Painkiller Already - PKN #70

Episode Date: December 25, 2015

This week on PKN...More not dead Taylor

Live! Painkiller nearly episode 70. Big round number. Yeah. So what shitty things did you do to people to fuck with them when you were a kid? The one that popped in my head. We were talking about this right before the show and we decided to save it. So Kyle I know has a ton. He was talking about shining laser pointers in other people's eyes when they were driving as a kid. So you're not driving and you don't understand the responsibility that it takes for them to continue driving safely.

And so you're just ah ha, ah ha ha ha, just little shit-eating fuck and uh i did something similar to that i would keep pennies like pennies nickels nothing bigger than that because i was a child and i wanted to spend it on pokemon cards crazy bones or whatever uh and me and all my friends that we carpooled with we'd all get these pennies together and like once every couple weeks when we had enough just as whatever mom was driving us home from school we just roll all the windows down in their car and just throw handfuls of pennies at other cars driving by stopped and they'd be sitting there at their light and we just just the rattling sound of pennies just we threw it at them behind us so just a handful of pennies up as they were driving uh Looking back, that's really dangerous

and awful, and no wonder every mom... It's destructive, potentially. It's very destructive, which is why the mom would always be like, you boys, you stop! Stop throwing pennies! Just doing like the... Sorry, I'm so sorry. Mouthing it at the other drivers. I'm surprised we didn't actually get in trouble or hurt someone.

Well, I used to do this thing where I thought... I don't remember what movie inspired me, but that's definitely what happened. I watched Problem Child too many times as a kid. So, in virtually any restaurant that I would be in, if I was there with friends my own age,

I would flood the bathroom. I would flood the bathroom as badly as a bathroom can be flooded. If they've got those drains in the floor I'm stopping those up if it's got five sinks They're all going it when I would and I'd usually try to get the fuck out of Dodge dry because I'm not a moron So you know like we go to Pizza Hut to pick up the pizza And I use the bathroom after I paid and took the pizza to like go to my car

So let me use the bathroom before we go hit the bathroom hit the road But I know I'm leaving behind me an absolute fucking disaster and how old were you i don't know 26 i see i'm 30 and almost 30 now so 29 29 last year i was like yeah i started doing it when i was like 12 and i probably didn't stop until i was, I think I stopped around from the time I was 15 or 16, something like that. You know, I thought I wouldn't have a story to join in this, you know,

cause I'm not really naturally an asshole, but I have a thing. Yeah. When we were 17 and just learning to drive, it was this like freedom bomb that was dropped on us and it unleashed all kinds of ant-social behavior you know there was dumb things you know the blinking lights that go on like either those sawhorse things at the side of a construction site or the barrels like we stole those but the

bigger thing was living in ocean city there's a section of it where there seems like there's a traffic light like every four blocks. And the city wasn't really built to handle its population density. So it was just always kind of cramped and crowded for numbers. There are 18,000 people that live there in the winter. And on a busy weekend, there'd be about 250,000 people in the summer. So just not ready for that. What we would do to fuck with people, and we're 17 and just kind of learning to drive is as we head into the lights, we'd go slow

and go slow. And it wasn't hard to catch a yellow light and fuck them to make them get a red light behind us. And we did that all the time, you know, and, and then we made it clear that that's what we were doing. That's the worst thing that we've done. We would laugh at them and, like, point at them and, like, you're stuck at the red light and just make it known that, like, we just fucked you by making you hit a red light. And one time this guy, and by the way, we're, like, 17, right? We're, like like pretty fit guys. I probably exercise, I don't even know, like four hours a day at the time or something. Like, you know, I was really into sports and stuff. And we had in our head, like, you know, if these guys wouldn't possibly fuck with us, and if they did, we'd clown them, right? possibly fuck with us and if they did we'd clown them right and this guy he wasn't a particularly tough looking guy he kind of reminded me of the principal from ferris bueller's day off

right and he was like an adult like 40 or something i got a sex offender i didn't know that and uh so we we drive like an asshole and we make him hit a red light and then we start mocking him you know like waste out the window it's entering fuck you etc so he runs the red light and he just starts tailing us and it's we never anticipated this this whole tough guy thing really existed in the hypothetical yeah and uh so so he's chasing us and i'm like yeah fuck you like i'm sort of a big man and then he starts like following us like you know turn for turn for turn and it's going on too long like five minutes goes by 10 minutes goes by and we're like, who has more gas? Like, I don't even know how this ends. And so we start driving faster, and he drives faster, and we're not losing him.

And at one point, we slowed down because it was like a railroad crossing and it wasn't smooth. And I could see him offer to fight. It was like this. Right? And we're all like, no. No. We were just goofing. If you're watching audio only, he put his dukes up and kind of like danced around behind the wheel. And we shook our heads like, no, we don't want to fight he was like

all the way back home to like your parents or something and just walks right past you you're all like all right he just walks right past you your parents it's like you want to know what they did yeah and that's how it ended and uh i remember my friend he he was like you know are we pussies you know like we we kind of picked a fight and backed out of it and i'm like nah we're not pussies it was just stupid right who would want to fight that's a dumb thing to fight over we were just being smarter than than that it is a dumb thing to fight over but i don't know why you immediately abandoned your initial plan as soon as he started tailing you. Why don't you continue to just make him hit

red after red after red? Right? Because he's not going to keep running reds. At some point he's going to be like, I ran three, and this is getting to be risky business. I'm going to get pulled over if I run another red to catch these little fuckers. You're totally right. Well, I mean, what happens if we hit a red? Then you fight a guy uh do something or just lock the door i think it would have

literally been if it was either a two-on-one or a three-on-one like we had a bunch of teenagers in the car you had numbers we had numbers and he was how that goes like like a grown adult i've seen this happen the adult walks up and he says, all right! God damn it. We're here for this one. And everybody else is like, all right, Mr. Johnson!

All right, man! Who is driving? What are you, on your own? I'm sorry, Mr. Johnson. He says that he wants you. That's how that shit plays out when you're 17. Yeah, were you driving when you were 17? Your backup's 17?

I don't think I was the driver. Yeah, sell him down the river. I told you not to mess with this gentleman. Like, again with you. This guy. Headlock, get him, Mr. Johnson. I hope this teaches you a lesson. No.

There was a kid on my hockey team from the ages of like 12 to 15 or so, and for some weird reason, when he had to poop in public, he would only use urinals. Like he would run in and take a... He'd wait until he was alone in there and then speed shit in the urinal and then leave.

Every time. How did he wipe? We didn't get really deep into it. I guess you do that and then you kind of duck walk into the stall or bring some with you. I don't know, but he deep into it. I guess you do that and then you kind of duck walk into the stall or bring some with you. I don't know, but he would do it. That should shit the stall and

bring it out and put it in the... If you're only... That doesn't make any sense. He's not wiping. Stu wasn't wiping his ass. I mean, it would have been easily masked by the hockey smell. So it is possible he just wasn't wiping, and this was a weird facade to live out his deranged fantasies

of having a poopy ass. But, I mean, I don't know why he did it. Every time. Because we would walk in there after him and be like, dude, are you serious? And he'd be like, no, just pee. I just pee. I promise.

I promise I just pee. Like, all right, fine. And it's like, you go in there and shit again. Oh, Jesus. I'm not going to pee on this and get all that hot air blowing back at me. I don't know if you guys had the same issue, but the hockey rinks where I played, the toilets had the kind of handle that was like a three-inch rod,

you know, that you just kind of push. And when it moves in any direction, it flushes. Well, no one wanted to flush it with their hand, so people would flush it with the bottom of their hockey skates. But that was like – if you haven't held hockey skates, imagine like a steel-toed boot, but the steel toe goes around the entire sides and back. These are like big, heavy, clunky things with blades on the bottom.

And they are just like kicking the fuck out of these toilets. And they were consistently broken or they'd like shoot water out the sides and the maintenance would have to come. And they had the wrong kind of toilets. They needed some sort of button toilet or auto flush or something. That's also not good for your skate blade to just be kicking metal right i didn't do it i i flushed it with my hand and then washed my hands i had a plan i never flushed when i go into a public bathroom i do my best not

to touch anything and when i open doors i do this number i make this and I hook like like this part of my hand is actually like going in and grabbing the doorknob and opening it like I don't even want to touch it with the part of my hand that might touch my mouth or my face uh and I always flush with my foot one thing I do is I scout out the trash can so oftentimes the trash can is between the sinks and in that situation I just suck it up and open the door um what possible like follow someone and just tailgate my way out but oftentimes there's a trash can right by the door so after washing my hands i just keep the paper towel open the door with it toss and run oh you see for some reason it almost irritates me where it's like what do you think you're you're hiding from, you're avoiding?

Like, what germs are you, like, what's going to ruin your, how weak is your immune system? There could literally be, there is literally shit on that door handle. Literally human shit on that door handle. And your body needs a little bit of that shit to build up the resistance. But I don't want to know, if it's at at a it typically is a restaurant that this is happening it and I just don't like to mix my poop in my food that mixing should happen later biologically yeah I'm with you except I

was wondering what you mean with the track where you're going with the trash can thing I thought you're gonna like maybe even wedge it between the door and the which seems silly but I was going with it but but I realized that you're just you don't want to litter you don't want to but in my case like if there's a if they got one of those auto feeding paper towels and i'll actually have like i'm not gonna roll the thing i don't touch anything in there uh but if they've got an auto feeder i don't throw that

shit in the floor like like i mean you are if they were i could eatlessly destructive thing to do eatlessly destructive is the name no No, no, no, no. Think about it this way. Think about it this way. If they were so concerned about the cleanliness of that restroom that a paper towel tossed on the floor would be a big deal to anyone who might see it, then there wouldn't be shit on the door handle. All right?

Like, this is a filth den. There's not some nice old man coming in there and scrubbing up. There is. Nobody has ever. Not in the ones I've been to. I went on my trip to Florida the other day. It smelled like weak old piss. One of the toilets just had a big plastic bag hung over it.

It had been there for a while. And somebody had pissed on the bag. I've seen that. Right? I feel like that's needlessly destructive, too. I feel like that wouldn't be totally out of character for Kyle I don't know why I'm assigning that particular destruction to him. If the toilets too dirty and it's a one at a timer as I call it I'll just piss in the sink. That's the way to go. You piss in the sink

That it's unlikely anybody else is pissed in that sink unless I've been there before so I figure Not gonna get anything too bad on me over here, and I don't have to go in there and use that disgusting toilet. You don't think anybody else has peed in that sink? Well, I mean, it's not like I put my pants down to my ankles and lay my balls on the edge of the sink and just put, and here we go again. Somebody has used it to hold up the girl while they fucked her.

Well, I don't make any contact with it whatsoever. I usually don't wash my hands. If I'm peeing, I'm not going to wash my hands most of the time unless I'm going to be preparing food or something for other people right after or something like that. My hands are filthy. I wash my penis every time I finish peeing. Just right in the sink.

Just pop it in and just scrub. Scour it. Hot water. I just get it. Talking to the guy next to you. Oh, no, it's filthy in here. Got to keep it clean. Oh, girlfriend's germaphobe.

Howard Stern thing? What? So Howard Stern signed a new contract? We just barely talked about it before. Yeah, I was about to go, Stern or trannies? Where are we going next? Stern it is. I think that'll tie in so stern um signed on with sirius in like 2000 um

2004 2005 something like that i guess they did like a 10-year contract and then most recently like in the 2015 year i believe he was on a one-year contract extension and uh and so that contract was up and leading into it of course he was saying we don't know if this is the last week of the show or not we don't know what's out coming blah blah blah well they signed him up uh... got he got a new deal five-year contract including twelve years of uh... access to the content there's uh... you know i can say is library of like hundreds of thousands of hours of content uh... they're gonna do live video and there's a couple other things that they were just kind of teased,

but they're not telling right now. There's some kind of app that is a big part of this deal, but the money is the good part. Oh, my God. $80 million a year for five years. Now, that's not just Stern's cut. That's the Stern show's cut. That has to cover salaries and production costs. But it is the Stern show's cut. That has to cover salaries and production costs.

But still. But it is the Stern show. If Robin Quivers makes more than like one or two million a year, it's because he's fond of her. I feel in my head. He doesn't feel like he can do it without her. Then he's not that bright of a guy. He's said that many times like he feels like he needs her

as a fit i dislike a lot that's how it is for those radio shows though when they're on the air together they can't start a big spat about they're just like with ona and jimmy like none of that hostility about opie came out until after anthony was fired and they would say like oh yeah even like six years ago you know we were struggling and we were thinking he was holding us back and was not contributing to the funny or whatever but during you know look at clips from six years ago and it's like oh you guys just don't understand his role like you got to appreciate him like he can't come out and just smash another serious employee you know I have an ONA topic to follow up on this one. But Stern, $80 million a year. Dude, so let's assume Stern's making $50 of that. And I think that's a fair estimate.

I would be surprised if it costs more than $30 to do everything else that makes the show run. Yeah. He's entering. He's already a billionaire. Is he a billionaire? You know that people at entertainment are rich. Tom Cruise is rich, right? Rich in that he's probably worth $200 million, $150 million, something like that.

I would guess a quarter billion, yeah, somewhere up there. You know, Julia Roberts is rich. All these people are rich enough that they can buy a yacht like you could buy an Xbox, right? You know, you, the listener. It's not without thought, but if they wanted, they could just go get one. And when I say yacht,

I mean super yacht, you know, with the crew and everything. But Stern, I didn't realize he was already a billionaire. I thought he was going to enter the realm of billionaire. That is so out. Yeah, he's richer than like

Jay-Z and Beyonce combined. Like he's out of control. I don't know about Jay. Because they're like a billion dollar couple now or something. It's really funny. One of his, when he's interviewing celebrities or anyone who's got a little money, that's one of the things he talks to. He's like, are you worth $150 million now?

And they'll be like, nothing like what you got. He's like, let's not talk about me let's not talk to me let's talk about your millions but yeah he's uh he's got that's a great deal i i uh yeah i'm glad i'm glad he's making all that money good for him you should do something with it like buy a sports team i so this was neat like this is a long time ago, like 12 years ago or something like that, maybe 20. But Howard Stern had a TV show. He competed in the late night wars at a time when Arsenio Hall had a show and probably maybe Leno was first coming on.

Are you talking about the E show? It wasn't the E show. You talking about Channel 9? I don't know what I'm talking about. He had two shows. One was where they just kind of filmed him doing his radio show, it wasn't the E show. He did my channel nine. I don't know what I'm talking about. It, it wasn't, there was, he had two shows. One was where they just kind of filmed him doing his radio show.

And another was him actually doing a late night show meant to compete with like, I don't think it was Johnny Carson. It was probably Leno. Is that who followed Carson? Um, I'm not sure. Our senior hall.

Um, I, I hear I'll, I'll Google what the name of it is. Yeah, they did a show that they referred to as the Channel 9 show, but I thought that was like a local thing. I didn't think that was – I didn't think he was competing with anyone on a national scale. I didn't think he had a national late-night show.

He did. I thought he had – The Howard Stern Radio Show, Howard Stern Interview. Shucks. You're talking about when they would do like Holly Weird Squares and stuff? Yeah, yeah, Holly Weird Squares The Underdog Lady I don't think that was national, I think that was like local cable thing

They referred to it as the Channel 9 show so that always made it sound to me like cable like they were doing like a Wayne's World It doesn't sound national It doesn't sound national, but I swear I thought it was, um, it's broadcast. It's, you know, it's, it gets around a lot now because of who he is and all, but at the time I think I, I always thought it was a local cable access show that he did with like freaks that he drug in,

you know, cause he would have that, he would have literally a Ku Klux Klan member and then he would have some gay guys and a black chick who was outrageous. Then there would be a midget. There would be Hank the Angry Dwarf just so drunk that he's slurring his speech. The Klan guy would be just dropping N-bombs,

calling the black people niggers to their face, just going ape shit. It was a ridiculous show. I've seen some of it, not much. And that got cancelled? I would say so. Okay.

That sounds pretty outrageous. They're just trying to find one person from every weird extreme corner. Do you know what Hollywood Squares is? He did Holly Weird Squares. So, freaks. So just like a drunk dwarf, and then a high-pitched fat guy,

and the black guy with the small head that looks mentally deranged. He'd have the world's largest female bodybuilder. Just real freaks and weirdos and monsters, and just the scum of the earth, really. Isn't that funny that that would be one of the weird things where it's like hey, we're going to get this guy that can't pronounce words correctly and has

a tiny little pointy shaped head and right next to him, that's where you're going to be, lady who worked her ass off to get the best, most muscular body achievable. You're on par with us. You're in the same game. I've got the facts here. It was called the Howard Stern Show. WW wwor i don't know what that is it was nationally syndicated

um it was filmed at studio nine broadcast plaza in secaucus new jersey but um it ran for a couple of years and it was nationally syndicated it was right there on the league of like the arsenio hall show um you know what what channel was it on uh cbs hold on it was on i know cbs sued him once but i thought that was when he went oh all american television are you familiar with this i don't really yeah that's I'm saying. I think this is a cable thing. Like, I think it's a really small deal for him. See, I was in college at the time, and it was a really big deal for us. Like, we always watched it, and, you know, I felt like it was right there competing with the other big shows. I can see now that it wasn't on one of the major networks.

It was on cable. But I feel like it's bigger than you're giving it credit for like i like you're in my head you're saying it's on like local access cable or something like right next to some guy you know producing yeah right like wayne's world but it wasn't like that it was like a big production i look like that was the thing so this was, this is where I was headed to on that. He had this show and it was nationally syndicated, but not on a great channel. Maybe like today's spike TV or something. And Seinfeld came on and it seemed like Stern was trying to bully Seinfeld in

a little way. Like he was like, you know, your jokes are like observational humor and this and that. So Seinfeld turned it around and he started bullying Howard Stern, which is super rare on his show.

And he was like, you know, oh, let's talk about your show then, huh? And Howard's like, yeah, well, my show's not really doing great, but that, you know, it has a low budget. And he's like, right. Like Hollywood's, Hollyweird Squares is really that much funnier

with better lighting. And Howard was just, he was fucking beat. And this whole thing popped into my head because Seinfeld came on Howard's show and beat him up on how pretty much Seinfeld was just much more successful than Howard is. I feel like now Howard's a billionaire too. Howard might be worth more than Seinfeld was just much more successful than Howard is. I feel like now Howard's a billionaire too. Howard might be worth more than Seinfeld is.

I wonder if that power dynamic on who's more successful has altered it all. I think when you're a billionaire, you kind of stop caring about the little power dynamic. Maybe you're right. I saw Seinfeld on, I forget whose show it was. Oh, it was Jimmy Kimmel's show, I think, or Jimmy Fallon, one of those. And they didn't do a pre-show. Like there's a pre-interview that they typically do where, you know,

it's not that it's 100% planned, but it's like 80% planned. Like maybe I have a riff about, you know, my kid getting into a fight in school. And it's like, you know, all right, all right, so ask me about my kids, and then that'll send me into this. And if you watch it knowing that, you can see how it always happens. Like, you know, this comedian will just launch into a six-minute funny routine that was kicked off by a thing. You've been to the DMV recently. Perfect. Yeah, thanks.

So Seinfeld wouldn't do a pre-show. He's like, yeah, thanks. So Seinfeld wouldn't do a pre-show. He's like, yeah, no. I guess they did a thing for him, and they felt like Seinfeld owed them to show up on his thing. He's like, which is not true. I don't owe anybody anything. I just do what I want. And he's like, all right, I guess that's how it is.

Like, fuck off. I don't need anybody for anything. That's awesome. And he didn't do the pre-show, and it was just – You mean the pre-interview? I guess that's how it is. Like, fuck off. I don't need anybody for anything. That's awesome. And, uh, he didn't do the pre-show and the, it was just, you mean the pre-interview?

I'm sorry. The pre-interview, he didn't do the pre-interview and said it was, it was cool because they pulled back the, you know, like the Hollywood curtain. They talked about what the pre-interview was and how he's like, look,

I don't even want to be here. I don't like doing this. I'm doing this to you as a favor, but don't think that I owed it to you. I'm just doing it because I'm a nice guy. But I'm not going to do the pre-interview because I don't enjoy pre-interviews. That's how nice guys talk. Seinfeld's not nice. With an ultimatum.

He's not nice at all. If you watch him very much like the the behind the scenes stuff when he talks about his career or uh i feel like it comes out sometimes in driving in cars with comedians or something he's a dick seinfeld he's like he's funny because you like his tv show from 20 years ago but if you if you actually listen to what he has to say now seinfeld is not someone you'd want in your life or if you watch any of his actual yeah yes come on i would want him in my life i have a billionaire friend oh yeah i feel like a billionaire friend could just carve off a million for you and like yeah possibly my that kind of anticipation is what would ruin the friendship like a billion dollars it wouldn't be

you know, best friend Stevie that came over and was like, I'm struggling, and you're like, here, let me peel off a quarter-inch thick of hundreds and then throw it at you. Like, there's going to be 50 people like that. But I put it in proportion, right? Like, if I had $1,000, right? So say I'm in high school, I've got like $1,000 to my name,

and someone's like, you know, I'm thirsty. Can I have a dollar for a soda they'd be like yeah i can spare a dollar if you're a billionaire that's what a million means to you like yeah you know i'm just not professionally successful can you spare a million it's like yeah all right for you i can do it i can give you one one thousandth of what i have i would do it for homeless people but make them sign something that said like i accept this million and in return i allow full undisclosed documentation of my life anything to do with spending this money and then just get a film crew and film like maybe 10 at a time for a season, full rounded out season, and follow what they do.

And it would just be a shit show train wreck. And then maybe one guy would get a job at Applebee's and be like, you know, I'm really saving up, trying to get off crack, but the rest of it would be a shit show. And you could be like plausible to my ability at helping people. So it's like Bum's year out. So instead of – you know about my bums night out idea right yes yeah the night out but this is this is 365 this is yeah this is really

changing their life a million dollars oh you've stepped the game up i see you have to get between 10 and 20 for the beginning of the season because you expect a lot of od dropout throughout. You're going to get a weekend. Well, fuck, we lost Crazy Terry. It was crazy. What did he do with his money? He dressed up like a chicken, shat in the highway, and got hit by a train. That's Crazy Terry.

That's what he does. So yeah, Stern just became a little more Richard than he already was. I really love this show. I didn't think that he was going to hang it up because I know enough about him to know that's not what he wants in his personal

life. He needs to be working. He likes what he does and he loves radio as a format. So it seemed like he was going to come back. But there are alternatives. They talked about Pandora and Netflix and Apple and all these other things. But it seems like he liked who he's working with and he's alternatives they talked about pandora and netflix and apple and and all these other things but it seems like he liked who he's working with and he's got a good setup there and i know stern's

uninterested in podcasting but i feel like that's the thing that a lot of people are doing now like it's a viable like of course adam carolla mentioned that makes a ton in his podcasting i was talking to chis last night oh opie and anthony we'll talk about that too but uh anthony kumia i think i pronounced that right he uh he has a network for podcasts now and you know that studio that he has like other podcasts come and record there and they get promoted by his thing and podcasting is his new career uh brendab, I think, was a UFC fighter who was making, I'm estimating this is from me, so don't take it as, it's a PKA stat, but I think he was making about a quarter million a fight between the money that the UFC would pay him and his endorsements

and all that other fun stuff. And eventually it just became not worth the money. You know, like a quarter million a fight, two fights a year. I'm just going to do the podcasting thing instead, so I don't have to do that. That's a lot, like half a million dollars a year to just like not have that anymore. His podcast must be doing very well.

I've heard Stern make fun of Adam Carolla. He claims he's making some money over there, but I can't see how. He mentions that a lot. He's had Adam Carolla on there. Joe Rogan has a podcast and he's talking about making that his primary. Now, I don't know

if it's a negotiation tactic or if it's real life, but Joe Rogan's contract with the UFC expires in August. And he's like, I might not do the UFC thing anymore. Now. And we just talked about Stern saying, yeah, this could be all over. If you're not willing to let them think you're willing to walk away,

then that hurts you. No matter how this negotiation comes out, keep in mind, I'll still be working here. That's a weak negotiating position. So you don't know if he's just saying he might leave the UFC or if he really might leave the UFC. That's definitely what he's doing. There's no way, because every one of his podcasts that I listen to, and I don't listen to many anymore, but at least a quarter of it, 20% to 25%, is him talking about fights and UFC shit

and how that's what he's passionate about. He's on the front row for all of that. He has said that he would still do the companion. When he doesn't do a UFC fight, he does about half of them now. He tends to do a podcast, like a live one that they call a companion thing. So you can watch it but listen to Joe's audio instead of the UFC audio. He says he would continue to do that because, like you said, he's really passionate about fighting and MMA in particular.

But he's like, you know, this podcast thing is where it's at. Like he feels like that's where the money is. I don't know. I'm not making that much money. I don't know. I'm not making that much money. But Adam Carolla seems to think that. Kumia seems to think that.

Joe Rogan seems to think that. Brendan Schwab has made it his thing. Schwab, I can't do names. Anthony's is subscription-based as well, though. So Anthony's is like five bucks a month. And I'm not sure about the other podcasts he promotes, i know that his for the anthony kumia show that's like a subscription service yeah i which i mean i'm sure he's raking it in with that considering the number of fans they had from serious i i guess so there's a so chis was telling me about this last night

now this is a step removed so I probably will screw something up. But here it is. So Jim Norton and Opie are on the outs, and Norton says that he's not going to work there anymore. Yeah. There was a whole clip about it online where the Opie and Anthony read it. It's, it's brutal. I wouldn't even feel safe commenting there.

People just get down your throat like they're just savages over there. Poor Anthony. They tear each other apart, and they tear Opie apart, especially Opie, worse than anyone. It'll go through phases. They'll be like, oh, Jimmy's a worm, or Anthony's some... Bigot or whatever. Kitty diddler who racist or whatever they say uh but they really hate opie and there was a huge video section i listened to the whole

thing like an hour and a half long of jimmy finally coming out and just being like calling opie out for all of his horse shit that he's done over the years of not contributing to the funny of being jealous of him and anthony uh he did it very tactfully which is what kept it going for so long and then it was like threats almost of like jimmy handled it well where uh he was like obi you're my boss you can fire me the company they can't fire me without your go like i want to continue so if you want to cut this short you can fire me but and he said all this on air of course so now everybody knows if he were to fire Jimmy he'd be fucked because they know it's only him who can fire him and Jimmy's

hoping to get fired so that he doesn't have to do the show anymore with Opie because it's just painful I can't even listen to it anymore without Anthony it's just cringy and uncomfortable for the most part and when Jimmy does his Uncle Paul pedophile character it's just like nobody's there to laugh at him with it like it's there to laugh at him with it.

Like, it's awful. But, yeah, hopefully Jimmy quits and goes and hooks up with Anthony because I'd definitely be interested in that show. So if I understand it, so the way Chiz explained it to me is Opie found out something about Anthony that he didn't know at the time they worked together. And he says, my opinion of this thing has changed. He hates Anthony so much. And he's not going to the Patrice, what's Patrice's last name?

Patrice O'Neill. Patrice O'Neill benefit. Apparently a bunch of comedians do a benefit for him every year to help support Patrice O'Neill's family. And Opie says that he can't go there knowing that Anthony will be there because he doesn't want to be in the same place or same room as that horrible, evil person. So Jim Norton was like, well, what did you learn? Like, you know, what is it that has you so upset?

And Opie won't tell him. And he's like, huh? And Opie says, you know, well, we're not that close. I'm not telling you. And suddenly Norton is like, we're not that close. And that was, I guess, the straw that broke the camel's back. All of a sudden it's like, well, you know, and he's ready to quit. He's like, I'm going to quit.

My contract's up in, I have August in my head. October. October. Yeah, so a ways from now. Yeah, and he's like, I'm going to sit here and I'm going to keep going. I'm not going to not finish my contract but uh but you know come then i just won't renegotiate i won't do anything i'll walk maybe jim norton needs a show dave he had a show on vice that went on for a couple episodes for like he and bailey jay

the porn star did it together it was like uh not a tv show right it was on their their vice like channel and i guess their that's a cable channel to me presence and then their cable channel or whatever they are uh and it was like a talk show with him and it was you know i like jim norton like his off the cuff remarks and whatnot but he just doesn't he doesn't have yeah he doesn't carry the show and he doesn't have the charisma to be like the, you know, he's funnier than a guy like Conan, I think,

but a guy like Conan has the charisma and it gets people to say things they, you know, wouldn't otherwise say, or just like makes people feel comfortable. And Jimmy's kind of, have you guys, this is kind of off topic, but have you seen how bad Stephen Colbert's numbers are?

There was an article a few weeks ago about how bad they were, but now they've gotten even worse to the point where I saw a ratings breakdown. He's behind people that I didn't even know had shows. He's really, it's a million viewers a week or something like that. It's really poor. I saw Jimmy Fallon is killing it. His numbers are outrageous. Jimmy Kimmel and

everybody else are just kind of doing okay, but Colbert, we've talked about it before, it's that polarizing comedy of his. His whole thing is anti-conservative, uber-liberal kind of thing. You have to really kill it. You've have to you're on late night you gotta ride

them you gotta you gotta be in the middle of the road on late night you better really kill it you never heard you're gonna work with half the population and that's i think we can agree right conservative and liberal it's kind of split half and half if you're only going to appeal to one half you better get all of them watching yeah i don't think anybody actually thought he was going to do that well in this medium. Of course, Comedy Central is going to be hyper-liberal and reach out to a different audience, but if he tries to shill that same stuff to the whole country,

a lot of people aren't going to like it. They said that he does a character on the Colbert Rapport, which is no longer a show, but they said that's his character, but actually, Stephen Colbert is going to host this late night show so it's two totally different things and i was like okay then cool that makes sense like you know that makes perfect sense but then in practice it like the reason he was so good at the character

is because the character wasn't super far off from where he was like his position is clearly his personal position far to the left the character is further to the left but it's it's like uh pushing him the character was to the right i'm sorry yeah yeah okay it was passively to the left by making fun of the right so much so it's not like he's going to get into the middle zeitgeist there on late night and suddenly they're like wow this guy really is a moderate it's like no he's he's really liberal like and that's a difficult position to have if you're trying to get the whole country especially like a huge conservative population that don't do shit like netflix hulu you know all that and they just do traditional tv like that's i didn't think it was

going to work from the get-go and i thought he was way funnier than Daily Show. You have to look at the age of the numbers, too. Even if he's a lot behind in that critical 18 to 34 demo, I'm guessing it's closer. But I don't know. You're guessing what's closer? I'm guessing that Stephen Colbert does better amongst young people than the overall ratings might suggest. Yeah, it's probably just people like 35 and up

that really don't care for him. I like, like Jimmy Fallon is a guy. I have nothing against him, right? He seems fine, whatever. As a host, he seems so shallow to me. Like I like Jimmy Kimmel more. Like Jimmy Kimmel, I feel like at least has some feelings. He's kind of there. You're watching Jimmy Kimmel more. Jimmy Kimmel, I feel like, at least has some feelings. He's kind of there.

You're watching Jimmy Kimmel. Jimmy Fallon is like a, I don't know, just a prop to facilitate his guests. I don't feel like I'm seeing who Jimmy Fallon is on the show. Maybe YouTube has warped me to thinking that I'm supposed to be getting that. Yeah, honestly, I've never watched the Jimmy Fallon show. I like it a lot. He does lots of games and skits. He's got lots

of things he does. He works hard. It's like a variety show almost. There's a lot going on. When he does the lip syncing and such, you're like, this is a practiced routine. It's become its own show now. Yeah. One of the games that jimmy played on on a show has become its own show ll cool j hosts it right am i right about that i probably that sounds familiar i've never watched it i just

know of it i've seen it on youtube is he the one who makes the fake viral videos or is that jimmy kimmel that's jimmy kimmel okay is it um yeah i don't know phelan whatever you can like whatever Kimmel. That's Jimmy Kimmel. Okay. Yeah, I don't know. Fallon, whatever. You can like whatever you want. I think Kimmel's a little more sincere. That appeals to me. This says 17% identified themselves.

I only want to try to 47% who identifies Democrat. That's not relevant information. Yeah, it just seems he's way behind in every category. Another thing, so I'm on the Reddit politics subreddit a lot, mostly in read-only mode. And it seems like they're giving up on Bernie Sanders, which is interesting.

There was a certain... It's easy to bet against someone. I could bet against anyone and i'm probably right you know hell the carolina panthers are undefeated this year in football right i bet they don't win the super bowl 13 and 0 i bet they don't win the super bowl either my odds are good okay i'll take another one i bet the patriots don't win the super bowl it's easy to bet against you really think it's better than 50 50 that the patriots win the super bowl no not better than 50-50 that the Patriots win the Super Bowl? No, not better than 50-50.

Better than the chances for the Panthers. Could be, right? I don't know. I wouldn't say you're too far off on that. But they have a two-game losing streak. I feel like if you pick anybody and say they probably won't achieve a Super Bowl win or the presidency, you're just being a naysaying asshole. You want to be brave?

Pick who will win. Like that, you know, back a guy. And so Bernie Sanders, though, it feels like even his supporters are coming to this realization like, man, it's mid-December and he's 20 points behind. And he's not doing anything that indicates this gap is closing. He's been in this same spot since October. Yeah, it's not doing anything that indicates this gap is closing he's been in this same spot since october yeah it's it's not going anywhere he's like maybe we shouldn't have picked an old

jewish socialist guys what the fuck are they thinking supporters love bernie sanders because they know that he's going to get blown out of the water the best possible thing for me is that bernie sanders somehow edges out clinton they go with bernie sanders and then any of the water the best possible thing for me is that bernie sanders somehow edges out clinton they go with bernie sanders and then any of the republicans that they pick walk into the white house i'm not sure that's trump 2016 i'm not i think dude the republican field is filled with fucknards man trump can beat sanders that's not necessarily true five oh totally isn't trump trump can compete with Clinton. Sanders has more people

who like him than Trump does right now. That's not true. It is true. So as previously established, it's like 50-50, right? As to who likes what. The national poll numbers, though, when they compare how Trump would go against Hillary and they do those numbers.

Sanders has 37% and Trump has like 30%. Where are these polls? I was looking at them recently. I just Googled. Oh, no, no. These are the real polls. Okay. Well, I just, there's no way.

He contacted 1,000. No, no, no. This is the thing that I really like following politics. People have heard this before. I also like the chess of it. Like, you know, he said that. This is the thing that I really like following politics. People have heard this before. I also like the chess of it. Like, you know, he said that. Should I counter it? Should I pretend to be offended?

Like, you know, all the moves they make is super interesting to me. But I don't know that Bernie Sanders can't be. A lot of the Republicans are super weak. Bernie Sanders would kick the fuck out of Huckabee. Bernie Sanders would beat the shit. I think Bernie could beat Rubio. That's not fair. If they put Rubio, Cruz,

K-6... He can't be Cruz. You don't think it could be Cruz? Oh, no, I thought you were saying it couldn't be Cruz. I'm saying, yeah, Bernie would not beat Cruz. He would not beat Rubio. You guys have Bernie losing to a lot. Yeah, because he's a bad candidate

on a national stage. He's too far to the left. I don't think he would beat Trump. Yeah, because he's a bad candidate on a national stage. He's too far to the left. He's going to isolate moderate Democrats and make them be like, well, hold on here. He is too far to the left. But the question is whether the people who are a little more centered, the people who like Hillary now, would go towards Trump or Bernie. My neighbor has this massive Trump 2016 decal on his back window of his pickup truck. It's huge. It covers the whole fucking thing.

This Trump thing is crazy to me. So when Trump started going against Muslims, right? Yeah. I was like, huh, I wonder if this will be the position that makes a dent, right? No. So here's the thing. If you were to talk to me a year ago and you said the Republicans are racist or bigoted, bigoted's a better term because it's broader or whatever,

I'd say no, no. I'm sure there are bigoted Republicans, but it is possible to dislike Obama without it being a race thing, right? You can dislike Obama based on his policies, his character, whatever it is that you dislike about Obama. It doesn't have to be his skin color. But having watched Trump, and Trump is now polling at like 40% or 45%,

like he's just kicking the fuck out of everybody right now. Right now, he has extended his lead to where there really isn't a second place anymore. There's just a bunch of fucking peons. Cruz is like 18, isn't he? I know that's pretty far. 18 to 40. I don't think there's anyone who has...

But then it drops down to 13 and then down to 5 and 3, 2, 1 and shit like that. Yeah, then you're in Jeb territory. Isn't that the same kind of position though that on the left like that's not that like he was like oh he's at pulling only pulling at 20 trump's at 40 he's getting blown out of the water and then they'll be like oh well hillary's only up on bernie by 20 and we've still got new hampshire to go through and it's like somehow it's not a huge difference over there but it's just insurmountable on the right i I think it is a huge difference.

It's insurmountable on both sides. And by the way, people who lead at this point, you know, like when Trump was winning in October and November, it's like, yeah, all right, he's winning. But whatever. Herman Cain was winning at this point one year. Santorum was winning at one. No, people who are winning in mid-September or I are winning in mid-December get the nomination. Trump is kicking everyone's ass, and it's close enough to then the voting starts that this is really significant. It's so great.

It's so great. I love it so much. Dude, but back on the – I don't even love it. You think they're bigoted because? Everything Trump says, like those Mexicans are racists and murderers, and they loved it. Rapists. And then he goes on to the, what did I say? Racists.

Oh, I meant to say rapists. And then now he's like, yeah, I think we should just not allow Muslims, right? Like no more religious tolerance or freedom in this country. Not if they're Muslim. We need to keep America safe. And the Republicans are lapping that up too and every time he offers like i swear he could be like you know now i think we should send black people back to africa i swear like this is how i heard the i think we shouldn't let muslim people people who practice you know muslim i mean it does make sense right right? If you

hypothetically filter out all the Muslim people from entering the country, then you certainly have filtered out all of the terrorists, right? Because while not all Muslims are terrorists... What about the ones that attack Planned Parenthood? While not all... That guy's a white guy who lived here. Are you afraid

of that guy? He ain't gonna fuck with you. He's a terrorist, but he's not the kind't gonna fuck with you. He's a terrorist, but he's not the kind that'll fuck with you. He's the kind that'll go blow up some abortion doctor. He's a warrior for babies. That's probably Karina's fault anyway. How does he feel about pedos? He literally said he's a warrior for babies.

There will be no trial. I am guilty. That's what he said in court. But yeah, you will keep ISIS out. Let me just narrow it down to that. You'll keep ISIS and Al-Qaeda completely out of this country if you also keep all the Muslims out. The problem is, what do you do? Ask them, hey, man, are you a Muslim? No, not me.

Like, what are they going to fucking say? They're going to be like, that guy was Indian. Yeah, that guy's Hindu anyway. Trump keeps offering these bigoted positions and i think oh this one might bite them and it turns out that this is just the red meat that his constituency is loving and it is a bigoted position it really is like you know this is a freedom of religion thing most Most people see it. A lot of people recently, like just regular people, like it's stores and at Walmart and at the parts store and Home Depot.

They are all behind Trump on this issue. And if you if you stop thinking like, I don't know, if you start thinking like someone who's just going about their day and they're just like, we don't have any Muslims here, but it seems like Muslims keep blowing shit up. We don't want these Muslims who keep saying they want to kill us to come here. I don't know any other way to group them all into one group and keep those people. We can't keep all the brown people out. We can't keep all the people with beards out. But if we keep all the Muslims out, that would stop this. It resonates with a lot of people. But I don't think it's purely a bigoted thing. I think to them it seems like common sense.

That is a bigoted thing, though. I feel like that's what bigotry is. You could point to crime rates amongst black people and say that we need to take action against black people, and that is bigotry, right? But we do need to take action against black people, and that is bigotry. But we do need to take action against black people. Affirmative action. We need to take action against criminals. We need to take action against terrorists. That's what I was going to say. We need to take action against terrorists.

Now we're just rehashing the same points. Not all criminals are black people, but all black people are criminals everyone knows this all right but yeah i understand what you're saying with the whole bigotry thing the really from what i've looked up it's there is like i don't agree with what he said but there is a huge percentage of people completely misconstruing what he was saying bayon like can you believe that trump said fuck all muslims get out like it's like oh my god that must be awful when really he was saying you know more measures need to be taken on background information and things about muslims coming in which is still discrimination and it's not okay but it's not this why isn't it a borderline

genocide uh call to action for genocide that a lot of people are pretending it is. Because that's just not the case. I really don't understand why it's not okay, though. Because we... Alright, so I wouldn't be for saying, if you're a Muslim, you can't come to this country. That's silly. But I would... Couldn't you agree that maybe all the Muslims need to be vetted a little bit more than all the Catholics?

Or, fuck it, just say, alright, we're up to all vetting for everyone. It's gonna be harder. It's gonna be right we're all betting for everyone it's going to be harder it's going to be like we're in sweden now and you can't just walk in have a kid and suddenly you're tied to the country like it's a it's an ordeal i remember probably before you guys were voting like when i was like this is like clinton time they were talking about racial profiling it was a big issue and uh all the white candidates were like racial profiling. It was a big issue. And all the white candidates were like, racial profiling is terrible, et cetera.

My interpretation of it was they felt like they weren't allowed to say racial profiling was good without being cast as racist. Of course you can. But there was a black candidate, and this is how he phrased it. He's like, we can't just ignore all the intelligence that a police department or the FBI builds in terms of profiling because it's not politically correct. And it's like, huh.

So, for example, my friend was a cop. And not really my friend, but whatever. I knew a cop and not really my friend but whatever i knew a cop and he told me that in our town when a black guy rolled his pant leg up to like above his uh calf that meant that he was dealing he was open for business and when it was down that meant that he wasn't dealing at the time and uh bad system i like that system now we. Now you know where to get weed, Woody. Problem solved. When the cancer comes, you know what to do. That's a long time ago.

But, you know, and, like, you see it and you're like, what the fuck? Like, why has this guy got one pant leg partly up? And he knew. Like, the police had this. It was intelligence that they had gathered. What, are you going to ignore that? Like, is that going to just be like, no, no, no, no, you know what? Like, I know that's what they're doing in this project, which is like a pure black thing, black culture.

Like, that's who's there. Just admit that. And I'm telling you, I live there. There were no Hispanic people in the projects and there are no white people there. Not that I ever saw. It was just a big grouping of black people. And this was part of the thing that they sort of knew there and uh it's like yeah a lot of this stuff is intelligence if you see a black guy wearing

blue or a black guy wearing red they're probably in a gang are there any white people in the crypts or the bloods i don't know but i was under the impression it was just a black thing i don't know either i i should know i i think I've watched all those Gangland series on the History Channel. Yeah, yeah, right? I don't recall if they allow white guys in there. It's overwhelmingly black. The white guys go to the Aryan

Brotherhood, which is apparently like the... That's a gang outside of prison as well. I didn't know that. Okay. Yeah. I mean, they gotta have somebody doing all their dirty work out there right like i always wondered like how are these guys conducting huge business deals where it'd be like oh whitey malone making million dollar deals every day while eating his gross mashed up peas it's like well who the hell is he talking to but he's you know there's

a bunch of people out there apparently doing the bidding of these criminals. But yeah, back to what you were saying of the, like ignoring the intelligence. It's like, that's nothing new. Like you're not allowed to talk about issues that you perceive in any community. You can only,

uh, you can only make in group observations nowadays. It seems like where you can only talk about the, unless like you're talking about, unless you're punching up where it's like, Oh know our group sucks like oh i'm a black guy and this needs to change about the black community but you know what else those white guys fuck those guys meanwhile like you know whatever is next on the totem pole as perceived by the media but if black people were to pick on native american indians that would be politically incorrect no they are the

whipping boy of the races if there is one like those guys we exterminated them and nobody really cares like we we should be they should be able to just walk up to you and just be like you know what fuck you it's like you should be able to say like you know what i understand i get it they should be able to spit right in your they should be able to spit right in your face like risk-free you just you just go are you a native american i'm sorry i'm sorry sir you you want to you want to get this side you'll get this side too you'll get right in my eye like i deserve it like we yeah i feel like the native americans are the only ones who are who should be allowed to be racist. They've earned it. To the Muslim thing.

Yeah, like Taylor says, there is a certain... Look, can we all just face facts here that it seems like Muslim people are the ones currently doing broad-scale terrorist attacks? You can just say that. Well, we're ISIS, right? Here's a fact. I mean, all of the ISIS members are Muslims. All of them are. Who did the Sandy Hook thing?

Sandy Hook, that was an inside thing. That wasn't like a... That was a Lone Wolf thing. Why did he kill kids? Do we know anything about that motivation? Because he was... If you believe the internet, that never even happened.

Ronda Rousey believed that for a bit they're all hidden on the moon not even dead remember when Caparulo was saying oh and those 9-11 hijackers we found them they're out there we know where they are and I'm just like where?

point them out John where is Muhammad Atta at right now? You point him out, and let's go kick his ass if you know where he is. I feel like the 9-11 hijackers were on the plane. You know, I've heard that. Yeah! I mean, if those people existed, then they're dead. He was like,

we know where they are. Like, as if they're hanging out at Starbucks in, like, Texas somewhere right now, just chilling. Like, they crashed in there, like they were just chillin like they're like they were parking and then they're running down the stairs quickly we should be fine it will not melt the beams was that like that the the people that we refer to as the hijackers didn't have anything to do with this thing that I think that I interpreted it differently i interpreted

it as the the masterminds who were there like support that we knew who they were and stuff you know there's someone had to fund it and plan it and stuff like that and that no i i'm like 90 sure that maybe we should go back and listen sometime because i i really felt like at the time that he was he was like the saying that the 9-11 hijackers were not hijackers that they're out there still a lot of them they're alive and that the whole thing was bullshit just like i hear people say saying that like this child that supposedly died in sandy hook what is alive and here's a picture of her and her mother who was on the news as it was an actress and blah blah blah blah blah blah with their with their craziness i don't know i i don't fucking know just don't ask me the sandy hook

stuff i have seen it and then i've seen it disproved i haven't seen anything that hasn't been disproved yeah that's that one's like child's play like that's definitely disproved they didn't just like have a weird cabal of a bunch of fake families for six to eight years and then just release all that for gun control to be trending on Twitter. I want everyone who does a mass murder going forward to just write something out in advance

that clearly states your motivations because I'd really like to know them. I feel like it doesn't need to come out. Manifesto. That's what you call that. Can I get a cliff Oh, a manifesto, yeah. Can I get a cliff notes on your manifesto? Bullet points.

Yeah, it should be like a resume, right? It's rare that this succeeds one page, right? It should be a one-page summary. I don't know, were you insane and thought that the alien overlords were coming? Did you look at people on the street and think they were reptilians? You know, that's probably what's happened with these mass shootings. Like, our reptilian overlords are having a hard time

keeping the shields over themselves. And every now and then, one of these guys that we think is just the most horrible scumbag on the planet for doing this mass shooting, actually what's happened is he's gotten those glasses, like Rowdy Roddy Piper,

and he's just going out there taking the trash out. And we're all just making him... They're dying as the police shoot them down. And they're thinking, like, this was for Earth. Meanwhile, they're trending on Twitter as, if this guy weren't white, we wouldn't be saying he was mentally deficient. Or, like, whatever. They call him a monster in riven

park all over the world but really the mass shooters are that that would be a good south park episode if it turned out that the mass shooters were actually like the heroes and that they've been killing reptilians this whole time oh my god i watched the most recent episode and i'm not gonna say but what kylo was saying with the constant car accidents, her killing people with the, and then they take off. Didn't you say the season was over for South Park? I thought it was. I tried to

find the complete season download. It would be 19, right? Yes. Season 19? I'll have to look again. Maybe it's out now. You should try Hulu out. Hulu's very nice. They have a commercial-free option. It's got a ton of content.

Yeah, it's great for TVs. Or TV shows. Just don't look for movies. Most movies there are shit. I haven't ever found a good one. It works on Netflix. Movie selection's worse than Netflix. TV shows are better than Netflix.

I would say that there are a lot fewer movies, but I would say the average quality is better. But Netflix has a ton of shit on it. You buy both now? Yes, yes. I switch back and forth regularly. If I'm going to watch It's Always Sunny, then that's on Netflix,

and I don't want to sit through commercials. I don't have the commercial-free version of Hulu yet because I'm too lazy, but everything else, like Seinfeld, I've watched the entire series of Seinfeld on Hulu, and now I've watched Rick and Morty on there. I'm trying to think what else I watch on Hulu. Oh, Supernatural, that comes out.

The day after the episode, obviously, it's on there, so I'm up-to- on Hulu. Oh, Supernatural. That comes out the day after the episode, obviously. It's on there. So I'm up to date on the new season of Supernatural. I'm up to date on Family Guy. I'm watching Nathan for you. Is there a new Archer out yet? No, January. January is going to be a good month for TV.

It's always sunny starts again, so is Archer. Bill Burr's show is out this Friday. I want to check that out is it gonna oh that'll be good it's netflix so we'll have the whole thing yep all five ten episodes ever they're making this is the bill burr show we're talking about yeah uh you're saying like it's easy to to bet like against people i think we should all actually do like a twenty dollar who's gonna be president bet like for real assuming we'll have people which would be hard well fuck okay yeah i want clinton too i'm she's such a lock all right okay well then

because all right next topic every republican is a jv team dude like donald trump freaking jokester that 75 of the population will not like. Dude, look at the Republican frontrunners. Ted Cruz. Dude, I don't know anyone in my life that watches this stuff more than me. What about Rubio? You don't like Rubio?

Rubio has a couple showstoppers for me. I definitely don't like his position on pro-choice. He's pro-life, but So he's pro-life, but he's even pro-life in the case of rape. So if a girl's raped, then she has to bring the baby to term. And he had another position too

that I didn't like. I forget it. Maybe it was H-1B or something, but he seemed really bought and paid for. No, I'm not a big Rubio fan. I liked Kasich, but I haven't heard that much about him lately and he's not a candidate really

he's out of the cellar of like you know Santorum and is he still on the JV stage though like they have two debates they have like the the main debate that has Trump and everybody in it and then they

have like that JV debate that Carly Fiorina was originally in before she worked her way up. I wonder if he slipped down into those. I don't know. I was going to change the subject to Adam Sandler's Netflix thing. He made a big deal with Netflix. I think it's four or five pictures. The first one just came out.

It's called The Ridiculous Six. I haven't watched it. Has anyone watched it? No. I fucking hate Adam Sandler. I don't think he's ever done anything funny. No, that's not true. I like that 50 First Dates movie. You know that

he killed himself today, right? That's why Kyle was going into this. I hope to God you can be on me. He was like, ah! I thought I Robin Williams'd again. No, he was on the Stern show today. He was a good interview. It was one of the better interviews of the year, I think.

You know, the guy's worth like $300 million or something stupid like that, maybe $250 million, something crazy like that. And he told this whole story about doing stand-up and starting out as a writer on SNL and all the little turns along the way with Billy Mattis and Happy Gilmore and his own production company and how he's got his brother running his money

and how he likes to put his friends in his films, you know david spade rob schneider all those guys are always in there it was a very good interview i will agree with you that he hasn't been funny he's not funny to adults i don't think like i think a cultured adult man is not going to think sandler is very funny uh i but i remember fucking 14 year old version of version of me. I loved Billy Madison. I loved Happy Gilmore. I laughed my ass off when he's like cranking golf balls, you know, 500, 600 yards or whatever. And that was hilarious.

It's not funny anymore. I want to restate it. Like, I think he's not funny anymore. I was an adult, and I loved the water boy. That was a very good one. I thought that – what was the one where he was a golfer? I thought that one was pretty funny too. Billy Madison.

Happy Gilmore. Happy Gilmore. Happy Gilmore. He had a couple of funny things, but now, and I never thought his freaking Hanukkah song was funny. Oh, no, that's a mistake. You think that's funny? Yeah. I just thought it was slow pace. I get it. You're not really good at singing. that's a mistake. You think that's funny? Yeah.

I just thought it was slow pace. I get it. You're not really good at singing. That's your joke. Play the guitar. That wasn't the joke. The joke wasn't that he's bad at singing. It was about Hanukkah.

It was about being a Jewish kid and everybody else is celebrating Christmas and all the Jewish kids. All the Jews are stuck with Hanukkah. So he's like, these are all the great things about Hanukkah. And he mentions all the celebrities that all the Jews are stuck with Hanukkah so he's like these are all the great things about Hanukkah and he mentions all the celebrities that are Jewish and everything I liked it obviously I can't relate to a Jewish guy dealing with a Gentile holiday

but like I could imagine relating to it I guess and it always amused me he's updated it like four or five times over the years Jared from Subway he's Jewish so he's in there probably not in the next edition in the most recent edition Five times over the years. Jared from Subway, he's Jewish, so he's in there. Probably not in the next edition. In the most recent edition.

He cracked some jokes about it. Oh. Well, the iron's hot, I suppose. Yeah, I don't know. Adam Sandler's just not my cup of tea. I think I don't like the goofiest comedians. I like the ones that are fun. Like George Carlin was challenging.

You don't like manic comedians? I like Bill Burr. I like Louis C.K. Isn't he manic? I don't know. But you don't like Jim Brewer. You wouldn't like... I don't know Jim Brewer. Well, I was thinking of how to describe him.

I was going to be like, you know, he did Goatman on Saturday Night Live, but I don't think you're going to know who Goatman is. I do remember Goatman on SNL. i didn't like goat man though he was goat man he wrote that he wrote that whole sketch that was his whole he just like interrupted you with goat shit every so often well his thing was like he was half goat half man and he had this like topical show or whatever and that was it it. He just thought it was hilarious that there was a goat man. There was nothing. It was pretty much goat man,

but the eh thing was like a guy with Tourette's. So while you're talking, he would interrupt you and go, eh! And then while he was talking himself, he'd be like, ah! So not much writing to be done. Just kind of, how about we eh every so often? That was literally... It doesn't sound funny, I've heard him describe, like, I mean, it was a running sketch on the biggest comedy show in the world for a year or two.

It has to be funny, right? Like, just because you don't think it's funny doesn't mean it's not funny, because millions of others thought it was. I mean, there were different renditions of the Goatman. Jesus Christ. There was a Goatman album. He sang songs. Yeah, Woody's got...

He's pretty selective with comedians, and I am too. I guess, so I can't... There was a guy on Netflix who had a special recently. He was good. He's young, white, handsome. He was getting sort of pushed by Netflixflix jim mccallahan or something uh what'd you say his name was jessel nick anthony jessel nick that might be him he was on like the main banner of netflix when you signed into it for a bit yeah his special was really really funny

i think it might have been him but he wore a suit though oh well then it was not him yeah I don't know I think I might have seen I've seen two male comedians that kind of fit that build that you're describing and one of them was Jessalyn kind of reminded me of that but that was before but recently I saw another one on there but I didn't

watch his special that's probably what you're talking about I haven't seen anything since the Jessalyn one was the last one I saw. I thought it was excellent. Was it John Mulaney? Might have been. Let's look that up. I think he wears a suit. Yes, it was John Mulaney.

He was better looking in my memory. I'm seeing his picture right now. He's not ugly, but... No, he's attractive. He looks like a candidate to me. But, uh... A little inbred. John Mulaney was really good. I liked his special a lot. 33, he looked younger to me.

He looked like he could have been in his 20s. So Star Wars is coming out. It's out, isn't it? Am I crazy? I don't know. Oh, no. So they did a three-screen release in LA, and like a premiere but it doesn't go uh wide until like the 18th or something like that which i think is friday oh you know the the um

it comes out on thursday it appears oh oh it's i'm not to be confused with midnight because it's 7 30 p.m 7 p.m yeah that's a new thing they're doing to boost their numbers. That's all that's about is being able to boost what their opening weekend numbers are. So they'll start it on Thursday at 7 p.m. I've seen that with like four or five of the bigger movies that have come out this year. They pull that number. That seems shitty. It seems like you're cheating because it's not a weekend.

Yes. Oh, you know, weekend runs Wednesday through Sunday now. that's seems shitty seems like you're cheating because you're yeah it's not a weekend yes oh you know weekend weekend runs wednesday through sunday now yeah kind of like a black friday starts on wednesday and it's like you know all of november but but yeah it's gonna be massive i i predict i think it's a safe bet that it's gonna be the uh the biggest movie ever right it's gonna make more money than avatar it's gonna make more money than Avatar. It's going to make more money than anything it has ever made. I wonder if I could get into it without pre-buying and everything. Not opening night?

No, but say here's a Friday at 9 a.m. viewing. Let's check Fandango real quick, see if there's any tickets to be had. No, nobody's in school, are there? Everybody's out. People are out of school, but they're not out of work. So, you know, pick like a 10 a.m. on someplace. Maybe it'll be good. I went to the theater last week, the theater,

and I saw Creed, the new Rocky movie. Wrong movie theater, Woody. Wrong movie theater. I was, um... Were you a minority in that crowd i was i was there was i don't i don't want to say that there was a certain group of people there but i will tell you they were very talkative during this movie they were telling jokes oh koreans yes you nailed it taylor maybe but the there was one woman in front of me in particular, a big woman, who was just like joking.

A big one, huh? Just like cracking jokes. And the whole theater's laughing. And I'm not saying anything, but I'm thinking. And I'm thinking it loudly. You're thinking the same thing over and over. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up.

Like, you know, he's like's like whatever I don't want to give anything in the movie away but it's a very dramatic scene he's talking about you know how he's gonna handle this or he's gonna fight back he's gonna make it happen and she's like oh you better oh no you don't those were like that was the extent of her comedy her interjections on on this bullshit and everyone's laughing. I don't know. There was a point where one of the

boxers had a swollen eye. And she's like, that eye looks like this! And it's like, shut the fuck up! My god! I'm never coming back to this movie theater. Why didn't you get an attendant? Oh shit, you can get seats here. Wow.

Apparently, like, I'm looking at it, so I'm going to show you a picture, and the squares and the gray squares are the seats that have not been taken. So there's been, like, seven people. They're all gray. Yeah, they're all gray for Thursday at 10. Yeah, there's a sign seating.

This is the IMAX thing? Yeah, whenever I go through Fandango. It looks like the good ones weren't good. The taken ones were bad. Are they like on the edges and stuff? Those were handicapped spaces. That's the only reason they were taken. There was only one seat that had actually been purchased

for Thursday night at 10. I think I'll go. Yeah, I'll go. I think it's going to beat Avatar out. I bet it'll be the biggest movie in history it's you know a funny thing about avatar somebody mentioned on reddit so it's not my original thought but avatar apparently had like the biggest opening weekend ever and i forget it's the most something i don't know if it's the most profitable movie or the most sold. Biggest gross.

It's something. But it doesn't really seem to have any impact on our culture, right? Like Star Wars, it's a trap, right? Like everyone kind of knows it's a trap from that scene, whatever, with the guy with the gooey face. Almost any, you know, cut me Rocky cut me mickey or whatever is from rocky like that it seems like avatar everybody's seen it and they just instantly dismissed it and went on with their lives there's no cultural references from avatar no one talks about it it's not like embedded in american or elsewhere culture or psyche it's just a thing we all saw and then all dismissed immediately.

That's because it's Ferngully with a $300 million budget. Or Pocahontas. Have you ever seen Ferngully? No, I'll have to watch it now. It's the same shit. It's the same. Well, you won't want to

because it's a 1989 cartoon or something like that. But yeah, it's fucking... I watched it. I didn't think it was good. I thought the special effects were good. I thought that him transforming himself into that blue creature looked pretty cool.

But as far as the story and all that, I didn't think it was that great. He's making like three more of those or something. Who cares? I thought it was good, right? But good. It wasn't great. It wasn't the number one all-time anything. It was just like, I don't know. You see movies and you say that was good, right? But good. It wasn't great. It wasn't the number one all-time anything.

It was just like, I don't know, you see movies and you say that was good, like El Machina. I saw that movie just because I knew everybody I knew was going to see the movie. Just so I could talk to them about it, I saw it. I wasn't excited about Avatar before it came out. Just like with the Star Wars thing. I'm going to go see it

because everyone is going to see it. And I don't want to be the only guy who hasn't seen it. I'm kind of psyched for it. I want to see what's next. I've only watched one trailer, so I'm looking forward to it. I think I've decided not to watch any more trailers. I'm not going to watch the Star Trek trailer. I still haven't watched the...

What was the trailer recently that gave away a lot that everybody was a little upset about? Was it Star Wars? Haven't watched that not gonna um i'm done with trailers i think uh i and i'll watch a teaser maybe like one of those like 10 20 30 second things that's just really high impact and kind of getting you pumped but i don't want plot details and i certainly don't see the third act on your in the commercial all right so i saw the superman versus batman one and i don't think you'd want to see it i saw the star trek one and i i think what it lays out you learn in the first 15 minutes of the film or 10 minutes of the film

uh you know it just sort of like hey there's a new star trek this time this is the setting and this is the like you know the initial yes yeah i don't mind that at all um but i saw i haven't watched the star wars because i literally want to like that's one that i'm just trying to keep extra pristine do you think people are gonna hate it star wars i've the initial the initial reaction is excellent everyone is saying like like star wars fans are saying it's everything we wanted it's perfect like i literally heard someone say that today The initial reaction is excellent. Everyone is saying, like Star Wars fans are saying, it's everything we wanted. It's perfect.

I literally heard someone say that today in an audio interview. They came out of the theater and were like, how was it? So we'll see. I got high hopes. It better be good. It's kind of weird that there's no white guy to root for. I wish I had a white male hero character to get behind. There isn't one?

Darth Vader. Oh, what about this? Isn't there a white woman to root for? Not close enough. Yeah, that's nice. That's unrealistic most of the time. I'm watching Katniss fucking Everdeen spin around shooting people with her bow,

and I'm thinking I could deck you with a left. You'd be out like a light, and I'd kick your face in like what are you doing well yeah but it's a movie you got to give them something I'll give them nothing no people pretend no if like like I'll take it if Katniss Everdeen was a cyborg I'd be like oh shit I would hate to have to face up against a five foot tall cyborg she ripped my face off but she's not she's a little girl who hunted deer with a with a recurve bow like she'd go down yeah it wouldn't be much of a fight no i would hope she's you never know right but she's like a superhero with that bow and arrow though yeah but i would just walk up to her and knock her out like i'm not gonna be like

you i challenge you which is what all the bad guys do most of the time, it seems like. She has a ranged attack, though. She's not as good at that skill as Hawkeye is, and I am not afraid to fight Hawkeye. So, C is even less so. Okay, Hawkeye can both beat me with a bow, and he can beat me up.

He could be, yeah. Hawkeye is a hand-to-hand. Is he? Well, then it's ruined. and he can beat me up. He could be, yeah. Hawkeye is a hand-to-hand charm batter. Is he? Well, then it's ruined. I don't have his Marvel profile in front of me, but I guarantee you check it out. He's probably got like...

They've got the copy-paste section that they do for everyone. And he's really good at fighting and has good intuition. He's a martial arts expert. It's never like he's strong, I suppose. I don't know. Good accountant. Worked for four years in the tax collection bureau.

No, it's never like. Even the ones that don't have super strength have like exceedingly, like, you know, okay, he doesn't have Superman strength, but he is as strong as the strongest human. You know, he has Wolverine strength or something. Yeah, he's not super strong, but he is as strong as the strongest human you know he has wolverine strength or something yeah he's not super strong but he could pick up half a car you know sure he could do that i'm just making this up i don't know what hawkeye can yeah yeah but that's how it goes though but it's captain america for example he in it and of course it's comic books so it's a little silly to to think about anyway but there's different versions of each of these comic book characters.

So like Captain America in let's say the 40s, maybe he could only bench press 350 because that's a hell of a guy maybe. But nowadays he's benching like 1200 or something like that. People aren't impressed by the old 350 pounders anymore. Gotta bring this to the future yeah uh yeah i uh i'm looking forward to all the movies that are coming out this season i want to see star wars

i hope it lives up to the hype uh jj abrams better if jj so so jj's got to be worth you know a couple hundred million maybe at least 100 he's a wealthy guy. I feel like this would cement him. This would be, like, if he hits this one and it makes its billion dollars, which is about what it needs to make, I guess, probably 1.5. I'm going to say 1.5 billion. I bet it's higher than that. I bet it does close to 2 billion. I bet it's 1.75.

That's what my global gross is going to be within 45 days, I think. But if he does that with this, I feel like he's cemented in there with the Spielbergs and all those guys forever. He's done so much great stuff. I love J.J. Abrams. I saw somebody else talk about him.

It was some YouTube video, and they effectively talked about how he made some bad decisions and some stuff wasn't cool um he does a lot of shaky camera work stuff and you know it's like yeah why does it like you just can't see what the fuck is going on in his action scenes you know in star trek and stuff and yeah it's aggravating it's it's like you're you're having to fight against his artistic understanding of it to, like, see what's happening in the fight. That's why old-style movies with the hand-to-hand combat suck

because it's either, like, really slow, obviously, like, you know, projecting punches because they're having to do it for real, or it's just like, all right, you guys just kind of, like, scrap for a bit, and I'm going to hand the camera off to, you know, senior photographer Michael J. Fox and let him go at it. That's where I was headed too. He just shakes it and then it's like not really a heavy fight, but

you can't get into it. That totally takes me out of the fight. I was watching The Kingsman today, which had some elements of showing it on a tripod, but then there was other stuff and I'm like, how much did they shake the goddamn camera to make it look like this like people who don't know how to do videography hold cameras better than this this guy is intentionally fucking like shaking it around and missing the action you know it's not artsy it's upsetting i really like the kingsman

it's too cheesy like the first 20 minutes of it i liked it i like that it was dirty i like that it like i watched it and i thought it was gonna be really clean cut but it wasn't that kind of movie you know no i at the very end there's this hot blonde and and she's like if you let me out of here i'll kiss you and he's like i have to go save the world and she's like if you save the world i'll let you fuck me in the ass and uh and he's like i'll be right back and then he does it and he comes back and he's got like a you know he gets champagne and uh then i i think she like laid belly up or something like it was like all right time to go and she made good on her word yeah and not belly up belly down i meant

to say yeah yeah i like that part i guess but i like the i so what it was to me was a modern version of the bond films with connery in them you know it felt like a really cheesy old school bond flick but for the modern audience and i don't like those cheesy Bond flicks. As smooth as Connery is, I hate those Bond movies. All of them. Timothy Dalton, all those motherfuckers. I like gritty and real and I want to feel it

and I want to feel some emotion when I watch things go on, and I can't do that with those cheesy movies that just, I don't know, you saw those fight scenes, right? Like, you right? When he's fighting the entire Westboro Baptist Church in there or whatever. Come on. I thought it was cool.

I can't suspend my... It was cool, but I can't suspend my disbelief. But he wasn't a superhero. He's just a dude who's well-trained. Nobody can do that. They just mob you and grab you. You can't fight 40 people. You're right. I just mob you and grab you. You can't fight 40 people. You're right. I just made him a superhero in my head, you know, and then it worked.

I enjoyed the movie. Well, see, I need him to say that. See, here's the deal with me and with this whole spinning my disbelief thing. I'm okay with it if he's a superhero. Like, I'm perfectly fine with that. Like, he can beat up a thousand people in a row if he's a superhero, but you can't, you have to say it. You have to be like, oh, by the way, we gave him a super serum super serum he can he's super jack now i'm like oh okay super jack guy all right

yeah it doesn't have to make sense just give me something yeah give me something to go on to where i can justify it in my in my head but don't just be like well yeah he's on the wrong side of 40 and he's he's he's he's so old now that he's having to train a protege to come in, but I'm sure he could hand-to-hand combat. Watches a lot of UFC. Bare-fisted, wearing his suit or whatever. I'm sure he could take an entire church full of people. He had his umbrella with him.

He did have the umbrella, I'll give him that. But some of them were armed too. I'm already suspending my disbelief for the Star Wars thing where suddenly the guy in the Stormtrooper isn't the Hispanic or Cuban or whatever guy. Oh, let me explain that. He's all the clones. Like this guy's the clone. How is he?

Okay, so this is 40 years after the events that take place in episode, in the, uh, um, in episode three or episode six. All right. Like when action changes were implemented at the start. All right. So, so initially they were making, they were cloning, um, Boba Fett, uh, making all the clones of him on, uh, on that water world or whatever. Right. Well, I think those are the Andorians. I could not, could have this all fucked up, But what happened was this. Over time, the clones became lower and lower quality, and eventually they got rid of the whole cloning process altogether, either through necessity or because the planet was destroyed.

I don't remember which. But they're all conscripts now, or recruits or whatever. So these are just regular people in Stormtrooper outfits. Originally, they were all Boba Fetts, hispanic guys like you did you see the clone wars cartoons no they're dude you're woody tell him are the clone wars cartoons are the best star wars content that exists as of right now as far as i'm concerned they're amazing i maybe i'll check it out yeah what he's messing around with something over there. What's he doing? I don't know. He's got something on his foot, I think, maybe.

Well, then that makes sense. I'm not as upset by that, because that was the one thing I remembered from the prequels that were awful that I didn't like when I saw the trailer for this new movie, because I was like, well, goddammit. You didn't stick with the one thing I remembered, the one thing that that guy's the clone.

Check out Clone Wars on Netflix. It's excellent. It's not a clone wars on netflix it's excellent like it's not a it's not a child's cartoon it's star wars but animated and they do the shit you want them to do and you see the shit you want to see like the clone wars happen right so it's all the jedi leading the clone army against uh the the federation or whatever uh... and and it's awesome so it's broke it's all the like the the robots as clunky star wars robots versus stormtroopers with jedi's leading them and uh... and second to be some sith mixed and so this crazy lightsaber shit tons of extra jedi's

uh... luke skywalker is a big part are not look but i'm you know uh... dart uh... darth vader's character anakin anakin and uh Anakin is a big part of it, and they're just kind of traveling around the galaxy fighting the Clone War, which was the coolest part of the Star Wars saga, it seemed to me anyway, and it was completely left out of the movies, but the Clone Wars are great.

I'll have to watch that. Call the show? I guess Woody agrees, because his headphones are on. Why did you take your headset off? Because we were talking about Star Wars and I want to know nothing. I know less than nothing because he just corrected me on something. Have you not seen a single commercial or poster?

Do you know that there is an American character? Yes, I knew that. So that was the only thing he brought up. He was like, why is that guy black? I heard you get into the Clone Wars and the copies and stuff like that. I was like, God. You watched the Clone Wars, right? Yeah, but I didn't want you to head somewhere I didn't want to go.

Sure, I didn't spoil anything. I was just explaining why that guy's black. And you get that from the Clone Wars. Yeah, I'm very... I know now people everyone's gonna start tweeting me and sending me bullshit about star wars but i uh i'm like this is there aren't many movies i've done this with it's one i really want to keep clean like fresh cool fresh fallen snow i feel the same way yeah it's gonna be good we'll call a show i didn't know

why he took your headset off i was like i I was like maybe he's got something in his foot it looked like pulling a splinter or something anyway I'm still Star Wars virgin on this thing I know nothing, never been kissed alright that was Painkiller Nearly episode 70, long one

yeah and the beards are all still rocking for now