Painkiller Already - PKN #77

Episode Date: February 11, 2016

This week on PKN... a special Colorado Cabin edition of PKN!

We're live! Painkiller nearly episode 77. 77. We got some new atmosphere over there for you, Kyle. Yeah, man. We're in Colorado. We got a really nice fucking place here. I bet the windows are all probably blown out in the video, but tons and tons of snow. Like, I don't know. Feet of snow? So I'll tell the story of getting here because it's kind of interesting. My flight was supposed to leave, depart Atlanta at 4 p.m. yesterday,

and that one got delayed and to the point, it got delayed, but I finally got to Denver around 7 p.m. last night. 6 p.m., 7 p.m., something like that. We landed in Denver. And there's supposed to be another flight, a much smaller plane, to take us from Denver down to a neighboring airport a couple hundred miles away. And that's where we're actually staying at. Well, that airplane got canceled.

They canceled the flight. So I rented a fucking car. And so we're in the little trolley thing that takes you to the rental car place and we're a little worried that we're not going to have enough room for all of our luggage and shiz because I rented the mid-size SUV because going

from the mid-size to a full size was going to be like an extra $500. It was going to go from a $900 rental to almost a $1,500 rental. So Kitty was like, maybe it'll be an FPS Russia fan. He'll give an extra five hundred dollars in the go from like and nine hundred are rental to look almost a fifteen hundred are rental so um... so he was like maybe it'll be an fps russia fan he'll give you an upgrade and we can't chuckle about that

i get there and this guy goes yeah yeah next over here now what about he's like you you are the guy you're not a guy on the internet you are here you are him family i am him. He's like, I am your biggest fan.

I literally went, if you're such a big fan, why don't you give us a free upgrade? So he upgrades us up to a limited explorer. And carries our bags out and everything. Hooks us up. Takes care of us and everything. That's perfect. It's just what you needed. It's just what I needed.

And I've rented explorers three times in a row's just what I needed. And, um, I I've rented explorers three times in a row now on my, uh, on my work trips and I love them. I may buy one at some point. I really like them. This one has a little traction control modes specifically for snow and ice. And I needed it because the drive from Denver to where I am right now. I started at 7 p.m. That's when I started. I got here at 6 a.m. All night I drove in ice and snow and fucking slush. Been behind snow plows, fucking skidding around on icy roads.

It was awful. But we finally got here, and I'm digging it. We're having a good time. Chiz is here. We picked Chiz up. I guess it was like maybe one in the morning last night. We got some dinners.

I'm working on my – I'm sorry. I thought there was a break. It was just an awful drive getting here the whole night. We were just – the roads are frozen. And I just remember like there was a point where i couldn't see the lines on the road anymore but i could see the guardrail to the left and then guardrail all the way to the right so i just put my cart in the middle which meant i was straddling like the

center line of a two-lane highway and uh but still i every now and then i hear like i was hitting that vibe and i'm like oh shit but i didn't know which side i went too far because everything's just white there's no there's no asphalt to be seen The whole road is white. Oh, I forgot the best part so we turn out of the rental car place I immediately start sliding. I'm losing control and sliding sideways. We're strafing now George and I And I'm going no one scream. No one scream. No one scream and all right here We go all right And then I so as I pull out of that and we we start going down the road, and I look, and

right there is a car upside down in the fucking highway. Somebody just has flipped upside fucking down in their sedan, and I'm like, well, here we go. This is going to be a good start to this thing. And we must have passed four or five cars that had wrecked into the snow bank, and were just covered in snow. Is anybody checking on those people i don't think so i don't think there's anybody who's going and knocking on those windows because

i sure as fuck wasn't getting out of my car yeah if i don't have on star they're just up shit creek there is a colorado version of the redneck who lives for that who has a winch on his truck for that every once in a while that like yeah yes someone flipped over this is my time to shine hook up the winch baby i saw two different guys like that they were totally like that like amateur tow men you know he had i see he had one of those big wide uh straps hanging out the back of his rig uh we so we were just outside of denver dude it i i'd get if i saw some guy flipped over on the side un unhurt, and just wanted to be righted, I think I'd support a chub for something like that.

I would love to. Totally, yeah. Especially in that weather. If I could help, I would. But I was in no position to be handing out any help. And it came up a little bit. So we're just outside of Denver, and there's a Tacoma either four-door or extended cab in front of us. And they lose control. They're all

over the road fish-tailing and turning sideways and skidding and so I'm slowing down carefully so I don't do the same and making sure I'm not going to come alongside them and have them side-swipe me or anything. So I get to watch the whole show. So he finally writes the ship and we're down 30 miles an hour now and he gets back

on it, gets back up to about 50 again, loses it again. He's all fucking sideways, and I look and the passenger's like hanging out the window like looking down at the tires, and I think now in retrospect that maybe he was checking to see if the four wheel drive was even working, and if the

front tires were spinning, or maybe he was just like terrified. He looked terrified, because as i passed by him i rolled my window down and was like i hope you make it but i don't think they made it because that's what they wanted as a condescending comment from an suv guy they looked at me they were like thank you they you know they appreciated the you know me cheering them on and everything but i seriously doubt they made it to wherever the fuck they were going unless they were heading toward the ditch two miles down the road

because they weren't going to make it. 4WD truly does help you get up to speed. It really, really does help you get unstuck. But it doesn't just turn it into dry weather. It doesn't do that. It doesn't do anything if you're stopping. This Explorer's traction control system is really cool um it has like a it has one button for like descending down steep

hills that i've been using i guess it's utilizing transmission um and you know making sure i stay in a low gear but we never use it i really have been i've been using a lot because there's some places out here where if you tap the brakes you just start skidding immediately how does it work like is it is it for high speed or just for low speed is it i'm using it for low speed creeping down these mountain passes that are curvy and sometimes don't have guard rails i want to say hers blinks if you don't if you do it at higher speed or something so it just like is waiting for you to go into some more reasonable speed for it i I never really use the deceleration. There's like a little button with the SUV pointed down a steep hill. Yep.

Yeah. It's not a problem we run into, really. It's not one I've ever ran into until like this trip, but I've never driven in snow and ice like this, anything like this. I think I've done a good job, though. It didn't wreck us at all.

I've saved us from at least four skids. Did you drive the whole time, or were you switching off of that? Nobody else to do any driving. That's how it goes on a Kyle trip. Back me up on Kyle. I'll tell you how it goes on a Woody trip. Kyle does all the driving.

There are some Kyle trips. I feel like Woody would want to drive in that scenario. Woody wants to sleep. Woody wants to sleep. He wants to get good and rested up for his return home. At the time. Because he knows the smell is going to wake him up like a bolt. All right. So Kyle's right about everything he said. I'm not calling him a liar at all the when we went i was still uploading videos every day so if i were to like be gone for four days the days before that would be like extra super working hard i need to get four videos done and a lot of my videos were kind of sort of

timely like you know whatever google internet's in the news or this is in the news or this is a thing that i just got inspired by. So it wasn't like I could just have some video that I talk about 18 months from now that would still be worth a damn. Like a week from later, from the time I make it, I feel like the video is junk. So I would make all my videos a day or two before I left. And I would I just I came in. It was like a kind of a crash landing into that truck i was exhausted you know i was up all night you crashed you crashed for sure i did and and then on the way

back he seemed to be pretty tuckered out too because i drove all the way back he's not wrong about that i like how you say tuckered out that's such such a condescending way to say to a child, like, oh, he's all tuckered out. He was up until 9.45 last night, little buddy. It wasn't a manly exhausted. I was tuckered out. He was spent. He was spent.

He just gave all he had. That was what was left. Man's got to do it. Man's got to do it. You got to get your rest in. No, he got tuckered out. And I drove until my neck, until like these two vertebrae fused together in the back of my neck. But we got there.

I've made a bunch of these long drives like this. I hate them all. It doesn't get any better. I don't enjoy it. I don't look forward to the next one. I hate driving long drives. Have you been thinking about how your trip could have potentially been ruined if that guy who rented you the car didn't know who you were?

Like, you could have been one of those flipped cars. He could have put you in a Yaris. Yeah. I think it was going to be a Honda or something like that, like a mid-sized Honda. We were worried because, like, you know, our luggage might fit in that Honda, but then

Chiz's added luggage i just didn't think was going to make it and i was considering strapping shit to the roof and uh and stuff like that and oh we saw a wolf i'm like 90 sure i saw a wolf run across the road like maybe i should check to see if wolves even exist in colorado because i don't know if they do or not we get them in the yard we saw a big thing that did not look like a dog or a coyote. It looked much too big for either and it was moving fast and it ran across the road in front of us last night. Actually, I'm not 100% sure if we get coyotes

or wolves. In my head, they are exactly the same, like rabbits and hares. It's coyotes. I guarantee it's coyotes. You think we get coyotes, not wolves? I don't know I know that when I was in Idaho

they have like a wolf problem up there especially up north where you can just go and hunt wolves from a helicopter but so many people that I met who were super into elk hunting and shit they would go and do you know seasonal wolf hunts and they would tell me yeah I've been wolf hunting

for four years now i haven't even seen one and that's apparently not rare like they're incredibly smart they'll send like a scout wolf out and they'll be like oh yeah there's another one of those assholes with an orange hat on fuck this we're going the other way because we know what happens yeah ted last winter i am i did a little bit of research into wolves when kyle suggested i get one as a pet and yeah like you said they're very timid they they stay away from people and like dogs like people if you even catch a dog who doesn't like people you can probably turn them around with a few snacks and a little love they're genetically predisposed to be our bitches they they love us they're our best buddy

they're a partner in crime. They're afraid to do it. You put a treat in a fist, give them a little love. I got Dax to like me. Now, it's not a permanent bond or anything, but he'd sit on the couch next to me and snuggle me until he stopped liking me. It wasn't like...

That's where dogs came from. We started with wolves and the wolves who were most willing to come into the human camp and get the scraps, and the wolves that were most willing to follow the humans around from hunt site to hunt site and do that were the ones that became domesticated, and then the humans bred the nicest ones, the most gentle ones,

the easiest ones to work with each other until we got dogs. And then we mutated them into these poor fucking poor fucking like schnitzel snoozles and those poor bulldogs chihuahuas to great danes unnatural entirely bull mastiffs i'll even say your wiener dogs they're just oh can we watch like bull mastiffs and big dogs i have a topic too oh too. Can I slip it in before your commercial? Do you love your topic? I love it so much. I'll wait.

My girlfriend showed me this. It was on the subreddit, but my girlfriend showed it to me before that. Heinz Wiener Dog. I saw it on the subreddit. I love it so much. I think I just saw a still photo though. I don't know if I saw it on the subreddit. I love it so much. I think I just saw a still photo, though.

I don't know if I saw it. Oh, great. Great, great, great. Yeah, I'm going to link it here. It's taking me a second on this laptop. Oh, the laptop makes you a slow linker. Well, normally I've got my keyboard sitting in the floor. So how do I...

I've got to find the text box stop defending yourself it's never gonna be fast enough fast hands woody over there put the words i got the words in my lips but i don't know where it is funny to me he's like yeah yeah control c control v like i just this could be a bit he still hasn't linked an audience ladies and gentlemen would you type something to me so i can find the chat box because for some reason i can't like access it right now are you full pictures like i'm using the i'm having to use the web app um for some reason because yeah there was an issue with regular skype not wanting to connect to this um i'm using my phone as a um hot spot okay i i got the picture now or the thing all right let me get uh on it and cute all right i'm cute at zero i really genuinely this is

this is this is one i think it's my favorite commercial ever now are you ready oh wait wait yeah move this thing a little bit yeah Yeah, I'm good to go. Ready, set, play. I bought one of these for my girlfriend's dog before this even came out. Look at him. Look at his ears! He's a little one! Yeah, it's like a little smokey. Yeah! This has to be CGI.

No, they got thousands of dogs. Look at the ketchup packet! I can't live I can't live without you I can't live I can't live Oh, it's so good the macho man's breaking yeah yeah and he looks at the camera that's the best part it's hard to resist great taste meet the Ketchups.

Ridiculous commercial. I like the voices, right? The whole notion that they're like, number one, number one, he's the alpha. You know, all running. That was great. I really liked that. I'm really strongly considering buying one of those dogs.

But your girlfriend has one, right? Yeah, she has one. I think I want my own. You want a second wiener dog? Well, she's actually got three. The other two just don't live with us, but that might change. So maybe I shouldn't get myself my own wiener dog. I feel like all dogs are joint dogs while they're living in a joint house.

You know, like who gets the kids in a separation is a future issue, but maybe or maybe not. I'm not trying to, whatever, change topics. But, you know, for right now, like Dax is your dog and Kitty's dog and your girlfriend's dog. And that's true with Muppet. And what's the wiener dog's name? Taylor, can you hear me okay? I can hear you fine.

Yeah, I think Kyle. Yeah, he's moving in slow motion too. Kyle, are you back yet? Yeah, I can hear you what's the dog's name? Fee is it spelled F-E-E like a bank transaction? more like F-I-E

like short for fiesta ah ok short for fiesta I really don't like wiener dogs that much a friend of mine had three of them all growing up and none of them were pleasant uh he had the oldest one if you pet it it was way faster than you would think and it would always bite you it would always find a way if you pet it it ran away it would come back later and just be aggravating to you he had another one you couldn't pet it

without it just every time you pet it it would have a little like shaking conniption and piss all over itself. Oh, shit. And so like every time a new person came over, my buddy Tim would have to be like, hey, you know, that's Dapple, the one with the spots on it. Don't touch that one. It'll shake everywhere and pee all over you. And people would think that he was joking sometimes. They'd be like, oh, come over here and just like pick it up and pet it. And it just piss everywhere. it was like a rape victim dog

that happens kyle yeah yeah i've i've had a dog that would do the same thing um they get so excited they can't fucking handle it like i don't have any scientific reason for this but that's what visually it looks like yeah i remember like I remember like I had a girlfriend come and like pick up my mom's dog and be like oh you're just so cute and like just give the dog like 100% of her attention you know you're just the best and amazing I love you I love you and the dog is like ahhhh

just like pisses on the floor forgets how to be a dog can't handle that shit a dog's brain what it wants because it's been domesticated is just all of your attention and so in its head when it's getting a hundred percent of your attention right then it's just on like a heroin overdose it's like oh my god it's so good it's everything i thought it would be oh it loves me it loves me so oh no oh no it's just it's all over the place uh it's almost cute though because it's like they're so simple

like they get so much joy just from you paying attention to them. You were talking about those dogs that would bite you. I like dogs that will bite. I don't want a dog that if someone's like, will that dog bite? The answer should be maybe. The answer should never be no. The answer should be maybe.

See, here's the thing. My head says the answer should never be no. Yeah, no, I like the answer should be babe. See, here's the thing. My head says the answer should be no, right? My dogs now, as far as I know, they don't bite. Buddy would never bite. Ender would never bite. And Harley, I don't think would bite either. She's just sweet. Our dogs are really sweet.

Jack was an asshole. Jack would fucking rip you up. And we've talked about this a million times but there was a certain amount of security to knowing that that he was there was a killer in the house yeah we saw it we saw what he did to that house why oh down the street yeah yeah he ripped her up that was that was rough yeah that was his nip he should have been hanging out on his street yeah that was the mistake she made i have a topic i feel like if you were to if you were to leave him loose in the yard i feel like it would be like a jack london novel like he'd find his own pack

and he'd become the alpha of it so um just before christmas mid-december my wife's book club so my wife's in this book club. We've talked about it before. They read these softcore porn romance novels and then they discuss them afterwards. And well, they all came over to my house for the Christmas party. We hosted the Christmas party

in the Game of Thrones room. And I guess the leader of the book club or something wrote us a thank you note. And along with the thank you note, she included a gift. The gift was a drawing, but not just any drawing. She's an adult, right? She's like 40 or something. And she ripped it out of a coloring book and colored it in.

And I have it. This is the drawing we got as a gift for hosting as an adult it's it's literally like color in between the lines and she only did an okay job like it's is that like uh color by number like you might be thinking like paint by numbers no this is literally a child's coloring book Where she did it for us As a gift for hosting the party And she signed it

She signed it right here I don't know if you can see the signature Oh so that's an authentic Yes yeah this is I had never seen anything like this No that's so weird There's some errors here You should have that.

Don't mention it, but have it on your fridge right next to a B-plus paper from Hope. Just be like, you know, everyone in our life, we're so proud of them. Hope, that B-plus on the paper. You, 40-year-old woman, coloring in the lines. So how does that make you feel about her? It's clear that you're giving her a little shit because she didn't color it very well. And you're pointing out that it's like a child's coloring book type thing. So what are you getting at?

I think that I've just never had an adult. This is such a weird scenario. You've never had an adult color something for you? I've never had an adult color something for me, right? And if it was a shoddy watercolor painting, it'd be like, oh, well, she's trying. It's hard. Yeah. Better than I could do.

Right. Typically, right? I can color better than that, though. I can fucking color. I mean, that shit's easy. I don't know what she was doing. Give me some colored pencils. I'll make that look beautiful. I don't know what she was doing with

that and it it's a bit embarrassing huh i i um you should display it you know see this is the sort of thing where i like to fuck with people you should you should tell her that you've got an artist friend and he saw it and and he started and he and he said that he knew that it was it was crayon but just the way that she's the way she works with color really struck him and he'd like to talk to her and then and then have her come on the show and have me talk to her and have the friend be like a nine year old who's doing well in our class oh that's the best hey we've got Timmy over here, local critic. You know, get on his good side. Can you imagine her sitting up late at night, like, in her study with, like, a glass of scotch, just finished one of, like, a crocodile by a river, and she's like, no, no, this won't do.

Fuck. God, oh, if I'm ever going to get invited back, I've got to bring out my A game. Got to use the owl one. There's only one copy in this book. One chance. She lists her credentials. if I'm ever going to get invited back, I got to bring up my a game. Got to use the owl one. There's only one copy in this book. One chance. She lists her credentials. She did the whole Disney book.

It's just, yeah, that's good. That's a little embarrassing that she can, she, she colored that thing for you. I guess I really, my wife had the same idea. She's like,

what do I do with this? Like, do I throw it away? Do I put it on the refrigerator? Like throw it away, throw it away right now, or it'll become a part of your life in some way. You'll end up sticking it somewhere and hanging onto it on the refrigerator like throw it away throw it away right now or it'll become a part of your life in some way you'll end up sticking it somewhere and hanging

on to it that is trash that's just trash she did a good job at it there's no reason to keep it the fact that she signed it is i would have laughed if someone handed me that my idea we signed it i get in the book club right pretend to read the book month after month after month attend these meetings make my way into the next christmas party and then sneak this onto the refrigerator of whoever hosts it next 100 or bring uh hosted at her house and bring another kind of useless gift like that that a dog would bring bring her a dead squirrel leave it on her doorstep we have a dead rabbit you think it'll keep color something for her i was gonna suggest that you color something for her but you

do a really good job at it and and like like what if you could find that same owl but you did a really good job at it and like gave her some pointers or i could hire someone to paint this owl with like oil paints and shit and really one upper and then hand that to her and be like hey i had the same idea as you and then like you know like a genuine fucking oil but it's just brilliant oh you look like such a douche that's perfect you have to either go all the way with something brilliant that you like conscript out or just another paint within the colors that's done very poorly but that you think is okay to give her back as a return gift where it's like you know i'm not quite you but you know

this is my best i banned a woody craft player like a month ago and he really wants to get unbanned and um apparently he has a friend with painting talent so they're gonna paint me the um in lieu of cash they're gonna give me a painting painting of the painkiller already emblem. That's cool. I really appreciate that. I've often wanted paintings done. I think a really cool thing to have would be a painting that was seriously

done in a serious style, but of something very silly. Paint me my face, but on Stalin's body in full like in a serious style but of something very silly like paint me like my face but on Stalin's body in full like military garb and everything like something like that I think would be fucking hilarious I like stuff like that

I just don't know any artists or anyone who's good at doing stuff like that my face into one of those floating lawn chair people in the movie WALL-E right just oh I didn't watch WALL-E I haven't seen WALL-E. Okay, is that you? I didn't watch WALL-E. I haven't seen WALL-E. Well, shit.

I know what it's about. I know what it's about, and I'm aware it's really good. The reason I don't watch it is because I know that little robot's going to make me cry, and I don't need that. I don't need that robot making me cry because I know that's what's coming. I know it's a sad movie. I think he gets left behind to clean up the mess or whatever, and he's all alone. It's a great movie.

I'm sorry to recommend it. I think he gets left behind to clean up the mess or whatever, and he's all alone. It's a great movie. I'm sorry to recommend it. Someone in your position. Amongst children's movies you're forced to watch, this is top of the heap. I like Incredibles. Yeah, yeah. I haven't seen that either. The Incredibles? I really liked that movie.

Yeah, I really liked that movie too. Seen it. There's a sequel coming. I'll tell you what I have just about finished up is the Godfather epic, that seven-hour Godfather mashup of Godfather 1 and 2. I pretty much watched that whole thing. I'm about five hours into it, so I'm about to finish it up. I just watched something really good.

Yeah. It's called Occupied, I think. Like the present tense, like occupied. And the premise of this TV show series is that Norway cuts off their oil and gas production so that they can combat climate change. They want to be clean and they create this like

thorium based nuclear reactor outside my expertise but they want to give electricity anyway their customers who include like europe and russia don't like this and they're like hey you know we're going to lead by example we're cutting this off we're going to go into electric cars, et cetera, et cetera. And you guys should do the same. Well, they threaten the prime minister and send like Russian troops in to take over the oil and gas production and start it up again. And at first, the prime minister just kind of like capitulates, you know,

like, all right, all right, all right, all right. You know, like without Europe on our side, Russia's clearly going to crush us in a one-on-one military confrontation. So, you know, we'll bring the gas supplies up and then we'll get Russia out. And that's as deep as I'll go into the series. But it's super, super well done.

It's like... Who makes it? Who makes it? Like, what channel? I don't... Netflix is where i watched it is it a netflix original i don't think so i'm not sure though what's it called again occupied let's look it up occupied there is a hitch to it though it has subtitles like there

is some english in it but it's it's mostly oh is this shit norwegian and russian norwegian yeah but i'm okay with that i um i don't mind subtitles to be honest i didn't realize how often i watch things and then like you know sort of bounce back and forth between them but when you have to read all the dialogue like it takes your full attention there is no like looking at our pics on reddit while listening to a tv like yeah you look away for a second and you miss something. Sicario had a ton of subtitles because I don't fucking speak Spanish. Have you ever watched

Girl with the Dragon Tattoo? That series? I haven't watched that either, no. I've heard of it. It's real good, but it's all in either Swedish or Norwegian. I can't tell the difference between those two languages. And I had to rewind by 20 minutes, probably six times, trying

to watch that series where I'd just be having it on. Then I'd realize I was on my phone and be like, well, goddammit, I don't speak this goofy Nordic speech. I gotta rewind until I figure out which blonde-haired person said it to the other blonde-haired person. All the actors are clearly Norwegian because they're all amazingly good

looking and blonde and fit. And just like you, I'd realize I looked away for a second. Oh, and the nature of it is such that I felt like I had to know all the things that happened. If I zone out of Archer and come back five minutes later,

I'm so clever. You can put the pieces together. I'd catch up again. The same thing is true as bob's burgers or whatever but in this show like there's 10 hours of it i think it's 10 hour long episodes i feel like if you miss three minutes of it you're like oh you better go back and get that there's gonna be a quiz later you know the the twists and turns and drama and and development is all essential essential. Everything about it is great. It also doesn't help. I don't know about that series you're talking about, but when they change the names of characters to be a little more English,

it helps me out more. Like instead of having like a bunch of names with way too many vowels and a bunch of umlauts, like those two dots over use and shit, like I can't keep track of characters hardly when they do that, and it's much easier when they switch it, even if it's kind of gauche to be in like Brent and Kevin are talking instead of like Sven and who the dude.

I'm glad you said that. That was pretty good. All the names were good enough for me. Like Hans is not an English, not a name we hear in America a lot, but you're cool with Hans, right? Like it's common. One of the characters' names was Peter, but somehow it was different. Like they didn't say.

Yeah. Was the T emphasized more or something? But you're just like, oh, yeah, she means Peter. Yeah, it's like Y's instead of E's. Peter. Something like that. But, yeah, pretty much all the names worked for me. All the characters look different enough for me to help.

That's a thing I struggle with a little bit, usually with brunette guys. If there's just a sea of bearded, brown-haired men in a show, I struggle a little bit there. Yeah, I feel like they need to go out of their way more to differentiate shows with huge casts like Game of Thrones. I mean, obviously, that's, I feel like they need to go out of their way more to differentiate. Shows with huge casts, like Game of Thrones, I mean, obviously that's a perfect example.

That's probably the biggest cast out there. You know, give the guy some weird facial hair or something. Give him a scar. Take one of his eyes away or something. So I can remember, oh yeah, one eye. I remember him. He's the one fucking his sister. So you just, that's how most of the people are like, most people need to be kind of hand-fed, you know fed led along through this thing

not everybody's listening to the audio books and watching every episode multiple times I'm really looking forward to Game of Thrones though I'm in the mood now I'm trying not to think about it I don't want to get my hopes up I feel like I'm at the fucking wall right now there's so much snow here

this is where they filmed the Hateful Eight they filmed the Hateful Eight out here in this town. And it looks like it. It's all, you know, coniferous trees covered in snow. Did anyone follow the elections last night? I saw that Bernie and Clinton pretty much won. Yeah, yeah.

I think she won by like half a percent or something tiny. Something, yeah. And Bernie wants a recount and she won like six coin flips like and that was a differentiator too um but yeah i i don't know how the analysis i'm reading coming what is that even now i keep reading that i've got a delay keep going oh um the analysis i get from last night is all over the place you know like hillary we'll say virtually tied right let's go with that as the result hillary's camp is acting like she lost bernie's camp is all thrilled acting like they won

um i guess like why is that so great because they closed the gap or something next comes Bernie's home state so that's a slam dunk of a win in that thing it's next to his home state but roll with it and then comes Nevada and South Carolina and and those two I think that Hillary smashes Bernie and I'm not positive about this part in particular, but we start getting to the winner-take-all states. Like in Iowa, it's almost a symbolic victory, right? Like it's going to take 800 delegates to win this thing, and Cruz got eight and Trump got seven.

Whatevs, right? No one's winning or losing by a delegate. It's sort of, you know, but hey, Cruz beat Trump. That's a thing. So the same is true with Bernie and Hillary and such. But when you get to the winner-take-all states, that's when things start to divide. That's when someone who wins 55-45 really gets a gap.

O'Malley pulled out. That's another a gap. O'Malley pulled out. That's another little thing. O'Malley pulled out. Huckabee pulled out. Huckabee. Santorum. I think he pulled out too. I thought he was already out.

I thought he was kind of pitching his weight behind Trump at that veterans thing he did a while back. I probably have the other guy wrong then. I thought Santorum had like 1% or half a percent or something. Did Kasich pull out or something? I forget. But yeah, a bunch of people pulled out. I'm going to plug this thing in. Okay.

I suspect his problem is with his cell phone, not the audio hardware. But whatever. We'll let him practice. So, yeah, I don't know how to do the analysis. Like I've been reading everything all over the board. Like this is a big win for Bernie. He was 15 points down a month ago and now he tied.

Now he's about to win and he'll head into South Carolina with these things under his belt. Big win? Maybe. Or this is the third most liberal state in the whole nation if you can't do well with white liberals and you just tie hillary once you get to the other places like nevada and south carolina she's going to wipe the floor with you i've been hearing that wait iowa is the third most liberal state it was surprising to me but

yeah i've been hearing that repeatedly in every source that I don't know if I'd say Iowa is a broad thing, but the Democrats in Iowa are the third most, and they're white. Apparently, white liberals is Bernie's home court, and that describes Iowa and where they go next, New Hampshire. But when they go to Nevada and South Carolina, they say he's going to get wiped up. So we'll see. Yeah, I was interested to hear what you had to say because you're more knowledgeable. I was trying to read about it too, and I can't tell. I went on Reddit in the politics section. Of course, it's just a Bernie bonanza over there constantly, and they're acting like he already is walking into the White House.

And then when I look at more, I guess not real news sources, but like the mainstream, SMBC, Fox, it seems like they're leaning more like, oh, Bernie barely scraped this out by the skin of his teeth, but we all know who the real champion is. Like, you know, he just kind of barely made it through the first round of the playoffs, and now he's about to get blown out by someone better.

Yeah, not in the next state. The next story will be bernie crushed hillary but of course he did you know it's the it's the state next to where he's from yeah so we'll see how that goes do you think he has a real chance at all yes um he definitely has a real chance but but i don't think it's like a – I don't think he's got a 40 – I don't think it's 40 to 60. I think it's more like he's got a 15 to 85. It's the same number I had in my head. Like is it a real chance?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's an outside chance. But it's not impossible. It's not one of those like lottery, oh, you're never going to win that kind of things. It could happen, but it's just not i think it you know a hypothetical bernie 15 years from now like we might be heading into a direction where someone like him gets elected you know an atheist socialist has never done this

well before but you know those things would have completely sunk a guy 20 years ago i agree with that but i also feel like there's always a chance. In the end, we're talking about people out there who are running for these offices. Hillary could have an aneurysm tomorrow. Or Hillary, like Bill, could have a stroke and she drops out of the race.

It's more likely that Bernie does. She's old too. She's like 70. Yeah, they're both old. We know he's been eating kosher all these years at least, taking care of himself. God knows what Hillary's putting in her body over there. Whatever keeps her alive. Whatever those reptilians use to live in our atmosphere, I'm not sure.

But she's chock full of it. I don't know. What I'm getting at is maybe some crazy thing could happen and Sanders could become the president. I just feel like the cards are really stacked against him. His own, the DNC is against him. That Debbie Wasserman Schultz bitch

really seems to be in the Hillary camp. Which makes sense since she worked on her campaign and all. They've really got it in for this guy. The game's fixed before they get there to play. It's interesting to see.

I think there's an outside chance that some freak accident happens and it catapults him forward. There's also an outside chance that the FBI actually finds something criminal and prosecutes her. That could cause a big sway. Well, it's hard to be president if you're locked up.

No way. No way is she getting on a train. Maybe they recount those votes. They declare Bernie the winner. He wins the next state, and he starts rolling, and he starts just taking states somehow. Look at how the delegates are going into this thing. Not good for him. is just taking state somehow look at how the delegates are going into this thing now not good if you're new to this the light blue ones are the voters the dark blue ones are how stacked

against him it was headed into this shit yep you might not have even noticed there's a light blue frosting on top of the delegate count. So for people on audio, Clinton's beating Sanders 385 to 29. But in each case, they have like 29 voter pledge delegates and there are whatever, 360, no, no, yeah, about 360 super delegates

to next to nothing such a mess we should pick our president just like we pick our American Idol you just text in get done that's how it should be widespread manipulation of course

it works for Kelly Clarkson it works for the leader of the free world remember when Howard Stern had his people vote for sanjaya to keep him in the mix even though he's clearly like the least talented uh that was that was wonderful yeah vote for the worst that was it so in the way that it worked is you didn't vote for who to remove you voted for who to keep and whoever got the fewest votes would get knocked off and howard week after week and there was a website too like vote for the worst

and they would direct where to vote too and they like they also were big san jaya fans uh it was pretty funny is that really how that happened i remembered that from years ago and i didn't know that stern was responsible for keeping that untalented he stayed on that show so long he stayed on at least three weeks longer than he would have normally. Yeah, I don't know if it was just Stern. I know Kyle's exposure seems to be the real Stern thing. At the time, I didn't know about Stern. I knew about the website. I don't know what

was responsible for what, but yeah. The guy led it. It went on for a couple seasons. He would just keep the worst people alive all the time. That's funny. Now he's a judge on that show, isn't he? Sanjaya is? No, Stern.

Oh, he's on America's Got Talent, which is a similar show. No, he was on America's Got Talent. Simon Cowell. Part of the Sony hack was that we found out that Simon Cowell conspiring to take Howard Stern's job. And Stern says he was ending his contract anyway. And Stern brought up the Sony hack and went after Cowell for months

about how he's sniveling behind his back trying to take his job from him and how doesn't he have enough over there on his plate, etc., etc. And Simon Cowell apologized to him, said it was a big misunderstanding. But Howard Stern is not on AGT anymore. Simon Cowell is. Simon Cowell is the him said it was a big misunderstanding but Howard Stern is not on AGT anymore Simon Cowell is Simon Cowell is the new host of AGT one of the judges but he's the main guy now Simon does a good job in that role though

yeah he'll do a better job than Howard if you ask me because Howard didn't want to do anything but be a judge he's like you hired me to be a judge I show up and I judge talent but they want to do all this social media bullshit and all these promo videos

and these short clips and all this viral content. You know, all these... He didn't want any part of that. Howard's great on his show. But on AGT, America's Got Talent,

I always thought he just kind of like... He was almost like an audience member reacting. Like he didn't... simon will tear someone down it's hard to get his approval simon's reaction is funny interesting compelling in some way howard's reaction was just like anybody else's i think i haven't um i to be honest i've never watched howard on that show i just i see it i've just seen yeah i i think i've seen seen... I think I've seen a couple I've seen the show, but I just see the bits

and then I turn it off because I don't care about Howard in that role. It's like if Howard went and did I don't know, he became a carpenter I wouldn't watch him build a house either. I just don't think that that's a role that he's suited for. It's not funny to me. I think he'd be a cool late night host though. Some kind of weird situation.

Isn't he really uncomfortable being on camera like that's why he has like his hair hanging down like a curtain and the big glasses he knows he's hideous and and he mentions it quite often he's had a nose job he had a nose job after his movie i i watched howard on watched on the radio um a lot during that time and he would really talk about nose jobs a lot like it was on his mind in a big way he's talking to different doctors and at the time he had decided not to do it because he didn't want to change his voice and he you know his voice is his fortune if suddenly he sounded nasally he had a real bump like a hook nose kind

of thing going on that's that's the exact term he would use to describe his own nose the hook nose he uh he'd talk about all the negative stereotypes around jews and he's like why do i have to get all of them right you know there's a like money whore isn't the term he used but something you know parallel to money hook nose uh you know like greasy dark haired whatever he's like i've got all of these things and it was pretty funny to see himself deprecate yeah he does that a lot yeah um he has to because you know he's got his own brand of peculiarities it was funny the other day he meant he said something like he's like i was driving into work the other day well i wasn't driving i was right in the other day. He said something like I was driving into work the other day.

Well, I wasn't driving. I was right in the back of my limo. Ronnie was driving. We were driving. We were driving into work and this happened and I was just like, yeah, this guy doesn't fucking drive. Howard doesn't know how to drive. I bet he doesn't have a driver's license. I bet he knew how to drive.

He knew how to drive, but I don't think he's driven in a very long time. Robin has like eight cars or some shit and like a couple of boats and like goes out and does adventures. She went to Peru maybe. I can't remember where she went to. Just discount the location. But she went and did this ceremony with a medicine man in like a tent where they give you this uh this drug called ayahuasca or something like that it's like a it's like a dark brown drink and then she's

describing how this went down he's like yeah you drink all this in 30 minutes it'll make you sick and she's like well what if it doesn't make me sick well then you'll drink some more and that'll make you sick and she's like all right so basically she just drinks this awful putrid brown liquid. And sure enough, after drinking some more, and they gave her some more and she starts vomiting and then she has all these crazy like hallucinations and shit. But she also did this cryotherapy where they'd like chill her down to some temperature in this chamber.

And she was doing these coffee enemas where they would give her enemas with coffee. You know, not hot, of course. She's into all kinds of crazy ridiculous shit dude how did you do that i'm familiar with all of these things i haven't done them but um i watched this uh youtube channel sailing la vagabond or something close to that and um it's this couple and they go sailing around the world in their sailboat that's like their life and she got a coffee enema and all sorts of like there were a lot of enemas involved in one of these things and i'm like this is a it's the worst thing i've ever watched i am supposed to do like wake you up

immediately like oh i got coffee in my asshole like oh let's start the day i guess like like she'd be like all right these this is my equipment and just the equipment is gross to me it's not gross it's like a clear rubber tube but i know that's going up her ass and now it's gross it's gross because in five minutes from now yuck and um and you know did she oh she was fasting and animating the whole time and it's just like you ah it's like an eating disorder isn't it yeah clean her out everything and the thing is she's doing this at like a luxury spa with like eight other people that are doing it and each of them are like deteriorating over the course of this like eight or ten day thing where they haven't had any food their only like sustenance is coffee up their ass

and they're just like laying around getting dizzy and stuff and i'm like this is the worst any food. Their only sustenance is coffee up their ass. And they're just laying around, getting dizzy and stuff. And I'm like, this is the worst vacation ever. It seems like it's only super rich people who do that. They're not rich. Oh, I thought this is what

Robin Quivers did, right? Oh, it is Robin Quivers. The person I'm talking about was the Sailing La Vagabond people they uh yeah they like get ob jobs at like starbucks and stuff to buy you know so that they can buy like vegetables from in third world countries and uh i don't know like it's it's a lifestyle that appeals to the hypothetical young me. Like, oh man, like how awesome would it be to have spent like a decade sailing around the planet, going from like the Caribbean to the West Indies,

to Thailand, to Peru or whatever. Like, you know, they're in the, um, not the Dominican Republic, uh,

uh, Trinidad and Tobago right now. And, um, you know, just bouncing around, adventuring and shit. You know, they catch a lot of their food with a spear gun. They're like, all right, time for dinner. They drop out of the boat with a spear gun and like fucking shoot fish. And that's what they eat.

And that sounds amazing. You know, that really appeals to my inner Aquaman. But on the other hand, I know they're doing nothing for their future. They're just 100% living in the present. It seems like it's fun to do the whole, oh, get on the sailboat and then go kill a fish with your spear gun and survive for a while. But why cap that off with coffee enemas and starving yourself for 10 days? It doesn't lead.

I don't think we're giving it enough of a chance. I don't know what you get out of these coffee enemas. I think we're assuming that it's like a caffeine rush. There's some health benefit. I think I know what comes out after an enema. It's not good. It's not good. Do you put creamer in there.

Yeah, a little bit of sugar, a little bit of creamer. You go in there bare. I don't take my blood. You want me to take my little rig and show you what it looks like off the porch? Sure. I think I could walk all this if I like. I think.

Let's see what happens here. How many people are in the house total? Currently You need to do this one. I think. Let's see what happens here. How many people are in the house total? Currently, you need to do this one. Am I pointing to it? No, no. I'm not sure. This circly thing right here.

Oh, but wait. Your cord goes through your mic. I think you need to take the whole boom with you. Nah, we got this. Is Chiz able to hear you right now? Have any pranks been planned? So I think he can hear you, but he can't talk. He's trying to make his mic more portable so he can do a walking tour of the house.

Okay. Yeah, that looks awesome. I like that rustic look on vacation. I've stayed in cabins like that in Aspen before. Like, we had one on the slope where you could just ski out every day. And it, like, puts you more in the mood to... It just makes you feel like you're a wilderness person, even though you ski down half a mile and then get, like, a hot cocoa And it puts you more in the mood to... It just makes you feel like you're a wilderness person,

even though you ski down half a mile and then get a hot cocoa in a heated place. I would totally recommend a mancation of that, but Kyle's not a skier. Kyle, can you hear me okay? You sound great. I like the... Look at this rig. Portable.

Yeah. I think Kyle would be a skier if he tried it for a little while. I might try it. We're gonna take some inner tubes and tie them behind the car later. Go down the road. That's kind of like skiing right now. Just open that door on my

foot. That was pretty impressive. Oh, it's so cold. Oh, it's awesome. That looks great. No one can hear them they know if Chiz the shit a hot stuff down there no what is the movie with Burt Reynolds deliverance you can live it is the deliverance treatment get them panties off. Nobody would know. I wonder how insulated it is. I mean, it looks like it's not insulated at all, like you're tapping

on the roof, but I bet it is. That's a facade. Let's see. Let me turn these lights on. So, this is my room. Is that? Yeah. so this is my room is that yeah those are blinds on the window it looks like there's snow covering the window I guess that's

not what really is oh yeah blinds I can see now yeah how many bedrooms like every direction is just a view like that how many bedrooms four or five I'm not really sure it's legit my house is only Four or five. I'm not really sure. It's legit. My house is only four or five.

I don't even know. Pretty decent bathroom. It is. It's like a steam shower thing. Let's see here. I'll pick this up again. This is a pretty cool little view. So you're doing all this by Wi-Fi off your phone?

Yeah. Did the internet go bad? We called in advance. The internet's been working fine, but I had connectivity issues just prior to this call. We've all been using that internet to... Just daily life stuff,

weather, Reddit. Yeah, but the laptop I was going to use didn't work, and so I'm using Kitties right now, and it didn't want to connect. But yeah, this is just the upstairs. There's a whole downstairs down there. I like it.

Is that a tree in the middle? It's a big fireplace. Ah, I like that too. Yeah, it's a double fireplace, so there's one on each side. The other side's the living room down there. Is it like see-through, like one fireplace with two sides? I'm not really sure. You think you'll do a fire?

There's a fire going now. It's gas. It's gas. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. We're liking our new fireplace. It's going right now.

Jackie's gotten good at making fires, which I love. I was afraid that she would just always make a chis man's work you should be a chis yeah she's really gonna chis out on that fire but as she worked it up to like the huge inferno that you had to wait a few days to even do originally uh oh the bonfire the indoor fireplace oh i was talking about the indoor one because i thought you said you had to build like small up to a huge fire oh yeah no we're we're at a point now where we let the thing burn for like 40 hours in a row and um it was just off it got warm out so it's been off for like 30 hours and she opens it it's still hot in there like she uh she she does it fully well

there's there's no room for improvement really she's good at making the fire and doesn't use too many like fire starting like it's always like scarce supply you only have so much kindling and such and she uses the right amount and starts the fire and uh did you teach her or did she just figure it out uh i think it's all from me i think i i taught her i'm not sure if she also watched a youtube video or something but i taught her so um i don't know if you guys have more to go but i was thinking about this i saw someone um giving a shit because they thought that we were very ignorant when it came to talking about pot however i looked at all his complaints and every single one of them was opinion based he didn't like that we pointed out that edibles tasted bad he didn't like that

we said that do that um dab rigs and you know doing dabs looked like uh like the meth of pot even though it does clearly you got a fucking propane torch yeah um and he was like he was like what's so sketchy about putting pot on a spoon and burning it and using a syringe? Yeah, yeah. But he was making his argument out as if he was cringing because we were so ignorant. Oh, was he cringing? Suck a dick, cringers. In reality, he just disagreed with our opinions about something.

And everything we said was 100% accurate. And everything he disagreed with was opinion based so I was thinking if you're interested since I am here in Colorado, Kitty's got a friend who is a bit of a marijuana expert. I could have him come on the show and he could do some dabs for the audience. I think that's a good idea because then we will all see that it does in fact look sketchy. Look like meth. Yeah. Is that okay to put on YouTube? Can that get me a strike? I don't think so.

It's in Colorado. See, it's legal drug use. He's medicating himself. In Colorado, that's just like someone drinking in a video, right? Yeah. Oh, the only thing we had incorrect is we called that, we were talking about that, we were referencing a YouTube channel and we called him Weed Central and in fact his channel is called Strain Central.

Josh, over there on that channel. I actually like the guy. I only watched the ones that Kyle pointed out to me. I think Kyle's seen a bunch of his stuff, right? He seemed like a pretty likable guy. He's really into pot, so we don't really share that in common, but I wish him luck. Really upbeat and positive.

Yeah, yeah. He has that in there. Okay, he's there to show you pot-related items and to smoke pot while he does it. That's what he's doing. But at the end of every episode, and often when he's digressing, he'll be like, hey, life's hard. Make sure you're thinking positive thoughts. about the good things focus on the good let the bad roll off your back you know who gives you a little pep talk every episode and i'm like

i don't really care about that giant 800 piece you're smoking out of but man you may feel good feel a little better about himself he had like a team art vibe to him you know like yeah i'm super excited to show you this new dab it looks like a big piece of snot. This is going to be awesome. And he just had that positive, happy vibe. Like that contagious happiness where it's like, he's so happy

it kind of makes me happy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're definitely not hating on that guy. No. I saw the same pot comment you were talking about and my opinion is that he was so high on his sketchy dabs that he just invented one gram of oil a day he admitted to smoking he he's he he admits that he smokes a gram of oil a day and he's he's is that a lot that guy that's a lot yeah it's too much too much he was i mean i am i didn't take any offense to that comment really

and i think it was because i didn't care at all someone's like you know what he's wrong about his dab knowledge no see but that wasn't it like i see another guy uh in the comments and he and he's saying this makes me wonder how often they speak this ignorantly on other subjects without me knowing it and it's got like 14 thumbs up and it's like we didn't speak ignorantly at all on the subject everything we said is 100 accurate and everything this jackass faggot is disagreeing with his opinions he's like they said they like the color red everyone knows blue is the shit what are they thinking they don't know anything about fucking colors you know that's exactly how i feel about revenant talk look i might let you off the hook with revenant talk but but i don't i don't know you're not letting this guy off the hook with pot talk i'm not letting this guy off the hook with pot did

you uh i know we i mean we actually you started saying that you took notes and everything but we never really dove into them. I wanted Taylor to watch it because I can't give a spoiler-free, like, you know, opinion about this thing because I'd like to be able to reference. One of the things that, like, I wanted to point out was all of the events that took place between the point when he got mauled and the time where he gets out of, gets to where he's going because i felt like a lot of stuff happened in that period of time um and and so i couldn't

list those things off without just literally spoiling the entire i follow so that i see so you are not on the woody side of the revenant argument because i said that the plot was really simple right like guy gets hit with a bear walks home it's it's a simple plot um but but i thought i thought the acting was really strong and i thought the cinematography was incredible it the camera movement and the camera work impressed me so much that it drove me to investigate who did the cinematography in this movie because i don't know anything about cinematographers but i looked into it and it's this guy named it's either alexander lutzwig or alejandro lutzwig, I can't recall, but

I don't have my notes with me. He did the cinematography work on Gravity and Birdman and he won Oscars for the work on each of those films last year and the year before. He's two for two. This is his third in a row.

So, I don't know. He's so good at his job that I immediately recognized that the cinematography and the camera work was amazing and it drove me to search him out and sure enough he is a top tier guy in his field. There were a couple scenes that really impressed me with the camera work. Have you seen it yet Taylor? No, not yet.

Alright then, alright. Well, fuck it. We'll talk about it some other time when it's not a big relevant deal anymore, when the Revenant isn't quite so relevant. Let's see if DiCaprio wins the Oscar or not, and then we'll talk about it again. Let's just do that. He did win the screen.

He won the SAG. Yeah, DiCaprio, I predict he wins an Oscar. I do, too. And then I predict he wins an Oscar. I do too. And then I predict I get waves of shit as if that is verifiable proof that the color green is awesome. You know, or the color red is right. Like, Woody, your dislike of this movie

that you thought was slow paced. And like, I'm okay with a slow burn, but like it, that doesn't mean that you can just not change topics for two and a half hours and call that a slow burn but like it that doesn't mean that you can just not change topics for two and a half hours and call that a slow burn like it tom bone tomahawk was a slow burn but it was really building they were going from place to place and making it up and establishing characters this was just a dickwad limping in the woods oh come on he had like i don't want to spoil it so i'm just gonna

stop there you're gonna say he had big injuries yeah yeah no i was gonna talk about all more of the things that he did yeah he had like out-of-body experiences there's a lot of spiritual stuff going on um the whole you know lots of flashbacks you're getting all the information about his about what happened with his child and his wife and the pawnee and the french indian war and i just i I don't think that made an impact on Woody. Any of that. But anyway, Kyle, so tonight you guys are having a risk game or a tournament? Oh, yes. What's on the line? I like

nothing but pride currently, but we'll see. So I like board games a lot. I'm really competitive when it comes to anything like that. And it's not that I'm good at them necessarily. I just like playing i like i like competing win or lose and uh chiz is apparently a pretty good risk player um a very good risk player from what i've heard i don't know it's the only game that he was able to beat my children in i see although poker doesn't count you listed a few of those games poker doesn't count poker was one jim rum those games. Poker doesn't count. Poker was one. Jim Rummy was one.

He was convinced that Jim Rummy wasn't a game of skill. And my wife is like, fantastic. You keep thinking that. Meanwhile, because she homeschools in the building he lived in, he went and bought like how to play Jim Rummy or like Jim Rummy winning strategies. She sees it out there. He's trying to win. But he never did.

Well, in any case, he's supposed to be a risk guy. And Sarge, who's my other buddy who's here, he is... I mentioned that the board was up here. I was like, hey, there's a risk board up here. And he was like, yeah, yeah, I love risk. And I was like, oh, okay. And I didn't want to say anything.

I didn't want to mention to him that Chiz was a big player or vice versa. So I'm hoping that we get some sort of ridiculous risk game going tonight. I think that'll be fun. There's another game called The Worst Case Scenario where I think it's got these cards where it's like a bear attacks you. Your options

are A, B, or C, and you like... There are actually correct answers, I guess, to these things, and there's like 400 or 500 questions. Yeah, that's here, and you know, all your favorites, Parcheesi to Sari, everything sorry everything's here so we're gonna have some fun tonight that will get heated have you heard of that no i've heard risk gets heated risk does get heated yeah yeah risk is i don't know the first thing about risk, but Kyle's like, I'm really competitive and I'm good at board games.

I think what Kyle will find is that he's not competitive, that it is a little like chess. I don't mean that I'm competitive as like I hang with the crowd. I mean that I like to, I have a competitive nature. You aspire to win, you care. Yeah, yeah, I'm there to win. In the same way that

if this was chess, I think pretending you had never played before that I wouldn't just be able to explain the chess rules to you and you'd be like, ah, I'm one of those guys that doesn't give up. Yeah, no, it's chess. It just gets chess.

You're going to find that there's an element of strategy and working this out. With games with strategy that high, it's like It's chess. Yeah. No, you're going to find that there's an element of, like, strategy and working this out. With games with strategy that high, it's like, just because if I want to play the piano the best that I can tonight and I just don't give up, it's like I'm not going to do well. I don't know how to play piano. It doesn't change the fact that I really want it. What Kyle is saying is that he's not the sort to roll over

and let someone win. And that will get you pretty far in a lot of things, but not risk. I think this is a really good – I mean, I'm here all week. I think this will be – I need to learn. I don't know how to play. I feel like it would be a good way to learn. Maybe you Google it and get a big heads up. You know, that might have otherwise taken three or four games.

Don't spread yourself too thin is good advice. When you're setting up all your shit in the beginning sometimes beginners will throw themselves like i'm gonna put one guy in china and then the other one let's see what we're doing over here in morocco it's like no try and get a little corner there let everybody else fuck around until a couple people are eliminated and then you can spread out like i i've played with friends enough that like uh one of my buddies was left on on australia with all of his troops and then somehow came back to win because if you have a huge amount on one area every dice

roll against like another army you have so much more i guess initiative or whatever it's called that you just win every single fucking dice roll and you slowly overtake them but yeah i can see you enjoying it and also uh chiz getting a little pissy if you end up being better than I think he anticipates you to be. If Chiz loses, it's really fun to watch Chiz lose. It sounds like you got to see it a lot. Oh, yeah. Dude, we're very experienced at beating Chiz. Dude, there's a song we would sing that he hates.

You made a song? No, we didn't make it. It's – what the hell is it? It goes... It's like down at the diner. I know exactly the song you're talking about, and I can't think of the lyrics. I'll find it on YouTube.

Is it putting on the ritz? No, although that's a good guess. It's like... Is it putting on the Ritz? No, although that's a good guess. It's like somebody down at the diner puts her something on the table. Nah, I don't need that one. That's not a thing.

How many players can you have on Risk? Like five, six, seven, eight, something like that? I don't know. I haven't played in years. Well, I just Googled what song is... It didn't help out. Sometimes that works. It's called Tom's Diner.

And all you need to do is sing... I linked it. It didn't help out. Sometimes that works. It's called Tom's Diner. And all you need to do is sing. I linked it. If you sing this chorus to him, it makes him crazy. We would do it during Uno, during Jim Rummy, doing anything. You're getting really brutal. I think I know why. Call for you, bitch. And the whole family sings. He w getting really brutal. I think I know why. Draw four for you, bitch! And the whole family sings.

He winks at Colin. Colin drops a draw four. Woody lays one down right after. They paint. He just throws the cards in the air. I don't know. I never collaborated. I played less. I'd often be upstairs working while everyone else was

downstairs playing. And, uh, yeah. They hate it. He hates this. It's his kryptonite. He'll go on tilt if you rock this. You absolutely need to do that.

The first sign of him failing, let's say your other guy Sarge takes him out of Argentina or something. Just have that on your phone ready and play it. Just every time he loses a country. I will. He will instantly know the background. He's not going to be like, huh? Why would you do that? No, he'll associate this with all of his other losses. I'm going to put it on my phone. I'll do it. Tom's Diner by Suzanne Vega. He'll go... Yeah, he'll get him. He hates the Sard.

Is he the resident expert of Risk? Yes. It's hard to say. Because if he is, you and Sard need to talk beforehand and organize something where you guys are flanking wherever he chooses to be. It's hard to gauge that. Think about Call of Duty.

We know who's really good at Call of Duty. Obviously, there's MLG Pro guys who are getting paid to play it and practicing like it's any other sport. But then there's this crazy pub stomper guys, and we know guys who stream who are really great at it. But then there's guys who are just good for their neighborhood,

good for their high school, and stuff like that. I think the same is true for Risk. I have no idea if like Sarge has like played 15 years of risk and like played in the Russian leagues or something like that, you know. So we'll see. Maybe he's an amateur. I don't know how good Chiz is because I'm not good enough to evaluate risk talent.

But I can tell you this. This I'm good enough to know. He takes great pride in his risk ability. He brought his own board. Yeah, crushing it would be great. I think he's literally brought risk to each of the paintball events too. He really wants to whoop some ass in risk. He's got the travel.

Yeah, he's got travel risk. So he can go around the country beating people at risk. And like Kyle said, my suspicion is that he's like the best risk player he knows, not like a nationally ranked risk player if there is such a thing. But you never know. You really can't know. I mean, it's hard to say. Because he was asking, like, who's better, Sarge or Chiz?

And, like, it could be a huge disparity or they could be right there neck and neck. I got no clue. I don't even know how to play the game. I know there's dice and there's a board with a map on it. That's about it. Google it. Don't spread yourself too thin. Flank Chiz with the other guy, Sarge.

And yeah, just, you know, the real key thing is not that you win. It's that he doesn't. FaceTime us later when he realizes that the game is slipping out of his grasp. So we can see. I should slip him some. We should slip him some edibles or something.

Get him a little on tilt. Get him a little messed up. I like the way you're thinking. Oh, I'm sure you'll have to slip him to him. Like whatever his name is. Quebblecop style drugging. Where it's not like, is there a pot in here? Well, I guess there is.

Talked about that. Is this a pot, Cookie? Oh, no. Alright. You seem trustworthy. I don't believe you, but I eat it anyway. I'll know for sure after I down this. Well, good luck with your risk game with him. Hopefully you dominate.

Or really, hopefully anyone but him dominates. That's what I want. I'm hoping that at some point Kyle plays the song. I want to hear the story of that on PKA. Yeah, if I get the opportunity, I'll totally play it. Yeah, let's call it a show.

Alright, that was Pink Killer Nearly, episode 77. I hope you guys enjoyed it.