know, do your cocaine off of that. Yeah, they were,

they were wild time. Dirty's hardcore with his gambling. Like, I don't want to tell too many dirty stories because, you know, he's not here and all and there's people listening. But like, he's a wild man.

We had a good time. It was a good time. That was the only thing that annoyed me the whole time was, was fish counting my sodas in the common area. and just being down there. I knew he was going to be in the kitchen waiting on me when I came up to get a snack or a soda or anything. He's on the sauce now.

He's getting all juiced up. He mentioned that last hangout. I can't wait to see the update. We got his testosterone checked, and it was like 260 or something like that. It was really low. And now we got him all juiced up. He's been on my diet plan

and my workout plan for, It's like two months now, something like that. He sent me like a before and after already, and it's like he's clearly made some gains. He's going to be, he's going to be the Lebanese strong man in a few months. I'm glad he took it before. Several times I've done fitness journeys. And my before is like two and a half months in. It's like, well, you fucking ruined it.

You should have taken a day one before. That was the progress shot. You needed. Yeah, I've done that in like the worst times of befores. for me the before is always like before a cut after i'm like you know i don't i don't space those out very well so i'll be 18 months into a as long as the number goes up would eat whatever you please and so then i just look in the mirror and take a picture and i'm like that doesn't need to be anywhere on the cloud i'll remember like just immediately delete that i'll put it in my mind's eye you can

picture it but then you always do regret it later yeah dude two weeks is like a camp i would that's that's long enough for me to get irritated at someone because the evening before at dinner, I'm like, you know what? I'm not going to finish my burrito bowl. I'll have that tomorrow and then come in and fucking fish is like, yo, how many diet sprites is that, Taylor? Is that a double chicken brittal bowl you're munchyna? I see it because it's got to see circled on the top of the tin. Yeah, double chicken so expensive. Wow. You're a baller, Taylor. eats it. I just hang the mirror back up,

motherfucker. No, we had no issues. Everybody was very chill. Everybody was... And like, I came away, like, loving chocolate thunder. Like, he showed up in week two.

He's good. He was a week two guest. He showed up in a week two. And my favorite part, I probably mentioned it before, but it was the day I was flying back home. And I was up at like four in the morning, five in the morning.

And I was taking the garbage cans to the road as like my last thing. before I get out of here. I'm taking the dumpsters to the road for the trash man, because it's trash day, and I'm at 4 in the morning. And I had also ordered everybody donuts, and so the donuts were arriving while I was taking the trash out.

So I was outside, like, doing the DoorDash transaction, like, kind of in the yard, and we're talking back and forth, and Chocolate Thunder just comes to the door. He thinks I'm in trouble out there, like somebody's accosting me, and he's just like, we've got a problem here? You got a problem here? They were ready to kung fu fight somebody, like at a moment to notice.

He literally is at the door like, is Kyle only back up? Because I'm down. I loved it. I loved it. Because the donut man? He's been watching too many fucking Sopranos episodes where he's like, oh, I've seen the donut guys and the flour delivery. Like Kyle's meal.

Yeah, I appreciated it. Yeah, that sounds fun. Two weeks is a long time, though. Way too long. Especially for you, I would imagine after five years of not smoking, you were going through the dispensary. and in your head you're like, oh,

I'll blast through this in this amount of time. I'll blast through this and that amount of time. And then you get there, take like one hit off a chillum, just a little batty. And you're like, oh, I think I'm actually good for the next five hours.

Like, I have no tolerance. We had activities planned. I'm notorious for just wanting to chill and watch movies. But we had activities planned. And every time I would hit the vape pen, it was like someone had given me a morphine trip. I was like,

all right, well, I really need to sit down for a while, guys. Like, like, and then probably a nap. Probably a nap after that. What was the year span? Was that like 18? After I'll need a nap after this rest.

Yeah. That was like 2018 to 2023 year break, something like that, right? Something like that roughly. Yeah. That was, there was a lot of weed technology advancement in that five years. I'm serious. Those vape pens, you know, you don't want to, you know, take your first, dip your toe back into the pond with a vape pen.

They're too strong. weren't really a thing when I stopped and they certainly weren't this thing where they were just everywhere and they were so so, so strong like I literally just got, I was like, what's the strongest bait pen you have? And I was like, all right, vanilla sky,

give me that. And fuck, it was so strong. I was, we didn't do much. We didn't do much. We had a lot of donuts. We watched a lot of good movies and we hung out and we talked and we jibber jabbered but like they went, they went gambling at one point and I was like no i don't think i can handle that no i get riddle seven hours ago and i just don't think i can

handle this i'm too stressed were there any of them like board game people that's a good sitting around you know chilling activity i wish no there was no board gaming we got board game guy big time yeah board games right yeah i do weekly game nights we have two other couples come over and we really throw down oh yeah i'm very competitive i've made it awkward before And I will again. Got big plans for this Saturday. You got to avenge your ticket to ride loss. Like a trivial pursuit, code names.

Every now and then some probably look. Monopoly is a fun game, but, you know. No, it's not. It's really not that great. No, it's not. No, it's not. The problem with Monopoly. I think the winner from last week should choose the game next week.

I like that. That's how I think that should work. In which case, which, by the way, I'd add in an amendment, no repeats. I don't want you just choosing your strong game week after week after week. Oh, yeah, we mix it up again.

We're playing a paramotor trivia. We're arm wrestling again. I was good at this. I love Tribal pursuit. Any sort of like mime out the word, kind of game, anything like that. I'm pretty strong at.

I like that stuff. And I get super competitive. And I literally do make it awkward. I think games are a little more fun when you can't sabotage each other, right? I like to compete in parallel with you, not crisscross. So like in Monopoly, for example, you know, I can buy things that I know you want. I can mortgage stuff. There are different tactics you can use to like hurt you that I'm almost not trying if I don't

take advantage of those, but it ruins your fun. Yeah. As opposed to something like picture, or charades, where like, you know, me and my partner are trying to figure something out better than you and your partner, but I'm not over there holding your partner's hands behind her back so she can't do her job.

Oh, I'm the exact opposite. I like the games that are like Katon's just the easiest example, because everyone knows it. But like if the three of us are playing and I pull a, play a night card, which basically means that I can screw over one of you and deny you resources until you can move that. And I'm also saying, hey, I got a wheat.

I need to trade away. And I need a sheep for it. You know what? I need two sheep for it. And or if Woody goes, you know, oh, don't put the night on me. I'll give you the trade. I know sheep are way more valuable than wheat right now and you're giving me basically garbage for it. And then if Kyle jumps in and goes, hey, Taylor, Woody's only got one sheep. I'll give you two. Just don't fuck me with this. Like then you, you know, you start doing it. And now I, the politicking and Or like in the middle of it, I can, you know, if I have eight points and Kyle has eight points and you're making an integral decision and you're at like six points, both of us are trying to convince you that the other is the bigger threat. Where I'm like, oh, yeah, but look, I'm kind of stagnating right now. Kyle's got two unflipped cards.

That could be anything. Like, yeah, doing that. I can't explain why. I enjoy that in video games, you know, like there's a certain, like, I beat you, like that adds to my joy as opposed to beating AI. but in in person games I like them to be light and everyone should walk away even the losers should have had fun

oh you if anyone is like actually at the end of those games standing up in like a huff it's like bro calm that it's settlers of Catan it took 50 minutes it's not a big deal but at least with my group of friends

like we play board games pretty often nobody gets that the game that causes the most anger is secret Hitler where someone will which is just mafia where there's Hitler's and Yeah,

Warwolf. Hitler and his fascists are trying to hide from the liberals who outnumber them and it's really only a super fun game when you get to be Hitler or the fascist

because then you're the minority trying to do the politicking, the tricking. And if your partner really flubs up an answer and doesn't respond correctly to an inquiry or doesn't adequately

deflect attention to someone else, like it's, you sit there and you're like, you don't have a picture. everyone saw like that's I was pretty good at Among Us like that was my first experience

with like a werewolf style game and I could I could manipulate the people I would be the guy and I would immediately like somebody would pause it and before they could accuse me they just saw me kill somebody

and before they can accuse me before they can say a word when the game gets paused and we all have the like session where we're going to talk I accuse them so loud and fast and angry and like

matter-of-factly. And I was like, it was, it was Taylor. Taylor killed him in the, in the rectory. I saw him do it. It was Taylor. And, and,

and, like, that's it. Like, no matter how much you protest. And you're like, no, it was Kyle. They will never believe you now. And if, and, like,

what does Kyle say? Like I said, stay in the rectory. I called the session. I didn't call the session. You called the session, but they can't tell. That game,

like, that I don't know that. See, I like stuff like that too, but I only played among us, like once or twice in a group. And, like, I didn't know enough about the tasks to lie if people would be like, so what were you doing, Taylor?

And I'm like, it was something with wires, man. Like, I don't know, I don't know the names of the things yet. See, that works too. You plead ignorance. Something with wires, huh? And then dirty's screaming like, kick him, kick him out. See, that's perfect, especially if you're new at the game. You can, and if people don't know your experience level, you can be like,

I'll be honest, I don't know. I was trying to figure out what it wanted me to do. There were switches and levers and you were at one. Oh, that wasn't you? Just act completely confused about where you were and what you were doing. And that works pretty well too. Although if you accuse somebody and it's not used. You know, they killed the guy you accuse.

And they immediately, it tells them, Haley was not the spy. And so everybody's like, oh, He was told the truth. Kyle's the spy. And then like, you're kind of fucked then. You got to immediately start. When I first played among us, I pretended I didn't know how to play,

and it really worked to my advantage. And then I kept using that play a few times later and all that. I remember Kyle was like, what do you want us to believe? He's in some sort of fugue state where he can't learn the game. And it was like, ah, the jig is up on that one. I need a new strategy. Yeah, I love those. Social games like that are very fun.

The in-person ones are better. because you can like read facial expressions and it's more of like uh why are you like like if Kyle because this happens in secret Hitler where someone will spas out and it'll be like are you you're not a fascist are you and they're like no I'm not a fascist fucking uh Steve over there he's the fashion and it's like calm down why are you freaking out it's turn two okay this guy's sketchy as hell like and then if you're the fascist and you just know that it's one of your more neurotic friends you just play that because knowing that they will then be like no no no like the guy who's had like maybe one too many drinks that he's going to like who's suddenly going to stand up from the table and

like a common domineering over the board that's a great game if you guys if you're doing board game night that often you really should check out secret hitler we'll play a lot of code names secret hitler's a lot less complex than werewolf there's less characters so you can do a smaller group everybody likes code names so we play a lot of code names that's a good one can't go wrong with that. Do you play it online? No, no, no. Oh, there's a, is there a board game called code names? Are you just calling it code names? I think Taylor may have bought it for me or I bought one for him or something like that. Yeah, I sent you one. Yeah, that's the set we use. Yeah, it's a great game. Probably.

It's, um, you should do more of the social stuff then if you're just kicking people's ass. Like, even like low level social, like very simple, like settlers of Caton or ticket to ride, which is like you build trains it's very very well you build roots and it's like something where you can fuck people over by cutting them off and then suddenly you're making little side deals with people and it's even like when you're like losing

like if Kyle fucks me over and Kyle fucks over Woody and there's like three other people in the game there's gonna come a point where it's like oh it's between Kyle and Steve neck and neck and I'll say the Woody I'm like Woody we're out of this man but what we can make sure

is that Kyle also loses. Every move we make is not going to be tactical anymore. Woody, fuck him. He fucking spoke over. Let's do it. And then it would be about fucking him over. You have to like maintain relationships through it. Very tough.

It's a tricky situation when like the goal is to be in second place, right? The tallest flower gets plucked. You don't want to be. Everyone's aiming at him. So you want to be like in the running for winning without people noticing that. Yeah. You never want to be blowing everybody out. because it's just like Mario Kart.

Then you got the blue shell soaring towards you and that's sometimes enough to knock you back into fourth place. You want to be able to make a case that you're not winning. Keep someone close but then that's risky because I can jump ahead. Never played. You would enjoy it.

Did you guys see the... Oh, I was going to say, like before you say that the game we played in Colorado was that what's the game where you're like the Nintendo characters and it's like Smash Brothers? or something. Super Smash Brothers?

Yeah, we played that on the Wii on a giant projection screen. So that was really fun. And I think it was ZT. ZT's the guy who died like six months after the trip. But ZT was like so good that he was two V-W-Waning people

and it was hilarious to watch someone be that good at a game in person. I've played online games and people are really good. But to be there in person where guys like, yeah, I'll play you both. Choose me if you want. I'm going to play sco.

fucking this retarded squirrel character that only has one leg. Yeah. Yeah. And he just beat the shit out of both of them. He'd throw one of them off the map and the other one would be trying to get back and he'd just be beating the shit out of the other. He would just constantly. He was so good at it. I was not.

That is such a fun game. Especially the GameCube one. Do you guys have a switch? I have a switch. Yeah. Yeah. From Soft, the Eldon Ring people are coming out with Dusk Bloods in November.

and it only runs on the switch too. And I'm on the fence about buying it. Don't do it. Well, okay. What if we have a switch and my wife uses it and we use it for party games and stuff and like my daughter comes home and things. So we'll probably own a switch to at some point,

at which point, like why not just get it? But I also feel like I'm paying $700 for a game, which is a lot. Oh, it only runs on Switch 2. Yeah, they must have gotten a bag for that. That sucks. Yeah.

Is there any other Switch game that you like? Like any? I actively dislike them. I like we'll all be in the living room playing on the big projector TV thing. And I'm like these, I'm only here for you people. I'm only here because it's rude not to be. Well, what games do they like?

Like the standard fair, Mario cart, Mario party. There's a Mario based like board game almost where you like do many games and that person maybe gets another role. Mario Super Party or something? I don't know what it's called I could find out if you're curious

I've never played any of those Oh I think that's just Mario Party you're talking about I forgot that Mario Party superstars Yeah that's what it is Mario Party superstars We play that now that's a game That you create fights in Especially when we were like playing on N64 Like 10 years old

Because it would be like Toad would tell you like Aha steal a star from someone And then you like pick your friend Who like just is you know struggling in the doldrums just got his first star and you're like yeah it'll teach you to eat the last sandwich after pool time take that he's like almost teary on that that game is so luck based it's insane like i'm a pretty good gamer and and it'll be like me and a hope's boyfriend are the only like competent gamers in the room and like i don't know anyone else wins it's ridiculous

at the end after all the scores are posted but first of all there's a lot of dice rolling. So you're trying to go far to get more opportunities. That's luck-based. But then for some reason, the little judge is like, you know what, Taylor, you showed gumption. Here's two stars. It's like, wait, what the he didn't earn those at all. He didn't even

luck them. He just lucked it after the game ended. Yeah. It's such horseshit. I totally forgot about that aspect of the game. But at the end of it, it's like it's like the way Dumbledore handles points where they're like, well,

an extra star for you, my sir and it's like holy shit like I had to grind my ass off for my third star and that guy just got it handed to him with like a silly graphic and also half the mini games because after every round of turns there's a mini game that's randomly assigned half the maybe

15% of the mini games are a ton of fun like the bumper balls one trying to knock them in the lava pits and the others are just different variations of like hit A and B in sequence as hard as fast as you can to blow up your balloon and make it pop fastest and it's like this isn't this I can see why this is for children this kind of sucks but then at the same time you're just like you can't you're like oh this is stupid but then you like have the controller like wedged between your legs you're going

this is as fast as you can possibly do this is dumb but I'm giving it a hundred percent effort the uh you remember the n64 joystick it had ridges on it like a pretty aggressive uh rubber ridges and one of the mini games was Tug-a-war and the way that you would pull was by rotating like in the full circle of the joystick and you could never do it fast enough with your thumb and so the way to do it was to like plant your palm

when you're like nine years old and just go like that as fast as you can and like we would wear holes through our skin in the middle of our palms to where it was just blistered and felt horrible all for the win in one way. And you're trying to get us to believe this was a video game injury.

A video game injury. Yes, yes, yes. He wore his palm out on video games. We weren't experimenting in the basement. Wings did that back in the day playing caught. He was like one of the first 10th procedures in PlayStation. In the world. And he had worn blisters on his fingers.

And he had like, he was like, can't slow down for blisties. And he like, he like put band-aids or tape on him or something and kept the gaming through it. It was like his Walt who's that runner who like

ran with the broken feet. He's always talking about David Guggins. David Gagins. I almost said Walton Gaggans.

He's the David Gagins of gaming. At that point especially, that was like so crazy to me. I was like, wait, you wore blisters

into your fingers. You game so hard and your, your reaction was to tape them up so you could game more. Yeah, yeah,

yeah. his feats of endurance were a little undervalued you know he'd hit 10th prestige seemingly every season on both Xbox and PlayStation quickly that's a lot quickly

his game style was a grindy always moving forward head down game style you know like what he did work as long as you didn't have somebody always move forward he camped so he'd always be getting XP

I'm not talking about like wins necessarily but he's always racking up like XP no matter what. Like he's getting his kills, he's getting his kill streaks, he's calling his care packages in, he's figured out that giving them away gives you like way more XP than cashing them in and his 10 and he's just like

getting three care packages a game or something like that on repeat playing objectives, uh, objective game modes, you know, camping kind of like a quarter of way into the map and just sitting there. Yeah, it was good at it. Yeah. He was always

Ted Perce. It was crazy. I was never, I did, obviously, Cod 4, I was 10th prestige. Modern Warfare 2, who's to say? Because we all got into those lobbies, one way or another and got our accounts fucked up.

And then never again did I go past first prestige. Really? I think I went to 10 on all of them. But Modern Warfare 2, I was in the lobby. I was into game battles a lot. And because, what was the silent step called? Was it Ninja? Dead silence when caught four.

Dead silence. Because you needed dead silence for game battle. so much and you unlocked it like 44, 41, okay. It's like you're almost ineligible for game battles for the majority of your grind. So I just lobbied it and played. I always felt like it looked, I thought it looked coolest if you had the 10th prestige emblem or if you just stopped at the five star general. And so that was always my quandary where it was like, all right, on this account,

if I hit A on this prestige, I'm not just saying yes to this one. I'm saying yes to all of them because I can't I can't just be one of those guys who's like yeah I stopped at four and it's like you're probably lying I bet you just got there and it's yeah I would stop at the five star or go all the way to 10 and you'd often regret the prestigious because you'd just to get in the in the mix and having fun with that one gun and then you'd forget after you hit it and it's like all right let me make that class oh wait I forgot that was forgot you didn't get the G36 until level 35 or whatever pretty high up there. What do you want that for? I just picked a high-up gun. Most of the good guns came way faster than that. Yeah, yeah. The good guns came by a level 20 or something. You had your M-16, your M-Ber-B.

And the Barrett was a ton of fun. And so you'd miss out on that. Dead silence was my thing. I had to live without dead silence during most of the prestigious process. That sucked. Yeah. Oh, going back to no Deagle, that always stunk. We got dead silence.

I didn't do that well with the Deagle. I think it killed with two or maybe one headshot, two shots or one headshot, something like that. Two headshots, you think? It did 50 damage, and then the multiplier is like 1.3 or something like that. You needed to, I promise. But tapping two headshots with a pistol was hard for me. Maybe my aim wasn't very good.

Maybe my mechanics. Two body kills. Yeah, two chest kills, and you're never using it that long range unless you're meeting. The recoil would like snap off the screen. You had to shoot, pause, and shoot. I would use it to, I would spam. Like that gun would be the one where I'm crouch walking even with my dead silence and I bump into the guy and just burr like like just dump the whole magazine as fast as I can pull the trigger. That's how I used the eagle.

That was the only way to use it. And then some people were all about their, what were the other? I guess all the other ones are pretty similar. Like just like the M9, the USP 45. The USP was the next best. And then, you know, it'd be a coin flip between the 1911 and the MN. Yeah. Yeah. Man, fun times. I was like, I like an hour ago thought, you know what? Like, is there a way to get Cod4 on my Xbox tonight? Yeah. And just like tool around with it and play. They just remaster it? I think that was years ago now. No, no, no, it came out in 2019, maybe. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Maybe Monomorfer 2 they remastered or something. Zach Romanoir for a remaster. For sure. Like, I think they called it modern. Yeah, they definitely did. We played it when it came out on PC. It looked very good. Like, they, they polished it up and it looked really good. It was lots of nostalgia, but, you know, we didn't play it more than a night or two.

Yeah, I don't think I'd want to go back and play Modern Warfare 2 at this time. I mean, the thrill is gone. The thrill is gone. The story is evergreen. Did you play Halo 3, like, during his peak? I mean, I didn't, like, play a ton online or anything, but I played. with friends on split screen. Okay.

So when Halo 3 was at its peak, it, first of all, like that, I can immediately hear that, the, like, pause screen or,

like, the loading screen music, the, oh, and the bottom right, I think they had a map of the globe, and they showed, like,

they lit up little points for, like, all the players that are playing globally. And then they had a player account. Who's online now? But it peaked at like 1.1 million players online at the same,

time just on Xbox and it's like that's amazing that they were even able to serve one million simultaneously on Xbox but but like it felt like you were part of a fucking movement or something like that it's like me and 1.1 million other people are doing the exact same thing right now. Yeah. Playing as Master Chief doing this thing like I loved Halo. I was just not very I think I think my highest skill level was like 45 or something like that so like average. Oh shit I don't even remember but yeah I was not very good at Halo but it was the most fun split screen game to play with friends.

Way, like early high school, we would sometimes do split screen cod two, but it was just playing on that same kind of desert map with all the rooftops you could run around, and you'd have to have, like, rules, you know, only one sniper per team because they were busted in the hit boxes for the snipers were enormous. I never played that game online,

even once. I only, I guess it was the first con. What do you have? We played a good good. Yeah, yeah. Hutch was like a taste maker. He'd be like, this week, I'm going to be drinking a little white wine and playing Super Mario Bros. And he'd be like, honey, can we get some white

wine and some Super Mario Brothers? And some Super Mario Bros. And he got a sluited, man, too. He was such a tastemaker. A bunch of games. We followed him to tons of games. It was like, yeah. Like, that's the thing. And because the whole community would follow him. Like, like, yeah.

eight other people would make a video about the thing that Hutch is playing now and it'd be like yeah let's get in on this ride this algorithm thing we're like we're all making cartoon videos now geometry wars we're all tipping our toes back into geometry wars become a fucking world champion

geometry player you want to talk about blisters you just seen my thumbs from licking those stamps to mail that X-locked that's like where is this going I love to touch like clocking you on that a little bit where he's like, you know, I, I understand. Every once in a while, Sam 5,000 passes me. Then I'll pass him again.

We go tit for tat. Kyle does not go from rank 19th on my friends list to tripling my all-time high score in one day. That just can't happen. And it wasn't just that. He barely beat me. And then he beat me again. And then again and again and again and again and again. And then he stopped playing for three weeks.

Dude, touch wanted to talk to Kyle about that so hard. And eventually started reaching out to me and I'm like, dude, Hutch keeps calling me. And Kyle's like, don't take that call. Oh, it's all that shit, Woody. Don't believe whatever lies he's about to tell you. I was relishing that so much.

Like, because I had multiple record videos, like, one after another to upload. I only uploaded like maybe two or three. But, like, he saw, like, what he was going to have to deal with eventually already because we're on the, he's on my friend's on my friend's. list. He saw that my record was like three and a half, four and a half million or something like that. And these guys had been going neck and neck like 800K, 900K. And we had knocked it out of the part with a cool two or three mill. And then I just sat there like giggling when I saw it. And I was thinking like, how long will it be till he notices? How long will it be till he notices?

And I saw him log in and I was like, he's going to notice in the next 60 seconds. And it filled me with such glee. You get like a DM. You're not the good guy in this story, Kyle. No, he is. The web that I had had weaved was so hard for him

to wrap his head around. He couldn't figure it out. He never did figure out what I actually did. My co-conspirator ratted me out eventually. That's the only way. That's the only way he found out. Was he European? No. So what I did, for those that don't know, again, Hutch, tastemaker of Call of Duty had decided that this arcade game Geometry Wars was the new flavor of the month.

And you sort of ran your little spaceship around and blew up shapes and you ran from stuff and there was techno music. And it was very fun. Very fun to play high, I bet. I didn't smoke weed back then, though. Anyway, they were going back and forth neck and neck. And he would make these videos and he would play like the ending. music from portal that this is a triumph I'm writing it down here

huge success it was almost like he was rubbing it rubbing it a little bit in the face of the guy whose score he had leapfrogged and it would be like this is him beating Sam 5,000 and taking the lead this is him beating XYZ going through the list and I was like man they are really wrapped up in this they're playing hours and hours a day

I could really spoil their fun if I hired one of the world's best players to just run my score up to like crazy town and then uploaded a video and then put his fucking portal music on the end of it rubbed it into his little salt into his wound a little bit see how he likes it but I was like how am I going to do this

so I contacted like three of those guys who were in the top 10 in the world top 20 in the world or something like that and one of them finally got back to me and I was like hey here's what I want to do do playing a bit of a prank on my friends. They take this game very seriously. I want you to run

my score up. But the thing is, I need video of it. I need to prove that I did it. So I'm going to mail you my Xbox. It's logged into my account. And I'm going to mail you a capture card. And I need you to record

a bunch of footage of you crushing on my account. But don't get crazy with it, you know. Don't let me come out of the box and like, Crush everybody. He's so good at the game, he couldn't take those directions to heart. But before he knew it, he had gotten carried away and ran the score up to millions. And it was like, oh, they're not going to believe this. And they didn't.

Dude, Hutch wanted to have you on and give you the G-unit treatment. Yeah. Oh, I loved it so much. You couldn't figure it out because, like, the audacity of mailing my own. Xbox and the capture card so I would have footage from my Xbox like you can see there's proof in there like of him like you know pressing the Xbox button and you can see it's my friend's list and it's like my home screen it's like it's all this proof that like how and I remember one time I said something like what do you think that like I've got a friend at home like my cousin or something

happens to be like a prodigy at this game how am I getting somebody else to do this for me that's crazy talk I'm good at the game. It's not even that great of a game. It's not that hard. Get over it. And it was, I was oh, he's going to hate this. Afterwards, you were like, Jerry, Seinfeld, where you're like, I refuse to

run. Like, just never play again. Yeah, never again. I retired from Geometry Wars on top. Still on top. When he looks at his friends list, he has to still see that. He'll never beat that score. 16 years later, he still sees

FBS Kyle right at the top. Yeah, ruined it for them all. That's hilarious. Did you guys see this weekend? I just saw the last fight. The Islam fight. It was a great card. Like, all the way through it was fun fights and cool

finishes and a lot of upsets. There was a caveman that got choked out. Like, Gwita came back? Yeah, they had a fuck, no, they've got this Mongolian motherfucker with a face flat as a TV screen. And his name

was like Angolan or some shit like that. literally like a made-up fucking name. And he fought a 40-year-old black guy. And the 40-old black guy, like, rocked him and caught him in a choke. And, like, it was a crazy upset. Like, he was down two rounds. Like, he was, the Mongolian motherfucker was definitely going to win. That was the first fight of the night.

The McKinsey-Dern fight was hard, was terrible. Like, if you wanted to make a case against women's MMA being a sport, like, you wouldn't you could probably start there it was garbage all right i'm not saying she puts on entertaining fights but she puts on entertaining way ends get i'm exactly yes yes entertaining way ends for sure i watched the whole way in nobody better she's straightening her big old titties up and everything you know what though like like as she at we watched that fight my girlfriend and i and i was like way she gets on the mic she fakes a brazilian accent this girl's from like Arizona Yeah. I love that we both know that.

Like, the girl's from Arizona. Like, she doesn't have a Brazilian accent. She will do that thing where she's like, and how you say? And it's like, don't you how you say in English, you bitch? You're from Arizona. Like, you're white. You went to high school in America. You're not Portuguese.

So what happened is she dated this Portuguese dude and moved to Brazil, well, Brazilian dude, and moved to Brazil. and they speak Portuguese there and she picked up all their accents and I don't think she forgot words but I think her new like someone might say um or I just said like she adds

in a how you say when she's like processing what she's going to say and it's kind of a fake accent but I think she picked up a foreign accent by living in Brazil I thought she was pandering to Brazilian dudes with her you know I read it that way

like I'm one of you now I think she wants to be part of that culture. Do you remember when Madonna went to live in the UK and suddenly she developed a British accent? Yeah. No pretentious. It's like, bitch, that ain't your accent. That is not true. That's not the way you talk.

But having said that, like, sometimes people do pick up an accent. Or like, to me, it is clearly this guy still has their English accent. And then they go back home and all their family thinks they sound more American. It's true. It's true.

Still, though. Picking up a British accent as a lifelong American in a short period of time. Yeah, at like 28. Or I guess for her, she was like 50 or 50s. Part of it is idolizing the culture and like trying to fit in and meld. Instead of like, I'm American, I always will be. Even though I live in France now, this is me. If people are like, I think France is the greatest and this and that they sort of

transform a little faster. Yeah, maybe so. I can see that. I'm glad it was a good part. I heard you bemoaning it. or I saw the message if you bemoaning it, Kyle. Didn't you say that the top was really good and the rest sucked? Or that was your anticipation?

I thought the main event was pretty lame. A lot of people are giving Islam shit for like laying and praying. And I guess it really, it felt like he was going for submissions instead of ground and pound the way Khabib would. And I didn't like it, but I didn't hate it. Like I wasn't like booing. What I was booing literally out loud. There was a moment during the fight where I was like, to my girlfriend. because she's completely has nothing, doesn't know anything about the sport.

I know a little bit. And I'm like, watch Ian Gary. He's scared. This moment is too big for him. He respects Islam too much. He hasn't moved. He hasn't moved. He hasn't thrown a punch.

He hasn't thrown a punch. And I kept saying that to like illustrate that like, it's been 30 seconds and Ian Gary hasn't thrown a fucking strike. He's only, he's shuffled a little and he's fainted a little. And to be fair, Islam's not throwing either. But Islam's not the guy with a huge reach advantage. and legs that are like fucking 45 fucking inches long or something.

Nor is he known for his striking. Nor is he known for his striking necessarily, although he's a way better striker than Khabib ever was. Ian Gary, every time he threw a leg kick or a body kick or a head kick, it was effective and scary. And he threw about six of them. I looked at the significant strikes,

the total significant strikes for the five-round fight. Josh Hawket threw more significant strikes in a single round against Derek Lewis at the White House. Then the fighters combined in that? Yeah. Yeah. Because they were throwing like three, he threw like three one round.

Like three significant strikes one round. He landed. This is Ian Gary. Five minute round. Yeah. I went back and forth. Like if you looked at like neither of them were blowing it out of the park. It was like three to seven or then like, you know, eight to four.

Like stuff like that. It was all single digit shit for like total round significant strikes landed. I thought Gary won a round or two. He did. The ones that didn't go to the ground as much. So he did way better than most people expected. A lot of people hate him because of his girlfriend, wife, I guess wife. Oh, it's more than that.

Maybe I don't get it because I'm like, why? See a shit talker? I was like, I was you last week. So like, all right, so here's the deal, Taylor for the uninitiated. This guy has like a much older girlfriend who seemingly sort of leeches off him and kind of controls his career. And I think there's some like issue where like her. ex-husband is still in the picture a little bit. Like he's part of like her life and maybe and people,

so people call Ian Garrett Cuck as well. It's just a weird, like, trifecta. It's a little bit of a weird like home life that he's got, but they seem very loving. Like they seem super into each other. Like almost wait. To me, the book is central to this whole story.

Let me lay out the book real quick. His wife wrote a book and I forget the title of it, but it's basically like how to bag an athlete. And I think Ian Gary is the second professional athlete that she's been with. Kyle mentioned she's older. She's like 10 years older, but she's also like mega hot. And you can see that she's kind of had like a life of getting these like athlete millionaires. And the rest of the MMA community is like, bro, like not this one. This one's so clearly a gold digger. There's plenty of girls you can fuck out there that won't cost you all your

career earnings. And like Strickland has sympathy form. But a lot of people just have like they hate him. for being so stupid or a cut. I thought that was a lame reason to hate him. And so I never bought into that. But then I watched a lot of his interviews this week. He's, he's intolerably annoying to listen to. He is,

first of all, his accent's annoying. It's, it's an Irish accent, but it's, it's annoying. And, and like his interviews,

he's, it's almost like he's trying to be a lame character. Like he had that quote last week about women should run the world. Like, all our problems would go away if women ran the world. And of course, they ask his Muslim opponent what he thinks about this. And like, Kavib was like, I think Ian Gary is a good fighter. I worry, he said things.

I worry someone at home control him. Sounds like that Dagestani guy might be on to something. I mean, the book thing seems way worse than him being annoying. He's so overly positive and respectful all the time that it, that it, that it, that it, it goes full circle and you're and you're like this is weird like i don't know if you're being genuine this seems so weird you're so positive and you're so he was like between rounds he was just like oh yeah buddy and like rubbing his opponent and then like like like slapping his ass and at the end he's like holding his head and just like kissing his ass the whole fucking time and dana white

they asked dana white like what'd you think about that you know at the end they're they're so buddy buddy he's like i hate that I hate that. It's a fight. Yeah, he wants a little bit of conflict. He has some killer instinct. And I think if Ian Gary's body had been puppeted by a better fucking fighter with some killer instinct, he'd have won the fight. He's 175.

So here's the deal. I just watch that other guy kicked him in the head. His toes caught him in the face. That wasn't a big deal. That looks bigger than like a bigger deal than it was. It's an interesting fight because Islam Makachiv there is 155. pound champion. He won like 14 fights

at that in a row or something like that. And now he's the 170 pound champion. He wanted champ champ status. So Ian Gary is a way bigger man. I think Islam is like 510. And Ian Gary claims 6'3 and is probably, you know, closer to 6.1 or 2 or something like that,

clearly taller. I hate Ian Gary now. I really do. I like it. I don't like Islam either, though. Yeah, it was a pretty shitty end of the night. I like Islam. Kabib's still my favorite, of the recent greats.

Yeah. Yeah, it's hard to hate. It's hard to hate Khabi. I've been what I followed a lot of the interviews and the behind the scene stuff this week. There was a moment at the, at the press conference where Ian Gary was actually trying to like, again,

kiss Islam's ass. I think he was saying something about, he's all the legacy he's created. and that goes back to Khabib's father or something like that. He's kissing his ass again. And like, Islam couldn't hear because the crowd. And he was like, shut up. Like told him to shut up. And then they're behind the scenes later on.

And Kabe was like, I pay one year English lesson. One year English lesson, I pay. He no understand anything. He don't learn anything. Ian Gerey said nice thing to you. He is saying nice thing, kind thing. And you tell him to shut up. Why?

Why you tell him to shut up? And it's like, hey, these guys are, these guys are hard to hate. You find a way. You don't like any of those. I find a way. Hate finds away. Those daggers Danny Rush me guys. Yeah.

I like Khabi, he's a coach now. And one of the things he does for the fighters under his wing is he makes him learn English. He's like, it's the entertainment business. And you can be a great fighter. But if you want to make a lot of money, you need to be a draw. And you can't do that without speaking English. And it's like, fuck, that's good advice. That's soft.

Oh, yeah. For sure. Yeah. And it's plain for us. I feel like to me and you, it's obvious, like what the best makeup of a UFC fighter is, how they should conduct them. There's a couple of different paths to conduct them. Yeah, I would say that way. Yeah.

You could be like the hated guy. You could be the bad guy. But you don't have to be. You can just be fun. But you've got to build a fight. and I never want to see you hug your fucking opponent. Why aren't you hugging your opponent? I think back to some of those older fights.

And I'm like, I bet, I don't think Robbie Luller hugged what's his name after he destroyed his face. I'm almost positive he didn't. Rory McDonald. I don't think he hugged Rory McDonald. I don't think he hugged Rory after he destroyed Rory's face. And Royne needed a fucking hug that night. Both of them were split up, right? That's the one where Robbie Lutter split in two.

Yeah, that was a split in fucking two. Dude, not only did they both sustain a superhuman amount of damage, but it might have been at the end of the fourth round. Like, they need their corners were on the opposite side, so they had to cross. And they're like alphaing each other on the walk past, doing the shoulder check thing, eyeballing. Like, there could have been another fight between rounds.

They were so ready to go at it. And the crowd's losing at that. When the crowd sees it, the crowd gets this huge pop. Oh! Yeah. And they're just like locked. Yeah. Both men bleeding.

Right. What color are these men? They're fucking red. They're red people at this point. And they want to fight between rounds. And both of them still think they're going to win this. If I'm in the fourth round with any of these guys, if I ever thought I was going to win, that's been corrected by now.

But these guys, I love the spirit of it. That's one of the things I admire in a fight. That was a great fight. We watched that together in that movie theater. When he finally punched Rory in the nose the final time, and you saw it like fully shatter and flattened, and Rory just reacts to, like, the pain. Like, his feet fail him because he's in so much pain,

and he just holds his face. Like, oh, I'm glad it's over. That guy needs some help. We got to get him to the ER now. Like, it was such. And something about blood makes it kind of hard to see. It looked like his nose was gone. It looked like he'd turned,

into a ghoul from fallout or something like that but obviously it was still there but he never came back from that really like that was the it was all that was the peak of his career yeah yeah sometimes that happens you know even a great win sometimes going forward he just he was damaged sometimes they hit the wall like like who knows what it is if it's just age or uh maybe something on their lives but sometimes they get their career beaten out of yeah a A war like that can be a forever thing. I don't know if it's physical or emotional, but a war is like that change fighters.

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, Joe, or, yeah, Joe Lozon. That has his debut. Yeah, 29. I'm actually not the 29th. Okay, so it's a week and a half from now. Okay. Fingers crossed him.

Yeah, I want him to do well. I guess I'll text Katie again. I have like 10 fights in a row as soon as it's over. I text his wife and it's cool. We're friends barely. I don't talk to her anymore. But it's always like, I'm glad that worked that well.

And I feel like this is the last one. I shouldn't just drop the tradition. Yeah. If he brutalizes this guy, maybe he'll do it again. We both want the same thing. He won his last one convincingly in the UFC. Dude.

Kind of, yeah. His last fight, Kyle's absolutely right. This guy was an up-and-coming guy. He was looking strong. and I think, you know, it was either Joe's going to get a win or this guy's going to make his name off of Joe. But then what Kyle did mention was the two canceled fights after that. One time Saroni was hurt and one time Luzon was hurt.

And that's another way to look at how his career ended, two canceled fights. I forgot that. That sucks. I forgot all about that. Yeah. Pretty good fight. I like Sironi. It would have been a good fight.

It would have been a good fight. but they were broken. Yep. Well, it's about dinner time. Dinner time and I got a hell, dirty grind to level 50. Good luck. You and dirty.

All right. PKN, 626.