Painkiller Already - PKN #87

Episode Date: April 22, 2016

It's PKN time baby!

We're live. Painkiller Nearly, episode 87. So, we were talking about this a little bit before the show. I know that there are some places, I think maybe most places, where if you want to be naked in your house with the shades open, nobody can say fucking shit to you, right? You're just in there naked. Don't look in my windows if you don't want to see what you're seeing here. This is a work of art. describing a situation in which this old dirty pedophile ish man was allowed to man I won't yeah was allowed to walk to his mailbox completely naked and he would time it just so that as the school bus was coming by maybe stopping at the stop sign he's out there completely naked and there's nothing they can do about it he needed his news at 747 a.m. and 0 5 p.m i'm sorry i'm sorry when you get into do you know it takes 21 days to make a habit once you get into that you know you just start rolling

and before you know it my god the kids are out again how embarrassing uh what can you do this guy was just masturbating at children in a bus space not not masturbating because he uh that was part of the rules he couldn't touch himself uh you couldn't touch yourself but he could do uh some sort of gyration or shaking and that's not touching yourself that's just i mean it's jubilation fly around as they may you know yeah yeah i actually know the rule in new jersey because um yeah so i used to be a contractor and i worked for this company called system s it was a swedish company that wrote erp software. Anyway, there were all these Swedes working there and they had their own culture, which included walking around

naked all the time, including like in front of kids and stuff. And I don't know if this is common in Sweden, like everywhere, but the implication was that it was, you know, he was just like, you know, like, yeah, like, like I get like they were nudists almost in culture. And, you know he was just like you know like yes like like i get like they were nudists almost in culture and you know it wasn't like he walked around naked in front of his kids all the time but if it happened yeah you know whatever my dad was naked all the time but they're all like they're talking amongst each other like do you think he's actually going to believe that we're not just swedish pedophiles he's americans they believe anything about culture and what we say. They're trying to be progressive, so they'll think it's all right.

That's exactly what it was. I can't believe he's just letting us walk around with his kids with their cocks out. So anyway, neighbors called the police on him, and they were like, look, the window shades are open. There's people walking around naked in this house all the time.

And my kids are seeing them naked in the house. And it turned out that at least where he lived, I don't know if it was a town law or state or what. But if you stand in front of the window and just shake your junk and do the helicopter or whatever, that's illegal. Even though you're in your house where he lived but if you're just existing in your house naked making no attempt to like pull the shades or whatever that's okay so that that's a bit of a judgment call where i'm from maybe that was a time like that law was written in a time when like we hadn't figured glass out very well yet like glass was still like... There's all that wavy stuff.

Yeah, it was literally wavy and stuff. They were like, I don't see the fucking problem. I mean, hell, if Miss Johnson wants to walk around in there, I can barely see her silhouette. No, put this on the books. It's been there forevermore. I don't know. We asked him if he ever hit his kids.

And I remember his answer. It's the same as mine. Only if you have my cock. He never hit them. But he did grab their, like, bicep area firmly when he scolded them. And somehow I took that as, like, parenting advice. That's what I've done to my kids. I've never hit my kids.

Jackie slapped Hope once or twice. But I've never hit my kids. But I have grabbed their bicep firmly. Like a face slap? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I think I remember why. And it seemed like Hope was really being very disrespectful

and kind of needed to be snapped back and forth. I wish I could remember the exact detail of it. She said something bad to Jackie. That was the thing. I'm not sold on the no corporal punishment thing. I'm not either. I'm on the edge. I don't know. No, I'm on board with it. She said something bad to Jack. That was the thing. I'm not sold on the no corporal punishment thing. I'm on the edge. I don't know. No, I'm on board with it. I'm kind of where you guys are too.

But it turns out that with my kids, I can make either of them cry with my words. So, it just doesn't feel necessary. You piece of shit! No, it's usually like a disappointment like like you know you're not doing this this is the path that you're on but much more firmly than i'm

saying it now like like i just i express why i am unhappy with how this stuff is going and how i'm not impressed with who they're being as a person and the tears will start flowing. I can imagine these scenarios of him cursing at his children. He says loud enough for it to echo in your palatial estate. Like, why is Hope being such a bitch? You on the rag, Hope? Just screaming at her or something. Like, trying to make her to make it's not like that

it's more like of course yeah it's so awful but yeah i i'll you know eye contact firm bicep grip why i'm not happy and you know kids just crumble at that so that yeah do you do a full bicep grip because that's like an old i remember remember this happening. I think it was my great-grandpa, and he was an old enough southern kind of guy that, like, even my regular, like, just grandparents, if I was acting a fool as, like, a three-year-old, they'd go, oh, look at Taylor, you know, oh, silly goose. But this grandpa didn't play any shit. And so I still remember, like, me acting up at church or someplace, and he just, like, with two fingers, just like this meaty part on the back of your arm.

He just like nipped it and he grabbed it and he squeezed it so tight. And he goes, Taylor, you're going to sit down and you're going to be quiet. And you're not going to say another thing till we get home to your mom. I was just separate. And I was like, I didn't really say much because I was like three or four. And so I did sit down because I was scared of him because he only had three fingers on his right hand which meant he was really doing some damage back there with this no i don't do that it's a it's the goal is just to get their attention you know so it's not a limp wristed grip

but it's not painful it's it's um i'm i'm getting full attention with the fucking you know did you ever get face hit as a kid because oh yeah i got only got spanked a couple times fuck out of me my mom would use shoes she'd use a belt sometimes the the metal side like the ever get it like a coat buckle not a coat hanger um that that was like a big thing because there was a movie that came out called mommy dearest oh yeah where they beat the kid with a coat hanger, and it just painted this mom who beat their children in a really bad light. So my mom would beat me with fucking everything but coat hangers.

My mom saw that movie and was inspired. She was like, aha! Now we're talking. It doesn't even, it just bends around the child. Conforming to his body. I just read the TV guide body how to raise a child 141 instead of 414 i'll do my homework once and my fifth grade teacher mrs delorio oh my god she she liked me because i was like smart and she like but she said i was the worst student she had ever had in her 31 years of teaching and uh we came out of that like-teacher conference or whatever it was.

And my mom, who was selling real estate at the time as a side job hobby thing, had the ice scrapers, the plastic ones that you might get for free. Yeah. Well, she had like, say, a dozen of them, 18 of them rubber banded together. And she beat the fuck out of me with those ice scrapers. Jesus. Yeah, she just... That doesn't even... That seems unwieldy. That seems like an inconvenient way to beat a child. We... Well, we

got, like, from the school to the car. I remember just holding them like a gun and pistol punching. We were just throwing them one at one. Now you will remember to do your homework. No, no, no. Just throwing them like a little dance. They're all bundled together with a rubberband to form a club and like i'm i'm what we both walk like silently to the car i guess to keep up appearances as like maybe perhaps a mom

that doesn't beat the fuck out of her children and then we like i sit down and i close the door and she sits down and she closes the door and then she looks around for some sort of like corporal punish implement finds this rubber banded stack of ice scrapers and just just starts hitting me wherever they land you know like it's my thigh it's my shoulder it's my head like i don't know if she got me in the head because i was like playing defense and uh i was 10 you're probably pretty good at that point just like all right whatever no i didn't like i was just like like because the thing about when she used that she's a heeled shoe once and it was like god like even when i'm blocking these i'm taking damage like yeah i've definitely had shoes thrown at me by my mother i remember like some because like i i was always pretty quick on

my feet so i try to i would run from her like with dad like i was all right whip my ass all right i'm not gonna run from you but with her i'd be like you gotta fucking catch me like you have to lay hands on me before this is gonna happen so oftentimes she would have to throw stuff and once she's already committed to like whipping my ass then i've got nothing to lose so i'm gonna be like i'm gonna be fucking with her the whole time she's trying to get me i'm like you can't catch me you can't catch me what are you doing what are you doing oh missed missed that's so risky to do that because you know you're only delaying the pain until 5 p.m

no no i'm delaying it until as long as she can catch me i did when your dad gets home and she's like i'm tired oh no no it doesn't work for her really no mine did no it did happen one time where she was like furiously mad and she's like when your father gets home the beating comes and it's like i don't know if you've ever had like a fight after school but i've got like butterflies in my belly for like the next four hours. Like, oh my God, dad's coming home. He's going to completely kick my ass. And I don't know what I did, but it was like not a bad, like, you know, knocked over a pot with flour in it in the house or something.

Right. And my dad gets home and he's like, I have to beat the kids for this. And they like talked it out and i didn't get beat and i'm like oh my god they weren't on the same page but there were other instances where when he got home it was like ah dad spankings are even worse than mom spankings that's the bad part about the corporal punishment is what happened to you there is that whole like making you sweat it out in the hole like it's prison where you're just having like weird psychological problems where every time you hear the front door open

like the briefcase set down your asshole tenses up you're just so afraid of god that sounds awful especially if you know you're going to catch some real ones because at least i would know like matt comes on at 5 p.m so here years you pee yourself every time you see Andy Griffith. Man, that's... It's so much worse to know you could catch one right in, like, the bridge of the nose than at least knowing that it's relegated to your lower... your ass, you know? So my mom, she would slap sometimes, and there was the one time when she punched, which was hilarious, because she made, made like this little bullshit like like crazy fist and like instead of like a punch like it was more like a like a like a ninja eye poke or

something yeah but she like got me right in the mouth and like bloodied my mouth so i was like all right i'm gonna go drive somewhere else for a few hours you psycho but you were older yeah i'm like 16 yeah see yeah i wasn't getting hit when she couldn't do it anymore and i've told this story before but maybe taylor hasn't how do you block a punch like you gotta i'm not jackie chan you just gotta eat it my father's father left the family when he was 10 and shortly after that like my grandmother went to beat my dad and he grabbed her two wrists and said look the you hitting me days are over and i heard that as a kid and i was inspired by it you know i was like oh yes you know when i hit 10 like i'll be as strong as my mom and the and the her hitting me days

will be over so i did it i grabbed her two wrists and i was like, Mom, the you hitting me days are done. And she's like, oh yeah? Head butt you in the mouth immediately. They weren't quite done yet. She was still stronger than me. She was a cheap shot, eye gouging, and fish hooks her 10-year-old son. Tell me who's done now! Just like break the grip, beat the kid, slap or whatever. I don't know.

Like I got face slaps and stuff. Go get my pliers yeah no the days were not done yet i uh i jumped the gun on that one oh man i've never had that like confrontational epiphany going out there you know you're not in charge of me anymore like that that would have gone so poorly because my mom just would have been like oh is your dad is he in charge because he'll be 20 minutes and he's gonna hear this whole conversation and it's like oh fuck like now i'm up shit creek i think what made it so that that were you because i remember specific times because i was always more comfortable taking verbal liberties so to speak like being

disrespectful or whatnot with my mom than with my dad. And there was no worse feeling like that dropping in your stomach where you realize at the last second that you really overextended yourself to your mom and you said something way too inappropriate. And that is the thing that locks in her head. Yeah, yeah. And she's like, oh, oh, so I'm a twat. Oh, so, and then she tells me. I remember what it was.

I told her. She was like, you will respect me. You will respect the rules of this house. I was like, I don't it was. I told her. She was like, you will respect me. You will respect the rules of this house. I was like, I don't respect you. I have no respect for you. And I meant it. She was like, you will respect me. You will respect my mom.

I was like, I respect dad. I don't respect you. Oh, she was mad. She was so mad. Oh, I got her good. That's the sort of thing I do when she gets really mad. Not a lot has changed since then. When was this?

Thursday. Yeah, right? If you had told me, like, 2014, I'd be like, yeah. I don't know. I was probably, like, 15 to 16. Like, had lots of issues with her around the time I was, like, 15, 16, 17 years old. And they didn't stop, you you know at 18 or 19 it was still like like you know i just always just always issues with her and i think it's because she's just an unreasonable

person because a lot of the times you mentioned like your dad coming home and and like and like being her like backup or whatever but in my instances dad would get home and he'd be like all right so walk me through this he did what and what did you do ah damn what do you do then really he just took it that's my boy he's seen he's seen what i've had to go through over the years you know like it'd go down like that it's like it's like she had been unreasonable for a thing like she's like well he didn't take the trash out this morning at 5 a.m., and I got up and I smelled eggs. And he's just like, all right. Well, did he take it out later, and did the egg smell go away?

Well, yeah. Yeah, he took it out before he went to school and all, but I wanted a special egg trip. She was always being unreasonable saying and he could see that so yeah well those are some rough stories i was trying to think of when you were saying i never caught any caught a few in the car where someone's hitting me with a stiletto like what he was saying but i did i mean i've been picturing this from when i was like maybe eight or nine maybe even ten and i was in the back seat of my mom's Honda Odyssey minivan.

And those were huge at the time, or maybe it's because my sample size was relegated to mom's. And so maybe they've always been that popular. But they were like the brand new thing where the doors were automatic, one of the first models where you could hit the button and they both go back at the same time. And it was constantly fucking up. It never worked the way it was supposed to. And I was sitting in the back seat. My mom was taking me somewhere because it was a snow day.

It was like a blizzard, middle of St. Louis, fucking horrible in like February. And we had just had lunch, and I was sitting in the back in those captain seats, and I let out one of the most foul smart farts a 10-year-old can muster. Just thick and heavy in the air. You know, my God. a 10 year old can muster just thick and heavy in the air you know

my god George R.R. Martin could have a field day describing the amount of food and flavors it would take to make this top Harold and she was like Taylor, oh Jesus and it's snowing, like there's snow

hitting the side of the car, it is snowing so hard and we're sitting still waiting at this light so we can turn onto the road that gets onto the highway. And she goes, ah! And she hits the button and it goes beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. As both of the doors go back and I'm sitting there and it just goes

immediately a snow cart is going flying through the middle of the car. The entire car is covered in snow. I'm like, Mom, close the door! Close the door, Mom! Mom middle of the snow. I'm like, mom, it's cold. I'm sorry. I farted.

Just close it. I can't even close it now. It's not working. We're going to have to wait till we stop. And so there was another, there was a carload of kids in a black SUV. I shit you not. I remember the girl's face to this day.

She was looking over laughing and pointing at me as I was sitting there shivering in the back seat of this you know fucking honda odyssey with shorts on and then we and drive for like a mile and a half at like 55 miles an hour and then get off in some subdivision and and close the door it was it was so embarrassing just on the highway of course we're going slower than everyone because somehow she thinks, if I go slower, maybe he won't be as cold. But no, it was horrible. It was so embarrassing.

The first time as a nine-year-old where you're like, ugh. I remember my mom got a minivan and I was maybe 12. And it was like a loaded minivan for whatever, 1985. But it had tinted windows like around the back. And I think the seats were pulled out because my father was riding his bike all the time.

Anyway, we go to the supermarket and I see all these popular kids like, you know, hovering near my car and stuff. And I just like laid low and hid like on the belly of the minivan. And it was the neatest thing to me that I had like a mobile fort in which i could hide such a pussy and then they cucked me as long as i hid down here mom wouldn't find me like a town and country or something i forget what it was like popping the headrest out of the captain's chair and like attaching it to your arm as a wind scraper shield if you ever have to fucking ride with siblings it's just a and then just poking you with it the whole fucking ride i think it's a hell of a you know what i'm talking about oh yeah

we would never remove the headrest from the back. Headrest with the two metal prongs that click in. Yeah, and you just take that out and poke the car with the headrest? I'm saying that if you were going anywhere with another young kid and your seven-year-old friend, it was not out of the realm of possibility that he would take that out and poke you in the eyes with it or kind of give you one on the thighs. I've never heard of that. Those things are pretty much permanent attachments in my world.

We might adjust them. I know it's possible. We'd never take them out. I had lots of fun in that van other than that. Throwing pennies at cars. I have fought many hand-to-hand battles in the backseat of a car. Many, many hand-to-hand battles. It was the cornerstone of my sister and I's disagreements.

It was the battles that went down in the backse back seats of cars it was like you know a window being down or like i don't like what she's doing over there she doesn't like what i'm doing over here she's taking my game boy or she won't share hers or whatever the fuck has happened right yeah i was you were the one having to deal with the pestering and kind of keep it in check more or less i suppose it's way worse that way the minivan's cool though because you each get your own bench. That's where it's at. Sometime in my young teenage years, I don't know, did I just say 12? It might have been 13 or 14.

We each got our own bench in the back of the car, and that was pretty great, really. Yeah, we never did that. We were always next to each other in that backseat. I wonder how your whole relationship with your sister could have been different. I mean, I'd have been punching her in the back of the head, or she'd have been punching me in the back of the head. Seriously, you can't get along if you have your own benches?

Fuck no. It wasn't about getting along. It was about, there was a war. There was hate. There was anger. I get that if you take too many mice and put them in too small a cage, they're going to fight each other. Just give them their own bench, and suddenly it's not a problem.

She's reading a book. You're playing on a Game Boy. It's all good. No. It didn't go down like that. So what? Were you guys always just bickering over stupid shit, or was there a big, like,

I fucking hate my sister because she ruined this? No, it was always sharing things. If there was ever one of a thing, then it was a fucking meltdown. You couldn't have just one of anything because we would... Like, you know, back in the day with satellite TV, you know, there was only one box, only one receiver. And so that meant that there was only one person could be in control of what got seen on cable and you know our our taste varied completely like she would literally want to watch blues clues when she was 14 fucking years old because she still liked that shit and i'm 16 or something wanting

to watch like i don't know something on the discovery channel or the history channel or the news like and and and those fights went on for years. Just the argument over who would hold the remote. And I fought a war of attrition. It didn't... If she ever got her hands on it or she... No, I'll stand in front of that motherfucker with my hand over the little receiver,

the actual thing that takes the signal, and I'll push buttons. I'll stand here and watch the Discovery Channel like this motherfucker. And I would. And I have push buttons. I'll stand here and watch the Discovery Channel like this motherfucker. And I would. And I have. Many times. She had a Nintendo 64. I did not. I had a PlayStation 2. I had a Sega Saturn. I had a Sega Genesis. And an original Nintendo NES.

I was happy to share any of my games or game systems with her, but she would not share that motherfucking Nintendo 64, and I wanted to play 007. Many meltdowns over there, and the thing about her is once she's going, once she's in full fury mode, I don't have full fury mode. I've never experienced that, where I'm just in a rage now and I'm just like literally running from one end of the house to the other in a rage with a weapon but she has she she would get knives and it's like Terminator 2 knives and stabbing weapons like that was her she would have knives and stabbing weapons and she would corner me or I would have to like lock myself away in a bedroom and then you could see like the the door jiggling as she tried to break into it with a knife or stabbing weapon.

And she would come at you stabbing, like with a knife or a stabbing weapon, so you had to be quick. What? Yeah. She only got me the once. She threw a fork at me once, and it stuck in my foot, in the foot,

and leaned over like that, and I had to pull it out of my foot. But she would often run at me with steak knives um with knives um really anything that was uh you know i would only back down when it was a deadly weapon obviously because if she wanted to have like a coat hanger fight or a mop handle fight like i'm down for that like hell i like that shit that's what i do in my in my spare time we're cutting links of pv PVC and putting on thick gloves and having sword fights. So she comes at me with something like that, I'm down.

But if she would get out a knife or something, and I don't think she knew it. She was just crazy and wanted to cut me. I would run from that. How is this not stopped? I don't understand how your dad... It would often happen when there was no parental supervision. You know, like, mom's still at work, dad's not home yet, and we're there. We've gotten back home from school, and it's just all right let's go let's fucking go like like there's there's nothing to be done for it that sounds awful and it wasn't just our teenage years like it started

when we were children like like small children like like never got along uh not even a little bit wow so you guys you have like no fun memories of like you and your sister doing something. I remember one time she fell in a creek when she was like four and she started floating away. Please tell me she wasn't depending on you to save her and swim. Dad, I mean, if she's four, I'm six. So, you know, dad jumped in and he got her out. And you were just hoping, fingers crossed, that he you come out empty-handed have a couple sad days and then back to normal yeah maybe better than before not normal so upgrade upgrade yeah

we we didn't get along at all it was always a battle i remember the coat hangers but we talked about coat hangers earlier and i remember that was a key part of the the like the the weaponry that was that was part of the sword and shield uh. But they were the plastic ones, the plastic coat hangers. Not a fan of those. Not a fan of them in action for hanging coats and such, but if you're going to attack someone and you don't want to put an eye out or anything, they work very well.

Taylor. So, as I understand it, the Hawks, the Black Hawks, got lucky, and they're facing the St. Louis Blues, and the Capitals, not so lucky. They're facing the Philadelphia Flyers. Oh, you know, that's the opinion of every hockey fan out there. No, I'm thinking the Flyers take it to, so for Kyle, who doesn't quite get it,

but it won't take much to catch up. You know how playoffs work in other sports. So the St. Louis Blues are the second place in the Central Division, taking on the third place in the Central Division, the Chicago Blackhawks. The Central Division is the strongest in the NHL, bar none. Overall,

absolutely. I don't know why you'd say that. I mean, the strongest team is from the Flyers Division. Because they get to beat the shit out of Carolina and Toronto. Carolina's a strong team. Carolina is strong in that division. If you put them in the Central Division, they're dead last, I think. Anyway, so St. Louis is playing Chicago.

Recent history, St. Louis has not done well against Chicago in the playoffs. You have to go back to early 2000s, 90s when we were the one in the rivalry who was winning. So we've been doing the shitty half recently. Do statistics like that even matter, though? No. Are the same coaches in place? Are the same general roster in place?

Or is it just one of those things that fans keep up with? It's just something that the fans keep track of mostly. The teams this year are different than they've ever been. This is the first time ever. I don't know how far to trust those advanced stats, but this is the first year that experts are saying that the Blues have the stat advantage as far as having higher percentage of goals, 5v5,

better power play, better penalty kill, things like that. I think the Blues, if they're going to make it, if they make it out of the first round, I think they have a good shot at the Cup, but I'm still not convinced they're going to make it out of the first round. They never do. I think they'll take it to seven. They did in 2011,

2012. Have you ever seen the Stanley Cup? Have I ever been there? Have you ever seen it? The actual thing. I mean, I've watched it on TV, but I've never been there. I've seen it. They brought it to Cisco one time.

I guess the Canes probably had it, and they brought it to Cisco. I was yeah and um i guess the canes probably had it and they brought it to cisco and somewhere where it was once and i i i literally cared so little that i didn't even go in the room yeah it's like if someone told me like the soccer highest scoring mvp trophy was i don't know six yards for me i'd be like you know what i can just google it like and i've read about it a bit and i and like i guess the like the team that gets it like they sometimes they do all kind of ridiculous stuff with it and like and so once i learned all that i was like oh well that's that's pretty cool like like you don't hear that so much about

other trophies in sports there is a guy the oldest trophy of all north american sports i don't the only one that goes back to like the 1800s i don't know who did it but there's some guy from like the 80s or 90s or something took the cup, got wild drunk with it at a pool party. They were throwing it in the pool. They damaged it badly, so they had to take it to an automotive repair shop to get the dents out of it. Out of the Stanley Cup? Yeah, yeah. Didn't someone destroy it once?

I feel like there's a lot of stories about the Stanley Cup. I've heard all kinds of booze being in it and all kinds of things with women. But I think somebody might have fucked it up badly, like destroyed it once. It says, after Ottawa won the Cup in 1905, a player drop-kicked it into the canal. Thank God it was winter and the canal was frozen, so the Cup just bounced and slid into the canal. Thank God it was winter and the canal was frozen so the cup just bounced and slid into the night. Let's see. God, some of these are like, oh, 1925, 1930.

When the Rangers won the cup in 45, they had to dodge Hitler on the way out. The night after winning the cup in 1987, Messier brought it to his favorite Edmonton strip club, the Forum Inn, and set it on stage with a dancer. No word on whether or not the cup was a good tipper.

The following year, he dented the cup and brought it to an automotive repair shop to get fixed. I wonder if the cup is like a car to Messier. At first, it's really exciting, but then over the years, it's a hassle that's in constant need of repair. Wow. So now we know it was Messier.

Claude Lem uh rumored to have taken a shit in it now everyone else drinks from it i that i think if i'm remembering correctly he was kind of a piece of shit so he didn't have actually shit yeah i'm i'm hoping that philly makes it out of the first round it's just it doesn't seem like it's gonna happen i think they'll take it to six games, though. I don't think they're going to get swept. I don't know why you're so against Philly making it out of the first round. The Capitals?

I would like them to. They're like a one- or two-player team. Teams led by one guy get shut the fuck down in the playoffs. That's not the case with the Capitals. Ovechkin isn't even their leading point scorer. He has the most goals, but they've got Kuznetsov, they've got Backstrom, they've got Oshie, Ovechkin. All of them prepared to take sticks to the back of the neck

because it's Broad Street bully time in Philadelphia. It's so funny how Phillies, like casual Philadelphia Flyers fans, are still like, oh, yeah, us just fucking tearing it up out there. White people, every team's afraid to play us. It's like, no. It hasn't been true in a long time. It's like 40 years ago. It hasn't even been true recently.

I know. If you go to the hockey Reddit, some of those guys will be like, oh, look out for Wayne Simmons, I guess. Is that on fire? I don't know. No, they don't even have a designated brawler anymore. They're not a super, super physical team, but I they're it all depends on stopped winning after the lockout

who are they going on who are they using as their goaltender right now i thought they just brought up just they just a guy got like injured and came back or something it was mason earlier in the season and yeah and they're trying out um oh no Neuwerth. Who's the fighter? Emery? Robert Emery? A black goalie. Ray Emery. Ray Emery? He was trying out with the team again to come back.

I guess they're just not happy with their... That would be a horrible mistake. Yeah. Ray Emery is... Let's see how old Ray Emery is. He wasn't even a good goalie when he was in his prime, and now he's 33. I guess he still plays for the Flyers. I think he...

Yeah. I don't know. I really want to see St. Louis get out of the first round, and I really want to see Washington... I don't know. If the Blues can't win it, I'd like to see Washington win it. Really? Yeah.

They don't have a cup either, so I'd like to see that. They've never had a cup? No. Yeah. Well. Most teams don't have that many. I mean, aside from all the bullshit cups you get way back in the day when it was like five guys who had part-time work at the coal smelting factory,

and then they'd be like, I can afford skates. That is not true of like Edmonton in the 80s and Wayne Gretzky's era and stuff. No, I'm talking about pre-'70, when it was the original six for the most part up until 67. But Montreal's got that thing going that the Yankees do where they're like, we've got 30 Stanley Cups. And it's like, yeah, but almost all those were before Hitler was born. A lot of those were getting won.

But, I don't know. Before Hitler was born? That's a long time ago. Are you exaggerating? I might be using hyperbole. Yeah, I might. 1880s or something he was born. Have you ever utilized the Steam option to get a refund for a game? No.

I did it the other day, and they turned like in just a few hours, they gave me my money back. Chiz recommended Age of Empires 2, and for some reason I thought that that would be updated graphics to Age of Mythology. But what it actually is, it's a much lamer,

more realistic version with much poorer graphics. So I immediately turned around and asked for a refund it was 35 bucks and uh they just did it immediately that was how old is the games it's even older than age of mythology i think it's maybe like 99 2000 is when the first one came out if not earlier you know four dollar game it was a four dollar game it would make sense 35 i mean there was a bit of dlc for the i think you can get it i think the game's 20 but it came with two very large chunks of dlc for 35 i'd wager that dlc is also

from like 2005 it is at the latest yeah yeah the thing with age of empires like even age of empires 2 is like if you started out on those games and then you moved into age of mythology you can still go back and play it and be like oh this is pretty fun but if you started on age of mythology and you try and go back and play it and be like, oh, this is pretty fun. But if you started on age of mythology and you try and go back to age of empires, it's like, what the fuck is even going on? Like this is boring and I don't like all these, you can't like, it's just not as easy. It's not fun.

It's really shitty. It's not as silly. The heads up display, you don't realize how bad some old games had a heads up display until you look at new games where they've like figured out with science, like this is where the eye's drawn to this is where you're going to notice on these other ones it's like where the fuck is my food like where do they even write this down is this part of the game like is it finding it and also like i played like a little bit of the

campaign like two days ago and just like every other time i played that game i lasted like until i was building my first worker or ran out of resources the first time before. I was like, fuck it, and I just start doing a bunch of cheats. Just do Lumberjack, 10,000 wood. Cheesesteak Jimmies, 1,000 food. I did not like it at all. I'm really enjoying Age of Mythology.

We've been playing with fans. Cliff, if you're out there, you're getting better. Cliff beat us last night. We lost a you're out there, you're getting better. Cliff beat us last night. We lost a little 2v2, but we weren't taking it. 2v3. Oh, it was a 2v3, that's right. We played the follow-up 2v2 right after that just to reestablish where things were,

and that was a mighty-ass beating on our part. Yeah, yeah. What we do, I think we've played as many as four v2. We've played against four as four V2. We've played against four opponents and won those. And we keep using characters that we're not good at or we're not experienced with at all to try to give them an advantage. Because we've spent quite a bit of time at this point.

And I've gotten competent, and Taylor's already very good. And I like it a lot. I think what I want to do next is maybe try to learn StarCraft because, and I want to challenge Wings of Redemption to StarCraft. It's free, right? Well, how about you and I

download StarCraft 2, I guess? Yeah, 2. We would need to find out first because would he be like, oh, no, I'm a StarCraft 1 purist? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because if you say that, we would need to learn StarCraft 1. be like oh no i'm a starcraft one purist yeah say that we would need to learn starcraft one right i've only played starcraft one and that was 12

years ago i watched a lot of husky starcraft and hd starcraft videos back when they were popular and then about two days ago i watched about an hour's worth of them and try because because now that i've played uh a um an rts i i think they're all very similar in a lot of ways with the resources and the economy and the way war is fought. So I'm like, oh, now I'm watching it with new eyes and I'm learning from watching the videos. I feel like we could switch to StarCraft pretty easily and I would love to play against Wings of Redemption at StarCraft.

We should. Yeah, we'll learn to play StarCraft. Maybe he'll learn to play Age of Mythology. That seems like the kind of thing he'd like. Yeah, actually, yeah. He likes mythology and, like, ancient shit. It seems like something right up his alley that, like, he would do a commentary of, and then it would be, like, three minutes of him explaining,

like, now right here I'm getting food. And then it would be, like, 20 minutes of, like, him pontificating about what he thinks is cool and not cool about egyptian and norse gods this is how it should go you guys should instead of just i'm sure you'd be happy to do this instead of just beating up on him an age of mythology make it a tutorial session right we're playing together like like maybe taylor did when he first played you we'll live stream it right wings from hisings, from his perspective, me as a spectator, the four of us on the call,

I bet it'd be a very popular stream. I'd do that. I would do anything like that. Yeah, you're always down to... You don't like streaming, I don't think, but you're happy to be in a stream. Yeah, I don't have the ability to stream. If I did have the ability to stream, I would,

but I'm very happy to be streamed. Yeah. I think Wings would agree maybe, as long as it was established. We're not going to bum rush you in the middle and try and make you look like a fool or something like, 8 minutes in and he's got nothing.

Nobody's going to want to keep playing. If I had done that to Kyle the first few times he played, he would have been like, this game is so fucking stupid. All that happens is I send 10 guys to farm or kill a you know uh calf and then eight minutes in he kills me yep like that being made to look like a fool like so i saw i guess wings raged in a stream two weeks ago or something like that through his controller really threw it like he's got a great throwing it was a whip if i remember it was like whoops and it's it's just a boomerang in my head it was a sidearm but i'm not sure and it just sailed in

like on a rope into that wall it was not like a limp wristed you know get away from me it was and uh anyway a lot of people are like oh this is crazy he's raging over a video game etc but it's not just that right he's there may be an element of just raging over a video game but he it's a part of his sense of self-worth it's you know he's being made to look a fool in front of hundreds of people it's uh there's a whole layer of pressure on wings that doesn't exist with regular dudes playing COD it's just about what you put your stake in his stake is in video games

whereas Kyle if I beat him in Age of Mythology or if he beats me I don't really feel like that's an affront to me because I don't really have my worth tied to that whereas if me and Kyle if I was like hey let's just go for a free skate and you know we

got hockey equipment on and it turns out that Kyle is a bona fide undiscovered Gretzky and he gets out there and he's like yeah this just makes sense man he's beating the shit out of me scoring every second I'd be like this is horseshit I hate this I'm never playing this sport again like I would be pissed because that's something that I am happy and I took pride in that I did. I would love to play with you. I don't think that would happen if I played you. I learned to play hockey as a grown-up in Pennsylvania and then more so in North Carolina. This is not the resume of a top player. Yeah, they're not like, Jaromir Jagr, can you believe it?

He started his career when he was 39. Right, right. He cut his teeth in North Carolina. You really learn from the best. I have never had practice where you spend hours and hours holding the puck. I hold the puck. If there's an hour-long game, I maybe hold the puck for a minute and a half a week. This is not rapid progress on here. But I can play.

Like, if someone were to see me or see my slap shot, they'd be like, oh, here's a guy like, he's not good, but he's a hockey player. Slap shot. He's hard and fast, and he's certainly not wobbly or anything on his feet. He doesn't look at the puck when he skates, mostly. So he's a hockey

player, but not good. Yeah, but competent and that's the point like i think that's the thing with wings is that he has so like he's that's like his identity in so many ways is that he's the guy that's really good at i guess certain games i know there's some games types that he just hates but overall i think it's more that he just has a knack for video games and he figured that out early on and he's like all right i'm riding this you know as far as it'll take me and he has but now when someone beats him in that it's like you know woody out skating an nhl skater you know where that guy's gonna take it really as an affront person he uh i think wings

is better than i'll make up a number you know 95, 95% of other video games players. The thing is, 5% is a lot. You know, like, a Wings might bump into somebody better than him daily. Yeah. Well, there's so many people. It depends on the game, too, though. I think he's better than... 99. Yeah, he's probably better than 98%.

But the issue is that there's... There was a time when that 2% didn't all have fucking capture cards and weren't making a living doing this shit. It's only over the last 5 or 6 years that the 2% woke up and was like, holy shit, this is a talent that

I have that can be exchanged for monies and they've gotten into it. Winx thought that he was going to be the best amongst all the people that played game battles right he just wasn't exposed to that next level of competitive gaming he thought he was better than all the mlg pros yeah it's a whole nother sphere you've got it you got to pass what does it take to play mlg pro do they do tryouts or like what do they even do

well i mean at the time i suppose we had the contacts to just go to someone like Hex or Astro and just be like, hey, how about a tryout for X, Y, or Z team because they've got so many. But the talent just wasn't there. I mean, it became apparent to me. No, we all knew that we weren't MLG players. I played with people who played against MLG players, and I knew I wasn't on their level. It was clear that there was a big skill gap here that I just can't do. I'm playing college ball, and these guys are hitting dingers with wooden bats over there. Have you ever played with MLG players, Taylor?

I mean, aside from the few all-stars that you had rolling with you, Kyle, Socrates and those guys, maybe a couple here or there. I played with the—it would be like En like envy versus optic with woody in there too and uh oh my god like with woody featuring and uh it's like live streamed and everything i remember this so i'm getting my ass kicked in these games we're playing s and d i'm like three and nine but i was out trash talking all of them. All of them. Every time. Just comments about moms. All the time in the world they come up with little quips

and such and such. Well I got 3 minutes with my notepad here. Yeah it was good times though. It was not hurtful trash talk. Everybody was almost excited to see what would happen next. I remember the one competitive thing that we – what was that thing?

I think you organized it, Woody, where there were like a bunch of teams of YouTube people, and they played in like a domination match. Was it a free-for-all thing? I think I did do that one time. There was like a free-for-all, and then there was like a team domination. And like I was in it, Gold Glove, Jericho, maybe T-Mart, Onslaught,

Dunkus, Bench, this was a long time ago. I'm trying to, Kyle, do you recall this? Where we all played? Oh, that sucked even then. Because even then, like, those guys are better at the game, you know, than the average bear. But they're still nowhere near competitive players. But then even if just to hop into those lobbies,

I was still getting you know wrecked for the most part because it's like i mean i reused the same gameplay for all my videos so i really didn't play the game yeah bendro and onslaught were really good um a lot of them were really good yeah bendro was really good bendro was always particularly really high kill counts but really quiet uh to be honest i think i'd rather have onslaught on my team because his call outs were perfect and um like his attitude was calm and he made everyone else better yeah onslaught was a really calming guy to put you never felt like any well this could be bad for competitive but i never

felt like anything was at stake playing like a kind of competitive like if i was with woody t martin onslaught in the lobby like it's not competitive but i know all of you guys really want to win and so like onslaught does a good job of just kind of being like oh taylor missed him there like oh t what are you doing instead of being like you're out of here you're out of here. You're out of here. We're back in the lobby. No, leave now. Leave now. Leave now. Okay, I guess.

Yeah, Onslaught was fun to play. I called him semi-recently. He's doing good. Maybe it was six months ago, something like that. He's busy with his kid now, I'm sure. He was having a second child as well, right? Or did I make that up just now? I'm not 100% sure. I think he may have a second kid. well right or did i make that up just now i'm not 100 sure i think he may have a second kid he still has the new dog i think he still has that dog that limeriner

he's doing good overall things are fine i uh yeah it's busy at work successful there so that's good good stuff um trying to think what else is going on this I don't know if people care, but I got the lights. The second floor of my stable, the power and lights are done. So that's exciting to me. Nice. Lights and power. I think I've talked about this before, but having some electricity is so great when you've had none for a while.

Suddenly, I can charge things. I can inflate things. The building is energized now, and it's way more useful. Tomorrow, I'm going to go in there with the tractor and pull all the asphalt. I've never done that before, so I hope it goes well. Sounds awful. How's your dad's project going, Kyle?

Any asphalt to tear up? No, no asphalt to tear up. He's laying it all down. They're doing all the wiring now. Actually, last time I looked at it, the wiring's in, they're putting insulation in as of two days ago. I think they're just about ready for sheetrock,

and then they're done. Is he really excited about moving in full-time? I can't talk too much about what Dad's got going on in his marital life right now, but there's a chance he might not need to go into the little house, as I'm going to call it. You never know. But he might still like having it because it's oh yeah yeah right near his hangout yeah i i think one of the things he likes about it is that could be like a place for a caretaker to stay to to like just be over there and and like work for him there's

also no memories in that house none not even not not one bad memory in that house i i don't feel like i maybe dad is the sentimental type maybe he like like to me like like that just doesn't bother me like nothing really bothers me like all that bullshit like i i would never be like oh i can never sit here again that's where we sat together and and did this and that i remember when i broke up with my ex-girlfriend and and uh we were talking about game of thrones and and i was like i don't know man we used to watch Game of Thrones together and Woody's like has this bitch ruined Game of Thrones for you and I'm like

no not that bad be real Woody no one's like that yeah but um I'm looking forward to Game of Thrones that's coming it's just right around the corner I'm all caught up did your taxes yet um i don't know it's kitty does that are you done you're done i'm i'm in progress barring some fiasco or some nonsense to pop up

but i think i got my bases covered i don't know why i waited so long but i'm doing it now i wait every year really long so that i can have more days overall in the year that I'm not spending on taxes. But then it's a catch-22 at the end where it's like the week leading up to it every day is like top of the list of things to do is like taxes. And then I just start like manufacturing smaller things to get done also. Like, oh, got to do this. Oh, what do I know?

Who's to say? Like I should really take the initiative on that at work. Really get going there. And then before you know it, like, you're actually being productive, but you've done nothing at all towards the only thing you had to do. And then it's the last day and you panic. My wife starts fussing at me, you know, are you on top of this? Did you get it yet?

She's always, you know, did I get the software? As if that's, you download it, right? Like, that's a big hurdle you know like have you managed to acquire the software yet like oh you mean like every other online purchase yeah is that what you're asking i clicked the button yet i could do it from right here although maybe she's right because it is like a like you pop the cork you've done a thing you know it's not that acquiring the software takes a long time it's's that if I haven't, she knows I haven't done shit. I'll tell you what I did today that I've been putting off.

I took your flamethrower, your sleeping bag, and your saw. I packaged them up in a cardboard box, and I put it in my truck. So tomorrow, as I drive past the UPS store, there's no way I can't get that shipped on over back to you. Well, I'm excited. You should take the memory card with my head injury and stick it in there. I'll do that too. I've got that

sitting on the counter. There's a micro... Yeah, hang on. Send it to me. That's it? Put it in the box! Go put it in the box! Take a break! Go, go, go! I mean, the box is all taped up. I'm going to have to cut a hole in that box and send this through, but the box is in the box go put it in the box take a break go go go but i mean the box is all taped up i'm gonna have to cut a hole in that box and like send this through but the box is in the truck

anyway just just put it down i just wanted to get in there it might get in there it should get in there dude i'll do it it's too much no i'm not i'll see much trouble i'll send it i'll send it come on do it that's nice that Kitty just takes care of that stuff for you. Kitty gets paid to take care of stuff for me. I know, but that's nice. She seems like the kind of person that would be really competent at that kind of thing. She's very competent at all kinds of stuff. Yeah, Kitty's amazing.

And if Kitty doesn't know how to do something, she goes and learns how to do it. She'll go get a, like, how to do this for dummies or whatever it takes and she'll figure stuff out jackie does not do the taxes at all which is like a so when she pokes at me about it there's never any pushback yeah there's never like you know honey did you do the taxes yet no did you do the taxes yet like that's not a thing that it's going to happen what i thought i'd let you do them this year, honey. I make the money, you pay the taxes. Because that'll happen with like laundry. Like every once in a blue moon, I do push the laundry through the machines.

I rarely fold, but I might put something away. It's not common, don't get me wrong, but I can. So that opens the door to the pushback. Honey, I'm all out of socks. Well, did you wash them? No. Did you, like, I'm all out of socks. Well, did you wash them? No. Did you, like, you know?

Would you rather do a load of laundry every day for a year or spend 10 hours doing your taxes? I'd rather do a load of laundry every day for a year. Really? I might take taxes. It's the high stress. Like, when you're folding laundry, it's the, like, getting it in the laundry and setting it and just doing it that's the problem. Like, once it's in there, you're not really doing anything. Like, you can just go do shit. And then just the sound of that happening in the background is like, oh, you can make it. It's not done.

It's my fault. What if I ever don't want to do the laundry but some laundry needs a doing? I really like it when machines do work. The laundry I find less satisfying than others, but like if a machine is... If I'm rendering, I feel good. Like, oh, it's happening. There is trillions of things going on right now. But there's nothing I can do, you know?

All I can do is relax and wait. I'm getting something done. Or even if it's more active, like woodworking or something. I like making the machines work. It's a good feeling. Laundry. Or even if it's more active, like woodworking or something. I like making the machines work. It's fun to me. Oh, I finally got my MeUndies. Is this your first pair? This is my first pair of MeUndies.

Finally got them. I'm enjoying them so far, Kyle. You didn't sell them short. They're very nice. Did you get the boxer briefs? I got the boxer briefs, yeah. They sent me a red one, a black one, and then one that looks like

the intro to the Rugrats or like a dentist or a for kids floor pattern. That's just the red one. Yeah, I filled out my forms. They're super stretchy too. They're great.

They're really stretchy. That's the Modal. It's the modal it's the modal yeah the modal yeah i really do genuinely like mine um the uh i need to do that thing for that whoever those people are that um that want to be our personal um trunk stylist or whatever i went to reply to that email and I started typing it and then I just quit. I was literally, I was literally typing, just give me a button up shirt with, with all of the monies.

Anything that's left over goes to socks and underwear. That's a good email to send. You know, I only kept one thing from trunk club is pair of jeans that I liked. And I was carrying a bunch of shit down to my car one day and stepped in a mud puddle and slipped so hard. It was like a cartoon, like feet completely out in front of me. Just,

Oh, just ate shit. And like, I don't know if people could see me. It'd be embarrassing if they could, but I felt so goddamn hard that I ripped my pants just right on the gene, just right on the knee. Your trunk club jeans ripped?

My trunk club jeans ripped? My trunk club jeans ripped. But this was a fall that would have torn the mightiest of jeans. This would have torn a one-wipe Charlie, I reckon. This was a hard fall. But I was so disappointed as I stood up. I was like, oh, oh, oh. So I'm going to have to get it to fix it. Let's see what we got here

well you wouldn't be far off damn I hate that when clothes get oh god damn I've messed up clothes before the other day I picked up a battery that was in my garage and took it over to my dad's place and I didn't realize it but I had dripped

battery acid on a button-up shirt and on my Vietnam jungle pants that I ordered from Amazon a while back that I like a lot. And everywhere that it dripped, it degraded the fabric so much that if you held it up and went... It would just go away. So I have these acid holes through my pants.

I had to throw them away. Yeah, that sucks, man, about your pants. Yeah, it does suck, like, if that had happened, you know, even nine years ago, I could just play it off as a fashion choice. But now,

ripped is, I don't think it's in anymore. I don't see a lot of people with pants. I don't have any ripped pants. I guess I'm okay. But yeah, I hear you. Yeah.

Yeah, I don't have any. I don't, I think I have like one or two pairs of shorts in my entire wardrobe. I'm all wearing all wearing and those shorts if we include swimming trunks then a couple more but then i've got two yeah i i just i don't like like charlie from it's always sunny i don't think i don't like knees i don't think my knees look good in shorts i don't think anybody's knees look that great in shorts uh i don't know i just don't feel as as look good in shorts. I don't think anybody's knees look that great in shorts.

I don't know. I just don't feel as good in them. I wear shorts all the time. I wonder if you'd feel differently if you lived in North Carolina. I don't know if it's hotter here, but Kyle, I can't argue this with, but Taylor, maybe. I feel like my legs would get cut up all the time. I feel like they would always be getting cut. Stuff would always be getting on them. I want that layer of protection.

I got cuts right now. There's one right here. See what I'm talking about? You got no protection down there. I don't know all my cuts. I feel like just walking around with cuts all over yourself is you either have to be a hardcore manual labor person or a six-year-old kid who spent a little too much time

outside to have a bunch of just constant wounds on you. Either the crocodile fin or something. Yeah, I don't really track all my cuts. I just you know, I kind of noted it'll be there for a few weeks and then it's gone.

Yeah, I don't like shorts. I got a couple pair of swim trunks and I guess I've got maybe some old basketball shorts, but yeah, I don't own a single pair of like jean shorts or like khaki shorts or anything like that carter shorts are so stretchy that you could almost just pull these down and they'd be like uh those running shorts i like that about them that's my favorite thing that they there's a lot of coverage there a lot of coverage yeah. Yeah. I like the MeUndies a lot, I really do. I'm wearing some right now.

You are. You're never not wearing MeUndies. I try. Well, my girlfriend does two loads of laundry a day, so there's really no excuse for there not to be a fresh pair of MeUndies. So it's just a revolving door of MeUndies in every single laundry. That's what's so impressive about them is that I've worn them hundreds of times by now and they're still working out

good. So did you get the pattern of like the kid dentist floor carpet? I told them I think my message said nothing monochromatic so like I think that yeah they'll send me those ones and the striped ones or the dotted

ones anything like that. I just didn't want any solid red send me those ones, and the striped ones or the dotted ones, anything like that. I just didn't want any solid red ones or blue ones or green ones. I just put anything, and they sent me a solid black, solid red, and silly one. I know we've got some kind of movie critic, or the guy from CinemaSins, I guess. He's on this week. But I watched Batman v. Superman, and I actually enjoyed it. Don't spoil it for me, please.

Oh, I certainly won't I but I like the movie I didn't watch any of the trailers like none of them going in I watched that one that was like two years ago where Batman's like do you bleed you will like that's the that's the only little spoiler that I got so I really enjoyed the movie I agree with a lot of the... I read Rotten Tomatoes reviews when I got home to see what everybody hated. And I guess I agree with a lot of their points. But they just didn't bother me as much.

I felt like those were comic book flaws. The things that you just get in comic book movies sometimes. The people who don't care for Zack Snyder, it's like that's Zack Snyder. That's what you get from Zack Snyder movies so I liked it hmm yeah I'll see it at some point I finally saw Hateful Eight uh when it was on Redbox and it I honestly think it might be one of his worst films if not his worst film it was so disappointing samuel l jackson's character is nothing but a

troll nothing he says the entire film is true or carries any weight or it has anything to do with what could happen he is a troll just oh i'm an old man who was a general on the south side oh oh and you're here for your son's funeral what a coincidence i actually raped and murdered your son last week here's a gun and i'm just gonna walk over here and as soon as you get really pissed you're gonna oh but you're old and slow kill you would you look at that everybody exonerated like he is just a troll there's no character depth nothing he says is true and i liked that even the letter believed the lincoln letter oh and he's so torn up about it yeah the only one who really cares while the other guy that's great acting that was a great scene when kurt russell finds out the lincoln letter is fake and the look on his face you

could just feel that he's yes he's so embarrassed because he's been bragging to all these fellas like he's got a lincoln letter the man corresponded with him you know he's going on about it and you can see in his face it really was that was his best bit of acting was the face of just like, wow, I thought that you, I thought we were on the same team. I thought you were my friend. Like you, you knew that I liked you. And even after all that, you make fun of me now by admitting it in this context instead of telling me later. Like, wow, you piece of shit. Like that's all that he was, is a troll to make white people look foolish.

And he was funny at it and it was good at it but he also like it was almost like i wanted him to be there for some other reason and it didn't feel like he had a reason to be we don't know what his interaction with that guy's son is you seem to be under the impression that there was no interaction with his son he did never even met his son from the context clues he didn't know a thing it was all trolling you could tell us he was escalating i don't do context clues i'm i'm context tarded well i'll break it down for you yeah it's a tell tale of him fibbing in that it's not it doesn't have the flow of a normal story has the flow of a story told for comedic effect or told for something where it's like and then oh and you won't believe what happened next like it's not it's not a relaying of

information it's the guy's reaction to see if he can even go further he's like oh he bought that well let me tell him oh and then he sucked my dick and it's just like he just constantly went up yeah yeah it's just that's all that he did he just one-upped himself until he tried to get until the old guy tried to shoot him yeah it's it's probably my least favorite tarantino movie it took forever to get nowhere it took forever to get nowhere and um i i still i would i probably won't re-watch it but it was it was good i mean there were good parts about it wasn't a bad movie it was a bad tarantino movie what's happening to me is i think maybe a similar thing that happened to kyle with the batman superman movie in that like i don't disagree with anything you're saying you know i everything you're saying is right yet I still somehow enjoyed the movie

you know that guitar he smashed was like some sort of priceless yes uh ZM loaned guitar yeah they had they wanted like an authentic guitar from I'm making this up the 1800s maybe and uh it was a Martin if you know guitars at all. And it was they had a bunch of them and he broke the wrong one. Oh, it was a mistake. And that museum never

loaned one out to a movie again. I thought you meant it was some douchey, like, pseudo filmist thing where it was like, we need an authentic 18th century guitar to smash otherwise people will see right through it do she like that it makes more sense now that they accidentally just pulled the one yeah I mean if they couldn't tell the difference just send the other one back

just say this is the one you sent us no it's not this one says made in China china 2007 tried that what that's the wrong oh no that must mean oh oh yeah i feel like kurt russell should have stepped up and paid for that he must have felt like it really wasn't his fault he must have felt like it was the prop guy's fault or something like that although i wasn't it like a hundred grand or 200 grand or something crazy they said priceless so who knows you know what the problem was with that movie was a lot of it was the pacing i think in that i don't feel like usually when there's a slow movie like in uh what's a good example another one of his movies inglorious bastards in the very beginning it starts off really really slow like when he's having that conversation with the guy who kind of looks like me in that hut where he's like almost your la petite and he's doing

his whole thing and like it starts off slow but like within three or four minutes like you're starting to feel a build of intensity like oh shit like something it's i'm not sure what's 100 gonna happen but something's gonna happen in eight full eight i never felt the feeling of oh something's going to happen. It was just kind of like slow. And then when there was a punctuation of action, like, oh, you know, he elbows the lady in the face. Or, oh, she mouthed off. It's kind of like, okay, I didn't really feel like you built me up to that.

So I just kind of absorb it and move on. Like, I don't feel like anything's at stake. And I don't feel like any sense of urgency has been put on me. Because you took four hours to do something that could have been done. That could have been a short story. If that were a story, it wouldn't be a book. It would be a short story. It would be.

Yeah, maybe so. Yeah. I, I, I, I, I,

I, I said it when I watched it. I, I felt it was his worst film or at least in the bottom. I like kill bill. So disappointing. Yeah. Best movie of 2015.

What do you think it was? I might do the Martian yeah oh i think that's up there for me i really enjoyed the martian the martian's up there for me on enjoyment i the revenant blew me away i really did love the revenant i like the revenant a lot too i just i don't know i think I liked Martian more yeah the criticisms you have of the revenant and I'm sorry of hateful eight fit the revenant to me it was like a big build-up to get nowhere just slow pacing issues etc I can see that just just like I really liked the Martian I guess that was CGI they used to make Matt Damon look all emaciated and it looked it looked really well really good it looked really well, really good.

It looked, for a second in the movie theater, I was like, is this Matt Damon now? Because he's not going to be able to recover from this shit. Wait, they did CGI for that? I thought they just had a really skinny person walk past because you never see his face as emaciated. You only see his face emaciated from here up. When he does that towel-off scene, you see his face being kind of gaunt,

and then when he pushes it over his head, you just see a skinny ass walking away. I was under the impression, because I was reading it, the two were mentioned in the same article, that they were using the same technology they used in Game of Thrones to put Cersei Lannister's head on that model when she did the shame walk. That could be true, yeah.

Because she was pregnant, right? I'm really looking forward to Game of Thrones. I saw the trailers. I know Kyle doesn't want any spoilers from them. Uh, they got me excited. They, uh,

this won't spoil it. They showed some dead characters, but it was in the context of this is how we got here. And, uh, for a second I was like, Oh, that guy.

And then I'm like, wait a minute. That's from last year. And I was like, Oh, he was already dead. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. And, uh, oh, that guy. And then I'm like, wait a minute, that's from last year. Oh, he was already dead. Okay. Yeah. And I don't know, but I got kind of jazzed for it.

And I don't feel like the trailer's ruined anything for me. Like, I'm just, I'm ready for this season. Oh, you feel the same way? No, I totally agree with you. I don't feel like anything was given away or even that I got insight into plot points. Did you think he did that on purpose? I think, wasn't there some Game't there some did he just leave the calls no i don't know well that was an accident right it was probably on purpose he's worried i think

there was some game of thrones thing last year kyle since you're like adamant about avoiding spoilers you might know more but i think there was something last season where a bunch of people got pissed can you hear me now who got pissed season where a bunch of people got pissed. Can you hear me now? Who got pissed? Yeah, where a bunch of people on the internet got pissed because they watched a trailer for Game of Thrones last season and too much shit got given away.

And so I think they maybe went out of their way this time to be like, all right, we need to tantalize them, but we're not going to be showing Tyrion and Daenerys riding all the way on a dragon together over a shot of marine burning or something that would give everything away. So yeah, you could watch that and really nothing would be given away. If anything

you'd be looking into things that weren't there trying to come up with it, which is the point of a trailer. It's supposed to inspire thought like that. I just, I feel like I'm done with all trailers and teasers of any kind for just about all media. I didn't watch the trailer

for the new season of Daredevil before I watched it. I don't think I'm going to do it anymore. It used to be one of my favorite things about movies was watching the trailers for them and getting pumped. But now I feel like it really just spoils the movie. I know what I'm going to watch and what I'm not going to watch. You're never going to get me into a romantic comedy

or a drama that doesn't involve some sort of mob link or something like that that's fun. I'm going to go to the same kind of movies over and over and I don't think I'm going to miss any gems by just not watching trailers. But I am going to miss out on a lot of spoilers and stuff

that just ruin fucking movies. They'll give you the first act, the second act and the third act in a 90 second trailer and it's like well i i didn't want any of that you should have just teased the first act and made me want to get into the movie that's that's what should have done it it seems like there's gonna be a star wars movie every year yeah i didn't realize they were like i'm when i first heard disney bought star wars i thought i don't know if this is a good thing or not i wasn't hating on it, but I didn't love it either.

Now, it's like, well, shit. You know, Lucas sat on it. He made three movies since the 80s. So, I'm kind of happy that at least someone who's doing work owns the rights now. You know who I'm happy for?

Mark Hamill. Because Mark Hamill, I i feel like this is what happened to mark hamill he made the star wars is that who you meant by luke woody no it's not he meant lucas did i say luke okay george lucas i meant so so mark hamill makes makes these three movies back in the day in the 70s massive global blockbuster movies like nothing we'd ever seen before and then harry then he has to sit back and watch Harrison Ford go and become one of the biggest movie stars of all time. All those, you know, from Indiana Jones

to all of those John Grisham novels he made movies out of. Just millions upon millions. The guy flies around in his own plane now. In the meantime, poor Mark Hamill had to be the voice of the Joker. That's what he did. That's what he's been doing since Star Wars. Video games and cartoons, though. I'm sure he made a decent amount.

I think he's doing way better than any of us with that Star Wars money. I've heard him on the Stern Show talking about this stuff and lamenting his career and the bad things that have happened to him. I don't think he makes very much money to be the voice of the joker on on that batman series do you think that it's a money thing that he's lamenting or do you think i think it's both thing where it's like he sees how harrison ford's going to be remembered from all of these roles and meanwhile he's kind of like well here i am relegated to just kind of a cameo of my you know 15 minutes of fame in the 70s and oh well i mean he got a cameo in the first movie but but in the 70s. Oh, well, I mean, he got a cameo

in the first movie, but he's going to be a main player in the second movie, I'm sure. Apparently he's worth $6 million. Yeah. I don't know how much of that he earned recently, either. For all I know, if you go back... He might have got like $5 million for this

last... He probably got $50 million for this last movie, and he was just like $5 million for this last movie. He probably got $50 million for this last movie, and he was just like $44 million in debt or something. You know what's a really dismal game to play that I've done sometimes? It's not really a game as much as it is an activity, but see who's the poorest celebrity you can find on Celebrity Network. Sometimes the answer may surprise you. I found Andy Dick on there, and's like it said five thousand dollars i think

i bet um but that hasn't been changed in years five grand is really low but uh i bet there's a fair amount of rap stars who handled their money poorly you know like lottery winners that used to be a common thing former athletes horrible athletes for sure yep yep but with mark hamill i feel like he's this time around now the spotlight's on him again for three movies he doesn't see he seems to be like like taking hold of it and maybe utilizing it i see him like really uh owning social media doing really funny quirky things on there that gets the fans attention uh he had posted a picture the other day where he's on ray's back, like Yoda was back in the original series, on his back,

kind of, mmm, go over there, teaching him to be a Jedi master. He's going to do the same thing for Rey is what that's heavily implying to me. And he's on her back. That was a great picture, and I feel like he's going to do tons of that,

and I hope that he gets some more work after these Star Wars movies are over. But yeah yeah one a year so they got the two different storylines one of them's the rogue one uh which i guess is and then the other is the main one that i i really care about which is i'm 100 down for both of them i'm just happy they're making the content and and for me there's like i'm not taking any big risks here i'll just put down my eight dollars and see the movie yeah you know i i if i ask my subscribers like hey you know should i go do this they'll be like yeah you should do it

right because nothing off my back i'll check it out like it not like it it's you know for them it's just a tiny little time investment that's how i feel about star wars yeah just make him make him make a bunch of movies i'd like them all on my menu. I think I'll wait until they all come out and then maybe I'll watch them all. You haven't seen Star Wars yet? No, I haven't seen the new one. I haven't seen it.

You can spoil it. I didn't love Harrison Ford in it. I felt like he really, really showed his age and I'm glad he's dead. He is fucking old. I don't know how old the character in the series is supposed to be. He's playing an action star. He literally gets in gunfights.

He navigates rocky terrain like someone who is 77. That's going to be a commercial. Mark my words right now. Someone at the marketing program at one of those old people companies it's gonna be like a freeze frame you know how commercials are sometimes like take a clip from

a movie and then suddenly the character like conan the barbarian's like i enjoy icy hot but after battle or something like that and it shows him using icy hot it's gonna be you know chasing han solo he's gunning people down and then he's going to show like the way I keep up energy is with Ensure. Before Ensure and then it's a montage of him killing aliens and whatnot talking about all the benefits and vitamins he gets and it keeps him regular even though he's old. You know, it'd be great.

Let's watch this video. It's pretty funny. Okay. Give me just a second. All right. Ready, set, play. Wolfie at Comic-Con when we met this kid. Okay, here you go. If Caitlyn Jenner was a superhero, which superhero would she portray?

Hmm. Yeah, well. Yeah, well. Hmm. was a superhero which superhero would she portray hmm yeah well yeah it can't yeah well hmm okay okay yeah i guess okay yeah hmm yeah i guess okay is lady thor too cliche an answer like Is Lady Thor too cliche an answer? Lady Thor? I guess we could do Lady Thor. So this kid's hardcore and he stutters. So we thought we'd cheer him up and say, hey, you've been selected to talk to Harrison Ford.

But when Harrison Ford starts fucking with him and telling him details of Star Wars, he freaks out. He started crying. I feel so bad. Oh, my God. All right, listen and enjoy. Yes, please. Thank you. Hello? How are you, sir? Good hello how are you sir good good well my name is Bobby and I understand you're a big fan of the comic convention so I took a bunch of names and you have been

randomly selected to speak to mr. Harrison Ford Bobby Bobby Oh my god, Harrison Ford! Bobby, Bobby, give me the phone. Oh my god, I can't believe you're speaking to Harrison Ford. How are you? This is Harrison Ford. Mr. Ford, it's a pleasure to speak to you. You know, there's a lot of things that happen in the movie. It's very exciting. You're going to look a bit disturbing. Are you having an asthma attack?

Are you okay? I was being Vader. Oh, that was Vader. Sorry. Are you having an asthma attack? Are you okay? Oh, that was Vader. Sorry. Well, between you and me, I wanted to tell you some Star Wars secrets. Is that all right? Yeah, I don't want to know anything, because I don't want to spoil the movie. I don't want to know too many details. In the Force Awakens movie, at the 22-minute marker, Han Solo dies. Luke Skywalker becomes part of the dark side, and he actually takes his father's helmet and puts it on.

Keep the spoiler. And then a Millennium Falcon explodes. Everybody dies. The kid's dying. Leia's gone. Everybody dies. Kid's dying. Leia's gone. Everybody dies. I don't want you to tell anybody about this. If you tell anybody about this, you're in deep trouble.

Do you understand me? Yes. It's a plain thing. Are you crying? Yes. Pussy. Everyone's gone. Everyone dies.

The fucking kid was crying. We had to call him back and calm him down. That's what really happened oh god that sweet angel I wonder if he's open they're all gone it seems like I don't know

a huge fan of Star Wars would know that's not Harrison Ford I don't know over the phone I thought he sounded a little like he sounded like Harrison Ford he sounded even older than Harrison Ford sounds they've got a really good um um what's the guy from the late um david letterman like howard stern has like the world's best david letterman impressionist and it's because he doesn't he's not doing an impression he just happens to sound just like fucking david letterman which me but the problem is this guy's a moron

like he's not a he's not like a voice guy he's moron he's not a voice guy he's not a voice over guy at all he's an idiot so they have to walk him through all the bits like the guy who does the David Letterman impression he's not an impressionist he's not a comedian so they have to hold his hand

through every bit and he just fucks it up over and over and over but he literally sounds exactly like David Letterman is that a show? And he just fucks it up over and over and over. But he literally sounds exactly like David Letterman. Is that a show? Yeah, probably so. All right. Pingular Nearly, episode 87.

I thought it was a good one. Yeah.