Painkiller Already - PKN 630

Episode Date: September 17, 2026

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PKN 630. What's up, boys? How's it going? Doing solid. Do you see that Texas game? Oh, yeah, I watched the whole thing. I think Chis gave up on it. He's the Texas fan.

I was like, you got to believe. There are only two scores behind. And true enough, they came back in one. It was a tremendous game. Ohio State. It was ranked one, Ohio State versus ranked four, Texas. And at the beginning of the fourth quarter, it was 23 to three. and then Texas won 24 to 23.

And I was like on like checking the Ohio State Texas like Twitter trend of everybody talking about it. And it was just all these Ohio State fans being like, we're unstoppable. You know, Texas is no joke. And we're world beaters. SEC what? And then they just come back and lose. And I went back and checked like after the game. And it was of course like that sort of histrionic sports fan reaction like a guy with like the

Ohio State Buckeye and his icon. He's like, I know I say this like at least twice a year, but like I'm tying the noose. It's over. Like I'm going to kill myself over this loss. Did you see the Eagles game? Who did they beat? The Washington commanders, I don't know if they're any good this year, but the Eagles were up by eight with about 30 seconds left.

And the commander scored. So then they went for two point conversion and the Eagles finit, you know, they stopped that and they won by two. That's a good finish. Yeah. Close win, tight game, but W's a W. Eagles should be good again this year, probably. Yeah, I actually looked up some like power rankings and they were fifth.

So they're in the conversation. Yeah, and that's in the mix. Yeah. I think Mazoo moved up to top 20. Oh, yaha. Yeah, very nice. We're up in, wait, who are, that's only, we only moved like three up. I thought you were 25th or something.

I mean, yeah, moving up's good. Oh, did you only move up a few ranks in the top 25 of the world? Oh, man. Yeah, but you're the same person. Well, you'll be like Georgia will start the year at seven. And you're like, I mean, we're, well, there's no other way to put it. We're underdogs. We're about grit.

Like the AP, you moved up three. And on their coaches poll, you moved up one, 20 and 22 respectively. Well, not too bad then. Whatever that's worth. I'm guessing state is not also receiving votes yet. No, we're not ready for that kind of prestige. They will be, though. They'll win a few games in a row probably.

I don't remember their schedule, but I don't think they're good for their conference. I'm going to look. Yeah, beat the dastardly Kansas team. Georgia put their second string in in like the first half of the game. It was like 40-something, nothing. And they're like, oh, and quarterback's coming out to take a rest. We're going to put in Jimmy Popcorn. He's going to play ball for a while

and they put in the second string and still, I think we beat them like 70 to 20, I remember. They did all but go like, all right, Bulldogs fans. If everyone will check under their seats for the fourth quarter quarterback, dude, I looked at State.

The first week, State lost 34 to 8. It really deflated us. Second week against Richmond. The Richmond spiders, maybe. house the deer tics we won 73 to nothing oh my gosh oh did you i just oh yeah i shared that once i was like look at this who are the fucking richmond dicks like this spider put some respect on their name i saw that logo for the richmond spiders and it reminded me of like do you remember the logos you could pick for your backyard baseball team on that pc game yeah where you'd be like the you know

the Mollfield Moose. You'd have to like pick your own colors and everything. That's what it looked like. Yeah, it's embarrassing. You're clearly familiar with these schools. They're two and one, the Richmond spiders, because they beat Howard and Bucknell. What are they doing against an ACC team?

Are they even D1? I don't know how this works, but... That's probably the team that NC State was like, take half a mill, show up and just take your beating. It's always been weird to me that we do that. Like, stop. Stop playing these high school teams. Everybody across the board should stop playing high school.

teams crazy i get what you're saying like i bet to other football players most of them look at the guys at like the richmond spiders and be like they got uh free rides to school they're a d1 team these guys are elite football athletes and yeah sure they're not you know playing for georgia texas or something trying to be pros but they're you have a level below that and way better than 99% of players Most guys don't even make it after college. But to us, we're like, what is this high school team D1A? It has no bearing on the greater scheme of things. Like, supposedly we're playing these BCS games, these championship games to narrow down who the best team in the country is.

So why are we playing the Deer Ticks ever? Why are they involved in the discussion? The Deer Tics should never come into it. Instead, if NC State is one of those schools that should be tested, they should be tested against schools. Good competition, the same way Georgia should or Ohio State should or anybody should. I feel like they just mix the minor leagues in with the major leagues. And then sometimes the fact that these games are going like 60 to nothing and 70 to nothing is there's your proof. Like this is on balance.

This isn't even close. When you look at the sideline differences, like our coach, I don't know what the coach of Georgia makes, but it's probably some godly amount. And then they cut to the coach of the Richmond Spiders and it just looks like some nice man. some nice man he also teaches economics yeah yeah that guy that guy has a side hustle who's coaching for the the

the Richmond deer ticks or whatever it's almost found its level though because all of the real like power five conference members do this now so like all of them get a free win if it was like just the the big 10 that did this

and then at the end of every year they were touting it then that would be a big deal But like Georgia gets a freebie game, NC State gets a freebie game, Mizzou gets a freebie game, fucking Notre Dame gets as many freebie games as they choose to schedule. It was different when they had the BCS, obviously, because you weren't going to have a playoff at the end of the year. So it made a lot of sense to get some fake bullshit wins

that look really good four months from now. It's like, look at this, we beat that team 70 to nothing. Well, you did. That's a lot of points. They didn't score any. Okay, moving on. But in reality, we beat the Richmond Ticks. It would be much more respectable if you lost LSU by 14, you know, that beating the ticks by 70.

I love that you just refuse to call them the spiders. First of all, both arachnids. I'm right there. Second of all, the tick is a much more pathetic creature. But also scarier in its own way. It gets embedded at the tick defense. It is. The worst thing they could do is give you that algae against the meat.

I was wanting to watch a game, and so I checked on Prime this past weekend because they have like free games. And I guess I, I guess I didn't realize I had Peacock because I was able to watch Notre Dame versus Rice. And I've never really watched or paid attention to Notre Dame. I just know the reputation that non-Nodrome fans have where they're like, oh, yeah, that team that picks their own schedule. And then Notre Dame fans are like, no, no, no, no. It's actually really hard. And the announcers must have been like Notre Dame guys because the whole time they're like, you know, this Rice team really underrated. You know, this is a solid squad, these guys.

This quarterback for Rice, big boy out there, six, four. He's really, he can huck that pig skit. And it's like at the time, it's like a minute left in the first half, Notre Dame is up 56 to nothing. And they're like, you know, the real story here is Notre Dame is really banging on. all cylinders here, but you can't take away the ferocity of this Rice team. And it's like, let me see who Rice plays. And it's like, I think I will take away the ferocity of this Rice team, actually. Like every time that quarterback on Rice was like, every time he needed to throw up more than like nine yards, he was like, no, I'll just run it for one. Like, because I'm afraid to

throw. I really don't understand it. Like, it's not fair. They have like multiple divisions of like, in collegiate sports within the NCAA, it seems like everyone has a good finger on the pulse of which teams are actually in contention. I don't think anybody should. Like you've got the top 25. Why not just have them play each other? Why not just have them play each other?

Like make it the top 50, and they all just play each other. Whatever the top 50 this year is, next year, they're all scheduled against each other. There's no rice, there's no deer tics, none of that. And then maybe an LSU gets left out, not literally LSU, but like somebody like a Clemson or something, like next year, Climson, not even in contention for the bottom 10% of that 50 gets relegated and the top 10% like top five of the other one swaps in maybe.

Like Florida and Miami are powerhouse football programs that have had some years where they're not even like in that conversation. Yeah. Really good. Just like who's the worst team in the ACC, fucking Rutgers? I don't think they're in the ACC What are they in? Big Ten or something Whatever division Rutgers is in

Georgia Tech is the worst team in the ACC Okay well then we kick Georgia Tech And we go Notre Dame you're up I like you know what the next five years We're going to try something Georgia Tech You guys get some confidence back You're going to be up against the fucking Maine Wolf sheep

You know for the next five years Just having a great time and Notre Dame you have to actually play against Clemson. And Clemson's a bad example. It was so funny seeing Shane Gillis talk about this. He's like, we pick our own conference. You would too. You pick your own conference too if they let you.

You can't. You're not a premier program. We pick our own because we're the kings. Oh, you're in a conference. Oh, conference pride? How embarrassing. How humiliating. How humiliating to be fans of the people who beat you

and to use that as some sort of backwards logic about how good you supposedly are. That's right. pick her on conference. We're champions. Anyway, big win for Notre Dame this past weekend over Cincinnati Tech. Stomped them. Yeah, let's see. It was a week.

I had to pay for the fucking Fubo football package again. I do that every football season. It's like $65 a month to be able to actually watch football games. Gosh. It's ridiculous. There's no other way to watch them. I mean, I guess I could literally like have a laptop in my living room where I'm constantly refreshing on some site where I'm stealing it from.

I don't do that. I want like HD and I want to be able to, I want it all in one place. What reliable and quality. If it matters to you, it matters. I've watched a lot, I mean, hypothetically, I've watched a lot of UFC events. Dude, it sucks to watch them

like pirated. They're always, especially like the big fight at the end, it stops, it buffers, you lose 20 seconds, the quality goes down, it's bad. Yeah, it's no good. I really like that Paramount is doing that thing now. Like I do get annoyed if they cut out some of the corner talk or some of the walkout footage.

I don't like what they do with replays because I like to be able to go back. I like the idea that I own the entire catalog of UFC events. And you kind of do, but not really. What you actually own is the entire catalog of UFC fights, which is a different thing. It's a different thing to watch a four-minute video that's like Mustafa versus Jones. It's like, okay, so this fight will end in four minutes. That's a mistake, by the way. They should all have the same, like, length to the video.

So you don't know that, like, somebody's about to losing two minutes on this one. And I don't want to just watch the fights. I want the walkout. I want the announcement. I want the see them backstage warm enough. I want the event. Now, I'll fast forward through the fucking whatever if there's something boring or a woman's fight. I can see him cutting out the commercials too.

And, you know, if you're on a rewatch. I'm not going to ask for that because that's their bread and bun. or literally, but you pay for the, I don't like paying for things and getting commercials while I pay for it. I don't think that's cool. Premium product in the case of UFC though, so I feel a little bit differently because I remember when we paid $80 each, I remember when we paid a yearly subscription fee just for the privilege of being able to pay $80 for the pay per views. So now that I'm watching them for whatever paramount is, 20 bucks a month, which is already paying because I watched Star Trek, it's a hell of a deal for me. I don't, I don't mind a doubt. I don't mind a

Dodge Truck commercial in the middle of my combat sports. I need you to piss anyway. I don't want any commercials. If I'm paying, fuck you. I'm kind of with Taylor on that. And the Dodge Truck thing, like, remind me just how often they do the same commercials. It seems like a UFC event has about four commercials,

but they have a hundred slots. So you watch them all 25 times a night. What I realized is watching that Notre Dame Rice game on Peacock is they don't have commercials. They do that thing where for some reason, all the commercial breaks,

it was just like a flyover with like kind of hotel music of Orlando studios. Like for, and I, it was a real stark reminder of how many commercials are in football because the music clip was like a 24 second loop. And so like I, my wife was sitting on the couch. Like we were both kind of paying attention to it. And she was on her phone doing something else. And she was like, I think we've heard. heard this song more times than

that's football game's been on by like a factor of three. Like it's been like for every one minute, you know, Notre Dame's been on screen scoring, you know, their eighth touchdown. We've, I've had to look at the same roller coaster with the same little bit of music. Everybody, I see people complain about the ads. It never once

bothers me. I'm always like happy with the little, the little breaks away from the game. Like if it were continuous, like, like, I wouldn't like that. I like the ads. I really do. And it never seems like it's too much to me. This is shocking to me. Like, you could walk away from the corner.

Oh, look at that, honey. Speedstick with odor control. I didn't know that. You're taking a picture of the QR code. You're sprinting up to your TV. Hold on. It's the most ridiculous take ever. It's not bad.

It's like I'm watching a premium product. Everybody's getting paid. And all I had to do was learn about ram trucks. Let's go. I like Rand trucks. Kyle's in the notes app on his phone going, ask my doctor about Sky Rizzy. Like,

I don't know what that drug does, but if it does something chill, then that would indeed be me. If Skyrizy was like, makes you super powerful and strong and cool. Like, okay. What is that drug do? Is that a sex change drug?

Is that a real drug? I know it from commercials. I don't actually know what it does. It's like, check out Sky Rizzy. Yeah, it sounds like a urban version of SkyRum. Maybe it was, Some, some, like, skin condition. Because I think there were, like, a very diverse cast of people, like, looking ashamed, holding their elbows.

Oh, maybe plaques psoriasis? Perhaps plaque psoriasis. Maybe eczema. It treats chronic inflammatory and autoimmune conditions. Oh, that's poor. Oh, that seems pretty vague. I think there's a lot of those. I don't know.

Plach psoriasis. No. Nailed it. Styeratic arthritis, Crohn's disease, and ulcerative coles. colitis. Maybe Sky Rizzy's right for me. That would be hilarious. I need to ask my doctor about Sky Rizzi.

How much did you just get paid for that? Are you with Sky Rizzi's pocket? I'm completely. I'm big Sky Rizzi. I feel like that's a checkmate, Woody. I just proved that if you had more commercials, not only would you be healthy. Would you be happier as well?

My good God. Yeah, that would, you'd have to fess up if you got on Sky Rizzy and you're like, guys, life's wonderful. I've been biking in the park a lot. People are in public pools. Jackie and I have been smiling in adjacent bathtub. So, looking over and green.

Is that what the commercials are like? That was the old one, the old Niagara commercial. It was like a cabin in the smoky mountains and it was like anytime go ahead. You'll be ready. It's like you're both in your own, like, legged old-timey bathtub on the patio looking out, smiling at the woods.

Yeah. We just fucked so hard. We got to soak now because we're old. I thought it was like he was leading up to it where he's like another fucking 28 minutes in this bath, sweetie, and I'm in the middle. Both see right. It can be between rounds.

True. Yeah. Um, Mitch McConnell got out. Exciting stuff. He looks good. Oh. You know, he,

He looks good. He looks like he doesn't have a video or photos. I saw video. I saw video. I got to say, they're going to change his little nickname. They're going to call him the snapping turtle. That guy has vigor, okay? He's so does that.

A bunch of Democrat hairs running around everywhere thinking they're going to win the race. Meanwhile, slow but steady Mitch McConnell. Slow to steady. Grinning his way past the. finish line just like he was back in the 20s. Look at him. Look at him. I saw pictures of him and I heard quotes from him. I read quotes from him and I was like, oh, he must be a lot better than I thought he was. So much better. And then I saw the video and I was like, oh my gosh, this is an empty shell of a human being. He's Feinstein level. Like he they're like, can we get a thumbs up? And he's just

smiling and looking in the wrong direction and not he's not present there he couldn't he did thumbs up at one point like earlier unprompted but when they asked for he just seemed was he in the car I saw the car one that he didn't do a thumbs up he just was like thing about staring like you do an old person smile but like he's a very old man I don't know how old he is I'm gonna call him 80 but so like his hearing's got to be bad and when you're in a car anyway even as a regular hearing person you can't hear outside it very well. So I was like, maybe he can't hear him. Maybe they, maybe they

even know he can't hear him. Then they're just like, Mitch, how do you feel now? You're ready for the big vote? So they can just film him blankly staring off. He looks great to me. I'm looking forward. I can't tell if you're joking. I know. That's interesting to me. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Because you keep

sticking to it. And I'm like, no. Because the reason I have a hard time, well, I get it now, but the reason I was having a hard time is I thought he was okay. I gave him the benefit of the doubt until I saw the video. Then once I saw the video, I had a very different impression of him. The still shots and the written quotes, like, I have to get back to the house.

He wants to work on some bill in particular, maybe a farm bill. And he's like, we're going to get in the committee and we're going to get this farm bill pushed through and we're going to do it. And I was like, oh, okay, you know, he's back at work. But then when I saw him on video, I was like, oh, no, that's, I don't even know where he said that. He only went to this area where reporters were not allowed. Like he went to this hallway where press can't go. And that's where he did his like his appearance away from the press. So he didn't say, we're going to go work on this bill because I didn't see that.

I read that quote, but I didn't see it in video. Okay. I would have a hard time thinking that because based on the video of him in the car, this guy's done. He should be like relaxing at home and a nursing home somewhere. Okay, so like jokes aside, I disagree with that take. I think he looks way better than we thought. Well, we thought he was going to look.

We thought he could have died. Or that he'd be brain dead and it's like laying in a bed somewhere. That's exactly my point. And instead, he showed up. By that standard, he does look better. He's like a schoolboy rolling through the Capitol Mall. He's got that, uh, that like old person like totally. I expected to tie somebody strings and get up some shot, some hijinks or something.

He looked like so. He looked positively charged. This is his second wind. He's really going to get it under him. It's his master plan. He's going to age 84 years, switch it, and then age in reverse for 84 years. Life ends with an orgasm. It's a brilliant plan.

Not his, though. Yeah, I was looking for video of him speaking today. Because I saw an article headline that said something like Republicans tried to hide Mitch McConnell's shaky voice, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. and I was like, oh, did he have to speak somewhere? And maybe they just like, what do they do? What hijinks were pulled? But I can't find it. And chat, GPD can't find it.

I see him here on the Senate floor. But I have to watch him like 11 alive, like newscast. They'd be pushing that clip if he was out there wheeling and fucking dealing after getting out of the hospital. He looks like he's just along for the ride. Oh, I see him. Yeah, there's a video of him here on the Senate floor. It indicates nothing.

as to whether he can even talk or anymore. Like, they haven't proven he can talk. So my theory was that he'd had a stroke in his face or his speech was messed up. Oh, it's not on my screen anymore. He didn't have visual. I must admit, after two years, two decades of dodging your questions, I wasn't sure how many of you would be here today. So I'm glad to see you. Time to get back to work and finish the job for this Congress.

I'm here to work on the farm bill. I read that and I was like, oh, you know, he's more with it than I'm. I thought, but I didn't see him say it. I only read about it. And when I saw the video, it didn't match that quote. And what was the cadence? Even if he said every one of those words, did that take fucking 14 minutes? Was there a lot of

helping? Was it mumbly? He didn't say to that. Yeah, I would doubt it. He's out to lunch, dude. I don't think he spoke a word of that. I'm not sure if he can speak. I have no proof. It's just, I've seen that reported

so many places. I assumed he said it, but I don't know. Yeah, when somebody this, like, when he's been gone this long and he's this old and he's this important and there's clearly like a bunch of people around him trying to keep exactly what's happening, a secret, genuinely, they're trying to keep it a secret from the American people. It's very like cloak and dagger almost. I don't even know where he's been. And then they wheel him out today with this vacant look on his face and this stupid grin where as far as I know, he could be brain dead. Like he could literally be brain dead in that chair. Like he wasn't like he was like, hello everyone. It's nice to be back outside. Oh, feeling well. Like, if you'd seen that as they rolled him through, you'd be like, oh, shit, he's back. Fuck, he's got another three or four years in him.

What if he, like, as he's walking into the capital, he's, like, wanking it, and then he kicks through the cane, and he starts those little cartwheel. Yeah, I don't think, I don't think he's going to be like the black, like, a quarter or something. He's like, what are you doing out of people, boy? Like, he just comes unglued,

or just chasing him around with the camera. As if he's 184 years old. Yeah, yeah. Exactly. He wasn't, he doesn't even have memories of that. Yeah, it made no sense. I feel like they should have replaced. You're watching Roots in the hospital for six weeks.

If I'm in charge of the Republicans, the way that it works in that state, there's a Democratic governor, but he can't pick anyone. Instead, the Republicans give him a list of five people. And the governor appoints someone from that list of five people. Okay, cool. now I think if they had done it in time like when before he would have been running in November and they would have had a new Republican senator like run as the incumbent and that would have been a better spot than what they're going to have which is what the ghost of Mitch McConnell and no incumbents rerunning it's I could see the people surrounding Mitch McConnell mid putting up a big fight like his handlers and controllers being like No, no, no. He can do it. And then also maybe prospective donors for that list of five people are talking to his heads of staff being like, I don't care if you have to weekend at Bernie's that motherfucker. We bought him. We paid for him. You're doing what we need. And so get done what needs getting done. And they're like, I don't have the right answer for this situation, right? You can make it current Trump, previous Biden, McConnell, Diane Feinstein. I think I have that right. Yeah. Like, you know, take your list of. way too old politicians.

That person was put there by their constituents, right? They were voted in. So it has to be something pretty extreme to override the will of the voters. And where that, like, is it extreme enough? Probably depends on whether you're on the red team of the blue team. Or I should say, depends on you're the same team as that guy. It shouldn't matter. There should be a Senate competency test or something.

The whole thing is so awful. Like, it's so frustrating What if we did a presidency competency test? I mean, Supreme Court. Any politician over 80? Guiding American like, uh, I have never seen Trump talk about policy coherency

in any of his terms, right? So like, how hard should this test be? Does he just identify elephants and flamingos and shit like that? Or does he need to identify like, can he need to name the Supreme Court members? Like, there'd have to be like a ruling. body though because otherwise they're going to do that shit that they've done with both Trump and Biden where like they'll come out and be like Joe Biden he's actually the doctors say

he's so spry it's hard for us to keep up with them and then with Trump they're like actually we just verified it he's a cool 199.9 pounds and six foot is like you ever served the smartest president to have ever served I think his doctor said that if he had a better diet he lived a 284. If that's not perfect, that's close. Like, that's what his doctor said. What the fuck are we doing? It's the ultimate prove me wrong as a doctor. It's like, well, but he won't stick to it. You know, he's eating all those nose. He's even, do you remember that this was years ago, but when that, that picture of Trump and, uh, RFK on the plane where Trump is like smiling like a Cheshire cat as he's clearly forcing RFK to eat a full combo of McDonald's food and

RFK is like like giving a thumbs up an uneaten fucking Big Mac in front of them yeah I looked it up Dr. Ronnie Jackson that's Trump's doctor said if he had a better diet he'd reach 200 what what the fuck

like this is obvious like yeah he's no credibility yeah I don't prove him wrong and no one's ever lived the 200 it's obviously silly all those people because they don't stick to the diet they don't stick to the diet

So they're eating seed oils. Check me. It's either, we haven't figured it out yet. It's either far too many eggs or not nearly enough. It's one of those back and forth, back and forth. We've been pro-egg for Alcun's age, all right? Like, we figured the egg out now, I think. Eat all the egg now.

Yeah, I think by now people are all in on. Really? I thought we were definitely pro-egg white. I wasn't so sure we liked yolk. I'm pro-eg-white because I eat so many eggs. Like, I would have to eat like dozens of. of eggs a day. That can't be healthy. So I eat my egg whites. Like if you're on some sort of performance diet where you're eating three or four thousand calories a day or something like, don't eat that

many eggs. Don't eat three dozen eggs. I don't know the current answer for some of these, but in my lifetime, wine has been good, bad, good bad. Chocolate has been good bad, good bad, especially dark chocolate. Eggs is a great example. We just covered red meat. Chocolate's always good for you. The dark chocolate has got phenyl coline in it. or something. And then, oh, margarine and butter, like I've seen them flip back and forth as to which was the greater sin.

Yeah. Aspartame, good, good, good, good, to my knowledge. Like, perennially good. One of the few winners, you know, that's what we know. One of the few, like MSG. No one's ever said a bad thing. They were lying about the MSG too. They actually were lying about the MSG.

I got a big container of MSG. That's right. It's literally racism with the MSG. I've got a big container of it. I put it in everything. It's what makes food taste good. I haven't used it in years. I forgot it.

I have a accent. Every sauce, every like rub, every like marinate, MSG, monosodium glutamate. Do you have the same brand as me, like the little thing of accent? No, I get like from Amazon, like straight up just, it just says MSG on the container. I looked up the MSG thing. By and large, it agrees with Kyle. It says MSSG is not dangerous. But it does contain a lot of sodium.

So if you're one of those people who has to watch their sodium intake, then MSG falls in that category. Probably less sodium than salt, though, right? It does. That's a selling point on the bottle of accent where it's like less than half the sodium of salt. Yeah. Yeah. It says less sodium by weight than salt. So replacing salt with MSG can reduce sodium while maintaining savory flavor.

Yeah. Speaking of like wildly excessive salt intake. and bringing it back to that Ohio State, Texas game. This guy online had a challenge, an Ohio State fan, where he had like ridiculous challenges for every single thing that he has to do if Ohio State loses. And so like against Ball State, I'll read some of them. If Ohio State lost to Ball State, he had to get a vasectomy.

He might want to do that anyway. Texas, the Arch Manning. spend 24 straight hours in a McDonald's. Each Big Mac Eaton takes off an hour. Kent's, if they lose to Kent State, the Golden Flash Challenge, go out in a storm, sirens must go off and hold a metal bat for as many minutes as points lost by. Oh. If they lose two, what's the other one.

Oh, yeah, if you lose the Iowa, laying a field covered in bird feed for as many hours as points Iowa wins by. They lose to Michigan, get nipple piercings. The USC challenge, which U.S. word S-E-A is the name of it. Big Cat, who's one of his bosses, may tweet USC once before the end of the year. And if I'm not in the sea slash ocean within 24 hours, I'm fired. So they're pretty good challenges. but he had to dress like, I'll put this clip in there, Zach, for you to show

and bring it up, make sure the volumes on Zach Free. Let's start playing. This is him like 14 hours and nine Big Macs into this challenge in face paint dressed like Ronald McDonald. And he's be moaning the fact where he's just been in there for so long. He says he feels like he's going to throw up and he's like all these people keep approaching me. Not a good time. to ask Ronald McDonald for a photo is the caption of this.

Play it, Zach. What did you do? She said that's Ronald. Do you want to take a picture with him? I think there comes his fucking kid. All right, that's a little based. He's so done with it. He's so done with it. He's even nine.

I was dying watching that. That's so funny. And that was a nap like Billy Bob Thorne. I'm on my lunch break. And the thought of a parent going in there and being like, geez, is McDonald's doing okay financially? This guy looks absurd. You're Ronald McDonald impersonator? He cursed it.

My child. Oh, no, ma'am. He does not work for us. He's pretty, he's his own thing over there. He's pretty aggressive. I follow him on Twitter. And so I saw his journey where he. he's like, big shout out to Leslie, the head cook.

She's letting me make my own. And he's like video of him in the back, now serving people. And making his own, Donald. That was, I thought, I was, those challenges, the USC one where like your boss can be like ocean. And you have to be like, fuck, I'm in the middle of a football game in North Dakota right now. Like I got to get a flight immediately so I don't get fired. Got to get to the sea. But, yeah.

I really hope, I have no opinion on Ohio State. I know they're a good team, but I hope they lose a lot this year. They're defending champs, right? No, Indiana won last year. Oh, you're right. Yeah, they had that like Cinderella story. I'm not sure there's a difference between those states. They're close to each other.

It's hard for me to just watch a couple games. And like, obviously I watched Georgia play and I watched Ohio State and Texas play and a few other. But I can't really like be like, oh, yeah, Ohio State's not as good as Georgia based on what I've seen. because I watched Georgia while up a high school and I watched Ohio State blow a fourth quarter lead to Texas. I don't know who's better than the other. Like, I have no way of telling. I don't know how anyone does.

Yeah. Although we didn't make all those fucking mistakes and we just hammered the shit out of them. That's got to be a good thing. Well, it can't be a bad thing. You made no mistakes. Sure. Pretty psyched for this year.

I think we've got a very good chance. I don't know what our odds are, you know, this early in the season of coming away. with the title, but it's got to, we got to be like one of eight teams that are going to do it. Like, I bet I could pick eight teams and I'd nail the national title winner. Well, eight teams. Yeah, I don't mean it's a hard. It's a lot of leeway.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I just think we're one of those teams. And everybody else is kind of playing for bowl games. That's why I don't want to play the ticks. That's why I want it to be like just the top 50 or maybe even just the top 100 teams. like we're there's no way the ticks are in the top 100 in the country spiders or whatever how many d1 teams even are there i don't even way too many way literally not as many as they claim yeah because i because i think what he's right they do d1 a which is like above d2 but below regular d1 i don't know how that that that shit

maybe they need a new like elite division that that that somehow like plays off of the prior year success in the playoff system or something like that. I just don't think it makes sense for Ohio for the top tier teams to be playing against non-top-tier teams. Like the difference is so night and day. It's like pros playing amateurs.

As I first thought about the relegation, I was kind of excited about the concept. But for programs that lose a quarter of their players every year, more with the transfer portal, I feel like we shouldn't depend on last year very much.

That's true. True. Yeah, it's not pro sports. What do we depend on? I don't know what like metric to use. You know, we can't like exactly use like. What if 64 teams made the playoffs and they backed off? What would that take like three regular season games? Like the first nine games of your placement games and then they all make the playoffs.

So it's, but it would still be the top 64. That's my thinking. Yeah. whatever. Then have like a giant tournament. What is that? Like four rounds? Maybe five.

Yeah. Oh, I wasn't suggesting a bracket with the top 50 or top 60 teams. I was just suggesting your regular season games shouldn't include teams outside of that competitive field of teams that we can easily make. Of 64 teams. Your idea depends on last year's rankings. My idea can have like, I think it'd be eight placement games than five.

playoff games. Yeah. Yeah. That could be. And then Notre Dame can't do weak themes all the time, or maybe they would. I don't know. Yeah, they could still pick. But there's no good way to do it.

The Virginia. No, who was it? The Virginia spiders. The Richmond spiders. Yeah, Richmond, Virginia. Yeah. The Richmond spiders eight times and expect to make the top 64. It wouldn't work.

There's just no way. There's no good way to do it because you're right. Like the transfer portal and all the players leaving for the pros, It's like, like imagine if the NFL worked that way. And it's like, man, the Eagles really killed it. They're going to the playoffs. Ooh, but now it's time for the transfer portal. And it looks like KC is playing a, you know, hardball.

They just stole three players from the Eagles. Ah, that really sucks for the Eagles because the team that got them there is no longer there. Like, it just, it wouldn't feel real. I assumed that the Richmond spiders would be like an eight-year-old team. Like, hey, what if we played football here in Richmond? What? And they're so spoiled by University of Georgia. These bulldogs are like a normal college football fan experience.

I'm just saying like the name spiders doesn't sound old-timey. Like they're not like the... I bet they're very old. They're very old. They're very old. They're 132 years originating in 1894. You know how I can tell they're very old? is because they hadn't figured out

mascot naming yet. Like they did it first where they're like, what are people, what are people afraid of? And they're like, spiders, spiders, good sir. And they're like, oh, that's perfect.

We'll be the spider. And then like, you know, five years later, they're like, who are we playing? The tigers. Fuck,

that's better. Like, damn it. I see tigers and spiders. Like, is roughly in the same category. I, am I just bonkers?

If spiders were, If they were a dominant team, it'd be normalized. I'd rather be the tiger, obviously. I'd rather be a tiger, I think. The beautiful, majestic cat instead of the thing that lives in the corner of a shower that we step on. No predators, I think.

More respectable. And like one of them, like, I would like to be a tiger. If you give me a list of animals I could be, tiger's pretty high on that list. Like, spiders's way low on that list. I don't want to be a spider at all. I'd hate myself so much. If you go by mascot names, I think my undergrad school beats every school on Earth.

What were they? The Drexel Dragons. That's pretty good, man. I kind of like that. I like dragons. I like that. I don't think anyone else has there. No, University of Alabama, Birmingham has dragons.

I think there's a Japanese baseball team called the Dragons. That'd be a good name for a Japanese baseball team. Yeah, I bet there definitely is. I think there's a H.L team based out of China that's the Dragons or something. So you know, underutilized, underutilized. But a lot of these teams are like kind of forced by history. Chunichi. Yeah, they play in the Nepal Professional Baseball League.

NC State has the Wolfpack. I like the name. I think the only problem with it is it's not a winning enough program. Like the Wolfpack as a name would be perhaps better than Buckeyes if we had their level of success. I don't like the, I'm going to be honest. Isn't it like a seed that gets stuck into your sock or something? What is a buck eye?

I have no idea what a buck eye is. I just assumed it was a deer. I never really looked into it. Oh, it's definitely not a deer. It's some kind of like a seed or something I thought that looked like perhaps a deer's eye. It's a dark brown nut with a tan spot that comes from the Ohio buckeye tree. A nut. Damn.

Yeah. They must have been early, too. Like if you ever, is it Stanford where they're like, we're the raging pines? And it's like it's just that they're guys like a tree. What a time. They can think of anything more powerful or majestic than a pine tree. That was the, those are the days. They'd have to focus on defense.

If you were starting a school now and you were choosing their colors, what colors would you pick? Oh, I like black and gold. Me too. That was mine. That's what I would pick, but I'm biased because those are Mizzou's colors. I like black and gold. I think black and gold is a great look. Georgia Tech's, I think they're black and gold, maybe silver and gold, something like that.

I like black and gold. What I notice is like when your team's colors are black and gold, no matter what, your team always looks like the like Mighty Ducks bad guy team out there. Yeah. Like when we're playing Georgia, it's like if this were a movie, like the good guys would be on like the. the clean white with like some red highlights and the bad guys would be those roughyons on the zoo show the uGA blackout jerseys because those are those are pretty nice i've always liked the steelers look um yeah you know the the yeah i like red and white which it happens to be what nc state is but i've always thought red and white was a really good combo the problem is it's like generic build a school at this point

like yeah seems like half the schools have red in them and I wouldn't pick it. Like UNC, I like that. UNC, their blue isn't taken by anyone else as far as I know. But who would want it? Like, of course it's not taken by anyone else. It's the gayest color in college football, in college sports. I like when a mascot, so we were talking about last week,

how there's like there's five mascot, there's five tiger mascots or five tigers in college football alone. And you got somebody like Duke who just made up a thing. What the hell is a blue devil? what is a blue devil? They just made that shit up. I don't know. It's awesome.

I love the originality of Duke, not being the Bengal Tigers. Yeah. Or the Siberian tigers. But, I mean, they're having fun with it. He's not even like a threatening devil, which speaks to confidence. He's kind of a silly, Billy.

More of a ruffian, a rap's kind of, he's spilling milk on you. He's not harming you. It's not like the Duke. I don't know. I'm looking at a picture of him here. He looks like a devious fellow. Let me see.

Actually, I've got a good little... So obviously there's the cartoon, there's the drawing or whatever of the mascot. But here is the guy in the suit. I don't know. I wouldn't want to angle with this fella. Oh, he's much more human-looking than I thought. Yeah. I don't like this. Blue Devil is a much cooler name than I realized.

They were French soldiers in World War I, known for being particularly fierce. Their reputation associated with fierce, highly... capable mountain soldiers from World War I. I'm like, shit, I thought it was just a stupid superhero or something. There's a lot of them. They were hawk and natural gas. That's what they should do. They should just lean right into that.

Look at this guy. The mask is upsetting. Why wouldn't it be a real human's face? Like they're half in, half out. Like make it a devil or make it, because this is a guy in a devil mask. Well, it's not, it's a devil. It's a devil face. It's a, that's not a man's space.

I'm sure that's a man in like a superhero. Well, yeah, well his face is fake too. His face is a mask. That's what I'm trying to say. Yes. Put that together almost immediately. But don't you see? It's this weird in-between zone where like normally

mascots have this big goofy head and these big like soft pillowy hands. Look at him. He's got sports. He's got like athletic gloves on. He's got a cape on for some reason. And the head is only like maybe 20% larger than a human's head. It's really upsetting.

It's totally. different than most mascots. What is this? Have you seen acrobatics? Have you seen the mascots who have like a schick where it's like they have to do a push-up for whatever the total points are for their team?

And it's like sometimes that stick is like fucking Tennessee playing the spiders. And you see the poor guy dressed in his Tennessee volunteer overalls. And it's like, ooh, 77

to nothing. You know, it was only, you know, Jack, it was only four minutes ago that he struggled through 70 pushups. Let's see if he can hit 77 now. And he's just, they don't do seven more. They do 77 more. Yeah, yeah. It's so many. I saw that this week. And, and the guy that was doing the pushups looked like he was a band member or something. He had one of those ridiculous band costumes on. And he was a chubby fellow. He looked strong. I mean, he's a 20-year-old kid, 19-year-old kid or something. Of course, he's like healthy-ish. But he was definitely a fat. band kid, he was dripping with sweat. Then they showed him and he looked like Michael Scott trying to do him.

Like he was he was giving it 110% and not getting anywhere. Like he done so many pushups. He's really drunk too. At Cisco, I worked with a guy who was the mascot for UNC. And this guy was a blast. He was always enthusiastic. He just bounce off the walls at work with like good vibes all the time. He was young. He was

fresh out of college and not really an actual grown up yet. He wrote the CEO and said that he needed a couch for his office so that he could sleep there overnight. The CEO wrote him back and said what he really needed was work-life balance. He would not get his laundry done. It just show up at work in a bathing suit like

ah, nothing was clean. It's like a t-shirt and what was obviously swimsuit and he'd work in that. Shout out, Roger. It's not even casual. That's just swimwear. It had like a horizontal band around it.

Dan, he must have been, I would imagine very good at his job for his boss to not immediately be like, put some fucking pants on. He wasn't that good, no. He wasn't that good. But he was easy to work with.

Like everybody liked him and he was trying hard and he was smart enough he was learning but like he wasn't some prodigy that's the ultimate hilarious guy to work with is like dresses ridiculous sleeping in his office showing up late

barging into meetings but it's not a situation where he's like so good they have to retain him he's just a he's he's fucking up reports he's he's not responding to emails for whole weeks he's pushing his workload on to

other people. They're just like, God, we got to get rid of this guy, but he's, he's just about the vibes, man, like everybody was. He was great. He was great. Yeah, those people are fun to work with. What is UNC's mascot even? I don't even know what they are. It's a ram. The Rams. Oh, yeah. He means Chapel Hill, the big one. Yeah. Yeah, I'm almost positive. It's a ram. I think I like the Rams. Tar Heels, he says. Oh, that's the name of the school, but the mascot's name is Ramazis? I don't even know this word. Ramseys?

Are they playing an awful little Egyptian? How would you pronounce that? Ramseys. Ramsey's the Ram? Yeah. Okay. You're very limited on punny names for a ram. I would be like, maybe like multiple Zs, like he's a sleepy ram.

Like Ramdolf, instead of Randolph. How else could you do it? I think it's ramdolf as a ram with a Hitler mustache, though. I don't know about that. No, he's just a guy. He's just a ram. Ramdolf the ram. Ramdorf Hitler.

No. Now, you've taken it to a to a not fun sports police. He loves hitting things with his Hitler. Wait, how about Rambo? Rambo, I like that. Yeah, it lends itself to all sorts of sticks. He could have huge muscles. He could have guns.

He could do things. You could incur a lot of IP problems legally. Salone now owns the formerly called Miami Rambo's. Don't deny there's anything even vaguely similar to the characters. Stop doing the voice, Randolph. Do you want to go back to Randolph? Have you seen the previews for that Nathan Fielder movie or documentary that's coming out this fall called You Can See Everything?

No, it's the premise. Okay, so he spent three years with that Elizabeth Holmes lady who did the Theranos thing. For some reason, I don't understand this part of the detail why she would hire him to film this documentary about her, but in the preview for it, she's clearly like some sort of a manipulative sociopath, and he is for the first time in his career struggling to like, keep up with her on the weird social awkwardness level that she is providing.

She is like making this not continuous eye contact with him. And he's like, are you being serious right now? He's like, course I'm being serious. I would never try to manipulate you. Why would I do that? And he's just going, yeah, yeah. I got to see it. I'm so excited for it.

I love Nathan Thielder stuff anyway. I love that awkward, dry, like make the other guy just feel like his skin is crawling kind of comedy. But this is different. This is a different thing he's done here. I'm looking forward to this. And she is bizarre. Like I didn't watch the dropout movie. Amanda Siegfried played her in a movie called The Dropout or something like that.

And like there's a part where she's trying to like make her voice into that man voice. She's like practicing in front of the mirror. Innovative technologies. Innovative technology. Trying to let me do that man voice. What was the company called? Theranos or something? Theranos?

Yeah, it was a blood. Yeah. The CEO did this thing where she thought she'd be taken more seriously if she had a boy's voice. So she sounds like a girl trying to be a boy, and we all know how, I feel like men can do women's voices okay. Like when I listen to audiobooks and stuff,

like it works for me enough. But women doing men's voices doesn't work at all. And she just rocked it all the time as if that was her normal voice. She just always sounds sick. I think you with the prison for all that stuff. But if you watch the teaser trailer for the thing, it's a very weird, awkward moment of them just sharing a weird, awkward conversation with one another. Between Nathan Fielder and the, what's her name, Theranos lady, Elizabeth Holmes.

Yeah. She basically got in trouble for doing the, like, fake labs for her blood medicine or something. and like so it was blood testing she thought from one drop of blood she could run tests better and cheaper than the way that the world does it today it turns out that's literally impossible until it's not i don't know literally impossible but so um but the thing is she claimed that she was doing it so sometimes they would like take the blood samples run them through normal machines and do it the traditional way and then pretend that the results came from their new and better machines and there was a lot of misleading and lying and faking in an effort to get more investor money. And I think she was trying to fake it until she made it. But making it wasn't really in the cards because what she said she was doing, they say is not possible. How would you not be scared the whole time?

Maybe she was or if she is a psycho, maybe she doesn't have the capacity for that. But the whole time, if it was, you know, Taylor's blood emporium and I was like, no, trust me. You know, we're doing the tests. and I, you know, give it to my right hand goon. He goes down to the real blood precinct and takes care of it, brings it back. Like, I would just the whole time be like, there's no way for this to work out because at some point, someone really high up, a billionaire investor is going to be like, I want you to walk me through the process start to finish, just so I understand what I'm getting for my money here. And it'd be like, I resign. So she had a lot of, like you said billionaire investors.

That's not the parts that wax me out. it's she had I guess brilliant scientists working there why weren't there 75 whistleblowers all saying this is inconceivable we are lying we are fooling you how many people backed up her lies so that it kept going for years because there there must have been smart people working there being like we're not actually doing this they probably have to they probably are under NDAs if they're working for her some sort of

confidentiality agreement or something like that even if she's, you know, you see Musk out there talking about what his rockets are going to do. And they always fall a little bit short or his cars or whatever. Like you don't have like some scientist who works for him being like, actually. Yeah, but Kyle, the equivalent would be if he was like, all right, everyone, prepare for the launch. But it won't, everyone has to look away. It won't go if you look. Fantastic, everyone.

The equivalent would be, we've been launching rockets for the last year. You just, none of you saw it. No one's ever witnessed. We've been launching invisible rockets like no one has before. He has a new thing. He made a claim that he was going to have data centers in space in like 2027, like really soon. So that would be, I'm imagining they want to do that for the cooling. I don't know.

It's cold out there. Just like a sad data center satellite or something, I guess. Yeah. I forget what the advantage was to putting data centers in space. I just don't feel like temperature is the biggest problem. Isn't the water cooling the data centers? Some use water like you said. Some use air.

Some use air conditioning. But like the power supply, something that's kind of easy-ish to solve on Earth, still causing trouble, becomes a huge problem when they're solar powered, right? Like kind of data center runs on solar alone. Is he wanting to do entirely solar? or would he not do some sort of either nuclear or like you would have batteries that were kept charged by an acre of solar or acres of solar?

I think so. Have we ever done nuclear in space? I don't know of it. Where who win? The Voyager spacecraft are powered by plutonium power power sources. As the plutonium degrades, it gives off heat and then they have this thing that converts heat to electricity. Hmm. I think a lot of.

of spacecraft have been. The thing that put a damper on it is it's really dangerous because if the if during launch the thing were to explode, you could potentially scatter radiological material over a large area and kind of create like a dirty bomb. That's always in the

safer it gets must be really heavy. Like they make nuclear waste containers that survive all sorts of wild things. Earthquakes, semi on semi full head on crashes like they survive wild things. but something that heavy would be really hard to put in space.

Yeah, exactly. That's definitely got to be part of it too. I saw a picture of a nuclear weapon the other day. And the picture was black and white, and it was a miniaturized nuclear weapon that was, they said it was 10 times more powerful than the Hiroshima bomb. And it was about the size of, I mean, I totally carry it.

Like it's this big. Like a briefcase? It's a cylinder. It's a cylinder about 16 or 18 inches long. and about as big around, like not as big around as a propane tank, like definitely smaller than that. Like maybe 15, 16 inches, like in diameter.

And it was just a miniaturized nuclear weapon. I know they made them that small. That's insane. It's pretty convenient. Yeah. Feel it like a bad guy terrorist? That's what you want to go for it. You don't want that big giant bomb.

You're having to throw a sheet over on the back of a, you know, the big of a you ball. We're almost out of time. but have you guys been following Yemen at all? No. No, not at all. The situation is crazy. All right, first of all, Yemen, much more important country and bigger than I knew.

Like if you're picturing Saudi Arabia in your head like a normal person does, you see like that Saudi peninsula. But the bottom third of that is Yemen, Omar, and then like a little bit of United Arab Emirates. Cool. So Yemen is like a third of the size of Saudi Arabia. It's a significant country. It's 40 million people. So it's like bigger than Canada. anyway. 40 million people. It's a noteworthy country. And about a third of Yemen has been taken over by the Houthis. We all know the Strait of Horma, as we all learned it when we attacked geography. I'm sorry, attack Iran. That's how Americans learn geography. Well, on the other side, the other place where Saudi Arabia gets oil out to the world is the straight of al-Abib or something. I'm messing it up. But there you can see on the right, that's the little curvy part in the top right is one choke point that Iran is using.

And on the left is where Yemen has now taken control of that street. There's a pipeline going across like the top third, you know, through Al-Kasim and Al-Manod, something like that, that's been damaged. So now they have a bunch of problems. They can't ship oil to choose the straight they want anymore because the pipeline's been damaged. And they can't easily ship oil out either of those straits because the Houthis, who are basically the Iranian, they're backed by the Iranians, their two peas in a pod. Now, Iran basically has control of both straits on either side of Saudi Arabia, which is some significant portion of the planet's oil, like where we get it from.

And it's like, gosh, darn, so this whole straight of Hormuz thing has now been doubled to the other side. And someone's got to solve this problem. I don't know what the solution is. It is so much easier to break shit than to stop stuff from being broken. that this is a hard problem for even the U.S. military to solve. And that's where we are. Visit BetMGM Casino and check out the newest exclusive. The Price is Right Fortune Pick.

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Well, damn, not ideal. It's when I got to get that electric car. Hopefully it's a little harder for them to project power across the whole peninsula than it would be, you know, in their own home straight. I think those hooties live in Yemen, so. Yeah, the hooties live in Yemen. They've taken over a half-third of the country. And they've just taken over an island in that other straight, the one whose name I'm still getting my arms around, Mobbibder. something. Oh, yeah, yeah. So they have, of course, the Iranians have the, their straight of

Hormos in their backyard. And the Houthis have not just the straight, but also the island in the middle of it. So they can project power pretty well in that straight. The Houthis can. And yikes, this is a problem that's hard to solve. Yeah, well, no, no, just another, just a weekend being like, boys, cut it out. They'll be like, I get it. That's fair. I didn't think of that at all. I mean, we've already won the war enough times. One more time is just, it's almost trivial, Woody. You know, I wasn't thinking.

I wasn't thinking that makes sense. We're, we're UGA. They are merely the Richmond spiders. You know, we'll go in. That's what, that's what we thought. There's a way more much than they do. My bad. Although Richmond Spider, I kind of want Richmond Spider gear.

It's cool. to me than it is to either of you, it seems. Spider. Yeah, I remember like wanting, and I even had like a, like a windbreaker when I was a little kid of like the Charlotte Hornets or something. I didn't even know they were a basketball team. I just was like, that's so sick. Those colors are awesome. And the, the little logo is awesome.

I remember asking for that. Sick. South Carolina. I feel like the game cocks stumbled into something brilliant. Yeah. It's selling merch to 19 year old. boys like oh my cat says cock on it yeah i'm the best yeah i like that you probably don't like south carolina kyle actually have they ever been good enough to like annoy georgia definitely not

the way florida was i'll be just like one out of six times or something like that usually who's this but like game cocks yeah oh oh okay i thought we were talking about the spiders i'm like it's georgia even aware of the spiders you're not aware of spiders they're small they're crafty i don't even know which richmond They're from. Virginia. I don't know the other Richmond. What am I missing? I bet there's Richmond's everywhere.

Oh, probably. Like a Springfield situation could be. Yeah, yeah. Ciders can hail from any Richmond, Utah. Paris is here and there. But if they're playing North Carolina, they're probably from Virginia. Yeah.

I doubt they flew in the Richmond spiders from Great Britain. No. Yeah, they would have some fun names. Like the, remember the old family guy episode for Peter? he plays for the Cowboys, but then the Patriots, but then he gets kicked off and he has to join the London

silly nannies. I was like, man, classic episode. Anyway, I think it's dinner time, boys. Sure is. P.K.N. 630.